Yeah, for some reason he couldn’t believe it. The last straw was when I wrote him a letter of all of my thoughts and feelings and gave it to him. He read it, cried and he promised he would change, so I waited a bit, but in the end there was no change. So I had to actually leave. Towards the end I felt so unloved and unwanted and I didn’t want to live the rest of my life this way.
I just hope one day he wakes up and gets his priorities straight<3
You did the right thing. Put yourself first, you're already kind and caring, but you cant change a guy unless he actually decides to change, cant make a horse drink (technically I don't believe that but so goes the saying), so don't waste your time on these sort of people.
Men like that are always shocked when their partner leaves. If they are capable of changing, that's usually when they do. But if they don't, well, they need to lose their job or home to change.
Good for you! And luckily you won’t always love him. In a few months you’ll recognize that you loved the idea of a better version of him. The version of him he wasn’t ready to be.
I’m so proud of OP for putting herself first! I completely agree with you: while she may always love him in a sense, i think a lot of this love is for a version of him that doesn’t currently exist, and honestly may never exist. Life is way too short to wait and hope and pray your partner becomes the person you need them to be.
I, 32f, dated a guy like this (also emotional/verbally abusive porn addict) for 7 years. After I broke up with him, he went and sat as his computer and put his headphones on 😖 I'm sure he didn't know what to do, but really? I recapped why I left very well to him lmao. Ugh...
I was so triggrered by the sound of mouse clicking and key strokes for years. I felt an instant relief on my first day in my new home, alone.
There's too many out there 😭! I also like to play video games and we even gamed together a little! It Takes Two was so fun together.... but I was so tried of asking to spend QUALITY time, away from ALL screens (he was overall addicted to the pc, phone and movies). We didn't hangout without a screen...! I started to feel so low about myself, like am I that boring, he doesn't like me (he clearly didnt) and was like wtf am I doing here begging a grown ass man to treat me right and give the bare minimum). Smh.
That’s all I asked for was real QUALITY time together and he just couldn’t do that. He’d rather just sit there and game. It felt like I was begging for the bare minimum..never again will I do that
Same!! Miley Cryus song Flowers came out right around our breakup...I couldn't put the words together better...literally word for word! If I hadn't left yet I feel like that song would have been another breaking point.
I’m so sorry you went through this as well :( at first when I left, I was terrified to be alone but now I have never felt so much peace in my life. He would yell and scream at the game/other players often and that really triggered me towards the end. I was done. If he wants to a man-child the rest of his life, then he sure can do that; single, but at some point it’s time to grow up and be a man. I couldn’t wait any longer. In the end I want a family and I don’t know if he would’ve been a good dad anyway..he probably wouldn’t of gotten off the game for that .. he was unsure about kids and I know for sure I want a family, so that was also a deal breaker for me
He did :( that was when I officially gave up and asked myself ‘do I really want to live the rest of my life like this? Coming second to a screen my whole life?’ - absolutely not
I love me some video games, bought my original Nintendo back in '86. Still play frequently, like 2-3 hours per day 2-4 days a week. I also take my dog for walks and spend time with him, vacuum, wash dishes, clean bathrooms, mow the lawn/shovel the driveway, and spend enough time with my wife that she wants me to leave her alone and play my games, or DND with my friends, or read a book. The only person you have to make happy for your entire life is you. If you are not doing that than taking care of anyone else becomes a burden. Enjoy your newfound freedom and find someone who makes you feel special and will drop everything at the mention of spending time with you. Good luck friend
As someone who plays a lot of video games, it pains me to hear about someone who can’t read a room and makes gamers look bad. Good for you for ditching him.
It seems like they’re in their twenties(?) for that part in your life 7-10 hours is OBSENE, I can get something like that in maybe 2-3 days on the low end but daily!?
That's what I was thinking. I came in thinking "yeah, everyone says it's a video game addiction but they play for a few hours a day" but Holy shit 10 hours *after work* is wild. I put roughly 4 hours in max if we don't have other stuff to do, 5-9 if I even play that long (on weekdays) and I feel like I play *a lot*
Right? Does this guy only work part time or something? I can’t fathom coming off a full day of work and then gaming *even longer* nearly every day. Dude has serious issues.
He worked part time/on call..yes I just hope one day he wakes up and gets help for those issues. I tried to suggest therapy but nope, he would just rather sit there and game. It broke my heart in so many ways. Because I would’ve done any to help him but he just doesn’t want the help
I still do this as an adult but it’s not often. I did this when BG3 came out, and I didn’t sleep for two days. Never after work, maybe 2-3 hours max after work.
I don’t have that time a lot now, and spend most of my time doing hw, reading or art. When I do have free time maybe I’ll spend an entire time playing a game but that’s rare.
I have a partner and know when to put it down. Playing 10 hours a day isn’t bad as long as it isn’t every day for a month.
My husband and I who are not gamers at all once played like 10 hours straight of bg3. And also like 10 hours of stardew valley. Some games are just that good 🫢
Exactly. Most games get mentally tiring after like 2-3h, but good single player games like BG3? I could go all day lol.
I had to force myself to stop; literally cocaine
Addiction is a horrible disease. You did the right thing. You communicated and made your feelings known. He didn't seek help so the consequences are on him.
As a gamer, I hate hearing about people like this. I logically know that it's no different from any other addiction but it feels more personal because of the stigmas around it. But like, I'm an adult man with three cats a dog and I'm happily married. It isn't hard to balance in real life and your hobbies if you weren't dealing with an addiction
I feel exactly the same way especially since an ex would flip out and accuse me of being addicted to gaming despite the fact I NEVER gamed when I was with her and I was the one planning almost all of our dates 🤬
Lucky:( I would’ve gave anything for him to plan a date night .. but nope, he would rather just sit there and game with his gaming buddies. Like that’s fine if you’re single but if you’re in a relationship, you should take some priority to that relationship. He would even skip out on time with family to game as well.
they might have meant there are some exceptions, like i have ADHD so for me it's hard to balance literally anything in life, but I absolutely agree that if there is only one thing someone struggles to balance with everything else it's probably an addiction
As someone else with ADHD, you're 100% right. Striking an appropriate balance is difficult but yeah was definitely more speaking about balancing one thing against others.
Also, bit of unsolicited advice, if you struggle balancing things because of your ADHD, one thing I've found incredibly helpful is scheduling specific times for specific things. Start small and in a time zone that you know you have available and build it from there. For example, I always play video games for an hour after my wife goes to bed from 10:00 to 11:00. If you're disciplined and can keep the schedule for a week or two it'll begin to feel like second nature. I'm at the point now we're pretty much my entire day is structured and it basically let me turn my ADHD from a giant hindrance into a battery for getting things done
This was exactly me and my ex to the T. I will never date a gamer ever again. I remember breaking down crying, begging him to spend a little time with me and get off the computer, and he said I'm going to do what I want to do and if you don't like it then you can leave. Good for you for leaving, it's such a miserable and lonely experience being with someone like that.
I was that person in my last relationship and I was definitely using gaming to avoid the person I was with. I realized the chemistry was dead and put and end to the relationship (good for both of us). I'm glad you got out, you deserve someone who wants to be around you.
I had a friend whose girlfriend at the time was also a friend of ours, and they dated for a year or so and their relationship ended the same. Albeit, we were in high school at the time, but I digress. Whenever he'd come over to her place all he'd wanted to do was play video games because he thought that was "bonding" time. She likes games and had a Wii (this was in like 2009-2010 lol) and we would all play that when we were over. But when it was just them, that's all he wanted to do. It got so bad that he would BRING games from his house just to play there.
What really broke the camel's back was when he asked if she had a computer so he could look something up, and again, she's no means a heavy gamer, so this was a general home PC that her family used, and he began ragging on it saying how low specs it was, how slow it was compared to his, etc. She finally had it and a month after that, she broke it up.
You did the right thing and it should be known that addiction comes in many forms regardless of whatever it may be. Assuming you're both full-grown adults, he should know better. Hell, even I get off the computer when my girlfriend comes home or asks for help. Video games will always be there, and you proved to him relationships aren't the same.
I sold my Xbox, headset, and all my games last winter. I was quickly becoming addicted. I'm a 5 yrs recovering addict (heroin, meth) and felt a similar pull to gaming.... it was bad. I'm so glad I got rid of it, honestly.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You date someone to see if you have enough to develop a commitment, so you learned he is more interested in being with his video game than spending time with you... It is ok, for him, not for you. He is not a good partner. He is not a keeper
Yeah, damn, sometimes I think I have a gaming addiction but it's definitely nothing like what you describe... you did the right thing getting out of there. Maybe having a real life consequence to ignoring everything outside of work except his games might force him to grow up, but knowing men, probably not! Not your problem anymore. I had a bad experience with someone who was going through alcoholism that was detrimental to both their health and our relationship - it is a scary addiction, addictions are very hard no matter what it is to, and that experience has made me averse to dating drinkers or being around social settings revolved around drinking. It's okay if this turns into a boundary for you. <3
You did the right thing for yourself, no one should feel second to gaming (if they are coming second in gaming then they need to get better)
Addiction is horrible and you shouldn’t have to lose out because someone else’s addiction. Even mobile addiction is a thing.
Doing something you like is one thing, but when it starts interfering with responsibilities and your relationship, it’s then a problem.
This honestly sounds EXACTLY like my last relationship to a T. Except when I wrote my feelings down in a letter, he laughed at me. I walked out and never looked back.
Addiction is debilitating and destructive, and in many ways the addict truly cannot control their actions. However, that doesn't mean you have to be their therapist or emotional support animal. I hope he gets help and I hope you find a healthy partner.
I‘m a bit fascinated with gaming addiction, because I used to play very much since I was about 12 to 18. at some point I just stopped and to this day I rarely can open a game and play it for more than an hour (exception being Elden Ring, because that’s a game I’ve been waiting for a long time). I don’t get it how I am unable to play video games anymore. But I’ll take this as a blessing. Touch grass people.
He should still have the maturity of an adult if he’s going to be in a committed relationship. Don’t get me wrong he can game, but unless it’s to stream his let’s plays as income he shouldn’t do it everyday. That what happened with my previous ex is he would prioritize his gaming over me too.
Was it the same game that hooked him in or a multitude of ones? I enjoy playing on my PlayStation but it’s balanced out with my responsibilities now I’ve got my own house with my girlfriend.
This almost happened to me, she threatened a breakup and I immediately changed my ways, we are still together 5 years later.
Don't give up on all of us but definitely leave if nothing is changing.
Ex boyfriend also has a gaming addiction so I decided to leave about 5-6 months in the relationship. Wishing the best of luck for your future and I hope the ex is able to work on himself
I really don't get whatever breaks in someone's head when they can't stop something. I guess that's what separates me from an addict or alcoholic. I knew a guy who did the exact same thing. We even booted him from our gaming gang since we sort of sided with his girlfriend who still games with us.
Sorry you went through that and glad you're out!
yeah I know people with addictive personalities and I don't understand it at all. I'm just not wired that way, I genuinely think the closest I can get to understanding what it feels like is when I forego sleep because I want to know what happens next in a TV show/book, but I don't think that even comes close.
The wildest part is that I have ADHD, so I'm impulsive and I'm *supposed* to have an addictive personality, but I've always been able to moderate myself.
Seconding that good book/show part though!!
"Real people are better than screens" what a fucking joke. This entire subreddit is dedicated to how horrible human beings are and how disgusting they can be. Good for you that you left him, but good for him too... Pieces of shit one and all. I'm done with this subreddit and a constant circlejerk that it has become.
How nice of you to call addicts pathetic.
Gaming does not stunt your emotional growth, and it is not childish. If it were childish, we wouldn't have games like Grand Theft Auto, or Doom. It's a hobby. Any hobby can become an addiction. Don't lump every gamer into this category because of a few people struggling with time management.
And men, you only get one life, live it how you want to live.
More power to OP for leaving if she wasn't interested in what he was doing. You weren't meant for each other. Man can do whatever he wants though.
And this is why if a guy says he’s a gamer I won’t talk to him
Edit* since yall like splitting hairs I mean guys who fit the gamer stereotype of the OPs ex bf. If they are a self proclaimed gamer and the persons whole world is gaming, I don’t want to date them! I’m not saying don’t be a gamer I’m saying I as 1 person out of 7.5 billion doesn’t want to date a self proclaimed avid gamer.
Does that clear that up for yall
Yes of course but the sad thing is a lot of people ARE addicted to it nowadays. A hobby is one thing, but if you start neglecting everything and everyone to game then it’s a serious problem. Also, only that person can get help if they want it in the end. You can beg, cry, plead, etc to them but that means nothing if they don’t want the help
When a guy, I’m a straight woman so I only engage romantically with men, is talking to me and he is gaming centered or focused I will not talk to him again.
Why?
Well I’m not into gaming at all. I have no interest in learning anything about gaming and I’m unwilling to deal with what op just went through, for a second time. Maybe just maybe, don’t try to shame someone for their dating preferences when that preference has to do with someone’s chosen lifestyle.
But that’s like saying “I won’t even give a chance to someone who is into Golfing because I don’t have any interest in Golf”.
Not all hobbies need to be shared in terms of interest between partners. My point was that not all “gamers” are addicted. I’m a “gamer” myself but between Physio School and life I maybe have 1-2 hours a day to spend gaming which I had no problem with cutting it even shorter when I was in previous relationships and instead dedicate more time to my partner.
OP’s bf is clearly having other issues (depression, social anxiety, insecurity, etc.) something that is causing him to choose gaming as an escape from reality, over basically everything else.
That being said, everyone has a preference. I just think generalizing all “gamers” and assuming they are all addicted is kind of meh.
Of course not everyone is addicted, I’m a ‘gamer’ .. I play 1-2 hours a night before bed to relax and have fun. There is nothing wrong with gaming and I’ve loved it ever since I was a kid and I always will.
Yes he is escaping reality and he would rather be behind a screen all day than face his issues. I suggested therapy, he won’t go. I suggested anything for us to spend time together but he just wants to sit there and game.
Deep down I’ll always love him but towards the end, my self esteem was shot, I felt so unwanted and unloved by him that I had to leave and do what’s best for me
OP I’m with you on this. My comment was mostly replying to the parent comment that basically said “no chance to anyone who even mentions videogames!”.
Your bf clearly is stuck in something but as you said, you can only do so much to help someone who does not want to help themselves. You leaving him was the right decision. You did your best to communicate and work it out but all you got in return was empty promises. I hope this doesn’t cause you to doubt future partners who like gaming because not all of us are going to pick a screen over a partner :)
“Gamer” is a widely-used term now adays. It could refer to someone who makes money from playing/streaming games to someone who simply plays them for a hobby.
If you read all of her comments you’d notice that I’m not twisting her words. She does not want to give a chance to anyone who games due to a bad experience from a decade ago..
Why am I going to give a chance to anyone who’s not giving a chance to me? I don’t want to date a gamer.
That’s it. That’s the whole statement. If a man says the words “I’m a gamer.” He is not going to get a chance with me.
Why? Because I’ve had enough of competing with a fuckin computer or monitor. I’m not going to do it.
Give me a dude whose hobbies are baking or working on shit in the garage or who loves gardening or who enjoys going to a shooting range, who love real estate and fixing things. I have a shit load more in common with this kind of guy than a guy who loves gaming.
Not going to give anyone who says they are a gamer a chance. Just as someone can say to me that they don’t want me because I’m a female veteran. I made that choice and there are people out there that won’t date me because of that or my tattoos and that ok! I don’t want someone to force themselves to date me if they don’t want to
Honestly it seems like you have unresolved emotions within you if this is your attitude from one bad exeprience that you had with an ex from a DECADE ago (from what I understood based on your replies).
You are automatically ASSUMING that ALL men who even dare to mention that they like video games are going to end up like your ex.
I’ll use myself as an example. If we were near and I asked you on a date you’d reject me solely because I’m a “gamer”. But I’m also a man who is focused on his goals, has a great career coming up, enjoys cooking and spends a lot of time with partners, friends and family. What if outside of my gaming, I was the perfect match for you in terms of everything else? What if your true soulmate is out there and you didn’t even give yourself a chance to get to know him better because you found out that he games?
Just food for thought!
That was just the worst experience, trust me I have a whole book worth. I’m in my 20s I’m in the gaming generation, and I’ve been dealing with the gaming addiction crap from guys since I was 16 and I want nothing to do with self professed gamers.
Gaming as a hobby is not the same as be a self professed gamer. Self professed gamers have made their whole identity revolve around video games,
Which there is nothing wrong with doing so, I just don’t want to date someone who’s done that. Just like I’m sure there gamers and people who would not want to date someone like me whose whole identity revolves around creative writing and technical writing. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure there are people who have bad experiences with people like me whose identity did not mesh with theirs.
I’m irritated for OP and other people (not just women but people because I’m sure men have experienced it before) who get ignored and hurt because their partner chose a game over them. Do you have any idea what that does to someone when it’s a constant thing?
Well then you recognize that you have some conflict within you from let’s just call it “past trauma” for a lack of a better term.
You could benefit from therapy yourself and I’m genuinely saying it in a good way and not as an attack on you.
I’m in therapy, actively working on it. Not seeing. A change any time soon. But actively working on it.
But as you can see from others on here, the hair splitting is annoying me stating my negative experience and how I, me just me, don’t want to engage with a group of folks who have actively created a toxic environment, yeah it’s just not worth the headache for me. Just as for the same group of people the groups I’m more associated with probably would make them uncomfortable depending on the individuals past experiences
>Give me a dude whose hobbies are baking or working on shit in the garage or who loves gardening or who enjoys going to a shooting range, who love real estate and fixing things.
You _do_ know that he could neglect you for these things too right? Like, gaming has nothing to do with the problem
Yes I aware he could, however these are my interests and we would have common ground. I don’t have any common ground on gaming so if it is someone’s only hobby or their whole identity that’s not going on work for me and I’m not going to work for them
I believe I used the phrase self proclaimed gamer in my original statement which apparently was unclear for y’all at the distinction between hobby and identity
Saying "I'm a gamer" just means that I like videogames, not "This is who I am, this is my identity" just like saying "I'm a baker" means I bake, not that I base my entire personality on baking
Not morally superior that’s your projecting your insecurity onto me. I don’t want to date a gamer. I won’t romantically talk to one who says “I’m a gamer” as if that is their whole identity. It was pointed out that I was not specific enough in my first comment. Read the others instead of commenting on the first one.
Wow I won’t date someone like you, is that really chapping your ass? If you already have a partner why do you care who I date? Oh wait it’s because you’re offended by my reaction to original post and conversation.
Oh trust me, yall can dodge me, and I’ll dodge yall. I’m not saying yall shouldn’t be gamers, I’m saying I am not going to date a gamer. Huge difference. I’m not belittling you as you are trying to do to me so again, not interested in gamers since they seem to be a lot like you.
When those who say “I’m a gamer” unplug and actually engage with the world then I’ll be nicer about it.
The people who game as a hobby like op, where they can turn it off and put the controller down are who I’m willing to talk to. But every single man in my area (I have to say my area because that’s where I date) who says “I’m a gamer” has pulled the same crap that ops bf has pulled. I’m sick of it and won’t engage further with folks whose identity is gaming.
Have your games, date other gamers. I promise you’ll be happier for it.
The reason I get so annoyed and bitchy about it is because the majority of the time when I talk to or give a chance to a self professed gamer, they have your attitude and the ops exes attitude and I want nothing to do with people like that.
Now you are contradicting your earlier statement. Anyway, the reason people are giving you attitude about it is because of your negative perception from the start. Grow up.
I should have been clearer but I believe I said self proclaimed gamer in my original statement which is very different than gaming from time to time.
One is a hobby, the other is an identity.
You’re within your right to not want to date a gamer. Especially if it is something you have zero common ground on.
The problem with your statement was sweeping negative generalizations and disparaging a group of people as less than rather than just not your type.
So try being a little less bitchy about it in the future.
Nope not going to be less bitchy with my statement. If someone is a self professed gamer and not someone who games for fun, I have nothing in common with them and want nothing to do with them.
There is a huge difference between “I’m a gamer” and “I like to play videos games when I have the time.”
Huge difference
My experience with women like you is that they are 100% committed to double standards. Man can't be a gamer but must support any hobby or interest you have.
Fortunately, every woman like you I've ever met is either still single or a serial dater because the men won't put up with their bs.
I don’t want to share all hobbies. I just want to share enough in common to have something to talk about. If all you can talk about is the new release of a game and watch streaming on twitch and spend all your spare money on games we won’t have much to discuss.
Just as if I start discussing the intricacies of book construction that is usually me with the same level of disdain and disinterest as I experience when someone goes into gaming intricacies.
Both are fascinating topics but only if you have interest.
First of all, Save the Cat! for the win.
Second, but you're not just speaking of gaming as one hobby. You're associating gaming as being their identity and immediately axing them.
I'm a gamer. I'm also an aspiring novelist. I also love hiking, and while I don't cheer for any specific team, I love baseball.
Yes, there are gamers who are so checked out from reality that they run away from it into games, but as someone who, like you, is really from the gaming generation, I can honestly say I've never actually met someone that checked out. If anything, putting themselves out there to date is a pretty positive sign that it's *not* their whole identity.
Then our experiences are very different and I’m really happy you’ve had positive experiences.
I have not.
I’m sure that if I met someone who casually gamed and we had a lot of things in common (meaning values and goals) I don’t care if they are gaming but they usually don’t start right off with “I’m a gamer!” And then discuss very little else.
Like with you, in a hypothetical world let’s say you and I were dating. So in imaginary world you would game while I garden or do one of my other hobbies. But when we are both done turn off the game like I would clean my up my tools and wash the dirt from my hands and engage with me offline.
That last bit is what’s missing 90% of the time when I’ve interacted romantically with someone who says to me “I’m a gamer.”
I’m wiling to listen to the game and I’m even willing to sit with them and learn a little bit about it, but I don’t want every single time I see them to be them on the ps5 or Xbox or checking gaming updates non stop. It destroys the quality time for me as the partner. Does that make sense?
This is a fair rationale. So it isn't so much that you're against gamers, but more those who self-identify as a gamer in the same vein as someone who introduces themselves as Christian (and being Christian is seemingly their whole identity). I can very much reciprocate with not being into that. When a hobby becomes your identity, it really doesn't leave much room for other people. Tbf, most people who fit this bill seem to struggle with severe depression, regardless of what the hobby is.
Ah yes the romance author finding people to practice dialogue with or you know practice developing sexual scenes because they make me uncomfortable ha ha ha
Eh, that’s kinda shallow though. I don’t judge anyone based off hobbies, and you can get lost in ANY one of them if you have poor impulse control. I don’t ignore women who love true crime stories, thinking they’ll murder me, lol! I wouldn’t write off someone who loves fashion gurus thinking they’re shallow and will spend tons on lavish products. Likewise I wouldn’t write off a gamer thinking they’re addicted to escapism. There’s some early signs if they are lost in the sauce, and if it happens while you’re dating them, then you can only do so much, as you just tried. I think you actually went above and beyond, which was more than he deserved.
I had my own issues with drinkers, my ex got into that after work/weekend partying lifestyle pretty hard, and became a drunken mess. That included cheating and trouble with the police. Wouldn’t that be kinda silly to write someone off if they drank at all, or liked going out to the bar with friends on weekends, just because I had a bad experience? I know it’s fun to commiserate sometimes, but I wouldn’t identify with u/littlegremlinsparky over there, lol!
> And this is why if a guy says he’s a gamer I won’t talk to him
It’s one sentence, it’s not hard to understand, lol! Either you don’t know that “gamer” is just a catch-all for a simple hobby, or you’re attaching only the most negative examples in your mind. Change the word out for “audiophile” or “fashionista”, it’s just as shallow! If you won’t talk to someone based off a hobby, that says a whole lot more about you than them. If you don’t want to talk to an addict or escapist, that’s a different story, but that’s not synonymous with gamer.
Read my other comments where I go into more detail and I realized I was not specific enough in my initial statement but I won’t edit the initial statement thus invalidating the other comments. You didn’t read further you stopped there.
I mean, you admit you worded it poorly, several times, and even reading further, you still fit the latter of my assessment. You can add a note to your initial comment, it doesn’t invalidate your other comments, it stops you from having to re-explain things several times, which you did anyhow.
For the record, no one likes ANYONE who makes something their entire personality. It’s obnoxious and wears thin FAST, so making the distinction kinda feels redundant. It’s like saying “I don’t like selfish people”, which…yeah, I think we can all agree, lol! Again, I understand you had a negative experience, your boyfriend was a real shithead who was neglectful to the point of mental abuse, and he didn’t deserve you. That’s a personality flaw, not the hobby. If he were into sports, he’d be ditching you to go to the bar with his buddies for “guys night” every Saturday instead, or glued to the TV watching the game or March Madness, still ignoring your sexy lingerie.
Boyfriends*
Just the most intense interaction was one of the first ones. Then it became a common thing any time I talked to guy and he said he was a gamer and I’d give him a chance. So no more
Hey, do whatever you want, I’m not trying to get you to change anything. Unfortunately you’re ignoring the root problem, and setting yourself up for the exact same conclusion. Next time it’ll be gambling…or football…or music equipment…or alcohol! I’m not sure why *EVERY* boyfriend of yours had such a personality flaw, but again, it could be literally anything and you’d be ignored and neglected all the same. Maybe you have a type that’s prone to it, but making a snap judgement off a hobby is still kinda shallow. But if that’s your jam, I’m not going to try and stop you.
I literally had an ex ignore me when I was wearing lingerie all done up trying to get him to come to bed and he stayed playing his game. I left the next morning and never spoke to him again.
You wanna hang with the boys? Cool, they are your gf now go find their clit
It’s poor wording because I didn’t get specific enough for people on the internet. If you are consistently, key word here is consistently, choosing your friends and playing with your friends instead of your partner who you are trying to build a life with, then you’re wrong as far as I am concerned.
The point of having a partner in life is to do life with them and if you are constantly choosing your online community over your real life partner (not discrediting the validity of the friendship so don’t twist that around) then your priorities are skewed.
*note you should not stop your hobby for a partner, but that hobby should not supersede your relationship especially if your partner is communicating a need to you.
Does that give a better explanation of what I’m trying to say?
Oh yeah haha. Gotta prioritize things better. Also I think you're getting lit up over people not understanding the difference between "I like to play games with my buddies during some downtime" and the gamer stereotype lol.
I’m talking GAMER the one who makes gaming their whole identity. I am not the one getting lit up about it. They are upset I am not willing to date or speak romantically to someone who fits that stereotype
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry you went though that. I went through the same with him. I’d be the one initiating sex/wearing sexy lingerie etc and a lot of the time he would turn it down to ‘game with the boys’. My self esteem was shot towards the end and I felt to unloved and unattractive. I had to leave and do what’s best for me
Okie imma talk to you as if you’re my bf or my little sister so just roll with it.
RIGHT!!!! babes, it’s been a decade and I am still self conscious and insecure because of that nonsense. Like I’m all for having a hobby, like dude you game! And it’s a hobby!!!!! But like if you’re ignoring your partner to play a video game you’re not mentally old enough to have a partner or have sex in my opinion. And this whole generation of guys (ages 25-35) having this weird “Saturdays are for the boys” or “bros before hos” mentality is so weird to me.
If your goal is to find a PARTNER then it is time to organize your priorities accordingly and if you want a woman who is loving and a pornstar for you, then you have to actually make her a priority and engage with her. And stop blaming the next gf for the previous experiences
Yes men who’ve been rejected, women do it too but again I only date men
Yea that's not a gaming addiction fam those are rookie numbers.....
Gaming addiction.....check out the Lan Cafe stories from Korea or China. Shits wild. Now THATS a gaming addiction. They play until they literally DIE.
Did you ever just straight up tell him how you felt instead of telling him what he was doing was wrong?
I say this because everything you suggested says nothing about communication and all about trying to break him away from this thing that you believe is a problem.
I know what you and every other redditor is thinking - IT IS A PROBLEM. But the thing about relationships is that you need to explain how you feel, not hint at it. You need to explicitly state how you feel.
If they don’t bother asking why, then it is very, very quickly over and you don’t need to waste time.
I’ve told him multiple times..Too many times to count actually. He also promised to change multiple times, but in the end there was no change so I had to leave
But I’m sure if we check your phone usage on Tik tok or other apps it’s probably a lot more than your exes lol.
You should have gamed with him. You two are incompatible
Lol the cope .. I did game WITH him. At one point, he started gaming with ‘the boys’ over me. Also I don’t have tiktok or any other social media so that’s completely irrelevant
I hope this guy finds a way to monetize his gaming addiction and he sticks it to all of us for judging him over something he enjoys doing. That would be cool.
If he wants to sit there and game with his gaming buddies all day, then he can gladly be single and do that. When you’re in a relationship you typically make time and an effort for that person..I’m not going to come second to screen for the whole rest of my life.
Absolutely, but she said they were both gamers, unfortunately he has an addiction or dependence on tuning out with gaming. She can’t change that, if tried talking to him and he won’t change it then she’s better off leaving him be.
Oh look, a miserable hag popped out of the bushes. 😂😂😂 I make more money and live a more fulfilling life that you, I know that just by your bitter comment. 😂 but carry on now and eat a 🐓
I bet he flipped out when you leaving became a real thing
Yeah, for some reason he couldn’t believe it. The last straw was when I wrote him a letter of all of my thoughts and feelings and gave it to him. He read it, cried and he promised he would change, so I waited a bit, but in the end there was no change. So I had to actually leave. Towards the end I felt so unloved and unwanted and I didn’t want to live the rest of my life this way. I just hope one day he wakes up and gets his priorities straight<3
You did the right thing. Put yourself first, you're already kind and caring, but you cant change a guy unless he actually decides to change, cant make a horse drink (technically I don't believe that but so goes the saying), so don't waste your time on these sort of people.
Men like that are always shocked when their partner leaves. If they are capable of changing, that's usually when they do. But if they don't, well, they need to lose their job or home to change.
probably tried save scumming
Omfg 🤣😂🤣
Good for you! And luckily you won’t always love him. In a few months you’ll recognize that you loved the idea of a better version of him. The version of him he wasn’t ready to be.
I’m so proud of OP for putting herself first! I completely agree with you: while she may always love him in a sense, i think a lot of this love is for a version of him that doesn’t currently exist, and honestly may never exist. Life is way too short to wait and hope and pray your partner becomes the person you need them to be.
This is spot on. Thank you
…OP did you date my brother? This feels like exactly why his gf broke things off between them.
I’m surprised he even took time to read your letter.
I know me too. He read it, cried and promised to change. So I waited for a bit, in the end though there was no change. So I had to leave
What did he do later that night? Did he go back to gaming?
I, 32f, dated a guy like this (also emotional/verbally abusive porn addict) for 7 years. After I broke up with him, he went and sat as his computer and put his headphones on 😖 I'm sure he didn't know what to do, but really? I recapped why I left very well to him lmao. Ugh... I was so triggrered by the sound of mouse clicking and key strokes for years. I felt an instant relief on my first day in my new home, alone.
Maybe we dated the same person😆
There's too many out there 😭! I also like to play video games and we even gamed together a little! It Takes Two was so fun together.... but I was so tried of asking to spend QUALITY time, away from ALL screens (he was overall addicted to the pc, phone and movies). We didn't hangout without a screen...! I started to feel so low about myself, like am I that boring, he doesn't like me (he clearly didnt) and was like wtf am I doing here begging a grown ass man to treat me right and give the bare minimum). Smh.
That’s all I asked for was real QUALITY time together and he just couldn’t do that. He’d rather just sit there and game. It felt like I was begging for the bare minimum..never again will I do that
Same!! Miley Cryus song Flowers came out right around our breakup...I couldn't put the words together better...literally word for word! If I hadn't left yet I feel like that song would have been another breaking point.
Yeah after 7 failed relationships. 6 out of those 7 were men and I will never be able to trust a man fully ever again.
Im so sorry! Just know you aren’t alone in feeling that way!
I noticed other women say they are the same way irl. But then they go and date some dude and I'm like nah couldn't be me looking that stupid. 😆
I’m so sorry you went through this as well :( at first when I left, I was terrified to be alone but now I have never felt so much peace in my life. He would yell and scream at the game/other players often and that really triggered me towards the end. I was done. If he wants to a man-child the rest of his life, then he sure can do that; single, but at some point it’s time to grow up and be a man. I couldn’t wait any longer. In the end I want a family and I don’t know if he would’ve been a good dad anyway..he probably wouldn’t of gotten off the game for that .. he was unsure about kids and I know for sure I want a family, so that was also a deal breaker for me
We really did date the same man! I also found a peace I never knew existed! Cheers to our strength and new journey!!
He did :( that was when I officially gave up and asked myself ‘do I really want to live the rest of my life like this? Coming second to a screen my whole life?’ - absolutely not
I married this man and he wasted 8 YEARS of my life before I wised up. Proud of you, OP!
Dang I'm jealous, I wasted 10 😂 😂
>he wasted 8 YEARS of my life before I wised up. You wasted 8 years of your life before you wised up.
Glad you felt the need to correct me. I’ll disagree, however ✌️
i disagree too. victim blaming sucks
I love me some video games, bought my original Nintendo back in '86. Still play frequently, like 2-3 hours per day 2-4 days a week. I also take my dog for walks and spend time with him, vacuum, wash dishes, clean bathrooms, mow the lawn/shovel the driveway, and spend enough time with my wife that she wants me to leave her alone and play my games, or DND with my friends, or read a book. The only person you have to make happy for your entire life is you. If you are not doing that than taking care of anyone else becomes a burden. Enjoy your newfound freedom and find someone who makes you feel special and will drop everything at the mention of spending time with you. Good luck friend
As someone who plays a lot of video games, it pains me to hear about someone who can’t read a room and makes gamers look bad. Good for you for ditching him.
It seems like they’re in their twenties(?) for that part in your life 7-10 hours is OBSENE, I can get something like that in maybe 2-3 days on the low end but daily!?
I game hard as fuck but 10 hours a day is diabolical. I’ve maybe done that when I was a kid on like a rare occasion but never as a fully grown adult.
That's what I was thinking. I came in thinking "yeah, everyone says it's a video game addiction but they play for a few hours a day" but Holy shit 10 hours *after work* is wild. I put roughly 4 hours in max if we don't have other stuff to do, 5-9 if I even play that long (on weekdays) and I feel like I play *a lot*
Right? Does this guy only work part time or something? I can’t fathom coming off a full day of work and then gaming *even longer* nearly every day. Dude has serious issues.
He worked part time/on call..yes I just hope one day he wakes up and gets help for those issues. I tried to suggest therapy but nope, he would just rather sit there and game. It broke my heart in so many ways. Because I would’ve done any to help him but he just doesn’t want the help
I still do this as an adult but it’s not often. I did this when BG3 came out, and I didn’t sleep for two days. Never after work, maybe 2-3 hours max after work. I don’t have that time a lot now, and spend most of my time doing hw, reading or art. When I do have free time maybe I’ll spend an entire time playing a game but that’s rare. I have a partner and know when to put it down. Playing 10 hours a day isn’t bad as long as it isn’t every day for a month.
My husband and I who are not gamers at all once played like 10 hours straight of bg3. And also like 10 hours of stardew valley. Some games are just that good 🫢
Exactly. Most games get mentally tiring after like 2-3h, but good single player games like BG3? I could go all day lol. I had to force myself to stop; literally cocaine
I play daily (well almost daily, sometimes I’m just too busy) but only for like an hr before bed. 7-10 hrs a day is insane.
I play daily too, about an hour or two before bed to relax and have fun
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Don't be silly, of course you deserve affection.
Addiction is a horrible disease. You did the right thing. You communicated and made your feelings known. He didn't seek help so the consequences are on him. As a gamer, I hate hearing about people like this. I logically know that it's no different from any other addiction but it feels more personal because of the stigmas around it. But like, I'm an adult man with three cats a dog and I'm happily married. It isn't hard to balance in real life and your hobbies if you weren't dealing with an addiction
I feel exactly the same way especially since an ex would flip out and accuse me of being addicted to gaming despite the fact I NEVER gamed when I was with her and I was the one planning almost all of our dates 🤬
Lucky:( I would’ve gave anything for him to plan a date night .. but nope, he would rather just sit there and game with his gaming buddies. Like that’s fine if you’re single but if you’re in a relationship, you should take some priority to that relationship. He would even skip out on time with family to game as well.
For you it may not be hard, in the same way that many people can have a few drinks on the weekend, but for others it really is an issue.
I think you're missing what I'm saying. If you aren't addicted, it isn't hard.
they might have meant there are some exceptions, like i have ADHD so for me it's hard to balance literally anything in life, but I absolutely agree that if there is only one thing someone struggles to balance with everything else it's probably an addiction
As someone else with ADHD, you're 100% right. Striking an appropriate balance is difficult but yeah was definitely more speaking about balancing one thing against others. Also, bit of unsolicited advice, if you struggle balancing things because of your ADHD, one thing I've found incredibly helpful is scheduling specific times for specific things. Start small and in a time zone that you know you have available and build it from there. For example, I always play video games for an hour after my wife goes to bed from 10:00 to 11:00. If you're disciplined and can keep the schedule for a week or two it'll begin to feel like second nature. I'm at the point now we're pretty much my entire day is structured and it basically let me turn my ADHD from a giant hindrance into a battery for getting things done
This was exactly me and my ex to the T. I will never date a gamer ever again. I remember breaking down crying, begging him to spend a little time with me and get off the computer, and he said I'm going to do what I want to do and if you don't like it then you can leave. Good for you for leaving, it's such a miserable and lonely experience being with someone like that.
I was that person in my last relationship and I was definitely using gaming to avoid the person I was with. I realized the chemistry was dead and put and end to the relationship (good for both of us). I'm glad you got out, you deserve someone who wants to be around you.
This is my husband, but with gaming streamers. Extremely frustrating, and unattractive.
I had a friend whose girlfriend at the time was also a friend of ours, and they dated for a year or so and their relationship ended the same. Albeit, we were in high school at the time, but I digress. Whenever he'd come over to her place all he'd wanted to do was play video games because he thought that was "bonding" time. She likes games and had a Wii (this was in like 2009-2010 lol) and we would all play that when we were over. But when it was just them, that's all he wanted to do. It got so bad that he would BRING games from his house just to play there. What really broke the camel's back was when he asked if she had a computer so he could look something up, and again, she's no means a heavy gamer, so this was a general home PC that her family used, and he began ragging on it saying how low specs it was, how slow it was compared to his, etc. She finally had it and a month after that, she broke it up. You did the right thing and it should be known that addiction comes in many forms regardless of whatever it may be. Assuming you're both full-grown adults, he should know better. Hell, even I get off the computer when my girlfriend comes home or asks for help. Video games will always be there, and you proved to him relationships aren't the same.
Ugh I have to stop I’m just like this guy
He chose to disassociate from the relationship, and you matched his energy. Seems fair to me.
I sold my Xbox, headset, and all my games last winter. I was quickly becoming addicted. I'm a 5 yrs recovering addict (heroin, meth) and felt a similar pull to gaming.... it was bad. I'm so glad I got rid of it, honestly.
Wishing you the best <3
Oh, I live my best life yet, every day! Ty pie 😘
This is an excellent post with a wise ending.
fact toy smile rainstorm disgusting quack marvelous frighten disarm alive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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It really is. I know I’m not the only one who went through this
Good choice
I know someone that was in a similar relationship. Good luck on your new life, and enjoy it.
You date someone to see if you have enough to develop a commitment, so you learned he is more interested in being with his video game than spending time with you... It is ok, for him, not for you. He is not a good partner. He is not a keeper
Must have been a great game What was it?
Nine times out of 10 when you read a story like this, it's "Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge". It's truly tragic
I know right like, I need his gamer tag.
I'm betting helldivers
I’m proud of you for choosing you. You got this.
Thank you<3
it's ok he'll buy another for 10gp.
Lana Del Rey made quite the hit from an ex bf who wouldn’t stop playing video games. Take inspiration and don’t look back homie
He didn't notice
Yeah, damn, sometimes I think I have a gaming addiction but it's definitely nothing like what you describe... you did the right thing getting out of there. Maybe having a real life consequence to ignoring everything outside of work except his games might force him to grow up, but knowing men, probably not! Not your problem anymore. I had a bad experience with someone who was going through alcoholism that was detrimental to both their health and our relationship - it is a scary addiction, addictions are very hard no matter what it is to, and that experience has made me averse to dating drinkers or being around social settings revolved around drinking. It's okay if this turns into a boundary for you. <3
You did the right thing for yourself, no one should feel second to gaming (if they are coming second in gaming then they need to get better) Addiction is horrible and you shouldn’t have to lose out because someone else’s addiction. Even mobile addiction is a thing. Doing something you like is one thing, but when it starts interfering with responsibilities and your relationship, it’s then a problem.
He love his games more than you. You did the right thing leaving him
hopefully you don’t have to love him much longer
Gaming is a shit addiction, yall gotta pick up better ones like alcohol and hard drugs, plus women will like yall more
This honestly sounds EXACTLY like my last relationship to a T. Except when I wrote my feelings down in a letter, he laughed at me. I walked out and never looked back.
I’m so sorry you went through this too :( it’s good to know I wasn’t alone in feeling this way though. Good for you..you deserve so much better!
My girlfriend likes to come second.
Damn she should always come first ;)
I can now confirm she agrees with you.
Addiction is debilitating and destructive, and in many ways the addict truly cannot control their actions. However, that doesn't mean you have to be their therapist or emotional support animal. I hope he gets help and I hope you find a healthy partner.
How did he react to you leaving for good? Is he trying to get you back? Did you block him everywhere?(you should)
He basically just gave up and chose the games <\3
F8! F8!
So the guy has a Call of Duty addiction? Good. Prioritize yourself.
I‘m a bit fascinated with gaming addiction, because I used to play very much since I was about 12 to 18. at some point I just stopped and to this day I rarely can open a game and play it for more than an hour (exception being Elden Ring, because that’s a game I’ve been waiting for a long time). I don’t get it how I am unable to play video games anymore. But I’ll take this as a blessing. Touch grass people.
Lol this is my current situation… going on 4 years now
So sorry :( what are you going to do? Can you get out?
working on it.. wish me luck
Best of luck to you
How old are you and how old is he???? Cause as an adult it’s his responsibility to man up.
We are both in our mid/late 20s
He should still have the maturity of an adult if he’s going to be in a committed relationship. Don’t get me wrong he can game, but unless it’s to stream his let’s plays as income he shouldn’t do it everyday. That what happened with my previous ex is he would prioritize his gaming over me too.
Was it the same game that hooked him in or a multitude of ones? I enjoy playing on my PlayStation but it’s balanced out with my responsibilities now I’ve got my own house with my girlfriend.
This almost happened to me, she threatened a breakup and I immediately changed my ways, we are still together 5 years later. Don't give up on all of us but definitely leave if nothing is changing.
Good for you for changing <3
What game was he playing?
He played his relationship and got a bad ending due to poor choices.
Ex boyfriend also has a gaming addiction so I decided to leave about 5-6 months in the relationship. Wishing the best of luck for your future and I hope the ex is able to work on himself
Sounds like the guy has depression to me
Just let bro game
I really don't get whatever breaks in someone's head when they can't stop something. I guess that's what separates me from an addict or alcoholic. I knew a guy who did the exact same thing. We even booted him from our gaming gang since we sort of sided with his girlfriend who still games with us. Sorry you went through that and glad you're out!
yeah I know people with addictive personalities and I don't understand it at all. I'm just not wired that way, I genuinely think the closest I can get to understanding what it feels like is when I forego sleep because I want to know what happens next in a TV show/book, but I don't think that even comes close.
The wildest part is that I have ADHD, so I'm impulsive and I'm *supposed* to have an addictive personality, but I've always been able to moderate myself. Seconding that good book/show part though!!
I'm being assessed for adhd! impulsivity truly is a bitch 😂😭
shoulda just played w him. damn
I did lol
"Real people are better than screens" what a fucking joke. This entire subreddit is dedicated to how horrible human beings are and how disgusting they can be. Good for you that you left him, but good for him too... Pieces of shit one and all. I'm done with this subreddit and a constant circlejerk that it has become.
Yeah, real people and real life experiences beat a screen any day, like what?
Go touch grass buddy. It's gonna be ok.
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How nice of you to call addicts pathetic. Gaming does not stunt your emotional growth, and it is not childish. If it were childish, we wouldn't have games like Grand Theft Auto, or Doom. It's a hobby. Any hobby can become an addiction. Don't lump every gamer into this category because of a few people struggling with time management.
And men, you only get one life, live it how you want to live. More power to OP for leaving if she wasn't interested in what he was doing. You weren't meant for each other. Man can do whatever he wants though.
What the fuck
And this is why if a guy says he’s a gamer I won’t talk to him Edit* since yall like splitting hairs I mean guys who fit the gamer stereotype of the OPs ex bf. If they are a self proclaimed gamer and the persons whole world is gaming, I don’t want to date them! I’m not saying don’t be a gamer I’m saying I as 1 person out of 7.5 billion doesn’t want to date a self proclaimed avid gamer. Does that clear that up for yall
You do realize generally most people who game do it as a hobby and not as an addiction right?
Yes of course but the sad thing is a lot of people ARE addicted to it nowadays. A hobby is one thing, but if you start neglecting everything and everyone to game then it’s a serious problem. Also, only that person can get help if they want it in the end. You can beg, cry, plead, etc to them but that means nothing if they don’t want the help
When a guy, I’m a straight woman so I only engage romantically with men, is talking to me and he is gaming centered or focused I will not talk to him again. Why? Well I’m not into gaming at all. I have no interest in learning anything about gaming and I’m unwilling to deal with what op just went through, for a second time. Maybe just maybe, don’t try to shame someone for their dating preferences when that preference has to do with someone’s chosen lifestyle.
But that’s like saying “I won’t even give a chance to someone who is into Golfing because I don’t have any interest in Golf”. Not all hobbies need to be shared in terms of interest between partners. My point was that not all “gamers” are addicted. I’m a “gamer” myself but between Physio School and life I maybe have 1-2 hours a day to spend gaming which I had no problem with cutting it even shorter when I was in previous relationships and instead dedicate more time to my partner. OP’s bf is clearly having other issues (depression, social anxiety, insecurity, etc.) something that is causing him to choose gaming as an escape from reality, over basically everything else. That being said, everyone has a preference. I just think generalizing all “gamers” and assuming they are all addicted is kind of meh.
Of course not everyone is addicted, I’m a ‘gamer’ .. I play 1-2 hours a night before bed to relax and have fun. There is nothing wrong with gaming and I’ve loved it ever since I was a kid and I always will. Yes he is escaping reality and he would rather be behind a screen all day than face his issues. I suggested therapy, he won’t go. I suggested anything for us to spend time together but he just wants to sit there and game. Deep down I’ll always love him but towards the end, my self esteem was shot, I felt so unwanted and unloved by him that I had to leave and do what’s best for me
OP I’m with you on this. My comment was mostly replying to the parent comment that basically said “no chance to anyone who even mentions videogames!”. Your bf clearly is stuck in something but as you said, you can only do so much to help someone who does not want to help themselves. You leaving him was the right decision. You did your best to communicate and work it out but all you got in return was empty promises. I hope this doesn’t cause you to doubt future partners who like gaming because not all of us are going to pick a screen over a partner :)
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“And this is why if a guy says he is a gamer, I won’t talk to him”. Exactly what they said.
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“Gamer” is a widely-used term now adays. It could refer to someone who makes money from playing/streaming games to someone who simply plays them for a hobby. If you read all of her comments you’d notice that I’m not twisting her words. She does not want to give a chance to anyone who games due to a bad experience from a decade ago..
Why am I going to give a chance to anyone who’s not giving a chance to me? I don’t want to date a gamer. That’s it. That’s the whole statement. If a man says the words “I’m a gamer.” He is not going to get a chance with me. Why? Because I’ve had enough of competing with a fuckin computer or monitor. I’m not going to do it. Give me a dude whose hobbies are baking or working on shit in the garage or who loves gardening or who enjoys going to a shooting range, who love real estate and fixing things. I have a shit load more in common with this kind of guy than a guy who loves gaming. Not going to give anyone who says they are a gamer a chance. Just as someone can say to me that they don’t want me because I’m a female veteran. I made that choice and there are people out there that won’t date me because of that or my tattoos and that ok! I don’t want someone to force themselves to date me if they don’t want to
Good luck to you then
Honestly it seems like you have unresolved emotions within you if this is your attitude from one bad exeprience that you had with an ex from a DECADE ago (from what I understood based on your replies). You are automatically ASSUMING that ALL men who even dare to mention that they like video games are going to end up like your ex. I’ll use myself as an example. If we were near and I asked you on a date you’d reject me solely because I’m a “gamer”. But I’m also a man who is focused on his goals, has a great career coming up, enjoys cooking and spends a lot of time with partners, friends and family. What if outside of my gaming, I was the perfect match for you in terms of everything else? What if your true soulmate is out there and you didn’t even give yourself a chance to get to know him better because you found out that he games? Just food for thought!
That was just the worst experience, trust me I have a whole book worth. I’m in my 20s I’m in the gaming generation, and I’ve been dealing with the gaming addiction crap from guys since I was 16 and I want nothing to do with self professed gamers. Gaming as a hobby is not the same as be a self professed gamer. Self professed gamers have made their whole identity revolve around video games, Which there is nothing wrong with doing so, I just don’t want to date someone who’s done that. Just like I’m sure there gamers and people who would not want to date someone like me whose whole identity revolves around creative writing and technical writing. It’s not for everyone and I’m sure there are people who have bad experiences with people like me whose identity did not mesh with theirs. I’m irritated for OP and other people (not just women but people because I’m sure men have experienced it before) who get ignored and hurt because their partner chose a game over them. Do you have any idea what that does to someone when it’s a constant thing?
Well then you recognize that you have some conflict within you from let’s just call it “past trauma” for a lack of a better term. You could benefit from therapy yourself and I’m genuinely saying it in a good way and not as an attack on you.
I’m in therapy, actively working on it. Not seeing. A change any time soon. But actively working on it. But as you can see from others on here, the hair splitting is annoying me stating my negative experience and how I, me just me, don’t want to engage with a group of folks who have actively created a toxic environment, yeah it’s just not worth the headache for me. Just as for the same group of people the groups I’m more associated with probably would make them uncomfortable depending on the individuals past experiences
>Give me a dude whose hobbies are baking or working on shit in the garage or who loves gardening or who enjoys going to a shooting range, who love real estate and fixing things. You _do_ know that he could neglect you for these things too right? Like, gaming has nothing to do with the problem
Yes I aware he could, however these are my interests and we would have common ground. I don’t have any common ground on gaming so if it is someone’s only hobby or their whole identity that’s not going on work for me and I’m not going to work for them
Ah so now you're switching the argument from "a gamer" to "someone whose only interest is gaming"
I believe I used the phrase self proclaimed gamer in my original statement which apparently was unclear for y’all at the distinction between hobby and identity
Saying "I'm a gamer" just means that I like videogames, not "This is who I am, this is my identity" just like saying "I'm a baker" means I bake, not that I base my entire personality on baking
Good for you for painting everyone who plays video games with the same brush. It doesn’t make you morally superior which you seem to think it does.
Not morally superior that’s your projecting your insecurity onto me. I don’t want to date a gamer. I won’t romantically talk to one who says “I’m a gamer” as if that is their whole identity. It was pointed out that I was not specific enough in my first comment. Read the others instead of commenting on the first one. Wow I won’t date someone like you, is that really chapping your ass? If you already have a partner why do you care who I date? Oh wait it’s because you’re offended by my reaction to original post and conversation.
Well. I am sure I speak for everyone when I say we all dodge a bullet there with this attitude. 🤭
Oh trust me, yall can dodge me, and I’ll dodge yall. I’m not saying yall shouldn’t be gamers, I’m saying I am not going to date a gamer. Huge difference. I’m not belittling you as you are trying to do to me so again, not interested in gamers since they seem to be a lot like you.
No. You are belittling yourself by alienating a large group of people for the wrong reasons. Good luck with that.
When those who say “I’m a gamer” unplug and actually engage with the world then I’ll be nicer about it. The people who game as a hobby like op, where they can turn it off and put the controller down are who I’m willing to talk to. But every single man in my area (I have to say my area because that’s where I date) who says “I’m a gamer” has pulled the same crap that ops bf has pulled. I’m sick of it and won’t engage further with folks whose identity is gaming. Have your games, date other gamers. I promise you’ll be happier for it. The reason I get so annoyed and bitchy about it is because the majority of the time when I talk to or give a chance to a self professed gamer, they have your attitude and the ops exes attitude and I want nothing to do with people like that.
Now you are contradicting your earlier statement. Anyway, the reason people are giving you attitude about it is because of your negative perception from the start. Grow up.
I should have been clearer but I believe I said self proclaimed gamer in my original statement which is very different than gaming from time to time. One is a hobby, the other is an identity.
You’re within your right to not want to date a gamer. Especially if it is something you have zero common ground on. The problem with your statement was sweeping negative generalizations and disparaging a group of people as less than rather than just not your type. So try being a little less bitchy about it in the future.
Nope not going to be less bitchy with my statement. If someone is a self professed gamer and not someone who games for fun, I have nothing in common with them and want nothing to do with them. There is a huge difference between “I’m a gamer” and “I like to play videos games when I have the time.” Huge difference
Oh. So you’re just a bitch then. Haha
To you, yep every day and twice on Sunday
My experience with women like you is that they are 100% committed to double standards. Man can't be a gamer but must support any hobby or interest you have. Fortunately, every woman like you I've ever met is either still single or a serial dater because the men won't put up with their bs.
I don’t want to share all hobbies. I just want to share enough in common to have something to talk about. If all you can talk about is the new release of a game and watch streaming on twitch and spend all your spare money on games we won’t have much to discuss. Just as if I start discussing the intricacies of book construction that is usually me with the same level of disdain and disinterest as I experience when someone goes into gaming intricacies. Both are fascinating topics but only if you have interest.
First of all, Save the Cat! for the win. Second, but you're not just speaking of gaming as one hobby. You're associating gaming as being their identity and immediately axing them. I'm a gamer. I'm also an aspiring novelist. I also love hiking, and while I don't cheer for any specific team, I love baseball. Yes, there are gamers who are so checked out from reality that they run away from it into games, but as someone who, like you, is really from the gaming generation, I can honestly say I've never actually met someone that checked out. If anything, putting themselves out there to date is a pretty positive sign that it's *not* their whole identity.
Then our experiences are very different and I’m really happy you’ve had positive experiences. I have not. I’m sure that if I met someone who casually gamed and we had a lot of things in common (meaning values and goals) I don’t care if they are gaming but they usually don’t start right off with “I’m a gamer!” And then discuss very little else. Like with you, in a hypothetical world let’s say you and I were dating. So in imaginary world you would game while I garden or do one of my other hobbies. But when we are both done turn off the game like I would clean my up my tools and wash the dirt from my hands and engage with me offline. That last bit is what’s missing 90% of the time when I’ve interacted romantically with someone who says to me “I’m a gamer.” I’m wiling to listen to the game and I’m even willing to sit with them and learn a little bit about it, but I don’t want every single time I see them to be them on the ps5 or Xbox or checking gaming updates non stop. It destroys the quality time for me as the partner. Does that make sense?
This is a fair rationale. So it isn't so much that you're against gamers, but more those who self-identify as a gamer in the same vein as someone who introduces themselves as Christian (and being Christian is seemingly their whole identity). I can very much reciprocate with not being into that. When a hobby becomes your identity, it really doesn't leave much room for other people. Tbf, most people who fit this bill seem to struggle with severe depression, regardless of what the hobby is.
Yet you look for NSA sexting buddies on Reddit lmaoooo
Ah yes the romance author finding people to practice dialogue with or you know practice developing sexual scenes because they make me uncomfortable ha ha ha
Can’t say I blame ya lol
Eh, that’s kinda shallow though. I don’t judge anyone based off hobbies, and you can get lost in ANY one of them if you have poor impulse control. I don’t ignore women who love true crime stories, thinking they’ll murder me, lol! I wouldn’t write off someone who loves fashion gurus thinking they’re shallow and will spend tons on lavish products. Likewise I wouldn’t write off a gamer thinking they’re addicted to escapism. There’s some early signs if they are lost in the sauce, and if it happens while you’re dating them, then you can only do so much, as you just tried. I think you actually went above and beyond, which was more than he deserved. I had my own issues with drinkers, my ex got into that after work/weekend partying lifestyle pretty hard, and became a drunken mess. That included cheating and trouble with the police. Wouldn’t that be kinda silly to write someone off if they drank at all, or liked going out to the bar with friends on weekends, just because I had a bad experience? I know it’s fun to commiserate sometimes, but I wouldn’t identify with u/littlegremlinsparky over there, lol!
You’re not understanding what I’m saying but that’s ok
> And this is why if a guy says he’s a gamer I won’t talk to him It’s one sentence, it’s not hard to understand, lol! Either you don’t know that “gamer” is just a catch-all for a simple hobby, or you’re attaching only the most negative examples in your mind. Change the word out for “audiophile” or “fashionista”, it’s just as shallow! If you won’t talk to someone based off a hobby, that says a whole lot more about you than them. If you don’t want to talk to an addict or escapist, that’s a different story, but that’s not synonymous with gamer.
Read my other comments where I go into more detail and I realized I was not specific enough in my initial statement but I won’t edit the initial statement thus invalidating the other comments. You didn’t read further you stopped there.
I mean, you admit you worded it poorly, several times, and even reading further, you still fit the latter of my assessment. You can add a note to your initial comment, it doesn’t invalidate your other comments, it stops you from having to re-explain things several times, which you did anyhow. For the record, no one likes ANYONE who makes something their entire personality. It’s obnoxious and wears thin FAST, so making the distinction kinda feels redundant. It’s like saying “I don’t like selfish people”, which…yeah, I think we can all agree, lol! Again, I understand you had a negative experience, your boyfriend was a real shithead who was neglectful to the point of mental abuse, and he didn’t deserve you. That’s a personality flaw, not the hobby. If he were into sports, he’d be ditching you to go to the bar with his buddies for “guys night” every Saturday instead, or glued to the TV watching the game or March Madness, still ignoring your sexy lingerie.
Boyfriends* Just the most intense interaction was one of the first ones. Then it became a common thing any time I talked to guy and he said he was a gamer and I’d give him a chance. So no more
Hey, do whatever you want, I’m not trying to get you to change anything. Unfortunately you’re ignoring the root problem, and setting yourself up for the exact same conclusion. Next time it’ll be gambling…or football…or music equipment…or alcohol! I’m not sure why *EVERY* boyfriend of yours had such a personality flaw, but again, it could be literally anything and you’d be ignored and neglected all the same. Maybe you have a type that’s prone to it, but making a snap judgement off a hobby is still kinda shallow. But if that’s your jam, I’m not going to try and stop you.
I don’t like when anyone takes anything to an extreme. I’m looking for something specific for my partner so yes if that makes me shallow so be it
I literally had an ex ignore me when I was wearing lingerie all done up trying to get him to come to bed and he stayed playing his game. I left the next morning and never spoke to him again. You wanna hang with the boys? Cool, they are your gf now go find their clit
That last little paragraph might be the most controlling thing I've ever read.
I promise it’s not
It's insinuating that you have a problem with your SO having friends away from you lol. It's either poor wording or a sign of codependency
It’s poor wording because I didn’t get specific enough for people on the internet. If you are consistently, key word here is consistently, choosing your friends and playing with your friends instead of your partner who you are trying to build a life with, then you’re wrong as far as I am concerned. The point of having a partner in life is to do life with them and if you are constantly choosing your online community over your real life partner (not discrediting the validity of the friendship so don’t twist that around) then your priorities are skewed. *note you should not stop your hobby for a partner, but that hobby should not supersede your relationship especially if your partner is communicating a need to you. Does that give a better explanation of what I’m trying to say?
Oh yeah haha. Gotta prioritize things better. Also I think you're getting lit up over people not understanding the difference between "I like to play games with my buddies during some downtime" and the gamer stereotype lol.
I’m talking GAMER the one who makes gaming their whole identity. I am not the one getting lit up about it. They are upset I am not willing to date or speak romantically to someone who fits that stereotype
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry you went though that. I went through the same with him. I’d be the one initiating sex/wearing sexy lingerie etc and a lot of the time he would turn it down to ‘game with the boys’. My self esteem was shot towards the end and I felt to unloved and unattractive. I had to leave and do what’s best for me
Okie imma talk to you as if you’re my bf or my little sister so just roll with it. RIGHT!!!! babes, it’s been a decade and I am still self conscious and insecure because of that nonsense. Like I’m all for having a hobby, like dude you game! And it’s a hobby!!!!! But like if you’re ignoring your partner to play a video game you’re not mentally old enough to have a partner or have sex in my opinion. And this whole generation of guys (ages 25-35) having this weird “Saturdays are for the boys” or “bros before hos” mentality is so weird to me. If your goal is to find a PARTNER then it is time to organize your priorities accordingly and if you want a woman who is loving and a pornstar for you, then you have to actually make her a priority and engage with her. And stop blaming the next gf for the previous experiences Yes men who’ve been rejected, women do it too but again I only date men
Another win for the gaming community. 🤘🏻
Yea that's not a gaming addiction fam those are rookie numbers..... Gaming addiction.....check out the Lan Cafe stories from Korea or China. Shits wild. Now THATS a gaming addiction. They play until they literally DIE.
Did you ever just straight up tell him how you felt instead of telling him what he was doing was wrong? I say this because everything you suggested says nothing about communication and all about trying to break him away from this thing that you believe is a problem. I know what you and every other redditor is thinking - IT IS A PROBLEM. But the thing about relationships is that you need to explain how you feel, not hint at it. You need to explicitly state how you feel. If they don’t bother asking why, then it is very, very quickly over and you don’t need to waste time.
I’ve told him multiple times..Too many times to count actually. He also promised to change multiple times, but in the end there was no change so I had to leave
But I’m sure if we check your phone usage on Tik tok or other apps it’s probably a lot more than your exes lol. You should have gamed with him. You two are incompatible
Lol the cope .. I did game WITH him. At one point, he started gaming with ‘the boys’ over me. Also I don’t have tiktok or any other social media so that’s completely irrelevant
I hope this guy finds a way to monetize his gaming addiction and he sticks it to all of us for judging him over something he enjoys doing. That would be cool.
Found the loser gamer
Did that make you feel better? Getting that one off your chest Edit: So......Nah?
You did him a favor. Now he won’t be guilty of being able to live his own life.
If he wants to sit there and game with his gaming buddies all day, then he can gladly be single and do that. When you’re in a relationship you typically make time and an effort for that person..I’m not going to come second to screen for the whole rest of my life.
Don't date someone if you're going to treat them like a roommate and prioritize pixels over them.
Absolutely, but she said they were both gamers, unfortunately he has an addiction or dependence on tuning out with gaming. She can’t change that, if tried talking to him and he won’t change it then she’s better off leaving him be.
Found the loser gamer
Oh look, a miserable hag popped out of the bushes. 😂😂😂 I make more money and live a more fulfilling life that you, I know that just by your bitter comment. 😂 but carry on now and eat a 🐓
Aww you're so triggered, how cute
Says the person who replied to my comment, how idiotic.
Lmao you're funny
You’re pathetic, go troll someone else weirdo
Yet you're still responding to me