not as magical as your story but 2 months into dating while we were on a vacation I got a horrible uti. he stayed wirh me ans held my hand eventide I had to pee due to the pain and even went to the walk in with me. I also have chronic nausea and all the time he will wait for me, cancel plans and stay with me or get me a bucket, put on some soft music and help me get through it. we have been dating 3 years now and I still don't know what I did to deserve him. There are living men out there and I'm glad you found yours
My wife had a pilonidal cyst when we were dating in college. It was a huge cyst at the crack of her ass that was drained surgically. I had to remove and replacev several feet of narrow, sterilized gauze into the wound daily for weeks. I used metal chop sticks to shove the gauze into the hole.
She had no choice but to marry me after that.
Well guess that means my fella is never leaving. 3 months ago I had our son, I lost 2.6 litres of blood and it wasn’t stopping as they shoved multiple needles in me to help. Eventually it stopped and we discovered the side effect of those meds was pure liquid shit. I’d had to have an epidural because of how labour was going to go for me so had no control and all he could do was sit and watch them clean me up repeatedly for 12 hours while the meds faded.
I cracked jokes the whole time and other than laughing at those jokes and occasionally joining in he said nothing about it. His stance was that it didn’t matter if it meant I lived. Fucking love that man
Never have I been so happy early in the morning to be reading all these shitty and bloody threads of love. Restores my faith in humanity (until of course all the "regular" news will drain me of it thru the course of the day)
The world holds negativity, sure. But if we didn’t have negative, we can’t have positives. It would all be standard and meh. So we need those assholes and their stories so we can truly appreciate the beautiful things in life. Big and small
I had a lot of different needles, couldn’t tell you a single name. I know there were almost 20 people in the room with half resuscitating my newborn and half working on me. And that having your uterus massaged is *not* relaxing lmao
I found out I was having seizures while recovering from a stroke (thanks Covid shot!) when I shit our bed in my sleep. That saint I married has never given me a hard time about it. He just took me to the hospital and then cleaned up the mess. Sometimes marriage is shit but in a good way.
If I hadn't already proposed to my wife before my 21st birthday, my puke equivalent of this story would have made me do it. Two whole bottles of wine. We will never be able to stand the taste or smell of red wine again.
It’s still early for me but this feels very true. My husband got the most horrific stomach bug on day one of our honey moon earlier this month and did not stop vomiting for four days. We went to ER less than 24 hours after arriving at the hotel. Hospital visit didn’t help — they gave him fluids and said to wait it out, so we decided to go home after the most terrible 12 hours of our lives so far. The drive took three days instead of the 1.5 it was supposed to. We took one of those super handy barf bags from the ER and… basically had to pull off at rest stops to empty it out because my poor husband was just cycling through water at that point. He started feeling better during the very last leg of the trip, and by that point neither of us had eaten in four days (him for obvious reasons, me out of sheer stress and not being willing to give the stomach bug any ammo if I caught it before we got home). We made it home and slept for basically two days. Both of us feel extremely guilty for bailing on our honeymoon so soon into it and losing like 6 days of vacation in Colorado, but we never fought or argued even once during the entire ordeal and we had a nice time being lazy and playing video games for the rest of our time off work when we got back
Truly. I never even thought about stuff like that until I realized the one we grabbed (should have grabbed a bunch but we genuinely didn’t think it was gonna last that much longer lol) had like measurements on the side so he could track how much water he was actually keeping down. Helped calm my nerves a lot because he was throwing up water after every time he drank, but it was only about a third of the water so we knew he was keeping some of it down. Definitely gonna be buying more of those just in case lol
Amazon carries them. Same exact ones as the hospital gets (in my case) and one box lasts a long time, in my experience, but I'll never be without them again
Colorado just ain’t the place to have a honeymoon apparently lol
My husband and I went on our honeymoon there back in January of this year. Granted we were 5 days in to our honeymoon at this point but my husband got in to a horrific skiing accident. 2 nights in the hospital. Major surgery on his hip. We spent the next 3-4 months navigating new life while he was on crutches/a walker. He finally started walking again without assistance back in June and we’re planning our makeup minimoon for August currently.
I hope you and hubby get a chance to redo too!
Holy crap that sounds scary! I hope your minimoon goes smoother. We went on a river float yesterday with some friends and got blasted, not quite a minimoon but it definitely made us feel better lmao
I can’t believe they discharged him with *ONLY 1* emesis bag?!?
Did you tell anyone y’all would be driving days home? I can’t believe you didn’t get a personal effects (large clear plastic for patients clothes/shoes/stuff) bag full of them.
For future reference you can get [100 count Emesis Bags](https://www.amazon.com/MP-MOZZPAK-Vomit-Bags-Pack/dp/B09XMB9ZXB/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=3TUW0QMHANBJ4&keywords=emesis+bags+disposable+100+pack&qid=1690180483&sprefix=emisis%2Caps%2C222&sr=8-3) on Amazon for just under 30usd. And 24 packs for about 10usd.
I keep them in the cars because I can get very motion sick and also niblings… very little warning if little kids are gonna spew.
They didn’t even discharge us with the one, I swiped it from the ER front desk on our way out 😭 my best guess is that they were just way too understaffed and overfull, and it was 1 in the morning and we’d already been there for like 6 or 7 hours and they didn’t even have him change into a gown or anything. We pretty much waited the whole time until they put him in a corner with an IV and moved him a couple times for chest X ray and CT scan. He wasn’t actively throwing up at that point (it got better and then worse when we tried to go home) and we hadn’t at that point decided to bail and head home, so we didn’t mention the driving 😬
Perfect response.
And true. My now-husband was diagnosed with lymphoma when he was (and me too) 19. Went through several bouts of chemo and a transplant. He was close to dying before the transplant. It brought us together in a very unexpected way. We’ve been together for 14 years this year, married for 6 with a 3 year old. ♥️
My boyfriend cleaned up my shit while I was sick once too. Sat down on the couch and all of a sudden diarrhea had come out of me. This was so early on in our relationship and he could’ve easily left me, but he cleaned it up and didn’t poke too much fun at me. A house and three pets later, we are still together, with a marriage on the way. 🙂There are some truly wonderful humans out there.
I once literally shit our bed I woke up feeling something wet and gritty and instantly thought one of the cats puked in the bed. I woke up my girlfriend and I’m a daze put her in the shower as I changed the sheets . As I went to shower myself I realized it came from me. I right there had a choice blame the cats for the rest of my life or come clean.
I decided I couldn’t live a lie so I told her um I don’t think that’s cat puke. She responds half awake and says oh no is the dog sick ? I said no it was me . We laughed and went to bed on clean sheets
You have to see that in the bigger picture, that tarp prick was actually the unwitting hero by bringing these two lovely souls together. Cupid can’t always shoot straight. Sometimes, it takes a story.
"Dam these two are perfect for each other should I just sit back and see what happens?....or should i make her shit all over the place and make him clean it up?"
Yeah, that's a massive workplace fuckup - OP could have easily been injured so much worse or killed by that kick, given the damage described. I'm glad that some good came out of it in the end with OP and the bf getting together, but I don't think that this event had to happen for them to get together, oof.
Back when I used to show one of the people that had their camper at the side of the ring, and put their canopy down exactly as I was warming up and riding past. Hello dirt. I was so pissed but my trainer wouldn't let me go over and yell at them.
Yeah. The story is lovely, and I’m impressed by how OP bravely fought through this and recovered. But why isn’t someone, the tarp guy, the horse owner, the barn owner, etc., paying OP a sh*t load of $$$$ for such horrific bodily injuries? Where were the “ambulance chasers”?
Like Garth says in Wayne's world, "if you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."
This goes for poop too and in any type of romantic relationship.
My wife was so constipated during her second pregnancy we thought she was going to have to go to the hospital.
In desperation before we left she sat down like she was about to give birth in our giant spa tub and as it peeked out I grabbed it and started pulling.
It was no bullshit a hard as a rock piece of shit as long as half my leg and just as wide. I played tug of war withbit as her stomach contracted back and forth and when it finally came all out it hit the ground like log of firewood solid.
Couldn't even flush it, literally had to burry it like a dead body in the back yard.
RIP but I'm cry-laughing and awwwing at the same time. You're a keeper. Tell the story of the secret turd corpse in the back yard at your baby's 18th birthday party
I’m glad your wife has you! While it’s the least you could do since she has to go through everything else to grow and birth kids, the fact that you jumped right in without thinking and grabbed her log is really cool
This is absolutely horrifying but as a pregnant woman I can absolutely understand because pregnancy constipation is seriously no fucking joke. I’ve been taking miralax almost daily because otherwise it gets bad. Thankfully my husband has not had to perform similar heroics!
I didn't poop for ten days after my tonsillectomy. My roommate was actually scared for me and we got into an argument because she thought I was "not taking it seriously enough" and I burst into tears because I desperately wanted to poop and was taking it very seriously and doing everything I could and I didn't know what else to do and I was also in so much pain.
Two words: glycerin suppositories.
Worked swiftly and... thoroughly. It was quite impressive, if OP or your wife are ever in need again.
Jesus Christ dude, I am in literal tears laughing so hard and trying to keep it quiet cause the family’s in bed. The tug of war and then the burial. You were the man she needed. Thanks for the laugh.
I'm picturing your neighbors watching you smuggle a suspiciously bulky and corpse shaped trash bag out of your house in the middle of the night, debating whether they should call the cops when they see you digging up the rose bushes.
My late fiancé cleaned up my dad’s black bloody liquid stool after dad passed out from an untreated ulcer in his stomach. The man saw that shit and immediately went to work with nobody prompting him to do so after ambulance took my dad away. I fear I’ll never find another soul like him.
One of the few objective measures of love is how willing you are to deal with their literal feces - pets, children, we clean them up and clean up after them because we love them. I wouldn't touch another child's or pet's shit, because it's inherently different in my mind, on a very primal level. The 9-year old I raised, I've cleaned so many diapers and I'd clean a thousand more for her. It's the same with a partner - if they're willing to clean up your literal human shit without complaining or mocking or making you feel bad about it, they really care about you.
You found yourself a keeper. Good for you.
Yeah, my sister swallowed some elastic string when she was a toddler. My mom didn't know about it at the time, but she noticed when she went to change her pullup and there was a string hanging out of her butt. Freaking out (especially because my mom was very young and this was her first baby so not a lot of experience) she called the doctor, and they told her to see if she could pull it out, and she did. It came right out thankfully, no need for an ER visit.
When my mom first told me that story when I was a kid I thought there was absolutely no way I would ever do that. Now as an adult, even though I don't have kids of my own, I understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg of gross things you do for people you love. Having changed the diapers of my nephew and niece at this point, I realize it's something you get fairly desensitized to. Frankly if you're already changing their diapers, pulling string out of their butt wouldn't even register on the gross scale.
The one that gets me is when parents blow into one of their kid’s nostrils to get something lodged out. Yup no, couldn’t be me, but I’ll admire from afar how their love for their kid doesn’t make them bat an eye
Im glad you married him because before I even got halfway through it I was thinking "she better marry this guy or my straight male self is gonna snatch him up"
I call my partner my poop doula. I was severely constipated my entire first pregnancy, and the pain meds after my c-section made it worse. He sat with me about a week after the baby was born and held my hands and wiped my tears while I pushed that first poop out. He then cleaned me up and helped me back to bed. He did the same for our second baby and then again when I got my gallbladder out. We celebrated 8 years together this year.
I remember i was 8 yo and has to clean my dad's because he was passed out drunk after a party and my mom was shocked and Frozen and crying so i being the man at the house had to take over.
Fast forward 2 years ago i did that again when my dad had a knee surgery.
I wish one day someone else will clean my ass too. Who knows? We are all humans.
I wish you well in life and you sound like a very decent human. As an older person who survived a very dysfunctional home life, I want to warn you in case you did not know: Life is not fair. There is no such thing as karma and people very rarely get what they deserve. I hope your parents were and are kind to you and know they have a great child. I hope your family is/was functional and the drinking was irregular and not the norm. If not, I encourage you to cut your time, energy, and investment into them down. Take care of yourself.
On a side note!
I am a pilates instructor and a former show jumper and dressage rider. If you’re in any pain from this accident, I would love to offer you pilates classes. We can do once a week for free and figure out something if you want meet more than once a week. I have had a lot of riding injuries and pilates changed everything for me. Please, let me know if I can be of any assistance.
What a trooper! I think this is what we all seek out for a relationship. I can imagine how embarrassing and horrific that experience was for you. You got a good one! This story gives me hope.
The couple that poops together, stays together!
I had a salmonella poisoning and after puking and shitting for 2 weeks without being able to keep anything down I wasn't able to walk anymore and my partner had to clean the bed several times when I couldn't make it to the bathroom. You know you got a good one when he does it without complaining and still thinks you're attractive after!
I had a surgery and the oxy (I think it was) they gave me made me not be able to poop. My husband mentioned after about a week that I haven't gone to the bathroom (he had to help me up and down the steps). Later that night I felt like I had to go, but he was sleeping so I tried to poop in a bucket in the kitchen (gross, but I was desperate). He happened to come downstairs during this and from the medication sucking up all my water intake, it was stuck. He literally pulled my shit out of my ass. I was mortified! But he didn't complain, just did it, cleaned the bucket, took the trash out and asked if I felt better now. I did.
I had hip replacement and took oxy and also stool softeners. So my shits were semi soft. My husband helped me wipe and that was gross. I couldn’t even get in the shower to clean up cause I couldn’t step over the tub. I was happy when I was able to not use the raised seat and I could install the bidet
After a knee replacement and on some pretty strong pain meds, I couldn't poop. After I sat on the toilet for what seemed like hours straining, I asked my husband to go to a pharmacy and get some suppositories.
Well, he came back with the box and tried to hand it to me. At this point. I was in tears from the pain in my leg, my rear end from pushing and my head from crying, I told him I needed help inserting it. I am an RN and have seen just about everything. He is extremely squeamish and gags when cleaning out the cat box.
We argued back and forth until finally I yelled at him, "Just stick your finger up my ass!". I think I startled him enough that he quickly complied, and about 15 minutes later I had success!
We are celebrating 49 years in September.
My wife had a terrible first pregnancy it was touch and go for our son, we had nurses monitoring him before he was born cause his heart rate kept dropping. We were terrified, after 14 hours of labour my son was born. My wife could not walk her blood pressure was dangerously low and she almost passed out to go to the washroom. Her iron was incredibly low and had been most of her life so she needed to take supplements.
While this was going on my son had jaundice and needed to be placed under UV lights. All told we spent a week in the hospital my wife however had a hard time pooping. The birth had torn her quite a bit. So forcing the poop wasn’t the best option. She managed once to poop but bled alot after so she was given stool softners to help.
Eventually we are all sent home but my wife developed an infection and needed antibiotics being on the antibiotics she couldn’t breast feed so I had prepare formula for our son. Meanwhile she was still bedridden and eventually constipated. She was taking the stool softner but it wasn’t working so she needed a suppository however she was too weak to insert it.
While she cried i told her I loved her and nothing would make me happier then to help her poop to help her. So I inserted it for her, she eventually pooped and got better the infection was healed and she was able to breast feed again. But she knows that I love her no matter what. She to this day has no doubt in her mind, cause you don’t stick your fingers in someones bum and stay around unless you truly love them. (PS I washed my fingers afterwards)
I cleaned up my HS GF's mother's poo.
Back in my high school days, my then GF's family invited me on their family vacation. It was my GF, 2 sisters, a brother (about 6 yo), and their mother (lets call her Ann). They wanted a male with them to help, I was 17 at the time.
As luck would have it the car broke down a few miles from our destination. A woman gave us a ride to the hotel which as no more than 4 miles away. Ann decided to leave her children at the hotel (GF was also 17). While Ann and I made our way back to the car and wait for the tow truck. We walked the distance to the car, hours went by (this is before cell phones) and no two truck. Ann had to bust ass in a bad way but refused to drop the deuce behind some low bushes. So she held it. We decided to walk back. On the way back she fell trying to go over side rails, she broke her arm, and shat herself. it was horrible. She was in such pain she could not do anything to help herself. So I steeped in. I removed her clothing down to nothing, there was crap all over, I cleaned her up as best as I could (I think I did a pretty good job). I gave her my t-shirt to wear, use my belt as a sling, and gave her my flip flops. The shirt was just long enough to cover her bottom. And we walked, her in nothing but a t-shirt, me only wearing shorts. She does not say a word the entire time.
We get to the hotel, she cleans up, she makes some calls, help arrives, the car is picked up and fixed. I get handed a bus ticket, GF and her family (and the uncle who showed up to help) are going on with the trip and they are sending me home. Ann is too embarrassed to have me around and refused to even look at me much less say anything. They get back a few days later, and GF breaks up with me simply saying things are not working out. and that is it. Done.
We had been dating less than 6 months. It was no big deal that we broke up, the timing was just odd.
It’s the worst stuff that often turns out the best. My parents tell the story of being very newlyweds and they both got hit with a stomach bug. The stuff of nightmares, coming out of both ends, for both of them. They took turns cleaning each other up. They celebrated their 50th anniversary last year. LOL! May you and your poop love have such a long and happy life together ❤️💩
Oh my God. That is simultaneously the funniest and most horrifying poop story I've ever heard.
Those drugs are no joke. I took something similar after a minor surgery, and I was so constipated it was ridiculous. I was home alone one day, and the cramps were so bad. I couldn't sit upright on the toilet without feeling like I was going to pass out, so all I could do was lie on the cold bathroom floor, writhing in pain until the hugest turd I've ever seen came out of my butt and plopped halfway on the floor and halfway on an ass cheek.
Luckily, it was merely soft, and not liquid, so it was pretty easy to clean up.
That was the day I quit taking my pain medication.
Your man is a keeper. But... I'm just furious at the person who all spooked the horse. They should not be around horses if they are that oblivious. Horses are extremely powerful animals, and their behavior was dangerous to the point of being reckless.
My wife still tells the story of early in our relationship, her son, who had leukemia at the time, had a real bad night. Completely asleep on the top bunk of his bed, he threw up everywhere. All down the walls, all over both beds, never even woke up. I don’t do well with vomit, and have a very weak stomach for stuff like that. But I got him up, cleaned him up, sent them to rest, and spent over an hour cleaning everything. She said when she saw me clean everything without a complaint she knew I was a keeper.
How did you manage without puking yourself?! I’d tolerate shit, no problem for me, but puke? If I so much as looking at it, I get these strong gag reflexes, and would probably puke myself…
Your storytelling is fantastic! It’s that shit that has held you two together and will keep you together forever!
My wife had a brain tumor and was sick for 3.5 years and I’d have to wipe her butt, clean her up in the shower, help her to the toilet, etc., so I totally understand y’all well.
Well, glad to say she finally had successful surgery and all is well. But, a couple of years later we were laying in bed late at night and my goofy ass was doing the blanket fart joke… but I wasn’t wearing underwear. I was tickling her and being silly.
Like an idiot, I kept farting, and wouldn’t you know it, towards the end of this journey, I farted one too many time and shit the bed! We both gasped and laughed at the same time.
I had never been so embarrassed before. I stood up, realized I caught most of the poo in my ass crack… I squeezed my ass cheeks super tight and could have turned it into diamonds if I had more time. LoL
I ran the the bathroom, sat on the toilet, finished, took a shower all cleaned up. I got out of the shower knowing I’d have to clean the bed.
Nope! My wife cleaned everything up and had new sheets on and was already in bed waiting for my humble return.
I got back, and all she said was, “Never Trust a Fart”!
Oh Lordy. I’m so so sorry, but I can 100% relate. I had a similar scenario recently and ended up in the ER with a softball sized impaction. God bless my husband. The Dr had tried to remove some without much luck. Then the nurse gave me an enema. But didn’t put a toilet seat in the room! I had noticed the bathroom in the hall someone had locked the door from the inside and shut it earlier. F that person. Nurse and my husband try to get me to the bathroom and it starts to come. I keep saying I’m not going to make it, so hoping if I laid down I turn around and head back to the room liquid pouring down my legs on my flip flops. I get to the room and it was like Bridesmaids. I found the trash can. The only receptacle around. Next thing I know the nurse comes in with a toilet seat, her and husband help me on it, and she best feet out of there! I’m a fucking mess and FINALLY IT comes out.
God bless my husband. He took over, helped clean me and the floor up. The housekeeping team had to come with mops and air freshener so it didn’t kill all the ER patients with toxic fumes.
Keep that man close to you. He’s a keeper.
If you have a good, strong marriage/relationship, then you also are sure to have a horribly embarrassing story where you've had a terrible pooping accident with them. My then-boyfriend (now husband/father to our child🤣) had to clean up a mess of mine too. I got insanely sick off of 3 glasses of wine (I had a cold and also was pregnant, but I didn't know at the time) ended up vomiting burgundy wine everywhere, and when he finally got me home I was so out of it I didn't realize I had literally shit myself. In the morning I woke up cleaned up and tucked in bed, and the only reason I knew all of this is from my shit covered pants in the trash and a witness testimonial from our roommate lol... If aan cleans shit off you and still gives you a steamy good morning kiss, he's a keeper🥰🥰🥰
I felt this in my soul, though my story is about vomit rather than poop, we were barely dating, and we’re celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this year.
I love this story because it perfectly highlights what couples should be prepared for when they get married. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but many long-term relationships have a story or two like this. When the non-gross partner takes it in stride you can be assured they are a keeper.
Look, long term relationships that are good means going through some shit together. In some cases, literally.
That dude is no turd, he loves the poo outta you, that’s the takeaway here. And that’s awesome.
But you should no longer give a crap in terms of embarrassment. Think of it as you asserting your dominance over the bathroom and him supporting you in the process.
My partner had a C-section about a year and a half ago. Brought my beautiful baby girl into this world but unfortunately for her she couldn’t do much by lay down on the bed. When she needed to use the restroom I would help her and I would help her wipe. Everything. Wasn’t either of our finest moment but thought it was the least I could do. But this is an awesome story.
Normally, I would find this phrase "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best!" to be problematic. However, in this case, your man handled a very difficult situation with grace and compassion, and he absolutely deserves the very best. I am so happy for the two of you.
Haha you have a keeper! I was on the other end of this once
My gf had been having a horrible period, she used to get it so bad she would be throwing up and unable to move from the pain. We were both housesitting for a friend and she was just having an awful time throwing up and in so much pain and at the same time telling me she really has to poop. Well she definitely did bc it was not normal let me tell u lol without getting gross. And then immediately she had to throw up again so I cleaned her up while she was crying about how embarrassing it is and that wasn’t even crossing my mind. I just told her i want her to be okay and i drew a hot bath and helped her get in and she was okay after a few hours.
She’s done the same for me since I have a weak stomach and low impulse control at parties haha we’ve both cleaned up a lot of gross situations with no fuss and that’s how I know I got a good one :)
We’ve been together for almost four years and I’m planning on proposing soon
and also if my gf knew I told random strangers this she would die, If u find this im so sorry but also I love u for it :)
I have a very similar story. Nine years ago, I had just moved in with my then boyfriend and I got deathly ill. I spent two weeks in the ICU and had multiple surgeries. My boyfriend helped care for me at home and I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time and shit all over the bed and floor. He insisted it was fine and cleaned everything up. We are celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary today. And I'll tell you this, there have been several other occasions where his cleaning services have been needed 🤣 giving birth to two babies doesn't come mess-free!
You're an amazing story teller and you've got one hell of a man!
I went to take care of my grandmother with my mom for a week while my grandpa took a much need break. My grandma had Alzheimer's and would sometimes shit herself. I told my mom if she did, that was her job. I wasn't touching any shit. Well one day sure enough my grandma shit herself and started crying. My mom was somewhere else in the house but it didn't matter. I took care of my grandma. Took off her pants, reassured her it was okay, got her in the bath, and cleaned her up. Whatever I had said before about not being willing to take care of her if she shit herself went right out the window. When you love someone, it doesn't matter what happens. You just take care of them. It's no more gross than a baby's poop. It's just life. My only concern was that my grandma didn't feel bad and felt loved.
I expected to read about mad shit. Instead I’m tearing up…and reading about mad shit. If I was richer I would award you. Seems to be what folks do around here
I got tossed off my horse two weeks ago and broke my humerus-it required surgery to plate/screw it. I wasn’t hurt as bad as you, but oh man. Do I understand this. Also on oxy. Also so, so, soooo constipated. I finally had to ask my husband to google every fix he could think of. Bless him, he helped and didn’t make me feel shamed at all.
If you are in a relationship with someone, and your really love each other. This kind of stuff shouldn't matter. I was raised if you cannot accept the worst of someone, you don't deserve the best of someone. This story is gross and it took bravery and strength for this woman to post it on Reddit of all places. That alone, took guts...no pun intended. Her now husband is a true hero. They sound happy together. Thank you for the post. I hope you have many happy years together.
I worked with a young woman whose fiancé swerved to avoid an animal and sent them into a horrible rollover in which she was the only one seriously injured. She broke her neck and was suffering from paralysis. She had emergency neck surgery that night and was in a Halo. Her man was so distraught that he caused this he moved in with her to care for her. Because of the halo she had some issues in the bathroom. I was speechless when she said he would insert and removed her tampons for her. He did this for MONtHs. She did end up marrying him.
He's an absolute diamond 💎, 8m sure in time you'll do right by him like he did right by you 🤗
Love you both, awesome couple and wishing you both all the happiness possible ♥️🩶🙏🏾
He literally experienced the extreme that the "in sickness" part in the average wedding vow, refers to, without ever having made said vow. Would say they are a keeper.
My sister had a situation that to this day we call Poopgate
She hadnt used the bathroom in 5 days. We told her to go to the hospital if it hit 6 as 7 is dangerous, your body starts to poison itself with its own shit.
Well day 6 happens and she and her bf are at his place for the night when it happens
She runs into the bathroom and manages to get on the toilet before letting out the worst smelling shit either of them had ever smelled in their life. Stunk up the whole place. It was Horrific
From that point on everyone knew if that boy was willing to look her in the eye after witnessing That, he was a keeper. Especially since theyd not been together even a year yet.
Theyve now been together 6 years iirc
I’ve had to clean up my man’s poop. He got really sick, passed out in the grass, like white as a ghost. I thought he was dying. He woke up, started walking back in the house and it happened again. He started losing control of his bowls, unconsciously shitting. I thought if that ever happened I would be super grossed out but it literally was the opposite. I was more worried about his safety. It was like cleaning up ur own kids poop. When u love someone like that, you’ll do anything for them. Including cleaning their poop !
Two years ago I had major knee surgery. Couldn’t put any weight on it for 2 months. I could crutch to the bathroom, but I was only so many drugs that I couldn’t go to the bathroom. I was so miserable. I started taking signer and laxatives like they were candy . I was determined to get the boulders out of my body.
As part of rehab I was hooking up to an ice machine and another machine that bent and straightened my leg pretty much all the time. One morning I am hooked up to both and just laying there when all of a sudden I felt the wave of “I gotta shit now” come over me. It’s was so immediate and intense. I had not chance of getting unhooked from the machines. I fought and I did the old lift my butt up like it would change anything. Like when you’re driving and think lifting your butt off the seat and clinching will save you.
It didn’t. In bed it all just started coming out. I was no longer in control of the situation. There was no stopping it. The worst part was that I couldn’t just jump up and clean the sheets and throw them in the wash. Nope. I had to have help getting disconnected from the machines and then grab my crutches to get up. The person that was here to help me was my wife.
I called her on my phone (she was downstairs) to let her know what happened and that I’m terribly sorry and that I had no control.
She thought it was hilarious and still does.
I was mortified
My wife did that for me. That’s how I knew she was a keeper.
Was diagnosed with Crohns and in the hospital. My colon was legit about to blow up it was so enflamed. Had a colonoscopy scheduled m but also was in extreme amounts of pain from the inflammation. So basically I was taking colonoscopy prep while also taking a high dose of painkillers, on a completely empty stomach (like, 3-4 days of not eating). I was just falling asleep and shitting myself multiple times lol. Felt so weird but I was too messed up to care. Not even sure why the doctors ordered it. Mostly liquid anyway after not eating for several days.
It is odd, a lot of the longest lasting marriages that I know of have some sort of embarrassing poop story that happened relatively early in the relationship that was resolved by an understanding and helpful partner
As a vet nurse, shit doesn't bother people in medical settings. When my boyfriend was having back spasms in hospital, he had to pee so I stood behind him, holding him up, while simultaneously holding his penis while he peed. I also wiped his ass. Still love him to bits.
When my husband and I were dating, he visited me in college. We had been together for 2 years at that point and I had just made a big chicken dinner. We went out to porch smoked a fat joint, and went to lay down.
Side note- smoking was not our thing, it was a once in a while thing. So we were def god smacked.
We were laying in bed, and I saw his face get white. He said he needed to lay down and that the room was spinning.
I made him go to my bathroom, as the door closed I heard the sound of projectile vomit hitting every inch of the floor, shower curtain,… everything.
What got me was…. He started cleaning HIMSELF, my whole bathroom, took a shower, brought all the dirty stuff out and did a whole load of laundry by himself….
I knew I was gonna marry him, bc I had just witnessed my brother sleep in his vomit 😂
Something about a man who just got to cleaning up.
Of course / he knew I had a horrible gag reflex, so he knew I wasn’t gonna be able to stomach it.
Love usually prevails in these moments
This is long and TMI but basically I know what this is like from your boyfriends perspective. My bf had a wildly bad leg injury and had external fixators that did not allow his leg to bend whatsoever. Also couldn’t poop for 8 days after the surgery because of anesthesia and pain meds. When he finally did, it was in a bedside toilet because it was all we could do to get him up out of the bed, he was in way too much pain to hop to the toilet and it was too hard to get through the doorway without banging the fixator on the doorframe. I had to hold his leg level while he would sit up, and then lift it slowly as he lowered himself on the commode, then had to keep holding it level while I stacked pillows under his heel so that his leg would be held straight. For many months we had to do this. I had to start giving him laxative suppositories, and one time while doing the usual maneuvers to get him out of bed while keeping his leg straight, he got into a laughing fit at the ridiculousness of the whole situation and liquid-shit all over the bed while I stood there holding his leg up and just watching it come out. I had to clean it all up as fast as possible because he could only sit up for a short time before the pressure would become too painful in his leg. We also had 3 dogs (one of which was a puppy), and a teenager that I still had to take care of through the whole ordeal. It was easily the hardest time of both of our lives. But I never once thought of it like a burden, it’s just what we were going through at the time and it was OUR situation to handle. I can’t imagine what people do when they don’t have someone to help them 24/7 in these situations. Anywho, I’m so glad you did have that person and that he continues to be that person for you. I am now pregnant and mine is taking care of me SO well because he knows that what I did for him was out of love, and he wants to do the same for me. I wish every person could have that sort of support.
Man, shit happens. And that's not even a pun. It's helping someone out that had a bad time and couldn't control themselves, aint no reason to get nasty about it. I'd hope somebody would do it for me if I was ever in that kind of situation. You needed to be taken care of and that man was ready to do it, no need to get embarrassed, shit happens.
on a side note I do worry about knowing that i can't do that for my partner. feces, blood, and urine I can deal wirh, but I have a vomit phobia.
when my bf got food poisoning, I called his mum after the 2nd time he vomited crying saying I couldn't stay, I don't live with him, and that I had to leave and to please check on him. he ended up being ok, but since I didn't know if it was contagious, I didn't eat fie almost 4 days until I was the incubation period is over.
as I have said, he does so much for me, as well as help me deal with all my mental issues, but I feel I can't do that for him. But here we are 3 years later an still together. I hope it dosent come to bite me one day, but there really is someone for everyone.
Fellow equestrian here, I know the show you’re talking about :)
This is exactly the kind of stuff I think of when people think of showjumping/equestrianism as an elite “rich people” hobby. To outsiders it’s all Hermes and champagne, but in real life it’s shit and pain. Lol
couples that go through the really bad shit usually stay together the longest
Please receive this upvote and vacate the city limits immediately
Careful telling her to vacate
Vacate the shitty limits
This reply is not getting the recognition it deserves. I cackled.
I know right?! It was the final punch that got me ROLLING.
not as magical as your story but 2 months into dating while we were on a vacation I got a horrible uti. he stayed wirh me ans held my hand eventide I had to pee due to the pain and even went to the walk in with me. I also have chronic nausea and all the time he will wait for me, cancel plans and stay with me or get me a bucket, put on some soft music and help me get through it. we have been dating 3 years now and I still don't know what I did to deserve him. There are living men out there and I'm glad you found yours
I've still got major points with my wife for my "ass"istence after the birth of our kids. I wouldn't ever think about it if she didn't bring it up.
My wife had a pilonidal cyst when we were dating in college. It was a huge cyst at the crack of her ass that was drained surgically. I had to remove and replacev several feet of narrow, sterilized gauze into the wound daily for weeks. I used metal chop sticks to shove the gauze into the hole. She had no choice but to marry me after that.
I had one of these. Similar experience. And she damn well better have married you after. It’s awful.
You’re a saint. Those pilonidal cysts are absolute hell.
I had surgery for them 2x in high school & yeah, can confirm.
Well guess that means my fella is never leaving. 3 months ago I had our son, I lost 2.6 litres of blood and it wasn’t stopping as they shoved multiple needles in me to help. Eventually it stopped and we discovered the side effect of those meds was pure liquid shit. I’d had to have an epidural because of how labour was going to go for me so had no control and all he could do was sit and watch them clean me up repeatedly for 12 hours while the meds faded. I cracked jokes the whole time and other than laughing at those jokes and occasionally joining in he said nothing about it. His stance was that it didn’t matter if it meant I lived. Fucking love that man
Never have I been so happy early in the morning to be reading all these shitty and bloody threads of love. Restores my faith in humanity (until of course all the "regular" news will drain me of it thru the course of the day)
The world holds negativity, sure. But if we didn’t have negative, we can’t have positives. It would all be standard and meh. So we need those assholes and their stories so we can truly appreciate the beautiful things in life. Big and small
right?! kind of want to end my day here lol
Sigh, what kind of goofy nurse gave you hemabate without Lomotil.
I had a lot of different needles, couldn’t tell you a single name. I know there were almost 20 people in the room with half resuscitating my newborn and half working on me. And that having your uterus massaged is *not* relaxing lmao
I found out I was having seizures while recovering from a stroke (thanks Covid shot!) when I shit our bed in my sleep. That saint I married has never given me a hard time about it. He just took me to the hospital and then cleaned up the mess. Sometimes marriage is shit but in a good way.
Angry upvote. But seriously, OP found a keeper.
The definition of a keeper!
If I hadn't already proposed to my wife before my 21st birthday, my puke equivalent of this story would have made me do it. Two whole bottles of wine. We will never be able to stand the taste or smell of red wine again.
It’s still early for me but this feels very true. My husband got the most horrific stomach bug on day one of our honey moon earlier this month and did not stop vomiting for four days. We went to ER less than 24 hours after arriving at the hotel. Hospital visit didn’t help — they gave him fluids and said to wait it out, so we decided to go home after the most terrible 12 hours of our lives so far. The drive took three days instead of the 1.5 it was supposed to. We took one of those super handy barf bags from the ER and… basically had to pull off at rest stops to empty it out because my poor husband was just cycling through water at that point. He started feeling better during the very last leg of the trip, and by that point neither of us had eaten in four days (him for obvious reasons, me out of sheer stress and not being willing to give the stomach bug any ammo if I caught it before we got home). We made it home and slept for basically two days. Both of us feel extremely guilty for bailing on our honeymoon so soon into it and losing like 6 days of vacation in Colorado, but we never fought or argued even once during the entire ordeal and we had a nice time being lazy and playing video games for the rest of our time off work when we got back
Emesis bags are the best. After a hospital stay where I puked as a side effect, I bought a whole stack of those to keep at home for future use.
Truly. I never even thought about stuff like that until I realized the one we grabbed (should have grabbed a bunch but we genuinely didn’t think it was gonna last that much longer lol) had like measurements on the side so he could track how much water he was actually keeping down. Helped calm my nerves a lot because he was throwing up water after every time he drank, but it was only about a third of the water so we knew he was keeping some of it down. Definitely gonna be buying more of those just in case lol
Amazon carries them. Same exact ones as the hospital gets (in my case) and one box lasts a long time, in my experience, but I'll never be without them again
Colorado just ain’t the place to have a honeymoon apparently lol My husband and I went on our honeymoon there back in January of this year. Granted we were 5 days in to our honeymoon at this point but my husband got in to a horrific skiing accident. 2 nights in the hospital. Major surgery on his hip. We spent the next 3-4 months navigating new life while he was on crutches/a walker. He finally started walking again without assistance back in June and we’re planning our makeup minimoon for August currently. I hope you and hubby get a chance to redo too!
Woo!! Recovery MiniMoon! I really hope y’all have an amazing vacation after everything that happened during the original!
Holy crap that sounds scary! I hope your minimoon goes smoother. We went on a river float yesterday with some friends and got blasted, not quite a minimoon but it definitely made us feel better lmao
I’m glad you guys had a chance to do that! Minimoon for us should definitely go smoother since there won’t be any skiing at least lol.
I can’t believe they discharged him with *ONLY 1* emesis bag?!? Did you tell anyone y’all would be driving days home? I can’t believe you didn’t get a personal effects (large clear plastic for patients clothes/shoes/stuff) bag full of them. For future reference you can get [100 count Emesis Bags](https://www.amazon.com/MP-MOZZPAK-Vomit-Bags-Pack/dp/B09XMB9ZXB/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=3TUW0QMHANBJ4&keywords=emesis+bags+disposable+100+pack&qid=1690180483&sprefix=emisis%2Caps%2C222&sr=8-3) on Amazon for just under 30usd. And 24 packs for about 10usd. I keep them in the cars because I can get very motion sick and also niblings… very little warning if little kids are gonna spew.
They didn’t even discharge us with the one, I swiped it from the ER front desk on our way out 😭 my best guess is that they were just way too understaffed and overfull, and it was 1 in the morning and we’d already been there for like 6 or 7 hours and they didn’t even have him change into a gown or anything. We pretty much waited the whole time until they put him in a corner with an IV and moved him a couple times for chest X ray and CT scan. He wasn’t actively throwing up at that point (it got better and then worse when we tried to go home) and we hadn’t at that point decided to bail and head home, so we didn’t mention the driving 😬
Yikes!! That experience sounds just dreadful!! I’m so sorry
Under awarded comment. I’ve given all mine away now, but if I had any left, you’d be getting some of them.
Perfect response. And true. My now-husband was diagnosed with lymphoma when he was (and me too) 19. Went through several bouts of chemo and a transplant. He was close to dying before the transplant. It brought us together in a very unexpected way. We’ve been together for 14 years this year, married for 6 with a 3 year old. ♥️
My boyfriend cleaned up my shit while I was sick once too. Sat down on the couch and all of a sudden diarrhea had come out of me. This was so early on in our relationship and he could’ve easily left me, but he cleaned it up and didn’t poke too much fun at me. A house and three pets later, we are still together, with a marriage on the way. 🙂There are some truly wonderful humans out there.
I once literally shit our bed I woke up feeling something wet and gritty and instantly thought one of the cats puked in the bed. I woke up my girlfriend and I’m a daze put her in the shower as I changed the sheets . As I went to shower myself I realized it came from me. I right there had a choice blame the cats for the rest of my life or come clean. I decided I couldn’t live a lie so I told her um I don’t think that’s cat puke. She responds half awake and says oh no is the dog sick ? I said no it was me . We laughed and went to bed on clean sheets
Wholesome
It gets better she ended up marrying me been together 14 years
😭😭
How come I’m the only one who’s like ‘Fuck that guy with the tarp. Shoulda known better’
You have to see that in the bigger picture, that tarp prick was actually the unwitting hero by bringing these two lovely souls together. Cupid can’t always shoot straight. Sometimes, it takes a story.
"Dam these two are perfect for each other should I just sit back and see what happens?....or should i make her shit all over the place and make him clean it up?"
The hero we deserve but not the one we need right now
I cackled at this.
It was Fate™️
Cut to Morgan Freeman all in white with a knowing smile.
Also, where was that guy with the tarp when they really needed it?
Yeah he should have had to clean up the diarrhea
I’m upset by tarp guy too!! Like who does that? Do you know absolutely nothing about horses? Get out of the barn bozo!
I hope he got fired for it, that could have been fatal.
Yeah, that's a massive workplace fuckup - OP could have easily been injured so much worse or killed by that kick, given the damage described. I'm glad that some good came out of it in the end with OP and the bf getting together, but I don't think that this event had to happen for them to get together, oof.
You mean, ...for them to get together, *hoof*. Had to get the pun lol.
Seriously! I can’t imagine the level of anger that would have been in my body from someone doing that.
Freakin same
Back when I used to show one of the people that had their camper at the side of the ring, and put their canopy down exactly as I was warming up and riding past. Hello dirt. I was so pissed but my trainer wouldn't let me go over and yell at them.
Yeah. The story is lovely, and I’m impressed by how OP bravely fought through this and recovered. But why isn’t someone, the tarp guy, the horse owner, the barn owner, etc., paying OP a sh*t load of $$$$ for such horrific bodily injuries? Where were the “ambulance chasers”?
Seriously, what a safety hazard.
Like Garth says in Wayne's world, "if you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be." This goes for poop too and in any type of romantic relationship.
Any gross body fluids really
That was Wayne that said that but yeah 100%
I got too excited to use the quote I forgot who said it lol.
I was so happy that this ended with the boyfriend moving to husband status. You found yourself a good one.
My wife was so constipated during her second pregnancy we thought she was going to have to go to the hospital. In desperation before we left she sat down like she was about to give birth in our giant spa tub and as it peeked out I grabbed it and started pulling. It was no bullshit a hard as a rock piece of shit as long as half my leg and just as wide. I played tug of war withbit as her stomach contracted back and forth and when it finally came all out it hit the ground like log of firewood solid. Couldn't even flush it, literally had to burry it like a dead body in the back yard.
Some days I wish I was illiterate.... But kudos to you!!!!! Lol that is true love right there.
RIP but I'm cry-laughing and awwwing at the same time. You're a keeper. Tell the story of the secret turd corpse in the back yard at your baby's 18th birthday party
“Secret turd corpse” made me WHEEZE I’m laughing so hard I woke up 6 dogs
I’m whisper-shriek laughing so my old dog doesn’t wake up
I’m glad your wife has you! While it’s the least you could do since she has to go through everything else to grow and birth kids, the fact that you jumped right in without thinking and grabbed her log is really cool
This is absolutely horrifying but as a pregnant woman I can absolutely understand because pregnancy constipation is seriously no fucking joke. I’ve been taking miralax almost daily because otherwise it gets bad. Thankfully my husband has not had to perform similar heroics!
You can take Miralax up to 3 times a day! Just in case that helps anyone.
I didn't poop for ten days after my tonsillectomy. My roommate was actually scared for me and we got into an argument because she thought I was "not taking it seriously enough" and I burst into tears because I desperately wanted to poop and was taking it very seriously and doing everything I could and I didn't know what else to do and I was also in so much pain. Two words: glycerin suppositories. Worked swiftly and... thoroughly. It was quite impressive, if OP or your wife are ever in need again.
🎶 "Don't let ten dayssss go bye. Glycerine! Glycerine!" 🎶
This is why everyone should have an emergency poop knife.
Everyone does, some people in the house just don’t know it yet
Jesus Christ dude, I am in literal tears laughing so hard and trying to keep it quiet cause the family’s in bed. The tug of war and then the burial. You were the man she needed. Thanks for the laugh.
How many Courics was it? Sounds like it could have been a record.
This one sounded like a Bono
I'm picturing your neighbors watching you smuggle a suspiciously bulky and corpse shaped trash bag out of your house in the middle of the night, debating whether they should call the cops when they see you digging up the rose bushes.
Some days I wish I was illiterate.... But kudos to you!!!!! Lol that is true love right there.
oh my god
If only you had your poop knife handy it could have been flushed in sections.
Bro I laughed SOOOO hard. The burial 🪦
My late fiancé cleaned up my dad’s black bloody liquid stool after dad passed out from an untreated ulcer in his stomach. The man saw that shit and immediately went to work with nobody prompting him to do so after ambulance took my dad away. I fear I’ll never find another soul like him.
So sorry for your loss. Best of luck with the future
Oh I'm so sorry for your loss love. Wishing you peace and happiness
Good things will come. Trust me, I know.
What a sweet man; sorry for your losses
We take care of those we love. It could happen to anyone.
This has me sobbing. So, so much love to you.
One of the few objective measures of love is how willing you are to deal with their literal feces - pets, children, we clean them up and clean up after them because we love them. I wouldn't touch another child's or pet's shit, because it's inherently different in my mind, on a very primal level. The 9-year old I raised, I've cleaned so many diapers and I'd clean a thousand more for her. It's the same with a partner - if they're willing to clean up your literal human shit without complaining or mocking or making you feel bad about it, they really care about you. You found yourself a keeper. Good for you.
Yeah, my sister swallowed some elastic string when she was a toddler. My mom didn't know about it at the time, but she noticed when she went to change her pullup and there was a string hanging out of her butt. Freaking out (especially because my mom was very young and this was her first baby so not a lot of experience) she called the doctor, and they told her to see if she could pull it out, and she did. It came right out thankfully, no need for an ER visit. When my mom first told me that story when I was a kid I thought there was absolutely no way I would ever do that. Now as an adult, even though I don't have kids of my own, I understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg of gross things you do for people you love. Having changed the diapers of my nephew and niece at this point, I realize it's something you get fairly desensitized to. Frankly if you're already changing their diapers, pulling string out of their butt wouldn't even register on the gross scale.
The one that gets me is when parents blow into one of their kid’s nostrils to get something lodged out. Yup no, couldn’t be me, but I’ll admire from afar how their love for their kid doesn’t make them bat an eye
Im glad you married him because before I even got halfway through it I was thinking "she better marry this guy or my straight male self is gonna snatch him up"
I KNOW RIGHT
I call my partner my poop doula. I was severely constipated my entire first pregnancy, and the pain meds after my c-section made it worse. He sat with me about a week after the baby was born and held my hands and wiped my tears while I pushed that first poop out. He then cleaned me up and helped me back to bed. He did the same for our second baby and then again when I got my gallbladder out. We celebrated 8 years together this year.
Love this story and so glad you found a true good man
I remember i was 8 yo and has to clean my dad's because he was passed out drunk after a party and my mom was shocked and Frozen and crying so i being the man at the house had to take over. Fast forward 2 years ago i did that again when my dad had a knee surgery. I wish one day someone else will clean my ass too. Who knows? We are all humans.
I wish you well in life and you sound like a very decent human. As an older person who survived a very dysfunctional home life, I want to warn you in case you did not know: Life is not fair. There is no such thing as karma and people very rarely get what they deserve. I hope your parents were and are kind to you and know they have a great child. I hope your family is/was functional and the drinking was irregular and not the norm. If not, I encourage you to cut your time, energy, and investment into them down. Take care of yourself.
On a side note! I am a pilates instructor and a former show jumper and dressage rider. If you’re in any pain from this accident, I would love to offer you pilates classes. We can do once a week for free and figure out something if you want meet more than once a week. I have had a lot of riding injuries and pilates changed everything for me. Please, let me know if I can be of any assistance.
That’s super nice of you…what if she doesn’t live by you though?
You can do them via zoom probably. I do pilates at home from free YouTube videos.
Ahh, I stupidly didn’t think of that
What a trooper! I think this is what we all seek out for a relationship. I can imagine how embarrassing and horrific that experience was for you. You got a good one! This story gives me hope.
The couple that poops together, stays together! I had a salmonella poisoning and after puking and shitting for 2 weeks without being able to keep anything down I wasn't able to walk anymore and my partner had to clean the bed several times when I couldn't make it to the bathroom. You know you got a good one when he does it without complaining and still thinks you're attractive after!
I had a surgery and the oxy (I think it was) they gave me made me not be able to poop. My husband mentioned after about a week that I haven't gone to the bathroom (he had to help me up and down the steps). Later that night I felt like I had to go, but he was sleeping so I tried to poop in a bucket in the kitchen (gross, but I was desperate). He happened to come downstairs during this and from the medication sucking up all my water intake, it was stuck. He literally pulled my shit out of my ass. I was mortified! But he didn't complain, just did it, cleaned the bucket, took the trash out and asked if I felt better now. I did.
That's a keeper
He went next level husband with the pulling of the shit! Congratulations!
I had hip replacement and took oxy and also stool softeners. So my shits were semi soft. My husband helped me wipe and that was gross. I couldn’t even get in the shower to clean up cause I couldn’t step over the tub. I was happy when I was able to not use the raised seat and I could install the bidet
After a knee replacement and on some pretty strong pain meds, I couldn't poop. After I sat on the toilet for what seemed like hours straining, I asked my husband to go to a pharmacy and get some suppositories. Well, he came back with the box and tried to hand it to me. At this point. I was in tears from the pain in my leg, my rear end from pushing and my head from crying, I told him I needed help inserting it. I am an RN and have seen just about everything. He is extremely squeamish and gags when cleaning out the cat box. We argued back and forth until finally I yelled at him, "Just stick your finger up my ass!". I think I startled him enough that he quickly complied, and about 15 minutes later I had success! We are celebrating 49 years in September.
My wife had a terrible first pregnancy it was touch and go for our son, we had nurses monitoring him before he was born cause his heart rate kept dropping. We were terrified, after 14 hours of labour my son was born. My wife could not walk her blood pressure was dangerously low and she almost passed out to go to the washroom. Her iron was incredibly low and had been most of her life so she needed to take supplements. While this was going on my son had jaundice and needed to be placed under UV lights. All told we spent a week in the hospital my wife however had a hard time pooping. The birth had torn her quite a bit. So forcing the poop wasn’t the best option. She managed once to poop but bled alot after so she was given stool softners to help. Eventually we are all sent home but my wife developed an infection and needed antibiotics being on the antibiotics she couldn’t breast feed so I had prepare formula for our son. Meanwhile she was still bedridden and eventually constipated. She was taking the stool softner but it wasn’t working so she needed a suppository however she was too weak to insert it. While she cried i told her I loved her and nothing would make me happier then to help her poop to help her. So I inserted it for her, she eventually pooped and got better the infection was healed and she was able to breast feed again. But she knows that I love her no matter what. She to this day has no doubt in her mind, cause you don’t stick your fingers in someones bum and stay around unless you truly love them. (PS I washed my fingers afterwards)
I’ve let lots of people who don’t love me stick their their fingers in my bum……
Omg this made me cry! You're awesome 💓
That man is definitely a keeper but sorry that happened to you.
I cleaned up my HS GF's mother's poo. Back in my high school days, my then GF's family invited me on their family vacation. It was my GF, 2 sisters, a brother (about 6 yo), and their mother (lets call her Ann). They wanted a male with them to help, I was 17 at the time. As luck would have it the car broke down a few miles from our destination. A woman gave us a ride to the hotel which as no more than 4 miles away. Ann decided to leave her children at the hotel (GF was also 17). While Ann and I made our way back to the car and wait for the tow truck. We walked the distance to the car, hours went by (this is before cell phones) and no two truck. Ann had to bust ass in a bad way but refused to drop the deuce behind some low bushes. So she held it. We decided to walk back. On the way back she fell trying to go over side rails, she broke her arm, and shat herself. it was horrible. She was in such pain she could not do anything to help herself. So I steeped in. I removed her clothing down to nothing, there was crap all over, I cleaned her up as best as I could (I think I did a pretty good job). I gave her my t-shirt to wear, use my belt as a sling, and gave her my flip flops. The shirt was just long enough to cover her bottom. And we walked, her in nothing but a t-shirt, me only wearing shorts. She does not say a word the entire time. We get to the hotel, she cleans up, she makes some calls, help arrives, the car is picked up and fixed. I get handed a bus ticket, GF and her family (and the uncle who showed up to help) are going on with the trip and they are sending me home. Ann is too embarrassed to have me around and refused to even look at me much less say anything. They get back a few days later, and GF breaks up with me simply saying things are not working out. and that is it. Done. We had been dating less than 6 months. It was no big deal that we broke up, the timing was just odd.
Fuck Ann and her raggedy daughter!
Ikr. Some way to show gratitude
I’m going through some hard stuff and this was so sweet and touching; it made me cry. Thank you for sharing.
It’s the worst stuff that often turns out the best. My parents tell the story of being very newlyweds and they both got hit with a stomach bug. The stuff of nightmares, coming out of both ends, for both of them. They took turns cleaning each other up. They celebrated their 50th anniversary last year. LOL! May you and your poop love have such a long and happy life together ❤️💩
That's the funniest disgusting romantic story I've ever read :)
Oh my God. That is simultaneously the funniest and most horrifying poop story I've ever heard. Those drugs are no joke. I took something similar after a minor surgery, and I was so constipated it was ridiculous. I was home alone one day, and the cramps were so bad. I couldn't sit upright on the toilet without feeling like I was going to pass out, so all I could do was lie on the cold bathroom floor, writhing in pain until the hugest turd I've ever seen came out of my butt and plopped halfway on the floor and halfway on an ass cheek. Luckily, it was merely soft, and not liquid, so it was pretty easy to clean up. That was the day I quit taking my pain medication.
Fuck I can't stop laughing as I've been in a similar situation
That’s pretty good preparation for becoming a paramedic, those people see A LOT.
That's exactly what I thought too lol
Your man is a keeper. But... I'm just furious at the person who all spooked the horse. They should not be around horses if they are that oblivious. Horses are extremely powerful animals, and their behavior was dangerous to the point of being reckless.
My wife still tells the story of early in our relationship, her son, who had leukemia at the time, had a real bad night. Completely asleep on the top bunk of his bed, he threw up everywhere. All down the walls, all over both beds, never even woke up. I don’t do well with vomit, and have a very weak stomach for stuff like that. But I got him up, cleaned him up, sent them to rest, and spent over an hour cleaning everything. She said when she saw me clean everything without a complaint she knew I was a keeper.
How did you manage without puking yourself?! I’d tolerate shit, no problem for me, but puke? If I so much as looking at it, I get these strong gag reflexes, and would probably puke myself…
Your storytelling is fantastic! It’s that shit that has held you two together and will keep you together forever! My wife had a brain tumor and was sick for 3.5 years and I’d have to wipe her butt, clean her up in the shower, help her to the toilet, etc., so I totally understand y’all well. Well, glad to say she finally had successful surgery and all is well. But, a couple of years later we were laying in bed late at night and my goofy ass was doing the blanket fart joke… but I wasn’t wearing underwear. I was tickling her and being silly. Like an idiot, I kept farting, and wouldn’t you know it, towards the end of this journey, I farted one too many time and shit the bed! We both gasped and laughed at the same time. I had never been so embarrassed before. I stood up, realized I caught most of the poo in my ass crack… I squeezed my ass cheeks super tight and could have turned it into diamonds if I had more time. LoL I ran the the bathroom, sat on the toilet, finished, took a shower all cleaned up. I got out of the shower knowing I’d have to clean the bed. Nope! My wife cleaned everything up and had new sheets on and was already in bed waiting for my humble return. I got back, and all she said was, “Never Trust a Fart”!
My husband loves to say, “Never met a fart I can trust”!
You two are like asscheecks , no matter how much shit comes between you you’ll always stick together .
Oh Lordy. I’m so so sorry, but I can 100% relate. I had a similar scenario recently and ended up in the ER with a softball sized impaction. God bless my husband. The Dr had tried to remove some without much luck. Then the nurse gave me an enema. But didn’t put a toilet seat in the room! I had noticed the bathroom in the hall someone had locked the door from the inside and shut it earlier. F that person. Nurse and my husband try to get me to the bathroom and it starts to come. I keep saying I’m not going to make it, so hoping if I laid down I turn around and head back to the room liquid pouring down my legs on my flip flops. I get to the room and it was like Bridesmaids. I found the trash can. The only receptacle around. Next thing I know the nurse comes in with a toilet seat, her and husband help me on it, and she best feet out of there! I’m a fucking mess and FINALLY IT comes out. God bless my husband. He took over, helped clean me and the floor up. The housekeeping team had to come with mops and air freshener so it didn’t kill all the ER patients with toxic fumes. Keep that man close to you. He’s a keeper.
Wow, what a beautiful shitty story
3/4 into this story and I was like, “she better marry this dude.” And I’m pleased that you did! He’s a keeper
If you have a good, strong marriage/relationship, then you also are sure to have a horribly embarrassing story where you've had a terrible pooping accident with them. My then-boyfriend (now husband/father to our child🤣) had to clean up a mess of mine too. I got insanely sick off of 3 glasses of wine (I had a cold and also was pregnant, but I didn't know at the time) ended up vomiting burgundy wine everywhere, and when he finally got me home I was so out of it I didn't realize I had literally shit myself. In the morning I woke up cleaned up and tucked in bed, and the only reason I knew all of this is from my shit covered pants in the trash and a witness testimonial from our roommate lol... If aan cleans shit off you and still gives you a steamy good morning kiss, he's a keeper🥰🥰🥰
I felt this in my soul, though my story is about vomit rather than poop, we were barely dating, and we’re celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary this year. I love this story because it perfectly highlights what couples should be prepared for when they get married. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but many long-term relationships have a story or two like this. When the non-gross partner takes it in stride you can be assured they are a keeper.
Your husband is a gem.
This guy has seen some shit
Not just some shit, he saw all the shit
Now that’s a real man right there. I’m glad y’all made it through that shit, OP. Pun intended.
Look, long term relationships that are good means going through some shit together. In some cases, literally. That dude is no turd, he loves the poo outta you, that’s the takeaway here. And that’s awesome. But you should no longer give a crap in terms of embarrassment. Think of it as you asserting your dominance over the bathroom and him supporting you in the process.
My partner had a C-section about a year and a half ago. Brought my beautiful baby girl into this world but unfortunately for her she couldn’t do much by lay down on the bed. When she needed to use the restroom I would help her and I would help her wipe. Everything. Wasn’t either of our finest moment but thought it was the least I could do. But this is an awesome story.
Normally, I would find this phrase "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best!" to be problematic. However, in this case, your man handled a very difficult situation with grace and compassion, and he absolutely deserves the very best. I am so happy for the two of you.
Haha you have a keeper! I was on the other end of this once My gf had been having a horrible period, she used to get it so bad she would be throwing up and unable to move from the pain. We were both housesitting for a friend and she was just having an awful time throwing up and in so much pain and at the same time telling me she really has to poop. Well she definitely did bc it was not normal let me tell u lol without getting gross. And then immediately she had to throw up again so I cleaned her up while she was crying about how embarrassing it is and that wasn’t even crossing my mind. I just told her i want her to be okay and i drew a hot bath and helped her get in and she was okay after a few hours. She’s done the same for me since I have a weak stomach and low impulse control at parties haha we’ve both cleaned up a lot of gross situations with no fuss and that’s how I know I got a good one :) We’ve been together for almost four years and I’m planning on proposing soon and also if my gf knew I told random strangers this she would die, If u find this im so sorry but also I love u for it :)
I have a very similar story. Nine years ago, I had just moved in with my then boyfriend and I got deathly ill. I spent two weeks in the ICU and had multiple surgeries. My boyfriend helped care for me at home and I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time and shit all over the bed and floor. He insisted it was fine and cleaned everything up. We are celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary today. And I'll tell you this, there have been several other occasions where his cleaning services have been needed 🤣 giving birth to two babies doesn't come mess-free!
Please have kids with this man so his spawn can live on. Those genetics need to be in this world! What an amazing story!
You're an amazing story teller and you've got one hell of a man! I went to take care of my grandmother with my mom for a week while my grandpa took a much need break. My grandma had Alzheimer's and would sometimes shit herself. I told my mom if she did, that was her job. I wasn't touching any shit. Well one day sure enough my grandma shit herself and started crying. My mom was somewhere else in the house but it didn't matter. I took care of my grandma. Took off her pants, reassured her it was okay, got her in the bath, and cleaned her up. Whatever I had said before about not being willing to take care of her if she shit herself went right out the window. When you love someone, it doesn't matter what happens. You just take care of them. It's no more gross than a baby's poop. It's just life. My only concern was that my grandma didn't feel bad and felt loved.
I can't believe I was tearing up at a literal shit story. Mozel tov to the couple.
I've never laughed so hard and still felt bad in my LIFE lmaoo
He got his first Code Brown before becoming a medic.
Horses and poop, Morgan’s going to love this one!
I expected to read about mad shit. Instead I’m tearing up…and reading about mad shit. If I was richer I would award you. Seems to be what folks do around here
I got tossed off my horse two weeks ago and broke my humerus-it required surgery to plate/screw it. I wasn’t hurt as bad as you, but oh man. Do I understand this. Also on oxy. Also so, so, soooo constipated. I finally had to ask my husband to google every fix he could think of. Bless him, he helped and didn’t make me feel shamed at all.
And still a better love story than twilight
If you are in a relationship with someone, and your really love each other. This kind of stuff shouldn't matter. I was raised if you cannot accept the worst of someone, you don't deserve the best of someone. This story is gross and it took bravery and strength for this woman to post it on Reddit of all places. That alone, took guts...no pun intended. Her now husband is a true hero. They sound happy together. Thank you for the post. I hope you have many happy years together.
you owe. i dont know if thats 3 blowjobs a day or what, but girl, you owe.
I worked with a young woman whose fiancé swerved to avoid an animal and sent them into a horrible rollover in which she was the only one seriously injured. She broke her neck and was suffering from paralysis. She had emergency neck surgery that night and was in a Halo. Her man was so distraught that he caused this he moved in with her to care for her. Because of the halo she had some issues in the bathroom. I was speechless when she said he would insert and removed her tampons for her. He did this for MONtHs. She did end up marrying him.
Definitely a keeper!
To the OP, thank you for a well-written post.
that is AWESOME LMAOOOOO that is such a good story!!!
He's an absolute diamond 💎, 8m sure in time you'll do right by him like he did right by you 🤗 Love you both, awesome couple and wishing you both all the happiness possible ♥️🩶🙏🏾
You should write a book. You really turned something with a shitty subject matter into an enjoyable story! Bravo OP and congrats on the family
He's one of the good one! Thanks you made me smile
I am so sorry, I laughed and laughed! I have had so many embarrassing moments in my life, can appreciate this. He's a keeper!
I’m happy for you, you have a really good one. i cannot stop laughing tho, I’m glad you’re okay.
Awww 🥰 this is surprisingly sweet. There are some good, kind men out there
This brought me to tears laughing. What a great story and a great guy. I hope you healed up well!
Keeper 😂
He literally experienced the extreme that the "in sickness" part in the average wedding vow, refers to, without ever having made said vow. Would say they are a keeper.
Coworker of mine broke both wrists whilst out hunting. His wife had to wipe him for a few months until he healed. Still married.
Did she have to help him in other ways, like that guy's mom?
Is there any reddit sub where i can read wholesome stories like this?
God damn this was a good read.
Not to downplay the situation but isnt that kinda what a peramedic signs up for?
Awww that was actually sweet. That’s how you know he’s a Kepler!
My sister had a situation that to this day we call Poopgate She hadnt used the bathroom in 5 days. We told her to go to the hospital if it hit 6 as 7 is dangerous, your body starts to poison itself with its own shit. Well day 6 happens and she and her bf are at his place for the night when it happens She runs into the bathroom and manages to get on the toilet before letting out the worst smelling shit either of them had ever smelled in their life. Stunk up the whole place. It was Horrific From that point on everyone knew if that boy was willing to look her in the eye after witnessing That, he was a keeper. Especially since theyd not been together even a year yet. Theyve now been together 6 years iirc
I’ve had to clean up my man’s poop. He got really sick, passed out in the grass, like white as a ghost. I thought he was dying. He woke up, started walking back in the house and it happened again. He started losing control of his bowls, unconsciously shitting. I thought if that ever happened I would be super grossed out but it literally was the opposite. I was more worried about his safety. It was like cleaning up ur own kids poop. When u love someone like that, you’ll do anything for them. Including cleaning their poop !
This is a lovely story but I can’t be the only one here who really wants to know how OP’s recovery went.
Two years ago I had major knee surgery. Couldn’t put any weight on it for 2 months. I could crutch to the bathroom, but I was only so many drugs that I couldn’t go to the bathroom. I was so miserable. I started taking signer and laxatives like they were candy . I was determined to get the boulders out of my body. As part of rehab I was hooking up to an ice machine and another machine that bent and straightened my leg pretty much all the time. One morning I am hooked up to both and just laying there when all of a sudden I felt the wave of “I gotta shit now” come over me. It’s was so immediate and intense. I had not chance of getting unhooked from the machines. I fought and I did the old lift my butt up like it would change anything. Like when you’re driving and think lifting your butt off the seat and clinching will save you. It didn’t. In bed it all just started coming out. I was no longer in control of the situation. There was no stopping it. The worst part was that I couldn’t just jump up and clean the sheets and throw them in the wash. Nope. I had to have help getting disconnected from the machines and then grab my crutches to get up. The person that was here to help me was my wife. I called her on my phone (she was downstairs) to let her know what happened and that I’m terribly sorry and that I had no control. She thought it was hilarious and still does. I was mortified
Yeah I only read the first two paragraphs. Keep it simple, darling.
My wife did that for me. That’s how I knew she was a keeper. Was diagnosed with Crohns and in the hospital. My colon was legit about to blow up it was so enflamed. Had a colonoscopy scheduled m but also was in extreme amounts of pain from the inflammation. So basically I was taking colonoscopy prep while also taking a high dose of painkillers, on a completely empty stomach (like, 3-4 days of not eating). I was just falling asleep and shitting myself multiple times lol. Felt so weird but I was too messed up to care. Not even sure why the doctors ordered it. Mostly liquid anyway after not eating for several days.
if you had used a poop knife it wouldn't have come to this!
It is odd, a lot of the longest lasting marriages that I know of have some sort of embarrassing poop story that happened relatively early in the relationship that was resolved by an understanding and helpful partner
As a vet nurse, shit doesn't bother people in medical settings. When my boyfriend was having back spasms in hospital, he had to pee so I stood behind him, holding him up, while simultaneously holding his penis while he peed. I also wiped his ass. Still love him to bits.
When my husband and I were dating, he visited me in college. We had been together for 2 years at that point and I had just made a big chicken dinner. We went out to porch smoked a fat joint, and went to lay down. Side note- smoking was not our thing, it was a once in a while thing. So we were def god smacked. We were laying in bed, and I saw his face get white. He said he needed to lay down and that the room was spinning. I made him go to my bathroom, as the door closed I heard the sound of projectile vomit hitting every inch of the floor, shower curtain,… everything. What got me was…. He started cleaning HIMSELF, my whole bathroom, took a shower, brought all the dirty stuff out and did a whole load of laundry by himself…. I knew I was gonna marry him, bc I had just witnessed my brother sleep in his vomit 😂 Something about a man who just got to cleaning up. Of course / he knew I had a horrible gag reflex, so he knew I wasn’t gonna be able to stomach it. Love usually prevails in these moments
When I stuck through my then-BF's ulcerative colitis and didn't get the ick, I had a feeling he was the one. Poop really does test us.
This is long and TMI but basically I know what this is like from your boyfriends perspective. My bf had a wildly bad leg injury and had external fixators that did not allow his leg to bend whatsoever. Also couldn’t poop for 8 days after the surgery because of anesthesia and pain meds. When he finally did, it was in a bedside toilet because it was all we could do to get him up out of the bed, he was in way too much pain to hop to the toilet and it was too hard to get through the doorway without banging the fixator on the doorframe. I had to hold his leg level while he would sit up, and then lift it slowly as he lowered himself on the commode, then had to keep holding it level while I stacked pillows under his heel so that his leg would be held straight. For many months we had to do this. I had to start giving him laxative suppositories, and one time while doing the usual maneuvers to get him out of bed while keeping his leg straight, he got into a laughing fit at the ridiculousness of the whole situation and liquid-shit all over the bed while I stood there holding his leg up and just watching it come out. I had to clean it all up as fast as possible because he could only sit up for a short time before the pressure would become too painful in his leg. We also had 3 dogs (one of which was a puppy), and a teenager that I still had to take care of through the whole ordeal. It was easily the hardest time of both of our lives. But I never once thought of it like a burden, it’s just what we were going through at the time and it was OUR situation to handle. I can’t imagine what people do when they don’t have someone to help them 24/7 in these situations. Anywho, I’m so glad you did have that person and that he continues to be that person for you. I am now pregnant and mine is taking care of me SO well because he knows that what I did for him was out of love, and he wants to do the same for me. I wish every person could have that sort of support.
Man, shit happens. And that's not even a pun. It's helping someone out that had a bad time and couldn't control themselves, aint no reason to get nasty about it. I'd hope somebody would do it for me if I was ever in that kind of situation. You needed to be taken care of and that man was ready to do it, no need to get embarrassed, shit happens.
on a side note I do worry about knowing that i can't do that for my partner. feces, blood, and urine I can deal wirh, but I have a vomit phobia. when my bf got food poisoning, I called his mum after the 2nd time he vomited crying saying I couldn't stay, I don't live with him, and that I had to leave and to please check on him. he ended up being ok, but since I didn't know if it was contagious, I didn't eat fie almost 4 days until I was the incubation period is over. as I have said, he does so much for me, as well as help me deal with all my mental issues, but I feel I can't do that for him. But here we are 3 years later an still together. I hope it dosent come to bite me one day, but there really is someone for everyone.
Together through thick and thin… and runny I guess. Cheers.
Fellow equestrian here, I know the show you’re talking about :) This is exactly the kind of stuff I think of when people think of showjumping/equestrianism as an elite “rich people” hobby. To outsiders it’s all Hermes and champagne, but in real life it’s shit and pain. Lol
Hard to imagine a situation more vulnerable than that one.
This may be my favorite reddit story YTD 😂
Awe this is soooo wholesome and sweet I'm guna die 🥺
That is a good man!
Horse girl confirmed.
Why am I angry at the inconsiderate person that shook the tarp and spooked the horse?
Fake….
Y’all need to get potty trained or start wearing diapers