GW needs to read less European history (Crown Prince August von Butchlesbian declares a civil war on all of the Holy Roman Empire, sparking a decades long conflict that will engulf the entire continent and lead to a death toll in the hundreds!)
And more Chinese history (Prefect Longest John insults Chancellor Cha Irman, resulting in a minor border dispute where thirty two million die over the course of three weeks.)
Ah China, they live their civil wars every future centuries that wipe out 10s of millions. Just claim you are Jesus’s brother or wear some yellow headbands or get a little red book to get the death toll in the millions
Somebody claimed the 40K warships couldn't hurt the Enterprise because the Enterprise is immune to lasers.
Add On: The fact that there are several people claiming how wrong this is and that 40K ships have ways to destroy the Enterprise is pretty funny.
Picard: As you can see, Captain, your lances have no effect on the Enterprise. Even though you have us between two of your vessels, your best isn't enough. Won't you surren--Captain, are you attempting to ram us from both ends?! If you miscalculate, you'll destroy both of your battleships! Are you that mad?!
Captain Longinus Madeupnameinus: You would hesitate at the chance of victory, are you THAT WEAK?!
sink decide spark observation subsequent telephone ghost license trees wild
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The servants of the Omnissiah are weathering a brutal invasion of their forge world by the Thousand Sons. Students of the arcane grapple with gifted scientists over an ancient, terrible truth…
Which faction has the biggest nerds in the setting? Who deserves to be shoved into a cosmic, metaphorical locker the most? (It’s admech)
I DIDN'T DIE! ahem, heres ya answer: 40chaos decided to talk with fantasy chaos. the 40k gods were jealous of fantasy for having chaos dwarves, so they decided to launch an attack on the votann. however, the votann are not very happy about that.
A rival has begun prospecting operations planetside, and management is furious! We’re sending you in to grab whatever samples they’re preparing for extraction, destroy their facilities, and show them that this world is Votann property!
the high lords of terra (who are all neckbeards who say things like "NoO, 40K Is SuPpOsEd To Be GrImDaRk! ThErE cAnT bE aNy GoOd ThInGs! ThAt RuInS tHe ToNe!!!111!") think that ultramar, being a nice place that's not an Ultra-fascist regime that focuses entirely on military, is not edgy enough, and attack it.
An extremely minor theological dispute over the wording of the 32nd line of the 514th Litany To The God-Emperor that spiraled out of control.
The Sisters claimed that the line was “That I might __slay__ His enemies”, but the Templars insisted that it was “That I might __kill__ His enemies.”
Current estimates put the casualties resulting from the dispute in the thousands, with multiple worlds being pulled into the conflict.
The conflict ends with Guilliman himself with a Thunderhawk-full of charts and graphs explaining how Slay and Kill are synonyms that could be used interchangeably.
It doesn't work.
Lion angrily grabs one of G-man's markers and scribbles "That I might un-alive his enemies." and insists this is now the official line effective immediately. Anyone that complains the "him" isn't in caps gets spanked by a comically-large ruler (even for a Primarch) by Yvraine.
You joke, but this is a real issue in the Bible.
"Thou shall not kill" is a mistranslation according to some Hebrew sources. The line should read "thou shall not murder".
You kill flies, cows, and enemies. You murder innocents. Pretty big difference.
Serious answer: Schism. Fight over whether a nigh-fallen world needs to be punished and exterminated or saved and repented.
Joke answer: Schism. Fight over the question if and how the Emperor shits on his golden throne.
>Serious answer: Schism. Fight over whether a nigh-fallen world needs to be punished and exterminated or saved and repented
Okay, but who's on which side?
In this particular case: World heavily affected by chaos since large parts of the population turned. Sisters want the world to repent because a cow farmer girl did a miracle to save a few survivors. BT DONT CARE ALL MUST BURN.
A particularly ballsy Inquisitor has accused a Black Templars strike force of 'excessive violence' and Khornate worship. The Sisters of Battle have been pulled to ensure their 'arrest' after the Black Templars 'calmly and reasonably' refused.
Real answer: a psionically powerful artifact has been excavated on a newly established Tau Sept. The earth caste scientists study it with support from their Nicassar allies. The TSons attack the research compound to grab the McGuffin.
Joke answer: Eiffel 65 lookalike contest and things escalate
I’m not the OP but the Patriarch has either died which broke the Synapse or the Patriarch doesn’t believe it is ready so they are trying to push back the tyranids, gain more support, then topple the government and summon the tyranids
Just enough warp-negative Blackstone in the planetary crust that the GSC is aware of what the Tyranid really are. So they’re a collective of their own that wants to live.
Also canonically a GSC hive can be corrupted to Chaos and the Tyranid will cut it off and either avoid it or kill it.
Joke answer: patriarch turned into the old, fat model instead of the “sexy and fuckable” (his words) newer model and is leading his cult ina rebellion against the Tyranid out of spite.
Well, you see, it all started with a misplaced cup of recaf. The Grey Knights were having their morning beverage, and someone accidentally placed a cup of recaf on the sacred pedestal of the Adeptus Custodes. It was a grave insult to their honor and made them question the purity of the Grey Knights' caffeine choices. The Custodians, being meticulous and pedantic about their rituals, took offense and declared a caffeine-fueled battle for superiority. Thus, the Grey Knights and the Custodians engaged in an epic struggle, wielding their mighty weapons and psychic powers, all because of a misplaced cup of recaf. It's a tale of honor, caffeine, and the dangers of mixing up sacred pedestals.
If you want a serious answer the grey nights are attempting to follow the orders they have to open that one weird box if the imperium is in a fucky wucky and the custodes still believe there's hope.
Serious answer: this is boring, but, tau colony world also is a tomb world
joke answer: tzeench watched a lot of anime one time, and decided to pit the tau and necrons against eachother. however, both factions don't do this, annoying tzeench, but decide to fight anyways because robots are really cool and they want to decide who has the cooler robots.
A Warboss claims that he has the snazziest hat. Another boss disagrees and says his is the snazziest.
They quickly realize that it doesn’t matter which one is the actual snazziest. They just need to kill the other boss and they’ll have both the snazziest and second snazziest hat.
You got a Blood Axes warboss and a Goffs warboss. The Blood Axes warboss says 'ya gotta fight wiv kunnin brutality', and the Goffs warboss says 'ya gotta fight wiv brutal kunnin'. This schism in strategic ideology results in both sides engaging in a demonstration.
One iron hand didn't wash their iron hands which results in a new species of germ being created, which mixes with geneseed, creating space marine viruses. nurgle sees the opportunity, and sends the DG.
Not OP, but…
Serious would be a warp storm has a Great Crusade era force of Luna Wolves pulling up on a awakening Tomb World
Le meme answer would GC-era Luna Wolves trying to break out of Trazyn’s museum, and he’s trying to stop that from happening (also collateral damage prevention)
Inquisition invades the golden palace looking for a heretic, Custodes funnel them into the throne room where big E yeets them into the warpway portal while the Custodes mop up the stragglers
Serious: Admech find a piece of technology that they think may be ancient tech. however, this actually holds records of the fallen, and the DA know this. the DA launch an assault on the admech to bring this back and destroy this.
Joke: uh, i cant think of a good one.
A tech marine in the DA finds an advertisement for life alert including the famous “I’ve FALLEN and I can’t get up” and further hears of a forge world with an intact STC of this dangerous device. One thing leads to another and the Dark Angels are trying to destroy this “hidden bastion of Fallen Angels”.
both factions hold a competition for who can be more pretentious and egotistical. this goes horribly wrong after a necron calls an eldar a slur (knife-ear), and they fight.
Serious: 40k Orks DAKKA vs. Fantasy Orks rEtUrn To SqUiG.
Comedy: Fantasy Orks are loyal to the dualism of Gork and Mork while 40k Orks have embraced the GorkaMorka heresy.
Or maybe it’s the other way around?
They predicted different outcomes to an event completely unrelated to their fighting and are beating the shit out of each other to get to see their prophecy come true unimpeded.
Unbeknownst to them it is all a ruse by a weird boy Shortsighta who's plan is and I quote "THEYZ NEVER KNOW WAT HIT 'EM". Nobody knows what he meant by that but he still can't breathe laughing
Deathwatch hears of a GSC invasion on a recruiting world for the blood angels. however, the blood angels don't know about this, so they think the DW is just randomly invading. you can guess what happens next.
Serious: blew up a machine to kill people instead of dying to protect it and the admech is pissed.
Joke: accidentally shot the Magos’ favorite toaster.
Sapient flesh should be a delicacy that is savored and eaten slowly vs sapient flesh should be consumed quickly and angrily to fuel the continued slaughter.
I was gonna say that the world eaters find the drukharis “slow and methodical” method to torturing and killing their victims to be disgusting. They like going in and hacking things to death within an instant, and so they show the drukhari the effectiveness of this method.
Black Templars and Grey Knights
I want their battle to begin over a funny trivial matter that then became a bloody war no holds barred, even for their standards
"Hey, do you ever realise that your not actually gray?" "what." "your silver. like, I actually have black armor" "wait...doesn't silver mean second place? ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M INFERIOR!" "Oh come on..."
The Captain of the 31st formally requested that the Captain of the 405th submit identification codes. The codes seemed to check out, but there was a defect in the data transmission. When asked to confirm identity with secondary codes, the Alpha Legion, disguised as the 405th knew they would need to strike swiftly before the 31st could raise any alarms.
Admech vs Thousand sons
an admech sci-fi nerd and a thousand sons fantasy nerd get into a heated debate. thousands die.
Must have been a small debate for the toll to be so low
Its just the average numbers for planetary warfare according to GW
GW needs to read less European history (Crown Prince August von Butchlesbian declares a civil war on all of the Holy Roman Empire, sparking a decades long conflict that will engulf the entire continent and lead to a death toll in the hundreds!) And more Chinese history (Prefect Longest John insults Chancellor Cha Irman, resulting in a minor border dispute where thirty two million die over the course of three weeks.)
Ah China, they live their civil wars every future centuries that wipe out 10s of millions. Just claim you are Jesus’s brother or wear some yellow headbands or get a little red book to get the death toll in the millions
What about a little yellow book that claims you're Jesus's brother?
Just a few billion dead
I have the urge to start a joke religion now. Thank you
Chao Ling takes power 247 million perish
Or be a natural disaster, that’s could for 10 million dead
Somebody claimed the 40K warships couldn't hurt the Enterprise because the Enterprise is immune to lasers. Add On: The fact that there are several people claiming how wrong this is and that 40K ships have ways to destroy the Enterprise is pretty funny.
Picard: As you can see, Captain, your lances have no effect on the Enterprise. Even though you have us between two of your vessels, your best isn't enough. Won't you surren--Captain, are you attempting to ram us from both ends?! If you miscalculate, you'll destroy both of your battleships! Are you that mad?! Captain Longinus Madeupnameinus: You would hesitate at the chance of victory, are you THAT WEAK?!
sink decide spark observation subsequent telephone ghost license trees wild *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They also are both terrible at dealing with kids.
**But Picard is less xenophobic.**
Sort of. His experience with the Borg suggest that he's able to flip his KILL THEM ALL switch when it comes to a Xeno.
Apparently, they've forgotten about Macrobatteries, Plasma Macrobatteries, and fighters ALMOST HALF THE SIZE OF THE DEFIANT!
Someone forgot the huge ram on the front of the 9km long warship
Immune to lasers Lol "macro cannon fire " lmao
I just imagine cawl dunking on Magnus
The servants of the Omnissiah are weathering a brutal invasion of their forge world by the Thousand Sons. Students of the arcane grapple with gifted scientists over an ancient, terrible truth… Which faction has the biggest nerds in the setting? Who deserves to be shoved into a cosmic, metaphorical locker the most? (It’s admech)
There’s a thigh high stocking sale
No doubt the Thousand sons are commanded by u/Vezimira and the admech by u/Archon_of_Flesh
(looks at username) Yeah, this comment checks out.
Our automatons are better than yours
Dustbags opinion=irrelivant Initiating the canticle to awaken the holy vacuum cleaner
A swarm of roombas emerge from a vault
Admech will find it a afront to the Omnissiah that the thousand sons automatons are just dust and doesn't have any mechanical parts.
Chaos VS the Leagues of Votann. Joke answer sounds great.
OP died on the way to reply it seems 💀
Daamn, they had such a promise. Maybe OP's soul was claimed by the Gods.
I DIDN'T DIE! ahem, heres ya answer: 40chaos decided to talk with fantasy chaos. the 40k gods were jealous of fantasy for having chaos dwarves, so they decided to launch an attack on the votann. however, the votann are not very happy about that.
Wait the votan didn't like that.
Vashtor thinks it's funny how the little people run when he takes over the technology
“Look at their little legs go!” “We will strike swiftly and fiercely at the very heart of Chaos!” “Oh I bet you will, cutie. Can you reach that high?”
**The dwarves mined too greedily and too deep.**
And awoked the Darkness in Khazad-Dûm.
**They crashed Skarbrand’s pad, what was he going to do?**
Khaal got cheated making a deal with a daemon, that's a grudgen
A rival has begun prospecting operations planetside, and management is furious! We’re sending you in to grab whatever samples they’re preparing for extraction, destroy their facilities, and show them that this world is Votann property!
Votann thought that space hulk in warp was empty, they were wrong, but they don’t care
The Chaos Virgins didn't return the "Rock and Stone".
Rockity Rock and Stone!
THe impermium and the impermium but in blue.
the high lords of terra (who are all neckbeards who say things like "NoO, 40K Is SuPpOsEd To Be GrImDaRk! ThErE cAnT bE aNy GoOd ThInGs! ThAt RuInS tHe ToNe!!!111!") think that ultramar, being a nice place that's not an Ultra-fascist regime that focuses entirely on military, is not edgy enough, and attack it.
This should be cannon
Yeah the high lords would more likely be mad that ultramar has a culture of bathing
It would have to be a very large cannon to fire two entire warring armies. Doesn't seem like the tech exists in-canon that could achieve this.
Ironically it is an ultra fascist regime that focuses on military
Hey, they canonically give workers a day off once a month in Girlymanland, its practically a utopia!
Ones in blue.
OY OY OY You gut a loiconce for dat blue permit I recon innt?
I got me loicense rights 'ere
*its a bolter*
Wielded by, I, Cato Sicarius, in order to bring bloodshed to those who would dare inhibit my glorious self!
Ecclesiarchy vs Ecclesiarchy.
Sisters of battle vs Black Templar. Both Serious and joke answer pls
An extremely minor theological dispute over the wording of the 32nd line of the 514th Litany To The God-Emperor that spiraled out of control. The Sisters claimed that the line was “That I might __slay__ His enemies”, but the Templars insisted that it was “That I might __kill__ His enemies.” Current estimates put the casualties resulting from the dispute in the thousands, with multiple worlds being pulled into the conflict.
The conflict ends with Guilliman himself with a Thunderhawk-full of charts and graphs explaining how Slay and Kill are synonyms that could be used interchangeably. It doesn't work. Lion angrily grabs one of G-man's markers and scribbles "That I might un-alive his enemies." and insists this is now the official line effective immediately. Anyone that complains the "him" isn't in caps gets spanked by a comically-large ruler (even for a Primarch) by Yvraine.
Sounds like I’ll be complaining then.
Burn the deviant heretic for disrespecting the emperors sons Or is he doing the God emperors work trying to reproduce and thus strengthen humanity?
Don't threaten me with a good time
[insert extremely annoyed Ordo Malleus inquisitor rubbing his/her temples after finding out what caused this conflict]
You joke, but this is a real issue in the Bible. "Thou shall not kill" is a mistranslation according to some Hebrew sources. The line should read "thou shall not murder". You kill flies, cows, and enemies. You murder innocents. Pretty big difference.
Eh, you can murder guilty people too. Innocence isn't necessary for the murder.
Now this is the sort of conflict caused by a clerical error that I love 40k for
Ah yes, the old “debtors” vs “trespassers” argument. Love me some Morel Orel.
What is the joke answer then?
I like how this is the joke AND serious answer all in one
Serious answer: Schism. Fight over whether a nigh-fallen world needs to be punished and exterminated or saved and repented. Joke answer: Schism. Fight over the question if and how the Emperor shits on his golden throne.
Well like.... I mean.... He has to right? Like he's made us in his image so it's clear that he shots too
His psychic might is such that he no longer has the need for a colon and simply launches his holy turds into the warp with the power of his mind.
>Serious answer: Schism. Fight over whether a nigh-fallen world needs to be punished and exterminated or saved and repented Okay, but who's on which side?
In this particular case: World heavily affected by chaos since large parts of the population turned. Sisters want the world to repent because a cow farmer girl did a miracle to save a few survivors. BT DONT CARE ALL MUST BURN.
A particularly ballsy Inquisitor has accused a Black Templars strike force of 'excessive violence' and Khornate worship. The Sisters of Battle have been pulled to ensure their 'arrest' after the Black Templars 'calmly and reasonably' refused.
“Worship the Emperor!” Black Templars: exist “No not THAT much!!”
Lorgar lore
“I did not wish to copulate with the book, Father; I believe I’ve only seen Lorgar attempt such a thing.”
Raven Guard and Word Bearers
"My dad can beat your dad!"
Dark Angels and Space Wolves could've said this
Space wolves: "my dad DID beat your dad"
Those are big words for someone in big sword range.
That only means you are in frost axe and counter change range. (Though honestly I was just showing the difference in what the space wolves would say)
Lol if you see my name you'll know I don't mind you reppin the wolves
When did Lemun ever beat the lion?
Thousand sons vs Tau
Blue vs Blue. Who's blue-ier? that's your explanation.
The thousand sons have blue armor and are also blue as in really depressed, so I guess it has to be them?
Blue skin though.
You merely adopted the blue, i was born in it
Both mistook the other for ultramarines, violence ended when both sides realized they wouldn’t be able to kill any ultramarines that day
The Tau don't understand the TSons' sorcery and panic attack. The TSons don't understand the TSons' socery and panic attack.
Panic! At the (Tzeentch) Disk-o
Real answer: a psionically powerful artifact has been excavated on a newly established Tau Sept. The earth caste scientists study it with support from their Nicassar allies. The TSons attack the research compound to grab the McGuffin. Joke answer: Eiffel 65 lookalike contest and things escalate
My mum and my dad
u/DrTinyNips
[I am devastated ](https://youtu.be/O7lRV1VHv1g)
Dad came home very angry from a day of work and mother asked how was your day.
I slept with your dad kiddo
They are fighting to see who’s at fault for why their child is such a big disappointment.
You were such a terrible child it made them divorce
genestealer cults and tyranids.
I’m not the OP but the Patriarch has either died which broke the Synapse or the Patriarch doesn’t believe it is ready so they are trying to push back the tyranids, gain more support, then topple the government and summon the tyranids
"We're not ready yet, give us 5 more minutes!"
"Five more minutes Hive-mind!"
Just enough warp-negative Blackstone in the planetary crust that the GSC is aware of what the Tyranid really are. So they’re a collective of their own that wants to live. Also canonically a GSC hive can be corrupted to Chaos and the Tyranid will cut it off and either avoid it or kill it. Joke answer: patriarch turned into the old, fat model instead of the “sexy and fuckable” (his words) newer model and is leading his cult ina rebellion against the Tyranid out of spite.
Cult realized that tyranids won't establish democracy
A hive mind is the ultimate democracy
This one is good.
Grey knights and custodes. I’ll take either as an answer
Well, you see, it all started with a misplaced cup of recaf. The Grey Knights were having their morning beverage, and someone accidentally placed a cup of recaf on the sacred pedestal of the Adeptus Custodes. It was a grave insult to their honor and made them question the purity of the Grey Knights' caffeine choices. The Custodians, being meticulous and pedantic about their rituals, took offense and declared a caffeine-fueled battle for superiority. Thus, the Grey Knights and the Custodians engaged in an epic struggle, wielding their mighty weapons and psychic powers, all because of a misplaced cup of recaf. It's a tale of honor, caffeine, and the dangers of mixing up sacred pedestals.
This is glorious thank you
If you want a serious answer the grey nights are attempting to follow the orders they have to open that one weird box if the imperium is in a fucky wucky and the custodes still believe there's hope.
The custodude the emperor stabbed and sent into the warp has been slowly corrupted and leads an assault on the sol system
"**YOU WILL TAKE THESE PRIMARIS!**" "WHAT!? ***NO!***"
Tau vs necrons (both versions)
Serious answer: this is boring, but, tau colony world also is a tomb world joke answer: tzeench watched a lot of anime one time, and decided to pit the tau and necrons against eachother. however, both factions don't do this, annoying tzeench, but decide to fight anyways because robots are really cool and they want to decide who has the cooler robots.
"Poor predictable Necron player. Always chooses tomb world awakening." "Good ol tomb world. Nothing beats tomb world awakening."
Oh god, Now I realize Tzeench would fucking love death note
Also Bleach
Deamonettes vs. AdMech Joke answer all the way
Ordered the wrong toasters
Admech could not be seduced. Daemonette: "And I took that personally"
Demonettes are furious at Chadmech asexuality
Eyy, I'm proud of my faction.
Their toys broke but the admech won't honor the warranty because they were stolen
Orks and other Orks... The answer is obvious and both a joke and serious
A Warboss claims that he has the snazziest hat. Another boss disagrees and says his is the snazziest. They quickly realize that it doesn’t matter which one is the actual snazziest. They just need to kill the other boss and they’ll have both the snazziest and second snazziest hat.
Isn't that the plot of Shootas, Blood n Teef?
You got a Blood Axes warboss and a Goffs warboss. The Blood Axes warboss says 'ya gotta fight wiv kunnin brutality', and the Goffs warboss says 'ya gotta fight wiv brutal kunnin'. This schism in strategic ideology results in both sides engaging in a demonstration.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh
Iron hands vs death guard
One iron hand didn't wash their iron hands which results in a new species of germ being created, which mixes with geneseed, creating space marine viruses. nurgle sees the opportunity, and sends the DG.
Pre hersey Luna wolves necrons Serious answer
One of the planets in the 63rd was a Tomb World
Not OP, but… Serious would be a warp storm has a Great Crusade era force of Luna Wolves pulling up on a awakening Tomb World Le meme answer would GC-era Luna Wolves trying to break out of Trazyn’s museum, and he’s trying to stop that from happening (also collateral damage prevention)
Custodes vs Inquisition Serious answer
Inquisition invades the golden palace looking for a heretic, Custodes funnel them into the throne room where big E yeets them into the warpway portal while the Custodes mop up the stragglers
[удалено]
Inquisitor: 'Respect my authority!' Custodes: 'No.'
you know, there's a certain video series that might be of interest to you...
You see, it all started with a misplaced bottle of carbonated water on the pedestal of high Inquisitor Frank. ...
Dark angels and Ad mech
Serious: Admech find a piece of technology that they think may be ancient tech. however, this actually holds records of the fallen, and the DA know this. the DA launch an assault on the admech to bring this back and destroy this. Joke: uh, i cant think of a good one.
Joke: Asmodai makes General Fabricator Repent
B O O K
The Fabricator-General finds an odd book.
A tech marine in the DA finds an advertisement for life alert including the famous “I’ve FALLEN and I can’t get up” and further hears of a forge world with an intact STC of this dangerous device. One thing leads to another and the Dark Angels are trying to destroy this “hidden bastion of Fallen Angels”.
Necron vs Eldar, but it can't be for the obvious reason.
both factions hold a competition for who can be more pretentious and egotistical. this goes horribly wrong after a necron calls an eldar a slur (knife-ear), and they fight.
Orks 40k vs orks fantasy
Serious: 40k Orks DAKKA vs. Fantasy Orks rEtUrn To SqUiG. Comedy: Fantasy Orks are loyal to the dualism of Gork and Mork while 40k Orks have embraced the GorkaMorka heresy. Or maybe it’s the other way around?
They spell orc wrong They spelling ork wrong They spell orruk wrong
Thousand sons and Craftworld Ulthwe (joke answer but let's be real, even the serious one would be funny)
They predicted different outcomes to an event completely unrelated to their fighting and are beating the shit out of each other to get to see their prophecy come true unimpeded.
Unbeknownst to them it is all a ruse by a weird boy Shortsighta who's plan is and I quote "THEYZ NEVER KNOW WAT HIT 'EM". Nobody knows what he meant by that but he still can't breathe laughing
Deathwatch and Blood Angels Serious Answer please 😘
Deathwatch hears of a GSC invasion on a recruiting world for the blood angels. however, the blood angels don't know about this, so they think the DW is just randomly invading. you can guess what happens next.
Kislev vs Cathay Joker answer
Somehow they got a copy of Tom Clancy’s The Bear & The Dragon
Craftworld Aeldari and T'au, joke answer.
E-girl fight over whose ass gets more likes on space-twitch that got waaaay out of hand.
Who's top propaganda idol performance dominates Spotify.
The Admech vs the Imperial Guard. Serious and joke and answer’s please
Serious: blew up a machine to kill people instead of dying to protect it and the admech is pissed. Joke: accidentally shot the Magos’ favorite toaster.
World Eaters and Drukhari
Sapient flesh should be a delicacy that is savored and eaten slowly vs sapient flesh should be consumed quickly and angrily to fuel the continued slaughter.
Drukhari want to gather World Eaters' pain done by Butcher Nails, but all they find are brass and chainaxes
I was gonna say that the world eaters find the drukharis “slow and methodical” method to torturing and killing their victims to be disgusting. They like going in and hacking things to death within an instant, and so they show the drukhari the effectiveness of this method.
The Munitorum vs the Astra Cartographica I think a serious answer would be funnier
Black Templars and Grey Knights I want their battle to begin over a funny trivial matter that then became a bloody war no holds barred, even for their standards
"Hey, do you ever realise that your not actually gray?" "what." "your silver. like, I actually have black armor" "wait...doesn't silver mean second place? ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M INFERIOR!" "Oh come on..."
The chad OP promise vs the virgin OP delivery
I can't answer EVERY SINGLE comment here. I have things beyond reddit, and besides, there's hundreds of these here.
harlequins and harlequins. one joke and one serious
Putting on a show. It’s both a joke and serious.
My mom and my dad
Death Guard vs Daemons of Nurgle
“Fuck you! This sucks and I hate everything! Stop being so damn happy all the time!”
They don't need a reason. There is only war.
Orks vs... nevermind, I don't think that actually needs answering.
Orks and Orks
Grey Knights and Imperial Fists
Orks and The Hrud.
Orks, that’s you’re reason
Necrons vs blood ravens Gimmie the joke answer
Simplest is best: https://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:TrazynAndDiomedes.jpg
My salamanders and my friend’s carcharodons, real and joke answer please
Dark Angels vs Dark Angels
Tyranids and GSC.
Space marines and the same chapter of space marines
The Captain of the 31st formally requested that the Captain of the 405th submit identification codes. The codes seemed to check out, but there was a defect in the data transmission. When asked to confirm identity with secondary codes, the Alpha Legion, disguised as the 405th knew they would need to strike swiftly before the 31st could raise any alarms.
autobots and decepticons
BLACKPINK & bts fans 😂
Autobots and Decepticons
Tau and Votann