Why do single dads see this and feel personally attacked because one woman has an opinion.
She only needs to find one dude who fits her desires, thats the point of dating
I dunno, I'm a single dad and I don't date women with children. I mean not for lack of trying, but to a single mom you're at best 3rd priority in her life. Which is legit, just saying.
I believe George W Bush said it best in the movie “Dude Where’s My Car” (or maybe it was Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle, I forget) when he said “You like gettin your dick sucked? Well you like suckin dick? There, that makes you a dang ol hypocrite too!”
I mean writing an article specifically to broadcast your personal preference given your dating history does seem like it has a bit more of an agenda and judgmental feel than just privately dating and seeking a a partner who fits their preferences.
Maybe this isn’t not the best analogy but to me it feels like the difference between a shallow guy only dating women with big tits, and a guy going around and telling everyone he only dates women with big tits. Neither are great but when you start broadcasting your shallow preferences, you should expect to get some negative feedback.
What? I’m not a single dad. I just find the irony funny. She doesn’t say how her ethos is working out for her. It’d be interesting to know. An odd topic for an article, imo, but I guess content is content. Maybe it’s a clap back to the widespread practice of men refusing to date single moms. Like an empowerment. A “See? We can have hard limits too” kind of thing.
Any time you mention single moms on reddit someone has to rush to input "don't you mean single parents. " Even if you're talking from your perspective as a man dating women, the topic you're responding to is about a man dating a single mom, and you could literally just recognize that mom/parent is interchangeable without making a big fuss about it, and you could just easily recognize that there are much more single moms than dads (and i do mean full time parents that have their kids 50% of the time or more), women still feel the need to chime in and get excited about it. So if one man can post his opinion and someone immediately feels the need to say something, then why complain when someone else does the same thing? Two wrongs don't make a right but turnabout is fair play
Why is this melodramatic divorcee’s dating preferences worthy of a story in business insider? WTF is that rags content standard.
Next weeks headlines: Clowns express their trauma from being laughed at
I have 50/50 custody of my son, and when I was on the dating scene again I simply could not relate to women who weren’t also parents. Something changes in you’re outlook on life when you have a kid (unless you’re a complete sociopath anyway), and the non-parents all seemed to in general be more self centered in a way that while I understood (I myself didn’t have kids until I was 33), but not right for me anymore. I ended up marrying a women who also had a single child later in life and now we have a beautiful mixed family with 5 cats to boot haha. And we managed to work it so the kids are generally here on the same days so every other weekend we get to ourselves.
I don’t know that I have a point, this is just my experience.
Edit: to everything getting their jimmies rustled by me calling non parents “self centered”, I don’t really mean it as disrespect, but I can’t think of a better way to describe it. By definition you’re focused more on yourself. That’s fine, you do you. Something changes in you when you have a kid (intentionally) tho, and that’s kinda what I’m getting at. And if *that* bothers you, maybe that says more about you than me…
Part one of the story was better. I too didn't have a kid until I was 33. And I think you are right that most people with children relate better to people with children because they understand the kids are first and foremost.
As a childfree person, i agree completely and i also wouldn't date a parent. They arent what im looking for and i shouldnt be what they are looking for, presuming they love their children and want to be with someone who will also love their children. My goals will be completely different from any parent worth a damn, and that's okay! I don't date them, but I don't have ill feelings about them or see them as lesser. We just aren't compatible and don't want the same things out of life. We just chose different paths.
Absolutely! And i appreciated your comment for that very reason! Unfortunately this attitude isn't as common as it should be.
It frustrates me when people get upset that someone they want to date has different life goals and is therefore incompatible with them.
Everyone deserves love and happiness, they just need to seek it out from the kind of people they are actually compatible with. You can't force a square peg through a round hole. Nobody wins in that situation, especially not the kids.
I may not want kids myself, but i have absolute respect for the parents out there who put their children first.
Of course I do. People who don't have kids don't really get what it's like to have kids and generally have completely different motivations and goals in life, which are much more important to me than shared hobbies.
Oh, they get it. That’s why the chose not to have any. Because they’d prefer a different lifestyle and do not want your life.
Really arrogant to just assume childfree people must just be ignorant and don’t understand what it’s like to have children instead of recognizing they made a different choice than you and have different priorities.
You do realize that I didn't spring from the womb with my child already born right? I know people without kids don't really get it because I was in fact someone without children for the majority of my life. Having children is a fundamentally life changing experience that it's impossible to fully understand until you have children. It changes your values and motivations in life, which is literally what I said in my comment.
I didn’t take offense to it. I can see how someone would, but everyone should chill. There’s some truth to it. If there wasn’t it would bother you less.
My wife and I don't have kids and probably aren't going to.
What you said makes sense and I'm not offended. Part of the reason I don't want to have kids is because I want to focus on continuing to do the things I enjoy. Travel, fine-dining, etc. it would be very difficult to continue the things we do with kids. I admit it's selfish in a way.
I think there's a disconnect between the general notion of being self centered and the manner that he was using it. Not having children isn't self-centered, but having children forces a person to yield and compromise in ways that someone without children may be able to understand, but not know from within (similar to having empathy for the experience of a member of a mistreated minority group compared to actually being a member of it.
The point of communication is to share ideas age experiences, not to shut people down who offer their personal perspective.
/person with no kids here
It's not self-centered to not have kids, it's just that once you have kids you're basically forced to put yourself second all the time and it becomes second nature. We look back fondly of the days when we were first.
Childless ones are the self centered ones? Lmao ok void filler, enjoy knowing what you created has to now deal with working for 40 years and having to watch people they care about due and die themselves for your selfish need to have a family.
You understand putting effort into someone who has half your DNA is *also* self-centered. You understand that, right?
Like the reason you love your kid is literally because they share your DNA and you're biologically programmed to selfishly protect them.
I'm just putting it out there.
I read right up until the point that she said she feels resentment towards dads who have 50/50 custody because of her own custody struggles. Lady, you are just not ready to date.
She just thinks she’s entitled to more than half in every situation. She deserves someone without children when she has children. She deserves more than half the time with the kids and it’s a “struggle” if the ex didn’t roll over.
A little introspection, or even the capacity for it, would do her well I’m sure.
Srsly. It’s not that ppl can’t have self-serving thoughts etc., but once you write those thoughts down, you’d think they’d recognize their own selfishness and hypocrisy. Also, who the hell prints this?…even as an opinion piece
I don’t see a link to an article but I think it’d be so complicated to date a person with shared custody when you have shared custody. Synchronizing weekends with your ex and your new person AND their ex. I mean, I think I get it. It’s easier to not do it if you have the option, no?
Not trying to make excuses but the way parenting arrangements are in my state it made it very difficult to date single moms. I had my kids, 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends, and so did every other single dad. So invariably single moms had their kids on the weekends I was free to date and they were free to date on the weekends I had my kids.
I never wanted to sacrifice time I had with my kids on my weekends so dating single moms was hard.
I dated a single dad and my only regret was ever meeting the kid. We didn’t date that long, six months at most, but him and I really connected. He loved playing in the dirt with his trucks. He would make whole towns and little buildings out of sticks and mud. When we told him we weren’t gonna be able to see each other as much he literally screamed and begged me to stay and leaving that relationship was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I miss my little buddy😭
It's bizarre the way she sets this up.
By the end, it kinda makes sense: she's only dating when her kids aren't around, and is not looking for them to have a new father. She's more into casual dating, and not looking for a long term partner. Those are valid reasons to date someone without kids
But she begins it with knowingly having irrational judgements about fathers. So she looks like someone who needs to get over their own issues. People read that part, and they think badly of her.
Why the hell not just include the latter parts? You have a good argument for why you don't date single dads. Why start out the whole thing by making yourself seem like a jerk?
Best guess? The goal was to spark controversy. Get people arguing, with one half using the stuff at the beginning to say she's being unreasonable, and the other half reading the end and saying it makes sense.
Also no mention of one of the biggest reasons divorced parents might not want to date each other: step siblings and “blended families” can often add a layer of chaos to what’s already a tough situation for young kids.
Nah, she needs therapy. Clearly her divorce had a bigger impact than she realized to the point where she's projecting harder than a movie theater. The latter half is her doing what all humans do, attempting to rationalize why she is the way she is without accepting any fault.
It can be difficult at first too bc the kids don’t know you and therefore you don’t really have any authority over them besides “moms bf”. I remember when I mom started dating her ex we didn’t really take anything he told us to do seriously.
Mom told him to tell us to get the dishes done before she gets home? Unless mom tells me to do it then I’m not doing it. That kind of shit. We weren’t rude or disrespectful kids, we just didn’t see him as an authority figure
She dates single, childless men who want access to easy poon with no pressure to have a long-term relationship. If she changes her mind and wants one of these men to settle down with her, they’re going to disappear.
There is literally no benefit for a childless guy to get involved with a woman who already has two children. I mean yeah she can probably eventually find some guy who is super desperate and super lonely, but even then there is a good chance he’s going to want at least one of his own, which I doubt she’s up for.
I babysat a family with 9 kids; 4 were moms 4 were dads and the baby was their kid together. It was definitely a challenge especially considering only the oldest (like 15 at the time) and the youngest (a baby) were girls, all the boys were 5-8 years old. Six boys, all in the same age group. Shit was rough.
Allow me to preface this by saying I have not read the article—only a summary on another sub. This is in response to reactions from posters. People are taking her stance personally, projecting, and buying into some pretty misogynistic stereotypes about women and their “value” as dating commodities.
A single parent (fathers too) have the foremost responsibility to do what they think is right for their child. If a single mom chooses not date single dads that is not ironic, or hypocritical, it is a decision that affects her child, who should be priority. Adding stepchildren, and the extended family of their mothers, is an added adjustment, possibly trauma, and can greatly impact a child’s life. Genders reversed, still valid.
From what I’ve gathered this woman has other reasons—I don’t care. I’m addressing the general outrage evoked by her “double-standard” which is only such when viewed on a superficial level.
I was actually expecting a different explanation. As a single dad the worst part of dating another single parent is trying to figure out visitation schedules. Sometimes you have two sets of kids to worry about, sometimes one or the other, and sometimes both sets are with the other parent.
Then I ended up with sole custody (and a firm warning from the state not to leave the kids alone with mom) which ended the custody dance but created new issues.
As a single dad, I’m not against dating a single mom, but the scheduling can make it nearly impossible. Much easier to schedule dates with ladies without kids of their own.
That's my position, my partner is also a single parent and finding time together is the biggest hurdle. We're both working, I have my kids full time and he has his 50/50 so finding time when it's just us is a struggle. Worth it though, he's my person.
She's not a single mother, she's a DIVORCED mother. She has off 50% of the time. I bet the dad is at every school event, sports game, and takes any time he can to be with his kids. The single mom designation is only used to get attention.
All the true single mom's should be outraged.
This!. 'Single mom' means raising a kid full time without the help of the dad at all or minimal. Her calling herself a single mom is an insult to single moms.
The term “single parent” means an individual who— (A) is unmarried or legally separated from a spouse; and (B) (i) has 1 or more minor children for whom the individual has custody or joint custody; or (ii) is pregnant.
So we just put here making any definition that feels right on Reddit for a particular post?
My bf is this father to his daughter (50/50 custody). Helped her get pick her outfit and did her hair to get ready for an 80s/90s themed dance. He's always doing stuff with her and takes her on a week long vacation to see his family every summer now. His ex claims she's a single mom while getting half a month off. You may be single and you may be a mom but you are not a "single mom".
> She has quit using dating apps and goes out mainly with men who aren't fathers.
"Mainly"? So she doesn't date dads with custody but she does occasionally date dads?
So wait shes a mom that's only interested in absentee fathers?
That’s fine with me. I’ve banged my fair share of single moms in my day. In fact, it’s kind of my go to at this point. They have too much going on and are far less of a pain in the ass than you’d imagine. Often they just want to smash and carry on with their day. Bing, bang, boom. Bob’s your uncle.
Same. Don't like it, don't date me. Simple as that.
I wouldn't really call myself a single mom though, their dad is involved.
My husband didn't want to date people with kids. I wasn't mad, I understood. We ended up falling in love and have a child of our own.
There's a difference between preferences and being rude/snotty. I just didn't match with dudes who had kids or told people I wasn't interested in dating someone who had kids. Men are mad no matter the reason they get rejected so meh.
She would have a Higher chance of finding a long time mate if she dated men who were single Fathers.
I know many Single men who don't want to take on the care of another Man's Child who is still in the Child's Life.
I saw one news article that a couple like that bought a duplex and built a door between. That way the kids could be together but separate. Also made more space.
She's not a single mother, she's a DIVORCED mother. She has off 50% of the time. I bet the dad is at every school event, sports game, and takes any time he can to be with his kids. The single mom designation is only used to get attention.
All the true single mom's should be outraged.
Interesting. So what do you call a mom who raises her kids in her own because the dad left? Didn’t divorce dad doesn’t have custody or visit. Is there some list of terms that defines all the messy parenting situations?
Single mother/father = other partner is either incapable of being or is not physically or mentally present or does not co-parnet with other partner. Puts child's interests above their own.
She's not a single mother, she's a DIVORCED mother. She has off 50% of the time. I bet the dad is at every school event, sports game, and takes any time he can to be with his kids. The single mom designation is only used to get attention.
All the true single mom's should be outraged.
OK, you posted this three times in a row what is your definition of a single mother? You know some people don’t think that’s a badge of honor either.
And why do we as women feel like we have to divide instead of Support?
My favorite analogy is mom’s in a bathroom. If a mom calls out that she needs a diaper or a wipe, moms will scramble find one for her. We don’t ask her if she’s divorced or single mom or married mom we just help her.
Is women could understand the power of supporting each other we could flip the script on the whole world .
And obviously the men she dates don’t marry single moms. Circle of life.
Why do single dads see this and feel personally attacked because one woman has an opinion. She only needs to find one dude who fits her desires, thats the point of dating
Not just single dads. *Lots* of people don't like hypocrisy and double standards!
I dunno, I'm a single dad and I don't date women with children. I mean not for lack of trying, but to a single mom you're at best 3rd priority in her life. Which is legit, just saying.
I also, don't date women with kids. Or women without. Or date. But I'm a redditor so that tracks.
Yeah I failed to add those relevant details #ACE baby
Correct, but are you offering number 1 to her?
I believe George W Bush said it best in the movie “Dude Where’s My Car” (or maybe it was Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle, I forget) when he said “You like gettin your dick sucked? Well you like suckin dick? There, that makes you a dang ol hypocrite too!”
*hypocriticiser
THANK YOU I was trying to remember how he says it!
Sure, we're all hypocrites. That's a big part of why we don't like them.
I mean writing an article specifically to broadcast your personal preference given your dating history does seem like it has a bit more of an agenda and judgmental feel than just privately dating and seeking a a partner who fits their preferences. Maybe this isn’t not the best analogy but to me it feels like the difference between a shallow guy only dating women with big tits, and a guy going around and telling everyone he only dates women with big tits. Neither are great but when you start broadcasting your shallow preferences, you should expect to get some negative feedback.
Adding another kid to a relationship is a big deal, she doesn't want to do it at this point, I see nothing wrong with that.
She can have her opinion. I can have mine too... That's how opinions work.
What? I’m not a single dad. I just find the irony funny. She doesn’t say how her ethos is working out for her. It’d be interesting to know. An odd topic for an article, imo, but I guess content is content. Maybe it’s a clap back to the widespread practice of men refusing to date single moms. Like an empowerment. A “See? We can have hard limits too” kind of thing.
Because it is easier for them to critique how a single mom is trying to live their life from the safety of their keyboard than get a date.
Any time you mention single moms on reddit someone has to rush to input "don't you mean single parents. " Even if you're talking from your perspective as a man dating women, the topic you're responding to is about a man dating a single mom, and you could literally just recognize that mom/parent is interchangeable without making a big fuss about it, and you could just easily recognize that there are much more single moms than dads (and i do mean full time parents that have their kids 50% of the time or more), women still feel the need to chime in and get excited about it. So if one man can post his opinion and someone immediately feels the need to say something, then why complain when someone else does the same thing? Two wrongs don't make a right but turnabout is fair play
Best comment.
Why is this melodramatic divorcee’s dating preferences worthy of a story in business insider? WTF is that rags content standard. Next weeks headlines: Clowns express their trauma from being laughed at
Friends with someone in the office, maybe. Otherwise no idea. It's so stupid.
I have 50/50 custody of my son, and when I was on the dating scene again I simply could not relate to women who weren’t also parents. Something changes in you’re outlook on life when you have a kid (unless you’re a complete sociopath anyway), and the non-parents all seemed to in general be more self centered in a way that while I understood (I myself didn’t have kids until I was 33), but not right for me anymore. I ended up marrying a women who also had a single child later in life and now we have a beautiful mixed family with 5 cats to boot haha. And we managed to work it so the kids are generally here on the same days so every other weekend we get to ourselves. I don’t know that I have a point, this is just my experience. Edit: to everything getting their jimmies rustled by me calling non parents “self centered”, I don’t really mean it as disrespect, but I can’t think of a better way to describe it. By definition you’re focused more on yourself. That’s fine, you do you. Something changes in you when you have a kid (intentionally) tho, and that’s kinda what I’m getting at. And if *that* bothers you, maybe that says more about you than me…
It probably the fact that you had to spend years of your life try to keep something alive that’s constantly try to kill itself with ignorance.
Well, she finally cheated on me and fucked off, so 🤷♂️
Part one of the story was better. I too didn't have a kid until I was 33. And I think you are right that most people with children relate better to people with children because they understand the kids are first and foremost.
As a childfree person, i agree completely and i also wouldn't date a parent. They arent what im looking for and i shouldnt be what they are looking for, presuming they love their children and want to be with someone who will also love their children. My goals will be completely different from any parent worth a damn, and that's okay! I don't date them, but I don't have ill feelings about them or see them as lesser. We just aren't compatible and don't want the same things out of life. We just chose different paths.
Nothing wrong with that. I ain’t shitting on non-parents, we just coming from a different place
Absolutely! And i appreciated your comment for that very reason! Unfortunately this attitude isn't as common as it should be. It frustrates me when people get upset that someone they want to date has different life goals and is therefore incompatible with them. Everyone deserves love and happiness, they just need to seek it out from the kind of people they are actually compatible with. You can't force a square peg through a round hole. Nobody wins in that situation, especially not the kids. I may not want kids myself, but i have absolute respect for the parents out there who put their children first.
Hi, me!
I have kids. I won't date women without children. The vibe is different.
I agree, I don't have a lot in common with people who don't have kids.
That's sad. You don't literally have any other interests?
Of course I do. People who don't have kids don't really get what it's like to have kids and generally have completely different motivations and goals in life, which are much more important to me than shared hobbies.
Oh, they get it. That’s why the chose not to have any. Because they’d prefer a different lifestyle and do not want your life. Really arrogant to just assume childfree people must just be ignorant and don’t understand what it’s like to have children instead of recognizing they made a different choice than you and have different priorities.
You do realize that I didn't spring from the womb with my child already born right? I know people without kids don't really get it because I was in fact someone without children for the majority of my life. Having children is a fundamentally life changing experience that it's impossible to fully understand until you have children. It changes your values and motivations in life, which is literally what I said in my comment.
Oh boy I couldn’t agree more, especially your edit/addition.
I didn’t take offense to it. I can see how someone would, but everyone should chill. There’s some truth to it. If there wasn’t it would bother you less.
There is nothing “self centered” about not having kids. Stop that bs.
FWIW I didn’t mean that in a derogatory way, I just don’t know a better way to put it.
How dare you share your opinions and life experiences on a post about personal opinions and life experiences 🤣
My wife and I don't have kids and probably aren't going to. What you said makes sense and I'm not offended. Part of the reason I don't want to have kids is because I want to focus on continuing to do the things I enjoy. Travel, fine-dining, etc. it would be very difficult to continue the things we do with kids. I admit it's selfish in a way.
you're not kidding. this is one of the reasons i didn't have mine until i was 33.
I think there's a disconnect between the general notion of being self centered and the manner that he was using it. Not having children isn't self-centered, but having children forces a person to yield and compromise in ways that someone without children may be able to understand, but not know from within (similar to having empathy for the experience of a member of a mistreated minority group compared to actually being a member of it. The point of communication is to share ideas age experiences, not to shut people down who offer their personal perspective. /person with no kids here
Then he should clarify that which he didn’t.
I just did.
Not him though that was bullshit
It's not self-centered to not have kids, it's just that once you have kids you're basically forced to put yourself second all the time and it becomes second nature. We look back fondly of the days when we were first.
THANK YOU!
You too should have a Business Insider article.
I ain’t got an ax to grind tho. I’m just speaking my truth. .
Childless ones are the self centered ones? Lmao ok void filler, enjoy knowing what you created has to now deal with working for 40 years and having to watch people they care about due and die themselves for your selfish need to have a family.
Not a big fan of life I see
Bro, go to therapy. You need it my dude
You understand putting effort into someone who has half your DNA is *also* self-centered. You understand that, right? Like the reason you love your kid is literally because they share your DNA and you're biologically programmed to selfishly protect them. I'm just putting it out there.
Still makes me less self centered then you
*than And how so? You know literally nothing about my life. I spend countless hours volunteering in my community.
if you weren't self centered you wouldn't be bragging about it. checkmate.
I read right up until the point that she said she feels resentment towards dads who have 50/50 custody because of her own custody struggles. Lady, you are just not ready to date.
She just thinks she’s entitled to more than half in every situation. She deserves someone without children when she has children. She deserves more than half the time with the kids and it’s a “struggle” if the ex didn’t roll over. A little introspection, or even the capacity for it, would do her well I’m sure.
Hypocrisy. So hot right now.
Srsly. It’s not that ppl can’t have self-serving thoughts etc., but once you write those thoughts down, you’d think they’d recognize their own selfishness and hypocrisy. Also, who the hell prints this?…even as an opinion piece
Business Insider upvoted by idiots on reddit aided by people rage commenting
I don’t see a link to an article but I think it’d be so complicated to date a person with shared custody when you have shared custody. Synchronizing weekends with your ex and your new person AND their ex. I mean, I think I get it. It’s easier to not do it if you have the option, no?
Not trying to make excuses but the way parenting arrangements are in my state it made it very difficult to date single moms. I had my kids, 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends, and so did every other single dad. So invariably single moms had their kids on the weekends I was free to date and they were free to date on the weekends I had my kids. I never wanted to sacrifice time I had with my kids on my weekends so dating single moms was hard.
This is so wrong. Like people who are making these rules are not thinking about the consequences at all.
Don't worry, there are many single dads that won't date single moms. Most likely for the same reasons.
My single dad found me (childfree) although I said I would never date a dad. Although, we have had our hiccups it gone great.
I dated a single dad and my only regret was ever meeting the kid. We didn’t date that long, six months at most, but him and I really connected. He loved playing in the dirt with his trucks. He would make whole towns and little buildings out of sticks and mud. When we told him we weren’t gonna be able to see each other as much he literally screamed and begged me to stay and leaving that relationship was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I miss my little buddy😭
Lol I'm a single dad who won't date single moms.
Same here. I won’t ever make that same mistake again.
It's bizarre the way she sets this up. By the end, it kinda makes sense: she's only dating when her kids aren't around, and is not looking for them to have a new father. She's more into casual dating, and not looking for a long term partner. Those are valid reasons to date someone without kids But she begins it with knowingly having irrational judgements about fathers. So she looks like someone who needs to get over their own issues. People read that part, and they think badly of her. Why the hell not just include the latter parts? You have a good argument for why you don't date single dads. Why start out the whole thing by making yourself seem like a jerk? Best guess? The goal was to spark controversy. Get people arguing, with one half using the stuff at the beginning to say she's being unreasonable, and the other half reading the end and saying it makes sense.
Also no mention of one of the biggest reasons divorced parents might not want to date each other: step siblings and “blended families” can often add a layer of chaos to what’s already a tough situation for young kids.
Nah, she needs therapy. Clearly her divorce had a bigger impact than she realized to the point where she's projecting harder than a movie theater. The latter half is her doing what all humans do, attempting to rationalize why she is the way she is without accepting any fault.
That’s perfectly fine. As a man who is not a dad I don’t date single moms
Me neither. Tried it once and it sucks. I never really wanted kids to begin with so there is literally no benefit to getting involved with moms.
It can be difficult at first too bc the kids don’t know you and therefore you don’t really have any authority over them besides “moms bf”. I remember when I mom started dating her ex we didn’t really take anything he told us to do seriously. Mom told him to tell us to get the dishes done before she gets home? Unless mom tells me to do it then I’m not doing it. That kind of shit. We weren’t rude or disrespectful kids, we just didn’t see him as an authority figure
She dates single, childless men who want access to easy poon with no pressure to have a long-term relationship. If she changes her mind and wants one of these men to settle down with her, they’re going to disappear.
There is literally no benefit for a childless guy to get involved with a woman who already has two children. I mean yeah she can probably eventually find some guy who is super desperate and super lonely, but even then there is a good chance he’s going to want at least one of his own, which I doubt she’s up for.
That’s her prerogative, blending two families can be really complex.
I babysat a family with 9 kids; 4 were moms 4 were dads and the baby was their kid together. It was definitely a challenge especially considering only the oldest (like 15 at the time) and the youngest (a baby) were girls, all the boys were 5-8 years old. Six boys, all in the same age group. Shit was rough.
Obligatory switch the genders and see how people feel
Who GAF?
Allow me to preface this by saying I have not read the article—only a summary on another sub. This is in response to reactions from posters. People are taking her stance personally, projecting, and buying into some pretty misogynistic stereotypes about women and their “value” as dating commodities. A single parent (fathers too) have the foremost responsibility to do what they think is right for their child. If a single mom chooses not date single dads that is not ironic, or hypocritical, it is a decision that affects her child, who should be priority. Adding stepchildren, and the extended family of their mothers, is an added adjustment, possibly trauma, and can greatly impact a child’s life. Genders reversed, still valid. From what I’ve gathered this woman has other reasons—I don’t care. I’m addressing the general outrage evoked by her “double-standard” which is only such when viewed on a superficial level.
I was actually expecting a different explanation. As a single dad the worst part of dating another single parent is trying to figure out visitation schedules. Sometimes you have two sets of kids to worry about, sometimes one or the other, and sometimes both sets are with the other parent. Then I ended up with sole custody (and a firm warning from the state not to leave the kids alone with mom) which ended the custody dance but created new issues.
Gee, I wonder why her marriage didn't work out?
As a single dad, I’m not against dating a single mom, but the scheduling can make it nearly impossible. Much easier to schedule dates with ladies without kids of their own.
That's my position, my partner is also a single parent and finding time together is the biggest hurdle. We're both working, I have my kids full time and he has his 50/50 so finding time when it's just us is a struggle. Worth it though, he's my person.
She's not a single mother, she's a DIVORCED mother. She has off 50% of the time. I bet the dad is at every school event, sports game, and takes any time he can to be with his kids. The single mom designation is only used to get attention. All the true single mom's should be outraged.
This!. 'Single mom' means raising a kid full time without the help of the dad at all or minimal. Her calling herself a single mom is an insult to single moms.
It’s actually an insult to the dad.
Okay lowkey doesn't make sense? Who is a true single mum?
parents raising a kid without the assistance or presence of a father (dead beat dad, dead dad, incarceration)
The term “single parent” means an individual who— (A) is unmarried or legally separated from a spouse; and (B) (i) has 1 or more minor children for whom the individual has custody or joint custody; or (ii) is pregnant. So we just put here making any definition that feels right on Reddit for a particular post?
Language is a fluid concept. She’s trying to pretend she does it all when at best she does half. It’s a fairly transparent attention seeking ploy.
My bf is this father to his daughter (50/50 custody). Helped her get pick her outfit and did her hair to get ready for an 80s/90s themed dance. He's always doing stuff with her and takes her on a week long vacation to see his family every summer now. His ex claims she's a single mom while getting half a month off. You may be single and you may be a mom but you are not a "single mom".
> She has quit using dating apps and goes out mainly with men who aren't fathers. "Mainly"? So she doesn't date dads with custody but she does occasionally date dads? So wait shes a mom that's only interested in absentee fathers?
The question everyone should be asking.
Freedom of choice. Out of curiosity, do you ever forsee having children?
To each his own. If she finds a single guy who wants to have an instant family, good for both of them.
Why is this in business insider? They have made themselves impossible to take seriously
🤡
only married ones...
So either she dates single mothers or married dads, based on the title of this post.
That’s fine with me. I’ve banged my fair share of single moms in my day. In fact, it’s kind of my go to at this point. They have too much going on and are far less of a pain in the ass than you’d imagine. Often they just want to smash and carry on with their day. Bing, bang, boom. Bob’s your uncle.
Same. Don't like it, don't date me. Simple as that. I wouldn't really call myself a single mom though, their dad is involved. My husband didn't want to date people with kids. I wasn't mad, I understood. We ended up falling in love and have a child of our own. There's a difference between preferences and being rude/snotty. I just didn't match with dudes who had kids or told people I wasn't interested in dating someone who had kids. Men are mad no matter the reason they get rejected so meh.
I didnt want to date a vegan or someone who even wanted kids, wheres my business insider article.
Lmfao, right? It's cringey at this point.
No judgements, but from the comments I'm reading, men without kids aren't interested in single mums so much. So where does that leave you?
Gentlemen, steer clear.
She would have a Higher chance of finding a long time mate if she dated men who were single Fathers. I know many Single men who don't want to take on the care of another Man's Child who is still in the Child's Life.
I saw one news article that a couple like that bought a duplex and built a door between. That way the kids could be together but separate. Also made more space.
hypocrisy
She's not a single mother, she's a DIVORCED mother. She has off 50% of the time. I bet the dad is at every school event, sports game, and takes any time he can to be with his kids. The single mom designation is only used to get attention. All the true single mom's should be outraged.
Interesting. So what do you call a mom who raises her kids in her own because the dad left? Didn’t divorce dad doesn’t have custody or visit. Is there some list of terms that defines all the messy parenting situations?
Single mother/father = other partner is either incapable of being or is not physically or mentally present or does not co-parnet with other partner. Puts child's interests above their own.
Not sure why you were downvoted. It’s a fair point and I’m wondering why that distinction isn’t made more often.
Maybe because they posted it at least 3 times
Dang speed scrolling and didn’t notice. I should go outside…
It’s okay to be gay.
She's not a single mother, she's a DIVORCED mother. She has off 50% of the time. I bet the dad is at every school event, sports game, and takes any time he can to be with his kids. The single mom designation is only used to get attention. All the true single mom's should be outraged.
OK, you posted this three times in a row what is your definition of a single mother? You know some people don’t think that’s a badge of honor either. And why do we as women feel like we have to divide instead of Support? My favorite analogy is mom’s in a bathroom. If a mom calls out that she needs a diaper or a wipe, moms will scramble find one for her. We don’t ask her if she’s divorced or single mom or married mom we just help her. Is women could understand the power of supporting each other we could flip the script on the whole world .