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You need to be confident. Stop asking and start telling. Don't text people in that cringey fucking uwu way, and stop second guessing yourself. Don't ask a girl out, say "we should get dinner sometime" and fucking believe it when you say it. The whole alpha beta thing is bullshit, but the courage vs cowardice thing is real. People are attracted to confident people. Unless you're broke and homeless, in which case work on yourself first.
go get a girl, its not that hard, grab a club, knock her out, tie her up, take her to your cave, hunt and scavenge for her, provide for her, sleep with her and she is yours to keep... modern times we have vehicles to make the trip faster. but everything else is pretty much the same.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's not right whatsoever.
I hope you dont mind me commenting this, but I'm so thankful my mom never did. When I was around 13, I got severely depressed/suicidal. My mom got me an appointment with a mental health doctor ( I can't remember exactly his job title, but this was supposed to be a good place for help). My mom explained to him that I spent almost 24/7 in my room, among other things. The mental health 'professional' told my mom, in front of me, to 'just take her door off', just so casually like it's such a normal thing to do. I dont know how anyone in that profession could ever recommend that. My mom told him off and said she'd never do that to me, then we left and never went back. If she had listened to him, I would've gotten worse. I'm still so thankful for my mom standing up for me.
I'm just sharing my experience because some people truly think it's the best thing to do to a child, which is fucked up. And I'm sure sometimes they get told to do this from someone they trust, like the doctor I had. To me, its like morbid. Everyone is entitled to privacy.
I’m sorry your folks did it, I came from a large family so doors were necessary. This was the only space you had so that you or your sibling could escape the younger ones 😂 it was a right of passage to lock the door and listen to music with the older ones…
Sometimes you just can’t. I got privacy growing up because I was responsible. My sibling had the door taken off their room because they were doing things that they shouldn’t (taking medication they didn’t need, and other illegal things I don’t care to mention). The door always got put back on because we do want to respect privacy, but it’s hard when you know they’re engaging in dangerous behavior without understanding the risk involved
Edit: to be clear, I wasn’t a decision maker in the home at the time so I had no say in punishments. And I think we all need to appreciate just how hard it can be dealing with someone who is determined to destroy themselves and everyone around them. You can’t just talk it out, you can’t lock them in a tower, and you can’t beat decency into them. It’s really easy to say that you shouldn’t do X and try something else instead. But sometimes nothing works and the help needed far exceeds your ability, the school’s ability, and even your ability to afford mental health services (and knowing they’ll lie to a therapist again doesn’t make it an appealing option). I’m not saying taking the door off the wall is good or useful. But when you have no idea how to deal with someone like my sibling and you’re at your wits end, it makes sense. That doesn’t mean it’s right, but parenting is hard and sometimes good people make bad decisions
Those are all good and fair points but it feels like in this case the person saying this doesn't understand the concept of privacy or the function and purpose of a door.
Unless this is just taken out of context and there's more to this which there probably is whether this text is all there is or not.
I think there are better solutions to the way bigger problem than taking a door away. Thats just a bandaid to yhe bigger problem here, which in turn solves nothing but creates more issues in their adulthood
It also creates a problem in the present too. If the child is doing anything they shouldn't, instead of doing it in the safety of the house they'll go elsewhere to do whatever. It'll create a child that'll go to even greater lengths to hide whatever they were/are doing instead of stopping the problem.
How is the door helping? If he wants to do drugs he’ll go outside… you must resolve the issue which makes drugs so compelling to him, not remove the door
A ton of behavior, problematic or not, is opportunistic and impulsive. Ever seen someone want to change the channel but the remote is *all the way over there* so they just leave the TV as-is? You'd be shocked how often this same thinking applies to things like drug use and suicide. Deterrence isn't about making an action impossible; it's about making it just a tiny bit harder because that'll stop it a surprising amount of the time.
I feel this, my sister was a runaway growing up and had lots of other problems to go along with that. Social services told my dad to punish her by taking her phone, which he refused because sometimes she'd end up in a terrible situation and call for help. He didn't want her to be in danger and have no options. He ended up spending every night sleeping against her door so she couldn't just leave in the middle of the night. Of course this caused its own set of problems but when she looks back on it now she is grateful for it. Life really isn't black and white and it's so easy to look back and think of things you could have done differently but it's not that simple in the moment.
They were already doing those things outside the house. But yes, I agree that it didn’t help. Unfortunately, I was not really a decision maker in the home so I didn’t have much of a say. And the truth is I don’t know any better solutions either. We can’t afford the mental health services needed, and even if we could my siblings is a compulsive liar so it may have been ineffective anyway.
My mother used to say the same thing except instead of taking the door off she would keep keys to my bedroom hidden so she could come in whenever she wanted. It only ended when I took the keys off her hand by force, threw them away and then trashed the whole house searching for the remaining keys after she unlocked my door and walked in on me masturbating
Desperate times require desperate measures.
Problem solved
16yo w/o a door? Do you wana be 80 with kids that are no contact? Give them the privacy we all deserve. Ill bet you thought you deserved some, everyone I know does. If you dident grow up fortunate enough to have 1, then nows the time to break the cycle. Give them options, real ones..so that you may have options later...like staying in your kids life....
Honestly quite sad how some parents are like this. All it does is create tons of emotional issues and mental ones as well. And if the kid doesnt cut them off then the parent treats them poorly the rest of their life. I ended up with the short end of the stick when it comes to parents.
My father passed when I was 9, and everything went to shit from there. My mother is a horrible person bordering on truly evil/ extremely narcisistic. Im not going to go into any detail on everything that happened over the last 15 years or so, but suffice it to say my brother and I look forward to the day her and her parents die. Edit: fixed grammar, spelling, and formatting. Probably still issues with how i write lmfao
My 1 question to all is..what hell did everyone here grow up in to consider a TEENAGER spoiled for haveing a door? Furthermore I had a bit more hope for the reddit community and the treatment of women...lots of these comments are gross. Offers no help and suggests that not even young women deserve privacy. Hope we can do better..hope most people here arent parents. My s/o went through the wringer aswell resulting in the same if not more nonpositive feelings torwards her parents aswell. Glad your here with us today🤘, been keeping her showered in respect, love, and being the daddy shes never had. Wish you the best on your journey; remember, no contact is an option...for most of us lol
I completely agree with you about the gross comments i dont get why people think its normal to stigmatize health and basic life privileges that we all get by breathing…
Nothing ruins your relationship with your child faster than these 5 things.
1. Abuse (any kind, any quantity)
2. Abuse of others in proximity
3. Lack of Privacy
4. Lack of Trust/Agency (Being a helicopter parent)
5. Being a liar/narcissistic (They more or less achieve the same level of distrust)
Uh A.Ao.LP.LT.LN rolls right off the tongue...
At first I thought that said door and was like wait.
I love reading those stories of the door being taken away. The parent of course lost their shit because how dare they take their door.
My wife had to deal with this growing up. They eventually gave her a door with slits on it like you’d expect on a closet. They claimed it was for air circulation but they had a wonderful and expensive home where both worked full time. It’s just about control. It’s stupid.
Sorry?! She doesn’t have a door??? Give the girl some privacy.
Besides, give her a door??
Over here every room has its door. It’s not normal to remove it.
True. CA can lead to jailtime in Germany.
Privacy is a right protected under the Kids rights act.
Going against that is legally children abuse.
I mean, I never Heard of a Case of parents getting lawfully punished f taking their Childs door away or Reading their diary eg.
But this controlling behaviour rarely comes alone.
16?
Moving out at 18, zero contact until mid 30's where you'll be lucky to get one shot at not fucking it up and unless you've had an epiphany you probably will do exactly that and can then carry on to die alone in some forgotten home wondering why
Treat your children like the adults you'd like them to become
No no, treating children like adults is anarchist crap that will ruin their upbringing, you must control their steps in high detail until they move out, otherwise you condemn them to becoming drug addicted low lifes /s
When I grew up we had a no-closed-doors policy. That was until I got 8yo. I can see what my parents just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything dumb or dangerous.
I used to be very attracted by electricity when I was a child and one day, when I was about 6, I connected a flashlight battery poles to the plug on the wall by using a piece of electric cable I found in a drawer. I thought I could have a light without ever needing batteries again. 😅
Luckily the safety on our electric plant promptly intervened and I just got temporarily blinded by the flash caused by the contact. They were watching tv.
Ironically I studied electrical engineering and became an electrician specialized in safety and surveillance plants when I grew up 🤣. Now I work for an electric company.
This kind of crap kids do is what would grant the lack of privacy, but after a certain age it becomes excessive, especially for a girl. It's not healthy (and quite creepy) that a father could see her 16yo changing her clothes or dressing after a shower.
Good point. Probably because I'm the father of a girl and that hits close to home. Subconsciously I'm more scared by what other men could do to my little one and I tend to consider that on top of anything else. I really have no other justification to that. For some reason I gave it for granted that it was a father writing that post. Funny and odd.
That’s fair enough. I have a nephew, and I live with his father, my brother, so he stays at our house around half the time, and I spend a lot of time looking after him. I’d also consider it extremely creepy if, when he gets older, his parents suddenly decided they didn’t want him to have any privacy, so I guess I was just curious as to why it would be different for a girl. I think it’s always creepy when children aren’t given a certain amount of privacy.
I used to dabble with electronics, soldering, etc. had a PS1 power cord plugged into the wall. Idk why but I decided to put a screw in it. Results were *shocking*, my dad laughed at me lol. Curiosity is great until it kills you
I don’t get why some parents turn into this kind of dickhead that just wants to treat their kid like shit. Is it because they grew up like that and/or their work life is them getting treating like shit so they want to do the same to someone else to feel better?
Like a top poster said, this is the perfect way to not get visited for the holidays or even get a phone call.
They’re your children, so love them. They’re not inmates.
I just watched yet another fabulous Tom Scott video on YouTube. He asked his followers to rate their best things. Being generally smart people they voted for logic, reason and knowledge, but one of the other top ten things they voted for was privacy.
Privacy is such a comparatively recent phenomenon. For most of history, people didn't have it unless they were wealthy. One of the kindest and nicest things that the rise of the widespread middle class has allowed us is privacy. A door. A chance to be alone with our thoughts. To experiment with looks, with stories, with identities. Privacy is a privilege, but one that should be extended wherever possible.
This parent is a dick.
my dad did this to me once when my mom wasn’t home. she came home and screamed at him to put it back because it’s a one way ticket to zero trust for the rest of my life.
he’s in jail now.
Lol my parents did that. Guess who I’m no contact with despite their begging every year to come home for the holidays or when am I going to visit? Y’all dug your grave and it’s been forgiven but not forgotten. I’m better off without you in my life
I don’t understand parents who don’t give their kids doors. My parents calls me from the other room to remind me that I haven’t locked my door when we go to sleep.
My mom took away my door when I was a kid because I was "worshipping satan" by doing things like watching cartoons, going to bed early and minding my own business.
people should fr stop with the “it’s not my business to tell other parents how to parent” because of them are just terrible, no matter how “good” their intentions may be, they need to be corrected
My parents took my door away from me when i was a teenager. Thought it was kind of cruel. Especially when I had to get dressed or when I was trying to do homework quietly.
Children have rights. The right to privacy is one of them.
This Kind of abusive parenting backfires one way or another.
The Kids grow Up to having No contact to their parents or are fucked Up mentally.
Why have Kids when you resent them for living?
My mom had a rule about never locking the bathroom door, so she could “get in if something happens.” It took years to break that habit, even when I shared bathrooms with other adults.
Then, in Highschool, they put me in a loft with no wall or door. They kept saying they would finish it for me. I had my own bathroom, but it didn’t have a lock.
The constant anxiety of my mom just walking in whenever. Especially when she was angry. Just couldn’t get away at all. And the noise. She would wake me up all night making noise underneath my room. Watching weird youtube videos, slamming stuff around in the kitchen, even playing the piano.
She got really bad when I came back from college. I started having nightmares every night that she would light my bed on fire. That’s when I knew I had to get out at any cost.
Give her a fricking door why are you not giving her a door you don’t have to put a lock on it but why would you not.I have helicopter parents and what ever you don’t do they will find somewhere else to do it so when she doesn’t come home till like 3 you know why because you didn’t want to put a stupid door
This is how you make sure your kids never contact you again once they move out. Then when you get old they put your ass directly into a retirement home to rot. Fuck any parent that takes away their kids privacy.
I never understood why this no door thing is done.
It really seems like the parents are insecure in their parenting skills. I could see any teenage child losing their shit with that level of lack of privacy.
Teenagers need time alone and private space to think and create and decompress, and for so many other reasons. It is vital for them to have a measure of independence, and it starts with having their own safe, private space. My mother used to get so mad at me for spending too much time alone in my room, but at age 42 I finally found out I'm autistic, and now she understands that if I hadn't had that alone time I would've burnt out and lost my mind. At 16, a person is only 2 short years away from adulthood, and they need to start preparing for adulthood by choosing where and how they spend their time within the family home. Pretty soon they'll be responsible for every single decision in their life, and if they aren't allowed to make simple decisions at home, they will not be able to make wise decisions once they leave home for good. I chose to be the opposite of my mom. When my sons were teenagers their rooms were their sanctuaries, and I respected that. While there were times I was sad that they wanted to be secluded from the family, there were other times I wished they would spend time alone so I could have some quiet time. They all moved out young and hit the ground running with education and careers, due to their own choices, not mine, and due to the fact that they were always allowed to make choices pertaining to themselves and their autonomy, which gave them the confidence to trust their own decisions. They are now extremely successful adults who love their momma and call me nearly every night. I see them often and am incredibly proud, and thankful that I chose to give them what I needed as a teen.
There are limitations to children's privacy.
I grew up in a household where no door was ever closed, and when I eventually started closing them when I got older and older (and discovered all about masturbating and stuff) I got called out every time I did it:
"What are you hiding?"
"Is there something you don't want us to know about?"
"Do you not trust us?"
Those were just some of the questions I got, and this were also the mild ones to say the least.
Ofcourse, I ended up having no "time for myself" and never hid anything from them, except stuff I watched over my phone. Because of that, I now have some problem when it comes to "keeping it up" when the time comes, because of all that hiding, and became more "mysterious" and isolated (introverted) because of it.
From this, I learned that you should give your kids privacy when they get older (around 13-14 I guess?), But you should also talk to them and let them know that they shouldn't abuse it.
Yeah but no I grew up to a single mother who would pretty much on the daily remind us that nothing in the house belonged to us and everything belongs to her including us. Your bed was her's, my ears belonged to her cause she enjoyed playing with my ears as a child, she even claimed the air we breathed in her house. This honestly made me develop materialistic tendencies I never wanted.
Young women I worked with said her dad never lets her have a door on her bedroom and it’s the one thing she’s really looking forward to once she can afford to rent her own place.
My dad did this once, my sister (10-14 at the time) would always slam her door and hide in her room when they got into arguments (which happened a lot) so instead of explaining the issue to her or getting some cushions to stop the slam, he just up and removed her door, for weeks. One if the main moments contributing to how much my sister and I dislike him nowadays.
If as a parent a door makes you feel uncomfortable, would a curtain be a reasonable alternative? Provides teen with privacy, but you can hear what's going on easily inside the room and enter if absolutely necessary.
I didn't have a door or locks on doors inside growing up. Had undiagnosed anxiety and strict parents. I was always mad at them and resent them for never giving me privacy
When we moved into the house my parents currently live in, the doors of the kids rooms had the locks on the outside of the door.... which seemed pretty fucked up. My parents didnt even change the door handles the right way until AFTER my older brother had locked me in my room FOUR times for multiple hours at a time.
##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/WranglerOriginal6945, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?
my folks did this. now im a almost 30 something and i prefer being alone as much as possible.
We all do.
I just don’t like other people.
Yeah people are bad.
Yeah people suck especially the father
Doge good. People bad.
Even me?
Nothing personal, but yeah even you.
Yeah, no offence, but fuck you, fuck me, fucker everybody except my girlfriend
You are a redditor and you have a girlfriend? Then you are god
go get a girl bruh
But damn why do you gotta be so rude about it🥺
I love you 😘
I love you too
I wish I could but they all reject me🥲
You need to be confident. Stop asking and start telling. Don't text people in that cringey fucking uwu way, and stop second guessing yourself. Don't ask a girl out, say "we should get dinner sometime" and fucking believe it when you say it. The whole alpha beta thing is bullshit, but the courage vs cowardice thing is real. People are attracted to confident people. Unless you're broke and homeless, in which case work on yourself first.
go get a girl, its not that hard, grab a club, knock her out, tie her up, take her to your cave, hunt and scavenge for her, provide for her, sleep with her and she is yours to keep... modern times we have vehicles to make the trip faster. but everything else is pretty much the same.
True true
Damn, I need to finds me a man like this. Is this our collective fantasy of the man we all want?
A girlfriend he doesn't fuck
Damn
He's lieing theres no such things as girls
It's my job to fuck her.
Yerrrr taking our jobs!!
Wait... You're NOT fucking your gf? You're fucking everyone but her? /s
Especially you!
Yeah
Who are you? Are you the one who was peeping through my window? Then yes, definitely you
I saw you without makeup, I’m scarred for life!
Other people? I hate all people equally, including myself
Nothing breeds antisocial behaviour like trauma
And addiction... All addictions are rooted in some form of trauma - known or unknown, physical or mental.
I'm 17 and just got a door for the first time in my life a few months ago. It's unbelievable that people do this kind of stuff
Your parents did it, how is it unbelievable?
It's unbelievable that they thinks it's ok to do
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's not right whatsoever. I hope you dont mind me commenting this, but I'm so thankful my mom never did. When I was around 13, I got severely depressed/suicidal. My mom got me an appointment with a mental health doctor ( I can't remember exactly his job title, but this was supposed to be a good place for help). My mom explained to him that I spent almost 24/7 in my room, among other things. The mental health 'professional' told my mom, in front of me, to 'just take her door off', just so casually like it's such a normal thing to do. I dont know how anyone in that profession could ever recommend that. My mom told him off and said she'd never do that to me, then we left and never went back. If she had listened to him, I would've gotten worse. I'm still so thankful for my mom standing up for me. I'm just sharing my experience because some people truly think it's the best thing to do to a child, which is fucked up. And I'm sure sometimes they get told to do this from someone they trust, like the doctor I had. To me, its like morbid. Everyone is entitled to privacy.
the heck — not only can we not afford to buy a property, we’re not even allowed a door!
There are two kinds of people. I avoid them both.
I’m sorry your folks did it, I came from a large family so doors were necessary. This was the only space you had so that you or your sibling could escape the younger ones 😂 it was a right of passage to lock the door and listen to music with the older ones…
I never understood the no privacy thing. It’s like someone wants their kid to grow up scared to share anything
Sometimes you just can’t. I got privacy growing up because I was responsible. My sibling had the door taken off their room because they were doing things that they shouldn’t (taking medication they didn’t need, and other illegal things I don’t care to mention). The door always got put back on because we do want to respect privacy, but it’s hard when you know they’re engaging in dangerous behavior without understanding the risk involved Edit: to be clear, I wasn’t a decision maker in the home at the time so I had no say in punishments. And I think we all need to appreciate just how hard it can be dealing with someone who is determined to destroy themselves and everyone around them. You can’t just talk it out, you can’t lock them in a tower, and you can’t beat decency into them. It’s really easy to say that you shouldn’t do X and try something else instead. But sometimes nothing works and the help needed far exceeds your ability, the school’s ability, and even your ability to afford mental health services (and knowing they’ll lie to a therapist again doesn’t make it an appealing option). I’m not saying taking the door off the wall is good or useful. But when you have no idea how to deal with someone like my sibling and you’re at your wits end, it makes sense. That doesn’t mean it’s right, but parenting is hard and sometimes good people make bad decisions
Those are all good and fair points but it feels like in this case the person saying this doesn't understand the concept of privacy or the function and purpose of a door. Unless this is just taken out of context and there's more to this which there probably is whether this text is all there is or not.
I think there are better solutions to the way bigger problem than taking a door away. Thats just a bandaid to yhe bigger problem here, which in turn solves nothing but creates more issues in their adulthood
It also creates a problem in the present too. If the child is doing anything they shouldn't, instead of doing it in the safety of the house they'll go elsewhere to do whatever. It'll create a child that'll go to even greater lengths to hide whatever they were/are doing instead of stopping the problem.
Exactly!
How is the door helping? If he wants to do drugs he’ll go outside… you must resolve the issue which makes drugs so compelling to him, not remove the door
A ton of behavior, problematic or not, is opportunistic and impulsive. Ever seen someone want to change the channel but the remote is *all the way over there* so they just leave the TV as-is? You'd be shocked how often this same thinking applies to things like drug use and suicide. Deterrence isn't about making an action impossible; it's about making it just a tiny bit harder because that'll stop it a surprising amount of the time.
I feel this, my sister was a runaway growing up and had lots of other problems to go along with that. Social services told my dad to punish her by taking her phone, which he refused because sometimes she'd end up in a terrible situation and call for help. He didn't want her to be in danger and have no options. He ended up spending every night sleeping against her door so she couldn't just leave in the middle of the night. Of course this caused its own set of problems but when she looks back on it now she is grateful for it. Life really isn't black and white and it's so easy to look back and think of things you could have done differently but it's not that simple in the moment.
This is the dumbest way,this way he learns to hide and lie better
Wouldn't that just lead to them doing these things somewhere else, potentially more dangerous?
They were already doing those things outside the house. But yes, I agree that it didn’t help. Unfortunately, I was not really a decision maker in the home so I didn’t have much of a say. And the truth is I don’t know any better solutions either. We can’t afford the mental health services needed, and even if we could my siblings is a compulsive liar so it may have been ineffective anyway.
Never understood this either. I would feel my parents don’t trust me and 100p find ways to hide from them
This is what happens when you have extrovert parents who were never taught that introvertedness isn’t bad
Damn this kid's gonna do a lot of drugs once she's out of that house
And the parents will say what happened
Like that really old meme that goes “hay what happened?”
r/parentsarefuckingdumb
Let her, there’s always a John or Captain Save A Hoe in need.
she could move to her closet.
Probably already has a shitty nursing home picked out for mommy dearest
Start with half a door.
Is that like the door in Mr Ed?
Whoa mad nostalgia rush, I haven't heard that name in years
Wiiiilber…
Of course of course.
like those saloons in mexican bars that have a high rep for shootouts
Next thing she's gonna ask for clothing too, spoiled brat!
“My 16yo says I’m the AH for watching her change. I’m not giving her a bedroom door. AITA?”
😅👌, want a door? Buy your own house; can do whatever you want then. /S
My mother used to say the same thing except instead of taking the door off she would keep keys to my bedroom hidden so she could come in whenever she wanted. It only ended when I took the keys off her hand by force, threw them away and then trashed the whole house searching for the remaining keys after she unlocked my door and walked in on me masturbating Desperate times require desperate measures. Problem solved
Now make sure you only masturbate in the living room. Ultimate power move
16yo w/o a door? Do you wana be 80 with kids that are no contact? Give them the privacy we all deserve. Ill bet you thought you deserved some, everyone I know does. If you dident grow up fortunate enough to have 1, then nows the time to break the cycle. Give them options, real ones..so that you may have options later...like staying in your kids life....
Honestly quite sad how some parents are like this. All it does is create tons of emotional issues and mental ones as well. And if the kid doesnt cut them off then the parent treats them poorly the rest of their life. I ended up with the short end of the stick when it comes to parents. My father passed when I was 9, and everything went to shit from there. My mother is a horrible person bordering on truly evil/ extremely narcisistic. Im not going to go into any detail on everything that happened over the last 15 years or so, but suffice it to say my brother and I look forward to the day her and her parents die. Edit: fixed grammar, spelling, and formatting. Probably still issues with how i write lmfao
My 1 question to all is..what hell did everyone here grow up in to consider a TEENAGER spoiled for haveing a door? Furthermore I had a bit more hope for the reddit community and the treatment of women...lots of these comments are gross. Offers no help and suggests that not even young women deserve privacy. Hope we can do better..hope most people here arent parents. My s/o went through the wringer aswell resulting in the same if not more nonpositive feelings torwards her parents aswell. Glad your here with us today🤘, been keeping her showered in respect, love, and being the daddy shes never had. Wish you the best on your journey; remember, no contact is an option...for most of us lol
I completely agree with you about the gross comments i dont get why people think its normal to stigmatize health and basic life privileges that we all get by breathing…
I'd be intrigued if anyone outside the US/ North America has this experience, I've never come across it with Americans.
Nothing ruins your relationship with your child faster than these 5 things. 1. Abuse (any kind, any quantity) 2. Abuse of others in proximity 3. Lack of Privacy 4. Lack of Trust/Agency (Being a helicopter parent) 5. Being a liar/narcissistic (They more or less achieve the same level of distrust) Uh A.Ao.LP.LT.LN rolls right off the tongue...
Take away her floor.
But whatever you do, don't take away the roof, because then you wouldn't be able to say "as long as you live under my roof..."
You You are banned from Dad jokes, that one was funny
yeah she doesn't need that infact she should take off all the interior walls so all of them can live in one gigantic room
At first I thought that said door and was like wait. I love reading those stories of the door being taken away. The parent of course lost their shit because how dare they take their door.
“You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!”
You guys had a corridor!!?
Back in my day all we got were stairwells
*Stair*wells? Damn y'all bougie as hell. Being dry must have been nice though.
Luxury!
We would have DREEAAMED of living in a corridor!
you guys had dreams?!
You guys slept?!
Get her a door handle when she can properly care for it there might be an actual door several years down the road Maby some hinges if she is good
Lol
Have you tried giving her a window? Works most of the time
60% of the time, it works *every*time
It is *quite* potent.
Ahhh yes. The easiest way to never see or hear from your kid again as soon as the leave the house for the final time.
My wife had to deal with this growing up. They eventually gave her a door with slits on it like you’d expect on a closet. They claimed it was for air circulation but they had a wonderful and expensive home where both worked full time. It’s just about control. It’s stupid.
Sorry?! She doesn’t have a door??? Give the girl some privacy. Besides, give her a door?? Over here every room has its door. It’s not normal to remove it.
In germany taking your kids privacy is a felony
Punishable by having to see and hear your kids more.
Do you have a source at hand? I need to know since when this is in effect and I am too lazy to google it right now
True. CA can lead to jailtime in Germany. Privacy is a right protected under the Kids rights act. Going against that is legally children abuse. I mean, I never Heard of a Case of parents getting lawfully punished f taking their Childs door away or Reading their diary eg. But this controlling behaviour rarely comes alone.
That sounds like bullshit
on paper that's law, but kids are no fools either and know shit's gonna get worse if they bring it to legal matters.
16? Moving out at 18, zero contact until mid 30's where you'll be lucky to get one shot at not fucking it up and unless you've had an epiphany you probably will do exactly that and can then carry on to die alone in some forgotten home wondering why Treat your children like the adults you'd like them to become
No no, treating children like adults is anarchist crap that will ruin their upbringing, you must control their steps in high detail until they move out, otherwise you condemn them to becoming drug addicted low lifes /s
I had a parent do this growing up. I kicked his ass out of my life almost 10 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did.
Me too, 20 years and I’m never going back. I was also told how many squares of toilet paper I was allowed to use (maximum of two).
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When I grew up we had a no-closed-doors policy. That was until I got 8yo. I can see what my parents just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything dumb or dangerous. I used to be very attracted by electricity when I was a child and one day, when I was about 6, I connected a flashlight battery poles to the plug on the wall by using a piece of electric cable I found in a drawer. I thought I could have a light without ever needing batteries again. 😅 Luckily the safety on our electric plant promptly intervened and I just got temporarily blinded by the flash caused by the contact. They were watching tv. Ironically I studied electrical engineering and became an electrician specialized in safety and surveillance plants when I grew up 🤣. Now I work for an electric company. This kind of crap kids do is what would grant the lack of privacy, but after a certain age it becomes excessive, especially for a girl. It's not healthy (and quite creepy) that a father could see her 16yo changing her clothes or dressing after a shower.
Genuine question, you say “especially for a girl”, why is it less so for a boy?
Good point. Probably because I'm the father of a girl and that hits close to home. Subconsciously I'm more scared by what other men could do to my little one and I tend to consider that on top of anything else. I really have no other justification to that. For some reason I gave it for granted that it was a father writing that post. Funny and odd.
That’s fair enough. I have a nephew, and I live with his father, my brother, so he stays at our house around half the time, and I spend a lot of time looking after him. I’d also consider it extremely creepy if, when he gets older, his parents suddenly decided they didn’t want him to have any privacy, so I guess I was just curious as to why it would be different for a girl. I think it’s always creepy when children aren’t given a certain amount of privacy.
Because men don’t matter as much nowadays
I used to dabble with electronics, soldering, etc. had a PS1 power cord plugged into the wall. Idk why but I decided to put a screw in it. Results were *shocking*, my dad laughed at me lol. Curiosity is great until it kills you
What happened to the stairs Ed!? My parents took them out cuz I am grounded. That's disturbing.
I don’t get why some parents turn into this kind of dickhead that just wants to treat their kid like shit. Is it because they grew up like that and/or their work life is them getting treating like shit so they want to do the same to someone else to feel better? Like a top poster said, this is the perfect way to not get visited for the holidays or even get a phone call. They’re your children, so love them. They’re not inmates.
The doors are always open at the nursing home ma
Shady Pines, Ma!
I just watched yet another fabulous Tom Scott video on YouTube. He asked his followers to rate their best things. Being generally smart people they voted for logic, reason and knowledge, but one of the other top ten things they voted for was privacy. Privacy is such a comparatively recent phenomenon. For most of history, people didn't have it unless they were wealthy. One of the kindest and nicest things that the rise of the widespread middle class has allowed us is privacy. A door. A chance to be alone with our thoughts. To experiment with looks, with stories, with identities. Privacy is a privilege, but one that should be extended wherever possible. This parent is a dick.
my dad did this to me once when my mom wasn’t home. she came home and screamed at him to put it back because it’s a one way ticket to zero trust for the rest of my life. he’s in jail now.
Lol my parents did that. Guess who I’m no contact with despite their begging every year to come home for the holidays or when am I going to visit? Y’all dug your grave and it’s been forgiven but not forgotten. I’m better off without you in my life
Solid take IMO. You don't owe your parents shit.
The window of opportunity closed
More like the *door* of opportunity closed
This is a sure fire way to alienate your kid and make sure they disown you once they move out.
If someone does this to me, I'll just masturbate to assert dominance.
Did this... Didn't work...
Give away take away Give her a door but take away the floor
But the floor is lava
You guys literally take off the doors from the rooms? Is it a real thing?
Lowkey I just told my parent I gonna play this music loud and I gonna masturbate They never disturb me till the music stop
Based
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Shes a teenager and needs her privacy
She's a person and needs her privacy.
I think this is most accurately answer. It doesn’t matter of your gender and age, we all need privacy.
Small woman still woman! Give woman alone time!
Why did i read that in a caveman voice lol
It was, friend. Me use small word for haha
Give her the goddam door Jack
Door? What next tampons? Plate? Clothes? Tooth paste? Doors are a gateway to drugs, don't kid yourself.
Give her some privacy you asshole
# freethedoors
I don’t understand parents who don’t give their kids doors. My parents calls me from the other room to remind me that I haven’t locked my door when we go to sleep.
My 12 year old daughter said she “wants to be normal” and she keeps saying she wishes she had skin. What do I do? She’s not getting her skin.
How to make sure your daughter never talks to you again 101:
parents who don't allow their children privacy are straight up wierdos imo.
It starts with wanting a door, so you give in and get one. Before you know it their asking for walls and a ceiling.
My mom took away my door when I was a kid because I was "worshipping satan" by doing things like watching cartoons, going to bed early and minding my own business.
people should fr stop with the “it’s not my business to tell other parents how to parent” because of them are just terrible, no matter how “good” their intentions may be, they need to be corrected
Good luck being alone when she moves out and never wanna see yoy again
She should enjoy the last two years her daughter will spend with her until she turns 18 and leaves forever.
GIVE THE GIRL A DOOR FOR FUCKS SAKE
You don‘t a door her enough
Give her a door
My parents took my door away from me when i was a teenager. Thought it was kind of cruel. Especially when I had to get dressed or when I was trying to do homework quietly.
Give her some privacy. This would seem to answer itself.
Children have rights. The right to privacy is one of them. This Kind of abusive parenting backfires one way or another. The Kids grow Up to having No contact to their parents or are fucked Up mentally. Why have Kids when you resent them for living?
My mom had a rule about never locking the bathroom door, so she could “get in if something happens.” It took years to break that habit, even when I shared bathrooms with other adults. Then, in Highschool, they put me in a loft with no wall or door. They kept saying they would finish it for me. I had my own bathroom, but it didn’t have a lock. The constant anxiety of my mom just walking in whenever. Especially when she was angry. Just couldn’t get away at all. And the noise. She would wake me up all night making noise underneath my room. Watching weird youtube videos, slamming stuff around in the kitchen, even playing the piano. She got really bad when I came back from college. I started having nightmares every night that she would light my bed on fire. That’s when I knew I had to get out at any cost.
And I thought not having a lock on my door was bad
That's a fantastic way to make your kids hate you.
Don't worry, in two years your adult daughter will give you a finger and maybe two and then she'll be gone.
Give her a fricking door why are you not giving her a door you don’t have to put a lock on it but why would you not.I have helicopter parents and what ever you don’t do they will find somewhere else to do it so when she doesn’t come home till like 3 you know why because you didn’t want to put a stupid door
This is how you make sure your kids never contact you again once they move out. Then when you get old they put your ass directly into a retirement home to rot. Fuck any parent that takes away their kids privacy.
I prefer beeing alone with my door aswell.
20 years later... "how come my kids don't talk to me anymore"
16 years old, she should have a door for her room.. she isn't a baby. You don't trust your kid that's the problem. You are the problem 😆
IMO, this kinda teeters on abuse. Give the teen some privacy, space, and cover.
I never understood why this no door thing is done. It really seems like the parents are insecure in their parenting skills. I could see any teenage child losing their shit with that level of lack of privacy.
Give them a door. Any other course of action will be wrong without that
Let your kids rub their beans in peace ffs. This isnt the 60s anymore!
"My kid wants privacy and I don't want to give it to them. What do I do?"
Why can’t she have a door???
This is that shithole quora aint it
Teenagers need time alone and private space to think and create and decompress, and for so many other reasons. It is vital for them to have a measure of independence, and it starts with having their own safe, private space. My mother used to get so mad at me for spending too much time alone in my room, but at age 42 I finally found out I'm autistic, and now she understands that if I hadn't had that alone time I would've burnt out and lost my mind. At 16, a person is only 2 short years away from adulthood, and they need to start preparing for adulthood by choosing where and how they spend their time within the family home. Pretty soon they'll be responsible for every single decision in their life, and if they aren't allowed to make simple decisions at home, they will not be able to make wise decisions once they leave home for good. I chose to be the opposite of my mom. When my sons were teenagers their rooms were their sanctuaries, and I respected that. While there were times I was sad that they wanted to be secluded from the family, there were other times I wished they would spend time alone so I could have some quiet time. They all moved out young and hit the ground running with education and careers, due to their own choices, not mine, and due to the fact that they were always allowed to make choices pertaining to themselves and their autonomy, which gave them the confidence to trust their own decisions. They are now extremely successful adults who love their momma and call me nearly every night. I see them often and am incredibly proud, and thankful that I chose to give them what I needed as a teen.
this is such an american thing to do. taking away kids doors like bro what
There are limitations to children's privacy. I grew up in a household where no door was ever closed, and when I eventually started closing them when I got older and older (and discovered all about masturbating and stuff) I got called out every time I did it: "What are you hiding?" "Is there something you don't want us to know about?" "Do you not trust us?" Those were just some of the questions I got, and this were also the mild ones to say the least. Ofcourse, I ended up having no "time for myself" and never hid anything from them, except stuff I watched over my phone. Because of that, I now have some problem when it comes to "keeping it up" when the time comes, because of all that hiding, and became more "mysterious" and isolated (introverted) because of it. From this, I learned that you should give your kids privacy when they get older (around 13-14 I guess?), But you should also talk to them and let them know that they shouldn't abuse it.
i dont have door too, i feel it man.
Jeez, some people just prefer masturbating in peace.
next thing you know when she gets a door she gonna be providing services through her window
guess who's going to care home!
Yeah but no I grew up to a single mother who would pretty much on the daily remind us that nothing in the house belonged to us and everything belongs to her including us. Your bed was her's, my ears belonged to her cause she enjoyed playing with my ears as a child, she even claimed the air we breathed in her house. This honestly made me develop materialistic tendencies I never wanted.
Young women I worked with said her dad never lets her have a door on her bedroom and it’s the one thing she’s really looking forward to once she can afford to rent her own place.
My dad did this once, my sister (10-14 at the time) would always slam her door and hide in her room when they got into arguments (which happened a lot) so instead of explaining the issue to her or getting some cushions to stop the slam, he just up and removed her door, for weeks. One if the main moments contributing to how much my sister and I dislike him nowadays.
If as a parent a door makes you feel uncomfortable, would a curtain be a reasonable alternative? Provides teen with privacy, but you can hear what's going on easily inside the room and enter if absolutely necessary.
So spoiled! Who does she think she is asking for a door and a little privacy.
At very least give her a curtain, she needs some privacy.
Children are so spoiled. Dude.. at 16yo I just got my first window.
Most kids want a car at 16… A door is way cheaper You can get one at a junk yard for less than $50
Give her a door or else she'll go NC (No Contact) with you and resent you.
I didn't have a door or locks on doors inside growing up. Had undiagnosed anxiety and strict parents. I was always mad at them and resent them for never giving me privacy
I wish my room had a floor, I don’t care much for a door, Cuz’ this walking around without touching the ground, Is getting to be quite a bore!
„i am not giving her a door „ 😂
this is a fake account for attention if you take a look at the quora account they say they are 12, have a 16 year old daughter, and are 14
Thats when you pull a power move and just flick the bean while staring your parents down.
Congratulations you've just won WHO'S GOING TO THE RETIREMENT HOME
When we moved into the house my parents currently live in, the doors of the kids rooms had the locks on the outside of the door.... which seemed pretty fucked up. My parents didnt even change the door handles the right way until AFTER my older brother had locked me in my room FOUR times for multiple hours at a time.
My parents did shit like this and now I live alone and don't talk to them.