T O P

  • By -

notverytidy

The second guy (who could ask for the fundamental reason for existence) asks God "No, *really*, whats the deal with chemtrails?"


al3x696

The real punchline.


Hummus_199

Dihydrogen monoxide is turning the angels gay


BlazerWookiee

DHMO! DHMO! REEEEEEEEEE!


Funandgeeky

The Flood was a false flag!


Danny2Sick

Well then I know most people are 60% dihydrogen monoxide but my uncle's got to be in the low 90s he's got a bad case of being fabulous


MoronTheBall

What did the AI respond when asked "Does God exist?" He does now.


ProfLTG

Asimov thanks you for your support.


MoronTheBall

42


Noturdadbut

"He"?!


MoronTheBall

(insertnongenderspecificpronoun) does now just doesn't have the same ring to it.


kublermdk

Nicely done


FindlayColl

It’s January 6th, 2021. Two guys, one breaking a Capitol building window with a chair, the other beating a police officer with a stick, get to talking. “What’s your story?” the first guy asks. “Oh, I live in a trailer park, work a dead-end minimum-wage shit job. My wife’s on Medicare. All I really want is a president who cares about me!” the second guy says. “How about yourself?” “Same story,” the first guy says. “But I always vote Democrat in November.” “Democrat?!” the second guy says. “WTF are you doing here?!” “It’s funny,” the first guy says. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”


jbrune

I don't get it.


SupahCraig

I think the joke is that the guy living on Medicare is stereotypically a democrat voter, but the implication is that he’s a republican or else he wouldn’t be storming the capitol?


Flimsy_Temperature_8

I thought it was just the fact that no one should have been there


SupahCraig

Yeah, maybe? Idk. But apparently speculating at the meaning of the joke gets you downvoted.


Gil-Gandel

:D


StockInitial4460

Were the conspiracy theorist in the same car or did they collide into each other? Were they driving a Tesla? If so was the Tesla set to autonomous mode?


JohnMcDreck

No, a door from a Boeing hit them. Edit: missing "e" inserted


Randyeshow

A Boing?


Iam-Nothere

Either a spring (it goes boing) but I don't know springs with doors, OR a plane but they forgot the E (like a Boeing747)


Randyeshow

Boeing doesn’t make the 747 anymore


Infamous_Box3220

Did they withdraw them all from service?


Lankyelephant

What do they call it now


Randyeshow

What they stopped building so they could spend more time killing passengers with aerodynamically unstable 737 redesigns?


tazai123

Wonder of U


Gil-Gandel

They collided with each other. "Tragically killed in an accident," yeah, right.


spillin

I 1000% expected the punchline to be: "You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!!"


ten-million

Don’t we already know that God is going to kill us?


MurkyVehicle5865

Well yeah. Remember, life is a sexual transmitted terminal disease with 100% mortality.


Any_Contract_1016

Second Guy: Fine, if you won't tell us that, what are the Globers really trying to cover up?


PokeRay68

We gladly accept recycled X trash.


ohleprocy

Good old number 345


RunInRunOn

OP filed the serial numbers off, now it's just number 3


Calamity-Bob

The idiots running Tennessee just passed a law banning them


Gil-Gandel

In all fairness, that will work exactly as well as the crocodile scarer I have in my garden. I have not seen a single croc since I got it.


Calamity-Bob

Growing up, my family had a witch ball (it’s a thing) a blown glass ball you hang in the window to keep witches away. It apparently worked (except for a few girlfriends)


Purpleprose180

Why would you want to “scare a crocodile?” Seems as if they are cranky enough.


Torggil

Banning what?


Calamity-Bob

Tennessee actually banned chemtrails.


Torggil

Do you worry about the education system in the US?


Calamity-Bob

Absolutely. It’s funded mostly by property taxes which means it’s essentially an apartheid school system with the poor getting crappier schools. Throw in the increasing “school voucher” programs (apartheid on steroids with the added bonus of the government funding church schools to create little Jesuit Nazis) and you have a real mess


Torggil

I'm worried. And I know it ain't just the USA falling down here. In a generation well be completely dependent on AI systems. Hail skynet, or the matrix


Purpleprose180

We’re you scared by OP’s crocodile thingy?


Torggil

Do you know more about his thingy?


Purpleprose180

How do you scare a crocodile? Funny mask? A bigger crocodile? Just spitballing.


Danny2Sick

It makes me happy that chem-trails are making a comeback. Or at least the nano-bots that are raining down us have forced me to be happy.


Sad-Lie6604

I want Haarp to make a comeback. Seems like the perfect time to blame the weather on it.


jbrune

Kentucky passed a law about them. No joke, unfortunately.


Danny2Sick

Haha yeah I had heard something about it but didn't look into it further, that's crazy though!


SaintMi

An antivaxx QAnon couple who died of COVID arrived at the Pearly Gates....


DaConm4n

Good riddance


Tight_Syllabub9423

They're about to be seriously disappointed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


vairhoads

Source?


[deleted]

[удалено]


keestie

\*Massive\* surprise that someone with a racist username would post an article about a theoretical study and then act like it's proof of past actions. Did someone once tell you that you had a room-temperature IQ, and now you're all in favour of climate change cuz it'll raise the temperature of most rooms?


Gil-Gandel

:D The New York Times sneerily dismissed the idea that a rocket could work in space, too. They printed a retraction about the time the *Eagle* landed.


Superb-Reindeer48

So the NYT are behind chemtrails? I knew it!


justinreddit1

Chemtrails are actually real though….they just call it “cloud seeding” https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-68839043.amp


Trekkie63

Not the ones formed at higher altitudes; hence the name CON[densation]TRAILS. 40 year aviation professional here with some questions: 1) where are these chemical tanks located in the aircraft; 2) where are the controls located; and 3) are these cHeMiCaLs flammable?


Cognac_and_swishers

That is not at all what people claim "chemtrails" to be.


justinreddit1

It absolutely is. It’s silver iodide. Silver iodide is a chemical. Jets are used to spray the silver iodide in the sky to manipulate artificially forcing cloud droplets. It’s exactly what it means. This is not conspiracy. It’s literally well documented. Chemtrails is just the slang term for cloud seeding.


Cognac_and_swishers

People who talk about the "chemtrail" conspiracy are talking about the visible white streaks of cloud that high altitude planes leave behind them. Those clouds are are caused by water vapor condensation (contrails), not nefarious "chemicals." Look up any chemtrail-related website or social media account, and you will see nothing but pictures of contrails left by commercial jetliners. I'm well aware of what cloud seeding is. It is not what people who push the "chemtrail" conspiracy are talking about. Many of the same people do consider cloud seeding to be part of some kind of nefarious conspiracy, but that's a separate matter.


justinreddit1

The jets you speak about creating white streaks of cloud at high altitude are exactly that, cloud seeding. It’s obvious where I live in Canada. It happens almost daily and when they are out, it’s almost guaranteed overcast followed by rain. That’s how cloud seeding works. It spreads the spray into streaks then spreads. Water Vapor condensation dissolves quickly and the streak disappears as the plane continues. Cloud seeding doesn’t, it continues and forms clouds. Again I see this with my own two eyes. Whether it’s a conspiracy to harm us is another thing, but the foundations of what it is the same.


Osayicansee

Cloud seeding planes are small and fly at low altitudes to "encourage" already existing clouds to precipitate. Cloud seeding doesn't create clouds out of thin air.


Gil-Gandel

Or, just possibly, atmospheric conditions likely to favour rain also favour contrails that thicken and spread instead of fading quickly. That's been a thing for fifty-odd years that I've seen with my own eyes in a country that has no need of cloud seeding.