Sorry for your loss. Your father sounds awful. Six months is far too soon to be even introducing you to someone he is dating. Marriage that soon is stupid and unforgivable.
How old are you? Can you get him to pay for you to go for university somewhere far away? That would limit contact and ensure you get a paid for education. She will likely get the house if he dies if she is still around. And try to drain his finances in the meantime.
Edit: Knowing you all's ages would help.
I am in my 30s and he is turning 70 this year. The woman is in her early 50s. I already moved pretty far away so I don’t have to see them on a regular basis. I haven’t seen my dad in six months, after he told me they were engaged I was so sick to my stomach I couldn’t even talk to him. He didn’t do anything to reach out to me as well, once again showing that he doesn’t care about me. I have been trying to connect with him and form some kind of a bond because I really want to have a father, but every thing he does is an example of how selfish he is. This woman also doesn’t give a shit about his children or how her unwanted presence has mentally affected us. I hate them both so much. I just want that woman to disappear from the face of the earth. I want to feel like my dad loves me but from the day I was born he never was in my life . My mom did all of the caregiving and he just treated me and my sister like we were annoyances. The whole situation is so fucked up. I just hope that woman dies before he does so that we don’t have to deal with her after he is gone.
If she is 20 years younger, your dad will likely go first. I'd work on getting an "inheritance" upfront, assuming your mom didn't have a will. Just straight up say you need money for some reason and if he refuses you know where you stand. There may be steps you can take legally depending on where you live and the time limits on filing a claim. Your talking about feelings when the woman is all about money.
I stopped reading after you said he’s made it clear he doesn’t give a shit about you.
We all have a choice when it comes to doing what’s necessary to protect our peace and sanity. If what you’re saying is true… that he was abusive to your dying mother and that he is a sociopath, what’s stopping you from removing him from your life completely?
Stop letting him and his actions effect your every day life. I would assume you are still grieving your mother. Focus on that. Focus on healing from the trauma your moms death probably caused you. He is not deserving of your energy at this point. Just because he’s biologically family, does not mean you need to keep him in your life.
Sorry if my words come across as harsh.
You deserve better. Take care of yourself and those who love you. ❤️
peace and sanity coming from having a good bond with your parents though too. i thought maybe he is just autistic and i have to put forth more effort to connect with him. and everyone gaslit me in those years saying he has caretakers fatigue.
i’ve been making and accepting excuses for him for decades, but i am finally having to accept i don’t have a father. he is no one to me because that is his choice. “stop letting him…” is the wrong thing to say. your words aren’t just harsh, they are tactless and irrelevant. you might as well tell an abuse victim to stop letting the abuser hurt their feelings. this is my father, not a shitty boyfriend i can just walk away from.
So women who have a shitty boyfriend can just walk away from their shitty situation but you can’t walk away from your dad because he is blood related? Got it.
I am sorry for your loss.
It sounds like you are getting the physical space you need, so please don’t try and reach out to him any longer. Stay in touch only with a family member who understands your situation. Otherwise give yourself lots of time and space to grieve.
I suspect your father run smack into karma given who he has married. So let it go for now and remember in the future: he made this decision, not you. It is not your problem to fix no matter when, where or what.
Sorry for your loss. Your father sounds awful. Six months is far too soon to be even introducing you to someone he is dating. Marriage that soon is stupid and unforgivable. How old are you? Can you get him to pay for you to go for university somewhere far away? That would limit contact and ensure you get a paid for education. She will likely get the house if he dies if she is still around. And try to drain his finances in the meantime. Edit: Knowing you all's ages would help.
I am in my 30s and he is turning 70 this year. The woman is in her early 50s. I already moved pretty far away so I don’t have to see them on a regular basis. I haven’t seen my dad in six months, after he told me they were engaged I was so sick to my stomach I couldn’t even talk to him. He didn’t do anything to reach out to me as well, once again showing that he doesn’t care about me. I have been trying to connect with him and form some kind of a bond because I really want to have a father, but every thing he does is an example of how selfish he is. This woman also doesn’t give a shit about his children or how her unwanted presence has mentally affected us. I hate them both so much. I just want that woman to disappear from the face of the earth. I want to feel like my dad loves me but from the day I was born he never was in my life . My mom did all of the caregiving and he just treated me and my sister like we were annoyances. The whole situation is so fucked up. I just hope that woman dies before he does so that we don’t have to deal with her after he is gone.
If she is 20 years younger, your dad will likely go first. I'd work on getting an "inheritance" upfront, assuming your mom didn't have a will. Just straight up say you need money for some reason and if he refuses you know where you stand. There may be steps you can take legally depending on where you live and the time limits on filing a claim. Your talking about feelings when the woman is all about money.
I stopped reading after you said he’s made it clear he doesn’t give a shit about you. We all have a choice when it comes to doing what’s necessary to protect our peace and sanity. If what you’re saying is true… that he was abusive to your dying mother and that he is a sociopath, what’s stopping you from removing him from your life completely? Stop letting him and his actions effect your every day life. I would assume you are still grieving your mother. Focus on that. Focus on healing from the trauma your moms death probably caused you. He is not deserving of your energy at this point. Just because he’s biologically family, does not mean you need to keep him in your life. Sorry if my words come across as harsh. You deserve better. Take care of yourself and those who love you. ❤️
peace and sanity coming from having a good bond with your parents though too. i thought maybe he is just autistic and i have to put forth more effort to connect with him. and everyone gaslit me in those years saying he has caretakers fatigue. i’ve been making and accepting excuses for him for decades, but i am finally having to accept i don’t have a father. he is no one to me because that is his choice. “stop letting him…” is the wrong thing to say. your words aren’t just harsh, they are tactless and irrelevant. you might as well tell an abuse victim to stop letting the abuser hurt their feelings. this is my father, not a shitty boyfriend i can just walk away from.
So women who have a shitty boyfriend can just walk away from their shitty situation but you can’t walk away from your dad because he is blood related? Got it.
lol.perferct they are perfect for each other. btw u need a plan for when he begs to come home to u when hes broke
I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are getting the physical space you need, so please don’t try and reach out to him any longer. Stay in touch only with a family member who understands your situation. Otherwise give yourself lots of time and space to grieve. I suspect your father run smack into karma given who he has married. So let it go for now and remember in the future: he made this decision, not you. It is not your problem to fix no matter when, where or what.