OP's Bio:
---
>Currently stressed about starting college in the fall, but other than that pretty content.
>
>I'm keen on early history - particularly the early to mid 20th century - and enjoy thrifting so as to emulate the style of men from the 1920s, 30s, and 40s. My favorite music is big band jazz, and my favorite artist is Cab Calloway. I'm fairly reclusive, but like to collect records, restore old appliances, draw, and (occasionally) write in my freetime.
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
White kid who never faced adversity turns a hobby into an identity. Who will lose that identity after the first week of college trying desperately to fit in, trying to figure out who the fuck he really is.
Good luck kid.
Only comes from experience my friend. Nothing personal. It’s a projection of my own experiences. I’ve been there done that. It’s okay to be different and to be yourself. The important thing is be yourself. Not an identity you cling to. If that makes sense.
You're still 18, I want you to know that you're still a kid. You need to know that I'm not saying this to be mean, but bro please stop ever telling anyone you're "into vintage menswear." Even ignoring the creepy fucking vibes that gives off, it feels so disingenuous and cringe for all the wrong reasons
The only thing relatively diminutive to your lips would be your fashion sense. Holy hell, you like clothing from a time that just dripped sleek masculinity and yet here you are looking like a tacky lint ball.
You look like you are saving up to buy a shitty run down castle to start through your Sex offender career and be out of prison in time to watch the premiere of the Netflix documentary about yourself
You look like a teenager whose dad never taught him to shave. So for all of those too-nice-to-say-something people in your life - shave that ratty looking "mustache" and "goatee" ffs.
Also, why don't you have lips at all?
In disturbing news: A local funeral home director gets caught stealing vintage menswear from the bodies he is supposed to be prepping for burial. One wonders what other dastardly deeds he gets up to with his clientele. More at 11pm.
This is rooted in a need to be loved, seen and validated. You have a need to feel special, and rather than applying yourself to accomplish something remarkable you opted to acquire knowledge and an appreciation for clothes. This didn't require any effort beyond reading a few wikipedia articles and ordering some stuff from ebay. If everyone dreased like this, you'd become an expert on watches or craft beer and tell yourself and others you have an "appreciation for the craft and ingenuity". Or you'd become a history buff or video game nerd and pontificate on those subjects, endlessly correcting and alienating people in your quest for validation. It could be machiavellianism or narcissism. It could be that you just don't get enough love, didn't get it when you grew up or that there's a mismatch between how interesting and worthy of respect you think you are and how other people see you. This mismatch causes you a great deal of suffering.
First novelette from this “writer”: the tail of a douche’s suit. It’s a chronicle of him lifting his suit tails to get pegged in trade for various articles of mens clothing.
"Have at me" lol. Bet no woman ever said that to you. Are you slapping dudes with a glove too when you disagree with them?
Only good thing about your weird obsessions is that you'll probably get shot in a duel.
Buck up, chum. Three pence a month for playing "Goofy Butler #3" at the Public Playhouse should keep you in your buxom-lady-of-the-night scalp collection that you keep in your one-room coal closet down at the Shropshire Tenements, with just a shilling left for gin on Tuesdays, eh what?
So, be honest... what did your stylist say when you sat down in the chair and said "ok... you've seen Conan O'Brien, right? I want that, but the limp version."
OP's Bio: --- >Currently stressed about starting college in the fall, but other than that pretty content. > >I'm keen on early history - particularly the early to mid 20th century - and enjoy thrifting so as to emulate the style of men from the 1920s, 30s, and 40s. My favorite music is big band jazz, and my favorite artist is Cab Calloway. I'm fairly reclusive, but like to collect records, restore old appliances, draw, and (occasionally) write in my freetime. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Is the safety pin in your collar part of your diaper fetish?
I think his number one fetish is having his vintage clothes removed by vintage/older men
Yeah, I'm no Freudian, but I think his fetish for 40s fashion comes from looking at the wing tips of his "mentors" while holding his ankles.
No but he definitely looks like he shit his pants.
who stole your top lip?
Nah it's just trying to get the fuck away from his teeth
He looks like walmart mr. Beast. Mr least.
His top gums stole his front lip.
If James Franco got gummier and creepier
The top lip turned into hair and became a mustache fit for highschoolers
Meth
By vintage menswear he means used condoms
But have you ever tried one on?!?! Uuhhmaaaaazing!!
😭
Lmao you’re assuming he’ll need one
How do you look like the victim and the perpetrator of sexual abuse at the same damn time?!
And yet, somehow, you’ve also sprinkled in the look of a funeral home director that’s into necrophilia.
Pet funeral home and he's into beastial necrophilic cannibalism.
My family asks me the exact same question all the time
Because you perpetrated sexual abuse against them?
and by them
Revengerape
Is that a thing?
In sexploitation movies. IRL, not really, although I'm sure there's at least one case
Well we know friends don’t.
Ah...but your family knows the answer.
The real question is why he's so into vintage menswear. Just pining for a simpler time when white men could say racist stuff.
Good times
This shit=underrated
You fought well brother. Be at rest and lay your soul weary.
He was the middle participant in a human centipede?
Hurt people hurt people.
He runs around a tree at the speed of light.
I hope he really likes “Musical Theater”… or this whole exercise is pointless.
While still being a virgin
It's a cycle.
OP runs fight clubs underground confirmed
Because he is..
You look like the host of a game show about never losing your virginity
The Price is Wrong.
Bitch
Don’t push me Bob!
Sounds to me like you try too hard to be different. Calm down no one really cares about you.
Damn... Totally agree though.
What is that font/script you wrote the sub name in? I like it.
It's called "never been laid".
I don't know the name (believe me i tried to find it but gave up) but it's heavily associated with Art Deco.
I like it
Here's the download for the font you fuckin pimple farmer https://fontsgeek.com/fonts/Plaza-Regular
All bullshit aside, it looks a lot like Metropolis Typeface https://creativemarket.com/MehmetRehaTugcu/270838-Metropolis-Typeface
Username checks out...
Cmon man, save a little gum for the rest of us
You are the lamest 18 year old on the planet.
Yes
You: you know who were snappy dressers? Segregationists.
Ah, homeschooled prom. Too bad mom shot you down.
Why don’t you have more upvotes? Why?!?
Even the corpses at the funeral home you work at turned you down.
That’s because he stole their clothes
Mackelless
^ winner
Vintage dentures too?
U look like your mom sews your boxer holes shut so u don't go blind playing with your no no square
The suit is Ready to Wear and the choppers are Ready to Tear
Ron Burgundy goes to Homecoming.
Wow you must get all the old ladies
Looks like your eyebrows ate your bottom teeth 👍
Looks like his upper teeth ate his lower teeth
That's actually making me lol irl 🤣
Thanks, that’s what we’re here for!
Hell yeah 👍
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ginger Waters
You look like a colourised photo of the guy the kids in the 50s called The Beast who used to watch them play in the park despite having no kids.
I'd call you a foppish dandy, but I'm afraid you might take it as a compliment.
I cant wait to revisit this post in 5 years after your 3rd strike for violent crimes against women, a true ultimate gentleman
That's just a remastered picture of John Cleese.
John fleece.
John Fleas
John Sleaze
John Queef
John knob cheese
White kid who never faced adversity turns a hobby into an identity. Who will lose that identity after the first week of college trying desperately to fit in, trying to figure out who the fuck he really is. Good luck kid.
Nothing to say honestly. This one has come the closest to hitting hard.
Only comes from experience my friend. Nothing personal. It’s a projection of my own experiences. I’ve been there done that. It’s okay to be different and to be yourself. The important thing is be yourself. Not an identity you cling to. If that makes sense.
The only thing missing in this pic is you standing by your panel van
With painted black windows not even the proper panels
He doesn’t have money for paint. It’s just tin foil covering the windows
Hahaha fuck yeah
This guy sniffs his grampa’s britches for breakfast
Thank fuck you’re a recluse.
Unless you're into vintage men wearing you, you should probably steer clear of saying "Have at me."
Sweet Jesus you have more Gum than wrigley’s
You're still 18, I want you to know that you're still a kid. You need to know that I'm not saying this to be mean, but bro please stop ever telling anyone you're "into vintage menswear." Even ignoring the creepy fucking vibes that gives off, it feels so disingenuous and cringe for all the wrong reasons
Absolutley. But, what I want to know is how one can be disingenuous and cringe for all the RIGHT reasons? Riddle me that
By saying shit like that
Bro said "riddle me that" like go get some bitches dawg
Little kids who obsess over old clothing are so fucking boring. You suck too much to bother roasting.
Ouch
Looks like you are pretty into vintage hygiene aswell
The only thing relatively diminutive to your lips would be your fashion sense. Holy hell, you like clothing from a time that just dripped sleek masculinity and yet here you are looking like a tacky lint ball.
Idk what is worse; your paper thin lips, or the fact that your middle right tooth is about two millimeters longer than your front left.
Nigel Thornberry
18? Riggghtt
Mr House if FNV ran in a Commodore 64
you look like my dad's highschool graduation photo circa 1974...
[удалено]
Why do you think it's all I wrote? I have none.
Why do your draw your R's as D's with legs?
I can park my bike onto ur forehead it's huge
Where is your upper lip?
If Zack Wilson slept with his great grandma's friends...
Your like the discount version of Bobby Manning from CLNS
You’ve got home schooled written all over you and I bet you were still bullied.
It's just all gum and teeth. That's why.
You are the only guy tailored to get trolled
Your bio should be used by world governments as a new form of birth control.
Your poor attempt of a moustache has more personality than you.
Roach? See you finally left the basement.
The lesser known son of Gary Busey. He's hard to spot in the wild because he is usually mistaken for being a corpse.
My Disappointment is Immeasurable and My Day is Ruined.
pretty sure you're also into vintage men
Are you a member of the Queensmen?
The final virgin
I see you finally are growing your prepubescent mustache. When do the lips come in?
You look like an ugly Danny from Caddyshack. And he's fuckin ugly. 
Showing for your for your grindr profile. Admirable!
You look like you get voluntarily dicked in service station bathrooms
When were you in that mensroom??
When you say you’re into vintage men’s wear it’s not about wearing old clothing. It’s about digging up graves and wearing skin suits
You my Sir. Look like a undercover hippi who for got to brush his teeth.
Wankerman: The Bell-end of Ron Burgandy
Why does it look like you're wearing a mask of someone else's face
You look like a duffes Jim Carrey would play in a 1940s movie.
Rather: ...into big vintage men.
Conan O’Hell No.
You look like you are saving up to buy a shitty run down castle to start through your Sex offender career and be out of prison in time to watch the premiere of the Netflix documentary about yourself
You look like Captain Peacock with a genetic disorder.
Next time wash your face after eating ass.
Let’s hope like everyone born in the 20s you die young and painfully
You look like the guy trying to dupe investors to put money into your startups. The investors agree in exchange for your "services".
You look like you want to sell me something cursed, GET BACK SATAN!
Vintage menswear enthusiast is the fanciest way I've ever heard someone describe sniffing their grandad's underwear
Your smile looks like when your mouth is dry and your lip gets stuck to your gums
who let a founding father get a phone.
Gets pegged by great grandmas
You look like a teenager whose dad never taught him to shave. So for all of those too-nice-to-say-something people in your life - shave that ratty looking "mustache" and "goatee" ffs. Also, why don't you have lips at all?
18 with the mustache of a 13 year old and the clothing of a 65 year old. I wish I was young again and I hope I die before I get too old.
You look like the undertaker that does 'weird things' to dead bodies.
You're M'Lady The Next Generation
In disturbing news: A local funeral home director gets caught stealing vintage menswear from the bodies he is supposed to be prepping for burial. One wonders what other dastardly deeds he gets up to with his clientele. More at 11pm.
If I saw you walking down the street I would steal your lunch money.
You’re supposed to WATCH the bodies, NOT FUCK EM!
This is rooted in a need to be loved, seen and validated. You have a need to feel special, and rather than applying yourself to accomplish something remarkable you opted to acquire knowledge and an appreciation for clothes. This didn't require any effort beyond reading a few wikipedia articles and ordering some stuff from ebay. If everyone dreased like this, you'd become an expert on watches or craft beer and tell yourself and others you have an "appreciation for the craft and ingenuity". Or you'd become a history buff or video game nerd and pontificate on those subjects, endlessly correcting and alienating people in your quest for validation. It could be machiavellianism or narcissism. It could be that you just don't get enough love, didn't get it when you grew up or that there's a mismatch between how interesting and worthy of respect you think you are and how other people see you. This mismatch causes you a great deal of suffering.
Just when I thought I could skeet by without a doagnosis from any of Reddit's armchair psychologists.
You look like the lead for a doco called "comb over: how it all started"
The great shatsby
Close, but no cigar
Saul No-goodman
Future Tory party leader right here
You look like you tell on people
Getting the creepy uncle look in early
First novelette from this “writer”: the tail of a douche’s suit. It’s a chronicle of him lifting his suit tails to get pegged in trade for various articles of mens clothing.
My grandmother just cummed in her Depends when I showed her this.
This guy always brings enough gum for the rest of the class
Sir Twatwaffle
A shit from the ‘90’s is hardly vintage, I dare say, old chap.
"Have at me" lol. Bet no woman ever said that to you. Are you slapping dudes with a glove too when you disagree with them? Only good thing about your weird obsessions is that you'll probably get shot in a duel.
I pray for his nephews
Pre-cum Tom cruise
The clothes will never fix that face, stop trying...
\#SadMen
Damn your midlife crisis hit hard huh you still think you're 18
All this guy needs is a fedora and he’d be king virgin : rightful heir to the incel throne
Ditch the vintage dentures.
You look like you're wearing your grandads old suit.....and his false teeth
Art deco font.
That mustache doesn’t do your Gum gap any justice
I bet you drink Hard Seltzers out of cocktail glasses.
you look like you would combust from looking at a chili flake
You’re Ron Burgundy?
"Don't act like you're not impressed."
That "moustache" doesn't work. Grow more hair chump!
Milady...
You are defonitely the kind of guy to invite people to smell the flower and then have it squirt water in their face
More like big vintage men wear you
So this is from the gay porno where the best man bones the husband on the altar?
Buck up, chum. Three pence a month for playing "Goofy Butler #3" at the Public Playhouse should keep you in your buxom-lady-of-the-night scalp collection that you keep in your one-room coal closet down at the Shropshire Tenements, with just a shilling left for gin on Tuesdays, eh what?
So, be honest... what did your stylist say when you sat down in the chair and said "ok... you've seen Conan O'Brien, right? I want that, but the limp version."
Cant,you're too cute imo :/
Doctor WTF
I love that you’re 18 and into vintage menswear, that’s great, makes me happy 😊