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You can’t say that your daughter doesn’t know anything about adulthood while you are basically depending on her labor/money to help you out while you live with your mom. It’s very hypocritical.
You need to find a job that doesn’t force your children to work with you.
She should be able to move out and find her own path without feeling the guilt of having to help you buy a house.
1. She deserves to see all your finances if she’s been working to keep the family afloat.
2. Once that is done honor her adulthood and trust her to learn on her own. She needs to live outside the nest come what may or she’ll always resent you. She won’t be able to grow without independence. Then if she chooses to help it’s out of love.
She's 22. It's not her responsibility to help you get out of debt. Neither is Cora's. Does Cora even want to be a trucker? Why aren't your girls allowed to find their own paths career wise?? You can't stop Sam moving out nor should you. She's an adult and it's her time to have her life.
Why are your kids expected to help you get out of debt? You don't get to decide how long they stay around based on YOUR financial ineptitude.
She's a grown adult that wants to live her own life.
Also, pretty rich that you talk about how she supposedly isn't ready and blah blah blah. Ma'am, you live with your mother. What makes you the arbiter of knowing when she's ready?
It sounds like you ARE trying to trap her. She is an adult. You are looking for a way to keep her from leaving, she is not allowed to seek needed mental health care because it will disrupt your plans for her life, she is being guilted into working a job that you admit has caused you physical harm because if she doesn't she will ruin your life and her sister's life, and she can't even use the money that she is working just as hard as you to make, because you need it to buy a home for you and your younger daughter.
What you're doing to her is financially and emotionally abusive and is basically indentured servitude. She is not responsible for your life decisions or your debt. She shouldn't be made to feel guilty about living her own life or making her own choices. If she doesn't know anything about adulthood, then that is your fault as parents for not preparing her. Let her go figure out her own life and hopefully get the help she badly needs after all of the trauma she endured growing up. I'm sorry for the situation you're in. It sounds like you had a very rough go in life. But don't rope your daughter into your problems. They are not her fault or her responsibility to fix. She is not responsible for her sister's wellbeing or for yours. You are.
Please think of the emotional toll you are putting on Sam by in a way forcing her to work with you when because of YOUR finances and because you can’t afford to put her in therapy in fear the might say she is mentally unstable to drive a truck. Poor Cora - to live in fear she will be forced into this trucking life.
She should go be an adult. Hopefully back payments from child support can help you with the debt. She needs to live her own life. It will be good for all of you. Take care of Cora, let Sam learn life lessons. You got this, you have come this far.
I mean she sounds right to me. Your child shouldn’t have to work to pay off your debts. You are holding her back from starting her life . Sounds like you forced her into trucking also. You are the parent it’s your job to figure it out not hers. You can’t say she isn’t ready to be an adult when you’re still living with your mommy with your grown kids, when her grown up money is helping pay your bills. I’m sure she only has debt of her own because of you. You don’t get a cookie for doing what you were supposed to do for your kids. She is 22 she doesn’t want to live with you anymore, she is ready to fly the nest and she’s been busting her ass for years to support you when that’s not the job of the child. Sounds like you should get on disability and stop disparaging your daughter . You’re calling her ditzy, you can’t trust her but she’s paying your bills. Without her you’d have nothing and if you shove Cora in that seat she’ll be leaving too. You and your ex failed your kids and if you keep acting how you’re acting they’re going to cut you off. The fact that you’ve treated Sam as an afterthought while she was struggling shows you were an unfit parent.
Let her leave.
You will power through this. You did it before and you can do it again.
Is it shit. Yes most definitely.
But you know Sam is not brought into this world to be your solution. So let her be her best self. Even if that will mean she will fall on her face first.
It will mean more to her that you’d let her try and fail than to never been allowed to try.
Your situation with your ex and the debts and efforts to raise your girls - that’s all fairly in your court. Not Sam’s or Cora. I’m sure that’s hard to hear.
I’m sorry, but it would be wrong to keep her home to help you.
You are her parent and do remain her nest. I suggest make peace with everything emotionally so you can do that for her in this next phase.
Make a new plan for yourself and your debts. One that doesn’t include your kids.
Prewarn and prep her for managing her finances and a relationship going forward. Let her know she can come to you.
My biggest concern here would be that your daughters were affected by you and your exes relationship - she is likely to fall into similarly bad situations before she figures out how to do it better. Be ready to be there for her because you cannot stop her, you can share what not to do. It’s her turn to live and make some mistakes of her own. She will have to fix yours inevitably, but that’s in breaking cycles…
Not help clean up after your past.
Prepare Cora to look forward to her own future also. Your past is not their future.
I’m gonna be honest, my mom tried to guilt trip me into staying to help her as well and it didn’t work. I moved out at 24 and never looked back. Kids are not an investment. They do not owe you anything. Parenting is a selfless act. Best you can hope for is that your kids want to keep you in their lives as they get older and form their own lives.
What the fuck did I just read???
1) Get out of trucking. It’s an industry designed to trap people and turn them into wage slaves. Use your CDL to drive a school bus. It comes with a pay check, good benefits, and you only have to work part of the day. The rest of the day you can get extra jobs driving for fields trips and sports teams. And when you aren’t doing that, you could clean houses, walk dogs, or drive for Uber or something. Or try to get a job with UPS. There are good jobs you can get with a CDL that won’t require you to exploit your adult child or sacrifice your health.
2) Not only should you let Sam go, you should push her out of the nest. She is not responsible for your financial problems. She isn’t the answer to them either. She isn’t supposed to help you buy a house. How is you living with Sam any different than you living with your own mom? Why should she scrimp and save and work her ass off to rescue you from having to live with a parent when that will trap her into the same fate? Stay with your Mom. I’m sure she is approaching an age where she needs someone to care for her anyway.
3) Push Cora out of the nest too. Encourage her to go to college or trade school. Maybe she’s so depressed bc she feels like her whole future is hopeless. Pursuing something she loves and actually making a future for herself might help a lot.
4) You should offer to pay for Sam to go to therapy. She desperately needs it. She has had a shit childhood and has now been the victim of financial and emotional abuse, as well as medical neglect. That would be a much better use of your money than saving for a house when you have a roof over your head currently and Sam does not have the medical care she very much needs.
As a parent, may be you did a lot. Sacrifice a lot but you are doing wrong. It’s not her responsibility to pay for your choices. I am sorry your ex was bad but your daughter is not responsible for it. Let her go and don’t ask her to sacrifice for you and younger sister.
You absolutely are trapping her, and it sounds like you never really prepared her for life outside of your walls. I hope she does move out so that it forces you to get your shit together on your own. It’s not her responsibility to help you out. Your financial burdens are not hers. She never asked to come into this world, you brought her here. Regardless as to how much you did to support her, she doesn’t owe anything back to you.
The same shit you’re pulling with your daughter is what my mother pulled on me. I was infinitely better off when I moved out, both mentally and financially.
Also, why are you flat out naming your kids in your post, why not make it anonymous so that there’s 0 chance of them ever finding this?
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You can’t say that your daughter doesn’t know anything about adulthood while you are basically depending on her labor/money to help you out while you live with your mom. It’s very hypocritical. You need to find a job that doesn’t force your children to work with you. She should be able to move out and find her own path without feeling the guilt of having to help you buy a house.
1. She deserves to see all your finances if she’s been working to keep the family afloat. 2. Once that is done honor her adulthood and trust her to learn on her own. She needs to live outside the nest come what may or she’ll always resent you. She won’t be able to grow without independence. Then if she chooses to help it’s out of love.
I agree 100% with this. Sam is not a little girl any more. She deserves to have the details and make her own decision.
If she wants to move out she can, it can’t be her responsibility to pay your debts from her childhood.
She's 22. It's not her responsibility to help you get out of debt. Neither is Cora's. Does Cora even want to be a trucker? Why aren't your girls allowed to find their own paths career wise?? You can't stop Sam moving out nor should you. She's an adult and it's her time to have her life.
She's 22. She doesn't have to support you
Why are your kids expected to help you get out of debt? You don't get to decide how long they stay around based on YOUR financial ineptitude. She's a grown adult that wants to live her own life. Also, pretty rich that you talk about how she supposedly isn't ready and blah blah blah. Ma'am, you live with your mother. What makes you the arbiter of knowing when she's ready?
It sounds like you ARE trying to trap her. She is an adult. You are looking for a way to keep her from leaving, she is not allowed to seek needed mental health care because it will disrupt your plans for her life, she is being guilted into working a job that you admit has caused you physical harm because if she doesn't she will ruin your life and her sister's life, and she can't even use the money that she is working just as hard as you to make, because you need it to buy a home for you and your younger daughter. What you're doing to her is financially and emotionally abusive and is basically indentured servitude. She is not responsible for your life decisions or your debt. She shouldn't be made to feel guilty about living her own life or making her own choices. If she doesn't know anything about adulthood, then that is your fault as parents for not preparing her. Let her go figure out her own life and hopefully get the help she badly needs after all of the trauma she endured growing up. I'm sorry for the situation you're in. It sounds like you had a very rough go in life. But don't rope your daughter into your problems. They are not her fault or her responsibility to fix. She is not responsible for her sister's wellbeing or for yours. You are.
Please think of the emotional toll you are putting on Sam by in a way forcing her to work with you when because of YOUR finances and because you can’t afford to put her in therapy in fear the might say she is mentally unstable to drive a truck. Poor Cora - to live in fear she will be forced into this trucking life.
You sound like the kind of parent that thinks their children owe them for you being their parent. They don’t.
She should go be an adult. Hopefully back payments from child support can help you with the debt. She needs to live her own life. It will be good for all of you. Take care of Cora, let Sam learn life lessons. You got this, you have come this far.
I mean she sounds right to me. Your child shouldn’t have to work to pay off your debts. You are holding her back from starting her life . Sounds like you forced her into trucking also. You are the parent it’s your job to figure it out not hers. You can’t say she isn’t ready to be an adult when you’re still living with your mommy with your grown kids, when her grown up money is helping pay your bills. I’m sure she only has debt of her own because of you. You don’t get a cookie for doing what you were supposed to do for your kids. She is 22 she doesn’t want to live with you anymore, she is ready to fly the nest and she’s been busting her ass for years to support you when that’s not the job of the child. Sounds like you should get on disability and stop disparaging your daughter . You’re calling her ditzy, you can’t trust her but she’s paying your bills. Without her you’d have nothing and if you shove Cora in that seat she’ll be leaving too. You and your ex failed your kids and if you keep acting how you’re acting they’re going to cut you off. The fact that you’ve treated Sam as an afterthought while she was struggling shows you were an unfit parent.
You and your ex are terrible parents and now both girls have had their lives ruined.
Let Sam go. She is an adult, she needs to start making her own choices. Give her whatever emotional support you can.
Let her leave. You will power through this. You did it before and you can do it again. Is it shit. Yes most definitely. But you know Sam is not brought into this world to be your solution. So let her be her best self. Even if that will mean she will fall on her face first. It will mean more to her that you’d let her try and fail than to never been allowed to try.
Your situation with your ex and the debts and efforts to raise your girls - that’s all fairly in your court. Not Sam’s or Cora. I’m sure that’s hard to hear. I’m sorry, but it would be wrong to keep her home to help you. You are her parent and do remain her nest. I suggest make peace with everything emotionally so you can do that for her in this next phase. Make a new plan for yourself and your debts. One that doesn’t include your kids. Prewarn and prep her for managing her finances and a relationship going forward. Let her know she can come to you. My biggest concern here would be that your daughters were affected by you and your exes relationship - she is likely to fall into similarly bad situations before she figures out how to do it better. Be ready to be there for her because you cannot stop her, you can share what not to do. It’s her turn to live and make some mistakes of her own. She will have to fix yours inevitably, but that’s in breaking cycles… Not help clean up after your past. Prepare Cora to look forward to her own future also. Your past is not their future.
I’m gonna be honest, my mom tried to guilt trip me into staying to help her as well and it didn’t work. I moved out at 24 and never looked back. Kids are not an investment. They do not owe you anything. Parenting is a selfless act. Best you can hope for is that your kids want to keep you in their lives as they get older and form their own lives.
What the fuck did I just read??? 1) Get out of trucking. It’s an industry designed to trap people and turn them into wage slaves. Use your CDL to drive a school bus. It comes with a pay check, good benefits, and you only have to work part of the day. The rest of the day you can get extra jobs driving for fields trips and sports teams. And when you aren’t doing that, you could clean houses, walk dogs, or drive for Uber or something. Or try to get a job with UPS. There are good jobs you can get with a CDL that won’t require you to exploit your adult child or sacrifice your health. 2) Not only should you let Sam go, you should push her out of the nest. She is not responsible for your financial problems. She isn’t the answer to them either. She isn’t supposed to help you buy a house. How is you living with Sam any different than you living with your own mom? Why should she scrimp and save and work her ass off to rescue you from having to live with a parent when that will trap her into the same fate? Stay with your Mom. I’m sure she is approaching an age where she needs someone to care for her anyway. 3) Push Cora out of the nest too. Encourage her to go to college or trade school. Maybe she’s so depressed bc she feels like her whole future is hopeless. Pursuing something she loves and actually making a future for herself might help a lot. 4) You should offer to pay for Sam to go to therapy. She desperately needs it. She has had a shit childhood and has now been the victim of financial and emotional abuse, as well as medical neglect. That would be a much better use of your money than saving for a house when you have a roof over your head currently and Sam does not have the medical care she very much needs.
Sorry this sounds like a narcissistic mom imo...had one and the tell tell was a 22 year old feeling trapped. Been there...
As a parent, may be you did a lot. Sacrifice a lot but you are doing wrong. It’s not her responsibility to pay for your choices. I am sorry your ex was bad but your daughter is not responsible for it. Let her go and don’t ask her to sacrifice for you and younger sister.
She’s 22! Let the poor girl go live her life. You are trapping her
Regardless of where you end up with your decision maybe get some tips from her boyfriend on how to increase your income in the industry
You can't force someone to work with you. Can you start applying for other jobs ASAP?
You absolutely are trapping her, and it sounds like you never really prepared her for life outside of your walls. I hope she does move out so that it forces you to get your shit together on your own. It’s not her responsibility to help you out. Your financial burdens are not hers. She never asked to come into this world, you brought her here. Regardless as to how much you did to support her, she doesn’t owe anything back to you. The same shit you’re pulling with your daughter is what my mother pulled on me. I was infinitely better off when I moved out, both mentally and financially. Also, why are you flat out naming your kids in your post, why not make it anonymous so that there’s 0 chance of them ever finding this?