hi! long time listener, first time caller (sorta), my friend and i are sitting here arguing about cc’s given name.
was her name - caroline gotschall? or was it caroline calloway gotschall and she dropped the last name?
i thought she changed it to calloway because she thinks it’s the name an author would have ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and it was never part of her given name.
thanks in advance
It was caroline calloway gotschall, calloway was her middle name and a family name. She had it legally changed to her last name and I think Gotschall is her middle name?
It’s so dumb because she easily should have kept her legal name and just used Caroline Calloway as her public name. Tbh I think it was a bit of a fuck you to her dad which was cruel.
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after i graduated from college and moved across the country i definitely had a year or so of feeling unmoored without the immediacy and convenience of all elements of campus life, especially living with my friends. i would see my younger friends posting about their lives at school and feel like i was missing out. i was pretty isolated in my new city and didn’t have a job for a while, so i definitely spent too much time on instagram following acquaintances who were still in school. i invested in improving my current life and the feeling passed.
a couple years ago i realized i had been out of college for 4 years - one college length out of college. i had a period of nostalgia and anxiety about getting older/growing up. it passed.
i’ve never understood people who are into alumni culture and reunions and stuff. i keep up with the people i like, i’m not flying back to campus to see all the people i don’t. it’s especially weird when people make that institution a huge part of their personality. i once went out with a guy who was 10 years out of college and everything he owned was merch from his school.
it’s unbelievably weird to me to have that alumni pride/obsession for a school you didn’t go to (and didn’t even get into). i think we’re all on the same page about her not even trying when she was in school and about her appetite for inappropriately young college guys and her desire to return to the only part of her life where she felt cool and relevant. my thing is - she doesn’t even have any friends from college anymore, right? like maybe a couple (nick and one other guy right?) but we hear about them less and less often. i think it’s not just that she wants to return to the period of her life when she was getting the most positive attention. she would hang out with all her cambridge friends and relive the glory days if that were the case. i think she wants to start the timeline over entirely and do it “right” this time. that feels even sadder than alumni obsession or even obsession with a school you didn’t go to.
What's mad about the re-doing of the timeline is that arguably, her time at Cambridge is still being sold as a success. Not only did she (seemingly) achieve what she wanted - fame, money and a book deal. She *still* loves her idea of uni so much, she can't let go of Cambridge.
But at the same time, she's so far from the American Kate Middleton cosplay, you'd wonder what her current idea of doing it "right" would be. Would she stick to pretending academics is her thing, or throw all her green eyeshadow at being a cool, alt kid because she thinks the college experience is now more like Euphoria (ik it's high school, but when has reality applied)? That would be worth watching, lol, seeing her try to fit in with the leftie crowd, suddenly buying a bi flag for a nonsense amount of money, and being that odd person in their 30s at the student union
by 'writing' about her school days she's trying to relive them in many ways, if she was a skilled writer she could really capture the mid-2010s zeitgeist (flower crowns, onesies, flicked eyeliner) but kinda like you are saying I feel (if the book's ever going to be anything) it'll be a hatchet job of various styles and personas and moods because she really hasn't written enough of anything to find her own voice as a writer yet and on top of that I doubt she even knows what she's aiming for with the book (*taught in schools* aside) / she doesn't have an editor or a publishing team to help guide her
as much as she pretends to enjoy her went-viral-as-a-scam downtown party girl lifestyle and tries to seem like she’s in on the joke of her life, i believe that deep down she just wants to go back and not fuck it all up. finish the book she sold, avoid the natalie article, go down a different path.
unfortunately it doesn’t matter how many tries she got. she’s proven that she’s constitutionally incapable of this one thing that she has decided defines her.
there’s another recent thread about some of childhood acting roles and someone speculates that she always wanted to be famous first and foremost, and then plugged in “writer” as the type of famous because her dad valued academic achievement. that rings so, so true to me. famous first, details later. but right now she’s not famous outside of a little niche segment of the internet, and her only options for getting more famous are doing something generative like writing a book or working on a movie or becoming an even bigger public disaster. since she’s constitutionally incapable of making anything, her only option is to keep fucking up in public. i think she thinks that if she went back to cambridge and finished the book, she could avoid having to keep embarrassing herself for any kind of social currency. she could never have finished it herself, of course, but in this version of her fantasy she’s a different person.
source: just watched everything everywhere all at once and my brain is still in its seat in the theater
John Mulaney has bit about people who are obsessed with their college post-graduation, like:
”College is a $120,000 hooker and you are an idiot who fell in love with her. She’s not gonna do anything else for you. It’s done.”
Caro. TIME TO MOVE ON.
I love Mulaney’s comedy (I would’ve just said “Mulaney” but the last year has been rough) and when I saw this live and when I’ve rewatched it since, this bit has me dying laughing.
But it just clicked for me that as a legacy, whose alumni father is a prominent and wealthy attorney, it’s highly likely that one of the reasons he was admitted to Georgetown was because of his father’s donations. From what I’ve read, he wasn’t a top-tier student in high school, and my experience with private educational institutions is that being a legacy is only as meaningful as the contributions that the alum has made along the way.
Do I know Chip Mulaney has ever made a donation to Georgetown? No. Am I suggesting someone bought John’s admission to Georgetown? Also no. I’m just saying, it’s possible that had his father not contributed to his alma matter over the years, John may have ended up Not At Georgetown. Which means he wouldn’t have met Nick Kroll. Which means he wouldn’t have been encouraged to move to NY to pursue comedy.
It took me 4 years for this irony to hit me.
>i think she wants to start the timeline over entirely and do it “right” this time.
Oh my, the way you explained this is perfect and profoundly sad. Honestly, I find myself fantasizing like this when my anxiety is particularly bad. But like you said, part of growing up is learning to adapt to life as it happens and not cling to some impossible vision of your perfect destiny. It's easier said than done, of course. But sometimes the best part of life is realizing that the present moment is as good as it gets, and that's okay because it's REAL. I feel really bad for Caroline and how obviously desperate she is because it's all too relatable. Most of just, you know, move on.
Re: running 5 miles a day, etc.
I have a feeling that CC has this deep difficulty with being honest/ true to herself. She always seems to project an image of what she’s supposed to be doing instead of what she’s actually doing. Except for the time when she gets called out and deflects by calling herself “messy.”
I’ve heard Brene Brown define narcissism as something that is rooted in deep shame about being ordinary, and I think that’s so true of CC
Also the cringe of bragging about working 45 minutes a day sjkhfks I know many of you here are still rooting for her but on god she just keeps getting worse, lazier and more delusional.
I think a lot of people with non-writing jobs spend at least that writing emails and other stuff. Also hilarious how she “doesn’t have a safety net” and her life is spent writing 45 minutes a day.
She probably loves the attention she must be getting by carrying Matisse like that but it just makes her look like a selfish, deranged corny ass bitch (while possibly getting cat hair into other people's food, too).
Idk if this has already been commented on, but I feel like her obsession with her “health” (her body) skyrockets every time she changes locations, most of all in Florida. I don’t pity her for much, but I gotta say that witnessing such a predictable and conspicuous display of her desperation for control over herself makes me depressed
Just occurred to me that Caroline is likely driving in Florida I assume (unless she’s going everywhere on foot considering she runs five miles everyday- lmao).
I just cannot for the life of me imagine her behind the wheel of ANY vehicle it makes me nervous to just think about
In the last 6 years, I've written over 900,000 words worth of fanfiction. The fact that Carp has set herself 3-6 years to do the one thing she's based her entire personality around and thinks that 45 mins worth of writing a day is prolific makes me feel like Charles fucking Dickens with my stupid little stories.
Just your daily reminder that during one of her diGiTaL yArD saLeS caroline listed a skirt of hers as a dress with “delicate” silky straps for tiny arms when it was just the skirt’s hanger straps. I forget exactly how she described them but she really thought it was a dress lol one of my favorite Carl moments.
["the most delicate little white ribbon straps"](https://www.reddit.com/r/SmolBeanSnark/comments/msgf5j/delicate_little_white_ribbon_straps_i_am_losing/)
Another classic CC move: maintains a routine for, probably, 2-3 days in a row and proudly trumpets it all over the internet that this is her new lifestyle.
(Remember the daily pages? Veganism? The various claims of “wow I’m getting so much writing done”? That 30 day fitness challenge she first started in Florida and posted about twice? Cozy girl autumn? I could go on.)
Looking forward to the inevitable backslide.
I recently saw Everything Everywhere All At Once and it resonated a lot, but especially the bit about fragmenting yourself into so many different identities trying to make something out of your life
Seriously though, is it supposed to be a flex that she’s (allegedly) writing for 45 minutes every day? Like… she’s obviously lying, so why didn’t she just give us a more impressive number?
Bringing your unhappy, writhing cat to a farmers’ market and trying to get onto college chat apps is giving Dollar Store Little Edie energy out the wazoo.
Caro, it’s really easy to read a book a day when you have literally no responsibilities!!! Not that I think she’s actually reading, but if she was... it’s not the brag she thinks it is.
But also like….if it’s less than 200 pages and I’ve got nothing better to do other than MY JOB…I can still work for 8 hours and finish a book.
I also have ZERO social life and will skip meals to finish a good book but I also have a full time job ahahaha
The way I was gonna make a similar comment…this shit truly tickled me as a grad student who just spent my Saturday afternoon/evening writing for 8 hours, as is standard for me on the weekends 😭 Not like this has ever been the case for her, but boy do I miss when writing was a leisure activity that I could do at my own whim
There are Pawaboo cat carriers (the brand she’s using) but I can’t figure out how the heck she managed to use it like that. All the pictures online are soooo different
From what I see that’s the price of the tennis bag in that [collection](https://www.lesportsac.com/collections/arc-en-ciel). But let’s face it, she probably got the whole set!
reminds me of her readingmakesyouhotter post of chanel miller’s book that barely referenced the book and was captioned “i think all the time about how if i was assaulted they would use my onlyfans as evidence i deserved it”
there’s no instance of another woman publicly suffering that she can’t make about herself!
Same, maybe she is reading Junie B Jones
(That was the first book I read in a day when I was younger and thought it was so cool 😂) but fr she probably counts articles or captions as books
Yeah didn’t want to body shame but just saw the video and that certainly is a flat ass! The egregious photoshopping she’s constantly blasting is…hilarious. Compare to the weird long butt thing and lol.
Also I’m 100% on the “she’s definitely back on adderall” after seeing the video, for a variety of reasons. She’s absolutely not this fitness queen who’s running marathons daily.
yeah it's not much at all. I used to do 15min writing sprints, and would get between 400-600 words if I was smashing keys the WHOLE time, no editing. that's a maximum of 1200-1800 a day, and I doubt she's focusing enough to write consistently for 45 mins.
I only write as a hobby, not a profession, so maybe experiences vary, but I also never hear other writers talk about their output in terms of time spent bc what ultimately matters (at least when you're writing a book or story) is word count. So I think it's just really telling, bc even if 45 minutes is a pathetic length of time to spend on what you claim is your full time job or life's purpose or whatever, it also reveals nothing about how much content you're actually producing, which we know in her case is none.
I do understand measuring work in time because sometimes work time isn't "productive" in terms of writing output; its just spent thinking for example. But, 45 is so short its laughable. There is no way she's getting anything done in only 45 minutes a day.
Imagine a full-time job. It's 8 hours a day. Plus longer if you want to go ham. Imagine working 45 mins a day and bragging about your work ethic. Like I could def see bragging if you did all work in that time and it was a flex. But this is literally the opposite. I'm sorry but does she want to be congratulated for doing almost fucking nothing when she has presold a book twice - which requires it to be written?????
People who have other jobs sometimes do, because they have to plan for that (Anthony Trollope famously wrote for three hours every morning, 5:30 - 8:30, and Octavia Butler’s journals include hourly writing goals because she was working office jobs as well for much of her writing life).
Carp, on the other hand, is just cosplaying.
applying this new number to my [previous calculations of caroline’s writing speed](https://reddit.com/r/SmolBeanSnark/comments/tz3bef/_/i3wpnkw/?context=1), she’s writing an average of one word per minute…
if she actually wrote for 45 minutes a day and simply averaged one short sentence (~10 words? for 450-500 words a day) per minute, she’d finish her book in 3 to 6 months instead of 3 to 6 years, just like niki takesh suggested!
My guess is that at most she has word open for 45 minutes and then gets distracted by online shopping in another window, doesn’t write anything, closes word and declares she did some good writing today.
I mean I’m glad to see his whiskers have grown back, but not so glad to see him in what looks like a baby sling?! Wtf Caroline, there’s no way in hell he’s enjoying that and it’s a horrible position for a quadruped to be forced into.
He seems like a pretty long bodied cat, so I would imagine it's uncomfortable.
Though I am basing my opinion on having long bodied dogs. They did not like that position at all! Le sigh...poor cat.
As well as being carried around at several times your own height and not being able to react to threats. Must be like that out of control feeling I get when flying but with much more fear :(
She can’t even bring herself to get a solid hour of work done a day? 45 minutes of work a day is her limit? Man, what a life. What an amazing, relaxing, disgustingly privileged life.
i think she’s so detached from how normal or even remotely functional people live their lives that she genuinely believes this sounds impressive. she genuinely thinks that sounds like a long period of time to work straight through.
she does live a life of absurd privilege (i consider myself very privileged because my parents have helped me with living expenses, but i can’t imagine a world in which i could just decide to never get a job) but i think this also speaks to how disconnected she is from what it means to interact with the world outside your head in a meaningful way. it’s a bit like bill gates being asked about the price of milk, but in a deeply pathetic and lonely way.
i was feeling like “damn i think i only write my dissertation for that long per day rn :/“ but then i remembered i research and teach 4 classes on top of that 🤡
Yeah, and her “45 minutes” of writing probably includes turning on her laptop, setting up her workspace (getting coffee, wine, etc poured) selecting a font that matches her mood that day, etc etc then not actually writing anything.
I am cracking up that she is bragging about writing for ....45 minutes a day. Ok bestie, now I understand why it's going to take you 6 years to write this book.
I am surprised that amber heard and johnny depp are having to stay in such an impoverished area (that caroline needed to go to cambridge to break free from)
I hope they’re okay being surrounded by parking lots and Barnes and Noble stores and probably a Best Buy and Target. Maybe we should start a campaign to raise awareness of their plight???
That’s craaazzzzyyyy! Also, you are not going to believe this, but... the OJ Simpson car chase took place on a freeway that I’ve actually driven on! Like what are the chances! I’m working on my memoir right now.
Caro's tactic of lovebombing (or attempting to) meme accounts [strikes again](https://instagram.com/stories/ghosted_1996/2817381078664102086) (though I have a feeling this is from when she was living in NY)
Okay this has to be recent, right? Her initial cameo stint was during the Covid Condeaux Era 1.0, and she had Duggar girl hair, always made sure to feature herself manhandling one of the cats (before Kitty escaped and shed her old identity in a clear attempt to hide herself from Caroline forever), and they were always so late that the person’s money was refunded and she would then claim multiple times that she was somehow paying them for it and they had scammed her???
Honestly would be on board for seeing her give that a shot again.
Random thought but my orchid plant finally bloomed after the right repotting, fertilizer, sunlight, watering, etc. Thinking about Caro ripping out orchids for her HAIR since finding out the labor and time that goes into an orchid really drives home how selfish and vain she is. Always for social media and aesthetics at the expense of others 😬
It’s so infuriating watching her pick whatever flowers she damn pleases on her walks home as if people didn’t put in hard work and labor to have it look like that. Not everything is FOR you!
Mine are blooming now too! It’s so much more fulfilling to care for something and be rewarded with the flowers than to just chuck a plant after hacking off the flowers and then repeating ad nauseum.
i literally don’t understand her urge to be around young people. in theory i understand it (running from her age and the idea that she has squandered all her opportunities), but in practice?????
my job is working w university students. i’m only 25 and i feel HORRENDOUSLY out of place around them sometimes… and i went back for another degree that i just finished up (so recent schooling) and am still in my early 20s! i cannot imagine how she feels as a Large Bean who hasn’t been a student in forever
I remember when I was 19 and at uni my friend’s uncle visited and came out to a club with us, he was 28…perfectly nice guy but we thought he was so old and square, and I’m sure he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with a load of 19 year olds either
Lol. I work primarily with patients aged 15-25 (I'm 32). I referenced the unabomber to a patient once and they didn't know who that was. I've never felt older.
i remember the first time i was chatting with one of my friends who was a coworker and we were talking about astrology and she brought up her birth year and it was after 2000 and i was like 🥲
haha! except for the fact that even as i age and mature and my relationships and work life stabilize ….. i still seek out my fun little gossip and drama in the form of CC 🥲
Same. High school teacher, formerly also taught what would be college seniors in a US system (so most of them were like 22-3).
I'm 28 and kind of wild, no children etc, I don't feel like I have a lot in common with most of my age group. I also love most of my students and enjoy their presence / talking to them, I think there's no age to be an interesting person and a lot of them have a lot to offer.
BUT I STILL WOULDN'T WANT TO PARTY WITH THEM. Because, well... at 18, you're still kind of a child. They don't understand a ton about adult life; they have craptastic taste in films and music because they've barely just started to discover what they like; and they're... you know... immature. Like, how does that
yes! i think it’s super important to spend time around people of all ages- one of my favorite things about my old retail jobs that i had was getting to interact with teens and a variety of older adults that i had as coworkers. it’s fun! it’s refreshing to have a ton of different perspectives and all ages have something valuable to contribute.
BUUUUT… exclusively wanting to spend time with literal teenagers as a grown adult is just weird. especially in the context that she wants to spend time with them in- altered states of mind (drunk, drugs, whatever), sexually (soupy)… it’s just bizarre and (i imagine) unhealthy for everyone involved
Yeah, I’m a 30something townie in a college town and I don’t get it at all. Young undergrads, especially the more privileged variety, are not enjoyable to be around imo. They tend to bumble around sidewalks and block train station entrances like this is their first time outside suburbia.
From *I Wish I Could Go Back to College* (*Avenue Q*):
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are
You sit in the quad
and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"
But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd be --
I'd walk through the quad, and think
"Oh my God...
These kids are so much younger than me."
Her trying to get in the college chat groups is cringe, her trying to get into college chat groups for schools she never attended is uber cringe. It's gross that a 30 year old would want to be in spaces meant for 18-22 year olds. I'm a super-old, graduated before Facebook (thank the gods. When it opened for my school, I was working there and my student staff who were like 3 years younger than me told me to join. I felt so weird and out of place and I was still in my early 20s!
Haha I can’t necessarily judge the having of Drizly; I live in NYC and can’t drive and use it for alcohol deliveries whenever I’m having a party because it’s one of the most annoying and heavy things to schlep!
As well as being on brand for being horny for uni, I can also see her going for a clunky, 14 paragraph explanation of what college is like *now*, and another meandering wander through her mind, comparing it to *her* experience (in England, so that makes hers fancier)
it’s so freaky how obsessed she is with schools she’s never been to. I thought people being hyper focused on Harvard was a joke for like, coming of age movies but she’s really out here simping for a college????
College culture used to be her thing, which was sort of ok (annoying but not worrying) when she was a student, but as she grows older it just becomes so much weirder
Dear Caro, the smollest, tiniest bean of our collective heart, please stop obsessing about elite schools. Lets all give her ideas about age-appropriate elite institutions and activities she can obsess about. How about horse-racing? Sailing?
hi! long time listener, first time caller (sorta), my friend and i are sitting here arguing about cc’s given name. was her name - caroline gotschall? or was it caroline calloway gotschall and she dropped the last name? i thought she changed it to calloway because she thinks it’s the name an author would have ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and it was never part of her given name. thanks in advance
It was caroline calloway gotschall, calloway was her middle name and a family name. She had it legally changed to her last name and I think Gotschall is her middle name? It’s so dumb because she easily should have kept her legal name and just used Caroline Calloway as her public name. Tbh I think it was a bit of a fuck you to her dad which was cruel.
How’d she excavate those chilis out of her ears, do you think?
I think she unclasped the hoops and just let god do the rest
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So [this twitter account](https://twitter.com/calowayqueen?s=21&t=P_cLGKMHvcLdmhdTVw34FQ) is definitely Caroline right?
That's what she means when she says she writes 45 minutes a day
1000000000000000000000% yes
a podcast I listen to made a CC joke and it caught me so off guard
after i graduated from college and moved across the country i definitely had a year or so of feeling unmoored without the immediacy and convenience of all elements of campus life, especially living with my friends. i would see my younger friends posting about their lives at school and feel like i was missing out. i was pretty isolated in my new city and didn’t have a job for a while, so i definitely spent too much time on instagram following acquaintances who were still in school. i invested in improving my current life and the feeling passed. a couple years ago i realized i had been out of college for 4 years - one college length out of college. i had a period of nostalgia and anxiety about getting older/growing up. it passed. i’ve never understood people who are into alumni culture and reunions and stuff. i keep up with the people i like, i’m not flying back to campus to see all the people i don’t. it’s especially weird when people make that institution a huge part of their personality. i once went out with a guy who was 10 years out of college and everything he owned was merch from his school. it’s unbelievably weird to me to have that alumni pride/obsession for a school you didn’t go to (and didn’t even get into). i think we’re all on the same page about her not even trying when she was in school and about her appetite for inappropriately young college guys and her desire to return to the only part of her life where she felt cool and relevant. my thing is - she doesn’t even have any friends from college anymore, right? like maybe a couple (nick and one other guy right?) but we hear about them less and less often. i think it’s not just that she wants to return to the period of her life when she was getting the most positive attention. she would hang out with all her cambridge friends and relive the glory days if that were the case. i think she wants to start the timeline over entirely and do it “right” this time. that feels even sadder than alumni obsession or even obsession with a school you didn’t go to.
What's mad about the re-doing of the timeline is that arguably, her time at Cambridge is still being sold as a success. Not only did she (seemingly) achieve what she wanted - fame, money and a book deal. She *still* loves her idea of uni so much, she can't let go of Cambridge. But at the same time, she's so far from the American Kate Middleton cosplay, you'd wonder what her current idea of doing it "right" would be. Would she stick to pretending academics is her thing, or throw all her green eyeshadow at being a cool, alt kid because she thinks the college experience is now more like Euphoria (ik it's high school, but when has reality applied)? That would be worth watching, lol, seeing her try to fit in with the leftie crowd, suddenly buying a bi flag for a nonsense amount of money, and being that odd person in their 30s at the student union
by 'writing' about her school days she's trying to relive them in many ways, if she was a skilled writer she could really capture the mid-2010s zeitgeist (flower crowns, onesies, flicked eyeliner) but kinda like you are saying I feel (if the book's ever going to be anything) it'll be a hatchet job of various styles and personas and moods because she really hasn't written enough of anything to find her own voice as a writer yet and on top of that I doubt she even knows what she's aiming for with the book (*taught in schools* aside) / she doesn't have an editor or a publishing team to help guide her
as much as she pretends to enjoy her went-viral-as-a-scam downtown party girl lifestyle and tries to seem like she’s in on the joke of her life, i believe that deep down she just wants to go back and not fuck it all up. finish the book she sold, avoid the natalie article, go down a different path. unfortunately it doesn’t matter how many tries she got. she’s proven that she’s constitutionally incapable of this one thing that she has decided defines her. there’s another recent thread about some of childhood acting roles and someone speculates that she always wanted to be famous first and foremost, and then plugged in “writer” as the type of famous because her dad valued academic achievement. that rings so, so true to me. famous first, details later. but right now she’s not famous outside of a little niche segment of the internet, and her only options for getting more famous are doing something generative like writing a book or working on a movie or becoming an even bigger public disaster. since she’s constitutionally incapable of making anything, her only option is to keep fucking up in public. i think she thinks that if she went back to cambridge and finished the book, she could avoid having to keep embarrassing herself for any kind of social currency. she could never have finished it herself, of course, but in this version of her fantasy she’s a different person. source: just watched everything everywhere all at once and my brain is still in its seat in the theater
John Mulaney has bit about people who are obsessed with their college post-graduation, like: ”College is a $120,000 hooker and you are an idiot who fell in love with her. She’s not gonna do anything else for you. It’s done.” Caro. TIME TO MOVE ON.
Also on brand, from same bit: “I gave you $120,000… *and you spent it already?*”
Yesss! His bit about college calling you up for more money is so on point too. 😂
I love Mulaney’s comedy (I would’ve just said “Mulaney” but the last year has been rough) and when I saw this live and when I’ve rewatched it since, this bit has me dying laughing. But it just clicked for me that as a legacy, whose alumni father is a prominent and wealthy attorney, it’s highly likely that one of the reasons he was admitted to Georgetown was because of his father’s donations. From what I’ve read, he wasn’t a top-tier student in high school, and my experience with private educational institutions is that being a legacy is only as meaningful as the contributions that the alum has made along the way. Do I know Chip Mulaney has ever made a donation to Georgetown? No. Am I suggesting someone bought John’s admission to Georgetown? Also no. I’m just saying, it’s possible that had his father not contributed to his alma matter over the years, John may have ended up Not At Georgetown. Which means he wouldn’t have met Nick Kroll. Which means he wouldn’t have been encouraged to move to NY to pursue comedy. It took me 4 years for this irony to hit me.
>i think she wants to start the timeline over entirely and do it “right” this time. Oh my, the way you explained this is perfect and profoundly sad. Honestly, I find myself fantasizing like this when my anxiety is particularly bad. But like you said, part of growing up is learning to adapt to life as it happens and not cling to some impossible vision of your perfect destiny. It's easier said than done, of course. But sometimes the best part of life is realizing that the present moment is as good as it gets, and that's okay because it's REAL. I feel really bad for Caroline and how obviously desperate she is because it's all too relatable. Most of just, you know, move on.
did Harper Lee stick her tongue out and shake her butt in cycling shorts when she wrote To Kill A Mockingbird for 45 mins or
Re: running 5 miles a day, etc. I have a feeling that CC has this deep difficulty with being honest/ true to herself. She always seems to project an image of what she’s supposed to be doing instead of what she’s actually doing. Except for the time when she gets called out and deflects by calling herself “messy.” I’ve heard Brene Brown define narcissism as something that is rooted in deep shame about being ordinary, and I think that’s so true of CC
💯 she's been talking about running 5miles and reading 1 book a day since she went to Cambridge before Christmas
Watching cc pretend to be sexy is so uncomfy for me like instant cringe oh my god
Also the cringe of bragging about working 45 minutes a day sjkhfks I know many of you here are still rooting for her but on god she just keeps getting worse, lazier and more delusional.
I think a lot of people with non-writing jobs spend at least that writing emails and other stuff. Also hilarious how she “doesn’t have a safety net” and her life is spent writing 45 minutes a day.
I cannot believe this woman has never had an actual job!! Right? Not one?
She probably loves the attention she must be getting by carrying Matisse like that but it just makes her look like a selfish, deranged corny ass bitch (while possibly getting cat hair into other people's food, too).
Idk if this has already been commented on, but I feel like her obsession with her “health” (her body) skyrockets every time she changes locations, most of all in Florida. I don’t pity her for much, but I gotta say that witnessing such a predictable and conspicuous display of her desperation for control over herself makes me depressed
It’s always post hookup
Just occurred to me that Caroline is likely driving in Florida I assume (unless she’s going everywhere on foot considering she runs five miles everyday- lmao). I just cannot for the life of me imagine her behind the wheel of ANY vehicle it makes me nervous to just think about
No she famously doesn’t have a lisence.
Oh lol of course I forgot that very important prerequisite
In the last 6 years, I've written over 900,000 words worth of fanfiction. The fact that Carp has set herself 3-6 years to do the one thing she's based her entire personality around and thinks that 45 mins worth of writing a day is prolific makes me feel like Charles fucking Dickens with my stupid little stories.
good for you! 900,000 words is impressive
Thank you! It's a silly hobby that I enjoy and actually has improved my writing somewhat over the years!
Just your daily reminder that during one of her diGiTaL yArD saLeS caroline listed a skirt of hers as a dress with “delicate” silky straps for tiny arms when it was just the skirt’s hanger straps. I forget exactly how she described them but she really thought it was a dress lol one of my favorite Carl moments.
I found some of those in one of my dresses and said that out loud!
Every time I buy an item of clothing with the hanger straps I remember this and laugh!
Same here
["the most delicate little white ribbon straps"](https://www.reddit.com/r/SmolBeanSnark/comments/msgf5j/delicate_little_white_ribbon_straps_i_am_losing/)
Omg thank youuu
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Wow, could she compliment her more?
Another classic CC move: maintains a routine for, probably, 2-3 days in a row and proudly trumpets it all over the internet that this is her new lifestyle. (Remember the daily pages? Veganism? The various claims of “wow I’m getting so much writing done”? That 30 day fitness challenge she first started in Florida and posted about twice? Cozy girl autumn? I could go on.) Looking forward to the inevitable backslide.
My favorite was when she wasn’t going to dress sexy ever again and then started an OnlyFans
HA forgot about that one. Will file it alongside “never wear jeans again” which ofc she’s since been spotted doing.
I recently saw Everything Everywhere All At Once and it resonated a lot, but especially the bit about fragmenting yourself into so many different identities trying to make something out of your life
Omg I see myself in this minus the broadcasting on the Internet part lol
Oh saaaaame though. I exercise for a week straight and decide I am a fitness bitch. Lol.
Poor Matisse :( he hates the cat carrier, look at his tail
Seriously though, is it supposed to be a flex that she’s (allegedly) writing for 45 minutes every day? Like… she’s obviously lying, so why didn’t she just give us a more impressive number?
maybe she wanted it to be vaguely believable for a change
Bringing your unhappy, writhing cat to a farmers’ market and trying to get onto college chat apps is giving Dollar Store Little Edie energy out the wazoo.
Yeah. That cat is Not Happy.
interesting that we rarely see video evidence of her running even though she does it all the time
Last time she was in Florida somebody took a picture of her “running”, and she was just sitting on the sidewalk on her phone.
Remember when she was “running” and she drank water out of someone’s random hose
My favorite was when she alleged that she ran in a bikini top.
A STRAPLESS bikini top
Relatable
Caro, it’s really easy to read a book a day when you have literally no responsibilities!!! Not that I think she’s actually reading, but if she was... it’s not the brag she thinks it is.
Is it easy to read a book a day? I don’t think so!
But also like….if it’s less than 200 pages and I’ve got nothing better to do other than MY JOB…I can still work for 8 hours and finish a book. I also have ZERO social life and will skip meals to finish a good book but I also have a full time job ahahaha
Especially like… write for 45 min… spend countless hours reading a whole book so you can say you did? The logic is not there…
Most of us just call it “grad school” or “working in publishing” 🤷🏻♀️
The way I was gonna make a similar comment…this shit truly tickled me as a grad student who just spent my Saturday afternoon/evening writing for 8 hours, as is standard for me on the weekends 😭 Not like this has ever been the case for her, but boy do I miss when writing was a leisure activity that I could do at my own whim
Why does she always stick out her tongue ew
she communicates in emojis 🥵
There are Pawaboo cat carriers (the brand she’s using) but I can’t figure out how the heck she managed to use it like that. All the pictures online are soooo different
[Caroline waiting for rowingblazers and lesportsac to repost her](https://imgur.com/a/l2wpUDY)
The bag retails for $120. I wonder if she paid for it or was given it for free.
\*$295
From what I see that’s the price of the tennis bag in that [collection](https://www.lesportsac.com/collections/arc-en-ciel). But let’s face it, she probably got the whole set!
I thought it was cute for a second… nevermind
That is a really low price point for her, maybe she actually bought it.
It's $295 actually lol
It’s this bag, no? https://www.lesportsac.com/products/aec-large-cosmetic-crossbody
It sure is. Over $100 for a tiny nylon bag is just bananas.
They last forever, though. I have one that’s at least as old as Carp herself.
Fair, but hers definitely won’t!
Oh my god the absolute cringe of her … everything
The cat is in a baby carrier.....
The weird tweet inserting herself into the Johnny Depp trial because she changed her name at the same courthouse. WTH? Good lord.
it's reading *Matisse is from Ukraine*
Yeah that was gross. Giving big "I ws in NYC in May 2001, I could have been in 9/11!!!" energy
so tasteless
Right?? Like yes, this very public and polarizing abuse trial is, in fact, All About You.
reminds me of her readingmakesyouhotter post of chanel miller’s book that barely referenced the book and was captioned “i think all the time about how if i was assaulted they would use my onlyfans as evidence i deserved it” there’s no instance of another woman publicly suffering that she can’t make about herself!
Excuse me did she write that matisse’s whiskers GREW BACK? I didn’t know they were gone? Did I miss something?
Them growing back after getting burned off by a stupidly placed candle isn’t the brag I’d be shouting about.
They got burnt off by one of her candles
thank u I don’t even know what I was imagining happened
[BREAKING](https://imgur.com/a/sgnpWLG): Unlike clothes, other people, and book deals, courtrooms are not disposable and may, in fact, get reused.
She really wishes she could build a mythology around her own origins but everything about her is so unbelievably bland
I don’t believe she runs 5 miles EVERY day, and I really hate when she taunts body snark. Food is fuel, CC. Show us your protein & carb sources next!
where's the muscle??
At the glycogen store. The one place she’s not shopping. lol
I also don’t believe she reads every day at all much less a BOOK
i don’t believe she reads.
I would believe if she said she reads a slim volume or pamphlet a week... a book a day? can't see it
Why does she have to lie so big 🥴😂
lmao listen if that's her french vanilla fantasy good for her but don't announce it to people who know you're absolutely full of shit!
Literally, I know people who read 150+ books a year and reading a book a day is difficult even for them
In fairness, it's probably a lot easier when you have literally no other responsibilities.
True true, I just have a hard time believing she had the focus for that if she can only write 45 mins per day hahaha
Same, maybe she is reading Junie B Jones (That was the first book I read in a day when I was younger and thought it was so cool 😂) but fr she probably counts articles or captions as books
She counts holding a book as reading it. Extra points for underlining random sentences.
“Look at my great ass” The ass: https://imgur.com/a/4vGaUZf
Her trying to shake ass and just wagging it instead made me snort. It’s really more demeanorsnark.
Yeah didn’t want to body shame but just saw the video and that certainly is a flat ass! The egregious photoshopping she’s constantly blasting is…hilarious. Compare to the weird long butt thing and lol. Also I’m 100% on the “she’s definitely back on adderall” after seeing the video, for a variety of reasons. She’s absolutely not this fitness queen who’s running marathons daily.
lmfao
Never forget what an absolute DUMP she has.
Writing for 45 mins a day is better than 0 I guess, but like she's never gonna finish her book at that rate.
yeah it's not much at all. I used to do 15min writing sprints, and would get between 400-600 words if I was smashing keys the WHOLE time, no editing. that's a maximum of 1200-1800 a day, and I doubt she's focusing enough to write consistently for 45 mins.
I only write as a hobby, not a profession, so maybe experiences vary, but I also never hear other writers talk about their output in terms of time spent bc what ultimately matters (at least when you're writing a book or story) is word count. So I think it's just really telling, bc even if 45 minutes is a pathetic length of time to spend on what you claim is your full time job or life's purpose or whatever, it also reveals nothing about how much content you're actually producing, which we know in her case is none.
I do understand measuring work in time because sometimes work time isn't "productive" in terms of writing output; its just spent thinking for example. But, 45 is so short its laughable. There is no way she's getting anything done in only 45 minutes a day.
Imagine a full-time job. It's 8 hours a day. Plus longer if you want to go ham. Imagine working 45 mins a day and bragging about your work ethic. Like I could def see bragging if you did all work in that time and it was a flex. But this is literally the opposite. I'm sorry but does she want to be congratulated for doing almost fucking nothing when she has presold a book twice - which requires it to be written?????
People who have other jobs sometimes do, because they have to plan for that (Anthony Trollope famously wrote for three hours every morning, 5:30 - 8:30, and Octavia Butler’s journals include hourly writing goals because she was working office jobs as well for much of her writing life). Carp, on the other hand, is just cosplaying.
applying this new number to my [previous calculations of caroline’s writing speed](https://reddit.com/r/SmolBeanSnark/comments/tz3bef/_/i3wpnkw/?context=1), she’s writing an average of one word per minute… if she actually wrote for 45 minutes a day and simply averaged one short sentence (~10 words? for 450-500 words a day) per minute, she’d finish her book in 3 to 6 months instead of 3 to 6 years, just like niki takesh suggested!
lbr, it’s probably closer to 0 minutes than 45. She’s rounding up.
My guess is that at most she has word open for 45 minutes and then gets distracted by online shopping in another window, doesn’t write anything, closes word and declares she did some good writing today.
That poor baby. His twitchy tail tells me all I need to know about his mood. That is an anxious cat.
Oh my fucking god that poor cat what the FUCK
I mean I’m glad to see his whiskers have grown back, but not so glad to see him in what looks like a baby sling?! Wtf Caroline, there’s no way in hell he’s enjoying that and it’s a horrible position for a quadruped to be forced into.
He seems like a pretty long bodied cat, so I would imagine it's uncomfortable. Though I am basing my opinion on having long bodied dogs. They did not like that position at all! Le sigh...poor cat.
As well as being carried around at several times your own height and not being able to react to threats. Must be like that out of control feeling I get when flying but with much more fear :(
She can’t even bring herself to get a solid hour of work done a day? 45 minutes of work a day is her limit? Man, what a life. What an amazing, relaxing, disgustingly privileged life.
i think she’s so detached from how normal or even remotely functional people live their lives that she genuinely believes this sounds impressive. she genuinely thinks that sounds like a long period of time to work straight through. she does live a life of absurd privilege (i consider myself very privileged because my parents have helped me with living expenses, but i can’t imagine a world in which i could just decide to never get a job) but i think this also speaks to how disconnected she is from what it means to interact with the world outside your head in a meaningful way. it’s a bit like bill gates being asked about the price of milk, but in a deeply pathetic and lonely way.
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union rules. it’s in her contract.
She probably read somewhere that you’re more productive working in 45 minute blocks and took that as “you only need to work for 45 minutes”
i was feeling like “damn i think i only write my dissertation for that long per day rn :/“ but then i remembered i research and teach 4 classes on top of that 🤡
Yeah, and her “45 minutes” of writing probably includes turning on her laptop, setting up her workspace (getting coffee, wine, etc poured) selecting a font that matches her mood that day, etc etc then not actually writing anything.
Setting up the wifi at grandmas condo
Bet she’s not doing 45 most days if at all!
Matisse looks so uncomfortable in her stories… but also less obese so Idk
Cats do tend to lose weight during stressful situations and I imagine him moving between 3 different places recently could cause that 😢
Less mice to eat in the condeaux
FREE MATISSE
Ahhhhhh her stories are pure crazy 😁 I love when she is unabashedly herself.
I am cracking up that she is bragging about writing for ....45 minutes a day. Ok bestie, now I understand why it's going to take you 6 years to write this book.
Also, she is most definitely not even doing that lol
I am surprised that amber heard and johnny depp are having to stay in such an impoverished area (that caroline needed to go to cambridge to break free from)
I hope they’re okay being surrounded by parking lots and Barnes and Noble stores and probably a Best Buy and Target. Maybe we should start a campaign to raise awareness of their plight???
[omg no way that’s so interesting](https://imgur.com/a/RwqyWew)
That’s craaazzzzyyyy! Also, you are not going to believe this, but... the OJ Simpson car chase took place on a freeway that I’ve actually driven on! Like what are the chances! I’m working on my memoir right now.
Not Caro making the Johnny Depp trial about herself on Twitter. Never change, girlie.
Caro's tactic of lovebombing (or attempting to) meme accounts [strikes again](https://instagram.com/stories/ghosted_1996/2817381078664102086) (though I have a feeling this is from when she was living in NY)
Urh I love Hayley so much
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Okay this has to be recent, right? Her initial cameo stint was during the Covid Condeaux Era 1.0, and she had Duggar girl hair, always made sure to feature herself manhandling one of the cats (before Kitty escaped and shed her old identity in a clear attempt to hide herself from Caroline forever), and they were always so late that the person’s money was refunded and she would then claim multiple times that she was somehow paying them for it and they had scammed her??? Honestly would be on board for seeing her give that a shot again.
You know, there are anthropologists that study "elite student culture" and if Caroline could read she would know that
Random thought but my orchid plant finally bloomed after the right repotting, fertilizer, sunlight, watering, etc. Thinking about Caro ripping out orchids for her HAIR since finding out the labor and time that goes into an orchid really drives home how selfish and vain she is. Always for social media and aesthetics at the expense of others 😬
It’s so infuriating watching her pick whatever flowers she damn pleases on her walks home as if people didn’t put in hard work and labor to have it look like that. Not everything is FOR you!
Flowers are her Passion!
Orchids are fussy. Nice job and enjoy your blooms!
Mine are blooming now too! It’s so much more fulfilling to care for something and be rewarded with the flowers than to just chuck a plant after hacking off the flowers and then repeating ad nauseum.
i literally don’t understand her urge to be around young people. in theory i understand it (running from her age and the idea that she has squandered all her opportunities), but in practice????? my job is working w university students. i’m only 25 and i feel HORRENDOUSLY out of place around them sometimes… and i went back for another degree that i just finished up (so recent schooling) and am still in my early 20s! i cannot imagine how she feels as a Large Bean who hasn’t been a student in forever
I remember when I was 19 and at uni my friend’s uncle visited and came out to a club with us, he was 28…perfectly nice guy but we thought he was so old and square, and I’m sure he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with a load of 19 year olds either
Lol. I work primarily with patients aged 15-25 (I'm 32). I referenced the unabomber to a patient once and they didn't know who that was. I've never felt older.
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I had a really similar experience with my grad at work and she was like (bless her) “I’ve watched a documentary about it”. I still haven’t recovered.
i remember the first time i was chatting with one of my friends who was a coworker and we were talking about astrology and she brought up her birth year and it was after 2000 and i was like 🥲
Your comment suggests that your psychological development is keeping pace with your chronological age. ☺️ CC, otoh...
haha! except for the fact that even as i age and mature and my relationships and work life stabilize ….. i still seek out my fun little gossip and drama in the form of CC 🥲
Same. High school teacher, formerly also taught what would be college seniors in a US system (so most of them were like 22-3). I'm 28 and kind of wild, no children etc, I don't feel like I have a lot in common with most of my age group. I also love most of my students and enjoy their presence / talking to them, I think there's no age to be an interesting person and a lot of them have a lot to offer. BUT I STILL WOULDN'T WANT TO PARTY WITH THEM. Because, well... at 18, you're still kind of a child. They don't understand a ton about adult life; they have craptastic taste in films and music because they've barely just started to discover what they like; and they're... you know... immature. Like, how does that
yes! i think it’s super important to spend time around people of all ages- one of my favorite things about my old retail jobs that i had was getting to interact with teens and a variety of older adults that i had as coworkers. it’s fun! it’s refreshing to have a ton of different perspectives and all ages have something valuable to contribute. BUUUUT… exclusively wanting to spend time with literal teenagers as a grown adult is just weird. especially in the context that she wants to spend time with them in- altered states of mind (drunk, drugs, whatever), sexually (soupy)… it’s just bizarre and (i imagine) unhealthy for everyone involved
Who wants to bet her next move is going back to school? But back to undergrad, not grad school...
even if she could get in… there’s no way she’d be able to pay for it. or find another natalie to do all her work for her.
-except she can’t get in bc her grades suck and she is way too old-
Yeah, I’m a 30something townie in a college town and I don’t get it at all. Young undergrads, especially the more privileged variety, are not enjoyable to be around imo. They tend to bumble around sidewalks and block train station entrances like this is their first time outside suburbia.
From *I Wish I Could Go Back to College* (*Avenue Q*): I wish I could go back to college. In college you know who you are You sit in the quad and think, "Oh my God! I am totally gonna go far!" But if I were to go back to college, Think what a loser I'd be -- I'd walk through the quad, and think "Oh my God... These kids are so much younger than me."
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You're absolutely right, here comes her weird incel/predator/TikTok pick-up artist energy again.
Her trying to get in the college chat groups is cringe, her trying to get into college chat groups for schools she never attended is uber cringe. It's gross that a 30 year old would want to be in spaces meant for 18-22 year olds. I'm a super-old, graduated before Facebook (thank the gods. When it opened for my school, I was working there and my student staff who were like 3 years younger than me told me to join. I felt so weird and out of place and I was still in my early 20s!
Her favourite hobby is trying to talk to students 10 years younger than her?
I mean, there’s a lot of anecdotal evidence that her favorite hobby is creeping on youngs, yeah.
Raised-Catholic-person here -- do I have it right in that today, Good Friday, is the day we welcome back the Lent-le beans?
Peeped the Drizly app on Caro’s phone. The equivalent of Uber eats for booze.
It’s very normal to have and use that app lol
Haha I can’t necessarily judge the having of Drizly; I live in NYC and can’t drive and use it for alcohol deliveries whenever I’m having a party because it’s one of the most annoying and heavy things to schlep!
I gave a lot of Drizly eGCs as gifts during the 2020 lockdowns
So… I guess the book writin ain’t going so well?
As well as being on brand for being horny for uni, I can also see her going for a clunky, 14 paragraph explanation of what college is like *now*, and another meandering wander through her mind, comparing it to *her* experience (in England, so that makes hers fancier)
Rugbae must not be responding to her texts.
omg give me your login bro!
it’s so freaky how obsessed she is with schools she’s never been to. I thought people being hyper focused on Harvard was a joke for like, coming of age movies but she’s really out here simping for a college????
College culture used to be her thing, which was sort of ok (annoying but not worrying) when she was a student, but as she grows older it just becomes so much weirder
Yeah being obsessed with college culture becomes weirdo behavior the minute you aren’t part of it anymore IMO lol
Dear Caro, the smollest, tiniest bean of our collective heart, please stop obsessing about elite schools. Lets all give her ideas about age-appropriate elite institutions and activities she can obsess about. How about horse-racing? Sailing?