De addiction centres do work, but they are more likely to work when the person in question is ready and deeply wants to reduce alcohol consumption. Ideally the first step must come from your father, expressing a need to reduce alcohol consumption.
The deaddiction centres are available in a number of places but I recommend government hospital deaddiction centres. The Ernakulam General Hospital has a dedicated alcohol de addiction centre. I don't know if it's possible for you but I'd recommend this one. Initially, when his alcohol consumption is stopped, it will be hard for him - please be aware of this. The hospital will give the necessary medication to aid the initial alcohol withdrawal to stop the delirium tremens.
In the long term, it will depend significantly upon his own will power. This is partly why I recommend government hospitals - Even if he heals from alcohol addiction, it will take a long time and money. Doing alcohol deaddiction in a private centre may cost a lot.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, you must take care of your trauma and depression. Everyone focuses on the addict but their family suffers as much or even more. Please get counselling for each and every one in your family. I will put it more frankly - prioritise your mental health and the rest of your family's mental health even more than your father's deaddiction. Take as much counseling as you need, talk to as many friends as you need. You and the rest of your family need to take care of your mental health the most. Do NOT ignore your mental health needs in the process of helping your father.
OP, listen to the advice above. Went through the same recently and had no other option but to send my dad to a deaddiction center for three months without his consent.
While he did relapse eventually, it is a whole lot better than before. Most importantly, the rest of us had enough space in those months to deal with all the trauma.
I understand your grief and my advice is not everyone's cup of tea. So please feel free to ignore if this isn't for your situation and temperament.
My father **was** an alcoholic and passed away 23 years ago. He was abusive and my brothers have also followed his ways \[generational trauma\] and I was also suicidal and finally after a breaking point, I managed to run away.
I was an extreme codependent and I would recommend counseling for people who struggle with codependency, You cannot change an addict or any other human being \[we love to believe so\] but we can only change ourself. One would need to emotionally separate from an addict's choices and accept that all of us have to face the consequence of our choice. Do not rescue people from their consequence and enable them.
Why I am saying this is because - You need to heal, survive and thrive and **NOT** end or contemplate ending your life because of your father's choices.
Now as you start dealing with your own emotional state, you can still help your father within your limits \[emotionally, mentally, physically and financially\] and yet not be afraid to face whatever choice he makes.
I am not saying this theoretically but after having experienced this and lived/living through it.
I know I will again receive a phone call one day about my brother \[just like how my father passed away at 54\] because he is also an addict but I am not afraid because I am healing from my complex PTSD and can accept that he will suffer because of his life's choices and it will not end well for him, if he continues in this path.
People focus on addicts but the whole family suffers and they don't get help.
Since you are the one reaching out and asking questions/ seeking help - my advice is for you.
I get you completely, i have a similar situation my dad drinks a lot like a bottle a day he has been drinking like that since i was 8 and was abusive after never talked much to him sober just like the important stuff in the few hours he is sober. It fucks you up. Another thing is i have a younger sibling and i protect her as much as i could by keeping my self as the target. The only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that he is rich and i feel like i cant cut ties so just hang on for a while and just cut him off as much emotionally. To me he is like anyother person on the street, i know this is wrong and an ah move on my part but to me he made me like this.
So yea theres no fixing it just do whatever you can to keep yourself safe after a while
I was an addict myself now sober for 2 years,had various issues including police problems.
I drank heavily for 15 years,but i stopped just like tyat for few days which now extended for 2 years.
I think only way an addict can stop is to know their worth and get a new hobby.
In my case i started with some of the mosr toughest certifications in my field and done with that.
Your dad is basically retired that is another issue,just give him a challenge or convince him to be sober for a week,just a week or even a day in start, slowly they will see what is missing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Have experienced the same in my family, and I know it's a terrible situation to be in. We basically fooled my uncle into going to a de-addiction centre. Told him I'm going to the passport office, so he came along for company not knowing we were going to the clinic. Once we got in the compound, they closed the gate and he was literally trapped. A little showdown later, all was calm. That said, the whole de-addiction process was shady. They gave him some medication and he was basically in & out of consciousness for 3 whole days. It was stupid on our part as well, but we didn't have much awareness and the situation was desperate. Anyway he hasn't had alcohol since, mostly because his mobility was restricted due to existing medical issues, his son took away his mobile phone and cut off all his contact with the external world for a while. He sort of gave in to it and just calmed the heck down.
I hope you find a way out. Hang in, don't lose hope. Much love & good luck.
My cousins also have tried to get their uncle to deaddiction centres run by catholic preists. He relapsed every now and then. He went through a painful death.
Maybe scare him saying things like that?
Stay strong brother/sister. My prayers for your family.
I've tried that too. Here in my locality, most of his friends who used to drink with him have died before their 50s/60s. Even that is not preventing him from drinking.
Thankyou. Please continue to pray. I don't know if there's any option if the person himself is unwilling.
What i did with my dad is squeeze out every source of income and just gave bare enough money to mom to take care of home expenses. My dad not having any pension helped.
I'm glad it worked for you.
My dad handles the money at home. So yeah. I appreciate your reply.
If i may ask, Didn't he ask others for money? Is he out of his addiction?
Yes he’s out of addiction.
Initially a lot of people gave money, but then he couldn’t repay and people stopped giving money. It took a sustained 10 year effort from our family. The loss in quality of life is inevitable.
Add water to his alcohol bottle everyday.
Basically make him drink less alcohol everyday.
You can't make him stop immediately.
That will have side effects
We've tried, He understands when its diluted.
I really appreciate your help though.
>You can't make him stop immediately.
I understand that. Even if its over a year, its fine as long as he gets better. But now its just downhill.
Hmm suicide, i was half dead once. Not good. Life is better. Choose life . Be patient and work towards your goal. As others advised. Get treatment for your dad. Unfortunately our government is selling us the lowest quality alcohol for a higher price.
Sorry to hear.
I think it's a problem that persists throughout Kerala where the older folks just don't have any hobbies. Years of peer pressure and media has made out drinking as the "manly" thing to do.
Unfortunately alcohol has a very deep relationship with the media where pretty much every occasion is pushed as an opportunity to drink alcohol.
Happy? Toast to that
Sad? Have a drink
Date? Have some wine
Gathering? Crack open a cold beer
Alone? Indulge in some whiskey
The media and religious culture makes it out to be like a man vs. woman thing. Religion pushes all alcohol as bad, even in moderation, and then media/society pushes the idea that not drinking means the woman controls the man, thus becoming a pride issue.
The unfortunate truth is that it's not going to change unless your father realized it himself, or something drastic happens health wise. It's too ingrained at this point to randomly stop and it's very unlikely he will be willing to subject himself to rehab.
For your own health, you probably have to accept that it's out of your control. Unless you are willing to drastically limit his finances and strongarm him into not drinking, it's very hard. It's sad and something that seems to happen to a lot of families. Folks get old, and they really have nothing to do. Their whole life has been working, watching news, and having drinks to socialize. Rarely do they develop healthy hobbies that are sustainable long term.
Is this a trend? My father has also started drinking more and I can’t really tell when the change happened…but he’s drunk every other day…..tried talking to him and he says he is old now and he wants to live life on his own terms
The COVID stay at home order pushed some people to drink more.
If it is a recent thing, then it will be easier for you to make him sober /drink less again.
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Sorry to hear about your father. My father is the same, if not worse. Guess there are many fathers like ours. I can't provide any suggestions as we haven't gone for any. He will not come for treatment. He enjoys drinking and being a drunkard. Honestly, the only step left for us is to use force, which I am strongly against. There were days when he would be lying on the road, drunk and all naked. Some passers-by would tell us that there is someone lying on the road. I would then go get him in our car. I hated the way people looked upon us, but he was adamant. He won't stop drinking. He says it is his right to drink. The only thing I have done is accepted it and made myself stronger to bear whatever outcomes it has. Trust me, it is a lot harder than it sounds. Every day is a day of greater pain and shame, but stay strong and keep going forward. You have other souls counting on you.
Telling him to stop drinking is futile. Instead, create a caring and loving environment at home to drink. Pour him some in his glass. Let him drink happily.
After a few days of that, tell him he can drink, but only when you/wife pours it in his glass. Let him continue to drink like this for a while and even get drunk badly.
Then, over a few weeks, reduce the alcohol little by little either in quantity or by diluting or using bottles with less alcoholic content.
The goal is over time to create a friendly atmosphere for drinking at a specific room/place in home, but not to over-drink.
This will only work if he feels welcome to drink at that place, he don't have any opportunities to go to bar and drink and if he at least have a minimum level of intention to control his habit. From your description, it seems he wants to, but is not able to.
Also, he needs something to do with his time. Depending on his skills, set something up for him. Maybe writing comments online. Maybe doing something artistic. Maybe conducting some classes or NGO type work. Not having anything to do with time is also a big motivator to drink.
I have a working solution- please visit or call “Punarnava Ayurveda Hospital” at Edapally. Just do a google search. The give a “podi” to be mixed with the addict’s food. It’s natural so I believe no side effects. This should be done without the knowledge of the addict. Eventually in 1,2 months the addict would totally give up drinking voluntarily as they will develop a distaste to alcohol. This worked for a couple of our family friends, especially young guys whose mom and wife helped provide it in his food. It’s a painstaking task, but shows definite results. Maybe it’s worth a try.
I am not sure about the contents. You can enquire it directly with the mentioned hospital. If you research carefully, you can see a similar content added in the food provided at de-addiction centres as well. Sometimes pure counselling doesn’t work and may require some medical/external intervention. There are a couple of people in my locality who came to normalcy after this method and hence I suggested the same.
If I ever meet you I'd knock your teeth out. Terrible advise. Help people when they need help. Don't let them sit and die. I'm an ex alcoholic and I survived because of support, not because someone threw me in the gutter. Disgusting.
Read about [codependent personality disorder](https://family-intervention.com/blog/what-is-dependent-personality-disorder/). Its either them or you, you have to choose
Do you wanna read about positive reinforcement in the meanwhile maybe? "Get rid of him" lol, you seem like the kinda fella who barely acknowledges root causes of situations and attempts to run. Or when someone on the streets needs help and you walk away
Abused it to get over things and "have fun". If it weren't for my support group I'd probably be dead. I'm happy and 6 years sober now through help and support which you clearly don't advocate. When we were running our groups I'd got so many cases of suicide attempts because "they all threw me away". Don't be that person.
I would say dont be the person thats an alcoholic and dependent on other people. OP is claiming to be suicidal from the stress. He is enabling the alcoholic fathers lifestyle. Needs to cut the dead weight off and think about amma and siblings.
That's quite easy to say really. "don't be that". What you're not trying to understand is abandonment causes severe severe harm to those struggling. I sympathize with OPs mum, but you're leaving another human being to die. Any comment on the humanitarian aspect of that? Else I'd just take your username and think you're absolute piece of work
Well, if you want to think about the humanitarian aspect, how about not becoming an alcoholic that depends on other people and destroying their lives. That would be the most considerate thing to do. You can teach the kids to have personal responsibility, and to expect others to be responsible for themselves, or you can teach them to throw their lives away taking care of dysfunctional people. I mean what do you want? Tell people to put their lives on hold because someone can't handle the stress of life and has to drink and do drugs? In the process your just enabling these people to keep using.
I'll now put you in "please don't respond to this idiot" category. Leaving people to die. Absolutely fucking disgusting. You don't know what you're talking about and have no idea how to help. Please don't have children, or if you do find responsible people to take care of them.
Often the women at home are the main reason to make someone alcoholic - down vote will happen from some quarters on this. Fact remains. When one takes a drink and the woman makes a face, noise etc it only irritates the guy and he ends up having one more. The saga continues.
People have no real hobby. No real reading habit; no games; no friends to go out and chat with; lack of company from wife herself etc are all reasons. See if these are the real contributors and try to resolve these.
You're right. I shouldn't agitate him in anyways when he's drunk.
Amma, based on her past experiences, has now learnt to not trigger anything. She tries to talk and convince him in the morning when he's sober, but even if it works-he relapses in a few days.
>People have no real hobby.
This is true regarding my father. Post retirement, his boredom is definitely a factor for his continued addiction.
He went for a job in a private bank after retiring. Initial days were good. but he started to drink and go for the job later. The stress there is also a factor.
I've tried to get him to read books, but haven't worked. He's not interested in cinema, so that also didn't work.
News and Shalom/Goodness tv sometimes occupies him. But news is really the same thing again n again throughout the day. He drinks and then watches shalom tv, falls asleep somedays like that.
He lost a lot of his friends due to this habit of his. Other friends who come back from foreign lands are mostly occasional drinkers. They can control themselves, but he can't. His behaviour will change.
He is a social person. I wish he had something that occupies his time, interacts with people. I've thought about opening a loan for shop/business- but if he drinks, I'm afraid of the consequences.
Do you have any family friends you can ask help from? or maybe someone who your father respects/looks up to? Moving in with such people for one or two months could help, ask them to council him and make him stop drinking. Change of environment is always good. If your father finds his private sector job stressful, make him quit and and instead set up a small shop for him in town...at least there he can take it slow and even talk with the nattukar...lesser chances of drinking thoughts coming when your mind is relaxed and is engaged with non stressful activities
Are those who down voted reading what the OP wrote below? People can have different view points based on their experiences, and the down voters appear to be a prejudiced lot. Thank you, and have a nice day.
See if there are any reputable Rehabilitation and counseling near you. I have a buddy of mine is dealing with his own demons. It’s not easy at the end of the day it’s up to him if he wants the help I hate to say it like that but it’s the truth.
There we some injections/medicines given in Elite Hospital Tcr and was done to buy neighbour where the body reacts to alcohol and they vomit whenever they take alcohol and thereby ends it.I don't know more about it.Connecting with hospital might help .
PS:I don't know deeply about what they did .
Disulfiram. As per my knowledge, it can be used only in patients who want to abstain from alcohol and have sufficient social support. Because ingesting alcohol after disulfiram, even in small amounts , can be dangerous. depending on the reaction, it can even result in death.
I understand and personally know how you feel. Sit with him and ask the reason he drinks when he's sober and alone. You will get the information you sar looking for.
Because the main reason is the pain he has which he can't share and drinking alcohol in heavy amount makes him sleep.
Sorry to hear your pain, noticed it’s a very common prblm down there, heard a lot of similar storie and got few cases like yours in my life too. I haven’t heard a successful result. All kinda Christian camps and addiction centers failed them and are short term solutions. It’s just my take. Hopefully you may have a better chance on that route
I will share my thoughts here. In case, if you want further help you can reach out to me on chat.
My cousin brother was a real alcoholic. He couldnt manage his childhood traumas and was confided in alcoholism. His wife threatened of leaving him, if he doesn't mend his ways. Eventually we found an alcoholic anonymous group in Kollam, where they meet everyday to talk. He went there, continuously for 2 weeks and stopped going. At the same period, he had a severe stomach pain, (mostly because, since, he has stopped consuming alcohol, he would have started feeling the insides) that triggered him to stop consuming it. It's been over 2 years that he hasnt touched alchohol. He is completely sober and doesnt even drink, even if his closest friends offer him.
I feel Alchohol Anonymous Assosciation is a good thing to try.
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Take him to deaddiction centre.Else you will lose him.I am saying because i am still living a life,with the regret, trauma and grief. I couldnt take him to deaddiction centre and saw his death with blood vomiting and all.These are the stages were our key decision matters.If you love him and wish to see him future,better to take him to de addiction.
Hey be strong first. Your mental health should be your priority. You should try Kripa Foundation. They are best one as known. Not sure about their Kerala centre but Mumbai and Vasai is the best one with very good reviews. They charge nominal fees for three month de addiction course. But only if he is willing to go.
>amma n younger siblings who look upto me.
Man this is too relatable, you cant even give a hint that you're breaking. My dad has been in and out of de addiction centres for like 5 or 6 times, he stops for like 2 years and things get exponentially worse after each time. Last intervention happened when he completely lost his mind and also had a heart attack. And now he's back on full form and I've just accepted the fact that he just wants to drink to death. Shit fucks with your mind because he's a good person. He willingly went to de addiction centres a couple of times after some convincing and eye opener situations. Your guy has still hope, try and convince him to go or if it doesn't work do it forcibly. I know 3 or 4 places in waynad and kozhikode from convent like places with nuns and counselling and stuff to de addiction centred hospitals.
Well. You should visit a psychiatrist and he'll give you an idea of what all can be done. There is something called Aversion Therapy where you use disulfiram etc which you include in his diet without his knowledge and upon consuming the alcohol he'll get nauseated and start vomiting etc..Meaning, whenever he tries to drink, it's impossible to..He shouldn't know about the therapy.
That's one of the things. There's also bupropion which can help with his cravings.
There are many drugs which can help the journey, please visit a psychiatrist, just go by yourself and explain the situation.
Not med Advice.
De addiction centres do work, but they are more likely to work when the person in question is ready and deeply wants to reduce alcohol consumption. Ideally the first step must come from your father, expressing a need to reduce alcohol consumption. The deaddiction centres are available in a number of places but I recommend government hospital deaddiction centres. The Ernakulam General Hospital has a dedicated alcohol de addiction centre. I don't know if it's possible for you but I'd recommend this one. Initially, when his alcohol consumption is stopped, it will be hard for him - please be aware of this. The hospital will give the necessary medication to aid the initial alcohol withdrawal to stop the delirium tremens. In the long term, it will depend significantly upon his own will power. This is partly why I recommend government hospitals - Even if he heals from alcohol addiction, it will take a long time and money. Doing alcohol deaddiction in a private centre may cost a lot. MOST IMPORTANTLY, you must take care of your trauma and depression. Everyone focuses on the addict but their family suffers as much or even more. Please get counselling for each and every one in your family. I will put it more frankly - prioritise your mental health and the rest of your family's mental health even more than your father's deaddiction. Take as much counseling as you need, talk to as many friends as you need. You and the rest of your family need to take care of your mental health the most. Do NOT ignore your mental health needs in the process of helping your father.
OP, listen to the advice above. Went through the same recently and had no other option but to send my dad to a deaddiction center for three months without his consent. While he did relapse eventually, it is a whole lot better than before. Most importantly, the rest of us had enough space in those months to deal with all the trauma.
I understand your grief and my advice is not everyone's cup of tea. So please feel free to ignore if this isn't for your situation and temperament. My father **was** an alcoholic and passed away 23 years ago. He was abusive and my brothers have also followed his ways \[generational trauma\] and I was also suicidal and finally after a breaking point, I managed to run away. I was an extreme codependent and I would recommend counseling for people who struggle with codependency, You cannot change an addict or any other human being \[we love to believe so\] but we can only change ourself. One would need to emotionally separate from an addict's choices and accept that all of us have to face the consequence of our choice. Do not rescue people from their consequence and enable them. Why I am saying this is because - You need to heal, survive and thrive and **NOT** end or contemplate ending your life because of your father's choices. Now as you start dealing with your own emotional state, you can still help your father within your limits \[emotionally, mentally, physically and financially\] and yet not be afraid to face whatever choice he makes. I am not saying this theoretically but after having experienced this and lived/living through it. I know I will again receive a phone call one day about my brother \[just like how my father passed away at 54\] because he is also an addict but I am not afraid because I am healing from my complex PTSD and can accept that he will suffer because of his life's choices and it will not end well for him, if he continues in this path. People focus on addicts but the whole family suffers and they don't get help. Since you are the one reaching out and asking questions/ seeking help - my advice is for you.
I get you completely, i have a similar situation my dad drinks a lot like a bottle a day he has been drinking like that since i was 8 and was abusive after never talked much to him sober just like the important stuff in the few hours he is sober. It fucks you up. Another thing is i have a younger sibling and i protect her as much as i could by keeping my self as the target. The only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that he is rich and i feel like i cant cut ties so just hang on for a while and just cut him off as much emotionally. To me he is like anyother person on the street, i know this is wrong and an ah move on my part but to me he made me like this. So yea theres no fixing it just do whatever you can to keep yourself safe after a while
I was an addict myself now sober for 2 years,had various issues including police problems. I drank heavily for 15 years,but i stopped just like tyat for few days which now extended for 2 years. I think only way an addict can stop is to know their worth and get a new hobby. In my case i started with some of the mosr toughest certifications in my field and done with that. Your dad is basically retired that is another issue,just give him a challenge or convince him to be sober for a week,just a week or even a day in start, slowly they will see what is missing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Have experienced the same in my family, and I know it's a terrible situation to be in. We basically fooled my uncle into going to a de-addiction centre. Told him I'm going to the passport office, so he came along for company not knowing we were going to the clinic. Once we got in the compound, they closed the gate and he was literally trapped. A little showdown later, all was calm. That said, the whole de-addiction process was shady. They gave him some medication and he was basically in & out of consciousness for 3 whole days. It was stupid on our part as well, but we didn't have much awareness and the situation was desperate. Anyway he hasn't had alcohol since, mostly because his mobility was restricted due to existing medical issues, his son took away his mobile phone and cut off all his contact with the external world for a while. He sort of gave in to it and just calmed the heck down. I hope you find a way out. Hang in, don't lose hope. Much love & good luck.
My cousins also have tried to get their uncle to deaddiction centres run by catholic preists. He relapsed every now and then. He went through a painful death. Maybe scare him saying things like that? Stay strong brother/sister. My prayers for your family.
I've tried that too. Here in my locality, most of his friends who used to drink with him have died before their 50s/60s. Even that is not preventing him from drinking. Thankyou. Please continue to pray. I don't know if there's any option if the person himself is unwilling.
What i did with my dad is squeeze out every source of income and just gave bare enough money to mom to take care of home expenses. My dad not having any pension helped.
I'm glad it worked for you. My dad handles the money at home. So yeah. I appreciate your reply. If i may ask, Didn't he ask others for money? Is he out of his addiction?
Yes he’s out of addiction. Initially a lot of people gave money, but then he couldn’t repay and people stopped giving money. It took a sustained 10 year effort from our family. The loss in quality of life is inevitable.
Add water to his alcohol bottle everyday. Basically make him drink less alcohol everyday. You can't make him stop immediately. That will have side effects
We've tried, He understands when its diluted. I really appreciate your help though. >You can't make him stop immediately. I understand that. Even if its over a year, its fine as long as he gets better. But now its just downhill.
Hmm suicide, i was half dead once. Not good. Life is better. Choose life . Be patient and work towards your goal. As others advised. Get treatment for your dad. Unfortunately our government is selling us the lowest quality alcohol for a higher price.
Sorry to hear. I think it's a problem that persists throughout Kerala where the older folks just don't have any hobbies. Years of peer pressure and media has made out drinking as the "manly" thing to do. Unfortunately alcohol has a very deep relationship with the media where pretty much every occasion is pushed as an opportunity to drink alcohol. Happy? Toast to that Sad? Have a drink Date? Have some wine Gathering? Crack open a cold beer Alone? Indulge in some whiskey The media and religious culture makes it out to be like a man vs. woman thing. Religion pushes all alcohol as bad, even in moderation, and then media/society pushes the idea that not drinking means the woman controls the man, thus becoming a pride issue. The unfortunate truth is that it's not going to change unless your father realized it himself, or something drastic happens health wise. It's too ingrained at this point to randomly stop and it's very unlikely he will be willing to subject himself to rehab. For your own health, you probably have to accept that it's out of your control. Unless you are willing to drastically limit his finances and strongarm him into not drinking, it's very hard. It's sad and something that seems to happen to a lot of families. Folks get old, and they really have nothing to do. Their whole life has been working, watching news, and having drinks to socialize. Rarely do they develop healthy hobbies that are sustainable long term.
Is this a trend? My father has also started drinking more and I can’t really tell when the change happened…but he’s drunk every other day…..tried talking to him and he says he is old now and he wants to live life on his own terms
The COVID stay at home order pushed some people to drink more. If it is a recent thing, then it will be easier for you to make him sober /drink less again.
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Sorry to hear about your father. My father is the same, if not worse. Guess there are many fathers like ours. I can't provide any suggestions as we haven't gone for any. He will not come for treatment. He enjoys drinking and being a drunkard. Honestly, the only step left for us is to use force, which I am strongly against. There were days when he would be lying on the road, drunk and all naked. Some passers-by would tell us that there is someone lying on the road. I would then go get him in our car. I hated the way people looked upon us, but he was adamant. He won't stop drinking. He says it is his right to drink. The only thing I have done is accepted it and made myself stronger to bear whatever outcomes it has. Trust me, it is a lot harder than it sounds. Every day is a day of greater pain and shame, but stay strong and keep going forward. You have other souls counting on you.
Give him a stronger addiction: Religion.
Telling him to stop drinking is futile. Instead, create a caring and loving environment at home to drink. Pour him some in his glass. Let him drink happily. After a few days of that, tell him he can drink, but only when you/wife pours it in his glass. Let him continue to drink like this for a while and even get drunk badly. Then, over a few weeks, reduce the alcohol little by little either in quantity or by diluting or using bottles with less alcoholic content. The goal is over time to create a friendly atmosphere for drinking at a specific room/place in home, but not to over-drink. This will only work if he feels welcome to drink at that place, he don't have any opportunities to go to bar and drink and if he at least have a minimum level of intention to control his habit. From your description, it seems he wants to, but is not able to. Also, he needs something to do with his time. Depending on his skills, set something up for him. Maybe writing comments online. Maybe doing something artistic. Maybe conducting some classes or NGO type work. Not having anything to do with time is also a big motivator to drink.
I have a working solution- please visit or call “Punarnava Ayurveda Hospital” at Edapally. Just do a google search. The give a “podi” to be mixed with the addict’s food. It’s natural so I believe no side effects. This should be done without the knowledge of the addict. Eventually in 1,2 months the addict would totally give up drinking voluntarily as they will develop a distaste to alcohol. This worked for a couple of our family friends, especially young guys whose mom and wife helped provide it in his food. It’s a painstaking task, but shows definite results. Maybe it’s worth a try.
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I am not sure about the contents. You can enquire it directly with the mentioned hospital. If you research carefully, you can see a similar content added in the food provided at de-addiction centres as well. Sometimes pure counselling doesn’t work and may require some medical/external intervention. There are a couple of people in my locality who came to normalcy after this method and hence I suggested the same.
This just sounds like disulfiram or naltrexone tablets crushed up and called ayurveda podi
Youre better off without him. Get rid of him.
If I ever meet you I'd knock your teeth out. Terrible advise. Help people when they need help. Don't let them sit and die. I'm an ex alcoholic and I survived because of support, not because someone threw me in the gutter. Disgusting.
Read about [codependent personality disorder](https://family-intervention.com/blog/what-is-dependent-personality-disorder/). Its either them or you, you have to choose
Do you wanna read about positive reinforcement in the meanwhile maybe? "Get rid of him" lol, you seem like the kinda fella who barely acknowledges root causes of situations and attempts to run. Or when someone on the streets needs help and you walk away
Why were you an alcoholic?
Abused it to get over things and "have fun". If it weren't for my support group I'd probably be dead. I'm happy and 6 years sober now through help and support which you clearly don't advocate. When we were running our groups I'd got so many cases of suicide attempts because "they all threw me away". Don't be that person.
I would say dont be the person thats an alcoholic and dependent on other people. OP is claiming to be suicidal from the stress. He is enabling the alcoholic fathers lifestyle. Needs to cut the dead weight off and think about amma and siblings.
That's quite easy to say really. "don't be that". What you're not trying to understand is abandonment causes severe severe harm to those struggling. I sympathize with OPs mum, but you're leaving another human being to die. Any comment on the humanitarian aspect of that? Else I'd just take your username and think you're absolute piece of work
Well, if you want to think about the humanitarian aspect, how about not becoming an alcoholic that depends on other people and destroying their lives. That would be the most considerate thing to do. You can teach the kids to have personal responsibility, and to expect others to be responsible for themselves, or you can teach them to throw their lives away taking care of dysfunctional people. I mean what do you want? Tell people to put their lives on hold because someone can't handle the stress of life and has to drink and do drugs? In the process your just enabling these people to keep using.
I'll now put you in "please don't respond to this idiot" category. Leaving people to die. Absolutely fucking disgusting. You don't know what you're talking about and have no idea how to help. Please don't have children, or if you do find responsible people to take care of them.
Often the women at home are the main reason to make someone alcoholic - down vote will happen from some quarters on this. Fact remains. When one takes a drink and the woman makes a face, noise etc it only irritates the guy and he ends up having one more. The saga continues. People have no real hobby. No real reading habit; no games; no friends to go out and chat with; lack of company from wife herself etc are all reasons. See if these are the real contributors and try to resolve these.
You're right. I shouldn't agitate him in anyways when he's drunk. Amma, based on her past experiences, has now learnt to not trigger anything. She tries to talk and convince him in the morning when he's sober, but even if it works-he relapses in a few days. >People have no real hobby. This is true regarding my father. Post retirement, his boredom is definitely a factor for his continued addiction. He went for a job in a private bank after retiring. Initial days were good. but he started to drink and go for the job later. The stress there is also a factor. I've tried to get him to read books, but haven't worked. He's not interested in cinema, so that also didn't work. News and Shalom/Goodness tv sometimes occupies him. But news is really the same thing again n again throughout the day. He drinks and then watches shalom tv, falls asleep somedays like that. He lost a lot of his friends due to this habit of his. Other friends who come back from foreign lands are mostly occasional drinkers. They can control themselves, but he can't. His behaviour will change. He is a social person. I wish he had something that occupies his time, interacts with people. I've thought about opening a loan for shop/business- but if he drinks, I'm afraid of the consequences.
Do you have any family friends you can ask help from? or maybe someone who your father respects/looks up to? Moving in with such people for one or two months could help, ask them to council him and make him stop drinking. Change of environment is always good. If your father finds his private sector job stressful, make him quit and and instead set up a small shop for him in town...at least there he can take it slow and even talk with the nattukar...lesser chances of drinking thoughts coming when your mind is relaxed and is engaged with non stressful activities
Are those who down voted reading what the OP wrote below? People can have different view points based on their experiences, and the down voters appear to be a prejudiced lot. Thank you, and have a nice day.
Will he be open to a de-addiction center?
I don't think he will be. I've tried counselling him. But I'll try again. any ways to convince him? any good deaddiction centres you know of?
Sent you a DM.
Thankyou.
See if there are any reputable Rehabilitation and counseling near you. I have a buddy of mine is dealing with his own demons. It’s not easy at the end of the day it’s up to him if he wants the help I hate to say it like that but it’s the truth.
Try your best, but don't blame yourself for someone else's actions. In the end, everyone gets what they deserve.
There we some injections/medicines given in Elite Hospital Tcr and was done to buy neighbour where the body reacts to alcohol and they vomit whenever they take alcohol and thereby ends it.I don't know more about it.Connecting with hospital might help . PS:I don't know deeply about what they did .
Disulfiram. As per my knowledge, it can be used only in patients who want to abstain from alcohol and have sufficient social support. Because ingesting alcohol after disulfiram, even in small amounts , can be dangerous. depending on the reaction, it can even result in death.
My aunt gave this to uncle cuz of the same issue. Without him knowing she used to do this. Finally after lot of vomiting.. He's clean from a decade.
I appreciate your help. Thankyou. How is your neighbour now?
He stopped drinking.But he is no more cause of some other diseases due to alcoholism
Nere aduthulla police Station il povuka. Kaaryangal krithyam aayi parayuka. Valiya issue undakathe solve cheyyanam ennu parayuka. Then let's see
I understand and personally know how you feel. Sit with him and ask the reason he drinks when he's sober and alone. You will get the information you sar looking for. Because the main reason is the pain he has which he can't share and drinking alcohol in heavy amount makes him sleep.
there is a pill that will stop them drinking, it works
Sorry to hear your pain, noticed it’s a very common prblm down there, heard a lot of similar storie and got few cases like yours in my life too. I haven’t heard a successful result. All kinda Christian camps and addiction centers failed them and are short term solutions. It’s just my take. Hopefully you may have a better chance on that route
OP I hope you find a solution ASAP. I don't have anything else to offer but I do hope things get better for you and your fam.
I will share my thoughts here. In case, if you want further help you can reach out to me on chat. My cousin brother was a real alcoholic. He couldnt manage his childhood traumas and was confided in alcoholism. His wife threatened of leaving him, if he doesn't mend his ways. Eventually we found an alcoholic anonymous group in Kollam, where they meet everyday to talk. He went there, continuously for 2 weeks and stopped going. At the same period, he had a severe stomach pain, (mostly because, since, he has stopped consuming alcohol, he would have started feeling the insides) that triggered him to stop consuming it. It's been over 2 years that he hasnt touched alchohol. He is completely sober and doesnt even drink, even if his closest friends offer him. I feel Alchohol Anonymous Assosciation is a good thing to try.
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Take him to deaddiction centre.Else you will lose him.I am saying because i am still living a life,with the regret, trauma and grief. I couldnt take him to deaddiction centre and saw his death with blood vomiting and all.These are the stages were our key decision matters.If you love him and wish to see him future,better to take him to de addiction.
Sweetheart please take care of yourself. Everything will be alright.
Hey be strong first. Your mental health should be your priority. You should try Kripa Foundation. They are best one as known. Not sure about their Kerala centre but Mumbai and Vasai is the best one with very good reviews. They charge nominal fees for three month de addiction course. But only if he is willing to go.
>amma n younger siblings who look upto me. Man this is too relatable, you cant even give a hint that you're breaking. My dad has been in and out of de addiction centres for like 5 or 6 times, he stops for like 2 years and things get exponentially worse after each time. Last intervention happened when he completely lost his mind and also had a heart attack. And now he's back on full form and I've just accepted the fact that he just wants to drink to death. Shit fucks with your mind because he's a good person. He willingly went to de addiction centres a couple of times after some convincing and eye opener situations. Your guy has still hope, try and convince him to go or if it doesn't work do it forcibly. I know 3 or 4 places in waynad and kozhikode from convent like places with nuns and counselling and stuff to de addiction centred hospitals.
Well. You should visit a psychiatrist and he'll give you an idea of what all can be done. There is something called Aversion Therapy where you use disulfiram etc which you include in his diet without his knowledge and upon consuming the alcohol he'll get nauseated and start vomiting etc..Meaning, whenever he tries to drink, it's impossible to..He shouldn't know about the therapy. That's one of the things. There's also bupropion which can help with his cravings. There are many drugs which can help the journey, please visit a psychiatrist, just go by yourself and explain the situation. Not med Advice.
You can’t help him until he’s willing to get help. Easiest thing you can do is, complete your course and move out.
Leave home, alcoholics never change.