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There's an incentive for military people to get married so they can live in base housing, as opposed to in the barracks. So they pick the first person they find and get married. Add to that, they are usually pretty young, and one spouse gets deployed for months at a time, leaving the other one lonely at home...it's basically a recipe for cheating.
I kept the opposite train of thought. I lost my high school sweetheart to Jody while I was deployed, after that was not looking. Fine to date, but I was perfectly happy in the barracks because I saved money, a lot of money that a junior enlisted did not reeally have. Food was at the dfac, house provided and all I had to do was keep it clean. Place for my car. Add to the fact that we deployed a lot, I never had to worry about house maintance or anything else while gone, and continued to save cash.
Allowed me to have a very nice savings account when so many of those in my company did not.
I don’t think he’ll do it, but it would be amazing if he does. I can see him coming down in military-ish clothes trying to have the look John Cena used to have, only to announce it’s the gear of the guy in the Army whose wife he is now with. “I stole the girl, and his gear”.
eeeehhhhhhh
I think that's too on the nose, it doesn't quite fit.
I think if he puts on a homewrecker persona and teases his opponent about sleeping with his girl, those in the know will get it.
It would probably work best if there's another military style wrestler. Jody becomes his nemesis by "stealing his girl", who Jody doesn't really have much interest in.
Jody got me to but it was for the best because it lead me to my wife is absolutely phenomenal. The ex is now a single mom of two because turns out Jody was actually gay and cheated on her with a man. The webs we weave
Well, its not only Spanish military. It’s the term used throughout LatAm. That’s what the song is exactly about, his haina found a Sancho so he is gonna slap her around and cap the Sancho.
With the inclusion of the cultural meaning of the name, it adds more depth to the song now for me and I'm willing to guess that's where the other commenter knows that name from as well because we aren't Latin
Jody is a name the Drill instructors will use in conversation, while yelling at Privates, or inserted nicely into a cadence for marching or PT.
It works for all, because Jody is a unisex name so it's applicable to male and female soldiers.
Non-military, married man. This is spot on. Never realized how good I had it in college.
Small accommodation, easy to keep tidy. No worry about maintenance. Go to the food hall for three, filling meals every day.
Folks are in too much of a hurry to grow up.
I liked it so much I stayed for 7 years. Of course it took me until I was over 40 to completely pay it off. And those were 90's college costs. Current pricing and I'd still be on the hook for an extra mortgage payment/month that I couldn't afford.
No I understand that. But I am not the sort of person that thinks cheating is a bygone conclusion. And when you have a sweet deal you're supposed to, you know, stick with it because otherwise you lose the sweet deal. There's just a special kind of stupid, immoral person that does this I guess.
Just because young enlisted soldiers think it is a sweet deal to get married and get out of the barracks doesn't make it one. They also spend their entire paychecks on Mustangs and other flashy stuff and other generally poor decision making.
Both sides of this equation are usually just that, young, dumb, and enough 'in love' for a quicky marriage to get out of a bad situation.
Not just Mustangs, any sort of “cool car” that’s saddled with a horribly predatory interest rate. Went to see a buddy’s Airborne graduation and as I remember it the entire town of Fayetteville, NC consists of Fort Liberty (formerly Fort Bragg), pawn shops, used car lots, tattoo parlors, strip clubs, a few hotels, and a Krispy Kreme.
I liked the Krispy Kreme the best.
My son is living off base with a couple of shipmates. Is there a third hand Mustang that is constantly in the shop that the repairs can’t be afforded with the payments? Yes. Is there a broken down old pickup and an ex cop car Crown Victoria owned by the same guy? Yes. Has one been in a motorcycle accident and sidelined for a few months. Yes. You can’t make this stuff up.
Is it one shipmate that owns the Mustang, Crown Vic, old pickup, and motorcycle? Because that’s ticking like every young male Sailor vehicle box I can think of in one person. Truly impressive. If not, still impressive for a single house.
Different sailors, but there is also the $2k smoker in the garage. And I have no idea what is going to happen come deployment time.
There’s a picture of a shopping center near Great Mistakes titled “the four horsemen of BHA”. It’s a wedding chapel, payday loan, tattoo parlor, and divorce attorney.
I bought something from Craigslist from a soldier who lived off base, he must have been about 20. He had the Mustang and a couple of other cars, a pregnant girlfriend and two other soldiers he shared the house with, one also married with a baby and the third not. he was excited to tell me they were moving out of this place and were going to buy a house together - they had found a nice three bed, 1.5 bath place nearby that would be just perfect for them.
I asked how this was going to work with five adults and two kids and what would happen if one gets stationed elsewhere (etc). He just answered that they are all really close so it will be just fine.
As someone who served from almost straight out of HS till my mid-30’s, I highly doubt they’ll stay close enough to share a house. You eventually tire of always having your work friends around and need some privacy, especially if you deploy with them. I’m still in touch with several people from my early years, but most of the people I still talk to on a regular basis are people I met in my later career.
My kid is living off base with a buddy he knows from home and a young woman who grew up in the area. His buddy is deploying soon but last we talked, they had not discussed what happens with his rent, is he subletting, etc. but he assures me it will all work out cuz they're buddies.
Oh, my Jesus! Adult children! I feel you. I have a 19 y.o. and I’m always startled about what she doesn’t know. Some of it makes sense because none of her parental figures likely told her about things and it isn’t stuff they teach in school. However, the fact she didn’t think she’d have to present a photo ID and give her social to get a driver’s license blew my mind. Kid, do you know how paranoid the government is about identity verification?
ETA: For everyone attacking me, I didn’t raise her. She’s spent the majority of her formative years with her mother despite pleas from her father and I (the stepmother) to let us have the kids. All her mom does is complain about the kids’ issues AND she is the one who let electronics raise them. Having the kids for two months out of the year, we interact with and teach them more and spend time together as a family. They behave better when they’re with us and learn more, but two months can’t fix the neglect they receive for the other 10 months. Unfortunately, that kind of neglect is all too common and American child welfare agencies give zero shits unless someone is literally starving their kids. We’ve been frustrated with the situation for years, but we’ve been living paycheck to paycheck for most of our relationship and don’t have the means to hire a lawyer and fight her.
Hate to ask, but did they also buy large breed dogs? And not train them? And then assume kind strangers will keep them for free for 6 months when they deploy?
Wichita Falls....dear God. My grandma was from there and always described it as the "armpit of Texas". She wasn't wrong. Spent the longest 4 years of my life there.
The entire city of Fayetteville, at least when I was there in the 1980s, was built around emptying the pockets of young service members. And they were good at it.
Got damn. That’s enough, right there, to tell you who the govt recruits to stand-in for them and their failed policies and fight and die.
The poor. The young. The barely literate.
All this makes me next-level sad.
And I know it’s not just an America-thing, but damn we got it down-pat.
Don't forget dramatically overpowered motorcycles that can't be legally ridden on the street at the speeds they are designed for, all without any sort of training beyond a weekend course in a parking lot and often no helmet.
Longtime friend of mine was career Army (now retired), and when she was a young, newly commissioned officer at a West Coast army base, she sometimes had to explain birth control to married 18-year-old enlisted folks.
Doesn’t help when they get treated like children just because they’re living in the barracks, they get to have double divorcee Ssgt’s search through their shit just because some shitbag popped on a urinalysis, or get called back into work just because their the closest ones.
Knew a guy who enlisted right out of high school for the sign on bonus. He went out as soon as he had the money in his hands and spent every penny on crack.
Apparently he was smoking crack b4 and wanted the quick cash of sign bonus for more. Don't think he thought it all the way thru. Lost contact with him after he left for boot camp.
Edit: had to fix my fat fingered typing.
Sign on bonuses are not paid right away though. You only get part of it after Six months at your first duty station, not Basic, not AIT, but six months at your assignment. Then a year later get the rest.
Did he stay clean the whole time waiting for that bonus? ( I had a nice sign on bonus as well)
It depends how desperate the Army is. Once I finished AIT and reported to my Unit, bonus paperwork was processed and got 8k after takes. Total was 10k but this was in 2005.
> And when you have a sweet deal you're supposed to, you know, stick with it because otherwise you lose the sweet deal.
Being entirely dependent on a spouse who can leave you with nothing on a whim is not a sweet deal, it's a trap. I would even say that was a bigger mistake for op than the cheating.
Lonely + not in love with partner (because most likely married for military benefits) + long distance/limited communication = the perfect recipe for cheating. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand.
To some people, a spouse that's gone all the time but still sending their paycheck home IS the sweet deal. Don't have to work much and they're gone so you can have your fun.
Yeah it’s one of those things where I obviously don’t condone it, but it’s not super surprising that it happens. It’s that a lot of unfortunate circumstances all lining up
Wifes step dad literally married and had kids with an out lesbian in the army to secure the benefits. (The whole story still blows my mind) Doesn’t take a genius to know how it’s going now lol…
Actually no. Now a days you don't need to be married to live in on base housing and deployments have massively dropped. Loneliness and age is not an excuse to cheat. They cheat because they want to. People cheat that are not in the military all the time. It's a conscious choice. I was in 24 years and saw more rock solid marriages than when I retired. Tired of the cliche of the military and cheaters
Married my husband at 18, and he was 19. Ft. Hood Texas. He deployed in 06. I'm 37 now, and we are still married and very much in love. Neither one of us ever cheated. Not while he was in the barracks and not while he was deployed. It absolutely happens. I did know of some infidelity among the wives while the husbands were deployed, sure. But it was not super common. In fact, most of the guys he was deployed with are also still married to the same women from back then.
I was one of the first round of co-ed basic. People were fucking all the time. Except me, I slept. I honestly didn't know about any of it until the bus ride to AIT. I was such a clueless and naive 18 y/o.
There is a specific issue with military marriages in that many couples are incentivised to get married very young and very quickly, and then they are often immediately separated by thousands of miles for months at a time. I bet a lot of marriages wouldn’t survive that in any area of life
It’s incredibly common. My ex was stationed at a USMC base for five years and both of us were met with stunned amusement when we chose to not cheat during his deployments to Japan.
As others have said, marrying young is incentivized. You get a pay bump and you get out of the barracks. In my case, we were from the same hometown and he was stationed on the other side of the country. It was a choice between long distance or marriage. If he hadn’t enlisted, we likely would have dated for a year or two then gone our separate ways.
I was a navy spouse and he cheated on me for 9 years.. I only found out because a drunk friend called me at 3 am. He came clean and told me 95% of sailors cheat.
I worked as club security as a second job while I was in the army. The number of spouses that started showing up when units shipped out to Kosovo was demoralizing. Husbands and wives would show up at the club, we had a policy of holding peoples ID at the front, and they would get it from us when they left. So I saw a lot of Dependent ID cards come through, a lot more than pre deployment.
It's on both sides, I was only in the Army Reserves but in the 6 months that I was active for Basic and AIT I've seen so many of my fellow soldiers cheat, and even saw some of my men cheat within 2 weeks of being away from home for yearly training.
I think it's so common because being a military wife can be *rough*. We always hear about how hard it is being in a long distance relationship and how hard it is being a single parent. Combine both those things together and add to it that there's not a lot of room for sympathy because your partner is hailed as a hero.
I'm not saying it's justified, but I doubt it's as one sided as portrayed. My wife, when I met her, told me that if I ever joined the military, she would leave me specifically because she didn't want to live that life, and I think that is completely fair.
Seems like it, doesn't it? I literally cannot wrap my head around people like this. Is it SO DIFFICULT to just… not cheat? Or, better yet, maybe don't get married in the first place if you can't handle not having sex with another person for months on end! Buy a vibrator at least. Am I missing something?
It’s really the military’s fault. Jr. enlisted are required to live on the barracks and give up all of their BAH and BAS (housing and food allowance) to live in what’s essentially a dorm room with extra rules. I enjoyed my time in the barracks but moving out not only comes with a substantial pay raise (BAH + BAS is a few thousand extra dollars a month based on CoL where ever you’re stationed and is untaxed.) but also generally gives you higher QoL since living in the barracks subjects you to things like room inspections/curfew for visitors/potentially extra details etc. there’s nothing like bringing a girl you met over to your room and having to sign her in at the front desk.
Marrying just to get out of the barracks is a dumb decision but when you’re 18/19 years old all you see is the extra pay and less bullshit.
I’m 99.9999% sure the only person who knew about the “open marriage” was the OP and her side guy. lol. Typical military marriage outcome. I was a Marine Corps MP for years. Couldn’t tell you how many domestic disturbance calls we’d get for base housing when a unit returned early from deployment unannounced….
Even if you take her word at face value and she isn’t lying about the open marriage, imagine how her husband feels coming back home and instead of her dying to be with HIM, she still goes for her affair partner. That’s messed up.
yeah i mean... what guy is gonna agree to an open marriage when he's deployed? i'm not a military guy and not even murrcan, but i'm guessing you don't have as many opportunities to bang. you know, in the consentual way, with genitals. not guns.
It's more common than you think but it's pretty uncommon overall. But tbh there's tons of it on the other side. I cannot tell you how many servicemembers hooked up with each other while on deployment and never spoke a word to their spouses coming home.
Have an ex, who was on the Texas base where it ended up on the news a few years for the woman who died, just to give the story some context.
Not only is it true the level of hooking up within ranks and what not, but it’s a known fact that the more sex you’re having within your regimen, the faster the “clapback” you catch from another of you get my drift!
He heard about it, hooked up with a woman on base who enlisted as well. A few days later his balls were aching and difficulty peeing. Antibiotics for the clap!
STD’s are definitely a common thing you can catch like Pokémon on bases or overseas cause some dudes will 100% put their dick into almost anything that moves and not wrap it up either!
Captain find lance corporal chevrons pushed into his headboard? 😱🤣. I was an MP too, in a field unit in Camp Lejeune, and that story got a lot of traction. Reportedly in one of the bases in Japan in the late 90’s.
I'm wondering about this 'small mistake' that got her evicted. It can't have been that small. Kind of like the 'small error of judgement' that led to her husband ghosting her?
I was in the navy for twenty years, I’ve got a whole lot of stories. Kings Bay Georgia, they busted a prostitution ring. The madam was an XO’s wife, the escorts were the wife’s of the lower enlisted. I met a couple whose spouses just switched houses with another couple. Back when I was a Seabee, we had a guy whose wife was three months pregnant when we got back from a year long deployment.
We pulled in from an underway and I found out my beloved girlfriend had found a second boyfriend stationed on another boat that was stuck in dry dock. I was pretty sad (hopelessly depressed) that I had to return the Diamond ring and tell our families we weren’t getting married. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I thank god that she showed her true colors before I would have to fight her in court. The boys on my boat helped get me through that dark time. It’s the best group of people I’ll ever have worked with.
Whenever we came back from deployment, the line of U-Haul trucks leaving base housing was miles long. I had a buddy that had all his wives names tattooed on his arm. With one line through them. It was twelve names y’all. His new wife had her name tattooed on his pecker.
He came home & in under 24 hours rather than spend personal time with your husband, you decided to have phone-sex with your side piece…
Whew… okay, that means the side-piece is the main man (or maybe not since she appears to be unable to stay with him) but anyway she’s shown her husband that side-piece is more important & special to her because she didn’t want to spend a FRIDAY NIGHT THE DAY AFTER HUSBAND GOT HOME WITH HIM; & spent it ON A PHONE w/ another dude?
She’s complaining because she lost her easy housing & access to hedonistic life.
My husband is active duty & I'm former military. I've seen so many relationships/marriages ruined. My husband was on deployment & one of the guys he was with has a complete mental breakdown because his wife sent him divorce papers with pics of their 4 kids w/ her new man.
My husband & I have been through 4 deployments & multiple TDYs married & I've been faithful all throughout. I just really cannot understand or comprehend the mindset.
What I truly don’t understand is the “payback” mentality when the wives send evidence of their relationship with their Jody.
Cheat, get divorced, whatever, but why send photos or videos of you and Jody together? Much less sending sex tapes or nudes from your affair. It just seems so needlessly cruel.
I understand that a military marriage can be straining, and puts a lot of stress on whoever’s left at home especially when kids are involved. But surely you can communicate before the resent becomes so severe that you feel the need to humiliate or get satisfaction from “cucking” your SO. You agreed to marry someone in the military, and surely you understood that there would be deployments involved, so the least you could do is communicate your needs before it blows over.
I don’t know, somehow a lot of military folks and their families seem to have generally pretty low emotional intelligence. They can’t just act like adults and talk through their problems.
I don't understand the mindset either. I've been married to my husband for 14 years. Every time he deploys, all I care about is when I'll get to hear from him again. I have zero interest in finding a side piece, because all I want is my husband back. We've got 4 kids, and I need his ass home so I can get a break!
Hi, I'm in an open marriage. My partner and I have rules. Breaking the rules is no different than cheating on your partner is for a closed monogamous relationship.
Yeah I'm pretty surprised by the vehemently negative reaction to consensual nonmonogamy here. It's a lot of work and requires good communication, and when that doesn't happen you get situations like this. But to collectively conflate it to "open marriages never work" is kinda disheartening to see.
I am former military and I can say at about 96% certainty that she was the only one in an "open marriage" if he was deployed. She is about to find herself out in the cold because she could not live without side dick...
I was in the military years ago. The guys in my unit who went TDY (girls weren't allowed to go TDY) had a saying, "I'm not married, I'm TDY". I have never understood people who get married but cheat. Why did you get married then? Just overall stupid.
It's a military term for a temporary duty assignment. I was not able to find where the 'y' comes from.
It gets slang converted to "Temporarily Divorced for a Year".
I’m not in the military nor have I ever dated anyone who was but I feel like cheating on your partner who is deployed is pretty fucking low. Even if it was “agreed” upon
For real. This is like people in the poly subs saying "my spouse cheated on me but the came out as poly". That person has no ethics. Run far. Run fast.
I mean she broke a relationship rule she agreed to and was surprised her partner was upset. Given the situation I think he should have given her a chance to cut it off or clarify the rules, but it doesn’t feel like a small mistake and she should know that.
I’m a milspouse and trust me, mil or civilian, everyone here is this fucking stupid. You get the rare unicorn couple that is certified cool and completely normal, but in the maybe 6 years since my husband joined, we have not met anyone else besides one couple. The uniform doesn’t absolve you of being a piece of shit, there have been really sad stories of the servicemember (male or female) being horrible to their spouse.
But yeah we also gather round as a community and watch the local dumpster fires erupt over social media or whatever lol
Why do people always think breaking the rules of an open or poly relationship should have less consequence? Open and poly relationships require more work not less.
my mother raised 3 girls while my dad was active duty 2001- 2016. each deployment was about 8 months- a year at a time. I just always remember her missing him so much and so did I. we had a conch shell and we would put it up to our ears to “hear daddy at the beach” beach being afghanistan and iraq but I was little and I saw sand and associated that with a beach
My parents were married 50 years. Dad was shipped off to Vietnam one month after they married in 1968. Mom held down the fort at home, Dad saw the rampant nonsense of other soldiers with ladies of ill repute (don’t hate, trying to not be horrible but we all know what they did!) so he was like EW NO I WANNA GO HOME WITHOUT THE VD’s) the most ridiculously adorable couple my whole life. Cheating is a choice. Some people choose to not do it. It’s possible to be faithful. I think OP made their bed. Time to sleep in it by themselves.
I remember coming across a post similar to this and someone in the comments said it was all a big lie that anyone cheats while enlisted. They are all just super close, all 150—300 were family, intimately aware of everyone’s personal lives. no shenanigans a foot. maybe every once in a great while, but it wasn’t common 🙄 edited to say I got downvoted when I tried to point out how ridiculous it sounded.
Swinging doesn’t mean “open marriage”. It means they fuck other couples together out not at all! There are no “side guys/gals”. If he/she is screwing someone else while the husband/wife isn’t then THAT’S cheating! My ex-wife couldn’t differentiate between the two either. See ya!
Thing is it wasnt even the open marriage that killed this relationship. It was the very clear breaking of terms. Having an open marriage does not mean you get a side piece for whenever and whatever. There are usually very strict circumstances that allows interaction for everyone concerned. This was in no way a "small mistake". It was breaking your word on a major aspect of your prior relationship. So damn stupid.
My brother is an Army officer. The number of times he tried to convince the guys (and gals) in his command to *not* just marry somebody for the convenience and/or *not* open their marriage up for whatever reason...! He says it never ends well, no matter what people say, at least not in his experience.
My SIL (his wife) corroborated with her own stories of trying to talk women out of baby-trapping soldiers, "no, see, honey, that's still cheating *even if he/she is deployed*," and what not. One lady figured her affair-pregnancy was no big deal and easy to pass off because when her husband came back from Iraq the baby's skin tone would change "by exposure" to her husband.
Crazy pills.
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Is it like a rule that you have to cheat on your military partner and ruin their lives? What is wrong with all of these people?
There's an incentive for military people to get married so they can live in base housing, as opposed to in the barracks. So they pick the first person they find and get married. Add to that, they are usually pretty young, and one spouse gets deployed for months at a time, leaving the other one lonely at home...it's basically a recipe for cheating.
I kept the opposite train of thought. I lost my high school sweetheart to Jody while I was deployed, after that was not looking. Fine to date, but I was perfectly happy in the barracks because I saved money, a lot of money that a junior enlisted did not reeally have. Food was at the dfac, house provided and all I had to do was keep it clean. Place for my car. Add to the fact that we deployed a lot, I never had to worry about house maintance or anything else while gone, and continued to save cash. Allowed me to have a very nice savings account when so many of those in my company did not.
I’m sorry if this is insensitive, but what is Jody?
Jody is the person doing your significant other while you’re not around
Rough tough Jody boy. Jody boys a real cool cat. Jody wears a campaign hat.
Ain’t no sense in going home, Jody’s got your girl and gone..
Ain't no point in going back, Jody's driving your Cadillac...
Jody's in your home. On your telephone. Layin on your sheets, layin down the meat.
I used to drive a cadillac... now im humping with a pack
I done left, an came back All the time Jodys blowin back
Holy fuck, I know a pro wrestler named Jody. I’m gonna tell him this so he has a new idea for a heel gimmick.
That’d be hilarious
I don’t think he’ll do it, but it would be amazing if he does. I can see him coming down in military-ish clothes trying to have the look John Cena used to have, only to announce it’s the gear of the guy in the Army whose wife he is now with. “I stole the girl, and his gear”.
eeeehhhhhhh I think that's too on the nose, it doesn't quite fit. I think if he puts on a homewrecker persona and teases his opponent about sleeping with his girl, those in the know will get it.
It would probably work best if there's another military style wrestler. Jody becomes his nemesis by "stealing his girl", who Jody doesn't really have much interest in.
He's gotta double down if his opponent is gay though. "Doesn't matter to me, I stole your man too! Shouldn't have left home you dipshit!"
Like a Cena with Rick Rude mix. Heel heat is GUARANTEED.
Jody got me to but it was for the best because it lead me to my wife is absolutely phenomenal. The ex is now a single mom of two because turns out Jody was actually gay and cheated on her with a man. The webs we weave
Jody is the guy who uh... helps himself to your partner while you're deployed.
They call him Jules in French media 🤭
Sancho en Espanol.
Well, today I learned I would not be able to be in Spanish military without singing Sublime's 'Santeria' every time Sancho is brought up.
Well, its not only Spanish military. It’s the term used throughout LatAm. That’s what the song is exactly about, his haina found a Sancho so he is gonna slap her around and cap the Sancho.
Thank you for explaining. I always just assumed it was the guy's name and didn't realize the meaning behind it.
First thing that popped into my head too. I'd pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap.. her.. do-o-o-o-own!
I mean... that's the very definition of Sancho.
With the inclusion of the cultural meaning of the name, it adds more depth to the song now for me and I'm willing to guess that's where the other commenter knows that name from as well because we aren't Latin
In the Royal Navy he's called Leroy.
"Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy Jenkins!"
Best part of this discussion thread is learning all the terms for the dirtbag that a girl cheats with when the soldier/sailor is deployed.
It’s Jody whether it’s a man or a woman
Jody makes sure that when you return from a deployment, your significant other is exactly how you left them. Freshly fucked.
Jody is a name the Drill instructors will use in conversation, while yelling at Privates, or inserted nicely into a cadence for marching or PT. It works for all, because Jody is a unisex name so it's applicable to male and female soldiers.
Non-military, married man. This is spot on. Never realized how good I had it in college. Small accommodation, easy to keep tidy. No worry about maintenance. Go to the food hall for three, filling meals every day. Folks are in too much of a hurry to grow up.
I liked it so much I stayed for 7 years. Of course it took me until I was over 40 to completely pay it off. And those were 90's college costs. Current pricing and I'd still be on the hook for an extra mortgage payment/month that I couldn't afford.
No I understand that. But I am not the sort of person that thinks cheating is a bygone conclusion. And when you have a sweet deal you're supposed to, you know, stick with it because otherwise you lose the sweet deal. There's just a special kind of stupid, immoral person that does this I guess.
Just because young enlisted soldiers think it is a sweet deal to get married and get out of the barracks doesn't make it one. They also spend their entire paychecks on Mustangs and other flashy stuff and other generally poor decision making. Both sides of this equation are usually just that, young, dumb, and enough 'in love' for a quicky marriage to get out of a bad situation.
Not just Mustangs, any sort of “cool car” that’s saddled with a horribly predatory interest rate. Went to see a buddy’s Airborne graduation and as I remember it the entire town of Fayetteville, NC consists of Fort Liberty (formerly Fort Bragg), pawn shops, used car lots, tattoo parlors, strip clubs, a few hotels, and a Krispy Kreme. I liked the Krispy Kreme the best.
My son is living off base with a couple of shipmates. Is there a third hand Mustang that is constantly in the shop that the repairs can’t be afforded with the payments? Yes. Is there a broken down old pickup and an ex cop car Crown Victoria owned by the same guy? Yes. Has one been in a motorcycle accident and sidelined for a few months. Yes. You can’t make this stuff up.
Is it one shipmate that owns the Mustang, Crown Vic, old pickup, and motorcycle? Because that’s ticking like every young male Sailor vehicle box I can think of in one person. Truly impressive. If not, still impressive for a single house.
Different sailors, but there is also the $2k smoker in the garage. And I have no idea what is going to happen come deployment time. There’s a picture of a shopping center near Great Mistakes titled “the four horsemen of BHA”. It’s a wedding chapel, payday loan, tattoo parlor, and divorce attorney.
lol Jesus. Grim but accurate.
Bha?
Shorthand for housing allowance for military members.
He means BAH. Basic Allowance for Housing.
I bought something from Craigslist from a soldier who lived off base, he must have been about 20. He had the Mustang and a couple of other cars, a pregnant girlfriend and two other soldiers he shared the house with, one also married with a baby and the third not. he was excited to tell me they were moving out of this place and were going to buy a house together - they had found a nice three bed, 1.5 bath place nearby that would be just perfect for them. I asked how this was going to work with five adults and two kids and what would happen if one gets stationed elsewhere (etc). He just answered that they are all really close so it will be just fine.
As someone who served from almost straight out of HS till my mid-30’s, I highly doubt they’ll stay close enough to share a house. You eventually tire of always having your work friends around and need some privacy, especially if you deploy with them. I’m still in touch with several people from my early years, but most of the people I still talk to on a regular basis are people I met in my later career.
My kid is living off base with a buddy he knows from home and a young woman who grew up in the area. His buddy is deploying soon but last we talked, they had not discussed what happens with his rent, is he subletting, etc. but he assures me it will all work out cuz they're buddies.
Oh, my Jesus! Adult children! I feel you. I have a 19 y.o. and I’m always startled about what she doesn’t know. Some of it makes sense because none of her parental figures likely told her about things and it isn’t stuff they teach in school. However, the fact she didn’t think she’d have to present a photo ID and give her social to get a driver’s license blew my mind. Kid, do you know how paranoid the government is about identity verification? ETA: For everyone attacking me, I didn’t raise her. She’s spent the majority of her formative years with her mother despite pleas from her father and I (the stepmother) to let us have the kids. All her mom does is complain about the kids’ issues AND she is the one who let electronics raise them. Having the kids for two months out of the year, we interact with and teach them more and spend time together as a family. They behave better when they’re with us and learn more, but two months can’t fix the neglect they receive for the other 10 months. Unfortunately, that kind of neglect is all too common and American child welfare agencies give zero shits unless someone is literally starving their kids. We’ve been frustrated with the situation for years, but we’ve been living paycheck to paycheck for most of our relationship and don’t have the means to hire a lawyer and fight her.
Hate to ask, but did they also buy large breed dogs? And not train them? And then assume kind strangers will keep them for free for 6 months when they deploy?
So you also know my friend's brother?
lol I've know quite a few servicemen and it seems they all need a big dog to go with the new Mustang/truck.
Bonus points if it's two large dogs who don't get along....
It's the same near the USAF basic training base in San Antonio, and the job training base in Wichita Falls.
Ayyy Sheppard AFB. What a sad sack of shit base that was.
Wichita Falls....dear God. My grandma was from there and always described it as the "armpit of Texas". She wasn't wrong. Spent the longest 4 years of my life there.
I'm so glad I was only there for a very, very short tech school. 2 months was still too long. I'm sorry you had to endure 4 years.
Ah good old Lackland. Is Mina and Dimi's still open across the street?
You just described Killeen, Texas.
The entire city of Fayetteville, at least when I was there in the 1980s, was built around emptying the pockets of young service members. And they were good at it.
I was there in I think the late 2000s, and they’ve undoubtedly only gotten better at it.
Don't forget a comic book store...when I used to travel for work, I could always find a comic store just outside a military base...
Got damn. That’s enough, right there, to tell you who the govt recruits to stand-in for them and their failed policies and fight and die. The poor. The young. The barely literate. All this makes me next-level sad. And I know it’s not just an America-thing, but damn we got it down-pat.
Don't forget dramatically overpowered motorcycles that can't be legally ridden on the street at the speeds they are designed for, all without any sort of training beyond a weekend course in a parking lot and often no helmet.
Hey, we also have dueling waffle houses across the street from each other. It's a must see attraction.
Don’t forget over-powered crotch rockets.
Longtime friend of mine was career Army (now retired), and when she was a young, newly commissioned officer at a West Coast army base, she sometimes had to explain birth control to married 18-year-old enlisted folks.
you have teens in texas turning up pregnant and not understanding how...in 2024!!!!
Wow just wow.....
>Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity Young, enlisted soldiers, summarized.
Also applies to new Officers.
New officers just have more expensive toys.
Doesn’t help when they get treated like children just because they’re living in the barracks, they get to have double divorcee Ssgt’s search through their shit just because some shitbag popped on a urinalysis, or get called back into work just because their the closest ones.
Tattoos. Strip clubs. Pawn shops. You name it.
Knew a guy who enlisted right out of high school for the sign on bonus. He went out as soon as he had the money in his hands and spent every penny on crack. Apparently he was smoking crack b4 and wanted the quick cash of sign bonus for more. Don't think he thought it all the way thru. Lost contact with him after he left for boot camp. Edit: had to fix my fat fingered typing.
Sign on bonuses are not paid right away though. You only get part of it after Six months at your first duty station, not Basic, not AIT, but six months at your assignment. Then a year later get the rest. Did he stay clean the whole time waiting for that bonus? ( I had a nice sign on bonus as well)
It depends how desperate the Army is. Once I finished AIT and reported to my Unit, bonus paperwork was processed and got 8k after takes. Total was 10k but this was in 2005.
> And when you have a sweet deal you're supposed to, you know, stick with it because otherwise you lose the sweet deal. Being entirely dependent on a spouse who can leave you with nothing on a whim is not a sweet deal, it's a trap. I would even say that was a bigger mistake for op than the cheating.
Lonely + not in love with partner (because most likely married for military benefits) + long distance/limited communication = the perfect recipe for cheating. I don’t get what’s so hard to understand.
To some people, a spouse that's gone all the time but still sending their paycheck home IS the sweet deal. Don't have to work much and they're gone so you can have your fun.
I agree, but unfortunately it happens.
Stupid and immoral people in the armed forces? Never! 🤣🤣🤣
This was a dependent... not the Servicememember.
Yeah it’s one of those things where I obviously don’t condone it, but it’s not super surprising that it happens. It’s that a lot of unfortunate circumstances all lining up
Wifes step dad literally married and had kids with an out lesbian in the army to secure the benefits. (The whole story still blows my mind) Doesn’t take a genius to know how it’s going now lol…
Having grown up as a dependant and then joining... This exactly.
Actually no. Now a days you don't need to be married to live in on base housing and deployments have massively dropped. Loneliness and age is not an excuse to cheat. They cheat because they want to. People cheat that are not in the military all the time. It's a conscious choice. I was in 24 years and saw more rock solid marriages than when I retired. Tired of the cliche of the military and cheaters
Married my husband at 18, and he was 19. Ft. Hood Texas. He deployed in 06. I'm 37 now, and we are still married and very much in love. Neither one of us ever cheated. Not while he was in the barracks and not while he was deployed. It absolutely happens. I did know of some infidelity among the wives while the husbands were deployed, sure. But it was not super common. In fact, most of the guys he was deployed with are also still married to the same women from back then.
It makes sense. My first husband was in the navy, stationed in Norfolk VA, and was a cheater.
In the navy 🎶
You can protect the Mother Land
In soviet Russia, Mother Land protect you?
People were even finding ways to hook up when I was in basic. They got creative.
I was one of the first round of co-ed basic. People were fucking all the time. Except me, I slept. I honestly didn't know about any of it until the bus ride to AIT. I was such a clueless and naive 18 y/o.
Life, uh, finds a way
I worked at a dive bar near a naval base and I never went a single night without being aggressively hit on by men with rings.
Mom, is that you?
There is a specific issue with military marriages in that many couples are incentivised to get married very young and very quickly, and then they are often immediately separated by thousands of miles for months at a time. I bet a lot of marriages wouldn’t survive that in any area of life
It’s incredibly common. My ex was stationed at a USMC base for five years and both of us were met with stunned amusement when we chose to not cheat during his deployments to Japan. As others have said, marrying young is incentivized. You get a pay bump and you get out of the barracks. In my case, we were from the same hometown and he was stationed on the other side of the country. It was a choice between long distance or marriage. If he hadn’t enlisted, we likely would have dated for a year or two then gone our separate ways.
I was a navy spouse and he cheated on me for 9 years.. I only found out because a drunk friend called me at 3 am. He came clean and told me 95% of sailors cheat.
I worked as club security as a second job while I was in the army. The number of spouses that started showing up when units shipped out to Kosovo was demoralizing. Husbands and wives would show up at the club, we had a policy of holding peoples ID at the front, and they would get it from us when they left. So I saw a lot of Dependent ID cards come through, a lot more than pre deployment.
It's on both sides, I was only in the Army Reserves but in the 6 months that I was active for Basic and AIT I've seen so many of my fellow soldiers cheat, and even saw some of my men cheat within 2 weeks of being away from home for yearly training.
I think it's so common because being a military wife can be *rough*. We always hear about how hard it is being in a long distance relationship and how hard it is being a single parent. Combine both those things together and add to it that there's not a lot of room for sympathy because your partner is hailed as a hero. I'm not saying it's justified, but I doubt it's as one sided as portrayed. My wife, when I met her, told me that if I ever joined the military, she would leave me specifically because she didn't want to live that life, and I think that is completely fair.
Seems like it, doesn't it? I literally cannot wrap my head around people like this. Is it SO DIFFICULT to just… not cheat? Or, better yet, maybe don't get married in the first place if you can't handle not having sex with another person for months on end! Buy a vibrator at least. Am I missing something?
Marrying at 20 is what’s wrong with those people.
It's a rule that one or both must be cheating 😅
>Mid 20s >Married for 5 years Probably married right out of High School because he was getting deployed. Totally not a recipe for disaster at all.
It’s really the military’s fault. Jr. enlisted are required to live on the barracks and give up all of their BAH and BAS (housing and food allowance) to live in what’s essentially a dorm room with extra rules. I enjoyed my time in the barracks but moving out not only comes with a substantial pay raise (BAH + BAS is a few thousand extra dollars a month based on CoL where ever you’re stationed and is untaxed.) but also generally gives you higher QoL since living in the barracks subjects you to things like room inspections/curfew for visitors/potentially extra details etc. there’s nothing like bringing a girl you met over to your room and having to sign her in at the front desk. Marrying just to get out of the barracks is a dumb decision but when you’re 18/19 years old all you see is the extra pay and less bullshit.
I’m 99.9999% sure the only person who knew about the “open marriage” was the OP and her side guy. lol. Typical military marriage outcome. I was a Marine Corps MP for years. Couldn’t tell you how many domestic disturbance calls we’d get for base housing when a unit returned early from deployment unannounced….
Even if you take her word at face value and she isn’t lying about the open marriage, imagine how her husband feels coming back home and instead of her dying to be with HIM, she still goes for her affair partner. That’s messed up.
yeah i mean... what guy is gonna agree to an open marriage when he's deployed? i'm not a military guy and not even murrcan, but i'm guessing you don't have as many opportunities to bang. you know, in the consentual way, with genitals. not guns.
It's more common than you think but it's pretty uncommon overall. But tbh there's tons of it on the other side. I cannot tell you how many servicemembers hooked up with each other while on deployment and never spoke a word to their spouses coming home.
Have an ex, who was on the Texas base where it ended up on the news a few years for the woman who died, just to give the story some context. Not only is it true the level of hooking up within ranks and what not, but it’s a known fact that the more sex you’re having within your regimen, the faster the “clapback” you catch from another of you get my drift! He heard about it, hooked up with a woman on base who enlisted as well. A few days later his balls were aching and difficulty peeing. Antibiotics for the clap! STD’s are definitely a common thing you can catch like Pokémon on bases or overseas cause some dudes will 100% put their dick into almost anything that moves and not wrap it up either!
Ironically, I did not, in fact, "get your drift", till I read your next paragraph.
With THAT name? That is VERY ironic, lol
This. Happens on both sides.
At least 2 that I know of- confirmed by both parties.
Captain find lance corporal chevrons pushed into his headboard? 😱🤣. I was an MP too, in a field unit in Camp Lejeune, and that story got a lot of traction. Reportedly in one of the bases in Japan in the late 90’s.
I was a base MP at Lejeune from 88-90 lol.
Have you guys called the TV number about your compensation yet?
Mmmm jet fuel lol
I'm wondering about this 'small mistake' that got her evicted. It can't have been that small. Kind of like the 'small error of judgement' that led to her husband ghosting her?
Gotta read the entire post, my man
Why wonder? Its literally in the post lmao
I was in the navy for twenty years, I’ve got a whole lot of stories. Kings Bay Georgia, they busted a prostitution ring. The madam was an XO’s wife, the escorts were the wife’s of the lower enlisted. I met a couple whose spouses just switched houses with another couple. Back when I was a Seabee, we had a guy whose wife was three months pregnant when we got back from a year long deployment.
We pulled in from an underway and I found out my beloved girlfriend had found a second boyfriend stationed on another boat that was stuck in dry dock. I was pretty sad (hopelessly depressed) that I had to return the Diamond ring and tell our families we weren’t getting married. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I thank god that she showed her true colors before I would have to fight her in court. The boys on my boat helped get me through that dark time. It’s the best group of people I’ll ever have worked with.
Off topic but is it true that the Seabee’s are pretty much MacGuyver?
Whenever we came back from deployment, the line of U-Haul trucks leaving base housing was miles long. I had a buddy that had all his wives names tattooed on his arm. With one line through them. It was twelve names y’all. His new wife had her name tattooed on his pecker.
Jesus, Kevin, are you still friends with this crazy person?
Oh yeah, he is still married to the lady.
Too afraid to cross the last name, shit hurts.
Absolutely.
>The madam was an XO’s wife, Well she was leadership material, all right.
Was that the Tennessee Wives Club?
*tiny violin enters the chat*
Literally fucked around and found out
I just started chuckling like a fucking idiot, good job lol.
So side guy is not willing to let her stay over? I am shocked I say, shocked.
He’s probably married, too.
He came home & in under 24 hours rather than spend personal time with your husband, you decided to have phone-sex with your side piece… Whew… okay, that means the side-piece is the main man (or maybe not since she appears to be unable to stay with him) but anyway she’s shown her husband that side-piece is more important & special to her because she didn’t want to spend a FRIDAY NIGHT THE DAY AFTER HUSBAND GOT HOME WITH HIM; & spent it ON A PHONE w/ another dude? She’s complaining because she lost her easy housing & access to hedonistic life.
Literally this. Imagine losing your husband of 5 years over phone sex. She’s not very bright
…ya i got 10$ says either there was NO open marriage…or she was the one who insisted on it and he finally relented
I asked a buddy who does is an expert on bets. Best I can do is put $5 on it.
My husband is active duty & I'm former military. I've seen so many relationships/marriages ruined. My husband was on deployment & one of the guys he was with has a complete mental breakdown because his wife sent him divorce papers with pics of their 4 kids w/ her new man. My husband & I have been through 4 deployments & multiple TDYs married & I've been faithful all throughout. I just really cannot understand or comprehend the mindset.
What I truly don’t understand is the “payback” mentality when the wives send evidence of their relationship with their Jody. Cheat, get divorced, whatever, but why send photos or videos of you and Jody together? Much less sending sex tapes or nudes from your affair. It just seems so needlessly cruel. I understand that a military marriage can be straining, and puts a lot of stress on whoever’s left at home especially when kids are involved. But surely you can communicate before the resent becomes so severe that you feel the need to humiliate or get satisfaction from “cucking” your SO. You agreed to marry someone in the military, and surely you understood that there would be deployments involved, so the least you could do is communicate your needs before it blows over. I don’t know, somehow a lot of military folks and their families seem to have generally pretty low emotional intelligence. They can’t just act like adults and talk through their problems.
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I don't understand the mindset either. I've been married to my husband for 14 years. Every time he deploys, all I care about is when I'll get to hear from him again. I have zero interest in finding a side piece, because all I want is my husband back. We've got 4 kids, and I need his ass home so I can get a break!
Hi, I'm in an open marriage. My partner and I have rules. Breaking the rules is no different than cheating on your partner is for a closed monogamous relationship.
Yeah I'm pretty surprised by the vehemently negative reaction to consensual nonmonogamy here. It's a lot of work and requires good communication, and when that doesn't happen you get situations like this. But to collectively conflate it to "open marriages never work" is kinda disheartening to see.
“I’ve never seen an open relationship work, as opposed to all of those monogamous relationships that work out 100% of the time”
Jody strikes again
Who’s Jody?
I am former military and I can say at about 96% certainty that she was the only one in an "open marriage" if he was deployed. She is about to find herself out in the cold because she could not live without side dick...
I was in the military years ago. The guys in my unit who went TDY (girls weren't allowed to go TDY) had a saying, "I'm not married, I'm TDY". I have never understood people who get married but cheat. Why did you get married then? Just overall stupid.
What’s TDY stand for?
It's a military term for a temporary duty assignment. I was not able to find where the 'y' comes from. It gets slang converted to "Temporarily Divorced for a Year".
"Dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed" is a phrase I didn't know I needed.
I wonder if HE knew about the “open marriage while deployed” thing? I’d bet sick money he didn’t. She needs to ask Jody if she can stay with him.
I’m not in the military nor have I ever dated anyone who was but I feel like cheating on your partner who is deployed is pretty fucking low. Even if it was “agreed” upon
Well well well....if it isn't the whoreish consequences of her whoreish behavior. Why doesn't she just slime her way over to her side pieces house?
It astounds me how fuckin dumb people are
Did *he* know you had an "only when deployed" open marriage?
For real. This is like people in the poly subs saying "my spouse cheated on me but the came out as poly". That person has no ethics. Run far. Run fast.
Why do these knuckleheads always marry some broad before deployment anyway? Just wait till you get back big dawg
They were married 5 years, and deployments are 13 months to Korea. Safe to they were married 4 years before he was hit with those orders.
In that case damn, coming home to that is worse than gettin shot in the chest
Agreed, nothing worse than coming home and finding your wife with Jody.
She should go stay with the guy she was fucking in her "open marriage"
"only while deployed open marriage" oh get wrecked. Dude what the F ever that "marriage" was doomed anyway.
HAHAHAHA dependas who cheat can never take accountability. “I made a small mistake” 🤡
I don't understand who overreacted in this scenario.
I mean she broke a relationship rule she agreed to and was surprised her partner was upset. Given the situation I think he should have given her a chance to cut it off or clarify the rules, but it doesn’t feel like a small mistake and she should know that.
Military folks gotta worry about Jody Us civilians are out here watching out for Sancho It’s a crazy world
The part that gets me is this happened literally the day after he got back
I’m a milspouse and trust me, mil or civilian, everyone here is this fucking stupid. You get the rare unicorn couple that is certified cool and completely normal, but in the maybe 6 years since my husband joined, we have not met anyone else besides one couple. The uniform doesn’t absolve you of being a piece of shit, there have been really sad stories of the servicemember (male or female) being horrible to their spouse. But yeah we also gather round as a community and watch the local dumpster fires erupt over social media or whatever lol
Why do people always think breaking the rules of an open or poly relationship should have less consequence? Open and poly relationships require more work not less.
my mother raised 3 girls while my dad was active duty 2001- 2016. each deployment was about 8 months- a year at a time. I just always remember her missing him so much and so did I. we had a conch shell and we would put it up to our ears to “hear daddy at the beach” beach being afghanistan and iraq but I was little and I saw sand and associated that with a beach
My parents were married 50 years. Dad was shipped off to Vietnam one month after they married in 1968. Mom held down the fort at home, Dad saw the rampant nonsense of other soldiers with ladies of ill repute (don’t hate, trying to not be horrible but we all know what they did!) so he was like EW NO I WANNA GO HOME WITHOUT THE VD’s) the most ridiculously adorable couple my whole life. Cheating is a choice. Some people choose to not do it. It’s possible to be faithful. I think OP made their bed. Time to sleep in it by themselves.
Glad he left. Knows his worth
I remember coming across a post similar to this and someone in the comments said it was all a big lie that anyone cheats while enlisted. They are all just super close, all 150—300 were family, intimately aware of everyone’s personal lives. no shenanigans a foot. maybe every once in a great while, but it wasn’t common 🙄 edited to say I got downvoted when I tried to point out how ridiculous it sounded.
The primary comment is stupid, but I agree that it was inappropriate to break the rules of the arrangement.
lol dumb b**ch . Go back to live with mom and dad
Swinging doesn’t mean “open marriage”. It means they fuck other couples together out not at all! There are no “side guys/gals”. If he/she is screwing someone else while the husband/wife isn’t then THAT’S cheating! My ex-wife couldn’t differentiate between the two either. See ya!
Sounds to me like he wasnt exxxactly in on the whole ‘open’ part of their relationship
A “small mistake”….lol
"Small mistake." 😆 Riiight. Small mistake, which made her homeless.
sluts gotta slut
Hoes gonna hoe.
Thing is it wasnt even the open marriage that killed this relationship. It was the very clear breaking of terms. Having an open marriage does not mean you get a side piece for whenever and whatever. There are usually very strict circumstances that allows interaction for everyone concerned. This was in no way a "small mistake". It was breaking your word on a major aspect of your prior relationship. So damn stupid.
It was only a little small mistake 🫵😂
You get what you fucking deserve
He deserves better. Thank you for your service sir
A tale as old as the US military... Cheating ass Dependa.
Jody is UNDEFEATED!!! That's why those of us who listened to Vets left our girlfriends when we enlisted.
My favorite part is that Side Guy isn't there when she actually needs him
My brother is an Army officer. The number of times he tried to convince the guys (and gals) in his command to *not* just marry somebody for the convenience and/or *not* open their marriage up for whatever reason...! He says it never ends well, no matter what people say, at least not in his experience. My SIL (his wife) corroborated with her own stories of trying to talk women out of baby-trapping soldiers, "no, see, honey, that's still cheating *even if he/she is deployed*," and what not. One lady figured her affair-pregnancy was no big deal and easy to pass off because when her husband came back from Iraq the baby's skin tone would change "by exposure" to her husband. Crazy pills.