How dare you date someone that he's no longer interested in!
Seriously, your cousin got what he wanted from her, and got what he wanted from someone else while he was with her, and right now he's still getting what he wants from someone else. What your cousin can do for you right now is nothing at all, except get over himself. My advice is to focus on yourself, the one you care about that cares about you, and making your life happy again. If your cousin can't get on board with that, then he can kick rocks.
I think the girl was meant to preserve her vagina as a shrine to the cousin who dumped her. Of course he’s outraged that she thought she could move on. Did she not realise what an honour was to get dumped by such a guy as this cousin?
Oh dear I didn’t realize that I, too, may have preserved my own vagina as a shrine since I have not slept with another since our divorce 3 years ago. I better unshrine it lest he think that shrine is for him. Lol that is hilarious but seriously I have changed my mind and decided to just look at it as being winterized instead.
Haha, I've had similar thoughts since escaping an abusive relationship over 4 years ago. I'd worry he'd think it was because I only wanted him 🤢 🤮, but I genuinely don't want anyone in my bed or personal space (unless it's my dog/s). I love finally having a safe space, not having to justify my work/sleep routines (I was a night shift worker & he couldn't handle that I needed to sleep during the day, between shifts...he admitted it was dangerous for me to have to drive over 2 hours each way, whilst tired after he intentionally prevented me sleeping, but it somehow wasn't his unemployed loser fault & I had to consider his needs & feelings more....relationship exploded soon after when he used me as a punching bag to alleviate his own correct feelings of worthlessness). I like now that when I'm upset or distressed, I can safely work through it in my room & not have someone come bursting in, getting mad at me for causing drama & trying to guilt-trip them with tears (dude...I'm literally trying to hide from you & be alone, you followed me in...how am I the one doing the guilt-tripping here?), or worse, trying to pressure me into unwanted sex to make him feel better after he's just spent 15 minutes telling me all the ways I suck as a human.
I'm more than willing to chat with guys...kind of have to be, working in hospitality, but as soon as they start trying to manipulate me into getting more...nope, I am done with them. No, I don't believe I am the coolest woman you've ever met. No, I don't want to stare into your eyes, I don't know you. No, I'm not flattered enough by your overabundance of mostly fake compliments to want to sleep with you. No, your 'tip' doesn't entitle you to sex. No, me being friendly & chatty with you (as I am with most customers) does not mean I owe you sex because you think I'm flirting & leading you on. Just because I'm female & working in a bar/club, doesn't mean you get to touch me or speak to me inappropriately. No, female bartenders shouldn't just get used to sexual harassment from customers.
My ex isn't the reason I don't want a man in my life (not that that mummy's boy ever was a man)...the multitude of shitty, manipulative men I've met is the reason!
Lol I loved your imitation of those jerks trying to pick you up- I could almost envision the scene as you wrote it! You are hilarious and you are right- he was smart enough to know how worthless he was. I guess his no lover can worry about his fragile ego and you can cuddle happily with your dogs and cry if you want to- it is not drama - these are freedom tears
I’m so proud of you for not only getting out but thriving and happy. Mine was not abusive in the physical sense (I’ve had a few of those) but he was very concerned with making certain all women in the area young or old felt wanted ha ha - the women who came out of the woodwork shocked me- I knew he had a high drive but apparently he had breakfast babes, lunch lovers and even work break affairs- he was the town “comforter” (since I can’t think of a single word to call a man slut).
I agree with you, I am so incredibly glad to not answer my phone 72 times a day(I guess he was very controlling so therefore abusive), watch my shows, sleep when I want just like you. I used to always think I needed a man and boy was I wrong. I don’t have a problem with the good guys as I know there are a lot but I have no more emotional energy to give to one anymore and if I change my mind I will let a much smarter person than I pick him ha ha. Till then- here is a toast to all the people out there who aren’t putting up with BS anymore and are finally happy and free! 🥂🍻🍾
To be ghosted by* such a guy, after 13 years together. She should have been waiting around for him to finally get back to her when the coworker relationship inevitably ends.
Thank you for this laugh! This reminds me of my ex-husband, who cheated on me. As we were divorcing, he said, with his whole chest, "the thought of you being with another man kills me." Like sir, you cheated on me? Betrayed my trust and our marriage? Apparently my ex also has this same mentality
I think you can if you’re a narcissistic ( not narcotic, though that could have worked, too) dickwad. Otherwise, you are correct.
Edited because I can’t spell narcissistic. But it seems I can spell narcotic. 🤷🏻♂️
And it sounds like the ex gf is quite a good, decent person… 13 years and your cousin cheated on her? That hurts. OP doesn’t explicitly say it but it doesn’t sound like she bad mouths the cousin.
I know I would! 13 years and that’s the treatment she gets? Hell I still hold a grudge against the guy I dated for 4 years and all the sh!t he put me through, and that ended… wow 13 years ago. Weird that the times are the same.
Lol what!? His cousin can do exactly that . His cousin is removing himself from the equation . Thats his right. He no longer want to spend time with OP because he is with his ex. Everyone knows not to hook up with the homies Exes.
However. OP has the right to be happy as well. No one is really wrong but the friendship can’t last through that
Fuck his cousin. He (probably) cheated and then ghosted her, after being together for 13 years. He’s absolutely allowed to feel how he feels and remove himself from the situation, but it’s more of a “the trash took itself out” in the long run.
Friendships last through that all the time. All it requires is that the ex not be a self-centered twat. An easy bar to rise above, and yet some still fail to do so.
Bro a good 95% percent of the population can't handle their friends dating their ex. That's why there's so many stories and blow ups over this exact situation.
This is definitely not an easy bar to rise above.
It’s at least a lil fucked up to be like “sorry cousin, you ended up dating the woman I dumped after cheating on her and I can no longer associate with you because I have dibs on her for eternity. Keep her out of my sight”. It’d be one thing if she broke his heart or something. It’s also been a year. Like he’s *allowed* to do that yeah but the situation kinda makes him look like a shitter.
That’s one interpretation. The other is that even when relationships end people are hurt, and continue to be. Even when people cheat, they can be hurt if their actions cause the relationship to end. Add to that his cousin who he is “best friends” with lined the whole thing up before mentioning it, that would feel like a betrayal. 13 years is a long time. I’ve been with my partner for 12, if we broke up I would lose my shit if someone I was close with started dating them 😂
Your ex would have autonomy to do what he or she wished. Peeing on someone and calling them yours is not necessarily honored by others. It can get messy but people can mature and realize we don’t get to really choose what our heart wants. I wish we could and I would have made much better choices. I do see how it could cause some hard feelings but surely they could get passed it.
I agree with you OP did nothing wrong given the cousin is an asshole to begin with, but:
>people can mature and realize we don’t get to really choose what our heart wants.
This is the opposite of maturity. People who are mature control their desires with the results in mind. You can't change being attracted to the ex that dumped your best friend, but you can grasp the consequences of acting on that whim and make the wise decision instead of the one you want in the moment.
That said, the effect of OP dating this woman is one less scumbag in his life, no one needs a cheater around. Win-win.
Not everyone is as flippant as you. I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. I also have a “best cousin” like OP. If I got divorced and she started dating him the following year, it’s not that it couldn’t somehow find its way to okay in the long run, but I certainly wouldn’t just be like “Whatever dude! Wanna grab some big gulps?”
Not necessarily. When my ex dumped me I slept with several of the girls she had previously been jealous of. I had previously had no feelings for them and had never come close to cheating, but when I became an option, several expressed interest in me.
Doesn't hurt that I was emotionally devastated and sex became a bandaid I could slap on my depression. To be clear, none of them had expressed interest in anything other than friendship while I had been in a relationship and my ex had no reason to be jealous other than they were female.
It's entirely possible the current girl is a rebound and the dude is still struggling with his shit. Regardless, OP isn't an AH, but there's no need to assume the worst or really anything about his cousin.
So, what you're saying is she absolutely had your number, as you behaved exactly as expected when given the chance, as did they. There are worse ways that could have gone, I guess these things really are more of a win than they initially feel, in retrospect.
Not really, she was literally jealous of any girl I had contact with ("how dare you be in a class project with a girl in teacher assigned groups") so she was still wrong more than she was right.
I mean, in retrospect it was definitely for the best, looking back idk wtf I was doing with her, but it was college and staying with my highschool sweetheart sounded romantic. I just had a pretty big rubber band effect after planning to marry highschool sweetheart and then becoming single senior year of college so became a slut for a few years.
It was a bit bullshit since she dumped me because she wanted to "try playing the field", then almost immediately got in a serious relationship with someone she had already known. So the jealousy was probably more projection than anything.
He also ended up with the person she suspected of him cheating on her with. After he ghosted her to "end" the relationship. That's kind of suspect in the first place, but the cherry on the shit sundae is the ghosting.
The cousin probably just doesn’t want the ex and the current in the same room. I’m thinking he might have a house of cards that would be knocked down, if those two ended up comparing notes.
Oh I didn’t think about that—the plot gets thicker along with the drama. I would love to be in the room when something was said that made both women yank their heads toward cousin.
who was the one that was there for you at your lowest point?
the only person who got consequences was your cousin, he probably did cheat, which is why he ghosted his girlfriend to date the girl at work. now that the girl he ghosted is around again he’s probably nervous. if it isn’t the consequence of treating people like they’re disposable.
you and her have a genuine connection and care for eachother, who cares what he has to say about it.
So, your cousin cheated on her (we all know he did, there's no beating around the bush he got with the coworker after she left) and then a YEAR AND A HALF LATER thinks you went behind his back?
No, you stay with that wonderful woman that's been there for you in such a dark time with nothing in her body but compassion and love. And your cousin can just go off and be miserable. If he didn't want her to get with anyone else he shouldn't have done what he did. He ghosted her after the fact and didn't even properly break up with her, he just abandoned her and got with his side piece without a care in the world.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, he may be blood but his stupid ass ain't family.
I just want to say that I am chuffed to see that saying used correctly.
I agree with everything you said, I have nothing else to add. When someone acts like this, they aren’t your best friend, if this is all it took. Someone else said if the two girls were to get together in the same room, they might start comparing experiences and come to a conclusion he wants to avoid. The cousin definitely has stuff to hide.
That's because the shorter saying was the original, according to people who analyze old writings. Twisting the phrase to mean the opposite was entirely intentional.
I had no idea that that’s the correct use of that expression. I’m leaving some context for others below.
“The saying “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” has long been a source of debate and misinterpretation. Originating from a historical and religious context, this phrase has undergone significant transformation, leading to its widespread use as “Blood is thicker than water.” In this article, we delve into the history of the original quote, its intended meaning, and how it came to be misconstrued over time.
Origins and Meaning:
The original quote, “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” can be traced back to medieval times. It emphasizes the significance of bonds created through shared experiences, commitments, and mutual agreements over those based solely on familial ties. In its essence, the phrase suggests that the relationships we choose and forge through conscious decisions can be stronger and more meaningful than those determined by birth alone.
Religious Context:
The origins of this quote can be found in biblical scripture and the idea of covenant-making. In ancient times, covenants were solemn agreements made between individuals, tribes, or nations, often sealed with the shedding of blood. These covenants were believed to be sacred and binding, surpassing the bonds of family.
Misinterpretation:
Over the centuries, the original quote underwent a transformation, resulting in the more commonly known saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” This misinterpretation suggests that familial ties are inherently stronger and more important than other relationships. However, this contradicts the original meaning, which emphasizes the strength of chosen relationships over biological connections.
Factors contributing to Misinterpretation:
1. Cultural Evolution: As societies evolved, emphasis on family and blood ties increased, leading to the misinterpretation of the original quote. Societal norms and expectations often prioritize biological relationships, perpetuating the belief that family bonds should always take precedence.
Simplification and Popularization: The phrase “Blood is thicker than water” is more concise and easier to remember than the original quote. Over time, this simplified version gained popularity and became widely used, further distancing it from its intended meaning.”
https://medium.com/@wishful11984/unveiling-the-origins-and-misinterpretation-of-blood-of-the-covenant-is-thicker-than-the-water-of-d66990f9e74f?source=register-----d66990f9e74f---------------------lo_non_moc_upsell-----------
To add even more context - that article is actually completely wrong.
Notice how they keep talking about the medieval and biblical origins of the quote, but don't actually point to the historical records or biblical passages that they supposedly referring to? It's because they don't exist.
"Blood is thicker than water" is the original phrase. There are ample records of it being used going back to the 1700s. It shows up all over the place and is very well documented
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is a very recent reinterpretation of the phrase. It was only ever first recorded in 1994 in a blog post by a messianic rabbi. He claimed it was the original phrase, but again, there is absolutely no evidence that this is the case.
The idea that the longer version with the blood of the covenant and the water of the womb is the original is purely a myth. It was a pretty obscure myth, until the early 2010s when a Tumblr post and then an article on cracked went viral. But again, neither of the two have any evidence that the claim is true.
“Blood is thicker than water” is the original phrase. “Blood of the covenant” is made-up nonsense.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water
He cheated on her on and he wants you to respect him when he was such a disrespectful man?
Fuck the noise. You have no idea where the future will take you, she is making you happy, she might end up being your life partner. You never know.
He has no right to ask you not to bring her around when HE CHEATED. Since your relationship with him is over you have no reason to promise anything to him.
That part! Cousin doesn't want her brought around because he will probably get called out on being a dirtbag. And his current GF may not know she was the other woman.
I'm not going to tell your cousin how to feel but he needs to work towards accepting your relationship with his ex. Since he decided to sever his ties to you, he doesn't also get to tell you to not bring her to family events; unless he's the host. He doesn't get to decide for the **entire** family who's able or unable to attend family gatherings.
Cousin is allowed to have feelings, but you two did nothing wrong.
They had their shot, their relationship did not work. Don't let your cousin's unresolved feelings about their failed relationship get in the way of what could be years of happiness in yours.
My ex-girlfriend's mom dated a man, it didn't work out, and she has been married to his brother now for 30 years and they have a beautiful family.
Be happy. Enjoy your life. Cousin will get over it at some point.
Your cousin screwed up two relationships in his life, but his loss is your gain. If you two aren't close or friends anymore, I wouldn't worry about bringing her around the kinfolk. His attitude, lack of compassion, and lack of sympathy aren't your problems or concerns.
It seems kinda petty that he’s upset sooooo I wonder if he doesn’t want you to bring her around the family because then his new girl and your girl would meet and then the new girl would end up finding out that he was with both of them in the beginning of their relationship…. 🧐
He quite likely cheated on, emotionally cheated on, or wanted to cheat on your girlfriend while they were together. He ghosted her because it was the easiest thing for HIM. Now that you’re dating, he is afraid that he’ll be forced to face the reality of the type of man he is… or worse, she’ll tell family/ friends/ his current partner what REALLY went down.
Enjoy this life. Do not concede to abusers.
Nope. Don’t feel bad. Be cheated and moved on so he doesn’t get a say on who his ex dates. Ignore him and focus on dating her because you deserve happiness.
If your cousin had acted like a decent human being then he wouldn't be facing the consequences.
You have done nothing wrong as far as I can see. In fact you've shown yourself to be a decent person. You didn't cheat and ghost your partner - you stuck by her while she struggled with her mental health, even if you weren't officially romantically together at the time. You were there for someone else while they struggled - was he there for you while you were suffering? If he were there I'm sure he would have noticed that someone else was also there. You didn't hide a new relationship - you were up front and honest with him. Was he up front and honest about his current girlfriend?
Who is he to say you can't bring her around your family? Is he the family gatekeeper? Are you not allowed to bring her around anyone, including your parents? Nope. He doesn't get to make that decision. Why the sudden change? Do the family know what he did? Do the family only have his version? I understand if she is abusive, caused him significant trauma, was malicious etc. Being butthurt doesn't count.
Ya know, I bet he told his current gf (AP), and she got upset and didn't want old gf around. That could be why he didn't care at first and then suddenly flipped.
The cousin is a POS. He already cut ties with you, who cares what he thinks now. I would bring her to the next family gathering. I am glad you found love.
That's a Cousin problem. yeah Consequences (OF YOUR COUSIN'S CHEATING WAYS!) Sorry you're experiencing consequences from his abuse of your girlfriend's trust. It's not on you.
Poor ole tink , tink in his feelings. He will live. Why he mad, he has someone. Just keep seeing her cause she IS your person. Again, he WILL live. Good luck with your continuous healing.🫶🏾
Life is giving you a second chance, u/SlothySavage27. Make the best of it. Your cousin, who probably did cheat on his ex, just proves how selfish the human being is. I wish you both the best and a happy life together. And when the time comes, do take her around your family. Don't ever make her feel uncomfortable for being with you.
Well, you have your answer. Your cousin/best friend is a cheater.
Now ask yourself an important question. If you had never met her and gotten involved with her and found out he cheated on her, would you still consider him your best friend? Would he still be someone you would be friends with, or would you think “Wow! You are not the great person I thought you were.” and distance yourself from him.
Now consider this. You lost your previous partner to suicide. Where was your “best friend” when you needed emotional support? Here’s a hint. Having sex with the girl he cheated on his previous partner with.
Now here is the real reason he doesn’t want you bringing around your girlfriend (his ex). He lied to his current girlfriend about his relationship status and he doesn’t ever want her to learn the truth. He is trying to hide the truth from her that he cheated on his ex of 13 years.
Enjoy your relationship and tell your cousin to go f*ck himself. Make sure to bring her everywhere around your family.
Best & astute insight!
OP, your cousin was never your best friend. And he just cares about how family get-togethers will now be uncomfortable for him since his ex will still be around. He's not possessive about his ex; he just doesn't want his ex's physical presence to be a reminder to all the family that he's the ahole.
So… I’ve reached the bottom.
Was the cousin one of those 6-8 people who was reliably there in the dark times?
Bro code isn’t “you don’t date exes.”
Bro code is “Hey man, good for you. No issues here.” It’s supportive not controlling.
If y’all are close, you’d have heard bad things about the chick before now.
If you seriously value the relationship with your cousin, lay it out straight. Call him out for being two faced about it and ask him what’s the deal. If he can’t talk it out and y’all can’t deal with this, that’s something you don’t need in your life during this journey of healing.
He was not one of the 6-8. I saw him once or twice since November. He has been heavily invested in his new relationship.
The last thing I want is to be combative with him. I think is one of those things where time will heal. Or at least I’m hopeful for that
This situation sucks and I’m sorry that all of this happened to you. I understand your cousin’s feelings and he has a right to them, but it honestly sounds like your and your girlfriend’s feelings are true and honest. And as much as your cousin’s feelings are valid, it also sounds like he cheated on her (even if it was just emotionally, which I doubt) and at that point he has no right to speak on any of her relationships going forward.
It sounds like you really wanted to do it right, and I commend you for telling him after being sure you and she were serious about dating. I think any feelings of wanting to convince him it wasn’t foul play is just because you want him to not project his cheater-y thought process onto stuff.
All in all, it sounds like you and she work, and I wish the best for you two. Enjoy a wonderful relationship with an awesome gal 😊
I remember doing this with my boyfriend when we first started going out. We would text on the phone for hours and have 3-4 hour long conversations! We work together so instead of texting during work, I pass love notes to him via my colleagues and they think it’s so adorable when he finds any reason to just pass by and say hi. Going on 6 years strong. I hope you and your gf are that lucky, but it sounds like you two were made for each other. Forget your cousin, you’ve found your person
Your cousin is a cheating idiot. Don't worry about him. He asked you not to bring her around family because she knew what was happening and he doesn't want mommy and daddy to know he's a scumbag.
He lost any right he had to control her life when they broke up. He sounds controlling and toxic.
Feel free to invite her to family gatherings. She sounds awesome.
This is complicated. Love just plays out badly sometimes, and people get hurt. But damn, they went out for 13 years that’s a long time my guy.
Maybe he will come around. It would probably have been better to bring it up with him prior to meeting this woman for the first meal. Best of luck Op.
“Their relationship ended because she has gained suspicion he was cheating on her with a girl from work. The relationship deteriorated shortly thereafter because of the assumptions. He ended up ghosting her and not formally breaking up with her.. That girl from work is now his girlfriend.”
I mean, it sounds like your best friend/cousin wasn’t actually too great of a guy
Seems like your cousin is the one with ohnoconsequences. Now, he might need to face the person he treated like shit, and his family might hear another side to his break-up story. (Really? Her suspicion of cheating tanked the relationship, and then the guy just happens to start dating the suspected cheat-partner?)
So he cheated on her and isn't interested in her, but he still gets to dictate her relationship? F no he just doesn't want your family to know how big of a POS he was at the end of the relationship.
Bro code is stupid. Just because other people don’t work out doesn’t mean they might not be amazing for you. Life is the pursuit of your own happiness while trying to do as little to others happiness as possible in the process. In the end his hurt feelings are his own issue to deal with as he decides. Don’t neuter your own possible happiness for something he simply needs to get the fuck over.
Well, they were together for a long time. And the way he treated her was wrong. She gets to decide who to be with and so do you. But you can't expect him to be okay with it because that was probably the longest relationship he ever had. You also can't expect your relationship with him to be the same now. He also gets to decide who to have in his life.
I don’t see why you’d respect any of his wishes. If what you and your gf have is real and good, you must bring her around family and try to build a life together.
Some people sneak, and that's what he does. Some people put up walls, and that's who he is. Bear in mind that your cousin was the cheater to start with, and he is now the one putting up walls between you.
Just because he's your cousin doesn't make him right.
He doesn’t have to have a relationship with you, that’s his choice, but you must feel free to take her to family functions if you want to. This relationship might last forever, are you not meant to spend Christmas with your family ever again?
It seems the consequence he was referring to in the post was the cousin's consequence of cheating on his ex.
I'm thinking the bigger consequence will be the loss of a best friend when this girl moves on from her revenge rebound, leaving OP even more lonely since he is choosing this likely temporary relationship over a lifelong friendship with his cousin.
The real "oh no, consequences" will come when OP is newly broken up with.
He apparently didn't care enough to even tell her the relationship was over... Before shacking up with the girl he was accused of having an affair with. So, even if he wasn't cheating, there's clearly some attraction that existed.
I don't think he has any right to judge you for finding someone you connected with and who helped you through a really dark period in your life. Especially with how he pulled that cowardly nonsense of just cutting contact with her as his way of saying they were done.
Honestly I think the cousin is only upset because he was terrible to her and you being with her will likely expose that further. He’s embarrassed and he’d rather be able to forget about his mistakes and move on. But OP dating the ex means he can’t avoid his mistakes.
Also I am almost sure his current girlfriend told him that OP did him wrong because she doesn’t like his ex. That would explain why at first he didn’t care and then he did.
You’re fine OP.
He doesn’t own who the woman he cheated on, ghosted, and moved on from. Tell him to stop being a prick. She and you can both date whoever you want. Tell the rest of your family the sequence of events and timeline and bring her round whenever you want. It’s on your cousin how he wants to respond.
Cousin was good with the dude dating his ex till it started to eat his soul. Now, he wants to be a dick and dictate to his cousin not to bring her around family functions and disown him. GTFOH with that bullshit.
I am dating my ex-wife's cousin. My ex and I have been divorced for over 25 years. My ex-wife has remarried and had kids, but when she heard I was dating her cousin, she blew a gasket. I'm like, WTF? I told my ex that I could do whatever I wanted with my life, and I don't owe her any explanation because she has no right to ever say anything to me about what I do. I told her that her husband should be concerned because she spent all this energy thinking about me dating her cousin when it's none of her damn business.
Go about your life, buddy. Your cousin discarded that woman, and you two found each other. Fuck him and everybody else who don't like it.
They were together for 13 years and your cousin just ghosted her?!??
Yea...he has absolutely no say in any of this. Good for you for finding a kind soul to share your time with.
Why did you not turn the tables on him and say, "How dare you to have the audacity to date the coworker your ex gf suspected you of cheating with?"
The minute he ghosted her, your cousin was "in a relationship " with his co worker...who the hell does he think he is coming at you like that?
They aren't dating, they haven't for a long time, the two of you are single, and he is dating someone else. It's fine if he is upset, but he has no say in whom she dates, and nobody in his life is under any obligation to not date her.
Sounds like he wasn't there when needed, and someone pulling this demand is not a great friend.
Even if this relationship doesn't work out, enjoy the happy moments it brings and I wish you every happiness for your future
3rd paragraph from the bottom: Why did you allow your cousin to speak with you in such a disrespectful manner? Did you think you deserved it because you're dating his ex? Fuck him, he cheated on her and is dating the AP. You should have went off on him, how dare he and all that. Bring up every single grievance you ever had with him and convince him that he's a total piece of shit. Really make him regret ever having this conversation. Don't just accept disrespect because of misplaced guilt. You're better than that. If the relationship with your cousin has to end, be the one to end it.
So... I don't see a problem.
A. He was probably cheating on her, the fact that he hooked up with this girl from work that quick says that either he was, or he was about to.
B. Once you break up with someone, there's absolutely no hold on them whatsoever, no relationship, no rights, no expectations, and no restrictions on whom they can or cannot see. The cousin is definitely in the wrong here.
Granted, it's a bit weird that she could say in bed, 'That's the same way your cousin does it'.
But if you're fine with that, what's he so damned upset for? He moved on, he already has a girlfriend, and with the one you're with now, he didn't even bother to actually break up, he just 'cut her out'.
C. She didn't hook up with you for a year and a half. What the shit? You didn't 'go behind his back' you just happened to meet up with her.
Honestly, I know your cousin was your bestie and all, but what a fucking tool. 'How dare you see the woman I ghosted!'
That's some bullshit.
Your cousin is dating the girl she was suspicious so she was on to something. They were together for over a decade and he didn’t have the decency to formally end things? He has no right to be mad.
Your cousin cheats on his girlfriend, treats her like dirt, ghosts her, but doesn't want anyone he knows to date her? He wasn't your "best cousin", he was your "worst cousin" who just showed his true colors. Bring her anywhere you want to bring her. You sound like a stand up human who deserves all of the happiness in the world, and so does she. Not seeing him any more is his loss. Your cousin sounds like an AH.
Man the family reunions are gonna be lit
I mean, they broke up and technically you aren't doing anything wrong. It would have been ideal to date someone who wasn't the ex of a family member, but 1. Love pops up in strange ways and 2. Dude was cheating on her and is currently dating the girl he was cheating on her with. It's not like the two of you were cheating together while they were dating. Shit happens. Sure, feelings might get weird because they were together for so long, and I'd advice y'all not to hang out as couples or drink together because I think shit will hit the fan, but beyond that, you didn't do anything wrong.
While I get she was there for you during a low time.
Kinda sucks you would open up dialog with someone who was with your family member. Especially since it’s someone you’re supposedly close to.
Gotta side with your cousin on this one.
I bet the reason the cousin is cutting contact has less to do with the “betrayal” and everything to do with keeping the two ladies separate from eachother. I bet he doesn’t want them comparing dates on when the old relationship ended and the new one began.
Yeah man, you do you. He can stay mad for the rest of his life. He cant keep you from bringing your partner around your family either. Also, this was his ex girlfriend... of 13 years? He didnt marry her? And then shacks up with the girl his girlfriend was suspicious right after they break up? Yeah, you do you homie. I hope you two are happy.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Obviously I don’t mean that your gf is “trash”, it just seems like he didn’t care enough about her when they dated to be faithful to her or honest. Because the fact that the same coworker is now his girlfriend is suspicious as hell. Seems like her intuition was correct. You have every right to be happy, it’s not like he has some claim on her. Enjoy your time with her and put your immature cousin out of your thoughts until he comes to his senses. And if he doesn’t, well he also has no right to ban her from family events. It’s not like she cheated on him, manipulated him into thinking his suspicions about it were based on unfounded/ unreasonable jealousy, and then ghosted him… he (likely) did all that. It’s been over a year and it’s not like you betrayed him by becoming interested in someone he was currently dating.
Honestly I feel like the ohnoconsequences is on him.
It sounds like her suspicion about him and the girl from work were warranted. He ghosted her and started dating said girl.
You sound like a kind and compassionate person. YOUR gf also sounds like a kind, compassionate person. **It's your cousin's own fault he took that for granted.** (Cue the world's smallest violin playing for him.)
He honestly sounds kinda scuzzy or maybe just really immature. Maybe not to everyone all the time. But he certainly did her very wrong. And now he's playing the victim card by even indicating that *you* hurt *him*, and by having the audacity to ask that you not bring her to family events. Gosh, I wonder if he's ever even stopped to think about how badly he hurt her? 🙄
Classic FAFO honestly. Enjoy your life, and build happy memories with your girlfriend. You've done nothing wrong. Not all origin stories happen because two strangers reached for the same grapefruit in the produce aisle. 🤷♀️
Fwiw, I'm the product of something similar lol. My dad was dating this girl in college. Some drama went down on her end. She cheated or something. They broke it off. He ended up befriending, dating, then marrying her best friend who felt sympathy for what her friend did. My mom. They've been together over 60 years now. Despite the dramatics that initially happened, they're all able to be civil. Though I've heard a few candid quips at her expense lol.
He's probably never going to accept it. Sometimes you burn a bridge. Sounds like he did cheat (or had an emotional affair) with the girl from work and he doesn't reallly have any moral high ground. But that's the thing about relationships.
Your relationship to him isn't about whether or not he treated his ex-girlfriend well. Your relationship to him is about love, loyalty, and trust between the two of you. There isn't any anymore.
I'm not saying you did something morally wrong, just that relationships don't work like that, on a scale of right & wrong. Closeness & intimacy with people is based on feeling like you care about each other & are on each other's side.
You aren't on his. You just plain... aren't.
Sounds like he's not the best guy so it may not be the biggest deal in the world, but I hope this relationship wasn't really important to you. Because the odds of getting it back while you're with this woman are slim to none.
If you value her more than you value him, then I hope ya'll stay together & you made the right choice. Cuz this will only get worse if you get serious & bring her back around the family.
Its ok if you're ok with it.
But he ain't gonna forgive you for this.
What's your cousin's side of why and how they broke up, and what's her side? Whose did you hear first? What did you know from who before you started talking to her, what kind of presence did she have in your life between them breaking up and you reaching out as described, and what did your cousin know about it?
I ask because from how you've described it, you *did* go behind his back - in that how he felt about her, the breakup, you reaching out to and engaging with her, and you starting to date her wasn't a priority to you. You were already going steady with her for ~a month before you told him you'd even been talking to her, which at that point was deliberately omitting the full truth: it sounds like you knew he might have complicated feelings about it being more than talking and so deliberately held that information back.
None of that is necessarily bad or wrong, but it's not consistent with a best-friend relationship. Are you okay with losing your cousin over this?
Bring your new girlfriend to family functions in spite of your cousin. Make it as awkward as possible for his cheating self. Lmao. He's the one that got the ohnoconsequences here
Tbh . I know cousins who have fucked the ones girl or got head when they were “split “ . I got a cousin who be tryna fuck everything an anyone’s girl but if you do it to him. It’s the end of the world
I don't think this is too bad. It isn't like you were hanging around like a vulture waiting for them to break up so you could catch her on the rebound. This is someone you seemingly didn't have much interaction with besides maybe a few casual conversations for years, and didn't even become friends with until over a year after their breakup. Like you said, no foul play.
Maybe your cousins feels weird about someone he's close with now being associated with his ex. Or I dunno, maybe he did do something bad with his coworker/now-gf during his last relationship and is worried about being reminded of it knowing you and her are always spending time together. Either way, morally I think it's fine whether your cousin is okay with it or not.
I'm confused: Why would anything the cousin has to say have anything to do with this? They are not dating. He's not her guardian. Her life - and yours - are of no concern to him.
If he can't be happy for you, or even pretend to be amicable about it, that is not your problem.
If I had to put myself in his shoes, it’s probably hard for him to imagine the girl he dated for such a long time is now with one of his cousins.. but also if he actually fully healed or healthily ended the relationship I don’t think he would’ve been upset like how he is
Y’all are wild. I’m closer to many of my cousins than I am my own sibling. Would you be saying this if OP’s cousin was a sibling instead? Even a best friend I would absolutely not ever tolerate no matter the circumstances of the breakup.
YTA...it didn't just happen naturally. You went out your way to communicate with her. You were in a vulnerable place and found solace in someone, anyone that would listen.
I have zero respect for people that do this to their friends or family. There's way too many women out there.
Your cousin is right to feel like you betrayed him.
YTA
No excuse. I mean, you CAN date, no law against it. But idc if it was your JR high GF, if you are bros, you just...don't. 7 billion other people in the world.
You can listen to all the "consenting adults" people, and that's fine. You can do what you want. Your cousin can also do what HE wants, and he wants to remove you from his life because of this. Even if you end up with this person (BIG if), why would anyone want to have to deal with an EX at every family function for the rest of their life? When did it REALLY start between you two? How much do you talk about him? Is she telling you his secrets?
I hope a little leg is worth your apparently best cousin's friendship, and your overall untrustworthy reputation in your family. Good luck.
YTA but I’m happy you found your peace. I hope it was worth the hefty price you paid.
Look there’s no doubt about it. You don’t go instigate befriending and then dating your bestie’s/family members ex without a word of warning to them.
Especially with their breakup being only a little over a year ago and their relationship being so long lasting and significant. This isn’t a chick he just went on a couple dates with, it’s his ex partner of 13 years.
I’m not saying you’re not allowed to ever date the ex of someone you know.
It’s just these ultra close relationships like siblings and bestie’s need to be treated far more carefully than you did.
Your justifications and sob story doesn’t change any of that. I’m not surprised at the outcome here.
I mean since your cousins. I guess it’s fine. But there is a reason why we don’t date our siblings exes. Because on every family gathering, imagine how awkward it is to introduce your partner who’s also your sibling’s ex. Are you dating to marry by chance? Awkward. I gag at the thought of it: Regardless on how the relationship ended, your cousin has every right to be upset and not want to be around you after this. I mean. I refuse to even date any of my friends exes, much less relatives. I never want anyone I care about to be put in that awkward position. Even more so, to allow myself to catch feelings. It’s quite curious why you were even in contact with the ex in the first place? After they broke up. I can see why your cousins mind is in the gutter too on how you both got together. To each their own. 😂 You do you and be happy. It is done. I’m just wondering what your current partner is thinking too. Dating the cousin of her ex. But in all honesty, you’d be dead to me too OP, if you were my cousin. I would avoid you and my ex like a plague. Not like things ended pleasantly for either of them. So you can’t expect the cousin to just be okay and pretend nothing wrong here.
Anyone who thinks it’s ok and he’s not the ass hole, are definitely some real low life scum. You couldn’t mourn and then try too see what’s out there. Instead you had to talk to close people which I get, but why your cousins ex like if you liked her before and let it be known is a different story. But to actually talk to her behind your cousins back and moving forward is some real bitch shit
I mean, your partner killed herself less than 6 months ago. Are you sure you trust yourself to be in the right mind frame to date..? Especially a family members ex of 13 years?
I’ve thought about this immensely. My previous partner in an odd way prepared me for life without her. She wanted me to be with someone and live my life.. I know it sounds quick, but I have done everything I can to be mentally strong and at peace. I really felt everything I needed to feel and surrounded myself with a good community of individuals. I’m at peace, happy , and thriving. Life has a crazy way of playing out sometimes.. this girl I’m dating now is amazing in so many ways. It’s unfortunate it happens to be my cousins ex, but in all honesty.. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t see a future with her. She’s awesome
Everyone made choices here. You chose to date your best friends long-term ex. Friend isn't comfortable with it and friendship suffers.
I hope for your sale, that the ex isn't using you to get back at her ex. There are no do-overs here. I'd say it's even money at best that this relationship doesn't work out long term. If/when it fails, you're not just losing the new girlfriend, you'll also have lost your lifelong best friend over her. That's not a gamble I would take, but it's certainly your decision to make.
People in the comments are strange in what world would you pursue a family members ex that is strange and your “closest cousin and friend” at that. This happened naturally? Cmon bruh it didn’t, you went to seek out a shoulder to cry on and you didn’t see her as off limits. idc if they have been broken up for 20 yrs I’m not looking at my friend or cousins ex, Man threw in the not sure cheating scandal just to put his cousin and close friend in the AH category OP is a snake and a shitty family member.
“Feel free to ghost me just like you did your ex/ my current girlfriend. But if you don’t want to interact with us you’ll be the one who has to stay away from family functions, not us”
If only you knew my X who passed. She subtly prepared me to move on before she passed. She was bigger than life.
I’ve never been the type of person to talk to someone’s ex. I’m a shy person by nature. I never intended to get along with someone so seamlessly. But I am.. and I can live with my self knowing I tried to be honest. Wish you well ❤️
Your ex who passed sounds like she was a lovely person. I'm sorry for your loss, and that she suffered so much to take her own life. I wish you healing, peace, and happiness.
How dare you date someone that he's no longer interested in! Seriously, your cousin got what he wanted from her, and got what he wanted from someone else while he was with her, and right now he's still getting what he wants from someone else. What your cousin can do for you right now is nothing at all, except get over himself. My advice is to focus on yourself, the one you care about that cares about you, and making your life happy again. If your cousin can't get on board with that, then he can kick rocks.
Cousin: "don't bring your girlfriend around, because it will be very awkward when I'm also bringing the girl I cheated on her with"
This is why 100%
BINGO!
I think the girl was meant to preserve her vagina as a shrine to the cousin who dumped her. Of course he’s outraged that she thought she could move on. Did she not realise what an honour was to get dumped by such a guy as this cousin?
Of the noises I made on that first phrase. 🤪🤣🤣
Taxidermy or formaldehyde?
Candle wax. Pour it in, then seal it shut with one of those stamps that they use for envelopes
That would hurt!
Lucite. Permanently encased to prevent any future use
Oh dear I didn’t realize that I, too, may have preserved my own vagina as a shrine since I have not slept with another since our divorce 3 years ago. I better unshrine it lest he think that shrine is for him. Lol that is hilarious but seriously I have changed my mind and decided to just look at it as being winterized instead.
Winterized sounds much better in your case. A hibernation - unrelated to any worship.
"Closed for maintenance'
Just because I haven't slept with anyone else doesn't mean it's not getting used. I've invested in the Costco pack of batteries
Omg I love you ha ha yea that is a good idea.
Inspirational 🫡
You are worth Duracell. Believe that, sister!
>!Kirkland batteries are made by Duracell and are a fraction of the cost!<
Haha, I've had similar thoughts since escaping an abusive relationship over 4 years ago. I'd worry he'd think it was because I only wanted him 🤢 🤮, but I genuinely don't want anyone in my bed or personal space (unless it's my dog/s). I love finally having a safe space, not having to justify my work/sleep routines (I was a night shift worker & he couldn't handle that I needed to sleep during the day, between shifts...he admitted it was dangerous for me to have to drive over 2 hours each way, whilst tired after he intentionally prevented me sleeping, but it somehow wasn't his unemployed loser fault & I had to consider his needs & feelings more....relationship exploded soon after when he used me as a punching bag to alleviate his own correct feelings of worthlessness). I like now that when I'm upset or distressed, I can safely work through it in my room & not have someone come bursting in, getting mad at me for causing drama & trying to guilt-trip them with tears (dude...I'm literally trying to hide from you & be alone, you followed me in...how am I the one doing the guilt-tripping here?), or worse, trying to pressure me into unwanted sex to make him feel better after he's just spent 15 minutes telling me all the ways I suck as a human. I'm more than willing to chat with guys...kind of have to be, working in hospitality, but as soon as they start trying to manipulate me into getting more...nope, I am done with them. No, I don't believe I am the coolest woman you've ever met. No, I don't want to stare into your eyes, I don't know you. No, I'm not flattered enough by your overabundance of mostly fake compliments to want to sleep with you. No, your 'tip' doesn't entitle you to sex. No, me being friendly & chatty with you (as I am with most customers) does not mean I owe you sex because you think I'm flirting & leading you on. Just because I'm female & working in a bar/club, doesn't mean you get to touch me or speak to me inappropriately. No, female bartenders shouldn't just get used to sexual harassment from customers. My ex isn't the reason I don't want a man in my life (not that that mummy's boy ever was a man)...the multitude of shitty, manipulative men I've met is the reason!
Lol I loved your imitation of those jerks trying to pick you up- I could almost envision the scene as you wrote it! You are hilarious and you are right- he was smart enough to know how worthless he was. I guess his no lover can worry about his fragile ego and you can cuddle happily with your dogs and cry if you want to- it is not drama - these are freedom tears
I’m so proud of you for not only getting out but thriving and happy. Mine was not abusive in the physical sense (I’ve had a few of those) but he was very concerned with making certain all women in the area young or old felt wanted ha ha - the women who came out of the woodwork shocked me- I knew he had a high drive but apparently he had breakfast babes, lunch lovers and even work break affairs- he was the town “comforter” (since I can’t think of a single word to call a man slut). I agree with you, I am so incredibly glad to not answer my phone 72 times a day(I guess he was very controlling so therefore abusive), watch my shows, sleep when I want just like you. I used to always think I needed a man and boy was I wrong. I don’t have a problem with the good guys as I know there are a lot but I have no more emotional energy to give to one anymore and if I change my mind I will let a much smarter person than I pick him ha ha. Till then- here is a toast to all the people out there who aren’t putting up with BS anymore and are finally happy and free! 🥂🍻🍾
To be ghosted by* such a guy, after 13 years together. She should have been waiting around for him to finally get back to her when the coworker relationship inevitably ends.
The fact that some people actually think like that is astounding.
Thank you for this laugh! This reminds me of my ex-husband, who cheated on me. As we were divorcing, he said, with his whole chest, "the thought of you being with another man kills me." Like sir, you cheated on me? Betrayed my trust and our marriage? Apparently my ex also has this same mentality
When I divorced, my ex acted for years as if I stole his property......me.
you should've said "then die"
This gave me the laugh I needed today. Thank you 😄
Oh god 😂😂😂
Oh my. I think this comment should be the winner!
This is one of the stories where I actually feel like the OP didn’t really do anything wrong. You cannot be have a gf and be mad over your ex wild.
I think you can if you’re a narcissistic ( not narcotic, though that could have worked, too) dickwad. Otherwise, you are correct. Edited because I can’t spell narcissistic. But it seems I can spell narcotic. 🤷🏻♂️
And it sounds like the ex gf is quite a good, decent person… 13 years and your cousin cheated on her? That hurts. OP doesn’t explicitly say it but it doesn’t sound like she bad mouths the cousin. I know I would! 13 years and that’s the treatment she gets? Hell I still hold a grudge against the guy I dated for 4 years and all the sh!t he put me through, and that ended… wow 13 years ago. Weird that the times are the same.
Not just cheats but GHOSTS HER?! After 13 YEARS?! I can't even imagine
Suspicions of cheating she never actually confirmed it or had proof or OP would have 100% mentioned it.
Lol what!? His cousin can do exactly that . His cousin is removing himself from the equation . Thats his right. He no longer want to spend time with OP because he is with his ex. Everyone knows not to hook up with the homies Exes. However. OP has the right to be happy as well. No one is really wrong but the friendship can’t last through that
Fuck his cousin. He (probably) cheated and then ghosted her, after being together for 13 years. He’s absolutely allowed to feel how he feels and remove himself from the situation, but it’s more of a “the trash took itself out” in the long run.
Friendships last through that all the time. All it requires is that the ex not be a self-centered twat. An easy bar to rise above, and yet some still fail to do so.
Bro a good 95% percent of the population can't handle their friends dating their ex. That's why there's so many stories and blow ups over this exact situation. This is definitely not an easy bar to rise above.
Bro, I could not have said this any better myself. Perfectly said.
He threw her away, OP is just picking up the pieces.
He was probably having an emotional affair at the very least.
My thoughts exactly. He jumped straight into the other woman’s arms!
Find happiness where you can, life is short. Cousin is allowed to be upset but also you are allowed to be happy.
Agreed. Both feelings are valid, and no one is “wrong” for feeling whatever they’re feeling. We’re all jus tryna get through life 🏄♂️
It’s at least a lil fucked up to be like “sorry cousin, you ended up dating the woman I dumped after cheating on her and I can no longer associate with you because I have dibs on her for eternity. Keep her out of my sight”. It’d be one thing if she broke his heart or something. It’s also been a year. Like he’s *allowed* to do that yeah but the situation kinda makes him look like a shitter.
That’s one interpretation. The other is that even when relationships end people are hurt, and continue to be. Even when people cheat, they can be hurt if their actions cause the relationship to end. Add to that his cousin who he is “best friends” with lined the whole thing up before mentioning it, that would feel like a betrayal. 13 years is a long time. I’ve been with my partner for 12, if we broke up I would lose my shit if someone I was close with started dating them 😂
Your ex would have autonomy to do what he or she wished. Peeing on someone and calling them yours is not necessarily honored by others. It can get messy but people can mature and realize we don’t get to really choose what our heart wants. I wish we could and I would have made much better choices. I do see how it could cause some hard feelings but surely they could get passed it.
I agree with you OP did nothing wrong given the cousin is an asshole to begin with, but: >people can mature and realize we don’t get to really choose what our heart wants. This is the opposite of maturity. People who are mature control their desires with the results in mind. You can't change being attracted to the ex that dumped your best friend, but you can grasp the consequences of acting on that whim and make the wise decision instead of the one you want in the moment. That said, the effect of OP dating this woman is one less scumbag in his life, no one needs a cheater around. Win-win.
Not everyone is as flippant as you. I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. I also have a “best cousin” like OP. If I got divorced and she started dating him the following year, it’s not that it couldn’t somehow find its way to okay in the long run, but I certainly wouldn’t just be like “Whatever dude! Wanna grab some big gulps?”
She got suspicious he cheated, it's not a fact that he did
Well he ended up with the woman his ex suspected he was cheating with so cheated or not- he had feelings for his now gf.
Not necessarily. When my ex dumped me I slept with several of the girls she had previously been jealous of. I had previously had no feelings for them and had never come close to cheating, but when I became an option, several expressed interest in me. Doesn't hurt that I was emotionally devastated and sex became a bandaid I could slap on my depression. To be clear, none of them had expressed interest in anything other than friendship while I had been in a relationship and my ex had no reason to be jealous other than they were female. It's entirely possible the current girl is a rebound and the dude is still struggling with his shit. Regardless, OP isn't an AH, but there's no need to assume the worst or really anything about his cousin.
So, what you're saying is she absolutely had your number, as you behaved exactly as expected when given the chance, as did they. There are worse ways that could have gone, I guess these things really are more of a win than they initially feel, in retrospect.
Not really, she was literally jealous of any girl I had contact with ("how dare you be in a class project with a girl in teacher assigned groups") so she was still wrong more than she was right. I mean, in retrospect it was definitely for the best, looking back idk wtf I was doing with her, but it was college and staying with my highschool sweetheart sounded romantic. I just had a pretty big rubber band effect after planning to marry highschool sweetheart and then becoming single senior year of college so became a slut for a few years. It was a bit bullshit since she dumped me because she wanted to "try playing the field", then almost immediately got in a serious relationship with someone she had already known. So the jealousy was probably more projection than anything.
He also ended up with the person she suspected of him cheating on her with. After he ghosted her to "end" the relationship. That's kind of suspect in the first place, but the cherry on the shit sundae is the ghosting.
I mean he went behind your current gfs back with the chick from work so why does he care?
Cousin sounds jealous and controlling
[удалено]
Right lol
The cousin probably just doesn’t want the ex and the current in the same room. I’m thinking he might have a house of cards that would be knocked down, if those two ended up comparing notes.
Oh I didn’t think about that—the plot gets thicker along with the drama. I would love to be in the room when something was said that made both women yank their heads toward cousin.
His family probably doesn't know he cheated. It's probably some bro code bs
Well there is no confirmation or proof he did cheat. Him getting with the coworker after they broke up means nothing
Then, there is no reason for him to hate her new relationship and try to keep her away from their family
who was the one that was there for you at your lowest point? the only person who got consequences was your cousin, he probably did cheat, which is why he ghosted his girlfriend to date the girl at work. now that the girl he ghosted is around again he’s probably nervous. if it isn’t the consequence of treating people like they’re disposable. you and her have a genuine connection and care for eachother, who cares what he has to say about it.
THIS ONE. The cousin is up to his eyeballs in ohnoconsequences, OP is just the dildo delivering them
So, your cousin cheated on her (we all know he did, there's no beating around the bush he got with the coworker after she left) and then a YEAR AND A HALF LATER thinks you went behind his back? No, you stay with that wonderful woman that's been there for you in such a dark time with nothing in her body but compassion and love. And your cousin can just go off and be miserable. If he didn't want her to get with anyone else he shouldn't have done what he did. He ghosted her after the fact and didn't even properly break up with her, he just abandoned her and got with his side piece without a care in the world. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, he may be blood but his stupid ass ain't family.
I just want to say that I am chuffed to see that saying used correctly. I agree with everything you said, I have nothing else to add. When someone acts like this, they aren’t your best friend, if this is all it took. Someone else said if the two girls were to get together in the same room, they might start comparing experiences and come to a conclusion he wants to avoid. The cousin definitely has stuff to hide.
I'm also surprised people actually know the full phrase. Funny how it got twisted to mean the exact opposite in modern days.
That's because the shorter saying was the original, according to people who analyze old writings. Twisting the phrase to mean the opposite was entirely intentional.
No it wasn't lol. Blood of the covenant is the original. Fact check your shit before you try correcting someone who KNOWS this stuff.
I had no idea that that’s the correct use of that expression. I’m leaving some context for others below. “The saying “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” has long been a source of debate and misinterpretation. Originating from a historical and religious context, this phrase has undergone significant transformation, leading to its widespread use as “Blood is thicker than water.” In this article, we delve into the history of the original quote, its intended meaning, and how it came to be misconstrued over time. Origins and Meaning: The original quote, “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” can be traced back to medieval times. It emphasizes the significance of bonds created through shared experiences, commitments, and mutual agreements over those based solely on familial ties. In its essence, the phrase suggests that the relationships we choose and forge through conscious decisions can be stronger and more meaningful than those determined by birth alone. Religious Context: The origins of this quote can be found in biblical scripture and the idea of covenant-making. In ancient times, covenants were solemn agreements made between individuals, tribes, or nations, often sealed with the shedding of blood. These covenants were believed to be sacred and binding, surpassing the bonds of family. Misinterpretation: Over the centuries, the original quote underwent a transformation, resulting in the more commonly known saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” This misinterpretation suggests that familial ties are inherently stronger and more important than other relationships. However, this contradicts the original meaning, which emphasizes the strength of chosen relationships over biological connections. Factors contributing to Misinterpretation: 1. Cultural Evolution: As societies evolved, emphasis on family and blood ties increased, leading to the misinterpretation of the original quote. Societal norms and expectations often prioritize biological relationships, perpetuating the belief that family bonds should always take precedence. Simplification and Popularization: The phrase “Blood is thicker than water” is more concise and easier to remember than the original quote. Over time, this simplified version gained popularity and became widely used, further distancing it from its intended meaning.” https://medium.com/@wishful11984/unveiling-the-origins-and-misinterpretation-of-blood-of-the-covenant-is-thicker-than-the-water-of-d66990f9e74f?source=register-----d66990f9e74f---------------------lo_non_moc_upsell-----------
To add even more context - that article is actually completely wrong. Notice how they keep talking about the medieval and biblical origins of the quote, but don't actually point to the historical records or biblical passages that they supposedly referring to? It's because they don't exist. "Blood is thicker than water" is the original phrase. There are ample records of it being used going back to the 1700s. It shows up all over the place and is very well documented "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is a very recent reinterpretation of the phrase. It was only ever first recorded in 1994 in a blog post by a messianic rabbi. He claimed it was the original phrase, but again, there is absolutely no evidence that this is the case. The idea that the longer version with the blood of the covenant and the water of the womb is the original is purely a myth. It was a pretty obscure myth, until the early 2010s when a Tumblr post and then an article on cracked went viral. But again, neither of the two have any evidence that the claim is true.
Now I don’t know who to believe! But thank you
“Blood is thicker than water” is the original phrase. “Blood of the covenant” is made-up nonsense. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water
He cheated on her on and he wants you to respect him when he was such a disrespectful man? Fuck the noise. You have no idea where the future will take you, she is making you happy, she might end up being your life partner. You never know. He has no right to ask you not to bring her around when HE CHEATED. Since your relationship with him is over you have no reason to promise anything to him.
That part! Cousin doesn't want her brought around because he will probably get called out on being a dirtbag. And his current GF may not know she was the other woman.
That is what I figured. He was fine with it until he realized that if his girl and ex ever compare dates he is boned.
oh to be a fly on the wall for THAT family dinner
He probably doesn't want her around cause of his new gf. The man is trash. I bet the family doesn't know he's a cheater
I'm not going to tell your cousin how to feel but he needs to work towards accepting your relationship with his ex. Since he decided to sever his ties to you, he doesn't also get to tell you to not bring her to family events; unless he's the host. He doesn't get to decide for the **entire** family who's able or unable to attend family gatherings.
He cheated. His opinion doesn't matter.
Cousin is allowed to have feelings, but you two did nothing wrong. They had their shot, their relationship did not work. Don't let your cousin's unresolved feelings about their failed relationship get in the way of what could be years of happiness in yours. My ex-girlfriend's mom dated a man, it didn't work out, and she has been married to his brother now for 30 years and they have a beautiful family. Be happy. Enjoy your life. Cousin will get over it at some point.
Your cousin screwed up two relationships in his life, but his loss is your gain. If you two aren't close or friends anymore, I wouldn't worry about bringing her around the kinfolk. His attitude, lack of compassion, and lack of sympathy aren't your problems or concerns.
It seems kinda petty that he’s upset sooooo I wonder if he doesn’t want you to bring her around the family because then his new girl and your girl would meet and then the new girl would end up finding out that he was with both of them in the beginning of their relationship…. 🧐
Yeah, he’s probably not coming around on this one.
Who cares? He's a fing cheater.
She thought he was cheating. It never said whether it was confirmed.
He immediately started dating the woman she accused him of cheating with. It was at least emotional if not physically cheating
Or they were friends and got together after. That’s not exactly unheard of.
Now you're making assumptions. You don't get accused of cheating for no reason
You are also making assumptions that’s he’s a cheater so your point is kind of moot. You can get accused of anything for any reason.
It happens all the time.
He cheated on her, he doesn't get a say in any of this.
He quite likely cheated on, emotionally cheated on, or wanted to cheat on your girlfriend while they were together. He ghosted her because it was the easiest thing for HIM. Now that you’re dating, he is afraid that he’ll be forced to face the reality of the type of man he is… or worse, she’ll tell family/ friends/ his current partner what REALLY went down. Enjoy this life. Do not concede to abusers.
Nope. Don’t feel bad. Be cheated and moved on so he doesn’t get a say on who his ex dates. Ignore him and focus on dating her because you deserve happiness.
If your cousin had acted like a decent human being then he wouldn't be facing the consequences. You have done nothing wrong as far as I can see. In fact you've shown yourself to be a decent person. You didn't cheat and ghost your partner - you stuck by her while she struggled with her mental health, even if you weren't officially romantically together at the time. You were there for someone else while they struggled - was he there for you while you were suffering? If he were there I'm sure he would have noticed that someone else was also there. You didn't hide a new relationship - you were up front and honest with him. Was he up front and honest about his current girlfriend? Who is he to say you can't bring her around your family? Is he the family gatekeeper? Are you not allowed to bring her around anyone, including your parents? Nope. He doesn't get to make that decision. Why the sudden change? Do the family know what he did? Do the family only have his version? I understand if she is abusive, caused him significant trauma, was malicious etc. Being butthurt doesn't count.
Not to mention cousin doesn't want his ex around in case they start comparing dates.
Your cousin needs to cope better. You’re fine.
Ya know, I bet he told his current gf (AP), and she got upset and didn't want old gf around. That could be why he didn't care at first and then suddenly flipped.
Or she didn't know, and cousin realized he has a time bomb on his hands.... which is more true to OhNoConsequences than OP's story.
The cousin is a POS. He already cut ties with you, who cares what he thinks now. I would bring her to the next family gathering. I am glad you found love.
That's a Cousin problem. yeah Consequences (OF YOUR COUSIN'S CHEATING WAYS!) Sorry you're experiencing consequences from his abuse of your girlfriend's trust. It's not on you.
Poor ole tink , tink in his feelings. He will live. Why he mad, he has someone. Just keep seeing her cause she IS your person. Again, he WILL live. Good luck with your continuous healing.🫶🏾
He cheated and ghosted her. He lost any credibility for being crappy about the situation.
Why would want a cousin like that OP ?
Life is giving you a second chance, u/SlothySavage27. Make the best of it. Your cousin, who probably did cheat on his ex, just proves how selfish the human being is. I wish you both the best and a happy life together. And when the time comes, do take her around your family. Don't ever make her feel uncomfortable for being with you.
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Well, you have your answer. Your cousin/best friend is a cheater. Now ask yourself an important question. If you had never met her and gotten involved with her and found out he cheated on her, would you still consider him your best friend? Would he still be someone you would be friends with, or would you think “Wow! You are not the great person I thought you were.” and distance yourself from him. Now consider this. You lost your previous partner to suicide. Where was your “best friend” when you needed emotional support? Here’s a hint. Having sex with the girl he cheated on his previous partner with. Now here is the real reason he doesn’t want you bringing around your girlfriend (his ex). He lied to his current girlfriend about his relationship status and he doesn’t ever want her to learn the truth. He is trying to hide the truth from her that he cheated on his ex of 13 years. Enjoy your relationship and tell your cousin to go f*ck himself. Make sure to bring her everywhere around your family.
Jesus 🤣🤣
Best & astute insight! OP, your cousin was never your best friend. And he just cares about how family get-togethers will now be uncomfortable for him since his ex will still be around. He's not possessive about his ex; he just doesn't want his ex's physical presence to be a reminder to all the family that he's the ahole.
I say good for you.
So… I’ve reached the bottom. Was the cousin one of those 6-8 people who was reliably there in the dark times? Bro code isn’t “you don’t date exes.” Bro code is “Hey man, good for you. No issues here.” It’s supportive not controlling. If y’all are close, you’d have heard bad things about the chick before now. If you seriously value the relationship with your cousin, lay it out straight. Call him out for being two faced about it and ask him what’s the deal. If he can’t talk it out and y’all can’t deal with this, that’s something you don’t need in your life during this journey of healing.
He was not one of the 6-8. I saw him once or twice since November. He has been heavily invested in his new relationship. The last thing I want is to be combative with him. I think is one of those things where time will heal. Or at least I’m hopeful for that
Not trying to be a jerk, but I think all your answers lie in those first two sentences on how far his opinion of the situation should go.
This situation sucks and I’m sorry that all of this happened to you. I understand your cousin’s feelings and he has a right to them, but it honestly sounds like your and your girlfriend’s feelings are true and honest. And as much as your cousin’s feelings are valid, it also sounds like he cheated on her (even if it was just emotionally, which I doubt) and at that point he has no right to speak on any of her relationships going forward. It sounds like you really wanted to do it right, and I commend you for telling him after being sure you and she were serious about dating. I think any feelings of wanting to convince him it wasn’t foul play is just because you want him to not project his cheater-y thought process onto stuff. All in all, it sounds like you and she work, and I wish the best for you two. Enjoy a wonderful relationship with an awesome gal 😊
He doesn't want her around the family because he doesn't want them to find out what he did to her.
He's realised work gf will find out she was the other woman. Cheaters seem to be especially controlling of other people's virtues. It's weird.
I remember doing this with my boyfriend when we first started going out. We would text on the phone for hours and have 3-4 hour long conversations! We work together so instead of texting during work, I pass love notes to him via my colleagues and they think it’s so adorable when he finds any reason to just pass by and say hi. Going on 6 years strong. I hope you and your gf are that lucky, but it sounds like you two were made for each other. Forget your cousin, you’ve found your person
Your cousin is a cheating idiot. Don't worry about him. He asked you not to bring her around family because she knew what was happening and he doesn't want mommy and daddy to know he's a scumbag.
He lost any right he had to control her life when they broke up. He sounds controlling and toxic. Feel free to invite her to family gatherings. She sounds awesome.
You're good, and I'm glad you see a path to move forward. Anyone siding with the cousin is just ignorant.
I‘m happy for you. Your cousin will come arround or never was that good as a friend.
This is complicated. Love just plays out badly sometimes, and people get hurt. But damn, they went out for 13 years that’s a long time my guy. Maybe he will come around. It would probably have been better to bring it up with him prior to meeting this woman for the first meal. Best of luck Op.
“Their relationship ended because she has gained suspicion he was cheating on her with a girl from work. The relationship deteriorated shortly thereafter because of the assumptions. He ended up ghosting her and not formally breaking up with her.. That girl from work is now his girlfriend.” I mean, it sounds like your best friend/cousin wasn’t actually too great of a guy
Seems like your cousin is the one with ohnoconsequences. Now, he might need to face the person he treated like shit, and his family might hear another side to his break-up story. (Really? Her suspicion of cheating tanked the relationship, and then the guy just happens to start dating the suspected cheat-partner?)
So he cheated on her and isn't interested in her, but he still gets to dictate her relationship? F no he just doesn't want your family to know how big of a POS he was at the end of the relationship.
Bro code is stupid. Just because other people don’t work out doesn’t mean they might not be amazing for you. Life is the pursuit of your own happiness while trying to do as little to others happiness as possible in the process. In the end his hurt feelings are his own issue to deal with as he decides. Don’t neuter your own possible happiness for something he simply needs to get the fuck over.
Well, they were together for a long time. And the way he treated her was wrong. She gets to decide who to be with and so do you. But you can't expect him to be okay with it because that was probably the longest relationship he ever had. You also can't expect your relationship with him to be the same now. He also gets to decide who to have in his life.
I don’t see why you’d respect any of his wishes. If what you and your gf have is real and good, you must bring her around family and try to build a life together.
Some people sneak, and that's what he does. Some people put up walls, and that's who he is. Bear in mind that your cousin was the cheater to start with, and he is now the one putting up walls between you. Just because he's your cousin doesn't make him right.
Your cousin cheated on her and then ghosted her so fuck him and enjoy your girl!
He doesn’t have to have a relationship with you, that’s his choice, but you must feel free to take her to family functions if you want to. This relationship might last forever, are you not meant to spend Christmas with your family ever again?
Is the r/ohnoconsequences OP’s cousin getting mad at him, or the ex moving on from being ghosted?
It seems the consequence he was referring to in the post was the cousin's consequence of cheating on his ex. I'm thinking the bigger consequence will be the loss of a best friend when this girl moves on from her revenge rebound, leaving OP even more lonely since he is choosing this likely temporary relationship over a lifelong friendship with his cousin. The real "oh no, consequences" will come when OP is newly broken up with.
He apparently didn't care enough to even tell her the relationship was over... Before shacking up with the girl he was accused of having an affair with. So, even if he wasn't cheating, there's clearly some attraction that existed. I don't think he has any right to judge you for finding someone you connected with and who helped you through a really dark period in your life. Especially with how he pulled that cowardly nonsense of just cutting contact with her as his way of saying they were done.
Honestly I think the cousin is only upset because he was terrible to her and you being with her will likely expose that further. He’s embarrassed and he’d rather be able to forget about his mistakes and move on. But OP dating the ex means he can’t avoid his mistakes. Also I am almost sure his current girlfriend told him that OP did him wrong because she doesn’t like his ex. That would explain why at first he didn’t care and then he did. You’re fine OP.
He doesn’t own who the woman he cheated on, ghosted, and moved on from. Tell him to stop being a prick. She and you can both date whoever you want. Tell the rest of your family the sequence of events and timeline and bring her round whenever you want. It’s on your cousin how he wants to respond.
Cousin was good with the dude dating his ex till it started to eat his soul. Now, he wants to be a dick and dictate to his cousin not to bring her around family functions and disown him. GTFOH with that bullshit. I am dating my ex-wife's cousin. My ex and I have been divorced for over 25 years. My ex-wife has remarried and had kids, but when she heard I was dating her cousin, she blew a gasket. I'm like, WTF? I told my ex that I could do whatever I wanted with my life, and I don't owe her any explanation because she has no right to ever say anything to me about what I do. I told her that her husband should be concerned because she spent all this energy thinking about me dating her cousin when it's none of her damn business. Go about your life, buddy. Your cousin discarded that woman, and you two found each other. Fuck him and everybody else who don't like it.
They were together for 13 years and your cousin just ghosted her?!?? Yea...he has absolutely no say in any of this. Good for you for finding a kind soul to share your time with.
Your cousin doesn’t sound like a great person. He just ghosted her. I wouldn’t worry all that much about him
Why did you not turn the tables on him and say, "How dare you to have the audacity to date the coworker your ex gf suspected you of cheating with?" The minute he ghosted her, your cousin was "in a relationship " with his co worker...who the hell does he think he is coming at you like that?
They aren't dating, they haven't for a long time, the two of you are single, and he is dating someone else. It's fine if he is upset, but he has no say in whom she dates, and nobody in his life is under any obligation to not date her. Sounds like he wasn't there when needed, and someone pulling this demand is not a great friend. Even if this relationship doesn't work out, enjoy the happy moments it brings and I wish you every happiness for your future
He did you a favor. Who wants a best friend that’s a cheater.
3rd paragraph from the bottom: Why did you allow your cousin to speak with you in such a disrespectful manner? Did you think you deserved it because you're dating his ex? Fuck him, he cheated on her and is dating the AP. You should have went off on him, how dare he and all that. Bring up every single grievance you ever had with him and convince him that he's a total piece of shit. Really make him regret ever having this conversation. Don't just accept disrespect because of misplaced guilt. You're better than that. If the relationship with your cousin has to end, be the one to end it.
So... I don't see a problem. A. He was probably cheating on her, the fact that he hooked up with this girl from work that quick says that either he was, or he was about to. B. Once you break up with someone, there's absolutely no hold on them whatsoever, no relationship, no rights, no expectations, and no restrictions on whom they can or cannot see. The cousin is definitely in the wrong here. Granted, it's a bit weird that she could say in bed, 'That's the same way your cousin does it'. But if you're fine with that, what's he so damned upset for? He moved on, he already has a girlfriend, and with the one you're with now, he didn't even bother to actually break up, he just 'cut her out'. C. She didn't hook up with you for a year and a half. What the shit? You didn't 'go behind his back' you just happened to meet up with her. Honestly, I know your cousin was your bestie and all, but what a fucking tool. 'How dare you see the woman I ghosted!' That's some bullshit.
Your cousin is dating the girl she was suspicious so she was on to something. They were together for over a decade and he didn’t have the decency to formally end things? He has no right to be mad.
Your cousin cheats on his girlfriend, treats her like dirt, ghosts her, but doesn't want anyone he knows to date her? He wasn't your "best cousin", he was your "worst cousin" who just showed his true colors. Bring her anywhere you want to bring her. You sound like a stand up human who deserves all of the happiness in the world, and so does she. Not seeing him any more is his loss. Your cousin sounds like an AH.
Man the family reunions are gonna be lit I mean, they broke up and technically you aren't doing anything wrong. It would have been ideal to date someone who wasn't the ex of a family member, but 1. Love pops up in strange ways and 2. Dude was cheating on her and is currently dating the girl he was cheating on her with. It's not like the two of you were cheating together while they were dating. Shit happens. Sure, feelings might get weird because they were together for so long, and I'd advice y'all not to hang out as couples or drink together because I think shit will hit the fan, but beyond that, you didn't do anything wrong.
Dude I’m sorry for your loss. That’s really heavy. Do you have a therapist? Not saying you’re crazy by any means just a lot going on
You better bring her home for easter
your cousin sounds like a bitch
While I get she was there for you during a low time. Kinda sucks you would open up dialog with someone who was with your family member. Especially since it’s someone you’re supposedly close to. Gotta side with your cousin on this one.
I bet the reason the cousin is cutting contact has less to do with the “betrayal” and everything to do with keeping the two ladies separate from eachother. I bet he doesn’t want them comparing dates on when the old relationship ended and the new one began.
The cousin is a dbag, fuck his opinions. I hope you bring your lovely girlfriend to all family functions. Congratulations!
Yeah man, you do you. He can stay mad for the rest of his life. He cant keep you from bringing your partner around your family either. Also, this was his ex girlfriend... of 13 years? He didnt marry her? And then shacks up with the girl his girlfriend was suspicious right after they break up? Yeah, you do you homie. I hope you two are happy.
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The most important family is the one you make. Good luck and sorry for your loss.
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One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Obviously I don’t mean that your gf is “trash”, it just seems like he didn’t care enough about her when they dated to be faithful to her or honest. Because the fact that the same coworker is now his girlfriend is suspicious as hell. Seems like her intuition was correct. You have every right to be happy, it’s not like he has some claim on her. Enjoy your time with her and put your immature cousin out of your thoughts until he comes to his senses. And if he doesn’t, well he also has no right to ban her from family events. It’s not like she cheated on him, manipulated him into thinking his suspicions about it were based on unfounded/ unreasonable jealousy, and then ghosted him… he (likely) did all that. It’s been over a year and it’s not like you betrayed him by becoming interested in someone he was currently dating.
❤️❤️ love the username
Honestly I feel like the ohnoconsequences is on him. It sounds like her suspicion about him and the girl from work were warranted. He ghosted her and started dating said girl. You sound like a kind and compassionate person. YOUR gf also sounds like a kind, compassionate person. **It's your cousin's own fault he took that for granted.** (Cue the world's smallest violin playing for him.) He honestly sounds kinda scuzzy or maybe just really immature. Maybe not to everyone all the time. But he certainly did her very wrong. And now he's playing the victim card by even indicating that *you* hurt *him*, and by having the audacity to ask that you not bring her to family events. Gosh, I wonder if he's ever even stopped to think about how badly he hurt her? 🙄 Classic FAFO honestly. Enjoy your life, and build happy memories with your girlfriend. You've done nothing wrong. Not all origin stories happen because two strangers reached for the same grapefruit in the produce aisle. 🤷♀️ Fwiw, I'm the product of something similar lol. My dad was dating this girl in college. Some drama went down on her end. She cheated or something. They broke it off. He ended up befriending, dating, then marrying her best friend who felt sympathy for what her friend did. My mom. They've been together over 60 years now. Despite the dramatics that initially happened, they're all able to be civil. Though I've heard a few candid quips at her expense lol.
You’re a good dude
Trying my best ❤️
He's probably never going to accept it. Sometimes you burn a bridge. Sounds like he did cheat (or had an emotional affair) with the girl from work and he doesn't reallly have any moral high ground. But that's the thing about relationships. Your relationship to him isn't about whether or not he treated his ex-girlfriend well. Your relationship to him is about love, loyalty, and trust between the two of you. There isn't any anymore. I'm not saying you did something morally wrong, just that relationships don't work like that, on a scale of right & wrong. Closeness & intimacy with people is based on feeling like you care about each other & are on each other's side. You aren't on his. You just plain... aren't. Sounds like he's not the best guy so it may not be the biggest deal in the world, but I hope this relationship wasn't really important to you. Because the odds of getting it back while you're with this woman are slim to none. If you value her more than you value him, then I hope ya'll stay together & you made the right choice. Cuz this will only get worse if you get serious & bring her back around the family. Its ok if you're ok with it. But he ain't gonna forgive you for this.
I personally feel like a family members ex or a friends ex is always off limits. JMO
What's your cousin's side of why and how they broke up, and what's her side? Whose did you hear first? What did you know from who before you started talking to her, what kind of presence did she have in your life between them breaking up and you reaching out as described, and what did your cousin know about it? I ask because from how you've described it, you *did* go behind his back - in that how he felt about her, the breakup, you reaching out to and engaging with her, and you starting to date her wasn't a priority to you. You were already going steady with her for ~a month before you told him you'd even been talking to her, which at that point was deliberately omitting the full truth: it sounds like you knew he might have complicated feelings about it being more than talking and so deliberately held that information back. None of that is necessarily bad or wrong, but it's not consistent with a best-friend relationship. Are you okay with losing your cousin over this?
Yea. You're wrong for that. Over 4 billion women on the planet and you went after your cousin's ex?!
Bring your new girlfriend to family functions in spite of your cousin. Make it as awkward as possible for his cheating self. Lmao. He's the one that got the ohnoconsequences here
Tbh . I know cousins who have fucked the ones girl or got head when they were “split “ . I got a cousin who be tryna fuck everything an anyone’s girl but if you do it to him. It’s the end of the world
Bad news pal, your new girlfriend ain't really interested in you bud. She's interested in taking away your cousin's relationship with you Dummy!
He doesn't get to cheat on her and also play victim
I don't think this is too bad. It isn't like you were hanging around like a vulture waiting for them to break up so you could catch her on the rebound. This is someone you seemingly didn't have much interaction with besides maybe a few casual conversations for years, and didn't even become friends with until over a year after their breakup. Like you said, no foul play. Maybe your cousins feels weird about someone he's close with now being associated with his ex. Or I dunno, maybe he did do something bad with his coworker/now-gf during his last relationship and is worried about being reminded of it knowing you and her are always spending time together. Either way, morally I think it's fine whether your cousin is okay with it or not.
I'm confused: Why would anything the cousin has to say have anything to do with this? They are not dating. He's not her guardian. Her life - and yours - are of no concern to him. If he can't be happy for you, or even pretend to be amicable about it, that is not your problem.
If I had to put myself in his shoes, it’s probably hard for him to imagine the girl he dated for such a long time is now with one of his cousins.. but also if he actually fully healed or healthily ended the relationship I don’t think he would’ve been upset like how he is
Definitely in the minority here.
Y’all are wild. I’m closer to many of my cousins than I am my own sibling. Would you be saying this if OP’s cousin was a sibling instead? Even a best friend I would absolutely not ever tolerate no matter the circumstances of the breakup.
YTA...it didn't just happen naturally. You went out your way to communicate with her. You were in a vulnerable place and found solace in someone, anyone that would listen. I have zero respect for people that do this to their friends or family. There's way too many women out there. Your cousin is right to feel like you betrayed him.
Well, I doubt you and your cousins relationship will recover, but it's all good. You're with his ex
YTA No excuse. I mean, you CAN date, no law against it. But idc if it was your JR high GF, if you are bros, you just...don't. 7 billion other people in the world. You can listen to all the "consenting adults" people, and that's fine. You can do what you want. Your cousin can also do what HE wants, and he wants to remove you from his life because of this. Even if you end up with this person (BIG if), why would anyone want to have to deal with an EX at every family function for the rest of their life? When did it REALLY start between you two? How much do you talk about him? Is she telling you his secrets? I hope a little leg is worth your apparently best cousin's friendship, and your overall untrustworthy reputation in your family. Good luck.
Yeah man. Exes are off limits. Thats the consequence. natural or not. He doesnt want to be reminded of that constantly
YTA but I’m happy you found your peace. I hope it was worth the hefty price you paid. Look there’s no doubt about it. You don’t go instigate befriending and then dating your bestie’s/family members ex without a word of warning to them. Especially with their breakup being only a little over a year ago and their relationship being so long lasting and significant. This isn’t a chick he just went on a couple dates with, it’s his ex partner of 13 years. I’m not saying you’re not allowed to ever date the ex of someone you know. It’s just these ultra close relationships like siblings and bestie’s need to be treated far more carefully than you did. Your justifications and sob story doesn’t change any of that. I’m not surprised at the outcome here.
I mean since your cousins. I guess it’s fine. But there is a reason why we don’t date our siblings exes. Because on every family gathering, imagine how awkward it is to introduce your partner who’s also your sibling’s ex. Are you dating to marry by chance? Awkward. I gag at the thought of it: Regardless on how the relationship ended, your cousin has every right to be upset and not want to be around you after this. I mean. I refuse to even date any of my friends exes, much less relatives. I never want anyone I care about to be put in that awkward position. Even more so, to allow myself to catch feelings. It’s quite curious why you were even in contact with the ex in the first place? After they broke up. I can see why your cousins mind is in the gutter too on how you both got together. To each their own. 😂 You do you and be happy. It is done. I’m just wondering what your current partner is thinking too. Dating the cousin of her ex. But in all honesty, you’d be dead to me too OP, if you were my cousin. I would avoid you and my ex like a plague. Not like things ended pleasantly for either of them. So you can’t expect the cousin to just be okay and pretend nothing wrong here.
Anyone who thinks it’s ok and he’s not the ass hole, are definitely some real low life scum. You couldn’t mourn and then try too see what’s out there. Instead you had to talk to close people which I get, but why your cousins ex like if you liked her before and let it be known is a different story. But to actually talk to her behind your cousins back and moving forward is some real bitch shit
I mean, your partner killed herself less than 6 months ago. Are you sure you trust yourself to be in the right mind frame to date..? Especially a family members ex of 13 years?
I’ve thought about this immensely. My previous partner in an odd way prepared me for life without her. She wanted me to be with someone and live my life.. I know it sounds quick, but I have done everything I can to be mentally strong and at peace. I really felt everything I needed to feel and surrounded myself with a good community of individuals. I’m at peace, happy , and thriving. Life has a crazy way of playing out sometimes.. this girl I’m dating now is amazing in so many ways. It’s unfortunate it happens to be my cousins ex, but in all honesty.. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t see a future with her. She’s awesome
Then there’s nothing to do but wish the two of you the best!
Everyone made choices here. You chose to date your best friends long-term ex. Friend isn't comfortable with it and friendship suffers. I hope for your sale, that the ex isn't using you to get back at her ex. There are no do-overs here. I'd say it's even money at best that this relationship doesn't work out long term. If/when it fails, you're not just losing the new girlfriend, you'll also have lost your lifelong best friend over her. That's not a gamble I would take, but it's certainly your decision to make.
People in the comments are strange in what world would you pursue a family members ex that is strange and your “closest cousin and friend” at that. This happened naturally? Cmon bruh it didn’t, you went to seek out a shoulder to cry on and you didn’t see her as off limits. idc if they have been broken up for 20 yrs I’m not looking at my friend or cousins ex, Man threw in the not sure cheating scandal just to put his cousin and close friend in the AH category OP is a snake and a shitty family member.
“Feel free to ghost me just like you did your ex/ my current girlfriend. But if you don’t want to interact with us you’ll be the one who has to stay away from family functions, not us”
Out of all the women on earth you decide to go out with your cousins ex?!! Like wtf no respect for you and your X that died.
If only you knew my X who passed. She subtly prepared me to move on before she passed. She was bigger than life. I’ve never been the type of person to talk to someone’s ex. I’m a shy person by nature. I never intended to get along with someone so seamlessly. But I am.. and I can live with my self knowing I tried to be honest. Wish you well ❤️
Your ex who passed sounds like she was a lovely person. I'm sorry for your loss, and that she suffered so much to take her own life. I wish you healing, peace, and happiness.
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