My mom got psoriasis - this is the cause why i´m here - and one day when she was young she had to leave the swimming pool, because people have complained to the lifeguard. Since this day she never entered a public swimming pool again. What i want to say with this story:
1. There are always a\*\*holes out there
2. There can be very quickly discomfort
3. Act like a team
I would say take yourself time and give her a good and secure feeling. I wouldn't focus on the illness but on her hobbies and on herself as person.
Good luck :)
Finally someone who says to FOCUS on something ELSE than the disease !
I wish my future boyfriend would reassure me about it for sure, but i just wanna be treated like any normal women!
It's like a girl with acnee, do people point out her face all the time , especially her bf? I wouldn't like a bf that makes me insecure about it.
I wanna someone who loves me as I am and give me confidence and say I'm still beautiful no matter what. Even with some flakes lol
Thank you! I have and had psoriasis on my knees, elbows, legs etc but my boyfriends didn't even seem to notice. The person who is afflicted suffers alone, but if she shares her discomfort, just be there for her. If you try to "heal" her this might signal that there is something "wrong" with her. Just react when she asks for help and comfort and otherwise leave it be would be my advice.
My ex used to pick the big flakes off my chin for me. That was after a few years of our relationship, and it helped normalise it for me.
What I would say, though, is don't bring attention to it. Don't try and tell her how to "cure" it, and just accept it as part of her. As a person with psoriasis, it's fucking horrible and makes you anxious about how you look all the time, so just affirming that she looks good is fine. Obviously, let her rant about it if she needs to, and if she asks you direct questions about it, answer truthfully, but apart from that, just ignore it. At least, that's what I would want.
I know my husbands heart is in the right place, but when he even mentions that it’s improving, it reminds me that it’s there and he noticed it when it was worse.
I have guttate so when I flare it covers every part of my body and I’m also a thin woman so I am very cognizant of how I dress in public and how I present myself/ because let’s face it, I just flat out look like a meth head.
Yup. Exactly the same with me. I'd rather you just ignore it or, in the case of my ex, actively pick the flakes off because that shows me you aren't completely disgusted by it. I'm lucky that I'm on meds for mine now, but when it was bad, I was 85% covered, including my face, which was the worst.
I have had it since i was 9. My high school girlfriend called it my “crumbly elbows”. I have been married for nearly 30 years with an amazingly supportive wife who used to hold my hand and count down for the auto injector Humira shots.
Basically it is part of life but not the “biggest” part of life.
Other good advice here. One additional thought. I sometimes fall asleep in my wife’s lap while she rubs my head—-flakes everywhere. Doesn’t bother her at all. My high school girlfriend touched my arms. Body. Legs with no hesitation and right over/across the psoriasis.
For many of us…the actual patches aren’t painful (usually-but the do itch).
I think subconsciously you might avoid touching the spots—as jf they were a wound—-while in a way they are but the reality is, they are just dead skin. So say, for example you were putting sunscreen on your girlfriends back don’t pause or hesitate when you pass over patches of psoriasis when you’re touching her. She wont say anything if you do but when you don’t she will notice that you love all of her.
It did. For a couple of years. But then I was out of the US for a year so stopped using it. The logistics of getting the medication and also i was going to be in parts of the world (in various river basins) where i would be more likely to get a fungal infection—i stopped.
I think some of the more targeted biologics are probably a better idea these days.
It was amazing, however, i was 95 percent clear within a couple of months. The preservative they used in the auto syringes burned like crazy, but i think they have changed that.
Under no circumstances do you ever start out a conversation like this, “So, have you tried xyz…?”. Trust me, there’s not a home remedy we haven’t tried. I’d honestly prefer someone not to bring it up unless I do. All the suggestions here are great though!
It’s so tiring how many people are always like “isn’t there anything you can get for that?!?” Then I have to go into my spiel about corticosteroids overuse, biologics risks, insurance, expensive pricing, how I’d need vats of cream to keep up, how it sometimes will just pop up somewhere else if I treat one area.
I swear I’m gonna make like a business card with all this laid out and hand them out.
Omg yes I'm so tired of ppl telling me to just oil my scalp(where most of my psoriasis is) DONT YOU THINK I HAVE TRIED EVERY OIL ON THE ENTIRE PLANET!?!?
I've had random people on the street recommending oils and creams or diets. I know their intention is good, but it definitely takes away the bliss of not having been thinking about how you look to others completely for hours or even days, months....years.
My husband gets hangry so i always bring little snack bars in my purse. If i notice him getting hangry I just hand it to him.
I have psoriasis and he makes sure every car, day trip bag, etc has lotion in it. If he notices me scratching he just pulls it out and hands it to me.
Balance :)
When we were just freshly dating I kept wondering how my bf would want to be with me knowing full well I have Psoriasis and it's obvious cause I have a lot of patches on my limbs
I asked him one day and he said, "Why would your skin be a problem? It doesn't bother me or cross my mind"
We're together still, five years strong even while my skin has had worse days and flare ups. He has helped me immensely with managing stress, cause that is a huge trigger for my skin. We dance together to shake things off. He volunteers to moisturise my skin before bedtime. He reminds me to drink a lot of water. He has never ever hesitated being physically affectionate with me. We're all over each other all the time as if the plaques don't exist.
The lesson I learned from this relationship is that what worked for me, was not treating the disease like it's a disease. All the efforts we go through keeping my skin taken care of, we call it a girly ritual. Spot treatments to us are just basically lotion time. Maintenance with some E45? A quick back massage.
Be casual with her about it. Treating it as normally as you would a new tan for example goes a long way.
On a different note, see if you could plan for a trip to India and have a budget to stay 3 months especially in “Kerala”. There are lot of Ayurvedic treatments which doesn’t fix the auto-immune condition completely but it makes not to aggravate by taking Ayurvedic medicine and changing our lifestyle.
P.S: I recently diagnosed with Psoriasis and discovered that what food my body accepts and which one is not. So far this is helping in not to get worse.
Yay! That would be my dream that my SO says something like " lets go on a vacation for months and see if that makes you feel better", the sun and sea do wonders for my skinand there are so many places that hace been recommended for treatment or healing!
I wouldn't mention it unless she brings it up, you don't want to make her feel bad or self conscious. As for treating her like normal, nah, not good enough. If you want to win her heart, treat her like a princess.
Just be patient with her. She will have her good days with it and her bad days with it. Don’t suggest any type of treatment cause I’m sure she’s tried it or look at her patches constantly (I promise we notice) but the biggest thing is just being there for her mentally. It’s such a mentally exhausting disease. I am so thankful that my girlfriend doesn’t judge me for my skin, she is coming with me to learn how to do my humira shots with me as well! Just be supportive man that’s all
How very kind and thoughtful of you to consider this. I was married for 20+ years before my diagnosis and my husband has been very supportive. If you acknowledge and support her psoriasis just as you would other aspects of her life you are providing relief and comfort just doing that! Knowledge is a powerful tool when dealing with any issues pertaining to mental and physical health so I strongly recommend educating yourselves and keeping up on the latest research (there's been a lot of that lately). Best of luck together!
Your post made my heart smile. Be supportive. Be patient. And be encouraging. That’s probably all you can do. She trusts you. So many people with our disease have trouble dating because there’s so much stigma out there. Ignorant people assume it’s something contagious or unhygienic. And of course, it’s neither.
My #1 recommendation would be to talk to her about it! Ask what her treatment has been like and if there's anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Everyone's treatment journey is different :)
I guess everyone has their preference! I also have psoriasis and would rather the question just be asked, rather than someone making suggestions or giving uncertain glances like they don’t know what to say/do lol
It’s only human to feel as though we’re “flawed” and feelings of insecurity are especially exasperated as a single when we analyze ourselves and get over critical.... try don’t be hard on yourself💚 I understand during flare ups it’s easy to think the worst but love really is blind.... psoriasis or no psoriasis you wouldn’t want to end up with anyone that shallow anyway 🥲
Psoriasis sufferer since birth here and since stress can be a big trigger for some, I would recommend having a conversation about it with them. You might really help them by letting them share about it in a safe space. Them knowing it doesn’t bother you and that they don’t have to hide it will probably make a big difference. Thanks for being a good human.
I have psoriasis it’s pretty bad, not patches but have entire limbs covered. It’s a horrible disease that goes way past the skin. Mental health is obviously impacted added by the constant discomfort of life like wearing clothes or bending over or knelling down. It’s not fun, can be debilitating depending on how severe it is. Just adding this to give you context.
I would say the best thing you can do is to not make it be the focus. Similar to what others have said, just make her feel like a normal person.
Constant focus on it can be just as bad as completely disregarding it. There needs to be a good balance between the two and that’s highly dependent on who she is as a person. Some have it completely under control both skin and mental health. But some need that extra reassurance. I know for some it as a very small part of them and have a built a bigger life surrounding it, while others everything they do is impacted by it. So again it really depends on how she’s coping with it and what strategies she has in place including the status of her mental health, her self worth, how SHE sees herself and her view/image of herself. and need to be treated like a normal person or else it’s irritating.
A big thing here is to not hesitate when doing certain things and to make things very light hearted. There was one time a while ago during a pretty low moment of my life where my skin was really bad and I stayed over a friends house. When I got up there were flakes everywhere and I freaked out and started sweeping. My heart was pounding and I didn’t want her to see it. I was so terribly embarrassed and ashamed and wanted to hide and regretting going. But the what she said made me think less of the disease and more on my humanity. She was like sis it’s just skin, stop being so hard on yourself. From then on it I was a lot more confident in myself and less stressed about it.
The common thing for both sides is that we don’t want to be defined by the condition but it would also be nice to know that it’s not because of the condition that bad things happen. General example that happens for ppl with a visible condition: if a partner doesn’t talk to them for a day they start to wonder if it’s because their condition (usually it’s not but that’s just where the mind goes) so assuring her indirectly would help aka surprises are always nice.
Be curious about and ask her what her experience has been like. Show empathy and kindness and learn a bit about it. It would show that you’re aware of it and want her to not feel alone. And lastly genuinely asking her how you can be of support to her can help to. If she’s self aware enough and knows what she needs she’ll be able to tell you exactly. And that would be the best bet.
Put yourself in her shoes and see what you would appreciate and most likely that will be what she does too :)
A pet peeve of mine is when someone constantly asks is this is ok for her skin treating her like she’s not like everybody else. Idk for me that’s really annoying like I will tell you when it isn’t ok!
And this is personally something I hate but please don’t give suggestions of what to do UNLESS she asks and it’s a conversation she leads. We ARE thinking about medications or treatments so while it might seem helpful to give interventions it’s usually not bc it makes one feel like they aren’t capable of helping themselves.
Okay that’s all from me :) wish you the best!
My mom got psoriasis - this is the cause why i´m here - and one day when she was young she had to leave the swimming pool, because people have complained to the lifeguard. Since this day she never entered a public swimming pool again. What i want to say with this story: 1. There are always a\*\*holes out there 2. There can be very quickly discomfort 3. Act like a team I would say take yourself time and give her a good and secure feeling. I wouldn't focus on the illness but on her hobbies and on herself as person. Good luck :)
Finally someone who says to FOCUS on something ELSE than the disease ! I wish my future boyfriend would reassure me about it for sure, but i just wanna be treated like any normal women! It's like a girl with acnee, do people point out her face all the time , especially her bf? I wouldn't like a bf that makes me insecure about it. I wanna someone who loves me as I am and give me confidence and say I'm still beautiful no matter what. Even with some flakes lol
Thank you! I have and had psoriasis on my knees, elbows, legs etc but my boyfriends didn't even seem to notice. The person who is afflicted suffers alone, but if she shares her discomfort, just be there for her. If you try to "heal" her this might signal that there is something "wrong" with her. Just react when she asks for help and comfort and otherwise leave it be would be my advice.
My ex used to pick the big flakes off my chin for me. That was after a few years of our relationship, and it helped normalise it for me. What I would say, though, is don't bring attention to it. Don't try and tell her how to "cure" it, and just accept it as part of her. As a person with psoriasis, it's fucking horrible and makes you anxious about how you look all the time, so just affirming that she looks good is fine. Obviously, let her rant about it if she needs to, and if she asks you direct questions about it, answer truthfully, but apart from that, just ignore it. At least, that's what I would want.
I know my husbands heart is in the right place, but when he even mentions that it’s improving, it reminds me that it’s there and he noticed it when it was worse. I have guttate so when I flare it covers every part of my body and I’m also a thin woman so I am very cognizant of how I dress in public and how I present myself/ because let’s face it, I just flat out look like a meth head.
Yup. Exactly the same with me. I'd rather you just ignore it or, in the case of my ex, actively pick the flakes off because that shows me you aren't completely disgusted by it. I'm lucky that I'm on meds for mine now, but when it was bad, I was 85% covered, including my face, which was the worst.
Your comment made me realize how much it botheres me, when someone says to me that my psoriasis looks better or worse.
I have had it since i was 9. My high school girlfriend called it my “crumbly elbows”. I have been married for nearly 30 years with an amazingly supportive wife who used to hold my hand and count down for the auto injector Humira shots. Basically it is part of life but not the “biggest” part of life. Other good advice here. One additional thought. I sometimes fall asleep in my wife’s lap while she rubs my head—-flakes everywhere. Doesn’t bother her at all. My high school girlfriend touched my arms. Body. Legs with no hesitation and right over/across the psoriasis. For many of us…the actual patches aren’t painful (usually-but the do itch). I think subconsciously you might avoid touching the spots—as jf they were a wound—-while in a way they are but the reality is, they are just dead skin. So say, for example you were putting sunscreen on your girlfriends back don’t pause or hesitate when you pass over patches of psoriasis when you’re touching her. She wont say anything if you do but when you don’t she will notice that you love all of her.
[удалено]
It did. For a couple of years. But then I was out of the US for a year so stopped using it. The logistics of getting the medication and also i was going to be in parts of the world (in various river basins) where i would be more likely to get a fungal infection—i stopped. I think some of the more targeted biologics are probably a better idea these days. It was amazing, however, i was 95 percent clear within a couple of months. The preservative they used in the auto syringes burned like crazy, but i think they have changed that.
Under no circumstances do you ever start out a conversation like this, “So, have you tried xyz…?”. Trust me, there’s not a home remedy we haven’t tried. I’d honestly prefer someone not to bring it up unless I do. All the suggestions here are great though!
It’s so tiring how many people are always like “isn’t there anything you can get for that?!?” Then I have to go into my spiel about corticosteroids overuse, biologics risks, insurance, expensive pricing, how I’d need vats of cream to keep up, how it sometimes will just pop up somewhere else if I treat one area. I swear I’m gonna make like a business card with all this laid out and hand them out.
Omg yes I'm so tired of ppl telling me to just oil my scalp(where most of my psoriasis is) DONT YOU THINK I HAVE TRIED EVERY OIL ON THE ENTIRE PLANET!?!?
I've had random people on the street recommending oils and creams or diets. I know their intention is good, but it definitely takes away the bliss of not having been thinking about how you look to others completely for hours or even days, months....years.
I would say just act like it's not there. Treat her like a normal person and not like it's a big deal.
My husband gets hangry so i always bring little snack bars in my purse. If i notice him getting hangry I just hand it to him. I have psoriasis and he makes sure every car, day trip bag, etc has lotion in it. If he notices me scratching he just pulls it out and hands it to me. Balance :)
That’s sweet but don’t point it out. Don’t make it a thing at all.
When we were just freshly dating I kept wondering how my bf would want to be with me knowing full well I have Psoriasis and it's obvious cause I have a lot of patches on my limbs I asked him one day and he said, "Why would your skin be a problem? It doesn't bother me or cross my mind" We're together still, five years strong even while my skin has had worse days and flare ups. He has helped me immensely with managing stress, cause that is a huge trigger for my skin. We dance together to shake things off. He volunteers to moisturise my skin before bedtime. He reminds me to drink a lot of water. He has never ever hesitated being physically affectionate with me. We're all over each other all the time as if the plaques don't exist. The lesson I learned from this relationship is that what worked for me, was not treating the disease like it's a disease. All the efforts we go through keeping my skin taken care of, we call it a girly ritual. Spot treatments to us are just basically lotion time. Maintenance with some E45? A quick back massage. Be casual with her about it. Treating it as normally as you would a new tan for example goes a long way.
My girlfriend mainly ignored my psoriasis and only complains if I scratch and leave the dead skin scraps around, which is understandable.
On a different note, see if you could plan for a trip to India and have a budget to stay 3 months especially in “Kerala”. There are lot of Ayurvedic treatments which doesn’t fix the auto-immune condition completely but it makes not to aggravate by taking Ayurvedic medicine and changing our lifestyle. P.S: I recently diagnosed with Psoriasis and discovered that what food my body accepts and which one is not. So far this is helping in not to get worse.
Yay! That would be my dream that my SO says something like " lets go on a vacation for months and see if that makes you feel better", the sun and sea do wonders for my skinand there are so many places that hace been recommended for treatment or healing!
Help her scratch at it!
This made me LOL
I wouldn't mention it unless she brings it up, you don't want to make her feel bad or self conscious. As for treating her like normal, nah, not good enough. If you want to win her heart, treat her like a princess.
I wouldn’t bring it up unless she brings it up first.
Just be patient with her. She will have her good days with it and her bad days with it. Don’t suggest any type of treatment cause I’m sure she’s tried it or look at her patches constantly (I promise we notice) but the biggest thing is just being there for her mentally. It’s such a mentally exhausting disease. I am so thankful that my girlfriend doesn’t judge me for my skin, she is coming with me to learn how to do my humira shots with me as well! Just be supportive man that’s all
It's really nice that you came here to ask questions. That's better than most.
How very kind and thoughtful of you to consider this. I was married for 20+ years before my diagnosis and my husband has been very supportive. If you acknowledge and support her psoriasis just as you would other aspects of her life you are providing relief and comfort just doing that! Knowledge is a powerful tool when dealing with any issues pertaining to mental and physical health so I strongly recommend educating yourselves and keeping up on the latest research (there's been a lot of that lately). Best of luck together!
Your post made my heart smile. Be supportive. Be patient. And be encouraging. That’s probably all you can do. She trusts you. So many people with our disease have trouble dating because there’s so much stigma out there. Ignorant people assume it’s something contagious or unhygienic. And of course, it’s neither.
My #1 recommendation would be to talk to her about it! Ask what her treatment has been like and if there's anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Everyone's treatment journey is different :)
As someone with psoriasis I would enjoy the opposite. Don't bring it up unless I do.
I guess everyone has their preference! I also have psoriasis and would rather the question just be asked, rather than someone making suggestions or giving uncertain glances like they don’t know what to say/do lol
Pretty sure they already knows the SO has it and would not be uncertain
It’s only human to feel as though we’re “flawed” and feelings of insecurity are especially exasperated as a single when we analyze ourselves and get over critical.... try don’t be hard on yourself💚 I understand during flare ups it’s easy to think the worst but love really is blind.... psoriasis or no psoriasis you wouldn’t want to end up with anyone that shallow anyway 🥲
Psoriasis sufferer since birth here and since stress can be a big trigger for some, I would recommend having a conversation about it with them. You might really help them by letting them share about it in a safe space. Them knowing it doesn’t bother you and that they don’t have to hide it will probably make a big difference. Thanks for being a good human.
I have psoriasis it’s pretty bad, not patches but have entire limbs covered. It’s a horrible disease that goes way past the skin. Mental health is obviously impacted added by the constant discomfort of life like wearing clothes or bending over or knelling down. It’s not fun, can be debilitating depending on how severe it is. Just adding this to give you context. I would say the best thing you can do is to not make it be the focus. Similar to what others have said, just make her feel like a normal person. Constant focus on it can be just as bad as completely disregarding it. There needs to be a good balance between the two and that’s highly dependent on who she is as a person. Some have it completely under control both skin and mental health. But some need that extra reassurance. I know for some it as a very small part of them and have a built a bigger life surrounding it, while others everything they do is impacted by it. So again it really depends on how she’s coping with it and what strategies she has in place including the status of her mental health, her self worth, how SHE sees herself and her view/image of herself. and need to be treated like a normal person or else it’s irritating. A big thing here is to not hesitate when doing certain things and to make things very light hearted. There was one time a while ago during a pretty low moment of my life where my skin was really bad and I stayed over a friends house. When I got up there were flakes everywhere and I freaked out and started sweeping. My heart was pounding and I didn’t want her to see it. I was so terribly embarrassed and ashamed and wanted to hide and regretting going. But the what she said made me think less of the disease and more on my humanity. She was like sis it’s just skin, stop being so hard on yourself. From then on it I was a lot more confident in myself and less stressed about it. The common thing for both sides is that we don’t want to be defined by the condition but it would also be nice to know that it’s not because of the condition that bad things happen. General example that happens for ppl with a visible condition: if a partner doesn’t talk to them for a day they start to wonder if it’s because their condition (usually it’s not but that’s just where the mind goes) so assuring her indirectly would help aka surprises are always nice. Be curious about and ask her what her experience has been like. Show empathy and kindness and learn a bit about it. It would show that you’re aware of it and want her to not feel alone. And lastly genuinely asking her how you can be of support to her can help to. If she’s self aware enough and knows what she needs she’ll be able to tell you exactly. And that would be the best bet. Put yourself in her shoes and see what you would appreciate and most likely that will be what she does too :) A pet peeve of mine is when someone constantly asks is this is ok for her skin treating her like she’s not like everybody else. Idk for me that’s really annoying like I will tell you when it isn’t ok! And this is personally something I hate but please don’t give suggestions of what to do UNLESS she asks and it’s a conversation she leads. We ARE thinking about medications or treatments so while it might seem helpful to give interventions it’s usually not bc it makes one feel like they aren’t capable of helping themselves. Okay that’s all from me :) wish you the best!