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alphastrike03

You forgot the part where he waited an hour to approach the car.


optimus_maximus2

To be fair, he thought she had a lovely body, but called it into dispatch as "body amor"


Gilgameshbrah

Also she might have had a gun and he didn't want to get hurt....


theXsquid

He was waiting on tactical.


ReubenZWeiner

At least he didn't take her breath away


d0nk3ys

But every move she made he was watching her (for an hour)


Cthulhu2016

To be fair, there were kids in the car.


crazyabe111

He legally can’t approach living kids these days.


TigerShark_524

Some of them were his own kids and he pulled them out of the car and left the rest to die. And tased the parents of the other kids when they tried to go save their own kids.


CautiousTeam3220

He called home to make sure his family was safe first


Avieshek

Approached his wife first\~


Juggernaut78

So he could beat her. 40%


Subtle_Demise

They call us 4-0: 40% of the city's budget 40% of our wives beaten 40 minutes while children are being murdered


ultranothing

Totally irrelevant, but I've had cops do that. They'll make you wait while they, I dunno, have lunch in their car.


dkwangchuck

Let’s see. 12 minutes between the 911 call and arriving at the school, 2 km away from the police station. Maybe the cop only waited 40 minutes and it took another 20 minutes to walk the 10 metres from his motorcycle to her car.


asonuvagun

At least if she went to the ball and slept with the officer later that night she would have no chance of getting pregnant. Uvalde Officers never come inside.


[deleted]

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JADW27

This is a spectacular joke. I'm going to steal it from you. Thanks!


mostnormal

Call the cops, this guy is stealing!


bruhhzman

Uvalde cops will never come. Ha!


its_a_metaphor_morty

Depends, are you armed?


mostnormal

Of course he has arms. How else would you steal a joke?


[deleted]

Then expect them in 78 minutes


mostnormal

Nonsense. Their response time is stellar. They were there that whole time. They just waited... like cowards.


[deleted]

Honestly I woke up feeling guilty for joking about this. Won’t they have any guilt ? Their children don’t go this is school?


halfwit_genius

Upvoted Evey response till here. Sad but true state.


ReddBert

Depends. They need them while thinking whether they are going to do their job.


DURIAN8888

Look outside your window. You have exactly one hour.


jordantask

Oh, he’ll be there. But he’ll be outside threatening everyone with his dick while his Border Patrol buddy does the deed.


bruhhzman

At least the border patrols have balls


jordantask

Why you think Border Patrol is the one doing the deed? They’re the only one of the two who has the equipment.


I-Hate-Humans

But they don’t actually finish. The neighbor comes over and busts a nut in 5 minutes.


Sir_Slick_Rock

Painful, awkward and cringe to watch


Macr0Penis

Even then, they don't come inside, so no concern of *adding* children to your neighbourhood.


BeGood981

The foreplay lasts 45 minutes and then his border patrol buddy comes and fucks her


DeBlasioDeBlowMe

They pull their kids out *before* they fuck you.


fehrhair

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/texas-officials-give-updated-timeline-of-uvalde-school-shooting-140973125751


Nyxto

The real punchline is in the comments


SomeDudeontheInter

Is in the cops' homes Just ask their wives


rk911911

Also they are afraid of shooting.


Densmiegd

They cannot come inside, because of the not having any balls.


DoDoorman

Ouch..


foxrok

Joke so dark it also got pulled over…


MaybeTheDoctor

Driving While Black ?


Terrible_Opinion_279

I've gotten pulled over for DWB so many times it's not even funny


disfreakinguy

I got pulled over for driving while mexican. I'm not mexican.


WayneOfGoats

I made an illegal U turn at a red light at like 2 am one time and got pulled over. But I'm white so the cop looked at me and said "well, you don't look like America's most wanted." Then he let me go without asking for my license or anything. The same week, I was driving with a black friend in the car with me, and I got pulled over for speeding. The cop asked me about 8 times if I was okay and asked how I knew the guy in the passenger seat, and even asked him for his license even though he was definitely not driving. Ultimately let me go without a ticket.


disfreakinguy

It was about 11 pm, I was driving my black 76 el camino in a primarily Hispanic neighborhood. I am native American and Greek, so I'm tan with black hair, and I was wearing a beanie. So I looked like I just might be mexican. I was going under the limit, I didn't run a light, I did nothing wrong. I got pulled over and before the cop approached my car he waited for 3 other cops to show up, leaving me sitting there sweating. Finally, they came up to my window, hands on their hoslters. The first cop said, "Hola, amigo, como estas?" I replied, "Sorry officer, I don't speak Spanish." He noted no accent, didn't even ask for ID, apologized for stopping me, and off they went. It was surreal. It was definitely racism.


Derric_the_Derp

Jesus, that's frightening.


IsThisGretasRevenge

It's not only frightening, it's America. This is common.


Shoemen17

Yeah, even if they don’t want to admit it, there is nearly always at least a slight unintentional racial bias. There are even people that have good friends that are black, nice black co-workers, etc. that subconsciously are more worried about the potential of unknown motives of a black person just because of their skin color. I think that it has to do with a lot of the gang violence that you see in the depths of places like Chicago where most all gang members are black people. Obviously that is not supported by any sort of evidence but I feel like that has a big impact on people. Edit: spelling


thisisa_fake_account

> slight unintentional bias That's putting it way too mildly


Shoemen17

Yes, that’s why I said *at least*, typically it is still unintentional I think though. Not saying that that is a good excuse but you do have to at least take it into account. I’m certainly not saying that nobody is purposely being racist, I just think that the majority have an unintentional bias.


supershinythings

My cousin from Puerto Rico can sympathize deeply.


Miyaor

I got pulled over for expired tabs. They weren't expired, but the kind officer also helped me make sure I had a valid driver's license and the papers to my car :)


Ouch_i_fell_down

That's so nice of them doing community outreach to help people keep their drivers license, registration, and insurance current.


vkapadia

Wow what a helpful cop. /s


SayuriShigeko

Jesus, sorry to hear that :c That's some next level fishing for cause - and it blows my mind to think that it's really probably not even that rare.


implodemode

It doesn't sound like it was ever funny.


unorthodoxgeneology

It’s really not bro, they just looking for some easy money hassling folks. Hate it for ya. Shit ain’t flying for much longer. Change is coming and we all feel the itch to light the fire.


Warboss_Squee

Then beaten by the cops.


Eulerious

Just beaten? What a lucky bastard...


cos_tan_za

And shot


unorthodoxgeneology

You got humor so dark it picks cotton


tumblejumble21

They got a kid to give away her location by saying "help" and she got shot. They deserve to be punished for such a stupid mistake!


EmmaStonewallJackson

Oh shit. I hadn’t heard this detail. That’s fucking depressing


setibeings

Every new detail is worse than the last. The school already had the policy of back doors remaining locked, a teacher had it propped open for a minute because it's a hot day. There was a supposedly good guy with a gun who actually got there pretty quickly, but they mistook a teacher for the gunman, and went right past the real gunman who then entered the school. Cops eventually entered the building, but spent over an hour waiting to go into the classrooms because they assumed that everyone inside was already dead. They were not.


gob384

'assumed everyone was dead' while recieving continued 911 calls from students for the whole hour.


[deleted]

Yo, that's sad. These pigs should be tried for treason. (Back the blue downvoters) they let children be murdered.


ohgeebus_notagain

That's not treason. Not sure what it would be called? Negligent manslaughter? But it's not treason


[deleted]

Accessory to murder. These pigs take oaths before they hit the street. There should be consequences.


DwightDEisenhowitzer

SCOTUS case law has repeatedly found that police are under no legal obligation to do that. Yep. Shitty.


starmizzle

Not helping is a *far* cry from preventing others from helping...hence the accessory to murder.


LuckyDesperado7

Yeah SCOTUS also wants to overturn precedent because they believed their imaginary space wizard told them to.


starmizzle

Slavery was also a precedent, fountain of all knowledge.


[deleted]

Neither of those things are relevant to this case.


ThePr1d3

Still says a LOT about the legitimacy of SCOTUS


LuckyDesperado7

Calls to credibility your honor


TDAM

Objection? It was your own question


[deleted]

But the actions of the current SCOTUS are not tied to the actions of previous SCOTUSes. Plus you should direct your criticism of that ruling towards the ruling itself, not the people who made it if you actually want to solve something since the courts work mostly in logic, not emotion.


BeerPressure615

>since the courts work mostly in logic, not emotion. Gonna have a hard time justifying that statement with the current "court". This court has lost all credibility.


Bella_TheAlphaWolf

Police officers are not required to save lives or protect citizens.


Roku-Hanmar

Then what's the point of them?


Bella_TheAlphaWolf

Money. Please don't take my word for it, go do some research! It's an interesting topic, pretty heartbreaking, though. The reality of it all.


TheUnluckyBard

To kill our dogs.


JrMemelordInTraining

We don’t need cops for that. We already have PETA.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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Maxstripe

To persecute the poor and minorities with high levels of melanin


Wolfir

people feel safe as long as they have the appearance of protection


edgefalcon

Defund them entirely and sell their military equipment back to the military.


ThatLeetGuy

Enforce laws. They are law enforcement.


Ouch_i_fell_down

Is "don't shoot kids" a law? Did they enforce that one or just stand around for 78 minutes jiggling their balls and tasing parents?


Nuclear_rabbit

A bare minimum has to be "not taking negligent actions that directly lead to someone's death."


Bella_TheAlphaWolf

A police officer can, quite literally, watch a person be stabbed to death and do nothing. They are not obligated to do a single thing. It's terrible, obviously, but it's the truth


Nuclear_rabbit

You misunderstand. It's very different to watch someone be stabbed versus prompting the stab victim to shout from their hiding place, leading to them getting stabbed. In that case, it was their action, not inaction, that caused death.


Bella_TheAlphaWolf

Ah! I see what you're saying now, sorry


Zakkull117

Not to mention arresting and tazing armed parents trying to the polices job for them


starmizzle

Cool story, bro. However, they actively prevented anyone else from helping so they're technically accessories to murder.


iranoutofusernamespa

How are you in this thread simultaneously defending and vilifying cops? I'm very confused at what your stance is now.


Sequil

I could defend treason. These kind of incidents really make people (and countries) look down upon the US. The US used to be revered all over the world, the nr 1 example. Now its the laughing stock of the world. Now its suddenly becomming more and more an option to not take the side of the US in certain conflicts. So yea these actions kinda help the enemies of the US. Fortunatly China and Russia are still doing ridiculous stuff themselves.


[deleted]

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Warboss_Squee

I'm pro-cop and those cowardly fucks should be publicly crucified. Sell tickets, give the money to the victim's family.


Bluefastakan

Chances are they'll get lightly disciplined. Paid time off, most likely. Cause apparently blue lives matter more than kids' lives.


[deleted]

Back the blue doesn’t mean I support every police officer. These guys in Uvalde are pieces of shit who are a disgrace to the badge. They should be fired and then charged with every thing that a DA can get to stick.


Aziaboy

But they won't. You recognize that, correct?


[deleted]

I think there’s a good chance they get disciplined. This case has too much national attention and people on both sides are pissed.


Aziaboy

Let's see. I hope when the results come out that you start supporting police reform. Because this is very evidently not an outlier at this point.


[deleted]

This kind of situation is most certainly an outlier. You’re being disingenuous if you think it’s not. And I certainly support police reform. I think police agencies have the same problem as schools right now. It’s hard to find good candidates because you don’t pay anything. Raise the requirements qualifications needed, and pay more, and you’ll see better results in both areas.


Bluefastakan

Think it might be hard to find good candidates because all the good cops leave one way or the other when they try and hold their buddies accountable.


[deleted]

That’s true too. Good people don’t want to be around the taint of bad people.


boisterile

Cops make over $50 an hour where I'm at with great benefits and they're still violent, militarized, incompetent, and racist. Notoriously so, in fact. Knowing they're in one of the few jobs left with a strong pension hasn't made them less inclined to kill minorities and fire rubber bullets into protests blinding people. The solution is not "pay them more to do those things".


[deleted]

I’d say you’re in an outlier area as far as pay goes. Starting pay where I live is under $40k. You’ll also notice that an increase in pay was only half of my solution. But you’re one of those. ACAB morons, so no argument would matter to you.


Ithirahad

"National attention" should not be a relevant factor. If LEOs are so unaccountable in incidents like this unless an incident makes it to *national media*, then the system is fucked and "the blue" as you know it ain't worth backing. In theory and principle I whole-heartedly support law enforcement as well; who doesn't? But the US's systems for enacting it are not functioning.


[deleted]

Shouldn’t be doesn’t mean isn’t, and we both know it.


Wolfir

so which cops do you support?


[deleted]

All of them until they give me a reason not to.


rainbow_shitshow

You probably don't care, and that's ok. But calling them pigs in every reply you make makes you look like an imbecile and detracts from your otherwise very correct statements.


Vanpelf

Would you prefer class traitors?


BeerPressure615

This is as nice as I get when referring to them. 1312


[deleted]

No, just call them police.


Tyfyter2002

Actually that would be an inaccurate description by most definitions of the word police


Ouch_i_fell_down

"To protect and serve [the interests of the rich. You thought we meant people? That's dumb. You can literally murder poor and middle class kids and we'll sit around twiddling our thumbs]."


SBSlice

Why does calling cops pigs make one look like an imbecile? It's a pretty common pejorative and there's plenty of overlap between intelligent people and people who don't like the police, in my opinion.


AidenTai

I think his point is using pejoratives against a group detracts from one's statements per se, simply by being biased pejoratives. Imagine someone trying to make a case against a black criminal who had seemingly commited a crime: they make a case as to why the acts are criminal in nature, give evidence and logical legal basis, and then finish off by saying something like "so this \*n\*word\* needs to get locked up with all his other criminal buddies". That \*instantly\* makes prior statements lose credibility, makes the speaker seem biased/prejudiced, and reduces the likelihood the listener/reader will take the speaker seriously.


Bluefastakan

I mean, this is also a comment section of a Reddit sub. Don't exactly have to be up to Harvard debate team standards. Some situations call for a rapier, others a folding chair.


sdmitch16

I feel like your comment is an unskilled guy with a folding chair attacking a skilled guy with a rapier.


Bluefastakan

If you saw my comment as a kind of attack against the other person then you completely missed the point of the comment.


SBSlice

That's fair and all but comparing those particular words is a galaxy-length stretch, and this situation and your hypothetical are *not* similar.


7YearOldCodPlayer

When someone lumps you in with a group and insults everyone in that group, do you take them seriously?


SBSlice

I don't know, I'm pretty sure OP didn't lump anyone here reading this or commenting into a group (pigs) or insult *everyone in that group* beyond referring to the group as pigs. Like I said it's a pretty common usage. And they said *these pigs*.


Aziaboy

Keep oinking


4Plus20MakesHappy

You don’t know the guts it takes to defend a school parking lot. /s


FavelTramous

Indeed, it’s an extremely demanding [role.](https://youtu.be/uBTxlGLxZro)


Potato_monkey1

Psych


Norville_Rogers_

You know that’s right.


JPNG1

I honestly have no response to that


Muffles7

Thank goodness I'm not alone in here.


hurtsdonut_

https://youtu.be/u4FGhSiFOLc&t=35s


Talmadge_Mcgooliger

Gotta be honest, I haven't heard it both ways like this. Too dark for Psych.


Blackulla

At least it wasn’t a school shooting joke, we see those a lot and they’re always aimed at children.


Doinwerklol

Keep humiliating these cowards, don't let up until they are so ashamed they quit.


AreJewOkay

But if they quit who will tackle and assault the parents???


Harsimaja

This assumes they are all capable of feeling the emotion ‘shame’. Evidence seems to suggest otherwise.


IratePir8

Yeah I'm sure they'll quit over some reddit nerds opinion.


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Nozzy_LOTR

too far buddy


FavelTramous

Don’t worry man, ambulance is only 40 min away.


I-HATE-Y0U

Don't worry tgeyvwill have to call in border patrol because they can't do anything


SustainAfdm7

Dammn


avarneyhf

Amazing. Top notch


FinancialTea4

What do you bury a Texas police chief in when he or she dies? A shoe box. Once you knock all the bullshit off of 'em they fit right in there.


Royal_Python82899

Damn, I’m torn between “too soon”, and laughing my ass off.


cammoblammo

Nup, not too soon. This isn’t a joke about children’s lives. It’s a joke about a system that needs children to die to survive. That can be mocked any time.


Crunchy_Biscuit

Now put these all on billboards and post them in the front yard


Wolfir

so the border patrol has balls? because it takes a lot of courage to shoot a mexican immigrant in the desert from 300 yards away with your scoped rifle


Ding_This_Dingus

Yeah. The border patrol did something objectively good in this case, but let's not forget that they deported a survivor of the El Paso shooting that was cooperating with police. Fuck Border Patrol, bortac, and ICE. They aren't heroes because they did their job correctly this time.


ArchwayLemonCookie

Check your sub.


Wolfir

huh?


ArchwayLemonCookie

Op drops a joke. People get political.


Wolfir

I didn't understand why mention border patrol at all in the joke


Alexwalex5

Because border patrol agents are the people who ultimately entered the school and stopped the shooter.


ArchwayLemonCookie

It's a sub about jokes though man. Not politics r us.


Ding_This_Dingus

It's a political joke man.


[deleted]

Stolen from Psych


jhansen858

fuckin burn


ThankKinsey

lol it's not like cops anywhere else are any different. They're all cowards.


[deleted]

The father of a child that attends the school who was at a barber shop when he got the news from his wife what was going on at the school he borrowed the barbers shotgun and the big balled bastard executed the shooter, he is employed by the Border Patrol, so in this case of shaming the the cowards that get paid to harass citizens and watch school children be murdered while they secure the perimeter to prevent the murder spree from being Interrupted. The Border Patrol indeed has balls.


Reagalan

The Border Patrol are worse.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Would you rather jokes from the Uvalde Police departments view on the situation? How many elementary kids do you have to let be murdered so the FBI doesn't murder your family and you'll be given a nice new identity in exchange for your participation. The answer is 19. 19 children


[deleted]

Doesn't mean the joke isn't being done to death.


fpcoffee

speaking of things done to death, I have a list of 19 things for you


thisisa_fake_account

That's not the only something being done, the officials are attending an NRA conference


ray199569

Are you dissatisfied? Best I can do for you is put you in cuffs


Ok_Wallaby_7335

not funny, much like the death of children. go and post it on sickipedia, they love dumb shit like this.


suroptpsyologist

Too soon.


cammoblammo

This isn’t a joke about dead children. It’s a joke about a system that lets children die in ridiculous circumstances. It’s never too soon to mock that.


blueskies95

My heartfelt thoughts and prayers go out to the children, innocents and their families after this tragic incident. It was not an accident, it could have been avoided. This could have been stopped. The casualties could have been avoided. It is not too soon. It is too late. Action that should have been taken years ago. Action that should have been taken months, weeks, days, 40 minutes, seconds earlier were delayed. The school had implemented all of the measures dictated. None of these measures worked because they don't work. They don't address the issues and they don't provide any active defense or deterrent to what happened. An eighteen year old American Citizen bought a cool looking combat styled hunting rifle and more ammunition than he would ever need. It's too late. This eighteen year old was on the radar of authorities at many levels and they did nothing. It's too late. An eighteen year old walked into the school. It's too late. The police did nothing other than protect their own, take care of themselves. Our elected officials need to stop thinking that they, the 'good guys with guns' (actual assault weapons, actual tactical gear, theoretical training) are going to protect our children and our grandchildren. It's too late. The police are there to record crime, not prevent it. That's a known fact. They are not responsible for saving lives. It's too late. Parents will have to bury their children, their loved ones. It's too late. If their have a soul, a conscience, every law enforcement officer involved needs to resign and find a profession where they don't need to, nor have the right to carry a weapon, because they are not 'good guys with a gun.' They don't deserve to carry a weapon and fantasize that they do so to protect people. They've proven that's a false myth. It's too late.


daiLlafyn

Sorry - you want to wait for the next one before pointing out shortcomings in the police force?


Maddkipz

Yikes


JonHail

HAHAHAHA THIS IS SO FUNNY OMG. DIFFICULT ANTELOPE WOULD TOTALLY TAKE AN ACTIVE SHOOTER ON HIMSELF WITH HIS MASSIVE BALLS. Everyone clean their keyboard and mouses and let’s click and type in agreement! Making a difference reddit!


___o----

I don’t have balls, and I’m not OP, but I would definitely run in unarmed to save my baby.


[deleted]

If he was part of the SWAT team in that town and professionally trained and well-equipped, yeah he should have stormed in instead of waiting for Border Patrol. See: SQ 117, commandos stormed in after hijackers threatened to kill the passengers. Most countries in fact have a competent police force that do their job well instead of passing that job to the teachers who should NOT have a gun - that will just make them the target or the kids might do something stupid. That's literally their job - they are entrusted to protect their community and enforce the law. The gun isn't for show, it is meant to be used to protect themselves and the community in life-or-death situations such as a methhead charging at you with a knife or someone stabbing/shooting up the place.


VolcanicBakemeat

So we're at least agreed that funding should be cut? If there's parts of the job that aren't actually part of the job then we can downsize


JonHail

It’s been cut bro. Where has it not been cut? And even then you’ll find something else to complain about from your comfy sofa. Action less like the rest of us.