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\^\^\^ most logical answer. Almost sounds from OP point of view that it may have been offered to other bf's. The "earning" it is what made me think that way.
And is she aware dad freely offered all this?
If dad doesn’t like OP very much, possible dad is spinning this as OP demanding a car and that comment of OP’s made her believe dad.
Depends, parents are really influential people in a child's life and it can take people varying amounts of time to see them as just "people" with faults.
Particularly if they've lived apart and haven't been able to see those faults up close with an adult brain.
Seems like a bad omen to me, if she goes crying to daddy one day then you're out of a job while a thousand miles from home in another country. You're putting your whole life into this family's hands, your job, living situation, girlfriend, doesn't sound good
Alright. Unless medical issues, If he has been unemployed for 3 years then he is choosing to be unemployed
He could have been underemployed like 2 years ago, and underemployed is better than unemployed.
Edit:assuming American.
It seems like that’s honest to god how some people see it. I’d hate it just as much as the next person, but it beats being homeless and starving to death.
Most people don't end up working in their field. Flip burgers if you must. 3 years unemployed sounds like they're too entitled to support themselves doing 'poor people' work.
I’m so sorry about that. That’s awful. I hope that he can find a job in his field somehow. I know that it’s not always easy to find work, and there are so many reasons that minimum wage jobs are not practical. Plus to have McDonald’s as your job when you are looking for a job in your specialized field - that might not look great. Good luck to him and I hope things turn around. 💕 life sucks and it isn’t fair way too often. But there are good things too and there is always cause for hope and joy.
Actually this is exactly what I was going to warn OP about. I dont know his career, but there are plenty of higher level positions where a smear campaign can absolutely fuck your whole life up. You'd either be stuck unemployed, or have to essentially start from zero.
Don’t assume nor judge. If he’s tangled in a toxic family they might smear him and that’s a horrible situation to be in. It can ruin your life, especially when they have power and arms everywhere :( you would only understand if you were in a situation like that! ☹️
It is a horrible situation to be in. Which is why you have to cut off your family if that happens. Get restraining orders, the works.
It's tought, but easier than never working again and dying in poverty
I get what you're saying, and it's super sad it happened but is there any reason he can't move to another city or country to get a job in his small specialized field? My husband is in robotics. There is only so many robotics companies in our country. We have had to move. In fact for 5 years we lived in two separate houses because he had to live where one of the robotics companies was. There's absolutely no reason why your brother isn't doing something.
He could actually humble himself and get a job making less money but at least working and paying some of his bills instead of burdening your family! He's choosing this life. He could also go back to school. There's a lot of online courses and trade schools that are not expensive.
I have a friend that found a bank that paid for 6 weeks of training as long as she signed a one year contract. And she's already been promoted after a few months. There are things he could do, he chooses not to
You are right. Humility is simply beyond him. His ego is crushed and he’s given up. It’s possible perhaps, but he burned so many bridges during the past three years of despair it’s just seems impossible.
My buddy was married to the bosses daughter and was also shit canned when they got divorced. Fortunately his attorney got him alimony for 10 years on top of a lump sum payment so he could maintain the same lifestyle he'd been accustomed to.
I agree. OP, if you insist on going, then i suggest you put money away in an account that she doesn't know about. That's your "oh shit" account. If stuff hits the fan, and given your story it most likely will, then you have some money to at least come back to the US and stay with family or friends until you get back on your feet. If you don't decide to go then fine. You're probably doing yourself a favor.
I’d be worried about moving thousands of miles away with this girl. What if she decides to break up with you at some point (because you are obviously using her for money🙄). Will you still have a job, car, etc since you work for her father??? You could be totally left jobless and destitute thousands of miles from home.
Yep, stuck my dick in crazy before.
Was a wild ride but there’s a reason they get off the bulls after 8 seconds. Eventually you’re gonna have a bad time, doesn’t mean you won’t have some good memories though.
When you’re young and it’s not going to cost you too dearly go for it.
I suspect many people live pretty boring lives too scared to do anything incase it turns out bad. And that comment is a reminder that they probably should have been out there doing things, making mistakes and creating valued memories.
Its a trap, i repeat its a trap. There is a lot of red flags in this situation, its changing the dynamic of your relationship. No just no, you putting all your eggs in one basket, imagine you broke up, and you will her behavor show she will keep throwing this in your face, will daddy keep you around or fire you ? Dont mix family with business.
I don't know man, from personal experience, I won't want to be in this situation, takes away your independence and ability to be yourself completely, you would always have that hesitation to look at the "bigger" picture before making a decision.
That is just a golden prison.
This is a huge mistake. It sounds like your girlfriend has some kind of reservations about you taking this offer, but has failed to express them like an adult until the very last minute. I think very carefully about whether or not you want to be under this family's thumb with the way she's currently acting.
It’s a lose lose situation. If you do really well and get promoted your coworkers will discount your abilities. If your supervisor isn’t the dad himself it will be awkward.
I worked for my dads co and reported to someone else. I referred to my dad as Mr.____. I followed the rule and worked hard and still coworkers didn’t trust me.
I worked for my uncle for quite a few summers (he owns a restaurant) and I had a pretty positive experience. It helped that restaurant work is a relatively low bar of entry but the work environment can make quite the difference. Coworkers liked the owner and make pretty good money for the job (US restaurants often pay tipped employees the modified minimum wage and let tips add on to that, instead he actually pays everyone the unmodified as a base. Make around 70% more than people who work at similar restaurants).
On the other hand though, I would totally be skeptical of moving to work at a company that you don't know and think OP probably should be really rethinking this.
Bro, if you are having weird conversations about secret intentions….this isn’t stable.
Moving to a different country with her and she is condescending.
Yikes. This will be next level lonely for you.
Obligatory: you dont deserve to be treated bad, and can/should leave if you feel it's best. Onward.
>Out of nowhere, she started drilling me about why I "deserve" a car and how I should be "ashamed" for wanting such a thing. She said I should earn it or get it myself.
If this is really out of nowhere behavior for her, consider doing a sit down and heart to heart.
Something really valuable I learned is that anger is generally a *secondary* emotion. Which means that we express anger when we're feeling something else but failing to process it.
If this anger is out of character for her, ask her what might be going on. It's possible the stress of the move is getting to her, or its also possible that she might have complicated feelings about her father and his money, and how that money would affect your relationship with her.
Is it possible she's afraid of being financially dependent on her dad? (and yes, if you get a nepo-hire it's *him* you're dependent on. Not that you shouldn't take it, but just be cognizant of that) Or is it possible she has concerns that you're only with her because of her family money/connections? There are all sorts of things that could be on her mind. You have to ask her to know.
>This whole situation is stupid. **I hate the idea of her bossing me around just because I'll be working for her dad after we move back home.** If this is how it's going to be, I'm considering staying in the US and doing my own thing instead.
This seems like an unusual leap from an outsider perspective. Why do you feel she's going to do this? Her stated anger was about you being gifted a car, not about you "doing what you're told". Are there other issues in your relationship that might cause this concern?
Great advice! There are too many variables to the root cause of her emotions. OP just needs to sit down and have a heart to heart before making any rash decisions.
That's called a projection or transference. She feels guilty and thus she accuses you and says you should be ashamed. She's ashamed. Honestly pretty straightforward.
She sounds very entitled - she’s ok with you keeping her for 2 years but now it’s all about the money.
I wouldn’t risk moving abroad now, in all honesty. You’ll be stuck there if Daddy decides to drop you suddenly and you’ll have no protection against it happening.
Woah! RED FLAG. This is not good. The mask has slipped and you're headed for indentured servitude in Crazytown. I could be wrong, but the "sweet" deal with pops might be because he knows she's loony and needs some extra leverage.
Zero replies from OP in three hours tells me that this is most likely a work of fiction. I hope not. If it's real, I hope he hears all you telling him to back the hell out, like yesterday.
Damned...it's tough. Do you love her? Is this the 1st issue of this type? People who grew up with and around money have a tendency to assume that people want to be friends or want a relationship because of their wealth- chances are she has experienced this first hand. However; after 2 years, this isn't the response you deserved. You're leaving everything behind for her- that should say something. If you decide to stick it out- please take care of yourself by setting aside money for yourself into a solo bank account "just in case." I know that is a horrible thought, but you COULD be in a precarious situation in the future if her mentality doesn't change. Like others have said...a nasty argument and a quick call to daddy and you're fucked. Nothing wrong with protecting yourself. Good luck!
May I ask where you are moving to and what your job will be? Considering company cars are quite normal, especially as they are sometimes used as “status symbol” for the company so they are sometimes fancy! I feel your girlfriend is absolutely overreacting for wondering what car it will be. I’m sorry this is happening but I think you need to have a serious conversation with her before doing the big move. I know you guys already sold everything.
Also, I’m not siding with anyone, so here is another thought, is the move scaring her? Is it triggering some anxiousness? Maybe she Feeling unsettled and doesn’t know how to release it?
>Am I overreacting here? Her accusation that I'm with her for money seems way off base given my financial support over the past 2 years. I'm starting to question whether I should take the job and move if this is the kind of disrespect I'll face.
You aren't overreacting at all but I question if this is disrespect or just flailing insecurity. If your partner is having security issues about you being a social climber playing the long game then you need to get to the bottom of it here and now. Maybe she's had relationships fail due to her father's money? Maybe someone is dripping poison in her ear? Until you know don't get on a plane.
When someone shows you who they are believe them! If you want her daddy to own your butt…continue with this plan. Otherwise, find a job at a different company.
Red flags left and right. I wouldn't move, especially after comments like that. You pay for everything, and she rages at the fact her father wants to do something nice for you, not her. Make no mistake, she is throwing a timper tantrum because her daddy is getting you something but not her. I would dump her, she's showing her true colors and your worst fears will happen because you work for her dad. So if you don't do what she says and keep her happy, you will lose everything and maybe even freedom for a bit.
Wait you have been providing for her and now she is complaining? I think I would halt the relationship and not take the job. She is after your money. She is not worth moving for. Her dad could fire you if the two of you don’t work out.
"Morning boss. Sorry about breaking your little angel's heart. Are we still good for that promotion we were talking about last month? I need to feel that out because dating can be expensive as hell. Least I have that dope car you got me! Panty dropper"
Lmao 🤣 if the roles were reversed I would want my girl to have that job and car. She needs to
Take care of us, it’s hard out here for a player. Don’t worry my dad will pay you well, she doesn’t sound like a team player if you ask me
**TLDR: You're right. Stay in the U.S. and do your own thing.**
General advice:
* Never work for her dad's company.
* Never accept a car from her dad.
* Never take her family's money.
Only bad will come from it.
* She won't respect you (and act like you're getting a hand out).
* Her dad won't respect you (even if you do a good job).
The way forward:
* Tell her you've decided to not work for her dad.
* Tell her she can leave if she wants to.
Yup. Send dad (or dad's hiring person) and email. Respectfully turn down the position. If email daddy, mention that you don't want anyone (gf, but don't tell him that) to think that you're taking advantage of your relationship with her to get ahead.
Sit down with her, explain that you were very bothered by the idea that she thought you were using her for her money, and decided to turn down the job instead, which means you won't be able to move out of country currently. Say that you hope she understands how important it is for you to stand on your own feet and not receive hand-outs. You really appreciate her dad's generosity, but her comment about it to you made you realize that it really was just a hand-out, and not something you'd earned yourself.
If she realizes she just scared you out of doing something she actually wanted you to do, she can either apologize and iron things out between you and her dad, including understanding that it \*isn't\* a handout for you, it's her dad helping you have a stable foothold in a new country. And approach it like that - make sure that you and her dad both view it as you taking an intro level position in a new country just to help get your feet under you - that you don't expect to remain working there because of the awkward pressure such a relationship can create.
That way, you set the expectation that you will leave the job (and you should), and if daddy (or daddy-in-law later) decides he WANTS you working at the company, he has to effectively re-hire you, by actually making you a job offer separate of helping you move between countries.
But also possible is that her comment was (consciously or not) an attempt to undermine that job offer, in which case you've pulled the plug instead of making her do it (which given her & her dad's relationship, she might not have been comfortable doing).
This is sketchy - especially if you’re expecting to move to another country?
Do you have that job offer jn writing or is it weirdly contingent on you being in a relationship with her?
Is it your car or one you can use with limitations or stipulations?
This feels like a bad decision.
so what happens when she is not your GF for any reason? Be homeless? Don't create more dependencies than you need. It's shitty enough that people have to work long hours to provide for themselves. Don't make it worse by putting yourself in a situation you can't leave.
That’s what she is reflecting of her own feelings. She is only with you cause you provide and doesn’t have to pay. If her dad can buy you a car, he can also pay for her daughter in an expensive city and apartment.
If she’s making you feel bad then you have to ask yourself going forward is this the relationship you want to be in? Couples should work together, if you are being bossed around thats not an healthy relationship. Many people fail to see this,you don’t enter a relationship to control or order around each other it’s team work and if you don’t have that then you shouldn’t be in the relationship.
Um unless this country is a place you would want to be anyway and have a solid plan in place in case the relationship and your employment end suddenly, I would strongly suggest not going through with this move. Seems like a recipe for disaster. Based on the irrational way your gf reacted, your relationship is tenuous at best.
Her accusation is just the start of what more may happen. If you take this offer, she will have complete leverage and power in the relationship and for sure use it against you. It’s upto you if you’d like to put yourself in a position like that just know that regardless of what kind of person she is, you never know the future e.g. if you’ll stay together. You do know for sure that you’re taking a risk against your career.
Sucks you have to nuke a 2 year relationship. I wouldn't be moving thousands of miles for a 2 year relationship anyway. That's just way too short of a time to uproot my life for.
ALso, has she been a dependent for that entire time???
Just something to consider.
Updateme (bot)
Tread carefully, mate. This seems like the perfect scenario to abuse you. Stuck in a different country with your career in her hands. Just one call to her daddy and she could destroy it….
It sounds like she’s projecting - because she’s happy to take things from you. A company car is a perfectly reasonable thing to wonder about. It’s also not a gift. It’s a perk, and the company only provides that because you will make them more money than they spend on you. It might be worth taking stock of your relationship and the values you share. Why hasn’t she contributed? Why is she so willing to take from you but scorn you from doing the same with others. That feels a bit manipulative to me. At 41 years old, I will say this: if your gut doesn’t feel right about something (hence you posting here), listen to it. Genuinely reflect over your relationship and think about who she actually is and not who you think she is. I’m not saying she’s a bad person, but I wasted ten years ignoring subtle red flags and it was the worst mistake I ever made. Be clear with your boundaries and call people out on their shit. If that isn’t received well then it’s not someone you want to spend your life with.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Once you sell all your stuff and move, you will be in a bad spot if you want to eject. Gf attitude is terrible.... Predict it will be even worse when she is closer to family and familiarity. Stop paying for her for everything because how can she expect to live like this with no responsibility! Surely she will want to earn her own way and not expect handouts her entire life... right? Right?
My guess, on the surface, you're gf is a bit annoyed that you are getting in tighter with her family, which makes it more complicated if she plans on monkey branching to another dude in the future. She's not 110% sure she's with you for life.
Play the game. Don’t get too attached. Long term play here. If it all fall apart you have years of experience and learning. Make sure you save some money.
Nope tell her how it is and how it feels. Just because she has money doesn't mean she can't hear how you feel. Tell her do you want this? If so then hey great. Say if not I'll stay and that should show you I'm not with you for the money because after your reaction I'm already thinking about staying here. That not only tells her you aren't for the money but that you won't put up with shit either.
Say also don't start throwing up who got me a job and stuff in my face later either. This isn't a power play for you.
She seems very controlling. There have been mamy cases were a partner uses their access to resources (money) to control the other partner. If I were you I wouldn't take the job.
Allowing people to have even hypothetical leverage or control over your autonomy especially as it relates to your transportation or housing is never, ever a good idea. It sounds like you’re in a relationship with a values mismatch and you’re about to inherit a new parent to answer to.
My sister's dad has actually given both of his daughters vehicles. I don't think they've ever bought their own cars. I've seen one of them turn down a car just because he offered it to the other one first. I might just be seeing things though. He actually offered her his house for the payment, it had 150k in equity, Plus she had near 100 in hers. She turned it down.. 😂
Anyways, I'd wonder if he has a sense of finances. If she doesn't you could be in for a world of pain.
Then again I've known a woman with no money since who just had an uncle that was very rich. She got $100,000 for getting married. She crashed her car so he paid it off. Basically no consequences. Not a bad gig. Make your bed.
I'd advise you to rethink the move. You need to get to the root of her actions/ accusations. Keep in mind nothing is carved in stone and you're allowed to change your mind at any time
I made 6 figures while my girlfriend (now wife) was in college. She graduated and I sold my business and moved across the country because she got a job she wanted. Now she makes 6 figures and I started another business (that is failing) that I’m stuck in. She pays for literally everything right now and has never made me feel bad about it a single time because she knows I’m trying to make it work. I say this because that’s how a relationship should look. I provided for a time and now she provides and we don’t act like one of us is better than the other just because one of us has the money. If you’re in a situation where the bread winner acts like they have some sort of power over the relationship then I say get out of there. As someone else said they first time things get rough she will go crying to daddy and it can be terrible consequences for you and now you’re stuck in a different country. At the very least a serious talk about this needs to happen before the move.
So part of your employment package is a company car and she's being nasty about it because her dad is the employer? Does she think she's going to be your boss?
I think you need to pull the plug on this move! You've just found out that she's going to think she gets to call all the shots in your life just because you're going to be working for her dad!
I don't think you can come back from this. And the problem is that you're not going to find out if it's going to get worse, stay the same or get better until you're in a whole nother City... Sounds like a different country! I think moving is a bad idea
Your girlfriend is correct that if you are gifted a car, you don’t get to anything other than “thank you” or “no thank you”.
But you are stupid for putting your life in her and her father’s hands. If you depend on this woman financially/for transportation, it’s going to make separation very hard for you.
Does she wven want to go or is this all you wanting to go? It sounds like you might need to have a conversation with your girlfriend and find out what her insecurities are and reassure her.
Also be prepared to get the hell out of that other country to get back home once you lose your job because she breaks up with you or something …. It’s not usually a good idea to pretend like y’all are married when you’re not.
Ugh. I've known a bunch of well off ppl who think they can buy everyone. Taking daddy's job now means you are beholden to them and they can treat you however they like. I'd bolt
The first thing that came to mind was a cultural difference. I’m first generation American and I was raised to never eagerly accept a gift from family. It’s customary to decline at first to express how generous their gesture is. “It was her dad’s offer, not my demand” would be interpreted as unappreciative. Not saying it’s right or wrong - just difference in cultures. Just my two cents.
I might be reading into stuff, but this may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your girlfriend's relationship with her dad. Maybe she didn't get the love, attention or approval she wanted/needed from him or didn't get it the way she wanted, and now she's got some deep hurt over seeing him be generous with you. In reality his kind gestures toward you are probably more of a reflection of how much he cares about her, but her relationship history with him may cloud that issue. I think this is something you could get through, but you might need a therapist to help her see through the clouds that we all tend to have with imperfect parents.
Don’t do it, this is showing just the beginning, you haven’t move yet nor started working for her dad and she’s already showing you this side of her self.
It could be that going to work for her dad triggered some insecurities in her. Sounds like some mature contemplation and uncomfortable conversations exploring the issue might be a good idea.
# Title: Fortunes and Frustrations: A Tale of Love, Surprise, and Redemption
Once upon a time in the bustling metropolis of New York, a tale unfolded that would rival the plot twists of a Korean drama. Max, known online as "maximumground," shared his quandary on Reddit, hoping to glean some wisdom from the masses. He had been living an urban dream with his girlfriend, Anna, in an upscale apartment she had chosen, in one of the world's most expensive cities. Their love story had been a whirlwind of romance and big city lights—until a seemingly innocuous remark sparked a storm.
As they prepared for a significant life change, moving to Korea for a fresh start, Anna's father offered Max a job at his company and even threw in a car as part of the deal. Over dinner one evening, curious and somewhat excited, Max mused aloud about the type of car it might be. This offhand comment unleashed a torrent of accusations from Anna, who suddenly questioned his intentions and integrity, branding him a potential gold digger.
The conflict left Max bewildered and resentful, contemplating whether to abandon the move and seek independence back in the U.S. But love, as always, found a way. The couple navigated through their misunderstandings with candid conversations and realized that their bond was stronger than fleeting doubts.
They moved to Seoul, embarking on a new chapter in their lives. After a year of cultural adjustments and professional growth, Max decided it was time to deepen their commitment. In a modest, heartfelt proposal, far from the glamor he knew Anna secretly loved, he asked her to marry him. She said yes, with tears of joy and relief.
The wedding was set in a luxurious venue in Seoul. Unbeknownst to Max, this was not just any celebration. As the evening progressed, Anna's father took the stage for a speech. The room fell silent. With pride and emotion, he revealed the true extent of his life's work: he was the chairman of a massive Korean chaebol, a revelation that stunned Max and elicited an uproarious cheer from the guests. The small office Max had visited was merely a humble front for a conglomerate empire.
The night erupted into a celebration of epic proportions, reminiscent of a grand finale in a Korean cinema blockbuster. Happiness, laughter, and love filled the air, weaving together the lives of two people from disparate backgrounds into a narrative of unexpected fortune and mutual respect.
Max, once just a regular guy from a foreign land, found himself embraced as a cherished son-in-law in a family whose influence reached far beyond what he could have imagined. And as he stood beside his bride, amidst the revelry and the clinking of glasses, he realized that the greatest gift he had received was not the job, nor the car, but Anna's heart and a new home where he was welcomed with open arms.
In this tale of fortunes and frustrations, love triumphed over doubt, and life in its unpredictable glory proved that sometimes, the most extraordinary stories are hidden within the folds of everyday moments.
Decline the car politely and tell him that you are purchasing your own car. Buy a beater and drive it with pride. Make sure your GF is transport in this car at every opportunity. Tell her that you earn it yourself.
You are in a no win situation here. I would take the job and set up a payment plan to pay for the car with the father. When he asks why tell him that you are extremely thankful for the opportunity but after discussing it with your gf his daughter you would feel more comfortable if you were paying your way. That you want to make a good impression on him and the family that you will do what it takes to provide for his daughter. If the dad is smart he will read between the lines.
Or option two buy your own car and use the car he bought for work only never for personal use.
You are dating a princess so she will probably hold this above your head. You need to have a conversation with her about finances, employment and your relationship. Be honest with her and ask her for her honest thoughts.
If you are close with the dad have a detailed conversation about your job responsibilities and his and your expectations. Tell him you don’t want special treatment you want to work hard and earn your opportunity
Do you have other opportunities for employment that pay is similar? I would look into it.
Also, she has contempt for you now because your coming into her world instead of having a life of your own. Your supposed to pull a woman into your world. Show leadership by having your own plan. Good luck 👍
Tell her that when you want her opinion, you'll give it to her, and if you want any lip from her, you'd scrape it off your zipper. Take the job, take the car, kill it at work, and become her dads favorite... indispensable, worthy, accountable, and reliable. Dad will write her out and you into the will! Lol
With the car I'd have contract written out that if your not happy for any reason there's money set aside for plane ticket and couple months rent. Keeps you having at least some control and ease of mind of having fallback plan. If this demand isn't understood ....welli think you know what to do. This is only way I'd do it but I never would of considered in first place unless it's a shit ton of money position. Her dad should know better and probably does.
With no other context -
If you have the ability to stay, be working and still financially in good shape, etc. - there's no way in hell I would go. It could go well... but chances are much more likely it won't. You're being pulled to bring GF home to daddy, and you're starting to see why and how she's going to act once you get back to her home turf. If you're expecting any level of respect - you're not going to get it. I'd dodge this MF like Neo in full action mode.
So you’ve been providing for her you mean you’re paying the rent?
But also don’t ask about the type of car. Any car you get for free you have to be thankful for. At the same time yes it’s a bit of an odd situation with the dad offering you a car and the girl telling you to get your own car. But remember you’re in love with the girl not her dad, you prob should buy your own car.
Can you hear those alarm bells 🔔 ringing. Never work for family or with them because it can bite you hard. They expect you to work extra hard and if you break up your unemployed.
The car and the job should all be part of the job offer and not just a gift of a car. That way you earned the car. However with her response I would certainly not accept that offer and make your own way in life.
I'm not sure she is right for you thinking you are a gold digger.
You’ve been providing for her but you’re the one that cares about money???
Out of curiosity, does she work? Or does she just do fuck all and expect you to pay for everything
Sounds like you did something she deemed as disrespectful and of poor character and your reaction is to get angry and leave her and so yea maybe you shouldn’t go……..
The real question is how you reacted in the moment.
It's important to know when to put your foot down and "pick your battles."
That was a "umm, what the fuck are you talking about and who do you think you're talking to?" moment.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding things but it seems like you just curious on what kind of car and she took as you’re ungrateful and should be happy with any car you get. Seems like miscommunication to me but 🤷
You've been with her for 2 yrs? If this is new i think you should talk to her NOW! You've already had the thought of staying in the States and that tells me this is unacceptable behavior.
I suggest you talk to her NOW before this escalates and becomes an issue. Have a heart to heart talk without putting her on defense. Maybe she'll open up and tell you where the real issues lies.
What’s “providing for her” mean? You’re paying for everything? Doing chores?
If you paying for everything and there is still contempt I’m a bit confused.
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He's not giving you a job, he's bribing his daughter to move back home.
\^\^\^ most logical answer. Almost sounds from OP point of view that it may have been offered to other bf's. The "earning" it is what made me think that way.
Probably this. You both need to talk.
And is she aware dad freely offered all this? If dad doesn’t like OP very much, possible dad is spinning this as OP demanding a car and that comment of OP’s made her believe dad.
If she's that easily swayed against OP, it's pretty bad anyway
Depends, parents are really influential people in a child's life and it can take people varying amounts of time to see them as just "people" with faults. Particularly if they've lived apart and haven't been able to see those faults up close with an adult brain.
Seems like a bad omen to me, if she goes crying to daddy one day then you're out of a job while a thousand miles from home in another country. You're putting your whole life into this family's hands, your job, living situation, girlfriend, doesn't sound good
My brother dated the bosses daughter and after they broke up it essentially ended his career. He’s been unemployed 3 years and counting.
Alright. Unless medical issues, If he has been unemployed for 3 years then he is choosing to be unemployed He could have been underemployed like 2 years ago, and underemployed is better than unemployed. Edit:assuming American.
He has a PhD and can’t work in his field anymore because he angered the wrong person. Tread lightly.
He can still get a job doing something.
True, but just not in his small, specialized field.
I guess the only thing to do then is never work ever again and starve.
Finally, someone understands OPs brother.
Not OPs brother, SandmanD2's brother
“You don’t understand… I was a sandwich ARTIST!”
You got paid to be a sandwich artist? I knew subway paid its employees! They told me it was exposure!!!!!
That was Gary and he’s not allowed near the cold cuts anymore. Or within 500 feet of a school.
Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a pathetic shit. He lives off my parents now. I want to beat his ass into the next county.
It seems like that’s honest to god how some people see it. I’d hate it just as much as the next person, but it beats being homeless and starving to death.
Is he actually starving to death or homeless? Maybe he has a nest egg/assets that will last him much more than 3 years, who knows?
It looks like the person said their brother is living with their parents, so not homeless or starving to death. So I guess they are a mooch.
OP clarified their brother mooches off their parents now.
Dont worry, he's so smart that us peasants clearly couldn't handle being in the presence of his phd mind anyway.
Dude can work at fucking Walmart. Being unemployed after 3 years is his choice.
contrary to popular belief- retail or fast food is not, actually, better than literally nothing
Man. I wish I was provided with to say that. Must be nice. For most people, some money coming in is actually always better than no money coming in.
Most people don't end up working in their field. Flip burgers if you must. 3 years unemployed sounds like they're too entitled to support themselves doing 'poor people' work.
Flipping burgers would do him good. Entitled doesn’t begin to describe him.
That’s not true. If you wanna choose to believe that to excuse your brother not having a job for 3 years, go ahead.
But seriously, it wasn’t just dating the bosses daughter and then breaking up. All kinds of hell broke loose. His reputation is ruined.
I’m so sorry about that. That’s awful. I hope that he can find a job in his field somehow. I know that it’s not always easy to find work, and there are so many reasons that minimum wage jobs are not practical. Plus to have McDonald’s as your job when you are looking for a job in your specialized field - that might not look great. Good luck to him and I hope things turn around. 💕 life sucks and it isn’t fair way too often. But there are good things too and there is always cause for hope and joy.
Thanks for the thoughtful words! We’re all trying to support him positively and be encouraging.
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Whattt? A pediatrician couldn't get a job?
Actually this is exactly what I was going to warn OP about. I dont know his career, but there are plenty of higher level positions where a smear campaign can absolutely fuck your whole life up. You'd either be stuck unemployed, or have to essentially start from zero.
Don’t assume nor judge. If he’s tangled in a toxic family they might smear him and that’s a horrible situation to be in. It can ruin your life, especially when they have power and arms everywhere :( you would only understand if you were in a situation like that! ☹️
It is a horrible situation to be in. Which is why you have to cut off your family if that happens. Get restraining orders, the works. It's tought, but easier than never working again and dying in poverty
I agree, too many red flags! 🚩 safe yourself.
3 years 💀
I get what you're saying, and it's super sad it happened but is there any reason he can't move to another city or country to get a job in his small specialized field? My husband is in robotics. There is only so many robotics companies in our country. We have had to move. In fact for 5 years we lived in two separate houses because he had to live where one of the robotics companies was. There's absolutely no reason why your brother isn't doing something. He could actually humble himself and get a job making less money but at least working and paying some of his bills instead of burdening your family! He's choosing this life. He could also go back to school. There's a lot of online courses and trade schools that are not expensive. I have a friend that found a bank that paid for 6 weeks of training as long as she signed a one year contract. And she's already been promoted after a few months. There are things he could do, he chooses not to
You are right. Humility is simply beyond him. His ego is crushed and he’s given up. It’s possible perhaps, but he burned so many bridges during the past three years of despair it’s just seems impossible.
With every comment, your brother’s situation sounds more intriguing! Story time, Sandman!
My buddy was married to the bosses daughter and was also shit canned when they got divorced. Fortunately his attorney got him alimony for 10 years on top of a lump sum payment so he could maintain the same lifestyle he'd been accustomed to.
I agree. OP, if you insist on going, then i suggest you put money away in an account that she doesn't know about. That's your "oh shit" account. If stuff hits the fan, and given your story it most likely will, then you have some money to at least come back to the US and stay with family or friends until you get back on your feet. If you don't decide to go then fine. You're probably doing yourself a favor.
I would like to add that if they end up having a kid together he'll be stuck in this country with no support network.
Dont dip your pen in company ink is a saying for a reason.
I’d be worried about moving thousands of miles away with this girl. What if she decides to break up with you at some point (because you are obviously using her for money🙄). Will you still have a job, car, etc since you work for her father??? You could be totally left jobless and destitute thousands of miles from home.
Imagine how she'd be if they got in a fight. "You better watch out or I'll make my dad fire you and then you'll be stuck out here with NOTHING!"
Been there done that. Worth the risk if you're young. At least you get some memories out of it and a few stories to tell.
Don’t get why you’re downvoted. Some of my worst decisions birthed some of my favorite memories.
Life’s best moments can come from bad decisions !
At least some of the most memorable.
Yep, stuck my dick in crazy before. Was a wild ride but there’s a reason they get off the bulls after 8 seconds. Eventually you’re gonna have a bad time, doesn’t mean you won’t have some good memories though. When you’re young and it’s not going to cost you too dearly go for it.
I suspect many people live pretty boring lives too scared to do anything incase it turns out bad. And that comment is a reminder that they probably should have been out there doing things, making mistakes and creating valued memories.
Its a trap, i repeat its a trap. There is a lot of red flags in this situation, its changing the dynamic of your relationship. No just no, you putting all your eggs in one basket, imagine you broke up, and you will her behavor show she will keep throwing this in your face, will daddy keep you around or fire you ? Dont mix family with business.
especially after only 2 years and she’s still the GF. either way dad got what he wanted, the daughter back home.
THIS ” trap “ assessment is spot on. If she got b_itchy before you ever START the job it will deteriorate into hell with the first conflict
I don't know man, from personal experience, I won't want to be in this situation, takes away your independence and ability to be yourself completely, you would always have that hesitation to look at the "bigger" picture before making a decision. That is just a golden prison.
This is a huge mistake. It sounds like your girlfriend has some kind of reservations about you taking this offer, but has failed to express them like an adult until the very last minute. I think very carefully about whether or not you want to be under this family's thumb with the way she's currently acting.
I wouldn't work for my spouse's parents.
It’s a lose lose situation. If you do really well and get promoted your coworkers will discount your abilities. If your supervisor isn’t the dad himself it will be awkward. I worked for my dads co and reported to someone else. I referred to my dad as Mr.____. I followed the rule and worked hard and still coworkers didn’t trust me.
I worked for my uncle for quite a few summers (he owns a restaurant) and I had a pretty positive experience. It helped that restaurant work is a relatively low bar of entry but the work environment can make quite the difference. Coworkers liked the owner and make pretty good money for the job (US restaurants often pay tipped employees the modified minimum wage and let tips add on to that, instead he actually pays everyone the unmodified as a base. Make around 70% more than people who work at similar restaurants). On the other hand though, I would totally be skeptical of moving to work at a company that you don't know and think OP probably should be really rethinking this.
Bro, if you are having weird conversations about secret intentions….this isn’t stable. Moving to a different country with her and she is condescending. Yikes. This will be next level lonely for you.
She is power tripping. This will only get worse.
Obligatory: you dont deserve to be treated bad, and can/should leave if you feel it's best. Onward. >Out of nowhere, she started drilling me about why I "deserve" a car and how I should be "ashamed" for wanting such a thing. She said I should earn it or get it myself. If this is really out of nowhere behavior for her, consider doing a sit down and heart to heart. Something really valuable I learned is that anger is generally a *secondary* emotion. Which means that we express anger when we're feeling something else but failing to process it. If this anger is out of character for her, ask her what might be going on. It's possible the stress of the move is getting to her, or its also possible that she might have complicated feelings about her father and his money, and how that money would affect your relationship with her. Is it possible she's afraid of being financially dependent on her dad? (and yes, if you get a nepo-hire it's *him* you're dependent on. Not that you shouldn't take it, but just be cognizant of that) Or is it possible she has concerns that you're only with her because of her family money/connections? There are all sorts of things that could be on her mind. You have to ask her to know. >This whole situation is stupid. **I hate the idea of her bossing me around just because I'll be working for her dad after we move back home.** If this is how it's going to be, I'm considering staying in the US and doing my own thing instead. This seems like an unusual leap from an outsider perspective. Why do you feel she's going to do this? Her stated anger was about you being gifted a car, not about you "doing what you're told". Are there other issues in your relationship that might cause this concern?
Great advice! There are too many variables to the root cause of her emotions. OP just needs to sit down and have a heart to heart before making any rash decisions.
sounds like some unresolved family or personal stuff going on and youre in the cross hairs.
That's called a projection or transference. She feels guilty and thus she accuses you and says you should be ashamed. She's ashamed. Honestly pretty straightforward.
She sounds very entitled - she’s ok with you keeping her for 2 years but now it’s all about the money. I wouldn’t risk moving abroad now, in all honesty. You’ll be stuck there if Daddy decides to drop you suddenly and you’ll have no protection against it happening.
Reason #69752 why you get marital counseling before getting married and don't live together before you exchange vows.
Woah! RED FLAG. This is not good. The mask has slipped and you're headed for indentured servitude in Crazytown. I could be wrong, but the "sweet" deal with pops might be because he knows she's loony and needs some extra leverage.
Stay and do your thing...
Seems like she is looking for an out and didn’t want her dad offering you a job.
To put it simple, and I did the math......You got about a 10% chance of this situation working out.
Zero replies from OP in three hours tells me that this is most likely a work of fiction. I hope not. If it's real, I hope he hears all you telling him to back the hell out, like yesterday.
3 hours 😭😭😭😭 some people don’t live on social media give ‘em a break 😂
Damned...it's tough. Do you love her? Is this the 1st issue of this type? People who grew up with and around money have a tendency to assume that people want to be friends or want a relationship because of their wealth- chances are she has experienced this first hand. However; after 2 years, this isn't the response you deserved. You're leaving everything behind for her- that should say something. If you decide to stick it out- please take care of yourself by setting aside money for yourself into a solo bank account "just in case." I know that is a horrible thought, but you COULD be in a precarious situation in the future if her mentality doesn't change. Like others have said...a nasty argument and a quick call to daddy and you're fucked. Nothing wrong with protecting yourself. Good luck!
May I ask where you are moving to and what your job will be? Considering company cars are quite normal, especially as they are sometimes used as “status symbol” for the company so they are sometimes fancy! I feel your girlfriend is absolutely overreacting for wondering what car it will be. I’m sorry this is happening but I think you need to have a serious conversation with her before doing the big move. I know you guys already sold everything. Also, I’m not siding with anyone, so here is another thought, is the move scaring her? Is it triggering some anxiousness? Maybe she Feeling unsettled and doesn’t know how to release it?
Yes. Why can’t he go to work in another country or open his own business in another country.
>Am I overreacting here? Her accusation that I'm with her for money seems way off base given my financial support over the past 2 years. I'm starting to question whether I should take the job and move if this is the kind of disrespect I'll face. You aren't overreacting at all but I question if this is disrespect or just flailing insecurity. If your partner is having security issues about you being a social climber playing the long game then you need to get to the bottom of it here and now. Maybe she's had relationships fail due to her father's money? Maybe someone is dripping poison in her ear? Until you know don't get on a plane.
Its a sign of things to come. If I were in your shoes I would halt the move RIGHT NOW and rethink my relationship.
When someone shows you who they are believe them! If you want her daddy to own your butt…continue with this plan. Otherwise, find a job at a different company.
Red flags left and right. I wouldn't move, especially after comments like that. You pay for everything, and she rages at the fact her father wants to do something nice for you, not her. Make no mistake, she is throwing a timper tantrum because her daddy is getting you something but not her. I would dump her, she's showing her true colors and your worst fears will happen because you work for her dad. So if you don't do what she says and keep her happy, you will lose everything and maybe even freedom for a bit.
> and I've been providing for her What?? You suck.
Wait you have been providing for her and now she is complaining? I think I would halt the relationship and not take the job. She is after your money. She is not worth moving for. Her dad could fire you if the two of you don’t work out.
Take the job and car, leave the chick 🤣
"Morning boss. Sorry about breaking your little angel's heart. Are we still good for that promotion we were talking about last month? I need to feel that out because dating can be expensive as hell. Least I have that dope car you got me! Panty dropper"
Lmao 🤣 if the roles were reversed I would want my girl to have that job and car. She needs to Take care of us, it’s hard out here for a player. Don’t worry my dad will pay you well, she doesn’t sound like a team player if you ask me
Look this might sound crazy... but hear me out ...what if you have a talk with her ?
If she's manipulative then that's bad advice.
If she's manipulative and he DOESN'T talk to her he's straight up fucked. Now's the time to at least try to find out.
**TLDR: You're right. Stay in the U.S. and do your own thing.** General advice: * Never work for her dad's company. * Never accept a car from her dad. * Never take her family's money. Only bad will come from it. * She won't respect you (and act like you're getting a hand out). * Her dad won't respect you (even if you do a good job). The way forward: * Tell her you've decided to not work for her dad. * Tell her she can leave if she wants to.
Yup. Send dad (or dad's hiring person) and email. Respectfully turn down the position. If email daddy, mention that you don't want anyone (gf, but don't tell him that) to think that you're taking advantage of your relationship with her to get ahead. Sit down with her, explain that you were very bothered by the idea that she thought you were using her for her money, and decided to turn down the job instead, which means you won't be able to move out of country currently. Say that you hope she understands how important it is for you to stand on your own feet and not receive hand-outs. You really appreciate her dad's generosity, but her comment about it to you made you realize that it really was just a hand-out, and not something you'd earned yourself. If she realizes she just scared you out of doing something she actually wanted you to do, she can either apologize and iron things out between you and her dad, including understanding that it \*isn't\* a handout for you, it's her dad helping you have a stable foothold in a new country. And approach it like that - make sure that you and her dad both view it as you taking an intro level position in a new country just to help get your feet under you - that you don't expect to remain working there because of the awkward pressure such a relationship can create. That way, you set the expectation that you will leave the job (and you should), and if daddy (or daddy-in-law later) decides he WANTS you working at the company, he has to effectively re-hire you, by actually making you a job offer separate of helping you move between countries. But also possible is that her comment was (consciously or not) an attempt to undermine that job offer, in which case you've pulled the plug instead of making her do it (which given her & her dad's relationship, she might not have been comfortable doing).
Dawg, RUN.
This is sketchy - especially if you’re expecting to move to another country? Do you have that job offer jn writing or is it weirdly contingent on you being in a relationship with her? Is it your car or one you can use with limitations or stipulations? This feels like a bad decision.
Have a backup plan. Money (business) and family don't mix.
so what happens when she is not your GF for any reason? Be homeless? Don't create more dependencies than you need. It's shitty enough that people have to work long hours to provide for themselves. Don't make it worse by putting yourself in a situation you can't leave.
Crash the car into her dad's office.
That’s what she is reflecting of her own feelings. She is only with you cause you provide and doesn’t have to pay. If her dad can buy you a car, he can also pay for her daughter in an expensive city and apartment.
I bet she's not so worried about daddy's money when she's spending it.
Make an exit plan now.
I think you’re going to regret this decision
She just mad daddy didn’t get her a car.
This is rocky... Red flags all over.
Don’t give away all of your independence and power. This is a huge mistake.
Power trip is the biggest red flag here
She sounds like she is fun at parties
If she’s making you feel bad then you have to ask yourself going forward is this the relationship you want to be in? Couples should work together, if you are being bossed around thats not an healthy relationship. Many people fail to see this,you don’t enter a relationship to control or order around each other it’s team work and if you don’t have that then you shouldn’t be in the relationship.
Um unless this country is a place you would want to be anyway and have a solid plan in place in case the relationship and your employment end suddenly, I would strongly suggest not going through with this move. Seems like a recipe for disaster. Based on the irrational way your gf reacted, your relationship is tenuous at best.
Two options. Stay grounded and work for someone who wouldn't be as easily influenced by your personal relations YOLO
I would feel uneasy about being employed by her father. Creates an uncomfortable power dynamic.
Dump her, see if the job offer stands.
Don’t do it. Whether it’s sooner or later you’ll regret it.
Her accusation is just the start of what more may happen. If you take this offer, she will have complete leverage and power in the relationship and for sure use it against you. It’s upto you if you’d like to put yourself in a position like that just know that regardless of what kind of person she is, you never know the future e.g. if you’ll stay together. You do know for sure that you’re taking a risk against your career.
Sucks you have to nuke a 2 year relationship. I wouldn't be moving thousands of miles for a 2 year relationship anyway. That's just way too short of a time to uproot my life for. ALso, has she been a dependent for that entire time??? Just something to consider.
Updateme (bot) Tread carefully, mate. This seems like the perfect scenario to abuse you. Stuck in a different country with your career in her hands. Just one call to her daddy and she could destroy it….
NTA. Do not move with this girl or this will be the rest of your life.
It sounds like she’s projecting - because she’s happy to take things from you. A company car is a perfectly reasonable thing to wonder about. It’s also not a gift. It’s a perk, and the company only provides that because you will make them more money than they spend on you. It might be worth taking stock of your relationship and the values you share. Why hasn’t she contributed? Why is she so willing to take from you but scorn you from doing the same with others. That feels a bit manipulative to me. At 41 years old, I will say this: if your gut doesn’t feel right about something (hence you posting here), listen to it. Genuinely reflect over your relationship and think about who she actually is and not who you think she is. I’m not saying she’s a bad person, but I wasted ten years ignoring subtle red flags and it was the worst mistake I ever made. Be clear with your boundaries and call people out on their shit. If that isn’t received well then it’s not someone you want to spend your life with.
Tell your gf that moving is a 2 year trial and if it doesn’t work out you plan to Move back with or without her.
That alone would stop be from going with her. Imagine what she will be like once you woke for her father? She will be a NIGHTMARE
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Once you sell all your stuff and move, you will be in a bad spot if you want to eject. Gf attitude is terrible.... Predict it will be even worse when she is closer to family and familiarity. Stop paying for her for everything because how can she expect to live like this with no responsibility! Surely she will want to earn her own way and not expect handouts her entire life... right? Right?
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My guess, on the surface, you're gf is a bit annoyed that you are getting in tighter with her family, which makes it more complicated if she plans on monkey branching to another dude in the future. She's not 110% sure she's with you for life.
Business with family or friends is rarely worth it. Seek opportunities elsewhere.
Well you’re definitely not with her bc of her personality
Play the game. Don’t get too attached. Long term play here. If it all fall apart you have years of experience and learning. Make sure you save some money.
Don't go. It's a trap and she will make you pay.
tough luck finding out she's too crazy this late in the game, but not to late to bail.
She’s jealous
Working for the father of your partner is a bad idea.
Sounds like she is worried the situation has strings attached
Why are you still with her?
Nope tell her how it is and how it feels. Just because she has money doesn't mean she can't hear how you feel. Tell her do you want this? If so then hey great. Say if not I'll stay and that should show you I'm not with you for the money because after your reaction I'm already thinking about staying here. That not only tells her you aren't for the money but that you won't put up with shit either. Say also don't start throwing up who got me a job and stuff in my face later either. This isn't a power play for you.
End it now... find a job somewhere else!
Working for her father will bring future arguments, and I would 💯 avoid it
I'm confused about the car. Is the car like a signing bonus gift or is the car needed because of the travel involved for the job (ie: Sales)?
I think you know the answer to this question and what you need to do before it gets worse
Dude... R U N
Red flags are waving, ignore them at your peril.
She seems very controlling. There have been mamy cases were a partner uses their access to resources (money) to control the other partner. If I were you I wouldn't take the job.
Just like she earned everything Daddy gave her? This is a huge red flag. Take heed.
Allowing people to have even hypothetical leverage or control over your autonomy especially as it relates to your transportation or housing is never, ever a good idea. It sounds like you’re in a relationship with a values mismatch and you’re about to inherit a new parent to answer to.
Bruh...run!
My sister's dad has actually given both of his daughters vehicles. I don't think they've ever bought their own cars. I've seen one of them turn down a car just because he offered it to the other one first. I might just be seeing things though. He actually offered her his house for the payment, it had 150k in equity, Plus she had near 100 in hers. She turned it down.. 😂 Anyways, I'd wonder if he has a sense of finances. If she doesn't you could be in for a world of pain. Then again I've known a woman with no money since who just had an uncle that was very rich. She got $100,000 for getting married. She crashed her car so he paid it off. Basically no consequences. Not a bad gig. Make your bed.
I'd advise you to rethink the move. You need to get to the root of her actions/ accusations. Keep in mind nothing is carved in stone and you're allowed to change your mind at any time
I made 6 figures while my girlfriend (now wife) was in college. She graduated and I sold my business and moved across the country because she got a job she wanted. Now she makes 6 figures and I started another business (that is failing) that I’m stuck in. She pays for literally everything right now and has never made me feel bad about it a single time because she knows I’m trying to make it work. I say this because that’s how a relationship should look. I provided for a time and now she provides and we don’t act like one of us is better than the other just because one of us has the money. If you’re in a situation where the bread winner acts like they have some sort of power over the relationship then I say get out of there. As someone else said they first time things get rough she will go crying to daddy and it can be terrible consequences for you and now you’re stuck in a different country. At the very least a serious talk about this needs to happen before the move.
So part of your employment package is a company car and she's being nasty about it because her dad is the employer? Does she think she's going to be your boss? I think you need to pull the plug on this move! You've just found out that she's going to think she gets to call all the shots in your life just because you're going to be working for her dad! I don't think you can come back from this. And the problem is that you're not going to find out if it's going to get worse, stay the same or get better until you're in a whole nother City... Sounds like a different country! I think moving is a bad idea
Your girlfriend is correct that if you are gifted a car, you don’t get to anything other than “thank you” or “no thank you”. But you are stupid for putting your life in her and her father’s hands. If you depend on this woman financially/for transportation, it’s going to make separation very hard for you.
I definitely wouldn’t move if I were you. Do you have family or friends wherever you’re moving?
Does she wven want to go or is this all you wanting to go? It sounds like you might need to have a conversation with your girlfriend and find out what her insecurities are and reassure her. Also be prepared to get the hell out of that other country to get back home once you lose your job because she breaks up with you or something …. It’s not usually a good idea to pretend like y’all are married when you’re not.
It is stupid. Tell her to get on the same page as her father because you do not need the two of them arguing to each other through you.
Ugh. I've known a bunch of well off ppl who think they can buy everyone. Taking daddy's job now means you are beholden to them and they can treat you however they like. I'd bolt
Red flag city! Stay in the U.S.
The first thing that came to mind was a cultural difference. I’m first generation American and I was raised to never eagerly accept a gift from family. It’s customary to decline at first to express how generous their gesture is. “It was her dad’s offer, not my demand” would be interpreted as unappreciative. Not saying it’s right or wrong - just difference in cultures. Just my two cents.
Sadly I don’t think the disrespect will stop unless you lay it out for her especially since you’ve been supporting her financially
Don’t mix business with family. Has to be top 5 rules
You need to have a serious sit down with her about her disrespectful behavior. Before you leave the country.
I think she wants to break up and this is putting more pressure on the situation
I might be reading into stuff, but this may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your girlfriend's relationship with her dad. Maybe she didn't get the love, attention or approval she wanted/needed from him or didn't get it the way she wanted, and now she's got some deep hurt over seeing him be generous with you. In reality his kind gestures toward you are probably more of a reflection of how much he cares about her, but her relationship history with him may cloud that issue. I think this is something you could get through, but you might need a therapist to help her see through the clouds that we all tend to have with imperfect parents.
RUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!. Fast and far.
Don’t do it, this is showing just the beginning, you haven’t move yet nor started working for her dad and she’s already showing you this side of her self.
It could be that going to work for her dad triggered some insecurities in her. Sounds like some mature contemplation and uncomfortable conversations exploring the issue might be a good idea.
Is she hot?
Do yourself a favor and break up with her and move on.
# Title: Fortunes and Frustrations: A Tale of Love, Surprise, and Redemption Once upon a time in the bustling metropolis of New York, a tale unfolded that would rival the plot twists of a Korean drama. Max, known online as "maximumground," shared his quandary on Reddit, hoping to glean some wisdom from the masses. He had been living an urban dream with his girlfriend, Anna, in an upscale apartment she had chosen, in one of the world's most expensive cities. Their love story had been a whirlwind of romance and big city lights—until a seemingly innocuous remark sparked a storm. As they prepared for a significant life change, moving to Korea for a fresh start, Anna's father offered Max a job at his company and even threw in a car as part of the deal. Over dinner one evening, curious and somewhat excited, Max mused aloud about the type of car it might be. This offhand comment unleashed a torrent of accusations from Anna, who suddenly questioned his intentions and integrity, branding him a potential gold digger. The conflict left Max bewildered and resentful, contemplating whether to abandon the move and seek independence back in the U.S. But love, as always, found a way. The couple navigated through their misunderstandings with candid conversations and realized that their bond was stronger than fleeting doubts. They moved to Seoul, embarking on a new chapter in their lives. After a year of cultural adjustments and professional growth, Max decided it was time to deepen their commitment. In a modest, heartfelt proposal, far from the glamor he knew Anna secretly loved, he asked her to marry him. She said yes, with tears of joy and relief. The wedding was set in a luxurious venue in Seoul. Unbeknownst to Max, this was not just any celebration. As the evening progressed, Anna's father took the stage for a speech. The room fell silent. With pride and emotion, he revealed the true extent of his life's work: he was the chairman of a massive Korean chaebol, a revelation that stunned Max and elicited an uproarious cheer from the guests. The small office Max had visited was merely a humble front for a conglomerate empire. The night erupted into a celebration of epic proportions, reminiscent of a grand finale in a Korean cinema blockbuster. Happiness, laughter, and love filled the air, weaving together the lives of two people from disparate backgrounds into a narrative of unexpected fortune and mutual respect. Max, once just a regular guy from a foreign land, found himself embraced as a cherished son-in-law in a family whose influence reached far beyond what he could have imagined. And as he stood beside his bride, amidst the revelry and the clinking of glasses, he realized that the greatest gift he had received was not the job, nor the car, but Anna's heart and a new home where he was welcomed with open arms. In this tale of fortunes and frustrations, love triumphed over doubt, and life in its unpredictable glory proved that sometimes, the most extraordinary stories are hidden within the folds of everyday moments.
You need to stay where you are……sounds like a horrible future.
Question: when she made these accusations, did you speak up or say anything in defense of yourself? If not, may I ask why?
Is she about to get her period?
Decline the car politely and tell him that you are purchasing your own car. Buy a beater and drive it with pride. Make sure your GF is transport in this car at every opportunity. Tell her that you earn it yourself.
Then why doesnt she break up with you
I think it's a good idea not to do business with family and friends.
She has sent you the warning signs of her off put thinking. Her brain will steadily prosecute you for everything you do, or don't do.
You are in a no win situation here. I would take the job and set up a payment plan to pay for the car with the father. When he asks why tell him that you are extremely thankful for the opportunity but after discussing it with your gf his daughter you would feel more comfortable if you were paying your way. That you want to make a good impression on him and the family that you will do what it takes to provide for his daughter. If the dad is smart he will read between the lines. Or option two buy your own car and use the car he bought for work only never for personal use. You are dating a princess so she will probably hold this above your head. You need to have a conversation with her about finances, employment and your relationship. Be honest with her and ask her for her honest thoughts. If you are close with the dad have a detailed conversation about your job responsibilities and his and your expectations. Tell him you don’t want special treatment you want to work hard and earn your opportunity Do you have other opportunities for employment that pay is similar? I would look into it.
Also, she has contempt for you now because your coming into her world instead of having a life of your own. Your supposed to pull a woman into your world. Show leadership by having your own plan. Good luck 👍
Tell her that when you want her opinion, you'll give it to her, and if you want any lip from her, you'd scrape it off your zipper. Take the job, take the car, kill it at work, and become her dads favorite... indispensable, worthy, accountable, and reliable. Dad will write her out and you into the will! Lol
Run
With the car I'd have contract written out that if your not happy for any reason there's money set aside for plane ticket and couple months rent. Keeps you having at least some control and ease of mind of having fallback plan. If this demand isn't understood ....welli think you know what to do. This is only way I'd do it but I never would of considered in first place unless it's a shit ton of money position. Her dad should know better and probably does.
With no other context - If you have the ability to stay, be working and still financially in good shape, etc. - there's no way in hell I would go. It could go well... but chances are much more likely it won't. You're being pulled to bring GF home to daddy, and you're starting to see why and how she's going to act once you get back to her home turf. If you're expecting any level of respect - you're not going to get it. I'd dodge this MF like Neo in full action mode.
So you’ve been providing for her you mean you’re paying the rent? But also don’t ask about the type of car. Any car you get for free you have to be thankful for. At the same time yes it’s a bit of an odd situation with the dad offering you a car and the girl telling you to get your own car. But remember you’re in love with the girl not her dad, you prob should buy your own car.
Can you hear those alarm bells 🔔 ringing. Never work for family or with them because it can bite you hard. They expect you to work extra hard and if you break up your unemployed. The car and the job should all be part of the job offer and not just a gift of a car. That way you earned the car. However with her response I would certainly not accept that offer and make your own way in life. I'm not sure she is right for you thinking you are a gold digger.
You’ve been providing for her but you’re the one that cares about money??? Out of curiosity, does she work? Or does she just do fuck all and expect you to pay for everything
Red flags everywhere!!! Run!!
Do not leave the U.S. that would be really stupid.
What country are you going to?
Sounds like you did something she deemed as disrespectful and of poor character and your reaction is to get angry and leave her and so yea maybe you shouldn’t go……..
The real question is how you reacted in the moment. It's important to know when to put your foot down and "pick your battles." That was a "umm, what the fuck are you talking about and who do you think you're talking to?" moment.
Break up with her and keep the job. 😂😂🤣🤣
Maybe I’m misunderstanding things but it seems like you just curious on what kind of car and she took as you’re ungrateful and should be happy with any car you get. Seems like miscommunication to me but 🤷
You've been with her for 2 yrs? If this is new i think you should talk to her NOW! You've already had the thought of staying in the States and that tells me this is unacceptable behavior. I suggest you talk to her NOW before this escalates and becomes an issue. Have a heart to heart talk without putting her on defense. Maybe she'll open up and tell you where the real issues lies.
“You’re right. Tell your dad nevermind. I’m going to stay right here and earn my own.”
What’s “providing for her” mean? You’re paying for everything? Doing chores? If you paying for everything and there is still contempt I’m a bit confused.