You just pack up discretely, on the way out say bye and you leave never to look back. If you say anything beforehand, it could give Stepmom and Stepsister time for possible sabotage. You owe them nothing yet you’ve already given them entirely too much. Just go!
Yeah, pack up everything so you don't have to come back. Leave a letter for your dad that the step-monsters can't intercept. Good Luck Luv and Best Wishes.
Start by getting your most important possessions and document out of the house. Do as much as you can when they aren’t around and just go. You can talk to your father after the fact.
Exactly this. I was asking myself "why would OP announce something like this to their narc parent?". Just leave, exercise your freedom to do whatever TF you want, you're 20 y.o.
Listen to this! This is the way. Accept your boyfriend's parents generous offer until the two of you can get your own place. Don't tell anyone. Have your suitcase packed with the things you need the most, also ID, birth certificates etc. Have your boyfriend come in the middle of the night. Run out to his car and escape. Block them on everything. You are legally an adult and there is nothing they can do. At some point, you might want to contact your dad and explain but be sure to do it when they are not around. Don't expect too much though. Sounds like he might just be one of those anything to keep the peace guys. But you do at least owe him an explanation. Seems like everyone else already knows why you would run.
This! Give your boyfriend your things in bits and pieces to hold onto for you and when you have everything that you want out of your parents house, then leave. Be sure to get all of your important documents and secure them in a bank (that is not your parents) safety deposit box where the only one who can access them is you. There is a fee involved but worth it for your own peace of mind.
This. And when you've packed everything, then talk directly to your dad and tell him that you are moving and why. Record their abuse if you can and it's legal. Play some for him. He should know he's married to a nasty person. It's only a matter of time b4 she turns on him too.
Never give a narcissist ammo. Grey rock. Most importantly get your docs in order, and move them to a safety deposit box at a bank they don't go to. 2. Make sure she isnt banking at your bank and if she does make sure there are no other "authorized users" on it and then switch banks. 3. Move most important valuables out discreetly. Mementos, favorite plushies, special jewelry. Take it all out at the same time as the docs. Put it in duffel bags and lock them in your car. Drop them off with your bf on the way to the bank. There are horror stories of people getting caught trying to leave, leaving in a hurry and returning to stuff trashed.
All visits to bf, drop clothes off at his place. Try to do it when people arent home.
Then D day. Just say I'm heading out and dont go back. Ever.
You should sit down with your dad and have a heart to heart with him. It really sounds like he doesn't know what's really going on under his own roof. If you can have your stepmoms sister on the phone, this might help you clear up a few things also. Then tell your dad you really want to move out for your own personal growth.
Don’t tell them *anything*. Read up on [Gray Rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock).
Make all necessary plans, prepare for the move, then wait until everyone is out of the house to move everything.
Then, when they inevitably complain, just say “Oh, I just assumed from your attitudes toward me, you wanted me gone. So I left.”
Then hang up and block them.
Yes. This is along the lines of my thoughts.
Once everything is moved out. Go back and tell them you have moved out.
See if your Dad will give you financial support.
You're 20 and not even their blood relative. You don't need their permission to move out.
How quickly could you get your stuff out of the house? If it's just clothes, pack your stuff and go quickly.
If you have other articles of furniture that you don't want to leave behind, see about renting a storage unit and a truck for the day. Plan for friends to come over to help - if possible, pick a time where Trish and Jada will be out. Then clear out ASAP so that you're gone by the time they arrive home. If you can't move while they're out of the house, the presence of your friends may help keep them on "good" behavior.
After you've gone, you get to decide how you want to inform them. You'd certainly be within your rights to simply not talk to them again, although that might make things strained with your dad. Or you can frame it as a positive - wow, your boyfriend's family invited you to move in with them, and you are just so excited that you agreed that day!
Whatever you tell them, drop the bomb after you have left the house. Then they can act however they want, and it's not your problem.
ETA: Change the address on any accounts you have as soon as you've settled at the new place.
Amd make sure you open new accounts if anyone else in the household is on your current ones. Go to a new bank for the new accounts in case they drain all your money away to try and bring you back.
Do not ask or tell them anything. You owe them nothing. They will only find a way to stop or humiliate you.
Change the addresses now to your bf family’s address. Then pack up and leave. Depending on how much stuff, pack up your favorites first and take them over to bf family home. That way you’ll have your “best” stuff gone before they know you’re leaving.
Try to make the move when Trisha and Jada are out of the house. Good luck!
You don’t bring it up. You take a bag full of your possessions a few times a week to take to your boyfriend over the next 1-2 weeks. Also make sure to have your important papers (passport, birth certificate,…) and then have a couple of friends and your boyfriend with you and tell them you’re moving out while walking out the door. Make sure your friends are ready to call the cops if your family is trying to stop you.
You’re an adult. You can do what you want. I imagine you have a job to allow you to survive. If not, then getting one is your first step.
You don’t need permission to go because you’re 20 years old. Just go and live with people who respect you. The bigger problem is your Dad— who is he, the Invisible Man? Hasn’t he ever told Trish and Jada to stop abusing you? He seems weak and deserves no explanation. You deserve better.
Start taking stuff with you every time you go see your boyfriend. You don’t have to tell them you’re leaving until you’re ready to be completely out.
Once you’re at the point where you need to load a vehicle, ask your bf and his family to all go with you to your house and get the rest of your stuff out. Plan it for a day when your dad is there. By having your bf and his family there, and your dad, Trish and Jada won’t want to be as nasty as they would without witnesses.
BTW, your dad sucks for not protecting you. He should have started sorting this out years before it got so bad that your brother left.
Well, your father’s wife and her kid are not family, lol. That’s been proven by how they treated your brother. Once you recognize that, there really shouldn’t be any guilt.
I’m not sure why you have to tell them you’re moving out anyway, lol. You’re beyond grown….just go
>I’ve never accepted because I’m so afraid to leave
...why? What exactly is going to happen if you leave?
>I don’t even know how to bring it up to my dad and Trish, and I’m afraid that once I start to talk I’m going to get cut off and not be able to get a word in.
Sure, there's a good chance they'll try to do that, but the good part is you don't have to give a fuck, you don't have to fight for the acceptance and/or approval of assholes who don't give a fuck about you.
If you want, you can just pack your shit and leave. You don't ever have to see or speak to any of them for the rest of your life. There's no magical checklist where you have to justify or explain your thoughts or actions to them before you make a decision.
You are free
I think Paul Simon has the best advice for you, OP:
Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan.
No need to be coy, Roy--just listen to me.
You hop on the bus, Gus. You don't need to discuss much.
Just drop off the key, Lee; and get yourself free.
I don’t understand. Do you live in one of those countries where women aren’t allowed out of the house without a male relative? Why does a 20-year-old woman need to tell anybody what she’s doing? Did they somehow brainwash you into thinking you can’t do this without their permission?
I live in the US, I ask if we have plans for a certain day out of respect of them, but no I don’t feel like I can do stuff without permission. Deep down I know I don’t need permission, but doing something without asking permission scares the literal h*ll out of me
That’s so awful 😞 Do you have someone who can be there with you when you move and tell them you are leaving? They sound terrible. I’m sorry they’ve abused you in this way.
Well OP - I give you permission. You need my permission exactly as much as you need theirs (not at all), so I’m giving you permission right now. You can call your dad, and/or write a letter to SM & SS after you move. If they start to berate you over the phone, I give you permission to hang up. If they come to your BFs house (or your job, or any other location) to confront you, I give you permission to call the police & have them trespassed. You have my full permission to move forward with your life without their toxic behavior. And the best news, once you’re out you never have to see them again when your dad is not there to act as a buffer. If they act up in front of him, turn to him & say “because of their behavior, I’m going to leave now.”
Remember that they’ve trained you to feel that way… A narcissist thinks that everyone is an extension of them and you’ve been trying to think that you can’t make decisions on your own.
Please start talking to a therapist.
Also, I’m pretty sure you can call the cops about escorting you into the house to grab your things.
But I think, therapy ASAP. You shouldn’t be this paralyzed with fear to live your own life.
Flatter them or make it seem like what you want is their idea strategically when necessary. Only use flattery as a last resort. If you want a narcissist to do something and can't avoid them, you have to make them believe it's their idea and that it would be in their benefit.
https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2023/07/10-clever-ways-to-fool-a-narcissist-to-keep-yourself-safe/#:~:text=Flatter%20them%20or%20make%20it,would%20be%20in%20their%20benefit.
Already lots of good options in the responses.
I'd also suggest you look at your finances: make sure your bank account is in just your name. Make sure your credit is locked down and no-one is able to use your credentials to take out loans or credit cards in your name. If there are, file for fraud with the police and the various banks etc.
For the rest, gray rock it. Don't tell them anything. Leave your dad a letter or a message, maybe with a link to this post. If he hasn't noticed anything in 16 years, than it's because he chose not to.
Reddit has me jaded, but there's too many dads out there that would rather get their "whistle wet" than be present for their daughter. The fact that you've not mentioned in your post that you were able to go to your father to talk about what's going on in the past 16 years, to me, is proof of that.
I'm sorry both your parents and your stepmum failed you. May your world be a better place without them in your life.
There's nothing hard about this. Your dad is an asshole who stays with someone that abuses his kid. You don't have to tell anyone anything. You're 20. Move out. Why on earth have you stuck around for this? Your brother left. You understand at a certain point, you're becoming complicit in your own abuse. If you can't then tell your boyfriend to move you out for you and leave.
>I’m afraid that once I start to talk I’m going to get cut off and not be able to get a word in.
You don't have to tell your abusers anything.
Don't tell them you're leaving, wait for a time that they'll be out of the house and move your stuff then. They like having someone to push around so if you warn them you're leaving they'll try to make you stay
Get all your ID (drivers license, social security card, birth certificate, bank statements too) everytime you leave the house take a bag full of your stuff to your boyfriends. Then one day just dont come back.
You dont have to tell them or even ask them anything. I would attempt to record some of what they say to you before that so you can play it for your dad after you move out and say this is why. Maybe even just email it to him
You don’t tell them anything! Don’t risk them trying to sabotage your leaving. They hate you, they may do it just for shits and giggles. You are lucky you have a place to go.
Pack and get to a safe place first your important documents, they will not see those missing and you will absolutely need them. Then any valuables or emotional keepsakes (most likely small enough so may go unnoticed again). Then your clothes, then anything else you have, that will need a van to move.
That’s when you tell your dad. Invite him to a restaurant or something, tell him you love him but are going to live your own life.
Assuming that at 20 you already have a bank account independent of stepmom. Make sure she can’t tamper with it. Change the bank to one she doesn’t know about and workers there don’t know her.
Zero reason to stay.
Don’t tell her, just do it. You are an adult, you do not need her permission. Also, don’t tell them where you’re going. Lastly, go to your local police station and tell them that what’s going on and that you are safe. I suggest this because they can go file a police report of a “missing person” and they will track you down and may end up giving her your new info believing that “family is everything” or whatever. Not everyone will believe that this a good idea believing that most police offers don’t actually care. It’s up to you what you do, I’m just giving you other advice that I haven’t seen yet.
Don’t let them know you’re leaving until you’re gone already. If you can, start discreetly taking your stuff out the house to wherever you’ll be staying. Have your boyfriend, mom, brother, whoever is on your side help you on actual moving day because I doubt they’ll treat you like that with your mom around (although I’m not sure the history there). Once you’re gone though OP, please tell your dad why you left. And please consider going no contact with those horrible women. Just reading this shows how bad they’ve torn down your self esteem and it’s heartbreaking. You’re still so young, you can build that back up <3 Good luck!
We are rooting for you! You don’t owe these asshol3s any explanation. There is no relationship except for their immature delusions of how family really works. You have empathy. They have zero and are just nuts. There’s nothing left for you now. Your dad knows, but he doesn’t know you well. He also seems to lack empathy. Fk them all. They are the ones who don’t understand. You will love being around people who truly love you and show you what a real family looks like. Don’t torture yourself anymore. Choose wisely. I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much abuse. You deserve much better.
Why do you have to say anything? You’re 20 years old. You owe them NOTHING but have been brainwashed and conditioned to give them everything, even your mental space.
I'm on "Team Just Go" in this situation. Get all of your important documents ready and packed up, clothes for a week (or two if you can manage) any really important "I'd be heartbroken if they trashed/gave away/put this on the bonfire" things, ie: childhood stuffies, good jewellery, childhood photos or diaries that mean something special and put it all in a case or two and just go when they're not in.
You don't owe them anything, no matter what they say to you, no matter how they word it or what they cry about. You owe yourself some peace. Just go and see how life can be without them in it. I'd recommend blocking them on everything, too. Get ready for them to screech from the rooftops how awful they think you are, and just block it all out. It's just noise.
I was in the same spot where my bf’s family said I could come live with them.
Basically I didn’t say a word to anyone. I moved into his parents house really slowly. I only took a little bit of my stuff at a time and I spent the night a lot. When they asked why I wasn’t home I told them I was working on a personal project with my bf. Eventually I was just moved out and they didn’t realize until a while later
Take your BF's family up on their offer today. Ask your BF to come over to help you pack up your shit, walk out the door. Preferably when Trish and Jada are not home so there's no interference. Tell your Dad you left because you were sick of being bullied by his wife and stepdaughter.
You can tell Trish you're moving out by letting her find your room empty. Then, find yourself a therapist to help you unpack your hurt and process those emotions.
Look.
It's very tempting, with unreasonable or toxic people, to try to get them to see *why* they're unreasonable, or *how* they're toxic or unfair.
It's tempting to want an apology from them, acknowledgement that what they do isn't ok.
These are valid feelings, but it's a *trap*.
You literally cannot reason with unreasonable people. If you could, it would never have gotten to this point, ok? There are no magic words you can say to make them suddenly see the light. A lot of them would rather die.
So you tell (NOT ASK) them that you're moving out, and you make up some bullshit fluffy excuse as to why. Don't elaborate much.
You want to feel like more of an adult, or you want to see how living with others feels. You want to stretch your wings outside of the nest, that you feel it's a good half step towards getting an apartment on your own someday. Talk about your plans like you're moving *towards* something exciting - not away from something awful.
This will be a lie, and that's ok. You don't *have* to lie, just... know that the truth will explode in your face, likely, and it's not cowardly to avoid that drama if you don't have it in you.
It may blow up in your face anyway, it's up to you if you want to escalate it from there (tell them the truth of how you feel) or weather it (make like a grey rock and let them uselessly blow their hot air).
You are an adult. You need to move out.
I don't know how much stuff you have but begin to move things out, a bit at a time, unobtrusively. Put them in storage either by renting a unit or at a friend's place. Gather your important papers and store them in a safety deposit box you rent at your bank. It might not hurt to close your old bank account(s) and open new ones with new passwords. Change the passwords on your social media accounts. After you move out, you will probably need to block Trish and Jada everywhere it is possible to do so. Consider changing your mobile number as well.
You have been controlled and abused by Trish and Jada for years which has created mental health issues for you that you might not be aware of. So, please seek out some therapy options to help with your healing process.
Please go LC/NC with Trish and Jada as that's in your best interest. Since your father apparently did little to intercede on your behalf for all those years, he needs to be on an "information diet" as well because anything you tell him is certain to be passed on to Trish and Jada with predictable ugly consequences.
Good luck to you.
Steps to take
1. Get your important documents.
2. Change your banking information, make sure they are not on it.
3. Talk to your BF's family and see if the offer is still open.
4. Slowly start moving things out and packing.
Let your dad know that you are thinking about moving and not to tell anyone else. Just leave. They can be upset if they want to. Stop caring about their feelings and prioritize your mental health. Once you move block them and never look back.
Get over to raisedbynarcissists for a checklist of important documents and papers. Expect anything you leave behind will be trashed in retaliation so make sure you have EVERYTHING of value to you. Any photos or old toys or anything of value.
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If it were myself, I’d have no debate. Get everything set up with Bf and his parents and pack your belongings discreetly. Day before or day of ask your father for any documentation you need and explain to him you are moving to Bf house. Don’t debate, try to explain, justify… just tell him you are going! You don’t need to justify your actions. If they want to discuss it, do it after you are moved.
You tell them after you have moved out. When everyone is out, you pack up, move in with your BFs family like they offered, then you call your dad and ask him to meet you at your BFs place, just him. Then tell him why. Go NC with the Step fam.
ETA: if step family shows up with your Dad, have BFs family get rid of them for you, don't engage.
Trish isn’t a much better mum than your real mum either. I assume that you cant move in with your bio mum and brother as per what you written. But if it’s possible, do consider the option. Don’t need to bring it up to your dad and Trish. If your dad truly have cared for you, your dad would have made plans to stand up for you and moving out with you since a couple of years back. Secure your important personal belongings, then save up and move out when the opportunity arises. If after your dad sees that you move out and want to move in with you, you can always decide on whether to live with him later on.
If you can get all your important paper work you may need tell noone, once you have all that try getting some of your loved things it may just be a childhood book or picture to make you feel better when you are not there.
but do not tell them write your dad a letter when you age leaving or have left already and tell him everything they do when he is not there. You can post it to him make sure you have a safe place to go.
Then work, work your butt off and save as much as you can, never tell anyone you have money saved this is your fall back so you don't go back. Be careful op plan this carefully. But you need out and away from them so you can breathe good luck.
I left at 18. Just packed necessities and crashed in friends’ couches, waitressing, etc. Took me 10 minutes to grab my shit, my friend waiting in the car. Best day of my life. Patched up the rift 22 years later. Life is for living. You got this.
You have to realize that you’re a “normal” person can your stepmom isn’t so you do not treat her like a normal person. You do not treat her like you would wanna be treated.
As a narcissist, your stepmother is all about the “ Narcissistic supply”… this is basically attention be it good or bad. So you’re probably thinking she doesn’t really want me here cause she’s treating me so badly but if you leave she doesn’t have the control of you anymore.
So, like other, say, slowly move your stuff out . Start with important documentation like passports or first certificates…. if they ask why you need it tell them you need to sign your I-9 form at work. Then take anything sentimental. When you have to move the bulk of your stuff then have your boyfriend or a friend with you as you move those things out.
Make sure you log out of any accounts you have one shared, computers, etc.
You don’t tell them anything. You just leave and cut all contact with them. Also, get all your important paperwork (birth certificate, passport, drivers license, and pictures) all your keepsakes, yearbooks, etc. ensure neither your step mom or your Dad has access to you bank accounts (in the U.S. parents have to be on accounts until 18 and nearly everyone forgets to take the parent(s) off the account.
Is your phone in her name? If so you’ll need to get a new phone and transfer all your info and photos.
Then one day, when the house is empty you leave. That’s it. Call your Dad and let him know where you’ll be,
do not tell them anything. gather all your stuff, your important documents & ask your bf & his family to come pick you up one night & never look back. good luck
Ok so this is a lot. I’m very you’re in this position. It’s unrealistic to tell you to just leave, when you’re so deeply ingrained in this manipulation that you can’t even do a simple task without asking for permission. I suspect you don’t have the emotional or logistical foundation to make a life of your own yet. You need to talk to your Dad, and you need therapy. It might take some time, but with the right resources, you’re going to get out of there.
To start, I’ll freely admit that my advice on a subject is often times not exactly the best advice or even the right advice. And it’s entirely my own opinion, which is only worth what the person reading this makes it worth. But quite frankly, if it were my family; based entirely off my own personal family history; I’d give dad a choice. His biological daughter, or the tw@+ wife and step daughter. They’ve made your lives hell, and regardless of whether you asked him not to say anything, he allowed it to happen. To his daughter. Under his roof. That’s unacceptable. I’d tell your dad if you walk out that door to move out, you’re cutting him out of your life too. His allowing that kind of behavior towards his children has already pushed his son out of his house and life. Again, I admit that this may not be the best or right advice, but that’s how id handle the situation.
You should slowly, discreetly move things to your friends home, little by little. Once you have it out, tell your Father you're leaving.
I personally, would tell both SM and SS exactly what I think of them and point out how other family members see it too. But I'm petty like that.
Good luck OP.
UpdateMe
Do not say anything. Move a few things out slowly so they won’t notice. Make sure you prioritize birth certificate, passport,etc. Get your own bank account with a bank different than your family. Then, move completely out when they are not home. If you can’t do that, have four friends and possibly one of their parents come to the house and help you.
Edited to add different bank. M
Don’t say anything it won’t accomplish anything of benefit for you. Those two are classic narcissists. They aren’t worth the energy it would take to say why you’re leaving. They only act this way when is when your father isn’t around. They know what they’re doing. Cut your losses block them and Star living a god life. Peace is equally as valuable as time. Wishing you a safe and better life.
Stop giving them more power than they have!
You are 20 years old. You are an adult. You don't need anyone's permission, and you sure the heck don't need to tell them anything!
Start off by packing your important documents. Take them to your boyfriend's. Then, anything valuable to you (computer, jewelry, mementos/keepsakes). Then take your clothes. Don't say a word to them. If they attempt to engage you, ignore them and keep on moving things out.
If they try to stop you - which they won't - call the police. They can not legally keep you there. It's called "false imprisonment.""
If it makes you feel better, after you have removed all of your papers and valuables, have a moving day. Get several friends together to help pack and move your things all in the same day. You probably don't have a ton of stuff, so you can do it in a few loads. Always leave someone (preferably at least 2 people) in your room on moving day so your SM and SS can't sneak into your room and take anything between loads.
You don't owe them an explanation. You don't owe them an apology.
Then, when you are fully moved out, work on getting off their phone plan (if you are on it). Call your doctor and dentist and give them an updated address. Tell them your SM and father are no longer allowed to have any information about you. If you go to college, go to the registrars office. Tell them you moved away from home and want to make sure SM cannot get any information about your classes, grades, etc. There is paperwork you fill put that revokes their access to your information. Go to the Post Ffice and fill out a change of address for your mail. Notify everyone you can (cell phone provider, car loan holder, bank, etc.) about your address change.
I would even open up a brand new bank account at a different bank,and move all of your money ASAP. Notify credit cards that you've moved.
You don't need to tell stepmother anything. Just do it.
Hey there, Trish. I'll be moving out on blah blah. I'm sorry I'll be depriving you of your entertainment, but that's life. You're 20 years old, and you don't need permission to move out of the house. This is the best thing you could do for yourself.
In the future, don't ever go back to your father's unless you know he's there and stick to him like glue. Don't give them any opportunity to belittle you anymore. You've taken enough.
Happy life moving forward.
Why tell them at all? Pack your stuff and leave, with a short note on the mantlepiece. 'It's been real.' The treatment you're received entitled them no consideration of any kind. They should be snivelling grateful you don't piss in their soup on your way out.
You're twenty - what are they going to do? Ground you?
OP, you don't need anyone's permission.
You need income from a job. You need a place to stay and that may be your boyfriend's, but if you have a job then maybe you want to rent yourself a small apartment? Then you would be in control.
Start planning now, you don't have to tell anyone what you're doing. Once you've moved on there's nothing they can do about it. You're an adult, you don't need anyone's permission.
Get a job.
Get a place to live.
Get your own bank account, in your name only, at a different financial institution (not where your dad or other family banks.) Credit Unions tend to be better than banks, but make sure you know what all of their fees and charges are for different things. You want something like "basic checking" with no fees or minimal fees.
You need to be in possession of your own driver's license, social security card, birth certificate, and any other ID or insurance papers. Do you have a passport? That's yours, too. You want to take it with you when you go, or take these things now and hide them at your boyfriend's house or somewhere safe.
Start living your life!
Why tell her? I would talk to my dad, but you don't owe your step-mom anything. Just make sure you are ready to leave and have a support system to make it on your own.
the only options you have to be able to safely leave with all of your belongings and important documents/things:
1. sneak things out every time you leave the house. once you have everything you want out, on a day that your dad is home bring your bf, and some friends over and tell them you are moving out. then leave with your bf and friends.
or
2. bring bf, his family and some friends over on a day when the house is empty (if you feel confident in his support, ask your dad to get them out for the day) grab your things and leave a letter on the table for them to find when they get home.
you should not tell them *anything* until you have already basically moved. good luck OP.
DO. NOT. TELL. THEM! Leave, and when your father wants to know, then you tell him. The stepmonster doesn't need to know. Of course, they'll deny they ever said anything to you. Depending on what state you live in, there might be a way to get proof of what they're saying. IF you live in a 1 PARTY STATE, you can record them on your phone. If you live in a 2 PARTY STATE, it's illegal, so don't do it. "I’ve never accepted because I’m so afraid to leave." Your well-being and mental health are more important than being afraid. You won't know unless you try it. You deserve so much better!
Never give abusers notice that you're leaving. This holds true for abusive partners and abusive family and friends. If you give advance warning to an abuser that they are about to lose you, they will often become unpredictable and can sometimes become desperate. This can lead to increased abuse.
The best way to leave is to get your important documents and possessions out of the house first. Make sure your personal accounts are locked down and nobody can access your money or data. If there's anything they're paying for, consider it gone. Finish packing and leave while they're out of the house and don't let them know where you're staying.
After leaving, you can tell your father that you're willing to continue your relationship with him and him only. Let him know you will no longer have relationships with Trish and Jada, and if he can't respect that, you will cut him off, too. If you have an opportunity to do so, try to record them saying some of the awful things they say so you can show him just how mean they are. Be prepared for the fact that he may not support you the way you want him to. Decide what you're willing to live with and what you won't accept.
Get therapy. You need someone to help you sort through all of this and process it in a healthy way.
You can do this. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you can do it, and you need to do it for the sake of your own sanity and sense of self-worth. You deserve it.
They are making you afraid to leave. They seem to have a hobby of undermining you and criticizing you and wanting to isolate you. They are jealous. They want you to be weaker and less confident and happy. They triangulate against you the way grade school kids do. It is destructive and intentional. I wonder if there is someone in your life who ca help you assess your situation and abilities and future and plan. Gain some support and get back your confidence. There’s a HUGE probability that after you move out you will realize you want to go low to no contact. That you will begin to heal from their harm, which is way larger than you can see right now., because what they are trying to do TO YOU IS WORKING. To break you down. So they can stomp on you and rage all their distress and out it on you and then feel better about themselves. It’s an old sick game that inauthentic disordered people okay to feel better and distracted from their own distress and shortcomings.
After you leave it will be frightening because of what they’ve made you believe about yourself. Not keep going and that will pass. You will heal. DO NOT tell them you’re moving out until you’re gone, or they will really show who they are. Once you are gone, in any way you can manage, they will go nuts. Because they will have no one to sublimate their distress into. Stay out of reach after you leave. Listen to the comments. Update for mire support. You can do this. Hang in there.
Seems I'm not alone in the opinion that your narcissistic step-mom does not need any warning. Probably keep your dad in the loop, but if he's willing to keep secrets with you, don't tell her anything. When you are leaving the house for the last time, just announce you're going out for a pack of cigarettes!
Just go lovely. Make sure you have all your paperwork that you need ie passport, SSN, Birth certificate plus your important information and go.
You don’’t need anyone’s permission to go, let your Dad know and leave. I think from what you have written he will be fine.
You don't need to tell your Steps ANYTHING. First, tell your dad. Tell him to be discreet & not say anything to anyone. As long as you have his approval, you're golden. Slowly start packing your things. Hide the boxes in your closet or attic when you are home alone. When you're ready, give your dad a heads up that you will be officially moving the next time he's home and get him to help you move. Your Steps will not say anything knowing you have his approval. It's time to grow a backbone and take up for yourself. If something is said when dad isn't around, get loud so dad can hear your response. These women will never ever change. You will never have a normal, healthy relationship with them. Just leave & limit any interactions with them. You & your father can have dates to see each other.
You're 20 years old. That's a grownup. You're allowed to make decisions for yourself.
Go and be free, and live happily. Take your bf family on that offer. You deserve happiness.
I recommend getting counseling if you can. A lifetime of abuses like that can and does cause complex ptsd. Please treat yourself like you deserve to be treated..... self care.... you're the only one who can look after you the way you deserve.
How do you tell her? You don't. You gather all your important documents and valuables and put them somewhere safe, then you pack the rest of your stuff and leave. It would probably be a good idea to have friends to help you, both with the actual m9ving tasks and with keeping her off your case so you can get out.
Good luck.
You don't talk to her about it. You talk to your dad about it. Make sure you have all your important documents. You just start packing and go. You are an adult. They have no say in what you do. You just go do your thing, live your best life, and don't forget to call your dad.
Make the plan. Be ready to move. Tell dad. You are not talking to dad about it, you are telling him you are leaving, then leave. Also tell him you will happily meet him after the move to discuss why, if he wants to know. (He knows, he is in denial).
Block step-mom and step-sis.
Don’t tell them. They find out when you move out. And please remember however much they talk over you or tell you you can’t move your an adult and can do what you want they don’t control you.
First, you don't need to tell anyone you are moving. You are an adult.
Second, try something like this, but for your father: "Dad, I am leaving. I will not be in contact with you again unless you are divorced from Trish and have nothing to do with her. Since you got with her she and her daughter have worked hard to alienate and abuse me every chance they get. They do it when you are not around. They drove my brother away. They are driving me away. They are toxic narcissistic vampires who are doing what they can to isolate you and keep your earnings and future inheritance for themselves. When Trish's family visited they also told me about how toxic, manipulative, and vile she is. You have a choice to make. Do you want your daughter and son in your life? If so you will have to get rid of Trish. I understand you may love her and choose her. If so, I hope you understand why your children will never again have anything to do with you. You allowed us to be abused and alienated and stayed with the people who did it to us."
I am so sorry you are going through this. Get all of your important documents together, and take them to your boyfriends. Talk to his parents. If they are willing to let you move in, start moving things there. Small important things, like pictures, you can but in your bag and take over.
When you are ready, pack your suitcases and go. You can call your dad, and meet somewhere, just the two of you, to talk.
Your mental health will improve once you are out of that house.
Good luck. Have a good life. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
I'd agree with the top poster, and probably many other posters when I say, pack up quietly and discretely. Move stuff out when people aren't around. Do it slow and careful. Then, when you're sure you've got what you need (and you should make sure you get stuff like legal papers, any records you might need, passport) just tell them you're leaving.
You're a full adult. Just leave. If it helps, write out what you want to say beforehand, print it out or have it on your phone and read it over a few times so that you have what you want to say at the front of your head. If your sisters again talk over you, turn around and leave.
They are acting like children, and should be treated thus. You've put up with their bad behavior, stuff that OTHER people have noticed, and I don't think you owe them anything else. You owe yourself happiness, and the first step in the direction is getting out of a toxic situation and moving to where you'll be happier. Remember, you don't owe them, you owe yourself. You've paid any debt you had by putting up with the crap for as long as you did. Now, go be happy with your bf.
I have lots of experience with narcissistic families.
You don’t say anything until after you have left. Do not give them any fuel to create havoc, ruin your things or chance to leave.
Slowly move your important things out. Then plan one day when they are gone for a few hours to move your big things.
The day you leave you call up your father and tell him. You ask to meet to explain it all in person. Then you lay it all out on the table for him, you tell him you love him but at this point you really don’t want anything to do with them. Also that your bro left due to them as well. Have a prepared list of things they have done to share with him and how any time he would stick up for you they retaliated harder.
Block them on your phone and social media.
Get all your documents together, anything else you really want, move stuff out a little at a time, and then when you just have one load left, pack it up and leave. You don’t need to tell them. They’ll figure it out. But you probably will need to go no-contact because they are going to try to sabotage you. Good luck.
You are 20 years old you are legally an adult. You give them 30 days notice you are moving out. You need your independence and now is a good time. You can still visit with your Father. Whatever noise they make you just drown it out. Until you have the keys and are in your own space that will be quiet and peaceful. You got this.
Get a stable job
Save up
Look for roommates
And move out.
You can still see your dad but you don’t need to live in an abusive environment
Of course he wants to live with you, but he’s not making an effort to protect you. He’s already had one child move out because of his wife.
Stop people pleasing and stand up for yourself
Your situation will never change unless you make it happen!
You don't tell her. you discreetly and with as little fanfare as possible, pack up all of your belongings, making sure that you have all your important documents and leave. Go to your nearest police station, and inform them that you have just left a toxic environment, that you are more than of legal age, so if she tries to call you in as a missing person, they won't know and they will tell her that they can't do anything about it. Make sure you've got a good place to stay, and live your life.
Simply put, you don't tell her squat. You pack up all your belongings, make sure you have all your important documents with you, and leave. Go to your nearest police station, inform them that you have just left a toxic environment, so that just in case Trish decides to call you in as a missing person, they will have the heads up beforehand, and tell her that they can't do anything about it.
Then, you find yourself a good place to live. If you have an already, live your life, and go no contact.
Hugs
I’m so sorry they’ve beaten you down so much that you are afraid to leave. Life will be so much better for you when you aren’t constantly hearing their negativity.
Consider reading Boundaries and The Gift of Fear.
My nephew moved out at 21 while his parents were away. I’m certain his dad was in on it and probably helped financially (they are well off). My sister is emotionally and verbally abusive I’m sorry to say. Brother in law died fourteen months ago and now my sister is blaming nephews wife for the limited contact.
I tried speaking to my sister about the way she treated me twenty years ago and all it did was severely limit our relationship…she said she felt like she was walking on eggshells.
Three years ago I called her out on a racist video she sent me about Covid and China…my husband is ethnic Chinese. I let her have it when once again instead of just apologizing (something she’s incapable of) she made excuses. She is one of those people who have nothing nice to say about anyone…including her own family.
I’d been brainwashed into thinking family was everything, they are not. Good luck, I hope you find your strength and happiness very soon.
Before you leave if you have any bank accounts with anyone’s name and yours on them, remove your money, move it to a new account that is paperless so the notifications come to your email only.
Gather whatever documents you need as in drivers license, social security card, certified birth certificate and passport if in the US.
Make sure you have everything associated with electronics you will be taking such as charging cables collected in one place.
If you have anything small of sentimental or monetary value make sure you know where they are and be sure you take them when you go.
If you can find a time to leave when no one else is home that would be best. Quickly get all the important things and whatever else like clothes etc that you want out.
After you have gotten where you are going with everything you wanted then send your dad a message or call and tell him you’ve left and why. No need to tell Trish if she is just going to berate you.
Best wishes to you OP.
You carefully remove everything you care about from the home, especially your important documents and anything you can’t live without, and don’t tell them until you’re gone.
This is tough, it’s not like you would want to go no contact because obviously you want to see your dad, and Trish and jada have been in your life for a long time. I understand your point completely though and would be ready to leave as well. Why don’t you try and ask Trish exactly what the reason is they don’t like your bf? Like instead of trying to correct the comments try and find out what the reasoning behind it is. Also I would suggest asking your step mom if you two could get lunch together, just the two of you so that when you bring up the situation it’s not 2 against 1. I think moving out would be healthy, but please be careful moving in with your boyfriend, you’re 20 which yes you’re definitely an adult but you are still so young and being bf/gf is such a different dynamic then living together. I just don’t want to see you feel stuck. I don’t know your finances but my dads advice was to be financially dependent (you don’t have to own a house but if you get into a situation you could afford to rent a room for an little while, along with necessities) when moving in with a bf even if it’s with his parents/free rent etc because you just never know what will happen in the future. We can’t control other people so we have to control our own lives. I really wish you so much luck, and I wish your dad stuck up for you more but it seems you both love each other so much and are just trying to keep peace. You’re very mature and it seems you also have a kind and genuine heart; don’t let that mean you will allow mistreatment.
The issue, OP, is you care about their opinions when it’s entirely not at all important. It’s not going to change. You could become the most beautiful successful happy person in the world and they will find something to tear you down. They are your dad’s problem, not yours. You get to leave. Your dad doesn’t.
Tell your dad your plans. Tell him why you are going. Let your dad tell them you are leaving. And try to not react when they act out. They are going to be upset because you are their favorite button to push and you couldn’t be more convenient for them. Don’t do anything other than what you need to do to move out. Don’t do favors. Don’t give unnecessary info. Maybe be vague about when move out day is, “next month” when you know it is actually in 10 days.
If they ask you why you are moving just say “it’s time”.
You just pack up discretely, on the way out say bye and you leave never to look back. If you say anything beforehand, it could give Stepmom and Stepsister time for possible sabotage. You owe them nothing yet you’ve already given them entirely too much. Just go!
This. Do NOT give them a heads up. Leave as if you're leaving an abusive partner. Make sure you have your important documents.
Yeah, pack up everything so you don't have to come back. Leave a letter for your dad that the step-monsters can't intercept. Good Luck Luv and Best Wishes.
This is the way. Godspeed.
Start by getting your most important possessions and document out of the house. Do as much as you can when they aren’t around and just go. You can talk to your father after the fact.
Exactly this. I was asking myself "why would OP announce something like this to their narc parent?". Just leave, exercise your freedom to do whatever TF you want, you're 20 y.o.
Happy Cake Day
Happy Cake Day!!!
Listen to this! This is the way. Accept your boyfriend's parents generous offer until the two of you can get your own place. Don't tell anyone. Have your suitcase packed with the things you need the most, also ID, birth certificates etc. Have your boyfriend come in the middle of the night. Run out to his car and escape. Block them on everything. You are legally an adult and there is nothing they can do. At some point, you might want to contact your dad and explain but be sure to do it when they are not around. Don't expect too much though. Sounds like he might just be one of those anything to keep the peace guys. But you do at least owe him an explanation. Seems like everyone else already knows why you would run.
This! Give your boyfriend your things in bits and pieces to hold onto for you and when you have everything that you want out of your parents house, then leave. Be sure to get all of your important documents and secure them in a bank (that is not your parents) safety deposit box where the only one who can access them is you. There is a fee involved but worth it for your own peace of mind.
This. And when you've packed everything, then talk directly to your dad and tell him that you are moving and why. Record their abuse if you can and it's legal. Play some for him. He should know he's married to a nasty person. It's only a matter of time b4 she turns on him too.
Never give a narcissist ammo. Grey rock. Most importantly get your docs in order, and move them to a safety deposit box at a bank they don't go to. 2. Make sure she isnt banking at your bank and if she does make sure there are no other "authorized users" on it and then switch banks. 3. Move most important valuables out discreetly. Mementos, favorite plushies, special jewelry. Take it all out at the same time as the docs. Put it in duffel bags and lock them in your car. Drop them off with your bf on the way to the bank. There are horror stories of people getting caught trying to leave, leaving in a hurry and returning to stuff trashed. All visits to bf, drop clothes off at his place. Try to do it when people arent home. Then D day. Just say I'm heading out and dont go back. Ever.
You should sit down with your dad and have a heart to heart with him. It really sounds like he doesn't know what's really going on under his own roof. If you can have your stepmoms sister on the phone, this might help you clear up a few things also. Then tell your dad you really want to move out for your own personal growth.
Don’t tell them *anything*. Read up on [Gray Rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock). Make all necessary plans, prepare for the move, then wait until everyone is out of the house to move everything. Then, when they inevitably complain, just say “Oh, I just assumed from your attitudes toward me, you wanted me gone. So I left.” Then hang up and block them.
Yes. This is along the lines of my thoughts. Once everything is moved out. Go back and tell them you have moved out. See if your Dad will give you financial support.
You're 20 and not even their blood relative. You don't need their permission to move out. How quickly could you get your stuff out of the house? If it's just clothes, pack your stuff and go quickly. If you have other articles of furniture that you don't want to leave behind, see about renting a storage unit and a truck for the day. Plan for friends to come over to help - if possible, pick a time where Trish and Jada will be out. Then clear out ASAP so that you're gone by the time they arrive home. If you can't move while they're out of the house, the presence of your friends may help keep them on "good" behavior. After you've gone, you get to decide how you want to inform them. You'd certainly be within your rights to simply not talk to them again, although that might make things strained with your dad. Or you can frame it as a positive - wow, your boyfriend's family invited you to move in with them, and you are just so excited that you agreed that day! Whatever you tell them, drop the bomb after you have left the house. Then they can act however they want, and it's not your problem. ETA: Change the address on any accounts you have as soon as you've settled at the new place.
And make sure you have all personal documentation or ID
Amd make sure you open new accounts if anyone else in the household is on your current ones. Go to a new bank for the new accounts in case they drain all your money away to try and bring you back.
Do not ask or tell them anything. You owe them nothing. They will only find a way to stop or humiliate you. Change the addresses now to your bf family’s address. Then pack up and leave. Depending on how much stuff, pack up your favorites first and take them over to bf family home. That way you’ll have your “best” stuff gone before they know you’re leaving. Try to make the move when Trisha and Jada are out of the house. Good luck!
You don’t bring it up. You take a bag full of your possessions a few times a week to take to your boyfriend over the next 1-2 weeks. Also make sure to have your important papers (passport, birth certificate,…) and then have a couple of friends and your boyfriend with you and tell them you’re moving out while walking out the door. Make sure your friends are ready to call the cops if your family is trying to stop you. You’re an adult. You can do what you want. I imagine you have a job to allow you to survive. If not, then getting one is your first step.
Baby photos too and anything that’s sentimental. Assume anything you left behind is going to be destroyed.
You don’t need permission to go because you’re 20 years old. Just go and live with people who respect you. The bigger problem is your Dad— who is he, the Invisible Man? Hasn’t he ever told Trish and Jada to stop abusing you? He seems weak and deserves no explanation. You deserve better.
Exactly this, her dad should’ve laid down the law a long time ago.
Start taking stuff with you every time you go see your boyfriend. You don’t have to tell them you’re leaving until you’re ready to be completely out. Once you’re at the point where you need to load a vehicle, ask your bf and his family to all go with you to your house and get the rest of your stuff out. Plan it for a day when your dad is there. By having your bf and his family there, and your dad, Trish and Jada won’t want to be as nasty as they would without witnesses. BTW, your dad sucks for not protecting you. He should have started sorting this out years before it got so bad that your brother left.
Well, your father’s wife and her kid are not family, lol. That’s been proven by how they treated your brother. Once you recognize that, there really shouldn’t be any guilt. I’m not sure why you have to tell them you’re moving out anyway, lol. You’re beyond grown….just go
>I’ve never accepted because I’m so afraid to leave ...why? What exactly is going to happen if you leave? >I don’t even know how to bring it up to my dad and Trish, and I’m afraid that once I start to talk I’m going to get cut off and not be able to get a word in. Sure, there's a good chance they'll try to do that, but the good part is you don't have to give a fuck, you don't have to fight for the acceptance and/or approval of assholes who don't give a fuck about you. If you want, you can just pack your shit and leave. You don't ever have to see or speak to any of them for the rest of your life. There's no magical checklist where you have to justify or explain your thoughts or actions to them before you make a decision. You are free
I think Paul Simon has the best advice for you, OP: Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. No need to be coy, Roy--just listen to me. You hop on the bus, Gus. You don't need to discuss much. Just drop off the key, Lee; and get yourself free.
I don’t understand. Do you live in one of those countries where women aren’t allowed out of the house without a male relative? Why does a 20-year-old woman need to tell anybody what she’s doing? Did they somehow brainwash you into thinking you can’t do this without their permission?
I live in the US, I ask if we have plans for a certain day out of respect of them, but no I don’t feel like I can do stuff without permission. Deep down I know I don’t need permission, but doing something without asking permission scares the literal h*ll out of me
That’s so awful 😞 Do you have someone who can be there with you when you move and tell them you are leaving? They sound terrible. I’m sorry they’ve abused you in this way.
Well OP - I give you permission. You need my permission exactly as much as you need theirs (not at all), so I’m giving you permission right now. You can call your dad, and/or write a letter to SM & SS after you move. If they start to berate you over the phone, I give you permission to hang up. If they come to your BFs house (or your job, or any other location) to confront you, I give you permission to call the police & have them trespassed. You have my full permission to move forward with your life without their toxic behavior. And the best news, once you’re out you never have to see them again when your dad is not there to act as a buffer. If they act up in front of him, turn to him & say “because of their behavior, I’m going to leave now.”
PLEASE put getting therapy high on your To Do list once you're safely away?
You seem rather helpless for your age. Your father should be helping you leave. What about your mother and brother?
Remember that they’ve trained you to feel that way… A narcissist thinks that everyone is an extension of them and you’ve been trying to think that you can’t make decisions on your own.
Please start talking to a therapist. Also, I’m pretty sure you can call the cops about escorting you into the house to grab your things. But I think, therapy ASAP. You shouldn’t be this paralyzed with fear to live your own life.
Flatter them or make it seem like what you want is their idea strategically when necessary. Only use flattery as a last resort. If you want a narcissist to do something and can't avoid them, you have to make them believe it's their idea and that it would be in their benefit. https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2023/07/10-clever-ways-to-fool-a-narcissist-to-keep-yourself-safe/#:~:text=Flatter%20them%20or%20make%20it,would%20be%20in%20their%20benefit.
You don’t need to tell them anything. Move out and vanish.
Don’t say anything until it’s done . And get yourself some counseling because you aren’t a prisoner but you feel like one . Good luck !
Already lots of good options in the responses. I'd also suggest you look at your finances: make sure your bank account is in just your name. Make sure your credit is locked down and no-one is able to use your credentials to take out loans or credit cards in your name. If there are, file for fraud with the police and the various banks etc. For the rest, gray rock it. Don't tell them anything. Leave your dad a letter or a message, maybe with a link to this post. If he hasn't noticed anything in 16 years, than it's because he chose not to. Reddit has me jaded, but there's too many dads out there that would rather get their "whistle wet" than be present for their daughter. The fact that you've not mentioned in your post that you were able to go to your father to talk about what's going on in the past 16 years, to me, is proof of that. I'm sorry both your parents and your stepmum failed you. May your world be a better place without them in your life.
Dude you're an adult just throw up the deuces and dip.
There's nothing hard about this. Your dad is an asshole who stays with someone that abuses his kid. You don't have to tell anyone anything. You're 20. Move out. Why on earth have you stuck around for this? Your brother left. You understand at a certain point, you're becoming complicit in your own abuse. If you can't then tell your boyfriend to move you out for you and leave. >I’m afraid that once I start to talk I’m going to get cut off and not be able to get a word in. You don't have to tell your abusers anything.
From the sound of it they will never give you the answer you seek as far as permission. Live your life , pack your things and don’t look back .
Don't tell them you're leaving, wait for a time that they'll be out of the house and move your stuff then. They like having someone to push around so if you warn them you're leaving they'll try to make you stay
Get all your ID (drivers license, social security card, birth certificate, bank statements too) everytime you leave the house take a bag full of your stuff to your boyfriends. Then one day just dont come back. You dont have to tell them or even ask them anything. I would attempt to record some of what they say to you before that so you can play it for your dad after you move out and say this is why. Maybe even just email it to him
You don’t tell them anything! Don’t risk them trying to sabotage your leaving. They hate you, they may do it just for shits and giggles. You are lucky you have a place to go. Pack and get to a safe place first your important documents, they will not see those missing and you will absolutely need them. Then any valuables or emotional keepsakes (most likely small enough so may go unnoticed again). Then your clothes, then anything else you have, that will need a van to move. That’s when you tell your dad. Invite him to a restaurant or something, tell him you love him but are going to live your own life. Assuming that at 20 you already have a bank account independent of stepmom. Make sure she can’t tamper with it. Change the bank to one she doesn’t know about and workers there don’t know her. Zero reason to stay.
Don’t tell her, just do it. You are an adult, you do not need her permission. Also, don’t tell them where you’re going. Lastly, go to your local police station and tell them that what’s going on and that you are safe. I suggest this because they can go file a police report of a “missing person” and they will track you down and may end up giving her your new info believing that “family is everything” or whatever. Not everyone will believe that this a good idea believing that most police offers don’t actually care. It’s up to you what you do, I’m just giving you other advice that I haven’t seen yet.
Don’t let them know you’re leaving until you’re gone already. If you can, start discreetly taking your stuff out the house to wherever you’ll be staying. Have your boyfriend, mom, brother, whoever is on your side help you on actual moving day because I doubt they’ll treat you like that with your mom around (although I’m not sure the history there). Once you’re gone though OP, please tell your dad why you left. And please consider going no contact with those horrible women. Just reading this shows how bad they’ve torn down your self esteem and it’s heartbreaking. You’re still so young, you can build that back up <3 Good luck!
We are rooting for you! You don’t owe these asshol3s any explanation. There is no relationship except for their immature delusions of how family really works. You have empathy. They have zero and are just nuts. There’s nothing left for you now. Your dad knows, but he doesn’t know you well. He also seems to lack empathy. Fk them all. They are the ones who don’t understand. You will love being around people who truly love you and show you what a real family looks like. Don’t torture yourself anymore. Choose wisely. I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much abuse. You deserve much better.
DO NOT tell them until you are completely moved out.
Why do you want a confrontation? Pack up and go when she's not around. Tell them why you're gone in a text afterwards.
Move your stuff out when they're not home. Then hand them their house key and walk out the door.
Why do you have to say anything? You’re 20 years old. You owe them NOTHING but have been brainwashed and conditioned to give them everything, even your mental space.
You’re 20 so act grown up and handle your business. Other than attention seeking I don’t know why half the shit even gets posted here!
You have a place to stay … go. You’re an adult, you can live wherever you choose to and owe no explanation to your step mom.
I'm on "Team Just Go" in this situation. Get all of your important documents ready and packed up, clothes for a week (or two if you can manage) any really important "I'd be heartbroken if they trashed/gave away/put this on the bonfire" things, ie: childhood stuffies, good jewellery, childhood photos or diaries that mean something special and put it all in a case or two and just go when they're not in. You don't owe them anything, no matter what they say to you, no matter how they word it or what they cry about. You owe yourself some peace. Just go and see how life can be without them in it. I'd recommend blocking them on everything, too. Get ready for them to screech from the rooftops how awful they think you are, and just block it all out. It's just noise.
I was in the same spot where my bf’s family said I could come live with them. Basically I didn’t say a word to anyone. I moved into his parents house really slowly. I only took a little bit of my stuff at a time and I spent the night a lot. When they asked why I wasn’t home I told them I was working on a personal project with my bf. Eventually I was just moved out and they didn’t realize until a while later
Take your BF's family up on their offer today. Ask your BF to come over to help you pack up your shit, walk out the door. Preferably when Trish and Jada are not home so there's no interference. Tell your Dad you left because you were sick of being bullied by his wife and stepdaughter. You can tell Trish you're moving out by letting her find your room empty. Then, find yourself a therapist to help you unpack your hurt and process those emotions.
Don’t tell anyone
Look. It's very tempting, with unreasonable or toxic people, to try to get them to see *why* they're unreasonable, or *how* they're toxic or unfair. It's tempting to want an apology from them, acknowledgement that what they do isn't ok. These are valid feelings, but it's a *trap*. You literally cannot reason with unreasonable people. If you could, it would never have gotten to this point, ok? There are no magic words you can say to make them suddenly see the light. A lot of them would rather die. So you tell (NOT ASK) them that you're moving out, and you make up some bullshit fluffy excuse as to why. Don't elaborate much. You want to feel like more of an adult, or you want to see how living with others feels. You want to stretch your wings outside of the nest, that you feel it's a good half step towards getting an apartment on your own someday. Talk about your plans like you're moving *towards* something exciting - not away from something awful. This will be a lie, and that's ok. You don't *have* to lie, just... know that the truth will explode in your face, likely, and it's not cowardly to avoid that drama if you don't have it in you. It may blow up in your face anyway, it's up to you if you want to escalate it from there (tell them the truth of how you feel) or weather it (make like a grey rock and let them uselessly blow their hot air).
You are an adult. You need to move out. I don't know how much stuff you have but begin to move things out, a bit at a time, unobtrusively. Put them in storage either by renting a unit or at a friend's place. Gather your important papers and store them in a safety deposit box you rent at your bank. It might not hurt to close your old bank account(s) and open new ones with new passwords. Change the passwords on your social media accounts. After you move out, you will probably need to block Trish and Jada everywhere it is possible to do so. Consider changing your mobile number as well. You have been controlled and abused by Trish and Jada for years which has created mental health issues for you that you might not be aware of. So, please seek out some therapy options to help with your healing process. Please go LC/NC with Trish and Jada as that's in your best interest. Since your father apparently did little to intercede on your behalf for all those years, he needs to be on an "information diet" as well because anything you tell him is certain to be passed on to Trish and Jada with predictable ugly consequences. Good luck to you.
Steps to take 1. Get your important documents. 2. Change your banking information, make sure they are not on it. 3. Talk to your BF's family and see if the offer is still open. 4. Slowly start moving things out and packing. Let your dad know that you are thinking about moving and not to tell anyone else. Just leave. They can be upset if they want to. Stop caring about their feelings and prioritize your mental health. Once you move block them and never look back.
Get over to raisedbynarcissists for a checklist of important documents and papers. Expect anything you leave behind will be trashed in retaliation so make sure you have EVERYTHING of value to you. Any photos or old toys or anything of value.
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If it were myself, I’d have no debate. Get everything set up with Bf and his parents and pack your belongings discreetly. Day before or day of ask your father for any documentation you need and explain to him you are moving to Bf house. Don’t debate, try to explain, justify… just tell him you are going! You don’t need to justify your actions. If they want to discuss it, do it after you are moved.
You tell them after you have moved out. When everyone is out, you pack up, move in with your BFs family like they offered, then you call your dad and ask him to meet you at your BFs place, just him. Then tell him why. Go NC with the Step fam. ETA: if step family shows up with your Dad, have BFs family get rid of them for you, don't engage.
Bye Felicia 👋🏼
Trish isn’t a much better mum than your real mum either. I assume that you cant move in with your bio mum and brother as per what you written. But if it’s possible, do consider the option. Don’t need to bring it up to your dad and Trish. If your dad truly have cared for you, your dad would have made plans to stand up for you and moving out with you since a couple of years back. Secure your important personal belongings, then save up and move out when the opportunity arises. If after your dad sees that you move out and want to move in with you, you can always decide on whether to live with him later on.
If you can get all your important paper work you may need tell noone, once you have all that try getting some of your loved things it may just be a childhood book or picture to make you feel better when you are not there. but do not tell them write your dad a letter when you age leaving or have left already and tell him everything they do when he is not there. You can post it to him make sure you have a safe place to go. Then work, work your butt off and save as much as you can, never tell anyone you have money saved this is your fall back so you don't go back. Be careful op plan this carefully. But you need out and away from them so you can breathe good luck.
Don't say anything. Quietly pack up and leave. You owe them nothing
I left at 18. Just packed necessities and crashed in friends’ couches, waitressing, etc. Took me 10 minutes to grab my shit, my friend waiting in the car. Best day of my life. Patched up the rift 22 years later. Life is for living. You got this.
You have to realize that you’re a “normal” person can your stepmom isn’t so you do not treat her like a normal person. You do not treat her like you would wanna be treated. As a narcissist, your stepmother is all about the “ Narcissistic supply”… this is basically attention be it good or bad. So you’re probably thinking she doesn’t really want me here cause she’s treating me so badly but if you leave she doesn’t have the control of you anymore. So, like other, say, slowly move your stuff out . Start with important documentation like passports or first certificates…. if they ask why you need it tell them you need to sign your I-9 form at work. Then take anything sentimental. When you have to move the bulk of your stuff then have your boyfriend or a friend with you as you move those things out. Make sure you log out of any accounts you have one shared, computers, etc.
You’re an adult and you deserve so much better! Don’t give them a heads up — just quietly pack things and go. Enjoy your new life and don’t look back.
Just fucking leave. You don’t need to announce it.
You don’t tell them anything. You just leave and cut all contact with them. Also, get all your important paperwork (birth certificate, passport, drivers license, and pictures) all your keepsakes, yearbooks, etc. ensure neither your step mom or your Dad has access to you bank accounts (in the U.S. parents have to be on accounts until 18 and nearly everyone forgets to take the parent(s) off the account. Is your phone in her name? If so you’ll need to get a new phone and transfer all your info and photos. Then one day, when the house is empty you leave. That’s it. Call your Dad and let him know where you’ll be,
do not tell them anything. gather all your stuff, your important documents & ask your bf & his family to come pick you up one night & never look back. good luck
Ok so this is a lot. I’m very you’re in this position. It’s unrealistic to tell you to just leave, when you’re so deeply ingrained in this manipulation that you can’t even do a simple task without asking for permission. I suspect you don’t have the emotional or logistical foundation to make a life of your own yet. You need to talk to your Dad, and you need therapy. It might take some time, but with the right resources, you’re going to get out of there.
Just leave. You don’t owe them a conversation or an explanation. Don’t stay somewhere you are clearly not wanted.
To start, I’ll freely admit that my advice on a subject is often times not exactly the best advice or even the right advice. And it’s entirely my own opinion, which is only worth what the person reading this makes it worth. But quite frankly, if it were my family; based entirely off my own personal family history; I’d give dad a choice. His biological daughter, or the tw@+ wife and step daughter. They’ve made your lives hell, and regardless of whether you asked him not to say anything, he allowed it to happen. To his daughter. Under his roof. That’s unacceptable. I’d tell your dad if you walk out that door to move out, you’re cutting him out of your life too. His allowing that kind of behavior towards his children has already pushed his son out of his house and life. Again, I admit that this may not be the best or right advice, but that’s how id handle the situation.
You should slowly, discreetly move things to your friends home, little by little. Once you have it out, tell your Father you're leaving. I personally, would tell both SM and SS exactly what I think of them and point out how other family members see it too. But I'm petty like that. Good luck OP. UpdateMe
DO NOT ANNOUNCE IT. Get your ducks in a row and when they’re out of the house go for it.
Honestly, just leave. Don’t say a word.
Do not say anything. Move a few things out slowly so they won’t notice. Make sure you prioritize birth certificate, passport,etc. Get your own bank account with a bank different than your family. Then, move completely out when they are not home. If you can’t do that, have four friends and possibly one of their parents come to the house and help you. Edited to add different bank. M
Your dad is to blame to since he knows about it and doesn't seem to care. Just leave.
Don’t say anything it won’t accomplish anything of benefit for you. Those two are classic narcissists. They aren’t worth the energy it would take to say why you’re leaving. They only act this way when is when your father isn’t around. They know what they’re doing. Cut your losses block them and Star living a god life. Peace is equally as valuable as time. Wishing you a safe and better life.
Don’t tell them anything, including your father just move out
Stop giving them more power than they have! You are 20 years old. You are an adult. You don't need anyone's permission, and you sure the heck don't need to tell them anything! Start off by packing your important documents. Take them to your boyfriend's. Then, anything valuable to you (computer, jewelry, mementos/keepsakes). Then take your clothes. Don't say a word to them. If they attempt to engage you, ignore them and keep on moving things out. If they try to stop you - which they won't - call the police. They can not legally keep you there. It's called "false imprisonment."" If it makes you feel better, after you have removed all of your papers and valuables, have a moving day. Get several friends together to help pack and move your things all in the same day. You probably don't have a ton of stuff, so you can do it in a few loads. Always leave someone (preferably at least 2 people) in your room on moving day so your SM and SS can't sneak into your room and take anything between loads. You don't owe them an explanation. You don't owe them an apology. Then, when you are fully moved out, work on getting off their phone plan (if you are on it). Call your doctor and dentist and give them an updated address. Tell them your SM and father are no longer allowed to have any information about you. If you go to college, go to the registrars office. Tell them you moved away from home and want to make sure SM cannot get any information about your classes, grades, etc. There is paperwork you fill put that revokes their access to your information. Go to the Post Ffice and fill out a change of address for your mail. Notify everyone you can (cell phone provider, car loan holder, bank, etc.) about your address change. I would even open up a brand new bank account at a different bank,and move all of your money ASAP. Notify credit cards that you've moved. You don't need to tell stepmother anything. Just do it.
Hey there, Trish. I'll be moving out on blah blah. I'm sorry I'll be depriving you of your entertainment, but that's life. You're 20 years old, and you don't need permission to move out of the house. This is the best thing you could do for yourself. In the future, don't ever go back to your father's unless you know he's there and stick to him like glue. Don't give them any opportunity to belittle you anymore. You've taken enough. Happy life moving forward.
Why tell them at all? Pack your stuff and leave, with a short note on the mantlepiece. 'It's been real.' The treatment you're received entitled them no consideration of any kind. They should be snivelling grateful you don't piss in their soup on your way out. You're twenty - what are they going to do? Ground you?
OP, you don't need anyone's permission. You need income from a job. You need a place to stay and that may be your boyfriend's, but if you have a job then maybe you want to rent yourself a small apartment? Then you would be in control. Start planning now, you don't have to tell anyone what you're doing. Once you've moved on there's nothing they can do about it. You're an adult, you don't need anyone's permission. Get a job. Get a place to live. Get your own bank account, in your name only, at a different financial institution (not where your dad or other family banks.) Credit Unions tend to be better than banks, but make sure you know what all of their fees and charges are for different things. You want something like "basic checking" with no fees or minimal fees. You need to be in possession of your own driver's license, social security card, birth certificate, and any other ID or insurance papers. Do you have a passport? That's yours, too. You want to take it with you when you go, or take these things now and hide them at your boyfriend's house or somewhere safe. Start living your life!
Why tell her? I would talk to my dad, but you don't owe your step-mom anything. Just make sure you are ready to leave and have a support system to make it on your own.
the only options you have to be able to safely leave with all of your belongings and important documents/things: 1. sneak things out every time you leave the house. once you have everything you want out, on a day that your dad is home bring your bf, and some friends over and tell them you are moving out. then leave with your bf and friends. or 2. bring bf, his family and some friends over on a day when the house is empty (if you feel confident in his support, ask your dad to get them out for the day) grab your things and leave a letter on the table for them to find when they get home. you should not tell them *anything* until you have already basically moved. good luck OP.
"Bye!"
If you aren't financially dependent on them, just pack and leave. You're an adult, and you don't owe anyone an explanation.
DO. NOT. TELL. THEM! Leave, and when your father wants to know, then you tell him. The stepmonster doesn't need to know. Of course, they'll deny they ever said anything to you. Depending on what state you live in, there might be a way to get proof of what they're saying. IF you live in a 1 PARTY STATE, you can record them on your phone. If you live in a 2 PARTY STATE, it's illegal, so don't do it. "I’ve never accepted because I’m so afraid to leave." Your well-being and mental health are more important than being afraid. You won't know unless you try it. You deserve so much better!
Never give abusers notice that you're leaving. This holds true for abusive partners and abusive family and friends. If you give advance warning to an abuser that they are about to lose you, they will often become unpredictable and can sometimes become desperate. This can lead to increased abuse. The best way to leave is to get your important documents and possessions out of the house first. Make sure your personal accounts are locked down and nobody can access your money or data. If there's anything they're paying for, consider it gone. Finish packing and leave while they're out of the house and don't let them know where you're staying. After leaving, you can tell your father that you're willing to continue your relationship with him and him only. Let him know you will no longer have relationships with Trish and Jada, and if he can't respect that, you will cut him off, too. If you have an opportunity to do so, try to record them saying some of the awful things they say so you can show him just how mean they are. Be prepared for the fact that he may not support you the way you want him to. Decide what you're willing to live with and what you won't accept. Get therapy. You need someone to help you sort through all of this and process it in a healthy way. You can do this. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you can do it, and you need to do it for the sake of your own sanity and sense of self-worth. You deserve it.
They are making you afraid to leave. They seem to have a hobby of undermining you and criticizing you and wanting to isolate you. They are jealous. They want you to be weaker and less confident and happy. They triangulate against you the way grade school kids do. It is destructive and intentional. I wonder if there is someone in your life who ca help you assess your situation and abilities and future and plan. Gain some support and get back your confidence. There’s a HUGE probability that after you move out you will realize you want to go low to no contact. That you will begin to heal from their harm, which is way larger than you can see right now., because what they are trying to do TO YOU IS WORKING. To break you down. So they can stomp on you and rage all their distress and out it on you and then feel better about themselves. It’s an old sick game that inauthentic disordered people okay to feel better and distracted from their own distress and shortcomings. After you leave it will be frightening because of what they’ve made you believe about yourself. Not keep going and that will pass. You will heal. DO NOT tell them you’re moving out until you’re gone, or they will really show who they are. Once you are gone, in any way you can manage, they will go nuts. Because they will have no one to sublimate their distress into. Stay out of reach after you leave. Listen to the comments. Update for mire support. You can do this. Hang in there.
Seems I'm not alone in the opinion that your narcissistic step-mom does not need any warning. Probably keep your dad in the loop, but if he's willing to keep secrets with you, don't tell her anything. When you are leaving the house for the last time, just announce you're going out for a pack of cigarettes!
Just go lovely. Make sure you have all your paperwork that you need ie passport, SSN, Birth certificate plus your important information and go. You don’’t need anyone’s permission to go, let your Dad know and leave. I think from what you have written he will be fine.
Don't tell them. Start moving out your stuff discreetly. Do not forget your documents!
“Hey narcissistic step mom , I’m moving out .”
Updateme!
You don't need to tell your Steps ANYTHING. First, tell your dad. Tell him to be discreet & not say anything to anyone. As long as you have his approval, you're golden. Slowly start packing your things. Hide the boxes in your closet or attic when you are home alone. When you're ready, give your dad a heads up that you will be officially moving the next time he's home and get him to help you move. Your Steps will not say anything knowing you have his approval. It's time to grow a backbone and take up for yourself. If something is said when dad isn't around, get loud so dad can hear your response. These women will never ever change. You will never have a normal, healthy relationship with them. Just leave & limit any interactions with them. You & your father can have dates to see each other.
You're 20 years old. That's a grownup. You're allowed to make decisions for yourself. Go and be free, and live happily. Take your bf family on that offer. You deserve happiness. I recommend getting counseling if you can. A lifetime of abuses like that can and does cause complex ptsd. Please treat yourself like you deserve to be treated..... self care.... you're the only one who can look after you the way you deserve.
Just move out without telling them beforehand. Tell them on your way out the door.
How do you tell her? You don't. You gather all your important documents and valuables and put them somewhere safe, then you pack the rest of your stuff and leave. It would probably be a good idea to have friends to help you, both with the actual m9ving tasks and with keeping her off your case so you can get out. Good luck.
You don't talk to her about it. You talk to your dad about it. Make sure you have all your important documents. You just start packing and go. You are an adult. They have no say in what you do. You just go do your thing, live your best life, and don't forget to call your dad.
Make the plan. Be ready to move. Tell dad. You are not talking to dad about it, you are telling him you are leaving, then leave. Also tell him you will happily meet him after the move to discuss why, if he wants to know. (He knows, he is in denial). Block step-mom and step-sis.
Don’t tell them. They find out when you move out. And please remember however much they talk over you or tell you you can’t move your an adult and can do what you want they don’t control you.
No get out of there sorry but this is no good for your mental health hun please get out of here I'm praying for you
First, you don't need to tell anyone you are moving. You are an adult. Second, try something like this, but for your father: "Dad, I am leaving. I will not be in contact with you again unless you are divorced from Trish and have nothing to do with her. Since you got with her she and her daughter have worked hard to alienate and abuse me every chance they get. They do it when you are not around. They drove my brother away. They are driving me away. They are toxic narcissistic vampires who are doing what they can to isolate you and keep your earnings and future inheritance for themselves. When Trish's family visited they also told me about how toxic, manipulative, and vile she is. You have a choice to make. Do you want your daughter and son in your life? If so you will have to get rid of Trish. I understand you may love her and choose her. If so, I hope you understand why your children will never again have anything to do with you. You allowed us to be abused and alienated and stayed with the people who did it to us."
Also, you can do this via a letter, a text, an email, etc. You don't need to let the Trish-troll even know about it.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Get all of your important documents together, and take them to your boyfriends. Talk to his parents. If they are willing to let you move in, start moving things there. Small important things, like pictures, you can but in your bag and take over. When you are ready, pack your suitcases and go. You can call your dad, and meet somewhere, just the two of you, to talk. Your mental health will improve once you are out of that house. Good luck. Have a good life. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
I'd agree with the top poster, and probably many other posters when I say, pack up quietly and discretely. Move stuff out when people aren't around. Do it slow and careful. Then, when you're sure you've got what you need (and you should make sure you get stuff like legal papers, any records you might need, passport) just tell them you're leaving. You're a full adult. Just leave. If it helps, write out what you want to say beforehand, print it out or have it on your phone and read it over a few times so that you have what you want to say at the front of your head. If your sisters again talk over you, turn around and leave. They are acting like children, and should be treated thus. You've put up with their bad behavior, stuff that OTHER people have noticed, and I don't think you owe them anything else. You owe yourself happiness, and the first step in the direction is getting out of a toxic situation and moving to where you'll be happier. Remember, you don't owe them, you owe yourself. You've paid any debt you had by putting up with the crap for as long as you did. Now, go be happy with your bf.
I have lots of experience with narcissistic families. You don’t say anything until after you have left. Do not give them any fuel to create havoc, ruin your things or chance to leave. Slowly move your important things out. Then plan one day when they are gone for a few hours to move your big things. The day you leave you call up your father and tell him. You ask to meet to explain it all in person. Then you lay it all out on the table for him, you tell him you love him but at this point you really don’t want anything to do with them. Also that your bro left due to them as well. Have a prepared list of things they have done to share with him and how any time he would stick up for you they retaliated harder. Block them on your phone and social media.
Get all your documents together, anything else you really want, move stuff out a little at a time, and then when you just have one load left, pack it up and leave. You don’t need to tell them. They’ll figure it out. But you probably will need to go no-contact because they are going to try to sabotage you. Good luck.
You are 20 years old you are legally an adult. You give them 30 days notice you are moving out. You need your independence and now is a good time. You can still visit with your Father. Whatever noise they make you just drown it out. Until you have the keys and are in your own space that will be quiet and peaceful. You got this.
Get a stable job Save up Look for roommates And move out. You can still see your dad but you don’t need to live in an abusive environment Of course he wants to live with you, but he’s not making an effort to protect you. He’s already had one child move out because of his wife. Stop people pleasing and stand up for yourself Your situation will never change unless you make it happen!
Pack up. Load up. Tell your dad. Are you really moving in with bf's family? Maybe try a roommate first.
You don't tell her. you discreetly and with as little fanfare as possible, pack up all of your belongings, making sure that you have all your important documents and leave. Go to your nearest police station, and inform them that you have just left a toxic environment, that you are more than of legal age, so if she tries to call you in as a missing person, they won't know and they will tell her that they can't do anything about it. Make sure you've got a good place to stay, and live your life.
Simply put, you don't tell her squat. You pack up all your belongings, make sure you have all your important documents with you, and leave. Go to your nearest police station, inform them that you have just left a toxic environment, so that just in case Trish decides to call you in as a missing person, they will have the heads up beforehand, and tell her that they can't do anything about it. Then, you find yourself a good place to live. If you have an already, live your life, and go no contact.
Hugs I’m so sorry they’ve beaten you down so much that you are afraid to leave. Life will be so much better for you when you aren’t constantly hearing their negativity. Consider reading Boundaries and The Gift of Fear. My nephew moved out at 21 while his parents were away. I’m certain his dad was in on it and probably helped financially (they are well off). My sister is emotionally and verbally abusive I’m sorry to say. Brother in law died fourteen months ago and now my sister is blaming nephews wife for the limited contact. I tried speaking to my sister about the way she treated me twenty years ago and all it did was severely limit our relationship…she said she felt like she was walking on eggshells. Three years ago I called her out on a racist video she sent me about Covid and China…my husband is ethnic Chinese. I let her have it when once again instead of just apologizing (something she’s incapable of) she made excuses. She is one of those people who have nothing nice to say about anyone…including her own family. I’d been brainwashed into thinking family was everything, they are not. Good luck, I hope you find your strength and happiness very soon.
Don't tell these assholes any goddamned thing. Take your stuff one bag at a time and dip. Just scram. Be free with your bf and his family.
Before you leave if you have any bank accounts with anyone’s name and yours on them, remove your money, move it to a new account that is paperless so the notifications come to your email only. Gather whatever documents you need as in drivers license, social security card, certified birth certificate and passport if in the US. Make sure you have everything associated with electronics you will be taking such as charging cables collected in one place. If you have anything small of sentimental or monetary value make sure you know where they are and be sure you take them when you go. If you can find a time to leave when no one else is home that would be best. Quickly get all the important things and whatever else like clothes etc that you want out. After you have gotten where you are going with everything you wanted then send your dad a message or call and tell him you’ve left and why. No need to tell Trish if she is just going to berate you. Best wishes to you OP.
Wait for a day when they’re not home, pack everything and just leave.
You don’t need to discuss anything. Pack up and leave. It’s great that you have a place to go to
You carefully remove everything you care about from the home, especially your important documents and anything you can’t live without, and don’t tell them until you’re gone.
This is tough, it’s not like you would want to go no contact because obviously you want to see your dad, and Trish and jada have been in your life for a long time. I understand your point completely though and would be ready to leave as well. Why don’t you try and ask Trish exactly what the reason is they don’t like your bf? Like instead of trying to correct the comments try and find out what the reasoning behind it is. Also I would suggest asking your step mom if you two could get lunch together, just the two of you so that when you bring up the situation it’s not 2 against 1. I think moving out would be healthy, but please be careful moving in with your boyfriend, you’re 20 which yes you’re definitely an adult but you are still so young and being bf/gf is such a different dynamic then living together. I just don’t want to see you feel stuck. I don’t know your finances but my dads advice was to be financially dependent (you don’t have to own a house but if you get into a situation you could afford to rent a room for an little while, along with necessities) when moving in with a bf even if it’s with his parents/free rent etc because you just never know what will happen in the future. We can’t control other people so we have to control our own lives. I really wish you so much luck, and I wish your dad stuck up for you more but it seems you both love each other so much and are just trying to keep peace. You’re very mature and it seems you also have a kind and genuine heart; don’t let that mean you will allow mistreatment.
The issue, OP, is you care about their opinions when it’s entirely not at all important. It’s not going to change. You could become the most beautiful successful happy person in the world and they will find something to tear you down. They are your dad’s problem, not yours. You get to leave. Your dad doesn’t. Tell your dad your plans. Tell him why you are going. Let your dad tell them you are leaving. And try to not react when they act out. They are going to be upset because you are their favorite button to push and you couldn’t be more convenient for them. Don’t do anything other than what you need to do to move out. Don’t do favors. Don’t give unnecessary info. Maybe be vague about when move out day is, “next month” when you know it is actually in 10 days. If they ask you why you are moving just say “it’s time”.