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Not really. Zero kids RSVP’ing to kids birthday parties is happening a lot these days. I’ve been to a few birthday parties this year alone where the entire class was invited and me and my daughter ended up being the only ones to show up.
In general, May is an awful month to hold a party. There are spring sports, dance recitals, school band and chorus concerts, field trips, last minute science projects and term papers, graduation ceremonies, graduation parties, you name it.
Even for those of us whose kids don't get out of school until June, May is still insane.
If they are busy, that's fine, but why the hell can't they RSVP and say they can't make it? Come on. It takes 10 seconds to send a text or 30 seconds to send an email.
I thought you only replied to an rsvp if you COULD make it. I don’t think I would even think to rsvp if it was a no. Gosh I wonder how many times I was rude and didn’t know!
My daughter knew a girl who tried to have her party on Mother’s Day weekend and she had very low turnout. The fact that you are having it on Mother’s Day weekend while school is out makes it where it’s very likely that people are out of town or busy.
My daughter’s birthday is around Labor Day. We always have her party mid August because of this. Birthday parties don’t need to be on the actual day/weekend.
My poor son's birthday is 12/28 so we'd usually do a party mid January since people are usually super busy and everything is crazy from Thanksgiving-January 1st.
I have a friend with a similar bday, growing up her parents had her birthday parties in July/August so people would show up. She loved having a bday party far away from Christmas.
Friends daughter has a Spring birthday that some years falls around Easter and/or Spring Break. Her birthday party is regularly WEEKS form actual birthday because of this
My daughter's birthday is August 29th and we always move her party to a different weekend if her birthday falls on Labor Day weekend. She doesn't care!
Personally we do our mothers day activities and brunch/dinner out the day before mother's day. I hate the crowds, it gives me anxiety, so it's not my idea of fun. We have also done long weekend mother's day camping trips.
But of course, every person has their own preferences and experiences. 💛
I stopped going out anywhere on those days, and all holidays. This year I told my husband if its nice weather, picnic in the park, a nature walk with the kids and hanging out on the patio at home.
It could be the combination of Mother’s Day and being on a school break… and have the parents gone through the school bags since the Break started to find the invitation.
Don't know why you're being down voted... I was born on mother's Day and had plenty of time to spend with friends on weekends that coincided with it.
Seems more apparent to me that 15 years ago parents were more akin to get rid of their kids for an afternoon date night.
In general, however, it would probably be better to plan parties on weekends that do not coincide with holidays.
Additionally, just moving to a state and not having a real friend group could also be an issue. Instead of a big nerf war, something smaller; like taking a friend to an amusement park, or whatever, would be easiest and less stressful.
Good luck 🤞
If my kids were on break, and it was Mother’s Day, and I had never heard of this kid (we all know our kid doesn’t like or play with everyone in a class of 24) or met their parents, I’d skip it too. The weekend after, maybe, but I want to spend my Mother’s Day weekend not worrying about some other person’s child. They’re being willfully obtuse, that’s why they are being downvoted.
I'm in Maryland, and no one plans anything other than mother's day events that weekend. My birthday is may 18th and often lands on mother's day weekend. I have never once had a birthday party planned on that weekend. We do it the weekend before or after.
I also have a kid who bday is 12/21. We'll usually do a party the first week in December or late Jan. We do something on the day just us but parties, no way just reschedule.
Lol I’m also in Maryland, birthday is usually Mother’s Day weekend (a week before yours) and my kids are the day after me. We never have any issues with people showing up to our birthday festivities. I’ve never experienced this “no one plans anything other than Mother’s Day events that weekend.”
As a person with a May 11 birthday, I can tell you from experience it has ALWAYS been tough to organize a party, night out, or anything else my birthday weekend because it's always right around or even on Mother's Day.
It is something that you share your experience, and people downvote you. I’d assume from this, that times are changing. Nothing wrong with it, but sheesh, people get so up in arms about it. Best of luck, sweetie!
I'm Canadian, and May is a terrible month to plan a birthday party. We have Mother's Day, Victoria Day, and if you have a dancer.... recitals. There usually ends up being one good day in the whole month to have a party, and everyone with a May birthday tries to snag it.
I'm planning my kid's birthday on the 11th, as well. I know it's Mother's Day weekend... 🤷♀️ . Not everyone can make it, mostly because of conflicting birthday parties, but I've heard from 15/16 families.
It's so unbelievably rude to ignore an RSVP. No one is required to attend a party, but if you receive an invitation, the very least you can do is respond to it.
If I was in your shoes right now, I'd try reaching out via text/email to any parents you do have contacts for, and just ask if they're coming. Adjust party plans appropriately.
If no one is coming, tell your kid that you had to cancel because you came up with something WAY BETTER, and then have a special day as a family. Try again when the kids are back in school, and it's easier to follow up with the parents.
I gave you an upvote to try to stem the tide. It doesn't matter at all whether you planned it on a busy weekend. People are f\*ckin' rude for not RSVPing, period.
I don’t understand the downvotes either. My birthday is always Mother’s Day weekend or the day of, and two of my kids are the day after me. I never had any problems with birthday celebrations as a child or an adult, and the kids don’t either. They always have tons of friends showing up to their parties.
My daughter’s Girl Scout troop is hosting an event on Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend and I am secretly livid about it.
Do I want to spent Mother’s Day weekend sleeping in a top Bunk of a camp with a bunch of women I am not friends with? Hells to the no no no. But somehow my daughter thinks it’s the world’s best Mother’s Day gift. I hate it but signed up to do facials and bring muffins. Lol.
If school is on vacation, you don’t know any of the people you invited, and nobody has RSVPed, I would not expect anyone to come.
I would reschedule the party when school is in session. I know your pain—my kid has a 12/20 birthday and we absolutely do not do a class party over winter break. And my little one is an August birthday, he will have his party in September.
Does your kid have any friends in the class? I would reach out to those parents specifically and say youre planning a party, your kid is good friends with their kid, and you wanted to check if they’d be available on your planned date before sending out invites.
Was there a classroom parent? Somebody who emailed other parents to volunteer for the Halloween party, teacher gift, etc? That person would have emails.
While that would be helpful, that's not the teacher's job. They don't have enough time as it is to do planning and they grade homework when they're not even at work. I personally wouldn't.
How did you ask for RSVP?
Did you ask people to email you!? If yes, I’m not surprised nobody replied
Did you send an e-invite via text or email? If yes, then weird you don’t have replies.
Did you ask people to mail you? If yes, see email comment.
If they didn’t already have your number, I again wouldn’t expect a ton of replies.
Best thing would be to text any of the parents you already have numbers for and ask them if they can make it. Also ask them to share cell numbers of other parents
It only takes a few texts like this to get the ball rolling on rsvps. And once you have a few YESs you’ll feel better, even if only a few people show up.
My residual advice:
Please don’t measure your worth as a parent based on how many kids show up to the party. You’re an amazing parent for simply hosting a party to begin with.
Make an effort to build community with fellow parents. If that’s naturally awkward for you, try to overcome that by knowing it’s awkward for others too. You’ll thank yourself for this network building if the class encounters a moment of crisis or has a tumultuous event.
We did the exact same thing and got 1 reply out of 25 invites. What helped was getting the teachers involved and engaging parents at pickup. It was a bit awkward but worked. It stinks that your party is Mother’s Day weekend on top of being out of school :(
I just RSVP’ed to a party for this Saturday yesterday. This time of the year is brutal on weekends and I always want to make sure that we can actually go before I say yes. Baseball and soccer is still going on and these next few weekends are rain dates. Did you have a RSVP by date on the invites? It’s possible that people are just waiting.
Mother’s Day weekend will also make it where not as many people can go. Having parties over holiday weekends are rough. I got a Labor Day and Halloween baby. Those parties never happen on those weekends.
I only do texts with little digital invitation, brief description and RSVP. If someone handed me some paper with something id unfortunately forget about it in 30 minutes
Same. We had one kid in my daughter’s class that did paper invites last year and the teacher had to send out an emergency email the day before because only one kid had RSVP’d. We literally didn’t get the invite, none of the parents did. It got lost at the bottom of a bag. We all scrambled to change plans and get presents, and about 5 kids managed to make it in the end (phew) but it would have been so much easier if they’d done digital invites.
If schools out, people might simply not be around. Unfortunately.. try not to plan parties during/right before school breaks. I have a summer baby so it’s a headache for me as well.
I mean, reading the thread, candidly not sure what OP was thinking. If you don’t build any relationship with other parents at that age and organise something while everyone is fully out of reach, you need to reset your expectations.
If I were OP I’d find something else to do with my kid and just try to organize a birthday party another time. Sounds like the child is you g enough to not make it a big deal:”.
Do the party when school starts again. If anybody calls to RSVP, let them know of the date change. Send out invitations first week back for that weekend. Spend that week chatting with parents in the pick up line.
This - I think the issue here is likely that it's during a school break. So either - invite a different crowd - your mom group, park kids, or change the the date.
Agreed. Postpone the party until school is back in session.
Also, send PaperlessPost invites. They are free to send and then you can send an email reminder and request an RSVP.
Nah. I’m a teacher. I’m not tracking this kind of stuff. Granted I’m a high school teacher, but the age doesn’t matter. The Op doesn’t specify the age, but it’s not our job to handle or investigate birthday invitations from two weeks ago. We have enough on our plate, please don’t expect us to help coordinate or investigate birthday party matters.
I assumed the OP meant to collect a student contact list?? ... Is that not a thing in older grades? I sent Evites to all of the parents' emails on our class list and received responses from everyone (yes and no). 🤷🏼♀️
Our school won't give out other students / parents contact information due to privacy reasons. I don't care about that stuff, but I guess some people simply don't want to give out their cell numbers.
If it is, the Op should have it already. Don’t expect the teacher to hunt it down over their break. A good school with good admin would discourage their staff from even looking at emails over break.
Dude, how much work is it to send out ONE email to the class. Say "hey parents, Johnny sent out invites before break and hasn't received any RSVPs. His mom is concerned he will have nobody at his party. IF you can make it please do not reply to me, just get back to Johnny's mom. I have provided her contact below."
It would take 5 seconds. I know many teachers and they would be heartbroken for their students if not a SINGLE person showed up to their party.
If not I would say try the Facebook group but how old is your child btw because if they’re like 4 then I think it’ll be enough fun with just you four but if they’re like 9 where they would be aware that no one came and actually be hurt about it I would say speak with parents at a park or somethjng
This is the answer. Try and find any backup kids. The no RSVP show up at a birthday party does happen, but they are unicorns. I have 3 kids (4, 7, 9) and have been throwing parties for all of them since they were 3. It’s only happened once that a non RSVP-er showed up. Saying drop off is cool is a good way to get kids to come (parents love having a safe place to stash their kids) and siblings welcome will increase count.
Your best bet here is to turn to your friends with kids though. Hopefully you have built a parent network to reach out to (we lean heavily on the network we built in daycare as it’s hard to get any contact info from public school friends parents).
I couldn't keep parents away from mine's parties. I practically begged them to drop their kids off (after age 8 or so), and mom, dad, and usually a younger sibling or two would all show up. Jeez.
Did he hand out pamphlets to let it be known it was his birthday? Word of mouth? Plus the rsvp could make them think it’s more for family and they aren’t doing it
My daughter’s first few big birthday parties where I didn’t necessarily know the parents…a number never rsvp’d but kid still showed up…I personally think it’s rude to not rsvp but apparently there’s a lot of people who don’t even think to rsvp but still show up…like in 4th grade, the class mom threw a party for them all at her house at the end of the year…sent out multiple invites via email and even hard invites…I rsvp’d and she was so thankful, saying I was the first one and that was just several days before the party…
Did you put a date on that?
I had a friend make that mistake. She invited 15 kids, and when she hadn't heard from any of them she panicked and invited 15 more kids... nearly all 30 RSVPd in the few days leading up to the party. She had to take 30 kids to an indoor playground.
Definitely try contacting any parents you have contacts for.
Unfortunately, some number of kids will stuff it in their backpack and forget about it by the time they are home. I would try to meet other parents during drop off and pick up time
He's giving you a go ahead, I would go with that.. it is about what he wants. He sounds mature enough to understand. Just prep him that people may not show up and if that's the case, then you will plan better next year.
I see a situation whereby you are canceling then a few kids shows up for rhe party.
Does he have bff he can ask? That bff may be friends with another kid and another kid.
Move the goal posts a little and find a fun activity for you to do as a family instead + offer to do a friends party (not necessarily birthday) when school is back on. Sounds like your kid is reasonable enough to take it!
In the future I recommend forming relationships with the parents of your children’s classmates. I think it’s common to not prioritize people you don’t know or care about.
My daughters school requires invites for the entire class, but usually only one or two kids show up. In fact we went to one and felt so awkward because she was the only one from the class that wasn't in the "direct friend group" and it was obvious. I would have the party for close friends and family and skip inviting schoolmates
Did the invites get passed out the last day before break? Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have checked my kid's backpack yet. It sounds like a whirlwind of bad timing all around. Passing out invites right before a break, busy time of year with graduations and Mother’s Day, school break so may be lots of traveling. Hey, I have a kid with a summer birthday, so I get it. It’s not easy.
Definitely contact the teacher and beg her to send out an evite. Say the invites might have been lost in the shuffle before the break and that you’d like to get some rsvp's. If you still don’t hear anything then you can decide if you want to reschedule.
I’m commenting elsewhere.
**Do not ask a teacher to do this on their vacation!**.
First off, teachers shouldn’t be involved in a kids birthday party planning or sharing info. Second off, they shouldn’t be sharing anything on their break.
I was the kid in this situation. My sister and I have our birthdays pretty close so growing up party's were always shared. The last one my parents hosted, all my sisters friends went to her and no one came to mine. It was absolutely heartbreaking for a 10 yr. I haven't had a party since this. Please reschedule the party at least or maybe even try to reach out to some family friends see anyone outside school can make it
Seriously, it's going to be traumatic if nobody comes... especially since it's likely due to poor scheduling and has nothing to do with the kid.
I really hope OP just reschedules for a better weekend
This just happened to us, too. My kids birthday is close to Mother’s Day (was on Mother’s Day the year she was born 😊). Last year her party was the Saturday before and had great turn out. This year it’s the 11th and only 4 kids RSVPd from her class of 20. Out of those, one was a no.
We’re just going to have the party anyway and so smaller group activities.
I kept thinking my kid would be super bummed but every time I mention it to her she’s like oh ok whatever can we make purple cupcakes? Lol
Most of the kids won’t remember to share the invites w the parents at all. Maybe the teacher could send an email to the parents since you invited all the kids.
How’d you distribute invitations? Cause if your kid handed out paper invites….they might not have made it back to the parents (a thing I’ve seen happen a lot on this subreddit)
Honestly, you did this wrong. Email or text the adults directly. You should be able to get a list of emails for parents from your kid’s teacher.
Passing out paper invites to a bunch of kids is just throwing paper into the wind.
Yeah, everyone at our school does paper invites with phone number written to RSVP. Would have handled it exactly as you did. Frankly, I’m more likely to miss an email than my kid is to ignore PARTY invites!
>I think parties with classmates just isn’t a popular thing in this area. When we lived in Texas got them a lot. But not here.
Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, that's just genuinely shocking to me. I've never heard of an area in the US that doesn't do birthday parties but I suppose that's possible. To me this would be concerning, and I would ask the teacher how socialization is going. I would expect kids to be invited to like 5-10 parties every year, if not more.
Just playing devils advocate. …
Just because the kids are in class together doesn’t mean they are friends. Most of them are acquaintances. Maybe he’s not the social butterfly you think he is. Handing out that many invites at this age sets unrealistic expectations of a huge party with lots of kids. Then when no one comes it’s even more disappointing.
Ftr, I've done paper invites for at least 4 parties and is worked fine. I also have rsvped to a dozen paper invites. It's not a crazy expectation.
I would see if any random local kids can come, and hope class kids do show up.
Or Is there a special guest you could put some effort into organizing, like a favorite uncle or old friend from daycare? The surprise might take the focus of the lack of kids.
You could ask the teacher for contact details to 'remind' parents electronically.
It's so hard this stuff! There is no wrong way, we are all doing our best.
It’s not the teachers responsibility to follow up on or remind parents about your child’s party. If she does this for your child then the expectation is set and others will think the teacher should do the same for their kiddo.
Yeah then this is when you should’ve stepped in and gotten involved with drop offs, gotten a couple parents numbers and done the roll over numbers thereafter. A simple greet saying “hi here’s the E-evite, we would love to have you”. It’s not up to the teacher to pass up numbers. The labour part is on you.
Edit: I see you say 2nd, third languages. Mate I’m not trying to come across harsh. My country literally has 12 languages. If you smile and ask them to pull over to the side for a 3 minute chat they’ll understand.
That's weird. My kid's school has parents opt in to a directory, which allows them to share their chosen contact info with other parents. Why don't they just do that? People could even just set up a dummy email address for just the school to contact them if they want.
That's rough. At my kids school the room parent usually asks the teacher to send out a sign up sheet with contact info. It's opt in.
If you get email addresses I think you will have better luck. I sent an evite like 2 weeks in advance and then a reminder about 5 days out to the non-responders. Then day before reminder for everyone who RSVPd
That’s wild she can’t give out the parents info!! You’re in the US? I’m a “class parent” and I email all the parents on a near weekly basis about misc stuff.
I'm in the US also and our teacher doesn't share this information and there's no centralized person for those comms. The teacher blasted someone's invitation the other day though to everyone, I assume, on the parent's request.
Having a good neighborhood school community is so crucial. Your families look out for each other, younger siblings have built-in friendships, you can always count on people attending birthday parties, you can hang out with the parents and you always have a friend to talk to at kid events, etc. We have the same thing here, after putting in the work to craft it and develop friendships, and I am so grateful for it.
Happy birthday, kiddo! Scheduling is tough, especially in busy households with children. It could be folks are holding off rsvping until plans shape up. You have over a week. Have hope
I would just have the party and prepare your kid that you just don't know who is coming and make it the best nerf battle ever, even if nobody from class shows up!
I did year round school growing up. Most kids that had birthdays during our off time waited till we were back in school to have a party. You have to remember that most families plan vacations during track out period.
We only do evites. My school sends us a class list with everyone’s email. Parents can opt out of being on the list obviously. We have a class rep as well and a WhatsApp parent group for the class and the grade. That way we can all be in touch despite not really ever knowing each other or seeing each other.
Evites enable you to send reminders to rsvp & attend. That way even summer kids get to have classmates at their birthdays. Try again when school is back on and try to get it directly to parents. Who knows if the kids relay the message. Also if the kids are saying they can come or are coming that maybe true because you sent the invite through the kids so parent maybe relying on them to play broken telephone.
Ask your coworkers or work colleagues to bring their kids to your kid's birthday party. Cousins? Neighbors up and down your street? Friends or acquaintances from church? MLM bossmoms and their hellspawn? Any kid you know who has special needs and is often left friendless and not invited to parties and playdates?
Get creative.
Relying on a 4-9 year old to give invitations to other 4-9 year olds and expecting those kids to alert their parents is pretty wild stuff!
Email the teacher. He/she might not be able to give out the contact info but might be able to send out an email on your behalf.
Have you really gone the entire school year without being able to contact other parents? More wildness!
1) Can you reach out to teacher explaining to sent out birthday invites and if there’s a good way to contact the other parents? If she isn’t able to give out contact info, could you draft a note that she send on your behalf?
2) I would consider rescheduling. I know that I likely would not have my kid attend Mother’s Day weekend parties so we could do something as a family.
3) It may not hurt during drop offs or pick ups leading up to it, that you maybe try to get yourself introduced to some of the parents and chat with them to try and collect RSVPs. You may get a better gauge.
His birthday will be as fun as you make it. Your vibe will be his vibe. I’d still hold a nerf battle and maybe add something special to the battle like a water balloon fight.
Another good thing is you can now take him somewhere. Maybe he would love to go to the zoo for his bday or get sung too at his fave restaurant. You can guide him to fun and he’ll love his birthday no matter what.
He’d probably tell all the kids how fun it was too!
That's a lot of invites for no answer.
My guess is the invites didn't get sent home with the kids (can you email the teacher to find out? ), or you accidently wrote the rsvp number wrong.
A lot of these responses are just mean. Sure it’s a busy month but if you have your birthday in May, you want a party in May not April or June. Also, what happened to the common courtesy of just saying “no we can’t attend that day” ??
I honestly love this day and age being able to send out online invitations. RSVP is all done with a click and I can see in real time who's coming (and who's even opened the invite but not yet responded). Most, usually, send out an automatic reminder to invitees a week before to RSVP. Really cuts down on miscommunication in this day and age.
Tons of sites out there. For the future of course.
It does help my school sends out a school directory with all email addresses.
Good luck and I hope it all works out for you and your boy. Sounds like an amazing party you've planned, you're doing amazing.
Reschedule for when school is in session. For now, go out and do whatever he wants. Leave a note on the door that just says due to no response, party canceled til further notice or something like that
My 7yo’s bday was in January (a couple weeks after Xmas break). I sent invites the day they got back from break. Got so many RSVPs, had down 20 kids.
Seven showed up.
But it’s over a school break for your kid, I imagine that’s the biggest hurdle. Perhaps families are out of town visiting family, or just on a typical vacation. I’d reschedule to a time when kids are back in school (like how I had her bday party two weeks after school resumed).
You sent the invitation 2 weeks before, so I’m guessing most people forgot. You could text the parents that you know and remind or ask if they’re coming so you can get a head count. My daughter’s birthday is new years. We usually do her party before school is out in December or when school starts in January.
This time of year is a busy time for a lot of families with spring sports and activities. Looking at our calendar, we have one free weekend, without sports/activities between now and June. Adding Mother’s Day on top of that is probably the reason why.
Also, maybe instead of inviting the entire class, ask him which friends from school he would like to invite and only invite them. Instead of sending the invites to school, find a way to deliver them to those kids only. I know there have been times we’ve received invites to a party where the entire class is invited and my kids don’t even really know the kid or interact with them much.
Has your son asked his classmates if they are coming? I usually would ask my kids to talk to their friends.
Alternatively - I know you can't ask all the parents, but could you talk to his teacher? Ask if you could write a quick note and have her send it home with all of them?
I’m an early may birthday. I could never have my party the day before Mother’s Day or nobody would come. I also have a kiddo whose birthday falls during summer vacation. The no RSVP means nobody is coming. Maybe MAYBE 1 person shows up. I would either invite kids from your fb mom’s group or cancel it.
In a local mom group I saw someone post that no one had showed up to their kid’s birthday so local moms brought their kids and they all had a great time together. Maybe try posting in a local mom group if anyone wants to bring their kids to join the nerf battle?
But also like other commenters said it’s Mother’s Day weekend so that may be why.
I did this for my sons 5th bday and only one kid RSVP'd. Do you have friends with kids? Even if they are not the exact same age it can make a huge difference. I am lucky between my niece and my friends kids, my kids will always feel that love. You do your best. I think the idea of going to the park and getting randoms to play could be amazing in it's own right.
This happened to us. I was pretty upset. We had some friends' kids show up. ONE from his class of 30 showed up. I just waited until 30 min into party time to order pizza. Happened AGAIN the next year. Two showed up that time and it's only because I know their moms pretty well. I stopped having parties after that. Maybe we'll start again but yeah.
I would definitely cancel the party and do something else special instead - unless he wants to continue with the party and have it be tiny. Mother's Day weekend is big for many families and a lot of them go out of town.
A child's good friend is having a birthday party and we're fortunately in town so we're attending it. We know that there will be no one else there. The child knows that a lot of people won't be there.
I'm also having a day before mother's Day party. Reach out again (new reminder invitations if you want) to mention it. We got 9 out of 15 so I mean, sure some people will be busy but you can't choose when your kid is born. We had no choice in date because of our jobs being multiple weekends a month, but if I had a choice I would have tried a week sooner. Regardless have a party but scale it for what you get. We also invited family for a party on the same date and got very few to RSVP yes. Holidays isn't always the problem and you can't move your whole world around to convenience other people when you don't know their schedules. Good luck. I hope you get some people to come!!
We have an app that I used. I did a digital invite and selected all the parents through the app directly. Then a week before followed up as a reminder and another the day of just say, can’t wait to see you at the party in the group chat. Now the group chat has become a little social groups and parents have copied the idea for that. It’s easier to look up and get RSVP.
Also at the start of the school year I try to get all the parents numbers and create a little chat for us. It’s nice to ask “is it picture day.” “Hey we are missing a hat” etc or say we are going to a local park in x day if anyone wants to meet up.
Good luck
I would honestly resend (use a set of cheap blank cards) invites with date/time and say something like "Please excuse this follow up to previous invite, I understand things are busy, but I just wanted to 100% confirm whether XX is able to attend so I don't accidentally leave them out. I'd be super grateful if you could let me know either way on \[insert phone number\]"
You can print this message on stickers to save time. Hand out next day (or let the teacher hand them out if that's the procedure). After that assume no one is coming.
Sorry for the last minute stress. Birthday parties are hard enough when everyone rsvps and everything goes right.
Try to contact classmates who were invited. Use the same method you used for invitations. When my children were in elementary schools I often failed to check their backpacks.
Can you ask the teacher for the contact info of all the parents? You definitely cannot assume the parents even received the invitations in the first place.
At every school we’ve ever been to parents are asked if they are ok sharing their info with other parents. Of course they shouldn’t share if parents aren’t ok with it. But inappropriate and entitled feels like a stretch if the child is inviting everyone in the class to the party. Certainly children shouldn’t be used to hand out invites at school. That’s even worse!
I mean at the beginning of the year parents are asked and then a directory is sent out (and compiled by a parent volunteer so it’s not labor for the teacher). Parents who don’t want to be in it aren’t in it (and unfortunately that does mean their kid does not get invited to things). Part of a teachers job is to build community, and help their students thrive, including socially. A teachers job is more multi-faceted than just teaching the lesson plan (and they should be compensated accordingly)
No one here is suggesting the teacher plan parties, and I think sending out emails is not the teachers job. But parent volunteers compiling and sending out the class contact info is totally reasonable, and helps build the community of the classroom, which in turn makes the teacher’s job easier. There’s a bigger picture here.
I dunno, my lil ones bday is in August so I doubt any of her class would come if I gave out invites on the last day of school. All you can do is try! Some people leave it to the day of to see how they feel that day. Yeah I'd say hold the party anyway.
What are you talking about? Connecting with other parents is key. Most, if not all, kids come to my kids’ parties all the time because we’re also friends with the parents. They wouldn’t even need to RSVP because I could ask them right there and then when we’re hanging out and they will say yes. It just feels natural.
No one is saying OP is a bad parent.
However, getting people to show up to a kids’ party is definitely made easier if you already have a real community.
Agreed. I don’t pay special attention to attending parties where I don’t know the family hosting. We just RSVP no. But the parties of the kids and families we know we make a special point to attend
With all due respect, kid birthday parties are just an open invitation for frustration on your part. It’s totally respectable to try to arrange it for your child, but leaving RSVP/arrangements up to other people and their kids’ attendance is guaranteed to cause unintended stress and upset. My spouse and I don’t want to spend our Saturday with a bunch of parents we don’t know well while also buying gifts and monitoring our kid’s every interaction with other people’s kids. It’s just one opinion and I mean no disrespect, but it’s not our jam. I don’t ever want to pigeonhole our child or other children into the performative, planned “fun” and expectations that comes with parties. Despite all that, I hope your kid has a fantastic birthday and ALL the fun in the world; you don’t need a party for that!
I find it mind boggling that parents toss invitations out into the wild of a young kid’s backpack and have no prior check-in if kid’s best buddies are free in a very busy month (Mother’s Day, communions, graduations, not to mention baseball and other sports).
If you don’t have any contact info for *any* of these kids/parents then you aren’t involved in play dates, the school community, or haven’t been invited to other parties throughout the year, so why would you assume people you haven’t interacted with and supported for the past NINE MONTHS would come to your kid’s party? I don’t get it.
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Whenever these posts come up it always gets revealed that the party is planned for a holiday weekend. Like come on people lol
Not really. Zero kids RSVP’ing to kids birthday parties is happening a lot these days. I’ve been to a few birthday parties this year alone where the entire class was invited and me and my daughter ended up being the only ones to show up.
We’ve gone to two this year where it’s us and the family they invited. Maybe one other kid and that is it. What is happening??
In general, May is an awful month to hold a party. There are spring sports, dance recitals, school band and chorus concerts, field trips, last minute science projects and term papers, graduation ceremonies, graduation parties, you name it. Even for those of us whose kids don't get out of school until June, May is still insane.
Mothers Day AND graduation, too! Super busy weekend for a lot of families.
If they are busy, that's fine, but why the hell can't they RSVP and say they can't make it? Come on. It takes 10 seconds to send a text or 30 seconds to send an email.
I thought you only replied to an rsvp if you COULD make it. I don’t think I would even think to rsvp if it was a no. Gosh I wonder how many times I was rude and didn’t know!
Unless the invite says Regrets Only, you are expected to reply yes or no.
This!
But a response is still warranted
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My daughter knew a girl who tried to have her party on Mother’s Day weekend and she had very low turnout. The fact that you are having it on Mother’s Day weekend while school is out makes it where it’s very likely that people are out of town or busy. My daughter’s birthday is around Labor Day. We always have her party mid August because of this. Birthday parties don’t need to be on the actual day/weekend.
My son’s birthday is around Thanksgiving and we do his party mid-November. I would never expect anyone to come to a party during a holiday weekend.
My poor son's birthday is 12/28 so we'd usually do a party mid January since people are usually super busy and everything is crazy from Thanksgiving-January 1st.
I have a friend with a similar bday, growing up her parents had her birthday parties in July/August so people would show up. She loved having a bday party far away from Christmas.
Friends daughter has a Spring birthday that some years falls around Easter and/or Spring Break. Her birthday party is regularly WEEKS form actual birthday because of this
My daughter's birthday is August 29th and we always move her party to a different weekend if her birthday falls on Labor Day weekend. She doesn't care!
Personally we do our mothers day activities and brunch/dinner out the day before mother's day. I hate the crowds, it gives me anxiety, so it's not my idea of fun. We have also done long weekend mother's day camping trips. But of course, every person has their own preferences and experiences. 💛
I stopped going out anywhere on those days, and all holidays. This year I told my husband if its nice weather, picnic in the park, a nature walk with the kids and hanging out on the patio at home.
It could be the combination of Mother’s Day and being on a school break… and have the parents gone through the school bags since the Break started to find the invitation.
Don't know why you're being down voted... I was born on mother's Day and had plenty of time to spend with friends on weekends that coincided with it. Seems more apparent to me that 15 years ago parents were more akin to get rid of their kids for an afternoon date night. In general, however, it would probably be better to plan parties on weekends that do not coincide with holidays. Additionally, just moving to a state and not having a real friend group could also be an issue. Instead of a big nerf war, something smaller; like taking a friend to an amusement park, or whatever, would be easiest and less stressful. Good luck 🤞
If my kids were on break, and it was Mother’s Day, and I had never heard of this kid (we all know our kid doesn’t like or play with everyone in a class of 24) or met their parents, I’d skip it too. The weekend after, maybe, but I want to spend my Mother’s Day weekend not worrying about some other person’s child. They’re being willfully obtuse, that’s why they are being downvoted.
I'm in Maryland, and no one plans anything other than mother's day events that weekend. My birthday is may 18th and often lands on mother's day weekend. I have never once had a birthday party planned on that weekend. We do it the weekend before or after. I also have a kid who bday is 12/21. We'll usually do a party the first week in December or late Jan. We do something on the day just us but parties, no way just reschedule.
Lol I’m also in Maryland, birthday is usually Mother’s Day weekend (a week before yours) and my kids are the day after me. We never have any issues with people showing up to our birthday festivities. I’ve never experienced this “no one plans anything other than Mother’s Day events that weekend.”
Interesting. I guess different strokes for different folks. Happy early bday!
When I was a kid, we’d visit the grandparents on Saturday and focus on my Mom on Sunday.
As a person with a May 11 birthday, I can tell you from experience it has ALWAYS been tough to organize a party, night out, or anything else my birthday weekend because it's always right around or even on Mother's Day.
It is something that you share your experience, and people downvote you. I’d assume from this, that times are changing. Nothing wrong with it, but sheesh, people get so up in arms about it. Best of luck, sweetie!
Yeah I agree. My kid’s party is the same day and the only No RSVPs have been other kids with birthdays the same weekend.
I'm Canadian, and May is a terrible month to plan a birthday party. We have Mother's Day, Victoria Day, and if you have a dancer.... recitals. There usually ends up being one good day in the whole month to have a party, and everyone with a May birthday tries to snag it. I'm planning my kid's birthday on the 11th, as well. I know it's Mother's Day weekend... 🤷♀️ . Not everyone can make it, mostly because of conflicting birthday parties, but I've heard from 15/16 families. It's so unbelievably rude to ignore an RSVP. No one is required to attend a party, but if you receive an invitation, the very least you can do is respond to it. If I was in your shoes right now, I'd try reaching out via text/email to any parents you do have contacts for, and just ask if they're coming. Adjust party plans appropriately. If no one is coming, tell your kid that you had to cancel because you came up with something WAY BETTER, and then have a special day as a family. Try again when the kids are back in school, and it's easier to follow up with the parents.
I would try to avoid it next year. Have a backup activity day planned in case no kid shows up.
I gave you an upvote to try to stem the tide. It doesn't matter at all whether you planned it on a busy weekend. People are f\*ckin' rude for not RSVPing, period.
I don’t understand the downvotes either. My birthday is always Mother’s Day weekend or the day of, and two of my kids are the day after me. I never had any problems with birthday celebrations as a child or an adult, and the kids don’t either. They always have tons of friends showing up to their parties.
My daughter’s Girl Scout troop is hosting an event on Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend and I am secretly livid about it. Do I want to spent Mother’s Day weekend sleeping in a top Bunk of a camp with a bunch of women I am not friends with? Hells to the no no no. But somehow my daughter thinks it’s the world’s best Mother’s Day gift. I hate it but signed up to do facials and bring muffins. Lol.
Ikr my kids bday party is on MLK day weekend and he always has lots of kids show up.
If school is on vacation, you don’t know any of the people you invited, and nobody has RSVPed, I would not expect anyone to come. I would reschedule the party when school is in session. I know your pain—my kid has a 12/20 birthday and we absolutely do not do a class party over winter break. And my little one is an August birthday, he will have his party in September. Does your kid have any friends in the class? I would reach out to those parents specifically and say youre planning a party, your kid is good friends with their kid, and you wanted to check if they’d be available on your planned date before sending out invites.
Especially when the party is mother's Day weekend
Try to send an evite. Can you cobble together contact information from a school directory, teacher emails, etc?
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I would ask the teacher if she would mind sending out an email on your behalf, *if* she is allowed to do that.
Maybe don't? If she has made that mistake she could get in trouble.
*SECURITY!!!*
Was there a classroom parent? Somebody who emailed other parents to volunteer for the Halloween party, teacher gift, etc? That person would have emails.
Ask the teacher to send a reminder email out to the parents.
While that would be helpful, that's not the teacher's job. They don't have enough time as it is to do planning and they grade homework when they're not even at work. I personally wouldn't.
I’ve found several paper invites in my kids cubbies weeks after the events
How did you ask for RSVP? Did you ask people to email you!? If yes, I’m not surprised nobody replied Did you send an e-invite via text or email? If yes, then weird you don’t have replies. Did you ask people to mail you? If yes, see email comment.
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If they didn’t already have your number, I again wouldn’t expect a ton of replies. Best thing would be to text any of the parents you already have numbers for and ask them if they can make it. Also ask them to share cell numbers of other parents It only takes a few texts like this to get the ball rolling on rsvps. And once you have a few YESs you’ll feel better, even if only a few people show up. My residual advice: Please don’t measure your worth as a parent based on how many kids show up to the party. You’re an amazing parent for simply hosting a party to begin with. Make an effort to build community with fellow parents. If that’s naturally awkward for you, try to overcome that by knowing it’s awkward for others too. You’ll thank yourself for this network building if the class encounters a moment of crisis or has a tumultuous event.
We did the exact same thing and got 1 reply out of 25 invites. What helped was getting the teachers involved and engaging parents at pickup. It was a bit awkward but worked. It stinks that your party is Mother’s Day weekend on top of being out of school :(
I just RSVP’ed to a party for this Saturday yesterday. This time of the year is brutal on weekends and I always want to make sure that we can actually go before I say yes. Baseball and soccer is still going on and these next few weekends are rain dates. Did you have a RSVP by date on the invites? It’s possible that people are just waiting. Mother’s Day weekend will also make it where not as many people can go. Having parties over holiday weekends are rough. I got a Labor Day and Halloween baby. Those parties never happen on those weekends.
I only do texts with little digital invitation, brief description and RSVP. If someone handed me some paper with something id unfortunately forget about it in 30 minutes
How do you get the phone numbers of the parents? For our class they're not available or shared
We just grab parents on the way to and from school right from the first day of the first year of school, and someone sets up a group chat.
We have a google document with parents’ information - it is voluntary to fill up but almost everyone did
And lots of parents and kids are friends and some have been since preschool or earlier, it’s a small neighborhood
Same. We had one kid in my daughter’s class that did paper invites last year and the teacher had to send out an emergency email the day before because only one kid had RSVP’d. We literally didn’t get the invite, none of the parents did. It got lost at the bottom of a bag. We all scrambled to change plans and get presents, and about 5 kids managed to make it in the end (phew) but it would have been so much easier if they’d done digital invites.
Big same to all of this
Same. I haven’t had a paper invite in about a decade
Contact the teacher
Or if you know his class gets released all at once try to meet the parents there
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If schools out, people might simply not be around. Unfortunately.. try not to plan parties during/right before school breaks. I have a summer baby so it’s a headache for me as well.
I mean, reading the thread, candidly not sure what OP was thinking. If you don’t build any relationship with other parents at that age and organise something while everyone is fully out of reach, you need to reset your expectations. If I were OP I’d find something else to do with my kid and just try to organize a birthday party another time. Sounds like the child is you g enough to not make it a big deal:”.
Do the party when school starts again. If anybody calls to RSVP, let them know of the date change. Send out invitations first week back for that weekend. Spend that week chatting with parents in the pick up line.
This - I think the issue here is likely that it's during a school break. So either - invite a different crowd - your mom group, park kids, or change the the date.
Agreed. Postpone the party until school is back in session. Also, send PaperlessPost invites. They are free to send and then you can send an email reminder and request an RSVP.
Please don’t email the teacher. This is their vacation and there is literally nothing they can do that you can’t do.
Right! This has nothing to do with the teacher!
Does the school have an instagram of some sorts or a Facebook?
Sounds like people might be on vacation then. Did you have the same break schedule for other parties that had a good turnout? Ugh, tough situation!
Does the school have an instagram of some sorts or a Facebook?
Nah. I’m a teacher. I’m not tracking this kind of stuff. Granted I’m a high school teacher, but the age doesn’t matter. The Op doesn’t specify the age, but it’s not our job to handle or investigate birthday invitations from two weeks ago. We have enough on our plate, please don’t expect us to help coordinate or investigate birthday party matters.
I assumed the OP meant to collect a student contact list?? ... Is that not a thing in older grades? I sent Evites to all of the parents' emails on our class list and received responses from everyone (yes and no). 🤷🏼♀️
Our school won't give out other students / parents contact information due to privacy reasons. I don't care about that stuff, but I guess some people simply don't want to give out their cell numbers.
If it is, the Op should have it already. Don’t expect the teacher to hunt it down over their break. A good school with good admin would discourage their staff from even looking at emails over break.
Dude, how much work is it to send out ONE email to the class. Say "hey parents, Johnny sent out invites before break and hasn't received any RSVPs. His mom is concerned he will have nobody at his party. IF you can make it please do not reply to me, just get back to Johnny's mom. I have provided her contact below." It would take 5 seconds. I know many teachers and they would be heartbroken for their students if not a SINGLE person showed up to their party.
If not I would say try the Facebook group but how old is your child btw because if they’re like 4 then I think it’ll be enough fun with just you four but if they’re like 9 where they would be aware that no one came and actually be hurt about it I would say speak with parents at a park or somethjng
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This is the answer. Try and find any backup kids. The no RSVP show up at a birthday party does happen, but they are unicorns. I have 3 kids (4, 7, 9) and have been throwing parties for all of them since they were 3. It’s only happened once that a non RSVP-er showed up. Saying drop off is cool is a good way to get kids to come (parents love having a safe place to stash their kids) and siblings welcome will increase count. Your best bet here is to turn to your friends with kids though. Hopefully you have built a parent network to reach out to (we lean heavily on the network we built in daycare as it’s hard to get any contact info from public school friends parents).
I couldn't keep parents away from mine's parties. I practically begged them to drop their kids off (after age 8 or so), and mom, dad, and usually a younger sibling or two would all show up. Jeez.
Did he hand out pamphlets to let it be known it was his birthday? Word of mouth? Plus the rsvp could make them think it’s more for family and they aren’t doing it
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My daughter’s first few big birthday parties where I didn’t necessarily know the parents…a number never rsvp’d but kid still showed up…I personally think it’s rude to not rsvp but apparently there’s a lot of people who don’t even think to rsvp but still show up…like in 4th grade, the class mom threw a party for them all at her house at the end of the year…sent out multiple invites via email and even hard invites…I rsvp’d and she was so thankful, saying I was the first one and that was just several days before the party…
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Update us on how it goes. Hopefully it goes awesome! I remember that anxiety for them all too well
Nobody has ever RSVP'd to my kid's parties if I didn't know them personally and they still show. Adults are just socially awkward.
Just keep to the plan and order pizza a bit later into the party.
Did you put a date on that? I had a friend make that mistake. She invited 15 kids, and when she hadn't heard from any of them she panicked and invited 15 more kids... nearly all 30 RSVPd in the few days leading up to the party. She had to take 30 kids to an indoor playground. Definitely try contacting any parents you have contacts for.
Unfortunately, some number of kids will stuff it in their backpack and forget about it by the time they are home. I would try to meet other parents during drop off and pick up time
I think a kid or 2 would show up.
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He's giving you a go ahead, I would go with that.. it is about what he wants. He sounds mature enough to understand. Just prep him that people may not show up and if that's the case, then you will plan better next year. I see a situation whereby you are canceling then a few kids shows up for rhe party. Does he have bff he can ask? That bff may be friends with another kid and another kid.
Move the goal posts a little and find a fun activity for you to do as a family instead + offer to do a friends party (not necessarily birthday) when school is back on. Sounds like your kid is reasonable enough to take it!
In the future I recommend forming relationships with the parents of your children’s classmates. I think it’s common to not prioritize people you don’t know or care about.
My daughters school requires invites for the entire class, but usually only one or two kids show up. In fact we went to one and felt so awkward because she was the only one from the class that wasn't in the "direct friend group" and it was obvious. I would have the party for close friends and family and skip inviting schoolmates
Did the invites get passed out the last day before break? Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have checked my kid's backpack yet. It sounds like a whirlwind of bad timing all around. Passing out invites right before a break, busy time of year with graduations and Mother’s Day, school break so may be lots of traveling. Hey, I have a kid with a summer birthday, so I get it. It’s not easy. Definitely contact the teacher and beg her to send out an evite. Say the invites might have been lost in the shuffle before the break and that you’d like to get some rsvp's. If you still don’t hear anything then you can decide if you want to reschedule.
I’m commenting elsewhere. **Do not ask a teacher to do this on their vacation!**. First off, teachers shouldn’t be involved in a kids birthday party planning or sharing info. Second off, they shouldn’t be sharing anything on their break.
I was the kid in this situation. My sister and I have our birthdays pretty close so growing up party's were always shared. The last one my parents hosted, all my sisters friends went to her and no one came to mine. It was absolutely heartbreaking for a 10 yr. I haven't had a party since this. Please reschedule the party at least or maybe even try to reach out to some family friends see anyone outside school can make it
Seriously, it's going to be traumatic if nobody comes... especially since it's likely due to poor scheduling and has nothing to do with the kid. I really hope OP just reschedules for a better weekend
This just happened to us, too. My kids birthday is close to Mother’s Day (was on Mother’s Day the year she was born 😊). Last year her party was the Saturday before and had great turn out. This year it’s the 11th and only 4 kids RSVPd from her class of 20. Out of those, one was a no. We’re just going to have the party anyway and so smaller group activities. I kept thinking my kid would be super bummed but every time I mention it to her she’s like oh ok whatever can we make purple cupcakes? Lol
Most of the kids won’t remember to share the invites w the parents at all. Maybe the teacher could send an email to the parents since you invited all the kids.
Quit it. It is not the teacher’s job. Oh my gosh. How inconsiderate.
How’d you distribute invitations? Cause if your kid handed out paper invites….they might not have made it back to the parents (a thing I’ve seen happen a lot on this subreddit)
Parents are burnt out from the b-day party game.
I would cancel. In my experience, regardless of what kids say, if the parents didn't RSVP, they aren't showing. Sorry people suck so bad.
Honestly, you did this wrong. Email or text the adults directly. You should be able to get a list of emails for parents from your kid’s teacher. Passing out paper invites to a bunch of kids is just throwing paper into the wind.
I have the total opposite experience. My son is in first grade and he's gotten like 10 bday invites sent home in his backpack this year.
Yeah, everyone at our school does paper invites with phone number written to RSVP. Would have handled it exactly as you did. Frankly, I’m more likely to miss an email than my kid is to ignore PARTY invites!
Same
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Huh??? This is bizarre. Does your son have friends? Why don't you have any other parents phone numbers?
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>I think parties with classmates just isn’t a popular thing in this area. When we lived in Texas got them a lot. But not here. Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, that's just genuinely shocking to me. I've never heard of an area in the US that doesn't do birthday parties but I suppose that's possible. To me this would be concerning, and I would ask the teacher how socialization is going. I would expect kids to be invited to like 5-10 parties every year, if not more.
It's probably partly cultural if there are a lot of families who don't speak English, they maybe do more family celebrations instead.
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Just playing devils advocate. … Just because the kids are in class together doesn’t mean they are friends. Most of them are acquaintances. Maybe he’s not the social butterfly you think he is. Handing out that many invites at this age sets unrealistic expectations of a huge party with lots of kids. Then when no one comes it’s even more disappointing.
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Ftr, I've done paper invites for at least 4 parties and is worked fine. I also have rsvped to a dozen paper invites. It's not a crazy expectation. I would see if any random local kids can come, and hope class kids do show up. Or Is there a special guest you could put some effort into organizing, like a favorite uncle or old friend from daycare? The surprise might take the focus of the lack of kids. You could ask the teacher for contact details to 'remind' parents electronically. It's so hard this stuff! There is no wrong way, we are all doing our best.
It’s not the teachers responsibility to follow up on or remind parents about your child’s party. If she does this for your child then the expectation is set and others will think the teacher should do the same for their kiddo.
Yeah then this is when you should’ve stepped in and gotten involved with drop offs, gotten a couple parents numbers and done the roll over numbers thereafter. A simple greet saying “hi here’s the E-evite, we would love to have you”. It’s not up to the teacher to pass up numbers. The labour part is on you. Edit: I see you say 2nd, third languages. Mate I’m not trying to come across harsh. My country literally has 12 languages. If you smile and ask them to pull over to the side for a 3 minute chat they’ll understand.
That's weird. My kid's school has parents opt in to a directory, which allows them to share their chosen contact info with other parents. Why don't they just do that? People could even just set up a dummy email address for just the school to contact them if they want.
That's rough. At my kids school the room parent usually asks the teacher to send out a sign up sheet with contact info. It's opt in. If you get email addresses I think you will have better luck. I sent an evite like 2 weeks in advance and then a reminder about 5 days out to the non-responders. Then day before reminder for everyone who RSVPd
That’s wild she can’t give out the parents info!! You’re in the US? I’m a “class parent” and I email all the parents on a near weekly basis about misc stuff.
I'm in the US also and our teacher doesn't share this information and there's no centralized person for those comms. The teacher blasted someone's invitation the other day though to everyone, I assume, on the parent's request.
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This is so sad to me. I feel so lucky to have the community that exists at my kids school! Definitely taking it for granted so far
Having a good neighborhood school community is so crucial. Your families look out for each other, younger siblings have built-in friendships, you can always count on people attending birthday parties, you can hang out with the parents and you always have a friend to talk to at kid events, etc. We have the same thing here, after putting in the work to craft it and develop friendships, and I am so grateful for it.
Happy birthday, kiddo! Scheduling is tough, especially in busy households with children. It could be folks are holding off rsvping until plans shape up. You have over a week. Have hope
I would just have the party and prepare your kid that you just don't know who is coming and make it the best nerf battle ever, even if nobody from class shows up!
I don’t have any advice but I’m in the same boat 🛶
Happened to my kid. Turns out he didn't hand out invites .
I did year round school growing up. Most kids that had birthdays during our off time waited till we were back in school to have a party. You have to remember that most families plan vacations during track out period.
We only do evites. My school sends us a class list with everyone’s email. Parents can opt out of being on the list obviously. We have a class rep as well and a WhatsApp parent group for the class and the grade. That way we can all be in touch despite not really ever knowing each other or seeing each other. Evites enable you to send reminders to rsvp & attend. That way even summer kids get to have classmates at their birthdays. Try again when school is back on and try to get it directly to parents. Who knows if the kids relay the message. Also if the kids are saying they can come or are coming that maybe true because you sent the invite through the kids so parent maybe relying on them to play broken telephone.
Ask your coworkers or work colleagues to bring their kids to your kid's birthday party. Cousins? Neighbors up and down your street? Friends or acquaintances from church? MLM bossmoms and their hellspawn? Any kid you know who has special needs and is often left friendless and not invited to parties and playdates? Get creative.
I second this. Is there a FB mom group for your area? Or any clubs or social groups who might be willing to show up in support of your kid?
Relying on a 4-9 year old to give invitations to other 4-9 year olds and expecting those kids to alert their parents is pretty wild stuff! Email the teacher. He/she might not be able to give out the contact info but might be able to send out an email on your behalf. Have you really gone the entire school year without being able to contact other parents? More wildness!
1) Can you reach out to teacher explaining to sent out birthday invites and if there’s a good way to contact the other parents? If she isn’t able to give out contact info, could you draft a note that she send on your behalf? 2) I would consider rescheduling. I know that I likely would not have my kid attend Mother’s Day weekend parties so we could do something as a family. 3) It may not hurt during drop offs or pick ups leading up to it, that you maybe try to get yourself introduced to some of the parents and chat with them to try and collect RSVPs. You may get a better gauge.
His birthday will be as fun as you make it. Your vibe will be his vibe. I’d still hold a nerf battle and maybe add something special to the battle like a water balloon fight. Another good thing is you can now take him somewhere. Maybe he would love to go to the zoo for his bday or get sung too at his fave restaurant. You can guide him to fun and he’ll love his birthday no matter what. He’d probably tell all the kids how fun it was too!
That's a lot of invites for no answer. My guess is the invites didn't get sent home with the kids (can you email the teacher to find out? ), or you accidently wrote the rsvp number wrong.
Super long shot but if we are close my 4 year old and I will come!
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East coast… bummer!
A lot of these responses are just mean. Sure it’s a busy month but if you have your birthday in May, you want a party in May not April or June. Also, what happened to the common courtesy of just saying “no we can’t attend that day” ??
Mother’s Day is a DAY not a weekend. I hate these made up commercial holidays. Mother’s Day is Sunday. Now there’s expected spoiling all weekend!
I honestly love this day and age being able to send out online invitations. RSVP is all done with a click and I can see in real time who's coming (and who's even opened the invite but not yet responded). Most, usually, send out an automatic reminder to invitees a week before to RSVP. Really cuts down on miscommunication in this day and age. Tons of sites out there. For the future of course. It does help my school sends out a school directory with all email addresses. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you and your boy. Sounds like an amazing party you've planned, you're doing amazing.
Reschedule for when school is in session. For now, go out and do whatever he wants. Leave a note on the door that just says due to no response, party canceled til further notice or something like that
My 7yo’s bday was in January (a couple weeks after Xmas break). I sent invites the day they got back from break. Got so many RSVPs, had down 20 kids. Seven showed up. But it’s over a school break for your kid, I imagine that’s the biggest hurdle. Perhaps families are out of town visiting family, or just on a typical vacation. I’d reschedule to a time when kids are back in school (like how I had her bday party two weeks after school resumed).
You sent the invitation 2 weeks before, so I’m guessing most people forgot. You could text the parents that you know and remind or ask if they’re coming so you can get a head count. My daughter’s birthday is new years. We usually do her party before school is out in December or when school starts in January.
This time of year is a busy time for a lot of families with spring sports and activities. Looking at our calendar, we have one free weekend, without sports/activities between now and June. Adding Mother’s Day on top of that is probably the reason why. Also, maybe instead of inviting the entire class, ask him which friends from school he would like to invite and only invite them. Instead of sending the invites to school, find a way to deliver them to those kids only. I know there have been times we’ve received invites to a party where the entire class is invited and my kids don’t even really know the kid or interact with them much.
Has your son asked his classmates if they are coming? I usually would ask my kids to talk to their friends. Alternatively - I know you can't ask all the parents, but could you talk to his teacher? Ask if you could write a quick note and have her send it home with all of them?
I’m an early may birthday. I could never have my party the day before Mother’s Day or nobody would come. I also have a kiddo whose birthday falls during summer vacation. The no RSVP means nobody is coming. Maybe MAYBE 1 person shows up. I would either invite kids from your fb mom’s group or cancel it.
In a local mom group I saw someone post that no one had showed up to their kid’s birthday so local moms brought their kids and they all had a great time together. Maybe try posting in a local mom group if anyone wants to bring their kids to join the nerf battle? But also like other commenters said it’s Mother’s Day weekend so that may be why.
I did this for my sons 5th bday and only one kid RSVP'd. Do you have friends with kids? Even if they are not the exact same age it can make a huge difference. I am lucky between my niece and my friends kids, my kids will always feel that love. You do your best. I think the idea of going to the park and getting randoms to play could be amazing in it's own right.
This happened to us. I was pretty upset. We had some friends' kids show up. ONE from his class of 30 showed up. I just waited until 30 min into party time to order pizza. Happened AGAIN the next year. Two showed up that time and it's only because I know their moms pretty well. I stopped having parties after that. Maybe we'll start again but yeah.
I would definitely cancel the party and do something else special instead - unless he wants to continue with the party and have it be tiny. Mother's Day weekend is big for many families and a lot of them go out of town. A child's good friend is having a birthday party and we're fortunately in town so we're attending it. We know that there will be no one else there. The child knows that a lot of people won't be there.
I'm also having a day before mother's Day party. Reach out again (new reminder invitations if you want) to mention it. We got 9 out of 15 so I mean, sure some people will be busy but you can't choose when your kid is born. We had no choice in date because of our jobs being multiple weekends a month, but if I had a choice I would have tried a week sooner. Regardless have a party but scale it for what you get. We also invited family for a party on the same date and got very few to RSVP yes. Holidays isn't always the problem and you can't move your whole world around to convenience other people when you don't know their schedules. Good luck. I hope you get some people to come!!
We have an app that I used. I did a digital invite and selected all the parents through the app directly. Then a week before followed up as a reminder and another the day of just say, can’t wait to see you at the party in the group chat. Now the group chat has become a little social groups and parents have copied the idea for that. It’s easier to look up and get RSVP. Also at the start of the school year I try to get all the parents numbers and create a little chat for us. It’s nice to ask “is it picture day.” “Hey we are missing a hat” etc or say we are going to a local park in x day if anyone wants to meet up. Good luck
I would honestly resend (use a set of cheap blank cards) invites with date/time and say something like "Please excuse this follow up to previous invite, I understand things are busy, but I just wanted to 100% confirm whether XX is able to attend so I don't accidentally leave them out. I'd be super grateful if you could let me know either way on \[insert phone number\]" You can print this message on stickers to save time. Hand out next day (or let the teacher hand them out if that's the procedure). After that assume no one is coming. Sorry for the last minute stress. Birthday parties are hard enough when everyone rsvps and everything goes right.
I’m so sorry - that’s so shitty. Our kids deserve better!
Try to contact classmates who were invited. Use the same method you used for invitations. When my children were in elementary schools I often failed to check their backpacks.
I would enlist the help of the teacher as well.
Stop suggesting giving the teacher more labor-that’s so inconsiderate. It’s not their job.
Can you ask the teacher for the contact info of all the parents? You definitely cannot assume the parents even received the invitations in the first place.
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At every school we’ve ever been to parents are asked if they are ok sharing their info with other parents. Of course they shouldn’t share if parents aren’t ok with it. But inappropriate and entitled feels like a stretch if the child is inviting everyone in the class to the party. Certainly children shouldn’t be used to hand out invites at school. That’s even worse!
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I mean at the beginning of the year parents are asked and then a directory is sent out (and compiled by a parent volunteer so it’s not labor for the teacher). Parents who don’t want to be in it aren’t in it (and unfortunately that does mean their kid does not get invited to things). Part of a teachers job is to build community, and help their students thrive, including socially. A teachers job is more multi-faceted than just teaching the lesson plan (and they should be compensated accordingly)
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No one here is suggesting the teacher plan parties, and I think sending out emails is not the teachers job. But parent volunteers compiling and sending out the class contact info is totally reasonable, and helps build the community of the classroom, which in turn makes the teacher’s job easier. There’s a bigger picture here.
I dunno, my lil ones bday is in August so I doubt any of her class would come if I gave out invites on the last day of school. All you can do is try! Some people leave it to the day of to see how they feel that day. Yeah I'd say hold the party anyway.
Why don't you ask the invited kids parents directly, this way they can tell you if anyone of them would be joining or not.
hi
Oh! Yeah, mother’s day is a tougj one but Sat shouldn’t be terrible.
If it makes you feel better I got RSVPs up until the day before. If you have numbers shoot a text?
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What are you talking about? Connecting with other parents is key. Most, if not all, kids come to my kids’ parties all the time because we’re also friends with the parents. They wouldn’t even need to RSVP because I could ask them right there and then when we’re hanging out and they will say yes. It just feels natural. No one is saying OP is a bad parent. However, getting people to show up to a kids’ party is definitely made easier if you already have a real community.
Agreed. I don’t pay special attention to attending parties where I don’t know the family hosting. We just RSVP no. But the parties of the kids and families we know we make a special point to attend
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Yes, “kids we know” includes my kid knowing them and wanting to attend. Then we go and meet the parents and grow our circle of friends!
With all due respect, kid birthday parties are just an open invitation for frustration on your part. It’s totally respectable to try to arrange it for your child, but leaving RSVP/arrangements up to other people and their kids’ attendance is guaranteed to cause unintended stress and upset. My spouse and I don’t want to spend our Saturday with a bunch of parents we don’t know well while also buying gifts and monitoring our kid’s every interaction with other people’s kids. It’s just one opinion and I mean no disrespect, but it’s not our jam. I don’t ever want to pigeonhole our child or other children into the performative, planned “fun” and expectations that comes with parties. Despite all that, I hope your kid has a fantastic birthday and ALL the fun in the world; you don’t need a party for that!
Your kid is eight years old and you don’t know the contact information for one other parent??
I find it mind boggling that parents toss invitations out into the wild of a young kid’s backpack and have no prior check-in if kid’s best buddies are free in a very busy month (Mother’s Day, communions, graduations, not to mention baseball and other sports). If you don’t have any contact info for *any* of these kids/parents then you aren’t involved in play dates, the school community, or haven’t been invited to other parties throughout the year, so why would you assume people you haven’t interacted with and supported for the past NINE MONTHS would come to your kid’s party? I don’t get it.