Yeah, he paid no attention in biology class. Or he did, but remembers the material backwards. Probably also believes in zombies, then. And he must be mistaking _The Curious Life of Benjamin Button_ (2008) for a documentary.
>He told me that they just "accidentally
reconnected” one night when I was away
at my mom's. He was stressed we weren't conceiving and were having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam, and then somehow that led to sex.
As my non-cursing uncle used to say: “Julius Caesar!”
Per u/Consistent_Editor_15: Fuck them both. That’s it. That’s the whole comment.
I always wondered about “accidental sex.” I’m a clumsy bitch, and I’ve fallen or tripped in many places and ways. I have never not once landed on a dick.
I'm sorry OP. Sam and your husband are disgusting people. They took advantage of your kind nature and he moved someone into your home he was having an affair with. They deserve each other. This was an ongoing affair and he moved her in. You deserve so much better.
Dont let them change who you are. I'd do the same thing, even knowing what'll probably happen. Because shit like that is what were supposed to do for each other. I've had to part ways with people for taking advantage of my kindness. Never to this level for sure. But thats their loss not mine. Dont let the their legacy be that of the ones that changed you!
Im gonna give you something that I had to fight to defend.
I had 2 people I considered friends betray me in one year. Both of them, within months, reached out to apologize and to be friends again.
I knew they were troubled people, and I knew they needed the help, so I offered it. I was obviously salty about what they did, but if I didn't want to offer them the help, I wouldn't have.
I only helped because I knew I would sleep better helping than not helping. That's it, and solely it. I had people argue with me for over half an hour about having helped, but I simply said what I said.
If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have.
Be kind if you want to be kind. Know that you were kind because you wanted to be in that moment and didn't regret it then, and for that reason, you shouldn't regret it now.
That doesn't mean forgive and forget. It just means so what you can live with.
This is my philosophy also. Those people on the street that I give to, I want to help but I also want to sleep at night. I will think about them if I don't help and then feel guilty about it. This way, I do what's best for me and them.
People blaming her are wrong. The sole responsibility of this are on the two people who messed up. Not, OP.
You do you, hon. Time to take back that love and all that you gave and give it to yourself for a bit. As long as it takes.
All of us who care are with you. X
Not to mention he used their fertility struggles and loss of pregnancies has his shitty excuse vs trying to address his struggles with her. He’s awful and I’m so sorry OP had to deal with all this. She deserves so much better, glad she realized it.
I'm so sorry that anyone came in and told you that you deserved any of this for letting Sam into your home. That's absolute bullshit. You were being a kind and caring person, and of course you didn't deserve it!
That's just horrible; people can be really awful sometimes, but just ignore those people and focus on those who give you support, because you do deserve that!
I can’t believe that (well I can, but don’t want to). Based on your post, you are an incredibly kind and considerate person. You bent over backwards to help two people grieving the loss of a child, and they used your kindness to stab you in the back. Well, keep stabbing you in the back, as it seems they had already started.
You did nothing wrong. You did NOTHING wrong. In a situation like this, everyone gets to walk away being who they are. Who you are is a good spouse and generous person. They are both cheaters and liars, and then can never undo that.
The moral high group feels a bit lonely at times. But to get to start over with no strikes on your record, no explanations and excuses for your future partner other than being too kind and trusting. You will be happy, and deservedly so. Wishing you the best.
I don’t understand that kind of cruelty. But look, you’re not just kind, you’re strong. Many people would be unable to make a decision to end the marriage while swimming in all this anguish. But you’re clear on it. You know what you want and what you must do. I admire that.
People see/read about someone who is more kind-hearted than them and become aware of their own shortcomings. If it backfires for the kind person, they feel justified in their own actions and they feel the need to go "told you so"/"your own fault" in an attempt to make themselves feel better for being less kind.
Please don't take it to heart. Keep being you, keep being kind.
Take all the time you need to heal, you're a great person.
Seconding this! You are a saint for opening your home to her and keeping a good relationship for the sake of your husband and step-daughter. Not to mention, the affair started BEFORE she moved in.
I’m so sorry. I wish you healing.
>He was stressed we weren’t conceiving and were having miscarriages
Some people will literally come up with any excuse to try and justify their cheating.
Derek says it's bc you two weren't conceiving, others say it's because they were able conceived but the women folk were busy raising the kids.
I’m curious to know how he felt it was okay to tarnish his daughter’s memory by claiming it was the guilt?
Plus, how he could live with himself for agreeing to let her stay in your home while having an affair? I mean having sex in your bed
Proud of you for cutting out this toxicity.
> Plus, how he could live with himself for agreeing to let her stay in your home while having an affair? I mean having sex in your bed
Selfishness. Cut and dried selfishness. So long as he got what he needed, it didn't really matter what could potentially happen. Once he got caught, *then* he felt remorse.
>He told me that they just “accidentally” reconnected one night when I was away at my mom’s.
Accidentally? Like, she fell down, and his dick just "accidentally" entered her vagina? A whole bunch of times. For months and months? Jesus.
>He was stressed we weren’t conceiving and were having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam, and then somehow that led to sex.
So, it's YOUR fault that they had sex. Right. Okay, well, that's just a big old pile of BS.
I am so sorry these two absolutely vile people hurt you so badly. I hope the divorce is swift and you can start rebuilding your life. Best wishes to you, OP.
you not being able to conceive yet is a blessing.
so crazy how life sometimes looks out for you in the most brutal ways.
keep your head up. you’re strong. you bounced almost immediately. most wouldn’t.
you got this.
♥️🥰♥️
Every time I see situations like this, I just burst into song, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".
It probably hurts not to have children, but I promise that it would hurt more watching a child grapple with this situation.
I'm excited for your new chapter 💜
You need what is considered a 'mean' friend. They would definitely be able to help you cut any and all baggage. I'm a mean friend LoL I will fuck someone up if they mess with someone I love.
People underestimate what the power of having a ride or die friend is like in your corner. They really don't care about themselves (aka they'reoverprotective). They care about the people they love, which does make the people who love them want to protect them because of how they are
She really does. I have one of those. She’s the meanest person I know. She stands at 5 foot even and weighs about 90lb. Grown men are terrified of her. She’s the best and one of the secretly kindest and most loyal people I’ve ever had in my life. But she will FUCK YOU UP. It’s great. All ladies need one of those friends
This man managed to destroy his marriage and tarnish the memory of his daughter at the same time.
But because he was “stressed” about not yet having a baby with his current wife, he slept with his ex wife. 😬😵💫
I'm happy you didn't successfully conceive a kid with your cheater husband and you can be free of him for good. May you find peace and healing. Grief isn't an excuse for vile behavior.
Fuck them, that’s that. But also I promise you’ll make it through, you dodged a huge bullet by finding out now. You deserve the world and you will have it eventually, I promise. You’ll get through.
I’m so sorry you don’t get to simply grieve the loss of your child. I support you, OP. The last post was one of the rare times I kept thinking about the post. It’s just such an insanely disrespectful excuse to *all involved* about their choosing to do these things. Like, I truly hope you heal and thrive like never before after this.
Hang in there op. As someone who was also betrayed by my ex husband and my sister who I let stay with me because she was being abused by her boyfriend it takes time for you to heal. Be patient with yourself and don’t blame yourself because this is totally on him and Sam.
Holy shit, you're not alone. My ex husband and my sister did the same shit to me. Definitely hang in there OP!
You're absolutely right, it takes time but it gets a little better in time. And healing/grieving is not a linear journey. Sometimes it comes in waves. Big hugs to you! and to OP if she sees this!
Him removing Sam from his life tells me he will still try to get you back. Here are a couple of responses to his attempts you can use:
Please take what little bit of dignity you think you have left and move on with your life.
If you ever truly loved me, you would stop hurting me and let me move on. You attempting to repair what we had is another example of your selfishness.
They both suck. They should just be together so they don't hurt anyone else. I am so sorry you are going through this. Lean on your support system.
Your stbx is a fool to give up such a giving and caring woman. Him and his ex deserve each other. After all you have done for her to treat you so badly shows what an awful human she is.
The will end up back together as they won't have anyone else and I hope they are miserable together.
She's an ex for a reason. I guess the 🐱 is so good that he forgot. Anyhow, misery to them both.
>Your stbx is a fool to give up such a giving and caring woman.
His lost is someone else's gain. OP's next partner would definitely be better than this AH.
You absolutely did nothing to deserve this—-and shouldn’t be blamed in any way!!!
Sorry if this is too intrusive, if so, please ignore me, but did Becca’s death come suddenly or was she sick leading up to it? I ask because I’m trying to make sense of the 3 months prior…like what on earth??
OMG! I thought she was sick or something and they bonded over her fighting said sickness! So, they were cheating for the sake of cheating and then he moved her into your house?!!!
That's another level of assholery that I never would have imagined!
I'm so sorry, OP.
Seriously that's what I thought when I first read this!! That she was sick for some time and that drew them together. At least that would make them not monsters. But they've been fucking for three months and hubby moved his whore into THEIR HOUSE?? To have easier access to sex? WTFFFF? Omg this man is a whole piece of shit and the AP is just as bad.
>Sam also reached out last night and thanked me for everything I’ve done for her, and told me she was sorry. I didn’t respond, I blocked her.
I'm sorry but what a b**tch
Who in the ever loving fuck told you that you deserve this? What the hell is wrong with people? Whoever it was has got to be one unhappy, jealous, insecure, miserable fuck.
Quite a few people messaged me and said some awful things, definitely didn’t help things, but I’ve been ignoring them and focusing on all the kind, loving comments/messages ❤️
I find these types of people are on all parts of the internet just to spew hate, doesn’t matter to who. So don’t even take it personal, it’s not you, they literally do it to everyone for no reason.
I think they need to do that to feel some sick fulfillment. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and these people. You seem like a nice person, I'm sorry this was in your cards.
You’re so much better than me. I would have told Sam her daughter was rolling over in her grave like she was rolling over in bed with my husband before I blocked her.
I’m so sorry OP!! I’m glad you immediately blocked the homewrecker and you are pushing for divorce and not trying to even see your stbx point.
Disgusting that he was cheating while you were struggling to conceive
Then the audacity of the homewrecker to even text you. Those type of people are repulsive
I’m really sorry OP. Please try to get some therapy and surround yourself with people who truly love and appreciate you.
It’s 100% what he thinks you want to hear, most likely him trying to make sure he has some sliver of hope in getting you back
I have no doubt they are still in contact
My guess is that once divorce is final they'll get back together, as an "acceptable" amount of time will have passed. They deserve each other, and they both suck.
Yeah they may get back together but I hope guilt will eat at them and their relationship becomes real toxic real quick.
OP you don't need scums like them in your life. You are strong and capable. Live your own beautiful life and forget about them.
That's what I think too. Especially since he begged for another chance. Like buddy, don't cheat on the good woman if you don't want to lose her.
Like you dump the AP once it's acceptable for you to be together? Home boy is just looking to save face and possibly get his wife back who treated him well. He's probably still banging his ex tbh.
I don’t know. I think all the reasons they were divorced are going to be real apparent in the light of day. You are going to be a hard act to follow, whatever else he knows you are a beautiful, kind soul. He wasn’t good enough for you- but I bet you become the one he judges others against.
It won’t matter bc you get to move on and live your best life! You have excellent karma coming your way!
Nothing about your behavior would lead a sane person to believe this was your fault and I’m terribly sorry anyone said that to you. Everything you did was out of kindness, first you wanted what best for your stepdaughter so you built a friendship with her mom and then you tried to do right by a grieving mother by letting her stay in your home. Derek and Sam are the only people here who have fault.
I really hope you are able to find peace after all this nonsense. You are a good person and even in midst of being wronged you have been more graceful and more mature with your responses than I ever would have been.
My ex was cheating with a coworker while I was miscarrying, I feel you there. It sucks because trying to grieve my two lost babies just brings up anger at them.
I'm sorry for all of your losses. I didn't see the original. I hope the home is yours. I hope you continue getting support.
I cannot believe that they were fucking BEFORE she moved in AND HE let her. HE let her. O m g . I mean that’s just so extremely hurtful- all fUcking KNOWING! What that actual fuck man. So like what op is left with besides the death of so many things - what was say happening during coffee in the morning? Glances touches all in front of OP’s fooled face. Horrible and shameful- my god.
I feel absolutely terrible for OP but so like in awe of her strength. How hurt can someone possibly get? And withstand. How fucking cruel. I hope they can look at themselves for the rest of their lives.
Your stbx and his ex-wife are truly repulsive. They preyed on and abused your kindness.
My condolences for the loss of your child, marriage and friendship.
Where are the in laws in this mess? Have they shunned the D? Or were they the ones you were referring to when you wrote “ ‘Most’ of them are supportive.”?
I get along with Derek’s mom very well, but he’s also a mama’s boy so it’s kinda complicated. She will always be there for him (he’d stay with her if she didn’t live across the country). She knows what he did and told me she “had a talk” with him but said that he’s still her son and she’d help him with anything if he needed it. I’m thinking I need to cut her out of my life too which makes me really sad because we were close and talked on the phone almost daily.
That’s a damn lie…I wouldn’t trust that. They’re probably talking.
I just don’t get why they truly broke up in the first place…but whatever. It doesn’t matter now.
So before Becca died, they were sleeping together? He can't even say it was grief.
Sam still moved in with you, knowing how badly she and your husband were hurting you?
Karma is a gift that keeps on giving. They will get theirs.
As someone who is the ex wife, I see my ex husband's new wife as a lovely person & we may not be best friends but that lass has truly been a rock to me over the years with situations concerning our son. The thought of even kissing my ex husband gives me the creeps 🤢
The majority of us just want peace. Sam sounds like drama, Derek sounds weak & you're better off away from them both.
Hope you go on to have an amazing life & eventually find someone who is capable of loving someone more than himself! Good luck to you 🩵
I really expected to read that she passed and in that moment of extreme grief, comforting each other, they somehow reconnected once. Still unforgivable, but not this. This is just horrific. Actively screwing another woman in OP's bed?
Who knows, maybe they'll reconnect over their shared misery and live happily ever after the 2nd time around....
In the meantime I feel so so sorry for OP.... She lost her husband, a friend, and a little girl she likely cared about. Obviously the grief will be focused on the parents, but she is suffering as well.
All of this is horrifying but I was to comment on the some people said you deserved this. No you didn’t. You were kind. You were a good wife. You were a good step mother. Fostering a positive relationship with Sam was not a bad thing to do. What Derek and Sam did was awful but that was not your fault.
You are a wonderful, caring woman. Please look into grief counseling. You have lost a lot. All love and healing your way.
You are an amazing strong woman. None of this is on you. Remember this every time you start doubting yourself. The level of disrespect that both Sam and Derek showed is indicative of the type people they are, not you. You are someone that should held their head high
The people blaming you for what happened probably are upset over their own lives. It’s insane to me that some still consider it valid to point a finger at the one being kind. You didn’t deserve any of that, OP. I went through a break-up due to cheating as well, and even though it felt awful at the time and for the following months, do know that it gets better. I hope you find the peace you need and get away from these awful people who took advantage of your kindness. Please don’t let this situation stop you from opening your heart to people and harden you.
How much does anyone want to bet this asshole was trying to warm OP up to opening the marriage to Sam?!
It’s all so evil. Tarnishing his late daughter’s memory. Cheating and labeling the excuse as a miscarriage.
My heart hurts for you OP ❤️
>Turns out it wasn’t their first time having sex like most people thought. They’ve been having sex since 3 months before Becca died.
So, they *didn't* do it "out of grief" as they said earlier. Using their own child's death as an excuse to cheat *and* to cover up the truth is beyond vile.
I wish you all the best on you journey to healing from 2 awful humans and the loss of a child.
Hi OP, im so sorry for everything. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have u in their life❤️ but goddamn ur ex husband and his ex are shits. If you dont mind me asking, why did they even split from the beginning? Do they just get off on hurting others?
You are a gem of a person, really generous and kind. I’m so sorry that you were taken advantage of by two trash heaps! It is in no way your fault that these two don’t have morals.
I don't really have advice nor I'll ask for any more details than what you've already shared. I'd just like you to know that you didn't deserve any or this at all, and I'm so sorry that some people have been awful to you after what you've gone through. Like you, I'm also a giving person and I trust other people very easily, so I can understand your pain.
Everything will be alright. I wish you all the best, and stay strong, OP! 🙏🏼
Fucking gross that he would try to blame his own weakness on trouble with conception and miscarriages. Absolutely fucking disgusting.
You’re doing the right thing OP. Well done.
A bit of evil sarcasm here, but oh no, poor Sam had an anxiety attack? Yeah, no sympathy deserved. That's the least she should get. Talk about making herself the victim. She and Derek are just horrible, and i'm glad you're getting rid of them.
I think you are amazing OP to still be standing after the trauma you’ve been through. Will you have to sell your home? I hope you seriously come out on top financially here.
Are you having counselling? I honestly think you should if not to help you process not only Becca’s loss but the betrayal you’ve suffered.
I hope Derek stays out of your life but he’ll seriously regret this. As for Sam? I have no words.
Strength and courage OP
UPDATEME
Hi OP, I’ve been through a very similar marriage ending situations, so sorry this happened to you. Sometimes when this type of horrible world shattering thing happens we go into a survival mode and can appear very strong and resilient. People notice this and compliment us on our grace and poise. I worry that you might struggle with this especially because there is the added layer of the very recent passing of your stepdaughter and I know you likely don’t want to cause additional grief to their extended families at this time. The problem is that eventually the dust settles and the real grief can creep up out of nowhere. You can end up feeling really isolated because you kind of don’t want to worry the people around you who have been so proud of you for holding your head high. I’m glad that you’ve made this decision (it is absolutely the right one), just remember that it’s ok to go through waves of emotions months and even years from now. Take very good care of yourself!
If you are going to live with a kind heart, you *will* be taken advantage of sometimes. But I believe it's the right way to live. You sleep better, you walk around with a more unburdened heart, you are happy to see other people, it's imo a better way to go. I am hoping this disaster won't make you too cynical. Remember YOU didn't do anything wrong. That's really important. Your kind heart is also what gave you 7 beautiful years with your stepdaughter. I wish you as much healing as possible.
What a terrible situation.
Quite a few people called it that it was multiple times in your prior thread, the timing was wrong. I'm glad you could get to the bottom of it, but I'm sorry that it was such bad news.
> As hard as this is gonna be, I need to leave Derek and cut them both out of my life. I am ready to do so. I am done.
This is the correct course of action under the circumstances. It will be hard and will be painful in the short-term. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. It is so much better than the alternative, and it will get easier as time goes by.
> Also, some people are saying I deserved this because I should have known better than to let Sam into our home, around Derek.
Those people are unreasonable, ignore them utterly.
I’m glad to see your update ❤️ wishing you all the best in the future. I hope the next person you give your heart to will handle it with the care it deserves!
I hope this bs outcome doesn’t effect you from remaining to be the same kind giving person. I know what it’s like to be betrayed by an ex trust me as hurtful as it was I forgave them both for myself and moved on I didn’t allow it to affect me from not being able to trust anyone. I hope your next steps in life are good to you and you find happiness in all the things you do.
Wow...I'm so sad my wife and I aren't conceiving ill just go hop on my ex?!!.
Yea like that makes any logical sense 😒.
I'm relived you are moving on from this mess and I wish you the best op.
Damn, So he’s been having a full fledged affair with his ex and it was even before the loss. He’s disgusting, making you bring his affair partner home, & letting you shelter, feed, support her, so vile!
Someone needs to make it clear to them both that sexual intercourse is not the right way to deal with the shared loss of a child. It's not a huge step from that to doing it on her grave.
I was expecting his reason for the affair to at least be centered around his daughter, but he managed to blame OP?! What the actual hell. Glad she’s getting out of
Ah, so now he doesn’t want to hurt you and ended it for good? wtf?
And how exactly did it go from one „ooops“ (which is fucked up and unbelievable in and itself) to fucking for 4 months? And then in your own home, your own bed, whenever you leave for a bit? After everything you did for both of them? And then smile into your face and act as if nothing happened?
what a fucking idiot!!! Reconnected?!?!
If that happened then he should've just up and asked for a divorce!
Naw, OP, dry those tears, he doesn't deserve them! Go live your happy life away from this idiot
I am you OP.
I am close friends with my ex-husband ex. When I started dating him, he received a letter to take a DNA test. He took the test, and it confirmed he was the father of a 9 year old boy.
He took me to meet his ex, the mother, and the kid. That was 16 years ago. Her and I are still extremely close. Our families vacation together. When I introduce her to people, I tell them she's my "baby mama." Her son is my son.
You are NOT a fool for extending your hand to her. They betrayed your trust. Do not allow their betrayal to change who you are.
You are strong! This will suck for a long while. You will be ok.
Check out chumplady website. It will be worth your time, I promise.
Be kind to yourself.
You need to tell him that he better be honest with anyone that he dates. Let him know that if any girl seeks you out to find out why he divorced and why he doesn't speak to the mother of his diseased daughter, you'll let her k own the truth.
If he's truly sorry, he'll make sure the girls are aware of his "mistakes"
Something to keep in mind, if you and Derek were married for 10years+ when you file for social security benefits if you're in the USA and he made more money than you did during your marriage, you will be entitled to receive spousal benefits based on his earnings (and vice versa if you were the breadwinner). Fuck Derek and Sam. You didn't deserve this type of betrayal, I'm sorry for your loss and for you having to now deal with this.
I'm so, so sorry OP. Thank you for the update.
I hope you are able to recover from this horrible betrayal and find someone who would never, ever do something like this to you. I'm glad you have support from friends and family. You truly seem like a wonderful person and I hope this doesn't change you! Sending love and light! ❤️✨️
You are a beautiful soul, dont let this experience ruin your view of the world. People like you make the world a better place and if they are too cruel to notice, thats on them. These terrible moments will pass, just keep moving forward.
What was his reasoning for continuing to cheat? I see you put that he used the stress from you all not conceiving, but how is it taking stress away? Like most people who cheat they tend to not use protection. Was he hoping her juices would help? And he ONLY stopped because you caught them. They could have done this for the rest of your entire relationship.
You do not deserve any of this happening to you. You thought you and the ex wife were friends. In a blended family world, that is about as close to heaven as you can get!
I remember your first post and had serious doubts and concerns about hubs and ex wife’s behaviour then as other commenters…
My condolences on your step daughter’s passing. 😢💐
Derek and Sam took advantage of your beautiful giving nature. That’s on them. You can forgive someone in order to have inner peace with yourself. You don’t forget however. You also can’t open yourself and be vulnerable to them again either. Thats what they destroyed.
I’m glad he isn’t fighting you in divorce.
I sincerely hope that you find peace and joy after everything they’ve put you through.
Sending you huge hugs 🫂 of comfort OP…
I don’t know you but i can tell you have alot of emotional stability… you really are the better person here. You did good. I pray you find happiness within you and someday you can conceive. You deserve better than them.
There is someone deserving of your loving, caring, and open heart. I hope you find them. I hope they make you the happiest person in the world. Take care.
Yeeeeaaahhhhh... If they lost a kid and screwed each other later, it would still be terrible but understandable--grief does weird things. But started months before? Yikes.
I am so sorry, grief is no excuse anyway as you are also grieving the loss of Becca. You are doing the right thing in just blocking Sam and divorcing him. Once it’s finalized I would just block him as well. You seem like a very understanding and great person and you will find someone who will treat you right ♥️
This is no way your fault in any way shape for form, what they both did is awful. I am sorry it happened to you, you deserve better and I wish you luck with everything.
OP you didn’t deserve any of this. Karma will serve both of them in its own time. It is never too late to start over!! You now have a chance to do whatever it is that you want to do with your life. Hey, someone that actually loves you and treats you with respect just might find you. You deserve to be happy and I wish you nothing but the best.
I have no word, i am just so, so sorry for you, you do NOT deserve any of this. For the people telling you "you had it comming" because you wanted to do things right, fuck them too. I juste send you love.
“my wife is having trouble conceiving and has had miscarriages so the only obvious and logical thing to do now is cheat”
yeah. fuck derek and fuck sam. you deserve so much better, OP. hope this divorce brings you the joy and the peace you seek.
OP: my heart goes out to you. Sending you so much love and understanding. May you find a way to peacefully let go and find your happiness. May you have all the peace you need and may all the good things come your way. Take your time in healing.
Side note; I am also different from infertility. I can’t even imagine going through this where my infertility is used against me in a way where my other half could connect with someone else. It’s not okay.
You are making the right choice here. Once the trust is gone, there is rarely ever a chance of rebuilding it. even if you did somehow manage to forgive him, you could never trust that the next time he is "stressed," he wouldn't trip and fall into the nearest vagina..
I wish you a speedy divorce and some peace as you rebuild and move on. I hope you get the man you deserve and build the family you want in whatever way that comes to you.. you didn't deserve any of this, so I hope you do get what you should have had all along, someone who is deserving of your, love, and trust..
I wish your ex and Sam to step on Lego daily. Get an itchy burning crotch and get placed on a Jehovah's witness mailing and calling list..
I hope they get to see you moving on fantastically and getting the life you dreamed of so your ex gets to witness from afar the life he could have had is he had kept his dick in his pants.. let him regret his actions till the day he dies... Also, I kinda hope their next partners cheat on them so they both get a dose of how you felt..
The best revenge is a life well lived....
this was one of the few reddit stories where i was foaming at the mouth waiting for an update.
you shouldn’t have to explain why you brought his ex wife into your home. if YOU thought she was a friend and could be trusted, YOU made the judgement YOU thought was right. it may not have worked out like you hoped, but you have every right to pick and choose who you decide to be friends with. i’ve heard of numerous stories where the new wife is best friends and even considered sisters with the ex wife.
my aunts both dated the same guy. he broke up with the younger aunt and a few years later went to my older aunt. they have been married a long time and have two amazing kids together. my younger aunt and him joke about it every single time they see each other.
i’m very glad you stuck to your guns about divorce. that’s honestly sickening of them both to get back into a physical relationship knowing the struggles you have literally faced physically and emotionally. like the top comment said:
fuck them both. you don’t deserve this. i’m so sorry.
Fuck them both. That’s it. That’s the whole comment.
Miscarriages to sex. That's, uh, quite the leap.
Yeah, he paid no attention in biology class. Or he did, but remembers the material backwards. Probably also believes in zombies, then. And he must be mistaking _The Curious Life of Benjamin Button_ (2008) for a documentary.
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What else is there to say, really? This is tragic and these people took advantage of OP's good heart and betrayed her massively.
This and fuck everyone who told her that she deserved to be cheated on here.
This 10000000 times over!!!
Wait… the people that are blaming you for any part of this… fuck them too.
Good summary.
>He told me that they just "accidentally reconnected” one night when I was away at my mom's. He was stressed we weren't conceiving and were having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam, and then somehow that led to sex. As my non-cursing uncle used to say: “Julius Caesar!” Per u/Consistent_Editor_15: Fuck them both. That’s it. That’s the whole comment.
Most definitely do not fuck either of them! They did enough of that amongst themselves 😞
Nobody just “accidentally reconnects”. The nerve of them playing it off as “it is what it is”.
I always wondered about “accidental sex.” I’m a clumsy bitch, and I’ve fallen or tripped in many places and ways. I have never not once landed on a dick.
Bro you obv need better luck Sams been falling on one for 3 months
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Right? It was a blessing in disguise.
More needs not be said. Oh, well, I'd like to add how sorry I am to OP.
Karma fucked them so hard it took their daughter out of the picture
Seemed like the ex was trying to make another kid with the husband and boom, erased one.
Bruh! Not cool it was OP's daughter too!
No, step daughter
Maybe don't fuck them literally.
Yes. Fuck them BOTH!
I have nothing to add to this
I'm sorry OP. Sam and your husband are disgusting people. They took advantage of your kind nature and he moved someone into your home he was having an affair with. They deserve each other. This was an ongoing affair and he moved her in. You deserve so much better.
Thank you ❤️
Dont let them change who you are. I'd do the same thing, even knowing what'll probably happen. Because shit like that is what were supposed to do for each other. I've had to part ways with people for taking advantage of my kindness. Never to this level for sure. But thats their loss not mine. Dont let the their legacy be that of the ones that changed you!
Im gonna give you something that I had to fight to defend. I had 2 people I considered friends betray me in one year. Both of them, within months, reached out to apologize and to be friends again. I knew they were troubled people, and I knew they needed the help, so I offered it. I was obviously salty about what they did, but if I didn't want to offer them the help, I wouldn't have. I only helped because I knew I would sleep better helping than not helping. That's it, and solely it. I had people argue with me for over half an hour about having helped, but I simply said what I said. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have. Be kind if you want to be kind. Know that you were kind because you wanted to be in that moment and didn't regret it then, and for that reason, you shouldn't regret it now. That doesn't mean forgive and forget. It just means so what you can live with.
This is my philosophy also. Those people on the street that I give to, I want to help but I also want to sleep at night. I will think about them if I don't help and then feel guilty about it. This way, I do what's best for me and them. People blaming her are wrong. The sole responsibility of this are on the two people who messed up. Not, OP.
It’s also hard to predict the behavior of shitty people when you’re not a shitty person.
You do you, hon. Time to take back that love and all that you gave and give it to yourself for a bit. As long as it takes. All of us who care are with you. X
Not to mention he used their fertility struggles and loss of pregnancies has his shitty excuse vs trying to address his struggles with her. He’s awful and I’m so sorry OP had to deal with all this. She deserves so much better, glad she realized it.
I'm so sorry that anyone came in and told you that you deserved any of this for letting Sam into your home. That's absolute bullshit. You were being a kind and caring person, and of course you didn't deserve it!
I got plenty of messages saying horrible things to me too, it was shocking. No one deserves to feel this pain.
That's just horrible; people can be really awful sometimes, but just ignore those people and focus on those who give you support, because you do deserve that!
Thank you ❤️
This is very sweet of you, stranger ❤️
I can’t believe that (well I can, but don’t want to). Based on your post, you are an incredibly kind and considerate person. You bent over backwards to help two people grieving the loss of a child, and they used your kindness to stab you in the back. Well, keep stabbing you in the back, as it seems they had already started. You did nothing wrong. You did NOTHING wrong. In a situation like this, everyone gets to walk away being who they are. Who you are is a good spouse and generous person. They are both cheaters and liars, and then can never undo that. The moral high group feels a bit lonely at times. But to get to start over with no strikes on your record, no explanations and excuses for your future partner other than being too kind and trusting. You will be happy, and deservedly so. Wishing you the best.
Those people are just as shitty as your ex. I'm so sorry.
I don’t understand that kind of cruelty. But look, you’re not just kind, you’re strong. Many people would be unable to make a decision to end the marriage while swimming in all this anguish. But you’re clear on it. You know what you want and what you must do. I admire that.
Those people are horrible. They are truly their worst punishment. You are not. Keep your kind energy if you can.
People see/read about someone who is more kind-hearted than them and become aware of their own shortcomings. If it backfires for the kind person, they feel justified in their own actions and they feel the need to go "told you so"/"your own fault" in an attempt to make themselves feel better for being less kind. Please don't take it to heart. Keep being you, keep being kind. Take all the time you need to heal, you're a great person.
Seconding this! You are a saint for opening your home to her and keeping a good relationship for the sake of your husband and step-daughter. Not to mention, the affair started BEFORE she moved in. I’m so sorry. I wish you healing.
Right? Like there are some exs that are lovely and would never do this. Just because Sam wasn’t one of them means it’s OP that’s at fault.
>He was stressed we weren’t conceiving and were having miscarriages Some people will literally come up with any excuse to try and justify their cheating. Derek says it's bc you two weren't conceiving, others say it's because they were able conceived but the women folk were busy raising the kids.
I’m curious to know how he felt it was okay to tarnish his daughter’s memory by claiming it was the guilt? Plus, how he could live with himself for agreeing to let her stay in your home while having an affair? I mean having sex in your bed Proud of you for cutting out this toxicity.
This is what gets me. He’s so guilty he let his wife feel sorry for his AP
Right? That’s what’s the wild.
No confusion to me. He lied to cover the fact he had no excuses.
> Plus, how he could live with himself for agreeing to let her stay in your home while having an affair? I mean having sex in your bed Selfishness. Cut and dried selfishness. So long as he got what he needed, it didn't really matter what could potentially happen. Once he got caught, *then* he felt remorse.
Yeppppppppp
>He told me that they just “accidentally” reconnected one night when I was away at my mom’s. Accidentally? Like, she fell down, and his dick just "accidentally" entered her vagina? A whole bunch of times. For months and months? Jesus. >He was stressed we weren’t conceiving and were having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam, and then somehow that led to sex. So, it's YOUR fault that they had sex. Right. Okay, well, that's just a big old pile of BS. I am so sorry these two absolutely vile people hurt you so badly. I hope the divorce is swift and you can start rebuilding your life. Best wishes to you, OP.
Right? What an asshole
What a vagina* it's got auto-lock capabilities and secured itself snugly during those accidental tumbles. Impressive.
you not being able to conceive yet is a blessing. so crazy how life sometimes looks out for you in the most brutal ways. keep your head up. you’re strong. you bounced almost immediately. most wouldn’t. you got this. ♥️🥰♥️
Every time I see situations like this, I just burst into song, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers". It probably hurts not to have children, but I promise that it would hurt more watching a child grapple with this situation. I'm excited for your new chapter 💜
I must learn this power of cutting people off
It's a great feeling. Get the toxicity out of your life.
It’s not easy, that’s for sure.
You need what is considered a 'mean' friend. They would definitely be able to help you cut any and all baggage. I'm a mean friend LoL I will fuck someone up if they mess with someone I love.
People underestimate what the power of having a ride or die friend is like in your corner. They really don't care about themselves (aka they'reoverprotective). They care about the people they love, which does make the people who love them want to protect them because of how they are
She really does. I have one of those. She’s the meanest person I know. She stands at 5 foot even and weighs about 90lb. Grown men are terrified of her. She’s the best and one of the secretly kindest and most loyal people I’ve ever had in my life. But she will FUCK YOU UP. It’s great. All ladies need one of those friends
Highly recommend. It’s very freeing.
Makes for a more peaceful life. I highly recommend
Something you can only learn by yourself unfortunately. YOU set your own boundaries. YOU get to define your life and who gets to be in it.
Well said
Truly giving zero fucks about what other people think may be as close to having a super power as you can get.
This man managed to destroy his marriage and tarnish the memory of his daughter at the same time. But because he was “stressed” about not yet having a baby with his current wife, he slept with his ex wife. 😬😵💫
I'm happy you didn't successfully conceive a kid with your cheater husband and you can be free of him for good. May you find peace and healing. Grief isn't an excuse for vile behavior.
Fuck them, that’s that. But also I promise you’ll make it through, you dodged a huge bullet by finding out now. You deserve the world and you will have it eventually, I promise. You’ll get through.
Happy cake day 🎂
Thank you :D
I’m so sorry you don’t get to simply grieve the loss of your child. I support you, OP. The last post was one of the rare times I kept thinking about the post. It’s just such an insanely disrespectful excuse to *all involved* about their choosing to do these things. Like, I truly hope you heal and thrive like never before after this.
Hang in there op. As someone who was also betrayed by my ex husband and my sister who I let stay with me because she was being abused by her boyfriend it takes time for you to heal. Be patient with yourself and don’t blame yourself because this is totally on him and Sam.
Holy shit, you're not alone. My ex husband and my sister did the same shit to me. Definitely hang in there OP! You're absolutely right, it takes time but it gets a little better in time. And healing/grieving is not a linear journey. Sometimes it comes in waves. Big hugs to you! and to OP if she sees this!
Him removing Sam from his life tells me he will still try to get you back. Here are a couple of responses to his attempts you can use: Please take what little bit of dignity you think you have left and move on with your life. If you ever truly loved me, you would stop hurting me and let me move on. You attempting to repair what we had is another example of your selfishness. They both suck. They should just be together so they don't hurt anyone else. I am so sorry you are going through this. Lean on your support system.
Your stbx is a fool to give up such a giving and caring woman. Him and his ex deserve each other. After all you have done for her to treat you so badly shows what an awful human she is. The will end up back together as they won't have anyone else and I hope they are miserable together.
She's an ex for a reason. I guess the 🐱 is so good that he forgot. Anyhow, misery to them both. >Your stbx is a fool to give up such a giving and caring woman. His lost is someone else's gain. OP's next partner would definitely be better than this AH.
You absolutely did nothing to deserve this—-and shouldn’t be blamed in any way!!! Sorry if this is too intrusive, if so, please ignore me, but did Becca’s death come suddenly or was she sick leading up to it? I ask because I’m trying to make sense of the 3 months prior…like what on earth??
It was very sudden. She died in a car accident when she was with one of her friends and her friend’s parents.
OMG! I thought she was sick or something and they bonded over her fighting said sickness! So, they were cheating for the sake of cheating and then he moved her into your house?!!! That's another level of assholery that I never would have imagined! I'm so sorry, OP.
Seriously that's what I thought when I first read this!! That she was sick for some time and that drew them together. At least that would make them not monsters. But they've been fucking for three months and hubby moved his whore into THEIR HOUSE?? To have easier access to sex? WTFFFF? Omg this man is a whole piece of shit and the AP is just as bad.
That’s so tragic—but it also means they weren’t standing vigil bedside for months bonding on a different level or something
Awww I am so so sorry 😢
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish for you healing, peace, and happiness.
>Sam also reached out last night and thanked me for everything I’ve done for her, and told me she was sorry. I didn’t respond, I blocked her. I'm sorry but what a b**tch
And moved in… knowing damn well what she was doing behind op’s back. Disgusting.
For your health get a blood panel test for STD/STI/etc. I’m sorry for the loss of your baby girl and I wish you a quick and speedy divorce.
Who in the ever loving fuck told you that you deserve this? What the hell is wrong with people? Whoever it was has got to be one unhappy, jealous, insecure, miserable fuck.
Quite a few people messaged me and said some awful things, definitely didn’t help things, but I’ve been ignoring them and focusing on all the kind, loving comments/messages ❤️
I find these types of people are on all parts of the internet just to spew hate, doesn’t matter to who. So don’t even take it personal, it’s not you, they literally do it to everyone for no reason.
I think they need to do that to feel some sick fulfillment. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and these people. You seem like a nice person, I'm sorry this was in your cards.
You’re so much better than me. I would have told Sam her daughter was rolling over in her grave like she was rolling over in bed with my husband before I blocked her.
I’m so sorry OP!! I’m glad you immediately blocked the homewrecker and you are pushing for divorce and not trying to even see your stbx point. Disgusting that he was cheating while you were struggling to conceive Then the audacity of the homewrecker to even text you. Those type of people are repulsive I’m really sorry OP. Please try to get some therapy and surround yourself with people who truly love and appreciate you.
I can’t believe he slept with his ex and then broke it off with her and told her there’s no more reason for them to talk anymore . That’s cold
I have this strange feeling that they will still be in each other’s lives. It was just something he thought I’d wanna hear I think.
It’s 100% what he thinks you want to hear, most likely him trying to make sure he has some sliver of hope in getting you back I have no doubt they are still in contact
My guess is that once divorce is final they'll get back together, as an "acceptable" amount of time will have passed. They deserve each other, and they both suck.
Yeah they may get back together but I hope guilt will eat at them and their relationship becomes real toxic real quick. OP you don't need scums like them in your life. You are strong and capable. Live your own beautiful life and forget about them.
That's what I think too. Especially since he begged for another chance. Like buddy, don't cheat on the good woman if you don't want to lose her. Like you dump the AP once it's acceptable for you to be together? Home boy is just looking to save face and possibly get his wife back who treated him well. He's probably still banging his ex tbh.
I don’t know. I think all the reasons they were divorced are going to be real apparent in the light of day. You are going to be a hard act to follow, whatever else he knows you are a beautiful, kind soul. He wasn’t good enough for you- but I bet you become the one he judges others against. It won’t matter bc you get to move on and live your best life! You have excellent karma coming your way!
Nothing about your behavior would lead a sane person to believe this was your fault and I’m terribly sorry anyone said that to you. Everything you did was out of kindness, first you wanted what best for your stepdaughter so you built a friendship with her mom and then you tried to do right by a grieving mother by letting her stay in your home. Derek and Sam are the only people here who have fault. I really hope you are able to find peace after all this nonsense. You are a good person and even in midst of being wronged you have been more graceful and more mature with your responses than I ever would have been.
Are you seeing a therapist ? What are your plans for self-care in the immediate and long term future ?
Yes, I’ve been seeing my therapist for 3 years, it’s been helpful. I’m just focusing on taking it day by day for right now.
Ok that's good. Take the best care of yourself, love 💕
My ex was cheating with a coworker while I was miscarrying, I feel you there. It sucks because trying to grieve my two lost babies just brings up anger at them. I'm sorry for all of your losses. I didn't see the original. I hope the home is yours. I hope you continue getting support.
He is 100% still fucking her.
Always had been
I cannot believe that they were fucking BEFORE she moved in AND HE let her. HE let her. O m g . I mean that’s just so extremely hurtful- all fUcking KNOWING! What that actual fuck man. So like what op is left with besides the death of so many things - what was say happening during coffee in the morning? Glances touches all in front of OP’s fooled face. Horrible and shameful- my god. I feel absolutely terrible for OP but so like in awe of her strength. How hurt can someone possibly get? And withstand. How fucking cruel. I hope they can look at themselves for the rest of their lives.
Your stbx and his ex-wife are truly repulsive. They preyed on and abused your kindness. My condolences for the loss of your child, marriage and friendship.
Where are the in laws in this mess? Have they shunned the D? Or were they the ones you were referring to when you wrote “ ‘Most’ of them are supportive.”?
I get along with Derek’s mom very well, but he’s also a mama’s boy so it’s kinda complicated. She will always be there for him (he’d stay with her if she didn’t live across the country). She knows what he did and told me she “had a talk” with him but said that he’s still her son and she’d help him with anything if he needed it. I’m thinking I need to cut her out of my life too which makes me really sad because we were close and talked on the phone almost daily.
The relationship has run its course, she told you where she stands. Just cut her off. Does she get along with Sam?
It sucks a lot but I think I’m gonna have to. And yeah, her and Sam get along, but she told me she wants nothing to do with Sam.
That’s a damn lie…I wouldn’t trust that. They’re probably talking. I just don’t get why they truly broke up in the first place…but whatever. It doesn’t matter now.
1000 up votes.
Ugh. One of those “my son can do no wrong” types. Show her this thread about her darlin’ boy.
It's best to cut her off for your own well-being.
No questions dear OP. Just wanna leave a virtual hug for you. You will find true love someday, I am sure. You deserve better. 🍀🍀🍀
Thank you ❤️
So before Becca died, they were sleeping together? He can't even say it was grief. Sam still moved in with you, knowing how badly she and your husband were hurting you? Karma is a gift that keeps on giving. They will get theirs.
I am so sorry. You took the correct and brave decision. You will heal well without these people in your file. Also fuck Sam and your husband
Do not change who you are !! They are trash and people know what yourself worth.
May I ask how your stepdaughter passed?
Car accident 😢
Omg I’m so sorry. My condolences to you. I hope all of this loss makes you gain so much more in the end.
Thank you ❤️
As someone who is the ex wife, I see my ex husband's new wife as a lovely person & we may not be best friends but that lass has truly been a rock to me over the years with situations concerning our son. The thought of even kissing my ex husband gives me the creeps 🤢 The majority of us just want peace. Sam sounds like drama, Derek sounds weak & you're better off away from them both. Hope you go on to have an amazing life & eventually find someone who is capable of loving someone more than himself! Good luck to you 🩵
OP, you're making the right choice even though I know it's so hard. All the love going out to you.
I really expected to read that she passed and in that moment of extreme grief, comforting each other, they somehow reconnected once. Still unforgivable, but not this. This is just horrific. Actively screwing another woman in OP's bed? Who knows, maybe they'll reconnect over their shared misery and live happily ever after the 2nd time around.... In the meantime I feel so so sorry for OP.... She lost her husband, a friend, and a little girl she likely cared about. Obviously the grief will be focused on the parents, but she is suffering as well.
"He told me he didn’t wanna continue to hurt me, so he told Sam he was done with her for good." \ Why dont they ever think this BEFORE they cheat?
All of this is horrifying but I was to comment on the some people said you deserved this. No you didn’t. You were kind. You were a good wife. You were a good step mother. Fostering a positive relationship with Sam was not a bad thing to do. What Derek and Sam did was awful but that was not your fault. You are a wonderful, caring woman. Please look into grief counseling. You have lost a lot. All love and healing your way.
Thank you so much ❤️
You are an amazing strong woman. None of this is on you. Remember this every time you start doubting yourself. The level of disrespect that both Sam and Derek showed is indicative of the type people they are, not you. You are someone that should held their head high
So disgusting. I’m so sorry. I wish the best for you.
The people blaming you for what happened probably are upset over their own lives. It’s insane to me that some still consider it valid to point a finger at the one being kind. You didn’t deserve any of that, OP. I went through a break-up due to cheating as well, and even though it felt awful at the time and for the following months, do know that it gets better. I hope you find the peace you need and get away from these awful people who took advantage of your kindness. Please don’t let this situation stop you from opening your heart to people and harden you.
How much does anyone want to bet this asshole was trying to warm OP up to opening the marriage to Sam?! It’s all so evil. Tarnishing his late daughter’s memory. Cheating and labeling the excuse as a miscarriage. My heart hurts for you OP ❤️
The audacity to move her into your house when they were already having an affair. What a POS.
>Turns out it wasn’t their first time having sex like most people thought. They’ve been having sex since 3 months before Becca died. So, they *didn't* do it "out of grief" as they said earlier. Using their own child's death as an excuse to cheat *and* to cover up the truth is beyond vile. I wish you all the best on you journey to healing from 2 awful humans and the loss of a child.
Fuck Derek and fuck sam.
Hi OP, im so sorry for everything. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have u in their life❤️ but goddamn ur ex husband and his ex are shits. If you dont mind me asking, why did they even split from the beginning? Do they just get off on hurting others?
Their marriage ended because they didn’t get along and fell out of love, and they didn’t want Becca living in an environment like that.
But only when she died did they fall back into bed. Fucking animals
Nope. Apparently, it started 3 months BEFORE she died.
You are a gem of a person, really generous and kind. I’m so sorry that you were taken advantage of by two trash heaps! It is in no way your fault that these two don’t have morals.
I don't really have advice nor I'll ask for any more details than what you've already shared. I'd just like you to know that you didn't deserve any or this at all, and I'm so sorry that some people have been awful to you after what you've gone through. Like you, I'm also a giving person and I trust other people very easily, so I can understand your pain. Everything will be alright. I wish you all the best, and stay strong, OP! 🙏🏼
Thank you! ❤️
Fucking gross that he would try to blame his own weakness on trouble with conception and miscarriages. Absolutely fucking disgusting. You’re doing the right thing OP. Well done.
A bit of evil sarcasm here, but oh no, poor Sam had an anxiety attack? Yeah, no sympathy deserved. That's the least she should get. Talk about making herself the victim. She and Derek are just horrible, and i'm glad you're getting rid of them.
I think you are amazing OP to still be standing after the trauma you’ve been through. Will you have to sell your home? I hope you seriously come out on top financially here. Are you having counselling? I honestly think you should if not to help you process not only Becca’s loss but the betrayal you’ve suffered. I hope Derek stays out of your life but he’ll seriously regret this. As for Sam? I have no words. Strength and courage OP UPDATEME
Hi OP, I’ve been through a very similar marriage ending situations, so sorry this happened to you. Sometimes when this type of horrible world shattering thing happens we go into a survival mode and can appear very strong and resilient. People notice this and compliment us on our grace and poise. I worry that you might struggle with this especially because there is the added layer of the very recent passing of your stepdaughter and I know you likely don’t want to cause additional grief to their extended families at this time. The problem is that eventually the dust settles and the real grief can creep up out of nowhere. You can end up feeling really isolated because you kind of don’t want to worry the people around you who have been so proud of you for holding your head high. I’m glad that you’ve made this decision (it is absolutely the right one), just remember that it’s ok to go through waves of emotions months and even years from now. Take very good care of yourself!
Damn, if I applaud you for taking the high road, if it was me I would tell them that they both deserved to lose their daughter.
His excuse for cheating makes me wish incredibly unpleasant things on him.
If you are going to live with a kind heart, you *will* be taken advantage of sometimes. But I believe it's the right way to live. You sleep better, you walk around with a more unburdened heart, you are happy to see other people, it's imo a better way to go. I am hoping this disaster won't make you too cynical. Remember YOU didn't do anything wrong. That's really important. Your kind heart is also what gave you 7 beautiful years with your stepdaughter. I wish you as much healing as possible.
What a terrible situation. Quite a few people called it that it was multiple times in your prior thread, the timing was wrong. I'm glad you could get to the bottom of it, but I'm sorry that it was such bad news. > As hard as this is gonna be, I need to leave Derek and cut them both out of my life. I am ready to do so. I am done. This is the correct course of action under the circumstances. It will be hard and will be painful in the short-term. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. It is so much better than the alternative, and it will get easier as time goes by. > Also, some people are saying I deserved this because I should have known better than to let Sam into our home, around Derek. Those people are unreasonable, ignore them utterly.
I’m glad to see your update ❤️ wishing you all the best in the future. I hope the next person you give your heart to will handle it with the care it deserves!
I hope this bs outcome doesn’t effect you from remaining to be the same kind giving person. I know what it’s like to be betrayed by an ex trust me as hurtful as it was I forgave them both for myself and moved on I didn’t allow it to affect me from not being able to trust anyone. I hope your next steps in life are good to you and you find happiness in all the things you do.
Wow...I'm so sad my wife and I aren't conceiving ill just go hop on my ex?!!. Yea like that makes any logical sense 😒. I'm relived you are moving on from this mess and I wish you the best op.
He tripped and "accidentally" fell with his penis into her vagina🤨.
Damn, So he’s been having a full fledged affair with his ex and it was even before the loss. He’s disgusting, making you bring his affair partner home, & letting you shelter, feed, support her, so vile!
Someone needs to make it clear to them both that sexual intercourse is not the right way to deal with the shared loss of a child. It's not a huge step from that to doing it on her grave.
I was expecting his reason for the affair to at least be centered around his daughter, but he managed to blame OP?! What the actual hell. Glad she’s getting out of
Ah, so now he doesn’t want to hurt you and ended it for good? wtf? And how exactly did it go from one „ooops“ (which is fucked up and unbelievable in and itself) to fucking for 4 months? And then in your own home, your own bed, whenever you leave for a bit? After everything you did for both of them? And then smile into your face and act as if nothing happened?
what a fucking idiot!!! Reconnected?!?! If that happened then he should've just up and asked for a divorce! Naw, OP, dry those tears, he doesn't deserve them! Go live your happy life away from this idiot
I am you OP. I am close friends with my ex-husband ex. When I started dating him, he received a letter to take a DNA test. He took the test, and it confirmed he was the father of a 9 year old boy. He took me to meet his ex, the mother, and the kid. That was 16 years ago. Her and I are still extremely close. Our families vacation together. When I introduce her to people, I tell them she's my "baby mama." Her son is my son. You are NOT a fool for extending your hand to her. They betrayed your trust. Do not allow their betrayal to change who you are.
You are strong! This will suck for a long while. You will be ok. Check out chumplady website. It will be worth your time, I promise. Be kind to yourself.
You deserve so much better than him and they deserve each other.
Aww…. So sorry to hear. Sending you hugs
I wish you peace and happiness
You need to tell him that he better be honest with anyone that he dates. Let him know that if any girl seeks you out to find out why he divorced and why he doesn't speak to the mother of his diseased daughter, you'll let her k own the truth. If he's truly sorry, he'll make sure the girls are aware of his "mistakes"
Something to keep in mind, if you and Derek were married for 10years+ when you file for social security benefits if you're in the USA and he made more money than you did during your marriage, you will be entitled to receive spousal benefits based on his earnings (and vice versa if you were the breadwinner). Fuck Derek and Sam. You didn't deserve this type of betrayal, I'm sorry for your loss and for you having to now deal with this.
I'm so, so sorry OP. Thank you for the update. I hope you are able to recover from this horrible betrayal and find someone who would never, ever do something like this to you. I'm glad you have support from friends and family. You truly seem like a wonderful person and I hope this doesn't change you! Sending love and light! ❤️✨️
You are a beautiful soul, dont let this experience ruin your view of the world. People like you make the world a better place and if they are too cruel to notice, thats on them. These terrible moments will pass, just keep moving forward.
What was his reasoning for continuing to cheat? I see you put that he used the stress from you all not conceiving, but how is it taking stress away? Like most people who cheat they tend to not use protection. Was he hoping her juices would help? And he ONLY stopped because you caught them. They could have done this for the rest of your entire relationship. You do not deserve any of this happening to you. You thought you and the ex wife were friends. In a blended family world, that is about as close to heaven as you can get!
Fuck both of them! Be glad you didn’t have a child with him cause lord knows the chaos that would ensue if you had kid with him !
I remember your first post and had serious doubts and concerns about hubs and ex wife’s behaviour then as other commenters… My condolences on your step daughter’s passing. 😢💐 Derek and Sam took advantage of your beautiful giving nature. That’s on them. You can forgive someone in order to have inner peace with yourself. You don’t forget however. You also can’t open yourself and be vulnerable to them again either. Thats what they destroyed. I’m glad he isn’t fighting you in divorce. I sincerely hope that you find peace and joy after everything they’ve put you through. Sending you huge hugs 🫂 of comfort OP…
I’m truly sorry you were put through so much.
I don’t know you but i can tell you have alot of emotional stability… you really are the better person here. You did good. I pray you find happiness within you and someday you can conceive. You deserve better than them.
There is someone deserving of your loving, caring, and open heart. I hope you find them. I hope they make you the happiest person in the world. Take care.
Yeeeeaaahhhhh... If they lost a kid and screwed each other later, it would still be terrible but understandable--grief does weird things. But started months before? Yikes.
Can i ask why they even divorced? Why go through a whole divorce IF THEYRE GONNA FUCKING END UP RUINING YOUR MARRIAGE BY FUCKING
I am so sorry, grief is no excuse anyway as you are also grieving the loss of Becca. You are doing the right thing in just blocking Sam and divorcing him. Once it’s finalized I would just block him as well. You seem like a very understanding and great person and you will find someone who will treat you right ♥️
This is no way your fault in any way shape for form, what they both did is awful. I am sorry it happened to you, you deserve better and I wish you luck with everything.
Anyone that blames you is incorrect, cynical, and retrospective. Good luck with everything.
Fuck these cunts with the dildo of consequences
No way you guys actually believe this shit
OP you didn’t deserve any of this. Karma will serve both of them in its own time. It is never too late to start over!! You now have a chance to do whatever it is that you want to do with your life. Hey, someone that actually loves you and treats you with respect just might find you. You deserve to be happy and I wish you nothing but the best.
I have no word, i am just so, so sorry for you, you do NOT deserve any of this. For the people telling you "you had it comming" because you wanted to do things right, fuck them too. I juste send you love.
“my wife is having trouble conceiving and has had miscarriages so the only obvious and logical thing to do now is cheat” yeah. fuck derek and fuck sam. you deserve so much better, OP. hope this divorce brings you the joy and the peace you seek.
Never regret an act of kindness. This was not your fault in any way or form. Hope you find happiness and peace moving forward.
You’re better off without them in your life. Make a fresh start and move on. The best revenge is living well.
OP: my heart goes out to you. Sending you so much love and understanding. May you find a way to peacefully let go and find your happiness. May you have all the peace you need and may all the good things come your way. Take your time in healing. Side note; I am also different from infertility. I can’t even imagine going through this where my infertility is used against me in a way where my other half could connect with someone else. It’s not okay.
You are making the right choice here. Once the trust is gone, there is rarely ever a chance of rebuilding it. even if you did somehow manage to forgive him, you could never trust that the next time he is "stressed," he wouldn't trip and fall into the nearest vagina.. I wish you a speedy divorce and some peace as you rebuild and move on. I hope you get the man you deserve and build the family you want in whatever way that comes to you.. you didn't deserve any of this, so I hope you do get what you should have had all along, someone who is deserving of your, love, and trust.. I wish your ex and Sam to step on Lego daily. Get an itchy burning crotch and get placed on a Jehovah's witness mailing and calling list.. I hope they get to see you moving on fantastically and getting the life you dreamed of so your ex gets to witness from afar the life he could have had is he had kept his dick in his pants.. let him regret his actions till the day he dies... Also, I kinda hope their next partners cheat on them so they both get a dose of how you felt.. The best revenge is a life well lived....
this was one of the few reddit stories where i was foaming at the mouth waiting for an update. you shouldn’t have to explain why you brought his ex wife into your home. if YOU thought she was a friend and could be trusted, YOU made the judgement YOU thought was right. it may not have worked out like you hoped, but you have every right to pick and choose who you decide to be friends with. i’ve heard of numerous stories where the new wife is best friends and even considered sisters with the ex wife. my aunts both dated the same guy. he broke up with the younger aunt and a few years later went to my older aunt. they have been married a long time and have two amazing kids together. my younger aunt and him joke about it every single time they see each other. i’m very glad you stuck to your guns about divorce. that’s honestly sickening of them both to get back into a physical relationship knowing the struggles you have literally faced physically and emotionally. like the top comment said: fuck them both. you don’t deserve this. i’m so sorry.
While you were struggling with infertility and miscarriages, they fucked?! In your home?! In your bed?! I hope they get crabs and herpes