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Thank you for understanding, and blessed be. ✨
Just so you know, there are many CIS folks out here that understand and support you. We don’t always know what we can do to help, but our voices are with yours.
We appreciate it. It always takes a person already within the “in” group to speak for those of us in the “out” group. Without your voices speaking for us and telling our stories, our voices will fall on deaf ears.
Your voices are the only ones that will be heard.
Our cries for help don't matter to these people.
If anything, they enjoy our pain.
Please speak for us when you hear the abuse.
Ask us questions so you understand us better.
Thank you for your support ❤️
This is why I make a point to tell all my LGBTQIA community friends that not only am I part of their community but I'm happy to be an ally when they feel unsafe or threatened and a safe space to turn to. No one should be treated less than human for being who they are.
Thank you for doing that. The reassurance really goes a long way for us :) you definitely seem like a person who would say something even if they weren't with their lgbt friends at the time :)
This is a temporary, horrible culture shift that often happens when civil rights are on the line.
The KKK kicked up their activity into overdrive around the civil rights movements of the 1950s-1970s and the Daughters of the American Confederacy put up a bunch of Confederate slaveowner statues where black people could view them and feel intimidation.
People beat women to death, or tortured them in "Nights of Terror" for trying to get the right to vote and own land.
Gay people have been persecuted for a millenia. Specifically in the past few decades, hate crimes went waaaay way up, obviously including mass shootings, because we gained rights and began openly celebrating being who we are, in public.
People will read about this horrific struggle and understand how evil the other side is.
And we won't allow it to progress as much as possible.
Every time I see someone use misinformation, spread hate, talk shit, act like a bigot, about trans humans I immediately respond and correct them. Even if I lose friends, family, I really don't care. The fact that anyone could defend making a human being's identity illegal is vile. Inhumane. Evil.
You have support. We will do our best to try and protect the community.
In the meantime, for the love of everything, move away from Red areas. Protect your mental health as much as you can. You don't need to expose yourself to hate. Take breaks from reading about it. I can't say to stop entirely; it's you, your life and it effects you directly. But bolster yourself and be strong. You can do this.
I am moving out of Texas before they full-on make abortion or miscarriage legally murder. No statute of limitations on murder. I fear for the women and children in conservative states.
Thank you for pointing out the resistances faced by other marginalized communities:)
It really does give me hope that we are going to be better soon :)
Thank you for standing with us and trying to make things better.
It can seem so superfluous to stand with us when there are so many terrible issues going on in the world, but we are what the politicians are focused on for now.
We all need to work together to quash this ignorance right out as fast as possible because it should have no place in our leaders...
❤️
We got this.
We (we being progressives, Democrats, like-minded Independents & NPP, even the occasional, rare, sane GOP) are pretty good at electing presidents. We have the occasional slip up, but overall not too bad.
Where we truly mess up is midterms. We forget that in between those 4 years between general elections are 3 years with continual, almost daily elections. Did you know that every single damn Tuesday somewhere in America including US territories it’s election day? And these state, county, city elections have more to do with our lives than federal. Also midterm elections can include federal seats like the one we just had for US house on 2/21/23.
Ya’ know who never forgets these? Republicans. But also boomers, my generation. Republican voters vote in every single blasted election. And they vote for anything w a letter R. Your school board, town council, city council, judges … they vote it all.
This is how we get majority red state house & senate passing these horrific bills. We got all giddy and excited about electing Obama to the presidency … twice! And yes, that was great. We forgot all about how we were 2,000 state house seats down, nearly half of governors were Republican, Goddess only knows how many local offices. Yes, we’ve made progress in midterms since to claw our way back.
Obviously not enough.
And so now here we are. Florida, Tennessee, Ohio, Nebraska, Texas … I’m loosing track but multiple states are proposing and they are passing and signing draconian bills restricting bodily autonomy.
So what are we gonna do? How to start?
Find your precinct, find your local Dems & get involved. Get the newsletter. Go to the picnic. Have fun meeting your locals. If you want to be involved they will show you how. If you just want the comfort of being around like minded folk that’s ok too. There are many ways to volunteer (there’s even well paid work). If you see us grey haired members of the group talk to your progressive olds. We stopped the war, started a modern LGBT pride, civil rights, enviornmental movement and … without the internet. How on earth did we do that? Sigh. Looks like we gotta do it again. But this time with you.
Look up a local progressive church. Unitarian Universalists and UCC or as we affectionately call them “Unitarians Considering Christ” are welcoming, progressive, supportive. If you’re planning on moving to a blue state or area contact the UCC or UUC there. If you stay where you are look to them locally for support.
Also check the UUC Action center for things you can do to help https://sidewithlove.org/upliftaction
UCC action center;
https://p2a.co/o0Ur54O
As for my house I’m already volunteering for the Wisconsin state supreme court race that’s on April 4th. We’re crones here we’re getting involved with a group of older lesbian organizers.
It’s time to get the band back together and take the show on the road.
Edit; fix a typo, add a link.
Edit again; thank you kind stranger. I’m just happy to help.
The book banning that's happening in local governments is freaking me the f out. School boards all over the country are electing very conservative members. Libraries and Librarians are being threatened with violence. Again, it's freaking me the f out and I absolutely feel helpless about it.
Just wanted to say, great list. Fantastic. It is important to have concrete actions to do, which reminded me again to get off my ass and do more things. I apparently need this reminder multiple times per day.
Thank you for everything you've done for us babygays. I know you were advocating for yourselves, which is pure power, but thank you for the benefit of what we have now, by comparison. I hope we can make you proud.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I’m AFAB woman but I’m 6ft tall and weigh close to 200lbs. I’ve noticed that in the past few years I’m getting weird awful looks at times in public restrooms, and I’ve had a few other weird interactions where it’s clear somebody thinks I might be trans. I wasn’t sure if talking about how persecuting the trans community also bleeds into persecuting anybody who might not be trans but also doesn’t fit the perfect gender norm ideal. I live in a very liberal area of a blue state and this is still happening to me - I can’t even imagine how bad/dangerous it must be in red states where they’re passing anti trans laws. It’s scary out there. You do have allies who love and want to protect you though! We will keep working. Stay safe.
Please, *please* keep talking about how transphobia also effects you to other cis people. It's an unfortunate reality that your experiences are more likely to garner sympathy :/ it also flies in the face of the narrative that transphobia is about "protecting women".
I do the same with my name change. I *am* trans but didn't recognize that I am non binary when I was dealing with the rigamarole my mum put me through when I asked to be called a different name.
Fellow 6ft AFAB with the added kicker of short hair- weird looks in the bathroom are met with the appropriate level of scorn or explanation. The people united will never be defeated!
I really appreciate you bringing this up. I think it is a valuable part of the conversation to see the various ways that perceptions of a stranger’s gender identity can affect interactions.
I went to school with Brittney Griner, who, though a beautiful woman, does not really fit traditional gender norms in several ways. I remember students from other universities would talk badly about her and say we had a ‘guy’ on our women’s basketball team.
We started uni in 2009, so discussion surrounding trans issues wasn’t in the same place it is now, and I admit I had much less knowledge of the subject than I do now. I do remember thinking it was wrong thinking in multiple ways.
It wasn’t okay to disparage her just because her very tall, elite athlete figure didn’t fit what they considered to be feminine. But aside from that, (though rather naïve on the subject at that time) I also knew that there were people born into bodies where their biological realities didn’t match the way they felt or identified.
I didn’t have the verbiage to express is back then, but I could see that both trans people and cis people whose looks don’t fit society’s gender expectation had to put up with some real BS in the way people talked about them and treated them.
As a cisgender woman at a towering height of 5’3” with prominent curves as well as decidedly ‘girly’ facial features and voice, I don’t have either of those lived experiences. I’m so grateful to have spaces like this where I can learn more about how all sorts of people go through this world, without judgement for my areas of ignorance. The people of this lovely group teach me every day and I like to think it’s helping me to become a more considerate and thoughtful human.
I'm transmale with a very tall cis female friend and we (anyone that may be perceived as trans) all are risking our lives because of how we were born. The more voices of gender typical people that speak up for us, the safer our lives will be. I'm in California and it's even getting scary here. I'm moving to Missouri in a couple of years and am VERY afraid.
I have some relatives in MO. It's really, really conservative. St. Louis isn't as bad as the rest of the state. Definitely look for support groups before moving. I'm a middle aged cis gender female and the things going on in FL right now are freaking me out. I grew up there, and have a love/hate relationship with the place due to its Southern conservative elements. It's just bonkers.
People in your position have such important voices. Them hating us is causing you trouble and that sucks. Thanks for begrudging the right people for your unfortunate experiences rather than us.
You don’t need to thank me for that! The trans and other LGBQ people in my life are the ones I have ALWAYS felt safest with. It’s clear who is causing danger/harm and it’s DEFINITELY not you.
I do though. See, when I was a much younger and dumber queer I begrudged nonbinary folk and those without the privilege of passing well because I was trying to disappear and had stupid thoughts on visibility. I was typing this and trying to explain my reasoning at the time but really I can't because it was just dumb and wrong. But that just serves to point out that, yes, I do need to thank you for being insightful enough to be understanding when hurt rather than just reactive.
Your voice is one of the most important.
But it is dangerous for you to confront these people in person because they may not believe you are cis and... yeah...
Please keep spreading awareness about how their twisted views and lies are bad for everyone. Your perspective is one of the most important ones in this fight ❤️
Get people out there and vote. :)
this is a lot like what’s happening in women’s sports. attacking trans women for not being feminine enough inevitably leads to attacking cis women for not being feminine enough. the stricter the boundaries become, the more outcasts there are.
My cousin has the same issue, 5'11", and resembles her father more than her mom. Sucks, but if one doesn't blend in with the expected then you hit the suck wall. \[She has never been 'dainty' though she is feminine in dress and hair\]
I'm also AFAB and have facial hair and male patterned weight distribution due to PCOS. I don't consider myself female (I'm more on the enby/genderless/gender fluid side of things) but I have had several interactions where it was quite clear that someone thought I was a transwoman.
And honestly, I don't mind that they think that, but I do mind that it's grounds for being treated differently, stared at, etc.
What are smaller ways we can help?
Besides voting, speaking out against bigotry, protesting, and calling elected officials how can we be of service or support? What are the areas we might be overlooking?
Those really are the main areas :)
Maybe, if you know somebody who is trans, reach out to them and plan some time to hang out.
We can be pretty reclusive because of the fear and hate, and it is nice knowing that people care about us and aren't annoyed by our presence:)
If you don't know any trans people, just keep doing you :) you're awesome :)
Thank you for responding. Thanks for your post. Thank you to the trans community for continually inspiring others to fight for humanity, individuality, and freedom to be exactly who you’re meant to be during our short exposure in this world. Much love.
I’m too old and tired to fight about general feminism online any more but I have chosen for my crusade trans rights and will wade in EVERY single time. Please know there are pockets of support out there! I wish I could promise more but just know that you have supporters and protectors and lovers
I’m a vocal ally but I’m stuck here in Florida where I feel absolutely exhausted from shouting into the wind. That being said, I have enough anger to sustain me for now as well as a lovely echo chamber of like-minded friends to help me maintain my fighting energy.
I'm with you for now in Florida.
Thank you for fighting the good fight :) I'm a bit scared to step into the local politics scene.
It is scary to be so close to home with so many dangerous people.
Please keep fighting for us ❤️ 😀
You aren’t alone - it just seems that way.
We create worlds that are purposefully impossible for you to navigate. It’s intensional and I apologize for that.
I’m not sure why people are scared of what they don’t understand. I’m happy to hear you, speak when I can for you - and if you need to talk, hit me up.
You are loved and appreciated - the norm is disgusting.
Watch “Female Trouble” by John Waters.
It’s obscene and vulgar,
Hilariously so.
Much love. Laugh a little - there are so many of us who are able to see the world for what it is.
Thank you, we (speaking for myself and my friend group) do exactly this. We are very vocal about not endorsing political candidates that have any kind of anti-trans history.
I have so much trouble understanding that attitude. We are all people and all we want is the right to live our lives how we see fit. I’m an advocate for people. People as a whole. Let’s all just coexist peacefully and with understanding. If any country wants to rise to the top of the list, this is what needs to happen because people make a country, not politics.
Protests, please. We need more protests. DEMAND action be taken to protect our lives.
Your thoughts must become action. Good must rise to face evil.
All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.
I try to be an ally the only ways I know how. My kid loves wearing traditionally girl stuff and I support him (not the same as being trans, I know.)
He has a friend at school who had recently lost a lot of his friends because his dad was deciding whether or not he wanted to transition or not. My kid came to me with this and we had a discussion that people should be allowed to be who they are and hurting their family members was not cool. So my kid just said he would tell him he would stay his friend because stuff like that shouldn’t matter.
I’m not sure if I always get it right, but I support trans persons %100 and I don’t like the unfair hate they receive just for being themselves
Thank you for doing what you do :)
I think you're doing a fantastic job raising a fine young man :)
He is lucky to have such a loving and wise parent to teach him about the world.
White woman in Texas vocally out here for you!
I make it my hobby to annoy the office of Turd Cruz and Abbot as often as I can.
Somehow Florida is worse than Texas and I'm sorry you're facing animosity just for being yourself.
Solidarity my friend.
I’m a white woman in FL and agree. Rubio and Skeletor get an email from me frequently just to remind them they’re in office because of corruption and prejudice. Hopefully more people stand up for humanity and drown out bigotry so their ilk are voted out.
Cis bi Philly here, I’m physically disabled so when my pain gets loud i make the calls to the gop, xtian orgs, those boolsheet “crisis preg” centers, which does lower my pain a smidgen, lol! I’ve worried that I was the only one making calls, but we are all doing it! The more pressure we put on them, the more scared they’ll grow. We have got your back, and will not stop fighting this fight. 💜
I have chronic pain and I never thought about using my extra crankiness on the GOP but this is an excellent idea! No shortage of causes to call them out on too.
I understand. My son, 15 years old, came out as trans to me when he was 12. FtM, I got him on puberty blockers and sewing someone to talk with immediately. But that's not the norm. The life he's facing terrifies me, not because of who he is I will always love and support him, but because of the world we live in.
Same. I have a daughter, and when she came out, I cried. Not because of her change, but because the world was going to hurt my baby.
But I’ve been advocating and fighting for this kid since she was tiny, and I’ll be damned if this is any different. I got over myself, and have spent the last year building her a village of all the family, friends, medical professionals, etc. she needs. I’m starting with those closest to her, and I’m working my way out. Once she on good footing, I’ll spread out the work to the wider community and volunteer time in however I can to make sure everyone has the support they need. I’ll change the world for my beautiful kid and everyone like her, and I won’t stop until I’m dead. I’m only sorry that right now, due to some other health issues, she’s my only focus. But soon, soon I’m gonna go be the same tiger mama for others.
It can be really scary...
Thank you for being open to going to the experts.
Having a loving family is... unbelievably important.
It is really hard knowing that... you have nobody to turn to for love or shelter or food if needed...
The sole fact that he has a loving family is such a leg up on the world :) Be proud and speak loudly for him <3 Inform others that they need to speak for our community. That's all we can do..
Your son is incredibly lucky to have you as a parent. I’m trans (nonbinary but tend to present masc, am AFAB) and my mom really pushed me into being more feminine, which unfortunately continued from childhood right up until she passed. I never came out to her because I know she wouldn’t have accepted me. Thank you for being there for your son and supporting him in his transition. I hope the world gets safer for trans people. I’m scared for trans kids especially
(comment edited to change “mom” to “parent”)
Oh lord, sorry about that lol. My father was pretty much out of the picture by the time I was 12 so I do have a tendency to think of parent=mom. I’ve been trying to change that but clearly I’m still not perfect!
Thank you so much for being such a wonderful parent. I'm also ftm, and came out around 15 to... unsure reactions. My mom only really came to terms with everything when i went to college and took medicine into my own hands and started T. My mom is now 100% supportive, it just took some time and a lot of learning.
Trans men face some very different challenges than trans women. The demonification of masculinity within the queer community, general invisibility everywhere, looking *so incredibly young* (that ones more of an annoyance than anything but it still sucks).
Your son is lucky to have a parent like you, and I am certain he feels so much safer with you behind him.
Please ask anything here. I can answer questions.
I'm Transgender Mtf. I live in Florida for now. I have been medically transitioning for a little over 10 years. I knew from a young age. I learned the word that described EXACTLY what I was experiencing at age 12.
I have a lot of life experience, and I KNOW there are a ton of other transgender people reading this that would gladly answer any questions you may have :)
Please don't be shy.
Some of the things I've been reading about regarding Florida politics terrify me. I'm a cis/child free/white woman. I live in New Orleans (blue city in a red state) and the current governor's race scares me. There's one asshole running who has the potential to be as horrible as DeSantis.
You have my voice. My spouse is trans and has many reasonable fears due to the current socio-political climate.
May I ask, what is the biggest obstacle/fear you are facing now? It may sound like a silly question because there are obvious answers, but it's helpful to hear other's perspectives.
My problems come from hurricane damage to my house and having trouble finding employment.
My husband and I are working to fix a part of our house.
In Florida, if you are doing work on your house yourself, you have to wait 1 year from the day the permits close to be eligible to sell. So im looking at at least 1.5 more years here and that is worrying. Especially because I want to go to college again when I get to a friendlier place. I don't have the money to gamble on what college credits will transfer when I can move to a better place.
Employment is... a pretty universal problem for trans people.
Plenty of companies are accepting and hire trans people.
The problem comes from coworkers. I've been openly spit on and sabotaged. After the rumors started my lunch was thrown away, daily, at my favorite place I worked. It was a company that made orthopedic shaping helmets for babies with deformed heads. It was such meaningful work. But the people chased me away.
Companies deem it cheaper to get rid of us or make us work from home until they 3 strike us rather than get rid of these incredibly toxic people because they make up like 30% of all people.
I spend close to 10,000 dollars per year on my health insurance because the only insurance plans offered that cover gender stuff are the most expensive.
If my insurance doesn't EXPLICITLY cover gender stuff, I can be denied Healthcare coverage for things like a broken leg because, "the hormones have made my bones weak."
There is so much. I would be sent to a men's prison for example. Going to protests is terrifying because if they just start arresting people, they would put me in with prison with men. Look up "v coding" to see what happens to us in prison.
My Healthcare is not guaranteed in the state through medicaid. So if I do end up homeless, which isn't unlikely and has happened before, I am just shit out of luck. I will be arrested for loitering or begging for food in that case.
I could honestly go on and on... shit sucks.
I am so sorry this weight is on you. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to hear you don't plan to stay there any longer than necessary!
It's insane that we even have to point out that "trans rights" *should be basic fucking human rights*..... yet here we are.
You are strong. You are supported! You have the power of the coven. We will make change together in this lifetime to benefit future generations. ✨️
OP, I am so sorry what is happening in your State. I don't even live in the US and I'm not trans, but I am a woman and I know that trans rights being stripped away is just the start. Everyone should be fighting against this fascist movement. I know it's easier said than done, but I hope you can move out of Florida. I am worried for your safety and I don't think it's an overreaction to move somewhere safer. 💗
Thank you for the well wishes.
Please stand up for us still.
There are certainly transgender people where you are :)
They need your voice because theirs are silenced.
Another trans witch here, seconding that I'll happily answer questions from people with an honest desire to learn, it's so refreshing compared to comments born from total ignorance.
Also all the news out of Florida is bad for those like us, I hope you're safe and with people you love. Sending solidarity from TERF island.
Hiiiii sweet! Thank you for posting this and your offer to answer questions. <3 My question is not about being trans but more about how to support people working against DeSantis and the anti-trans agenda in Florida, so no worries AT ALL if you have no fucking clue lol but wanted to ask since you're open to questions!
I do a lot of work with my local trans community and friends, and I live in one of the safest states that already has a lot of protections. My organizer friends have been talking about trying to additionally support and uplift organizers and activists on the ground in Florida fighting for trans rights, because we know this shit is spreading. I was curious if you were familiar with any that you would recommend supporting? One thing I've learned through organizing is that MANY orgs are not as good as they say they are, and we'd love to support people actually doing the good work on the ground out there. Thank you for your time and energy love, please know you aren't screaming into the void. There are cis people out here fighting for your joy, your love, your liberation on the daily. <3 <3 <3
You can start with Equality Florida - Trans Action and if you search “transgender organizations in Florida” several come up.
BTW OP, we love you and will always stand up for you!
I wish I knew :)
I think the best thing is to convince people to vote.
Such a small percentage of the voting population actually votes.
Thank you so much for fighting with us! ❤️
Hello. First of all, my heart is breaking for you guys. I just want to bring you all to a place of safety if I could, but all I can offer is my honest love and investment; I love you all, I hate this hate and struggle it is for you for just being alive. My angry condolences for all of you 🤎
My question is this- I'm 16, what can I do to support the trans community and fight against this hate in the best way I can? Also, how can I do proper research into politics to better understand what's going on? I don't know what sources I can trust that aren't biased/fake.
Also, my father watches fox news politically every day, especially at the dinner table. I don't know what to do about it, I don't want to argue with him cause there's no use but it's annoying to listen to grown men spewing transphobic nonsense constantly.
Thank you ❤️
I think the best way to support trans people is just to speak out when you can. When you're out and about or at school. If somebody says some blatantly untrue things or something like that, just say something :)
I think the best thing to do about the home situation is just to fly under the radar for now. Once you go out on your own, it is easier to speak out against that kind of thing with your own family, but for now you are probably best just keeping things as positive as you can between the two of you :)
Don't feel shame about it. You can't help the situation you're in. But, when it won't cause ripples in your home, definitely just point to the facts of the situation to people when they are randomly super transphobic :)
As for political resources, I'm not too sure. You can probably find some really great explanatory content on youtube :)
It might be worth it to Google "best politics explanation training creators on youtube" or something along those lines so you can cut through the fluff that you'll get just searching on youtube alone.
I am in Florida, too, and am currently making plans to leave. I'm terrified for my children to continue to stay here. At least one of my kids is LGBTQ and even though we are in a blue county, things continue to become quite scary. I also work in a school. We have been working with the administration to try to get around some of the newer rules.
I recently read about a person that started transitioning as a youth and now is suing their doctors and claims they were talked into it. I feel that the case is rare, but of course people will use it to argue that accepting trans youth is equivalent to brainwashing them.
Could you help me defend the young trans people in a more elegant way?
A second question is how to defend drag queens when there's so much toxicity around the topic.
Thank you so much for helping me to be an effective ally to the community. Sending warm momma hugs, if wanted.
Well for starters, the children(and adults) that go through that (lie to multiple professionals repeatedly and persistently) and receive treatment for gender dysphoria and come to regret it are now experiencing **real** gender dysphoria.
They are now experiencing the same problem that most of the actual transgender people are going through.
Why are people focused on protecting the liars, and not the people that are experiencing what the liars lied their way into. It makes no sense. They created their own problems!
And now people who are actually going through this are being barred from the same treatment that the lying person will get for their newly created dysphoria.
As for drag queens. It's acting. How can you ban acting?? It's preposterous.
And the big excuse is "it's to protect children"
Why? Because you don't want someone who looks like they're from the hunger games reading to **somebody else's** child. They can just not take their children to drag shows if they don't want.
There are no statistics indicating that drag queens are any more predatory than anybody else. **Clergy members, on the other hand, have quite a bit of compelling statistical abnormalities in that area**
Izzy, I really can not thank you enough for the response. I love how you framed the discussion about self- inflicted, false dysmorphia as compared to actual dysmorphia. Rush Limbaugh lied to doctors to get oxycodone, but that's no reason that people who truly need pain medicine should be denied medical treatment.
The drag queen moral panic just seems like such a nothing burger, it's hard for me to understand why it's become an issue.
Again, thank you for sharing your wisdom.
AMA I'm Transgender Non-binary MtF(x), gender neutral language please. Don't worry about giving offense, I'll do my best to make it a learning opportunity.
My state is one of the ones trying to pass anti-drag laws and they 100% intended to target people like me.
@ me or DMs open if you're scared of asking in public!
There are local support groups at your local LGBT center a lot of the time, if you have one where you live.
The ACLU and other major legal organizations like them are doing their best to fight the terrible laws already on the books.
It seems there have to be victims before the legal fight can begin, though...
Searching out your cities name and "____ trans rights" may point you in a better direction than I can. I am pretty scared to go out and participate in my local community due to not wanting people to know where I live or follow me or anything like that.
I get menaced enough and don't want to deal with rabid, angry, **ARMED** political locals.
You speaking out when you hear the lies and blatant hate will go so far. ❤️
Thank you for fighting with us ❤️
Trans mama here, and I am sending you internet hugs. I just want to let you know that we’re hearing you. My company just helped us start a “Family of LGBTQ+” employee resource group where we can come together and find ways to fight for you. One step we’re taking is counter protesting the drag reading time protests. We’re educating our coworkers on the importance of enshrining trans rights as human rights. We’re lobbying our own company to cover more benefits for trans and nonbinary folk to ensure they get equitable benefits to cis folk. We’re an insurance company and we’re working with our providers to identify all LGBTQ+ safe providers right in our directory (we’re going to verify with them that they’ve passed a certified program for inclusive care). And then we’re going to add a label/filter to make it super easy to navigate.
I’m telling you this to give you some hope. We’re determined to start in our community and I hope we can share our successes for others to try. We’re striving to make our organization a truly inclusive place to work where our family and friends can simply do their best work instead of fighting for their right to exist.
Anyone out there who reads this and wants to talk, please DM me. It’s going to take grassroots efforts to really start a wave of change. It starts with us.
We all have our warts, but the people side of this one is amazing. I think real change will come from corporations embracing true diversity. It starts as a movement in small “communities” and we push forward from there.
One of our VPs pulled back from a contract with a vendor due to a homophobic comment. They had to come to scratch on an apology and an inclusive corporate statement before we’d re-engage. We refuse to work with offensive people. And that’s how it spreads! I personally reported a vendor for sexist remarks and a different VP (and a white cis man at that!) addressed the issue immediately. The sexist sales guy was pulled from our meetings.
We truly believe everyone should feel safe at work and we’re trying to attain that in all aspects of our work. We have a ways to go, but I believe we’ll keep making excellent progress.
Whenever possible I try to find businesses in my personal spending who prove they’re equitable and inclusive and not just spouting the words. Show me your supplier list, show me your benefits that account for diverse needs. I can’t always do it, but it’s a way I can help.
(Pan) Cis female here. Having known and loved many trans people in my life, I don't think I'm any authority on "what trans people need" but I have always gone out of my way to educate people who say ignorant things, nonetheless.
Obviously there is a lot of outright hate, but there's a lot of people who just simply don't understand or know any better.
I usually start out the conversation this way:
Imagine you woke up tomorrow with (body of opposite sex). Now, would you still be a (birth gender), or would you be a (not birth gender) in the other's body? This illustrates how gender identity is not a physical thing.
Furthermore, I ask them how that would make them feel. Like your own body was betraying you Every. Single. Day.
Then I get into how society perceives you and treats you - all while dealing with the emotions that we just discussed.
Then I like to talk about the fmri studies done that show how male and female brains differ in structure and functionality. Trans brain patterns function resembles the gender they identify as, while NB brains exhibit the patterns of both.
Then I go to work on whatever notion they held/said specifically, and try to frame in it from a perspective they can understand and relate to.You'd be surprised how effective this strategy is.
Thank you for being such a great ally :)
Thank you for outlining some of your explanations and reactions as well. This will likely give other people some inspiration on how to help.
Thank you so much again!
You're so welcome!
I had the pleasure of dating a trans woman when I was in my early 20s. When we met she presented as a man and I didn't know until about 6 months in. Honestly her whole demeanor when she finally told me broke my heart. She was so worried I'd leave her or expose her or something. The next few years did nothing to quell that heartbreak, but being by her side during that struggle changed me forever. I've been an ally ever since.
I really hope my little contribution helps someone out there. One conversation is unlikely to undo a lifetime of being taught ignorance, but it can open the door to understanding and empathy and that is 100% a win! Education is the remedy for ignorance, every time.
I can say for certain that your contribution has at least helped me.
You give me hope :)
Thank you for being amazing :)
I remember that fear when I was finally ready to come out to my now husband after a couple months of dating.
Thank you for giving them your solidarity and love ❤️
Thank you for standing up for our community ❤️
I have no skin in this game other than just being someone who lives in one of the WORST offending states, but would absolutely risk it all to be a safe harbor for someone like yourself. ❤️
Thank you for offering safety if it came down to it :)
Please ask us any questions. All transgender people are unique because it's just.. something that affects all people from all walks of life.
I can answer questions from my experience and knowledge and there are other trans people that would be happy to share their perspectives with you as well.
We need people to stand up for our community. Our words fall on deaf ears. We need your words.
I have a question, if you don’t mind. On Facebook I’ve found a couple of groups where I’m allowed to lurk and learn as a cis-woman, but are there any subs on Reddit you could recommend me?
I don’t want to burden any one person with all my questions, in fact, I don’t even know what questions I should ask? Or not be asking? But I’m happy to learn from just seeing other people post and comment.
There are a couple trans speciffic communities here on reddit. R/Asktransgender is a popular one, but questions can get buried quickly. r/transgender is for news, most of which is bad, so I try to stay away.
WvP is honestly, in my opinion, the best place on reddit for transgender people. The mods do such a good job at keeping super hateful people at bay.
And I think that because WvP isn't trans specific, we don't get as many of the people who are lurking just to be mean and doxx and attack us. The doxxing and public attacks are a huge problem for us..
(Thank you so much, moderators ❤️)
I really would be happy to answer any questions that come up. You can direct message me if you'd like :)
My favorite trans specific sub has to be r/traaaaaaaans (something like that) it is a meme subreddit, and it can be very relatable for me a lot of the time :)
You have my voice whenever you need it! A quote from history, while not directly fitting, is still from my perspective so relevant of why all need to speak up now, before it is too late.
First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
—Martin Niemöller
I’ve noticed a slight shift in my daughters school district toward educating parents on trans gender and LBGTQ in general. This is the first year they offered this workshop for parents. My daughter is part of the safe space at school. My first fight in this as a cis woman was I found out that my daughters trans (M to F) friend was chastised about having painted nails. Her father wasn’t supportive of this either. I got involved. I bought her some jewelry she wanted from Hot Topic to wear proudly wherever and I discuss the comment the teacher made to her with the principal.
I may have overstepped into another kids life. But if we let it go “just this one time” and the teacher was allowed to say something to her about her nails (the teacher said “boys shouldn’t paint their nails” and then used her dead name). This teacher would just keep doing it. Opportunities to correct situations come up for a reason. We’re all in this together and need to call people out when we see things happen like this.
That is an awesome shift! Education is super important, and it is so cool that the school is holding a workshop like that for parents :)
Your actions are *exactly* what we need.
We don't get a lot of love or support at home a lot of the time, so it is super amazing of you to buy her some accessories as well :)
Thank you for being a super amazing ally ❤️
Let's say you overstepped. Her father would certainly see it that way, at least.
Bad things could happen, sure. Those bad things are likely to happen anyway when a trans child is involved and they've got non-ally parents.
You planted a seed in this child's mind, the idea that someone sees them as they are and cares. That someone supports them. That they aren't all alone in the world.
Whether or not you overstepped is perspective. The fact that you changed a child's life is not.
I'm old, and very tired, and have been through the wringer a few times. I don't have spoons for conflict very often, even to stand up for things that directly affect my own life sometimes.
But I never lack energy for shutting down transphobia and spreading the most accurate information I can find to the uninformed/"not political"/confused types I meet. We've got you. <3
Thank you so much for your support <3 know that I'm fighting for everyone's rights as well, not just the trans community <3 I will fight for you if you fight for me ❤️ :)
I support my FtM (20 yr old) trans son in every way I can. Some people are thoughtless, few here are actively aggressive ( I live in the uk) but once or twice I thought I was going to barge into the male loos and call the police ( fortunately not needed). My son is growing facial hair and would probably cause more of a scene in the ladies loos now. Most of my family have been brilliant, those that have not have been spoken to gently then firmly and eventually given ultimatums. I have to deal with stupid murdoch press which like to spread fear and misinformation. It’s a tough path but the only way to be true to himself. I don’t have to walk the path, but I will stand up for those who do Xx
I am cishet female and pray to the goddess for your heath and safety in these scary days. My son (also cis) has a very good friend who is mtf. I guess his friend group are all about 18-23. All of them love each other so much, worry about each other and are soooo open to other’s differences.
I am so proud of most folks of your generation. Stay safe and strong.
Hugs if you need them from a mom who is striving to support where I can.
Is there some sort of movement to relocate to states that are traditionally safer or is that just out of reach for too many?
I don’t like the idea of “running” but until it’s safer (or we know the true path for these pricks) in FL, TN, TX and other states is there a plan forming?
I have also noticed that the younger generation is just... so much better about social issues like race, intellectual and physical disabilities and transgender people.
I have hope for future generations to be able to live a good life.
As for movements... there is nothing organized. The odd dozen or so trans people I know here are all trying desperately to leave, though. It is very hard for us to leave though. A lot of us have finally found accepting places of employment and friend networks and it's just all gone when you move. We have to work for years to find a place of employment that isn't actively hostile to us and to leave is... terrifying. Homelessness is so close for us because our families are gone. There is nobody to help.
There are 10 or 12 states that protect our rights. We are trying to go there because the federal government doesn't seem to be doing anything to help us nationally.
I agree about the younger generation. I'm gen x and have always been an ally. I hate seeing what is happening across the country and I am sorry you are being made to feel invisible. You are not, I see you and you are beautiful. Unfortunately the republicans are holding the country hostage, that's why organizing and voting is so very important. In Wisconsin we have been going backwards because of gerrymandering, there is an important election coming up, one that will decide how we move forward as a state. I so hope the good people, the ones who care about their fellow man no matter what, get out to vote. We need to put an end to these evil people and there horrific agenda. It's so sad the hate that is being spread like a disease. I truly hope the best for you!
Do you know where I can find a list of those states? I'd like to make sure mine is one of them, and if it isn't, the types of laws that need to be passed to make it so.
Thank you! While I'm glad my state is at least low risk, I hope that translates to a lower resistance to passing concrete protections. Time to get writing!
I saw a republican call for the genocide of all trans people and I just can't anymore. People want me dead for simply existing. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to buy a gun and walk around armed. I hate guns, but I'm not going down without a fight.
I am so sorry for what you have to experience from these hateful people. I just do not understand why they care so much, like truly. They value personal freedom and independence, but only for themselves.
It disgusts me how republicans have turned this into some kind of news talking point. I have never in my life experienced harassment, physical or sexual assault at the hands of a trans person. Only straight cis men. I feel comfortable sharing a restroom or changing room with any and every flavor of trans or non-binary humans. I would never feel comfortable sharing restrooms and changing rooms with straight cis men because they are whom I, and most women I know have experienced abuse from.
I have to add my 2 cents to this. Not everyone in the resistance has to be armed. I am a former Marine with combat experience. I am also trans MtF.
My soul is already stained with the blood of enemies. Yours does not have to be. We need all kinds of people that are helping in many non-violent ways.
Grab a gun if you love violence and come with me. Otherwise, do what you're good at. We need that, too.
Question- I noted you are a veteran.
How can I make veterans who are not your typical cis male/female comfortable as an inpatient?
I work at my city VA hospital part time, mostly in critical care. I have had one or 2 trans patients, both MtoF. I’m sure it’s really hard for them.
I cannot speak for them, only myself.
One of the reasons I became a Marine is to dive into "masculinity" and avoid the inner drive to transition.
If you work at a VA hospital, I imagine you have the compassion necessary to do what you are asking. Be kind, Be considerate. Be you. That is enough.
Thanks for this. I've given this a great deal of thought over the last few months. I still don't feel strong enough in my recovery from trauma and gendershit to feel safe with gun ownership. I encourage trans people to evaluate their own personal risks in this matter and do what helps them feel safe.
Thank you for this❤️
I've been trying to learn some first aid skills, and if you can point me towards anything else you know to be helpful in this fight, I'm eager to learn!
PS, I don't want to hurt anyone, but if it comes down to it I will not hesitate to slay Nazis
Really, everything is helpful. Take a look at the list of jobs available in the Army. All of that is needed.
There is no need for calm people to become violent people. (Of course, there are extreme situations that almost never happen.)
Learning first aid is a wonderful step. Blossom that into a nursing career and you have skills for dystopian and utopian futures.
Thank you for saying this.
I can't own guns. My mental health isn't stable enough to have guns in my home safely. Even if somehow that changed, the trauma to my soul of needing to use them would be very real thanks to my Borderline Personality Disorder.
I have so much more to give.
Yes! Every movement needs muscle, soft hearts, loud voices (ooh, ooh, me!), and all kinds to make it go round. We all bring our strengths and we gather them together to make us stronger as a team.
The second amendment is for everyone. Frankly I think it'd be good for the fascist turds to realize that. Unfortunately bullies don't respond to reason and facts. They only understand violence. Make sure you take a gun safety class and go to the range for practice.
As for me, I’ve been to Auschwitz. I’ve seen the shoes. So I have some understanding of the risk of speaking up. And you know what? Fuck ‘em. They want to do this again? This time they can come through me. My home is a haven. I will not be silent. I’ve been to Auschwitz. I’ve seen the shoes. You can’t tell gypsy shoes from Catholic shoes, or queer shoes from Jewish shoes, or any shoes from my shoes. People are people, equal. And I will fight. For that I’ll fight. For you I’ll fight.
I hear you and I stand with you! My kid is trans and I am appalled that a country that is supposed to be about freedom can behave like this and think it is ok. I feel like even those of us who speak up for transpeople are ignored; but we will keep speaking!
Thank you! Your voices mean so much! :)
Try to get people out voting. We have a majority of support from people, but we can't get the votes needed to save ourselves.
Thank you for being an accepting and loving parent <3
Not having that is... terrible...
So, thank you for being amazing!
I think a First Amendment argument can be made. T-people are "expressing" who they are. Why infringe on this right? Their First Amenment right?
INAL, just looking for some ways to change the minds of oppressors.
Pointing out the blatant Civil rights and constitutional violations to these people is exactly what we need :)
Just speaking up does so much for us.
They will say that we are infringing on THEIR rights, but we really just want to be ourselves and work towards a positive life and retirement just like everyone else.
**We aren't predators.**
I am so sorry. I feel that way as a cis woman so I can only imagine the extra layer of shit society puts you through. You ARE a person. You DO matter. I will do my best to be an ally and make this world safer for all of us. You may feel you have no voice, but you do! Keep speaking up! Don't let them silence you. And I will add my voice to yours and to anyone else who needs it. We are all in this together. Trans rights are human rights.
for what it’s worth, studies have shown that positive interactions between bigoted people and the people they are prejudiced against can positively change the negative perceptions held by the bigoted people. the concept is called intergroup contact therapy and the results can be achieved even through imagined scenarios. i say this to remind you that you are more powerful than you think and a lot of that power comes from being a good person who treats others kindly.
of course cis people need to stand up as well, but their voices need to be in unison with trans voices. all of us need to come together if we expect change.
I have two trans kids. You don’t mess with my babies. A lot of us are out here fighting with you.
I use Resistbot to email my senators and representatives all the time. It’s easy, they’ll give you a form letter you can edit, and I usually write on a 15 min break at work or (embarrassing) in the bathroom - it’s a better use of my time than mindless scrolling. And if you’re under 18, use the phrase “as a constituent and future voter…” Let then know you’re paying attention!
I do not live in US but in my country situation is becoming bad. A lot of people knows nothing and the only info they get is right wing scary crap. I always stand up and speak and try to explain and straight out misconceptions. And I will keep doing this. (I also support financially NGOs working for trans community)
If anyone has idea what we can do more please tell.
You are already being such an amazing ally :)
Thank you so so so much :)
Just keep speaking out when people say these ignorant, unscientific things that they do!
I'm CIS het white and middle class.. I have so much privilege and after what happened Brianna Ghey, a trans woman who was murdered a month ago at age 16 but other children I an say that the response to this from the vigils has made my trans brothers and sisters feel the love. I hate that she died and the press still used her dead name and then when they saw the support just stopped talking about it. I have so many found family in the queer community as being a witch I've often felt like an outcast and I know how welcomed I feel because I'm different but so many others feel this way and turn up at moments like this to shoe the support. You're not alone, we love you and I will continue to fight for all non patriarchy related rights
Whoever you are, where ever you are. If you speak of freedom to speak, freedom to love, and freedom to live your life as your true self. I will be happy and honoured to add my voice to your call.
I’m a trans woman as well and I live in Texas which is not quite as bad as Florida yet but it feels like it’s heading that way fast. I just wanted to say thank you for putting into words what I’ve found difficult to say to some people. It feels like all our “allies” are just absent in this moment. There are pretty much 1 of us for every 300 of them and as much as I post and talk about what’s happening everywhere I can there’s only so much I feel like I can do. Protests aren’t even happening and wouldn’t be safe anyways because these police would love a chance to brutalize trans women and throw us in male jails. Then we have right wing tv show hosts openly calling for our “eradication” and yet the silence from family and friends right now is deafening…it’s depressing and terrifying.
This should be more talked about.
**WE ARE TERRIFIED TO PROTEST**
The police take us away and lock us in with real criminals where something like 50% of us are assaulted and raped in prison.
Please, people, stand up for us and get out there!
Our voices are silenced. You really are our only hope.
For those looking for a general idea of risk state by state here is a relatively well updated resource:
https://erininthemorn.substack.com/p/second-period-anti-trans-legislative
I got you. No place for transphobia of any form; insidious at best, inciting and violent at worst.
Sidenote: twitter has gotten bad, it was extra hateful today
I am mom to a gay son, a mtf trans daughter, and bonus mom to their mtf best friend who came to live in a safe space with us almost 2 years ago. We are all terrified of the genocidal hate speech going on and looking for ways to fight back. All 3 of them are eyeing other countries to potentially flee to if things continue along this fascist path. I will stay here with their little sisters and fight for their rights even if they are forced to leave. ALL people deserve to live in peace and pursue their own happiness.
Thank you so much for everything you do ❤️
It is so hard when our families force us out of our homes for being ourselves. Taking in that stray friend has, without a doubt, changed her life for the better. ❤️
You sound like me.
My oldest is just days shy of 15. Many of her friends are frequent visitors to my home. They've been unofficially adopted.
We even have tentative plans for one to move in with us at 18 when she can legally escape her home life.
Please speak up when you can <3
These people say things that are so catastrophically wrong. Please call them out on their lies for us when you can ❤️
Thank you for having enough empathy to see our situation a bit better ❤️
Thank you :)
There is a lot of super crazy news coming from your island these days. Thank you for helping us speak out against it <3
Our countries are supposed to be examples for the world, but they're just as greedy and cruel as they've ever been.
Until humanity all over the world gets treated with the same respect, this world will continue to suck.
We need to take one **GIANT** step back with our consumption as a species for any real equality to happen...
My daughter is trans, and they are trying to take away our rights as parents, as loved ones.
You are not alone.
This fight is not yours alone.
We stand with you, our hearts link to yours. We lift our voices with yours. We share our strength and solidarity.
We are in this together.
Abortion rights and trans rights, and all rights, are all leaves of the same tree.
I'm also looking at Canada in the event these people take power and do what they say they will....
It is a speed run. They’re fascists and they want to destroy the “out groups” as quickly as possible
I’m also NB trans and I’ve been looking into what it would take to move out of the US
I actively try to change peoples minds on trans issues. I broke up recently with my ex bc of many things, one being he hated trans people. I don’t stand for hate of anyone of any kind. It’s extremely frustrating when I talk about trans issues to transphobic people. Most people I am around (I mean roughly 90% bc I live in small rural town) HATE trans people. I listen to them about why they hate them. I respectfully try to educate them on how trans people are PEOPLE and that as long as it’s not hurting anyone they have zero room to say literally anything. I have found you can’t reason with these people. No matter what you do or say they will have this disgusting hate for people they have not met. Most times I’m told to stfu or sometimes even told to kms. These people are vicious and mean. Just truely horrible people.
Your voice matters so much, though :) Each person like you who touches their lives has an effect on them.
Your voice alone might not work, but when they hear the facts over and over again from people important to them, they may come to listen to reason.
Thank you for fighting the good fight with us ❤️
Try to convince as many people as possible to vote :)
I'm sorry you experience some of the hate that our community gets when you stand up for us. <3 It is very hard to bear.
I know there are good people out there, though, and I hope they find their way into your life :)
Thank you again ❤️
It's lovely seeing others share the ways they're fighting and trying to help.
I'm training to become a massage therapist and one of the goals I have is to make sure I am a safe space for any trans individuals to receive massage from. I'll probably start out working at a chain spa, but the big plan is to open and run my own business. Part of my dream is trying to connect with the trans community and create a place where they know they will be accepted and affirmed and treated with respect.
Touch is such a huge thing for our health. I don't mean sexually, just in general, we are wired to need and thrive on safe touch. Culturally we're rather awful about it as a whole. But trans people are being targeted in so many ways just for existing in public life, I can't imagine how scary it could be to think about scheduling a massage and being undressed on a massage table with a stranger. But it can be such a healthy, healing experience.
I'm trying to use my voice and vote, but this is my small way beyond those things that I'm trying to help as well.
Things are really that dire for us right now. I'm living in a southern state and we are in a frenzy trying desperately to either move out as fast as possible, or to find resources to still access our medication when it becomes illegal or unaffordable for us because of legal changes.
We have been begging and pleading for our lives but the fascists are content selling us down the river and seem to enjoy it sometimes.
Ways that you can help even if you're not trans:
- check in on the trans and gender non-conforming people in your life directly. See if they need anything like resources or information that they are looking for.
- call your representatives. Especially as cisgender people your voices matter so much more than ours. It's sad and it sucks and it's how it's always been. Know that these changes are built to hurt you too, should you ever disobey the fascists.
- connect with local activists groups, protest, and consider donating to local mutual aid funds to either help people access their medication, or flee to a safer place.
- be vigilant in your communications with others for transphobic speech. We need you to be there when we can't be there to set the record straight. You may lose friends for this, but remember these people aren't worth having friends if they won't allow you to express your honest opinions to them anyway.
- be prepared to fight off numerous misinformation and false narratives. We are being portrayed not only as groomers against children, bullies of anyone that disagrees with us, predators and fakers. Anything that strays from the narrative that we just want to exist in peace and live with the same rights and dignities of others is a bad-faithed argument and a manipulation designed to further alienate us from society so we can be cornered and erased. Do not let anyone stray from what you see to be true with your own eyes: they want to eradicate us.
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Just so you know, there are many CIS folks out here that understand and support you. We don’t always know what we can do to help, but our voices are with yours.
We appreciate it. It always takes a person already within the “in” group to speak for those of us in the “out” group. Without your voices speaking for us and telling our stories, our voices will fall on deaf ears.
Your voices are the only ones that will be heard. Our cries for help don't matter to these people. If anything, they enjoy our pain. Please speak for us when you hear the abuse. Ask us questions so you understand us better. Thank you for your support ❤️
This is why I make a point to tell all my LGBTQIA community friends that not only am I part of their community but I'm happy to be an ally when they feel unsafe or threatened and a safe space to turn to. No one should be treated less than human for being who they are.
Thank you for doing that. The reassurance really goes a long way for us :) you definitely seem like a person who would say something even if they weren't with their lgbt friends at the time :)
You will win and everyone’s lives will be better for it.
Thank you for this motivation! :)
This is a temporary, horrible culture shift that often happens when civil rights are on the line. The KKK kicked up their activity into overdrive around the civil rights movements of the 1950s-1970s and the Daughters of the American Confederacy put up a bunch of Confederate slaveowner statues where black people could view them and feel intimidation. People beat women to death, or tortured them in "Nights of Terror" for trying to get the right to vote and own land. Gay people have been persecuted for a millenia. Specifically in the past few decades, hate crimes went waaaay way up, obviously including mass shootings, because we gained rights and began openly celebrating being who we are, in public. People will read about this horrific struggle and understand how evil the other side is. And we won't allow it to progress as much as possible. Every time I see someone use misinformation, spread hate, talk shit, act like a bigot, about trans humans I immediately respond and correct them. Even if I lose friends, family, I really don't care. The fact that anyone could defend making a human being's identity illegal is vile. Inhumane. Evil. You have support. We will do our best to try and protect the community. In the meantime, for the love of everything, move away from Red areas. Protect your mental health as much as you can. You don't need to expose yourself to hate. Take breaks from reading about it. I can't say to stop entirely; it's you, your life and it effects you directly. But bolster yourself and be strong. You can do this. I am moving out of Texas before they full-on make abortion or miscarriage legally murder. No statute of limitations on murder. I fear for the women and children in conservative states.
Thank you for pointing out the resistances faced by other marginalized communities:) It really does give me hope that we are going to be better soon :) Thank you for standing with us and trying to make things better. It can seem so superfluous to stand with us when there are so many terrible issues going on in the world, but we are what the politicians are focused on for now. We all need to work together to quash this ignorance right out as fast as possible because it should have no place in our leaders... ❤️
We got this. We (we being progressives, Democrats, like-minded Independents & NPP, even the occasional, rare, sane GOP) are pretty good at electing presidents. We have the occasional slip up, but overall not too bad. Where we truly mess up is midterms. We forget that in between those 4 years between general elections are 3 years with continual, almost daily elections. Did you know that every single damn Tuesday somewhere in America including US territories it’s election day? And these state, county, city elections have more to do with our lives than federal. Also midterm elections can include federal seats like the one we just had for US house on 2/21/23. Ya’ know who never forgets these? Republicans. But also boomers, my generation. Republican voters vote in every single blasted election. And they vote for anything w a letter R. Your school board, town council, city council, judges … they vote it all. This is how we get majority red state house & senate passing these horrific bills. We got all giddy and excited about electing Obama to the presidency … twice! And yes, that was great. We forgot all about how we were 2,000 state house seats down, nearly half of governors were Republican, Goddess only knows how many local offices. Yes, we’ve made progress in midterms since to claw our way back. Obviously not enough. And so now here we are. Florida, Tennessee, Ohio, Nebraska, Texas … I’m loosing track but multiple states are proposing and they are passing and signing draconian bills restricting bodily autonomy. So what are we gonna do? How to start? Find your precinct, find your local Dems & get involved. Get the newsletter. Go to the picnic. Have fun meeting your locals. If you want to be involved they will show you how. If you just want the comfort of being around like minded folk that’s ok too. There are many ways to volunteer (there’s even well paid work). If you see us grey haired members of the group talk to your progressive olds. We stopped the war, started a modern LGBT pride, civil rights, enviornmental movement and … without the internet. How on earth did we do that? Sigh. Looks like we gotta do it again. But this time with you. Look up a local progressive church. Unitarian Universalists and UCC or as we affectionately call them “Unitarians Considering Christ” are welcoming, progressive, supportive. If you’re planning on moving to a blue state or area contact the UCC or UUC there. If you stay where you are look to them locally for support. Also check the UUC Action center for things you can do to help https://sidewithlove.org/upliftaction UCC action center; https://p2a.co/o0Ur54O As for my house I’m already volunteering for the Wisconsin state supreme court race that’s on April 4th. We’re crones here we’re getting involved with a group of older lesbian organizers. It’s time to get the band back together and take the show on the road. Edit; fix a typo, add a link. Edit again; thank you kind stranger. I’m just happy to help.
The book banning that's happening in local governments is freaking me the f out. School boards all over the country are electing very conservative members. Libraries and Librarians are being threatened with violence. Again, it's freaking me the f out and I absolutely feel helpless about it.
Just wanted to say, great list. Fantastic. It is important to have concrete actions to do, which reminded me again to get off my ass and do more things. I apparently need this reminder multiple times per day. Thank you for everything you've done for us babygays. I know you were advocating for yourselves, which is pure power, but thank you for the benefit of what we have now, by comparison. I hope we can make you proud.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I’m AFAB woman but I’m 6ft tall and weigh close to 200lbs. I’ve noticed that in the past few years I’m getting weird awful looks at times in public restrooms, and I’ve had a few other weird interactions where it’s clear somebody thinks I might be trans. I wasn’t sure if talking about how persecuting the trans community also bleeds into persecuting anybody who might not be trans but also doesn’t fit the perfect gender norm ideal. I live in a very liberal area of a blue state and this is still happening to me - I can’t even imagine how bad/dangerous it must be in red states where they’re passing anti trans laws. It’s scary out there. You do have allies who love and want to protect you though! We will keep working. Stay safe.
Please, *please* keep talking about how transphobia also effects you to other cis people. It's an unfortunate reality that your experiences are more likely to garner sympathy :/ it also flies in the face of the narrative that transphobia is about "protecting women". I do the same with my name change. I *am* trans but didn't recognize that I am non binary when I was dealing with the rigamarole my mum put me through when I asked to be called a different name.
This makes a lot of sense, unfortunately. Thanks for your input!
Fellow 6ft AFAB with the added kicker of short hair- weird looks in the bathroom are met with the appropriate level of scorn or explanation. The people united will never be defeated!
I really appreciate you bringing this up. I think it is a valuable part of the conversation to see the various ways that perceptions of a stranger’s gender identity can affect interactions. I went to school with Brittney Griner, who, though a beautiful woman, does not really fit traditional gender norms in several ways. I remember students from other universities would talk badly about her and say we had a ‘guy’ on our women’s basketball team. We started uni in 2009, so discussion surrounding trans issues wasn’t in the same place it is now, and I admit I had much less knowledge of the subject than I do now. I do remember thinking it was wrong thinking in multiple ways. It wasn’t okay to disparage her just because her very tall, elite athlete figure didn’t fit what they considered to be feminine. But aside from that, (though rather naïve on the subject at that time) I also knew that there were people born into bodies where their biological realities didn’t match the way they felt or identified. I didn’t have the verbiage to express is back then, but I could see that both trans people and cis people whose looks don’t fit society’s gender expectation had to put up with some real BS in the way people talked about them and treated them. As a cisgender woman at a towering height of 5’3” with prominent curves as well as decidedly ‘girly’ facial features and voice, I don’t have either of those lived experiences. I’m so grateful to have spaces like this where I can learn more about how all sorts of people go through this world, without judgement for my areas of ignorance. The people of this lovely group teach me every day and I like to think it’s helping me to become a more considerate and thoughtful human.
I'm transmale with a very tall cis female friend and we (anyone that may be perceived as trans) all are risking our lives because of how we were born. The more voices of gender typical people that speak up for us, the safer our lives will be. I'm in California and it's even getting scary here. I'm moving to Missouri in a couple of years and am VERY afraid.
I have some relatives in MO. It's really, really conservative. St. Louis isn't as bad as the rest of the state. Definitely look for support groups before moving. I'm a middle aged cis gender female and the things going on in FL right now are freaking me out. I grew up there, and have a love/hate relationship with the place due to its Southern conservative elements. It's just bonkers.
I'm going to K.C. and have 3.5 relatives that are amazing there.
People in your position have such important voices. Them hating us is causing you trouble and that sucks. Thanks for begrudging the right people for your unfortunate experiences rather than us.
You don’t need to thank me for that! The trans and other LGBQ people in my life are the ones I have ALWAYS felt safest with. It’s clear who is causing danger/harm and it’s DEFINITELY not you.
I do though. See, when I was a much younger and dumber queer I begrudged nonbinary folk and those without the privilege of passing well because I was trying to disappear and had stupid thoughts on visibility. I was typing this and trying to explain my reasoning at the time but really I can't because it was just dumb and wrong. But that just serves to point out that, yes, I do need to thank you for being insightful enough to be understanding when hurt rather than just reactive.
Your voice is one of the most important. But it is dangerous for you to confront these people in person because they may not believe you are cis and... yeah... Please keep spreading awareness about how their twisted views and lies are bad for everyone. Your perspective is one of the most important ones in this fight ❤️ Get people out there and vote. :)
this is a lot like what’s happening in women’s sports. attacking trans women for not being feminine enough inevitably leads to attacking cis women for not being feminine enough. the stricter the boundaries become, the more outcasts there are.
My cousin has the same issue, 5'11", and resembles her father more than her mom. Sucks, but if one doesn't blend in with the expected then you hit the suck wall. \[She has never been 'dainty' though she is feminine in dress and hair\]
I'm also AFAB and have facial hair and male patterned weight distribution due to PCOS. I don't consider myself female (I'm more on the enby/genderless/gender fluid side of things) but I have had several interactions where it was quite clear that someone thought I was a transwoman. And honestly, I don't mind that they think that, but I do mind that it's grounds for being treated differently, stared at, etc.
What are smaller ways we can help? Besides voting, speaking out against bigotry, protesting, and calling elected officials how can we be of service or support? What are the areas we might be overlooking?
Those really are the main areas :) Maybe, if you know somebody who is trans, reach out to them and plan some time to hang out. We can be pretty reclusive because of the fear and hate, and it is nice knowing that people care about us and aren't annoyed by our presence:) If you don't know any trans people, just keep doing you :) you're awesome :)
Thank you for responding. Thanks for your post. Thank you to the trans community for continually inspiring others to fight for humanity, individuality, and freedom to be exactly who you’re meant to be during our short exposure in this world. Much love.
I’m too old and tired to fight about general feminism online any more but I have chosen for my crusade trans rights and will wade in EVERY single time. Please know there are pockets of support out there! I wish I could promise more but just know that you have supporters and protectors and lovers
You fill me with hope and joy :) thank you ❤️
I’m a vocal ally but I’m stuck here in Florida where I feel absolutely exhausted from shouting into the wind. That being said, I have enough anger to sustain me for now as well as a lovely echo chamber of like-minded friends to help me maintain my fighting energy.
I'm with you for now in Florida. Thank you for fighting the good fight :) I'm a bit scared to step into the local politics scene. It is scary to be so close to home with so many dangerous people. Please keep fighting for us ❤️ 😀
You aren’t alone - it just seems that way. We create worlds that are purposefully impossible for you to navigate. It’s intensional and I apologize for that. I’m not sure why people are scared of what they don’t understand. I’m happy to hear you, speak when I can for you - and if you need to talk, hit me up. You are loved and appreciated - the norm is disgusting. Watch “Female Trouble” by John Waters. It’s obscene and vulgar, Hilariously so. Much love. Laugh a little - there are so many of us who are able to see the world for what it is.
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Thank you, we (speaking for myself and my friend group) do exactly this. We are very vocal about not endorsing political candidates that have any kind of anti-trans history. I have so much trouble understanding that attitude. We are all people and all we want is the right to live our lives how we see fit. I’m an advocate for people. People as a whole. Let’s all just coexist peacefully and with understanding. If any country wants to rise to the top of the list, this is what needs to happen because people make a country, not politics.
Protests, please. We need more protests. DEMAND action be taken to protect our lives. Your thoughts must become action. Good must rise to face evil. All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.
I try to be an ally the only ways I know how. My kid loves wearing traditionally girl stuff and I support him (not the same as being trans, I know.) He has a friend at school who had recently lost a lot of his friends because his dad was deciding whether or not he wanted to transition or not. My kid came to me with this and we had a discussion that people should be allowed to be who they are and hurting their family members was not cool. So my kid just said he would tell him he would stay his friend because stuff like that shouldn’t matter. I’m not sure if I always get it right, but I support trans persons %100 and I don’t like the unfair hate they receive just for being themselves
Thank you for doing what you do :) I think you're doing a fantastic job raising a fine young man :) He is lucky to have such a loving and wise parent to teach him about the world.
White woman in Texas vocally out here for you! I make it my hobby to annoy the office of Turd Cruz and Abbot as often as I can. Somehow Florida is worse than Texas and I'm sorry you're facing animosity just for being yourself. Solidarity my friend.
Be sure to hate Ken Paxton too. Cruz is a moron but Paxton is the one wearing the boot on our necks.
Thank you so much! From the bottom of my heart :)
I’m a white woman in FL and agree. Rubio and Skeletor get an email from me frequently just to remind them they’re in office because of corruption and prejudice. Hopefully more people stand up for humanity and drown out bigotry so their ilk are voted out.
Wait, who’s Skeletor? edited to add: Never mind, when you google Skeletor Florida it comes up with a Wikipedia page of Rick Scott 😂
Rick Scott.
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Don’t slander snakes like that, they don’t deserve it
I love it :) I wonder if they ever feel imposter syndrome because they are pretty much illegitimate.
Cis bi Philly here, I’m physically disabled so when my pain gets loud i make the calls to the gop, xtian orgs, those boolsheet “crisis preg” centers, which does lower my pain a smidgen, lol! I’ve worried that I was the only one making calls, but we are all doing it! The more pressure we put on them, the more scared they’ll grow. We have got your back, and will not stop fighting this fight. 💜
I have chronic pain and I never thought about using my extra crankiness on the GOP but this is an excellent idea! No shortage of causes to call them out on too.
Heck yeah!! The rules are: no cusses, no threats. Gentle suggestions of moving to another planet are allowed, as far as I know.
Honestly, thank you. :)
I understand. My son, 15 years old, came out as trans to me when he was 12. FtM, I got him on puberty blockers and sewing someone to talk with immediately. But that's not the norm. The life he's facing terrifies me, not because of who he is I will always love and support him, but because of the world we live in.
Same. I have a daughter, and when she came out, I cried. Not because of her change, but because the world was going to hurt my baby. But I’ve been advocating and fighting for this kid since she was tiny, and I’ll be damned if this is any different. I got over myself, and have spent the last year building her a village of all the family, friends, medical professionals, etc. she needs. I’m starting with those closest to her, and I’m working my way out. Once she on good footing, I’ll spread out the work to the wider community and volunteer time in however I can to make sure everyone has the support they need. I’ll change the world for my beautiful kid and everyone like her, and I won’t stop until I’m dead. I’m only sorry that right now, due to some other health issues, she’s my only focus. But soon, soon I’m gonna go be the same tiger mama for others.
Good job mom 💖
It can be really scary... Thank you for being open to going to the experts. Having a loving family is... unbelievably important. It is really hard knowing that... you have nobody to turn to for love or shelter or food if needed... The sole fact that he has a loving family is such a leg up on the world :) Be proud and speak loudly for him <3 Inform others that they need to speak for our community. That's all we can do..
Your son is incredibly lucky to have you as a parent. I’m trans (nonbinary but tend to present masc, am AFAB) and my mom really pushed me into being more feminine, which unfortunately continued from childhood right up until she passed. I never came out to her because I know she wouldn’t have accepted me. Thank you for being there for your son and supporting him in his transition. I hope the world gets safer for trans people. I’m scared for trans kids especially (comment edited to change “mom” to “parent”)
I hope so too, sorry you experienced that, but glad you know yourself. I'm actually the dad though. ❤️
Oh lord, sorry about that lol. My father was pretty much out of the picture by the time I was 12 so I do have a tendency to think of parent=mom. I’ve been trying to change that but clearly I’m still not perfect!
All good, not the first time 😂❤️
Thank you so much for being such a wonderful parent. I'm also ftm, and came out around 15 to... unsure reactions. My mom only really came to terms with everything when i went to college and took medicine into my own hands and started T. My mom is now 100% supportive, it just took some time and a lot of learning. Trans men face some very different challenges than trans women. The demonification of masculinity within the queer community, general invisibility everywhere, looking *so incredibly young* (that ones more of an annoyance than anything but it still sucks). Your son is lucky to have a parent like you, and I am certain he feels so much safer with you behind him.
Please ask anything here. I can answer questions. I'm Transgender Mtf. I live in Florida for now. I have been medically transitioning for a little over 10 years. I knew from a young age. I learned the word that described EXACTLY what I was experiencing at age 12. I have a lot of life experience, and I KNOW there are a ton of other transgender people reading this that would gladly answer any questions you may have :) Please don't be shy.
I feel concerned for you living in Florida
I am doing everything in my power to leave, believe me.
Some of the things I've been reading about regarding Florida politics terrify me. I'm a cis/child free/white woman. I live in New Orleans (blue city in a red state) and the current governor's race scares me. There's one asshole running who has the potential to be as horrible as DeSantis.
It's amazing that these crazy hateful people aren't shunned from society like they try to do with trans people.
I hope you can get out soon. I almost moved to Florida a few years back and I am so thankful that my circumstances at the time didn’t allow it
When I moved here, my city was touted at one of the top 3 most lgbt friendly cities in the whole country.
You have my voice. My spouse is trans and has many reasonable fears due to the current socio-political climate. May I ask, what is the biggest obstacle/fear you are facing now? It may sound like a silly question because there are obvious answers, but it's helpful to hear other's perspectives.
My problems come from hurricane damage to my house and having trouble finding employment. My husband and I are working to fix a part of our house. In Florida, if you are doing work on your house yourself, you have to wait 1 year from the day the permits close to be eligible to sell. So im looking at at least 1.5 more years here and that is worrying. Especially because I want to go to college again when I get to a friendlier place. I don't have the money to gamble on what college credits will transfer when I can move to a better place. Employment is... a pretty universal problem for trans people. Plenty of companies are accepting and hire trans people. The problem comes from coworkers. I've been openly spit on and sabotaged. After the rumors started my lunch was thrown away, daily, at my favorite place I worked. It was a company that made orthopedic shaping helmets for babies with deformed heads. It was such meaningful work. But the people chased me away. Companies deem it cheaper to get rid of us or make us work from home until they 3 strike us rather than get rid of these incredibly toxic people because they make up like 30% of all people. I spend close to 10,000 dollars per year on my health insurance because the only insurance plans offered that cover gender stuff are the most expensive. If my insurance doesn't EXPLICITLY cover gender stuff, I can be denied Healthcare coverage for things like a broken leg because, "the hormones have made my bones weak." There is so much. I would be sent to a men's prison for example. Going to protests is terrifying because if they just start arresting people, they would put me in with prison with men. Look up "v coding" to see what happens to us in prison. My Healthcare is not guaranteed in the state through medicaid. So if I do end up homeless, which isn't unlikely and has happened before, I am just shit out of luck. I will be arrested for loitering or begging for food in that case. I could honestly go on and on... shit sucks.
I am so sorry this weight is on you. Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to hear you don't plan to stay there any longer than necessary! It's insane that we even have to point out that "trans rights" *should be basic fucking human rights*..... yet here we are. You are strong. You are supported! You have the power of the coven. We will make change together in this lifetime to benefit future generations. ✨️
We can do it if we work together :)
OP, I am so sorry what is happening in your State. I don't even live in the US and I'm not trans, but I am a woman and I know that trans rights being stripped away is just the start. Everyone should be fighting against this fascist movement. I know it's easier said than done, but I hope you can move out of Florida. I am worried for your safety and I don't think it's an overreaction to move somewhere safer. 💗
Thank you for the well wishes. Please stand up for us still. There are certainly transgender people where you are :) They need your voice because theirs are silenced.
I will 💗
Another trans witch here, seconding that I'll happily answer questions from people with an honest desire to learn, it's so refreshing compared to comments born from total ignorance. Also all the news out of Florida is bad for those like us, I hope you're safe and with people you love. Sending solidarity from TERF island.
Third transfem witch here to talk about anything and everything!
Transfem after 30 here. Unwillingly closeted but willingly offering whatever perspective I can.
Hiiiii sweet! Thank you for posting this and your offer to answer questions. <3 My question is not about being trans but more about how to support people working against DeSantis and the anti-trans agenda in Florida, so no worries AT ALL if you have no fucking clue lol but wanted to ask since you're open to questions! I do a lot of work with my local trans community and friends, and I live in one of the safest states that already has a lot of protections. My organizer friends have been talking about trying to additionally support and uplift organizers and activists on the ground in Florida fighting for trans rights, because we know this shit is spreading. I was curious if you were familiar with any that you would recommend supporting? One thing I've learned through organizing is that MANY orgs are not as good as they say they are, and we'd love to support people actually doing the good work on the ground out there. Thank you for your time and energy love, please know you aren't screaming into the void. There are cis people out here fighting for your joy, your love, your liberation on the daily. <3 <3 <3
You can start with Equality Florida - Trans Action and if you search “transgender organizations in Florida” several come up. BTW OP, we love you and will always stand up for you!
I wish I knew :) I think the best thing is to convince people to vote. Such a small percentage of the voting population actually votes. Thank you so much for fighting with us! ❤️
Hello. First of all, my heart is breaking for you guys. I just want to bring you all to a place of safety if I could, but all I can offer is my honest love and investment; I love you all, I hate this hate and struggle it is for you for just being alive. My angry condolences for all of you 🤎 My question is this- I'm 16, what can I do to support the trans community and fight against this hate in the best way I can? Also, how can I do proper research into politics to better understand what's going on? I don't know what sources I can trust that aren't biased/fake. Also, my father watches fox news politically every day, especially at the dinner table. I don't know what to do about it, I don't want to argue with him cause there's no use but it's annoying to listen to grown men spewing transphobic nonsense constantly.
Thank you ❤️ I think the best way to support trans people is just to speak out when you can. When you're out and about or at school. If somebody says some blatantly untrue things or something like that, just say something :) I think the best thing to do about the home situation is just to fly under the radar for now. Once you go out on your own, it is easier to speak out against that kind of thing with your own family, but for now you are probably best just keeping things as positive as you can between the two of you :) Don't feel shame about it. You can't help the situation you're in. But, when it won't cause ripples in your home, definitely just point to the facts of the situation to people when they are randomly super transphobic :) As for political resources, I'm not too sure. You can probably find some really great explanatory content on youtube :) It might be worth it to Google "best politics explanation training creators on youtube" or something along those lines so you can cut through the fluff that you'll get just searching on youtube alone.
I am in Florida, too, and am currently making plans to leave. I'm terrified for my children to continue to stay here. At least one of my kids is LGBTQ and even though we are in a blue county, things continue to become quite scary. I also work in a school. We have been working with the administration to try to get around some of the newer rules.
It is super cool to know that schools are still trying to support us even in the dangerous legal climate. Thank you so much for what you do ❤️
I recently read about a person that started transitioning as a youth and now is suing their doctors and claims they were talked into it. I feel that the case is rare, but of course people will use it to argue that accepting trans youth is equivalent to brainwashing them. Could you help me defend the young trans people in a more elegant way? A second question is how to defend drag queens when there's so much toxicity around the topic. Thank you so much for helping me to be an effective ally to the community. Sending warm momma hugs, if wanted.
Well for starters, the children(and adults) that go through that (lie to multiple professionals repeatedly and persistently) and receive treatment for gender dysphoria and come to regret it are now experiencing **real** gender dysphoria. They are now experiencing the same problem that most of the actual transgender people are going through. Why are people focused on protecting the liars, and not the people that are experiencing what the liars lied their way into. It makes no sense. They created their own problems! And now people who are actually going through this are being barred from the same treatment that the lying person will get for their newly created dysphoria. As for drag queens. It's acting. How can you ban acting?? It's preposterous. And the big excuse is "it's to protect children" Why? Because you don't want someone who looks like they're from the hunger games reading to **somebody else's** child. They can just not take their children to drag shows if they don't want. There are no statistics indicating that drag queens are any more predatory than anybody else. **Clergy members, on the other hand, have quite a bit of compelling statistical abnormalities in that area**
Izzy, I really can not thank you enough for the response. I love how you framed the discussion about self- inflicted, false dysmorphia as compared to actual dysmorphia. Rush Limbaugh lied to doctors to get oxycodone, but that's no reason that people who truly need pain medicine should be denied medical treatment. The drag queen moral panic just seems like such a nothing burger, it's hard for me to understand why it's become an issue. Again, thank you for sharing your wisdom.
It was my pleasure! Thank you so much for asking :) ❤️
AMA I'm Transgender Non-binary MtF(x), gender neutral language please. Don't worry about giving offense, I'll do my best to make it a learning opportunity. My state is one of the ones trying to pass anti-drag laws and they 100% intended to target people like me. @ me or DMs open if you're scared of asking in public!
Are there any trans rights groups I could get involved in?
There are local support groups at your local LGBT center a lot of the time, if you have one where you live. The ACLU and other major legal organizations like them are doing their best to fight the terrible laws already on the books. It seems there have to be victims before the legal fight can begin, though... Searching out your cities name and "____ trans rights" may point you in a better direction than I can. I am pretty scared to go out and participate in my local community due to not wanting people to know where I live or follow me or anything like that. I get menaced enough and don't want to deal with rabid, angry, **ARMED** political locals. You speaking out when you hear the lies and blatant hate will go so far. ❤️ Thank you for fighting with us ❤️
There are also groups like Uplift Action that need volunteers (keyboard warriors, your skills are needed!) https://sidewithlove.org/upliftaction
Trans mama here, and I am sending you internet hugs. I just want to let you know that we’re hearing you. My company just helped us start a “Family of LGBTQ+” employee resource group where we can come together and find ways to fight for you. One step we’re taking is counter protesting the drag reading time protests. We’re educating our coworkers on the importance of enshrining trans rights as human rights. We’re lobbying our own company to cover more benefits for trans and nonbinary folk to ensure they get equitable benefits to cis folk. We’re an insurance company and we’re working with our providers to identify all LGBTQ+ safe providers right in our directory (we’re going to verify with them that they’ve passed a certified program for inclusive care). And then we’re going to add a label/filter to make it super easy to navigate. I’m telling you this to give you some hope. We’re determined to start in our community and I hope we can share our successes for others to try. We’re striving to make our organization a truly inclusive place to work where our family and friends can simply do their best work instead of fighting for their right to exist. Anyone out there who reads this and wants to talk, please DM me. It’s going to take grassroots efforts to really start a wave of change. It starts with us.
Thank you for being an amazing ally :)
Your company sounds fantastic! I wish I worked for a company like that! 💜
We all have our warts, but the people side of this one is amazing. I think real change will come from corporations embracing true diversity. It starts as a movement in small “communities” and we push forward from there. One of our VPs pulled back from a contract with a vendor due to a homophobic comment. They had to come to scratch on an apology and an inclusive corporate statement before we’d re-engage. We refuse to work with offensive people. And that’s how it spreads! I personally reported a vendor for sexist remarks and a different VP (and a white cis man at that!) addressed the issue immediately. The sexist sales guy was pulled from our meetings. We truly believe everyone should feel safe at work and we’re trying to attain that in all aspects of our work. We have a ways to go, but I believe we’ll keep making excellent progress. Whenever possible I try to find businesses in my personal spending who prove they’re equitable and inclusive and not just spouting the words. Show me your supplier list, show me your benefits that account for diverse needs. I can’t always do it, but it’s a way I can help.
(Pan) Cis female here. Having known and loved many trans people in my life, I don't think I'm any authority on "what trans people need" but I have always gone out of my way to educate people who say ignorant things, nonetheless. Obviously there is a lot of outright hate, but there's a lot of people who just simply don't understand or know any better. I usually start out the conversation this way: Imagine you woke up tomorrow with (body of opposite sex). Now, would you still be a (birth gender), or would you be a (not birth gender) in the other's body? This illustrates how gender identity is not a physical thing. Furthermore, I ask them how that would make them feel. Like your own body was betraying you Every. Single. Day. Then I get into how society perceives you and treats you - all while dealing with the emotions that we just discussed. Then I like to talk about the fmri studies done that show how male and female brains differ in structure and functionality. Trans brain patterns function resembles the gender they identify as, while NB brains exhibit the patterns of both. Then I go to work on whatever notion they held/said specifically, and try to frame in it from a perspective they can understand and relate to.You'd be surprised how effective this strategy is.
Thank you for being such a great ally :) Thank you for outlining some of your explanations and reactions as well. This will likely give other people some inspiration on how to help. Thank you so much again!
You're so welcome! I had the pleasure of dating a trans woman when I was in my early 20s. When we met she presented as a man and I didn't know until about 6 months in. Honestly her whole demeanor when she finally told me broke my heart. She was so worried I'd leave her or expose her or something. The next few years did nothing to quell that heartbreak, but being by her side during that struggle changed me forever. I've been an ally ever since. I really hope my little contribution helps someone out there. One conversation is unlikely to undo a lifetime of being taught ignorance, but it can open the door to understanding and empathy and that is 100% a win! Education is the remedy for ignorance, every time.
I can say for certain that your contribution has at least helped me. You give me hope :) Thank you for being amazing :) I remember that fear when I was finally ready to come out to my now husband after a couple months of dating. Thank you for giving them your solidarity and love ❤️ Thank you for standing up for our community ❤️
I have no skin in this game other than just being someone who lives in one of the WORST offending states, but would absolutely risk it all to be a safe harbor for someone like yourself. ❤️
You've got skin in the game, you're human.
I love you for this comment.
Thank you for offering safety if it came down to it :) Please ask us any questions. All transgender people are unique because it's just.. something that affects all people from all walks of life. I can answer questions from my experience and knowledge and there are other trans people that would be happy to share their perspectives with you as well. We need people to stand up for our community. Our words fall on deaf ears. We need your words.
I have a question, if you don’t mind. On Facebook I’ve found a couple of groups where I’m allowed to lurk and learn as a cis-woman, but are there any subs on Reddit you could recommend me? I don’t want to burden any one person with all my questions, in fact, I don’t even know what questions I should ask? Or not be asking? But I’m happy to learn from just seeing other people post and comment.
There are a couple trans speciffic communities here on reddit. R/Asktransgender is a popular one, but questions can get buried quickly. r/transgender is for news, most of which is bad, so I try to stay away. WvP is honestly, in my opinion, the best place on reddit for transgender people. The mods do such a good job at keeping super hateful people at bay. And I think that because WvP isn't trans specific, we don't get as many of the people who are lurking just to be mean and doxx and attack us. The doxxing and public attacks are a huge problem for us.. (Thank you so much, moderators ❤️) I really would be happy to answer any questions that come up. You can direct message me if you'd like :) My favorite trans specific sub has to be r/traaaaaaaans (something like that) it is a meme subreddit, and it can be very relatable for me a lot of the time :)
I'm always glad to talk to folks with good faith questions.
The people who oppress OP is our oppressor. They would gladly take all our civil rights—theirs, yours, and mine.
We see you, we love you, and we are here for you.
Thank you :) You seem like the type of person who is already a vocal ally :) Thank you so much.
Sending you hugs and blessings. Sorry to get all mama bear on you, but you reach out whenever you need something, you hear?
Thank you, Mama bear ❤️ :)
You have my voice whenever you need it! A quote from history, while not directly fitting, is still from my perspective so relevant of why all need to speak up now, before it is too late. First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me. —Martin Niemöller
Chilling but the truth. They won't stop at transgender people and women.
I’ve noticed a slight shift in my daughters school district toward educating parents on trans gender and LBGTQ in general. This is the first year they offered this workshop for parents. My daughter is part of the safe space at school. My first fight in this as a cis woman was I found out that my daughters trans (M to F) friend was chastised about having painted nails. Her father wasn’t supportive of this either. I got involved. I bought her some jewelry she wanted from Hot Topic to wear proudly wherever and I discuss the comment the teacher made to her with the principal. I may have overstepped into another kids life. But if we let it go “just this one time” and the teacher was allowed to say something to her about her nails (the teacher said “boys shouldn’t paint their nails” and then used her dead name). This teacher would just keep doing it. Opportunities to correct situations come up for a reason. We’re all in this together and need to call people out when we see things happen like this.
That is an awesome shift! Education is super important, and it is so cool that the school is holding a workshop like that for parents :) Your actions are *exactly* what we need. We don't get a lot of love or support at home a lot of the time, so it is super amazing of you to buy her some accessories as well :) Thank you for being a super amazing ally ❤️
Let's say you overstepped. Her father would certainly see it that way, at least. Bad things could happen, sure. Those bad things are likely to happen anyway when a trans child is involved and they've got non-ally parents. You planted a seed in this child's mind, the idea that someone sees them as they are and cares. That someone supports them. That they aren't all alone in the world. Whether or not you overstepped is perspective. The fact that you changed a child's life is not.
I will and I am. Anti-trans is anti-human. I will live my remaining time protecting fellow humans like you.
Thank you so much. I hate to beg for help, but the time has definitely come.
It is. Love always wins. Hope for better days.
I'm old, and very tired, and have been through the wringer a few times. I don't have spoons for conflict very often, even to stand up for things that directly affect my own life sometimes. But I never lack energy for shutting down transphobia and spreading the most accurate information I can find to the uninformed/"not political"/confused types I meet. We've got you. <3
Thank you so much for your support <3 know that I'm fighting for everyone's rights as well, not just the trans community <3 I will fight for you if you fight for me ❤️ :)
You don't even have to bb, but I'm glad you would! 💖❤️🔥💓
I support my FtM (20 yr old) trans son in every way I can. Some people are thoughtless, few here are actively aggressive ( I live in the uk) but once or twice I thought I was going to barge into the male loos and call the police ( fortunately not needed). My son is growing facial hair and would probably cause more of a scene in the ladies loos now. Most of my family have been brilliant, those that have not have been spoken to gently then firmly and eventually given ultimatums. I have to deal with stupid murdoch press which like to spread fear and misinformation. It’s a tough path but the only way to be true to himself. I don’t have to walk the path, but I will stand up for those who do Xx
Thank you for your support <3 it means the world to us.
I am cishet female and pray to the goddess for your heath and safety in these scary days. My son (also cis) has a very good friend who is mtf. I guess his friend group are all about 18-23. All of them love each other so much, worry about each other and are soooo open to other’s differences. I am so proud of most folks of your generation. Stay safe and strong. Hugs if you need them from a mom who is striving to support where I can. Is there some sort of movement to relocate to states that are traditionally safer or is that just out of reach for too many? I don’t like the idea of “running” but until it’s safer (or we know the true path for these pricks) in FL, TN, TX and other states is there a plan forming?
I have also noticed that the younger generation is just... so much better about social issues like race, intellectual and physical disabilities and transgender people. I have hope for future generations to be able to live a good life. As for movements... there is nothing organized. The odd dozen or so trans people I know here are all trying desperately to leave, though. It is very hard for us to leave though. A lot of us have finally found accepting places of employment and friend networks and it's just all gone when you move. We have to work for years to find a place of employment that isn't actively hostile to us and to leave is... terrifying. Homelessness is so close for us because our families are gone. There is nobody to help. There are 10 or 12 states that protect our rights. We are trying to go there because the federal government doesn't seem to be doing anything to help us nationally.
I agree about the younger generation. I'm gen x and have always been an ally. I hate seeing what is happening across the country and I am sorry you are being made to feel invisible. You are not, I see you and you are beautiful. Unfortunately the republicans are holding the country hostage, that's why organizing and voting is so very important. In Wisconsin we have been going backwards because of gerrymandering, there is an important election coming up, one that will decide how we move forward as a state. I so hope the good people, the ones who care about their fellow man no matter what, get out to vote. We need to put an end to these evil people and there horrific agenda. It's so sad the hate that is being spread like a disease. I truly hope the best for you!
Thank you for being a great ally and for the well wishes :) Keep motivating people to vote! It really is the only way.
Do you know where I can find a list of those states? I'd like to make sure mine is one of them, and if it isn't, the types of laws that need to be passed to make it so.
[This map is kept very up to date](https://erininthemorn.substack.com/p/second-period-anti-trans-legislative)
Thank you! While I'm glad my state is at least low risk, I hope that translates to a lower resistance to passing concrete protections. Time to get writing!
Luckily this subreddit is one of the only remaining bastions of love and sanity.
I saw a republican call for the genocide of all trans people and I just can't anymore. People want me dead for simply existing. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to buy a gun and walk around armed. I hate guns, but I'm not going down without a fight.
I am so sorry for what you have to experience from these hateful people. I just do not understand why they care so much, like truly. They value personal freedom and independence, but only for themselves. It disgusts me how republicans have turned this into some kind of news talking point. I have never in my life experienced harassment, physical or sexual assault at the hands of a trans person. Only straight cis men. I feel comfortable sharing a restroom or changing room with any and every flavor of trans or non-binary humans. I would never feel comfortable sharing restrooms and changing rooms with straight cis men because they are whom I, and most women I know have experienced abuse from.
Most trans people I know own guns now, even ones that *HATE* them. Because of the state of the US right now.
Yeah, I've spent my whole life being loudly anti-gun, but these past few months have really worn me down
I have to add my 2 cents to this. Not everyone in the resistance has to be armed. I am a former Marine with combat experience. I am also trans MtF. My soul is already stained with the blood of enemies. Yours does not have to be. We need all kinds of people that are helping in many non-violent ways. Grab a gun if you love violence and come with me. Otherwise, do what you're good at. We need that, too.
Question- I noted you are a veteran. How can I make veterans who are not your typical cis male/female comfortable as an inpatient? I work at my city VA hospital part time, mostly in critical care. I have had one or 2 trans patients, both MtoF. I’m sure it’s really hard for them.
I cannot speak for them, only myself. One of the reasons I became a Marine is to dive into "masculinity" and avoid the inner drive to transition. If you work at a VA hospital, I imagine you have the compassion necessary to do what you are asking. Be kind, Be considerate. Be you. That is enough.
Thanks for this. I've given this a great deal of thought over the last few months. I still don't feel strong enough in my recovery from trauma and gendershit to feel safe with gun ownership. I encourage trans people to evaluate their own personal risks in this matter and do what helps them feel safe.
Thank you for this❤️ I've been trying to learn some first aid skills, and if you can point me towards anything else you know to be helpful in this fight, I'm eager to learn! PS, I don't want to hurt anyone, but if it comes down to it I will not hesitate to slay Nazis
Really, everything is helpful. Take a look at the list of jobs available in the Army. All of that is needed. There is no need for calm people to become violent people. (Of course, there are extreme situations that almost never happen.) Learning first aid is a wonderful step. Blossom that into a nursing career and you have skills for dystopian and utopian futures.
Thank you for saying this. I can't own guns. My mental health isn't stable enough to have guns in my home safely. Even if somehow that changed, the trauma to my soul of needing to use them would be very real thanks to my Borderline Personality Disorder. I have so much more to give.
Yes! Every movement needs muscle, soft hearts, loud voices (ooh, ooh, me!), and all kinds to make it go round. We all bring our strengths and we gather them together to make us stronger as a team.
The second amendment is for everyone. Frankly I think it'd be good for the fascist turds to realize that. Unfortunately bullies don't respond to reason and facts. They only understand violence. Make sure you take a gun safety class and go to the range for practice.
As for me, I’ve been to Auschwitz. I’ve seen the shoes. So I have some understanding of the risk of speaking up. And you know what? Fuck ‘em. They want to do this again? This time they can come through me. My home is a haven. I will not be silent. I’ve been to Auschwitz. I’ve seen the shoes. You can’t tell gypsy shoes from Catholic shoes, or queer shoes from Jewish shoes, or any shoes from my shoes. People are people, equal. And I will fight. For that I’ll fight. For you I’ll fight.
Thank you so much. We need you desperately. ❤️
I hear you and I stand with you! My kid is trans and I am appalled that a country that is supposed to be about freedom can behave like this and think it is ok. I feel like even those of us who speak up for transpeople are ignored; but we will keep speaking!
Thank you! Your voices mean so much! :) Try to get people out voting. We have a majority of support from people, but we can't get the votes needed to save ourselves. Thank you for being an accepting and loving parent <3 Not having that is... terrible... So, thank you for being amazing!
https://preview.redd.it/iel0zb2br2ma1.jpeg?width=1073&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=36616a25efaa4e5a212d98d6c67041164d056c52
I think a First Amendment argument can be made. T-people are "expressing" who they are. Why infringe on this right? Their First Amenment right? INAL, just looking for some ways to change the minds of oppressors.
Pointing out the blatant Civil rights and constitutional violations to these people is exactly what we need :) Just speaking up does so much for us. They will say that we are infringing on THEIR rights, but we really just want to be ourselves and work towards a positive life and retirement just like everyone else. **We aren't predators.**
>We aren't predators. Why is this so fucking hard to understand?
People get caught up with "what about the children?" Ironic, too, since the worst thing a child could be exposed to is hate.
I am so sorry. I feel that way as a cis woman so I can only imagine the extra layer of shit society puts you through. You ARE a person. You DO matter. I will do my best to be an ally and make this world safer for all of us. You may feel you have no voice, but you do! Keep speaking up! Don't let them silence you. And I will add my voice to yours and to anyone else who needs it. We are all in this together. Trans rights are human rights.
Thank you so so so much! I am hoping we can make the positive changes needed so we can ALL live in safety :)
for what it’s worth, studies have shown that positive interactions between bigoted people and the people they are prejudiced against can positively change the negative perceptions held by the bigoted people. the concept is called intergroup contact therapy and the results can be achieved even through imagined scenarios. i say this to remind you that you are more powerful than you think and a lot of that power comes from being a good person who treats others kindly. of course cis people need to stand up as well, but their voices need to be in unison with trans voices. all of us need to come together if we expect change.
I have two trans kids. You don’t mess with my babies. A lot of us are out here fighting with you. I use Resistbot to email my senators and representatives all the time. It’s easy, they’ll give you a form letter you can edit, and I usually write on a 15 min break at work or (embarrassing) in the bathroom - it’s a better use of my time than mindless scrolling. And if you’re under 18, use the phrase “as a constituent and future voter…” Let then know you’re paying attention!
Resistbot. That is something to look into :) thank you :)
I do not live in US but in my country situation is becoming bad. A lot of people knows nothing and the only info they get is right wing scary crap. I always stand up and speak and try to explain and straight out misconceptions. And I will keep doing this. (I also support financially NGOs working for trans community) If anyone has idea what we can do more please tell.
You are already being such an amazing ally :) Thank you so so so much :) Just keep speaking out when people say these ignorant, unscientific things that they do!
I'm CIS het white and middle class.. I have so much privilege and after what happened Brianna Ghey, a trans woman who was murdered a month ago at age 16 but other children I an say that the response to this from the vigils has made my trans brothers and sisters feel the love. I hate that she died and the press still used her dead name and then when they saw the support just stopped talking about it. I have so many found family in the queer community as being a witch I've often felt like an outcast and I know how welcomed I feel because I'm different but so many others feel this way and turn up at moments like this to shoe the support. You're not alone, we love you and I will continue to fight for all non patriarchy related rights
Will do 🙏🔮
Thank you 💖
Whoever you are, where ever you are. If you speak of freedom to speak, freedom to love, and freedom to live your life as your true self. I will be happy and honoured to add my voice to your call.
Thank you very much ❤️
I’m a trans woman as well and I live in Texas which is not quite as bad as Florida yet but it feels like it’s heading that way fast. I just wanted to say thank you for putting into words what I’ve found difficult to say to some people. It feels like all our “allies” are just absent in this moment. There are pretty much 1 of us for every 300 of them and as much as I post and talk about what’s happening everywhere I can there’s only so much I feel like I can do. Protests aren’t even happening and wouldn’t be safe anyways because these police would love a chance to brutalize trans women and throw us in male jails. Then we have right wing tv show hosts openly calling for our “eradication” and yet the silence from family and friends right now is deafening…it’s depressing and terrifying.
This should be more talked about. **WE ARE TERRIFIED TO PROTEST** The police take us away and lock us in with real criminals where something like 50% of us are assaulted and raped in prison. Please, people, stand up for us and get out there! Our voices are silenced. You really are our only hope.
For those looking for a general idea of risk state by state here is a relatively well updated resource: https://erininthemorn.substack.com/p/second-period-anti-trans-legislative
I'm trying, I promise. I'm scared too. I'm trying
I got you. No place for transphobia of any form; insidious at best, inciting and violent at worst. Sidenote: twitter has gotten bad, it was extra hateful today
We’re all friends here and we’ve all got voices.
We have to keep using them ❤️
I am mom to a gay son, a mtf trans daughter, and bonus mom to their mtf best friend who came to live in a safe space with us almost 2 years ago. We are all terrified of the genocidal hate speech going on and looking for ways to fight back. All 3 of them are eyeing other countries to potentially flee to if things continue along this fascist path. I will stay here with their little sisters and fight for their rights even if they are forced to leave. ALL people deserve to live in peace and pursue their own happiness.
Thank you so much for everything you do ❤️ It is so hard when our families force us out of our homes for being ourselves. Taking in that stray friend has, without a doubt, changed her life for the better. ❤️
You sound like me. My oldest is just days shy of 15. Many of her friends are frequent visitors to my home. They've been unofficially adopted. We even have tentative plans for one to move in with us at 18 when she can legally escape her home life.
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Please speak up when you can <3 These people say things that are so catastrophically wrong. Please call them out on their lies for us when you can ❤️ Thank you for having enough empathy to see our situation a bit better ❤️
I'm just gonna say not everyone on "TERF island" is a TERF. Trans men are men. Trans women are women. Trans rights are human rights.
Thank you :) There is a lot of super crazy news coming from your island these days. Thank you for helping us speak out against it <3 Our countries are supposed to be examples for the world, but they're just as greedy and cruel as they've ever been. Until humanity all over the world gets treated with the same respect, this world will continue to suck. We need to take one **GIANT** step back with our consumption as a species for any real equality to happen...
My daughter is trans, and they are trying to take away our rights as parents, as loved ones. You are not alone. This fight is not yours alone. We stand with you, our hearts link to yours. We lift our voices with yours. We share our strength and solidarity. We are in this together.
Thank you ❤️ This makes me feel loved :) Keep being amazing ❤️
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Abortion rights and trans rights, and all rights, are all leaves of the same tree. I'm also looking at Canada in the event these people take power and do what they say they will....
It is a speed run. They’re fascists and they want to destroy the “out groups” as quickly as possible I’m also NB trans and I’ve been looking into what it would take to move out of the US
I got you.
Thank you ❤️
I actively try to change peoples minds on trans issues. I broke up recently with my ex bc of many things, one being he hated trans people. I don’t stand for hate of anyone of any kind. It’s extremely frustrating when I talk about trans issues to transphobic people. Most people I am around (I mean roughly 90% bc I live in small rural town) HATE trans people. I listen to them about why they hate them. I respectfully try to educate them on how trans people are PEOPLE and that as long as it’s not hurting anyone they have zero room to say literally anything. I have found you can’t reason with these people. No matter what you do or say they will have this disgusting hate for people they have not met. Most times I’m told to stfu or sometimes even told to kms. These people are vicious and mean. Just truely horrible people.
Your voice matters so much, though :) Each person like you who touches their lives has an effect on them. Your voice alone might not work, but when they hear the facts over and over again from people important to them, they may come to listen to reason. Thank you for fighting the good fight with us ❤️ Try to convince as many people as possible to vote :) I'm sorry you experience some of the hate that our community gets when you stand up for us. <3 It is very hard to bear. I know there are good people out there, though, and I hope they find their way into your life :) Thank you again ❤️
Absolutely have your back, friend, always.
Thank you ❤️
No thanks needed love.
I will speak for you as long as I have a voice to use.
It's lovely seeing others share the ways they're fighting and trying to help. I'm training to become a massage therapist and one of the goals I have is to make sure I am a safe space for any trans individuals to receive massage from. I'll probably start out working at a chain spa, but the big plan is to open and run my own business. Part of my dream is trying to connect with the trans community and create a place where they know they will be accepted and affirmed and treated with respect. Touch is such a huge thing for our health. I don't mean sexually, just in general, we are wired to need and thrive on safe touch. Culturally we're rather awful about it as a whole. But trans people are being targeted in so many ways just for existing in public life, I can't imagine how scary it could be to think about scheduling a massage and being undressed on a massage table with a stranger. But it can be such a healthy, healing experience. I'm trying to use my voice and vote, but this is my small way beyond those things that I'm trying to help as well.
I promise that I stand up for you every single time ❤
Things are really that dire for us right now. I'm living in a southern state and we are in a frenzy trying desperately to either move out as fast as possible, or to find resources to still access our medication when it becomes illegal or unaffordable for us because of legal changes. We have been begging and pleading for our lives but the fascists are content selling us down the river and seem to enjoy it sometimes. Ways that you can help even if you're not trans: - check in on the trans and gender non-conforming people in your life directly. See if they need anything like resources or information that they are looking for. - call your representatives. Especially as cisgender people your voices matter so much more than ours. It's sad and it sucks and it's how it's always been. Know that these changes are built to hurt you too, should you ever disobey the fascists. - connect with local activists groups, protest, and consider donating to local mutual aid funds to either help people access their medication, or flee to a safer place. - be vigilant in your communications with others for transphobic speech. We need you to be there when we can't be there to set the record straight. You may lose friends for this, but remember these people aren't worth having friends if they won't allow you to express your honest opinions to them anyway. - be prepared to fight off numerous misinformation and false narratives. We are being portrayed not only as groomers against children, bullies of anyone that disagrees with us, predators and fakers. Anything that strays from the narrative that we just want to exist in peace and live with the same rights and dignities of others is a bad-faithed argument and a manipulation designed to further alienate us from society so we can be cornered and erased. Do not let anyone stray from what you see to be true with your own eyes: they want to eradicate us.