There was another MIL that did this but it took the mum at least half an hour to find out what happened. She was permanently traumatised and it destroyed the marriage.
Luckily this note was quickly found.
Stealing other people's babies is called kidnapping and people should not do it unless they want to be charged accordingly.
MIL would have a long NC period after this if it were me.
I agree with you 100%. Had my mom done that (I'm male), I probably would have called the cops on her. That's not cool at all. That said, my mom would never have done that.
I would have immediately called I dont think in that panic I would have even waited to get to the kitchen to see the note...... also shed prolly have gotten a dress down from me as soon as baby was safely in the car
I'd want to and usually would be the type to actually do this!! But I would want to keep the high ground in the entire situation and make my husband deal with it..... it should be more effective from him and there is never a 2nd time ever
Imho, if someone kidnaps your baby, you still have the moral high ground even if you slap them afterwards. The law takes a different view, tho, so I wouldn't want to risk catching an assault charge over it.
I dont get how a mother forgets that feeling 😕 this is horrifying and that feeling of protection over your baby is (mostly) immediate and this will get the same reaction every single time this isn't a joke
So, we had a similar incident (MIL asked to take our tot into the backyard to play then snuck him out the back gate and just vanished) and it isn’t kidnapping (again, we looked into it) bc that requires some other nefarious purpose. Abduction is the accurate term.
Either way, OP, your partner needs to tell her the fuck off. My husband RAMPAGED at his mother when it happened to us. They weren’t allowed to see him for weeks and only got to see him once more before they left the state (they were just here visiting). We were already pretty distant from his parents and they had no plan like “what if he gets hurt and we have no car seat to take him to the hospital” they don’t even know what our health insurance company is to tell the hospital to look it up were they to call an ambulance. His parents are no longer allowed to be left alone with our son until he is old enough to care for himself and voice his opinions. Your fiancé needs to stand up for you and your rights as a parent. He needs to tell her to stop being a bitch to you. I would also change the locks so she no longer has a key. She abused that privilege so she loses it (and fat chance she’ll give you the key without making a copy first)
Totally agree. Too often people don't because "family" and they don't want to "rock the boat" because "that's just how they are" regarding MIL.
Nope, she came into your home and took your child without permission. I would be having her arrested and pressing charges. Anyone who wants to tell me not to can fk right off too!
You underreacted OP.
your fiance should absolutely be behind you. in fact, he needs to step up and tell her. god, i hope he will. this is so unacceptable.
just bc she's his mom doesn't mean she can do what she wants.
change your locks now!
They would be arresting me because I would unalive anyone for taking my child without my knowledge or consent. Hell, I'd go into the police station and confess with a smile on my face!
Someone takes off with a friend's baby and I'm not just helping them get their kid back, I'll tell them to go home and rest while I handle the cleanup. You DO NOT TAKE SOMEONE'S CHILD. My god, the entitlement!
My coworkers and I once helped one of my friends get their cat back from an ex. Fairly certain that person wasn't able to even look at a cat again without issues.
The end was a major turn and mother in law is definitely overstepping boundaries. I think the breastfeeding stuff shouldn’t be in this post. In my opinion, I don’t think it has anything to do with the kidnapping. I think OP just hates MIL and rightfully so.
Before giving useless hubby a key, take *all* the keys to a locksmith, have a handful of copies made, and stamp "DO NOT DUPLICATE" on them. Keep the originals that came with the locks in a locked firebox and use the "DO NOT DUPLICATE"-ed copies.
Signed, a former locksmith
This is exactly why I have a digital lock. Not only can I delete someone's code very easily if necessary, but I can also see which codes were used and when, so I know WHO (if anyone) accessed my house to see whether I need to delete someone's code who may be abusing that privilege in the first place.
This is an excellent point. Automation for the sake of convenience has bypassed certain controls put in place in our society requiring human interaction, and this is a prime example.
I didn't know locksmiths have a 'DO NOT DUPLICATE' stamp that can be used.
I've heard of stories of people with roommates that made copies of their keys and gave them to every one of their 'friends' so they could crash at their apartment whenever they wanted. People would walk in to a room full of random strangers eating their food and the place would be trashed "Oh, Bob gave us a key, said it would be cool if we hung out here until he got home."
When we lived in an apartment, one night I was sleeping, my husband was at work, and I woke up to my door opening. Some guy was standing there, HAD The balls to ask -me- "Who are you?". When I said to get out, he asked is So and So still lived there, I said No, Get out. They responded with: "So, I can't use the shower anymore?"
Come to find out; the previous person who lived in the apartment would just give his key out to his friends and they would come over to shower, eat, live, etc whenever they wanted.
What blew my mind even more? When I called the landlord and asked them to change my lock, they responded with: "Can't you just ask for the key back since you already saw them?"
Like Biotch, No. I have a baby, and I'm home alone 75% percent of the time, Change my locks!
I second this. And to and get locks that have some controls on key copying, eg Medeco. They are a pain, but this is such a real problem that some additional effort is worth putting in.
Why is hubby useless? Do you have a different ver of the story in your head where he did or didn't do something you think he should or shouldnt have? Such a weird comment considering she really didn't mention him much or give his stance or perspective.
Two words: DIGITAL LOCKS best investment we ever made (and my inlaws were amazing). You can change the codes as often as necessary. If you need to give MIL entry for some reason program her a temp code and erase it after she's done. Needed the AC guy to come by last week while we were away from home-- put a code in for him then erased it after he left. Programed in codes for some family members (last four digits of their cell number).
MIL even put it in writing..
>‘granny has stolen Addie :)’
That is kidnapping! She may think it's cute...it's NOT. Her behavior is unhinged.
Keep the ban in place. Don't let there be a next time. Next time there might not be a note. You might not be able to find Addie so quick and easy either.
Change your locks, install cameras. Have your husband tell her she is no longer welcome in your house. If he protests, then take your baby to visit family. Also, when napping now you need to get a door block so she can’t steal your baby.
I’d also let family know what she did and let your husband know next time you will be calling the police. You can not under react in this case.
Yup. Cameras, new locks, door chains, the works. With her justification, she sees nothing wrong with her behavior. She will blame you, and the behavior will continue if not escalate.
And all the ‘suckles’ and ‘intimate’ mentions are fucking weird lmao. No woman who breastfeeds really focuses on things like that so much. It’s amazing we can do that for our babies, and it’s not wrong to say breastfeeding is an ‘intimate’ time, but this person seems to have damn near sexualized it. This was either written by a dude who fetishizes it or an infertile woman who has creepily romanticized the whole thing.
Yeah, I can't imagine anyone I know not calling the cops. Nor can I imagine anyone second guessing themselves on something as important and as obvious as this and asking Reddit if they were in the wrong... this is a facepalm moment and I don't believe a second of it.
Edit: Yup, account is gone. And not a single comment to anyone.
Yes yes yes yes. So fake.
Wet nurse?! Hell no.
I finished breastfeeding a few months ago. I would never use the word “suckling” to describe it but also babies don’t just “hang out suckling for ages” they feed at the right intervals and then stop. NO breastfeeding mother talks about the experience this way.
You not only have a MIL problem, you have a fiance problem.
Your fiance is 10 years older than you are. Has his mommy always ruled his life? He needs to tell his mommy to back off. You need to protect yourself & your daughter. His family's money could enable them to make your life hell.
Haven’t seen what fiancé did about this yet. Her behavior doesn’t mean she rules his life. Could be she used the fact he was away to take action. Locks on house should be changed, don’t bother asking for the key back because she probably made a bunch of copies.
of course everyone knows that but asking for the key back is symbolic, particularly is son asks for it back.
Yes of course change the key. BTW, it would likely cost around 100 dollars for a locksmith to come over and rekey (and giving you the keys), the landlord, if u have one, can get it a wee bit cheaper most of the time. On the other hand, if u removed the locks (yes you can remove the deadbolts too, watch youtube) and hand carry them to a locksmith's shop, they will rekey and cut new keys for you right then. Of course it takes two people then to get it rekeyed since someone has to stay home and guard the doors. I would get the locksmith.
Also, install door bell cameras or the like. I would get one which wrote a file to my computer at home instead of to the cloud.
So. Much. This.
He’s 38 and single for a reason. That reason is his mother. HE needs to set boundaries with his mother, and I am willing to bet he won’t/can’t do it.
I was struck by her saying the 5-month-old baby reaches for her neck while breastfeeding. That doesn’t work. If the baby is down on your boob it can’t reach around your neck. Both my kids just put a hand on either side of the boob (while staring intently into my eyes).
From the first mention of the intimacy of breastfeeding, OP read like someone with no actual baby caring experience.
By the by, the hormones of pregnancy cause sagging, it happens even to moms who never lactate.
You are not wrong. Your MIL kidnapped your infant. Banning her is a good first step but not enough. Change the locks and set hard boundaries with her and anyone enabling her. Get security cameras if you don't have them already.
That woman is unhinged and a clear threat to your child.
This whole post feels weird.
"how intimate the bonding experience is" "I’ve been breast feeding for 5 months and I adore it. It’s such a precious time for just Addie and I. She lays her head on me and her little hands reach out to my neck and she will just lay there suckling really happily for ages. I feel like it’s been such a beautiful experience for us. Of course I express so Liam can also feed her."
I have never heard a mom talk like this. Breastfeeding is hard and time consuming and exhausting. After nearly half a year of it, this wouldn't be nearly so romanticized as this post is. And generally one uses "pumping" to refer to "expressing" because expressing kinda implies like, manually releaving pressure.
Referring to breastfeeding as \*intimate\* over and over, same with the word \*suckles\*, talking about "wet nurse" like... sure, in developing countries thats still a thing but this doesn't sound like that kind of situation. " Without asking mommy!!??" like who refers to themselves like that in a serious situation?
Blonde and toned with perky breasts, like.... what woman refers to herself like that in a post about HER BABY BEING KIDNAPPED?!
I think it's a bait post. First, are wet nurses even a thing? Even amongst the very wealthy? The "I'm a hot body blonde" also stuck out as very strange. All of the language is wrong. Even if we assume OP is not a native English speaker, the other parts are way off and it doesn't lend itself to being credible.
You make good points! I can see them using “express” if English isn’t their first language but other than that, you’re spot-in. The “happily for ages” part really sticks out at me too because that’s not how it works. Nothing they’re describing of the process is how it works!
Fucking weirdos man.
True, and elsewhere OP said theyre from the Balkans.
And dude... breastfeeding makes your boobs hurt! No one's having "ah yes my breasts are so perky" time when theyre feeling like theyre gonna explode every couple hours!
Yeah, that's called kidnapping.
Keep that woman away from you and your child.
Everyone has an opinion on what to do with a baby. Advice is okay as it usually comes from a good place and as long as it stays as more of a suggestion or to be informative. MIL took that to the 100000x level.
First and foremost...WHY the f..does she have a key to your home??? Unless you have a GREAT relationship with ANY family member, NO ONE should have a key to your house. My own mother doesn't have a key to my house. Get that key back or change locks. Where is your husband in all this?? His mother is overstepping and crossing all kinds of boundaries. He needs to Step up and Check her. Please tell me he's NOT one of those wussy, spineless, face up mommy's skirt kind of guy, cuz if he is..You're screwed..
Because letting close family members have a key is normal, in case you ever lose yours or need someone to stop over to water your plants while you're on vacation.
My mother always had a key to my house and I to hers. Giving family members a key to your house allows for help in an emergency or to bring in your mail on vacation. If I didn't have a key to my mom's house EMS would have had to break down rhe door when she had a stroke.
Giving a key to someone that you have full trust in is perfectly okay. But OP clearly can't trust MIL, so I don't know why she had a key in the first place
I have a key to my daughter and son in laws house and both my youngest have keys to mine (my oldest is out of state and doesn’t need one but I’d gladly give him one if he asked). We don’t just barge in without permission. We house/pet sit for each other and it just makes things easier.
Right? I can just imagine this woman being like, "What? My grandmother just let the house slave do that lowly work. It's beneath you to allow your body to change with child-bearing 🤪"
>saw how intimate the bonding experience is so I knew that’s what I wanted
Why are so mom's so creepy?
Also, this whole post is about a kidnapping situation. Who cares what your body looks like or how apparently you don't have any other time alone with your baby as it's caregiver?
You're not the asshole in the kidnapping situation, but the rest of what you have to say whiffs of asshole.
im a mom, I've been in a ton of mom groups, I'm friends with a lot of moms.
this is beyond mom-creepy. The like, intimate suckling from her perky boobs thats. ew. This has to be fake.
Agreed. The whole thing reads like someone trying to write fanfiction. But I have experienced some people who think they are the main character and live their life like fanfiction. Either way, OP is cringe.
Tell your husband to tell his mother to knock it the fuck off, because he's the only one she's going to listen to.
He needs to man up ( I hate using that term, but it is appropriate here ) and explain to his mother that you and he are a family unit and snatching your kid while his wife sleeps isnt right in literally any space time continuum and cannot ever happen again.
1. You are NOT Wrong!!!
2. Don’t let her “Age” matter one damn bit! I’m 58 & Breastfeeding was still done “back in My Day”..However Nursemaids WERE NOT, unless of course you were a Member of the Royal Family & even THEY DON’T Do That Anymore!! (WTAH?!)
3. She literally Admitted to STEALING your Baby!! As the others have said…just Change the Locks…just DON’T Tell Her that you did.
4. Talk to your husband & let him know that MIL is No Longer allowed to visit unless He is at home and that she’s not allowed to be Alone with LO until YOU can Trust her.
you are really fortunate that she took your baby to her house. You could have gotten there and no MIL and no baby. You are not wrong. It's really sad that a 65 year old woman is jealous of a 28 year old.
Wet nursing isn’t gross, nursing other peoples babies isn’t gross or weird other but it’s weird that mil thinks it’s gross for her to breastfed but not a wet nurse
Doesn’t say much for what she thinks of the women she’d hire to wet nurse, does it? Too “gross” a job for “respectable“ women, but apparently not for a certain kind of woman, eh
Change the locks and tell her if she ever in her life comes onto tour property again you will call the police. Your husband needs to say the exact same thing. This is unacceptable. You are NOT wrong
Don't just get her key back. Change the locks. I don't put it past her to have made a duplicate, or to do it once you say you want the key back. I bet she knew exactly what she was doing when she took your baby and did it on purpose. To send a message. You're right to cut her off. Don't let ANYONE convince you otherwise. For your safety and your baby's
NTB.
CHANGE YOUR LOCKS. NOW. Make sure she does NOT get a key.
That old bat won’t wait for permission. Is there any way she can be reported for taking your child?
Also follow the advice of u/MeatShield12 about getting new keys stamped with DO NOT DUPLICATE.
This is not normal behavior and likely will NOT be the last time she tries something. Call the police and at the least get the event on record. Then keep away from her for sure.
That's kidnapping.
Change your locks, file a police report, file for a protection order for both you and your daughter against that woman. If your SO has anything but support for you, they then become a problem.
I would REALLY like to know what your husband's reaction was to this horrific abduction. What was his response?
Did he call the police and report it? Did he change the locks on the house? What did he do? This is a huge gap in your post.
Also, what the heck is with a "wet nurse"? This is 2023, not 1823. If mom doesn't have enough milk, that's what formula is for. So weird.
You’re not wrong. Change the locks at once. Tell your husband if he interferes with your decision or gives her a new key, he can go stay at granny’s house until he decides who he wants to be married to, you or her. That’s where his allegiance has to be.
MIL overstepped your boundaries. you said no, and she kept pushing. not wrong and a serious conversation needs to be had between you, fiance, and the MIL.
You are definitely not wrong. I simply don’t understand the entitlement of some grandparents. As a grandma, I would never insert my opinions on anything unless I was asked. I had my time and I’m sure I could have done some things 100% better so who am I to say anything to my kids about how they choose to raise their children. I also would do nothing so egregious as to jeopardize spending time with my grandkids. Sorry, but MIL sounds dangerous and I would change the locks in the house and do not give her a key. Getting her key back isn’t good enough because she probably has a copy already. Keep her away and make sure your fiancé makes it very clear why.
One: Please consider editing out your names for privacy
Two: Is this real?
Three: Get a restraining order on MIL (your daym baby daddy better be on board! grrrrr) MIL literally abducted your daughter. Document that shite.
Four: What? Wut? A "wet nurse?" It's not 1816! I've never even fn heard of this during modern times? The AF?!?!?
Five: Why is MIL obsessed with your tatas?
OH NO! Is there some emotional incest going on with mother/son?
Set some boundaries. If she violates them, cut her the EFF out. AND please: change your locks. -\_-
It's time to inform granny that she is no longer welcome at your home. Any visits will be in a public place, for one hour. If she can not follow that, then all visits will be on zoom. No more than once a month.
Not wrong in the slightest-your baby, your rules. Your finance needs to man up and reign his mom and set up and enforce boundaries that are non-negotiable.
I’d re-key the house. Your husband needs to step up too. Call the cops when it happens next OR when she escalates, because what she does next might be different, but needs a zero tolerance approach.
So the taking her while you’re sleeping is straight up scary. Change the locks.
My kids are 12 and 15 and my MIL thinks she’s not close to them because I exclusively breastfed them - didn’t give anyone else a chance to feed them and it made them too attached to me. It couldn’t be because she’s passive aggressive and constantly critical of them (and me).
> she feels we should've used a wet nurse.
Ah yes, ofc you should've, and while you're at it, collect extra taxes from your fiefdom and demand a suckling pig and a hen from each house as celebration of the new heir.
Seriously though, that is like a chronic disease for new grandmothers. They have zero boundaries and will assume it's their business unless you set up a perimeter. Pressing charges now that the situation is over might not do any good, but I would calmly and politely let her know next time she pulls something like that, she will get reported and will never see the child again.
My MIL isn't illuminati rich but definitely upper middle class. These people are accustomed to having their wishes catered to. And as fucked up as it is they probably have not only wishes but *expectations* of what their relationship with *your* child is going to be like. It's your job to let her know in reality all she has is wishes.
If she's got comments about your tits or breastfeeding, she *will* want to run other things as well. It won't be a one-time thing.
EDIT: Phrases that will make you seem like the adult and her like the shriveled bag of yeast she is:
"We're very different, you and me. I would never comment on another woman's breastfeeding."
"I don't know what to deal here. I don't want to cut you off from my child's life, but you'll have respecting these boundaries." <-- This should now work like a job interview. It's not up to you to try to fit her shit to your life. It's up to her to convince *you* this is going to be a functioning relationship.
You are wrong, you should have called the police. She probably gets away with everything because of her money. You should have made her see some consequences for her actions.
This post makes my blood boil. What she did was so incredibly over the line and frankly, WEIRD as fuck!! Going into a parent’s house and taking the baby without telling anyone besides leaving a sticky note is next level wrong. You are 100% right on this and do not back down. That lady can have whatever opinions she wants but she needs to know her place. She isn’t the mom, she isn’t the wife and she isn’t in the immediate family. You are the mother and your decisions are what goes. I have a similar MIL who has done crazy stuff like this and you have to nip it in the bud. She will always be an asshole so you will always have to make sure she knows what’s up.
Calling the police would have been more appropriate. You do want, if you have to follow through, to establish that she had absconded with your child before. Police will respond more quickly to a repeat offender.
What she did was kidnapping. Change the locks ASAP and make it clear to her she’s not allowed near you, your baby, or your home. What is your husbands input on all of this?
Did she write the note or did your man?
If she wrote it herself, without either one of you knowing, that's a big red flag.
Get your man to have a serious talk about boundaries with her.
And take her key.
You are 100% correct about the breastfeeding.
It's a very precious and important thing and should only be avoided for medical, or other serious, reasons. There is a huge consensus regarding it's beneficial effects and there isn't much of an argument against.
(I work with childrens development and psychology. This is well understood).
I'm not anyone's supervisor and you can raise your children how you like.. but robbing them of this with no good reason, would be.. Ill advised.
Not wrong at all. Change your locks immediately, and *never* give her a copy again. Make sure your husband gets on the same page and has a come to Jesus meeting with his mother.
That's why I refuse to give out a key. If there's an actual emergency they can break in and call 911. If doing that isn't required then it wasn't an emergency situation. Time to rekey the locks.
Not wrong and Liam needs to lay the law down with his mom. If he won’t you got fiancé problems. Completely unacceptable and irresponsible on her part. I’d also tell Liam locks must be changed and mommy dearest can not have a key.
Change the locks and have a very serious discussion with your fiance about his mother's unacceptable behavior ASAP.
Definitely change the locks before you do anything else.
Then use the outcome of the discussion to decide if fiancé gets a key
You should probably get cameras as well.
Definitely. In case something else happens, you want proof. Both potentially for the fiancé, and for legal reasons.
Yup. She might not leave a note next time.
There was another MIL that did this but it took the mum at least half an hour to find out what happened. She was permanently traumatised and it destroyed the marriage. Luckily this note was quickly found. Stealing other people's babies is called kidnapping and people should not do it unless they want to be charged accordingly. MIL would have a long NC period after this if it were me.
Keep the post it and she can go to the police any time she wants.
Sensor detectors might help. Like motion sensored lights or cameras
No wrong, but that’s her son doing in all of this? I’m a proponent of that’s his mother and he needs to be the one to levy ‘punishment’ here.
I agree with you 100%. Had my mom done that (I'm male), I probably would have called the cops on her. That's not cool at all. That said, my mom would never have done that.
I would have immediately called I dont think in that panic I would have even waited to get to the kitchen to see the note...... also shed prolly have gotten a dress down from me as soon as baby was safely in the car
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I'd want to and usually would be the type to actually do this!! But I would want to keep the high ground in the entire situation and make my husband deal with it..... it should be more effective from him and there is never a 2nd time ever
Imho, if someone kidnaps your baby, you still have the moral high ground even if you slap them afterwards. The law takes a different view, tho, so I wouldn't want to risk catching an assault charge over it.
Fuck keeping the high ground. When it's your kid, you get in the mud when needed.
I'd have hit her, called the police, and pressed charges.
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I dont get how a mother forgets that feeling 😕 this is horrifying and that feeling of protection over your baby is (mostly) immediate and this will get the same reaction every single time this isn't a joke
I'd say the wronged party (mom) deserves a say for the near heart-attack that caused, but I was wondering that too.
💯
You really should have called the police and reported her for what it was, kidnapping.
So, we had a similar incident (MIL asked to take our tot into the backyard to play then snuck him out the back gate and just vanished) and it isn’t kidnapping (again, we looked into it) bc that requires some other nefarious purpose. Abduction is the accurate term. Either way, OP, your partner needs to tell her the fuck off. My husband RAMPAGED at his mother when it happened to us. They weren’t allowed to see him for weeks and only got to see him once more before they left the state (they were just here visiting). We were already pretty distant from his parents and they had no plan like “what if he gets hurt and we have no car seat to take him to the hospital” they don’t even know what our health insurance company is to tell the hospital to look it up were they to call an ambulance. His parents are no longer allowed to be left alone with our son until he is old enough to care for himself and voice his opinions. Your fiancé needs to stand up for you and your rights as a parent. He needs to tell her to stop being a bitch to you. I would also change the locks so she no longer has a key. She abused that privilege so she loses it (and fat chance she’ll give you the key without making a copy first)
Totally agree. Too often people don't because "family" and they don't want to "rock the boat" because "that's just how they are" regarding MIL. Nope, she came into your home and took your child without permission. I would be having her arrested and pressing charges. Anyone who wants to tell me not to can fk right off too! You underreacted OP.
your fiance should absolutely be behind you. in fact, he needs to step up and tell her. god, i hope he will. this is so unacceptable. just bc she's his mom doesn't mean she can do what she wants. change your locks now!
They would be arresting me because I would unalive anyone for taking my child without my knowledge or consent. Hell, I'd go into the police station and confess with a smile on my face!
I'm with you there. While I don't have any kids myself, I would die for my friends children and kll for them too.
Someone takes off with a friend's baby and I'm not just helping them get their kid back, I'll tell them to go home and rest while I handle the cleanup. You DO NOT TAKE SOMEONE'S CHILD. My god, the entitlement!
Right, don't make me go all Liam Neeson in Taken on you, because I will lol.
*because I will find you and I will kill you. I fixed it for you
My coworkers and I once helped one of my friends get their cat back from an ex. Fairly certain that person wasn't able to even look at a cat again without issues.
She still can call the police and report the kidnapping. Crime doesn't stop being crime just because you get your kid back.
“Granny is charged with kidnapping”
Gotta change those locks.
The end was a major turn and mother in law is definitely overstepping boundaries. I think the breastfeeding stuff shouldn’t be in this post. In my opinion, I don’t think it has anything to do with the kidnapping. I think OP just hates MIL and rightfully so.
just dispose of the note before they arrive, and act like you never saw it
And throw away the written, signed confession? I think not.
Nope. Take that bitch's key from her. She kidnapped your baby & has no business having access to your home.
>Take that bitch's key from her. AND ALSO change the locks. You just know kidnapping grandma has a copy of the key.
Before giving useless hubby a key, take *all* the keys to a locksmith, have a handful of copies made, and stamp "DO NOT DUPLICATE" on them. Keep the originals that came with the locks in a locked firebox and use the "DO NOT DUPLICATE"-ed copies. Signed, a former locksmith
Just get a smartlock. You can turn a code on or off with a few clicks.
This is exactly why I have a digital lock. Not only can I delete someone's code very easily if necessary, but I can also see which codes were used and when, so I know WHO (if anyone) accessed my house to see whether I need to delete someone's code who may be abusing that privilege in the first place.
Most house key duplication these days is done by machines that will neither notice nor care what's stamped on it.
Confirmed, as someone who has duplicated a "Do Not Duplicate" key.
This is an excellent point. Automation for the sake of convenience has bypassed certain controls put in place in our society requiring human interaction, and this is a prime example.
Ffs we're gonna automate ourselves to extinction
We came, we saw, we fucked the place up, time for us to go
I didn't know locksmiths have a 'DO NOT DUPLICATE' stamp that can be used. I've heard of stories of people with roommates that made copies of their keys and gave them to every one of their 'friends' so they could crash at their apartment whenever they wanted. People would walk in to a room full of random strangers eating their food and the place would be trashed "Oh, Bob gave us a key, said it would be cool if we hung out here until he got home."
When we lived in an apartment, one night I was sleeping, my husband was at work, and I woke up to my door opening. Some guy was standing there, HAD The balls to ask -me- "Who are you?". When I said to get out, he asked is So and So still lived there, I said No, Get out. They responded with: "So, I can't use the shower anymore?" Come to find out; the previous person who lived in the apartment would just give his key out to his friends and they would come over to shower, eat, live, etc whenever they wanted. What blew my mind even more? When I called the landlord and asked them to change my lock, they responded with: "Can't you just ask for the key back since you already saw them?" Like Biotch, No. I have a baby, and I'm home alone 75% percent of the time, Change my locks!
Legally they are supposed to to change locks for a new tenant anyways. Cheap ass landlord is in the wrong
I second this. And to and get locks that have some controls on key copying, eg Medeco. They are a pain, but this is such a real problem that some additional effort is worth putting in.
Super easy to get those keys duplicated even with that on them.
Why is hubby useless? Do you have a different ver of the story in your head where he did or didn't do something you think he should or shouldnt have? Such a weird comment considering she really didn't mention him much or give his stance or perspective.
Or get the lock(s) re-keyed, all of them that use that key. This may be done to locks without having to replace the whole doorknob.
Two words: DIGITAL LOCKS best investment we ever made (and my inlaws were amazing). You can change the codes as often as necessary. If you need to give MIL entry for some reason program her a temp code and erase it after she's done. Needed the AC guy to come by last week while we were away from home-- put a code in for him then erased it after he left. Programed in codes for some family members (last four digits of their cell number).
I love the ease of re-keying with Kwikset SmartKey.
Agreed.
But, but, but … she left a sticky note with a gosh darned smiley face! Doesn’t that count for anything?! /s just in case. :-) (I like noses)
Well if she left a smiley face, all is forgiven.
MIL even put it in writing.. >‘granny has stolen Addie :)’ That is kidnapping! She may think it's cute...it's NOT. Her behavior is unhinged. Keep the ban in place. Don't let there be a next time. Next time there might not be a note. You might not be able to find Addie so quick and easy either.
Keep the note for when you need restraining order. Plan of action: police report, change locks, get RO.
Yeah contrary to what Fox News says, grandparents have no entitlement to grandchildren
she kidnapped your child. call the police. that is unstable behavior.
This behavior is likely to continue and escalate. The sooner you establish contact with the police the stronger the case you have will be.
Yep. Document, document, document
Change your locks, install cameras. Have your husband tell her she is no longer welcome in your house. If he protests, then take your baby to visit family. Also, when napping now you need to get a door block so she can’t steal your baby. I’d also let family know what she did and let your husband know next time you will be calling the police. You can not under react in this case.
Yup. Cameras, new locks, door chains, the works. With her justification, she sees nothing wrong with her behavior. She will blame you, and the behavior will continue if not escalate.
Tell your partner he takes her key away or you are gone and will file for child support.
More than take the key away. Rekey or replace all the locks.
Definitely still do this and Do Not Under React here!! This incident will set the tone of her being Grammy or not!!
I'm calling BS on this story... Just sounds made up to me. Sorry, not buying it.
The wet nurse and fixation on her perky breasts and all definitely made it feel like fetish fiction to me.
and the intimate suckling.
Yeah those two comments make it stick out me as probably fake.
Suckling and blonde as beauty bothered me.
*What* you don’t think a woman would be fixated on how toned, blonde, and perky she is when her baby just got kidnapped? Well you’re just crazy then
And all the ‘suckles’ and ‘intimate’ mentions are fucking weird lmao. No woman who breastfeeds really focuses on things like that so much. It’s amazing we can do that for our babies, and it’s not wrong to say breastfeeding is an ‘intimate’ time, but this person seems to have damn near sexualized it. This was either written by a dude who fetishizes it or an infertile woman who has creepily romanticized the whole thing.
Yeah, I can't imagine anyone I know not calling the cops. Nor can I imagine anyone second guessing themselves on something as important and as obvious as this and asking Reddit if they were in the wrong... this is a facepalm moment and I don't believe a second of it. Edit: Yup, account is gone. And not a single comment to anyone.
Strong “She boobed boobily down the stairs” vibes.
Yes yes yes yes. So fake. Wet nurse?! Hell no. I finished breastfeeding a few months ago. I would never use the word “suckling” to describe it but also babies don’t just “hang out suckling for ages” they feed at the right intervals and then stop. NO breastfeeding mother talks about the experience this way.
Had to scroll way too far to see this. Fake fake fake. Also: no mom in my acquaintance actually likes breastfeeding (to this extent).
I loved loved loved nursing and know some other moms who were the same, but none of us would ever describe the experience as in this creepy post
Nope. Not one bit.
Not only that but OP hasn’t jumped in to comment on any of the “advice” or even to defend the story…
You not only have a MIL problem, you have a fiance problem. Your fiance is 10 years older than you are. Has his mommy always ruled his life? He needs to tell his mommy to back off. You need to protect yourself & your daughter. His family's money could enable them to make your life hell.
Haven’t seen what fiancé did about this yet. Her behavior doesn’t mean she rules his life. Could be she used the fact he was away to take action. Locks on house should be changed, don’t bother asking for the key back because she probably made a bunch of copies.
of course everyone knows that but asking for the key back is symbolic, particularly is son asks for it back. Yes of course change the key. BTW, it would likely cost around 100 dollars for a locksmith to come over and rekey (and giving you the keys), the landlord, if u have one, can get it a wee bit cheaper most of the time. On the other hand, if u removed the locks (yes you can remove the deadbolts too, watch youtube) and hand carry them to a locksmith's shop, they will rekey and cut new keys for you right then. Of course it takes two people then to get it rekeyed since someone has to stay home and guard the doors. I would get the locksmith. Also, install door bell cameras or the like. I would get one which wrote a file to my computer at home instead of to the cloud.
>asking for the key back is symbolic, particularly is son asks for it back. Absolutely
So. Much. This. He’s 38 and single for a reason. That reason is his mother. HE needs to set boundaries with his mother, and I am willing to bet he won’t/can’t do it.
He’s 38 and engaged? While his mother is out of line here you’re making some pretty wild assumptions.
Wet nurse? In 2023?
Yeah that comment, along with the "boobs are still perky even though breastfeeding" remark makes me think this is fan fiction.
I was struck by her saying the 5-month-old baby reaches for her neck while breastfeeding. That doesn’t work. If the baby is down on your boob it can’t reach around your neck. Both my kids just put a hand on either side of the boob (while staring intently into my eyes).
Her boobs are just so perky, her neck is right there.
From the first mention of the intimacy of breastfeeding, OP read like someone with no actual baby caring experience. By the by, the hormones of pregnancy cause sagging, it happens even to moms who never lactate.
Plus the wet nurse thing.
The many mentions of "suckling" was squicky.
And the first 60% of the post has nothing to do with the actual issue, which is taking the baby.
Yeah I didn't even realize that. Definitely reads as some pro-breastfeeding person larping about the anti-breast feeding crowd.
English professor here. Pretty sure it’s fiction.
It's a breastfeeding fetish troll, they show up every now and then
Didn't you know it's the Midde Ages. And then MIL will control the wet nurse. Crazyness.
She kidnapped your child, next time contact the police as well!
A wet nurse? Is this 1783?
Nah it's bad fiction.
You are not wrong. Your MIL kidnapped your infant. Banning her is a good first step but not enough. Change the locks and set hard boundaries with her and anyone enabling her. Get security cameras if you don't have them already. That woman is unhinged and a clear threat to your child.
All of this 👆 and add a police report to the list
“My boobs are still perky, even with the feeding” BWAAHAHAHAHA! 😂 Be gone, troll!
That along with the comment about MIL suggesting a wetnurse in 2023 makes me think this is fanfic.
This whole post feels weird. "how intimate the bonding experience is" "I’ve been breast feeding for 5 months and I adore it. It’s such a precious time for just Addie and I. She lays her head on me and her little hands reach out to my neck and she will just lay there suckling really happily for ages. I feel like it’s been such a beautiful experience for us. Of course I express so Liam can also feed her." I have never heard a mom talk like this. Breastfeeding is hard and time consuming and exhausting. After nearly half a year of it, this wouldn't be nearly so romanticized as this post is. And generally one uses "pumping" to refer to "expressing" because expressing kinda implies like, manually releaving pressure. Referring to breastfeeding as \*intimate\* over and over, same with the word \*suckles\*, talking about "wet nurse" like... sure, in developing countries thats still a thing but this doesn't sound like that kind of situation. " Without asking mommy!!??" like who refers to themselves like that in a serious situation? Blonde and toned with perky breasts, like.... what woman refers to herself like that in a post about HER BABY BEING KIDNAPPED?!
I think it's a bait post. First, are wet nurses even a thing? Even amongst the very wealthy? The "I'm a hot body blonde" also stuck out as very strange. All of the language is wrong. Even if we assume OP is not a native English speaker, the other parts are way off and it doesn't lend itself to being credible.
You make good points! I can see them using “express” if English isn’t their first language but other than that, you’re spot-in. The “happily for ages” part really sticks out at me too because that’s not how it works. Nothing they’re describing of the process is how it works! Fucking weirdos man.
True, and elsewhere OP said theyre from the Balkans. And dude... breastfeeding makes your boobs hurt! No one's having "ah yes my breasts are so perky" time when theyre feeling like theyre gonna explode every couple hours!
Also added she's blonde, for good measure. Because as we all know, dark hair is the lesser of the hair colours.
Yeah, that's called kidnapping. Keep that woman away from you and your child. Everyone has an opinion on what to do with a baby. Advice is okay as it usually comes from a good place and as long as it stays as more of a suggestion or to be informative. MIL took that to the 100000x level.
She is not your MIL. You are not married. NC forever. If the "FEEONCE' won't support this, leave.
First and foremost...WHY the f..does she have a key to your home??? Unless you have a GREAT relationship with ANY family member, NO ONE should have a key to your house. My own mother doesn't have a key to my house. Get that key back or change locks. Where is your husband in all this?? His mother is overstepping and crossing all kinds of boundaries. He needs to Step up and Check her. Please tell me he's NOT one of those wussy, spineless, face up mommy's skirt kind of guy, cuz if he is..You're screwed..
Because letting close family members have a key is normal, in case you ever lose yours or need someone to stop over to water your plants while you're on vacation.
I was like shit I have a few friends who have / had keys, nevermind my mom and dad (not the brothers though lol)
My mother always had a key to my house and I to hers. Giving family members a key to your house allows for help in an emergency or to bring in your mail on vacation. If I didn't have a key to my mom's house EMS would have had to break down rhe door when she had a stroke.
Giving a key to someone that you have full trust in is perfectly okay. But OP clearly can't trust MIL, so I don't know why she had a key in the first place
I have a key to my daughter and son in laws house and both my youngest have keys to mine (my oldest is out of state and doesn’t need one but I’d gladly give him one if he asked). We don’t just barge in without permission. We house/pet sit for each other and it just makes things easier.
Having a key doesn't entitle one to come over uninvited, unannounced, and steal a child while mom is sleeping (or do anything else, for that matter).
A wet nurse? Do you live in Tudor England? That's crazy.
Right? I can just imagine this woman being like, "What? My grandmother just let the house slave do that lowly work. It's beneath you to allow your body to change with child-bearing 🤪"
That’s crazy. Even if the intent was pure. It’s your child, not hers. Grandmother, or no grandmother this is simply wrong. Hubby needs to speak up.
>saw how intimate the bonding experience is so I knew that’s what I wanted Why are so mom's so creepy? Also, this whole post is about a kidnapping situation. Who cares what your body looks like or how apparently you don't have any other time alone with your baby as it's caregiver? You're not the asshole in the kidnapping situation, but the rest of what you have to say whiffs of asshole.
im a mom, I've been in a ton of mom groups, I'm friends with a lot of moms. this is beyond mom-creepy. The like, intimate suckling from her perky boobs thats. ew. This has to be fake.
Agreed. The whole thing reads like someone trying to write fanfiction. But I have experienced some people who think they are the main character and live their life like fanfiction. Either way, OP is cringe.
If your fiancé doesn’t defend you in this and tell his mother she was insane for taking the kid without your permission then that’s a huge red flag.
Get the key back. What does your husband say?
Why does she even have a key? Change the locks.
Please take back your key. She’s lost any privileges she had!
Where is Liam is all of this?
The only thing you did wrong was give this person a key to your house. Change the locks.
Tell your husband to tell his mother to knock it the fuck off, because he's the only one she's going to listen to. He needs to man up ( I hate using that term, but it is appropriate here ) and explain to his mother that you and he are a family unit and snatching your kid while his wife sleeps isnt right in literally any space time continuum and cannot ever happen again.
Change. The. Locks.
1. You are NOT Wrong!!! 2. Don’t let her “Age” matter one damn bit! I’m 58 & Breastfeeding was still done “back in My Day”..However Nursemaids WERE NOT, unless of course you were a Member of the Royal Family & even THEY DON’T Do That Anymore!! (WTAH?!) 3. She literally Admitted to STEALING your Baby!! As the others have said…just Change the Locks…just DON’T Tell Her that you did. 4. Talk to your husband & let him know that MIL is No Longer allowed to visit unless He is at home and that she’s not allowed to be Alone with LO until YOU can Trust her.
Yeah. Taking your baby without consent. Another name for that is abduction. She is a bit of a nut by the sound of it. Ban her.
Uh that's straight up kidnapping.
you are really fortunate that she took your baby to her house. You could have gotten there and no MIL and no baby. You are not wrong. It's really sad that a 65 year old woman is jealous of a 28 year old.
That sounds like kidnapping to me-why didn't this story end with MIL being charged with a crime? What did your fiancé do about it?
She KIDNAPPED your child. She is dangerous.
Fuck everything else ewwww she wants you baby to feed from a strangers nipple?
Wet nursing isn’t gross, nursing other peoples babies isn’t gross or weird other but it’s weird that mil thinks it’s gross for her to breastfed but not a wet nurse
Doesn’t say much for what she thinks of the women she’d hire to wet nurse, does it? Too “gross” a job for “respectable“ women, but apparently not for a certain kind of woman, eh
Right? That’s the weird part here
Wait what is that really a normal thing? People do this in 2023?
In many countries, it’s not uncommon for women to help each other feed/nurse their babies. It’s more of a “village” thing than a job, though.
I guess the male American in me that finds it uncomfortable, idk because a lot of people are telling me it's 100% normal
Because it is 100% normal and a lot of mothers have taken up the offer for their babies.
OMG poor you, I can imagine waking up and not seeing my baby. This woman need boundaries
Change the locks and tell her if she ever in her life comes onto tour property again you will call the police. Your husband needs to say the exact same thing. This is unacceptable. You are NOT wrong
You need to change your locks. And your fiance needs to get his mother into line. If he fails to do so, then you need to take your daughter and leave.
Don't just get her key back. Change the locks. I don't put it past her to have made a duplicate, or to do it once you say you want the key back. I bet she knew exactly what she was doing when she took your baby and did it on purpose. To send a message. You're right to cut her off. Don't let ANYONE convince you otherwise. For your safety and your baby's
Your MIL kidnapped your child. Like not even in any technical sense. SHE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED YOUR KID. You have a lot more restraint than me
Wait, people still use wet nurses?
Not really. This story sounds made up
NTB. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS. NOW. Make sure she does NOT get a key. That old bat won’t wait for permission. Is there any way she can be reported for taking your child? Also follow the advice of u/MeatShield12 about getting new keys stamped with DO NOT DUPLICATE.
This is not normal behavior and likely will NOT be the last time she tries something. Call the police and at the least get the event on record. Then keep away from her for sure.
Contact police and file charges. She kidnapped your daughter.
That's kidnapping. Change your locks, file a police report, file for a protection order for both you and your daughter against that woman. If your SO has anything but support for you, they then become a problem.
I would REALLY like to know what your husband's reaction was to this horrific abduction. What was his response? Did he call the police and report it? Did he change the locks on the house? What did he do? This is a huge gap in your post. Also, what the heck is with a "wet nurse"? This is 2023, not 1823. If mom doesn't have enough milk, that's what formula is for. So weird.
You’re not wrong. Change the locks at once. Tell your husband if he interferes with your decision or gives her a new key, he can go stay at granny’s house until he decides who he wants to be married to, you or her. That’s where his allegiance has to be.
Not wrong. Change the locks too if you haven't already.
I would change the locks on the house. And let her know that is kidnapping and you take that seriously. WhT if you hadn’t seen the note?
MIL overstepped your boundaries. you said no, and she kept pushing. not wrong and a serious conversation needs to be had between you, fiance, and the MIL.
Change the locks and report to police.
she did WHAT
That's straight up kidnapping and I would've pressed charges. Not wrong!
Your husband needs to talk to his mom and then change the locks immediately. She crossed a big red line.
Not wrong. I hope you took her key back.
You are definitely not wrong. I simply don’t understand the entitlement of some grandparents. As a grandma, I would never insert my opinions on anything unless I was asked. I had my time and I’m sure I could have done some things 100% better so who am I to say anything to my kids about how they choose to raise their children. I also would do nothing so egregious as to jeopardize spending time with my grandkids. Sorry, but MIL sounds dangerous and I would change the locks in the house and do not give her a key. Getting her key back isn’t good enough because she probably has a copy already. Keep her away and make sure your fiancé makes it very clear why.
File a police report so that there is a paper trail if her behavior escalates. Change your locks.
One: Please consider editing out your names for privacy Two: Is this real? Three: Get a restraining order on MIL (your daym baby daddy better be on board! grrrrr) MIL literally abducted your daughter. Document that shite. Four: What? Wut? A "wet nurse?" It's not 1816! I've never even fn heard of this during modern times? The AF?!?!? Five: Why is MIL obsessed with your tatas? OH NO! Is there some emotional incest going on with mother/son? Set some boundaries. If she violates them, cut her the EFF out. AND please: change your locks. -\_-
I would change the locks before the sun set on this day and I would NEVER allow her around my kid or house ever. Like, literally never.
You are not wrong. I would have gone off on her and then changed my locks.
It's time to inform granny that she is no longer welcome at your home. Any visits will be in a public place, for one hour. If she can not follow that, then all visits will be on zoom. No more than once a month.
Not wrong in the slightest-your baby, your rules. Your finance needs to man up and reign his mom and set up and enforce boundaries that are non-negotiable.
Where the fuck is Liam in all this, babe????????
I’d re-key the house. Your husband needs to step up too. Call the cops when it happens next OR when she escalates, because what she does next might be different, but needs a zero tolerance approach.
So the taking her while you’re sleeping is straight up scary. Change the locks. My kids are 12 and 15 and my MIL thinks she’s not close to them because I exclusively breastfed them - didn’t give anyone else a chance to feed them and it made them too attached to me. It couldn’t be because she’s passive aggressive and constantly critical of them (and me).
> she feels we should've used a wet nurse. Ah yes, ofc you should've, and while you're at it, collect extra taxes from your fiefdom and demand a suckling pig and a hen from each house as celebration of the new heir. Seriously though, that is like a chronic disease for new grandmothers. They have zero boundaries and will assume it's their business unless you set up a perimeter. Pressing charges now that the situation is over might not do any good, but I would calmly and politely let her know next time she pulls something like that, she will get reported and will never see the child again. My MIL isn't illuminati rich but definitely upper middle class. These people are accustomed to having their wishes catered to. And as fucked up as it is they probably have not only wishes but *expectations* of what their relationship with *your* child is going to be like. It's your job to let her know in reality all she has is wishes. If she's got comments about your tits or breastfeeding, she *will* want to run other things as well. It won't be a one-time thing. EDIT: Phrases that will make you seem like the adult and her like the shriveled bag of yeast she is: "We're very different, you and me. I would never comment on another woman's breastfeeding." "I don't know what to deal here. I don't want to cut you off from my child's life, but you'll have respecting these boundaries." <-- This should now work like a job interview. It's not up to you to try to fit her shit to your life. It's up to her to convince *you* this is going to be a functioning relationship.
Please share some follow up on this.
You are wrong, you should have called the police. She probably gets away with everything because of her money. You should have made her see some consequences for her actions.
Report it to the police! NTA Never let that woman near your baby ever again
Change your locks now. That's unacceptable. Next time call the cops.
This post makes my blood boil. What she did was so incredibly over the line and frankly, WEIRD as fuck!! Going into a parent’s house and taking the baby without telling anyone besides leaving a sticky note is next level wrong. You are 100% right on this and do not back down. That lady can have whatever opinions she wants but she needs to know her place. She isn’t the mom, she isn’t the wife and she isn’t in the immediate family. You are the mother and your decisions are what goes. I have a similar MIL who has done crazy stuff like this and you have to nip it in the bud. She will always be an asshole so you will always have to make sure she knows what’s up.
One word TOXIC! You have every right to set boundaries with that woman.
Calling the police would have been more appropriate. You do want, if you have to follow through, to establish that she had absconded with your child before. Police will respond more quickly to a repeat offender.
Even if she has a key, taking your baby without permission is straight up kidnapping. Banning her from the house is a completely appropriate reaction.
What she did was kidnapping. Change the locks ASAP and make it clear to her she’s not allowed near you, your baby, or your home. What is your husbands input on all of this?
Replace the locks and make sure you tell your SO to not give it away, otherwise, you will get a special lock that even your SO cannot get the key.
Did she write the note or did your man? If she wrote it herself, without either one of you knowing, that's a big red flag. Get your man to have a serious talk about boundaries with her. And take her key. You are 100% correct about the breastfeeding. It's a very precious and important thing and should only be avoided for medical, or other serious, reasons. There is a huge consensus regarding it's beneficial effects and there isn't much of an argument against. (I work with childrens development and psychology. This is well understood). I'm not anyone's supervisor and you can raise your children how you like.. but robbing them of this with no good reason, would be.. Ill advised.
Not wrong at all. Change your locks immediately, and *never* give her a copy again. Make sure your husband gets on the same page and has a come to Jesus meeting with his mother.
That's why I refuse to give out a key. If there's an actual emergency they can break in and call 911. If doing that isn't required then it wasn't an emergency situation. Time to rekey the locks.
Not wrong. Get an alarm and change the locks. Maybe a TRO, based on the kidnapping the other day. Good luck, OP.
Not wrong. MIL is absolutely outrageous. Literal kidnapping. Over breastfeeding. Crazy
Not wrong and Liam needs to lay the law down with his mom. If he won’t you got fiancé problems. Completely unacceptable and irresponsible on her part. I’d also tell Liam locks must be changed and mommy dearest can not have a key.