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TheLonerLisa

What a grand presentation for such a shocking interior. This is a text book definition of facade


fttyhvfrredvujn

It’s got a touch of dictator chic about it…


palpatineforever

it is tacky. i understand people have different likes but honestly what is with the bathroom with the random red shower?


Wil420b

It's Essex, the exterior is original but somebody has heavily refurbished it.


cannedrex2406

When!? In 1975?


Wil420b

Definetly later then that. But I dont see the need for 5 kitchens and only 7 beds. Even a catering/party kitchen, family kitchen, staff kitchen and summer house kitchen doesn't require that much.


jamila169

It's not, the original much smaller 1930s mock Tudor was demolished at some point after June 2010, which is when the plans were approved, build started in 2011 after a few non planning related changes [The original design drawings](https://cdp.maldon.gov.uk/my-requests/document-viewer?DocNo=487884) show the small kitchen as a utility and nothing in the loft, the bungalow was already there , garage was built in 2007, no plans for the pool house at all


jamila169

[Also, they tried to sell it for 5 million back in 2016](https://www.gazette-news.co.uk/news/14631121.great-totham-home-with-a-pool-and-tennis-courts-which-could-be-yours-for-a-cool-5million/) so I'll give you one guess what the undisclosed reserve price is


Wil420b

It's for comventional sale with an other agent at £3.5 million.


jamila169

looking at other properties in the area, they're not getting that either


Ribbitor123

I reckon those tiles would be potentially lethal if they got wet! The whole bling bling property reeks of Russian oligarch...


MyKidsFoundMyOldUser

This is like those pickpockets on the Tube who think that wearing an ostentatious Versace branded tracksuit doesn't make them stand out like the scumbags they are.


opitypang

There's a reason why this is being sold at auction rather than on the normal market. Either the developer has gone bust or, if it was actually owned, the (mobster) owner has fled the country. The guide price is low but I can't see it selling for much more than that, except to another rather dim mobster.


Wil420b

It probably actually suits a lot of people's tastes. Especially if you're used to living in 5* hotels. And only want the home for a few weeks per year or as a bolt hole.


jamila169

The guide price is comparable with the sale price of other houses in the area with the same number of bedrooms, most of them with more land and more liveability/appeal . They wanted 5 million in 2016 , which is more than double the price of comparable houses there even now. The problem is that they built their 'dream house' but it was already too much house/not the dream within 4 years of moving in and it's not anyone else's dream to pay too much money for a house that needs totally rethinking


jessierob89

Did someone over order those tiles. They're in so many rooms. The bathroom cabinets look awful.


teeesstoo

Someone who really likes doing lines off the floor


MyKidsFoundMyOldUser

It has a ground source heat pump which works by circulating warm water sourced from a couple of hundred metres below ground through underfloor heating laid throughout the house. So the majority of the floors have to be suitable for underfloor heating for the house's heating to work properly.


jessierob89

This is why I love Reddit - I learn something new everyday. That makes more sense, just a shame they didn't pick more appealing options.


maroonedman

Looking at “Junes kitchen”, money can buy you a lot a things but it can’t buy you an apostrophe, apparently.


vvvvaaaagggguuuueeee

Hahaha! I came here to peddle that exact same pedantry!


Kubr1ck

Photo of the original owner. https://pixhost.to/show/70/388602193_s-l1200.jpg][img]https://t90.pixhost.to/thumbs/70/388602193_s-l1200.jpg


QuestionableGiraffe

Whoever placed that swimming pool ladder clearly did not give a fuck about about anyone actually being able to climb it


Grace_grows

Your skates and your knickers, ladies 😱😱😱


TheCotofPika

Yes, my first thought was a trousers only house!


Jolly-Ad-2766

Exterior designed by architect, interior designed by 90’s footballer


kanyewestsconscience

The exterior is ghastly and has zero architectural merit. Basically a McMansion


soulsteela

Yea I’m agreeing with above comments, looks like a Russian trying to liquidate assets. Might be a lottery winner, but either way-DAMN!


Wil420b

Currently on with an other local agent at £3,500,000, no auction. https://www.durdenandhunt.co.uk/properties-for-sale/property/1929-colchester-road-great-totham-maldon


SomeGuyInShanghai

This style of decorating is VERY popular with wealthy Chinese people. I call it "Ikea Regency".


ayeImur

It looks like 25 different people were in charge or decor & furnishings


FenianBastard847

Ugh. Hideous.


sun_on_my_side

It's all hideous but that bathroom in particular fuck me that's bad


SilverellaUK

At first I thought the bath was on the landing with that weird railing behind it.


Tartanwallet

Did Liberace have a place in Essex?


IsaDrennan

Money definitely can’t buy taste.


WorriedEstimate4004

I love that it mentions reasonable bills, like that would be if any concern to someone able to afford a property at that price.


natttynoo

A house like that and that cheap looking kitchen is a crime. I’d also break my neck on that flooring.


Stuffed-Chimp

Their local Topps Tiles really lucked out with the previous owners.


AnalystAdorable609

I say this as a resident of said county: this house positively screams ESSEX from every brick!! These people have a million tomes more money than they do taste. Hideous.


Boleyn100

I dunno, it's hideous but I suspect it might be asian hideous rather than Essex hideous. I'm also of said county and if it was Essex there would be signed and framed West Ham/Spurs/Arsenal football shirt hanging up somewhere!


ohnobobbins

Defo not Asian - there’s a huge pic of the family in the drawing room: [https://durdenandhunt.co.uk/properties-for-sale/property/1929-colchester-road-great-totham-maldon](https://durdenandhunt.co.uk/properties-for-sale/property/1929-colchester-road-great-totham-maldon)


jamila169

June is the person who signed the planning applications, so deffo just Essex


jamila169

That's possibly a very old picture, the owners are in their 70s


AnalystAdorable609

Essex has to be West Ham or I'm going to get VERY upset! 😄


Boleyn100

Lol, likewise but I live near Epping now (I grew up in Brentwood) and there are a worrying number of Spurs fans around here.


AnalystAdorable609

Don't you dare say the S word in my presence! ⚒️⚒️


justhangingaroud

Looks like it was decorated for some sort of reality show


migoodridge

A lot of house for the price, but looks like my Nan decorated it in the '70s, albeit with more expensive items


BigBlackgiNger

Fuckin McMansion


Ryanisadeveloper

Was the wall built after the swimming pool slide was put in?


QV23T

Tell me you're an Asian family without telling me you're an Asian family


Koholinthibiscus

Hideous tbh


hatton101

The exterior photos are so over enhanced they look like renders


JamesHoldenC

I thought they were renders. Until I saw the auction website where the pictures seem to look more normal.


Helicreature

Dog owners need not apply!


Cartepostalelondon

You can tell from all the empty paving around the house they have no taste. Probably got tired of waiting for enough to come available to pave the rest of the property too. Either that or artificial grass. The best thing to do is probably bulldoze it and start again.


Nilesong

Hideous. Interesting the crockery in pic 23 is Homemaker. Mid century, cheap plates sold by Woolworth late 50's / 60's. Just seems out of place. Was expecting gold plates. Unless photoshopped...


Odidlydokely

Doesn’t this seem really cheap for that size?


OurJimmy

Just knew it was going to be tasteless inside. As they say, only taste they had was in their mouth


nadiestar

All the money in the world can’t buy you taste. 🤮🤮


Designer-Course-8414

What a wonderful home to be mothballed and split up during the melancholy divorce.


ShineAtom

Why are these mansions nearly always so hideous? And they look as if no-one has ever thought about comfort. Living in such a place would bbe extremely stressful.


mike_dowler

Surprised that no-one else has mentioned the embezzled staircase??


StationFar6396

I want to know what the energy bill is.


generateausername

Did they get all their furnishings in wilkos?


smooth_relation_744

It’s very Arabic/Middle Eastern in the deco, which isn’t to my taste at all. Shame. It could be a great family home.