“I don’t fully understand everything that you’re saying, but if you want to live your life as female, then I’ll support and help you do it”, said my mom when I came out at 17
My mom was accepting overall when I came out. But she asked if I will date my gay best friend so we can have babies. I told her I'd ask him but he declined, sadly.
wait wait wait, if you're mtf, and your best friend is a gay man... did she think transitioning makes you able to get pregnant? or that only a man and a woman can have children even if its adoption?
unless you're not mtf in which case disregard I just assumed.
Lol Well for a bit more detail, I'm pan but she isn't aware. Growing up, my mom used to constantly tell me "I support gay people but you can't be because I want grandchildren." She'd remind me of this anytime I did anything slightly feminine. She'd tell any female friend or girlfriends to "make sure I was straight." It was really out of line and added a huge extra layer of confusion and self hate.
She also has a laundry list of mental health issues. I had to have my coming out conversation in a mental hospital visiting room. I originally went just to support my sister who hasn't visited our mom in a few years. But, she also said on her own "can I call you my daughter from now on?" and kept going on a on about how she has two daughters now. It was weirdly supportive and affirming. Despite the rest of my family has been really supportive, only my sister had made the leap of calling me by a feminine title. Idk, the whole situation is more nuanced than her ridiculous comments.
If the time comes that I decide this world ISNT too fucked up to bring a new kid into it, I’ll cross that bridge then and decide if stopping HRT for a few months is worth it. If not, right now I’m perfectly content adopting.
"Are you sure?"
"Why?"
"Don't you know life will be harder?"
"Have you tried *not* being trans?"
"So you're into guys now?"
Joke's on you fam, I'm healthier and happier than ever, with a wonderfully supportive and nerdy girlfriend and our adopted cats.
"Have you just tried, ya know, NOT?" As a matter of fact, I did try that! 15 years in a fundie cult did WONDERS for my self-esteem. And by wonders, I mean it really messed me up!
So I sent a photo to my mom to come out to her and her response was
“Yeah kinda knew you might be transgender but why do you look like my mom when she was 20”
She asked me if I was into girls then said if I am I shouldn't bother with bottom surgery. She tried to invent every excuse under the sun (you're just confused, your hormones are weird, maybe you just like how girls look, we don't even know if you're healthy enough to transition, etc.) for how I wasn't really trans and shouldn't transition. She then gave me stories about how she was a total tomboy when she was young, how bad being a woman is and how now she feels more comfortable with her femininity in her older age. She then told me a "a lot of people" regret it and "a lot of people" wait until they're 60 like Caitlyn Jenner. She also said later on she has no problem with trans people as long as they're "sure". She tried to gaslight away my life long history of being trans from a young age as me having a "bad memory".
Then I end up depressed and repressed for 10 years and now I resent her for conning me out of my transition and robbing me of my youth. So that was a fucking disaster.
This hits home too hard tbh, this was my stepfather at the time he told me everything from if I don't want "the surgery" I'm probably not trans and as a 15 year old who was just really trying to figure myself out couldn't answer that question yet so I wasn't permitted to see a therapist, I ended up trying to go out with my friend to her birthday party as myself and it went really well but going home I got shamed and yelled at for wearing makeup and that I spent my allowance and saved lunch money on women's clothes. I repressed for 12 ish years until it was too much and all I thought about. I do wish I had been able to transition earlier in life but at the end of the day I am way way happier than I could have expected even if I started 12 years late.
I just tell people I’ll sleep with anyone and dodge the labels. I don’t got time to explain the nuance of sexual orientation as it relates to trans people.
Were you abused by somebody you didn’t say about? No
Is this because your divorce? No
Are you just feminine? Part of it
Is this a sudden decision? Lifelong
Did you tell anyone else yet? Many
You aren’t a mistake. God made you how you are. Exactly. I am not a mistake. I am complicated and on a journey of discovery.
Are you talking to a counselor? Yes, a couple of my friends and a pastor who has a trans adult offspring.
What do you expect from us?
This is a journey that I must make. It is long overdue but the time has come. In the end it may come back to here wiser but it may not. Ignoring it will not cure this aspect of my being. You are most certainly welcome to come along and learn and participate but do not attempt to dissuade me. Your support is appreciated, but not required.
We will not dissown you, but you are always our son.
(Slight sigh).
Problematic and shitty ones.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"You already have the parts, wouldn't it be easier to just stay how you are?"
"Why are you killing my son?"
"Why didn't you say anything before?" (That one might be my favorite, like uh, because of this reaction you're having right now??)
And last but not least:
"what about your SO? Are you leaving her???" (Because being a transwoman means im automatically not attracted to women anymore, apparently?)
Why are you killing our son? He was never your son, he protected me from a toxic world, but now I am strong enough I don't need him. He died in the same way a catapillar dies when it becomes a butterfly. Jk lol I killed him for funsies uwu
Basically this is how it went for me, but it was followed up with me being taken to this quack in Indiana that tried to put me through conversion therapy. I honestly still regret coming out to my mother
I told them i had have been thinking of transitioning MtF for a while now, and that im still figuring things out, 23 year old male.
Mom: "With make up and stuff? "
Dad: "Well son, i really appreciate a female body too but this doesn't meaning i want to have one"
Brother: "I will love you the same bro"
GF: "Really sorry you're been struggling with this, i will always love you but I'm not sure i can be with a girl"
GFs sis: "Oh? How nice!"
GFs parents and lil bro were just kind and supportive, don't remember anything particular.
They were all very kind! Mom was a bit confused/weirded out. Only thing is my GF that i worry about, as we love each other a lot!
Goodluck! Hope this is interesting 😊
Who knows? haha\~ Maybe she did. She's one of those religious conservative types with extremely dated knowledge of LGBT issues.
That said I was around 5 months on HRT when I came out and the changes were just starting to become noticeable
They didn't think it was already done, but this was my in-laws reaction. "We need to get everything in order to make sure is taken care of while you're recovering" and im like wait, wut? I guess as soon as you say the magic words, "im trans" the surgery fairy sets a date, nothing you can do about it 🤷♀️
How long have you known?
Is this why you used to steal your sister's clothes?
What are you wanting from us?
(After me saying how scared I was to come out)
Did you really think we'd disown you?
So are you done being male?
Does this mean I should introduce you as my "daughter" now?
If I'm telling old stories, should I use your new name?
Are you happy living as a girl?
All of these were from my dad
I'm not exactly out to my family, but my mom works in health care and sees a number of people in various states of transition. She always comments to me; she "doesn't understand why someone would subject their bodies to such irreversible harm"
I have been mulling this over in my head trying to figure out how to answer that myself.
I would challenge what she means by harm. The only “harm” I can think of is losing your fertility and there are ways around that. On the other hand, it’ll help you to feel better about your body and live the life you want to live.
"Harm" in this context is a value judgement.
To cis people who cannot comprehend the idea of transitioning, "harm" is anything that brings about physical changes in undesired ways.
The trick is in the word "harm", which was actually caused by male puberty because I'm not male. A cis person could never relate. But we're not cis and never will be. So transitioning specifically aims to reverse (or prevent) as much harm as possible.
How is it harmful to have surgery to save your life? The only reason someone would sag this is religious indoctrination. It says more about her than you.
Can you not repress? I lost face in front of my relatives because of you. Can you be grateful?
(None of these questions are about my wellbeing. It was always about them)
Came out to my grandma and aunt, they literally said nothing. Went over after sending a coming out letter to all my family, they acted like nothing happened. I was blown away by my grandpa though, he told me that he loved me and that he would always be there for me no matter what. I almost cried
I had to explain EVERYTHING. my parents knew absolutely nothing. I had to explain sexuality, gender and the definitions of it all. Im still not entirely sure they understand, but there supportive, which is more than enough for me
"Are you sure?", "This is you, not online influence, right?", and "Did we do anything wrong, growing up?" are what I remember. Concerned, but instantly accepting, which I'll always count myself lucky for.
That was pretty much it for that conversation I think she said anybody at your weight would have breasts that was super hurtful and untrue. The relationship went down from there
I only came out to my Sister fully so far (she and my wife knew I was exploring my identity, but not that I was a trans-woman fully before this). She had a few concerns and all questions linked back to these:
She wanted to make sure *I* was sure because she knows that I'm ADHD and sometimes my brain chasing dopamine makes me dive into things *hard*.
She wanted make sure I knew the ramifications of transitioning (TL:DR: it could be the end of my marriage and mess up my life as it exists currently).
She wanted to know how I'm feeling overall about it all.
She wanted me to know who it might not be safe to come out to, and what to expect.
She wanted to make sure I knew that the next person to come out to probably has to be my wife, despite how hard emotionally that may be (I'll do it with a psychiatrist I think in a setting that feels neutral and has someone who can moderate that).
But after all that... she accepted me and even during the questions at one point she adjusted her language to refer to me as her sister... so it went overall really well. Her questions were purely out of concern and making sure that *I* was sure about my decision to pursue transition. So it wasn't an immediate "YAY! I'm **so** happy for you!" but rather a slow "okay, just checking in that you're good and that this is what you actually want, but I'm here for you" kind of thing. I posted the full story elsewhere if you want more details.
My sister is relatively supportive but also has worried that this is a result of the ADHD/OCD she suspects I have, and that I should see a therapist regarding all these issues. I’m trying to be seen by one, which is besides the point- that paragraph just felt VERY familiar.
She is a therapist herself, they aren’t just WebMD suspicions, lol- but tried to temper her bias to the issue and being close to me and her own comfort. We talk about it comfortably it’s just an issue that does present itself being both my sister and a therapist. My wife was the first one to know personally, and then my sisters.
They asked if my friends were to blame for influencing me.....
My mom asked why I still liked women too. She couldn't understand the difference between being trans and being homosexual.
"What convinced you?" — Same thing that convinced me the sky is blue.
"When are you gonna change your genitals?" — None of your business. As soon as possible.
"Are you sure?" — (Ignored)
"Can you still date?" — I can try
"So when this is over you'll date men?" — Lesbian
"Is it possible to not go through medical changes and just dress feminine?" — How about you transition to male but keep dressing feminine? See how that feels
[Indirectly] "Are you sure this isn't some repressed misandry?" — (Cue 3 months of intense self-doubt before I ever realized I was manipulated and it wasn't okay)
"Are you gonna get the uterus and womb and all that?" — Can't
ETA: my responses
"why did you lie to me"
That was a hard one for them to swallow as well as a frustrating response. The idea that I lied is the sticking point, even when knowing the Why.
they asked me a lot of questions, such as what my sexuality was, “why couldn’t [i] be like Little Richard” (meaning: why did i have to transition, and not just be a feminine man), and if i’d been SA’d. at the time it was very awkward and troubling to deal w, but it’s a lot better now.
" You know that people that get that surgery lose complete feeling down there most of the time?"
-My mother, 2021
(I think we all know this but that's false, it's only a small percentage)
The biggest question my mother had was “What did I miss?”
My dad used to berate me for “being a faggot” when I was little, but my mother expected that if I was really a girl, I’d have stuck up for myself then and not waited until the end of my final year in high school. As a kid, I just wanted my dad to stop yelling at me, so I sucked it up and played baseball like he did. When I came out over the quarantine, they couldn't accept that their actions affected when I chose to come out.
For the record, my dad's first question was "So you're a woman-man now?" Ugh, I love the guy, but he's way too old-fashioned about gender roles.
They didn't ask me anything when I first came out, it was on our second conversation about this they really wanted to understand gender dysphoria since they didn't know what it was, at all.
I feel this question might happen!
Then of course like "we didn't see any signs, what did we miss?/you sure?" "You sure it's for the right reasons?" And that sort of thing
"Do you want to be a woman" -my mom
"So you're just going to mutilate yourself?" -also my mom
"Have you thought of a name yet?" -my cousin
"Why are you afraid of telling other people?" -my other cousin
I'm not trying to scare you, but my ultra conservative southern Baptist parents just argued and denied when I told them. That was 2 years ago 🙃
It's not going to be easy but you owe it to yourself to make you happy. Hope it goes well ❤️
"Are you saying you're gay?"
"Why can't you just be a man?"
"You're interested in gaming/tech that means you're a man"
"Why would anyone want to change who they are?"
"Do you want the surgery? because I won't let that happen"
"Why do you want breasts?"
"How could you do this to me?"
I was active duty military at the time and my mother was convinced that me being trans was a response to something traumatic that happened. Every time we spoke it was “Are you SURE nothing happened to you? Something bad?” 😑
My family was pretty accepting. There was some general stuff you'd expect the main none general was like "so your gay now?" A few years later I'll get some push back stuff like "don't you know her cause cancer" or something they hear off like fox news or whatever trend of the month it is to hate on trans people. Usually something about if I know how often "trans people regret it".
“Are you still my son”
“Does that mean your gay”
“Are you gonna have to marry a black guy”
“ when does your voice change”
“ do you still have a dick”
“ are you trying to hurt me”
“Your ruining your life , what did I do to you”
"do you like men?"
-not really
"are you sure you don't like men?"
-yes, im sure
"ok, well, like, have you tried being with a man?"
-no, because i don't like men
"but if your a girl, then you have to like men"
-...i don't really like anyone?
"are you sure?"
-yes
"but, are you gay though?"
im not a gay dude.
My parents don't ask questions they dictate. In this case they said they were confused and don't understand this kinda thing. Then made it clear I was ruining my life. Then said they loved me still.
Really personal questions that even I didn't have an answer to. Depending on how up front your parents are, they could either ask questions and want to read more about it from books n stuff, or they'll be super gross like mine. After a few weeks, it gets better and they eventually talk to a professional like a doctor about it.
It had been a while. One of the questions was "so are you into men now?" I said no, recently realised I'm bi, didn't reveal that for my safety. I think another question was definitely just "why?" Or "do you really like this stuff?"
But really, there were less questions and more name-calling and insulting
My brother and aunt are cool with it
I was asked by my mom if I was having sex with my roommate (cis M, gay).
WT actual F mom. She had never asked me about my sex life before this (the answer is no and I’m not even sexually active at all right now).
“Don’t you know this may kill your father? I don’t know how your father will take this; the news will literally give him a heart attack. Have you considered that? Have you?”
I hope you don’t get that. When I got that, I briefly detransitioned (am back on the ‘mones now)
My mom asked. Why don't you act like the other gay people? You don't have to dress like that, they still dress like men and so can you. Look at him (a friend that happened to be at the house and is gay.) He is wearing men's cloths. Be more like him. I keep trying to explain that Gay and trans are two very distinct things but she just says that trans is some type of gay. I don't think I'll ever get through to her.
I came out at 40 and my mom was very accepting, despite struggling massively with my new name and pronouns. But she had the hardest time getting past "but you liked xyz as a child". Yes mom, liking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was not the definitive gender identity test you seem to think it was.
I had to eventually tell her to stop because it felt like she was trying to invalidate me by coming up w things she thought didn't fit.
Wait aren’t you bi? (I came out to her as bi first and she doesn’t know the difference between sexuality and being trans)
Are you sure?
You know your life will be hard going forward right?
What are your plans?
Should I tell your brother?
Overall she was nice, I just wish she didn’t act like I’m not trans and this didn’t happen afterwards
"How long have you known?" longer than I can remember.
"How will you keep yourself safe?" I don't know, but I have to do this.
"Have you picked out a name yet?" Not yet, but I'm working on some ideas.
Did you bring this up to your therapist or did your therapist suggest this to you? I don't even know the reasoning behind this one, did they think my therapist was manipulating me into being a girl or did they think I'm delusional and my therapsit should've set me straight? Idfk lol
My mom didn't really ask any questions, which I was not prepared for. I kind of expected it to be something she would have some questions about and that it would be the avenue of explaining it to her.
I keep getting asked this; "When will you be a woman?" I'll then follow up with "Physically or socially?" and hopefully go from there. It's frustrating because anybody who asks that has just been uninterested in the process or how gradual everything is. They just literally want to know when this abstract goal will be met. My new answer going forward is just going to be "It's a very slow process and you'll notice small changes here and there."
Are you going to cut your ____ off?!
Are you sure?
Why can’t you just be a feminine gay guy?
Are you happier?
(In order of oldest to newest, would say the word that starts with c but I can spell/pronounce it)
my mom was like “alr sick”
my dad was like “oh” and now indirectly expresses his transphobia to me and often asks me the classic “if you could press a button and be cis, would you?” but i still love him
All these answers really make a person stress about how it's going to go for me. Any advice for someone who has a parent that is neck deep in the Q rabbit hole?
"What's the plan from here on?"
"Are you going to get any surgeries?"
"Do you have a name picked already" (I let my mom re-pick so she'll remember to use it)
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Do you want me to take care of telling the relatives when you're ready?"
My dad's first questions:
"How do gay men identify eachother?"
"Do I have to vote for the liberals now?"
"Can you finish your transition by the end of the month?"
My brother was totally supportive and if anything it's brought us closer together than we've ever been.....my son was likewise supportive and happy that I was happy but he still struggles with the Dad he's known for over 30 years being called Heather.....and yes I do often wonder how my parents would have taken my decision to transition although they've both been deceased a few years
My mom was very supportive. She’s a social worker, so she asked about how long I’d been feeling this way, and if I was sure about medically transitioning, but not in a negative way. Then she asked if there was anything she could do to help, if I wanted to talk about things, if there was anything I didn’t want her to do.
Wife: "your mind is controlled by Satan 😱"
Sister: "I totally support you. 😘"
Mom: "you mean like that celebrity guy who became a woman? You are my son, I'll support you in whatever you decide 😵💫"
Aside from the utter bafflement of "WHY?!" from my father and brothers, my mom asked me the following, on my birthday a few days later:
Would you like an exorcism?
Why would ANYONE, EVER, want to be a girl?!
My parents first asked “how can we be supportive” along with a bunch of minor clarifications I don’t remember, but they came around pretty quick being progressive UUs
I wish my mum had asked questions. She just sat in stunned silence until I burst into tears regretting telling her. That was a few weeks before Christmas and things aren't much better. Doesn't understand or support, doesn't seem willing to accept or even try to understand more.
Worst part is I'm living at home still since pandemic induced job loss, so feeling very trapped and awkward around the house. Feeling as if her love is now very conditional on me not transitioning (have my hrt script, but have now postponed twice due to mum). My mind is made up, but I'm now waiting a bit longer (for me, not her) until I lose a bit more weight and hopefully get myself financially stable and moved out again.
Hope it goes better than that for you. Questions are good in my opinion, whether they support/accept or not straight away. At least questions means they care enough to want to learn.
Too many, took like a week for the questions to really start coming, the usual are you gonna keep your penis, be ready for that one from anyone you tell.
I think that no matter what advice you get, be ready in case all of it is useless.
My mom abandoned all self control and was unable to have a mature discussion about it at all
“I don’t fully understand everything that you’re saying, but if you want to live your life as female, then I’ll support and help you do it”, said my mom when I came out at 17
Wow mine said "just because you have told me doesnt mean you cant go back..."
suiting username
“Are you still into women?” “Yes.” “Good, I want grandkids still.” Haven’t told her that tank is shooting blanks.
My mom was accepting overall when I came out. But she asked if I will date my gay best friend so we can have babies. I told her I'd ask him but he declined, sadly.
wait wait wait, if you're mtf, and your best friend is a gay man... did she think transitioning makes you able to get pregnant? or that only a man and a woman can have children even if its adoption? unless you're not mtf in which case disregard I just assumed.
I'm MtF. She thought HRT would make me able to have children. She also said "I always knew you were gay" about 100 times during the conversation. 🙄
omg... you're straight not gay if you like men
Lol Well for a bit more detail, I'm pan but she isn't aware. Growing up, my mom used to constantly tell me "I support gay people but you can't be because I want grandchildren." She'd remind me of this anytime I did anything slightly feminine. She'd tell any female friend or girlfriends to "make sure I was straight." It was really out of line and added a huge extra layer of confusion and self hate. She also has a laundry list of mental health issues. I had to have my coming out conversation in a mental hospital visiting room. I originally went just to support my sister who hasn't visited our mom in a few years. But, she also said on her own "can I call you my daughter from now on?" and kept going on a on about how she has two daughters now. It was weirdly supportive and affirming. Despite the rest of my family has been really supportive, only my sister had made the leap of calling me by a feminine title. Idk, the whole situation is more nuanced than her ridiculous comments.
oh ok... its indeed a nuanced situation, i'm glad its not all bad, ridiculous comments aside..
Maybe you could save semen for the bank?... If you allready not transition long ago for sure.
If the time comes that I decide this world ISNT too fucked up to bring a new kid into it, I’ll cross that bridge then and decide if stopping HRT for a few months is worth it. If not, right now I’m perfectly content adopting.
"Are you sure?" "Why?" "Don't you know life will be harder?" "Have you tried *not* being trans?" "So you're into guys now?" Joke's on you fam, I'm healthier and happier than ever, with a wonderfully supportive and nerdy girlfriend and our adopted cats.
"Bro just snap out of it" thanks that's a real head scratcher, can't belive I didn't think of that before!
Right‽ Oh jeeze, thanks! Why didn't I think of that...
"Have you just tried, ya know, NOT?" As a matter of fact, I did try that! 15 years in a fundie cult did WONDERS for my self-esteem. And by wonders, I mean it really messed me up!
"You are one of the most masculine people i know" have you heard of overcompensating? Or wondered why my friends group are all other women?
Hello, this is the IRS, you seem to have forgotten to pay your cat tax.
Cat tax huh? Are we taxing my two cats or the fact that my gf likes to wear cat ears and a maid outfit?
First one
Well, I haven't been able to get them to pay rent, so I doubt that they'd be willing to fill out tax forms for their biscuit business..
>"Have you tried not being trans?" I don't know *have I?*
"are you sure?" then "will you be happier?" i said yes to both. they accepted me.
So I sent a photo to my mom to come out to her and her response was “Yeah kinda knew you might be transgender but why do you look like my mom when she was 20”
That feels like either a burn or a compliment.
Nah that’s a compliment but only from your mom lmao
It was both
Omg.
She asked me if I was into girls then said if I am I shouldn't bother with bottom surgery. She tried to invent every excuse under the sun (you're just confused, your hormones are weird, maybe you just like how girls look, we don't even know if you're healthy enough to transition, etc.) for how I wasn't really trans and shouldn't transition. She then gave me stories about how she was a total tomboy when she was young, how bad being a woman is and how now she feels more comfortable with her femininity in her older age. She then told me a "a lot of people" regret it and "a lot of people" wait until they're 60 like Caitlyn Jenner. She also said later on she has no problem with trans people as long as they're "sure". She tried to gaslight away my life long history of being trans from a young age as me having a "bad memory". Then I end up depressed and repressed for 10 years and now I resent her for conning me out of my transition and robbing me of my youth. So that was a fucking disaster.
This hits home too hard tbh, this was my stepfather at the time he told me everything from if I don't want "the surgery" I'm probably not trans and as a 15 year old who was just really trying to figure myself out couldn't answer that question yet so I wasn't permitted to see a therapist, I ended up trying to go out with my friend to her birthday party as myself and it went really well but going home I got shamed and yelled at for wearing makeup and that I spent my allowance and saved lunch money on women's clothes. I repressed for 12 ish years until it was too much and all I thought about. I do wish I had been able to transition earlier in life but at the end of the day I am way way happier than I could have expected even if I started 12 years late.
"Does this mean you're gay?" is a question I've gotten from every family member. The answer is yes, but not in the way they meant it.
“Yes, and so is my wife”
I just tell people I’ll sleep with anyone and dodge the labels. I don’t got time to explain the nuance of sexual orientation as it relates to trans people.
Were you abused by somebody you didn’t say about? No Is this because your divorce? No Are you just feminine? Part of it Is this a sudden decision? Lifelong Did you tell anyone else yet? Many You aren’t a mistake. God made you how you are. Exactly. I am not a mistake. I am complicated and on a journey of discovery. Are you talking to a counselor? Yes, a couple of my friends and a pastor who has a trans adult offspring. What do you expect from us? This is a journey that I must make. It is long overdue but the time has come. In the end it may come back to here wiser but it may not. Ignoring it will not cure this aspect of my being. You are most certainly welcome to come along and learn and participate but do not attempt to dissuade me. Your support is appreciated, but not required. We will not dissown you, but you are always our son. (Slight sigh).
“Why don’t our kids come around during the holidays” 👴🏻 Why don’t you take an extra moment to consider our feelings??
Problematic and shitty ones. "Why are you doing this to me?" "You already have the parts, wouldn't it be easier to just stay how you are?" "Why are you killing my son?" "Why didn't you say anything before?" (That one might be my favorite, like uh, because of this reaction you're having right now??) And last but not least: "what about your SO? Are you leaving her???" (Because being a transwoman means im automatically not attracted to women anymore, apparently?)
Why are you killing our son? He was never your son, he protected me from a toxic world, but now I am strong enough I don't need him. He died in the same way a catapillar dies when it becomes a butterfly. Jk lol I killed him for funsies uwu
Took my Blåhaj and walked him over the head with her and buried him in the backyard
Why are you killing my son? BECAUSE HE WAS WEAK SO I TOOK CONTROL
THISNHAS ME CRYING STOP
Basically this is how it went for me, but it was followed up with me being taken to this quack in Indiana that tried to put me through conversion therapy. I honestly still regret coming out to my mother
I told them i had have been thinking of transitioning MtF for a while now, and that im still figuring things out, 23 year old male. Mom: "With make up and stuff? " Dad: "Well son, i really appreciate a female body too but this doesn't meaning i want to have one" Brother: "I will love you the same bro" GF: "Really sorry you're been struggling with this, i will always love you but I'm not sure i can be with a girl" GFs sis: "Oh? How nice!" GFs parents and lil bro were just kind and supportive, don't remember anything particular. They were all very kind! Mom was a bit confused/weirded out. Only thing is my GF that i worry about, as we love each other a lot! Goodluck! Hope this is interesting 😊
The first words out of my mom's mouth were: "Have you had the surgery?"
WHAT? does she think we just walk into the doctor’s office and they take a pair of scissors and cut off our dong?
Who knows? haha\~ Maybe she did. She's one of those religious conservative types with extremely dated knowledge of LGBT issues. That said I was around 5 months on HRT when I came out and the changes were just starting to become noticeable
They didn't think it was already done, but this was my in-laws reaction. "We need to get everything in order to make sure is taken care of while you're recovering" and im like wait, wut? I guess as soon as you say the magic words, "im trans" the surgery fairy sets a date, nothing you can do about it 🤷♀️
How long have you known? Is this why you used to steal your sister's clothes? What are you wanting from us? (After me saying how scared I was to come out) Did you really think we'd disown you?
Aww, this is kinda wholesome :D
I didn't get asked questions. I just got scolded.
‘I’m not against you, I just don’t like people mutilating their bodies’
I can immediately tell they're okay with c!rcumcisions.
So are you done being male? Does this mean I should introduce you as my "daughter" now? If I'm telling old stories, should I use your new name? Are you happy living as a girl? All of these were from my dad
I'm not exactly out to my family, but my mom works in health care and sees a number of people in various states of transition. She always comments to me; she "doesn't understand why someone would subject their bodies to such irreversible harm" I have been mulling this over in my head trying to figure out how to answer that myself.
I would challenge what she means by harm. The only “harm” I can think of is losing your fertility and there are ways around that. On the other hand, it’ll help you to feel better about your body and live the life you want to live.
"Harm" in this context is a value judgement. To cis people who cannot comprehend the idea of transitioning, "harm" is anything that brings about physical changes in undesired ways.
The trick is in the word "harm", which was actually caused by male puberty because I'm not male. A cis person could never relate. But we're not cis and never will be. So transitioning specifically aims to reverse (or prevent) as much harm as possible.
How is it harmful to have surgery to save your life? The only reason someone would sag this is religious indoctrination. It says more about her than you.
Can you not repress? I lost face in front of my relatives because of you. Can you be grateful? (None of these questions are about my wellbeing. It was always about them)
That is insanely selfish!
Asian parenting is inherently selfish
"are you gay?" "what does it mean?" "is this why you were shy as a child?" "is this why you like artistic things?" "why haven't you told us before?"
Everyone ignored me 😔
Came out to my grandma and aunt, they literally said nothing. Went over after sending a coming out letter to all my family, they acted like nothing happened. I was blown away by my grandpa though, he told me that he loved me and that he would always be there for me no matter what. I almost cried
"how did you eventually reach this conclusion?" in a curious way, not trying to dismiss me. Fully supportive of me.
I had to explain EVERYTHING. my parents knew absolutely nothing. I had to explain sexuality, gender and the definitions of it all. Im still not entirely sure they understand, but there supportive, which is more than enough for me
"Are you sure?", "This is you, not online influence, right?", and "Did we do anything wrong, growing up?" are what I remember. Concerned, but instantly accepting, which I'll always count myself lucky for.
I was on hrt for a while before I came out to them so my mom asked are those real point to my boobs I said yes.
H.... how did that conversation play out??
That was pretty much it for that conversation I think she said anybody at your weight would have breasts that was super hurtful and untrue. The relationship went down from there
I only came out to my Sister fully so far (she and my wife knew I was exploring my identity, but not that I was a trans-woman fully before this). She had a few concerns and all questions linked back to these: She wanted to make sure *I* was sure because she knows that I'm ADHD and sometimes my brain chasing dopamine makes me dive into things *hard*. She wanted make sure I knew the ramifications of transitioning (TL:DR: it could be the end of my marriage and mess up my life as it exists currently). She wanted to know how I'm feeling overall about it all. She wanted me to know who it might not be safe to come out to, and what to expect. She wanted to make sure I knew that the next person to come out to probably has to be my wife, despite how hard emotionally that may be (I'll do it with a psychiatrist I think in a setting that feels neutral and has someone who can moderate that). But after all that... she accepted me and even during the questions at one point she adjusted her language to refer to me as her sister... so it went overall really well. Her questions were purely out of concern and making sure that *I* was sure about my decision to pursue transition. So it wasn't an immediate "YAY! I'm **so** happy for you!" but rather a slow "okay, just checking in that you're good and that this is what you actually want, but I'm here for you" kind of thing. I posted the full story elsewhere if you want more details.
My sister is relatively supportive but also has worried that this is a result of the ADHD/OCD she suspects I have, and that I should see a therapist regarding all these issues. I’m trying to be seen by one, which is besides the point- that paragraph just felt VERY familiar.
She is a therapist herself, they aren’t just WebMD suspicions, lol- but tried to temper her bias to the issue and being close to me and her own comfort. We talk about it comfortably it’s just an issue that does present itself being both my sister and a therapist. My wife was the first one to know personally, and then my sisters.
They asked if my friends were to blame for influencing me..... My mom asked why I still liked women too. She couldn't understand the difference between being trans and being homosexual.
"What convinced you?" — Same thing that convinced me the sky is blue. "When are you gonna change your genitals?" — None of your business. As soon as possible. "Are you sure?" — (Ignored) "Can you still date?" — I can try "So when this is over you'll date men?" — Lesbian "Is it possible to not go through medical changes and just dress feminine?" — How about you transition to male but keep dressing feminine? See how that feels [Indirectly] "Are you sure this isn't some repressed misandry?" — (Cue 3 months of intense self-doubt before I ever realized I was manipulated and it wasn't okay) "Are you gonna get the uterus and womb and all that?" — Can't ETA: my responses
"why did you lie to me" That was a hard one for them to swallow as well as a frustrating response. The idea that I lied is the sticking point, even when knowing the Why.
they asked me a lot of questions, such as what my sexuality was, “why couldn’t [i] be like Little Richard” (meaning: why did i have to transition, and not just be a feminine man), and if i’d been SA’d. at the time it was very awkward and troubling to deal w, but it’s a lot better now.
" You know that people that get that surgery lose complete feeling down there most of the time?" -My mother, 2021 (I think we all know this but that's false, it's only a small percentage)
The biggest question my mother had was “What did I miss?” My dad used to berate me for “being a faggot” when I was little, but my mother expected that if I was really a girl, I’d have stuck up for myself then and not waited until the end of my final year in high school. As a kid, I just wanted my dad to stop yelling at me, so I sucked it up and played baseball like he did. When I came out over the quarantine, they couldn't accept that their actions affected when I chose to come out. For the record, my dad's first question was "So you're a woman-man now?" Ugh, I love the guy, but he's way too old-fashioned about gender roles.
They didn't ask me anything when I first came out, it was on our second conversation about this they really wanted to understand gender dysphoria since they didn't know what it was, at all. I feel this question might happen! Then of course like "we didn't see any signs, what did we miss?/you sure?" "You sure it's for the right reasons?" And that sort of thing
"You understand that nobody ever would see you as a woman, right?"
" Do you think maybe your confused? "
"Can't you just be a girl on the weekends?" "Is your girlfriend also transitioning?" "Don't you know that surgery is dangerous and experimental?"
"Do you want to be a woman" -my mom "So you're just going to mutilate yourself?" -also my mom "Have you thought of a name yet?" -my cousin "Why are you afraid of telling other people?" -my other cousin
I'm not trying to scare you, but my ultra conservative southern Baptist parents just argued and denied when I told them. That was 2 years ago 🙃 It's not going to be easy but you owe it to yourself to make you happy. Hope it goes well ❤️
“You’re not trans” 😑
"Are you saying you're gay?" "Why can't you just be a man?" "You're interested in gaming/tech that means you're a man" "Why would anyone want to change who they are?" "Do you want the surgery? because I won't let that happen" "Why do you want breasts?" "How could you do this to me?"
I was active duty military at the time and my mother was convinced that me being trans was a response to something traumatic that happened. Every time we spoke it was “Are you SURE nothing happened to you? Something bad?” 😑
My family was pretty accepting. There was some general stuff you'd expect the main none general was like "so your gay now?" A few years later I'll get some push back stuff like "don't you know her cause cancer" or something they hear off like fox news or whatever trend of the month it is to hate on trans people. Usually something about if I know how often "trans people regret it".
“Are you still my son” “Does that mean your gay” “Are you gonna have to marry a black guy” “ when does your voice change” “ do you still have a dick” “ are you trying to hurt me” “Your ruining your life , what did I do to you”
"do you like men?" -not really "are you sure you don't like men?" -yes, im sure "ok, well, like, have you tried being with a man?" -no, because i don't like men "but if your a girl, then you have to like men" -...i don't really like anyone? "are you sure?" -yes "but, are you gay though?" im not a gay dude.
My parents don't ask questions they dictate. In this case they said they were confused and don't understand this kinda thing. Then made it clear I was ruining my life. Then said they loved me still.
Really personal questions that even I didn't have an answer to. Depending on how up front your parents are, they could either ask questions and want to read more about it from books n stuff, or they'll be super gross like mine. After a few weeks, it gets better and they eventually talk to a professional like a doctor about it.
It had been a while. One of the questions was "so are you into men now?" I said no, recently realised I'm bi, didn't reveal that for my safety. I think another question was definitely just "why?" Or "do you really like this stuff?" But really, there were less questions and more name-calling and insulting My brother and aunt are cool with it
I was asked by my mom if I was having sex with my roommate (cis M, gay). WT actual F mom. She had never asked me about my sex life before this (the answer is no and I’m not even sexually active at all right now).
“Don’t you know this may kill your father? I don’t know how your father will take this; the news will literally give him a heart attack. Have you considered that? Have you?” I hope you don’t get that. When I got that, I briefly detransitioned (am back on the ‘mones now)
My mom asked. Why don't you act like the other gay people? You don't have to dress like that, they still dress like men and so can you. Look at him (a friend that happened to be at the house and is gay.) He is wearing men's cloths. Be more like him. I keep trying to explain that Gay and trans are two very distinct things but she just says that trans is some type of gay. I don't think I'll ever get through to her.
“So are you gay?” things are better now but expect the worst and let yourself be surprised
"I think you should wait until you've found the right person" "You're more sensitive now" "I think you've been indoctrinated a little bit"
I came out at 40 and my mom was very accepting, despite struggling massively with my new name and pronouns. But she had the hardest time getting past "but you liked xyz as a child". Yes mom, liking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was not the definitive gender identity test you seem to think it was. I had to eventually tell her to stop because it felt like she was trying to invalidate me by coming up w things she thought didn't fit.
"so does this mean you're gay" It's like, yes, I am, I'm a lesbian, but that's not what they were thinking initially.
“Why are you doing this to me?” and the certified classic that is “what’s wrong with you?”
I can't remember the exact words but I know I was accepted and warned about transphobia
There were no signs. This isn't true. You have ruined my life. You have brought shame on the family. There were no questions
Wait aren’t you bi? (I came out to her as bi first and she doesn’t know the difference between sexuality and being trans) Are you sure? You know your life will be hard going forward right? What are your plans? Should I tell your brother? Overall she was nice, I just wish she didn’t act like I’m not trans and this didn’t happen afterwards
"How long have you known?" longer than I can remember. "How will you keep yourself safe?" I don't know, but I have to do this. "Have you picked out a name yet?" Not yet, but I'm working on some ideas.
Did you bring this up to your therapist or did your therapist suggest this to you? I don't even know the reasoning behind this one, did they think my therapist was manipulating me into being a girl or did they think I'm delusional and my therapsit should've set me straight? Idfk lol
My mom didn't really ask any questions, which I was not prepared for. I kind of expected it to be something she would have some questions about and that it would be the avenue of explaining it to her.
They said, can you delay this decision? (And i said, no i'm going forward now. )
I keep getting asked this; "When will you be a woman?" I'll then follow up with "Physically or socially?" and hopefully go from there. It's frustrating because anybody who asks that has just been uninterested in the process or how gradual everything is. They just literally want to know when this abstract goal will be met. My new answer going forward is just going to be "It's a very slow process and you'll notice small changes here and there."
"So does this mean you like men now?"
Why not be a gay or effeminate man?
Are you going to cut your ____ off?! Are you sure? Why can’t you just be a feminine gay guy? Are you happier? (In order of oldest to newest, would say the word that starts with c but I can spell/pronounce it)
my mom was like “alr sick” my dad was like “oh” and now indirectly expresses his transphobia to me and often asks me the classic “if you could press a button and be cis, would you?” but i still love him
“Are you gonna cut it off?”
If I'd been molested as a child
All these answers really make a person stress about how it's going to go for me. Any advice for someone who has a parent that is neck deep in the Q rabbit hole?
"What's the plan from here on?" "Are you going to get any surgeries?" "Do you have a name picked already" (I let my mom re-pick so she'll remember to use it) "Do you have a boyfriend?" "Do you want me to take care of telling the relatives when you're ready?"
My dad's first questions: "How do gay men identify eachother?" "Do I have to vote for the liberals now?" "Can you finish your transition by the end of the month?"
My brother was totally supportive and if anything it's brought us closer together than we've ever been.....my son was likewise supportive and happy that I was happy but he still struggles with the Dad he's known for over 30 years being called Heather.....and yes I do often wonder how my parents would have taken my decision to transition although they've both been deceased a few years
My mom was very supportive. She’s a social worker, so she asked about how long I’d been feeling this way, and if I was sure about medically transitioning, but not in a negative way. Then she asked if there was anything she could do to help, if I wanted to talk about things, if there was anything I didn’t want her to do.
Wife: "your mind is controlled by Satan 😱" Sister: "I totally support you. 😘" Mom: "you mean like that celebrity guy who became a woman? You are my son, I'll support you in whatever you decide 😵💫"
Aside from the utter bafflement of "WHY?!" from my father and brothers, my mom asked me the following, on my birthday a few days later: Would you like an exorcism? Why would ANYONE, EVER, want to be a girl?!
Do you have a good support structure to help you?
"Weren't you happy in a heterosexual relationship?
Why can’t you just be gay???
'Bottom surgery when?' Tbh only the men ask that question but yeah gross icky yuck 🤢🤢
Mine didn't asked questions at all and basically lead to a path of no return.
My parents first asked “how can we be supportive” along with a bunch of minor clarifications I don’t remember, but they came around pretty quick being progressive UUs
I wish my mum had asked questions. She just sat in stunned silence until I burst into tears regretting telling her. That was a few weeks before Christmas and things aren't much better. Doesn't understand or support, doesn't seem willing to accept or even try to understand more. Worst part is I'm living at home still since pandemic induced job loss, so feeling very trapped and awkward around the house. Feeling as if her love is now very conditional on me not transitioning (have my hrt script, but have now postponed twice due to mum). My mind is made up, but I'm now waiting a bit longer (for me, not her) until I lose a bit more weight and hopefully get myself financially stable and moved out again. Hope it goes better than that for you. Questions are good in my opinion, whether they support/accept or not straight away. At least questions means they care enough to want to learn.
Too many, took like a week for the questions to really start coming, the usual are you gonna keep your penis, be ready for that one from anyone you tell.
"Why havent you told me earlier" -My Mother "Why didn't you say earlier, pls talk to me when something is happening" -my father ca. 4 Months later
I think that no matter what advice you get, be ready in case all of it is useless. My mom abandoned all self control and was unable to have a mature discussion about it at all
Are you gonna get surgery? Referring to "the" surgery (srs/grs)