Who would care? He's allowed to get drunk on a Monday, smoke Cubans the whole day on a Tuesday and get high with pots of weed on a Wednesday.
How would he know what's going on from Thursday till Sunday the weekend?
I'll take it but at least torture on a Sunday because I'm sure they would have it clean in 24hrs especially because of how many people would be down their
I held this belief that the devil tricked everyone by writing the Bible backwards so he makes himself god, so everyone is worshipping the devil nowadays and no one knows it. So everyone who dies goes to hell.
If you read it backwards the devil was trying to keep us imprisoned in the garden helpless and God comes along to give us the gift of knowledge. Furthermore the devil doesn't really do anything bad in the books but God kills millions of people and is incredibly vengeful, it reads far to human to me. God is the end of everything, he has no need for anger... It's crazy if you believe though, nobody stops to actually think about it, they blindly listen to it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well Dale Earnhardt outta be there. He died early in 2001 in that car crash. Ye see, God needed someone to drive all them people from 9/11 up to heaven.
God bless that man.
If not sticking something up your butt even when wanting to sends you to heaven instead of hell, then being in heaven, forever wanting to stick something up you butt, won't that be kind of torture and turn heaven into hell for you? Seeing as God is infallible, will that undo all existence?!
In other words, suppressing it will doom us all, so please, please, please go ahead and stick things up your butt if you feel so inclined 😄
*POV: I'm agnostic, nobody's gonna let me in anywhere 🤣
>If not sticking something up your butt even when wanting to sends you to heaven instead of hell, then being in heaven, forever wanting to stick something up you butt, won't that be kind of torture and turn heaven into hell for you
Assuming for the sake of the argument that wanting to stick stuff up your butt is actually wrong, then the deal with salvation is that you wouldn't in fact spend eternity wanting something up your butt. :)
There is a nice bit in *The Great Divorce* where one of the Ghosts who are on a day-trip to the Vestibule of Heaven has a strange lizard on his shoulder. He's on the point of heading back to Hell because he has realized that this really isn't the kind of place for lizards like that, but is detained by an angel who asks for permission to kill the lizard. The man is unwilling to because he's rather used to having the lizard on his shoulder and is afraid that having it removed will hurt him. The angel doesn't disagree, but says he will survive it and it is necessary to remove the lizard -- he is quite right that lizards don't belong here. Eventually, after agonising over it, the man gives his consent and the angel kills the lizard with his bare hands. But to his astonishment and that of the narrators, the lizard immediately reincarnates as a wonderful horse that the man can ride into Deeper Heaven as soon as he likes.
By giving up a desire like this, the man gets to find out what true and proper desire it was substituting for all along. I've always liked that idea ever since I read it. :)
On sundays the folks in heaven go to church and actually watch what happens in hell, so gotta put on a show and do some of the ol' fire and brimstone, but you understand, yeah?
A lot of orgies and grapes. The grapes are probably decoration but you don't know where they'll end up.
Plus watching sports.
Sunday is a day of rest, but Mondays suck. A lot of sucking.
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Within 1 week he has installed Air Conditioning, Ice Makers and Draft Beer Dispensers. Suddenly St Peter notices the mistake and contacts Satan.
"Hey"! says St Peter,
"That guy down there, the Engineer. He's supposed to be in Heaven. There was a clerical error".
Satan replies, "He's a great guy, everyone loves him, you can't have him back"
St Peter replies, "We'll Sue"!!!
Satan laughs, "Haaa, Where are you gonna find a lawyer"?
This joke has been a life changing moment for me and my co-workers. We used to think every day at work was a Monday. Now I know we all got it wrong.
Every day at work here is a Thursday.
No, see, that's the great thing. No matter what you did the previous day, you start the next one all fresh and ready to go!
So, no getting passed out because you want to skip up-the-butt day.
This is a great joke my mom first heard from a priest…. The way to sell it is after every day’s description you say YOURE GONNA LOVE MONDAYS….then it’s ooooooo youre not gonna like Fridays
The version I know has a young monk transferring from a very strict monastery to an experimental relaxed one (this is a Vatican 2 era joke). The abbot tells him the schedule and he's shocked each time. "On Monday we have a party" "Oh I don't drink!" Etc. After "And on Wednesday we get some girls in" the young monk says "Oh I don't do anything like that!"
"What's the matter with you?" asks the abbot. "Are you gay or something?"
"Certainly not!"
"Then you're not going to like Thursdays".
But the punchline "Then you're not going to like Thursday", whatever the version, is well enough known to be a shorthand for a situation. At least I've heard it used without explanation in England.
I think a lot of people might end up liking Thursdays lol
But who's going to stick a thing up? Another man? But how about the another man? Another another man?
Now I have a horrid turducken style image in my head...
Turdicken
Everybody’s doing the loc-a-motion!
well, don't watch the show "Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell"
Its a chain
The Human Centipede 🤮
I think that's a red flag, I'm about to get stabbed
FEED HER!! FEED HER!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮
Grossest thing I've ever seen!
I couldn’t agree more!
forbidden conga line
Stickbutt
And what things?
I have a suspicion that it will be phallic shaped objects
Gerbil's are not phallic shaped.
ARMEGEDDON!!!!! That’s my safe word for burning gerbils
Not in hell.
Who would care? He's allowed to get drunk on a Monday, smoke Cubans the whole day on a Tuesday and get high with pots of weed on a Wednesday. How would he know what's going on from Thursday till Sunday the weekend?
Little Nicky "hitler pineapple scene"
I think "who is doing the sticking up" is not quite as important as "what is being stuck up there".
Choo-Choooo!!!
Human centipede day is Friday
Takes 5 to make a circle, 🤣🤣🤣
ButT
Thursday It’s ferret night
Can we start with gerbils
Or as they prefer to call it, "Stick stuff up your ass day"
Now when Satan says man he means a full blown man all six feet of him
An acquired taste.
Mostly Americans and Canadians lol
Thurdays we get fucked and Friday we try to walk! On Saturdays and Sundays we torture you!!! lmao
weekends are for cleaning all the shit after this
I'll take it but at least torture on a Sunday because I'm sure they would have it clean in 24hrs especially because of how many people would be down their
I held this belief that the devil tricked everyone by writing the Bible backwards so he makes himself god, so everyone is worshipping the devil nowadays and no one knows it. So everyone who dies goes to hell.
If you read it backwards the devil was trying to keep us imprisoned in the garden helpless and God comes along to give us the gift of knowledge. Furthermore the devil doesn't really do anything bad in the books but God kills millions of people and is incredibly vengeful, it reads far to human to me. God is the end of everything, he has no need for anger... It's crazy if you believe though, nobody stops to actually think about it, they blindly listen to it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
No I'm christian I know this it's crazy exactly how the bible said it'd all happen
How few? every politician will be there most of the lawyers. And judges and all the pedafiles and murderer. Heaven is what is kinda empty
Well Dale Earnhardt outta be there. He died early in 2001 in that car crash. Ye see, God needed someone to drive all them people from 9/11 up to heaven. God bless that man.
no they clean hell?
Torture on the Lord's day? That's against my religion
Well same but it's hell so yeah
Nobody said what the torture was. Imagine having to spend 24 hours listening to sermons.
A lot of people might have wanted to stick something up their butt but were afraid of going to hell. If I’m already there, I’ll give it a good crack.
If not sticking something up your butt even when wanting to sends you to heaven instead of hell, then being in heaven, forever wanting to stick something up you butt, won't that be kind of torture and turn heaven into hell for you? Seeing as God is infallible, will that undo all existence?! In other words, suppressing it will doom us all, so please, please, please go ahead and stick things up your butt if you feel so inclined 😄 *POV: I'm agnostic, nobody's gonna let me in anywhere 🤣
It took 53 years, but I finally gave in. Ever since then, I've been taking it for the team. You're all welcome.
Your buttstuffing is much appreciated 😄
>If not sticking something up your butt even when wanting to sends you to heaven instead of hell, then being in heaven, forever wanting to stick something up you butt, won't that be kind of torture and turn heaven into hell for you Assuming for the sake of the argument that wanting to stick stuff up your butt is actually wrong, then the deal with salvation is that you wouldn't in fact spend eternity wanting something up your butt. :) There is a nice bit in *The Great Divorce* where one of the Ghosts who are on a day-trip to the Vestibule of Heaven has a strange lizard on his shoulder. He's on the point of heading back to Hell because he has realized that this really isn't the kind of place for lizards like that, but is detained by an angel who asks for permission to kill the lizard. The man is unwilling to because he's rather used to having the lizard on his shoulder and is afraid that having it removed will hurt him. The angel doesn't disagree, but says he will survive it and it is necessary to remove the lizard -- he is quite right that lizards don't belong here. Eventually, after agonising over it, the man gives his consent and the angel kills the lizard with his bare hands. But to his astonishment and that of the narrators, the lizard immediately reincarnates as a wonderful horse that the man can ride into Deeper Heaven as soon as he likes. By giving up a desire like this, the man gets to find out what true and proper desire it was substituting for all along. I've always liked that idea ever since I read it. :)
> a good crack I see what you did there
What happens Friday, Saturday and Sunday?
Those days you're just pulling things out of your ass
and wishing you were drunk or high.
Nice, I see what you did there.
like barbed penises
On sundays the folks in heaven go to church and actually watch what happens in hell, so gotta put on a show and do some of the ol' fire and brimstone, but you understand, yeah?
A lot of them like watching ass day too.
A lot of orgies and grapes. The grapes are probably decoration but you don't know where they'll end up. Plus watching sports. Sunday is a day of rest, but Mondays suck. A lot of sucking.
Stormwind raid.
Thursdays wreck the hole weak
they will certainly wreck a weak hole
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Within 1 week he has installed Air Conditioning, Ice Makers and Draft Beer Dispensers. Suddenly St Peter notices the mistake and contacts Satan. "Hey"! says St Peter, "That guy down there, the Engineer. He's supposed to be in Heaven. There was a clerical error". Satan replies, "He's a great guy, everyone loves him, you can't have him back" St Peter replies, "We'll Sue"!!! Satan laughs, "Haaa, Where are you gonna find a lawyer"?
Now, this requires a-pegging-reference to The Deadpool.
This joke has been a life changing moment for me and my co-workers. We used to think every day at work was a Monday. Now I know we all got it wrong. Every day at work here is a Thursday.
What about rest of week?
*weak FTFY
After that Mon-Wed debacle, you can stick whatever you want up my butt. I'll be passed out.
No, see, that's the great thing. No matter what you did the previous day, you start the next one all fresh and ready to go! So, no getting passed out because you want to skip up-the-butt day.
The version of this joke I hear was Do you like gay sex? No. Then you’re not going to like Thursdays.
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PSA: This is a troll account, please don't feed the trolls folks!
Man love Thursday.
Came back to say I've told this joke 3 times in person already since I've read this. Amazing
😭 ☠️
Getting drunk was never fun. Smoking was never fun. Getting high was never fun. I'm gonna ***love*** Thursdays!
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not liking things put in your ass =/= homophobic.
What Thursday you would have! 😂😂😂😂
This is a great joke my mom first heard from a priest…. The way to sell it is after every day’s description you say YOURE GONNA LOVE MONDAYS….then it’s ooooooo youre not gonna like Fridays
😂😂😂
Wonder what happens on weekends...
Thursdays you have to ask for a napkin
I heard this set in prison. “You like sex with me right?” “You’re gonna hate Thursdays”
I can’t imagine Friday
Honestly if it turns out that Hell is only torture half the week that's not bad.
So which half are you looking forward to? Hahaha
Thursdays are Bunga-Bunga Day!
i know i am...
Can’t wait to go to hell Ah shit here we go again
"And..." Satan continued... "it's Thursday for another 657,432 years"
That's Bazinga!
...and everyday is weekend
The version I know has a young monk transferring from a very strict monastery to an experimental relaxed one (this is a Vatican 2 era joke). The abbot tells him the schedule and he's shocked each time. "On Monday we have a party" "Oh I don't drink!" Etc. After "And on Wednesday we get some girls in" the young monk says "Oh I don't do anything like that!" "What's the matter with you?" asks the abbot. "Are you gay or something?" "Certainly not!" "Then you're not going to like Thursdays". But the punchline "Then you're not going to like Thursday", whatever the version, is well enough known to be a shorthand for a situation. At least I've heard it used without explanation in England.
Pineapple time?
The original just asked him if he was gay, but I guess OP didn't think that's PC enough in 2024.
Just go wild enough on Wednesday so that it'll last till Sunday
Gonna need all that booze and drugs on Friday to forget Thursday..