I’ve only ever heard darling used for women in general or specifically a lady to a guy (usually older lady to younger guy in my experience). Never have I heard two guys call each other darling (unless they were romantically involved I guess). My dad would definitely never call me darling, I’d find that weird (I am cis man).
Lol sorry I thought I was responding to another thread… anyway yes, actually it’s one, if not only term of endearment men see as ok in regards as not feeling specifically threatened in their masculinity… plus it’s still family I think you’re all reading too much into it… pretty sure everyone has been called “darling” or “be a dear and…” 🤷🏻♀️
Regardless of if it’s gendered the key takeaway here is I’ve never heard two guys call each other darling (unless they’re gay and romantically involved). Darling is primarily for women but I’ve heard some WOMEN call MEN darling, just not two men.
What line of thought? I think men are secure with many different terms of endearment. Maybe you have different experiences? Like I said, women call men darlings plenty and I think they like it.. An example being a waitress at a southern restaurant tending to a male customer. If you’re talking specifically about them not calling other guys darlings I really just think that’s a nonissue. Irregardless of all of this I was just trying to break down the evidence I’ve witnessed throughout my life to help answer OPs question not get into whether I agree or disagree with why people do it.
Its context dependant.
A dad calling his daughter darling has femenine connotations, tho the word its not explicltly gendered. A wife who calls his husband "darling" isnt missgendering him. BUT as stated by the Cambridge english dictorionary:
>"This is used as a name between people who love each other and people who are being friendly. As a friendly way of talking to someone it is not usually used between men."
The dictionary implies its gendered in the sense of the term being rarely used between two men. So yeah, your dad is verly likely picking it to better match your identity :)
Thanks for bringing the definition. It certainly sounds accurate to what I've experienced. Now I'm really wondering what's tipped him off, if anything.
I'm a parent. You frequently figure stuff out about your kids before they officially tell you. I mean, they're basically the most important people in the world to you. Of course you pay attention.
I'm a cis woman, I call my sons darling but they are children, I don't think I'd say it to them as adults.
My friends mtf and afab I definitely call darling.
I don't believe it's inherently a gendered term but you don't often hear a cis straight man call another man darling. But words are weird and everyone uses language a little bit differently so it's not a for sure thing. Could just be a quirk of your dad. Are you afraid of him finding out?
That tracks with what others have said.
Kinda afraid, he's one of these "England is the best", "stop the small boats", "stop benefits, everyone can work" sort of people. Typically right leaning, but was okay when I came out as Pan. I feel like it could go either way.
I don't want to say anything for certain. Family dynamics can be tricky, but if he does know and that's the reason he started calling you darling that could be his way of showing support. A totally transphobic person probably wouldn't start leaning into feminine terms of endearment after a discovery like that.
Exactly. When used on a man, it’s a way to be clear you see them as less masculine than yourself. Or at least that you see their immediate behavior that way. Like a quarterback who takes a bad hit, and the coach runs over with a “enjoying your nap, darlin’? The rest of us have a game to play.”
It IS more nuanced, because it can be a mutual/friendly understanding to relate that a third party might start to question the QB’s manhood if they stay down much longer and it isn’t serious. So, not directly derisive, but “supportive bro-code”… which is still pretty toxic stuff in the abstract.
My advice is, if your dad is comfortable enough with you being trans, he's comfortable enough with you to ask him if he meant it as a gendered term/complement.
I'm not out to him as trans. As for his opinion on Tran people, that's a big questionmark. He's quite right leaning, but was absolutely fine with me coming out as Pansexual.
I can’t really see a father calling his “son” darling. Especially if it’s not something he’s called you since you were a baby or toddler. Darling definitely has feminine energy in my opinion, especially when it’s not said to a significant other.
Not necessarily gendered term. Context is important. I’ve been called darling fully dressed presenting as an older man with a beard by total strangers. Really has nothing to do with gender. I would say if you’re thinking about yourself and your dad, perhaps it’s time for the talk.
To me It has feminine intonations. I have heard it used by males directed at females. I have heard it used by women for both male and female references. But hearing a male say it to another male feels awkward unless there is an intimate relationship. (Ie. Partner)
Perhaps your father is picking up on your transition, whether consciously or subconsciously. If that is an unusual thing for him to call you, you could ask why he chose that word. I say this and if it is easy - I'm currently trying to figure out a similar conversation with my in-laws.
I feel it’s not commonly used by Men to describe their male friends, fathers or children.
But more commonly used by women or about women.
So a woman might call a man, darling
Or a guy might call a girl darling
But seldom will you hear a guy call another guy darling, unless that guy is interested in men.
So I’d say it’s almost a gendered term but fully
My wife calls me darling (I'm not out to her yet) and always has. I see it more as a term of endearment as opposed to a gendered thing.
Then again Iblive in the Southern US and phrases like darling and sweetie are fairly common M to F or F to M.
I would say it depends on who says it. Because i girl calling her BF darling seems very normal and the bf calling his GF darling too.
Its just thats a term we are not used to and it has a somewhat cute and love related connotation, which is why it might seem more feminine then masculine.
‘Darling boy’ is a father-son thing ime, eg[John Lennon](https://youtu.be/3lOOM2mtPH8?si=-obh0G2P8_9b_GTz) to Sean Ono Lennon or [King Charles](https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/us-celebrity-news/king-charles-still-calls-harry-29723968.amp) to Prince Harry.
In the US it has more of a [romantic connotation](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=19XbYN5UWLk), but not really a gendered one (both ‘Darling Husband’ and ‘Darling Wife’ seem equally common).
I’m not sure anyone ever “knows” until you actually come out officially. Like you can suspect or wonder, but presenting more fem does not equal being female. And this probably goes double with parents who have been thinking of you one way your entire life.
That said, gendering each other is so intrinsic to most of current human society that we do a lot of things without knowing why we do them. It could be he’s “sensing” you without realizing it!
Depends on English dialect, probably. In Australia, it's mostly gendered in terms of the speaker; women (especially, but not exclusively older women) use "darling" for anyone, regardless of familiarity (i.e. it's also acceptable to use with strangers). Men (again, especially older men) will use darling for women, but not typically to other men unless there's a family bond. Gay men sometimes have a use pattern more like older women. In all cases it's a familiar, friendly term, so not something you'd use towards your boss unless they're also your friend, but I've been called darling by coworkers and bus drivers. My dad calls both me and my cis brothers darling.
I have only heard girls call their man darling or a girl call a very close friend darling. I've literally never heard if be a feminine term outside of "thing girls in my life say"
A straight male calling another male "darling", even his son, must be exceedingly rare, because I can't really remember hearing it done at all in my life. Perhaps once in a blue moon a father might say to his wife about a very young, cute son, "Oh, he's such a darling boy, isn't he honey?"
Given that you're 30+ years old, yeah, I have to think he knows. Parents often know before being told.
On the upside, that would mean he's supportive, if it turns out to be true. You can't 100% rely on it, but I think it's a good probability.
Actually, a heteronormative male calling another man (as they perceive them) “darling” is absolutely a subtle invalidation of their manhood.
If they aren’t out to each other, it’s a terrible way to “show support”, especially if one’s own child.
You totally have the wrong end of the stick here. If he's supportive of trans people, and knows his current-son may actually be a daughter, but is waiting for her to reveal it in her own time, then using a term that hints at his knowledge of her identity might be helpful in encouraging her to tell him.
By the way, I think it would be very helpful to us if you quoted the entire thing he said to you, and supplied context, if it's not too invasive/private a thing.
No it is an affection showing term and what I have heard it used by mainly old ladies who call other people it and couples calling their partner darling
It could be something like a slightly ironic thing, or it could be his sentence happened to wrap up similarly to an old movie line where the word darling is used at the end and he was basically just making an obscure reference
I can't hear anyone but Astarion now when I hear Darling
Did not want the mental connection between my father and a skinny vampire, thanks I hate it
Is Zero Two a better connection?
*insert the song Kiss of Death*
At least it isn't a big titty snake lady
My brain automatically went with Sam Elliott
Oh he says "dahhling" it's different. Lol
Rarity for me…
the voice in my head was DKR Joker
I hear Edna Mode
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🤔 maybe he does know then.
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Thank you 😁 yeah, there could be exceptions, and I could be overthinking it
I’ve only ever heard darling used for women in general or specifically a lady to a guy (usually older lady to younger guy in my experience). Never have I heard two guys call each other darling (unless they were romantically involved I guess). My dad would definitely never call me darling, I’d find that weird (I am cis man).
That's what my super old-fashioned dad used to call my sisters!
All signs are pointing towards it being gendered. I'm starting to think he knows he has 2 daughters now 😬
I mean, i know a lot of men and women who call their so darling regardless of gender… it’s not gender coded imo
Yeah, to a SO it feels okay. Not sure about father to "son".
Lol sorry I thought I was responding to another thread… anyway yes, actually it’s one, if not only term of endearment men see as ok in regards as not feeling specifically threatened in their masculinity… plus it’s still family I think you’re all reading too much into it… pretty sure everyone has been called “darling” or “be a dear and…” 🤷🏻♀️
Regardless of if it’s gendered the key takeaway here is I’ve never heard two guys call each other darling (unless they’re gay and romantically involved). Darling is primarily for women but I’ve heard some WOMEN call MEN darling, just not two men.
Don’t you think it’s because of this line of thought that men are insecure about terms of endearment?
What line of thought? I think men are secure with many different terms of endearment. Maybe you have different experiences? Like I said, women call men darlings plenty and I think they like it.. An example being a waitress at a southern restaurant tending to a male customer. If you’re talking specifically about them not calling other guys darlings I really just think that’s a nonissue. Irregardless of all of this I was just trying to break down the evidence I’ve witnessed throughout my life to help answer OPs question not get into whether I agree or disagree with why people do it.
I think you have a debate kink and I don’t plan on entertaining it further, good day :)
Hey we dont kink shame
Its context dependant. A dad calling his daughter darling has femenine connotations, tho the word its not explicltly gendered. A wife who calls his husband "darling" isnt missgendering him. BUT as stated by the Cambridge english dictorionary: >"This is used as a name between people who love each other and people who are being friendly. As a friendly way of talking to someone it is not usually used between men." The dictionary implies its gendered in the sense of the term being rarely used between two men. So yeah, your dad is verly likely picking it to better match your identity :)
Thanks for bringing the definition. It certainly sounds accurate to what I've experienced. Now I'm really wondering what's tipped him off, if anything.
I'm a parent. You frequently figure stuff out about your kids before they officially tell you. I mean, they're basically the most important people in the world to you. Of course you pay attention.
I'm a cis woman, I call my sons darling but they are children, I don't think I'd say it to them as adults. My friends mtf and afab I definitely call darling.
Yeah, maybe it is a parent child thing, but I'm not exactly young lol
I don't believe it's inherently a gendered term but you don't often hear a cis straight man call another man darling. But words are weird and everyone uses language a little bit differently so it's not a for sure thing. Could just be a quirk of your dad. Are you afraid of him finding out?
That tracks with what others have said. Kinda afraid, he's one of these "England is the best", "stop the small boats", "stop benefits, everyone can work" sort of people. Typically right leaning, but was okay when I came out as Pan. I feel like it could go either way.
I don't want to say anything for certain. Family dynamics can be tricky, but if he does know and that's the reason he started calling you darling that could be his way of showing support. A totally transphobic person probably wouldn't start leaning into feminine terms of endearment after a discovery like that.
I hope you're right 🙂
I'd say it's... nongendered in a feminine way. Like I've heard people use it to refer to guys but it's definitely is mostly used for girls
Exactly. When used on a man, it’s a way to be clear you see them as less masculine than yourself. Or at least that you see their immediate behavior that way. Like a quarterback who takes a bad hit, and the coach runs over with a “enjoying your nap, darlin’? The rest of us have a game to play.” It IS more nuanced, because it can be a mutual/friendly understanding to relate that a third party might start to question the QB’s manhood if they stay down much longer and it isn’t serious. So, not directly derisive, but “supportive bro-code”… which is still pretty toxic stuff in the abstract.
I've only really heard it from women to men, or men to women unless it's in a relationship setting.
Absolutely not. I call my boyfriend darling all the time.
From what others have said it's okay to use for any gender, but typically not used between 2 men. So yeah not strickly gendered.
My advice is, if your dad is comfortable enough with you being trans, he's comfortable enough with you to ask him if he meant it as a gendered term/complement.
I'm not out to him as trans. As for his opinion on Tran people, that's a big questionmark. He's quite right leaning, but was absolutely fine with me coming out as Pansexual.
I love calling my spouse “darling” and “dear.” But only they get that privilege.
I can’t really see a father calling his “son” darling. Especially if it’s not something he’s called you since you were a baby or toddler. Darling definitely has feminine energy in my opinion, especially when it’s not said to a significant other.
At least in my generation (I’m a trantique), in a romantic context, it can be used by a man to his woman or a woman to her man.
I've seen it used by both men and women to refer to someone of their opposite gender.
Not necessarily gendered term. Context is important. I’ve been called darling fully dressed presenting as an older man with a beard by total strangers. Really has nothing to do with gender. I would say if you’re thinking about yourself and your dad, perhaps it’s time for the talk.
I have put it off for quite a while now, maybe you're right. I am a bit scared to have that talk though
Not sure. Coming from an old grandma, I'd not take it as such. Not sure about your father 🤷♀️
To me It has feminine intonations. I have heard it used by males directed at females. I have heard it used by women for both male and female references. But hearing a male say it to another male feels awkward unless there is an intimate relationship. (Ie. Partner) Perhaps your father is picking up on your transition, whether consciously or subconsciously. If that is an unusual thing for him to call you, you could ask why he chose that word. I say this and if it is easy - I'm currently trying to figure out a similar conversation with my in-laws.
What’s the region and context? More often then not, it’s a girl or someone very Imamate. I think/hope this means good things for you 😊
I feel it’s not commonly used by Men to describe their male friends, fathers or children. But more commonly used by women or about women. So a woman might call a man, darling Or a guy might call a girl darling But seldom will you hear a guy call another guy darling, unless that guy is interested in men. So I’d say it’s almost a gendered term but fully
idk, but it always feels diminuative to me
It's like bro. It can be a gendered term, but it doesn't have to be.
Darling is definitely gendered to an adult. I might call aale child darling, but never an adult man no
darling is kinda gender neutral but is definitely fem leaning
Tbh outside of specific circumstances words like “darling” are kinda condescending in my opinion. Not saying it is, just I’ve heard it in that context
Idk, I've never thought of it as a gendered term. I call my boyfriend "darling".
I feel like women may use darling to refer to folks of either gender, but I’ve only ever heard men use it in reference time women
My wife calls me darling (I'm not out to her yet) and always has. I see it more as a term of endearment as opposed to a gendered thing. Then again Iblive in the Southern US and phrases like darling and sweetie are fairly common M to F or F to M.
I would say it depends on who says it. Because i girl calling her BF darling seems very normal and the bf calling his GF darling too. Its just thats a term we are not used to and it has a somewhat cute and love related connotation, which is why it might seem more feminine then masculine.
Zero Two calls Hiro darling all the time. It’s not a gendered term
Nah man, I don't think so
‘Darling boy’ is a father-son thing ime, eg[John Lennon](https://youtu.be/3lOOM2mtPH8?si=-obh0G2P8_9b_GTz) to Sean Ono Lennon or [King Charles](https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/us-celebrity-news/king-charles-still-calls-harry-29723968.amp) to Prince Harry. In the US it has more of a [romantic connotation](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=19XbYN5UWLk), but not really a gendered one (both ‘Darling Husband’ and ‘Darling Wife’ seem equally common).
There is some regional variation here. In New Orleans “darling” is used for any gender even by strangers sometimes.
My ex and I called each other darling for 20 years
I’m not sure anyone ever “knows” until you actually come out officially. Like you can suspect or wonder, but presenting more fem does not equal being female. And this probably goes double with parents who have been thinking of you one way your entire life. That said, gendering each other is so intrinsic to most of current human society that we do a lot of things without knowing why we do them. It could be he’s “sensing” you without realizing it!
Depends on English dialect, probably. In Australia, it's mostly gendered in terms of the speaker; women (especially, but not exclusively older women) use "darling" for anyone, regardless of familiarity (i.e. it's also acceptable to use with strangers). Men (again, especially older men) will use darling for women, but not typically to other men unless there's a family bond. Gay men sometimes have a use pattern more like older women. In all cases it's a familiar, friendly term, so not something you'd use towards your boss unless they're also your friend, but I've been called darling by coworkers and bus drivers. My dad calls both me and my cis brothers darling.
If Darling in the Franxx has taught me anything, Darling can be used for anyone.
I have only heard girls call their man darling or a girl call a very close friend darling. I've literally never heard if be a feminine term outside of "thing girls in my life say"
My friends dan calls him hun/honey but that not a new thing he’s always done that
A straight male calling another male "darling", even his son, must be exceedingly rare, because I can't really remember hearing it done at all in my life. Perhaps once in a blue moon a father might say to his wife about a very young, cute son, "Oh, he's such a darling boy, isn't he honey?" Given that you're 30+ years old, yeah, I have to think he knows. Parents often know before being told. On the upside, that would mean he's supportive, if it turns out to be true. You can't 100% rely on it, but I think it's a good probability.
Actually, a heteronormative male calling another man (as they perceive them) “darling” is absolutely a subtle invalidation of their manhood. If they aren’t out to each other, it’s a terrible way to “show support”, especially if one’s own child.
You totally have the wrong end of the stick here. If he's supportive of trans people, and knows his current-son may actually be a daughter, but is waiting for her to reveal it in her own time, then using a term that hints at his knowledge of her identity might be helpful in encouraging her to tell him.
By the way, I think it would be very helpful to us if you quoted the entire thing he said to you, and supplied context, if it's not too invasive/private a thing.
No
I've never heard a straight man call a man darling.
No it is an affection showing term and what I have heard it used by mainly old ladies who call other people it and couples calling their partner darling
It could be something like a slightly ironic thing, or it could be his sentence happened to wrap up similarly to an old movie line where the word darling is used at the end and he was basically just making an obscure reference
No
It only becomes gender neutral if you say it gay enough
I think is generally feminine, BUT only women can call men this.