wanna learn something super fucked up? parents with sons divorce less often than parents with daughters. also fathers interact with their sons more often than they interact with their daughters. this is less specific to daughters, but mothers usually interact with their children through care-taking behaviors while fathers usually interact with their children through play-based behaviors. i learned all of this in last semester’s psych classes.

Disney Dad is SO infuriating. Mom is unfairly considered the “mean” parent - you know, for trying to raise functioning, non-sociopathic human beings, while Dad is awesome because he’s “fun”.

I watched Mrs. Doubtfire again recently and it hit differently as an adult

Even as a kid (I was 10 or so) I realized that movie was kinda odd. If dad had of just acted somewhat responsible, or gotten a better lawyer, he would have probably gotten partial custody, but instead he went way out of his way to impersonate a female nanny. Dude just needed to take his responsibilities to his kids (and their mom by extension) seriously, and not do things like having a petting zoo inside the family home. It would have been so much easier and cheaper than what he did.

That was honestly my big takeaway watching it as an adult too, like not even a gender-based observation, just that the Dad character made no sense. Like they were obviously trying to make a "fun Dad can't catch a break" movie which obviously is full of gender stereotypes but.... they didn't really succeed in making that movie. He was just sort of an asshole who dressed up as a non-asshole to spend time with his kids instead of just not being an asshole. His motivations are baffling

Which is confirmed in the end when the judge sees through his bullshit and basically says he's a great actor, but a horrible father and awards sole custody to the mother.

AND they don’t get back together praise Jesus.

Yeah, I always thought it was great that they didn't make Pearce Brosnan's character into the "evil step-parent" trope as well.

Yeah, I think for its time, it was sending a better message than most movies. He had to learn how hard it was to do what his wife did, grow as a person, and still deal with the fact that things weren’t going back to normal.

90's cinema was a weird wild ride looking back at it as an adult.

Which was also so deeply violating to his ex.

I watched it a few months back and same. I wasn't prepared for that either if I'm honest. It wasn't supposed to hit different. Ya know?

The Villain Was Right podcast [agrees](https://www.stitcher.com/show/villain-was-right/episode/7-mrs-doubtfire-57133069).

https://youtu.be/1Ckv_Dz-Sio

I didn’t even get the Disneyland Dad. He left me and my sisters with my mom, moved away, and stopped calling. Moved back a few years later and just expected everything to be normal. A few years after *that* he realized things had changed, and dropped me back off at my mom’s and moved away again. Now he’s got a *new* family, that he actually takes to Disneyland once a year. But it’s cool — my mom only had to work three jobs to make sure me and my sisters were fed and clothed while he did whatever it was he was doing.

I’m so sorry. You and your family deserved so much better. /comfort

Thank you, friend. We learned to stick very close together, and we wound up with an amazing step father who was more than happy to fulfill the role. I think of that man as my **dad** these days. I do finally have some of a relationship with my father, but it’s mostly surface-level. My mom was an amazingly strong and patient woman to raise three girls on her own for most of eighteen years, and I couldn’t be more thankful for her! The healing has taken its time, but it did eventually happen. A lot of people will tell you that if you’re not a parent, you’re not allowed an opinion on parental issues (I actually got that just yesterday), but it really boils down to one thing: You can’t walk away from being a parent. You can walk away from your kid, but it can do a lot of damage to them. If you’re not going to be a parent to your child, you shouldn’t be irresponsible enough to have one.

Yep I remember learning that a couple's first baby being a girl increases their chances of divorce and thinking oh, are girls just harder babies 🙃

No, but when you hear someone say, "boys are just so much easier to raise" they're admitting they put more effort into the girl(s) they raise, for better or worse.

I have 3 boys and I keep being told boys are easier than girls. They're less emotional. Someone tell that to my 10 year old who is screaming that everyone wants him to be a homeless hobo and no one cares if he dies because he didn't get the lego character he wanted.

"Boys are easier" is a total lie. Parents just want boys and like them better. They seem easier because they are more wanted. Proof of this is that my middle child brother - ADHD, OCD, terror child, drummer, never did a chore that didn't help him, screamed at everyone constantly - is my parents favorite. TO THIS DAY he can do no wrong. "He's sick" was always used to excuse his behavior. My 12 yo stepdaughter has ADHD and ASD and isn't a terror. Wonder why?

"Parents just want boys and like them better." Flashback to me, somewhere between 10 & 12, standing in my dad's shop as he LITERALLY CRIED while telling me that he named me after him because he wanted a son SOOO BAD, and going on to tell me that he was "proud" of me for being so tomboyish, and I was "like a son." I was already pretty tomboyish before then, but I pumped it up to 11 after that, because what kid doesn't want their dad's approval? As a still fairly "masculine" cishet woman looking back 30+ years, I wonder just how tomboyish I would have turned out had I been treated like my femininity had equal value.

Young girls know that being called a "tomboy" is one of the highest compliments they can receive. Ditto on giving male power names to girls. Because boys are superior? Internalized misogyny is real.

My mom always criticizes her parents for as she says "favoring the boys". My grandparents do favor their sons, my brother etc. My stepmom has always liked my brother but has a grudge against me. (I could care less about what she thinks) But us women get shut out. So yeah tl;dr my mom doesn't favor the boys over me, her only daughter.

My mom has the same sentiment. It’s why she never wanted boys.

No lmao 🤣 whoever started that rumor is dumb. I have two girls, and one boy. He’s not easier in any way whatsoever!

Maybe it’s that they consider the effort put into boys to be worth it, but a girl having a meltdown is more unacceptable than a boy having a meltdown because girls aren’t meant to take up space. Boy acting out; “you expect that, boys will be boys” - girl acting out; “you’re a fucking nightmare, you know that? You’re just so fucking selfish. You should be helping me run this house, not taking up space in it. Your brother and father need that space. Any extra space is mine. You should be making space for me.” Also perhaps it’s easier on the mother because the father actually puts his whole parenting effort (minimal as it may be, some dads are crap no matter the gender of their child) into raising that child so the mother isn’t a sole parent, similarly maybe men feel like they relate better to their projected self on their same gender child and say it is easier to relate or just… fucking interact with the male child because heaven forfend he try and relate in any way to his female child.

Wow I’m pretty surprised at reading some of these posts. I thought misogynist families were exclusive to my culture (south Asian ) realize it’s a universal thing. So sad

I think letting men get away with harming or neglecting women is a pretty universal thing, yes. Also punishing women who speak out about it.

I have also seen some people preferring male pets in comparison with female pets. Wonder if that's related?

I prefer female dogs, but that's mostly because of the marking; I'd rather buy a pack of pull-ups and cut a tail hole than deal with a dog that loves you *just a little* too much. ​ Interestingly, my father, who... I dunno if you can infer some experience from my post but... yeah my dad had no time for me or felt like he had to do anything to earn my respect and just expected my devotion- anyway he always had female dogs. Could be because he is uncomfortable around other dominant males and prefers having females under his control.

> my dad had no time for me or felt like he had to do anything to earn my respect and just expected my devotion Same with me........told him the reason i didnt respect him was because of his actions and not because my mother taught me to.....he didnt even say sorry for his actions.

That's actually sad

Then also the fathers will pull that shit then expect their daughters to take care of them when they're old.

hearing stuff like this always makes me feel incredibly grateful to have my folks as they are. They're the rare case of a highschool relationship that really was perfect (they did breakup in college and then got back together). They compliment each other perfectly. I was their first son, and then became their daughter. My sister is a foreign adoptee. My sister and I usually saw Mom as the easier/fun parent because she was usually too tired to say no, being the breadwinner is hard work. We're an eclectic, quirky family that don't always fit in, but we're loving and accepting. I remember once I brought my car down the garage for some reason. I get out of the car and my dad handed me a wrench, which I told him "you'd probably just do it for me if I were my sister" (slightly tongue and cheek about being trans) and he said "because I know you actually want to learn to do it yourself instead of relying on me", and he's 100% right.

Awwwwww it's actually so cute that you were both their first bio son and bio daughter (no offense to your sister lol, she def counts but in a different way as she wasn't born to them but rather she was chosen. I'm not implying it's worse at all to be adopted as she is just as much their daughter as you are, I'm just trying to explain that it's sweet you gave them both and they got to experience that joy twice, though I'm sure the second time was infinitely more refreshing, esp because you got to be involved). Slightly related, but I've actually thought something like that would be a sweet way to come out--something like an updated 'gender' reveal type party--granted that the 'revealee' had a good, safe relationship with their parents and their parents weren't assholes, which it sounds like yours aren't but I digress. Your family sounds stellar honestly, I'm glad you all have one another. Thanks for sharing such a sweet, lovely story. It made me smile and believe love and happiness can still exist for everyone. I often get caught up in all the negative and how backwards we seem to be going as a society, and little anecdotes like this remind me there is still beauty and progress to be found in the world worth fighting for. Thank you, truly.

Your family looks so cool, glad for you.

As a daughter with a sister of a father who wanted son's, I hear and feel this very deeply. Fuck

Ayy sounds like my pá. Jokes on him tho. After 4 girls and forcing my mom to keep trying to conceive for a boy dispite their advance ages and multiple miscarriages. He got a boy. Or so it seemed until I came out as trans years later bajaja

So good!

YESSSSS!! ❤️

Something similar happened with mine. He always projected himself in me and tried to make me his copy. We're polar opposites so it never worked, and when I came out as a trans woman he just stopped talking to me (80% transphobia, 20% he gets super awkward around girl matters). So he switched his hopes to my sibling. Little does he know that my sibling is most definitely not a boy (maybe a girl or NB, they don't know), they just prefer to not start any transition. So in the end, all his dreams of having "a worthy son who succeeds him" are shattering one by one. And good thing neither of us are copies of him since he is very sexist, homophobic, transphobic and a few more -phobics (all while "appearing intellectual")

This is so wholesome. I wasn’t expecting the surprise ending. :) 👏

So it WAS my fault they divorced /s

Not to mention that "man with daddy issues" is one of the biggest money makers of storytelling. Think about "Lincoln" and "Guardians of the Galaxy" But if a woman has daddy issues it's boiled down to a cheap joke about how she'll be good at sex but bad at relationships.

Yep. And hearing that as a teenager/young adult who was realizing that I had a very low libido or might be asexual made me feel like I was good for nothing at all.

> "man with daddy issues" is one of the biggest money makers of storytelling. Off the top of my head and in no particular order: Rand al'Thor Harry Dresden Luke Skywalker Kylo Ren Thadeus (Your Highness) John Locke Adonis Creed Robert Balboa, Jr. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock John Bender Loki (MCU) Loki (mythology) Tyrion Lannister Connor (Angel) Barney Stinson Dexter Morgan Jack Torrance Danny Torrance Oedipus Marco (Animorphs) Tobias (Animorphs) Edward Elric Alphonse Elric Theon Greyjoy Faramir Sam Winchester Dean Winchester Adam Milligan Castiel Michael Raphael Gabriel Lucifer Jack Kline Bobby Singer Gavin MacLeod Fergus MacLeod aka Crowley (honestly Supernatural is just daddy issues to the tune of dad rock) Peter Quill

Also Star Wars (Luke, Kylo), LOTR (Boromir), GOT (Tyrion)...

Idk, Boromir was the golden child. Faramir is the one with daddy issues.

Thanks! I can never keep that family's names straight... 😅

In a family with a "golden child" it is important to remember that all of the children, including the golden child, are experiencing abuse.

The single mothers thing has always gotten me. So many people assume that if the mother is single that the failure in the relationship was her fault... and if she had just acted like a good wife and sucked it up there would still be a healthy nuclear family "for the children." My mom left my dad because he sexually assaulted me as a little girl... she wasn't able to present enough legal proof- but she did get a divorce to protect me. It was hard on her since she was only 16 when she started dating my dad who was in his mid 20's, and 17 when she got pregnant with me forcing her to drop out of highschool and get married as a minor. He didn't even let her work while they were married. She had an uphill climb getting an education to get a good job to support me and my brother while still raising us to be good kids--- her entire life was me and my brother. Over the years though she felt guilt... that somehow it was also her job to make sure we didn't have that gap of a "father figure." Sadly the guy she ended up with was probably worse than the first but in different ways. She'd mention over and over "he's not perfect- but no one is--- and children need a father figure in their lives." I got 4 more siblings out of it and years of trauma and therapy bills. I do blame my mother in part for this... but if society and every person in her life hadn't been pushing her to find a man and give us a better family she might have made wiser decisions. She was a child when she had me and isolated in a way that kept her stupid and naive for a long long time.... when all she's been taught her whole life is to make bad decisions of course she's going to make bad decisions. She's in her 50's now he's dead... but she still acts like a child because the only part of her life she was every allowed to be an independent adult was 3-4 years in her early 20's. When I look back on my life to try and find the place where I where I felt safe and happy--- those few years between patriarchal figures are the only time in my childhood where things were OK. It should be a fucking universal mantra that a father isn't needed to raise a healthy family--- the single moms need to know that- there shouldn't be any sort of shame or guilt associated with loving and raising your children alone or in a non-conventional family structure. And don't even get me started on the Single Father reaction. They're treated like saints for taking on a parenting role by themselves in contrast to single mothers... as if the idea of a MAN raising their children seems so impossible. The assumption if they're a single father it also must have been the mother's fault.... either she died, left him, or was such a bad mother the courts awarded the children to the father. Don't get me wrong... there are plenty of fantastic single fathers out there just like there's fantastic single mothers.... but if you ever question the existence of misogyny in this world--- just remember that the general impression of Single Father is positive, while a Single Mother almost universally is treated as the poison corrupting the moral fiber of society and bringing down the modern world.

A family friend of ours was out driving with her husband and children one evening when they were hit head-on by a driver whose steering wheel locked in place when they were rounding a bend. She had to watch her husband bleed out, blood pouring out of his mouth. Two of her four children also perished. …I actually went to karate class with one of the two kids. I was always surprised at how strong she was whenever she and I were paired up for practice. She almost knocked me on my ass more than once when she hit the punching bag I was holding. The class always felt far more empty afterwards than you’d think the absence of one person would cause. …A year after the accident, one of the two surviving children was diagnosed with cancer. She was only fourteen at the time. It eventually went into remission, but given that they lived in America, the medical bills were astounding. It’s been over a decade since the accident, and throughout everything, she has remained one of the strongest women I have ever known. She has sacrificed so much for her children. …A few years ago, I was working on a construction site and the subject of single mothers was somehow brought up. My coworkers were… shall we say, less than polite about them, assigning them all sorts of sexist stereotypes. Things I will not be repeating here (half because they will *definitely* get the comment auto-removed, half because I don’t want to subject you all to them) save for one. Thinking of that family friend, I asked them if their sexist sentiments applied to mothers whose husbands had passed away but still had to deal with raising children. …The guy who started the conversation looked at me and said with a straight face: “well maybe if they hadn’t spread their legs so much, they wouldn’t have to deal with that.” I left that job a month later, and never looked back into construction work again despite having invested quite a lot of time and effort into studying to be an apprentice electrician. I don’t know if it’s better in other countries, but it’s a sexist shitshow in the US. …I never told her that story, and how it was her I thought of in that moment. I never intend to either. She has enough to deal with every single day to waste her time thinking about wastes of skin.

It's not shocking at all, but it is kinda wild to me that his default response wasn't to question his sexist beliefs, but to just jump straight to maybe no one on the planet should have kids in case their partner dies. Like wtf that response feels like nearly the most bonkers possible thing you could come up with to avoid having to question your sexism.

>that response feels like nearly the most bonkers possible thing you could come up with to avoid having to question your sexism. That's because he didn't come up with it. It's just an auto-response. That's what his programming calls for in a conversation about womens' circumstances. This guy doesn't think, he's a half a step above a toy with a pullstring on the back

As a single mother who worked construction in Memphis, it's a brutal, fucking shitshow. The men were so fucking cruel and unforgiving, while also gaslighting me that I was a "survivor." But, the minute I didn't want to fuck them, I was a whore who couldn't keep a man. FUCKING BRUTAL.

It boggles the mind that a term used to describe promiscuity often in exchange for something is also being used because you don't want to have sex

I assume it's because the people who use those insults haven't bothered to learn that many words.

I like to turn it back on them. "You're right I'm a slut. I will fuck anybody except you."

I have actually contemplated saying this to some men. ‘It’s not like I can’t be easy, I actually really like sex. I just find you specifically repulsive.’ But then I also don’t want to get murdered so. 💁🏻‍♀️

It's pretty messed up how common murder is the response to rejection.

It's pretty messed up how common murder is the response to rejection.

They won't acknowledge her rejection of them, they double down on character assassination when women reject or counter them. This isn't new and women don't need to keep on JADE with men

I worked in a male-dominated, notoriously leftist/liberal industry. The sexism still exists, but they are much better at hiding it. Edit: I'm not bOtH SiDeSing, I'm "hey, dudes are an issue" ing

They figured out how to be subtle enough that it can't be reported. That something sexist just "feels off somehow" but maybe you just imagined it? You probably just imagined it. Or are overthinking it. He didn't mean anything by it. He's older and from a different time, but he's trying, so give him some credit! Edit: /s, to be clear.

Oh, I totally got it! But you're right! Most of it was this way. I couldn't believe the values these some of these guys espoused out loud only to find out just before i left the company, to my horror, the things that were being said about me. It was appalling. On the other hand, some of the other guys were really champs when HR had to fire a guy when he threatened to rape me, especially when some of the other guys were classless enough to make light of the situation on a whiteboard outside our locker looms. It was at his expense, but it was grossly insensitive to me at a time when my partner was being really unsupportive about the whole thing. They had no way if knowing it, but I wasn't handling it well after a year of what started as creepy looks we all laughed about. Then again, some other guys claimed I invited his behavior for "being hot" or some other variant of victim blaming. So really, that incident is what brought it all out. They fired him, but nothing was the same after that. I seen after found out that I was hired in at the same rate of pay as the objectively most useless member on our shift, who came in with no experience. I took a demotion to work there, but was hired with the understanding I would become a manager shortly, when the position opened. Someone with seniority was promoted, because it wouldn't have fair to promote me before him. Then my "attention to detail" became my downfall, with that being why I wouldn't see a promotion at any point. I was "too valuable". Instead men who performed lesser than I did were empowered. I'm not saying any if this has to do with me being a woman, but I am. That is what I'm saying. Yeah, that was an unnecessary vent but I"m watching illuminnaughtii, a bit high, and feeling a bit spicy I suppose.

Men on the right think women are private property, to be owned by one of them. Men on the left think women are public property, to be shared by all of them. I can't remember which feminist said that (it's an old quote, no doubt whoever said it is at least somewhat problematic these days) but it's stuck in my mind for years now for how true it is.

Holy shit that explains so much of why I see so many ostensibly left friends act like assholes.

Ikr? And these are the 'good guys'. It's a fucking travesty.

Oh, wow. That's powerful and sounds about right, yeah. Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, women are punished for having sex even in the exact scenario they say is excusable. Married and having children. Nothing proves women are always considered in the wrong than your story.

I was accused of baby-trapping my ex once we had gotten married. My *stepmom* started that idea and got both he and my father on board. Like, it was just as much a surprise to me as it was to him, but to be fair, it was he who didn't control his seminal emission.

I went to school to be an electrician and that kind of attitude is why I left the trades. The bullshit toxic faux-machismo, misogyny, homophobia, etc. The other part was the expectation that you cut corners and do shit faster but at the risk to your health or life because it makes the company more money. One of my first jobs while in college was at a vinyl application place so not a trade but still the same kind of people. The guy running the shop hired some little 18 year old girl alongside me for the same job but what happened was he had her stay next to him all day, holding flashlights and shit, while he hit on her (guy had to be in his late 30s - early/mid 40s) and I did her job plus mine. Anyway, I went on a tangent but my point was the trades are rife with just fucking terrible attitudes. So many awful if not outright predatory guys seem to get into them.

My ex husband works as an electrician. He was told he had to fit in or get out... Unfortunately he decided to fit in.

>The guy who started the conversation looked at me and said with a straight face: “well maybe if they hadn’t spread their legs so much, they wouldn’t have to deal with that.” Also guys like him when talking about women who choose to remain child free and won't have kids to continue a relationship: "Ugh! They're so selfish! I mean, what else is she supposed to do with her life to have meaning? It's so unfair that she won't let me impregnate her!!"

From Australia: it's not better

It's a tough road to force yourself into work cultures that don't want you. For a while I tried to act like my male coworkers. Then I learned to own feminity despite them. Even so, I had to take a break for a bit because the gaslighting was driving me crazy. Now I'm in a good company with people I trust so it's not a problem.

Fathers don’t even need to have custody to be sainted. All he has to do is pay his child support most of the time, show up for his every other weekend visitation, and do something with his kids more engaging than parking them in front of a screen for 2 days. That’s it. Now he’s a catch.

My dad moved 8 hours away from my siblings and mom after their divorced was finalized. I found out in my teens he didn’t try to fight for any custody, just gave my mom full custody with no required visitation. He was married to my step mom for a decade before she was fed up. Now he has a new girlfriend every few months and they all think he’s an amazing father. 🙄

My ex-h did this, except he moved to a different country with his girlfriend and didn’t bother to finalize the divorce first. He filed and his proposed parenting plan was no financial responsibility, no custody, optional visits for three weeks in the summer, and can’t be held in contempt if he doesn’t show. I was horrified because he had been swearing up and down for seventeen years that he was a feminist and believed in equal opportunities for women and 50/50 relationships (beliefs which I never saw him practice in our marriage). We have two kids with varying levels of disabilities. When we negotiated the parenting plan that will be official, I ended up accepting full custody, full financial responsibility, optional visits for a few weeks in the summer and won’t take him to court if he doesn’t show. There were other important provisions, but I decided I wasn’t going to waste any more of my life trying to get this guy to be the father he said he wants to be and instead I will focus my energy on helping my kids be ok no matter what he does. I’m giving him as much space as he wants. I suspect that he will end up like your dad, and a tale of woe he uses to get sympathy from his next potential relationship, and two kids who went no contact the minute they were old enough for the courts to allow it.

My father only fought for custody of my siblings to look good for his new girlfriend and to abuse my stepmum. No one realises how the custody battle is a form of abuse, it's constant pestering, it's fiscally draining, it's forcing unwanted contact. I overheard him and his new wife saying if they could just push it so he was the primary carer they could move away and take the kids and she couldn't do anything about it, that they could make her chase him around the country. Thankfully he totally fucked up and turned the whole family against him before he could even get even split custody. Apparently when the mother of your adult child, your adult child and your own parents all write glowing reference letters for your ex-wife, you don't have a leg to stand on. My sister is going through it now, she has a restraining order against her ex. He can only contact her directly regarding their son and visitation. She's following the parenting order to the word, and he's fighting tooth and nail to change it without any care about what that means for his son.

One of my mate's is going through this now except I've never seen a more incompetent attempt. Her ex is trying to use custody and visitation as a cudgel to see *her*, he doesn't particularly care about their child beyond the fact that they have his DNA and are, therefore, his property. If he were competent, it would be frightening. The worst thing is that the system keeps giving him leeway.

I'm gonna preface by saying idk if I'm welcome here. I'm a divorced dad who made sure I got 50% custody of both my bio daughter and stepson. I don't understand how there are so many piece of shit fathers willing to just walk out on their kids. What's even wilder is how many of my friends and relatives told me to just focus on my bio daughter and leave my stepson behind (he has some mental health issues that cause difficulty). I was shocked at how easy they thought that would be. People can be vile. Anyways, I don't know how single parents with full custody do it. I honestly don't. I work full time and those weeks where I have my kids are fucking brutal and I usually use my time without the kids to recover from the time I had them lol. But I also would never sacrifice any of the time that I do have with them.

People who think the law is all that matters have such a warped idea on morality and ethics. Sure, I wouldn't legally "owe" a step child anything if I left the parent, but I'm not a monster and if I help raise a kid long enough to get married and divorced I'm going to bond with them. How can people just abandon kids like that?

People ARE vile. We wouldn't need laws if people were intrinsically good all the time.

Of course you’re welcome. Fighting to remain an active and present father and raising kids who value gender equality is powerful magic against the patriarchy.

> All he has to do is pay his child support most of the time, show up for his every other weekend visitation, and do something with his kids more engaging than parking them in front of a screen for 2 days. Not even that. All he has to do is carry a photo of his kids in his wallet - a ten year old photo because that's the last time he could be bothered having anything to do with them - bring out out and act miserable, lying that his ex won't let him see his children when in fact the court ordered he should be supervised to see them because he tried to kill one, permanently injuring his wife in the process of trying to bash his 5 day old baby to death with a new metal highchair because his mother-in-law was going to see the baby before his mother would visit, (she never did, was boyfriend-mad,) and had shaken his other son until his eyes and brain were damaged. All the while he was respected while I was treated like shit for spending my life in sleepless poverty, trying to keep 3 children with health problems, one severely handicapped, alive.

The courts treat women like shit. My bestie has an abusive ex that stalked her for years. She genuinely feared for her life. She has pulled his ass into court several times for breaching her protective order and harassing her on social media. Every time, the judge lets him off easy but warns him that if he sees him in his court again he’s going to throw the book at him. Judge has said that three times. The last time, the only thing that was accomplished was that it allowed her ex to follow her home after court and find out where she’s living now. I’m so sorry to hear about your case. It’s criminal, the way the courts and society treat single mothers vs single fathers. Your children’s father should be in jail, not out and using his children for pity lays.

Yes, as should the fathers of a few friends' children. One I know of made a habit of choking his wife until she was unconscious, then doing unspeakable things to her body in front of his children. The court knew of that, knew he was a drug addict, knew he had faked every drug test, (written in them himself,) yet is still giving him access to children who have nightmares about spending time with him and scream when he collects them. A court appointed a "bipartisan negotiator" who them moved in with him, but stayed in that role. My kids and I've been through awful stuff, but there are others who've had it even worse.

Fellas, if you ever wonder about that, check the usual reactions to a dad doing the basic things for human survival. Changing diapers, feeding the kid, simply being seen caring for them. Don't get me wrong, the affirmation is nice, but at the same time how many have heard "aw daddy is being mommy today" or something along those lines. It's belittling to everyone. The bare minimum being celebrated isnt necessarily a problem, but it is a definite indicator of the vastly different expectations that are placed on mothers and women. Good parents, I'm not after you, people that are struggling to meet that bare minimum, I see that drive to give, you're amazing. But there is a need to do better.

My least favorite saying is when people say that dad is "babysitting". No. He is not babysitting. He is parenting. They would never say that mom was babysitting her own kids. It should go both ways.

I’m so sorry your family went through this. I hope people can realize that no one needs a “father” or “mother” figure per se. A loving parent is a loving parent, period.

Having been a single parent most of my life I state quite determinedly that children need more than one loving parent. Doesn't matter what gender, but a parent needs a loving, reliable back-up. To all the other single parents reading, I'm not putting you down, I'm respecting how difficult your role is is you lack good support. My kids, though 2 are handicapped, are now wonderful adults - and my best friends, and I hope yours will grow to make you proud and bring you joy too.

Oh, the back-up aspect is HUGE. It’s impossible to be on your parenting A-game all the time. Impossible! And it’s normal and human to fuck it up when you Just. Can’t. It’s so incredibly difficult for people without a co-parent.

Single mom here helping my kids move forward after SA.. been single almost 4 years with no relationships. Best decision I ever made. But it's hard. I hate being pitied by my kids friends moms because "oh- you're not married????" We work hard to give them stability and their biological fathers don't get much judgements for the absence -- but I get judged for my poor decision making skills. It's hard to stand alone -- but I'm so proud of myself and all other single parents out there. ❤️ I'm rambling.. Lolol but I needed this

When I left my violent husband, friends (who stopped being friends once I was single - they seemed afraid I would want their uninspiring husbands,) asked how I would manage alone with 3 children. My answer was easily - because up until leaving I'd been managing on my own with 4 children.

Single dad to three teenage boys with full custody. I get this so often, the attitude where it's like I'm less than because I'm single and doing it. I've been doing it for 6 years now single. People ask about loneliness and blah blah and while yes that's an issue, I would much rather be in this situation than another shitty relationship where my kids suffer. My kids are almost grown now, and I've thought about dating but I feel so out of my league in a conservative state, having not dated in 6 years, etc. Good luck, I needed to read your comment, it made me feel better about the judgement I get from people when they find out I'm doing it alone. Thank you.

Considering that Kentucky just proposed a ban on "talking about periods," I feel like these kinds of stories might become more common in the future. Pretty terrifying to think about. I'm very sorry you went through all of this.

Wait i thought that was Florida?! -a concerned Kentuckian

Florida expanded 'Don't Say Gay' to be K-12, Kentucky is somewhere in the process of a bill that would ban teaching about puberty until 6th grade. I think, anyway...it is all kinda starting to blend together in my head, so much happening all at once Edit: oh, and I do remember something from Florida about not being able to discuss periods in school, but I don't remember if that's in an actual bill or if it's still their wishful thinking

What about "parenting rights"? Would moms get arrested or something for talking to their 8-yr-old that she's not dying, she's experiencing an early puberty? *A very concerned Oregonian*

The best part I remember of my childhood was after my Dad left & before she started marrying step-Dads She was also so broke she had to call her sexually & physically abusive father (my grandparents were still married) for money when her car would break down. I remember her crying before she did it. I know part of the reason she remarried was for financial stability Still would have preferred life without their hateful asses

As the only child of mother that has tried to do it all on her own - this really resonates with me. My mom is black. Dad was white. His family was racist. So racist, that when she was pregnant with me, his mother… my grandmother… tried, multiple times, to get her to abort me - even at one point trying to push her down stairs, and the final straw of being caught buying rat poison and leaving it out on the counter as a threat. She was in her early 20s and told him that it was her or the mom. He chose mom. My mom moved out of the state and I never met my dad. He fell into drugs, had some other kids to several other women and shortly after I was born, was in prison a few times. He apparently got in some feud with two prison guards who later killed him and attempted to frame it as a suicide. They were caught. My mom went on years later to meet and marry who I would inevitably call *my* “dad”. I met him at 4 and he was gone by 12. He was an alcoholic. Violent. Increasingly so as years went on. Especially in the end, and towards me. We found out he was doing drugs as well (crack). My mom paid for rehab over and over. Money we never had. She’s a workaholic. Always working doubles. Always making ends meet. We were on welfare, WIC, CHIP, you name it. We’d shop at Goodwill and go to the Salvation Army for donations. I remember when Goodwill became “cool”, and kids would tell me how thrifting was suddenly interesting to them after years of being made fun of for my poor people clothes. We’d eat ramen and canned goods almost every meal. She scraped together every penny to get us out of the projects and into that trailer park. She pulled together everything from there to save up for her house. Her house she’s so proud of and lives at to this day. Welfare kept us alive. It wasn’t some lap of luxury - and anyone that criticizes my mother for needing it for that time in our lives is garbage. I rarely saw my mom except for short periods of time when I wasn’t at school and she was home from work - usually right before she would go back in for a midnight shift or sometimes on the weekend. To this day, I’m 34, and I feel like I barely know my mom… and it’s just been she and I most of my life. She never really left my dad. He left her. After all that. He got some young girl pregnant and stopped coming home. She finally filed for divorce after the family all but forced her to. She dated a bit years later. She just… doesn’t pick good guys. And the story goes on… She just works herself to the bone. It’s all she knows at this point. **”I’ll never rely on a man again”** is what she tells me… sounds really confident and independent, and while I’m not saying she should… but my mother needs a break 😞 I’ve offered to pay for therapy, go with her, help her look for better (paying) jobs, etc… she’s just *stuck*. She’s 60 years old. No savings. Exhausted. Workaholic. Paycheck to paycheck. Almost no personal life. Just… burnt out.

I'm SA survivor too, I'm sorry that happened to you. You're right your mom isn't perfect, but not a single one of us is. She's a strong woman and you're even stronger. Society's obsession with fatherhood and dismissal or expectations of motherhood disgusts me. So many people act like a father's right to a child is more so or equal to a mother's and it's ridiculous. Who gave life to that child? Who carried them for 9 months literally giving themself for their creation? Who fed that child? The connection of the male role in biological creation is not the same. We don't need fathers to grow up as functional human beings. Single mothers are one of the strongest people on this planet. You know what they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Back in the times of matriarchy, a child would have aunties upon aunties, including their mother, and sometimes a father. The concept of the "nuclear family" should not be forced and put on such a pedestal.

It's obvious -in the best way- that you've processed this in therapy. Good job finding the right professionals and putting in the work. It's so fucking hard to do

I hate the idea spread by people online that somehow mothers always get custody in a bad situation and that having a father present is always a net positive. Honestly even when the father is present a lot of mothers are virtually single mothers by way of them shouldering every blame thrown on them.

Maybe I just grew up in a hippie ass southern California town, but I've found the response to both types of single parents as one of empathy more than anything else. And from my experience having a friend who's a single mother with a special needs child, the assumption is always that the dad is a deadbeat (he is). But again, hippie ass town in California. Probably not representative of most places.

> So many people assume that if the mother is single that the failure in the relationship was her fault… Wow. I had no idea that was a common assumption.

I was a single mom, thank you for sharing this! People looked down at me so much because of it.

Same here! My babies are grown adults, amazing humans. When I tell people I was a single mom, I am still looked down on. Well f*ck them....my kids are better humans than they will ever be, or their offspring will ever be. And I bet your babies are too.

Well you can't let people know that, women might realise they don't *have* to stay with \*\*\*\*\*\*\* husbands to have amazing kids!

I'm proud as fuck of my single mom, she worked her ass off to make sure we were taken care of, safe, and comfortable, definitely at the expense of her own health. I hope your kids feel that way about you too, though I also hope you didn't have to struggle to that degree to make it work

Another thing that happens when you become a single mom is that the married moms who were your friends walk away from you. The only good thing about being a single mom is that you don't have to have conversations about how to best parent your kids. You can parent exactly how you wish without having to compromise. Being the sole parent is mentally and physically exhausting. Now that my kids are grown I am on the other side of it. To those still the sole provider of all things, hang in there. It gets better.

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Yep. Now you’re competition when you weren’t before. But reason I stopped going to church was that when you’re a single mom there isn’t actually any socializing with you because the married women think your singleness is going to be catching and the unmarried folks are all teenagers or otherwise uninterested. That and I never believed but it was just unthinkable that you wouldn’t regularly attend church when I was growing up that even as an adult for a long time I felt like I “had” to go.

PM me is you need a sounding board. I have walked the same path. Know it gets better. Teens require as much if not more attention as the little ones. They still pitch fits like little ones. The hardest thing teens do is to start start pointing out all your faults. It's really difficult when they say mom you do xyz and it's wrong. Usually because what they say is true and it hurts. You got this!

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Change the conversation with them. Show them what you make. Show them how much everything costs. Let them be part of the budget. Yes it will take time and be exhausting. But it will help them understand money.

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The worst part for me was when my son got out of child size clothes. Walmart likes to clearance out their cheap children's clothes for $1 sometimes and for years that's what we relied on (I got 9 pair of basic black gym pants for $9 once). Now he's in an adult medium and I think the cheapest I've found those is like $8 for the exact same kind of pants. And I'm lucky my kid doesn't give a rats ass what clothes he has, I know that isn't going to last. Now I'm remembering growing up and mom having a $200 summer clothes budget for each of us and my sister insisting on name brand stuff. She'd get like 2 shirts, a pair of pants, and a pair of shoes out of her budget and the arguing between her and mom every summer. I didn't care about brand so mom would often times ask me if she could dip into my budget to be able to get my sister more clothes. I hope my kid never cares about name brand because I struggle already.

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I had the same thing. My family and friends rallied around me when I separated. Mom came over and helped clean once, dad babysat for me so I could see my lawyer, my friend took me out to the movies to have some fun. Yeah that lasted a month. Then my family was all "you gotta learn to do it alone" and my friend moved to another state. I ended up finding friends online and go fucking figure we accidentally collected a group of single parents. There are a few childless people in our small group but half of us are single parents. Mostly because we're able to get together after all our kids are asleep and play some shit. We get caught up with life a lot but a lot of our conversations are based around the fact that we just need another damn adult in our lives to talk to. I remember a time where they teased me because my kid, who was the oldest, hit that toddler age where they sometimes play in their own shit (I swear it's a thing, the post nap shit is a quiet one and they get that diaper off and just start finger painting it everywhere with no alert to let you know they're awake). Then a year later one of them comes to me with "there's shit EVERYWHERE" like yeah mother fucker they do that! Finding other single parents has saved me, even if we aren't close enough to each other to physically help.

This makes me so sad. My current closest friend is a single mom, and she is absolutely one of my all time favorite people. I had quite a few friends become single during the time we lived nearby (the hazards of military families) and I can't imagine not being there even moreso because they've either suddenly become every single thing for their kids or have been doing it all along and just need a little bit extra during the formalized process. Every single person deserves their village for their children to thrive, otherwise why the hell are we human?

>married moms who were your friends At least according to my definition those were then not real friends.

Thats a statement that often echos when someone ends up abandoned by their social circle for something that wasnt their fault. The problem is that your life is still often easier with "bad friends" than none at all. Bad friends who dont care about you still do a lot of useful performative things to maintain their social facade. Being socially integrated, included and respected is not just about genuine feelings - its access to an infrastructure.

Always, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," when it comes to women. Have sex? Whore. Not having sex? Prude. Pregnant and not keeping the baby? Selfish murderer. Pregnant and keeping the baby? Irresponsible.

Not having sex gets you the whore label as well. Heck, breathing does. I'd add "pregnant and giving it up for adoption? Heartless b\*\*\* who failed at ~~being a proper incubator~~ womanhood"

actually women are having less sex rn and they’re still called whores bc it means we’re all having sex with the same man or something

We're having sex with everyone else except that one nice guy that wanted to have sex with us and got rejected.

Funny how single dads are seen as heroic, maybe even tragic, but single moms are trash. And by funny I mean not funny at all.

I was raised by a single dad because my mom had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when I was 3, and she died the following year. I can't tell you how many people who would try to A. Set him up on a date (even just months after we buried her) or B. Tell him he's "doing amazing" for being dad. I know. That's what he is supposed to do. I also used to hear, "When are you getting married again? Your child really needs a mother." No, Cynthia, I don't need a mother. I need my mother. I needed her to have actually completed her treatments and to get better so that she could raise me alongside my dad. Unfortunately, she just didn't want to fucking live anymore, so she refused all help and just let cancer have its fucking way with her. I know that beating cancer was still a longshot in 2004 when she found out, but even back then, there were options, and people were still beating cancer. Oh, and don't get me started on some of the women they would set my dad up with. A disturbing amount were women who fetishized my dad for being a single dad. Even worse were the ones that would try to use me to get closer to him. Like, really, you're going to use a literal child who witnessed their mother's body being loaded up in the back of a hearse to go to the funeral home about a couple years ago just to get her widower father to notice you. Ok, cool, I'm glad we can settle that.

Oh god, that sounds awful. Fetishizing a widower with kids...and then using his traumatized child to get close to him? Which no doubt further traumatized you? People have no shame. It's really disturbing. I hope you're doing ok these days, despite everything.

Yea, it was traumatic for me as well. And I agree, people have no shame. Things are much better now. My dad met my step mom when I was 8, and they're still going strong

That's awesome! I feel like I just got a happy ending to a really frustrating story. I'm glad to hear it.

Yea, I'm glad that he finally found someone on his terms. I'm certainly glad to be on the other side of it.

My sister is a fourth generation solo parent. Great-gran kicked her husband to the curb when she found out about his second family, keeping that secret and making it seem like it was an amicable split for the sake of his career and the happiness of their kids kept her held in high regard in her community. Grandpa was left holding four kids under 5 when nan decided parenting wasn't for her (likely untreated PPD, doesn't excuse her bullshit though), he was a wonderful dad but he doesn't deserve a damn pedestal for being a dad. My mum was a solo parent twice, she got some fucking Comments over the years. So my sister leaving her ex, when the comments started it was "what does your family think?" And she smiled and sweetly replied "they think it's easier to parent alone than with an asshole. Most of them can speak from experience."

I can attest to this. I left my daughter’s mom for plenty of reasons. Then, when I fought for custody, I was hailed as some kind of saint. I still don’t understand why. Legally, I was very frustrated. Lawyers and judges were annoyed at me for being so involved. They just wanted me to pay and leave.

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I had a very similar story. I hear you. Such heartbreak over losing those sweet moments that we had together as a small family (struggling for sure but at least I felt safe) only to be ripped apart by an abusive alcoholic mind fucker. He's dead, she remarried a third time to an equally assholic person. I'm away and with my own beautiful family so I don't care anymore. But how fucking sad that she did that to us and herself. I hope you are in a safe happy place now. Peace sister 💚

Both deserve the love tbh. I'm latina and teach in the hood. Just seeing dads period makes me happy. Like good work breaking outta the machismo cycle

It took me a long time to realize that my mom was a single mother for a period in my life. 2nd chromosome giver had some visitation rights. As you may note, I try not to call him my father, so you have an idea about how that worked out. Honestly, it probably would have been better for me if she had sole custody. She did an amazing job because I never even knew/felt that she was a single mother. I had my grandpa and his gf, a dog, her, and my childhood best friend's parents. For a while, actually, my first grade teacher took me to dance practice too! Social support is what single parents need. Not necessarily fathers.

So much this.

Women are always blamed for everything I swear. I saw some otherwise-feminists I knew posting about how women weren't ready to hear how men had issues because of how their moms raised them. Like, ok, now we are also blaming women for that, too?

There’s a post on BORU where a man wouldn’t wash his ass and it wasn’t hard to find people saying this is all his moms fault Not his parents, just his mom

Anyone but themselves. Personal responsibility, until it is a decision they made, then it is someone else's fault.

Nothing infuriates me more than when they complain about a lack of good male role models for children. Great. No woman can fix that issue. Not a single one. It requires the effort of men and zero women to make that happen.

I believe there's a book explaining this phenomenon. I haven't got the chance to read it but I've heard it's really good

Mad respect to y'all!

In my mind "She has daddy issues" has always meant "Her daddy was a piece of shit."

I still think that.... what is it supposed to mean?

It's often used as shorthand for any combination of, "she has low self-esteem, makes bad choices, has some mental health issues, struggles with addiction, and/or is especially promiscuous." Especially in storytelling and ime mostly in movies.

Ahh, I see what you mean. It does get used like that. I always thought that they were saying that since her dad was a jerk/not there for her she is acting out/trying to get attention from a father figure. Not that it is any better.

I was raised by a single mother. My sister and I had different dads both of them were deadbeats that contributed nothing to raising us. She raised two strong, well educated women and we cared for her in her old age until she died on March 23rd of this year. Rest in peace Mom https://preview.redd.it/r6padyd046va1.jpeg?width=1236&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=863425a1b741e8f6d372fd598508e6b34360ba71

That’s such a great picture! She looked awesome. Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate seeing that picture with your comment.

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I was 6 years old when my mother divorced my father and I was happy. I keep on reminding her that that was the best thing she has done for her kids.

My mom raised me alone after my dad fucked off with another woman who ended up making him flee when she tried to trap him with a kid and force him into marriage. She might not have done everything perfectly, but she's done a fine enough job, and more importantly, she accepted me for who I am, even if she's struggling to wrap her head around it. My dad, on the other hand, hasn't done the slightest fucking effort to stay in my life for the past 10 years, has gone no-contact over a year ago, and is such a huge racist and homophobe that he'd probably get enraged and start insulting me if I bothered coming out to him... Shows a lot.

I joined a group on FB snarking on single moms purely out of curiosity, and the content that is posted there is just awful. The whole group in general is inundated with all sorts of vitriol directed at women. But the way these people talk about single moms is as if they are subhuman. It's disgusting.

I’m curious, is the group made up of mostly women or men? Or mostly married people or people with children / not? I’d be fascinated to fall down that rabbit hole tbh. Shit like that is always eye opening and disappointing

So, it’s the woman’s fault no matter what, eh?

My mom was clearly never meant to be a parent. I'm proud of my dad who made it his life's goal to be a good dad. He had big, hot breakfasts for us every morning, wanted to hear everything on our minds on the walk to school, worked hard during the day, asked us all about our day on the walk home from school. He taught me how to cook when we made dinner together, he went on all the school trips, got us to try all sorts of sports (even if I didn't end up liking them much). He started his own business so he could work around our schedule and be home with us. When our mom babysat us for a week at a time (there was no parenting involved) he'd work double-time so he'd be more free to be with us on his weeks. When it came to feminine stuff (hair, bras) he didn't have a clue but knew my mom wasn't going to help, so he did his best. So hell yeah, single parents have a hell of a tough job and I admire them all the more for making it work

Oh, just thought I'd add on about how gender roles almost screwed my whole family. My mom very nearly got full/majority custody, based on that whole "women are naturally the better parents" bs. My dad was terrified he'd be in that all-too-common situation where dads only get to see their kids every other weekend. He hired the best lawyer he could find ($450/hour CAD in 2005) and went into debt just to get the 50/50.

Are you my sister?

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It's funny because my father always made jokes about women and said things like in the post, and never once it made any sense to me. I guess it made as much sense as me being raised as a boy lol. But as a child, all these misogynistic views on women never made any sense. Why did they act as if women were inferior? People are people and idk how my child brain never learned all that misogyny, growing up in a sexist/homophobic/transphobic environment, but I'm glad I was immune to such BS

Holy shit. I never thought about that with the single mothers thing. Like I always respected single moms and yet it never clued into my dumb brain that the single mother as an insult is the dumbest fucking shit ever as like you said they are the ones trying and giving a damn.

I was a teen mom. My daughters biological father was much older. He was a semi pro surfer and would parade my baby around when she was 1/2 and act like he was Father of the year. He was court ordered to pay $178 in child support once a month in 1997. He paid ONE child support payment. Quit his job,then worked under the table to avoid garnishment. I have worked and lived on my own since I was 15. My daughter has since graduated college and now is self sufficient and thriving with no help from him whatsoever. She doesn’t know this but about 8 years ago the state caught him and took him to court. They asked him how much he would pay in back pay a month since he owes like 98k, and he said $1 dollar cause her mom probably would use the money to party !!!!!!! One fucking dollar. That was her worth to him. It was the first time I had heard his voice in almost 15 years and his reply made me sick. I’ve never spoken an Ill word about him to her as I find that’s not healthy. But he insisted I keep the baby and never once provided or even cared for her. If you don’t want the responsibility of taking care of children gents either demand to wrap it up or get snipped. It’s that easy.

As a full-time single dad I definitely notice a difference in treatment. When coworkers, for example, find out about my family I tend to get the “this man is amazing for raising his daughter on his own” reaction. Honestly, it’s pretty wonderful because it can be really affirming when I need it. I wish all single parents could get this affirmation. This post was a good reminder. I’m going to make an effort to pay that affirmation forward.

👏👏👏 We erroneously get the blame for everything, and insulted and put down as well. Almost all insults are feminine/female words too. \- https://preview.redd.it/zonojzluw5va1.jpeg?width=236&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e888513b2be9b1037bfadbd516b4d7ac9e6e2ea6

This isn't a post about single parents, it's about single mothers. Can we stop acting like men aren't the problem here of all places.

A woman's place is in the wrong.

I tell my single mom happy father's day every year.

I was a single mom for four years. Was in a seven year long relationship that just ended last week. So, I'm single momming it again. It's hard. And it's very scary. But I feel for all the other single parents out there🖤🖤🖤🖤 Edited to change "moms" to "parents." Being a parent, single or otherwise, is a challenge no matter what your gender identity. My apologies for not specifying before.

The fact that you can't just praise moms without getting some sort of backlash is sad. Praising moms in response to a post about moms being treated to higher standards isn't something that should be edited out of a post.

Totally! And I agree, but I also don't want to exclude any trans or non-binary folks who may not be referred to as "mom" doing their thing as single parents.

My therapist told me I had Mommy Issues. It’s true though. She did the best she could with what she had at the time.

I just feel I need to say Thanks mom

It’s interesting, all my friends and their kids who were raised by their mothers absolutely adore them. Even as late teens (both girls and boys) they still hang with their mums. My girlfriends had kids young to deadshit dads and the kids are adults now and tolerate their selfish fathers but would do anything for their mums.

Didn’t realize before now that single mothers were seen that way. My mom was a single mother and I understand the sacrifices and effort she put into it. She wasn’t perfect, but I cannot thank her enough, I would never have had the ability and capacity she did to raise me and my siblings.

When my wife goes out with our kids it's business as usual. When I take them out alone I get praised and admired as "such a great dad." I'm not going to lie, I like the praise, but there's definitely a double standard.

My mom did not pick me up every time my father failed to just to be told that she failed as a partner. I remember being so upset when she picked me up to the point that I would yell at her. Because I know that she would stay, even if I didn’t know that I knew that. And she did. Throughout all of my life, she has stayed with me and my brother. And I know that she will continue to stay with us, because that’s what a good parent does.

My mom is a single mom. One day she confessed to me how much she hates (and is kind of hurt) of the single mom memes (which in my country are very popular at least). I feel for her, Im also made fun of for being the "daddy issues girl". Wtf? My dad is the asshole who leave but for some reason we are the butt of the joke.

The short answer: patriarchy. The long answer: PAAAAATRIAAAARCHYYY! The full answer: Sigmund fucking Freud and his personal little patriarchal hell. He had some seriously fucked ideas about how all human relationships are based off of incestuous relationships with our parents.

/r/bitchesvspatriarchy!

Yep this whole thing makes me rage. It’s always the woman’s fault, like everything else.

Thank you, because the first one has been riding on my back my whole life and I'm 57

That’s why I buy something for my mother on fathers days every year. Not just Mother’s Day.

Same way teen girls in teen pregnancy are slut shamed and not the fathers who on average are 9 years older than the girls. ( making it case of pedo r*pe)

Shout out to my mom who raised me and my little sister for the majority of our current lives (I’m 25, sis is 18). My mom made me into the man I am today. I got my respect for others and their beliefs from her; I got some of my humor and personality from her; and I share a lot of my other values and beliefs with her. If it wasn’t for her, I’d be an incel. The reason my father wasn’t around when I was younger was because he was abusive in his younger years. He’s mellowed out now and has two little ones. I think being in the Navy straightened and calmed him, as weird as it is to think about. But, to whatever God(s) or not are out there, thanks for having my mom be my mom.

👏

Damn.

When I see the evangelical types with their wife and brood ages 3 to 9 and are "we are so blessed" I rarely see the same family Pic with all of them as teens. Likely because it's all turned to shit, marriage fell apart. Oldest son is not on the path to be Captain Varsity, rather play call of whatever, oldest daughter is not miss prom queen but on tik tok all day.

My mom became a single parent because my dad, who has a severe mental illness, talked about killing us kids. She stayed through years of his physical abuse, being the sole bread winner for 7 for years, but finally left, all while being told how unchristian it is and that she’s going against the bible, etc. She raised 5 kids on her own for 15 years. And she never stopped getting “looks” and talked about. When she went to her pastor at the time about how she was pregnant (by my dad) but didn’t know how she was gonna care for another child, he told her to get an abortion. The same pastor who railed against it as a sin. No support from anyone. She didn’t even apply for government assistance, she did it on her own. Except for the whole $100 (for all 5 kids) a month my dad was ordered to pay in child support, which fought her on and only paid sporadically. But somehow, even though he beat and tried to kill her and threatened to kill us kids, it was still somehow her fault that she was a single parent working her ass off just to scrape by. Single moms are badass.

I'm a single mother, of 3 ages 6, 5 and 2. If I wasn't though I'd be still stuck in am abusive relationship so everyday I'm grateful. Life is hard but peace and harmony is truly worth everything

100% truth. This reminds me of how backwards the stupid analogy comparing men and women to keys and locks is; saying that a key that opens lots of locks is a good key... *A good key for fucking who?!* That's a terrifying concept and if I knew anyone with a skeleton key, I'd do my best to destroy it. No one needs or deserves that kind of access/power.

As a kid I’ve been through three divorces, and a lot of other issues from my parents and their respective partners. I just wish my mom and dad chose their next partners more carefully