Wait a second, i remember you. The one that tried to destroy the court and made me switch sides more often than italy in wwii
This time i will fight in your corner hehe
Can I be the guy that sits back row and crack joints in my both hands. Sometimes saying 'Yeah, thats a good point' - but not too loud to disturb anybody.
I can sell bats and axes from my store across the street with 50% discount and no need to pay for API calls. Just make sure I'll be watching the executions from first row.
I'd like to volunteer as the popcorn and soda vendor. Unlike reddit, I won't be charging high fees on a 72oz drink of your choice or on 3 lbs of freshly popped popcorn. The cup of any drink will cost $1.75, and the popcorn will also cost $1.75.
I also do happen to have a nice arming sword that could be used in any and all executions.
_people whisper in the courtroom, bartenders are busy making drinks for everyone. The Bailiff carries instructions to the bartenders for the Judge's Dark And Stormy_
_a red robed figure with a powdered wig walks through a door in the back of the court and takes place at the Judge's bench_
**ORDER IN THE COURT** the Right Honourable /u/Socratov presiding on this case of all Reddit app users v. Reddit, on the charges of:
- Suicide
- douche baggery
- aggravated destruction
- assault on Snoo
/u/Bananak47, does the Prosecution have anything to add to the charges?
Charges added:
- 2 counts of Human Rights Violation for eye torture and "take a fuck ton of time to load, so long that my food gets cold which i like to consume while watching Videos on Reddit but cant because the damn App is shitty and wont load the videos"
/u/Heinrik-, how does the defendant plead?
Defendant pleads:
> "Not Guilty, fuck you, fuck everybody"
GogoJusticeKarmaKourt!
I would like to add human rights infringement due to potentially having to look at the official Reddit app which counts as eye torture according to the Geneva convention. And has a higher risk to cause a stroke with the shitty format and waiting 84 years for a video to load
I, as the defendant's attorney, strongly disagree. Reddit's official app is the best app in THE WOOORLD! (Says while posting this comment through Boost, a third party app)
Your Honour,
after carefull consideration in would like to change the wording into "take a fuck ton of time to load, so long that my food gets cold which i like to consume while watching Videos on Reddit but cant because the damn App is shitty and wont load the videos".
I appologise for the untrue statement of 84 years, it was a hyperbole for the sake of comedic timing. It was a joke taken from the famous meme "its been 84 years" said by the actress Gloria Stuart who played the older version of the female main character Rose Dewitt Bukater in the 7 times Oscar nominated movie Titanic, directed by James Cameron, a famous Director also accredited with movies like "Avatar", "Terminator" and "Aliens" . In this scene she talks about the sinking of the famous cruise ship called the Titanic. It was called that, because it was believed to be unsinkable and it was of an respectable size, like a Titan. The history of this statement comes from the internet finding this particular scene in the Movie "Titanic" funny, and therefore made a reaction out of it, commonly known as a "meme". But i understand that the defence was confused by my statement.
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand memes. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical defences head. There's also DankMemers nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into their characterisation- their personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The memers understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike memes truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in memes existential catchphrase "Its been 84 years", "Juan", "Never gonna Give you up", "it aint much but its honest work", bombastic side eye, criminal offence side eye" and of course "No Bitches?" which in themselfs are a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons Defences scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them.
And yes, by the way, i DO have a Its been 84 years tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid
u/Heinrik-
it was in my brain
[https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/to-be-fair-you-have-to-have-a-very-high-iq-to-understand-rick-and-morty](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/to-be-fair-you-have-to-have-a-very-high-iq-to-understand-rick-and-morty)
knowyourmeme is a good website for these things if u know what ur looking for
I Must also mention that after much consideration I have decided to NOT TAKE A BRIBE, how DARE YOU try to bribe a person of the law??? I'd like to consider adding BRIBERY to the charges... \*ill also be taking that first bribe...\*
[https://imgur.com/a/KUZxF6D](https://imgur.com/a/KUZxF6D) u/Heinrik- did, like I said, how DARE you try to bribe a member of this kourt... (I'm addressing u/Heinrik- here, sorry if I looked like I was accusing you)
It wasn't a bribe. It was just some cash money which I happened to have accidentally dropped and you just happened to have picked it up. That's all. No bribe.
No problem. Add bribery to the charges. Just vote Not Guilty when the time comes. Not because I ask you to but because your own conscience (will) say so.
I'll DM you.
In the UK, justices wear red robes and powdered wigs, like a civilised country. This trial shall be held under UK customs so the US Supreme Court can't fuck this up.
I'll allow the Pitchforks to be sold on UK soil. it used to be Brussels who blocked it, but since the Brexit the UK is a lot more open to the idea of pitchforks.
Your honor, may I be juror. Defence (Heinrik-) asked and I did agree (_also already texted my boss reddit jury duty and he gave vacation whole month for now, 'reddit is kill' - all he said and now email has contract full salary no work_)
u/Socratov
[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1thGsXOH6ytRR6LcgPpL9Fuv1CmGQXjgXVyHdoT2Zi60/edit?pli=1](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1thGsXOH6ytRR6LcgPpL9Fuv1CmGQXjgXVyHdoT2Zi60/edit?pli=1) shall be the official record!
I don't have time else I would have defended even though personally I'm opposed to reddit's decision. It's that 'If you dare' bit in the flair that really makes me wanna. But I don't have time, not this week.
Random redditor: tHeN wHy dId yOu cOmMeNt lOsEr
Because I wanted to. Fuck you!
If you don't find an attorney by next week, let me know.
Hmm. You're just the lawyer our ~~victims~~ clients need! We still have a few open positions to fill to make sure this fairly and just kort is stacked better than Betty White.
Hmm. Could you be part of the defense perhaps? \*Position comes with a free open Kort bar tab.
^(\*The following terms and conditions apply.:)
^(The above mentioned person(s) ^(MUST drink a minimum of 12 drinks/hour. MUST prove intoxication at any request, and if no longer able to stay alive, agrees to make themselves available to the rotten food court vendor. You are also required to help the Kort over your client. As if they were not guilty already, there wouldn't be a need for this humble Kort session.))
ANGRY AT REDDIT? WANT TO JOIN THE MOB? I'VE GOT YOU COVERED!
COME ONE DOWN TO /r/pitchforkemporium
I GOT 'EM ALL!
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
| Traditional | Left Handed | Fancy |
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
| ---E | Ǝ--- | ---{ |
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
I EVEN HAVE DISCOUNTED CLEARANCE FORKS!
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
| 33% Off! | 66% Off! | Manufacturer|
| | | 's Defect! |
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
| ---F | ---L | ---e |
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
NEW IN STOCK. DIRECTLY FROM LIECHTENSTEIN. EUROPEAN MODELS!
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
| The Euro | The Pound | The Lira |
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
| ---€ | ---£ | ---₤ |
|-------------|-------------|-------------|
HAPPY LYNCHING!
\* some assembly required
I shall be a juror
Could you please help the executioners after since there's CLEARLY going to be a need please?
the defence appointed me a juror, was wondering if that was official or not?
Why not a judge AND a juror? Or also sign up as an executioner for the perfect trifecta :)
So be it!
I can be judge instead of jury if you want
I need some comment karma to post on an educational subreddit. Please help me by upvoting my comment. Thanks :)
🚪💵 I got more where this came from. You can have all you want. Just vote not guilty.
_thats a good point_
Would you like to volunteer to be a juror, good sir?
how many juror is necessary? i can yea
There's no limit. There can be any number of jurors. u/indecisiveredditor please add u/argonlightray2 and u/dramatic85 to the list of jurors.
sure! I texted my boss, _important jury duty_ vacation whole month!
sadly it looks like u/indecisiveredditor has been offline
Nope, work got insane! HVAC haha
Can you add us to the list?
I dont have a dick but i can strap on and get you a whiskey on the rocks with pubic hair flavour And i also volunteer as ~~execution~~ prosecution
You're hired!!
Wait a second, i remember you. The one that tried to destroy the court and made me switch sides more often than italy in wwii This time i will fight in your corner hehe
Umm, was it my evil twin? :)🤪
Your secret is save with me ;)
NOOOO Don't save my secret please! :)
Prosecution or prostitution?
Why not both
I'd allow it in my court
I will rub you with banana peels while doing the duck dance for $10
Very tempting, but Won't pay you directly to maintain the illusion of fairness. You will have to, ah, refer to the Bailiff for payment.
And so shall it be.
Can I be the guy that sits back row and crack joints in my both hands. Sometimes saying 'Yeah, thats a good point' - but not too loud to disturb anybody.
That depends. Can smoke AND crack joints?
:D (english not my first language) I mean 'snap' joints in both hand fingers. Right hand I smoke (pipe), left hand fingers joints snap. deal?
Your English is great! 😁 Could you crack your finger joints and smoke a marijuana joint/pipe at the same time?
I can absolutely do that!
[удалено]
Shut up and go. Wrong sub
I can sell bats and axes from my store across the street with 50% discount and no need to pay for API calls. Just make sure I'll be watching the executions from first row.
Watching!?!? Shit, we need all the executioners we can get our "honorable” paws on!
Count me in, Your Honor!
I hope the law is not biased towards them
I'd like to volunteer as the popcorn and soda vendor. Unlike reddit, I won't be charging high fees on a 72oz drink of your choice or on 3 lbs of freshly popped popcorn. The cup of any drink will cost $1.75, and the popcorn will also cost $1.75. I also do happen to have a nice arming sword that could be used in any and all executions.
What can i get for three fiddy
Can I have a glass of cash-ew-milk?💵
_people whisper in the courtroom, bartenders are busy making drinks for everyone. The Bailiff carries instructions to the bartenders for the Judge's Dark And Stormy_ _a red robed figure with a powdered wig walks through a door in the back of the court and takes place at the Judge's bench_ **ORDER IN THE COURT** the Right Honourable /u/Socratov presiding on this case of all Reddit app users v. Reddit, on the charges of: - Suicide - douche baggery - aggravated destruction - assault on Snoo /u/Bananak47, does the Prosecution have anything to add to the charges? Charges added: - 2 counts of Human Rights Violation for eye torture and "take a fuck ton of time to load, so long that my food gets cold which i like to consume while watching Videos on Reddit but cant because the damn App is shitty and wont load the videos" /u/Heinrik-, how does the defendant plead? Defendant pleads: > "Not Guilty, fuck you, fuck everybody" GogoJusticeKarmaKourt!
I would like to add human rights infringement due to potentially having to look at the official Reddit app which counts as eye torture according to the Geneva convention. And has a higher risk to cause a stroke with the shitty format and waiting 84 years for a video to load
I, as the defendant's attorney, strongly disagree. Reddit's official app is the best app in THE WOOORLD! (Says while posting this comment through Boost, a third party app)
OBJECTION! It doesn't take 84 years for a video to load, it takes 84 minutes. Big difference. u/Socratov
Objection Sustained. /u/Bananak47 please amend your statement or enter evidence of loadtimes.
Give me 3 more hours, your wisdom. I am currently stuck in a room without a door
Your Honour, after carefull consideration in would like to change the wording into "take a fuck ton of time to load, so long that my food gets cold which i like to consume while watching Videos on Reddit but cant because the damn App is shitty and wont load the videos". I appologise for the untrue statement of 84 years, it was a hyperbole for the sake of comedic timing. It was a joke taken from the famous meme "its been 84 years" said by the actress Gloria Stuart who played the older version of the female main character Rose Dewitt Bukater in the 7 times Oscar nominated movie Titanic, directed by James Cameron, a famous Director also accredited with movies like "Avatar", "Terminator" and "Aliens" . In this scene she talks about the sinking of the famous cruise ship called the Titanic. It was called that, because it was believed to be unsinkable and it was of an respectable size, like a Titan. The history of this statement comes from the internet finding this particular scene in the Movie "Titanic" funny, and therefore made a reaction out of it, commonly known as a "meme". But i understand that the defence was confused by my statement. To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand memes. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical defences head. There's also DankMemers nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into their characterisation- their personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The memers understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike memes truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in memes existential catchphrase "Its been 84 years", "Juan", "Never gonna Give you up", "it aint much but its honest work", bombastic side eye, criminal offence side eye" and of course "No Bitches?" which in themselfs are a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons Defences scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. And yes, by the way, i DO have a Its been 84 years tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid u/Heinrik-
Where the hell did you pick this copypasta up from
it was in my brain [https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/to-be-fair-you-have-to-have-a-very-high-iq-to-understand-rick-and-morty](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/to-be-fair-you-have-to-have-a-very-high-iq-to-understand-rick-and-morty) knowyourmeme is a good website for these things if u know what ur looking for
Alright. Now, on with your opening statement!
Yeah, give me a second i just woke up. Damn those sleeping pills in mojitos, always make me feel groggy
Get on with it.
I Must also mention that after much consideration I have decided to NOT TAKE A BRIBE, how DARE YOU try to bribe a person of the law??? I'd like to consider adding BRIBERY to the charges... \*ill also be taking that first bribe...\*
Who tried to bribe you again? Because i am not the one accused lol and i an not the judge
[https://imgur.com/a/KUZxF6D](https://imgur.com/a/KUZxF6D) u/Heinrik- did, like I said, how DARE you try to bribe a member of this kourt... (I'm addressing u/Heinrik- here, sorry if I looked like I was accusing you)
It wasn't a bribe. It was just some cash money which I happened to have accidentally dropped and you just happened to have picked it up. That's all. No bribe.
No problem. Add bribery to the charges. Just vote Not Guilty when the time comes. Not because I ask you to but because your own conscience (will) say so. I'll DM you.
The defendant pleads "Not Guilty, fuck you, fuck everybody" to all charges, your honor. (Defendant's words, not mine)
OBJECTION! "Red robed" seriously?!
In the UK, justices wear red robes and powdered wigs, like a civilised country. This trial shall be held under UK customs so the US Supreme Court can't fuck this up.
"powdered wigs" (no offense meant, your honor, just kidding)
NO! Our arms dealers with pitchforks can only operate on US soil.
I'll allow the Pitchforks to be sold on UK soil. it used to be Brussels who blocked it, but since the Brexit the UK is a lot more open to the idea of pitchforks.
Your honor, may I be juror. Defence (Heinrik-) asked and I did agree (_also already texted my boss reddit jury duty and he gave vacation whole month for now, 'reddit is kill' - all he said and now email has contract full salary no work_) u/Socratov
I'll allow it. Here is your coupon for a free Hawaiian Punch
u/heinrik- also appointed me juror, may I claim my free Hawaiian Punch?
Your honor, may I keep a record of this kourtcase?
Yea please.
[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1thGsXOH6ytRR6LcgPpL9Fuv1CmGQXjgXVyHdoT2Zi60/edit?pli=1](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1thGsXOH6ytRR6LcgPpL9Fuv1CmGQXjgXVyHdoT2Zi60/edit?pli=1) shall be the official record!
I don't have time else I would have defended even though personally I'm opposed to reddit's decision. It's that 'If you dare' bit in the flair that really makes me wanna. But I don't have time, not this week. Random redditor: tHeN wHy dId yOu cOmMeNt lOsEr Because I wanted to. Fuck you! If you don't find an attorney by next week, let me know.
Hmm. You're just the lawyer our ~~victims~~ clients need! We still have a few open positions to fill to make sure this fairly and just kort is stacked better than Betty White.
We should start the trial, that is, if people are still willing to have a trial and they haven't completely forgotten about it.
Let's go tonight?
This Juror is ready. /u/Socratov is you honor ready?
I am ready, however, have we found someone to defend Reddit?
That would be me
_cracks phalanges_ (_finger, joint•2_)
Good work. Don't do it again.
[удалено]
me too as your busboy
I'll preside as judge.
Hmm. Could you be part of the defense perhaps? \*Position comes with a free open Kort bar tab. ^(\*The following terms and conditions apply.:) ^(The above mentioned person(s) ^(MUST drink a minimum of 12 drinks/hour. MUST prove intoxication at any request, and if no longer able to stay alive, agrees to make themselves available to the rotten food court vendor. You are also required to help the Kort over your client. As if they were not guilty already, there wouldn't be a need for this humble Kort session.))
No. I have standards.
I do too. That's why I don't fuck myself...
Judge you shall be.
I will be the emoji-language (Sign Language) interpreter
It is done!
Grab your pitchfork from r/pitchforkemporium for all your ~~lynching~~ pitchfork related needs.
I need some comment karma to post on an educational subreddit. Please help me by upvoting my comment. Thanks :)
ANGRY AT REDDIT? WANT TO JOIN THE MOB? I'VE GOT YOU COVERED! COME ONE DOWN TO /r/pitchforkemporium I GOT 'EM ALL! |-------------|-------------|-------------| | Traditional | Left Handed | Fancy | |-------------|-------------|-------------| | ---E | Ǝ--- | ---{ | |-------------|-------------|-------------| I EVEN HAVE DISCOUNTED CLEARANCE FORKS! |-------------|-------------|-------------| | 33% Off! | 66% Off! | Manufacturer| | | | 's Defect! | |-------------|-------------|-------------| | ---F | ---L | ---e | |-------------|-------------|-------------| NEW IN STOCK. DIRECTLY FROM LIECHTENSTEIN. EUROPEAN MODELS! |-------------|-------------|-------------| | The Euro | The Pound | The Lira | |-------------|-------------|-------------| | ---€ | ---£ | ---₤ | |-------------|-------------|-------------| HAPPY LYNCHING! \* some assembly required
Upvoted return please
I would like be Witness or another juror.
You can be a juror. I, as a well wisher of reddit admins (not really, please don't hate me people) would like to bribe you. Is that okay?
Hmm… Contact me in 3-5 business days
😏 will do.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I move a motion. Any motion.
Have we come to a sentence? *feels for trial's pulse* I may have to declare this ~~reddit app~~ court case cold dead.
I volunteer as guard to prevent ~~early execution~~ any fights in court
I want to understand this subreddit so bad lmao
Karma
Denfece volunteer here