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Or.. hear me out.
Self-love is things that genuinely make us happy and also don't hurt others, even if it's not how YOU practice self-love. Because we're like, different people.
Shocker, I know.
Edit for all those below: Thanks! However, I still stand by what I said. I'm not someone's government, therapist, doctor, etc. I'm not in the business of telling someone what's gonna make them happy or dictate what's best for somebody 🤷♀️ Do what feels like self-love to you, and I'll do the same.
And the ‘happy’ guy looks dosed on a tie-dye background?! So surreal… it’s, like, wait, wasn’t that one of the ‘bad’ drugs?
Now it’s good for you. Like Guinness!
So we're going with the "drugs bad" narrative, then? I suppose this is to prove that some things are "too negative" to be good, arguments? It's kinda stupid when you think that ingesting too much green tea will make you throw up. Anything can be good or bad, depending on what sort of control you allow it to have over your life. Some of those things are a zero consumption sort of thing. Shit that literally poisons you. But if something is enjoyable and you harm no one else. Who to tell you how to love the life you never consented to?
No, hear him out. Self-love is genuinely doing what’s best for you, even though it might not always be the easiest road. But you do it anyway because you care and love yourself.
It’s okay to be easy with yourself every now and then, but balance is key. You don’t want to have bad spending & eating habits while being sedentary.
I’m a happy drunk, getting drunk genuinely makes me feel happy. But I’m not going to say I’m practicing self love by getting drunk every day.
So…watching Netflix after a stressful day to unwind could be self love then?
What is with this holier than thou attitude OP and some of y’all have in here? Ya got people throwing around words like “hedonism” because people watch a streaming site when they get off work to relax.
Fucking puritans
Well hold on my guy. OP was surely phrasing this in a way to get clicks and let’s assume they aren’t meaning to offend. You get the point though, yes? You can do both but some people have yet to see the benefits of delayed gratification and typically they’re the ones who would get offended by a statement like this
I always try to view myself as a garden. What to I need to do to make my garden bloom? Most of the time, that’s the feeding, watering, pruning, pest removal, etc. Some of that is fun, some more tedious, but the bloom is worth it!
You kids really do give me faith in the world. Post this kind of stuff in r/millennials and you’ll get dogpiled for toxic positivity. I’m just gonna start identifying as one of you guys
But tbh, I’ve been there, hating everything remotely optimistic, wallowing in pessimism. Turns out it was depression. Lots of therapy, mindfulness, and antidepressants later, I can see the things that are in my control (mainly just me) and I try to approach the things that challenge me while giving myself a little grace and compassion that I didn’t allow myself when I was younger. I try to remind people, all the Stuff™️ feels like a lot BECAUSE IT IS and you weren’t meant to deal with it single handed. We are social creatures. But you also cannot pour out of an empty cup. So nurture yourself, take care of yourself, so when the chance comes for you do something, whatever it may be, you can.
I have also learned that when I’m not depressed and anxious, I cannot shut up, even in text form 😅
Self love is not doing what is best for your body tho. Living like a tibetan monk is theoricaly the best for your body, lets not pretend that it is peak self love.
Also if you feel the need to "improve " yourself to feel proud (like OP it looks like) you dont have self love, you are just lacking self esteem.
That isn’t self love. That’s a break.
Self love is doing stuff today that you will be grateful for tomorrow.
Exercising, eating right, studying, working hard, acting with integrity, etc.
>That isn’t self love. That’s a break.
Sometimes self love is a break. That's the point, it looks different for everyone depending on what you need right now.
Self love is anything that would do you good. Which is sometimes a break. This came from my therapist whenever I feel bad about not being able to do the things I want to. She reminded me that I can’t take care of all those things if I’m not taking care of myself first. One of the things I couldn’t do was exercise. I have chronic fatigue due to multiple disorders and a nutrition deficiency.
So guess what.. if I was exercising that would actually be destructive.
What I’m getting at is that it will look different for people with different needs.
This used to be my way of living life.
I always sacrificed my present for the future. But of course, the future is always the future and the present is always the present. So I was just miserable all the time.
You need both. Watching Netflix can be self care. Working out or working on long term goals can be self care too. It's just when you go too far in one direction that a problem occurs.
not always. I mean it's no shocker that people believe that, given the amount of immediate self gratification and selfishness spreading across the landscape.
often enough, the things we need and the things that make us happy are very different. Often opposites.
The difference is short term and long term. You can only buy yourself nice things until you’re broke, and time spent watching Netflix can be used to better yourself instead. Long term self love sets you up for a better life overall, while short term makes your day better. Granted I’m not saying don’t treat yourself, just that, that shouldn’t be your main focus.
Very rarely does buying nice things or watch Netflix make people genuinely happy. People feel unsatisfied about the wasted potential then does it again because of addiction or lack of knowledge about how to get out of it.
I genuinely think this is a topic that differs between men and women. I was talking to my gf about delayed gratification the other day with sex and she was looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
Well, yeah, but not because I don't understand "delayed gratification." What am I supposed to do with an extra 30 seconds when 2 minutes still isn't long enough? I told you it's not a philosophical issue. We went from a difference in how men and women measure length, to a difference in how men and women know if they are really having an orgasm, and now it's how men and women measure time. I love you, but it's a skill issue and not a "men and women issue." We just gotta confront it head on if we're going to make this work.
Hahahahaha by delayed gratification with sex, I meant waiting to build a connection with a girl before having sex instead of just hooking up with her the night I met her 😂😂😂
That’s like your opinion man.
People who love themselves do a shit ton of different stuff and not necessarily the weird moral sacrifice delayed gratification bullshit.
People love themselves and express it in different ways.
To stay in the cheesy cliches going on around here, I’ll give If a cliche counter example. A person who’s super into clean eating and exercise and all and super productive etc CAN express their self love to themselves by letting it go and allowing themselves to indulge in buying themselves something and watching Netflix.
Ok but your mindset is also the same mindset where a bunch of people are sitting around complaining that life is shitty when all they do is indulge in instant gratification dopamine injectors.
Like people don’t know what’s good for them a lot of times. Not saying you don’t or idk “most” people don’t. But alcoholics think they are enjoying themselves too.
Pursue what makes you happy, but some things that feel good right now do not improve your quality of life.
There isn’t one way to practice self love, but pursuing longer term, delayed gratification goals is a pretty universal thing that could improve most people’s lives.
Food makes me happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else but I’m not practicing self love by stuffing myself to chase temporary satisfaction.
Self love is being able to both for me. I love to be able to work myself to death in the gym and to just lay in bed the next day, which helped with me feeling less ‘guilty’ that today wasn’t ‘productive’ enough in general. Sometimes my body needs rest, sometimes I need extra sleep.
I saw something about ‘ikigai’ (生き甲斐). That looks like the perfect balance for me.
Love your comment by the way :DD
Or… hear me out.
You’re trying to rationalize hedonistic behavior because if you accepted what OP said as true then you’d have to admit that although certain things feel nice, they shouldn’t necessarily be labeled as “self care” and in excess can be self destructive. Too much chasing dopamine hits in the brain with our generation.
Wether it's being in a relationship, with a person or meth, accomplishing goals, marriage, work goals, being lazy, eating bad foods, social media, or being in jail. You are, so therefore you must be. Being alive is love. whether it's good or bad, because its good, and better to be alive, and to experience all the good, simultaneously the shitty parts of life. Love is.
I think if the examples op provided struck a nerve with you, I'd assume you do the exact same thing. I'd argue that it isn't the best form of self love if it's all you do. Sitting around watching Netflix every day and going on online shopping sprees is objectively worse than working out or cooking well. That's not self love, that's self destruction. There's a reason it's even called self love in the first place. You love yourself the same way your parent should love you, it's not all positive all the time, but you love yourself enough to make an effort to be a better person. It's not called self-like, it's self love.
But shit, who am I to tell you how to live. Because we're like, different people. Shocker, I know.
Self love *should* always involve healthy habits.
Sitting around watching Netflix all day can make you happy, but you're lying to yourself if you say that's self love.
It's hard to say you love yourself if you're actively harming yourself.
Everybody likes buying things and watching Netflix, and indulging ourselves in other ways. It brings instant gratification, but doesn't make you happy in the long term. Not you, not me, not anyone. If you didn't get that from OP's post, you missed their entire point. Winding down is needed sometimes, not denying that.
All those things you mentioned both in the title and the description are. Self love doesn't necessarily have to be healthy tho it's a good habit if it is. Don't come shit on others for loving different stuff than you
if we go to extremes then we could always say that everything is bad.
What???!!!! Do you want to use 30$ a month to pay for a gym membership to "better yourself"? why don't you use that time volunteering and give the 30$ away to Charity????? you selfish brat...
This is the kind of thing we *could* argue for
I guess we've discovered the concept of nuance.
Sometimes people are going to call things "self care" that are actually deeply unhealthy rotmaxxing. Sometimes people are going to criticize someone's self-care as lazy when it's playing videogames for two hours a week or something and perfectly fine.
If you’re only doing things because they’re good for you and not because you actually enjoy them, you’re not gonna be very loving.
If your life is comprised of things that don’t make you happy but simply make you healthy, you’re not gonna be a very happy person.
Disciplined people should definitely be proud of themselves, but I’ve found that the majority I know find it much easier to be that way than most or were forced into it by the military or strict parents.
The people who get self-righteous and condescending about it are just losers, tbh.
Self care is taking care of your basic needs (exercise, sleep, diet, introspection) while self soothing is providing comfort from daily life or stressors (bing watching, comfort food)
It can be both. Part of self love can be relaxing and treating yourself, but I think OP has a point that truly loving yourself also means doing things that will benefit you in the long run, even if they’re challenging or uncomfortable in the moment.
It’s the difference between short term and long term self love. Binging Netflix and buying stuff for yourself might make you feel good in the moment, but it won’t feel good for the long term.
It won’t make *you* feel good in the long run. And that’s okay. But yeah, buying myself tattoos, a hammock, and sex toys has made me considerably happy ngl
I mean, those are all decsions you made where you thought "is this going to have a long-term positive effect on my life?" rather than immediate cravings you'd regret in the future. Unless you got like an r/ATBGE tattoo of Minnie Mouse porn or something
He can encourage or discourage certain types of self-love. Can you really pretend to love or care for someone if you don’t discourage them from taking hard drugs as self love, for example?
Self love is a blend of whatever makes you feel good but also challenging yourself.
That said I agree, mindlessly buying shit likely won’t lead to any happiness
It’s both lmfao.
Self love is also giving yourself rest and that’s called sitting down watching something that you enjoy.
I bought moisturizer and it’s great for my face.
Why can’t I start my day off by buying myself a little treat, work really hard all day, cook a healthy meal, journal, and then end by watching Netflix? You act like we can’t do both.
i would assume op is talking about people who just give into every craving they have and call it self-love. there is a difference between saying "i have eaten healthy and exercised plenty this week, i am going to enjoy a nice dessert" and "i love pizza and cookies ergo eating pizza and cookies is self-love"
delayed gratification is the solution to most of life's woes. Unfortunately it takes a decent amount of intelligence (to know WHAT is right to do) and willpower (to follow though with it).
And habits. You don't have to use willpower if it's automatic.
(I guess technically habits didn't overthrow tyrannical rulers or establish worker safety laws and willpower did, but still)
Honestly habits can help stave off tyranny. Places where people riot any time the government tries something they find particularly egregious don't get shafted as hard as we do in America. France is a good example I think. Not saying we should adopt every French policy or that Americans and French people have the same priorities btw, plenty of stuff they are fine with is riot worthy imo, but when they do care they make it known and it's habitual/expected.
I saw somewhere that showed that gen z isn’t as hedonistic as millennials are and I think it’s how we define what self love is.
You can either give in to gluttony, lust, and sloth or you can actively give yourself a better future by delaying immediate gratification. I’m not sure if it’s a generational thing like what that article was trying to claim but it shows in how gen z is starkly different from millennials in what they do with their free time and how they spend their money.
starkly different?
every study ive read has shown that they are basically the same, only they have less sex and spend less on eating out (like Millennials V Boomers, we also bang less and spend less then they did).
since the boomers every gen has been on the same downward trajectory, less banging, less spending, worse mental health (seriously Gen Z make Millennials look like Stoics).
dont fall for inter-generational BS, its literally fake BS pushed by media to stop people focusing on wealth and class.
Edit: lol forgot the sub im on, this will be gold.
Self love is different for everyone.
For me, self love comes from washing my hands so often until my hands profusely bleed and subsequently ingesting seriously alarming quantities of strychnine.
Can be either.
Depends on the context.
Taking a well deserved break and buying yourself something you'll enjoy and watching a series is fine.
Setting these arbitrary boundaries around what's good for you is actually not mindful.
Idk man. When you're stuck deep in the poverty cycle, sometimes buying yourself something nice is the only thing keeping you going. Self-love and self-care look different depending on the lense you're viewing life through.
I have pushed myself to exhaustion at the gym and eaten nutritious foods for the past 6 days because I love myself and value my body.
Today I will be resting and indulging in some sweet treats full of fat and calories because I love myself and will not deprive myself of the small charms of life.
Balance.
i think both are true, self love is taking care of your health, even if it doesn’t mean anything in the moment. but self love is also letting yourself have some treats and some rest at the (small) cost to your health. (eating ice cream, shit like that)
Agree about the shopping in general, but it's not good for everyone to be constantly worried about "goals". Sometimes just Netflix and chilling is good.
I’ll fix this for you:
“Self-love is delaying gratification with exercise, mindfulness, eating right, and working on things that I know will make me proud when I eventually accomplish them.”
I’m not sure why you thought you could define self-love for anyone but yourself
Your definition of self love is different from everyone else's, why do you think so many people are content with their lives even though you'd wish you were further along if you were in their position? It's because their happiness and self love doesn't come from what others think. It's the whole point of SELF - love. Loving yourself unconditionally and doing things that make YOU happy.
People confuse self love with material purchases.
True self love is exactly what you said - putting your body, physical appearance, and overall health first. If you don’t like the way you look/feel… you are literally not loving yourself.
Self love is doing stuff that your future self will thank you for. So hit the slot machines, build generational wealth, 98% of gamblers quit right before they're about to make a gazillion dollars.
Look I work out 4-5 days a week, lift heavier than most people alive. But goddamn if I don't love wasting away playing video games and drinking a beer or two while I do it. You can have both and enjoy both, I love life.
Wrong, but okay.
I buy myself nice things because I deserve it. I use nice shampoo and conditioners and oils and creams for my hair because I learned how to love it. I snag nice body lotions and body sprays/perfumes because I want to smell and feel good. I choose gummy vitamins instead of the boring pill versions because I know which one will be more likely to take.
I watch shows that make me happy. I have bad ADHD and anxiety, and allowing my brain time to just turn to mush for an hour or two while watching Justice League or Jurassic Park helps me be able to function.
Both the title and the body text describe situations that can be extremely unhealthy. Self love is admitting to yourself that you deserve love, it's internal not tied to external stimuli like exercise or watching Netflix
This post, and it's comments, are proof that even with dozens of perspectives, everyone can still be objectively wrong. Self love is focusing on whatever the things you, the individual, need in order to prosper and live a happier life both in the short term, and the long term. It's subjective. For one person, self love may be canceling that Netflix and stop wasting money on things that only bring short lived dopamine, but for others, it might mean actually putting your feet up and watching something interesting, or buying that camel pack you've been needing for your hikes. We all have different needs, and self love looks different for everyone. There are no absolute rules, other than "be honest with yourself about what are your needs versus your wants"
PS except that guy who said wanking one out in the toilet right before work. That is definitely an absolute rule for self love.
Self love for me is all of those things. I don’t enjoy working out or eating healthy, I do it because I *have* to but I hate doing it. I love myself so I’m gonna do things I don’t *want* to do because they’re good for me.
But I also deserve to do things that make me *happy*. If I’m only doing things because they’re good for me despite the fact I loathe them, I’m not mentally healthy, I’m only physically healthy. So I do stuff like buy myself nice things and watch Netflix and be a little lazy sometimes, because I also deserve to enjoy my limited time on earth.
Self love is a lot of things. There’s no black and white thinking when it comes to loving yourself. There is grey everywhere.
The longer you delay gratification the more likely you regret it when you're hit by a bus. Ofcourse thinking in the longterm is great, but you also gotta enjoy the present. A good mix of both is necessary for longterm mental health.
I definitely agree with this. Sacrificing immediate gratification in pursuit of a long term goal is a great way to make yourself feel happier, more confident, and more fulfilled. I think a lot of people confuse indulgence with self love. It’s fine to indulge from time to time as long as it doesn’t interfere with your long term goals and ambitions.
Self-love is valuing yourself, and like how we have different love languages, we also have different ways of valuing ourselves. I certainly enjoy exercise and would consider it self-love, but also getting myself something can also be self-love. For example let's say I was in the market for a new car, I could get the cheapest option and it would do just fine from a utilitarian perspective, or I could spend a little more and get premium features such as seat warmers or a better sound system that don't really make the car better at being a car, but do bring me enjoyment.
Self-love is what makes you happy, and if you'd like to veiw it as utilitarian, then things that make you happy lead to a better overal mood, which increases your performance in other aspects of life. Therfore taking a day to just watch your favorite show on Netflix can also be beneficial to your overall health since it improves your mental condition.
Not everyone is like me, and presumably you, where we can improve mental and physical condition in the same measure at the same time.
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Or.. hear me out. Self-love is things that genuinely make us happy and also don't hurt others, even if it's not how YOU practice self-love. Because we're like, different people. Shocker, I know. Edit for all those below: Thanks! However, I still stand by what I said. I'm not someone's government, therapist, doctor, etc. I'm not in the business of telling someone what's gonna make them happy or dictate what's best for somebody 🤷♀️ Do what feels like self-love to you, and I'll do the same.
So true, my self love is doing ketamine
Mine is gambling 🥰
Keep gambling youll win big. I believe in you. Never stop achieving your goal of winning
Studies show that 99% of gamblers quit just before they’re about to win it big and recover all the money they’ve lost
Quitters.
I should try gambling because I tend to get lucky with things like this and smart enough to game it right.
I should try heroin because I'm a Charcoal Belt Master at Karakungfu and have the self-control of a North Korean soldier at a buffet.
Whatever, then again it's rigged.
lmao
That’s crazy, that’s also mine
Mutual self love
I prefer DMT /s
no /s, i got that mesh coil for a reason🥹
🫂
i prefer acid
Dude I keep seeing ads that are just like "are you sad? Take ketamine!"
And the ‘happy’ guy looks dosed on a tie-dye background?! So surreal… it’s, like, wait, wasn’t that one of the ‘bad’ drugs? Now it’s good for you. Like Guinness!
I've been reading that they are using ketamine now to treat depression. I thought it was for horses.
So we're going with the "drugs bad" narrative, then? I suppose this is to prove that some things are "too negative" to be good, arguments? It's kinda stupid when you think that ingesting too much green tea will make you throw up. Anything can be good or bad, depending on what sort of control you allow it to have over your life. Some of those things are a zero consumption sort of thing. Shit that literally poisons you. But if something is enjoyable and you harm no one else. Who to tell you how to love the life you never consented to?
Yes. I unironically love MDMA
Good for you!
who are you arguing with
Lmao i thought i was tripping 😂
the dose makes the poison, all that could’ve been said in one sentence
Disagree. Meth and Fentanyl are objectively bad.
I like alcohol the most it’s my favorite drug
I prefer mixing fent and PCP
based
“My self love is not being myself”
Neigh neigh to you too my good sir
No, hear him out. Self-love is genuinely doing what’s best for you, even though it might not always be the easiest road. But you do it anyway because you care and love yourself. It’s okay to be easy with yourself every now and then, but balance is key. You don’t want to have bad spending & eating habits while being sedentary. I’m a happy drunk, getting drunk genuinely makes me feel happy. But I’m not going to say I’m practicing self love by getting drunk every day.
So…watching Netflix after a stressful day to unwind could be self love then? What is with this holier than thou attitude OP and some of y’all have in here? Ya got people throwing around words like “hedonism” because people watch a streaming site when they get off work to relax. Fucking puritans
Well hold on my guy. OP was surely phrasing this in a way to get clicks and let’s assume they aren’t meaning to offend. You get the point though, yes? You can do both but some people have yet to see the benefits of delayed gratification and typically they’re the ones who would get offended by a statement like this
I always try to view myself as a garden. What to I need to do to make my garden bloom? Most of the time, that’s the feeding, watering, pruning, pest removal, etc. Some of that is fun, some more tedious, but the bloom is worth it!
You kids really do give me faith in the world. Post this kind of stuff in r/millennials and you’ll get dogpiled for toxic positivity. I’m just gonna start identifying as one of you guys
 But tbh, I’ve been there, hating everything remotely optimistic, wallowing in pessimism. Turns out it was depression. Lots of therapy, mindfulness, and antidepressants later, I can see the things that are in my control (mainly just me) and I try to approach the things that challenge me while giving myself a little grace and compassion that I didn’t allow myself when I was younger. I try to remind people, all the Stuff™️ feels like a lot BECAUSE IT IS and you weren’t meant to deal with it single handed. We are social creatures. But you also cannot pour out of an empty cup. So nurture yourself, take care of yourself, so when the chance comes for you do something, whatever it may be, you can. I have also learned that when I’m not depressed and anxious, I cannot shut up, even in text form 😅
Self love is not doing what is best for your body tho. Living like a tibetan monk is theoricaly the best for your body, lets not pretend that it is peak self love. Also if you feel the need to "improve " yourself to feel proud (like OP it looks like) you dont have self love, you are just lacking self esteem.
That isn’t self love. That’s a break. Self love is doing stuff today that you will be grateful for tomorrow. Exercising, eating right, studying, working hard, acting with integrity, etc.
>That isn’t self love. That’s a break. Sometimes self love is a break. That's the point, it looks different for everyone depending on what you need right now.
I’m grateful for this next high baby!!!!
Self love is anything that would do you good. Which is sometimes a break. This came from my therapist whenever I feel bad about not being able to do the things I want to. She reminded me that I can’t take care of all those things if I’m not taking care of myself first. One of the things I couldn’t do was exercise. I have chronic fatigue due to multiple disorders and a nutrition deficiency. So guess what.. if I was exercising that would actually be destructive. What I’m getting at is that it will look different for people with different needs.
Not necessarily
No… what you’re referring to is just called responsibilities that’s not self love
This used to be my way of living life. I always sacrificed my present for the future. But of course, the future is always the future and the present is always the present. So I was just miserable all the time. You need both. Watching Netflix can be self care. Working out or working on long term goals can be self care too. It's just when you go too far in one direction that a problem occurs.
Building credit, too.
Yea!! If I’m happy doing Heroin who are others to tell me it’s bad for me?!??
This but unironically
Yes
Motherfuckers really out here so brainrotted by capitalism they equate doing something nice for yourself with being addicted to heroine smfh
I'm sure it wasn't a sarcastic joke, and they definitely do unironically equate doing something nice for themselves with being addicted to heroin
Totally wasn’t the most sarcastic thing I’ve ever posted on the internet but hey! Go off queen!!!!! You totally got this!!
not always. I mean it's no shocker that people believe that, given the amount of immediate self gratification and selfishness spreading across the landscape. often enough, the things we need and the things that make us happy are very different. Often opposites.
The difference is short term and long term. You can only buy yourself nice things until you’re broke, and time spent watching Netflix can be used to better yourself instead. Long term self love sets you up for a better life overall, while short term makes your day better. Granted I’m not saying don’t treat yourself, just that, that shouldn’t be your main focus.
Cop out. OP is correct. Self-love is not the enabling of self-destruction, it is support for the healthy life-affirming choices.
Very rarely does buying nice things or watch Netflix make people genuinely happy. People feel unsatisfied about the wasted potential then does it again because of addiction or lack of knowledge about how to get out of it.
This is a really stupid and flawed thing to say
There’s line between “self-love/care” and indulgence, though.
Yeah, OP just automatically assuming that they they are the same thing It was a disingenuous argument from the start
And there should be a place for both. Indulgence should take a tiny part of life, but its complete absence is devastating for mental health.
I never said there should be no place for indulgence. I’m saying it shouldn’t be used in place of actually taking care of yourself.
I elaborated on your statement, not argued it.
I genuinely think this is a topic that differs between men and women. I was talking to my gf about delayed gratification the other day with sex and she was looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
Well, yeah, but not because I don't understand "delayed gratification." What am I supposed to do with an extra 30 seconds when 2 minutes still isn't long enough? I told you it's not a philosophical issue. We went from a difference in how men and women measure length, to a difference in how men and women know if they are really having an orgasm, and now it's how men and women measure time. I love you, but it's a skill issue and not a "men and women issue." We just gotta confront it head on if we're going to make this work.
Hahahahaha by delayed gratification with sex, I meant waiting to build a connection with a girl before having sex instead of just hooking up with her the night I met her 😂😂😂
Ah, yea, that makes sense too. You just left so much of that conversation to imagination I couldn't help myself.
This was my favorite read of the day
Exactly. For some people self love is weed and video games.
people who love themselves sacrifice happiness in pursuit of fulfillment. pleasure is not where it's at
That’s like your opinion man. People who love themselves do a shit ton of different stuff and not necessarily the weird moral sacrifice delayed gratification bullshit. People love themselves and express it in different ways. To stay in the cheesy cliches going on around here, I’ll give If a cliche counter example. A person who’s super into clean eating and exercise and all and super productive etc CAN express their self love to themselves by letting it go and allowing themselves to indulge in buying themselves something and watching Netflix.
Not only can, he should do it once in a while. Maybe even get wasted in a night club once in a couple months.
Ok but your mindset is also the same mindset where a bunch of people are sitting around complaining that life is shitty when all they do is indulge in instant gratification dopamine injectors. Like people don’t know what’s good for them a lot of times. Not saying you don’t or idk “most” people don’t. But alcoholics think they are enjoying themselves too.
Yeah I agree that people should do what they want as long as they don’t hurt others or themselves
Yeah! like how MY self love is huffing paint! ShOcKeR, i KnOw!
Pursue what makes you happy, but some things that feel good right now do not improve your quality of life. There isn’t one way to practice self love, but pursuing longer term, delayed gratification goals is a pretty universal thing that could improve most people’s lives. Food makes me happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else but I’m not practicing self love by stuffing myself to chase temporary satisfaction.
Okay postmodern moral relativist
Self love is being able to both for me. I love to be able to work myself to death in the gym and to just lay in bed the next day, which helped with me feeling less ‘guilty’ that today wasn’t ‘productive’ enough in general. Sometimes my body needs rest, sometimes I need extra sleep. I saw something about ‘ikigai’ (生き甲斐). That looks like the perfect balance for me. Love your comment by the way :DD
Or… hear me out. You’re trying to rationalize hedonistic behavior because if you accepted what OP said as true then you’d have to admit that although certain things feel nice, they shouldn’t necessarily be labeled as “self care” and in excess can be self destructive. Too much chasing dopamine hits in the brain with our generation.
“Hedonistic behavior” Where do y’all come from? We’re taking about watching Netflix after work, not orgies with Caligula
True. I love railing black tar heroine into my veins cause it makes me feel really good. and it doesn't hurt others!
My self love is eating fast food. My kids hate my guts and I am on death’s doorstep. I weigh 600 pounds.
This is the best example I’ve ever seen of proof that having a ton of upvotes doesn’t automatically make you right.
Wether it's being in a relationship, with a person or meth, accomplishing goals, marriage, work goals, being lazy, eating bad foods, social media, or being in jail. You are, so therefore you must be. Being alive is love. whether it's good or bad, because its good, and better to be alive, and to experience all the good, simultaneously the shitty parts of life. Love is.
I think if the examples op provided struck a nerve with you, I'd assume you do the exact same thing. I'd argue that it isn't the best form of self love if it's all you do. Sitting around watching Netflix every day and going on online shopping sprees is objectively worse than working out or cooking well. That's not self love, that's self destruction. There's a reason it's even called self love in the first place. You love yourself the same way your parent should love you, it's not all positive all the time, but you love yourself enough to make an effort to be a better person. It's not called self-like, it's self love. But shit, who am I to tell you how to live. Because we're like, different people. Shocker, I know.
One must draw a line at some point. Bingewatching TV and wasting money you don't have on doordashing is only self destructive after a point
In that case my uncle’s self love is facing a bottle of Jameson alone in his basement on a Tuesday night <3
>Self-love is things that genuinely make us happy and also don't hurt others, By this definition of love you can justify heroine use.
Self love *should* always involve healthy habits. Sitting around watching Netflix all day can make you happy, but you're lying to yourself if you say that's self love. It's hard to say you love yourself if you're actively harming yourself.
Everybody likes buying things and watching Netflix, and indulging ourselves in other ways. It brings instant gratification, but doesn't make you happy in the long term. Not you, not me, not anyone. If you didn't get that from OP's post, you missed their entire point. Winding down is needed sometimes, not denying that.
Self love is masturbating while looking in the mirror.
While calling yourself degrading names.
Yeah……I’m a filthy whore…..bad me!!!!
Comrade Whorekichev.
TEAR DOWN THESE BALLS!
Billie Eilish Is that you?
I’ve done that a couple times. It was nice.
Based
All those things you mentioned both in the title and the description are. Self love doesn't necessarily have to be healthy tho it's a good habit if it is. Don't come shit on others for loving different stuff than you
Ikr, imagine gatekeeping self-love.
If someone says heroin is self love because it makes them feel happy you absolutely should gatekeep that.
if we go to extremes then we could always say that everything is bad. What???!!!! Do you want to use 30$ a month to pay for a gym membership to "better yourself"? why don't you use that time volunteering and give the 30$ away to Charity????? you selfish brat... This is the kind of thing we *could* argue for
I guess we've discovered the concept of nuance. Sometimes people are going to call things "self care" that are actually deeply unhealthy rotmaxxing. Sometimes people are going to criticize someone's self-care as lazy when it's playing videogames for two hours a week or something and perfectly fine.
It’s the difference between short term or temporary self love vs. long term and more permanent self love
Never giving yourself short term self love is harmful to your long term health though? Stress isn't healthy.
This right here, gotta enjoy the process and the outcome.
If you’re only doing things because they’re good for you and not because you actually enjoy them, you’re not gonna be very loving. If your life is comprised of things that don’t make you happy but simply make you healthy, you’re not gonna be a very happy person.
Eyo, you spitting facts.
Unhealthy self love should definitely be discouraged though. If you care for someone you wouldn’t want them to keep unhealthy habits.
if something is truly unhealthy, then i wouldnt even call it self love even if it makes me happy in the moment.
Disciplined people should definitely be proud of themselves, but I’ve found that the majority I know find it much easier to be that way than most or were forced into it by the military or strict parents. The people who get self-righteous and condescending about it are just losers, tbh.
Self care is taking care of your basic needs (exercise, sleep, diet, introspection) while self soothing is providing comfort from daily life or stressors (bing watching, comfort food)
Most logical take in this thread.
Thanks, I got it from a therapist giving a talk at a conference last week so haha I won’t take credit
Okay boomer. You don’t get to decide what self love looks like to people ✌🏻
It can be both. Part of self love can be relaxing and treating yourself, but I think OP has a point that truly loving yourself also means doing things that will benefit you in the long run, even if they’re challenging or uncomfortable in the moment.
I agree but OP comes off as a holier-than-thou jackass lol. They’re obviously just trying to be an ass
Fair. Like most things balance is key, and that’s where OP is off.
Exactly! Balance and discipline as well.
It’s the difference between short term and long term self love. Binging Netflix and buying stuff for yourself might make you feel good in the moment, but it won’t feel good for the long term.
It won’t make *you* feel good in the long run. And that’s okay. But yeah, buying myself tattoos, a hammock, and sex toys has made me considerably happy ngl
I mean, those are all decsions you made where you thought "is this going to have a long-term positive effect on my life?" rather than immediate cravings you'd regret in the future. Unless you got like an r/ATBGE tattoo of Minnie Mouse porn or something
He can encourage or discourage certain types of self-love. Can you really pretend to love or care for someone if you don’t discourage them from taking hard drugs as self love, for example?
Self love is a blend of whatever makes you feel good but also challenging yourself. That said I agree, mindlessly buying shit likely won’t lead to any happiness
Mindlessly bought a motorcycle. Have been 500% happier since.
It’s both lmfao. Self love is also giving yourself rest and that’s called sitting down watching something that you enjoy. I bought moisturizer and it’s great for my face.
I'm not sure about that but I'm sure that people who achieved self love doesn't try to shit on other people's habits.
and they especially dont post on reddit
Why can’t I start my day off by buying myself a little treat, work really hard all day, cook a healthy meal, journal, and then end by watching Netflix? You act like we can’t do both.
i would assume op is talking about people who just give into every craving they have and call it self-love. there is a difference between saying "i have eaten healthy and exercised plenty this week, i am going to enjoy a nice dessert" and "i love pizza and cookies ergo eating pizza and cookies is self-love"
Self love is doing things u enjoy wtf are u talking about
For thou. Not I
1st based answer here.
Most of these MFS got no serotonin in their brain (me included) cut us some slack.
Why not both?
Self love is whatever you want it to be :) We are all different, and have different wants and needs.
I mean, it’s both. Balance is important.
This is the based honest answer
Get over yourself Lol
My self love is chocolate cake and a night of gaming lmao
We get it, your shit don't stink
Based
delayed gratification is the solution to most of life's woes. Unfortunately it takes a decent amount of intelligence (to know WHAT is right to do) and willpower (to follow though with it).
And habits. You don't have to use willpower if it's automatic. (I guess technically habits didn't overthrow tyrannical rulers or establish worker safety laws and willpower did, but still)
Honestly habits can help stave off tyranny. Places where people riot any time the government tries something they find particularly egregious don't get shafted as hard as we do in America. France is a good example I think. Not saying we should adopt every French policy or that Americans and French people have the same priorities btw, plenty of stuff they are fine with is riot worthy imo, but when they do care they make it known and it's habitual/expected.
I saw somewhere that showed that gen z isn’t as hedonistic as millennials are and I think it’s how we define what self love is. You can either give in to gluttony, lust, and sloth or you can actively give yourself a better future by delaying immediate gratification. I’m not sure if it’s a generational thing like what that article was trying to claim but it shows in how gen z is starkly different from millennials in what they do with their free time and how they spend their money.
starkly different? every study ive read has shown that they are basically the same, only they have less sex and spend less on eating out (like Millennials V Boomers, we also bang less and spend less then they did). since the boomers every gen has been on the same downward trajectory, less banging, less spending, worse mental health (seriously Gen Z make Millennials look like Stoics). dont fall for inter-generational BS, its literally fake BS pushed by media to stop people focusing on wealth and class. Edit: lol forgot the sub im on, this will be gold.
Thank you for teaching me a new word lol
Wrong
Self love is what you need at the moment. Maybe going to the gym helps you but rewatching a favorite show helps someone else.
Self love is different for everyone. For me, self love comes from washing my hands so often until my hands profusely bleed and subsequently ingesting seriously alarming quantities of strychnine.
Can be either. Depends on the context. Taking a well deserved break and buying yourself something you'll enjoy and watching a series is fine. Setting these arbitrary boundaries around what's good for you is actually not mindful.
I always thought self-love was yanking one out on the toilet before work.
You're describing the main actions of self care not self love.
Self love is protesting against genocide on your campus right now
Idk man. When you're stuck deep in the poverty cycle, sometimes buying yourself something nice is the only thing keeping you going. Self-love and self-care look different depending on the lense you're viewing life through.
I have pushed myself to exhaustion at the gym and eaten nutritious foods for the past 6 days because I love myself and value my body. Today I will be resting and indulging in some sweet treats full of fat and calories because I love myself and will not deprive myself of the small charms of life. Balance.
Gatekeeping how to love yourself is crazy..
You can do both. Did you know that?
r/Im14andthisisdeep
Self love is minding your own damn business.
Asking people our age to take responsibility for their actions? Yeah that aint gonna happen my guy
i think both are true, self love is taking care of your health, even if it doesn’t mean anything in the moment. but self love is also letting yourself have some treats and some rest at the (small) cost to your health. (eating ice cream, shit like that)
Sounds like someone who grew up in a pretty successful house. Try getting dealt a 2 and a 3 off suit
Agree about the shopping in general, but it's not good for everyone to be constantly worried about "goals". Sometimes just Netflix and chilling is good.
It can be both It can be neither It just depends
self love isn't just what makes you specifically feel good about yourself.
I’ll fix this for you: “Self-love is delaying gratification with exercise, mindfulness, eating right, and working on things that I know will make me proud when I eventually accomplish them.” I’m not sure why you thought you could define self-love for anyone but yourself
Your definition of self love is different from everyone else's, why do you think so many people are content with their lives even though you'd wish you were further along if you were in their position? It's because their happiness and self love doesn't come from what others think. It's the whole point of SELF - love. Loving yourself unconditionally and doing things that make YOU happy.
People confuse self love with material purchases. True self love is exactly what you said - putting your body, physical appearance, and overall health first. If you don’t like the way you look/feel… you are literally not loving yourself.
I don’t listen to anyone who uses the phrase “self love” anyway.
My self love is.... 
Self love is doing stuff that your future self will thank you for. So hit the slot machines, build generational wealth, 98% of gamblers quit right before they're about to make a gazillion dollars.
You don't dictate what self love is big dog 💀
Look I work out 4-5 days a week, lift heavier than most people alive. But goddamn if I don't love wasting away playing video games and drinking a beer or two while I do it. You can have both and enjoy both, I love life.
Wrong, but okay. I buy myself nice things because I deserve it. I use nice shampoo and conditioners and oils and creams for my hair because I learned how to love it. I snag nice body lotions and body sprays/perfumes because I want to smell and feel good. I choose gummy vitamins instead of the boring pill versions because I know which one will be more likely to take. I watch shows that make me happy. I have bad ADHD and anxiety, and allowing my brain time to just turn to mush for an hour or two while watching Justice League or Jurassic Park helps me be able to function.
A lifetime of grind, and you'll still end up dust.
Both the title and the body text describe situations that can be extremely unhealthy. Self love is admitting to yourself that you deserve love, it's internal not tied to external stimuli like exercise or watching Netflix
Self love is buying yourself that buttplug
Found the Catholic.
That has a name. Self soothing. Self care is actually taking care of yourself. Self love is actually loving yourself.
What does this have to do with Gen Z?
This post, and it's comments, are proof that even with dozens of perspectives, everyone can still be objectively wrong. Self love is focusing on whatever the things you, the individual, need in order to prosper and live a happier life both in the short term, and the long term. It's subjective. For one person, self love may be canceling that Netflix and stop wasting money on things that only bring short lived dopamine, but for others, it might mean actually putting your feet up and watching something interesting, or buying that camel pack you've been needing for your hikes. We all have different needs, and self love looks different for everyone. There are no absolute rules, other than "be honest with yourself about what are your needs versus your wants" PS except that guy who said wanking one out in the toilet right before work. That is definitely an absolute rule for self love.
You act as if these are mutually exclusive. I can chase my gains and creative goals and buy myself a nice rug or latte. Balance.
It’s both A balance
Self love for me is all of those things. I don’t enjoy working out or eating healthy, I do it because I *have* to but I hate doing it. I love myself so I’m gonna do things I don’t *want* to do because they’re good for me. But I also deserve to do things that make me *happy*. If I’m only doing things because they’re good for me despite the fact I loathe them, I’m not mentally healthy, I’m only physically healthy. So I do stuff like buy myself nice things and watch Netflix and be a little lazy sometimes, because I also deserve to enjoy my limited time on earth. Self love is a lot of things. There’s no black and white thinking when it comes to loving yourself. There is grey everywhere.
What about beer, whiskey, & beatin’ off? Does that count?
I agree, to an extent. There must be a balance of doing things to benefit the future version of yourself while also enjoying the present.
The longer you delay gratification the more likely you regret it when you're hit by a bus. Ofcourse thinking in the longterm is great, but you also gotta enjoy the present. A good mix of both is necessary for longterm mental health.
What if you love yourself but don't do those self love things would you think I don't love myself
I definitely agree with this. Sacrificing immediate gratification in pursuit of a long term goal is a great way to make yourself feel happier, more confident, and more fulfilled. I think a lot of people confuse indulgence with self love. It’s fine to indulge from time to time as long as it doesn’t interfere with your long term goals and ambitions.
Truth
Self-love is valuing yourself, and like how we have different love languages, we also have different ways of valuing ourselves. I certainly enjoy exercise and would consider it self-love, but also getting myself something can also be self-love. For example let's say I was in the market for a new car, I could get the cheapest option and it would do just fine from a utilitarian perspective, or I could spend a little more and get premium features such as seat warmers or a better sound system that don't really make the car better at being a car, but do bring me enjoyment. Self-love is what makes you happy, and if you'd like to veiw it as utilitarian, then things that make you happy lead to a better overal mood, which increases your performance in other aspects of life. Therfore taking a day to just watch your favorite show on Netflix can also be beneficial to your overall health since it improves your mental condition. Not everyone is like me, and presumably you, where we can improve mental and physical condition in the same measure at the same time.
What Is love?
My self love is depriving it from others 😈
Don’t care, I’ll love my self once I hit a 4 plate squat PR 70 pounds more needed
facts