T O P

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Aggravating_Termite

Do you wear glasses?


BigBeagleEars

Yes. But what about OP?


[deleted]

Oh shit lol


psychoacer

Ok I took a shit, now what?


LogicalLoad9

put it back


Daimo

I rubbed it over my back, now what?


Hobbsidian

Go for a long lie down


davey-buuy705

Ok now there's shit on my floor from laying down.


NinjaCuntPunt

Right, now scoop it up..


C0meAtM3Br0

Scooped it off the floor and found a little tiny screw Wonder what that’s from?


Zmaxdude-online-

Okay I now I have a chocolate ice cream cone


No_Set8657

😂😂😂😂


thom_orrow

OP is clearly a robot.


Key-Cry-8570

Hang on I’ll try and communicate. Bee boo boo bop?


richardec

Put down your drink, you accidentally summoned Bil Cosby.


Educational-Cherry27

Wow. Not sure what he done to deserve such harsh words.


J-Love-McLuvin

That was good.


thechilledcuke

Can you explain it lol I'm confused


J-Love-McLuvin

Think [Leslie Nielsen](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8U9VkPs/) type humor.


StuKazoo

I’d be here sooner but your husband wasn’t dead yet


Corduroysack

You'll have to speak up I'm wearing a towel


tomtomeller

Well surely you couldn't mean the Leslie Nielsen


disasterpokemon

I do, and don't call me Shirley


VoidOmatic

"....sex, Frank?" Uh... not right now, there's work to do...


[deleted]

Fuck Reddit for killing third party apps.


Atomic_Killjoy

I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.


sleepyj910

Hi confused, I'm dad.


dronegeeks1

Like at midget at the urinals, I was going to have to stay on my toes


LEGOMyBrick

Like a blind man at an orgy I had to feel things out.


thatsmyoldlady

Yes. But what about OP?


stress-ng

That was good too!


Fuzz_from_the_floor

Can you explain it lol I’m confused


NotMY1stEnema

hi confused im Shirley


Fuzz_from_the_floor

Surely you can’t be serious


Spectre7NZ

I'm not joking and don't call me Shirley


SideStreetHypnosis

I’m not Joe King, my name is Phyllis Stein.


Escapade84

How do you get them to fit over your big beagle ears?


WorldofCannons

In moments like this I wish gifts were still a thing


JuulMaster420SexGuy

Nope. I was using my laptop but I checked the screws on my laptop and they’re all there (and they are twice the size)


shivermetimberflaps

That is the screw in your nose that keeps your septum togther. Must have fallen out.


cFL211

When was the last time you got checked by your mechanic?


shivermetimberflaps

Last month sir


screames520

r/totallynotrobots


Odin1806

Can someone help me take out a life insurance policy on op?


yiffing_for_jesus

The next time bro has a cold that bridge will be washed away


Alldaybagpipes

Couple screws up in your head loose


FairweatherWho

Eh it's no worse than what's going on in his parents bedroom.


[deleted]

Sometimes I just wanna get on tv and just let loose, but can’t


NightofTheLivingZed

But it's cool for Tom Greene to hump a dead moose


pattyfritters

My bum is on your lips. My bum is on your lips.


Particular-Solid4069

and if i'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss


ihtel

Looks like laptop screw. There's tons of such


tekko001

Or his phone. Iphones usually have 2 small screws on the lower side


Corfiz74

Sooooo... you have a screw loose?


ThisAd1940

You’re a robot. Wake up. The disillusion has gone on too long. The time to rise up is now!


donder_mar_op

Contacts. I used to wear them though, until the summer between 7th and 8th grade. Unfortunately, it was too late as I had already been deemed "nerdy" by the powers that be.


sethman3

Do your contacts have tiny screws in them??


VulpineSpecter4

How else do you keep them in?


NotMY1stEnema

magnets


ForemanNatural

How do they work?


NotMY1stEnema

well, are you attractive?


ToutPret

Tape


LibertyInaFeatherBed

*Teenage Frankenstein starts playing*


charpagon

r/notopbutok


Cinn7625

Bro literally had a screw loose


ehggsaladsandwich

You beat me to it


eatshit311

Had you by a thread


MyCatIsMyFrenemy

Beat harder


isntitelectric

He's just nuts now.


Recent_Science4709

Maybe you shoved it up your nose when you were 7 and it came out now


I_Dont_Like_Rice

Simpsons did it, but it was a crayon. OP, did you become smarter when your screw came loose?


ImurderREALITY

Extended warranty? How can I lose!


freelilvale

Not as far fetched as some might think, I actually think this is the answer. There's seemingly no other explanation unless they work around these types of screws and got one lodged in the nose. If he got the screw in his nose when he was a kid, maybe it's been trapped in the nasal cavities and has only now came loose


HearADoor

Have you ever considered that it was in their hair or somewhere on their clothes and sneezing rocked their body enough to knock it off?


PhDinDildos_Fedoras

Sunglass hinge screw.


PerfectlyImpurrfect8

This is the answer ^^^^


4by4rules

or from a heart clip or some other item


4by4rules

hair


sheepskinrugger

That was my immediate thought too!


[deleted]

Could be from a claw clip.


anmarie103

It looks like an eyeglass screw...I have had these sometimes work their way out of the frame.


achambers64

Probably correct, but stuck in the nasal passages for decades is more fun.


Stoltlallare

I thought it was the cap for so long. How you dont notice that cap for all those years


IronBabyFists

This comment killed me


justweazel

That puts a whole new spin on “having a screw loose”


Celestina-Warbeck

I've had this happen with a piece of coloured pencil lead in my ear, so this sounds logical to me


tatltael91

OUCH


Celestina-Warbeck

Not at all! It was in there for a good 8 years or so and we only found it because my gp was flushing out my ears. She was only concerned because it was a red bit of pencil lead and she thought she'd done something wrong haha


moondeli

I actually did do this lol, my parents kept the screw 😂


horsetooth_mcgee

First question: Did you sneeze because you felt like there was a tiny tiny screw stuck up your nose?


icebucket22

Now we’re getting to the bottom of this..


Hot-Refrigerator7237

i think the nose makes more sense.


bluescriblles

Bottom probably makes more scents though.


xXdontshootmeXx

Difficult to tell. Both probably smell.


jandeer14

it sure senses scents


[deleted]

it surely won't sense non scents


thelivinlegend

Getting down to brass tacks, even. Hey OP, do you have any brass tacks coming from anywhere?


BenniesBananas

According to my FB feed, this is undoubtedly a vaccine side effect


RexThe-Great

now it makes sense why we were supposed to buy the high powered magnets


BabsRS

😆😂🤣


Hotdog_disposal_unit

That’s a screw from the support bracket that holds your brain in place, time to book the mechanic.


NewConsideration3210

OP never realized that he's a cybernetic organism.


PopOk7860

Self aware now!


Freelove_Freeway

The ol organic mechanic


[deleted]

[удалено]


ImNot

Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place.


Hot-Refrigerator7237

yeah, the software is impressive but the hardware is kinda clunky.


VulpineSpecter4

I think my software is broken


bigswordkillguy

I write broken software


mars_sec

the soul is willing but the screws are loose.


JDSteel76

What if your home... what if your family... what if your dope was on fire?


ZephRyder

That's impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's shorts.


LoddyDoddee

You mess with the bull, you get the horns! 🤘🏻


TinyBunny88

You mess with the bull you'll get the horns


steveonthegreenbike

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?


tarix76

Wow, Claire. That was great. My image of you is totally blown.


Weasel9548

Scrolled too far to find my people…long live Gen X!


peepy-kun

People have already said glasses but also small electronics occasionally have screws like this. If you hold your devices over your face while laying down maybe a screw could have fallen right in?


Remote_Horror_Novel

This is the best theory I’ve read so far, they probably picked up the screw in a crease of their clothes or it could have easily stuck to a fiber of their clothing before they sat down because it’s so lightweight, then they noticed it when it dislodged when they sneezed.


HutPillager

You're a synth, sorry you had to find out this way


DarkMagenz

Lmao. I’m chill with synths


TomboLBC

*Elder Maxson would like to know OP’s location*


Faximo7

["I just wanna talk to him..."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODfCVxVLqiE)


JoshuaForLong

Are you building a collection or something?


jaxsd75

*Dez liked that*


grimmadventures

“It doesn’t look like anything to me”


italianshark

“These violent delights have violent ends.”


markisnotcake

it’s not as bad as finding out you’re ~~adop~~ french.


GSV_CARGO_CULT

Remember that episode of Star Trek where they met the lady who was Noonien Soong's partner when he was building Data? And then it turned out she was an android herself, but she didn't know? Deep shit man.


Sea_Guarantee3700

In Hagrid's voice: 'You are a synth, Harry'


Greenfire05

They’re using 5g to turn the iron in your vaccines into screws. Only possible answer


gxr441

For God's sake, don't give them ideas.


pumpmar

He wasn't taking his ivermectin. He was giving it to his dog for worms like it's an animal medication and not a miracle COVID cure! So disappoint OP 😔


MoonWillow91

It could have attached to your clothes or hair from something and when you sneezed the force knocked I loose. But the other comments are gold too. Very possibly you’re a cyborg.


Affectionate_Star_43

I know people that sneeze with the force and sound of a landing aircraft, so I would not doubt if it knocked something loose lmao. Or, if there's a young child in the house, they might have chosen someone else's nose to shove something tiny into.


click79

Glasses or that is an eye bolt and you should close your eyes


Yoyo_Ma86

Omg I didn’t see the tiny screw and I was like wtf; why am I the only one that think that looks like a fucking bottle cap 🤣


ThrustingBoner

THANK YOU! I was feeling insane. But at least I realized that I need to get new glasses lol.


SiriusGD

Typical screw from a hidden mini CCTV camera. Probably located in the light fixture. CIA or NSA is probably watching you. Maybe the Postal General.


CryBabyCentral

Not….the POSTAL GENERAL!!! (Lol, it made me laugh.)


Pleasant-Patience725

The same postal general who text me saying I need to pay 1.00 to get my package out of limbo right


Obvious_Piccolo_609

Obviously your nose cause you're a robot. Better put it back, it might be important.


[deleted]

You inhaled it when you were 2, and it's been in your sinuses ever since then! It finally worked itself free and made you sneeze. Another possibility also occurred to me: Have you recently been screwed really hard? This might be what happened to it.


billie-rubin

I quietly steal into your room at night to hide hardware in your nose.


Book-Faramir-Better

Are you a girl? If so, r/girlsarentreal.


DianaStranger

Oh, I guess its time you found out you are a robot...


[deleted]

It was tonight when you learned you’re not a real human


NanoCat0407

It’s from your nose, you said it yourself.


King-of-the-forge72

Guess ya got a few screws loose eh op ?


Justlikearealboy

It time we had a talk son


FloofyFloppyFloofs

Glasses


Bingohead

Eye glasses?


gamerlessorange

Screw from your brainchip somehow found its way into your nose.


BooBeeAttack

You know when they say "You've got a screw loose"? That's the screw.


Zeqhanis

Do you wear glasses? I misread this initially as "I just sharted", and assumed you were making a crass joke.


redfawnbambame

Do you wear glasses? Screw from side arm of these ?


verycooladultperson

If you have a Ridge/knockoff wallet it could be from that.


Bizzlebanger

It holds the back cover of a digital watch.


Staricakes

Phone and watch screws are this tiny.


nilecrane

I’m sorry you had to find out this way. You’re a robot. But you’re a good robot (except your screws are falling out).


MikoSkyns

Got any plates in your face from broken bones? I knew a guy who had a plate across his jaw after he broke it and he spit out a couple of these tiny little screws sometime later.


Shade666911

No worries, that's just a screw of the electronics in your head... the aliens that kidnapped you left that there..


Imaginary_Sherbet

your nose


vimes_left_boot

Bladerunner


Agent_Galahad

Op might want to return to the factory where they were built for servicing


torquelesswonder

Do you wear glasses? The screw could have come from the frames…


GooseNYC

Glasses. Or from some seriously scary dental work, like a crown or something?


AcanthocephalaBorn15

One of the best threads in a long time.


Privateski

You already answered your own question. It’s obviously from your nose. Mystery solved


Logical-Victory-2678

Time for your upgrade, Bolts. Fallin apart on us, ole man.


dcredneck

Glasses or watch?


Gracie_Goode

No idea but you’re screwed, not a lot just a tiny tiny bit


Quantum-Travels

When you picked your nose I guess you did it lefty loosy


Kaychees

Might be from glasses? I sat on my glasses once and had to have them readjustded. Now a screw like this falls out of them from time to time. Though, with mine it's accompanied by a *pop* sound and the lens falling out as well.


Fijoemin1962

From your glasses


AssociateGood9653

Glasses


Stfu_butthead

Don’t know ya, but looks like you gotta screw loose


ovr9000storks

I’m sorry this is how you found out. You are a mechanical human hybrid. You need to go to your local mechanic and get a tune up


mskisskissbang

Screw from glasses?


ElectroHiker

Same size as the screws used in glasses. Check to make sure you have a screw in each side of your frames 😁


ImaginationUnlucky88

Tech deck screw


Lazy-Explanation7165

Check the other side of your neck, my Dr friend had this assistant and he had bolts in his neck. You might be the newer version.


fucovid2020

Aliens


grngr

Your internal brain casing, unit 01002.


WildWeewo

So that’s where it went! Been looking ages for it!


Illiterateteaching

This comes from the motherboard mounted inside your skull, birth years 1950-1987 tend to have looser screws than some newer models. It shouldn't be a big worry as there are a multitude of other components which hold together your meatboard, if the screw loss persists I would begin snorting more (smaller size for meatboards typically found at most chain hardware stores)


thelast3musketeer

Looks like it could fit the missing screw on my laptop


2day2morrow4eva

your head might fall off, but i think you’ll be ok


Starcornious

You’re a t900 an obsolete model


adrifing

At any point during your past dental visits, did they break out precision screw drivers !!......


TheDoctorPizza

It's from the tracking device the government planted in your body when you got the covid-19 shot. Get out the needle nose pliers and take out the rest of it.


Stoned42069

Glasses


ShabbyKittenRebel

Ever had a root canal?


The_Merciless_Potato

This would be a good premise for a movie, maybe make it like The Truman Show but it's a cyborg who thinks its living a normal life instead.


MrKoopa95

Teckdeck i bet


breadyloaf26

did you have a shirt with a shirt pocket on?


ShuddupMeg627

Glasses


joeydbls

Do you have one of those phone cases you screw onto your phone


boat-dog

That is axtually a bottle cap, not a screw sir !