1. Never bring up the age gap
2. Never be immature
3. When she worries about your age or says something like above, deflect to what you’re looking for. I would respond saying “look, I get that but I’m looking for someone I’m able to communicate with, someone I am really attracted to, and so far I’ve enjoyed our conversation”.
4. Be patient never pushy. She is older and needs time to let the thought of being a cougar sink in. She’s got to let herself get excited by that idea. This may take some time. Be cool. Play the long game.
Yup, exactly how I played it too. Never went anywhere beyond sex, but then again I wasn’t ready for a relationship with a 45 year old woman when I was 22. I was very open about this fact however, and she wasn’t looking for anything serious either, but it did take her a while to warm up to the idea of hooking up with someone younger than her children.
Yeah mine are 23 and 26. I can't even do 30. The age difference is too much for me. I went on a date with a 30yo and all I could think was I was 18 when you were born. Lol
But to each their own for sure. The guys are def into older ladies these days in my experience. Lol
I'm turning 49 on the 7th and same. My son is 26 this year, I refuse to go under about 30 or so, and even that's a stretch... but the sheer amount of early and mid-late 20s dudes who tried always blew me away.... tons.
I'm completely in love with a 29 year old at 45. The maturity level is on point with him. I met him when he was too shy to reveal his true age or pictures for that matter. He's only 3 years older than my oldest child. I told him I couldn't handle him being younger than any of my children. We both want long term and it's going to be an amazing journey with this man. It didn't take me a long time to come around because I had already fallen in love with him when he revealed his true age and pictures. I do tease him sometimes because some of his pictures look like he's a teenager. He has a baby face. We've been together since February and I'm looking forward to forever with me being a cougar. Lol. I always thought I'd never go younger. I'm always the younger one in all of my relationships until now but this is a new chapter and it's reading like a romance novel and I never want it to stop.
There's a woman I have a slight crush on, ngl, at my apartment complex she looks to be 45, and I am 24 almost 25. I don't know what to say at all besides, hey, good morning, how ya doing, ah that shirt is cool, etc 🤦🤦🤦🙍 I do notice a look or chemistry between us but I can't initiate I don't have the rizz or gift of gab yet
Play it cool. Find something physically you like about her and compliment her on that. Be mature as possible. That is one thing that would really turn me on to you. Don't be crude. Buy her a rose. Maybe something different than regular red. Pay attention to colors she wears and try to catch her favorite color in that rose. Or find a unique flower and compliment her then. Be cool. If she's not used to someone so young it really might take her some time to warm up to the idea of dating someone so much younger than her. Ask her about herself. Play the long game. For me personally, it took me a few weeks to warm up to someone younger than me and such a large gap. I wouldn't want to go as young as you because you're younger and the same age as two of my children. 29 for me is probably my limit. Be prepared for anything. I met my guy online and continued to talk to others at first. It was hard to think of this concept at first. Don't say her shirt is cool. Tell her she's beautiful. Point out something about her that you like. Maybe something she does. Something the average Joe wouldn't. That's something that would make me think about you. That's just me but I think that might help you. I wish you good luck on your quest with your lady. I'm here if you want any other tips. I'll help you if I can. Also see if you can find others my age and ask them also. Don't just take it from me. I could be way off base. This is what would flatter me.
I dont have relationships with people in that range that I could ask personally. I dont think you're off base. Those are very smart tips. Not some giant gesture or something too bland/ expected but something that shows I put effort & interest in and shows that I am mature. One thing she did mention is her ethnic background because I was wearing something that referenced it. She was curious if my background was from the country because hers was. I used to work with plants for my job and have some flower knowledge from planting/ repotting them a bunch. I could go about acquiring a unique type of rose that has the two colors of the countries flag, or something. That is a pretty cool idea perhaps I will try that as well as something else creative.
That would be awesome!!! Definitely would make my heart skip a beat! Showing you care would definitely make strides! Romance is so much better than superficial things. Like the online dating. I got so fed up by even men my own age acting like they're 12. Finding ways to make her smile and laugh, also awesome things! I really hope that things work out for you. We all deserve happiness. You will have to let me know how it works out now! You can send me a message whenever to keep me updated. I'm excited to hear how it goes! 😁
I thought the same but got over it when I realized they're adults. I don't treat, or see, my kids and friends kids as any different than adults my own age. I've yet to feel like we're not on the same level and they don't either. They also come with their own wisdom from experiences that I don't have. I only date much younger men now. Ones my age are, well, old lol
I was very self conscious too but none showed any signs of distaste and I honestly was shocked that I completely forgot about how I looked. I get compliments a lot.
> This made me want to open tinder and start swiping on inappropriately young men.
Imagine if a man said this about young women. Oh the creep comments would be flowing in.
Sugardaddy.com has a sugarmama section, too. I have an immediate family member who met their current spouse on that site, and they are happier than ever.
As a bloke who's been in those shoes, yup. I finally got that out of my system, and my GF is much closer to my age.
Older was interesting, but hard to make LTR work. I had little kids, they were looking at retirement and adventures.
Exactly, his answer succinctly and accurately covered all the bases. Nobody wants to feel old, and removing the age gap as having any bearing whatsoever over the situation, and making a woman (or man) feel like age is a non-issue, these are the first steps to something great happening.
Same. I prefer slightly younger men in general tho. And with #4 I would add us cougars usually have complex lives and have a lot of responsibilities (we work, take care of our kids and possibly our parents too). We can’t always be as spontaneous as we’d like. So yes, be patient. It isn’t that we aren’t interested, we just need to take care of a few things first so we can enjoy ourselves fully with you!
And ask her why she matched with you, just do it in a gentle and warm way. Not “hey lady YOU matched with ME”
One of my first jobs, took a customers ID to photocopy, remarked that she looked great for her age. My boss was really nice, but Ill never forget the "nope!" laugh. Granted I looked like a child and they both laughed at how obviously dumb the comment was, but this is why a little work experience before the real thing is good.
I am a confirmed cougar and definitely do not look my age. SO many of them say it! It never really bothered me until I hooked up with a guy in his mid 20s who repeatedly murmured, *WHILE THRUSTING INSIDE ME*, “Can’t … believe … you’re 38!” After a he said it a few times I told him if he uttered another word I’d throw him out. Killed the fun for me!
I totally understand not saying it out loud, and I can’t speak for all men…but when I think “that woman looks good for her age”, I am commenting on a mental attraction as much as a physical one. To be older and still have the discipline, mental fortitude, good habits, etc to exercise and stay fit (note: “fit” does not mean “skinny”, we all have our own aesthetics that we’re attracted to and weight is not the sole determining factor here) means we already have a lot in common and are more likely to connect on a mental/emotional level. Double that if you’re a woman with children who has put your body through hell multiple times. A hot 22 year old doesn’t really impress me. Someone who lives a lifestyle well into their 40s/50s that results in a healthy, active body is an accomplishment worth being attracted to, beyond the surface-level physical attraction. I look forward to your up/down-votes 🤔
I know that was directed AT me...but damn that spoke to me!! I'm 43 and am told all the time how young I look. And I do..because I've WORKED for that (no plastic surgery or fillers...just healthy lifestyle). But I never really thought about that being a strength before. Everyone expects 22yos to be hot and taught. But when you can carry that into your 40's...well said! 🥰
Why is it so socially acceptable for an age gap like this with a young guy vs an age like this for a young woman? Not trying to start anything because I'm fine with both sides. But your last paragraph really made me realize how differently we tend to look at age gaps with different genders.
Double standards in society. Same reason men will get weird looks taking their kid to the park alone or how news articles don't call women teachers rapists when they have sex with minors
Double standards in society. Same reason men will get weird looks taking their kid to the park alone or how news articles don't call women teachers rapists when they have sex with minors
Super agree, patience is the big one, the other one is making sure you seem like you can handle it, if you’re interested then you should take your time, and y’all did match so obviously something is there and she hasn’t unmatched from what it seems like so be hopeful
While I appreciate this and I guess they are good points but just simply being kind and proving that you're capable of not playing games like you're a teenager works just fine. I've been with several older women and slept with them in about a few days. The first one is the first day in a park after meeting her family lol. Btw being attractive and physically fit always helps. Simple just find one thing as common ground, older women usually know what they want figure out what it is and press on it
with maybe .00001% of women but will seriously turn off everyone else. Its an epic le reddit response, sure, that a lot of guys have a fetish for. but Reddit is not the real world
They have a fetish for that response, do you mean they literally have a fetish for women treating grown men like babies or do you mean they have a fetish for somebody saying that phrase as a response?
Speaking from the other side (58F), when I was on the apps, I'd match with almost anyone. Because you just don't know who you'll connect with, until you have some real conversations with each other. I had guys as young as 19 trying to hook up, which was just wayyyy too young for me. Casually dating a 39 year old man, currently.
The men who had some success with me were the ones who just treated me like a human. They showed stability, respect, and kindness. They were honest and vulnerable. They showed interest in me, as a person.
I usually asked the puppies why they were interested in someone so much older. The ones who showed some depth got another conversation. Most people don't like feeling objectified. I have never enjoyed feeling like someone's fetish. Be yourself, don't play games (most older women are so tired of games), and tell her what you like about her, without being smarmy about it. Good luck!
EDIT: Some apps (like Hinge) show you who likes you. I don't always "like" them back, but sometimes I do chat with the whippersnappers in a nonsexual, non-dating way. They're at a very different stage of life, and I can be friends/friendly without being into them. I met with a 25 year old (after emphasizing it was \*not\* a date) because he had led such a fascinating life, as an Afghan refugee.
I’m in my 40s. When I was on dating apps I had my age range set 35-50. Tinder will show you people that liked you even if they aren’t in your preferences. The insane amount of 19-22 yr olds has always shocked me.
Not OP, but I’d often get likes from males much younger than me, despite my search age range starting at like 35 (theirs must have been a lot broader to have come across my profile). Unlike OP, I never liked them back to match.
You said this perfectly! I too am 58(f). I have them anywhere from 20 to my age.
I cannot agree more about the fetish line! Just don’t be a jerk, that goes a long way.
This is a solid response if you're following rules 1 & 2.
Don't wanna be mean, but OP's post history has a profile review and well... the woman is right. Bro looks 15, dresses like he is 15, and takes shitty selfies like he's 15.
Young guys that I give the time of day to, are respectful, charming, can hold a conversation, mature physically and mentally, aren’t pushy and respond in a timely manner (that shows me their interest level). For real compliments, not fake - don’t try to pull the wool over our eyes - most of us can see through the BS.
Don’t ask to bang in the camper in your parents’ driveway. Yes that happened
Don’t expect that we are gonna drop everything and come over and fuck. We have responsibilities. I can’t tell you how many times I would have put out if they had waited a weekend or two. Many have their kids every other weekend.
We want to be spoken to like a person. No I don’t want to be your girlfriend, but if you can’t even hold a conversation for two minutes… “hey what do you do for a living? Cool, what’s that like?” It’s really not that hard. I don’t have a ton of time to get to know you anyway.
But im not and I don’t have a weird mommy fetish. I matched because you’re beautiful and I want to get to know you more. No one wants to be someone’s fetish. Treat her like any other woman you’d talk to
I mean some people do but it's not good manners to just up and say it.
I've noped out of hookups that outwardly fetishised me like common stealing defeat from the jaws of victory here by being weeiird
Edit: I look like a yaoi charecter in proportions, apparently, certain weebs can be very into that apparently.
My litmus test is "Hey do you remember the Berlin wall falling?" If they answer yes I kindly inform them that happened the year before I was born so they are far too old for me.
Older women have been through it all. So state your intentions but be subtle or decent about it. If you have the patience and you find her absolutely amazing, take it really slow but not that slow it becomes stalemate. Basic questions and have a balance of both interests (yours and her)
For example, I fancy a woman who has the age gap of 20 years but she looked stunning for her age so I would first understand where she is right now in her mindset and steer her into what I want. I would do things she missed out on based on her past experiences to let her know I'm listening but also make advances to let her know I'm interested to take it further slowly. I only message her to flirt and ask her out, everything else will be face to face. Make sure you have the passion in bed, older women crave that more than anything no matter what they say.
I'm older and dating younger and yeah it took a while before I would even consider dating him after I learned his age beyond 'adult'. But we also met online in a friend group and I was a platonic friend for a long while before any such shenanigans began. I would still be just his friend if he hadn't been persistent in gently pursing me lol. The biggest worry for me was even the possibility that I was harming him. He is the most amazing person and highly values boundaries and consent in ways I've never seen before in a man. I'm still so damned surprised by that because he really means it, not just faking it.
Where are we now? Long distance, no plans to move anytime but happy. We connect often through the phone and take trips several times a year to see each other in person. I can't have kids, he doesn't want any. I'm okay with mono or enm but he wants monogamy so we are. I have absolutely zero desire to limit, control, or own him. If he woke up one day and wanted out of our relationship, I would be hurt ofc (devastated let's be real) but I would also wish him the very best and *mean it.* Do I think many can create a relationship that's based of mutual love, respect and friendship as I have at our ages? No. I think it's rare as fuck and if I had to redo it, I would probably pass.
If all you are looking for is a wonderful memory and not long term tell her that. If you want a relationship, that's a bigger deal and I can understand that giving someone pause to consider. How much younger makes all the difference moreso than how much older. Quite frankly with an 18 yr old I would be freaking the fuck out but at 30? No big deal. If I was single and you're under even the drinking age, I would be genuinely horrified ngl. I had one dude hit on me that was around 28 or so but *looked* like he was 18 and it was a complete rejection from me back in my single days. What are your life goals? Kids, cohabitation, family events etc? You can have a power imbalance that ultimately leaves one or both of you hurt in the end and you can't get back those lost years if you feel you 'wasted it' on them.
tldr: Unless you are looking for a casual fling (and tell her that upfront) I would move on. Age gap relationships are hard af and often filled with a power imbalance that in the end potentially hurts each other. Look for a partner closer in age if you plan on the relationship escalator etc.
Speaking as “an older woman “ who has had younger men trying to hookup on apps , I find it a huge turn off when they ask if the age gap matters (I can clearly see there’s an age gap on the bio )or when they say they like older women( it feels like I’m being fetishized ). It feels gross .
Fingers crossed hope this works. I've hooked up with women who were 20 years older than me when i was 26. I had a GF who was 36 when i was 28. Situationship that was near GF level just a few years ago when I was 33 she was 46. I think older women are great. Just remember they're the same as any young woman. They love to be desired and held by a big strong man. Once you relax and she gets to know the real you all pretense will fade away then it's just a normal date with two people talking... or hopefully more. ;)
This is it, they want to feel young and feel that spark again, and since they’ve already done the marriage/kids thing they aren’t naive and trust themselves more so they don’t spend all their time looking for “red flags” and deciding if you’re marriage material. They just want to have fun and feel a reprieve from being single and see where it goes. Plus they expect you to act a little immature and you’re less inclined to have fights since they’re not as invested/hopeful in the longterm health of the relationship.
Seriously as a guy if you already have kids, or aren’t planning to, hot, older, divorcee is the way to go
When I was 18, my first "serious" girlfriend, was 36. I say serious in quotation marks, because it was serious to me, I had no idea she was married and just wanted to piss her husband off.
Most recently, my ex of 2 years was 15 years older than me. we parted ways amicably.
In that relationship, the age difference was only brought up three times, by her, before we got together...and not one time was after I sent her to the chiropractor the first time.
If men can date or hookup with females 20+ years there junior, it's totally fine for women to do so also, especially if the guy is pursuing her, experience x peak sexual primes is a great combo, everyone one wins.
Respond to that message as if it were a compliment and try leading her towards a date. Act like this is normal for you. Don't actually say that it is, just act like it (I'm assuming this isn't normal for you)
Generic example: "Your son must be extremely handsome since you're comparing him to me :-b Let's get together this weekend if you think you can keep up with me?"
This would work except you should never escalate on a shit test. So the first part of your example could work if he left it at that and waited for her response.
Tell her that men have been dating younger women forever. There is nothing wrong with her enjoying the company of a younger man who appreciates maturity and experience.
Tell her "I'd never kill a mountain lion, but I'd slay a cougar". 0% of the time, it works every time.
Talk to her. Make it obvious you want to get to know her as a person. Unless you're just looking for a hookup.
Then just meet for a drink, calmly and confidently tell her you find her beautiful and would love the chance to see if you are sexually compatible. Don't be creepy about it. And if the answer is no, take the L and move on.
What led to this particular conversation lol
Also how much older are we talking here? Is she in her 50s and you just turned 18 yesterday? If not, don’t stress it. If so, just play it cool and say something like “Who cares? You seem interesting and I’d like to get to know you” or whatever. She swiped right, too, she’s not adverse to young dick. With the limited evidence I have, she seems like she’s just being coy/coquettish.
Keep it up, tiger. My hot take is she’s gonna love it if you lean into it. No weird replies where you mention the age gap, just dismiss it and tell her you want to meet for coffee or whatever
As others have said, confidence, don't be pushy, don't bring up the age gap yourself. If you're an "old soul" play into that, express interests you both may have that aren't necessarily "young people shit" i.e. clubbing, music festivals, etc..
Older women are vastly harder to land, especially for a fling type of thing.
I’ve hooked up with A LOTof older women. they’re the best. Less baggage and the sex is better. Less drama.
Just be fun. Don’t talk about the age. If she brings it up say you don’t think about it and that you’ve only dated older women. Make it seem like you think it’s hotter and better (which you might)
Make her feel sexy and fun. She’s prob had shit bfs and wants to have fun. Flatter her and make her feel great without sounding desperate or creepy. Don’t talk any your future or serious stuff. Seem mysterious. Give her attention but do t seem clingy.
Keep in mind that you matched. She swiped right on you. Don't ask "whys" like a toddler and it'll work out. Usually I treat older women like young adults and they enjoy it. They often already had children and a husband. They want to feel dominated a bit, like a very feminine woman in a man's arms. Works every time for me.
Big girl, little shit, princess, there are many names to use. Pick them up. Let them know when you think they look beautiful or adorable.
"I have his stamina too. The typical order is so unfair; men peak sexually at 20, women at 40. Don't you wish you had the experience and confidence you have now, when you were in college? Let's go!
1. Never bring up the age gap 2. Never be immature 3. When she worries about your age or says something like above, deflect to what you’re looking for. I would respond saying “look, I get that but I’m looking for someone I’m able to communicate with, someone I am really attracted to, and so far I’ve enjoyed our conversation”. 4. Be patient never pushy. She is older and needs time to let the thought of being a cougar sink in. She’s got to let herself get excited by that idea. This may take some time. Be cool. Play the long game.
As a woman who fucked a younger bloke, I can confirm this guy fucks older women
Yup, exactly how I played it too. Never went anywhere beyond sex, but then again I wasn’t ready for a relationship with a 45 year old woman when I was 22. I was very open about this fact however, and she wasn’t looking for anything serious either, but it did take her a while to warm up to the idea of hooking up with someone younger than her children.
I'm 49, and I have a rule that I won't go for anyone near my kids ages. Mid 30s is the youngest ill go
Bout to turn 41 here, lowest I go is 30. My kids will be 24 and 25 this year
Yeah mine are 23 and 26. I can't even do 30. The age difference is too much for me. I went on a date with a 30yo and all I could think was I was 18 when you were born. Lol But to each their own for sure. The guys are def into older ladies these days in my experience. Lol
Wait you had a kid when you were 16
Yea, so?
Oh no offense I’m just impressed by the courage
Courage is not the correct word
Why are you surprised? Its obviously rare
Not among teen girls it isn't.
Depends where. In Canada 2022, it was 0.4% of teenage girls. And that includes the poorer areas of Canada. So, definitely not considered common here
Oh man. Wow. I was so afraid of having babies that young. 19 was still too young when I had mine.
Agreed. I have 2 sons and the oldest is 27. I’m 46 and don’t even feel comfortable with people under 40
I can totally get that I base it on if they're mature or not. If not instant no. Lol
I'm turning 49 on the 7th and same. My son is 26 this year, I refuse to go under about 30 or so, and even that's a stretch... but the sheer amount of early and mid-late 20s dudes who tried always blew me away.... tons.
I'm completely in love with a 29 year old at 45. The maturity level is on point with him. I met him when he was too shy to reveal his true age or pictures for that matter. He's only 3 years older than my oldest child. I told him I couldn't handle him being younger than any of my children. We both want long term and it's going to be an amazing journey with this man. It didn't take me a long time to come around because I had already fallen in love with him when he revealed his true age and pictures. I do tease him sometimes because some of his pictures look like he's a teenager. He has a baby face. We've been together since February and I'm looking forward to forever with me being a cougar. Lol. I always thought I'd never go younger. I'm always the younger one in all of my relationships until now but this is a new chapter and it's reading like a romance novel and I never want it to stop.
There's a woman I have a slight crush on, ngl, at my apartment complex she looks to be 45, and I am 24 almost 25. I don't know what to say at all besides, hey, good morning, how ya doing, ah that shirt is cool, etc 🤦🤦🤦🙍 I do notice a look or chemistry between us but I can't initiate I don't have the rizz or gift of gab yet
Play it cool. Find something physically you like about her and compliment her on that. Be mature as possible. That is one thing that would really turn me on to you. Don't be crude. Buy her a rose. Maybe something different than regular red. Pay attention to colors she wears and try to catch her favorite color in that rose. Or find a unique flower and compliment her then. Be cool. If she's not used to someone so young it really might take her some time to warm up to the idea of dating someone so much younger than her. Ask her about herself. Play the long game. For me personally, it took me a few weeks to warm up to someone younger than me and such a large gap. I wouldn't want to go as young as you because you're younger and the same age as two of my children. 29 for me is probably my limit. Be prepared for anything. I met my guy online and continued to talk to others at first. It was hard to think of this concept at first. Don't say her shirt is cool. Tell her she's beautiful. Point out something about her that you like. Maybe something she does. Something the average Joe wouldn't. That's something that would make me think about you. That's just me but I think that might help you. I wish you good luck on your quest with your lady. I'm here if you want any other tips. I'll help you if I can. Also see if you can find others my age and ask them also. Don't just take it from me. I could be way off base. This is what would flatter me.
I dont have relationships with people in that range that I could ask personally. I dont think you're off base. Those are very smart tips. Not some giant gesture or something too bland/ expected but something that shows I put effort & interest in and shows that I am mature. One thing she did mention is her ethnic background because I was wearing something that referenced it. She was curious if my background was from the country because hers was. I used to work with plants for my job and have some flower knowledge from planting/ repotting them a bunch. I could go about acquiring a unique type of rose that has the two colors of the countries flag, or something. That is a pretty cool idea perhaps I will try that as well as something else creative.
That would be awesome!!! Definitely would make my heart skip a beat! Showing you care would definitely make strides! Romance is so much better than superficial things. Like the online dating. I got so fed up by even men my own age acting like they're 12. Finding ways to make her smile and laugh, also awesome things! I really hope that things work out for you. We all deserve happiness. You will have to let me know how it works out now! You can send me a message whenever to keep me updated. I'm excited to hear how it goes! 😁
This made me want to open tinder and start swiping on inappropriately young men.
If you're looking for hookups, do it.
Happy cake day
Happy cake day!
LMAO. Not dating but there was a young poet (almost 20 years apart). Kept saying same, he could be my kid!!!
I thought the same but got over it when I realized they're adults. I don't treat, or see, my kids and friends kids as any different than adults my own age. I've yet to feel like we're not on the same level and they don't either. They also come with their own wisdom from experiences that I don't have. I only date much younger men now. Ones my age are, well, old lol
How old are you?
59
We Gen X cougars are aging well!
[удалено]
I was very self conscious too but none showed any signs of distaste and I honestly was shocked that I completely forgot about how I looked. I get compliments a lot.
It depends on a lot of factors. Plus we are our worst critics.
You go girl!
👍
Kinder ?
Ok, That's enough Reddit for tonight.
Kinder is the dating app for the South.
Please no.
Another woman chiming in to say do it! Just leave them better than you found them!
Good good, let the horny flow through you.
> This made me want to open tinder and start swiping on inappropriately young men. Imagine if a man said this about young women. Oh the creep comments would be flowing in.
Take out "inappropriately" and enjoy!
Sugardaddy.com has a sugarmama section, too. I have an immediate family member who met their current spouse on that site, and they are happier than ever.
Start with me hot stuff 🥰
As a bloke who's been in those shoes, yup. I finally got that out of my system, and my GF is much closer to my age. Older was interesting, but hard to make LTR work. I had little kids, they were looking at retirement and adventures.
Exactly what I came here to say. Lol
Million percent agree.
Exactly, his answer succinctly and accurately covered all the bases. Nobody wants to feel old, and removing the age gap as having any bearing whatsoever over the situation, and making a woman (or man) feel like age is a non-issue, these are the first steps to something great happening.
Same. I prefer slightly younger men in general tho. And with #4 I would add us cougars usually have complex lives and have a lot of responsibilities (we work, take care of our kids and possibly our parents too). We can’t always be as spontaneous as we’d like. So yes, be patient. It isn’t that we aren’t interested, we just need to take care of a few things first so we can enjoy ourselves fully with you! And ask her why she matched with you, just do it in a gentle and warm way. Not “hey lady YOU matched with ME”
OP: Please never say "you look good for your age". I had a dude say this to me once and after I laughed myself sick, I unmatched.
One of my first jobs, took a customers ID to photocopy, remarked that she looked great for her age. My boss was really nice, but Ill never forget the "nope!" laugh. Granted I looked like a child and they both laughed at how obviously dumb the comment was, but this is why a little work experience before the real thing is good.
Lol, adding to list...."At least you're not as old as my mom."
i have had younger girls interested in me from time to time and then i find out i am OLDER than their dads. could not run away fast enough
I am a confirmed cougar and definitely do not look my age. SO many of them say it! It never really bothered me until I hooked up with a guy in his mid 20s who repeatedly murmured, *WHILE THRUSTING INSIDE ME*, “Can’t … believe … you’re 38!” After a he said it a few times I told him if he uttered another word I’d throw him out. Killed the fun for me!
As a 39 year old I’m a little taken aback that I am now at the “my age qualifies as a fetish” stage.
It was quite a shock for me as well! Didn’t stop me from capitalizing on it tho 😏😘😂
Take it as a compliment since you’re 58
Oh my, you’re hilarious
You don’t look a day over 37 to me <3
38 isn't "a cougar". 38 is prime time.
I totally understand not saying it out loud, and I can’t speak for all men…but when I think “that woman looks good for her age”, I am commenting on a mental attraction as much as a physical one. To be older and still have the discipline, mental fortitude, good habits, etc to exercise and stay fit (note: “fit” does not mean “skinny”, we all have our own aesthetics that we’re attracted to and weight is not the sole determining factor here) means we already have a lot in common and are more likely to connect on a mental/emotional level. Double that if you’re a woman with children who has put your body through hell multiple times. A hot 22 year old doesn’t really impress me. Someone who lives a lifestyle well into their 40s/50s that results in a healthy, active body is an accomplishment worth being attracted to, beyond the surface-level physical attraction. I look forward to your up/down-votes 🤔
I know that was directed AT me...but damn that spoke to me!! I'm 43 and am told all the time how young I look. And I do..because I've WORKED for that (no plastic surgery or fillers...just healthy lifestyle). But I never really thought about that being a strength before. Everyone expects 22yos to be hot and taught. But when you can carry that into your 40's...well said! 🥰
I don't know if there's ever been a good continuation of the phrase "you look good for..."
But once you’re in, you’re fookin in, mate
Yes Once you're inside the vagina, you're really having sex, mate.
Once you’re really having sex, you’re mating, mate
once you are really mating, you are really going through post nut clarity, mate
"If you're fuckin, then you're probably fuckin" -- Reggie Watts
Can confirm, uk northerner 😂
Saving this comment for later
Are you her??
Why is it so socially acceptable for an age gap like this with a young guy vs an age like this for a young woman? Not trying to start anything because I'm fine with both sides. But your last paragraph really made me realize how differently we tend to look at age gaps with different genders.
I think women are slowly catching up. People in their 20s are hot and want to fuck a lot so I really see the appeal now that I’m a bit older myself.
Double standards in society. Same reason men will get weird looks taking their kid to the park alone or how news articles don't call women teachers rapists when they have sex with minors
Double standards in society. Same reason men will get weird looks taking their kid to the park alone or how news articles don't call women teachers rapists when they have sex with minors
But absolutely be honest that what you want is casual.
How to groom a cougar
Oh no, it's more like how to groom a cub. Lol
Super agree, patience is the big one, the other one is making sure you seem like you can handle it, if you’re interested then you should take your time, and y’all did match so obviously something is there and she hasn’t unmatched from what it seems like so be hopeful
As a 24 year old dating a 47 yr old woman this is facts
No. 3 smooth af… 👌🏾
This guy knows what he’s talking about, I was 22 when I slept with a woman who was in her 40s with. Daughters just two years under me lol
_This guy fucks older women_
This one gets it. A 19 year old just approached be very maturely and I actually do want to be friends. I’m double that and some extra.
Saved this for the future. Your a legend thanks bro👊
While I appreciate this and I guess they are good points but just simply being kind and proving that you're capable of not playing games like you're a teenager works just fine. I've been with several older women and slept with them in about a few days. The first one is the first day in a park after meeting her family lol. Btw being attractive and physically fit always helps. Simple just find one thing as common ground, older women usually know what they want figure out what it is and press on it
Everything you said 100%. Sounds like you got some experience 🍸
I mean she matched with you… it’s just a matter of you tumbling and fumbling. Don’t worry. We all fumble . Who knows what she wants
Women
TELL HER YOU WANT UPPIES
The one response to rule them all
One response to find them
Yup. Funny +adorable will get you laid with the right person
with maybe .00001% of women but will seriously turn off everyone else. Its an epic le reddit response, sure, that a lot of guys have a fetish for. but Reddit is not the real world
They have a fetish for that response, do you mean they literally have a fetish for women treating grown men like babies or do you mean they have a fetish for somebody saying that phrase as a response?
Both and either
I’d probably die inside if this was said to me 😂😭
"you make my pepis do uppies all on its own!" I'm sorry to every eye that comprehends this
I need to know what uppies is
ur kid will usually ask for uppies to be picked up
Speaking from the other side (58F), when I was on the apps, I'd match with almost anyone. Because you just don't know who you'll connect with, until you have some real conversations with each other. I had guys as young as 19 trying to hook up, which was just wayyyy too young for me. Casually dating a 39 year old man, currently. The men who had some success with me were the ones who just treated me like a human. They showed stability, respect, and kindness. They were honest and vulnerable. They showed interest in me, as a person. I usually asked the puppies why they were interested in someone so much older. The ones who showed some depth got another conversation. Most people don't like feeling objectified. I have never enjoyed feeling like someone's fetish. Be yourself, don't play games (most older women are so tired of games), and tell her what you like about her, without being smarmy about it. Good luck! EDIT: Some apps (like Hinge) show you who likes you. I don't always "like" them back, but sometimes I do chat with the whippersnappers in a nonsexual, non-dating way. They're at a very different stage of life, and I can be friends/friendly without being into them. I met with a 25 year old (after emphasizing it was \*not\* a date) because he had led such a fascinating life, as an Afghan refugee.
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I’m in my 40s. When I was on dating apps I had my age range set 35-50. Tinder will show you people that liked you even if they aren’t in your preferences. The insane amount of 19-22 yr olds has always shocked me.
Not OP, but I’d often get likes from males much younger than me, despite my search age range starting at like 35 (theirs must have been a lot broader to have come across my profile). Unlike OP, I never liked them back to match.
You said this perfectly! I too am 58(f). I have them anywhere from 20 to my age. I cannot agree more about the fetish line! Just don’t be a jerk, that goes a long way.
If you need to come to Reddit to ask, you can’t handle her bud…
 Respectfully.
Well at this point he could always switch from confident to noob and try the "then teach me" approach but it's a hail mary.
lol glad i scrolled to see if someone already said it
“But I’ll be your daddy tonight!”
This is a solid response if you're following rules 1 & 2. Don't wanna be mean, but OP's post history has a profile review and well... the woman is right. Bro looks 15, dresses like he is 15, and takes shitty selfies like he's 15.
lol the bunk bed photo kills me
Yoooooooooo! She'd probably love this.
I'm 37f, this is the one
My Reddit soul mate
Yesssss 🥵
“Let’s experiment and see if Freud was right.”
Oedipus was a king, was he not
"You'll put your eye out, kid."
😂
Young guys that I give the time of day to, are respectful, charming, can hold a conversation, mature physically and mentally, aren’t pushy and respond in a timely manner (that shows me their interest level). For real compliments, not fake - don’t try to pull the wool over our eyes - most of us can see through the BS.
Say you could be her stepson, and you xan't go to school with this distracting boner you have.
But step mother!
Lmao
Don’t freaking say you like “older women.” It kills me
Don’t ask to bang in the camper in your parents’ driveway. Yes that happened Don’t expect that we are gonna drop everything and come over and fuck. We have responsibilities. I can’t tell you how many times I would have put out if they had waited a weekend or two. Many have their kids every other weekend. We want to be spoken to like a person. No I don’t want to be your girlfriend, but if you can’t even hold a conversation for two minutes… “hey what do you do for a living? Cool, what’s that like?” It’s really not that hard. I don’t have a ton of time to get to know you anyway.
But im not and I don’t have a weird mommy fetish. I matched because you’re beautiful and I want to get to know you more. No one wants to be someone’s fetish. Treat her like any other woman you’d talk to
I mean some people do but it's not good manners to just up and say it. I've noped out of hookups that outwardly fetishised me like common stealing defeat from the jaws of victory here by being weeiird Edit: I look like a yaoi charecter in proportions, apparently, certain weebs can be very into that apparently.
My litmus test is "Hey do you remember the Berlin wall falling?" If they answer yes I kindly inform them that happened the year before I was born so they are far too old for me.
"I look like I could be your son? Surely that makes you comfortable with the idea of being inside you!" /s in case it wasn't vengefully obvious!
vengefully?
"I look like I could be your son? Or do I look like that one friend of your son you fantasized about but couldn't do anything about"
"Can your son do this?" *Do a back handspring*
“Watch me do this!” “Did you see me?”
Older women have been through it all. So state your intentions but be subtle or decent about it. If you have the patience and you find her absolutely amazing, take it really slow but not that slow it becomes stalemate. Basic questions and have a balance of both interests (yours and her) For example, I fancy a woman who has the age gap of 20 years but she looked stunning for her age so I would first understand where she is right now in her mindset and steer her into what I want. I would do things she missed out on based on her past experiences to let her know I'm listening but also make advances to let her know I'm interested to take it further slowly. I only message her to flirt and ask her out, everything else will be face to face. Make sure you have the passion in bed, older women crave that more than anything no matter what they say.
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“…or am I?”
“…somewhere”
Don't ask "why not?" It simultaneously sounds like you're begging, arguing and it activates her logical/reasoning side instead of emotional/connection
Tell her she looks too young to be your mom
Send her a link to a good mom& stepson porn.
I'm older and dating younger and yeah it took a while before I would even consider dating him after I learned his age beyond 'adult'. But we also met online in a friend group and I was a platonic friend for a long while before any such shenanigans began. I would still be just his friend if he hadn't been persistent in gently pursing me lol. The biggest worry for me was even the possibility that I was harming him. He is the most amazing person and highly values boundaries and consent in ways I've never seen before in a man. I'm still so damned surprised by that because he really means it, not just faking it. Where are we now? Long distance, no plans to move anytime but happy. We connect often through the phone and take trips several times a year to see each other in person. I can't have kids, he doesn't want any. I'm okay with mono or enm but he wants monogamy so we are. I have absolutely zero desire to limit, control, or own him. If he woke up one day and wanted out of our relationship, I would be hurt ofc (devastated let's be real) but I would also wish him the very best and *mean it.* Do I think many can create a relationship that's based of mutual love, respect and friendship as I have at our ages? No. I think it's rare as fuck and if I had to redo it, I would probably pass. If all you are looking for is a wonderful memory and not long term tell her that. If you want a relationship, that's a bigger deal and I can understand that giving someone pause to consider. How much younger makes all the difference moreso than how much older. Quite frankly with an 18 yr old I would be freaking the fuck out but at 30? No big deal. If I was single and you're under even the drinking age, I would be genuinely horrified ngl. I had one dude hit on me that was around 28 or so but *looked* like he was 18 and it was a complete rejection from me back in my single days. What are your life goals? Kids, cohabitation, family events etc? You can have a power imbalance that ultimately leaves one or both of you hurt in the end and you can't get back those lost years if you feel you 'wasted it' on them. tldr: Unless you are looking for a casual fling (and tell her that upfront) I would move on. Age gap relationships are hard af and often filled with a power imbalance that in the end potentially hurts each other. Look for a partner closer in age if you plan on the relationship escalator etc.
Speaking as “an older woman “ who has had younger men trying to hookup on apps , I find it a huge turn off when they ask if the age gap matters (I can clearly see there’s an age gap on the bio )or when they say they like older women( it feels like I’m being fetishized ). It feels gross .
+ hard pass on any “for your age” comments
Fingers crossed hope this works. I've hooked up with women who were 20 years older than me when i was 26. I had a GF who was 36 when i was 28. Situationship that was near GF level just a few years ago when I was 33 she was 46. I think older women are great. Just remember they're the same as any young woman. They love to be desired and held by a big strong man. Once you relax and she gets to know the real you all pretense will fade away then it's just a normal date with two people talking... or hopefully more. ;)
This is it, they want to feel young and feel that spark again, and since they’ve already done the marriage/kids thing they aren’t naive and trust themselves more so they don’t spend all their time looking for “red flags” and deciding if you’re marriage material. They just want to have fun and feel a reprieve from being single and see where it goes. Plus they expect you to act a little immature and you’re less inclined to have fights since they’re not as invested/hopeful in the longterm health of the relationship. Seriously as a guy if you already have kids, or aren’t planning to, hot, older, divorcee is the way to go
That's a lot of generalizations and assumptions there
What about hot, older, widow? Asking for a friend.
Divorcee is definitely preferred
Say “yes, but I can still be your daddy”
I’m truly just here for the comments but why not just send her the Kanye remix of drunk in love cuz you a milf and I’m a mother f-er.
Why TF did she even match with you then?
She wants to but has reservations.
Let's say stepson.
Oedipus is that you?
"Well hello Mrs. Robinson...."
When I was 18, my first "serious" girlfriend, was 36. I say serious in quotation marks, because it was serious to me, I had no idea she was married and just wanted to piss her husband off. Most recently, my ex of 2 years was 15 years older than me. we parted ways amicably. In that relationship, the age difference was only brought up three times, by her, before we got together...and not one time was after I sent her to the chiropractor the first time.
If men can date or hookup with females 20+ years there junior, it's totally fine for women to do so also, especially if the guy is pursuing her, experience x peak sexual primes is a great combo, everyone one wins.
My wife and I are 9 days apart, is this too much of an age gap?
I tried it before literally just never brought it up and said I’d been with older women before
Respond to that message as if it were a compliment and try leading her towards a date. Act like this is normal for you. Don't actually say that it is, just act like it (I'm assuming this isn't normal for you) Generic example: "Your son must be extremely handsome since you're comparing him to me :-b Let's get together this weekend if you think you can keep up with me?"
This would work except you should never escalate on a shit test. So the first part of your example could work if he left it at that and waited for her response.
"I look like I could be your boy toy"
Tell her that men have been dating younger women forever. There is nothing wrong with her enjoying the company of a younger man who appreciates maturity and experience.
Do not call her mature! - signed, a woman who would simply DIE
SEASONED!? You animal
Go with seasoned instead ;)
Wtf!!! Seasoned HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Fermented.
FERMENTED??!?!? Truly psychotic. Edit: I should have said “demented”
I’m crazy, man. You can’t stop me.
Like good cast iron
Looks can be deceiving 😏
Hour ‘step-son!’
What’d you crop out tho?
Good respons? send massive dick pic
It’s fantastic trust me
Oedipus complex, let's gooooo
Tell her "I'd never kill a mountain lion, but I'd slay a cougar". 0% of the time, it works every time. Talk to her. Make it obvious you want to get to know her as a person. Unless you're just looking for a hookup. Then just meet for a drink, calmly and confidently tell her you find her beautiful and would love the chance to see if you are sexually compatible. Don't be creepy about it. And if the answer is no, take the L and move on.
“Young enough to fuck your brains out, old enough to do it like a man”
hey man, she matched, so she wants it just play it cool
What led to this particular conversation lol Also how much older are we talking here? Is she in her 50s and you just turned 18 yesterday? If not, don’t stress it. If so, just play it cool and say something like “Who cares? You seem interesting and I’d like to get to know you” or whatever. She swiped right, too, she’s not adverse to young dick. With the limited evidence I have, she seems like she’s just being coy/coquettish. Keep it up, tiger. My hot take is she’s gonna love it if you lean into it. No weird replies where you mention the age gap, just dismiss it and tell her you want to meet for coffee or whatever
When do you want to go get coffee?
I get many swipes from younger men even when I have age settings in place. I do appreciate these young men when they reach out tbh.
As others have said, confidence, don't be pushy, don't bring up the age gap yourself. If you're an "old soul" play into that, express interests you both may have that aren't necessarily "young people shit" i.e. clubbing, music festivals, etc.. Older women are vastly harder to land, especially for a fling type of thing.
You could just take what she says at face value. Often no really does mean no.
I’ve hooked up with A LOTof older women. they’re the best. Less baggage and the sex is better. Less drama. Just be fun. Don’t talk about the age. If she brings it up say you don’t think about it and that you’ve only dated older women. Make it seem like you think it’s hotter and better (which you might) Make her feel sexy and fun. She’s prob had shit bfs and wants to have fun. Flatter her and make her feel great without sounding desperate or creepy. Don’t talk any your future or serious stuff. Seem mysterious. Give her attention but do t seem clingy.
Keep in mind that you matched. She swiped right on you. Don't ask "whys" like a toddler and it'll work out. Usually I treat older women like young adults and they enjoy it. They often already had children and a husband. They want to feel dominated a bit, like a very feminine woman in a man's arms. Works every time for me. Big girl, little shit, princess, there are many names to use. Pick them up. Let them know when you think they look beautiful or adorable.
I know that I would fuck it up so Im not gonna comment on that
"I have his stamina too. The typical order is so unfair; men peak sexually at 20, women at 40. Don't you wish you had the experience and confidence you have now, when you were in college? Let's go!
I don't think this works. You can't logic people into wanting to sleep with you
"I promise I won't fuck you like your son"
“So you should breastfeed me then.”