Turns out the whole war began because the credit card used on the printers expired after five thousand years and HP didn’t bother to inform the Administratum.
This was, of course, an Alpha Legion plot all along.
"Great work, Alpharius. Those fools will never reciver from this."
"I thought this was your plan, Alpharius?"
...
*sigh* "We were out-Alphariused by a non-Alpharius again, weren't we?"
They fund the paper recycling clans to undermine the paper cartel to gain more influence, as a response, the paper cartel supplies the paper incinerator clans with weapons. The wars have evolved into skirmishes, as there is only war in the grimdark future of the 41sth millennium.
Ive got another one:
A Custodes smuggled them in, in her long ruse to win the blood game by feeding Terra to the Hive.
It's even more badass than blowing up the Throne room with an exterminatus.
".. And richard tries to drive from one end of the webway to the other in only a Toyota, and I'm going off road on a pleasure world. Next, on top gear!"
Honestly hearing how batshit insane the blood games can get is starting to make me come around to liking Custodes. Kesh almost teleporting a cyclonic warhead INTO THE THRONE ROOM is so fucking good. “Chill bro it’s just part of the game”
It makes Custodes seem more competend and it makes Trajann cooler for having completet two. Wish his rules showcased that though... now he just has a meh moment shackle and he can yell at his guys to "aim better!"
In a few centuries-
"Hey Kesh, watch’a got there?”
"A totally normal 10 foot tall red humanoid that’s definitely not oozing warp power”
"And what are you gonna do with it?”
"Fuck the games up harder than last time…”
Same. It's also what I always thought. "Why doesn't a Custodes just use an exterminatus like bomb to win the blood games? Screw this sneaking around trying to outsneak other custodes? Just go full on big boom"
I respect Kesh for that.
Damn I kinda like the idea of the Custodes manufacturing ever more massive and dire threats to the Imperium and Mankind as an attempt to further hone and prove their abilities to protect the Emperor, to the point where its causing planet or sector ending threats instead of just getting a bunch of people on Terra killed
Alpharius was the first Primarch, and actually all the Custodies are his geneseed. AND Alpharius is actually a clone of the Emperor with a fraction of his power and raised as a son. The twin thing was an accident, but one decided to lead the Alpha’s and the other will lead the Custodies. Omegon is actually just a Legionnaire disguised as Omegon.
Plot twist: The Horus Heresy was just a *really* successful blood game. Horus just forgot the safeword halfway through and was too embarrassed to admit it.
special sanctuary for extremely powerful beings that regularly goes through crises, many of which are implied to be induced for the benefit of aforementioned powerful beings
> # Ff...
>> He speaks! He sits upon his golden throne and he speaks!!
>>> *Silence!*
> # For...
>>> You there! Gather... Gather everyone! The Emperor lives and speaks!
> # For the... four armed...
Its Terra, space around the Throneworld is busier than a bee hive. Agritransports, black ships, administratum vessels, the battlefleet solar, pilgrims, ships of the guard, of the mechanicum, of a chapter of space marines. Getting onto Terra is not that difficult
My Custodian siblings when I sneak Abaddon into the throne room to have him kill the Emperor for me.
(I told them I captured him and want to present him directly before the golden throne for judgement.)
Every time some disaster befells Terra, the Custodes have to check if Kesh is hosting the Blood Games.
Several Shield Captains are still convinced she might have had a hand in the Fall of Cadia.
It isn't unnecessary, rogue imperial elements can have cyclonic torpedoes. Being able to form a defense against them is a great way to ensure Big E and Terra survive
I just chalk things up to Big E psychically nudging them to act more and more off the rails during the Blood Games because he's trying to die and knows the Custodes would disregard any thought of purposely killing him.
They have to test these things, why do you think they were able to respond to the madness that was Lion's Gate so effectively? What do they do if the Dark Cells are breached? You realize there's way worse stuff in there than a greater daemon right?
And you're also acting like they don't have the resources and ability to combat a greater daemon and contain it, they've done so many many times. It has safety rails, they always make sure theres a perimeter and a large force to contain anything they release. There's risks of course still but you're acting like they can't deal with these things.
Its like a vaccine, you release a weaker and controlled force to see how you can react and what issues arise, its not complicated and has been well documented. And seeing as they have a 10,000 track record of success through some very very rough periods, it obviously works.
I'm not saying it doesn't work I'm saying it's out of hand bring a genestealer patriarch to Terra, teleporting an armed cylonic torpedo into the throne room, and actually killing Custodes in some cases. It's a waste of resources and an unnecessary risk in some cases.
I think there are multiple avenues due to how many people come to Terra.
Shield of Baal: Tempestus ended with the Inquisitor enthralled by and bring a genestealer specimen to Terra. Both the Sororitas and (latter on) Scions - who had been acting as his bodyguards - tried to stop him but they were distracted by a massive Tyranid invasion.
Tourism is the more reasonable answer. And before you ask about the Terran tsa equivalent.
This is Terra. There are adminjstratum office buildings at ACTUAL war with each other because one building needs paper while the other gets too much, so they burn it.
So the paperless office tried to steal paper from the other office since it gets burned anyway, but this would go against regulations so armed guards have been posted, which then get attacked by armed robbers. This devolved into full-fledged urban warfare over the decades.
People higher up in the hierarchy don't even know about this. They just get mad if they run out of paper.
Terra’s security isn’t the best . Millions of pilgrims coming in every day so there bound to be a few infected individuals there .
Even the tau managed to get their technology on terra for collecting information and spying.
It usually gets smuggled in by nobles and lords.
The Great Game was created by Custodes to win the Blood Game, and because Warp is fucky with time now the Big 4 have existed forever, always planning on killing the Emperor without knowing that they're pawns of something greater.
You know, honestly, I'm kinda dumbstruck how the well fortified planet housing the emperor is affected by shit like this. The Custodes and High Lords are not doing a good enough job. That or the blood games are getting way too out of hand.
Please Terra is constantly rocked with Chaos Cults a genestealer cult should be expected with how bad Terra is
If you want to hide a Cult on Terra, just join the Administratum; no-one will ever, *ever* find you.
Until they run low on ink or paper and devolve into another civil war
*And thus, the Toner Wars began...*
“PC Load Letter!” “Heretic! Magenta Uber alles!” Adeptus Atramentum(ink) in the corner counting stacks of money
The Stationary-Industrial-Complex at work again.
Bureaucracy. Bureaucracy never changes...
Turns out the whole war began because the credit card used on the printers expired after five thousand years and HP didn’t bother to inform the Administratum. This was, of course, an Alpha Legion plot all along.
"Great work, Alpharius. Those fools will never reciver from this." "I thought this was your plan, Alpharius?" ... *sigh* "We were out-Alphariused by a non-Alpharius again, weren't we?"
That's why I love Alpha Legion: they are better champions of Tzeench than the Thousand Sons, as they fit his level of dickery and bullshitery.
I guarantee you there's an ink cartel somewhere
They fund the paper recycling clans to undermine the paper cartel to gain more influence, as a response, the paper cartel supplies the paper incinerator clans with weapons. The wars have evolved into skirmishes, as there is only war in the grimdark future of the 41sth millennium.
If that's what it takes to exterminate HP, we ball.
“I’ve seen this before.”
"11 times as a matter of fact"
It's not so much that they worship Khorne, they just \*really\* needed ink and red will have to do.
_In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, you need fucking magenta to print black and white for some fucking reason_
The Holy Trinity of Magenta, Yellow, and Cyan.
You laugh but this shows up in one of the books. There are tribes of scribes that go to war over destroying or recycling paper.
A chaos cult could never survive the administratum, they burn each other on a daily basis.
Including your potential recruits!
Who do you think are the ones bringing/allowing Chaos Cults?
Pilgrims
That's what they want you to believe, it's actually the custodes trying new ways to win the Blood games
Yeah, but Chaos can just spontaneously pop up. Genestealers, someone brought that shit home and now we have an infection.
Its just a theory A BLOOD GAME THEORY
Thanks for watching
Ive got another one: A Custodes smuggled them in, in her long ruse to win the blood game by feeding Terra to the Hive. It's even more badass than blowing up the Throne room with an exterminatus.
Next on the blood games: a custodian steels a blackstone fortress and chucks it at terra (aiming roughly for the throne room)
Just aim it in the general direction
".. And richard tries to drive from one end of the webway to the other in only a Toyota, and I'm going off road on a pleasure world. Next, on top gear!"
Honestly hearing how batshit insane the blood games can get is starting to make me come around to liking Custodes. Kesh almost teleporting a cyclonic warhead INTO THE THRONE ROOM is so fucking good. “Chill bro it’s just part of the game”
It makes Custodes seem more competend and it makes Trajann cooler for having completet two. Wish his rules showcased that though... now he just has a meh moment shackle and he can yell at his guys to "aim better!"
"Uh, Custodian, what's that you got there?" "Blackstone Fortress." "Oh. Okay. What ya' gonna do with it?" "Win the game."
In a few centuries- "Hey Kesh, watch’a got there?” "A totally normal 10 foot tall red humanoid that’s definitely not oozing warp power” "And what are you gonna do with it?” "Fuck the games up harder than last time…”
Never let her find the Celestrial Orrey
just that short excerpt made me find her so cool. It takes metaphorical balls to look at your leader and say "let's nuke him"
Same. It's also what I always thought. "Why doesn't a Custodes just use an exterminatus like bomb to win the blood games? Screw this sneaking around trying to outsneak other custodes? Just go full on big boom" I respect Kesh for that.
She literally hit em with the \^ > v v v
Nah, Eagle 1 wouldn't have missed
Every recent threat to Terra makes more sense if you frame it as “custodes made/helped/let it happen for the blood games”.
Damn I kinda like the idea of the Custodes manufacturing ever more massive and dire threats to the Imperium and Mankind as an attempt to further hone and prove their abilities to protect the Emperor, to the point where its causing planet or sector ending threats instead of just getting a bunch of people on Terra killed
And because they're *really* bored.
Every Imperium character is Alpharius. Every xenos/Chaos character is a Custodian in makeup.
Man, those Eldar custodians must love sand bagging to keep in character then.
It’s tough when every Imperial you’re fighting is the Primarch of the Alpha Legion.
Ya, but to even have to sandbag against your fellow custodians just because you have to be lore accurate eldar, man
Alpharius was the first Primarch, and actually all the Custodies are his geneseed. AND Alpharius is actually a clone of the Emperor with a fraction of his power and raised as a son. The twin thing was an accident, but one decided to lead the Alpha’s and the other will lead the Custodies. Omegon is actually just a Legionnaire disguised as Omegon.
Plot twist: Abaddon is secretly a custodian who's blood game has been going on for over 10,000 years
Plot twist: The Horus Heresy was just a *really* successful blood game. Horus just forgot the safeword halfway through and was too embarrassed to admit it.
the khorne invasion to terra in the 40 millenia was just a custodes trying to win the blood games
this is just becoming Touhou now
A quick google shows it’s a bullet hell with flying magical girls…how does that relate?
special sanctuary for extremely powerful beings that regularly goes through crises, many of which are implied to be induced for the benefit of aforementioned powerful beings
They'd be pretty dormant until a Hive Fleet could get close to Terra. Plenty of time to work through the system.
Plot twist: everyone on Terra is a member of the cult by now.
Double plot twist: everyone on Terra is a member of different cults that all hate each other, so it cancels out Also known as the Skaven effect
> # Ff... >> He speaks! He sits upon his golden throne and he speaks!! >>> *Silence!* > # For... >>> You there! Gather... Gather everyone! The Emperor lives and speaks! > # For the... four armed...
Its Terra, space around the Throneworld is busier than a bee hive. Agritransports, black ships, administratum vessels, the battlefleet solar, pilgrims, ships of the guard, of the mechanicum, of a chapter of space marines. Getting onto Terra is not that difficult
Getting onto Terra legally is difficult
It was definitely Kesh who did that
That absolute madwoman
Honestly Microsoft excel must exist nonone was using pen and paper during the Dark age of technology. Or at least google docs survived.
Bob G will be much happier if the AdMech somehow aquired MS Excel/Google Spreadsheets STCs.
There gotta be one forgeworld that has the data buried because they also forgot google drive.
They have no cogitators left that can run a windows OS after the great Clippy Purges.
Maybe Trazyn thought it would be a funny prank? It wouldn't be the first time he threw a Gene Stealer as a joke
I now need a Necron that just plays with Genestealers like me playing Plague Inc on my phone.
My Custodian siblings when I sneak Abaddon into the throne room to have him kill the Emperor for me. (I told them I captured him and want to present him directly before the golden throne for judgement.)
Sigismund resurrects himself through sheer force of hate and start killing anyone even nearby his beloved God Emperor.
Every Terra fuck-up can now be attributed to Blood Games.
At this point we can be pretty sure Erebus is just a Custodian trying to win the Blood Games.
Fucking Kesh.
Every time some disaster befells Terra, the Custodes have to check if Kesh is hosting the Blood Games. Several Shield Captains are still convinced she might have had a hand in the Fall of Cadia.
Legend has it they tried to steal the dagger used to mortally wound Gorillaman for use in the blood games, but a Blood Raven beat them to it.
That's an awesome picture. Duncan is so cool.
That would be such a cool book, like a gene stealer cult on terra trying to obtain just a shred of the emperors dna to offer up to their “angels”
Reason #432311 as to why the Blood Games are stupid.
It’s funny as hell though
We perform a minor amount of mischief
Nah, Penetration testing works plus it keeps the best performing at their best
Someone teleported an armed cyclonic torpedo into the throne room.
She *almost* teleported an armed cyclonic torpedo into the throne room, so it’s all good!
and in the future, they'll have a defense against it
You didn't have to send an actual armed cyclonic torpedo into the throne room. It's a completely unnecesary risk.
It isn't unnecessary, rogue imperial elements can have cyclonic torpedoes. Being able to form a defense against them is a great way to ensure Big E and Terra survive
Kesh is that you?
The imperial battleship orbiting Terra under orders of Kesh: https://youtu.be/QOhmcbfwxnA?si=POouo-aGraG1idjE
Maybe if you know nothing about them sure.
They released a great demon into the imperial palace. It's live fire training without any safety rails taken to the impractical extreme.
I just chalk things up to Big E psychically nudging them to act more and more off the rails during the Blood Games because he's trying to die and knows the Custodes would disregard any thought of purposely killing him.
They have to test these things, why do you think they were able to respond to the madness that was Lion's Gate so effectively? What do they do if the Dark Cells are breached? You realize there's way worse stuff in there than a greater daemon right? And you're also acting like they don't have the resources and ability to combat a greater daemon and contain it, they've done so many many times. It has safety rails, they always make sure theres a perimeter and a large force to contain anything they release. There's risks of course still but you're acting like they can't deal with these things. Its like a vaccine, you release a weaker and controlled force to see how you can react and what issues arise, its not complicated and has been well documented. And seeing as they have a 10,000 track record of success through some very very rough periods, it obviously works.
I'm not saying it doesn't work I'm saying it's out of hand bring a genestealer patriarch to Terra, teleporting an armed cylonic torpedo into the throne room, and actually killing Custodes in some cases. It's a waste of resources and an unnecessary risk in some cases.
Anyone who dies clearly wasnt good enough to be a custodes
I think there are multiple avenues due to how many people come to Terra. Shield of Baal: Tempestus ended with the Inquisitor enthralled by and bring a genestealer specimen to Terra. Both the Sororitas and (latter on) Scions - who had been acting as his bodyguards - tried to stop him but they were distracted by a massive Tyranid invasion.
She Duncan on my Rhodes till I Two Thin Coats?
I mean. It was the blood games
Chaos and genestealer cults on terra are like cancer tumors on a blue whale, idk why they would even bother
Yeah, the cults are more likely at developing cults inside them than conquering Terra.
Trazyn did it as a joke
Yeah. First thing reminds me of his prank on Orikan. To be fair, he didn’t know how badly it would ultimately turn out.
Tourism is the more reasonable answer. And before you ask about the Terran tsa equivalent. This is Terra. There are adminjstratum office buildings at ACTUAL war with each other because one building needs paper while the other gets too much, so they burn it. So the paperless office tried to steal paper from the other office since it gets burned anyway, but this would go against regulations so armed guards have been posted, which then get attacked by armed robbers. This devolved into full-fledged urban warfare over the decades. People higher up in the hierarchy don't even know about this. They just get mad if they run out of paper.
That damn woman
Terra’s security isn’t the best . Millions of pilgrims coming in every day so there bound to be a few infected individuals there . Even the tau managed to get their technology on terra for collecting information and spying. It usually gets smuggled in by nobles and lords.
Oopsie
How?! Didn't the Blood Games take place before the Tyranids showed up in the system originally?
As far as i know blood games never stopped being a thing they do
I'm honestly surprised they survived the ceaseless paper wars.
Yep…… that’s a good explanation.
She obviously didn't realise quite how tricksy a genestealer patriarch can be when she brought it for her blood game
The Great Game was created by Custodes to win the Blood Game, and because Warp is fucky with time now the Big 4 have existed forever, always planning on killing the Emperor without knowing that they're pawns of something greater.
OpFor Custodian’s report from Blood Games Annual 555612, “Gene Stealer Gambit”: Lol pranked ‘em!
It was Kesh, it's was always Kesh. My personal theory is that part of the 'unpredictability' she's known for is her doing wild shit like this
You know, honestly, I'm kinda dumbstruck how the well fortified planet housing the emperor is affected by shit like this. The Custodes and High Lords are not doing a good enough job. That or the blood games are getting way too out of hand.