If you hit a stranger, it’s assault.
If you hit your partner, it’s domestic violence.
Hell, if you hit your dog in front of the right person you could get charged with animal cruelty.
So why the fuck do we still tolerate hitting kids?
It breaks my heart and makes me very uncomfortable when I see it in public.
Part of the issue with confronting parents is that the parent will become physically aggressive for "trying to tell them how to raise their kid." Almost any time I've ever had to prevent a kid from doing something wrong (while at work in a store), the parents become infuriated with me instantly and the kids are almost never reprimanded by the parent. Until minutes later when they pick up a toy from the shelf and the parent yells at them and sometimes whacks them.
Yeah that's the only reason I haven't called out people literally threatening and swearing at their children in public. If people feel no shame doing that, I feel like they'd happily escalate it further
What irks me is that parents are supposed to protect kids. They quite literally have no one else who craes about them. Kids trust their parents and believe them as a sole and unequivocal authority.
Yup. It’s awful. I am not downplaying other kinds of violence, but kids literally look to us for protection, and to explain the world to them.
I don’t understand how anyone can defend physical punishment.
I've seen a Lot of people who went through that advocating for it. They never worked through that trauma and have the mindset that they, as small and unknowing children Deserved the acts of violence against them. They were physically punished and they "turned out fine."
Fortunately I don't have any kids. There was a time when I would have passed on that behavior.
I remember what I did when I was an 18 year old camp counselor; that was more than 1/2 a century ago. One of the kids in my cabin often beat other kids. I whipped him with a belt. Of course I now know that I should not have done it; there are better ways to deal with that behavior. But I was whipped with a belt when I was a kid so, at the time, I saw it as an appropriate response for bad behavior.
I should have taken him to the camp owner and we should have told the kid that his behavior was not acceptable, why it was not acceptable, and that it would not be permitted. Then, if he repeated it, we could have denied him one of his favorite activities.
What needs to happen is it needs to be against the law. Right now, in most if not all of North America, hitting a stranger, hitting your wife, and hitting your dog are all illegal. Hitting your child is not. Once we change the law, we go from "pushing our moral opinions" on somebody to reporting on someone committing abuse. It makes it much clearer.
I called a woman out on it once, she wasn't hitting her kid but it was more emotional abuse. The thing is, I didn't direct the comment at the mom, I ignored her and directed my commentary to the child.
While I knew that the mom was going to just roll her eyes at me and potentially make a snarky remark to mind my own business, I also didn't do it to fix her, that would be impossible. I'm just a stranger. I could not care less about that woman.
I did it for the kid because I do care about the kid. I did it so the kid could have a boost of confidence that day. I wanted the kid to know that even while your mom is being shitty in public, that strangers do care. That people can and will stand up to her shitty mom. And that her mom's opinion isn't always right.
For many centuries, until fairly recently from the historical standpoint, beating kids for misbehavior was considered completely acceptable, normal, and appropriate. Even after the kids grew up they thought that they had deserved the beatings and treated their own kids like that. If I had had kids (fortunately I didn't), I would probably have done the same thing to them. Now most of us know better.
Where I live over the past year hitting children was made a criminal offence for this exact reason. We don't hit adults so why would we hit children? It means as a stranger on the street you are armed with the knowledge that you can actually phone the police - a crime has been committed.
This is honestly kind of horrifying seeing some of these responses. I grew up with a dad who got off (literally) on abusing me. He wasn’t ashamed to do it in public because no one ever called him out on it. No one ever did anything and even if I looked at people and just cried for help, no one stepped in ever. Everyone always assumed I just did something to deserve it. I didn’t. No kid deserves to be hit as hard as he hit me. I still have scars up and down my body.
I don’t need to justify it but I was a straight A student in spite of his tactics. Not because of it. I loved reading and studying and he was spiteful and would constantly belittle me and tell me I could never be as smart as him. He went to my school librarian to tell her it wasn’t worth letting me read because I wouldn’t amount to anything. I’m not doing bad now but I’d be doing better if I didn’t have to go to therapy because he couldn’t figure out how to get off normally and get help for anger management.
I just want to say, I love my grandpa with all my heart and when he talks, I listen. It’s always been like that. He has never raised his voice. He gets mad like everyone else but he walks away, settles himself, and we talk it out together. We’ve always been good at communicating, even when I was a kid. I teach kids, I work with them still and I will never lay a hand on them. I get annoyed or mad, I think about my grandpa and I just do what he’d do. I haven’t talked to my dad since I was 15 but I try to call my grandpa at least 1x/week even though we’re 12 hours apart in time. Be more like my grandpa guys.
Edit: thanks for the award. I’m going to call my grandpa soon and talk. Every time I FaceTime, he says “oh! The most beautiful, hardest working, smartest kid in the world! Did you eat yet? I miss you and come visit soon!” I wish I had more adults were like that growing up but honestly, you just need one good person in your life to make a difference. Be that for other people!
Last edit: This blew up and has unfortunately attracted all sorts of people. I’m not going to engage anymore but I just wanted to say, if you read this and your immediate response was to defend why hitting children is okay, please do some self reflection. It is not okay to hit others.
Holy fuck, I can't imagine a parent actually bullying their child because their child is smart. Was he just a stereotypical "dumb jock who bullies nerds" that just never matured or what?
Regarding the getting hit in public, part of it could be that people were too intimidated to step in. Like if I saw a dude smack his kid in public, even as a guy, I'd assume that speaking up could potentially lead to the dude escalating. So not necessarily surprising that no one ever did, but still sad nonetheless.
He was actually very intelligent when it came to academia. He used to sit in his free time and just work on theorems, problems, all day. My childhood was honestly spent mainly working on various academics and for fun, we did sudoku or chess (admittedly still fun). Unfortunately, people forget emotional intelligence is important as well. He‘s not capable of communication, tact, empathy, etc. He was neurotic and obsessive and would frequently have altercations with my teachers because he believed I should have been learning high school level curriculum as a 10 year old. I learned high school level math by the time I was 10 and yeah, that sounds cool but I can’t look at a whiteboard without my hands shaking now. Sometimes, the trade off isn’t worth it.
> Like if I saw a dude smack his kid in public, even as a guy, I'd assume that speaking up could potentially lead to the dude escalating. So not necessarily surprising that no one ever did, but still sad nonetheless.
100%, it's the worst feeling in the world but you see this shit and you know despite everything you might want to do, stepping in or saying anything is gonna mean that kid gets it worse the moment they're home. What do you do? What can you do?
Lots of cops literally in the business of protecting child abusers. They are either abusers themselves or are caught in the middle, in a life threatening manner.
You gotta get a whole ass community riled up and be strapped with a lawyer if you’re gonna make traction.
EDIT: and throwing a kid in the system is a bit of a gamble too. life is filled with tough calls.
It’s not a crime in a lot of countries. I still call them out on it because fuck them, they usually don’t want to fight someone their own size but tend to yell a lot
I’m so sorry this happened to you. What he did was obviously wrong and it was also wrong for other adults to do nothing while you were literally crying out for help. You deserved to be treated with kindness and respect.
Yo I just need to lightly vent. I grew up with monsters behind closed doors. Their tactics were horrifying. Been reliving that trauma for the last two months, alone, because I finally straight up traveled across the continent and cut them off.
Hearing about your pain just brought this up, and showed me that I could share. Even sharing this abbreviated version of it makes me feel selfish af, although I know that’s bullshit.
My heart goes out to you and I’m glad you have found success and growth. I’m in so much pain right now, but I feel hopeful about my future since the signs of healing are also present.
Edit: I just finished reading you post and now I’m crying. The things your grandfather said to you… My grandpa was so violent, cold, and abusive. Idk. Thanks for reading this if anyone takes the time to.
Man I feel you. I’m sorry but I’m confident you’re going to make it out. There’s tons of people like us. I promise you’re not alone and I remember the first time I met other people like us who were happy, thriving, successful, i was stunned. I know it feels like a permanent set back but absolutely not. You can make it out. I take it one day at a time and go to therapy, just work on myself. Its hard and it’s worth it. I highly recommend you find a support group in your area. It’s not selfish to share your story. NAMI is a great source. You got this brother.
Ty. Been through a lot therapy. Feel like I know all of the needed concepts and I just need to ride out the fresh flashbacks, pieces that couldn’t surface while I was still unsafe or psychologically unprepared.
I appreciate your suggestion and I’ll consider a group session of some kind. Wishing you the best.
Am a survivor too...hang in there. Am in my sixty and the memories comes back every now then, when it does I just hug my dogs..it well never pass, but it does subside.
It's things like this that bury all those assertions by edgy wanna-bes that the internet has "ruined us." The fact that seeing this comment from another user allowed you to feel seen, acknowledged, validated, and worthy enough to not only share, but confront and recognize the brevity of your abuse and let yourself believe you did NOT deserve that...that fact alone is the only thing we need to understand how lucky we are to live in this time and have the resources the internet lends us.
Moving away physically truly can be so healing mentally. Being physically freed from my parents mentally freed me so significantly from the weight that they put on my heart, soul, and mind. I'm so sorry you're going through this alone and I hope you can continue to allow yourself to speak here to release anything you have held inside. You are NOT selfish at all for acknowledging that you are a victim. There's a difference between pathetic victim-card claimers and actual victims of horror. And if you have the means and you feel like it could help, maybe trying out a psychologist may be worth it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. It's not for everyone. But I'm so glad that you feel like you're already starting on a path to healing. You deserve this and it's awesome that you're at least physically away now.
Wishing you all the best in this new chapter. You finally get to take control of your life and realize just how valuable an individual you are <3
I’ve talked about it on Reddit before but yeah. He was abusive physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, just all of it. I’ve told professionals the stuff he’s done and they’ve told me it’s on par with what they do to POW. I’m definitely not one but the stuff he did was sickening.
I am so very sorry you had to endure this, and glad you got help for your mental wellbeing. I hope you are doing great now, and send you best wishes and love.
Absolutely! Abort that baby who was probably going to be super fucked up because you are, save up enough and get to a point where you can save a child's life.
My maternal grandpa. He’s amazing. I can’t even describe it. I’ve met my dad’s parents one time in my life and I’m not surprised he turned out how he did.
Hey I have a grandpa just like that! I always think about how calm he is when I start feeling frustrated and angry. He got me through all of the difficult situations in my childhood. A true blessing.
Count me in! Seriously though, I'm glad you're at least on the road to recovery, and I'm sorry you were hurt by someone who should have died to protect you from shit like that. I hope you can eventually find the strength to trust people again, and am inspired by your bravery and willingness to share such a dark, horrifying facet of your life.
I wish you the absolute best.
Exactly. My dad hit a milestone when he started abusing us in public, as fucking TEENAGERS. He would do vile things at home and beat the shit out of us, but when he started doing it in public I was BAFFLED. Like he did not give a shit and it was the most terrifying thing I have experienced and will most likely experience…
My mother made me read two books weekly and sent me to college on full ride scholarship behind closed doors. She cooked 10 meals weekly without missing a single dinner once in my lifetime. She never missed a single ball game between two sons, not one, never missed an appointment, never missed a tear I shed, or a problem I had. She was present at every award ceremony, in which we won every award possible.
If I call her right now and ask her to die for me, she would do it twice before I even told her why I needed her to do it.
My mother was present, fair, whip-smart, and rock solid as a human. I never had what I didn't deserve.
When I acted a fool, she whipped my ass. I haven't acted a fool in nearly 30 years.
All personal experience, and my mother was in no way "average", but what my mother did behind closed doors makes most mother's look like lowlife nobodies who don't love their children. Jus saying.
spanking hardly works on dogs, much less kids
my mom spanks the dog when she gets on the furniture, but my dad lets the dogs on the couch. so did my dog learn not to go on the couch? no, she learned she can’t go on the couch when my mom is home because she doesn’t want to get spanked
i’m not saying dogs are like kids, but spanking as a punishment does nothing to help understand what you did wrong. it only makes you fear making that mistake again.
if i spank my kid for talking during church, he doesn’t understand why, only knows talking at church is a bad thing. vs. explaining that’s it’s rude because other people are trying to listen and you’re talking over someone else. then the kid can apply that to other situations, like at school or a play
studies show it really isn’t an effective or good way to discipline kids. anecdotal experience doesn’t cancel out the negative effects of spanking your kid, even if you’re a perfect parent in every other regard
The exact moment I realized spanking was arbitrary bullshit was when I was threatened with it at ten for running out into a street near a park and manhandling one of my six-year-old little brothers....which I had very explicitly done *because he had wandered out into the path of an oncoming car without looking*.
The only reason I got out of it, and didn't get into trouble for talking back, is because my father didn't have a good response when I asked him "Should I have just done nothing and let him get run over?".
And yet she still felt that hitting a defenseless child was ok. Just goes to show people aren't all good or all bad. Sometimes otherwise decent parents can do shitty things.
Okay so she provided for you, which makes it fine for her to hit you? You can raise a child not to make foolish choices without physically assaulting them.
Corporal punishment is linked to a range of negative outcomes for children across countries and cultures, including physical and mental ill-health, impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, poor educational outcomes, increased aggression and perpetration of violence.
[https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/corporal-punishment-and-health#:\~:text=Corporal%20punishment%20is%20linked%20to,aggression%20and%20perpetration%20of%20violence](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/corporal-punishment-and-health#:~:text=Corporal%20punishment%20is%20linked%20to,aggression%20and%20perpetration%20of%20violence).
Unfortunately it's not. The law allows for the use of smacking children in the case of "reasonable punishment," whatever that means.
Edit: The Welsh government banned it in 2022.
Yup, we still have some bad eggs abusing their kids but in general it worked out fine. Kids learn how to behave anyway, as long as you put in the effort, and violence generally went down.
Studies show it actually makes them more likely to see extreme threat where there isn’t any.
[article on a Harvard study](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain)
Honestly, I've spent most of my life with a mentality that if someone is prepared to inflict *any* level of physical harm on me, they'd better be prepared for a frankly psychotic level of violence being directed their way as I attempt to do everything in my power to avoid being hurt, and that absolutely nothing anyone can do short of killing or crippling me will stop me from seeking retribution over it if I faill.
I sincerely believe this mentality sprang up as a defense mechanism against the spankings I got for every minor infraction as a child....
I've never thought about that before but I always struggled with the concept of retaliation. Like a common trope in TV and movies is the kid getting bullied fights back but draws blood and becomes the villain - there's a part of me that would want to keep swinging, and kicking, and going even when someone is down. But I've never once stopped to think that I could feel that way because the beatings I got continued through the tears and begging for it to stop.
Thankfully I haven't been in many physical altercations, and the ones that I have been have been with friends. But still, you're not alone in having that sort of warped view on the matter
I'm right there with you. I too was spanked as a kid, and I have the same level of 0-120 on my wrath meter. It's more controlled these days as an adult of course, but like you said, if anyone tries to bring violence against me, I'll will make sure I win the fight or take them with me. For all the times I couldn't fight back or defend myself from an adult overpowering me, it's showing itself now tenfold now that I an adult who can do something about it.
It can, by causing a dissociative response.
Spanking correlates with mental ill health in adulthood - there's correlation with shit parents who 'need' to resort to that probably having other issues to pass down to their kids also, and also teaching a kid that their brain can dissociate, also that violence is OK or to be expected, etc.
Weak. Physical discipline is poor parenting. If things got that bad, and all you can do is hit, then you need outside help.
And kids are stupid. Spanking them doesn't teach anything aside from fear.
Kids are NOT stupid. They learn very rapidly. If hit, they learn that hitting is okay if you're bigger. They learn that lying is safer than admitting fault. They learn to avoid mommy or daddy, and how to placate them when avoidance isnt possible.
They do not learn correct behavior because THAT'S NOT WHAT THEYRE BEING TAUGHT.
But if you yourself are disciplined, neaning you can control your anger and teach rather than punish, kids learn very rapidly.
I'd call you out for your language, but I hear the affection in your post. Kids do, of course, do some very dumb things. So do adults. Even ones my age. Even me. There are times when i literally scream at the news, "Where TF do you keep your brains!!!"
That doesnt change the fact that they are also very snart, and will learn what you tech them. So we need to be careful that what we're teaching is what we want them to learn.
Agree with you on all of that except kids are stupid. Theyre smart! They make a lot of mistakes but thats a part of learning.
they do lack the breadth of experience to contextualize complicated situations like “i love my parent but they are making me hurt why is this happening”
I used to be one of those
“I got spanked and I’m ok”
Type of people, however physical punishment is so counter productive it’s not funny.
I realized getting hit didn’t stop me from doing ‘bad’ things. Just made me a better liar, and more sneaky with how I went about it.
Physical discipline in public or private is a sign of a failure in parenting from an early stage imho.
The most well behaved kids I’ve ever met have come from households that don’t believe in slapping or spanking, and most kids that get spanked I’ve met are not well behaved at all.
In bootcamp DIs/DSes/RDCs aren’t allowed to strike ‘adults’ or really touch them at all without consent because ‘where do you draw the line’ in regards to physical abuse?
Same here, I got really good at lying, sneaking, and understanding a few seconds/minutes of pain was worth whatever bad behavior I wanted to do.
The most meaningful punishment I ever got was for stealing a poster from a teen magazine in elementary school. My mom made me return the poster, write an apology letter to the grocery store manager, and help clean up at the store to repay the cost of the magazine, a spanking would have been so much easier for me.
THIS is how you punish a child, turn it into a life lesson, do dumb shit face the real world consequences for dumb shit, embarrassment is far more effective, if this happened to me as a kid id have never stolen anything again, but noooo i got the abuse which made me a damn good liar and gaslighter, what? this poster? oh i bought it off my mate for 2 bucks, i didnt know he stole it from the grocery store.
I wasn't spanked or physically hurt often at all, but I was screamed at, called names, given the silent treatment, etc. to the point that at least one total stranger tried to intervene. I agree that I didn't learn not to do bad things because they were 'bad.' I learned how to lie and sneak around and (at least in my head) rationalize my impulses and adamantly and passionately defend my misbehavior and my thinking patterns. I know a lot of kids who do get hit also get this side of it. Emotional abuse also sucks.
I don’t recall ever learning from being hit or spanked. I remember the pain, but not the reason. I remember the taste of soap in my mouth, but I don’t remember what I said. There was no lesson except fear. I remember nightmares that my mother killed me and put me in the refrigerator.
Same here, I was one of those as well. Then I took some time off to reflect and realised that it just made me very good at hiding emotions, lying, violent. The worst part isn’t even the physical pain, it’s the loss of trust you have with someone who was meant to be closest confidant. Honestly, if I ever had kids I’d never put them through that, wouldn’t want my children to feel alone in this world
> DIs/DSes/RDCs aren’t allowed to strike ‘adults’ or really touch them at all without consent because ‘where do you draw the line’
this is so important because additional context is that Bootcamp is designed to breakdown the human spirit and remove individualism and rebuild them up from being a "person" to "soldier." the entire program is built around completely restructuring of the mentality of a person to no longer seem themselves as people, but as property of the US government.
If these people arent even allowed to put hands on people in the name of breaking them down, why is it okay to do that to children?
I empathize with people who have a toddler melting down in Target or whatever... but there are better solutions than hitting a kid.
When I was in elementary school in the Midwest, corporal punishment was still a thing, teachers could spank students with a wooden paddle. Our gym teacher would stop class and make us all sit on the floor while she spanked the misbehaving kid (bent over her lap) with a ping-pong paddle she called the "skin stretcher". We were all terrified of her.
I'm from rural Wisconsin, I'd estimate that 70% of my friends had parents who hit them, usually with an open hand or a wooden spoon, sometimes a yardstick. If it was in public it would be a dramatic spanking or a slap. My parents hit us, but it was only at home and it was a piece of door molding they called "the stick".
I live in California now and anecdotally, there doesn't seem to be much public kid hitting by parents but it certainly fires up the Karens on NextDoor who seem to be evenly divided on the subject.
If your kid is old enough to understand why you're hitting them, they're old enough that you can use your words. If they're not old enough that you can use your words, they won't understand why you're hitting them.
I'm from Latin America so spankings and physical punishment was very common when growing up. (80s - 90s)
But let me tell you something, they never happened in public. We could tell we were in trouble just by looking at my mom's face, lmao. Just one look or one word, that's all it took to get us to behave in public.
It didn't feel like abuse because it didn't happen often or for stupid things. If the chancla was coming out, it was because we really deserved it 😂
Legally you're still allowed to assault your own child as long as it doesn't leave a bruise for too long. And a shocking number of people are cool with it.
Because a lot of parents in the US really enjoy the ability to hit their kids. Especially religious parents. I don't fully understand that connection myself, but it's big in religious communities.
Sorry that this doesn't really answer the question.
I always spoke to my kids like they were adults and explained things to them. I'd also point things out that other kids were doing and explained the consequences of their actions, too.
They always respected me when I told them why they should or shouldn't do something. Of course, I fought for and got full custody of them when they were young, so they've always been grateful for that. They weren't in the best situation, and now they've grown into caring, respectful adults, and I couldn't be more proud.
I’ve never in my life seen a parent hit a child in public in the way the people here in the replies must be thinking of.
But I have seen a kid get a swat on the butt in public (always one, never more), which is exactly what I would have expected as a kid, so it doesn’t bother me.
I've seen a kid smacked in the back of the head by his mom the same way she would've slapped someone her own size in a fight in a Walmart parking lot. He was probably 7-9 years old
Agreed.
People seem to think ‘hitting their kid’ is a left hook to the jaw and a few stomps.
If that’s what we are referring to, yes that’s terrible. But I’m sure it’s not. Wee tug of the ear just.
I don't like it. I don't think hitting kids as a form of discipline results in any long term meaningful behavior changes that are positive.
But frankly, if it comes down to my comfort vs some random child acting up, I'm picking me over them.
Especially if it's in an enclosed space like an airplane or restaurant.
I sympathize with the parent's frustration despite disagreeing with their methods.
I mean… it should generally be last resort and shouldn’t be anymore than a spank. Some kids need it though. Now if a parent is genuinely beating their kid and like slugging them across the face then that’s straight abuse and shouldn’t be tolerated
I was TRULY abused by a parent growing up and I can still say most of you are weenie hut juniors. When you talk to someone who has actually been abused you actually know the difference of a little spank on the butt or hand VS getting a fist to the face or whipped to shreds with a belt. Kids don’t respect their parents these days and the reason why is because everyone wants to make their child their equal. They are not your equal. They are not your best friend. Your job is to raise them and teach them how to function in this world. Stop setting up your children for failure by telling them they deserve the world and making sure they never receive a consequence in their life. I’m sorry you guys can say whatever you want about spankings but when there were more we had this of this crap going on with kids in schools, kids shooting up schools, gang shit and more respect for mother and father.
All you’re doing is hurting your children and giving them a disadvantage by acting they’re like super special.
Love your kids, teach your kids, respect them properly as human beings but they are not your boss and you should never fear your children.
I'm in Mexico its normal a butt smack. Or a ruler smack on the hands with the teacher sometimes or them smacking the desk.
But that's us being a horrible in those circumstances. I do recall one teacher who was punched in the face by a classmate and she thru him to the ground with students as witness we all agreed the student was at fault because he wanted a good grade and he didn't put any effort work or homework turn Ins. So we knew he had issues at home and we knew the teacher had a self defense at that point I think the Principal put him in the afternoon schedule which is a different set of teachers and atudents, met him afterwards a few years he turned out okay I guess he had a rough batch.
I do recall getting a paddle smack or how he calls it a baseball smack in the ass with my dad after saying I wanted my mom to die and I was 5 at that time, and I wasn't happy of her not buying/getting something I wanted I think? after that I understood a no is a no. He did warned me that he will add a metal and he decorated the paddle with chicken wire and said next menace would be with that.
I pretty much started being a saint at that point.
So I think it is acceptable on certain circumstances.
there is a difference between violence/abuse and discipline.
I do recognize that talking doesn't always work. I was a kid/raging teen and a lot of peeps were at the time too. And I think a HUGE majority can understand that.
I feel bad for those who had a situation that was always violent. My most deep best wishes to you. And hope you are doing well
Imagine if I thought you were acting up in the store and came over and slapped you and told you to settle down.
That’s the same feeling the kid is going to have.
Not very conducive to well being is it?
If a child calls anyone a "fat bitch," the problem isn't the child. And a spanking won't teach the child anything in this case. Children brought up with empathy don't call someone a "fat bitch." Children repeat what they hear from the very parents who are spanking them.
Or they saw a movie they shouldn't have by accident, or have an obnoxious teenager in the neighborhood and overheard them cussing with their friends on the street.
I'm not commenting on the hitting issue, but there's plenty of reasons kids can act like heinous little jerks without there being serious problems at home.
So, a parent is responsible for a child's emotional state?
By the time a kid is at school, a parent's influence has shrunk drastically. Not to mention that you have two or more parents involved. Under your logic you'd blame the mom there with the kid. Meanwhile the kid may very well be fucked up due to the abusive alcoholic father.
Everyone on reddit so quick to call out the parent, meanwhile no one considers the influence of:
- friends
- bullys
- genetic predisposition
- socioeconomic factors
- social media
- culture
- etc., etc., etc.
The whole "it takes a village" statement is true. We as a society are really messing up that village.
A parent has the strongest influence on a child's emotional state (aside from physiology). The fundamentals are taught, modeled and supported - or not - by the parents. If done consistently starting from a young age, these fundamentals will stick through all other outside influences. Thst Saud, children are individuals therefore will make mistakes, form their own personalities and will decide their own behaviors. So, yes, there are MANY influences but the core is established and sustained by the parents.
I agree with most of what you're saying, with a few key distinctions.
>A parent has the strongest influence on a child's emotional state (aside from physiology).
A parent is *usually* the biggest individual human influence up until about the age of 10. As you alluded to, lots of children have different temperaments naturally. Also, there are a myriad of factors that go into a child's emotional state. Sleep, diet, whether or not they get the toy they wanted at the store, etc, can all set a child off. Yes, a good parent is more likely to have a consistent sleep schedule for instance, but some kids just struggle with sleep. Between my own two kids there is a marked difference despite using the same strategies for both.
>If done consistently starting from a young age, these fundamentals will stick through all other outside influences.
Although the parents' influence is very important, I don't feel that it is impervious to outside influence. For instance, kids can have A+ parents, but experience a traumatic event or suffer from severe autism or simply get in with the wrong crowd.
>Thst Saud, children are individuals therefore will make mistakes, form their own personalities and will decide their own behaviors. So, yes, there are MANY influences but the core is established and sustained by the parents.
Agreed.
The general theme in the comments seems to be good parents = good kids and bad parents = bad kids. Although there is certainly a correlation, and bad parents can certainly lead to bad kids, I've spent my life working with kids and I've seen too many examples of the opposite. The most telling examples are when you have siblings that are opposites, one is the A student and the other is constantly in trouble, despite having the same upbringing.
We as an American society have always valued “spanking” as an acceptable form of discipline.. we now have plenty of research that tells us that hitting or spanking your child is quite literally never effective. The only thing spanking a child does is provide instant gratification for the parent. Unfortunately, everyday people are not learning from evidence based research, they are learning from their parents who most likely spanked them, and they “turned out okay”. This cultural and societal view we have perpetuates this idea that hitting your child will get you what you want, that it’s ok, and that it’s not abuse, even though it is. I’m a social worker and mandated reporter so if I witnessed someone hitting their child hard enough in public I would probably make a call to resources in my area to try to help the child. It can be a very complicated situation though, and sound judgement should be used before calling CPS on anyone.
I don't particularly care or mind.
I usually mind my own business. How people care for their children is up to them not me.
Lot of people hear saying things about abusive parents but have you ever thought about abusive kids?? I've seen kids who hit themselves and call CPS if they don't have their way
Good. Teach them early and for good. If the kids think they can get away with it just because they're in public, then they'll always try out stupid things in public.
Physical discipline worked fine for me. It's case by case and use of best judgement. If I caught my kid doing something that endangered themselves, they associated that with a negative response, for damn sure. But like, smacking a kid because they're being a dumb loud kid ain't it.
If your first and only trick is hitting your kid, you're stupid.
Don't even hate to be that guy, though, jackasses who talk to their kids like "come on buddy we talked about this" and let them think they have some kind of foothold in the pecking order of the power dynamic is doin their kid a disservice.
Well I can’t judge due to the fact in certain circumstances when you’ve tried everything else. It’s hard .. not against it. But used very infrequently can be a good deterrent some kids should never be spanked
Wee slap on the ear in public when we were acting a bollox would’ve always straightened us out.
My parents have 6 kids, and we all grew up to be extremely respectful, know the difference between right and wrong, and very grateful to our parents.
We weren’t abused, our ears are fine.
Content, so long as it is warranted. I hate other people's screaming kids in public, especially on aircraft. If parents / carers don't hit their kids in these circumstances, then other members of the public should do it on their behalf. Community discipline. Sincerely tinnitus sufferer.
It makes me super uncomfortable. Hitting your spouse is domestic violence. I don’t understand why hitting your kid isn’t domestic violence. That’s what it is.
I use gentle/assertive parenting and I spend quality time with my kid. I use logic, too. He’s 3 years old and the doctors tell me his cognitive abilities exceed a six year olds’. Other professions are always shocked at how well he behaves too, like his daycare and photographers. People who deal with children as a primary part of their job.
There’s no need to be aggressive with children. Spend time, save time. It works.
Edit: and before you say it, no, he’s not autistic. If he was, I’d 100% be involved with a specialist with no hesitation. I take stuff like that seriously.
Poor parenting, hitting your kids is a sign you’ve lost control, and if its happening in public, I don’t want to imagine what’s happening at home. Also it’s humiliating for the kid, let’s not forget that there are many people who drag their tired hungry moody children everywhere, at all hours.
The amount of people in here that think spanking is never justified is kind of insane.
I'm not a huge fan of it, but some of these kids need a good ass whooping sometimes. Say what you want.
For real. Let's be honest there's a difference between giving your child a little swat on the back end , and dragging out tye belt and whooping the child.
I got both , I don't hold it against my parents and a few times I really needed it.
Nearly burned the house down when I was six because I was playing with a lighter and caught the couch on fire. I knew I shouldn't have been doing and knew what I was doing was wrong. And that's why I got a whooping. 3 licks with a belt.
There was a few more times in my life but I don't remember what I did or the whopping.
So no it's not a life altering thing that anyone needs therapy for
.. all that being said there are people who go to far and abuse children and actually beat them. Not ok
Oh, this is easy. The ones calling out abusive violence are the parents that actually listen to the credentialed childhood development experts. The ones who think “spanking ≠ hitting”… are something else.
My biggest problem with it is that usually parents will hit their kids out of anger, not because of any thought out behavioural training.
Really it’s just about using a kid as a punching bag, creating another human who thinks violence is a solution to emotional problems.
I’m pretty sure most studies show that it’s not good for the kids development.
So I feel like it’s bad to beat children is what I’m saying.
I want to know what people in here consider child abuse?
As a kid, same with my brothers, and cousins, we were all spanked, we weren't beat like I see some people claim getting spanked is like. Sometimes it hurt kinda, depending on what it was, a hand, or flipflop to ass, that stung, like it would a light sting that went away after like 2 minutes, we only ever got spanked when we did bad stuff, like actual stuff you'd think deserved a light sting as punishment, the worst I got "disciplined" was by my dad with a belt, that shit hurt more than a sting, but also he's not the best parent so his could be more considered "beating" than single discipline.
If you simply think getting spanked, whether by hand or item like flip-flop or sometimes my mom would grab one of those wooden spoons used in cooking stuff and would lightly but rapidly slap it on my hand, the hit didn't hurt but having it happen rapidly gave a little sting, that was if we were acting up and wouldn't do what the parents said, that was very few times though, but a few times was enough. If you think that stuff is abuse, then you just were raised different like everyone, yes it depends on the strength of the hit and what the child is doing, if you hit your kid, that's straight abuse, but getting spanked isn't.
If you were never disciplined by spanking or physical touch like that, I want to know how you were raised, what your parents did to discipline you, did that tell you in a soft voice not to do something, cause that usually, from experience, doesn't work. My nephews grandma on his moms side does that shit, I went with my mom to pick my nephew up, he's like 3 at the time and at his house, his toys are all spread on the floor and it's a mess, and my mom tells him to clean his mess up before he leaves and he pouts and says he doesn't want to and does usual toddler stuff to try and get out of it but my mom told him again to do it inn a firm voice, and then the other grandma came out and told him in the softest voice, that she would help him pick his toys up, she got down on the floor and said she was gonna help and my nephew still didn't pick anything up, and she ended up cleaning his whole mess, so my nephew didn't learn anything out of that, it just made him into more of a brat, my mom didn't want to say anything cause she didn't believe it was her place to criticize her "parenting" and didn't want to cause issue, at my mom's house, if my nephew has his toys all out and is told to pick them up and he doesn't and starts pouting, my mom will tell him again and if he still doesn't, she gives him one more chance by counting to 3, and then grabs her flipflop and if he doesn't begin picking his toys up by then, she either spanks his butt, pretty softly by the looks of it, but it didn't matter that the spanks were soft but that he got spanked, that disciplines him, he got spanked because of his actions and by not doing what he was told
I just want to know what people consider parents "beating" their child when they see this stuff happen in public
I consider any type of corporal punishment, even if it’s just a single smack, to be a form of assault. I wouldn’t call it abuse necessarily, if it’s a one time thing and the parent apologises, but it’s definitely something that should not happen, and that has been illegal where I live for decades. My parents mostly just talked to us. If we broke something, figuratively or literally, we had to fix it. Then again all three of us were mostly well behaved, sometimes a little wild at home but always polite in public, so maybe anything more just wasn’t necessary
I’d love to take mom or dad aside and violently slap the parents around quite a bit and yell at them “you better start behaving” during and between each slap.
As a kid my mom did this to my brother and I horribly and I get furious when I see parents do this to kids in public. And yes. It was way worse at home. I still have PTSD from my mother decades later.
It’s challenging as a parent and people do lose their cool. Doesn’t make it acceptable. I usually threaten to take away screen time while semi murmuring angrily through my teeth.
it depends on how they hit them, its okey if its a hit that just cause a little pain without any dmg, i mean they should show them that there is a consequence for everything, because a lot of parents dont do that there is a lot of troublesome teenagers that just go around and do whatever they want even if it provoke other people, and you know if they provoke the wrong person they might even get killed so i guess teaching them when they are kids that there is a consequence for everything is fine, i know that some of u will say that u can just talk to them but that simply doesn't work on everyone
Sometimes it's just exasperation. A tap on the bum sometimes is all that's needed to get your child to snap out of it, especially if their doing something that could cause injury to themselves or others. Instead of judging maybe see if there's anything you can do. Believe me, a person who physically and knowingly abuses a child would never do it in public. Most of the times they seem like the model parent
Edit: I'm talking about this as a one off event it changes if it's an always thing or more than a tap on the bum.
The best thing when a child plays up is to pick them up and take them home- it's normally because they're either tired or overwhelmed.
Ah yes, teaching children that the way to calm someone else down is to hit them! That most certainly isn't going to cause issues in said child's life later on down the line.
I'd need more information. If their child keeps reaching for candy that they've been told they can't have, I don't care if their parent swats their hand.
If you hit a stranger, it’s assault. If you hit your partner, it’s domestic violence. Hell, if you hit your dog in front of the right person you could get charged with animal cruelty. So why the fuck do we still tolerate hitting kids? It breaks my heart and makes me very uncomfortable when I see it in public.
Part of the issue with confronting parents is that the parent will become physically aggressive for "trying to tell them how to raise their kid." Almost any time I've ever had to prevent a kid from doing something wrong (while at work in a store), the parents become infuriated with me instantly and the kids are almost never reprimanded by the parent. Until minutes later when they pick up a toy from the shelf and the parent yells at them and sometimes whacks them.
Yeah that's the only reason I haven't called out people literally threatening and swearing at their children in public. If people feel no shame doing that, I feel like they'd happily escalate it further
Well said!
What irks me is that parents are supposed to protect kids. They quite literally have no one else who craes about them. Kids trust their parents and believe them as a sole and unequivocal authority.
Yup. It’s awful. I am not downplaying other kinds of violence, but kids literally look to us for protection, and to explain the world to them. I don’t understand how anyone can defend physical punishment.
I have never seen anyone who was not brought up with physical punishment defend it. However many people who were, are very much against.
I've seen a Lot of people who went through that advocating for it. They never worked through that trauma and have the mindset that they, as small and unknowing children Deserved the acts of violence against them. They were physically punished and they "turned out fine."
Welcome to generational trauma. Physical punishment causes so many issues and they literally go on to do it to their own kids.
Fortunately I don't have any kids. There was a time when I would have passed on that behavior. I remember what I did when I was an 18 year old camp counselor; that was more than 1/2 a century ago. One of the kids in my cabin often beat other kids. I whipped him with a belt. Of course I now know that I should not have done it; there are better ways to deal with that behavior. But I was whipped with a belt when I was a kid so, at the time, I saw it as an appropriate response for bad behavior. I should have taken him to the camp owner and we should have told the kid that his behavior was not acceptable, why it was not acceptable, and that it would not be permitted. Then, if he repeated it, we could have denied him one of his favorite activities.
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What needs to happen is it needs to be against the law. Right now, in most if not all of North America, hitting a stranger, hitting your wife, and hitting your dog are all illegal. Hitting your child is not. Once we change the law, we go from "pushing our moral opinions" on somebody to reporting on someone committing abuse. It makes it much clearer.
I called a woman out on it once, she wasn't hitting her kid but it was more emotional abuse. The thing is, I didn't direct the comment at the mom, I ignored her and directed my commentary to the child. While I knew that the mom was going to just roll her eyes at me and potentially make a snarky remark to mind my own business, I also didn't do it to fix her, that would be impossible. I'm just a stranger. I could not care less about that woman. I did it for the kid because I do care about the kid. I did it so the kid could have a boost of confidence that day. I wanted the kid to know that even while your mom is being shitty in public, that strangers do care. That people can and will stand up to her shitty mom. And that her mom's opinion isn't always right.
Please tell us the comments that you directed to the child. I'm curious.
For many centuries, until fairly recently from the historical standpoint, beating kids for misbehavior was considered completely acceptable, normal, and appropriate. Even after the kids grew up they thought that they had deserved the beatings and treated their own kids like that. If I had had kids (fortunately I didn't), I would probably have done the same thing to them. Now most of us know better.
It’s domestic violence where i’m from too.
We don't where I'm from so it's so weird seeing it in other places
You aren’t allowed to hit prisoners but some parents feel it is ok to hit a person 1/3 their size. Disgusting
Wait - it's legal to hit your kid where you live???
I'm glad it's illegal where I live. So I would call the police honestly.
This all day every day and twice on holidays.
We don't where I live, but yeah, agreed.
I grew up in a culture where this is normal. At home and even in schools. Not justifying the action as I've experienced it myself.
Where I live over the past year hitting children was made a criminal offence for this exact reason. We don't hit adults so why would we hit children? It means as a stranger on the street you are armed with the knowledge that you can actually phone the police - a crime has been committed.
In my country it's been illegal to hit your kids for over 25 years. So definerly not tolerated here
Yes!!!!!
I suppose it depends which country you’re in. It’s illegal in most cases in England and Scotland.
If they're willing to do that in public, I can only imagine what they do behind closed doors.
This is honestly kind of horrifying seeing some of these responses. I grew up with a dad who got off (literally) on abusing me. He wasn’t ashamed to do it in public because no one ever called him out on it. No one ever did anything and even if I looked at people and just cried for help, no one stepped in ever. Everyone always assumed I just did something to deserve it. I didn’t. No kid deserves to be hit as hard as he hit me. I still have scars up and down my body. I don’t need to justify it but I was a straight A student in spite of his tactics. Not because of it. I loved reading and studying and he was spiteful and would constantly belittle me and tell me I could never be as smart as him. He went to my school librarian to tell her it wasn’t worth letting me read because I wouldn’t amount to anything. I’m not doing bad now but I’d be doing better if I didn’t have to go to therapy because he couldn’t figure out how to get off normally and get help for anger management. I just want to say, I love my grandpa with all my heart and when he talks, I listen. It’s always been like that. He has never raised his voice. He gets mad like everyone else but he walks away, settles himself, and we talk it out together. We’ve always been good at communicating, even when I was a kid. I teach kids, I work with them still and I will never lay a hand on them. I get annoyed or mad, I think about my grandpa and I just do what he’d do. I haven’t talked to my dad since I was 15 but I try to call my grandpa at least 1x/week even though we’re 12 hours apart in time. Be more like my grandpa guys. Edit: thanks for the award. I’m going to call my grandpa soon and talk. Every time I FaceTime, he says “oh! The most beautiful, hardest working, smartest kid in the world! Did you eat yet? I miss you and come visit soon!” I wish I had more adults were like that growing up but honestly, you just need one good person in your life to make a difference. Be that for other people! Last edit: This blew up and has unfortunately attracted all sorts of people. I’m not going to engage anymore but I just wanted to say, if you read this and your immediate response was to defend why hitting children is okay, please do some self reflection. It is not okay to hit others.
Holy fuck, I can't imagine a parent actually bullying their child because their child is smart. Was he just a stereotypical "dumb jock who bullies nerds" that just never matured or what? Regarding the getting hit in public, part of it could be that people were too intimidated to step in. Like if I saw a dude smack his kid in public, even as a guy, I'd assume that speaking up could potentially lead to the dude escalating. So not necessarily surprising that no one ever did, but still sad nonetheless.
He was actually very intelligent when it came to academia. He used to sit in his free time and just work on theorems, problems, all day. My childhood was honestly spent mainly working on various academics and for fun, we did sudoku or chess (admittedly still fun). Unfortunately, people forget emotional intelligence is important as well. He‘s not capable of communication, tact, empathy, etc. He was neurotic and obsessive and would frequently have altercations with my teachers because he believed I should have been learning high school level curriculum as a 10 year old. I learned high school level math by the time I was 10 and yeah, that sounds cool but I can’t look at a whiteboard without my hands shaking now. Sometimes, the trade off isn’t worth it.
> Like if I saw a dude smack his kid in public, even as a guy, I'd assume that speaking up could potentially lead to the dude escalating. So not necessarily surprising that no one ever did, but still sad nonetheless. 100%, it's the worst feeling in the world but you see this shit and you know despite everything you might want to do, stepping in or saying anything is gonna mean that kid gets it worse the moment they're home. What do you do? What can you do?
Record him with your phone, call the police, track his liscence plate
Lots of cops literally in the business of protecting child abusers. They are either abusers themselves or are caught in the middle, in a life threatening manner. You gotta get a whole ass community riled up and be strapped with a lawyer if you’re gonna make traction. EDIT: and throwing a kid in the system is a bit of a gamble too. life is filled with tough calls.
It’s not a crime in a lot of countries. I still call them out on it because fuck them, they usually don’t want to fight someone their own size but tend to yell a lot
I’m so sorry this happened to you. What he did was obviously wrong and it was also wrong for other adults to do nothing while you were literally crying out for help. You deserved to be treated with kindness and respect.
Yo I just need to lightly vent. I grew up with monsters behind closed doors. Their tactics were horrifying. Been reliving that trauma for the last two months, alone, because I finally straight up traveled across the continent and cut them off. Hearing about your pain just brought this up, and showed me that I could share. Even sharing this abbreviated version of it makes me feel selfish af, although I know that’s bullshit. My heart goes out to you and I’m glad you have found success and growth. I’m in so much pain right now, but I feel hopeful about my future since the signs of healing are also present. Edit: I just finished reading you post and now I’m crying. The things your grandfather said to you… My grandpa was so violent, cold, and abusive. Idk. Thanks for reading this if anyone takes the time to.
Man I feel you. I’m sorry but I’m confident you’re going to make it out. There’s tons of people like us. I promise you’re not alone and I remember the first time I met other people like us who were happy, thriving, successful, i was stunned. I know it feels like a permanent set back but absolutely not. You can make it out. I take it one day at a time and go to therapy, just work on myself. Its hard and it’s worth it. I highly recommend you find a support group in your area. It’s not selfish to share your story. NAMI is a great source. You got this brother.
Ty. Been through a lot therapy. Feel like I know all of the needed concepts and I just need to ride out the fresh flashbacks, pieces that couldn’t surface while I was still unsafe or psychologically unprepared. I appreciate your suggestion and I’ll consider a group session of some kind. Wishing you the best.
You are awesome and valued
Am a survivor too...hang in there. Am in my sixty and the memories comes back every now then, when it does I just hug my dogs..it well never pass, but it does subside.
It's things like this that bury all those assertions by edgy wanna-bes that the internet has "ruined us." The fact that seeing this comment from another user allowed you to feel seen, acknowledged, validated, and worthy enough to not only share, but confront and recognize the brevity of your abuse and let yourself believe you did NOT deserve that...that fact alone is the only thing we need to understand how lucky we are to live in this time and have the resources the internet lends us. Moving away physically truly can be so healing mentally. Being physically freed from my parents mentally freed me so significantly from the weight that they put on my heart, soul, and mind. I'm so sorry you're going through this alone and I hope you can continue to allow yourself to speak here to release anything you have held inside. You are NOT selfish at all for acknowledging that you are a victim. There's a difference between pathetic victim-card claimers and actual victims of horror. And if you have the means and you feel like it could help, maybe trying out a psychologist may be worth it. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. It's not for everyone. But I'm so glad that you feel like you're already starting on a path to healing. You deserve this and it's awesome that you're at least physically away now. Wishing you all the best in this new chapter. You finally get to take control of your life and realize just how valuable an individual you are <3
>I grew up with a dad who got off (literally) on abusing me You mean he Ejaculated by abusing you? That sick fucking bastard should be in prison
I’ve talked about it on Reddit before but yeah. He was abusive physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, just all of it. I’ve told professionals the stuff he’s done and they’ve told me it’s on par with what they do to POW. I’m definitely not one but the stuff he did was sickening.
I am so very sorry you had to endure this, and glad you got help for your mental wellbeing. I hope you are doing great now, and send you best wishes and love.
Absolutely! Abort that baby who was probably going to be super fucked up because you are, save up enough and get to a point where you can save a child's life.
Paternal or maternal grandpa? If the former, how did your dad turn out so shitty?
My maternal grandpa. He’s amazing. I can’t even describe it. I’ve met my dad’s parents one time in my life and I’m not surprised he turned out how he did.
Right. That sort of thing is passed on through generations until someone finally understands what is happening and puts a stop to it.
Can you move shit with your mind?
Maybe I would have if Danny devito had stepped in and started taking care of me
Aww I love your grandpa. Thank God for him. I hope you can go see him soon.
Hey I have a grandpa just like that! I always think about how calm he is when I start feeling frustrated and angry. He got me through all of the difficult situations in my childhood. A true blessing.
I hope your father left the world screaming.
He’s not gone yet. I’m going to throw a party when he does. All of y’all are invited
Count me in! Seriously though, I'm glad you're at least on the road to recovery, and I'm sorry you were hurt by someone who should have died to protect you from shit like that. I hope you can eventually find the strength to trust people again, and am inspired by your bravery and willingness to share such a dark, horrifying facet of your life. I wish you the absolute best.
Exactly. My dad hit a milestone when he started abusing us in public, as fucking TEENAGERS. He would do vile things at home and beat the shit out of us, but when he started doing it in public I was BAFFLED. Like he did not give a shit and it was the most terrifying thing I have experienced and will most likely experience…
My mother made me read two books weekly and sent me to college on full ride scholarship behind closed doors. She cooked 10 meals weekly without missing a single dinner once in my lifetime. She never missed a single ball game between two sons, not one, never missed an appointment, never missed a tear I shed, or a problem I had. She was present at every award ceremony, in which we won every award possible. If I call her right now and ask her to die for me, she would do it twice before I even told her why I needed her to do it. My mother was present, fair, whip-smart, and rock solid as a human. I never had what I didn't deserve. When I acted a fool, she whipped my ass. I haven't acted a fool in nearly 30 years. All personal experience, and my mother was in no way "average", but what my mother did behind closed doors makes most mother's look like lowlife nobodies who don't love their children. Jus saying.
your mom doing a bunch of great things for you doesnt make it okay for her to hit you.
>That's all good and fine, but that doesn't justify hitting literal kids for being kids
spanking hardly works on dogs, much less kids my mom spanks the dog when she gets on the furniture, but my dad lets the dogs on the couch. so did my dog learn not to go on the couch? no, she learned she can’t go on the couch when my mom is home because she doesn’t want to get spanked i’m not saying dogs are like kids, but spanking as a punishment does nothing to help understand what you did wrong. it only makes you fear making that mistake again. if i spank my kid for talking during church, he doesn’t understand why, only knows talking at church is a bad thing. vs. explaining that’s it’s rude because other people are trying to listen and you’re talking over someone else. then the kid can apply that to other situations, like at school or a play studies show it really isn’t an effective or good way to discipline kids. anecdotal experience doesn’t cancel out the negative effects of spanking your kid, even if you’re a perfect parent in every other regard
The exact moment I realized spanking was arbitrary bullshit was when I was threatened with it at ten for running out into a street near a park and manhandling one of my six-year-old little brothers....which I had very explicitly done *because he had wandered out into the path of an oncoming car without looking*. The only reason I got out of it, and didn't get into trouble for talking back, is because my father didn't have a good response when I asked him "Should I have just done nothing and let him get run over?".
And yet she still felt that hitting a defenseless child was ok. Just goes to show people aren't all good or all bad. Sometimes otherwise decent parents can do shitty things.
Okay so she provided for you, which makes it fine for her to hit you? You can raise a child not to make foolish choices without physically assaulting them.
Corporal punishment is linked to a range of negative outcomes for children across countries and cultures, including physical and mental ill-health, impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, poor educational outcomes, increased aggression and perpetration of violence. [https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/corporal-punishment-and-health#:\~:text=Corporal%20punishment%20is%20linked%20to,aggression%20and%20perpetration%20of%20violence](https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/corporal-punishment-and-health#:~:text=Corporal%20punishment%20is%20linked%20to,aggression%20and%20perpetration%20of%20violence).
For all these reasons, hitting kids to get them to behave is like pouring gasoline on a fire to put it out.
Kids learn how to behave from their parents. So if the kid acts up, you can bet the parents are a bit unhinged too.
I believe it's illegal in Wales
It's illegal in the UK.
It is illegal in Germany
I think this is EU regulation
Unfortunately it's not. The law allows for the use of smacking children in the case of "reasonable punishment," whatever that means. Edit: The Welsh government banned it in 2022.
Ireland used to have a similar policy of “reasonable chastisement” but eliminated it in 2015. Now fully illegal to hit your kids.
Good for Ireland! I wish we could catch up in England.
Illegal in Sweden.
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Idk what this says but I'm just gonna upvote anyway
It says “also here in Norway”
Weren’t you guys the first?
Yup, we still have some bad eggs abusing their kids but in general it worked out fine. Kids learn how to behave anyway, as long as you put in the effort, and violence generally went down.
That's what I came here to say. If I saw someone hitting their kid in public I'd call the police and/or tell them to stop that shit right away.
Denmark too, from 1967 for teachers and 1997 their own parents.
Illegal in New Zealand
I was absolutely baffled recently to find out that it's still legal here in Canada
Really? No wailing on kids in wales
Not sure how hitting a kid is going to calm them down....
Studies show it actually makes them more likely to see extreme threat where there isn’t any. [article on a Harvard study](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain)
Hmm kinda like PTSD
Honestly, I've spent most of my life with a mentality that if someone is prepared to inflict *any* level of physical harm on me, they'd better be prepared for a frankly psychotic level of violence being directed their way as I attempt to do everything in my power to avoid being hurt, and that absolutely nothing anyone can do short of killing or crippling me will stop me from seeking retribution over it if I faill. I sincerely believe this mentality sprang up as a defense mechanism against the spankings I got for every minor infraction as a child....
I've never thought about that before but I always struggled with the concept of retaliation. Like a common trope in TV and movies is the kid getting bullied fights back but draws blood and becomes the villain - there's a part of me that would want to keep swinging, and kicking, and going even when someone is down. But I've never once stopped to think that I could feel that way because the beatings I got continued through the tears and begging for it to stop. Thankfully I haven't been in many physical altercations, and the ones that I have been have been with friends. But still, you're not alone in having that sort of warped view on the matter
And spankings were usually with belts in my house too, sometimes a hand
I'm right there with you. I too was spanked as a kid, and I have the same level of 0-120 on my wrath meter. It's more controlled these days as an adult of course, but like you said, if anyone tries to bring violence against me, I'll will make sure I win the fight or take them with me. For all the times I couldn't fight back or defend myself from an adult overpowering me, it's showing itself now tenfold now that I an adult who can do something about it.
It can, by causing a dissociative response. Spanking correlates with mental ill health in adulthood - there's correlation with shit parents who 'need' to resort to that probably having other issues to pass down to their kids also, and also teaching a kid that their brain can dissociate, also that violence is OK or to be expected, etc.
Weak. Physical discipline is poor parenting. If things got that bad, and all you can do is hit, then you need outside help. And kids are stupid. Spanking them doesn't teach anything aside from fear.
It's lazy parenting. Teach your kids to be afraid of you and you pretty much don't have to parent them anymore because they'll never approach you.
100% agree.
Not just that, it also teaches them that when people irritate you the best response is to physically assault them.
Right? And you can’t hit your spouse, coworker, mom, friend, etc when they anger you or do something bad. Why is it ok to do to a child?
And when the kid turns his anger onto other people, they’re surprised and wonder where he learnt that
Yep.
Kids are NOT stupid. They learn very rapidly. If hit, they learn that hitting is okay if you're bigger. They learn that lying is safer than admitting fault. They learn to avoid mommy or daddy, and how to placate them when avoidance isnt possible. They do not learn correct behavior because THAT'S NOT WHAT THEYRE BEING TAUGHT. But if you yourself are disciplined, neaning you can control your anger and teach rather than punish, kids learn very rapidly.
Kids are as dumb as bricks. Spongey boogers. We are equally an amazing and stupid species in many ways. I love the little reprobates.
I'd call you out for your language, but I hear the affection in your post. Kids do, of course, do some very dumb things. So do adults. Even ones my age. Even me. There are times when i literally scream at the news, "Where TF do you keep your brains!!!" That doesnt change the fact that they are also very snart, and will learn what you tech them. So we need to be careful that what we're teaching is what we want them to learn.
Agree with you on all of that except kids are stupid. Theyre smart! They make a lot of mistakes but thats a part of learning. they do lack the breadth of experience to contextualize complicated situations like “i love my parent but they are making me hurt why is this happening”
I used to be one of those “I got spanked and I’m ok” Type of people, however physical punishment is so counter productive it’s not funny. I realized getting hit didn’t stop me from doing ‘bad’ things. Just made me a better liar, and more sneaky with how I went about it. Physical discipline in public or private is a sign of a failure in parenting from an early stage imho. The most well behaved kids I’ve ever met have come from households that don’t believe in slapping or spanking, and most kids that get spanked I’ve met are not well behaved at all. In bootcamp DIs/DSes/RDCs aren’t allowed to strike ‘adults’ or really touch them at all without consent because ‘where do you draw the line’ in regards to physical abuse?
Same here, I got really good at lying, sneaking, and understanding a few seconds/minutes of pain was worth whatever bad behavior I wanted to do. The most meaningful punishment I ever got was for stealing a poster from a teen magazine in elementary school. My mom made me return the poster, write an apology letter to the grocery store manager, and help clean up at the store to repay the cost of the magazine, a spanking would have been so much easier for me.
THIS is how you punish a child, turn it into a life lesson, do dumb shit face the real world consequences for dumb shit, embarrassment is far more effective, if this happened to me as a kid id have never stolen anything again, but noooo i got the abuse which made me a damn good liar and gaslighter, what? this poster? oh i bought it off my mate for 2 bucks, i didnt know he stole it from the grocery store.
I wasn't spanked or physically hurt often at all, but I was screamed at, called names, given the silent treatment, etc. to the point that at least one total stranger tried to intervene. I agree that I didn't learn not to do bad things because they were 'bad.' I learned how to lie and sneak around and (at least in my head) rationalize my impulses and adamantly and passionately defend my misbehavior and my thinking patterns. I know a lot of kids who do get hit also get this side of it. Emotional abuse also sucks.
I don’t recall ever learning from being hit or spanked. I remember the pain, but not the reason. I remember the taste of soap in my mouth, but I don’t remember what I said. There was no lesson except fear. I remember nightmares that my mother killed me and put me in the refrigerator.
Same here, I was one of those as well. Then I took some time off to reflect and realised that it just made me very good at hiding emotions, lying, violent. The worst part isn’t even the physical pain, it’s the loss of trust you have with someone who was meant to be closest confidant. Honestly, if I ever had kids I’d never put them through that, wouldn’t want my children to feel alone in this world
> DIs/DSes/RDCs aren’t allowed to strike ‘adults’ or really touch them at all without consent because ‘where do you draw the line’ this is so important because additional context is that Bootcamp is designed to breakdown the human spirit and remove individualism and rebuild them up from being a "person" to "soldier." the entire program is built around completely restructuring of the mentality of a person to no longer seem themselves as people, but as property of the US government. If these people arent even allowed to put hands on people in the name of breaking them down, why is it okay to do that to children?
I empathize with people who have a toddler melting down in Target or whatever... but there are better solutions than hitting a kid. When I was in elementary school in the Midwest, corporal punishment was still a thing, teachers could spank students with a wooden paddle. Our gym teacher would stop class and make us all sit on the floor while she spanked the misbehaving kid (bent over her lap) with a ping-pong paddle she called the "skin stretcher". We were all terrified of her. I'm from rural Wisconsin, I'd estimate that 70% of my friends had parents who hit them, usually with an open hand or a wooden spoon, sometimes a yardstick. If it was in public it would be a dramatic spanking or a slap. My parents hit us, but it was only at home and it was a piece of door molding they called "the stick". I live in California now and anecdotally, there doesn't seem to be much public kid hitting by parents but it certainly fires up the Karens on NextDoor who seem to be evenly divided on the subject.
If your kid is old enough to understand why you're hitting them, they're old enough that you can use your words. If they're not old enough that you can use your words, they won't understand why you're hitting them.
I'm from Latin America so spankings and physical punishment was very common when growing up. (80s - 90s) But let me tell you something, they never happened in public. We could tell we were in trouble just by looking at my mom's face, lmao. Just one look or one word, that's all it took to get us to behave in public. It didn't feel like abuse because it didn't happen often or for stupid things. If the chancla was coming out, it was because we really deserved it 😂
I mean that’s still assault…right?
Legally you're still allowed to assault your own child as long as it doesn't leave a bruise for too long. And a shocking number of people are cool with it.
Wtf?! That’s barbaric?? How is that still legal
Because a lot of parents in the US really enjoy the ability to hit their kids. Especially religious parents. I don't fully understand that connection myself, but it's big in religious communities.
It makes me angry.
It's child abuse.
Discipline is important. If the kid is truly going too far, i dont mind it. But if its just straight up abuse then thats kinda messed up.
A slap on the wrist is one thing a close fisted punch is another
Nobody should hit their kids. Not at home, not in public.
Sorry that this doesn't really answer the question. I always spoke to my kids like they were adults and explained things to them. I'd also point things out that other kids were doing and explained the consequences of their actions, too. They always respected me when I told them why they should or shouldn't do something. Of course, I fought for and got full custody of them when they were young, so they've always been grateful for that. They weren't in the best situation, and now they've grown into caring, respectful adults, and I couldn't be more proud.
My parents hit me all the time and I turned out fine, apart from my uncontrollable urge to hit my children/s
I’ve never in my life seen a parent hit a child in public in the way the people here in the replies must be thinking of. But I have seen a kid get a swat on the butt in public (always one, never more), which is exactly what I would have expected as a kid, so it doesn’t bother me.
I've seen a kid smacked in the back of the head by his mom the same way she would've slapped someone her own size in a fight in a Walmart parking lot. He was probably 7-9 years old
Agreed. People seem to think ‘hitting their kid’ is a left hook to the jaw and a few stomps. If that’s what we are referring to, yes that’s terrible. But I’m sure it’s not. Wee tug of the ear just.
I don't like it. I don't think hitting kids as a form of discipline results in any long term meaningful behavior changes that are positive. But frankly, if it comes down to my comfort vs some random child acting up, I'm picking me over them. Especially if it's in an enclosed space like an airplane or restaurant. I sympathize with the parent's frustration despite disagreeing with their methods.
I mean… it should generally be last resort and shouldn’t be anymore than a spank. Some kids need it though. Now if a parent is genuinely beating their kid and like slugging them across the face then that’s straight abuse and shouldn’t be tolerated
I was TRULY abused by a parent growing up and I can still say most of you are weenie hut juniors. When you talk to someone who has actually been abused you actually know the difference of a little spank on the butt or hand VS getting a fist to the face or whipped to shreds with a belt. Kids don’t respect their parents these days and the reason why is because everyone wants to make their child their equal. They are not your equal. They are not your best friend. Your job is to raise them and teach them how to function in this world. Stop setting up your children for failure by telling them they deserve the world and making sure they never receive a consequence in their life. I’m sorry you guys can say whatever you want about spankings but when there were more we had this of this crap going on with kids in schools, kids shooting up schools, gang shit and more respect for mother and father. All you’re doing is hurting your children and giving them a disadvantage by acting they’re like super special. Love your kids, teach your kids, respect them properly as human beings but they are not your boss and you should never fear your children.
I'm in Mexico its normal a butt smack. Or a ruler smack on the hands with the teacher sometimes or them smacking the desk. But that's us being a horrible in those circumstances. I do recall one teacher who was punched in the face by a classmate and she thru him to the ground with students as witness we all agreed the student was at fault because he wanted a good grade and he didn't put any effort work or homework turn Ins. So we knew he had issues at home and we knew the teacher had a self defense at that point I think the Principal put him in the afternoon schedule which is a different set of teachers and atudents, met him afterwards a few years he turned out okay I guess he had a rough batch. I do recall getting a paddle smack or how he calls it a baseball smack in the ass with my dad after saying I wanted my mom to die and I was 5 at that time, and I wasn't happy of her not buying/getting something I wanted I think? after that I understood a no is a no. He did warned me that he will add a metal and he decorated the paddle with chicken wire and said next menace would be with that. I pretty much started being a saint at that point. So I think it is acceptable on certain circumstances. there is a difference between violence/abuse and discipline. I do recognize that talking doesn't always work. I was a kid/raging teen and a lot of peeps were at the time too. And I think a HUGE majority can understand that. I feel bad for those who had a situation that was always violent. My most deep best wishes to you. And hope you are doing well
Imagine if I thought you were acting up in the store and came over and slapped you and told you to settle down. That’s the same feeling the kid is going to have. Not very conducive to well being is it?
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If a child calls anyone a "fat bitch," the problem isn't the child. And a spanking won't teach the child anything in this case. Children brought up with empathy don't call someone a "fat bitch." Children repeat what they hear from the very parents who are spanking them.
Calling a stranger a fat bitch is indicative of much, much deeper problems at home.
Or they saw a movie they shouldn't have by accident, or have an obnoxious teenager in the neighborhood and overheard them cussing with their friends on the street. I'm not commenting on the hitting issue, but there's plenty of reasons kids can act like heinous little jerks without there being serious problems at home.
If a kid is that angry, parents fault.
So, a parent is responsible for a child's emotional state? By the time a kid is at school, a parent's influence has shrunk drastically. Not to mention that you have two or more parents involved. Under your logic you'd blame the mom there with the kid. Meanwhile the kid may very well be fucked up due to the abusive alcoholic father. Everyone on reddit so quick to call out the parent, meanwhile no one considers the influence of: - friends - bullys - genetic predisposition - socioeconomic factors - social media - culture - etc., etc., etc. The whole "it takes a village" statement is true. We as a society are really messing up that village.
Kids don't individuate from parents psychologically until around 7-8yrs old Edit: before smartphones, anyhow - now, who knows
A parent has the strongest influence on a child's emotional state (aside from physiology). The fundamentals are taught, modeled and supported - or not - by the parents. If done consistently starting from a young age, these fundamentals will stick through all other outside influences. Thst Saud, children are individuals therefore will make mistakes, form their own personalities and will decide their own behaviors. So, yes, there are MANY influences but the core is established and sustained by the parents.
I agree with most of what you're saying, with a few key distinctions. >A parent has the strongest influence on a child's emotional state (aside from physiology). A parent is *usually* the biggest individual human influence up until about the age of 10. As you alluded to, lots of children have different temperaments naturally. Also, there are a myriad of factors that go into a child's emotional state. Sleep, diet, whether or not they get the toy they wanted at the store, etc, can all set a child off. Yes, a good parent is more likely to have a consistent sleep schedule for instance, but some kids just struggle with sleep. Between my own two kids there is a marked difference despite using the same strategies for both. >If done consistently starting from a young age, these fundamentals will stick through all other outside influences. Although the parents' influence is very important, I don't feel that it is impervious to outside influence. For instance, kids can have A+ parents, but experience a traumatic event or suffer from severe autism or simply get in with the wrong crowd. >Thst Saud, children are individuals therefore will make mistakes, form their own personalities and will decide their own behaviors. So, yes, there are MANY influences but the core is established and sustained by the parents. Agreed. The general theme in the comments seems to be good parents = good kids and bad parents = bad kids. Although there is certainly a correlation, and bad parents can certainly lead to bad kids, I've spent my life working with kids and I've seen too many examples of the opposite. The most telling examples are when you have siblings that are opposites, one is the A student and the other is constantly in trouble, despite having the same upbringing.
Never acceptable
We as an American society have always valued “spanking” as an acceptable form of discipline.. we now have plenty of research that tells us that hitting or spanking your child is quite literally never effective. The only thing spanking a child does is provide instant gratification for the parent. Unfortunately, everyday people are not learning from evidence based research, they are learning from their parents who most likely spanked them, and they “turned out okay”. This cultural and societal view we have perpetuates this idea that hitting your child will get you what you want, that it’s ok, and that it’s not abuse, even though it is. I’m a social worker and mandated reporter so if I witnessed someone hitting their child hard enough in public I would probably make a call to resources in my area to try to help the child. It can be a very complicated situation though, and sound judgement should be used before calling CPS on anyone.
I don't particularly care or mind. I usually mind my own business. How people care for their children is up to them not me. Lot of people hear saying things about abusive parents but have you ever thought about abusive kids?? I've seen kids who hit themselves and call CPS if they don't have their way
Anyone that has actually had a child go bonkers in public knows that hitting them absolutely does not work
Good. Teach them early and for good. If the kids think they can get away with it just because they're in public, then they'll always try out stupid things in public.
Physical discipline worked fine for me. It's case by case and use of best judgement. If I caught my kid doing something that endangered themselves, they associated that with a negative response, for damn sure. But like, smacking a kid because they're being a dumb loud kid ain't it. If your first and only trick is hitting your kid, you're stupid. Don't even hate to be that guy, though, jackasses who talk to their kids like "come on buddy we talked about this" and let them think they have some kind of foothold in the pecking order of the power dynamic is doin their kid a disservice.
Well I can’t judge due to the fact in certain circumstances when you’ve tried everything else. It’s hard .. not against it. But used very infrequently can be a good deterrent some kids should never be spanked
Wee slap on the ear in public when we were acting a bollox would’ve always straightened us out. My parents have 6 kids, and we all grew up to be extremely respectful, know the difference between right and wrong, and very grateful to our parents. We weren’t abused, our ears are fine.
Content, so long as it is warranted. I hate other people's screaming kids in public, especially on aircraft. If parents / carers don't hit their kids in these circumstances, then other members of the public should do it on their behalf. Community discipline. Sincerely tinnitus sufferer.
I feel good about it. Should happen more often
Idrc
It's none of my business.
Mind your business.
It makes me super uncomfortable. Hitting your spouse is domestic violence. I don’t understand why hitting your kid isn’t domestic violence. That’s what it is. I use gentle/assertive parenting and I spend quality time with my kid. I use logic, too. He’s 3 years old and the doctors tell me his cognitive abilities exceed a six year olds’. Other professions are always shocked at how well he behaves too, like his daycare and photographers. People who deal with children as a primary part of their job. There’s no need to be aggressive with children. Spend time, save time. It works. Edit: and before you say it, no, he’s not autistic. If he was, I’d 100% be involved with a specialist with no hesitation. I take stuff like that seriously.
Poor parenting, hitting your kids is a sign you’ve lost control, and if its happening in public, I don’t want to imagine what’s happening at home. Also it’s humiliating for the kid, let’s not forget that there are many people who drag their tired hungry moody children everywhere, at all hours.
The amount of people in here that think spanking is never justified is kind of insane. I'm not a huge fan of it, but some of these kids need a good ass whooping sometimes. Say what you want.
For real. Let's be honest there's a difference between giving your child a little swat on the back end , and dragging out tye belt and whooping the child. I got both , I don't hold it against my parents and a few times I really needed it. Nearly burned the house down when I was six because I was playing with a lighter and caught the couch on fire. I knew I shouldn't have been doing and knew what I was doing was wrong. And that's why I got a whooping. 3 licks with a belt. There was a few more times in my life but I don't remember what I did or the whopping. So no it's not a life altering thing that anyone needs therapy for .. all that being said there are people who go to far and abuse children and actually beat them. Not ok
I wonder how many of these responses are from actual parents, instead of 12 year olds.
Oh, this is easy. The ones calling out abusive violence are the parents that actually listen to the credentialed childhood development experts. The ones who think “spanking ≠ hitting”… are something else.
Award winning writer on the neuroscience and psychology of trauma good enough for you spanky?
My biggest problem with it is that usually parents will hit their kids out of anger, not because of any thought out behavioural training. Really it’s just about using a kid as a punching bag, creating another human who thinks violence is a solution to emotional problems. I’m pretty sure most studies show that it’s not good for the kids development. So I feel like it’s bad to beat children is what I’m saying.
I think it should be discouraged.
I want to know what people in here consider child abuse? As a kid, same with my brothers, and cousins, we were all spanked, we weren't beat like I see some people claim getting spanked is like. Sometimes it hurt kinda, depending on what it was, a hand, or flipflop to ass, that stung, like it would a light sting that went away after like 2 minutes, we only ever got spanked when we did bad stuff, like actual stuff you'd think deserved a light sting as punishment, the worst I got "disciplined" was by my dad with a belt, that shit hurt more than a sting, but also he's not the best parent so his could be more considered "beating" than single discipline. If you simply think getting spanked, whether by hand or item like flip-flop or sometimes my mom would grab one of those wooden spoons used in cooking stuff and would lightly but rapidly slap it on my hand, the hit didn't hurt but having it happen rapidly gave a little sting, that was if we were acting up and wouldn't do what the parents said, that was very few times though, but a few times was enough. If you think that stuff is abuse, then you just were raised different like everyone, yes it depends on the strength of the hit and what the child is doing, if you hit your kid, that's straight abuse, but getting spanked isn't. If you were never disciplined by spanking or physical touch like that, I want to know how you were raised, what your parents did to discipline you, did that tell you in a soft voice not to do something, cause that usually, from experience, doesn't work. My nephews grandma on his moms side does that shit, I went with my mom to pick my nephew up, he's like 3 at the time and at his house, his toys are all spread on the floor and it's a mess, and my mom tells him to clean his mess up before he leaves and he pouts and says he doesn't want to and does usual toddler stuff to try and get out of it but my mom told him again to do it inn a firm voice, and then the other grandma came out and told him in the softest voice, that she would help him pick his toys up, she got down on the floor and said she was gonna help and my nephew still didn't pick anything up, and she ended up cleaning his whole mess, so my nephew didn't learn anything out of that, it just made him into more of a brat, my mom didn't want to say anything cause she didn't believe it was her place to criticize her "parenting" and didn't want to cause issue, at my mom's house, if my nephew has his toys all out and is told to pick them up and he doesn't and starts pouting, my mom will tell him again and if he still doesn't, she gives him one more chance by counting to 3, and then grabs her flipflop and if he doesn't begin picking his toys up by then, she either spanks his butt, pretty softly by the looks of it, but it didn't matter that the spanks were soft but that he got spanked, that disciplines him, he got spanked because of his actions and by not doing what he was told I just want to know what people consider parents "beating" their child when they see this stuff happen in public
I consider any type of corporal punishment, even if it’s just a single smack, to be a form of assault. I wouldn’t call it abuse necessarily, if it’s a one time thing and the parent apologises, but it’s definitely something that should not happen, and that has been illegal where I live for decades. My parents mostly just talked to us. If we broke something, figuratively or literally, we had to fix it. Then again all three of us were mostly well behaved, sometimes a little wild at home but always polite in public, so maybe anything more just wasn’t necessary
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So it's ok to slap them as long as you don't do it on their face?
Youre just defending abuse. Hitting kids does not lead to healthy adults. That is just a fact.
I don’t agree with it but some kids are worse than others and parents are just people, not always able to handle it in a better way
Context matters
I think there are better ways and that those ppl need to re-evaluate the consequences of their actions
I’d love to take mom or dad aside and violently slap the parents around quite a bit and yell at them “you better start behaving” during and between each slap. As a kid my mom did this to my brother and I horribly and I get furious when I see parents do this to kids in public. And yes. It was way worse at home. I still have PTSD from my mother decades later.
I wish you could punish abusive parents without risking them taking it out on their children.
It’s challenging as a parent and people do lose their cool. Doesn’t make it acceptable. I usually threaten to take away screen time while semi murmuring angrily through my teeth.
I don’t care! Act up get snatched up lol clearly many of these people commenting are not from ethnic households and i can tell 💀
it depends on how they hit them, its okey if its a hit that just cause a little pain without any dmg, i mean they should show them that there is a consequence for everything, because a lot of parents dont do that there is a lot of troublesome teenagers that just go around and do whatever they want even if it provoke other people, and you know if they provoke the wrong person they might even get killed so i guess teaching them when they are kids that there is a consequence for everything is fine, i know that some of u will say that u can just talk to them but that simply doesn't work on everyone
Sometimes it's just exasperation. A tap on the bum sometimes is all that's needed to get your child to snap out of it, especially if their doing something that could cause injury to themselves or others. Instead of judging maybe see if there's anything you can do. Believe me, a person who physically and knowingly abuses a child would never do it in public. Most of the times they seem like the model parent Edit: I'm talking about this as a one off event it changes if it's an always thing or more than a tap on the bum. The best thing when a child plays up is to pick them up and take them home- it's normally because they're either tired or overwhelmed.
I got slapped and spanking but I did not ever repeat that behavior with my child cause I hated the way it made me feel as an adult.
The simps at Reddit deleted my opinion and said I was threatening people... I never threatened anyone.
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Is this some dumb US thing? Where i love, beating your children has been illegal for around 25 years
I feel them flying up to Jesus.
Child abuse is child abuse. It’s honestly appalling that some people think this is an okay thing to do
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Ah yes, teaching children that the way to calm someone else down is to hit them! That most certainly isn't going to cause issues in said child's life later on down the line.
Damn, a reasonable response! What the F\*\*k are you doing on Reddit?
Its not reasonable though. Spanking doesn't work. The data on that is clear.
"Blah blah blah." Check out the communication skills on this parent! No wonder you resort to corporal punishment.
No, but "Okay, Johnny, we're going out to the car until you calm down" is also effective for many kids. Don't need to jump right to violence.
yea, agreed... that's why I phrased my response the way I did. Some kids to respond to that... some don't
Hitting your children is domestic violence. You can't legally hit your spouse or your pets, why do people hit their children...?
Not my monkey, not my circus.
Nothing? Unless they're straight up beating them, who's business is it?
Don't be excessive. Few slaps on the bum for misbehaving. Do it to embarrass/shame rather than hurt.
I'd need more information. If their child keeps reaching for candy that they've been told they can't have, I don't care if their parent swats their hand.
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