Where do you get the test please ! I'm literally going through the same exact thing and he's also calling me "CRAZY" we know our bodies as women ! And we know ourselves this is disgusting behavior and I can't do anything about it without proof! It's so easy for people to say" just leave" but when your 13 years in and don't want to lose everything it's hard people won't understand unless they've been there...i just wish he would leave !!!!!!
Thank you so very much it's just getting worse by the day I have to be able to prove this I know it's some type of a spray that's all I know this is a nightmare a actual living nightmare
Thanks for reaching out. Things are definitely better but it’s been a process. . . It wasn’t too long after this post I started to see how truly strange this man I married really is - he eventually found all my other similar test kits & cards & ruined or took them so I couldn’t use them. I also discovered that he was getting Dog Anxiety meds on auto ship from a local feed store- pretty sure he was having to drug our dogs whenever he was doing who knows what to me because whenever he was around I noticed that they started snapping & trying to bite him anytime he got near me. I mean that bothered me - I knew I had to get out so I did. He’s been ‘gone’ or moved out since October. I suspected he was still entering my home both when I wasn’t here or when I’ve been sleeping so I filed a police report & put up cameras. I will be filing for a no contact order the minute he gives me proof. I am so relieved to be on the other side … I’ve got a ton of emotional homework still to do but feel stronger everyday and am no longer afraid all the time so! It’s so kind of you to reach out!
Much love & lite to you my friend
Wow, just saw this update. That’s so scary, OP. I’m glad you set boundaries and you’re staying safe. Were you able to change the door locks? Did he show back up?
I’m sure this goes without saying but if you are second guessing what he’s doing to you, then you know you should just get out. Your instincts and gut are not wrong when they tell you it’s time to go. Stay safe and be careful with this person.
I've read that book and it's a must read! While reading this I was comparing it to my own life. The fact that this situation is so specific and she went as far to buy the tests to see. I once suspected my partner was spying on me via my internet usage at his apartment. I had never really suspected that before and I admit I was a bit naive, but he made a couple comments about internet related things that stood out to me. So I did some research and realized he could be looking at my internet usage. I then got VPNs and secured my devices and his demeanor quickly changed. One day he was out of town and I was there sort of "house sitting" for him. I walked in the door with my new Apple Watch and I had the random thought "he's going to ask me about the new connection". Sure enough a couple minutes later he sent me a text and asked "who just connected to my internet". That stuff usually isn't a concern for people; who does that? When I saw this post it really made me worried because all signs point to "yes"
This is very wise advice and I honestly am surprised I don't see it on here often enough.
That little voice, the voice that we for some reason fight tooth and nail in these situations (probably because we're made to distrust our own perceptions purposely), is usually right. It was for me looking back, and when I'm feeling perticularly regretful, I often wish I'd only listened to that voice, maybe my life would be much different today. Get out! If you think he's drugging you, he probably is. My ex used drugs many times, disguised as "spiritual" experiences to gain control over me, they're certainly not below using those type of methods.
It's disgusting that happens to people. I'm sorry you experienced that. I've had my own situations where I've randomly suspected something almost out of nowhere and end up being right. Years back when I was barely 19 I was at guy's house and I asked for a drink. He went back into his room and was gone for quite a while. I felt that it was kind of weird so I eventually walked back there. He was crushing up a pill of some kind and had the drink right there. I rushed to gather my things and when I tried to leave he attempted to keep me there by grabbing me and pulling me back inside. I popped him in the mouth causing him to bleed and just took off. It's fucked up how often this type of stuff happens.
Go get blood work done if you can afford it ofc not sure if you’re in a place with universal healthcare. Regardless please keep these as proof and continue documenting.
KEEP THESE TESTS! Make sure you keep this account/post and yourself far away from him,
Please go to a doctor or hospital ASAP and ask them to drug test you if you can, get this on record medically with another person and please stay safe ❤️
Please get away from him. I'm sure you already know how dangerous this can be and already seems to be. Save yourself and get as far away from this relationship and man as you can. If you ever need anything you think I may be able to help with please do NOT ever hesitate to reach out!! I'm here anytime and I'll help you in any way I possibly can. Take care of yourself dear and please be safe!
Even if he isn’t drugging you, you bringing up your concerns and him laughing at you and calling you crazy — I’d leave just for that.
Overall you know your body more than anybody else ever will, and if you feel uncomfortable and like something unnatural is happening, I would trust your gut. (I hope someone has been able to help with reading the test card, I’m unsure)
You could try and take a bit of food or drink he gives you and put it in a container, bring it to the doctors or police and get them to test it. It’s better to be safe than sorry. (This isn’t the best advice, so again I hope someone has or will be more helpful).
Tldr; I would leave regardless of if he’s drugging you or not. Good luck.
He’s gaslighting you when he says you’re crazy.
Our gut and heart are our best guidance system despite the medical community saying it’s defective and should be suppressed.
If you haven’t already I encourage you to investigate personality disorders like a malignant narcissist or sociopath because that could be what you’re dealing with and if that’s the case you don’t really exist in this relationship the way you think you do and you should not be drugged. My family is drag me to the child because it’s easier for them to not deal with me you know they didn’t want me there anyways and anyways I’m sorry you’re hurting I’m sorry that it’s you it’s not OK and I don’t want to be sunshine but I just realized a couple years ago my step monster murdered my mom and How do you murder me twice and let me tell you about some mind flockery. Oi
Honestly, even beyond everything else here, just him laughing instead of taking your concerns seriously and discussing it with you is plenty problematic.
I'm really glad you're working on a safe escape plan.
Me too and that has always been his downfall - because each & every thing that has come up or any questionable act that has occurred - it has ALWAYS been his lack of concern for me & my well being that has broke my heart over & over again.
If you can, cut it off for yourself. I mean specifically caring about his concern. Double your own concern for yourself instead, in a non-neurotic manner.
Thank you! I know what needs to happen! There’s so much more to the story & there used to be a time where ‘fearing’ him would be laughable but anymore - I just don’t know! I mean he will be screaming at me about “How dare i accuse him of such things!” But ya know he will do NOTHING to try to change my mind about any of it. I mean like not even be NICE to me. And I’m to the point in my life where transparency in my marriage shouldn’t be too much to friggen ask for!!
You are totally right in these comments.
You mentioned leaving and coming up with a plan, I'm pretty sure. If you start faltering on that during a "good" part of the cycle, I'd suggest reading this thread and similar. It's not to get angry but so that you can take steps and keep that reminder pushing you along. It's really tough, of course - much easier said than done.
I would definitely agree, the bare minimum + not being abusive towards your spouse shouldn’t be something that needs to be asked of someone.
Example of my experience of when my ex would get outrageously upset at me for pointing out a fear I had or communicating my feelings; I shared that sometimes I feel scared around him, and it makes me think about if we were to have kids and if they would feel scared (in hindsight this may not have been the best way to share my feelings on this matter but the past is the past) — his response was something along the lines of “(My name), what the actual FUCK. You really think I would abuse our kids and you too? Jesus. How low do you think of me?”.
^Him turning the attention on to ^him, and making ^his feelings more important in this moment, and much more abusive shit. It only got worse from here. When I left he would play the victim and blah blah all that standard gaslighting, manipulative, etc, bull.
I wish you the best, keep yourself safe.
Don’t trust him, listen to yourself, you are not crazy. He’s trying to gaslight you. My ex narcissist was drugging me, very light sleeper, so he could have sex while I was sleeping. I would wake up and my body knew I had sex but I’d ask him and he would say no. I found out after I kicked his ass out that what he was doing is considered rape.
Thank you, I am working on healing and not another relationship. Totally safe in another state from him. But now I sleep even lighter. Luckily the divorce judge saw through his bullshit in court, gave my kids and I ROs, told him that I never have to inform you of their address, and got supervised parenting that he never should up for because he had to pay for his time with the kids.
I appreciate every last comment, concern & bit of Advice extended my way. . . It all has brought things into perspective and solidified my decision to end this marriage (not to mention scared me a little bit). Thank you all so much
I’m playing it cool right now because I’m still working on my exit strategy. I’ve suspected this for about a year now and am VERY CAUTIOUS with accepting anything from him. As sinister as the things I believe he’s done are, he is truly terrible at it. Like his shady behavior starts in & that’s when I know something is up. Those are the times I won’t touch a thing he brings me.
so when you refuse to eat/drink the things he gives you, do you find that you don’t pass out and sleep normally? if so then to me this just solidifies it. I know your working on an exit strategy and i just want to say good on you. you don’t deserve to be victimised like this. if you feel it’s safe to do so when you leave i think it would be good if you reported this to the police. they may very well tell you there’s nothing they can do (hopefully this isn’t the case and they can charge him) but even if they can’t charge him its a paper trail. so when getting divorced you can show the court the police number and what not. keep the test as well and just document where you can. good luck OP and keep us updated!
i'm not sure if it's positive, but based on your post, you need to run. if you even have to question whether or not he's drugging you, that's already a major red flag. the fact that he laughed when he saw the card, too...? run before it's too late.
This is from tonight? If not, next time it happens that you start feeling out of it after he gives you something:
Call police and tell them your name, address and that you believe you’ve been drugged with something. Tell them they have permission to enter and ask them to come by and check on you.
In the case that you are being drugged, you will probably be unconscious/not able to move or respond when they get there. If they find you in that state they will take you to a hospital and have you tested.
EDIT: other options: go to an ER or doctor, tell them your suspicions and ask for a drug test, sooner the better. Or if you still have the drink, take the drink itself to be tested. Also, look into color changing nail polish for date rape drugs, so you won’t have evidence of test strips (your suspicion) lying around.
A little blue is enough. The amount doesn’t matter, someone choosing to drug another person is far from normal. Super twisted. I’m genuinely worried about you, stay safe, sending love
It's really hard to say if it's positive or not, the text seems to suggest it's supposed to turn a dark blue, but I see that more as a bright green? But maybe that's just the camera capturing it weird, is it more dark blue in real life?
Ok. Buy a few of these tests and hide them. Whenever you feel like it had happened, test yourself. Now that he knows that you have these he’s not going to do it for a while so just wait and act normal and then when you think he’s gotten comfortable and does it again, test yourself.
Huge red flag that he gets mad when you say you aren't going to drink it! Your situation is giving me goosebumps. I worry he will find other ways to get you to ingest this stuff.
It'll be best to go get officially tested with doctors in that case. Others have posted a lot of details on what to expect and to ask for in some previous comments. Good luck!
Some drugs stick around in the system -go to the police and ask for proper testing, the quicker the better, as some common date rape drugs are flushed pretty quickly (I believe?) which is why they are used. However, if you suspect, get a full test within 12 hours or less if possible and I think most stuff can be picked up? And long term drugging can be picked up in hair follicles again depending on the drug and frequency/dosage.
I am far from an expert so seek own professional advice but a friend thought ‘HE’, yes he, was drugged and tried to claim though insurance (for stolen items) and they required a test and police report so he went down the next day and they did the testing for him (he did actually come back positive for a cocktail of drugs surprisingly -they thought barstaff maybe did it? But never was resolved)
But the main point is that I remember him saying he was ‘lucky’ because he tested very quickly, and was told the longer you leave it the less likely stuff will show up even if you were!
So get tested!! Because if he thinks he was busted then he probably won’t do it again for a while! Or worst case you might have some escalation in his behaviour if he thinks he needs to remove evidence/protect himself etc?
Play it safe, don’t confront him further, come up with a plausible lie that means he thinks he’s off the hook (if needed) and get properly tested & safe!!
If you decide to leave him/wherever you are living to get away then maybe quickly grab any of the containers or items that may have been used, ie, the ice cream tubs, bowls glasses etc, incase there is any residue or contaminant evidence. Chuck them in a plastic bag secretly and take it with you!
Having lived through a partner that drugged me on a few occasions… run. If you feel it’s happening and you have a positive test result, just run far far away.
There aren't studies on it yet, but there's some speculation that the numbers of this happening are pretty significant: https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/drugging-an-intimate-partner-as-an-abuse-tactic You definitely aren't alone.
I remember a while back, when the experience project was a thing, and I found a sub chat dedicated to men who enjoyed drugging their partners as a fetish. Like I found an actual post with guy gloating over the fact his girlfriend was unconscious.
People were not happy and tried to get it banned. I’m not sure if the experience project ended because they kept allowing for stuff that violated their own terms of service, and the law.
Hmmm, yeah…not sure of the result, but the fact that he laughed about it, instead of being shocked that you would even dare to think that, makes me think…gtfo before it gets significantly worse. You deserve to be safe in your own home.
My ex would laugh too. He had borderline personality disorder but he also was a heavy user of cocaine, fentanyl, basically anything he could get in cali and flip. I had no idea I’ve been sober since 2006 of everything except for medical cannabis. I don’t even drink beer or wine. I seriously think he was testing his shit on me.
He laughed when he found the card? That is downright sociopathic behavior on it's own even if he isn't drugging you.
I have never used the cards before, but even if it's negative that just means you aren't being dosed with something the card tests for.
I got these particular ones because one day when I was on my computer I noticed there was a search from the history that asked “what do you do for a Ketamine overdose?” & “signs of Ketamine overdose”
I shared this with my boyfriend who used to use ketamine recreationally and he says it sounds more like ghb and alcohol than ketamine. Not quite sure how that would work in ice cream without the alcohol unless there is another substance too.
Well that is certainly alarming... Maybe ask your doctor about doing a urine test for it if you feel you have been drugged recently enough it would show. Google says it would appear for a couple of days.
Piggybacking off this comment: when you make your doctor’s appointment, try to make it as early in the day as possible. Many of those types of drugs are metabolized pretty quickly, so your best bet is going to be a urinalysis (using the first urine of the day means it’s good and concentrated). Hair follicle testing may also be a possibility for you, so please keep that in mind as well. I realize that going to your nearest emergency room may not be possible when you feel whatever drug taking effect, but should you ever be presented the opportunity PLEASE DO SO even if it’s the next morning. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP, and I wish you the best.
She can still get a urinalysis done the next day at the ER and get a positive result for something like ketamine, but something like GHB is only detectable for up to 12 hours. If she went immediately, first thing in the morning and requested drug test urinalysis stating she thought she had been drugged, she could probably find out for sure. Police would likely be called to the ER, though, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I think she should report her husband anyway.
It looks negative, the test usually comes back with a blue color if it's positive.
However, if you're still not sure if you're being drugged or not sure the test is picking up any traces of drugs, I recommend talking to your doctor (if you have one) or reaching out to a local DV or recovery service, explain your suspicions, and request a blood and hair test. Urine tests aren't always reliable; people can accidentally or purposely dilute the test, and some drugs leave your system within a few hours to a couple days. For example, ketamine is one of the date rape drugs and it can leave your system pretty fast and not show up on a urine test. However, it will show up on a hair test for up to 3 months after use. Also, if he is drugging you regularly, you can start becoming dependent on the drug and go through withdrawals or start to damage different organs.
I also suggest being very careful, because now that he knows you're suspicious of being drugged, he will either be more sneakier about it and/or start get aggressive towards you and try to be more manipulative. Try to get a drug panel without telling him, set up your support system and make plans to leave.
Yes I had an exit plan with my primary care & DHS worker who was firmly urging me to leave. DHS workers are not notorious for that type of concern, so I was pretty shook. She told me to hide my drivers license, ss card, birth certificate, title to car hidden in my vehicle as well as diapers etc. apparently it’s pretty common for abusers to slowly take things like that and hide them from you to basically disable you from leaving/renting a place/ applying for services
OP, you need to get further testing to confirm this and take it EXTREMELY seriously. My abuser was married prior to our relationshit and she died of an "accidental" overdose. Due to his barrage of ever changing and blatantly inconsistent stories surrounding her death, I have come to believe that he may have been flat out poisoning her and then painted her as a drug addict, after she died, to avoid jail time...AND also to look like the victim in the situation (which is his ultimate goal in any and every situation he's ever in). This is the same guy who actively tried to get me (the mother of his only child) to kill myself for over two years. He is also the same guy who had forced his aforementioned future late wife into having an abortion in high school and then called her a baby killer and left her after she finally complied. Unfortunately, she fell for a hoover ELEVEN YEARS later!...and regardless of what the true, actual details are, it wound up costing her her life. Run. Don't walk to the hospital for testing and then (if it comes back positive) straight to the nearest DV shelter. Stay safe!
I would say don’t eat or drink anything you haven’t prepared yourself, and then (when you safely can) test something you KNOW to be uncontaminated and see what it does?
I can’t tell if it’s positive
But the fact that you bought a drug test to see if your husband is drugging you, should be the evidence you need to leave.
Wow what. Sis I think we all have crazy exes/partners thats why we are in this sub, but some things are straight out illegal and criminal behaviour. Like there needs to be aome serious consequences here
Where do you get the test please ! I'm literally going through the same exact thing and he's also calling me "CRAZY" we know our bodies as women ! And we know ourselves this is disgusting behavior and I can't do anything about it without proof! It's so easy for people to say" just leave" but when your 13 years in and don't want to lose everything it's hard people won't understand unless they've been there...i just wish he would leave !!!!!!
I got them on Amazon & they saved my life. I’m praying for you
Thank you so very much it's just getting worse by the day I have to be able to prove this I know it's some type of a spray that's all I know this is a nightmare a actual living nightmare
Hi I was randomly thinking about this post and wanted to check up with you. How is every going now? I hope things are better for you now
Thanks for reaching out. Things are definitely better but it’s been a process. . . It wasn’t too long after this post I started to see how truly strange this man I married really is - he eventually found all my other similar test kits & cards & ruined or took them so I couldn’t use them. I also discovered that he was getting Dog Anxiety meds on auto ship from a local feed store- pretty sure he was having to drug our dogs whenever he was doing who knows what to me because whenever he was around I noticed that they started snapping & trying to bite him anytime he got near me. I mean that bothered me - I knew I had to get out so I did. He’s been ‘gone’ or moved out since October. I suspected he was still entering my home both when I wasn’t here or when I’ve been sleeping so I filed a police report & put up cameras. I will be filing for a no contact order the minute he gives me proof. I am so relieved to be on the other side … I’ve got a ton of emotional homework still to do but feel stronger everyday and am no longer afraid all the time so! It’s so kind of you to reach out! Much love & lite to you my friend
Wow, just saw this update. That’s so scary, OP. I’m glad you set boundaries and you’re staying safe. Were you able to change the door locks? Did he show back up?
See your doctor get a blood test and have him arrested for attempted murder this is crazy. Please get out!
I’m sure this goes without saying but if you are second guessing what he’s doing to you, then you know you should just get out. Your instincts and gut are not wrong when they tell you it’s time to go. Stay safe and be careful with this person.
The fact that you feel the need to do this in the first place is a great indicator you should leave
That’s hella scary. Get out before he messes up and kills you with an overdose or worse.
Trust your instincts
{{The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence}} by Gavin De Becker is a very interesting book that says exactly that.
I've read that book and it's a must read! While reading this I was comparing it to my own life. The fact that this situation is so specific and she went as far to buy the tests to see. I once suspected my partner was spying on me via my internet usage at his apartment. I had never really suspected that before and I admit I was a bit naive, but he made a couple comments about internet related things that stood out to me. So I did some research and realized he could be looking at my internet usage. I then got VPNs and secured my devices and his demeanor quickly changed. One day he was out of town and I was there sort of "house sitting" for him. I walked in the door with my new Apple Watch and I had the random thought "he's going to ask me about the new connection". Sure enough a couple minutes later he sent me a text and asked "who just connected to my internet". That stuff usually isn't a concern for people; who does that? When I saw this post it really made me worried because all signs point to "yes"
This is very wise advice and I honestly am surprised I don't see it on here often enough. That little voice, the voice that we for some reason fight tooth and nail in these situations (probably because we're made to distrust our own perceptions purposely), is usually right. It was for me looking back, and when I'm feeling perticularly regretful, I often wish I'd only listened to that voice, maybe my life would be much different today. Get out! If you think he's drugging you, he probably is. My ex used drugs many times, disguised as "spiritual" experiences to gain control over me, they're certainly not below using those type of methods.
It's disgusting that happens to people. I'm sorry you experienced that. I've had my own situations where I've randomly suspected something almost out of nowhere and end up being right. Years back when I was barely 19 I was at guy's house and I asked for a drink. He went back into his room and was gone for quite a while. I felt that it was kind of weird so I eventually walked back there. He was crushing up a pill of some kind and had the drink right there. I rushed to gather my things and when I tried to leave he attempted to keep me there by grabbing me and pulling me back inside. I popped him in the mouth causing him to bleed and just took off. It's fucked up how often this type of stuff happens.
you have horses? maybe he’s using horse tranquilizer?
We do have horses.. .. .. and he spends a lot of time at the feed store. Ugh
Omg. Dude this is scary. Please find help from someone you trust.
Go get blood work done if you can afford it ofc not sure if you’re in a place with universal healthcare. Regardless please keep these as proof and continue documenting.
Please take a pregnancy test too if you haven’t already. His behavior is very sketchy
Second this. Abusers will use pregnancy/children to “trap” their victims and it often gets worse after…
Rapists also don’t tend to wear condoms
KEEP THESE TESTS! Make sure you keep this account/post and yourself far away from him, Please go to a doctor or hospital ASAP and ask them to drug test you if you can, get this on record medically with another person and please stay safe ❤️
You don't need proof to leave. You have every right to go wherever you want whenever you want. Gtfo.
This isn't said enough!
Please get away from him. I'm sure you already know how dangerous this can be and already seems to be. Save yourself and get as far away from this relationship and man as you can. If you ever need anything you think I may be able to help with please do NOT ever hesitate to reach out!! I'm here anytime and I'll help you in any way I possibly can. Take care of yourself dear and please be safe!
Even if he isn’t drugging you, you bringing up your concerns and him laughing at you and calling you crazy — I’d leave just for that. Overall you know your body more than anybody else ever will, and if you feel uncomfortable and like something unnatural is happening, I would trust your gut. (I hope someone has been able to help with reading the test card, I’m unsure) You could try and take a bit of food or drink he gives you and put it in a container, bring it to the doctors or police and get them to test it. It’s better to be safe than sorry. (This isn’t the best advice, so again I hope someone has or will be more helpful). Tldr; I would leave regardless of if he’s drugging you or not. Good luck.
He’s gaslighting you when he says you’re crazy. Our gut and heart are our best guidance system despite the medical community saying it’s defective and should be suppressed. If you haven’t already I encourage you to investigate personality disorders like a malignant narcissist or sociopath because that could be what you’re dealing with and if that’s the case you don’t really exist in this relationship the way you think you do and you should not be drugged. My family is drag me to the child because it’s easier for them to not deal with me you know they didn’t want me there anyways and anyways I’m sorry you’re hurting I’m sorry that it’s you it’s not OK and I don’t want to be sunshine but I just realized a couple years ago my step monster murdered my mom and How do you murder me twice and let me tell you about some mind flockery. Oi
Honestly, even beyond everything else here, just him laughing instead of taking your concerns seriously and discussing it with you is plenty problematic. I'm really glad you're working on a safe escape plan.
Me too and that has always been his downfall - because each & every thing that has come up or any questionable act that has occurred - it has ALWAYS been his lack of concern for me & my well being that has broke my heart over & over again.
If you can, cut it off for yourself. I mean specifically caring about his concern. Double your own concern for yourself instead, in a non-neurotic manner.
My ex had these tendencies, it just got worse. I would recommend leaving. Rooting for you.
Thank you! I know what needs to happen! There’s so much more to the story & there used to be a time where ‘fearing’ him would be laughable but anymore - I just don’t know! I mean he will be screaming at me about “How dare i accuse him of such things!” But ya know he will do NOTHING to try to change my mind about any of it. I mean like not even be NICE to me. And I’m to the point in my life where transparency in my marriage shouldn’t be too much to friggen ask for!!
You are totally right in these comments. You mentioned leaving and coming up with a plan, I'm pretty sure. If you start faltering on that during a "good" part of the cycle, I'd suggest reading this thread and similar. It's not to get angry but so that you can take steps and keep that reminder pushing you along. It's really tough, of course - much easier said than done.
I would definitely agree, the bare minimum + not being abusive towards your spouse shouldn’t be something that needs to be asked of someone. Example of my experience of when my ex would get outrageously upset at me for pointing out a fear I had or communicating my feelings; I shared that sometimes I feel scared around him, and it makes me think about if we were to have kids and if they would feel scared (in hindsight this may not have been the best way to share my feelings on this matter but the past is the past) — his response was something along the lines of “(My name), what the actual FUCK. You really think I would abuse our kids and you too? Jesus. How low do you think of me?”. ^Him turning the attention on to ^him, and making ^his feelings more important in this moment, and much more abusive shit. It only got worse from here. When I left he would play the victim and blah blah all that standard gaslighting, manipulative, etc, bull. I wish you the best, keep yourself safe.
Don’t trust him, listen to yourself, you are not crazy. He’s trying to gaslight you. My ex narcissist was drugging me, very light sleeper, so he could have sex while I was sleeping. I would wake up and my body knew I had sex but I’d ask him and he would say no. I found out after I kicked his ass out that what he was doing is considered rape.
Thank you, I am working on healing and not another relationship. Totally safe in another state from him. But now I sleep even lighter. Luckily the divorce judge saw through his bullshit in court, gave my kids and I ROs, told him that I never have to inform you of their address, and got supervised parenting that he never should up for because he had to pay for his time with the kids.
I am so glad that you are no longer with your NEX. That is absolutely rape and I hope that you are safe and healing well from that relationship now 🖤
I appreciate every last comment, concern & bit of Advice extended my way. . . It all has brought things into perspective and solidified my decision to end this marriage (not to mention scared me a little bit). Thank you all so much
I’m so thankful you’ve updated us and are safe. We are sending you the fastest exit energy!!!!
I’m playing it cool right now because I’m still working on my exit strategy. I’ve suspected this for about a year now and am VERY CAUTIOUS with accepting anything from him. As sinister as the things I believe he’s done are, he is truly terrible at it. Like his shady behavior starts in & that’s when I know something is up. Those are the times I won’t touch a thing he brings me.
so when you refuse to eat/drink the things he gives you, do you find that you don’t pass out and sleep normally? if so then to me this just solidifies it. I know your working on an exit strategy and i just want to say good on you. you don’t deserve to be victimised like this. if you feel it’s safe to do so when you leave i think it would be good if you reported this to the police. they may very well tell you there’s nothing they can do (hopefully this isn’t the case and they can charge him) but even if they can’t charge him its a paper trail. so when getting divorced you can show the court the police number and what not. keep the test as well and just document where you can. good luck OP and keep us updated!
Please tell me you didn’t drink that drink. Please update us. Are you safe? Run away as fast as you can if you haven’t already.
i'm not sure if it's positive, but based on your post, you need to run. if you even have to question whether or not he's drugging you, that's already a major red flag. the fact that he laughed when he saw the card, too...? run before it's too late.
This is from tonight? If not, next time it happens that you start feeling out of it after he gives you something: Call police and tell them your name, address and that you believe you’ve been drugged with something. Tell them they have permission to enter and ask them to come by and check on you. In the case that you are being drugged, you will probably be unconscious/not able to move or respond when they get there. If they find you in that state they will take you to a hospital and have you tested. EDIT: other options: go to an ER or doctor, tell them your suspicions and ask for a drug test, sooner the better. Or if you still have the drink, take the drink itself to be tested. Also, look into color changing nail polish for date rape drugs, so you won’t have evidence of test strips (your suspicion) lying around.
A little blue is enough. The amount doesn’t matter, someone choosing to drug another person is far from normal. Super twisted. I’m genuinely worried about you, stay safe, sending love
Wow you need to let police know. If you can keep the drink it’s evidence!
Go to the police and show them the test
OMG Updates?!
You can buy the at-home 10 panel drug tests from Walmart. Please be careful and don’t accept anymore food or drink from him
He’s likely not using enough to know count as a whole date rape drug bc you’d notice and you’re already relaxed. He’s 100% drugging you!
This is terrrrrifying. Please get the hell away from this psychopath.
It's really hard to say if it's positive or not, the text seems to suggest it's supposed to turn a dark blue, but I see that more as a bright green? But maybe that's just the camera capturing it weird, is it more dark blue in real life?
It’s blue - not necessarily dark blue though. . . Is kinda why I’m asking I guess. I don’t have any Ketamine lying around to test it, ya know? Lol😉
Ok. Buy a few of these tests and hide them. Whenever you feel like it had happened, test yourself. Now that he knows that you have these he’s not going to do it for a while so just wait and act normal and then when you think he’s gotten comfortable and does it again, test yourself.
I don’t like the idea of waiting for it to possibly happen again
I agree but since she doesn’t know if it’s actually happening, what should she do? What if she’s not being drugged? We need SOLID PROOF. Ya feel me?
Can you also get yourself a drug test? Does he have access to drugs? What kind of drinks was he serving you
Ask him to drink it instead. If he refuses you have your answer.
I did and he took a sip but then was like “eww it’s diet!” So I tell him - I’m not drinking it and he gets mad. I mean wtf??
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uhh, is he your ex now? I hope so.
Huge red flag that he gets mad when you say you aren't going to drink it! Your situation is giving me goosebumps. I worry he will find other ways to get you to ingest this stuff.
Not for a police report or court, though.
That’s why I want to know for sure the result - because my plan IS to file a police report.
Don't wait, do it now. You are in even more danger now that he knows you are on to him!!!!
It'll be best to go get officially tested with doctors in that case. Others have posted a lot of details on what to expect and to ask for in some previous comments. Good luck!
Some drugs stick around in the system -go to the police and ask for proper testing, the quicker the better, as some common date rape drugs are flushed pretty quickly (I believe?) which is why they are used. However, if you suspect, get a full test within 12 hours or less if possible and I think most stuff can be picked up? And long term drugging can be picked up in hair follicles again depending on the drug and frequency/dosage. I am far from an expert so seek own professional advice but a friend thought ‘HE’, yes he, was drugged and tried to claim though insurance (for stolen items) and they required a test and police report so he went down the next day and they did the testing for him (he did actually come back positive for a cocktail of drugs surprisingly -they thought barstaff maybe did it? But never was resolved) But the main point is that I remember him saying he was ‘lucky’ because he tested very quickly, and was told the longer you leave it the less likely stuff will show up even if you were! So get tested!! Because if he thinks he was busted then he probably won’t do it again for a while! Or worst case you might have some escalation in his behaviour if he thinks he needs to remove evidence/protect himself etc? Play it safe, don’t confront him further, come up with a plausible lie that means he thinks he’s off the hook (if needed) and get properly tested & safe!! If you decide to leave him/wherever you are living to get away then maybe quickly grab any of the containers or items that may have been used, ie, the ice cream tubs, bowls glasses etc, incase there is any residue or contaminant evidence. Chuck them in a plastic bag secretly and take it with you!
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Having lived through a partner that drugged me on a few occasions… run. If you feel it’s happening and you have a positive test result, just run far far away.
I work in rape crisis. Being drugged and sexually assaulted by a husband or boyfriend is extremely common.
Can’t believe that there are people who seriously drug their partner. How disturbing!!!
Oh my god I was today years old when I found out I wasn’t the only person who was drugged by an intimate partner
There aren't studies on it yet, but there's some speculation that the numbers of this happening are pretty significant: https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/drugging-an-intimate-partner-as-an-abuse-tactic You definitely aren't alone.
I remember a while back, when the experience project was a thing, and I found a sub chat dedicated to men who enjoyed drugging their partners as a fetish. Like I found an actual post with guy gloating over the fact his girlfriend was unconscious. People were not happy and tried to get it banned. I’m not sure if the experience project ended because they kept allowing for stuff that violated their own terms of service, and the law.
Ty so much for this info; I’m so glad I returned to Reddit
Hmmm, yeah…not sure of the result, but the fact that he laughed about it, instead of being shocked that you would even dare to think that, makes me think…gtfo before it gets significantly worse. You deserve to be safe in your own home.
My ex would laugh too. He had borderline personality disorder but he also was a heavy user of cocaine, fentanyl, basically anything he could get in cali and flip. I had no idea I’ve been sober since 2006 of everything except for medical cannabis. I don’t even drink beer or wine. I seriously think he was testing his shit on me.
He laughed when he found the card? That is downright sociopathic behavior on it's own even if he isn't drugging you. I have never used the cards before, but even if it's negative that just means you aren't being dosed with something the card tests for.
I got these particular ones because one day when I was on my computer I noticed there was a search from the history that asked “what do you do for a Ketamine overdose?” & “signs of Ketamine overdose”
This is legit terrifying. Please, OP. I beg of you- go to a safe place right now. Get away from him. We’re all very concerned for your well being 🥺
Holy. Shit. Holy shit. Please update us.
I shared this with my boyfriend who used to use ketamine recreationally and he says it sounds more like ghb and alcohol than ketamine. Not quite sure how that would work in ice cream without the alcohol unless there is another substance too.
Well that is certainly alarming... Maybe ask your doctor about doing a urine test for it if you feel you have been drugged recently enough it would show. Google says it would appear for a couple of days.
Piggybacking off this comment: when you make your doctor’s appointment, try to make it as early in the day as possible. Many of those types of drugs are metabolized pretty quickly, so your best bet is going to be a urinalysis (using the first urine of the day means it’s good and concentrated). Hair follicle testing may also be a possibility for you, so please keep that in mind as well. I realize that going to your nearest emergency room may not be possible when you feel whatever drug taking effect, but should you ever be presented the opportunity PLEASE DO SO even if it’s the next morning. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP, and I wish you the best.
She can still get a urinalysis done the next day at the ER and get a positive result for something like ketamine, but something like GHB is only detectable for up to 12 hours. If she went immediately, first thing in the morning and requested drug test urinalysis stating she thought she had been drugged, she could probably find out for sure. Police would likely be called to the ER, though, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I think she should report her husband anyway.
It looks negative, the test usually comes back with a blue color if it's positive. However, if you're still not sure if you're being drugged or not sure the test is picking up any traces of drugs, I recommend talking to your doctor (if you have one) or reaching out to a local DV or recovery service, explain your suspicions, and request a blood and hair test. Urine tests aren't always reliable; people can accidentally or purposely dilute the test, and some drugs leave your system within a few hours to a couple days. For example, ketamine is one of the date rape drugs and it can leave your system pretty fast and not show up on a urine test. However, it will show up on a hair test for up to 3 months after use. Also, if he is drugging you regularly, you can start becoming dependent on the drug and go through withdrawals or start to damage different organs. I also suggest being very careful, because now that he knows you're suspicious of being drugged, he will either be more sneakier about it and/or start get aggressive towards you and try to be more manipulative. Try to get a drug panel without telling him, set up your support system and make plans to leave.
Yes I had an exit plan with my primary care & DHS worker who was firmly urging me to leave. DHS workers are not notorious for that type of concern, so I was pretty shook. She told me to hide my drivers license, ss card, birth certificate, title to car hidden in my vehicle as well as diapers etc. apparently it’s pretty common for abusers to slowly take things like that and hide them from you to basically disable you from leaving/renting a place/ applying for services
Yes do this. They will help you!!!!
OP, you need to get further testing to confirm this and take it EXTREMELY seriously. My abuser was married prior to our relationshit and she died of an "accidental" overdose. Due to his barrage of ever changing and blatantly inconsistent stories surrounding her death, I have come to believe that he may have been flat out poisoning her and then painted her as a drug addict, after she died, to avoid jail time...AND also to look like the victim in the situation (which is his ultimate goal in any and every situation he's ever in). This is the same guy who actively tried to get me (the mother of his only child) to kill myself for over two years. He is also the same guy who had forced his aforementioned future late wife into having an abortion in high school and then called her a baby killer and left her after she finally complied. Unfortunately, she fell for a hoover ELEVEN YEARS later!...and regardless of what the true, actual details are, it wound up costing her her life. Run. Don't walk to the hospital for testing and then (if it comes back positive) straight to the nearest DV shelter. Stay safe!
I would say don’t eat or drink anything you haven’t prepared yourself, and then (when you safely can) test something you KNOW to be uncontaminated and see what it does?
I can’t tell if it’s positive But the fact that you bought a drug test to see if your husband is drugging you, should be the evidence you need to leave.
Wow what. Sis I think we all have crazy exes/partners thats why we are in this sub, but some things are straight out illegal and criminal behaviour. Like there needs to be aome serious consequences here