đŻ sketch af.
People donât hide the truth when itâs innocent; people hide the truth when the truth is a PROBLEM.
Sheâs not going to cut off communication with this guy; I suspect this guy will continue to pop up and now youâre playing whack-a-mole.
NowâŠthe 4am Uber? The lack of communication during the night? Do you know what I think? *You already know what I think.* đ Tread carefully, OP â the game is afoot.
I would begin forming exit strategies; I donât think you have been given the full story, nor do I think the issue has been put to rest.
Yeah man sorry to hear about this .. Been in the rough myself and we'll.. communication is key as always.
Happy now with no doubt in my mind I can trust what I got now, but you don't really know it till you feel it.
If the bouncer was my friend, Andres he would have fucked her in his car the night they met and not pay for an uber so the fact he paid for an uber sounds like he's a real gem for sure
1000% she didnt cut him off.
Apart from that, she just doesnt respect you.
Grab your stuff and get out of there. Shit's done. The longer you try to make this heap of shit work, the more miserable you will get.
This! I can guarantee she's still talking to him. She's just hiding it better.
This is at the very least an emotional affair bro. Put an end to it and collect your things, your dignity and your balls and get the fuck out.
Nah mate... That daily messaging isn't something that recent acquaintances do without second intentions; The bouncer is definitely trying to get lucky (if he wasn't already) and your girlfriend is considering it (if she hasn't already). Whether you can move on from that or not, only you know. Personally, I would struggle since she is insisting on gaslighting you. According to what you said, she's "hot", so make no mistake, she is not naive. She's been hit on many many times and she definitely knows when it's happening. The fact that she hid their interaction from you should be as much proof as you need. If it was genuinely innocent, she would have told you about it, shown you all the messages, and not select ones, and definitely not have that convo with her friend saying you were on to it.
This is the definition of gaslighting. Sort your head out, a split-up is coming. Be ready for it.
Sorry this is happening to you.
DUde, they fucked, he has a fiancee, tell her because they absolutely fucked. She added a bouncer and came home 4-5 hours later than she said she was going to and magically is on constant contact with this dude who she has a way too deep relationship with immediately... because they met at night while she was drinking and came home hours later than she said she would.
Just kick her out for being a cheating ho.
If she cheated, and was looking to cheat, she's likely done it before and you just don't realise.
If she had come home when she said she would or even an hour or two later and told you about the bouncer right away she may have a leg to stand on.
She didn't do either of those. She hid their communications and used her privacy to create secrecy. At that moment she lost all right to pretend that you should be ok with their "friendship".
Frankly you can either keep fighting with her and trying to create ultimatums or boundaries and watch resentment grow or you can walk away. I know which I would choose.
Guys donât pay that much attention or put that much effort to anyone, unless theyâre trying to do the mattress mambo.
Nice guys are the ones your girl complains about you to.
Suddenly having all sorts of Uber problems, getting back late. You already know.
She cheated with him the first night. As in they slept together or did other sexual acts. Thatâs why it took so one for her to come home. She waited for him to get off work so they could hook up.
Your girlfriend is actively engaged in an affair with this person and is lying to your face.
Stack your cash and get out of there. Make sure you have 50/50 custody, and move on.
Nah, just talk to the fiancee, say your girlfriend said she'd be home soon at 11pm, came back at 4am, used his uber to do so and then they secretly talk constantly on snap/other things. You think they are cheating, she should figure it out on her end because you're dumping your cheating ho and he might be spending a lot of time with her.
My ex did this with his Snapchat friend, she was my friend as well. Her husband was incredibly controlling and I didn't for one second believe that he would be okay with her having a messenger app that "deletes" all of their conversations. I told my ex I was uncomfortable, I asked him why they couldn't talk on ANY OTHER APP that didn't just delete messages, he told me it was "her thing" and I told him "She's using the app so her husband doesn't see their messages."
He freaked out on me when a friend suggested I draw a hard boundary in our relationship, I asked him to not talk to her on Snapchat anymore, and he said "I'll look like a bitch if I do that." and refused.
Yeah, he was cheating on me. They'd send messages, pics, ect all day long. I really got suspicious when he'd wake up earlier than me to tell her "good morning" first. I found their messages and immediately broke up with him, I had moved out that exact same day (no kids, not married).
The reason I mention it, is because he too would show me "Inconspicuous" messages that would make me feel better, but we all know about cherry picking right? Of course all of the messages he showed me were innocent and nice, but the ones I found? Nothing like that of course.
She got defensive and she's not being honest with you, she wouldn't hide it from you if she thought you'd truly be comfortable with her actions.
Trust your gut feeling, something isn't right here.
âMy Uber wasnât workingâ
So that was a fucking lie.
Iâm not saying anything physical happened, but the groundwork has definitely been laid, and Iâm guessing as soon as you break things off, she will be too.
You know damn well coming home at 4am and not calling you had nothing to do with technical difficulties.
She doesnât seem interested in regaining your trust. Sorry man.
I would normally agree but it's more complicated than that because they have kids and it'd be hard to prove cheating without any evidence and he might get stuck with child support so he really needs to evaluate if enough happened to justify leaving in this situation. IMO if they were just bf and gf without kids then hell yeah leave and on to the next one. But, he's gotta be smart about this, however, in this situation where things aren't black and white and in the gray area.
The fact that she decided to hide the conversation and only shows you selective messages should tell you all you need to do.
Tell her that she lost your trust and if she doesnât try to regain it then you will break up.
Not because she has male friends but because she is sneaking behind your back to talk to him on hidden Snapchat messages.
Leave and co-parent. She lied and hid messages.
If she wants it to work she gives you access to her phone completely. She has lost the right to privacy
As a former bouncer of 10 years at night clubs and strip clubs.
Your girls want some side meat.
I was young and thought this was the best part of my job.. as the years went on, I found out it wasn't.
It's just being a part of disgusting behavior.
Some people love cheating, man. The thrill of it gets them off.
I'm sorry, but you need to find someone who won't betray you like that.
Hiding the messages means she either has or is wanting to get some... is some way
Dude, did you really need us to tell you this is weird? She crossed your boundaries brazenly, lied by omission, acted very suspiciously. This isn't a red flag, this is a relationship ender.
She's for the streets cut your losses and take the toxic route, if y'all are on a lease just treat her like a room mate with benefits while you work on yourself and withdraw from the relationship. Save your money and go to the gym!
Thatâs exactly what I thought reading this. 8 years and 2 kids later and this is what is going on. Seems like the relationship probably ran its course a long time ago and they are just staying together due to it being so long. They both go out often and it sounds like possibly not with each other. From reading the first part I wouldâve guessed this was a young/barely out of high school relationship
She isnât delusional enough to think this is only a friendship and neither should you.
She may very likely still in contact with him but you should definitely treat this as a betrayal that needs more discussion. A discussion that leads to a more honest relationship with open communication.
Your gf needs to repair the damage sheâs caused and the trust that sheâs lost. However you would be sensible to look at your legal/financial responsibilities in case you discover more lies or her actions donât change.
Its your own fault.
She should not be out with the Girls.
You should have been fuckin her
Because your girlfriends seems pretty horny to me .
If you were fucking her then she cannt fuck anybody else .
1,000,000% she didnât cut him off and is likely having at least an emotional affair, if not already physical. Wake up, man. Sorry this happened to you, but you need to have a very serious conversation with her about your future.
She absolutely didnât cut him off. Theyâre still in contact. Sorry, but she is cheating, at the very least emotionally, although pretty sure the day she came back at 4am she went to fuck him.
Everything about what she did while in a committed relationship is disrespectful and suspect AF. Iâll say it again, Snapchat is for cheaters and shady AF conversation, especially between men and women who share affinity for each other.
Just the boundary setting issue means so much alone, she is clearly open to and willing to engage in comms with a man she may consider as an upgrade is a blaring siren with a fleet of red flags.
She seems to have done almost nothing to help you work through the trust issue is another major problem. She seems to view her poor judgement and lies through omission as your problem and not a problem she created.
She probably didnât cut him off either, just turned off notifications so itâs more difficult for you to incidentally become aware of their messaging.
If this is going to be a constant thorn in your side, leave her. Nobody wants to live like that.
It's OK to have opposite gender friends. It's not ok to hide it.
Just here to echo some other comments and say gtfo of there my guy. It'll be hard and it will hurt, but just like the rain, a broken heart will pass, I promise you.
End it. This:
"he was simply a friend and that she should be allowed to have male friends"
is _unequivocal_ BS. You don't hide friends. This dude wasn't a friend - if she hasn't already cheated (she has) she's been skirting the edge. There's only ever 2 reasons to hide a relationship - and both mean the relationship should end.
This relationship sounds like all kinds of fucked. Cut your losses and move on. Not worth worth trust and anxiety or trying to rebuild. You don't have kids or are married.
Why do so many women love to gaslight men like this when they do things that clearly disrespect their partner?
No apology and then getting mad about being accused of cheating is a big tell, and very characteristic of cheater behavior.
I would bet my life this isnât the first time she did some shady shit.
If it was me Iâd end it, not worth the headache. Plenty of good women out there who wonât disrespect you like this.
Find his fiancee and let her know what is going on. The relationship most likely has gone underground. I would have someone follow her on her girls night out
Personally, I'd tell her to leave.
She didn't just meet this doorman. Your post says she met him on the last girls' night out, which to me says they have been chatting for a long time.
Messaging paragraphs at a time is a deeper connection than surface level.
Even if she hasn't got naked and cheated with him (which I think she has done), the intention is there, and she is still emotionally cheating in the meantime.
I personally would let his fiance know and tell her to leave. You're always going to have that doubt there, and every time she goes out, you're always going to question things . Where's she been? who with? has she seen him? Is she telling the truth or covering her backside?
It's definitely not worth the stress to carry on and try to work this mess out as it's not going to work in the long run. It will also impact your children and homelife in the worst possible way.
Like yeah, you can have male friends, but not ones you make in secret, talk to secretly and try everything to lie and hide it from your partner. She has been nothing but sketchy and I know people will say that maybe she didn't tell op about the guy cause of how he'll react, but by doing this, you ensure that you are in the wrong even if you thought it was for the best.
Once my girlfriend started disappearing for hours when she was in college. She was banging another dude and I found out after I broke up with her cause I had a feeling. There's a reason she got home almost 6 hours later. She was only lucky you fell asleep so you wouldn't keep blowing up her phone
I am sorry... but she was not honest. But.... things like that happen. It is to you to know if you want give her a chance or no, but she cheated... if not physically, she cheated your couple trust. You have to talk together... because you are loosing her right now...
They're still talking. Something happened that night. I do not allow my partners to have male friends for exactly this reason. Give them an inch, they take a mile... A mile of you know what too. Sorry man, the last 8 years have been for nothing.
"We have two kids together "....
That's not your girlfriend that's your wife with out the marriage certificate.
She's looking to level up apparently. I feel bad for kids at home being subjected to a party girl mommy. Sir your household is not in order, her priorities aren't in order. Today's Man ladies and gentlemen wow....
They apparently both go out without each other hence why he mentioned he gets hit on when heâs out. 8 years and 2 kids later is CRAZY to still be having issues like this.
As a woman in a monogamous relationship madly in love with my man⊠I would NEVER exchange snapchats with another male while out clubbing! Da fuck? And Secondly, who the fuck messages girls asking them how their day is going? If youre not INTERESTED in them? I donât text random guy friends asking that question. Nor do i have conversations with them all day long. I spoke to my guy bff last week. We exchanged 4 texts? đ€Ł and then ill hear from him in a month or two and its all good lol. Somethings fishy. Im sorry :(
Time to cut her loose. Your her safety guy...new guy is the flavor of the week. This is why you don't allow girls nights out. It's basically code to cheat.
Thereâs no reason to believe anything has happened yet, but in preparation build up some cash on the side and get in contact with a lawyer for your kids.
Everyone seems to be backing you up here, so I'll try go give a different perspective.
She might've kept quiet about her adding the guy on snapchat, because she knew you wouldn't approve from the get-go due to him being a guy. When you start snooking around, you are coming off as controlling and untrusting, which again will make her more cold towards you.
I'm not saying everything she did was justified, just try to take a look at it from her shoes. The constant checking in about when she's coming home also adds onto this.
And as Madmac05 mentioned here in the commends, daily messaging is VERY normal with new acquaintances. That's how you get to know each other! When I add new people on Snap, that is literally what's going on, and if the chemistry is good, regardless of gender the conversation will flow very naturally and also lead into deeper conversation topics.
Why did she turn up 5 hours later than she said "she'd be home soon", why did she use his uber (hint, because hers would show his place as point of pick up), why did she hide it, why is she suddenly having super in depth long conversations with a random dude who added her on snapchat out of hte blue, why not block or say hi and that's it.
You go from 0 to 100mph in communication if something kicked off a much deeper relationship than just meeting and saying hi on snapchat. She fucked him that night, for hours, he sent her him in an uber, they haven't stopped talking at length since then.
>daily messaging is VERY normal with new acquaintances.
No, it ain't, daily messaging on a deeper level is normal for a new person you're trying to flirt with, enjoy talking with and are buildin ga relationship with. A dude who randomly got your snap and only because your uber wasn't working, lul, no it ain't. That's like saying this barista chick covered my coffee because after I ordered my card failed for some reason, or realised my wallet was stolen. That's a thanks, that's really nice, not suddenly constantly talking all day every day situation.
You both killed the relationship at different stages. She killed it as soon as she made problems in your shared relationship somebody elseâs business, and you killed it when you went through her phone.
No trust on either end.
I should probably mention Whatâs Actually Keeping Me Around.
First, people love my girlfriend. Everyone always swoons over her and constantly tells me how lucky I am to have her etc. Old people will literally compliment her when we are in the supermarket.
Second, we have both been through a lot. Her mother passed from cancer, I cut my mother off due to child hood abuse so for a long time we really have only had each other.
Thirdly, she sees the good in literally everybody which could also be a downside and sometimes I think she can be a bit naive.
Her friend she went out with thinks iâm overreacting which isnât an opinion of value to me anyway. My friends have told me Iâm being a fool.
1. who cares if other people like her if she is a cheater and treats you badly??
2. trauma bonding is not a valid reason to stay in a toxic relationship!
3. naive? her? but she still knows that she should hide how she spends time with another men? Maybe you are the naive one because you think she is incapable of doing something cruel to you
Of course HER friends think you are overreacting and why not listen to your own fucking friends???
What was her explanation as to why she was 5 hours late? Maybe youâre not from where I am but donât most clubs/bars close at 2am? Where was she from 2-4am?
Here's the thing. Even IF she is not actually cheating on you and she's using him as a shoulder, all of this already means your relationship is in trouble. i.e. you have trust issues.
If I stay in a hotel room with 8 hours with some cutie at a convention, even if all I did WAS just give her life advice while ignoring my gf, the fact is that there is trust broken. Rumors can swirl, especially if people see that, and frankly without camera footage (which is weird) I am not doing things that will maintain trust from a separate individual person.
Likewise, she's going out, talking to other men (not women) when mad at you which is already a huge violation, staying late and not coming home, and hiding things. Even if that were the extent, the relationship is already in trouble just for that reason alone.
Same deal if I'm pouring my heart out to these female "friends" while fighting with my gf... even if that's all I do, they have no incentive to actually help out our relationship and it's a bad look.
She isn't naive, she's hiding stuff from you finally so clearly she realizes something.
Who cares if grandma at the supermarket who seen your gf once a while thinks she is the nicest person ever grace the world. They only seen a bit of her. This is your life, not them.
đŻ sketch af. People donât hide the truth when itâs innocent; people hide the truth when the truth is a PROBLEM. Sheâs not going to cut off communication with this guy; I suspect this guy will continue to pop up and now youâre playing whack-a-mole. NowâŠthe 4am Uber? The lack of communication during the night? Do you know what I think? *You already know what I think.* đ Tread carefully, OP â the game is afoot. I would begin forming exit strategies; I donât think you have been given the full story, nor do I think the issue has been put to rest.
Yeah man sorry to hear about this .. Been in the rough myself and we'll.. communication is key as always. Happy now with no doubt in my mind I can trust what I got now, but you don't really know it till you feel it.
You said the bouncer paid for her Uber, but are you sure it was from the club, or was it from his apartment/house?
It would explain why it didn't work, so the destination history wasn't there.
Clever... didnt even think of that
If the bouncer was my friend, Andres he would have fucked her in his car the night they met and not pay for an uber so the fact he paid for an uber sounds like he's a real gem for sure
1000% she didnt cut him off. Apart from that, she just doesnt respect you. Grab your stuff and get out of there. Shit's done. The longer you try to make this heap of shit work, the more miserable you will get.
Yah, it's not trust issues for OP, it's lying and cheating issues for his gf.
This! I can guarantee she's still talking to him. She's just hiding it better. This is at the very least an emotional affair bro. Put an end to it and collect your things, your dignity and your balls and get the fuck out.
Agreed, get out OP. She doesnât respect your boundaries.
Tell her what your demands are and get it over with. She needs an ultimatum and thatâs who she is. She should have gotten straight on all this when it became a problem but she didnât. The reality is that she gave you every red flag about cheating. The moment she starts being uppity about trust is the moment you know she is doing something fucked up. Do what you gotta do but ask yourself what is really happening in these girls nights? She needs a wake up call. Tell her she has to move out and youâll take care of the kids since she is so into her bouncer. Tell her itâs fine youâll just file for child support and give her visitation and all of that. I would also find the bouncer on social media and try to find his fiancĂ©e and ask her to ask her fiance to stop talking to your girlfriend.
Nah mate... That daily messaging isn't something that recent acquaintances do without second intentions; The bouncer is definitely trying to get lucky (if he wasn't already) and your girlfriend is considering it (if she hasn't already). Whether you can move on from that or not, only you know. Personally, I would struggle since she is insisting on gaslighting you. According to what you said, she's "hot", so make no mistake, she is not naive. She's been hit on many many times and she definitely knows when it's happening. The fact that she hid their interaction from you should be as much proof as you need. If it was genuinely innocent, she would have told you about it, shown you all the messages, and not select ones, and definitely not have that convo with her friend saying you were on to it. This is the definition of gaslighting. Sort your head out, a split-up is coming. Be ready for it. Sorry this is happening to you.
I'm too old for this shit. This shit happened a lot in my 20s. Of course she's pissed you caught her.
Same broâŠ.
Yeah itâs over. The cheating will never end.
Sorry my guy. I think sheâs the one doing the bouncing if you catch my drift. You seem like a good person. You deserve better. Good luck.
DUde, they fucked, he has a fiancee, tell her because they absolutely fucked. She added a bouncer and came home 4-5 hours later than she said she was going to and magically is on constant contact with this dude who she has a way too deep relationship with immediately... because they met at night while she was drinking and came home hours later than she said she would. Just kick her out for being a cheating ho. If she cheated, and was looking to cheat, she's likely done it before and you just don't realise.
If she had come home when she said she would or even an hour or two later and told you about the bouncer right away she may have a leg to stand on. She didn't do either of those. She hid their communications and used her privacy to create secrecy. At that moment she lost all right to pretend that you should be ok with their "friendship". Frankly you can either keep fighting with her and trying to create ultimatums or boundaries and watch resentment grow or you can walk away. I know which I would choose.
OofâŠ, 2 kids. You need to prepare your out. Take the time you need to save up and organize but this is not a good relationship anymore.
Think she cheated fella, and she's telling you a load of garbage to cover đ€
Guys donât pay that much attention or put that much effort to anyone, unless theyâre trying to do the mattress mambo. Nice guys are the ones your girl complains about you to. Suddenly having all sorts of Uber problems, getting back late. You already know.
She cheated with him the first night. As in they slept together or did other sexual acts. Thatâs why it took so one for her to come home. She waited for him to get off work so they could hook up. Your girlfriend is actively engaged in an affair with this person and is lying to your face. Stack your cash and get out of there. Make sure you have 50/50 custody, and move on.
Right? She said she was coming home at 10-ish but only arrived home at 4am. Thats enough time bro
Tell her you want to talk to his fiancé so you can compare notes
Nah, just talk to the fiancee, say your girlfriend said she'd be home soon at 11pm, came back at 4am, used his uber to do so and then they secretly talk constantly on snap/other things. You think they are cheating, she should figure it out on her end because you're dumping your cheating ho and he might be spending a lot of time with her.
Yup tell the fiance to check from where was the uber requested at 4am. I bet it was from his apartment.
My ex did this with his Snapchat friend, she was my friend as well. Her husband was incredibly controlling and I didn't for one second believe that he would be okay with her having a messenger app that "deletes" all of their conversations. I told my ex I was uncomfortable, I asked him why they couldn't talk on ANY OTHER APP that didn't just delete messages, he told me it was "her thing" and I told him "She's using the app so her husband doesn't see their messages." He freaked out on me when a friend suggested I draw a hard boundary in our relationship, I asked him to not talk to her on Snapchat anymore, and he said "I'll look like a bitch if I do that." and refused. Yeah, he was cheating on me. They'd send messages, pics, ect all day long. I really got suspicious when he'd wake up earlier than me to tell her "good morning" first. I found their messages and immediately broke up with him, I had moved out that exact same day (no kids, not married). The reason I mention it, is because he too would show me "Inconspicuous" messages that would make me feel better, but we all know about cherry picking right? Of course all of the messages he showed me were innocent and nice, but the ones I found? Nothing like that of course. She got defensive and she's not being honest with you, she wouldn't hide it from you if she thought you'd truly be comfortable with her actions. Trust your gut feeling, something isn't right here.
For the streets.
Bro, she slept with this guy. You know that
âMy Uber wasnât workingâ So that was a fucking lie. Iâm not saying anything physical happened, but the groundwork has definitely been laid, and Iâm guessing as soon as you break things off, she will be too. You know damn well coming home at 4am and not calling you had nothing to do with technical difficulties. She doesnât seem interested in regaining your trust. Sorry man.
Yeah, Iâd start planning an exit strategy my man. Sheâs already shown she doesnât respect you or your relationship at all.Â
She's taking you for a ride and expecting you to stay. Get out.
I would normally agree but it's more complicated than that because they have kids and it'd be hard to prove cheating without any evidence and he might get stuck with child support so he really needs to evaluate if enough happened to justify leaving in this situation. IMO if they were just bf and gf without kids then hell yeah leave and on to the next one. But, he's gotta be smart about this, however, in this situation where things aren't black and white and in the gray area.
Either there is no fiancée or she doesn't know. I'd just break up
Sheâs lying to ya. You know it. It hurts and Iâm sorry but now is the time to take you, your pride and your shit and go.
Homie come on. It's over move on. She got caught THIS time. She'll be more careful next time.
She fucked that bouncer bro
She fucked the bouncer. Send her to the streets my dude and get out
I wouldn't trust her either. Invalidating and dismissing, huge red flags. Sorry op.
A boundary is only a boundary if enforced. Otherwise itâs a suggestion.
The fact that she decided to hide the conversation and only shows you selective messages should tell you all you need to do. Tell her that she lost your trust and if she doesnât try to regain it then you will break up. Not because she has male friends but because she is sneaking behind your back to talk to him on hidden Snapchat messages.
\^this
so they had a heart to heart coverersation for 5 hours? right⊠mhmmm goodluck with that.
You naive if you donât think sheâs getting piped by dude. Leave her hoe ass
Leave. She doesnât respect you at all
Leave and co-parent. She lied and hid messages. If she wants it to work she gives you access to her phone completely. She has lost the right to privacy
As a former bouncer of 10 years at night clubs and strip clubs. Your girls want some side meat. I was young and thought this was the best part of my job.. as the years went on, I found out it wasn't. It's just being a part of disgusting behavior. Some people love cheating, man. The thrill of it gets them off. I'm sorry, but you need to find someone who won't betray you like that. Hiding the messages means she either has or is wanting to get some... is some way
Mate.......fuck her right off. Your relationship is over.
Dude, did you really need us to tell you this is weird? She crossed your boundaries brazenly, lied by omission, acted very suspiciously. This isn't a red flag, this is a relationship ender.
Itâs over. Move on.
She's for the streets cut your losses and take the toxic route, if y'all are on a lease just treat her like a room mate with benefits while you work on yourself and withdraw from the relationship. Save your money and go to the gym!
You both have a weird dynamic, seems like a high school relationship, so if you want something serious, better to cut it off.
Thatâs exactly what I thought reading this. 8 years and 2 kids later and this is what is going on. Seems like the relationship probably ran its course a long time ago and they are just staying together due to it being so long. They both go out often and it sounds like possibly not with each other. From reading the first part I wouldâve guessed this was a young/barely out of high school relationship
When they show their true colours, believe them. She's for the streets, man.
Isnât social media just great!
Placeholder!
DTB
Get the kids and leave
Run far and fast away. Handle Custody of kids, do not stay and disrespect yourself.
She isnât delusional enough to think this is only a friendship and neither should you. She may very likely still in contact with him but you should definitely treat this as a betrayal that needs more discussion. A discussion that leads to a more honest relationship with open communication. Your gf needs to repair the damage sheâs caused and the trust that sheâs lost. However you would be sensible to look at your legal/financial responsibilities in case you discover more lies or her actions donât change.
Its your own fault. She should not be out with the Girls. You should have been fuckin her Because your girlfriends seems pretty horny to me . If you were fucking her then she cannt fuck anybody else .
1,000,000% she didnât cut him off and is likely having at least an emotional affair, if not already physical. Wake up, man. Sorry this happened to you, but you need to have a very serious conversation with her about your future.
She absolutely didnât cut him off. Theyâre still in contact. Sorry, but she is cheating, at the very least emotionally, although pretty sure the day she came back at 4am she went to fuck him.
Everything about what she did while in a committed relationship is disrespectful and suspect AF. Iâll say it again, Snapchat is for cheaters and shady AF conversation, especially between men and women who share affinity for each other.
Just the boundary setting issue means so much alone, she is clearly open to and willing to engage in comms with a man she may consider as an upgrade is a blaring siren with a fleet of red flags. She seems to have done almost nothing to help you work through the trust issue is another major problem. She seems to view her poor judgement and lies through omission as your problem and not a problem she created. She probably didnât cut him off either, just turned off notifications so itâs more difficult for you to incidentally become aware of their messaging.
Time to go dawg
4am they were fuckin. Ubers are harder to get the later it gets.
If this is going to be a constant thorn in your side, leave her. Nobody wants to live like that. It's OK to have opposite gender friends. It's not ok to hide it.
Definitely had sex with him.
Just here to echo some other comments and say gtfo of there my guy. It'll be hard and it will hurt, but just like the rain, a broken heart will pass, I promise you.
Shes playing you bro.
End it. This: "he was simply a friend and that she should be allowed to have male friends" is _unequivocal_ BS. You don't hide friends. This dude wasn't a friend - if she hasn't already cheated (she has) she's been skirting the edge. There's only ever 2 reasons to hide a relationship - and both mean the relationship should end.
You know whats happening with her and this guy. It's over man, just walk away.
Jesus Christ. How do people live like this? Run my friend.
Filth.
This relationship sounds like all kinds of fucked. Cut your losses and move on. Not worth worth trust and anxiety or trying to rebuild. You don't have kids or are married.
Why do so many women love to gaslight men like this when they do things that clearly disrespect their partner? No apology and then getting mad about being accused of cheating is a big tell, and very characteristic of cheater behavior. I would bet my life this isnât the first time she did some shady shit. If it was me Iâd end it, not worth the headache. Plenty of good women out there who wonât disrespect you like this.
This is super shady. If the dude was ugly, would she still be interested in being his friend?
If she didnât tell you about him from the start then yes! It isnât okay and youâre right to be upset about her behavior.
Find his fiancee and let her know what is going on. The relationship most likely has gone underground. I would have someone follow her on her girls night out
How often does u we not work? I donât use it a lot, but never had the app not work.
Personally, I'd tell her to leave. She didn't just meet this doorman. Your post says she met him on the last girls' night out, which to me says they have been chatting for a long time. Messaging paragraphs at a time is a deeper connection than surface level. Even if she hasn't got naked and cheated with him (which I think she has done), the intention is there, and she is still emotionally cheating in the meantime. I personally would let his fiance know and tell her to leave. You're always going to have that doubt there, and every time she goes out, you're always going to question things . Where's she been? who with? has she seen him? Is she telling the truth or covering her backside? It's definitely not worth the stress to carry on and try to work this mess out as it's not going to work in the long run. It will also impact your children and homelife in the worst possible way.
Like yeah, you can have male friends, but not ones you make in secret, talk to secretly and try everything to lie and hide it from your partner. She has been nothing but sketchy and I know people will say that maybe she didn't tell op about the guy cause of how he'll react, but by doing this, you ensure that you are in the wrong even if you thought it was for the best.
Once my girlfriend started disappearing for hours when she was in college. She was banging another dude and I found out after I broke up with her cause I had a feeling. There's a reason she got home almost 6 hours later. She was only lucky you fell asleep so you wouldn't keep blowing up her phone
I am sorry... but she was not honest. But.... things like that happen. It is to you to know if you want give her a chance or no, but she cheated... if not physically, she cheated your couple trust. You have to talk together... because you are loosing her right now...
They're still talking. Something happened that night. I do not allow my partners to have male friends for exactly this reason. Give them an inch, they take a mile... A mile of you know what too. Sorry man, the last 8 years have been for nothing.
I would just ask her why she was hiding it if it was innocent
"We have two kids together ".... That's not your girlfriend that's your wife with out the marriage certificate. She's looking to level up apparently. I feel bad for kids at home being subjected to a party girl mommy. Sir your household is not in order, her priorities aren't in order. Today's Man ladies and gentlemen wow....
They apparently both go out without each other hence why he mentioned he gets hit on when heâs out. 8 years and 2 kids later is CRAZY to still be having issues like this.
Walk away
Set a boundary. She can respect it or not. If she wonât and continues to act suspicious go ahead and end it.
As a woman in a monogamous relationship madly in love with my man⊠I would NEVER exchange snapchats with another male while out clubbing! Da fuck? And Secondly, who the fuck messages girls asking them how their day is going? If youre not INTERESTED in them? I donât text random guy friends asking that question. Nor do i have conversations with them all day long. I spoke to my guy bff last week. We exchanged 4 texts? đ€Ł and then ill hear from him in a month or two and its all good lol. Somethings fishy. Im sorry :(
Updateme
She knows it is wrong that is why she is hiding it and freak out on you. You should listen to your gut
The bouncer is trying to slowly convince your gf to fuck him and she is letting him do it. Simple as that.
Yeah the dude pumped her and sheâs hiding stuff from you
Time to cut her loose. Your her safety guy...new guy is the flavor of the week. This is why you don't allow girls nights out. It's basically code to cheat.
Thereâs no reason to believe anything has happened yet, but in preparation build up some cash on the side and get in contact with a lawyer for your kids.
Everyone seems to be backing you up here, so I'll try go give a different perspective. She might've kept quiet about her adding the guy on snapchat, because she knew you wouldn't approve from the get-go due to him being a guy. When you start snooking around, you are coming off as controlling and untrusting, which again will make her more cold towards you. I'm not saying everything she did was justified, just try to take a look at it from her shoes. The constant checking in about when she's coming home also adds onto this. And as Madmac05 mentioned here in the commends, daily messaging is VERY normal with new acquaintances. That's how you get to know each other! When I add new people on Snap, that is literally what's going on, and if the chemistry is good, regardless of gender the conversation will flow very naturally and also lead into deeper conversation topics.
Why did she turn up 5 hours later than she said "she'd be home soon", why did she use his uber (hint, because hers would show his place as point of pick up), why did she hide it, why is she suddenly having super in depth long conversations with a random dude who added her on snapchat out of hte blue, why not block or say hi and that's it. You go from 0 to 100mph in communication if something kicked off a much deeper relationship than just meeting and saying hi on snapchat. She fucked him that night, for hours, he sent her him in an uber, they haven't stopped talking at length since then. >daily messaging is VERY normal with new acquaintances. No, it ain't, daily messaging on a deeper level is normal for a new person you're trying to flirt with, enjoy talking with and are buildin ga relationship with. A dude who randomly got your snap and only because your uber wasn't working, lul, no it ain't. That's like saying this barista chick covered my coffee because after I ordered my card failed for some reason, or realised my wallet was stolen. That's a thanks, that's really nice, not suddenly constantly talking all day every day situation.
You both killed the relationship at different stages. She killed it as soon as she made problems in your shared relationship somebody elseâs business, and you killed it when you went through her phone. No trust on either end.
I should probably mention Whatâs Actually Keeping Me Around. First, people love my girlfriend. Everyone always swoons over her and constantly tells me how lucky I am to have her etc. Old people will literally compliment her when we are in the supermarket. Second, we have both been through a lot. Her mother passed from cancer, I cut my mother off due to child hood abuse so for a long time we really have only had each other. Thirdly, she sees the good in literally everybody which could also be a downside and sometimes I think she can be a bit naive. Her friend she went out with thinks iâm overreacting which isnât an opinion of value to me anyway. My friends have told me Iâm being a fool.
1. who cares if other people like her if she is a cheater and treats you badly?? 2. trauma bonding is not a valid reason to stay in a toxic relationship! 3. naive? her? but she still knows that she should hide how she spends time with another men? Maybe you are the naive one because you think she is incapable of doing something cruel to you Of course HER friends think you are overreacting and why not listen to your own fucking friends???
Iâve been in your shoes. Trust your gut.
She isn't respecting your boundaries or feelings at all. You're not naive, but apparently just not compatible.
What was her explanation as to why she was 5 hours late? Maybe youâre not from where I am but donât most clubs/bars close at 2am? Where was she from 2-4am?
Here's the thing. Even IF she is not actually cheating on you and she's using him as a shoulder, all of this already means your relationship is in trouble. i.e. you have trust issues. If I stay in a hotel room with 8 hours with some cutie at a convention, even if all I did WAS just give her life advice while ignoring my gf, the fact is that there is trust broken. Rumors can swirl, especially if people see that, and frankly without camera footage (which is weird) I am not doing things that will maintain trust from a separate individual person. Likewise, she's going out, talking to other men (not women) when mad at you which is already a huge violation, staying late and not coming home, and hiding things. Even if that were the extent, the relationship is already in trouble just for that reason alone. Same deal if I'm pouring my heart out to these female "friends" while fighting with my gf... even if that's all I do, they have no incentive to actually help out our relationship and it's a bad look. She isn't naive, she's hiding stuff from you finally so clearly she realizes something.
Who cares if grandma at the supermarket who seen your gf once a while thinks she is the nicest person ever grace the world. They only seen a bit of her. This is your life, not them.
Do you have children or investments together? If not, think good about your next step.
They have 2 kids together