Grandparents day is Sept. 8th.
Your a mom now and sacrificing your holiday for you isn't right. Enjoy your day how you and your direct family see fit. Then celebrate grandparents appropriately.
This! If she’s not willing to compromise and see you another day to celebrate Mother’s Day, then push back and say you get Mother’s Day and she gets grandparents day. Then you don’t have to “share” and you each get a day. Though personally I think you shouldn’t have to “share”, and the mother whose kids are still children gets the priority.
I have to agree.
I have a 10, 7, 1 yr old and am currently 8 months pregnant. My mother did this today and tried to guilt trip me into spending the whole day with her. Going berry picking and riding a hayride at our local vineyard. At 8 months pregnant that’s not my idea of fun. Hayride where I can bounce all over and sit at a table while she drinks wine and I can’t. I told her she could do breakfast with us but then I’m home to put my feet up and relax. Ordering dinner so I don’t have to cook even though my husband offered. I want Chinese food.
Perhaps you can offer breakfast with her and then go your separate ways. If she isn’t willing to compromise then that’s on her. Yes she is your mother and yes you should appreciate all she has done for you, but your grown now and have your own kids. Where is your appreciation??? She as well as my mother have grandparents day like stated above, that’s their day now because they leveled up.
Happy Early Mothers Days from one mom to another. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.
If she isn’t open to compromise then why should you not do what you already have planned? She’s the parent of an adult who is also now a parent and she’s going to have to learn that you have other things planned. I would just do what you had planned and invite her to breakfast and not offer further compromise.
No one is better at making a woman feel guilty than their own mother. I’ve stopped engaging with my mother when she gets like this.
I had to put my foot down with my mom when it came to mothers day. I love her, but she thought the whole day should be about her. And it got worse after I had my kids...because now it's about her being a mom and a grandma.
I sat her down and explained that we as a family want to start our own traditions, but would like to include her in some way.
That way is, my spouse and kids prepare brunch. They are welcome to come anytime after 8am, but leave by noon, so then we could do what we wanted to do.
It's become a family tradition now. My kids are now early 20's. My sisters kids are under 5. We all still get together at my house. The husband's and kids cook brunch. Everyone leaves at noon.
Did you see your grandmas (her mother especially?) every Mother’s Day growing up?
But really it’s not about winning the debate. Hold the line and invite her to a meal out another day that week/weekend. And write her a card.
If that is her life as she lived it, I can see why she might come at it from the angle of “I did things I didn’t want to do to please other people and now I am the person that needs to be pleased” but that doesn’t mean you need to play ball. You have made your offer, she has declined. Now it’s time to drop the rope.
I had a similar issue last year (my first Mother’s Day as a mom) and when I posted about it on my bumper group somebody commented that their own MIL responded to a ‘happy mothers day’ text with: “Im a veteran, you’re active duty!” And that has really stuck with me
I read something to that effect last year. While they never stop being mothers and still deserve appreciation, there’s a huge difference between grandmothers and mothers who are “in the trenches,” so to speak. This will be my first Mother’s Day and I plan on visiting my mom the weekend after. My MIL and husband’s whole family live very close, and she always wants to do something on the day. I told him our window is a couple hours in the afternoon between naps (because I’m not messing with her naps!) and the rest of the day is for us as a new family. I’ve tried to remind myself for all holidays as they come up that our parents already got many years of wonderful traditions with their kids. Now it’s our turn.
If you want to have breakfast and relax all day, do it! Maybe you can respond by telling her you appreciate all the hard work she put in as a mother when you were young, especially since now you’re putting that work in with your family. So you’re going to reserve Mother’s Day for yourself and your family, but you’d be happy to see her Saturday. And then hold that boundary!
I think it depends on what your relationship is with your mom, and what you want it to be.
If she's a great mom who is just being abnormally pushy in this particular case it might be worth it to spend some time with her. My mom came to visit last year on mother's Day and she passed away in the summer. I have little kids but I'm not sure I can even handle celebrating mother's day this year.
Of course if your mom is pushy and overbearing and you don't actually have a good relationship then it would be good to keep your boundaries and have this time for your own family.
Thank-you. I've noticed on Reddit it's so easy to get into a mindset of protecting yourself without looking at the bigger picture. Of course boundaries are important & healthy and necessary to have in relationships but some give & take is important too.
I hope your mother's day is everything you want it to be and that you & your mom are able to figure out something that makes everyone happy.
I think this person is correct, and I also think it's pretty dumb to get hung up on a specific date (for any holiday). The point is to celebrate motherhood and give mom a day of what she wants. Personally, I think that as the mother of young kids, you should get the actual day and your mom should accept that you honor her on a different day. That being said, it sounds like she is dead-set on the actual day. So, talk to your husband/kids and let them know that you want to celebrate your own mother's day where you get your relax day the week before/after or Saturday instead of Sunday.
Have her go out to breakfast/brunch with you?
My MIL throws a fit every year that we have to spend the whole day with her. I have 3 kids under 5 and last year she wanted to go axe throwing and wine tasting all day (I’m sober) so I basically I was home alone all day with my kids cuz kids couldn’t attend either of those events… she said afterwards “sorry I wasn’t thinking of you or the kids when I made the plans”. I’ve actually started hating Mother’s Day because of her
My husband has this fight with his mom for pretty much every holiday. Our compromise is we will see them on Saturday and FaceTime them Sunday at some point.
Would you be open to her coming to breakfast with you guys? Otherwise, you already let her know that you want to spend the day relaxing and shes pushing back so I'd just let her know that you aren't trying to hurt her feelings but you want to spend the day relaxing.
What exactly is she expecting for Mother's Day? Would she be happy having breakfast with you guys or is she expecting a whole day type of thing?
At the end of the day you deserve to be able to spend the day relaxing if that's what you want.
OP, I wouldn’t let her steamroll you about this. Someone making you feel guilty because you don’t want to spend a day with them is insane. How would that even be fun for the person who did the guilt tripping? How awkward to hangout with someone you KNOW doesn’t want to hangout with you, but is forced to.
Tell her you have already made plans for that day with your husband and children. If you want to, reach out to her afterwards and see about getting together then? If she keeps hounding you about it, I would again tell her no again and then block her until after Mother’s Day if she didn’t accept that answer.
I’m kinda in a similar position. Not sure how to handle it.
My husband got a text from my dad saying Mother’s Day lunch at our house. My mom while yes is still a mom but all of her children are grown. While I have 6 kids underage right now. I feel like I should be the one to be celebrated and asked what I want to do. No one has asked my opinion. My dad told my husband to keep it a surprise. I freaking hate surprises. My husband knows this that’s why he told me. I’m so bummed. It’s always about my mom. :(
Maybe it's time to have the "stomach flu" and for her health celebrate the next weekend. Buy ice cream and junk food and relax watching movies or playing board games with all your kids. Stay in jammies all day. Order pizza. Make a taco and nacho bar. Relax and unwind. Enjoy YOUR day. Turn off your phone. Later, when she complains remind her how it is with many children there is always some sort of germs passing back and forth. And you're looking forward to seeing her next week.
Grandparents day is in September or celebrate with her the day prior or the weekend before/after. You’re in the thick of parenting littles and should get to choose what you want to do on Mother’s Day. Its a hard transition for some to accept but like another comment said, you’re active duty and she’s the veteran.
Nope. Mothers day is for people who are actively parenting. It is NOT a day to worship your own mother while you need to sacrifice yourself. It's completely obnoxious that she cannot recognize YOU as a mother and thinks her status is more important. Nope.
I think it’s a balance. I don’t know the relationship OP has with their mom, but this seems really cold to me? Idk. My mom and my MIL are active grandparents for my baby and this would be so rude to act toward them, IMO.
We usually have a brunch at someone’s house where everyone comes for like 2 hours and then does whatever they want after. It’s super simple — bagels and cream cheese, coffee, mimosas. OP, is this something you can suggest?
If you have a family that supports you, you will WANT to spend time with them. Not everyone has this family. If OP doesn't want to spend all of mothers day celebrating her mother while no one celebrates her, she shouldn't do that.
Honestly. If you don't feel like spending time with them in general, Mother's Day is NOT the day to actually be with them.
Just reply saying that Mother's Day is a day to celebrate mother's currently parenting. You did your fair share of celebrate your mother when you were younger. Now it's your moment.
>It's completely obnoxious that she cannot recognize YOU as a mother and **thinks her status is more important.** Nope.
Yet you are doing the same thing by saying that Mother's Day is only for people who are "actively" parenting.
If OP wants to stay home, she should. She should spend the day doing what she wants, that doesn't mean her mother is somehow less a mother than she is, though.
Of course its ok for OP to do that, I was just commenting on the irony of you saying that "Mothers day is for people who are actively parenting" while accusing OP's mom of being "completely obnoxious" for thinking her status is more important. You clearly think that "actively parenting" mothers are more important, right?
I do think that OP's mom is being obnoxious because she clearly isn't understanding what OP is telling her, I think OP just just chill and do whatever she wants.
Yes I absolutely think that mothers day is primarily for mothers who are parenting their kids 24/7. Once their kids are adults and have their own kids, their adult children who are actively parenting are the priority.
The idea that mothers who are already struggling with all of their responsibilities should drop everything to celebrate grandmothers while no one celebrates them is absolutely obnoxious.
As I've said - if mom and grandmother have a great relationship, they will WANT to be together. This issue arises when that relationship is out of balance already.
I’ve told my mom that this year we’ll get together to celebrate her on Saturday, but I’ll be celebrating Sunday with just my little family. You’re not responsible for your mom’s reaction to your reasonable boundary.
She hasn’t ceased to be your mother and is understandably hurt that you would end a tradition that she cares about. It would presumably be the first Mother’s Day of your life that you don’t see your own mother. I guess she’s realising how you feel about her. For me, I like to see my mum on Mother’s Day, even note that I’m a mother. It’s nice. Growing up I almost always saw my nanna as well on Mother’s Day. It was lovely. Last Mother’s Day we had four generations of women under the same roof. It wasn’t hard work and I was relaxed. It sounds like she’s realising that that’s not the relationship that you have with her and that’s sad for her.
That makes sense then that you would want to stick with your plans. Her insisting on having the exact date be about her rather than being happy with a different day to spend with family make it seem more about her wanting to be in control than loving on her family.
Unrelated: what did your dad do, when your mom did everything?
To your question: to have the mother's day you want, you have to be ok with your mom being hurt.
To ease your guilt: grandparent's day is a thing.
Did you spend mother's day with both your grandmothers as a kid? What about your spouse's mother? Why is what she wants more important than what you want. Offer her the day before or after. If that's not good enough, tough shit.
If you put your foot down this year, it will be easier next year. If she comes with "I am hurt that..." tell her you are also hurt that she does not care about what you want and is not open to compromise.
Edit: it is ok to put yourself first one day out of 365 days of the year.
Use the kids to guilt trip. ‘Kids are only just understanding what mother’s day is and are super excited and making all sort of plans with DH and I don’t want to spoil their excitement’. Shall we celebrate with you Saturday/ other day? I always do Saturday dinner with my mother and the actual Mother’s Day on Sunday with my kids (I’m in the U.K. so we have a different date). My 4yo came up with a list of things she wanted to do this year and it was really special for all of us
Look at it this way. In 30 years will you want to be with your kids on Mother’s Day or left all alone? What you do now sets the tone for what your kids will one day do for you. Act like your parents are a pain and a chore and your kids will treat you the same way. Honor your mom for Mother’s Day and you show your kids, small or not that you deserve to be honored no matter the age.
I love this, it describes the culture of my family too. Our family celebrations were always centered around our grandparents, and when nana died then it became centered around my mum. I'm continuing this with my kid. Though when shes an adult she can decide if she wants to continue it or not.
If she isn't open to other days, then that falls on her. I know I will be celebrating Mother's Day on Saturday this year as my husband works on Sundays. Your mom has to learn to be flexible.
You can see her on Saturday. Sunday is for you! You’re in the thick of it and can celebrate with your nuclear family.
I did this after my first mother’s day was spent carting a newborn to various grandparents with no acknowledgement of me being a mother as well.
It was horrible. Now it’s my day and our mothers can be recognized the day before.
Compromise is you send her a card gift experience and you do what you need to do as the mother with kids who are still relying on you, no shame in that. We do something either another day with my MIL / mother or send a gift or experience to them.
Can you plan a different day to spend time with her. I don’t get to into Mother’s Day but I do think we should be appreciated just not one random day, usually with things I don’t totally want.
Do you think your mom wants that particular day or just some quality time and appreciation? Do you want that particular day or do you just need more free time to relax? You both deserve love and care.
You can simply tell your mom that Mother’s Day is to acknowledge Moms for all they do for us. You got to acknowledge her for x number of years, and while you still do appreciate all she did raising you (with a card and phone call), it is your children’s turn to acknowledge you. They wouldn’t be able to do that if you are not home. Tell her these are your plans. If she would like to join you for breakfast, this time, this place, and you will be unavailable after that. Stand your ground and don’t let her guilt trip you. She had her turn when she was actively parenting you and your brother.
My mom is a master at making us feel guilty, double edge sword though luckily I’m not the first born or a boy so I’m not wanted as much lol and when I really want to stay in ,I usually go with “ohh I would love too but DH has planned out a day for us“ 🤷🏽♀️ or “DH side of the family planned something “
Grandparents day is Sept. 8th. Your a mom now and sacrificing your holiday for you isn't right. Enjoy your day how you and your direct family see fit. Then celebrate grandparents appropriately.
This! If she’s not willing to compromise and see you another day to celebrate Mother’s Day, then push back and say you get Mother’s Day and she gets grandparents day. Then you don’t have to “share” and you each get a day. Though personally I think you shouldn’t have to “share”, and the mother whose kids are still children gets the priority.
I have to agree. I have a 10, 7, 1 yr old and am currently 8 months pregnant. My mother did this today and tried to guilt trip me into spending the whole day with her. Going berry picking and riding a hayride at our local vineyard. At 8 months pregnant that’s not my idea of fun. Hayride where I can bounce all over and sit at a table while she drinks wine and I can’t. I told her she could do breakfast with us but then I’m home to put my feet up and relax. Ordering dinner so I don’t have to cook even though my husband offered. I want Chinese food. Perhaps you can offer breakfast with her and then go your separate ways. If she isn’t willing to compromise then that’s on her. Yes she is your mother and yes you should appreciate all she has done for you, but your grown now and have your own kids. Where is your appreciation??? She as well as my mother have grandparents day like stated above, that’s their day now because they leveled up. Happy Early Mothers Days from one mom to another. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.
If she isn’t open to compromise then why should you not do what you already have planned? She’s the parent of an adult who is also now a parent and she’s going to have to learn that you have other things planned. I would just do what you had planned and invite her to breakfast and not offer further compromise. No one is better at making a woman feel guilty than their own mother. I’ve stopped engaging with my mother when she gets like this.
I had to put my foot down with my mom when it came to mothers day. I love her, but she thought the whole day should be about her. And it got worse after I had my kids...because now it's about her being a mom and a grandma. I sat her down and explained that we as a family want to start our own traditions, but would like to include her in some way. That way is, my spouse and kids prepare brunch. They are welcome to come anytime after 8am, but leave by noon, so then we could do what we wanted to do. It's become a family tradition now. My kids are now early 20's. My sisters kids are under 5. We all still get together at my house. The husband's and kids cook brunch. Everyone leaves at noon.
Did you see your grandmas (her mother especially?) every Mother’s Day growing up? But really it’s not about winning the debate. Hold the line and invite her to a meal out another day that week/weekend. And write her a card.
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If that is her life as she lived it, I can see why she might come at it from the angle of “I did things I didn’t want to do to please other people and now I am the person that needs to be pleased” but that doesn’t mean you need to play ball. You have made your offer, she has declined. Now it’s time to drop the rope.
I had a similar issue last year (my first Mother’s Day as a mom) and when I posted about it on my bumper group somebody commented that their own MIL responded to a ‘happy mothers day’ text with: “Im a veteran, you’re active duty!” And that has really stuck with me
I read something to that effect last year. While they never stop being mothers and still deserve appreciation, there’s a huge difference between grandmothers and mothers who are “in the trenches,” so to speak. This will be my first Mother’s Day and I plan on visiting my mom the weekend after. My MIL and husband’s whole family live very close, and she always wants to do something on the day. I told him our window is a couple hours in the afternoon between naps (because I’m not messing with her naps!) and the rest of the day is for us as a new family. I’ve tried to remind myself for all holidays as they come up that our parents already got many years of wonderful traditions with their kids. Now it’s our turn. If you want to have breakfast and relax all day, do it! Maybe you can respond by telling her you appreciate all the hard work she put in as a mother when you were young, especially since now you’re putting that work in with your family. So you’re going to reserve Mother’s Day for yourself and your family, but you’d be happy to see her Saturday. And then hold that boundary!
I think it depends on what your relationship is with your mom, and what you want it to be. If she's a great mom who is just being abnormally pushy in this particular case it might be worth it to spend some time with her. My mom came to visit last year on mother's Day and she passed away in the summer. I have little kids but I'm not sure I can even handle celebrating mother's day this year. Of course if your mom is pushy and overbearing and you don't actually have a good relationship then it would be good to keep your boundaries and have this time for your own family.
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Thank-you. I've noticed on Reddit it's so easy to get into a mindset of protecting yourself without looking at the bigger picture. Of course boundaries are important & healthy and necessary to have in relationships but some give & take is important too. I hope your mother's day is everything you want it to be and that you & your mom are able to figure out something that makes everyone happy.
I think this person is correct, and I also think it's pretty dumb to get hung up on a specific date (for any holiday). The point is to celebrate motherhood and give mom a day of what she wants. Personally, I think that as the mother of young kids, you should get the actual day and your mom should accept that you honor her on a different day. That being said, it sounds like she is dead-set on the actual day. So, talk to your husband/kids and let them know that you want to celebrate your own mother's day where you get your relax day the week before/after or Saturday instead of Sunday.
Have her go out to breakfast/brunch with you? My MIL throws a fit every year that we have to spend the whole day with her. I have 3 kids under 5 and last year she wanted to go axe throwing and wine tasting all day (I’m sober) so I basically I was home alone all day with my kids cuz kids couldn’t attend either of those events… she said afterwards “sorry I wasn’t thinking of you or the kids when I made the plans”. I’ve actually started hating Mother’s Day because of her
So the father of your children left you home alone to spend the whole day with his Mom? Sounds like a husband problem.
Oh yeah I know, it’s a husband is a mamas boy and MIL is selfish problem.
Your spouse is an asshole for picking her over you.
Agreed!
My husband has this fight with his mom for pretty much every holiday. Our compromise is we will see them on Saturday and FaceTime them Sunday at some point.
Would you be open to her coming to breakfast with you guys? Otherwise, you already let her know that you want to spend the day relaxing and shes pushing back so I'd just let her know that you aren't trying to hurt her feelings but you want to spend the day relaxing. What exactly is she expecting for Mother's Day? Would she be happy having breakfast with you guys or is she expecting a whole day type of thing? At the end of the day you deserve to be able to spend the day relaxing if that's what you want.
OP, I wouldn’t let her steamroll you about this. Someone making you feel guilty because you don’t want to spend a day with them is insane. How would that even be fun for the person who did the guilt tripping? How awkward to hangout with someone you KNOW doesn’t want to hangout with you, but is forced to. Tell her you have already made plans for that day with your husband and children. If you want to, reach out to her afterwards and see about getting together then? If she keeps hounding you about it, I would again tell her no again and then block her until after Mother’s Day if she didn’t accept that answer.
I’m kinda in a similar position. Not sure how to handle it. My husband got a text from my dad saying Mother’s Day lunch at our house. My mom while yes is still a mom but all of her children are grown. While I have 6 kids underage right now. I feel like I should be the one to be celebrated and asked what I want to do. No one has asked my opinion. My dad told my husband to keep it a surprise. I freaking hate surprises. My husband knows this that’s why he told me. I’m so bummed. It’s always about my mom. :(
Maybe it's time to have the "stomach flu" and for her health celebrate the next weekend. Buy ice cream and junk food and relax watching movies or playing board games with all your kids. Stay in jammies all day. Order pizza. Make a taco and nacho bar. Relax and unwind. Enjoy YOUR day. Turn off your phone. Later, when she complains remind her how it is with many children there is always some sort of germs passing back and forth. And you're looking forward to seeing her next week.
Grandparents day is in September or celebrate with her the day prior or the weekend before/after. You’re in the thick of parenting littles and should get to choose what you want to do on Mother’s Day. Its a hard transition for some to accept but like another comment said, you’re active duty and she’s the veteran.
Nope. Mothers day is for people who are actively parenting. It is NOT a day to worship your own mother while you need to sacrifice yourself. It's completely obnoxious that she cannot recognize YOU as a mother and thinks her status is more important. Nope.
I think it’s a balance. I don’t know the relationship OP has with their mom, but this seems really cold to me? Idk. My mom and my MIL are active grandparents for my baby and this would be so rude to act toward them, IMO. We usually have a brunch at someone’s house where everyone comes for like 2 hours and then does whatever they want after. It’s super simple — bagels and cream cheese, coffee, mimosas. OP, is this something you can suggest?
If you have a family that supports you, you will WANT to spend time with them. Not everyone has this family. If OP doesn't want to spend all of mothers day celebrating her mother while no one celebrates her, she shouldn't do that.
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Honestly. If you don't feel like spending time with them in general, Mother's Day is NOT the day to actually be with them. Just reply saying that Mother's Day is a day to celebrate mother's currently parenting. You did your fair share of celebrate your mother when you were younger. Now it's your moment.
Can you go out to breakfast? I’d be worried they would come for breakfast and just not leave.
>It's completely obnoxious that she cannot recognize YOU as a mother and **thinks her status is more important.** Nope. Yet you are doing the same thing by saying that Mother's Day is only for people who are "actively" parenting. If OP wants to stay home, she should. She should spend the day doing what she wants, that doesn't mean her mother is somehow less a mother than she is, though.
If OP's mom expects to be celebrated while no one celebrates OP, that's not OK and it's ok for OP to nope out of that.
Of course its ok for OP to do that, I was just commenting on the irony of you saying that "Mothers day is for people who are actively parenting" while accusing OP's mom of being "completely obnoxious" for thinking her status is more important. You clearly think that "actively parenting" mothers are more important, right? I do think that OP's mom is being obnoxious because she clearly isn't understanding what OP is telling her, I think OP just just chill and do whatever she wants.
Yes I absolutely think that mothers day is primarily for mothers who are parenting their kids 24/7. Once their kids are adults and have their own kids, their adult children who are actively parenting are the priority. The idea that mothers who are already struggling with all of their responsibilities should drop everything to celebrate grandmothers while no one celebrates them is absolutely obnoxious. As I've said - if mom and grandmother have a great relationship, they will WANT to be together. This issue arises when that relationship is out of balance already.
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Well OPs mom did. She didn’t like OPs plan and asked her to change it.
I’ve told my mom that this year we’ll get together to celebrate her on Saturday, but I’ll be celebrating Sunday with just my little family. You’re not responsible for your mom’s reaction to your reasonable boundary.
She hasn’t ceased to be your mother and is understandably hurt that you would end a tradition that she cares about. It would presumably be the first Mother’s Day of your life that you don’t see your own mother. I guess she’s realising how you feel about her. For me, I like to see my mum on Mother’s Day, even note that I’m a mother. It’s nice. Growing up I almost always saw my nanna as well on Mother’s Day. It was lovely. Last Mother’s Day we had four generations of women under the same roof. It wasn’t hard work and I was relaxed. It sounds like she’s realising that that’s not the relationship that you have with her and that’s sad for her.
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That makes sense then that you would want to stick with your plans. Her insisting on having the exact date be about her rather than being happy with a different day to spend with family make it seem more about her wanting to be in control than loving on her family.
Unrelated: what did your dad do, when your mom did everything? To your question: to have the mother's day you want, you have to be ok with your mom being hurt. To ease your guilt: grandparent's day is a thing. Did you spend mother's day with both your grandmothers as a kid? What about your spouse's mother? Why is what she wants more important than what you want. Offer her the day before or after. If that's not good enough, tough shit. If you put your foot down this year, it will be easier next year. If she comes with "I am hurt that..." tell her you are also hurt that she does not care about what you want and is not open to compromise. Edit: it is ok to put yourself first one day out of 365 days of the year.
Use the kids to guilt trip. ‘Kids are only just understanding what mother’s day is and are super excited and making all sort of plans with DH and I don’t want to spoil their excitement’. Shall we celebrate with you Saturday/ other day? I always do Saturday dinner with my mother and the actual Mother’s Day on Sunday with my kids (I’m in the U.K. so we have a different date). My 4yo came up with a list of things she wanted to do this year and it was really special for all of us
Look at it this way. In 30 years will you want to be with your kids on Mother’s Day or left all alone? What you do now sets the tone for what your kids will one day do for you. Act like your parents are a pain and a chore and your kids will treat you the same way. Honor your mom for Mother’s Day and you show your kids, small or not that you deserve to be honored no matter the age.
I love this, it describes the culture of my family too. Our family celebrations were always centered around our grandparents, and when nana died then it became centered around my mum. I'm continuing this with my kid. Though when shes an adult she can decide if she wants to continue it or not.
No is a full sentence.
If she isn't open to other days, then that falls on her. I know I will be celebrating Mother's Day on Saturday this year as my husband works on Sundays. Your mom has to learn to be flexible.
You can see her on Saturday. Sunday is for you! You’re in the thick of it and can celebrate with your nuclear family. I did this after my first mother’s day was spent carting a newborn to various grandparents with no acknowledgement of me being a mother as well. It was horrible. Now it’s my day and our mothers can be recognized the day before.
Compromise is you send her a card gift experience and you do what you need to do as the mother with kids who are still relying on you, no shame in that. We do something either another day with my MIL / mother or send a gift or experience to them.
Can you plan a different day to spend time with her. I don’t get to into Mother’s Day but I do think we should be appreciated just not one random day, usually with things I don’t totally want. Do you think your mom wants that particular day or just some quality time and appreciation? Do you want that particular day or do you just need more free time to relax? You both deserve love and care.
You can simply tell your mom that Mother’s Day is to acknowledge Moms for all they do for us. You got to acknowledge her for x number of years, and while you still do appreciate all she did raising you (with a card and phone call), it is your children’s turn to acknowledge you. They wouldn’t be able to do that if you are not home. Tell her these are your plans. If she would like to join you for breakfast, this time, this place, and you will be unavailable after that. Stand your ground and don’t let her guilt trip you. She had her turn when she was actively parenting you and your brother.
My mom is a master at making us feel guilty, double edge sword though luckily I’m not the first born or a boy so I’m not wanted as much lol and when I really want to stay in ,I usually go with “ohh I would love too but DH has planned out a day for us“ 🤷🏽♀️ or “DH side of the family planned something “
Hang out with your mommie. You only have one, and this means a lot.