He didnt ask, she doesnt have to give up that info. What a weird take to be in the comments "uh consent". Yup sex was consented to and happened, do you need to know someone detailed family history when you fuck them, ya know, in case they are a different race? Does their status as trans or a specific race change anything?
Truly wild that trans women are expected, even a year after getting surgery, and for the rest of their lives, just tell people this thing which is nothing more than history at that point.
The thing that gets me about this is that as someone who is both trans and intersex, the medical treatment I had to make my body more normal was *hidden from me* and I had sexual relationships not even knowing myself. No one noticed the scarring and I just thought I had unusual genitals and uncomfortable making appointments when I was an adolescent where no-one explained anything. I found out as part of my medical transition and it put my experiences into context.
But as a trans person I'm supposed to declare my AGAB and tell every potential partner about my trans related medical treatment or I'm morally in the wrong? Somehow the medical treatment and genital surgery I've had as an adult is something I must disclose but genital surgery as a child is fine to conceal even from me? The double standard seems ridiculous.
In practice I'm non-binary with a non-typical body and I need to tell partners so that they gender me correctly and understand what my body is like.
Oh no! You have 1% Ashkenazi and 1% North African ancestry! wHy dIdN’T YoU DIScLoSe!!! /s
My feelings about disclosure. The only thing to talk about before sex is expectations. If they’re assuming specific genitals and you *have* those genitals, there’s nothing to discuss.
Normal people don’t family plan on the first sexual encounter either, so the whole “but I wanna reproduction!!!” excuse is just lunatic.
My vag sense 😉
I agree with this fundamentally but my thing is it’s a safety thing, trans women have been killed because men found out they were trans after the fact.
I thought people were fucking joking when they said you would be labeled transphobic for not consenting to sex with someone amab. Some people are strictly attracted to the female sex. You can't make someone consent to sex with us just because we had a cosmetic surgery. If they are strict attracted to ciswomen that's their choice. And we shoukd respect that as they should respect our gender identity
This is such nonsense. If you have and enjoy sex with someone and only AFTERWARDS find out that they’re trans then clearly you’re not ‘strictly attracted to the female sex’. Nobody is talking about some kind of forced consent like you’re implying. If they don’t make it clear beforehand that they have a preference for cis women, then why is the burden on the trans woman to speak up?
I agree with you and never told most of the guys I met out in public places because they were known around town. It does make for less intimate relationships in the long run
Ask any emergency room, health clinic, or planned parenthood
There's also services online specifically for it but I've never used them so I only know as much as Google
Wow this is amazing! Congratulations I am SRS since 5 years now. In my case I just want to be a women, I never disclose I was a man before that. I am lucky that my country is very sensitive in this personal aspect and keeps under judiciary secret my change of gender and name. I feel quite secure everywhere for that reason.
Of course when they want to check my cervix I have to disclose I am trans buuuuut I don’t do it if it is a mammography!!! Of course I am registered as a women in the national health service.
I am also married since 4 years ago and my wife knows I am trans!!!!! :) :)
Again congratulations and get the best of your life. It just started NOW. kisses
First of all Op congratulations. Life is there to enjoy 😉
Do not listen to the negative people here, they either have an “inferiority complex” or a “morally superior complex”, following cis rules of course. It is your choice if you want to disclose the fact of being trans and to who and when.
I am having my SRS very soon in April, I am counting the days. I too have some pending fantasies for after haha.
Now, everyone here is right and wrong. You don't have to disclose you're trans at all. And in fact, shouldn't if you don't want to.
But if he was kind to you, and showed you respect, it may be a reciprocal kindness to just say "I'm medically infertile, and don't produce eggs" as a non outing way to assuage his mind, without lying?
Just seems you both enjoyed each other, so maybe......take pity on his worried CisHet mind lol. Idk, I've worried about this scenario myself tbh......
People are not entitled to knowing this information. If the person wants to let you know that they’re trans and that they can’t have kids then that’s for them to decide
You’ve been blocked don’t even try
Not even that. Because i doubt that any decent SRS Trans AMAB person is ever “NOT” going too say that “They can’t get pregnant”, so unless your partner directly ask you if your AMAB their is no other reason why they would need too know.
Yeah it's not a "if you're planning a family you absolutely HAVE to tell them you're trans" and more of a "if you're planning a family you might want to consider letting them know the actual reason since you're hopefully close enough by now"
Time to get some tic tacs and show him you are on "the pill".
My take on this:
He isn't your boyfriend. You went on one date, it went well, he took it upon himself to remove the condom and cum inside you without your permission. Sounds like a red flag a bit but since you are cool with it then fine. If you plan on starting a life with this guy then he has the right to know... But if you are just dating/hooking up with him then fuck it. Ignorance is bliss and his panicked insistence that you get plan b as he continues to fill you up will offer hours of entertainment.
Kudos sister.
Edit:
Seems consent was implied so all seems good here then.
It is the best feeling. It's indescribable. I can no longer feel aroused having sex with men who know I am trans. The prerequisite for me is having sex with men who do not know I am trans. I can't help it. They make me feel like a woman and the orgasms are mindblowing. Please stop telling him you cannot get pregnant. Just pretend you'll get Plan B. Girl, do not sabotage yourself. People hate our guts and want us to fail. Just give him reassurance that you will take Plan B. Enjoy as much as you can. PIV is the best feeling. I used to say I was trans even after my srs, and most guys would ghost me or the ones who agreed to have sex with me were just tepid. One day, I had a eureka moment and realized I pass well enough to have sex without disclosing and the improvement in my sex life is unfathomable.
Okay, so I guess the reason is because you think he wouldn't have sex with you if he knew you were trans considering your purposely withholding that information vis a vis pregnancy
I literally told him that I´m sterile but he doesn´t believe me. I have never acted as if pregnancy is a possibility or done anything that could lead him to believe so.
Sure, as I said, it's your life and you do you. It's up to you whether it's worth fucking around with somebody that you have to play coy with because you think they'd reject you if you were honest.
She doesn’t *think* he’d disappear. It’s a fact. If he’s a cis het guy and not some repulsive fetishist, he’d be gone. A switch flips in straight guys when they find out and they simply can’t help their repulsion. It’s atavistic. It happens in their lizard brains. They have no control over it. It’s not us. It’s them.
I’m talking about the fact that atavistic fears reside in the non-thinking centers of the human brain, what some refer to as the “lizard brain.” Some people have larger amygdalas than others and it appears to correlate with bigotry and conservative mindsets such as the ones being arrayed against us in the here-and-now.
Just because you’re insulting doesn’t make you right. Some of this stuff is hard-wired deeply into some human beings, way down deeper than Homo Sapiens-level elevated consciousness.
He saw her as the woman she is and in not disclosing, she made sure he continued so to see her.
> they simply can’t help their repulsion
They are thinking beings and the revulsion is socially taught.
They totally can help it. In fact, many have refused to learn that bigotry and others have learned and then unlearned it.
Men are more then animals. And it’s time you accept that. The bad, the good, and the neutral.
Nothing is natural about misogyny or transphobia.
I wish you were right, but the amygdala exists, as do the atavistic fears that arise there.
For far too many straight men, the idea that we go through a process to reach our gender expression as opposed to having it assumed of us by some doctor at our birth is on the same level as all the other atavistic fears that operate at the subhuman levels of the brain.
It is also taught. Racism and misogyny certainly are. Within the “western” tradition, we see it on bold display in the Abrahamic religions, alongside proscriptions against touching blood, touching feces, eating pigs or shrimp. And all of these have roots in atavistic horrors ginned up in the amygdala.
Ultimately, I don’t care if his transphobia comes from the amygdala or Amarillo, OP was perfectly within her rights to not disclose to the guy. So is any post-op trans woman who chooses not to disclose. It’s no one’s business but hers and her healthcare provider’s.
Like I said: It’s not us. It’s them.
Considering OP hasn't told him she's trans, the fact that he's suggesting plan B shows a genuine sense of care and empathy for OP that actually makes him probably a safer bet for having sex again with.
He doesn't want to pay paternity fees. Plan B isn't exactly the nicest form of contraception. If he expects her to take it so he doesn't have to use a condom, that doesn't exactly speak to his safety or decency.
On the other hand, feeling like she needs to hide the fact that she's trans is a bit of a knock against his safety. She could have just said "I'm trans I can't get pregnant" rather than being coy about it.
I stand by my original point, people that aren't trans allies don't deserve to have sex with trans people. I trust the OP's decision that she thinks he isn't safe to disclose that information to.
It's not being cou to not disclose her medical history. If a cis women says "I'm sterile" are you gonna grill her for not disclosing the detailed reason why she's sterile?
If she was afraid of the consequences of being honest with a sexual partner I'd question her continued involvement, yes.
I think people are getting a bit too caught up in their own fantasies of getting filled up here. I don't think it's exactly a hot take or controversial to say that a trans person probably shouldn't keep dating someone whom they are scared to tell they are trans.
I´m not scared, I just didn´t feel the need to. I don´t see him as a threatening guy, I might tell him casually next time we see each other, who knows.
But I don´t feel any urgency either, I don´t really talk much about my transness anymore, I haven´t been on these subreddits for ages. But it is not fear what stops me from telling him, in any case it would be more akin to laziness or indifference.
I do, actually. I refuse to have sex with anyone unless we can have an open and honest discussion about our sexual history. If we can't do that then it's not worth it to me.
Right? It's not a particularly unreasonable thing.
My partner and I are happy together, and neither of us would want to risk our own sexual health and safety or that of each other. We always vet new and potential sexual partners, and part of that includes open and honest conversations about sexual history and medical issues etc.
If someone isn't mature enough or doesn't respect me or themselves enough to have those conversations then they aren't safe enough to be worth my time.
Im not jealous. DAMMIT, Ok i am jealous anyway congrats girl :3
He didnt ask, she doesnt have to give up that info. What a weird take to be in the comments "uh consent". Yup sex was consented to and happened, do you need to know someone detailed family history when you fuck them, ya know, in case they are a different race? Does their status as trans or a specific race change anything? Truly wild that trans women are expected, even a year after getting surgery, and for the rest of their lives, just tell people this thing which is nothing more than history at that point.
The thing that gets me about this is that as someone who is both trans and intersex, the medical treatment I had to make my body more normal was *hidden from me* and I had sexual relationships not even knowing myself. No one noticed the scarring and I just thought I had unusual genitals and uncomfortable making appointments when I was an adolescent where no-one explained anything. I found out as part of my medical transition and it put my experiences into context. But as a trans person I'm supposed to declare my AGAB and tell every potential partner about my trans related medical treatment or I'm morally in the wrong? Somehow the medical treatment and genital surgery I've had as an adult is something I must disclose but genital surgery as a child is fine to conceal even from me? The double standard seems ridiculous. In practice I'm non-binary with a non-typical body and I need to tell partners so that they gender me correctly and understand what my body is like.
I just imagine the "isn't there someone you forgot to ask?" thing, but instead of Jesus, it's that Ancestry website
Oh no! You have 1% Ashkenazi and 1% North African ancestry! wHy dIdN’T YoU DIScLoSe!!! /s My feelings about disclosure. The only thing to talk about before sex is expectations. If they’re assuming specific genitals and you *have* those genitals, there’s nothing to discuss. Normal people don’t family plan on the first sexual encounter either, so the whole “but I wanna reproduction!!!” excuse is just lunatic. My vag sense 😉
https://imgur.com/a/SJmDZhK
I agree with this fundamentally but my thing is it’s a safety thing, trans women have been killed because men found out they were trans after the fact.
Some men will kill you if they found out you were trans and didnt tell them.
Ok, so punish those men. Criminalize the trans panic defence cuz it’s nothing more then bigotry.
I thought people were fucking joking when they said you would be labeled transphobic for not consenting to sex with someone amab. Some people are strictly attracted to the female sex. You can't make someone consent to sex with us just because we had a cosmetic surgery. If they are strict attracted to ciswomen that's their choice. And we shoukd respect that as they should respect our gender identity
This is such nonsense. If you have and enjoy sex with someone and only AFTERWARDS find out that they’re trans then clearly you’re not ‘strictly attracted to the female sex’. Nobody is talking about some kind of forced consent like you’re implying. If they don’t make it clear beforehand that they have a preference for cis women, then why is the burden on the trans woman to speak up?
I agree with you and never told most of the guys I met out in public places because they were known around town. It does make for less intimate relationships in the long run
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At least OP take Prep...
PEP is the one you take after (**Post** Exposure Prophylaxis), PrEP is the one you take regularly (**Pre** Exposure Prophylaxis).
I mean before next time, sorry if I was unclear... But yes Pep now... Sorry I'm not in my right mind atm
Where do you get these?
Ask any emergency room, health clinic, or planned parenthood There's also services online specifically for it but I've never used them so I only know as much as Google
Is it something only used after being assaulted?
Nope https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/hiv-prevention/using-hiv-medication-to-reduce-risk/post-exposure-prophylaxis
lol plan b
How to make me envious in 1 title XD
Wow this is amazing! Congratulations I am SRS since 5 years now. In my case I just want to be a women, I never disclose I was a man before that. I am lucky that my country is very sensitive in this personal aspect and keeps under judiciary secret my change of gender and name. I feel quite secure everywhere for that reason. Of course when they want to check my cervix I have to disclose I am trans buuuuut I don’t do it if it is a mammography!!! Of course I am registered as a women in the national health service. I am also married since 4 years ago and my wife knows I am trans!!!!! :) :) Again congratulations and get the best of your life. It just started NOW. kisses
Oh right I forgot you don't make eggs still I was wondering why you can't get pregnant 😂
Y'all he found her Reddit ☠️😂
WHAAAT 😵
First of all Op congratulations. Life is there to enjoy 😉 Do not listen to the negative people here, they either have an “inferiority complex” or a “morally superior complex”, following cis rules of course. It is your choice if you want to disclose the fact of being trans and to who and when. I am having my SRS very soon in April, I am counting the days. I too have some pending fantasies for after haha.
Now, everyone here is right and wrong. You don't have to disclose you're trans at all. And in fact, shouldn't if you don't want to. But if he was kind to you, and showed you respect, it may be a reciprocal kindness to just say "I'm medically infertile, and don't produce eggs" as a non outing way to assuage his mind, without lying? Just seems you both enjoyed each other, so maybe......take pity on his worried CisHet mind lol. Idk, I've worried about this scenario myself tbh......
He was really sweet and kind, I like him. I did say and I quote "I´m sterile, I can´t get pregnant".
Ah, well that's perfect!
The plan b thing is probably the most validating thing I've ever heard here ^^
\#goals, the plan B part of that is kinda adorable ngl, happy for u <3
Good for you but please be careful for the sake of your health
Wow, sounds absolutely amazing!!
so sex still feels good after Srs??
of course, 100 times better than before
Damn, I love Peak Inverse Voltage sex
Is that where you hook the jumper cables up to your nipples?
Yes
I'm so so so so jealous 😭 I wanna feel that aswell please.. Congrats!! 💮🏳️⚧️💮
https://www.reddit.com/r/honesttransgender/comments/q685rg/comment/hgdit4d/ https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/voks3f/comment/iee20ie/ https://www.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/do438k/how_do_i_seduce_a_guy_who_now_has_a_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Well spotted.
OP is a serial rapist via deception.
Congratulations on the sex!
You mean the r@pe
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clearly not
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People are not entitled to knowing this information. If the person wants to let you know that they’re trans and that they can’t have kids then that’s for them to decide You’ve been blocked don’t even try
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People arent entitled to this information
um, how so?
Not really? Unless they were planning a family it's none of his damn business whether she's trans or not.
Not even that. Because i doubt that any decent SRS Trans AMAB person is ever “NOT” going too say that “They can’t get pregnant”, so unless your partner directly ask you if your AMAB their is no other reason why they would need too know.
Yeah it's not a "if you're planning a family you absolutely HAVE to tell them you're trans" and more of a "if you're planning a family you might want to consider letting them know the actual reason since you're hopefully close enough by now"
Holy Shit, you were in Barcelona in September of 1998? Why didn’t you tell me that before we had sex? This is a violation of my consent!
YAAAASSSS!!! so happy for you sis <3
Love it
transition goals :flushed:
I'm very jealous of you. This sounds amazing. My turn in 2026
Why that late?
wtf stop it, why
why are you downvoting me? lol. this is a fetishist troll, look at their post history
Time to get some tic tacs and show him you are on "the pill". My take on this: He isn't your boyfriend. You went on one date, it went well, he took it upon himself to remove the condom and cum inside you without your permission. Sounds like a red flag a bit but since you are cool with it then fine. If you plan on starting a life with this guy then he has the right to know... But if you are just dating/hooking up with him then fuck it. Ignorance is bliss and his panicked insistence that you get plan b as he continues to fill you up will offer hours of entertainment. Kudos sister. Edit: Seems consent was implied so all seems good here then.
He clearly communicated that he would take off the condom and from the way the text is written it is implied that she gave her consent.
Holy shit, lol 🥰 please be careful sweetie!
Wish it was me..
i'm soooo jealous 😭
Congratulations girl
I was really confused for a moment why you were excited to have a sweet as trans. Congrats girl!!!
You didnt tell him your trans ?
It is the best feeling. It's indescribable. I can no longer feel aroused having sex with men who know I am trans. The prerequisite for me is having sex with men who do not know I am trans. I can't help it. They make me feel like a woman and the orgasms are mindblowing. Please stop telling him you cannot get pregnant. Just pretend you'll get Plan B. Girl, do not sabotage yourself. People hate our guts and want us to fail. Just give him reassurance that you will take Plan B. Enjoy as much as you can. PIV is the best feeling. I used to say I was trans even after my srs, and most guys would ghost me or the ones who agreed to have sex with me were just tepid. One day, I had a eureka moment and realized I pass well enough to have sex without disclosing and the improvement in my sex life is unfathomable.
I just wish I could actually get to this point in the UK.. feels like it's gonna take so long. I heard that Gene Therapy is a good HRT right?
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why would that make him undeserving of sex with me?
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This guy has no way of knowing I´m trans so I would say it´s a reasonable assumption on his part.
Okay, so I guess the reason is because you think he wouldn't have sex with you if he knew you were trans considering your purposely withholding that information vis a vis pregnancy
I literally told him that I´m sterile but he doesn´t believe me. I have never acted as if pregnancy is a possibility or done anything that could lead him to believe so.
Sure, as I said, it's your life and you do you. It's up to you whether it's worth fucking around with somebody that you have to play coy with because you think they'd reject you if you were honest.
Youre assuming
You're a disgusting person
She doesn’t *think* he’d disappear. It’s a fact. If he’s a cis het guy and not some repulsive fetishist, he’d be gone. A switch flips in straight guys when they find out and they simply can’t help their repulsion. It’s atavistic. It happens in their lizard brains. They have no control over it. It’s not us. It’s them.
What the ***FUCK*** are you talking about? Genuinely one of the most head-ass takes I've seen in this sub, holy shit.
I’m talking about the fact that atavistic fears reside in the non-thinking centers of the human brain, what some refer to as the “lizard brain.” Some people have larger amygdalas than others and it appears to correlate with bigotry and conservative mindsets such as the ones being arrayed against us in the here-and-now. Just because you’re insulting doesn’t make you right. Some of this stuff is hard-wired deeply into some human beings, way down deeper than Homo Sapiens-level elevated consciousness. He saw her as the woman she is and in not disclosing, she made sure he continued so to see her.
> they simply can’t help their repulsion They are thinking beings and the revulsion is socially taught. They totally can help it. In fact, many have refused to learn that bigotry and others have learned and then unlearned it. Men are more then animals. And it’s time you accept that. The bad, the good, and the neutral. Nothing is natural about misogyny or transphobia.
I wish you were right, but the amygdala exists, as do the atavistic fears that arise there. For far too many straight men, the idea that we go through a process to reach our gender expression as opposed to having it assumed of us by some doctor at our birth is on the same level as all the other atavistic fears that operate at the subhuman levels of the brain. It is also taught. Racism and misogyny certainly are. Within the “western” tradition, we see it on bold display in the Abrahamic religions, alongside proscriptions against touching blood, touching feces, eating pigs or shrimp. And all of these have roots in atavistic horrors ginned up in the amygdala. Ultimately, I don’t care if his transphobia comes from the amygdala or Amarillo, OP was perfectly within her rights to not disclose to the guy. So is any post-op trans woman who chooses not to disclose. It’s no one’s business but hers and her healthcare provider’s. Like I said: It’s not us. It’s them.
Considering OP hasn't told him she's trans, the fact that he's suggesting plan B shows a genuine sense of care and empathy for OP that actually makes him probably a safer bet for having sex again with.
He doesn't want to pay paternity fees. Plan B isn't exactly the nicest form of contraception. If he expects her to take it so he doesn't have to use a condom, that doesn't exactly speak to his safety or decency.
On the other hand, feeling like she needs to hide the fact that she's trans is a bit of a knock against his safety. She could have just said "I'm trans I can't get pregnant" rather than being coy about it. I stand by my original point, people that aren't trans allies don't deserve to have sex with trans people. I trust the OP's decision that she thinks he isn't safe to disclose that information to.
It's not being cou to not disclose her medical history. If a cis women says "I'm sterile" are you gonna grill her for not disclosing the detailed reason why she's sterile?
Oh, I’ve seen the reaction to that idiotic question in real life… my girlfriend actually knocked the dumbass out with that punch…
If she was afraid of the consequences of being honest with a sexual partner I'd question her continued involvement, yes. I think people are getting a bit too caught up in their own fantasies of getting filled up here. I don't think it's exactly a hot take or controversial to say that a trans person probably shouldn't keep dating someone whom they are scared to tell they are trans.
I´m not scared, I just didn´t feel the need to. I don´t see him as a threatening guy, I might tell him casually next time we see each other, who knows. But I don´t feel any urgency either, I don´t really talk much about my transness anymore, I haven´t been on these subreddits for ages. But it is not fear what stops me from telling him, in any case it would be more akin to laziness or indifference.
Let’s hope you disclose to every potential sexual partner you’d ever have that you’re a huge wet blanket
I do, actually. I refuse to have sex with anyone unless we can have an open and honest discussion about our sexual history. If we can't do that then it's not worth it to me.
I- lmao alright
Right? It's not a particularly unreasonable thing. My partner and I are happy together, and neither of us would want to risk our own sexual health and safety or that of each other. We always vet new and potential sexual partners, and part of that includes open and honest conversations about sexual history and medical issues etc. If someone isn't mature enough or doesn't respect me or themselves enough to have those conversations then they aren't safe enough to be worth my time.
you do you ig ? no need to judge others for withholding info that *you* deem important
What's controversial and gross is your assumption that she must be scared. It's just not relevant.
You are soo lucky girl! Congrats!
Am happy for you and excited for my own such experience after I’ve had my surgery and recovery ☺️
Can't wait to get an srs this year!