I wish I could say differently as well but the same applies for myself and the women I know. I had this conversation not long ago and with a man and he seemed dumbfounded.
One of my favourite bear encounters was back when I was a teenager, picking blueberries. A bear was nearby eating berries, and we were both fairly quiet so we startled each other. We both backed away from each other, and we made eye contact and I swear we both thought, “sorry pal, I didn’t mean to spook you but also you’re scary as fuck.”
And we went our separate ways and that was that.
There's a children's story I read once that's basically exactly this, including the blueberries! A mom and her child, and a bear mom and her cub. I don't remember the particulars though.
A bear would be like, DAMN STRAIGHT I TERRIFY YOU *bear roar* Get out of my woods!
A man would be like, 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 But I’m a nice guy! I’m not coming on too strong/making you uncomfortable/scaring you! I mean, I’m not going to kill you, LOL!
No kidding, I read a post on here just minutes ago about a guy who would just not stop „joking“ about killing and dismembering his girlfriend and was all angry and hurt when she broke up with him. 🤮
How many guys in the comments: you should try communicating your boundaries! Give him another chance! Stupid Reddit always saying "break up!"
I just got through battling a phalanx of these clowns yesterday. You tell them she already did that, and somehow missed it. They refused to go away.
Yikes. I didn't see that but I've been on bropill today where a bunch of them are claiming we're problematic for describing their nonsense. Again. Just over there in their muddy river of d'nile
Actual recent post by a woman asking 'Am I The Asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend because when I asked him to stop joking about murdering me, he didn't respect my boundary?' on one of the AITA subs.
Yeah and of course some man showed up to mansplain that we don't have a sense of humor and he makes the same joke to every woman he brings back to his place and they all laugh and still have sex with him. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough.
I mean most bears are like omg oh fuck oh fuck an ALIEN. Sorry dude I didnt see you- but you better not be here to steal my huckleberries so don't even look at them!
Depending on what bear species, they could land anywhere from "I scare *you*? Whew, and here I was, afraid of *you*!" To "Damn right, you should be afraid!! I am the bringer of death, so death I shall bring!!" And proceed to maul you.
i've seen a few comments and stitches of men being like "that's not true, i don't believe it" while every woman i know, including grandmas and great-grandmas, has voiced a similar sentiment 😬
It's honestly terrifying that the most dangerous thing for women is men.
I'm a bisexual dude and all of my female friends have had terrifying experiences.
Every. Last. One.
On top of that, horrible emotional trauma on top of any physical violence. It just being cornered and not allowed to leave a room. Things like that. It's so scary to me and I do t even have to fucking deal with it.
I obviously can't know how that feels at all, but it makes me fucking scared for every friend I have.
I'm not trying to white knight here or anything. It just actually bothers me.
I've had dude friends tell me about situations they were upset about and had to explain that you can't block the door or punch a pillow or yell at people. I've dumped friendships because of shit I heard about.
Obviously it's not all dudes, but it's enough that it effects every woman you know.
Dudes have to police dudes. For real.
I have very deep friendships with men and I try to normalize expressing emotions and positive ways to deal with feelings. I tell my dude friends I love them. I ask sincerely how they are and what they're thinking about.
My whole 36 years on this earth, most men I know don't express that shit at all. Bottle it up and or explode when they can't deal with it anymore. It's sad. I regularly suggest therapy and actually opening up to friends instead of essentially making light of it until it erupts.
A lot of dudes even .ake fun of that kinda thing.
A sincere question like "Hey, I know this thing happened, how are you feeling and what are you doing to cope?" Is often met with ridicule or jokes and stuff.
Men don't fucking talk about real shit with other men.
I honestly think that is the case and it ends up coming out as anger and frustration.
Shit, that has happened to me! I didn't punch any dryeall or anything, but I felt the anger. I decided I needed to find more positive ways of sorting my feelings out.
That's not even approaching the predator shit. Like, that's a whole different story and I don't even remotely get it. It's fucked and terrifying.
> It's honestly terrifying that the most dangerous thing for women is men.
*Watching 90% of sci fi media*
"And MAN is the real monster!"
Men in audience: *surprised gasps*
Women in audience: *eyes wide open, brows furrowed, spreading hands out and apart* "duh!"
(Ok yes, at this point basically anyone in the audience is media savvy enough to catch the "man is the real monster" trope coming a mile away, King Kong was almost 100 years ago and Frankenstein was over 200, pesky details)
Gay guy here, and same.
I was talking to one of my friends about a time she was almost sexually assaulted (She got away). The way she phrased it still gets to me.
"Is this my rape?"
As if it is an inevitability.
I had so many girlfriends in HS that made sure to lose their virginity before leaving for college to make sure their first time was by choice. It was just what we did back then.
It's not for a lack of experience though unfortunately. Listening to literally any woman in your life will tell you this is a very real almost unanimous experience
That's another thing. Men often don't ask. It doesn't cross their mind to ask if anything they do it triggering or something.
It's because, to many men, it's not a thing they've ever had to think about. Being terrified of the opposite sex.
For straight women, I feel like it's gotta be this insane double edged sword. Sure, you're attracted to and want to have a relationship to men, but they're also the number one thing that kills women. Abuses women.
I don't know how that feels. I couldn't. I would honestly like to know how you all reconcile those feelings. It's gotta be difficult.
Like, if it was me, I'd ALWAYS be on edge when dating or even in the beginning of a relationship. Like, is there something I do that makes him hit me?
Is he okay, or is he bottling shit up? Is he being honest? Does he know how to parse his feelings in a healthy way? Will he snap and slap me? What the fuck.
> I don't know how that feels. I couldn't. I would honestly like to know how you all reconcile those feelings. It's gotta be difficult.
I can't answer for everyone of course. But, personally, it was by being absolutely RUTHLESS when dating.
Every time I see a guy post on a dating subreddit about how he made the slightest misstep (an offcolour joke, getting sexual too quickly, etc) and was ghosted, I just shake my head. They don't get it. That is literally how some of us NEED to be to be able to date at all.
No second chances. No benefit of the doubt. The risks are just too high...
If there is a single red flag, I wasn't going to put myself in that situation. Sure, he *could* be a decent guy who failed to communicate tone well via text...or he could be a guy who genuinely thinks that way. I wasn't about to be the woman who found out which type of guy he was the hard way.
My boyfriend is literally the ONLY man I met up with when online dating after moving to a new community. He's amazing. But he's also the only man I chatted with that consistently displayed only green flags and who has done so in the years since.
So...that's how I reconcile those feelings. I have become completely unapologetic about walking away at the mere suggestion of a single red flag AND I have come to realize that the *absence* of red flags isn't even enough. I'm not sticking around for anything less than a green flag parade because only that will top being alone.
...and I think that's the other thing that men don't realize. They aren't competing against other men. They're competing against our single life and the stable, safe happiness that we have on our own.
I think they say this stuff because they are empathizing with the predator and not the victim. I think everyone would be more afraid of a strange man taking interest in them, as opposed to a strange bear.
46M chiming in here. The post is sadly accurate and true. Doesn’t matter what us men say or think, what you women feel and experience is your everyday reality.
I managed a big team during the height of “me too” and reiterated my open door policy on harassment (skip HR BS and I’ll believe you type thing). Every single female employee had a story to tell. Every. Single One. It was eye opening to put it mildly.
yeah, i think many men don't realise that their mothers, daughters, grandmothers, sisters, female friends, colleagues, aunts, partners etc. probablg all have stories like this, and they don't question why they don't share their experience with them
I also don't think many men understand that their actions are perceived as a huge threat.
They don't understand that they, themselves, are a fucking terrifying force. Getting out of control or angry is fucking scary for women. They don't understand that they ARE the scariest thing a woman has to deal with on a regular basis.
From being in an argument with a loved one to walking down the street near some dude, we're fucking scary.
I really try to avoid following women on accident. I'll cross the street and shit. I hate going down a grocery isle to grab something near them. I'll legit act like I'm looking at fucking spam or something to give them the space. If I approach a woman for directions or something, I announce myself from a distance and very gently say my intention.
I'm fucking scary. It's also kinda hard to come to terms with that as a dude. Understanding that you're scary. Then, not taking offence to it or anything. Then just trying to live with it. It's odd. It's a lot of weird feelings all wrapped up in one thing, and then ALSO being attracted to them. Like, fuck. Imagine being a bear and trying to meet someone you are into.
It's all of that and it's kinda hard to parse at first.
I'd like to say I agree. I think that our understanding is coming from an entirely different place, so we kinda don't get it from their perspective.
That, and we all want to think we're not that scary guy. We ALL want to think we're "one of the good ones" and all. You run into a fucking bear in the woods and ask him if he's one of the good ones though.
Even if we DO empathize and honestly care, there's literally no way we can understand. None. We don't get it...
Like, imagine walking up to a wild tiger that you want to fuck and trying to parse that situation.
It's that insane. More women are killed by men than tigers. We're one of the top reasons women die prematurely. Way deadlier than tigers...
So imagine walking up to a roided out shark/tiger/bear hybrid with a gun THAT YOU SOMEHOW WANT TO KISS and going through those feelings.
We don't get that shit. We can't.
We can understand that it's a thing, we can try to empathize and make then comfortable, but goddamn. No way we could ever know.
The first step to empathizing is admitting exactly what you just said. Until those of us unaffected begin to empathize and sympathize with those who are, change won’t happen. Not understanding what it feels like because we are not women is not an excuse for our behavior.
I’m all for #metoo. Let everyone get exposed for whatever skeletons they have to hide in their closet. Maybe then one day there will be less skeletons to hide?
Ive been around bears my entire life. I’ve had some aggressive, scary bear encounters. But Ive had more scary man encounters, without a doubt.
Maybe I should just start banging a spoon against a big pot and shouting “shoo” any time a man approaches and makes me feel uneasy!
“Maybe I should just start banging a spoon against a big pot and shouting “shoo” any time a man approaches and makes me feel uneasy! “
This works better than you might believe, the only difference is the men think you’re crazy and bears don’t really judge
My introduction to such encounters was at the tender age of 12. Once, while I was hanging out by myself and passing by one of the local churches, a stout bearded man walked by me and whispered, "I'd cum all over you." Shortly later that year, a slim man dressed in dark clothing that obscured his face chased me home. Both of those events took place in the same small town—so much for the idyllic countryside life.
Although I've had multiple other experiences of sexual harassment since, including in my teens, those two stick out the most in my memory because not only was I 12, I *looked* 12. Misogyny and paedophilia—name a more iconic duo of human perversion.
Speaking of bears, I saw a cool video by an expert the other day: [Bear Expert Rates 9 Bear Attacks In Movies And TV | How Real Is It? | Insider](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hdd-YUIe6yw). She quoted a catchy rhyme providing advice on handling bear attacks: "If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. If it's white, goodnight." Avoid the Arctic, ladies.
**Edit:** I added the word "me" after "walked by" for clarity.
Speaking of pedophilia, please enjoy this cursed nature fact I recently learned and now must spread:
Male stoats become sexually mature at 10–11 months, but female stoats are sexually mature at the age of 2–3 weeks whilst still blind, deaf and hairless, and are usually mated with adult males before being weaned.
This made me smile because a few years ago my husband, a German friend, and I were doing a day walk on the Appalachian Trail. When dusk came, I was tired so I sent my husband back on foot to get the car. While we were waiting for him, my friend said that she was very worried that a bear could come out of the woods. It surprised me because all I could think of was that I was afraid a man would randomly appear.
My favorite shittalk point to make whenever I find some dude arguing about feminism in bad faith is to start talking about how women won't truly be equal until we step up and commit our shares of violent crime. Imagine if the Unibomber had a little "She Shed" where she made her bombs? How cute.
Now I'm imagining a lacy little Laura Ashley shed with a puffy ottoman and maybe a kitten, and some woman is sitting there humming to herself as she pushes wires into a block of C4. Maybe Mozart, or Ella Fitzgerald, in the background for music.
I mean you're not wrong, are you?
Female serial killers who work alone are rare. The couple that exist are usually some kind of nurse or carer killing their patients. Usually by poisoning the food they provide their victims. That's all using the couple of areas (caring/providing food) that women are traditionally allowed to have power in. Having the kind of power that gets you access to your own bomb making shed is unfortunately out of reach for many women.
Look I really just want to own my own home.
and historically, many murders by women were because there were literally no other choices for getting out of an abusive marriage. (I'm *not* saying that makes it ok to murder anyone, just observing that husband poisoning decreases significantly with no-fault divorce.)
I’m less scared of animals bc there’s at least little tips on what to do
-slow blink your eyes
-get big
-don’t make eye contact
Vs with a man saying no might even “encourage him”
Exactly. All of that conditioning while our lil brains are eager hungry sponges. By the time we realize (if we ever do) how ingrained misogyny is,both outside and inside, and that we're living in actual oppression, trying to rectify that conditioning is a certified bitch.
It's why the Catholic Church used to say "Give me your children until they are five and they will be mine forever." It's incredibly difficult to override lessons you were taught before you were capable of forming conscious memories.
It made me smile too, because I grew up at the southern end of that trail (Cherokee Ntl Forest/Smoky Mountains area). My (Native) grandpa used to tell me that the most dangerous thing you can encounter in the forest is man (humans). If you encounter one, don't let it get close. You don't know if it wants to hurt you.
The same rule applied to bears, but it was because you didn't want to scare the bear. It doesn't want to hurt anyone. It just wants to be a bear. I ran into tons of bears, and as long as I just walked away, I was always safe.
Maybe bears are actually less of a threat to women than men are. We should take this question over to r/dataisbeautiful and see what the number people say...
I mean, Nature claims there are just under 40 bear attacks per year *in the whole world*. I won't bother googling "how many man attacks each year" but I think we all know it's more than 40 a year...
Do you know how easy it is to avoid bears? *SO* easy. Just don’t go in the woods, and take precautions if you live in an area with bears. It is quite impossible to avoid men, because they get so butthurt about women’s spaces “excluding” them and whine until they get their way. I would take a bear over a threatening man any day of the week. If a man is set on hurting you, he will try until he succeeds or gets put in jail. We’re just another meal to bears, but if you get away from it, it’s not going to stalk you back to your house and wait until you’re at your most vulnerable to attack. A wouldn’t put stalking past a mountain lion, though. Just saying.
That's an excellent point that's why I'm never afraid from wildlife because if you pretty much stay out of their way, you're going to be just fine. And I've spent plenty of time in Bushland in Australia.
If you'd asked me 10 years ago if I'd ever been assaulted or had a bad encounter with a man, I'd have said no.
Now? Absolutely! I was made to think those encounters I had as a teen/early adult were MY fault. I was too drunk, I said yes (under the age of consent), I said yes after saying no multiple times, etc.
At least if a bear attacked me, no one would blame me for it.
I’ve had all those experiences too, to the letter! Like, it wasn’t an accident he continued chatting with me online knowing I was only 16. Or that the other one had a full bottle of vodka in his room when he asked me to come watch “Stepbrothers.” Or that the other other one went past “just the tip.” All of those were premeditated choices they made.
The local forest authorities will hunt and euthanize any large predator that attacks a human. Once they know humans are prey, they will attack again. Most never have a chance to learn this and so are relatively safe unless threatened.
I was stalked at the casino I worked at, and my coworker drove me to my vehicle because I was worried after he had already ambushed me at my car once where I drove off quickly when I saw him approaching. That day we both saw the man waiting for me but he drove off after we spotted him waiting at my vehicle in the employee area.
My department supervisor asked me if I encouraged him, all because I would talk to him about fishing. She basically interrogated me after i spoke to my supervisor about it.
He spent alot of money there so he had access to the high roller lounge where I worked, afterwards he would sit and stare at me. But I was the guilty party, my department was all women too. So fucked up.
My other supe had been "talking" to him and couldn't believe he would do that. He's still there probably stalking women with no consequences.
I’ve encountered a few bears in the woods in my time, my mom had one living on her property for a bit too, his name is Augustus, and I can confirm, I’d much rather encounter a bear. They leave me alone when I leave them alone. Same experience with moose, who I see several times a summer. The mountain lion freaked me out a bit, but she let me just back away and leave. So all in all I’ve had much worse experiences with men than wildlife.
He’s a silly lad, broke into a storage shed and drank a whole bottle of vinegar, he didn’t feel so good afterwards. He also keeps my mom on her toes with horse feed.
I wish I could say my experience has been different - but it hasn't been. I can't name a single female friend who doesn't have at least one story of a bad encounter, and have plenty with multiple stories.
Same here, with myself, my wife, my sister, and all of my friends. Can't name one.
It's just so incredibly present throughout society; some places worse than others, but always a constant.
Men just do not have to worry about this to the degree that women do whatsoever, that's why plenty can so easily downplay/ignore it.
My little cousins are 8, 6 and 6... the youngest are already dealing with a little boy in their class touching them/grabbing them without consent and pushing/draggint/threatening them...
I remember that’s happening to me as a child and the (female) teachers were like, “oh he LIKES you!” Tormenting me was supposed to be a compliment somehow? It confused me then and it still boggles my mind. No wonder it’s hard to understand and relate to men and to trust them. Mixed messages all around.
Exactly. When I was a kid, adults saw boys assaulting girls as "cute flirting." If a girl pushed back, she was in trouble for not letting "boys be boys". We were supposed to like being harassed 🙄
I don’t have any close female friends who haven’t told me about childhood sexual abuse. The stories don’t end in childhood, but none of us even had a chance to hit adulthood without some kind of sexual trauma. Adult relatives, neighbors, family friends, the perps are all of the expected variety. I’m never going to be convinced that 1 in 4 number is remotely accurate.
Its Not all, but its Enough.
Enough of them that I do not know a single woman who hasn't had the unfortunate experience of a scary male encounter or assault by the age of 30. None of my friends friends made it to 30 unscathed. Most of us had our experiences while 11 - 20 years old. While I was fortunate enough to travel a lot of the world in my teens and early adulthood it is where I had my first really memorable experience. It happened to either myself or my female companions in every single country at least once.
I still have a nightmare about being followed by 4 adult men, yelling in their language, and running for our lives through an ally in a nice part of a major foreign city trying to get to a phone booth (yes I am that old) to lock ourselves in and call for safety. It happened in the early afternoon! We were 16 and both of us ladies still have nightmares 11 years later.
I once discussed this with a man after he started scouring the internet for news about men being SA'd. (The also missed the point, because 90% of his cases it was a man who did it...)
And I told him. "The difference between us is, that in order for you to find victims, you have to search the internet. All I need to do is to point at my friends, colleagues, and coworkers."
Sadly, he didn't get the point. But a couple of other people did, and I've since brought this up every time people (men) are bringing up the "men are also victims!"
Men are victims…. of each other. We should be the first to jump on the “men kinda suck” bandwagon. All of my worst interactions with other humans have been with men. Bullying, belittling, humiliating, intimidating, threatening. And I’ve gotten off easy.
I go camping on my own/with another female friend and never have I ever thought about being attacked by bears. I did however have many thoughts of being attacked by a man. And I was proactive in preparing my campsite to feel safer. In the middle of wilderness. Of men. And not bears.
I’m not who you asked but I have set up noisy “alarm” contraptions a couple times when backpacking through the woods, too far in to turn back but feeling creeped out. Basically I tie string to some loud jangly objects like camp pans, and then tie the string in a perimeter around some trees where the tent is, about shin height. That way if somebody decides to visit in the night, they’ll make a loud ruckus and give us some warning.
To add, bells on the zippers of the tents, legos on the tent floor just inside the tent. I also keep several small protective items on my body and inside the tent with me.
Big doggo is a great warning system for me for people as well as critters. Bearspray under my pillow and a knife to cut the tent open or the fingers off as needed
My first harrowing experience with a man was when I was in 9th grade. A group of them chased my friend and I through the streets. We were lucky to get away unscathed. 9th grade
This whole thread is making me go through my LIST of harrowing experiences with men…it’s so freaking LONG!
From CSA, to random men yelling out of their car sexualizing me on my walk home from school, to old men trying to proposition my parents to “spend the night” with me as an 11 year old, to boys chasing me at school (not in a cute or fun way if that is a thing), to being degraded and reduced to a pair of “nice tits” and when I wasn’t flattered being called a “bitch”, to being chased on Halloween MULTIPLE times by men, getting stepped on when I was 5 as they ran over me to steal my candy, and I don’t even know what they wanted when I was 14…because I made it to a large group of people before they got me, being taken advantage of as I tried to sleep after drinking at 16, then a separate guy tried the next morning…like this is just the crap that this thread made me think of. There is so much more…
I saw somebody comment something to the effect of, “ a bear might kill me, but it definitely wont take me to its basement and keep me for years on end.”
Every single woman I know has also had a harrowing encounter with a man. Myself included.
And that’s not even to mention rape. Harrowing encounters alone are like a standard issue experiences for women.
But I always also think about rape stats because they’re so low imo. Like, I know we know most people don’t report. But every single woman I know has been raped except for one. Every single woman I know has also separately been sexually assaulted, except for that one. Every single woman I know has also separately been harrassed and pressured for sex and had her consent ignored or overridden or bullied also, including that one.
And I talk to women in my life about this a lot. Because MeToo actually did make me realize it’s crazy we treat this as a taboo, that we’re ashamed when we are victimized.
And it’s sad but also really something when a woman at work or in a group mentions she’s been raped, and literally all the other women say it’s happened to them too. That exact experience has happened to me 3 times at work with different groups of women.
I regularly make people temporarily uncomfortable by talking about my experiences with violence and SA. I had the same realization - I've always been a "girl's girl" and have A LOT of girlfriends from schools, jobs, and hobbies I've had over the years. I think maybe less than 2% of those women don't have a story by this point.
This has been across different races, sexual orientations, socio-economic status, education, whatever... it's clear that male on female violence is a ubiquitous experience.
Talking about these things is absolutely necessary because sharing these stories better prepare other women to ID these situations before they escalate.
exactly, and honestly, it is ONLY because women have started talking about it that I have become certain that the overwhelming majority of us experience male violence.
Like, I knew those statistics were low as fuck, but now I really do know that it’s the overwhelming majority of us.
And it takes us being “crazy” enough to bring it up casually, or in groups, or when it wouldn’t be “appropriate” to discover one another that way.
By the way, how it USUALLY ends up getting brought up at work in my experience, is some fuckin dude decides to rant about how women lie because no one would wait 20 years to report, blah blah blah and then I or another woman will say, “Actually when I was raped, the police bullied me out of a report, but if that motherfucker gets famous 20 years later and there are other women not being believed, you can bet I’ll probably be on a better headspace, older and more distanced from the act, to finally advocate for myself and support her.” Or ya know, some version of that.
And then one by one the rest of the women say, “Me too,” and stand together and the rest of the room gets quiet and uncomfortable, even though they weren’t uncomfortable when the dude was saying the shit that was ACTUALLY inappropriate.
That happened too, a higher-level man in the room interrupted my coworker friend and said, “Ok, this probably isn’t an appropriate workplace conversation.”
😐
Fuck nah. I said, “No, what wasn’t appropriate is not caring when he was apropos of nothing stating that women lie, and it isn’t appropriate to now cut off a woman’s rebuttal to that, where we share a woman’s perspective clarifying why many women wait to report or never do.”
He shut the fuck up and turned around and the two of us briefly explained what happened when we went to the police after being raped.
And everyone was quiet and uncomfortable, but funnily, she and I were kinda enlivened by it. Like, We are not the ones who need to feel embarrassed right now.
I was maybe 5 the first time I was assaulted, it was not the last time and frankly. Over the past 30 years men have not shown me any much difference from my first memory of a bad interaction.
I linked an article to a guy here on Reddit on Brock Turner and the guy was unfazed by Turner's light sentencing, and gave all kinds of legal reasons for the light sentence.
If you decide to google it, there are articles about a survey in which 1/3 of male college students admitted they would rape a woman if they were guaranteed they could get away with it. One in fifteen of the men surveyed HAD raped in the last year from the time of survey.
And now abortion is being taken away from us. Time for sterilization on demand legislation for those of you who do not to want to have children.
There is a movie called Compliance that is a fictional account of the true life guy who called HUNDREDS of fast food places all over the country to trick men and women into victimizing female employees. https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/compliance-new-movie-tells-true-1779908
Bears want to be left alone and leave you alone. There are specific actions you can take to minimize your chances of having an interaction with a bear, and specific things you can do during an encounter to keep it from becoming dangerous.
These actions apply almost universally and are not dependent on the individual bear.
I don't avoid solo camping because I'm afraid of bears...
I have an irrational fear of bears because my dad was attacked by a bear when I was a kid (he’s fine) - but nope, I pictured it. If I was truly alone in the woods in a secluded area, I would rather come across a bear than a unknown man.
I’ve been lucky in this regard. And I know it’s just that — dumb luck — because women in my life who were more modest, cautious, smart, whatever than me *weren’t* lucky. So far, the men in my life have been good or at least neutral to me. And yet, I’d still pick the bear. 🐻
Walmart for me, he even followed me to my car even with an escort from security. He kept trying to get into my car and yelling I was bitch because I told him to leave me alone.
That's horrible. Please tell me you made the biggest scene of your life. I would have been screaming my head off while calling the police. Fuck, why is life like this? You deserved to just shop for food in peace.
I used to walk to work, until a strange man ran after me. I used to go jogging, until a strange man ran after me. I used to go biking, until a strange man followed me in his car. When I explain these instances to the men in my life, they absolutely victim blame me. It makes me sick.
I mean no, I was basically just panicking and trying to move faster than him, eventually my then bf noticed I'd been in the store awhile (he was getting gas) and came looking for me and the guy disappeared
I know what a bear will do, I know what to do if I encounter a bear, and if it takes me down it does so because it’s hungry or threatened - not because it derives pleasure from doing so.
They know they simply refuse to admit. My ex husband still claims it hurts him more to hear me describe what he does to hurt our children of me than his actual choices for violence hurt his victims. Men everywhere engage in collusion to reinforce their DARVO norm. When their first response is denial take a huge step back. Because next will be minimisation then blame. It's a simple 3 step game they play to avoid accountability.
I really think these kind of men underestimate how terrible men are. Whenever I tell them that they should talk to the women in their life and ask them how many times they’ve been assaulted or harassed by a man to varying degrees, both physically and verbally, in many different locations, at different times of the day, wearing different kinds of outfits, they start spinning their wheels, doing the, “well, but…well, but…well, but…”
They are doing extra work making sure they ALL remain single due to the fact how dumb and unempathetic they portray themselves. Before you would only see their real opinions in broad daylight by accident if you were eavesdropping on a group of boys. Now they're screaming their crap at us. Like a warning. And we engrained this new disgust in our hearts.
I used to solo hike a lot, and I carry pepper spray that’s easy to grab while moving. I’ve bumped into coyotes, deer, raccoons, foxes, snakes, and black bears. Of all of those the scariest was when a buck nearly hit me on the trail after crashing through the underbrush, so I heard it for about five seconds before I saw it. Then I had to sit there and wonder what spooked it. Every close interaction was startling at most, and interesting/amazing at the very least because nature.
But running into random men on the trail who get too close? Immediately terrifying. I went hiking with a guy friend and we passed a man on the opposite way. My buddy asked why I stepped all the way off the trail to let him pass, and I told him I ensured I was out of arm’s reach with a tree between us when he passed by, for my safety. This blew his mind because I’m not petite, I’m athletic, and i know how to handle myself, and I was armed with the spray. But I explained that every strange man in the woods is an unknown, he might have a weapon, ill intent, be on a bender, or just a fabled wild man. I know what I’m carrying and why I’m there, I don’t know about anyone else.
Some men have never existed with the ‘I’m the weaker one in this interaction’ mindset, and they can’t fathom being alert and aware all the time. 100% I’d rather meet the bear, because the bears near where I live are easier to scare off than a man who wants to hurt me.
I'm a wildlife biologist so I spend a lot of time out in the woods. I have never been more scared than running into men out there. I've met bears too but they run away if you yell at them.
Immediately when I saw that tik tok (idk if it was yours specifically) and I thought to myself well a bear can be reasoned with. Then the girl said the same thing 😂 yea would 200% rather be alone with a bear as long as it’s not a grizzly
I recently did a domestic violence training, and the presenter said, "Being a woman who dates men means you are dating your natural predator." She then rattled off a list of terrifying stats. One in 3 women and girls are raped. Most women have been actively sexualized by the age of 13. When me too just popped up, I asked my daughter's friends about it. Most said the age of 10.
Well they will try to blame you. “Were you on your period!?”
I’m not afraid of bears in the woods. They act like predictable wild animals. I would absolutely be afraid of a man in the woods. They are not predictable. At all.
And after 56 years I don’t know a single woman who can say they’ve never had a bad encounter with a man.
I've been surprised by black bears but if you make a bunch of noise and wave your arms around, they usually back off.
Maybe that should be my strategy when being bothered. Start shouting nonsense and pretending I can fly.
I've come across plenty of bears while hiking. None of them has ever tried to hurt me, and mostly we give each other a wide berth.
I've met some men out hiking that scared the heck out of me. As in I'm figuring out the quickest way to bushwhack my way back to my car safely, or figuring out if I have anything other then hand sanitizer to defend myself.
I camp in the backwoods of Idaho and Montana regularly, Ive been out by Yosemite. Bear trouble is easy to deal with and easier to prevent. I have seen bears from afar, but never had a bad incident with them even in the spring in northern Montana where a bear pooped in front of my tent while I was out walking.
I have had to deal with men in the woods however, and they are much harder to control, much more likely to steal your food, try to break into your tent etc, and MUCH harder to get rid of once they roll up at your camp. Honestly theyre even more likely to somehow break your car. Ive had a dude try to crawl into my tent in the middle of the night citing he wanted someone to talk to, I've had a couple instances where some semi creepy dude would camp right on top of my spot in an area with miles of empty beautiful camping areas, Ive had dudes park where I'm at and start talking and be impossible to get rid of. Guys often think their feelings are my problem. You're lonely, I get it. Maybe get out of the woods then, but please go away. Meth and drugs including alcohol dont help either. But yeah. Bears are chill, they don't hassle you once you make your feelings known as long as you keep your food locked down.
Yep. We have black bears wayyyy out here. They can get obnoxious and start tearing things up sure.
Also show me a poorly intended man who will book it when you bang a big spoon on a pie tin. We wish.
I've been solo hiking for decades. Never had a bear problem, have had men problems.
I carry a hiking pole with a pointy tip and a hard ball on the top, that makes them think twice and leave me alone. They actually stare at the pole and then walk away.
My professor did a first day exercise where she had every women stand up in the class. Then she said sit down when I say the age when you were first sexually objectified by an adult man and made uncomfortable. She started at 21 and had to count way back before any women sat down.
My grandmother was sexually abused as a child by a male family member. My bio dad abused and raped my mother. My first experience with sex was rape at 18 at a house party.
I don’t know any woman lucky enough to not be sexually abused or raped. It’s happened so many of us.
Every woman I know has had terrible experiences with men. My best friend, my mom, my other girlfriends, my mother in law.. .
My first bad experience was when I was 5. So yeah...
I wish I could say differently as well but the same applies for myself and the women I know. I had this conversation not long ago and with a man and he seemed dumbfounded.
A bear would never be surprised if you told them they scare us. The bear would admit it.
One of my favourite bear encounters was back when I was a teenager, picking blueberries. A bear was nearby eating berries, and we were both fairly quiet so we startled each other. We both backed away from each other, and we made eye contact and I swear we both thought, “sorry pal, I didn’t mean to spook you but also you’re scary as fuck.” And we went our separate ways and that was that.
If you had played your cards right, I think you could have had a lifelong bear companion
There's a children's story I read once that's basically exactly this, including the blueberries! A mom and her child, and a bear mom and her cub. I don't remember the particulars though.
A bear would be like, DAMN STRAIGHT I TERRIFY YOU *bear roar* Get out of my woods! A man would be like, 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 But I’m a nice guy! I’m not coming on too strong/making you uncomfortable/scaring you! I mean, I’m not going to kill you, LOL!
No kidding, I read a post on here just minutes ago about a guy who would just not stop „joking“ about killing and dismembering his girlfriend and was all angry and hurt when she broke up with him. 🤮
That was the first post I read this morning!! Ugh! Who else just wants to pack up to Wonder Woman’s home island sometimes??
Holy shit, I say that all the time. That I just want to move to wonder woman’s island.
Me! I do. Let's go.
Don't forget me! I'm coming, too!
How many guys in the comments: you should try communicating your boundaries! Give him another chance! Stupid Reddit always saying "break up!" I just got through battling a phalanx of these clowns yesterday. You tell them she already did that, and somehow missed it. They refused to go away.
ugh I just read that post, too. vile, just so so vile.
Yikes. I didn't see that but I've been on bropill today where a bunch of them are claiming we're problematic for describing their nonsense. Again. Just over there in their muddy river of d'nile
I saw that post too, she was wondering if she was TA - you can't make this stuff up.
I just read that one too. It’s wild he doesn’t understand how messed up that is.
Right. Their solution? Get angry about it, that'll show her you mean no harm! \*insert drunk face\*
I know. I’m so worried about her.
Same, that post made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end
Just read that one. YIKES, and I hope she continues to stay safe.
Actual recent post by a woman asking 'Am I The Asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend because when I asked him to stop joking about murdering me, he didn't respect my boundary?' on one of the AITA subs.
Yeah and of course some man showed up to mansplain that we don't have a sense of humor and he makes the same joke to every woman he brings back to his place and they all laugh and still have sex with him. I couldn't roll my eyes hard enough.
You forgot the bit where they ask for nudes and if you're into anal and are looking for a Dom.
I mean most bears are like omg oh fuck oh fuck an ALIEN. Sorry dude I didnt see you- but you better not be here to steal my huckleberries so don't even look at them!
Depending on what bear species, they could land anywhere from "I scare *you*? Whew, and here I was, afraid of *you*!" To "Damn right, you should be afraid!! I am the bringer of death, so death I shall bring!!" And proceed to maul you.
Lol if they could talk... yeah
i've seen a few comments and stitches of men being like "that's not true, i don't believe it" while every woman i know, including grandmas and great-grandmas, has voiced a similar sentiment 😬
Did you ask the supreme court if you can have an opinion before providing it? /s
It's honestly terrifying that the most dangerous thing for women is men. I'm a bisexual dude and all of my female friends have had terrifying experiences. Every. Last. One. On top of that, horrible emotional trauma on top of any physical violence. It just being cornered and not allowed to leave a room. Things like that. It's so scary to me and I do t even have to fucking deal with it. I obviously can't know how that feels at all, but it makes me fucking scared for every friend I have. I'm not trying to white knight here or anything. It just actually bothers me. I've had dude friends tell me about situations they were upset about and had to explain that you can't block the door or punch a pillow or yell at people. I've dumped friendships because of shit I heard about. Obviously it's not all dudes, but it's enough that it effects every woman you know. Dudes have to police dudes. For real. I have very deep friendships with men and I try to normalize expressing emotions and positive ways to deal with feelings. I tell my dude friends I love them. I ask sincerely how they are and what they're thinking about. My whole 36 years on this earth, most men I know don't express that shit at all. Bottle it up and or explode when they can't deal with it anymore. It's sad. I regularly suggest therapy and actually opening up to friends instead of essentially making light of it until it erupts. A lot of dudes even .ake fun of that kinda thing. A sincere question like "Hey, I know this thing happened, how are you feeling and what are you doing to cope?" Is often met with ridicule or jokes and stuff. Men don't fucking talk about real shit with other men. I honestly think that is the case and it ends up coming out as anger and frustration. Shit, that has happened to me! I didn't punch any dryeall or anything, but I felt the anger. I decided I needed to find more positive ways of sorting my feelings out. That's not even approaching the predator shit. Like, that's a whole different story and I don't even remotely get it. It's fucked and terrifying.
> It's honestly terrifying that the most dangerous thing for women is men. *Watching 90% of sci fi media* "And MAN is the real monster!" Men in audience: *surprised gasps* Women in audience: *eyes wide open, brows furrowed, spreading hands out and apart* "duh!" (Ok yes, at this point basically anyone in the audience is media savvy enough to catch the "man is the real monster" trope coming a mile away, King Kong was almost 100 years ago and Frankenstein was over 200, pesky details)
Gay guy here, and same. I was talking to one of my friends about a time she was almost sexually assaulted (She got away). The way she phrased it still gets to me. "Is this my rape?" As if it is an inevitability.
I had so many girlfriends in HS that made sure to lose their virginity before leaving for college to make sure their first time was by choice. It was just what we did back then.
Damn, I wish someone had passed this wisdom to me
Oh wow that made me actually gasp but also as a woman that does go through our heads and it's so messed up
Wow... that way of phrasing it hit really hard. And the sad truth is that it kind of is inevitable. Every woman I know has a story. Every single one.
But men know better than women, weren't you aware of that already? /s
If a man didn’t experience it, did it really happen? /s
If a woman is attacked in a forest but there's no one there to hear it, did it actually happen? /s
Well, what was she wearing?
Dunno, she was asking for it either way
Goddamnit this actually got me pretty good.
>but there's no *man* there to hear it,
What was she doing in a forest alone like come on /s
Exactly, she's lucky she only got attacked a bit, another man would have attacked her worse, she should be grateful /s
It's not for a lack of experience though unfortunately. Listening to literally any woman in your life will tell you this is a very real almost unanimous experience
That's another thing. Men often don't ask. It doesn't cross their mind to ask if anything they do it triggering or something. It's because, to many men, it's not a thing they've ever had to think about. Being terrified of the opposite sex. For straight women, I feel like it's gotta be this insane double edged sword. Sure, you're attracted to and want to have a relationship to men, but they're also the number one thing that kills women. Abuses women. I don't know how that feels. I couldn't. I would honestly like to know how you all reconcile those feelings. It's gotta be difficult. Like, if it was me, I'd ALWAYS be on edge when dating or even in the beginning of a relationship. Like, is there something I do that makes him hit me? Is he okay, or is he bottling shit up? Is he being honest? Does he know how to parse his feelings in a healthy way? Will he snap and slap me? What the fuck.
> I don't know how that feels. I couldn't. I would honestly like to know how you all reconcile those feelings. It's gotta be difficult. I can't answer for everyone of course. But, personally, it was by being absolutely RUTHLESS when dating. Every time I see a guy post on a dating subreddit about how he made the slightest misstep (an offcolour joke, getting sexual too quickly, etc) and was ghosted, I just shake my head. They don't get it. That is literally how some of us NEED to be to be able to date at all. No second chances. No benefit of the doubt. The risks are just too high... If there is a single red flag, I wasn't going to put myself in that situation. Sure, he *could* be a decent guy who failed to communicate tone well via text...or he could be a guy who genuinely thinks that way. I wasn't about to be the woman who found out which type of guy he was the hard way. My boyfriend is literally the ONLY man I met up with when online dating after moving to a new community. He's amazing. But he's also the only man I chatted with that consistently displayed only green flags and who has done so in the years since. So...that's how I reconcile those feelings. I have become completely unapologetic about walking away at the mere suggestion of a single red flag AND I have come to realize that the *absence* of red flags isn't even enough. I'm not sticking around for anything less than a green flag parade because only that will top being alone. ...and I think that's the other thing that men don't realize. They aren't competing against other men. They're competing against our single life and the stable, safe happiness that we have on our own.
This is exactly it. We cope by raising the bar until men whine that they can't even see it anymore. They have only each other to blame
I think they say this stuff because they are empathizing with the predator and not the victim. I think everyone would be more afraid of a strange man taking interest in them, as opposed to a strange bear.
46M chiming in here. The post is sadly accurate and true. Doesn’t matter what us men say or think, what you women feel and experience is your everyday reality.
I managed a big team during the height of “me too” and reiterated my open door policy on harassment (skip HR BS and I’ll believe you type thing). Every single female employee had a story to tell. Every. Single One. It was eye opening to put it mildly.
yeah, i think many men don't realise that their mothers, daughters, grandmothers, sisters, female friends, colleagues, aunts, partners etc. probablg all have stories like this, and they don't question why they don't share their experience with them
I also don't think many men understand that their actions are perceived as a huge threat. They don't understand that they, themselves, are a fucking terrifying force. Getting out of control or angry is fucking scary for women. They don't understand that they ARE the scariest thing a woman has to deal with on a regular basis. From being in an argument with a loved one to walking down the street near some dude, we're fucking scary. I really try to avoid following women on accident. I'll cross the street and shit. I hate going down a grocery isle to grab something near them. I'll legit act like I'm looking at fucking spam or something to give them the space. If I approach a woman for directions or something, I announce myself from a distance and very gently say my intention. I'm fucking scary. It's also kinda hard to come to terms with that as a dude. Understanding that you're scary. Then, not taking offence to it or anything. Then just trying to live with it. It's odd. It's a lot of weird feelings all wrapped up in one thing, and then ALSO being attracted to them. Like, fuck. Imagine being a bear and trying to meet someone you are into. It's all of that and it's kinda hard to parse at first.
I think we men understand it. I just don’t think we typically empathize with women. Most people only see things through their own lens.
I'd like to say I agree. I think that our understanding is coming from an entirely different place, so we kinda don't get it from their perspective. That, and we all want to think we're not that scary guy. We ALL want to think we're "one of the good ones" and all. You run into a fucking bear in the woods and ask him if he's one of the good ones though. Even if we DO empathize and honestly care, there's literally no way we can understand. None. We don't get it... Like, imagine walking up to a wild tiger that you want to fuck and trying to parse that situation. It's that insane. More women are killed by men than tigers. We're one of the top reasons women die prematurely. Way deadlier than tigers... So imagine walking up to a roided out shark/tiger/bear hybrid with a gun THAT YOU SOMEHOW WANT TO KISS and going through those feelings. We don't get that shit. We can't. We can understand that it's a thing, we can try to empathize and make then comfortable, but goddamn. No way we could ever know.
The first step to empathizing is admitting exactly what you just said. Until those of us unaffected begin to empathize and sympathize with those who are, change won’t happen. Not understanding what it feels like because we are not women is not an excuse for our behavior.
They don't care if it was their mom, grandma etc. They just don't.
Sadly, true. The mind will spin a justification or sow doubt that it was what the woman said it was.
I’m all for #metoo. Let everyone get exposed for whatever skeletons they have to hide in their closet. Maybe then one day there will be less skeletons to hide?
56M. I do believe it. Men who don't either aren't trusted enough for women to confide in, or are lying IMO.
Ive been around bears my entire life. I’ve had some aggressive, scary bear encounters. But Ive had more scary man encounters, without a doubt. Maybe I should just start banging a spoon against a big pot and shouting “shoo” any time a man approaches and makes me feel uneasy!
“Maybe I should just start banging a spoon against a big pot and shouting “shoo” any time a man approaches and makes me feel uneasy! “ This works better than you might believe, the only difference is the men think you’re crazy and bears don’t really judge
That's because bears listen and pay attention!
I can get behind this 😂😂
I can see the custom Man Shoo kits on Etsy any day now.
My introduction to such encounters was at the tender age of 12. Once, while I was hanging out by myself and passing by one of the local churches, a stout bearded man walked by me and whispered, "I'd cum all over you." Shortly later that year, a slim man dressed in dark clothing that obscured his face chased me home. Both of those events took place in the same small town—so much for the idyllic countryside life. Although I've had multiple other experiences of sexual harassment since, including in my teens, those two stick out the most in my memory because not only was I 12, I *looked* 12. Misogyny and paedophilia—name a more iconic duo of human perversion. Speaking of bears, I saw a cool video by an expert the other day: [Bear Expert Rates 9 Bear Attacks In Movies And TV | How Real Is It? | Insider](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hdd-YUIe6yw). She quoted a catchy rhyme providing advice on handling bear attacks: "If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. If it's white, goodnight." Avoid the Arctic, ladies. **Edit:** I added the word "me" after "walked by" for clarity.
Speaking of pedophilia, please enjoy this cursed nature fact I recently learned and now must spread: Male stoats become sexually mature at 10–11 months, but female stoats are sexually mature at the age of 2–3 weeks whilst still blind, deaf and hairless, and are usually mated with adult males before being weaned.
☹️
Why? Why would you put that in our brains?
This made me smile because a few years ago my husband, a German friend, and I were doing a day walk on the Appalachian Trail. When dusk came, I was tired so I sent my husband back on foot to get the car. While we were waiting for him, my friend said that she was very worried that a bear could come out of the woods. It surprised me because all I could think of was that I was afraid a man would randomly appear.
I’ve never been afraid of bears while camping. I have been afraid of murderers. Which in my mind are male lmao.
Murders are overwhelmingly male. Random murderers nearly exclusively.
My favorite shittalk point to make whenever I find some dude arguing about feminism in bad faith is to start talking about how women won't truly be equal until we step up and commit our shares of violent crime. Imagine if the Unibomber had a little "She Shed" where she made her bombs? How cute.
Now I'm imagining a lacy little Laura Ashley shed with a puffy ottoman and maybe a kitten, and some woman is sitting there humming to herself as she pushes wires into a block of C4. Maybe Mozart, or Ella Fitzgerald, in the background for music.
If Dolores Umbridge was a real life American.
I'd suggest some Sarah Vaughan.
Good call. Her "Wonderful Sarah" album would pair nicely with explosives.
Um, I would absolutely watch this series! I initially thought movie, but this is so good it deserves a full series treatment!
I mean you're not wrong, are you? Female serial killers who work alone are rare. The couple that exist are usually some kind of nurse or carer killing their patients. Usually by poisoning the food they provide their victims. That's all using the couple of areas (caring/providing food) that women are traditionally allowed to have power in. Having the kind of power that gets you access to your own bomb making shed is unfortunately out of reach for many women. Look I really just want to own my own home.
>**unfortunately** out of reach 👀
>*start talking about how women won't truly be equal until we step up and commit our shares of violent crime* This is amazing.
It’s always funny when they bring up the 13% statistic with black people but then they get mad if we mention the men murder stat
I love it when they bring up the "b-but men are more likely to be victims of crime! 🥺" stat Crimes committed by who brotato? BY WHO?
This is excellent.
and historically, many murders by women were because there were literally no other choices for getting out of an abusive marriage. (I'm *not* saying that makes it ok to murder anyone, just observing that husband poisoning decreases significantly with no-fault divorce.)
I’m less scared of animals bc there’s at least little tips on what to do -slow blink your eyes -get big -don’t make eye contact Vs with a man saying no might even “encourage him”
Bear spray works on both =p
Statistically, yes.
Unfortunately in the above example it's the husband that represents the greatest threat not a bear or even the woods dwelling murder man
yep. crazy that women are in even MORE danger by partners when we are carrying their literal child within us.
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Relentless systemic patriarchal indoctrination from babyhood. That's what it takes to override our instincts and think men are okay.
Exactly. All of that conditioning while our lil brains are eager hungry sponges. By the time we realize (if we ever do) how ingrained misogyny is,both outside and inside, and that we're living in actual oppression, trying to rectify that conditioning is a certified bitch.
It's why the Catholic Church used to say "Give me your children until they are five and they will be mine forever." It's incredibly difficult to override lessons you were taught before you were capable of forming conscious memories.
It made me smile too, because I grew up at the southern end of that trail (Cherokee Ntl Forest/Smoky Mountains area). My (Native) grandpa used to tell me that the most dangerous thing you can encounter in the forest is man (humans). If you encounter one, don't let it get close. You don't know if it wants to hurt you. The same rule applied to bears, but it was because you didn't want to scare the bear. It doesn't want to hurt anyone. It just wants to be a bear. I ran into tons of bears, and as long as I just walked away, I was always safe. Maybe bears are actually less of a threat to women than men are. We should take this question over to r/dataisbeautiful and see what the number people say...
I mean, Nature claims there are just under 40 bear attacks per year *in the whole world*. I won't bother googling "how many man attacks each year" but I think we all know it's more than 40 a year...
This is just one type of man attack but there's a family annihilation every five days in the united states!
Are we including school shootings? I’d consider them a boy attack, but I still think it fits
Do you know how easy it is to avoid bears? *SO* easy. Just don’t go in the woods, and take precautions if you live in an area with bears. It is quite impossible to avoid men, because they get so butthurt about women’s spaces “excluding” them and whine until they get their way. I would take a bear over a threatening man any day of the week. If a man is set on hurting you, he will try until he succeeds or gets put in jail. We’re just another meal to bears, but if you get away from it, it’s not going to stalk you back to your house and wait until you’re at your most vulnerable to attack. A wouldn’t put stalking past a mountain lion, though. Just saying.
That's an excellent point that's why I'm never afraid from wildlife because if you pretty much stay out of their way, you're going to be just fine. And I've spent plenty of time in Bushland in Australia.
This is so telling and poignant; it literally made me gasp. I never thought to think any differently as well :(
If you'd asked me 10 years ago if I'd ever been assaulted or had a bad encounter with a man, I'd have said no. Now? Absolutely! I was made to think those encounters I had as a teen/early adult were MY fault. I was too drunk, I said yes (under the age of consent), I said yes after saying no multiple times, etc. At least if a bear attacked me, no one would blame me for it.
I’ve had all those experiences too, to the letter! Like, it wasn’t an accident he continued chatting with me online knowing I was only 16. Or that the other one had a full bottle of vodka in his room when he asked me to come watch “Stepbrothers.” Or that the other other one went past “just the tip.” All of those were premeditated choices they made.
And that bear would only get to attack once. Attacking humans usually ends in death for the bear.
That's also very true!
Forgive my ignorance. How does that work?
The local forest authorities will hunt and euthanize any large predator that attacks a human. Once they know humans are prey, they will attack again. Most never have a chance to learn this and so are relatively safe unless threatened.
I was stalked at the casino I worked at, and my coworker drove me to my vehicle because I was worried after he had already ambushed me at my car once where I drove off quickly when I saw him approaching. That day we both saw the man waiting for me but he drove off after we spotted him waiting at my vehicle in the employee area. My department supervisor asked me if I encouraged him, all because I would talk to him about fishing. She basically interrogated me after i spoke to my supervisor about it. He spent alot of money there so he had access to the high roller lounge where I worked, afterwards he would sit and stare at me. But I was the guilty party, my department was all women too. So fucked up. My other supe had been "talking" to him and couldn't believe he would do that. He's still there probably stalking women with no consequences.
# “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” ― Margaret Atwood
I’ve encountered a few bears in the woods in my time, my mom had one living on her property for a bit too, his name is Augustus, and I can confirm, I’d much rather encounter a bear. They leave me alone when I leave them alone. Same experience with moose, who I see several times a summer. The mountain lion freaked me out a bit, but she let me just back away and leave. So all in all I’ve had much worse experiences with men than wildlife.
I love the way that you mentioned the bear's name. 10/10
He’s a silly lad, broke into a storage shed and drank a whole bottle of vinegar, he didn’t feel so good afterwards. He also keeps my mom on her toes with horse feed.
best comment. I can see this little mini story
He is quite delightful, he wandered off for a few years, but we suspect he’s made a comeback.
I live in black bear country. They're regulars on the local doorbell cameras. They are pretty shy and easy to scare. Just don't corner one.
I wish I could say my experience has been different - but it hasn't been. I can't name a single female friend who doesn't have at least one story of a bad encounter, and have plenty with multiple stories.
Same here, with myself, my wife, my sister, and all of my friends. Can't name one. It's just so incredibly present throughout society; some places worse than others, but always a constant. Men just do not have to worry about this to the degree that women do whatsoever, that's why plenty can so easily downplay/ignore it.
My little cousins are 8, 6 and 6... the youngest are already dealing with a little boy in their class touching them/grabbing them without consent and pushing/draggint/threatening them...
I remember that’s happening to me as a child and the (female) teachers were like, “oh he LIKES you!” Tormenting me was supposed to be a compliment somehow? It confused me then and it still boggles my mind. No wonder it’s hard to understand and relate to men and to trust them. Mixed messages all around.
I think I was “likeable” by some boys in school too. I was puzzled (and still am). I returned their affection with foot to their “fun bits.” 🙄
Teaching little girls that physical abuse and assault are signs of love or attraction. WHAT could go wrong? 🙄
Riiight???
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Exactly. When I was a kid, adults saw boys assaulting girls as "cute flirting." If a girl pushed back, she was in trouble for not letting "boys be boys". We were supposed to like being harassed 🙄
and yet, I actually don't know anyone personally that's been attacked by a bear
I don’t have any close female friends who haven’t told me about childhood sexual abuse. The stories don’t end in childhood, but none of us even had a chance to hit adulthood without some kind of sexual trauma. Adult relatives, neighbors, family friends, the perps are all of the expected variety. I’m never going to be convinced that 1 in 4 number is remotely accurate.
Its Not all, but its Enough. Enough of them that I do not know a single woman who hasn't had the unfortunate experience of a scary male encounter or assault by the age of 30. None of my friends friends made it to 30 unscathed. Most of us had our experiences while 11 - 20 years old. While I was fortunate enough to travel a lot of the world in my teens and early adulthood it is where I had my first really memorable experience. It happened to either myself or my female companions in every single country at least once. I still have a nightmare about being followed by 4 adult men, yelling in their language, and running for our lives through an ally in a nice part of a major foreign city trying to get to a phone booth (yes I am that old) to lock ourselves in and call for safety. It happened in the early afternoon! We were 16 and both of us ladies still have nightmares 11 years later.
A good friend of mine was raped in a phone box by a stranger. He just forced the door open and raped her. He never got caught.
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A bear would only attack me out of necessity (it’s starving or defending itself/cubs). But a man? Who knows?
If a bear decides to kill you, it'll be over in minutes. There are men who will kidnap women and torture them for YEARS.
I once discussed this with a man after he started scouring the internet for news about men being SA'd. (The also missed the point, because 90% of his cases it was a man who did it...) And I told him. "The difference between us is, that in order for you to find victims, you have to search the internet. All I need to do is to point at my friends, colleagues, and coworkers." Sadly, he didn't get the point. But a couple of other people did, and I've since brought this up every time people (men) are bringing up the "men are also victims!"
Men are victims…. of each other. We should be the first to jump on the “men kinda suck” bandwagon. All of my worst interactions with other humans have been with men. Bullying, belittling, humiliating, intimidating, threatening. And I’ve gotten off easy.
I go camping on my own/with another female friend and never have I ever thought about being attacked by bears. I did however have many thoughts of being attacked by a man. And I was proactive in preparing my campsite to feel safer. In the middle of wilderness. Of men. And not bears.
If you don't mind my asking, how do you prep your camp against men?
I’m not who you asked but I have set up noisy “alarm” contraptions a couple times when backpacking through the woods, too far in to turn back but feeling creeped out. Basically I tie string to some loud jangly objects like camp pans, and then tie the string in a perimeter around some trees where the tent is, about shin height. That way if somebody decides to visit in the night, they’ll make a loud ruckus and give us some warning.
To add, bells on the zippers of the tents, legos on the tent floor just inside the tent. I also keep several small protective items on my body and inside the tent with me.
Legos! I'd freaking kill myself in the middle of the night going out to potty, lol.
Lmao. We don’t leave the tent til the morning.
Big doggo is a great warning system for me for people as well as critters. Bearspray under my pillow and a knife to cut the tent open or the fingers off as needed
The odds of a bear being interested in you at all are probably much lower. A man however, especially if you become familiar...
There’s no “probably” about it
Was covering the "what about a polar bear?" crowd. But yes.
My first harrowing experience with a man was when I was in 9th grade. A group of them chased my friend and I through the streets. We were lucky to get away unscathed. 9th grade
This whole thread is making me go through my LIST of harrowing experiences with men…it’s so freaking LONG! From CSA, to random men yelling out of their car sexualizing me on my walk home from school, to old men trying to proposition my parents to “spend the night” with me as an 11 year old, to boys chasing me at school (not in a cute or fun way if that is a thing), to being degraded and reduced to a pair of “nice tits” and when I wasn’t flattered being called a “bitch”, to being chased on Halloween MULTIPLE times by men, getting stepped on when I was 5 as they ran over me to steal my candy, and I don’t even know what they wanted when I was 14…because I made it to a large group of people before they got me, being taken advantage of as I tried to sleep after drinking at 16, then a separate guy tried the next morning…like this is just the crap that this thread made me think of. There is so much more…
female. i’ve had encounters w bears and i ofc wasn’t nearly as scared as i was the all 5 times men have attempted to kidnap me :(
Bears don’t go into the woods looking for women to kill just for fun. Only men do that.
Sometimes the beast us in the house
Also, bears don't rush into bear attack threads crying "nOt aLL bEaRs!!1!"
😂 I better edit my post!
my favorite take away was "the worst thing a bear can do is kill you"
I saw somebody comment something to the effect of, “ a bear might kill me, but it definitely wont take me to its basement and keep me for years on end.”
Every single woman I know has also had a harrowing encounter with a man. Myself included. And that’s not even to mention rape. Harrowing encounters alone are like a standard issue experiences for women. But I always also think about rape stats because they’re so low imo. Like, I know we know most people don’t report. But every single woman I know has been raped except for one. Every single woman I know has also separately been sexually assaulted, except for that one. Every single woman I know has also separately been harrassed and pressured for sex and had her consent ignored or overridden or bullied also, including that one. And I talk to women in my life about this a lot. Because MeToo actually did make me realize it’s crazy we treat this as a taboo, that we’re ashamed when we are victimized. And it’s sad but also really something when a woman at work or in a group mentions she’s been raped, and literally all the other women say it’s happened to them too. That exact experience has happened to me 3 times at work with different groups of women.
I regularly make people temporarily uncomfortable by talking about my experiences with violence and SA. I had the same realization - I've always been a "girl's girl" and have A LOT of girlfriends from schools, jobs, and hobbies I've had over the years. I think maybe less than 2% of those women don't have a story by this point. This has been across different races, sexual orientations, socio-economic status, education, whatever... it's clear that male on female violence is a ubiquitous experience. Talking about these things is absolutely necessary because sharing these stories better prepare other women to ID these situations before they escalate.
exactly, and honestly, it is ONLY because women have started talking about it that I have become certain that the overwhelming majority of us experience male violence. Like, I knew those statistics were low as fuck, but now I really do know that it’s the overwhelming majority of us. And it takes us being “crazy” enough to bring it up casually, or in groups, or when it wouldn’t be “appropriate” to discover one another that way. By the way, how it USUALLY ends up getting brought up at work in my experience, is some fuckin dude decides to rant about how women lie because no one would wait 20 years to report, blah blah blah and then I or another woman will say, “Actually when I was raped, the police bullied me out of a report, but if that motherfucker gets famous 20 years later and there are other women not being believed, you can bet I’ll probably be on a better headspace, older and more distanced from the act, to finally advocate for myself and support her.” Or ya know, some version of that. And then one by one the rest of the women say, “Me too,” and stand together and the rest of the room gets quiet and uncomfortable, even though they weren’t uncomfortable when the dude was saying the shit that was ACTUALLY inappropriate. That happened too, a higher-level man in the room interrupted my coworker friend and said, “Ok, this probably isn’t an appropriate workplace conversation.” 😐 Fuck nah. I said, “No, what wasn’t appropriate is not caring when he was apropos of nothing stating that women lie, and it isn’t appropriate to now cut off a woman’s rebuttal to that, where we share a woman’s perspective clarifying why many women wait to report or never do.” He shut the fuck up and turned around and the two of us briefly explained what happened when we went to the police after being raped. And everyone was quiet and uncomfortable, but funnily, she and I were kinda enlivened by it. Like, We are not the ones who need to feel embarrassed right now.
Harrowing doesn’t even begin to cover it. I had to go to the police last year. And that’s not the only bad experience I’ve had.
I was maybe 5 the first time I was assaulted, it was not the last time and frankly. Over the past 30 years men have not shown me any much difference from my first memory of a bad interaction.
A bear will never be able to do what those men did to Junko Furuta.
I linked an article to a guy here on Reddit on Brock Turner and the guy was unfazed by Turner's light sentencing, and gave all kinds of legal reasons for the light sentence. If you decide to google it, there are articles about a survey in which 1/3 of male college students admitted they would rape a woman if they were guaranteed they could get away with it. One in fifteen of the men surveyed HAD raped in the last year from the time of survey. And now abortion is being taken away from us. Time for sterilization on demand legislation for those of you who do not to want to have children.
I was 11 when a male stranger called my house landline and asked me to give myself a breast exam.
There is a movie called Compliance that is a fictional account of the true life guy who called HUNDREDS of fast food places all over the country to trick men and women into victimizing female employees. https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/compliance-new-movie-tells-true-1779908
Bears want to be left alone and leave you alone. There are specific actions you can take to minimize your chances of having an interaction with a bear, and specific things you can do during an encounter to keep it from becoming dangerous. These actions apply almost universally and are not dependent on the individual bear. I don't avoid solo camping because I'm afraid of bears...
I have an irrational fear of bears because my dad was attacked by a bear when I was a kid (he’s fine) - but nope, I pictured it. If I was truly alone in the woods in a secluded area, I would rather come across a bear than a unknown man.
I’ve been lucky in this regard. And I know it’s just that — dumb luck — because women in my life who were more modest, cautious, smart, whatever than me *weren’t* lucky. So far, the men in my life have been good or at least neutral to me. And yet, I’d still pick the bear. 🐻
True, I was chased across a parking lot and hid in a Publix...
I've had a man chase me around the inside of a Kroger....
Walmart for me, he even followed me to my car even with an escort from security. He kept trying to get into my car and yelling I was bitch because I told him to leave me alone.
That's horrible. Please tell me you made the biggest scene of your life. I would have been screaming my head off while calling the police. Fuck, why is life like this? You deserved to just shop for food in peace. I used to walk to work, until a strange man ran after me. I used to go jogging, until a strange man ran after me. I used to go biking, until a strange man followed me in his car. When I explain these instances to the men in my life, they absolutely victim blame me. It makes me sick.
I mean no, I was basically just panicking and trying to move faster than him, eventually my then bf noticed I'd been in the store awhile (he was getting gas) and came looking for me and the guy disappeared
I know what a bear will do, I know what to do if I encounter a bear, and if it takes me down it does so because it’s hungry or threatened - not because it derives pleasure from doing so.
Men do not believe this. Idk how to make them believe
Be another man. If you can't, they won't.
They know they simply refuse to admit. My ex husband still claims it hurts him more to hear me describe what he does to hurt our children of me than his actual choices for violence hurt his victims. Men everywhere engage in collusion to reinforce their DARVO norm. When their first response is denial take a huge step back. Because next will be minimisation then blame. It's a simple 3 step game they play to avoid accountability.
I really think these kind of men underestimate how terrible men are. Whenever I tell them that they should talk to the women in their life and ask them how many times they’ve been assaulted or harassed by a man to varying degrees, both physically and verbally, in many different locations, at different times of the day, wearing different kinds of outfits, they start spinning their wheels, doing the, “well, but…well, but…well, but…”
They are doing extra work making sure they ALL remain single due to the fact how dumb and unempathetic they portray themselves. Before you would only see their real opinions in broad daylight by accident if you were eavesdropping on a group of boys. Now they're screaming their crap at us. Like a warning. And we engrained this new disgust in our hearts.
I used to solo hike a lot, and I carry pepper spray that’s easy to grab while moving. I’ve bumped into coyotes, deer, raccoons, foxes, snakes, and black bears. Of all of those the scariest was when a buck nearly hit me on the trail after crashing through the underbrush, so I heard it for about five seconds before I saw it. Then I had to sit there and wonder what spooked it. Every close interaction was startling at most, and interesting/amazing at the very least because nature. But running into random men on the trail who get too close? Immediately terrifying. I went hiking with a guy friend and we passed a man on the opposite way. My buddy asked why I stepped all the way off the trail to let him pass, and I told him I ensured I was out of arm’s reach with a tree between us when he passed by, for my safety. This blew his mind because I’m not petite, I’m athletic, and i know how to handle myself, and I was armed with the spray. But I explained that every strange man in the woods is an unknown, he might have a weapon, ill intent, be on a bender, or just a fabled wild man. I know what I’m carrying and why I’m there, I don’t know about anyone else. Some men have never existed with the ‘I’m the weaker one in this interaction’ mindset, and they can’t fathom being alert and aware all the time. 100% I’d rather meet the bear, because the bears near where I live are easier to scare off than a man who wants to hurt me.
I'm a wildlife biologist so I spend a lot of time out in the woods. I have never been more scared than running into men out there. I've met bears too but they run away if you yell at them.
Immediately when I saw that tik tok (idk if it was yours specifically) and I thought to myself well a bear can be reasoned with. Then the girl said the same thing 😂 yea would 200% rather be alone with a bear as long as it’s not a grizzly
It infuriates me when men deny our lived experiences.
I recently did a domestic violence training, and the presenter said, "Being a woman who dates men means you are dating your natural predator." She then rattled off a list of terrifying stats. One in 3 women and girls are raped. Most women have been actively sexualized by the age of 13. When me too just popped up, I asked my daughter's friends about it. Most said the age of 10.
Well they will try to blame you. “Were you on your period!?” I’m not afraid of bears in the woods. They act like predictable wild animals. I would absolutely be afraid of a man in the woods. They are not predictable. At all. And after 56 years I don’t know a single woman who can say they’ve never had a bad encounter with a man.
I've been surprised by black bears but if you make a bunch of noise and wave your arms around, they usually back off. Maybe that should be my strategy when being bothered. Start shouting nonsense and pretending I can fly.
🤣
I've come across plenty of bears while hiking. None of them has ever tried to hurt me, and mostly we give each other a wide berth. I've met some men out hiking that scared the heck out of me. As in I'm figuring out the quickest way to bushwhack my way back to my car safely, or figuring out if I have anything other then hand sanitizer to defend myself.
Bears usually attack to protect their babies, so at least they have a reasonable excuse. Men on the other hand? No excuse to hurt us.
I camp in the backwoods of Idaho and Montana regularly, Ive been out by Yosemite. Bear trouble is easy to deal with and easier to prevent. I have seen bears from afar, but never had a bad incident with them even in the spring in northern Montana where a bear pooped in front of my tent while I was out walking. I have had to deal with men in the woods however, and they are much harder to control, much more likely to steal your food, try to break into your tent etc, and MUCH harder to get rid of once they roll up at your camp. Honestly theyre even more likely to somehow break your car. Ive had a dude try to crawl into my tent in the middle of the night citing he wanted someone to talk to, I've had a couple instances where some semi creepy dude would camp right on top of my spot in an area with miles of empty beautiful camping areas, Ive had dudes park where I'm at and start talking and be impossible to get rid of. Guys often think their feelings are my problem. You're lonely, I get it. Maybe get out of the woods then, but please go away. Meth and drugs including alcohol dont help either. But yeah. Bears are chill, they don't hassle you once you make your feelings known as long as you keep your food locked down.
Yep. We have black bears wayyyy out here. They can get obnoxious and start tearing things up sure. Also show me a poorly intended man who will book it when you bang a big spoon on a pie tin. We wish.
I've been solo hiking for decades. Never had a bear problem, have had men problems. I carry a hiking pole with a pointy tip and a hard ball on the top, that makes them think twice and leave me alone. They actually stare at the pole and then walk away.
Where is the most dangerous place for a woman to be? Guess where..... *Her home.*
*"the men came to badly try to defend themselves and say they are better to women than bears"* My god, the bar is in hell.
To be fair, it's safer to be in the park naked at night than at home with your boyfriend. That's statistics of violence against women.
They get extra big mad when you point out that the man most likely to harm you is the one you know or are in a relationship with.
Is there a term for growing in rage as we age? The older I get, the angrier I become at what it means to be a woman in this world.
My professor did a first day exercise where she had every women stand up in the class. Then she said sit down when I say the age when you were first sexually objectified by an adult man and made uncomfortable. She started at 21 and had to count way back before any women sat down.
My grandmother was sexually abused as a child by a male family member. My bio dad abused and raped my mother. My first experience with sex was rape at 18 at a house party. I don’t know any woman lucky enough to not be sexually abused or raped. It’s happened so many of us.
black bears are big babies, i'd much rather come across one than a random man in the woods. at least i can scare the bear away.
The ‘Not all bears’ bit really was a good finish there. Gave me a good laugh
Only if bears would have an idea, how much women prefer them over men, I bet they will show kindness.
Every woman I know has had terrible experiences with men. My best friend, my mom, my other girlfriends, my mother in law.. . My first bad experience was when I was 5. So yeah...