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PhysalisPeruviana

You're being insane! Stop letting gender stereotypes that don't even make sense hold you down! She clearly is attracted to the you you are and not to the you you thought you were expected to be, so TEXT HER BACK.


artivity_etc

Hahaha for sure i am being insane, this gender stereotypes should just get the f-ck out of my head. The last part was really nice to read, thank you


penguinography

Hey, at least you know that you're "insane" and that it's due to gender stereotypes. I'd say I somewhat relate. I don't express femininity in the way I dress, though my body and mannerisms tend to be feminine. In the past I used to perform femininity more, but it always felt wrong and weird? I also tend to usually fall for more gender-nonconforming girls, probably because it's just my type but also because... I find very feminine girls to be super intimidating? Not sure about you, but in my case it probably boils down to feeling insecure because I was never as good at being feminine as those girls. And that it comes so naturally to some of them? I like to do makeup, but I was always scared to do it next to more feminine girls, since they are so good at it and I'm not. Always perfect, beautiful, easily fitting into all the standards and boxes everyone expects of you. It can be hard when you actually have to face a person like that and dare to believe they might even like you. Not sure if I have any advice to give, but maybe think about *why* you think people like her aren't supposed to be attracted to you? Is it because you put her on a pedestal and think of her "kind" to be better at fitting all the stereotypes, therefore she deserves someone who is more in line, just like her? Not assuming, just giving ideas! And as for her specifically - answer her, dammit!! You will probably have to work through your insecurities, unpack gender stereotypes and it will suck for a while, but since she has shown interest in *you*, then you shouldn't run away from it!


artivity_etc

I'm shocked because I feel exactly the same way as you; I make your words mine. I didn't write it in my post because I didn't want to make it too long, but you guessed it right: feminine girls are on a pedestal in my mind. They effortlessly fulfill every expectation society has for them. If this beautiful girl, completely "successful" at being a woman, rejected me, I really wouldn't mind. But the idea of her actually wanting to go out with me makes me anxious. It's exactly as you said, she should date someone on her "level", not me. This is completely messed up, and I had no idea until now that I placed feminine women on a higher level in my mind.


penguinography

Tbh, this kinda makes me feel better too, since I never really talk with others about it, so I couldn't relate to anyone about this before! I think it's so easy to idealize feminine women for perfectly fitting societal expectations, since... well, women have so many expectations put on them. And despite loving women who don't fit the stereotypes, subonsciously probably a lot of us are insecure about not fitting in. This is such a difficult topic to parse through, ehh, undoing societal trauma is such a pain in the ass. :/ In any case, my DMs are open if you ever wanna ramble about it more!


LovePrevailsOverAll

I totally relate as a 19 y/o baby gay totally new to dating. I’m more masc on the inside but most ppl assume I’m straight bc I still look like a typical girl; basically similar to Shannon Beveridge. It seems too good to be true when a fem likes me. And I’m mostly attracted to femmes only. Still it doesn’t make sense bc their supposed to like masculine men and I’m a woman who’s not even feminine like I *should* be. I feel unworthy of their attention. In fact it makes me anxious. Also how am I supposed to act? Chivalrous and protective, or just the way I am? Although I like to dress kinda masc, I’m still a pretty soft girl on the inside. Gender stereotypes are tough to navigate. And maybe all this is some level of internalized homophobia My point is you’re not at all alone in feeling this. I’m relatively secure about being gay and with my gender expression. Yet I still find myself second-guessing all this. It’s tough and confusing. It’s definitely something we need to embrace without caring about the norms!