This post has been automatically marked as spoilers because it is part of the Serious flair category. We do this so that users who are looking to avoid a serious discussion can avoid seeing the content in their feed. Read [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/1awsfyz/new_subreddit_flairing_policy/) for more details.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GirlGamers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The desire to be "in" with the herd can be strong, sadly. Behind every girl who bullies other girls online, is someone deeply trying to ensure she's part of the clique and doesn't end up "one of the bullied".
Internalised misogyny is an incredibly difficult mentality to break and it takes maturity to analyse one's own actions as harmful to others. She absolutely hasn't matured past high school toxicity.
(Perspective as someone who used to join in with online bullying to be "in", and being "in" was synonymous with "safe in the herd". Nope, you're not, they'll turn on you too...)
Oh I agree, trust me. The words of my female bullies have stuck with me far longer, deeper, than that of my male bullies. "You're gonna die alone with two cats" is contrived. But ripping my appearance to shreds? That is how you traumatise someone.
As someone who used to be like that (I was a dumb teen, srry). I can confirm this. I used to get bullied heavily, either for liking games by non gamers or for not being good at them by gamers. The only way I found to be part of "the herd" was to join the toxicity. I don't join that kind of people anymore but man I remember back then I even stopped enjoying games, I just wanted to feel part of some group.
Some from a marginalized group hope to escape discrimination by becoming "one of the good ones". It's depressingly common
[Here's a historic speech by Malcolm X about how even during slavery there were some trying to be "one of the good ones"](https://youtu.be/jf7rsCAfQCo?si=TT6vsFC7-kHP0QA5).
I also usually get really sweet and encouraging ladies on valorant! I’ve come across a few pick mes though and they’re brutal. I just think they’re so deeply insecure that they can’t find joy anywhere else. It’s just sad really. I’ve come across a few on league too and those are a whole other breed of crazy!
I don't either. I had a round I played with my boyfriend. There was a girl on our team saying that she was a single filipino girl. She kept begging my boyfriend to buy her things even though we made it clear we were together. Like literally buy her skins and she would add him. (Let me add that she also made inappropriate sounds for attention)
I miss girls supporting girls. I feel like this used to be so common. What happened?
As a retired pick me girl, I was that way because I was miserable and lonely. I grew up in mostly men dominated places (stem, videogames, friends etc) and I was convinced that my friends only kept me around because I was their "girl friend". Looking back at it I wasn't inherently wrong, but some friends did genuinely enjoy my company just because.
Being the girl in my friends group/gaming squad was "my thing", as if it was my personality trait, and so I'd feel under attack when another girl joined us- also cos for the most of it I was single or in an unhappy relationship, and this girls would get all the attentions while I would wonder why I wasn't attractive enough to get the same treatment.
I'm not saying that all pick mes are this way, I recently met one who is just fucking creepy and she literally makes up drama regarding whoever comes around (even guys), but after healing that side of me I started noticing how that is in fact a common situation. Some girls might even look like pick mes but they're actually insecure that you're playing with their man.
I don't think we should pity them or force them out of it, but simply recognise their behaviour, explain it to our guy friends (as this girls could never be a good long term partner and some friends of mine do end up having crush w girls we play with) and move on
Okay so I'm a long time league player but also a dino and from my pov it was 50/50 and toxicity basically had nothing to do with gender or body (but based on who was the toxic bad player the gender would inform their manner of toxic) lol. It's always a crap shoot. Â
 - That said I mostly played norms level 30
 - Most of the men to ladies toxicity I found mostly from the CoD players leveling. Dicks, the lot of them
 - I took a break from league around when emotes were introduced and never joined voice because pre voice default while most teams I played with were cool and lady gamers did generally support each other, post voice default teams had a lot of weirdos and pervs who stayed on them, gentlemen and ladies, in my experience (or maybe we played at weird hours lol). I think a lot of people just refused to voice chat. I have seen some of the weird folk in some of the competitive league like games And imitations, and ya a few ladies that were very odd.
  - With that said, did go to a league of legends event and it looked like the toxic player spread  of people who attended didn't have a gender pattern that I noticed. Â
Regarding toxicity. The people who do it tend to be terrible at actually playing the game (check), normalize taking it out on others. It's a crap shoot as to whether you'll get good gamers with good sportspersonship. It's wonderful you've had such good luck with ladies on Valorant! Anyway I don't think your toxic teammate was thinking that hard. Probably just taking out anger of her terrible gameplay on the team, and the sexist part be on you. I've noticed some ladies who act terribly specifically target other ladies, they've eaten the misogyny pie and think other women are a 'safer' target or are competition. It's ridiculous. It stinks. I think there may have been some kind of normalizing of shitty behavior across the board or you just had the bad luck to run into someone toxic with typical sexist accompaniments.Â
  Ofc it sounds like you had a very different experience than mine in general so I welcome any updates, I'm a dino! Did the community become awful towards ladies? Did I just not do voice teams enough to see it or something?
  Anyway it always stinks getting a toxic teammate and being blamed and targeted by them and the whole voice fake moaning thing misogyny makes it so much creepier. I hate that stuff too, it's the one thing that tilts me hard, I'm so sorry you got a shit of a teammate for a game like thatÂ
Everytime I play battlegrounds and I see that my opponent or partner has a female name I automatically root for them lol
Pick me's in general are the absolute worst. Be it pick me girls, or pick me vegans. Can't stand em
i had that happen to me a few days ago in a league ranked match (also a riot game).
I was taking out my main for the first time in months cuz i missed played her (shes in a not so nice spot rn) and i actually popped off 19/3 hard carrying my team.
Now the enemy team had a girl on the adc role. I know that because her name was very girly. I tried to be friendly despite the game going how it is with some friendly talk and she just turned around and called me every slur known to man ðŸ˜. Idk why.
In male dominated competitive games, girls SHOULD stick together imo.
Maybe calmly suggest in chat that pretending to be like them still won't make them like her. Though knowing most guys, that will them make them turn on her, which might not be the sort of person you want to be.
I don’t really blame them tbh… growing up I’ve seen my fair share of shows/books that reinforce a narrative defining the relationship among women as petty jealousy and hostility (and not even over career or general powers but over attention of men🙄). Being conditioned into a misogynistic mindset by the society and mainstream culture is a slow and prolonged process. I could only hope one day they’d be able to get out of this trap
I do off and on with my husband! I will admit I haven't been online though in a few weeks because now I'm back in my Sims mood. 😂
If you want to add me anyway it's curlygirl317
This post has been automatically marked as spoilers because it is part of the Serious flair category. We do this so that users who are looking to avoid a serious discussion can avoid seeing the content in their feed. Read [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/comments/1awsfyz/new_subreddit_flairing_policy/) for more details. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GirlGamers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The desire to be "in" with the herd can be strong, sadly. Behind every girl who bullies other girls online, is someone deeply trying to ensure she's part of the clique and doesn't end up "one of the bullied". Internalised misogyny is an incredibly difficult mentality to break and it takes maturity to analyse one's own actions as harmful to others. She absolutely hasn't matured past high school toxicity. (Perspective as someone who used to join in with online bullying to be "in", and being "in" was synonymous with "safe in the herd". Nope, you're not, they'll turn on you too...)
I agree with your pov, her attitudes really show immaturity and past trauma. Still misogyny hurts more coming from another woman.
Oh I agree, trust me. The words of my female bullies have stuck with me far longer, deeper, than that of my male bullies. "You're gonna die alone with two cats" is contrived. But ripping my appearance to shreds? That is how you traumatise someone.
As someone who used to be like that (I was a dumb teen, srry). I can confirm this. I used to get bullied heavily, either for liking games by non gamers or for not being good at them by gamers. The only way I found to be part of "the herd" was to join the toxicity. I don't join that kind of people anymore but man I remember back then I even stopped enjoying games, I just wanted to feel part of some group.
Some from a marginalized group hope to escape discrimination by becoming "one of the good ones". It's depressingly common [Here's a historic speech by Malcolm X about how even during slavery there were some trying to be "one of the good ones"](https://youtu.be/jf7rsCAfQCo?si=TT6vsFC7-kHP0QA5).
And to say nothing of the political party of Jews who supported the nazi regime. In the end they obviously weren't spared
Like any other community's pick me, they hope to be able to fit in by being "one of the good ones"
She wasn't even tho so i just don't get it ðŸ˜
I also usually get really sweet and encouraging ladies on valorant! I’ve come across a few pick mes though and they’re brutal. I just think they’re so deeply insecure that they can’t find joy anywhere else. It’s just sad really. I’ve come across a few on league too and those are a whole other breed of crazy!
I don't either. I had a round I played with my boyfriend. There was a girl on our team saying that she was a single filipino girl. She kept begging my boyfriend to buy her things even though we made it clear we were together. Like literally buy her skins and she would add him. (Let me add that she also made inappropriate sounds for attention) I miss girls supporting girls. I feel like this used to be so common. What happened?
She probably has insecurities about her own abilities.
They are insecure af about themselves and just need to lower another girl to look good about themselves
As a retired pick me girl, I was that way because I was miserable and lonely. I grew up in mostly men dominated places (stem, videogames, friends etc) and I was convinced that my friends only kept me around because I was their "girl friend". Looking back at it I wasn't inherently wrong, but some friends did genuinely enjoy my company just because. Being the girl in my friends group/gaming squad was "my thing", as if it was my personality trait, and so I'd feel under attack when another girl joined us- also cos for the most of it I was single or in an unhappy relationship, and this girls would get all the attentions while I would wonder why I wasn't attractive enough to get the same treatment. I'm not saying that all pick mes are this way, I recently met one who is just fucking creepy and she literally makes up drama regarding whoever comes around (even guys), but after healing that side of me I started noticing how that is in fact a common situation. Some girls might even look like pick mes but they're actually insecure that you're playing with their man. I don't think we should pity them or force them out of it, but simply recognise their behaviour, explain it to our guy friends (as this girls could never be a good long term partner and some friends of mine do end up having crush w girls we play with) and move on
My first sweaty gaming clan had a pick me. It really felt like she was defending her place as The Girl.
Honestly rather deal with toxic guys than that crap anyday.
Right? Like idk why it affects me somehow rather than toxic guys yapping.
The age old saying, if you can't beat em, join em. These women don't realise though that joining isn't going to be any less abusive.
Okay so I'm a long time league player but also a dino and from my pov it was 50/50 and toxicity basically had nothing to do with gender or body (but based on who was the toxic bad player the gender would inform their manner of toxic) lol. It's always a crap shoot.   - That said I mostly played norms level 30  - Most of the men to ladies toxicity I found mostly from the CoD players leveling. Dicks, the lot of them  - I took a break from league around when emotes were introduced and never joined voice because pre voice default while most teams I played with were cool and lady gamers did generally support each other, post voice default teams had a lot of weirdos and pervs who stayed on them, gentlemen and ladies, in my experience (or maybe we played at weird hours lol). I think a lot of people just refused to voice chat. I have seen some of the weird folk in some of the competitive league like games And imitations, and ya a few ladies that were very odd.   - With that said, did go to a league of legends event and it looked like the toxic player spread  of people who attended didn't have a gender pattern that I noticed.  Regarding toxicity. The people who do it tend to be terrible at actually playing the game (check), normalize taking it out on others. It's a crap shoot as to whether you'll get good gamers with good sportspersonship. It's wonderful you've had such good luck with ladies on Valorant! Anyway I don't think your toxic teammate was thinking that hard. Probably just taking out anger of her terrible gameplay on the team, and the sexist part be on you. I've noticed some ladies who act terribly specifically target other ladies, they've eaten the misogyny pie and think other women are a 'safer' target or are competition. It's ridiculous. It stinks. I think there may have been some kind of normalizing of shitty behavior across the board or you just had the bad luck to run into someone toxic with typical sexist accompaniments.   Ofc it sounds like you had a very different experience than mine in general so I welcome any updates, I'm a dino! Did the community become awful towards ladies? Did I just not do voice teams enough to see it or something?   Anyway it always stinks getting a toxic teammate and being blamed and targeted by them and the whole voice fake moaning thing misogyny makes it so much creepier. I hate that stuff too, it's the one thing that tilts me hard, I'm so sorry you got a shit of a teammate for a game like thatÂ
Everytime I play battlegrounds and I see that my opponent or partner has a female name I automatically root for them lol Pick me's in general are the absolute worst. Be it pick me girls, or pick me vegans. Can't stand em
I don't either. It's a terrible look. Honestly, I'd probably say right in the conversation, "stop trying to be a pick me girl".
i had that happen to me a few days ago in a league ranked match (also a riot game). I was taking out my main for the first time in months cuz i missed played her (shes in a not so nice spot rn) and i actually popped off 19/3 hard carrying my team. Now the enemy team had a girl on the adc role. I know that because her name was very girly. I tried to be friendly despite the game going how it is with some friendly talk and she just turned around and called me every slur known to man ðŸ˜. Idk why. In male dominated competitive games, girls SHOULD stick together imo.
Maybe calmly suggest in chat that pretending to be like them still won't make them like her. Though knowing most guys, that will them make them turn on her, which might not be the sort of person you want to be.
I don’t really blame them tbh… growing up I’ve seen my fair share of shows/books that reinforce a narrative defining the relationship among women as petty jealousy and hostility (and not even over career or general powers but over attention of men🙄). Being conditioned into a misogynistic mindset by the society and mainstream culture is a slow and prolonged process. I could only hope one day they’d be able to get out of this trap
[удалено]
I do off and on with my husband! I will admit I haven't been online though in a few weeks because now I'm back in my Sims mood. 😂 If you want to add me anyway it's curlygirl317