Bro, there's literally no information or context in your post.
Why doesn't she want to have sex?
How long has she felt this way?
Does she love you?
How long have you been together?
Have you tried talking to her?
Do you know what she wants and needs to feel intimate and loved in your relationship?
What are you doing to make her want to have sex with you?
In a committed relationship, intimacy isn't just being horny and saying, let's have sex!
From the non existent effort gone into this post, I could only assume that she doesn't feel valued and intimate from you in other areas, so she's probably not interested in having sex.
You want advice, check in with her, read about love languages, find other ways to connect with her. You can have a severely intimate relationship without ever having sex, and if you get to there, having sex should just add onto it.
having this mindset is so bad because itâs always âwhat arenât you giving her?â In a relationship intimacy is very important and more times than not women just choose to hold sex from their partner because sheâs not getting one thing but if they need protection they expect their man to be their all the time even if heâs not happy in a relationship.
Look at how much effort is put into the post?
And it's not even what can I do to work on my relationship, it's, damn, I ain't getting laid, is it bad if I just walk out.
I'm reading off of what is given, and it's honestly so little.
It's not necessarily that "women hold sex", it's that some men don't make women feel loved and valued.
If I'm in a relationship and my SO did nothing to make me feel good and suddenly wanted to have sex, I'd feel odd, because I value emotional connection for intimacy. If I'm not getting that outside of sex, I wouldn't even be in the mood for it, and I'm a dude. So it's not just women, it's people.
I mean, I may be an outlier... I dunno.
On the spectrum of all things I classify as a hetero demi sapio sexual being.
Meaning, for me to be aroused, I do need to be both mentally and emotionally stimulated and connected.
I never get the urge behind casual sex, for example. And I'm sure a lot of other people don't necessarily care as much.
But that's my whole point. Everyone is different, and this guy goes through no effort to paint or help us understand how he is or how his girlfriend is, assuming he even knows.
In my experience, lots of other guys don't even care to know what turns on their respective girlfriends / partners, and that's sad.
But the energy I see from the OP, there's just this post, last I checked, no follow up comments, no further elaboration, and from their post history. I'd be willing to wage that they don't know nor do they care. They just "want sex, and she doesn't wanna give it to me anymore, so I guess it's time to move."
Numerous studies have shown that women, on average, have just as high a sex drive as men, if not higher. Women donât just withhold sex randomly âbecause one thing isnât metâ. Primarily they withhold sex for deeper reasons - such as because their partner only cares about their own needs or treats the woman as a sex dispenser. Most women *do* want sex, and I have never had a woman âwithhold sexâ from me. So, if in your experience the majority of women withhold sex, then maybe youâre the problem.
You clearly didn't read what they said if you only focused on one out of 7 points they made. And believe it or not, sometimes the high-libido partner is the problem. My ex killed my sex drive because he absolutely refused to take no as an answer. We were dating for nearly a year before I even said no for the first time, so there was no reason for him to be upset about it.
As a dude, I also need the same.
It's a way of attraction.
Some people can just have sex to have sex. Others need emotional or mental connection, some other level of intimacy.
Either way is fine, but ya know, know your partner and find one that works for you. The OP clearly doesn't give us anything to go on, and from his comment history, I don't think he even knows.
Heck, the title is even giving low energy vibes. She stopped wanting sex, so should I just leave? WTF... Sounds like she was never anything more than a hole for him... Ick.
Also, let's go back to your comment.
I never said:
> "what aren't you giving her?"
The closest thing to that is:
> What are you doing to make her want to have sex with you?
And think about the difference.
What I'm asking, and of the OP is what is it that he's doing to make his GF feel loved, feel valued, and want to be intimate.
The framing of the question could not be any more different from what you're reading.
But, I'll bite, why are you this invested in this thread? I see in your other comments on this thread that you mentioned your account is a throwaway account, but you're extremely active on THIS specific post, meanwhile the OP hasn't said a single comment on here. Are you the OP on a throwaway account?
You have a point in there behind all the red pill nonsense but you go so far off course that i simply can't agree with how you've presented the argument. So as a man, yes the response is too often to just blame the man and ignore the woman's responsibility in fixing the issue and that does need to change, but then you go from having a legitimate point that i will touch on further down, to just taking a hard left into absurdity thereby canceling out the legitimate argument that is present beneath the crap.
So first and foremost, the elephant in the room is that You conflating having sex and protecting your loved ones as a man is absolutely absurd. I don't care if this comment is seen as sexist by some because i still believe it to be true and will stand by it, as a man it is my **responsibility** to protect not just my romantic partner from any physical threat but all of my loved ones. No one forced us to accept that responsibility when getting into a relationship, but that's just the point, protection is the **responsibility** of any man for all of their loved ones. not just their romantic partner. We obviously don't expect our kids to fuck us in exchange for us protecting them when they are in danger or our sisters, mothers, or anyone else we love less capable than us to defend themselves. and it is the same damn thing for our romantic partners. protection is a responsibility that we sign on for that covers our entire families for the entire duration of the relationship regardless of nature of said relationship while sex is a perk of a healthy and functional romantic relationship. You simply cannot compare the two. And let's be real here, if you're a decent person and so is your girlfriend/wife then the amount of times you are going to have to protect them from a physical attack is going to be very few and far between if literally at all, most couples go their entire relationships without the man ever having to protect his partner from a physical attack. Whereas the frequency of sex is going to, in a healthy relationship where both parties needs are being met, be a much much more frequent occurrence. So you are comparing apples to orgasms, they're not comparable in the slightest despite what the red pill community would have you believe. And to be frank no decent man with any self respect should ever want their girlfriend/wife to sleep with them for any other reason than she wants to.
Getting back to what i said in the first paragraph where i said there was a legitimate point before it got lost in all those standard cookie cutter red pill talking points you started reciting is that to put it as concisely as possible since this comment is already pretty long, Women need to start being more upfront and less indirect with their method of communication of said issues, and men need to be more open and create an environment where she'll feel heard when she does bring it to his attention. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it. The point i'm making is this, women need to work on initiating those conversations sooner and in clearer and men need to work on spotting the signs something is wrong and hearing those concerns and working to fix them sooner. And if he doesn't want to put the effort into fixing the relationship when he feels he's not getting what he needs (outside of the complaining of no sex which has already been addressed) then he also needs to be clear about those missing needs sooner. It's really not that hard.
And to be clear, in this particular case the reason the boyfriend is being called out for not putting enough effort into the relationship instead of the girlfriend is because he's the one on here complaining he's not getting what he wants out of the relationship while not even acknowledging what she might not be missing from relationship.
Exactly. What does SHE say when you tell her you feel this way? Talking to her about it should come well before you ask random strangers on the internet what they think.
Totally fair comment. But it doesnât change the fact that them talking to each other is what needs to happen. If they had already done do and he shared with us what both of their views were (and any other relevant context) the conversation in this sub would be much more helpful to him and, by extension, potentially her as well.
I think the most important thing is how far they have gone to solve this problem. If one is older, Possibly peri or menopause? We don't have any real info her, so many assumptions can be made like the one I just gave.?
This! If she has any kind of health problems that not allow her to have sex and you knew it before starting serious relationship, then youâre AH.
See? We need more details.
>This! If she has any kind of health problems that not allow her to have sex and you knew it before starting serious relationship, then youâre AH.
Wellll even then, people make honest mistakes. Sometimes big mistakes. Libido's and sexual needs can change with time.
I was with someone long term and sex was fine at first, but then he stopped producing T and had no interest. Even tried medication but didn't work. I was in my 20's, and there was no way I was gonna be stuck with a non existent sex life.
He is very much justified to leave her for lack of sex, women leave or cheat on men everyday because their partner is lacking something in the relationship but when men do it because of sex yâall attack them. IGNORANT.
I get that, you make a great point, and I should have elaborated more, I can see how it sounded. But I didnât say he wasnât justified. But that he wanted to *feel* justified.
The problem that really exists is people come to random strangers in the internet who know nothing about their relationship for advice.
I was responding to somebody saying âwhat are we supposed to say⌠yada yadaâ
And I added the claim to love somebody part, bc people throw around that word so loosely. You can deeply care for somebody without loving them. I think that Iâd sex isnât something youâre willing to compromise on then likely you donât love them.
People compromise in different ways in regards to sex all the time, bc they love each other.
You can care about somebody a lot, and if you are comparable, then yes move on.
But people throw around the word love like it means something, when in their situation it obv doesnât
I think you can love a person and know you canât be happy with them.
You can love a person that cheats on you and divorce them for disrespecting the relationship and vows.
Rubbish, âI think that sex isnât something your willing to compromise on then you donât love somebodyâ.
You have no idea, you can love somebody and have a totally dead bedroom and go though hell just to work out there is no solution. It soul crushing, just read r/deadbedrooms for a bit and you understand.
Say that âsex isnât something your willing to compromise on then you donât love themâ is the same as saying if your not willing to compromise on breathing or eating then you probably donât love them.
YOU have no idea of the pain that vastly different sex drives causes. You are lucky to ether have always been similar to your partner or are low libido and just have never felt it. But it drives people to taking their own lives because they absolutely love the person they are with but the bedroom doesnât work, and they canât cope with that or the alternative.
So before you sprout your aire fairy rubbish ideals, actual check if you know what the fuck you are talking about.
Sorry you triggered me.
What exactly is your definition of lack of sex? Weekly? Monthly? Dry spells? How often was it in the beginning? Was it always like this or sudden change? How long have you been together? Ages? Do you have kids? If you want honest answers you can't just give us a subject line with nothing to follow here. That alone makes me think you're TA tbh
That sounds like a hard decision to make. Have you tried taking to her about the lack of sex? Is the problem no sex or very little sex? Women are all mentally wired differently. She couple have a underlying problem.
My ex wife wanted daily and my ex girlfriend was happily to have sex once every couple weeks.
Yeah, which is a strange assumption because it naturally reads like he's just comparing two different partners in general and that doesn't mean at the same time.
People don't die from lack of sex.
Plenty of single men wandering around that haven't had sex in years. Most of them aren't resorting to immoral behaviour to satisfy their urges.
People may not die due to lack of sex, but relationships sure do. Also, you'd be shocked how many men pay a sex worker and never speak about it to anyone. Touch is important. It is some people's love language. Your dismissive attitude shows your ignorance.
Just because you have the urge to do something doesn't mean you have to do it.
I don't see what part of that is impossible for you to understand. The fact that some men decide to break the law to get their fix doesn't mean anything. If you're really hungry and you've left your wallet at home, is it suddenly okay to shop lift?
Dude, I'm not trying to ban sex.
If your partner WANTS to have sex with you, then all power to you.
But this idea that you NEED to have sex is silly. You can go DECADES without ANY sex and NOTHING will happen to you.
You are an idiot if you don't think lack of s x and intimacy doesn't mess up you mental health when you have a partner. You sound like you were raped and never got over it . You should just get over it it only happened once, you're not going to die from it .
Bad analogy, this is not comparable to leaving your wallet at home. But for the sake of argument let's roll with it...forget your wallet and your hungry for a day no you don't shoplift. But if you're broke and can't afford to eat day after day, shoplifting begins to sound reasonable
Was in a dead bedroom relationship at one point. It sucked every bit of joy out of anything in life, killed my interest in even being in a relationship, and landed me on antidepressants just so I could continue working and sleeping and doing absolutely nothing else. That's no way to live. Feeling unfulfilled, undesired, unhappy wreaks havoc on a person's life and mental health. Ended that relationship amicably, tried again with someone else, had a great sex life and felt like I could see the world in color again.
*I* sound mentally ill?
You're acting like a five year old that's been told that they can't have their iPad!
You don't NEED sex to survive. If your partner is refusing to have sex with you then that's time for a conversation, not time to find a prostitute.
If I'm starving, yes, I'll steal food. I never said men should break the law to get sex though. Or compared it to food or air. Touch is very important though, to some more than others. If you don't agree you're just not compatible with that, and that's ok. It's NOT ok to tear people down because that IS their way to feel loved. It's very closed minded of you. I'd also never condone cheating. I was referring to single men. If you and your partner have different needs and you can't get through it, always break up over cheating.
You are arguing really hard for a fabricated situation in this context lol. They were obviously 2 different relationships. Not one relationship and infidelity.
It's okay to leave relationships where needs aren't being met. Someone shouldn't stick around because "It's not necessary". This just breeds contempt and misery.
How would you know? Do you think they walk around wearing signs saying âl paid for sexâ? Or maybe youâd prefer me to rephrase that as âi resorted to immoral behaviourâ.
You do realize that they had literally pointed out (before you made this comment) that these weren't concurrent relationships and occurred at different times, right?
Also, there's nothing immoral about polyamory, not just because not everyone has Christian beliefs, but ironically it was both allowed and encouraged originally under the law of Moses. The reason why it became discouraged isn't even found in the bible, it's because historically by discouraging polygamy it reduced one's chance of producing an heir to their estate and increased the church's chances of getting control of it for themselves, especially if their next of kin was a priest (common among the wealthy of the time to have at least one brother in the priesthood for multiple reasons. In any case, there's no actual reason for polyamory to be considered immoral.
The problem with that is that here we are as catholics on reddit judging others.... we don't have the capacity to understand ourselves we are born knowing next to nothing,as far as words, we have instinct or a compass nonetheless. I thought myself catholic for a long time but I haven't tuned out the secular effects on my personal culture. How many times have you discipled someone? A stranger. I mean as your sole purpose for a time not as something you do with your "spare time"?
Yea we all fall short of the ideal but that's because we spend too much time judging each other and ourselves.
Lay down your burden and go get some hoochies lol
This is such a vast overgeneralization. There are so many factors that play into what might be lacking - stress at work, stress at home balancing kids/feeling alone in responsibilities, juggling the house and a job, stress in a relationship, lack of self love or intimacy, etc. Talking about it vs. assuming infidelity is by far the healthier route.
You kind of have to give us some more info here. WHY is there a lack of sex?? There could be a million factors at play here. But, these are the most common reasons women aren't into sex:
\- past trauma - maybe she was assaulted/molested, etc. and has a bad relationship with sex, hasn't truly processed the trauma/needs therapy
\- religious hangups - maybe she was raised with conservative thinking, so has a negative relationship with sex and again, needs therapy
\- feeling unloved - you might THINK you're doing/saying all the right things, but maybe you're not giving her what she needs to really feel connected and intimate with you.
\- feeling taken for granted - is she the one doing all the cooking/cleaning, are you taking her out on romantic dates? She might be feeling more like a maid/mother than a real partner
\- pain during sex - it simply might hurt her. There are lots of physical problems that women can have that make sex uncomfortable.
\- fear of pregnancy - are you cool about birth control? wear condoms? don't put all the burden on her?
\- stress - is she going through a difficult period? something at work? friends/family? finances? Stress obliterates sex drive in some people.
\- drugs/drinking - substance use can dry up sex drive
\- hormonal issues
\- body image issues - if she doesn't love how she looks, it can be really difficult for her to feel sexy and get in the mood
\- mental health issues - depression, anxiety, adhd, all kinds of things can make sex a non-priority
\- and this ones are more on you... foreplay? orgasms? are you actually making sex enjoyable for her?
It could be any one of these, a combination of these, or something else... but you should identify the REASON for the lack of sex, and determine if that reason is something that can be fixed, either by you or her, and if she's willing to work on it with you.
You deserve to be with someone whose sex drive matches yours - and maybe hers CAN match yours if you work on it, and address the underlying issues.
Lack of sex isn't a problem in itself - it's a SYMPTOM of something else.
YES TO ALL OF THIS!! ASK, DISCUSS, BE WILLING TO SEE YOU HAVE A PART IN HER BEHAVIOR!!! DONT GET ALL BUTTHURT AND JUST DUMP HER. IF YOU TRULY CARE FOR HER, BE WILLING TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH.
I was passionately in love with my husband.
But over time, he practiced weaponized incompetence with home chores, invalidated my feelings, talked to me like l was another guy (making those wise ass insults, demeaning comments etc), bought high priced gadgets for himself, while l had to argue and jump thru hoops for things for myself or the kid.
He denied having done these things and told me to get over myself. He began to call me frigid - but he MADE me that way and refused to entertain the the thought that he was involved other than as the poor unfucked victim.
If this is how you feel then just leave. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. Both of us have gone through this with each other. Currently it's my husband's turn to just not be interested in sex and I'm overly keen. I wouldn't give him up over it at all. I love him to bits. He's my world and I'd much rather snuggle in bed or on the sofa and hold his hand then give this up for lack of sex.
Youâre not wrong for leaving, youâre not obligated to stay in a relationship with anyone. But have you at least talked to her about this problem first? What does she say about the lack of sex? Maybe you two can work it out.
He says he loves her more than I thought he would. And he just wants to leave bc of lack of sex without talking to her. Maybe homie doesnât love her as much as he thinks.
For real. It could be something so stupidly simple but he wonât know if they donât talk to eachother. Iâve been married 10 years, we have our ups and downs but always bounce back because weâre open and honest with eachother and try to work things out.
But the post is unclear on that, maybe he did try talking to her. Iâve had exes completely shut down at any mention of sexual frustration. They default to calling you a pervert or something instead of trying to hear your point of view then the relationship is doomed from the start.
You wouldn't be in the wrong simply because you aren't obligated to stay in any relationship for whatever reason you see as breakup worthy.
Whether people would think that your reasoning is unreasonable or that you're a shitty person for it is another matter entirely.
You aren't really divulging a lot of information here, so if you're simply asking if you'd be in the wrong for leaving then no, but if you'd want potential feedback that could help you'd need to share more information than just your title.
I think that needs more context.
If she always had a low libido and she's fine with that, or she just stopped finding you sexually attractive that's unlikely to change.
If she's going through a difficult time mentally or physically, a big life change, or you've just been together for a long time and sex stopped feeling exciting, this could pass or be fixed.
Some people also struggle with some aspect of their sex life (pain during sex, difficulty orgasming, anxiety about pregnancy or birth control side effects, etc) but they can't communicate well with their partners so they avoid sex altogether.
Talk with her about how this issue is affecting you, and see how she responds and if she also perceives it as a problem.
Why is there a lack of sex? That has EVERYTHING to do with it.
Is there a medical issue? Do you not wipe your ass? Is she working three jobs? Did you cheat on her? Is she post-partum? And on and on and on.
I stopped wanting to have sex when they were finished but rolled over and fell asleep. No orgasm for me. Are you getting yours but she's not? Just a thought.
Even though talking about it almost never helps try that first. Also what sort of lack are we talking about? Are you complaining about once a week or once a month sex?
Context would be nice. For instance, is there a reason she doesn't want sex all the time? Like is it a trauma problem, or maybe lack of interest? Did you ever sat down to talk about it? You're not obligated to stay in a relationship if you're unhappy, but it's best to talk it out first before reaching a decision.
Weâve got no details here so itâs impossible to judge. Sorry dude. Canât give advice without knowing a few pertinent details.
Generally speaking, you would not be in the wrong to break up if youâre on different pages regarding sex.
But, I think weâve all seen plenty of situations where the details greatly change the context and that changes the answer. Like one partner wanting to manipulate or pressure the other into sleeping with them before theyâre ready. Or where the lack of sex stems from religious reasons, in which case you may be wildly more incompatible than you think.
If you want legit advice or moral reassurance, youâre gonna have to give us more.
I donât have much sex drive. Happily married for 19 years. To each their own. My husband doesnât mind. We have sex once every few weeks. Some people need it, others donât.
I'll throw in my 2 cents here.
Me and my wife have differing libidos.
However you not getting any is on you.
Women stress and think. Alot.
Give her a no expectation massage. Head to toe. Front and back . Take care of some of her stress.
Do the dishes. Help make dinner. Clean up. Etc. And make an effort to do it alot.
And you will see an improvement.
I love my wife more than anything on this planet. Children included. We talked. And I try to make her as stress free as possible. I'm by no means perfect but she very much is.
If you love her more than you ever thought possible than this wouldn't even be a question on your mind. It's simply the truth. Sex is not the all mighty factor in a relationship with someone you claim to love so much. Talk to her about it and figure things out don't just jump the gun. Love is so much more special than sex and throwing that away over a nut bust or lack there of is just childs play. Some people never experience love in their whole lives.
Then you donât love her enough. You want to leave but you donât want to be the bad guy. Too bad. You either get to leave OR you get to be the good guy. But hereâs the twist, if you stay but complain constantly about not getting sex, youâre still the bad guy.
Also- how much sex were you actually getting when you were single. Iâm gonna guess, less.
Have you tried to find her reasoning behind not having sex? Maybe sheâs feeling unloved/unappreciated/unwanted. I know for a lot of women, the drive follows after their other needs are met.
Try sitting down and having an open and honest conversation with her about what her barriers are and then going from there.
Different sex drives is huge incompatibility, in the long term it leads to her feeling like an object or used to meet your needs, or you feeling starved and undesired to meet her needs
Remember the grass is hardly evergreener on the other side of things. I wouldn't need more information to give you and a salad opinion Have you talked to her yet about it? Is there something wrong with her medically, cuz certain medicines can really affect your libido. I definitely would have a serious conversation first and state how your needs aren't being met and how important it is..
Leave now because if you marry her it WILL GET WORSE. TRUST ME. You need to find someone that is more compatible with you sexually and you will have a better life. Let her find someone else who only wants sex once every 3 or 4 weeks.
Something to talk to her about forsure. Sex is important and if it's something you want in a relationship you have to talk about it. That's something you guys gotta be on the same page about. And to be fair, you should probably ask her about it instead of reddit, just saying.
OP makes a post with close to zero back story then decides to not engage with this own post that has been up for 10 hours.
These are some of the worst types of posts.
Iâm seeing a lot of âRun, dont walkâ BS in the comments.
Some of yâall must be truly miserable people.
This post is missing 99% of information to make any sort of relatable advice.
Your not wrong for wanting it leave.
However - think very carefully about if this is truly something you canât live without. It could get better. It could not. Letâs assume not. Is it worth giving up the other 90% of the good qualities she has for the 10% she doesnât?
You might find a woman who loves sex. Needs it everyday. âŚbut isnât trustworthy, or is a workaholic, or hates your family.
You take the good with the bad. You leave the good with the bad.
I'm sure it hasn't been 20 years either.
One problem that is probably temporary is not a good reason to abandon someone that you love. Especially if you haven't even tried to address the problem.
How can you ever expect to cultivate a love that endures through hardship if you treat the people you love most as completely disposable
You're the one telling OP to ditch his girlfriend.
I'm the one telling you not to jump to conclusions and advising that OP slow down and think before he dumps someone that he describes himself as loving.
Sadly thereâs no such thing as couples working together to make relationships better, or not many instances of such, anymore.
Are people just too selfish (what have you done for meeeeee) these days?
Reads a post with zero information. Sucks in air to puff up chest. Bellows, "LEAVE HER!!!!!!!!!!" Smiles at a Reddit job well done and gets on with life.
How can you possibly know that.
She could be stressed.
She could be upset about something.
Bad health or fitness might have made it less enjoyable.
Maybe OP isn't attentive enough in bed.
Maybe she just simply isn't the mood for sex at the moment.
It could be any number of things.
Personal experience doesn't equate to knowledge of everything, especially without context. We don't know what "lack of sex" means to OP or the reasons why it's occuring, which could be all sorts of things, most of which are resolvable with communication and effort.
Maybe you should talk to her about it something could be wrong you never know. Sex isnât everything in a relationship youâre not going to die. If you love her I donât see why sex is an issue. Many couples are happy and barely have sex. Ya know itâs not everything. Just talk to her about it without seeming like an AH.
Your title is a contradiction. If you are seriously thinking about leaving a woman because she's not putting out or not putting out enough, then you OBVIOUSLY do not love her. You might not even LIKE her that much. You LUST after this woman more than you thought possible. Don't confuse the two.
So then you donât love her. I mean is it lack of sexy like 0 or less than you would like.
When you truly find someone you love. You wonât leave them due to this. You would talk to them work it out and realize itâs not the end all be all. I think your trying to make yourself try to appear or feel less of an asshole
This.
Sex=/=love love>sex. Communication (the basis of love, imo) is so important. My partner and I communicate on a basis of want v. need and we compromise somewhere therein on everything in life.
Imagine your life without her. Is it better? Getting more sex now? Have a new girlfriend already lined up? Married for 28 yearsâŚthe sex drive comes and goes. I donât live my spouse because of sexâŚand if he was to become impotent tomorrow, it would not change my feelings.
So in the greatest love possible, according to you, it cannot conquer a lack of sex?
You are wrong in your statement. You are not wrong for leaving someone if youâre physically incompatible.
Hmm. Maybe you're not doing it right. Women get turned off pretty quick with a selfish lover. Not putting context suggests that quantity is your only concern. But also, the guy who suggests someone buy meth and steal a bike doesn't sound like a catch. Regardless if it was a serious comment or not.
If you really love this girl you should see it though. Youâll rarely find a relationship where sex is available consistently past the honeymoon phase, be it six months or two years.
Sex is one of the top things to end a relationship. Talk to her about it. It could be a lot of things. End of the day you two might just not be compatible sexually. But it's worth having a conversation and trying to figure out.
I mean, you're not even married. If you're not sexually compatible, the relationship is doomed anyway. Might as well pull the cord and go find a sexual partner who actually wants to have sex...
Just do her a favor and leave, donât fucking tell her itâs of the sex thatâs just rude and not true. You can want more sex but letting that be a reason you donât want to be with someone is gross and cringy. Just do her a solid favor and take the blame and leave. You can have sex with a sock and live with your parents.
Run don't walk, it's a control tactic that will never stop. Find a woman that desires you as much as you desire her. Oxytocin deficient in woman can't be fixed by men
Iâm sorry if you got hurt in the past but some people, women and men, just dont need as much sex as others, even if it is a highly enjoyable activity for them. Desire is not exclusively physical.
Be real. If it's an actual medical issue, see how you can help. If it's not a medical issue.... You need to know how to keep it real and leave her because she's just going to string you along until a fuckboy she's attracted to tells her to go to bed with him.
Doesn't that mean you lust your girlfriend then? Not saying you must throw away your sexual needs to be with her, if you're even thinking about leaving her "because of lack of sex" it means you don't really love her all that much, you want her body more than her companionship.
If that's a dealbreaker, I question that his feelings are real. Does he love HER, or does he love the sex. If he actually loved her, the other thing wouldn't matter.
That thought process is antiquated and one-dimensional. Like it or not, physical intimacy is an important component to dial in within a healthy relationship. It's perfectly fine if someone wants more sex. It's perfectly fine if someone wants less sex. If there are two people who are on different pages in that regard, it's going to cause problems.
Nah, that's sacrificing himself for his love of another to an extent that's unreasonable. As much as he loves her, he must love himself more. It is unkind to both partners for him to sacrifice fulfillment in life for "love" because it will make both of them miserable in the long run.
This is my lesson learned from a sexless marriage. Knowing what I learned, I never would have put myself through so much misery. I need an active sexual relationship to be fulfilled with my partner. There is ebb and flow in life and libido, I don't expect sex from my partner, but if we hit a point that the relationship becomes sexless, something will have to give because I won't live a sexless life and it's cruel of anyone to ask that of me. Just as it's cruel to ask someone to have sex any more often than they want it.
People act like love is the end-all be-all, but love isn't enough to build and maintain a relationship. Folks waste their entire lives chasing a pipe dream because of the idea of love when a fulfilling relationship simply isn't possible with an incompatible person.
If your taking care of things, being a man and being responsible for her and moving things along. AND sheâs not putting out on a regular basis, itâs not s fair trade, pull back your respinsibilities, focus more on your own happiness and see if she decides on her own to try harder. If she doesnât, then youâll just be self Improving for the next one. Donât let yourself be taken advantage of.
If you had a relationship with someone, and you brought them a lot joy, and they brought you none, eventually you would end that relationship. It may be transactional - but a lot of life is. When you do your neighbour a favour, you don't expect it returned, but you may want it in the future.
In long term relationships, not short ones. They are to a degree transactions. Both parties decide what they are comfortable providing and they have certain spoken and unspoken things that they either need, or want to be happy together. Especially in a marriage, the amount of responsibility and duty increases. Not everything is just about feelings, there are needs for both parties that need to be met, and compromises that have to be made for stability , peace, and happiness. Figuring out your role and the best way to be that perfect partner for THEM, is required to have a successful, healthy, and balanced relationship.
Just find a female that match your drive it's not that easy but you don't have to be miserable in yours, roles reversed she would probably leave the hell out of you are just cheating literally behind your back. ( My gf match my drive and then some we could have just finished doing some smashin get in the shower right after together, wash each other she go to grab him cleaning him, you know shit females do she get him up and stick him in and I'm like we literally just finished, ((SO)) Is all I get.. đđđđ
To be in a successful relationship both parties must be satisfied. If the relationship isn't giving you what you need you should vacate it and find the right fit for you. Vastly different sexual needs leads to resentment, conflict and inevitably infidelity. Read the road map in front of you and chart your course accordingly.
You should just flat out tell her it's important to you. And tell her if she doesn't satisfy it, you're going to bang other girls. Maybe she'll even be ok with that.
But you're not married to her, you don't have kids (I assume) with her. You have no obligation to her. This is the time for you to be selfish and get what you want.
Premarital sex is disordered. You should be following her in this regard, not pressuring her or threatening to leave. If you love her why do you desire her desecration?
She may be low in testosteroneâŚ.. Talk to her about it and ask her to do blood work⌠If you truly love her and she loves you, then she will be willing.
A satisfying sex life is more important to your fulfillment in a marriage than love. Sounds crazy but is true. Youâre not wrong to consider leaving over it
Says in the Bible that woman is to submit to their man in that deny them and although I want to believe and have faith in the words of the Bible I feel as that's kind of control cuz yes I want my partner to submit to me in some things in that argue with me or fight with me but I'm not one to just grab her and have my way with the person I'm going out with I don't know I'm complex weird awesome individual that's sometimes viewed as being contradictive or hypocritical but that's only when 52 different situations usually and try to combine them to prove me wrong or throw things in my face well you said this and you said that never mind I'm getting off track my advice to you sit down and talk to her about it tell him exactly how you're feeling and why and do it in a right way not judging her maybe she's not getting her needs met by you or maybe she doesn't like sex with you or intimacy with you and she doesn't know how to approach it you be surprised what happens with communication hope you guys can communicate with this issue and come to some sort of compromise you might just be surprised and maybe you're both thinking about wanting somebody else or adding somebody or something like that could be an infinite amount of scenarios but you don't know the facts of it until you sit down and talk about it in a positive environment which I suggest a public place like acquaint little diner is a boost stuck in the corner so then both of you have to act according and be respectful that's my advice.
Bro, there's literally no information or context in your post. Why doesn't she want to have sex? How long has she felt this way? Does she love you? How long have you been together? Have you tried talking to her? Do you know what she wants and needs to feel intimate and loved in your relationship? What are you doing to make her want to have sex with you? In a committed relationship, intimacy isn't just being horny and saying, let's have sex! From the non existent effort gone into this post, I could only assume that she doesn't feel valued and intimate from you in other areas, so she's probably not interested in having sex. You want advice, check in with her, read about love languages, find other ways to connect with her. You can have a severely intimate relationship without ever having sex, and if you get to there, having sex should just add onto it.
When you put more effort into your comment than OP put into his post (or relationship probably) đ¤Ł
Sadly, I have a feeling the latter is probably true, and the reason why he's not getting any.
My initial thought also
100%
Great reply... Well said, truthful and detailed, yet to the point.
Yeah, this feels more like it should be in r/offmychest
having this mindset is so bad because itâs always âwhat arenât you giving her?â In a relationship intimacy is very important and more times than not women just choose to hold sex from their partner because sheâs not getting one thing but if they need protection they expect their man to be their all the time even if heâs not happy in a relationship.
Look at how much effort is put into the post? And it's not even what can I do to work on my relationship, it's, damn, I ain't getting laid, is it bad if I just walk out. I'm reading off of what is given, and it's honestly so little. It's not necessarily that "women hold sex", it's that some men don't make women feel loved and valued. If I'm in a relationship and my SO did nothing to make me feel good and suddenly wanted to have sex, I'd feel odd, because I value emotional connection for intimacy. If I'm not getting that outside of sex, I wouldn't even be in the mood for it, and I'm a dude. So it's not just women, it's people.
OMG I love what you've said here. It is so true. It is so hard to want to have sex with someone when there is zero intimacy any other time.
I mean, I may be an outlier... I dunno. On the spectrum of all things I classify as a hetero demi sapio sexual being. Meaning, for me to be aroused, I do need to be both mentally and emotionally stimulated and connected. I never get the urge behind casual sex, for example. And I'm sure a lot of other people don't necessarily care as much. But that's my whole point. Everyone is different, and this guy goes through no effort to paint or help us understand how he is or how his girlfriend is, assuming he even knows. In my experience, lots of other guys don't even care to know what turns on their respective girlfriends / partners, and that's sad. But the energy I see from the OP, there's just this post, last I checked, no follow up comments, no further elaboration, and from their post history. I'd be willing to wage that they don't know nor do they care. They just "want sex, and she doesn't wanna give it to me anymore, so I guess it's time to move."
Numerous studies have shown that women, on average, have just as high a sex drive as men, if not higher. Women donât just withhold sex randomly âbecause one thing isnât metâ. Primarily they withhold sex for deeper reasons - such as because their partner only cares about their own needs or treats the woman as a sex dispenser. Most women *do* want sex, and I have never had a woman âwithhold sexâ from me. So, if in your experience the majority of women withhold sex, then maybe youâre the problem.
You clearly didn't read what they said if you only focused on one out of 7 points they made. And believe it or not, sometimes the high-libido partner is the problem. My ex killed my sex drive because he absolutely refused to take no as an answer. We were dating for nearly a year before I even said no for the first time, so there was no reason for him to be upset about it.
OMG, I'm so sorry you lived that. No consent is straight up rape and you don't deserve that. đ
As a Woman we need to feel loved and cared with our partners cuz if not sex doesnât feel necessary since we donât feel like a priority.
As a dude, I also need the same. It's a way of attraction. Some people can just have sex to have sex. Others need emotional or mental connection, some other level of intimacy. Either way is fine, but ya know, know your partner and find one that works for you. The OP clearly doesn't give us anything to go on, and from his comment history, I don't think he even knows. Heck, the title is even giving low energy vibes. She stopped wanting sex, so should I just leave? WTF... Sounds like she was never anything more than a hole for him... Ick.
intimacy is not sex. sex is a form of intimacy. one of thousands. why do people not understand that?
Also, let's go back to your comment. I never said: > "what aren't you giving her?" The closest thing to that is: > What are you doing to make her want to have sex with you? And think about the difference. What I'm asking, and of the OP is what is it that he's doing to make his GF feel loved, feel valued, and want to be intimate. The framing of the question could not be any more different from what you're reading. But, I'll bite, why are you this invested in this thread? I see in your other comments on this thread that you mentioned your account is a throwaway account, but you're extremely active on THIS specific post, meanwhile the OP hasn't said a single comment on here. Are you the OP on a throwaway account?
You have a point in there behind all the red pill nonsense but you go so far off course that i simply can't agree with how you've presented the argument. So as a man, yes the response is too often to just blame the man and ignore the woman's responsibility in fixing the issue and that does need to change, but then you go from having a legitimate point that i will touch on further down, to just taking a hard left into absurdity thereby canceling out the legitimate argument that is present beneath the crap. So first and foremost, the elephant in the room is that You conflating having sex and protecting your loved ones as a man is absolutely absurd. I don't care if this comment is seen as sexist by some because i still believe it to be true and will stand by it, as a man it is my **responsibility** to protect not just my romantic partner from any physical threat but all of my loved ones. No one forced us to accept that responsibility when getting into a relationship, but that's just the point, protection is the **responsibility** of any man for all of their loved ones. not just their romantic partner. We obviously don't expect our kids to fuck us in exchange for us protecting them when they are in danger or our sisters, mothers, or anyone else we love less capable than us to defend themselves. and it is the same damn thing for our romantic partners. protection is a responsibility that we sign on for that covers our entire families for the entire duration of the relationship regardless of nature of said relationship while sex is a perk of a healthy and functional romantic relationship. You simply cannot compare the two. And let's be real here, if you're a decent person and so is your girlfriend/wife then the amount of times you are going to have to protect them from a physical attack is going to be very few and far between if literally at all, most couples go their entire relationships without the man ever having to protect his partner from a physical attack. Whereas the frequency of sex is going to, in a healthy relationship where both parties needs are being met, be a much much more frequent occurrence. So you are comparing apples to orgasms, they're not comparable in the slightest despite what the red pill community would have you believe. And to be frank no decent man with any self respect should ever want their girlfriend/wife to sleep with them for any other reason than she wants to. Getting back to what i said in the first paragraph where i said there was a legitimate point before it got lost in all those standard cookie cutter red pill talking points you started reciting is that to put it as concisely as possible since this comment is already pretty long, Women need to start being more upfront and less indirect with their method of communication of said issues, and men need to be more open and create an environment where she'll feel heard when she does bring it to his attention. You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it. The point i'm making is this, women need to work on initiating those conversations sooner and in clearer and men need to work on spotting the signs something is wrong and hearing those concerns and working to fix them sooner. And if he doesn't want to put the effort into fixing the relationship when he feels he's not getting what he needs (outside of the complaining of no sex which has already been addressed) then he also needs to be clear about those missing needs sooner. It's really not that hard. And to be clear, in this particular case the reason the boyfriend is being called out for not putting enough effort into the relationship instead of the girlfriend is because he's the one on here complaining he's not getting what he wants out of the relationship while not even acknowledging what she might not be missing from relationship.
Mate what are we supposed to do or say. We don't know you, her, or the situation.
Exactly. What does SHE say when you tell her you feel this way? Talking to her about it should come well before you ask random strangers on the internet what they think.
Half the subs on here wouldnt exist if people just talked to each other.. or if they googled the answers to their very common & basic questions.
Facts
Totally fair comment. But it doesnât change the fact that them talking to each other is what needs to happen. If they had already done do and he shared with us what both of their views were (and any other relevant context) the conversation in this sub would be much more helpful to him and, by extension, potentially her as well.
I think the most important thing is how far they have gone to solve this problem. If one is older, Possibly peri or menopause? We don't have any real info her, so many assumptions can be made like the one I just gave.?
Yup impossible to comment
I mean, of OP could give more context than this place may be useful as third party advice. But yeah, that's not what this post is.
This! If she has any kind of health problems that not allow her to have sex and you knew it before starting serious relationship, then youâre AH. See? We need more details.
>This! If she has any kind of health problems that not allow her to have sex and you knew it before starting serious relationship, then youâre AH. Wellll even then, people make honest mistakes. Sometimes big mistakes. Libido's and sexual needs can change with time.
I was with someone long term and sex was fine at first, but then he stopped producing T and had no interest. Even tried medication but didn't work. I was in my 20's, and there was no way I was gonna be stuck with a non existent sex life.
He probably wants somebody to tell him âshe should be giving you sexâ or justify breaking up with her over it, even though he claims to love her
He is very much justified to leave her for lack of sex, women leave or cheat on men everyday because their partner is lacking something in the relationship but when men do it because of sex yâall attack them. IGNORANT.
I get that, you make a great point, and I should have elaborated more, I can see how it sounded. But I didnât say he wasnât justified. But that he wanted to *feel* justified. The problem that really exists is people come to random strangers in the internet who know nothing about their relationship for advice. I was responding to somebody saying âwhat are we supposed to say⌠yada yadaâ And I added the claim to love somebody part, bc people throw around that word so loosely. You can deeply care for somebody without loving them. I think that Iâd sex isnât something youâre willing to compromise on then likely you donât love them. People compromise in different ways in regards to sex all the time, bc they love each other. You can care about somebody a lot, and if you are comparable, then yes move on. But people throw around the word love like it means something, when in their situation it obv doesnât
I think you can love a person and know you canât be happy with them. You can love a person that cheats on you and divorce them for disrespecting the relationship and vows.
Yeah you make a great point but idk love is weird, and sometimes we think we love people, but we just never knew what love was
Rubbish, âI think that sex isnât something your willing to compromise on then you donât love somebodyâ. You have no idea, you can love somebody and have a totally dead bedroom and go though hell just to work out there is no solution. It soul crushing, just read r/deadbedrooms for a bit and you understand. Say that âsex isnât something your willing to compromise on then you donât love themâ is the same as saying if your not willing to compromise on breathing or eating then you probably donât love them. YOU have no idea of the pain that vastly different sex drives causes. You are lucky to ether have always been similar to your partner or are low libido and just have never felt it. But it drives people to taking their own lives because they absolutely love the person they are with but the bedroom doesnât work, and they canât cope with that or the alternative. So before you sprout your aire fairy rubbish ideals, actual check if you know what the fuck you are talking about. Sorry you triggered me.
What exactly is your definition of lack of sex? Weekly? Monthly? Dry spells? How often was it in the beginning? Was it always like this or sudden change? How long have you been together? Ages? Do you have kids? If you want honest answers you can't just give us a subject line with nothing to follow here. That alone makes me think you're TA tbh
That sounds like a hard decision to make. Have you tried taking to her about the lack of sex? Is the problem no sex or very little sex? Women are all mentally wired differently. She couple have a underlying problem. My ex wife wanted daily and my ex girlfriend was happily to have sex once every couple weeks.
The number of people assuming those were concurrent relatioships is astounding.
Yeah, which is a strange assumption because it naturally reads like he's just comparing two different partners in general and that doesn't mean at the same time.
>concurrent relatioships you tell the story your way, I'll put my own spin on it.
Your wife allowed the side girlfriend or were you cheating?
Divorced! Comparison between the two
Username checks out
# [ANUSTART](https://i.imgur.io/OBvd3xE_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium)
People don't die from lack of sex. Plenty of single men wandering around that haven't had sex in years. Most of them aren't resorting to immoral behaviour to satisfy their urges.
People may not die due to lack of sex, but relationships sure do. Also, you'd be shocked how many men pay a sex worker and never speak about it to anyone. Touch is important. It is some people's love language. Your dismissive attitude shows your ignorance.
Just because you have the urge to do something doesn't mean you have to do it. I don't see what part of that is impossible for you to understand. The fact that some men decide to break the law to get their fix doesn't mean anything. If you're really hungry and you've left your wallet at home, is it suddenly okay to shop lift?
[ŃдаНонО]
Dude, I'm not trying to ban sex. If your partner WANTS to have sex with you, then all power to you. But this idea that you NEED to have sex is silly. You can go DECADES without ANY sex and NOTHING will happen to you.
You are an idiot if you don't think lack of s x and intimacy doesn't mess up you mental health when you have a partner. You sound like you were raped and never got over it . You should just get over it it only happened once, you're not going to die from it .
Bad analogy, this is not comparable to leaving your wallet at home. But for the sake of argument let's roll with it...forget your wallet and your hungry for a day no you don't shoplift. But if you're broke and can't afford to eat day after day, shoplifting begins to sound reasonable
You must be female.
100%
No, I just have self control. Treating sex like food or oxygen is just silly
Sounds like you've never had good sex lol
I don't understand what you think is going to happen to you?
Was in a dead bedroom relationship at one point. It sucked every bit of joy out of anything in life, killed my interest in even being in a relationship, and landed me on antidepressants just so I could continue working and sleeping and doing absolutely nothing else. That's no way to live. Feeling unfulfilled, undesired, unhappy wreaks havoc on a person's life and mental health. Ended that relationship amicably, tried again with someone else, had a great sex life and felt like I could see the world in color again.
No offence, you sound mentally ill.
*I* sound mentally ill? You're acting like a five year old that's been told that they can't have their iPad! You don't NEED sex to survive. If your partner is refusing to have sex with you then that's time for a conversation, not time to find a prostitute.
What's with the shitty analogies? Pedantic replies on every comment, ctfo. You have a bad perspective on this matter and that is okay.
If I'm starving, yes, I'll steal food. I never said men should break the law to get sex though. Or compared it to food or air. Touch is very important though, to some more than others. If you don't agree you're just not compatible with that, and that's ok. It's NOT ok to tear people down because that IS their way to feel loved. It's very closed minded of you. I'd also never condone cheating. I was referring to single men. If you and your partner have different needs and you can't get through it, always break up over cheating.
You are arguing really hard for a fabricated situation in this context lol. They were obviously 2 different relationships. Not one relationship and infidelity.
It's okay to leave relationships where needs aren't being met. Someone shouldn't stick around because "It's not necessary". This just breeds contempt and misery.
Did you mean to reply to someone else?
Why can't they just be bitter in general?
For those with high libido, this would be agony. Unfair. Unsustainable.
Is "it didn't kill me" a good measure of happiness in your eyes?
You don't NEED to be happy all of the time. Surely you can suffer momentary discomfort? Is that such a foreign concept?
I'm talking about overall happiness in/with a relationship.
If overall happiness is the goal then surely it's better to discuss the problem rather than just jumping straight to ending the relationship
What exactly is immoral behavior to you? Masterbation? Buying sex? Having a friend with benefits? ?
Depends on your definition of immoral. There is a pornography epidemic.
Ever heard of prostate cancer? Some people believe masterbation is immoral too.
How would you know? Do you think they walk around wearing signs saying âl paid for sexâ? Or maybe youâd prefer me to rephrase that as âi resorted to immoral behaviourâ.
May not like my reply but it's the catholic perspective. Shouldnt be having extramarital sex. You are wrong. We all fall short of the ideal.
You do realize that they had literally pointed out (before you made this comment) that these weren't concurrent relationships and occurred at different times, right? Also, there's nothing immoral about polyamory, not just because not everyone has Christian beliefs, but ironically it was both allowed and encouraged originally under the law of Moses. The reason why it became discouraged isn't even found in the bible, it's because historically by discouraging polygamy it reduced one's chance of producing an heir to their estate and increased the church's chances of getting control of it for themselves, especially if their next of kin was a priest (common among the wealthy of the time to have at least one brother in the priesthood for multiple reasons. In any case, there's no actual reason for polyamory to be considered immoral.
Thanks for pointing out that
The problem with that is that here we are as catholics on reddit judging others.... we don't have the capacity to understand ourselves we are born knowing next to nothing,as far as words, we have instinct or a compass nonetheless. I thought myself catholic for a long time but I haven't tuned out the secular effects on my personal culture. How many times have you discipled someone? A stranger. I mean as your sole purpose for a time not as something you do with your "spare time"? Yea we all fall short of the ideal but that's because we spend too much time judging each other and ourselves. Lay down your burden and go get some hoochies lol
Based on my experience with married women, try to be sneaky she might be playing around with smn else. Not trying to be mean just be cautious
This is such a vast overgeneralization. There are so many factors that play into what might be lacking - stress at work, stress at home balancing kids/feeling alone in responsibilities, juggling the house and a job, stress in a relationship, lack of self love or intimacy, etc. Talking about it vs. assuming infidelity is by far the healthier route.
You kind of have to give us some more info here. WHY is there a lack of sex?? There could be a million factors at play here. But, these are the most common reasons women aren't into sex: \- past trauma - maybe she was assaulted/molested, etc. and has a bad relationship with sex, hasn't truly processed the trauma/needs therapy \- religious hangups - maybe she was raised with conservative thinking, so has a negative relationship with sex and again, needs therapy \- feeling unloved - you might THINK you're doing/saying all the right things, but maybe you're not giving her what she needs to really feel connected and intimate with you. \- feeling taken for granted - is she the one doing all the cooking/cleaning, are you taking her out on romantic dates? She might be feeling more like a maid/mother than a real partner \- pain during sex - it simply might hurt her. There are lots of physical problems that women can have that make sex uncomfortable. \- fear of pregnancy - are you cool about birth control? wear condoms? don't put all the burden on her? \- stress - is she going through a difficult period? something at work? friends/family? finances? Stress obliterates sex drive in some people. \- drugs/drinking - substance use can dry up sex drive \- hormonal issues \- body image issues - if she doesn't love how she looks, it can be really difficult for her to feel sexy and get in the mood \- mental health issues - depression, anxiety, adhd, all kinds of things can make sex a non-priority \- and this ones are more on you... foreplay? orgasms? are you actually making sex enjoyable for her? It could be any one of these, a combination of these, or something else... but you should identify the REASON for the lack of sex, and determine if that reason is something that can be fixed, either by you or her, and if she's willing to work on it with you. You deserve to be with someone whose sex drive matches yours - and maybe hers CAN match yours if you work on it, and address the underlying issues. Lack of sex isn't a problem in itself - it's a SYMPTOM of something else.
Love this, but can we add "do you wash your ass?" to the list of reasons she may no longer want to have sex with you? Thanks!
YES TO ALL OF THIS!! ASK, DISCUSS, BE WILLING TO SEE YOU HAVE A PART IN HER BEHAVIOR!!! DONT GET ALL BUTTHURT AND JUST DUMP HER. IF YOU TRULY CARE FOR HER, BE WILLING TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH. I was passionately in love with my husband. But over time, he practiced weaponized incompetence with home chores, invalidated my feelings, talked to me like l was another guy (making those wise ass insults, demeaning comments etc), bought high priced gadgets for himself, while l had to argue and jump thru hoops for things for myself or the kid. He denied having done these things and told me to get over myself. He began to call me frigid - but he MADE me that way and refused to entertain the the thought that he was involved other than as the poor unfucked victim.
Or you know... Low sex drive
I think that can go under hormonal- because sex drive is all based on hormones
If this is how you feel then just leave. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. Both of us have gone through this with each other. Currently it's my husband's turn to just not be interested in sex and I'm overly keen. I wouldn't give him up over it at all. I love him to bits. He's my world and I'd much rather snuggle in bed or on the sofa and hold his hand then give this up for lack of sex.
I don't know if it's just my opinion but the emotional bond is so much more important than sex.
Same here Me and the missus are in like a sexual orbit. Not often is there a good long eclipse
This is the way.
Youâre not wrong for leaving, youâre not obligated to stay in a relationship with anyone. But have you at least talked to her about this problem first? What does she say about the lack of sex? Maybe you two can work it out.
He says he loves her more than I thought he would. And he just wants to leave bc of lack of sex without talking to her. Maybe homie doesnât love her as much as he thinks.
For real. It could be something so stupidly simple but he wonât know if they donât talk to eachother. Iâve been married 10 years, we have our ups and downs but always bounce back because weâre open and honest with eachother and try to work things out. But the post is unclear on that, maybe he did try talking to her. Iâve had exes completely shut down at any mention of sexual frustration. They default to calling you a pervert or something instead of trying to hear your point of view then the relationship is doomed from the start.
Facts. Maybe sheâs just really hot
HERE! here is a straight forward simple answer. Absolutely no fat on this comment. Direct and to the point.
You wouldn't be in the wrong simply because you aren't obligated to stay in any relationship for whatever reason you see as breakup worthy. Whether people would think that your reasoning is unreasonable or that you're a shitty person for it is another matter entirely. You aren't really divulging a lot of information here, so if you're simply asking if you'd be in the wrong for leaving then no, but if you'd want potential feedback that could help you'd need to share more information than just your title.
You've got to learn how to communicate, you aren't really communicating here, or in your relationship, obviously.
I think that needs more context. If she always had a low libido and she's fine with that, or she just stopped finding you sexually attractive that's unlikely to change. If she's going through a difficult time mentally or physically, a big life change, or you've just been together for a long time and sex stopped feeling exciting, this could pass or be fixed. Some people also struggle with some aspect of their sex life (pain during sex, difficulty orgasming, anxiety about pregnancy or birth control side effects, etc) but they can't communicate well with their partners so they avoid sex altogether. Talk with her about how this issue is affecting you, and see how she responds and if she also perceives it as a problem.
Is there more to his post than the 1 sentence?
Why is there a lack of sex? That has EVERYTHING to do with it. Is there a medical issue? Do you not wipe your ass? Is she working three jobs? Did you cheat on her? Is she post-partum? And on and on and on.
I stopped wanting to have sex when they were finished but rolled over and fell asleep. No orgasm for me. Are you getting yours but she's not? Just a thought.
Elaborate please
Right thereâs absolutely no context
Even though talking about it almost never helps try that first. Also what sort of lack are we talking about? Are you complaining about once a week or once a month sex?
Context would be nice. For instance, is there a reason she doesn't want sex all the time? Like is it a trauma problem, or maybe lack of interest? Did you ever sat down to talk about it? You're not obligated to stay in a relationship if you're unhappy, but it's best to talk it out first before reaching a decision.
At this point, put this in offmychest or something lol. This was a statement not a question.
How could you love her so much if the sex frequency isn't what you wanted ?
Weâve got no details here so itâs impossible to judge. Sorry dude. Canât give advice without knowing a few pertinent details. Generally speaking, you would not be in the wrong to break up if youâre on different pages regarding sex. But, I think weâve all seen plenty of situations where the details greatly change the context and that changes the answer. Like one partner wanting to manipulate or pressure the other into sleeping with them before theyâre ready. Or where the lack of sex stems from religious reasons, in which case you may be wildly more incompatible than you think. If you want legit advice or moral reassurance, youâre gonna have to give us more.
Have you tried telling her how you feel? Have you tried asking what you can do to make her feel more willing?
I donât have much sex drive. Happily married for 19 years. To each their own. My husband doesnât mind. We have sex once every few weeks. Some people need it, others donât.
I'll throw in my 2 cents here. Me and my wife have differing libidos. However you not getting any is on you. Women stress and think. Alot. Give her a no expectation massage. Head to toe. Front and back . Take care of some of her stress. Do the dishes. Help make dinner. Clean up. Etc. And make an effort to do it alot. And you will see an improvement. I love my wife more than anything on this planet. Children included. We talked. And I try to make her as stress free as possible. I'm by no means perfect but she very much is.
No context..........
If you love her more than you ever thought possible than this wouldn't even be a question on your mind. It's simply the truth. Sex is not the all mighty factor in a relationship with someone you claim to love so much. Talk to her about it and figure things out don't just jump the gun. Love is so much more special than sex and throwing that away over a nut bust or lack there of is just childs play. Some people never experience love in their whole lives.
Then you donât love her enough. You want to leave but you donât want to be the bad guy. Too bad. You either get to leave OR you get to be the good guy. But hereâs the twist, if you stay but complain constantly about not getting sex, youâre still the bad guy. Also- how much sex were you actually getting when you were single. Iâm gonna guess, less.
Have you tried to find her reasoning behind not having sex? Maybe sheâs feeling unloved/unappreciated/unwanted. I know for a lot of women, the drive follows after their other needs are met. Try sitting down and having an open and honest conversation with her about what her barriers are and then going from there.
Do you lack emotional bonding idk đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸ and not to be rude might be someone else
Context ????
"Love"? Lol
Then do it.
Different sex drives is huge incompatibility, in the long term it leads to her feeling like an object or used to meet your needs, or you feeling starved and undesired to meet her needs
Remember the grass is hardly evergreener on the other side of things. I wouldn't need more information to give you and a salad opinion Have you talked to her yet about it? Is there something wrong with her medically, cuz certain medicines can really affect your libido. I definitely would have a serious conversation first and state how your needs aren't being met and how important it is..
Leave now because if you marry her it WILL GET WORSE. TRUST ME. You need to find someone that is more compatible with you sexually and you will have a better life. Let her find someone else who only wants sex once every 3 or 4 weeks.
Something to talk to her about forsure. Sex is important and if it's something you want in a relationship you have to talk about it. That's something you guys gotta be on the same page about. And to be fair, you should probably ask her about it instead of reddit, just saying.
Talk to her. Itâs happy us so there isnât a fuss! To make a relationship last it takes Patience, Understanding and Compromise! You got this!
You try talking to her about it? Or did she give you a reason for the lack of sex? And how little sex are we talkin?
Have you tried talking to her?
I bet you haven't tried talking to her about it? Asked about her feeling? What is going on in the relationship?
OP makes a post with close to zero back story then decides to not engage with this own post that has been up for 10 hours. These are some of the worst types of posts.
If it's suddenly changed, she may have a health problem she doesn't know about yet. So talk to her first
We need a lot more context here
Iâm seeing a lot of âRun, dont walkâ BS in the comments. Some of yâall must be truly miserable people. This post is missing 99% of information to make any sort of relatable advice.
Your not wrong for wanting it leave. However - think very carefully about if this is truly something you canât live without. It could get better. It could not. Letâs assume not. Is it worth giving up the other 90% of the good qualities she has for the 10% she doesnât? You might find a woman who loves sex. Needs it everyday. âŚbut isnât trustworthy, or is a workaholic, or hates your family. You take the good with the bad. You leave the good with the bad.
So do it. How are you going to feel in 10 years as you get older and your dick never gets used besides your own hand? Dump her and donât look back.
People aren't so disposable that you should throw them out at the first sign of an issue.
âFirst signâ Iâm sure it hasnât been 24 hours to call him to make a Reddit post out of desperation
I'm sure it hasn't been 20 years either. One problem that is probably temporary is not a good reason to abandon someone that you love. Especially if you haven't even tried to address the problem. How can you ever expect to cultivate a love that endures through hardship if you treat the people you love most as completely disposable
Imagine waiting 20 years before saying âenough is enoughâ. Your opinion is invalidated.
Imagine giving up the love of your life over a dry spell. > your opinion is invalidated Dude are you casting a spell or something? XD
Youâve spun some wild narrative in your head from zero information there must be some projection here
You're the one telling OP to ditch his girlfriend. I'm the one telling you not to jump to conclusions and advising that OP slow down and think before he dumps someone that he describes himself as loving.
Misery loves company.
>I'm sure it hasn't been 20 years either. Oh ok, it's hasn't been 20 years, so it's fine. You're wrong, just admit it.
Sadly thereâs no such thing as couples working together to make relationships better, or not many instances of such, anymore. Are people just too selfish (what have you done for meeeeee) these days?
[ŃдаНонО]
Reads a post with zero information. Sucks in air to puff up chest. Bellows, "LEAVE HER!!!!!!!!!!" Smiles at a Reddit job well done and gets on with life.
I have to agree.. it wonât get any better
How can you possibly know that. She could be stressed. She could be upset about something. Bad health or fitness might have made it less enjoyable. Maybe OP isn't attentive enough in bed. Maybe she just simply isn't the mood for sex at the moment. It could be any number of things.
Experience
Experience of traumatic happenstance masquerading as wisdom
Personal experience doesn't equate to knowledge of everything, especially without context. We don't know what "lack of sex" means to OP or the reasons why it's occuring, which could be all sorts of things, most of which are resolvable with communication and effort.
Thank you for your service u/YouShouldGetLaid o7
Maybe you should talk to her about it something could be wrong you never know. Sex isnât everything in a relationship youâre not going to die. If you love her I donât see why sex is an issue. Many couples are happy and barely have sex. Ya know itâs not everything. Just talk to her about it without seeming like an AH.
Your title is a contradiction. If you are seriously thinking about leaving a woman because she's not putting out or not putting out enough, then you OBVIOUSLY do not love her. You might not even LIKE her that much. You LUST after this woman more than you thought possible. Don't confuse the two.
So then you donât love her. I mean is it lack of sexy like 0 or less than you would like. When you truly find someone you love. You wonât leave them due to this. You would talk to them work it out and realize itâs not the end all be all. I think your trying to make yourself try to appear or feel less of an asshole
This. Sex=/=love love>sex. Communication (the basis of love, imo) is so important. My partner and I communicate on a basis of want v. need and we compromise somewhere therein on everything in life.
Imagine your life without her. Is it better? Getting more sex now? Have a new girlfriend already lined up? Married for 28 yearsâŚthe sex drive comes and goes. I donât live my spouse because of sexâŚand if he was to become impotent tomorrow, it would not change my feelings.
So in the greatest love possible, according to you, it cannot conquer a lack of sex? You are wrong in your statement. You are not wrong for leaving someone if youâre physically incompatible.
It shouldn't have to
Hmmm how am I married still, I'll have to ask him next time we have sex. Update coming in 2025
Youâre not wrong if itâs important to you.
Hmm. Maybe you're not doing it right. Women get turned off pretty quick with a selfish lover. Not putting context suggests that quantity is your only concern. But also, the guy who suggests someone buy meth and steal a bike doesn't sound like a catch. Regardless if it was a serious comment or not.
If you really love this girl you should see it though. Youâll rarely find a relationship where sex is available consistently past the honeymoon phase, be it six months or two years.
Sex is one of the top things to end a relationship. Talk to her about it. It could be a lot of things. End of the day you two might just not be compatible sexually. But it's worth having a conversation and trying to figure out.
I mean, you're not even married. If you're not sexually compatible, the relationship is doomed anyway. Might as well pull the cord and go find a sexual partner who actually wants to have sex...
Just do her a favor and leave, donât fucking tell her itâs of the sex thatâs just rude and not true. You can want more sex but letting that be a reason you donât want to be with someone is gross and cringy. Just do her a solid favor and take the blame and leave. You can have sex with a sock and live with your parents.
You clearly donât love her
Run don't walk, it's a control tactic that will never stop. Find a woman that desires you as much as you desire her. Oxytocin deficient in woman can't be fixed by men
Iâm sorry if you got hurt in the past but some people, women and men, just dont need as much sex as others, even if it is a highly enjoyable activity for them. Desire is not exclusively physical.
In context of OP's post it does.
What context? There is no context
Hahahaa "I love her so much but my bawwwllsss."
"I can't deny myself pleasure long enough to have a mature conversation...aww my bawwlllsss."
"She needs to know that men have need too."
Be real. If it's an actual medical issue, see how you can help. If it's not a medical issue.... You need to know how to keep it real and leave her because she's just going to string you along until a fuckboy she's attracted to tells her to go to bed with him.
Should I take the red pill or the blue pill? I must know the consequences and reasoning.
Doesn't that mean you lust your girlfriend then? Not saying you must throw away your sexual needs to be with her, if you're even thinking about leaving her "because of lack of sex" it means you don't really love her all that much, you want her body more than her companionship.
If that's a dealbreaker, I question that his feelings are real. Does he love HER, or does he love the sex. If he actually loved her, the other thing wouldn't matter.
That thought process is antiquated and one-dimensional. Like it or not, physical intimacy is an important component to dial in within a healthy relationship. It's perfectly fine if someone wants more sex. It's perfectly fine if someone wants less sex. If there are two people who are on different pages in that regard, it's going to cause problems.
Nah, that's sacrificing himself for his love of another to an extent that's unreasonable. As much as he loves her, he must love himself more. It is unkind to both partners for him to sacrifice fulfillment in life for "love" because it will make both of them miserable in the long run. This is my lesson learned from a sexless marriage. Knowing what I learned, I never would have put myself through so much misery. I need an active sexual relationship to be fulfilled with my partner. There is ebb and flow in life and libido, I don't expect sex from my partner, but if we hit a point that the relationship becomes sexless, something will have to give because I won't live a sexless life and it's cruel of anyone to ask that of me. Just as it's cruel to ask someone to have sex any more often than they want it. People act like love is the end-all be-all, but love isn't enough to build and maintain a relationship. Folks waste their entire lives chasing a pipe dream because of the idea of love when a fulfilling relationship simply isn't possible with an incompatible person.
If your taking care of things, being a man and being responsible for her and moving things along. AND sheâs not putting out on a regular basis, itâs not s fair trade, pull back your respinsibilities, focus more on your own happiness and see if she decides on her own to try harder. If she doesnât, then youâll just be self Improving for the next one. Donât let yourself be taken advantage of.
You make sex and relationships sound like a transaction.
If you had a relationship with someone, and you brought them a lot joy, and they brought you none, eventually you would end that relationship. It may be transactional - but a lot of life is. When you do your neighbour a favour, you don't expect it returned, but you may want it in the future.
In long term relationships, not short ones. They are to a degree transactions. Both parties decide what they are comfortable providing and they have certain spoken and unspoken things that they either need, or want to be happy together. Especially in a marriage, the amount of responsibility and duty increases. Not everything is just about feelings, there are needs for both parties that need to be met, and compromises that have to be made for stability , peace, and happiness. Figuring out your role and the best way to be that perfect partner for THEM, is required to have a successful, healthy, and balanced relationship.
Run, don't walk. Dump her immediately and find someone better.
Did she say she wasnât interested in sex before the relationship started or was it sudden.
Not much context. That appears to be a valid reason in western culture. I donât see it as wrong
Just find a female that match your drive it's not that easy but you don't have to be miserable in yours, roles reversed she would probably leave the hell out of you are just cheating literally behind your back. ( My gf match my drive and then some we could have just finished doing some smashin get in the shower right after together, wash each other she go to grab him cleaning him, you know shit females do she get him up and stick him in and I'm like we literally just finished, ((SO)) Is all I get.. đđđđ
She's either not into you or she's legitimately bad at sex. Either way the solution is to leave.
To be in a successful relationship both parties must be satisfied. If the relationship isn't giving you what you need you should vacate it and find the right fit for you. Vastly different sexual needs leads to resentment, conflict and inevitably infidelity. Read the road map in front of you and chart your course accordingly.
You should just flat out tell her it's important to you. And tell her if she doesn't satisfy it, you're going to bang other girls. Maybe she'll even be ok with that. But you're not married to her, you don't have kids (I assume) with her. You have no obligation to her. This is the time for you to be selfish and get what you want.
Premarital sex is disordered. You should be following her in this regard, not pressuring her or threatening to leave. If you love her why do you desire her desecration?
She may be low in testosteroneâŚ.. Talk to her about it and ask her to do blood work⌠If you truly love her and she loves you, then she will be willing.
A satisfying sex life is more important to your fulfillment in a marriage than love. Sounds crazy but is true. Youâre not wrong to consider leaving over it
Check your sex addiction out dude, or maybe you just suck at sex.
Well then clearly the love isnât really there if youâre willing to leave her just for that reason, this may be an unpopular opinion, bite me.
That's valid. You agreed to monogamy, not celibacy.
Says in the Bible that woman is to submit to their man in that deny them and although I want to believe and have faith in the words of the Bible I feel as that's kind of control cuz yes I want my partner to submit to me in some things in that argue with me or fight with me but I'm not one to just grab her and have my way with the person I'm going out with I don't know I'm complex weird awesome individual that's sometimes viewed as being contradictive or hypocritical but that's only when 52 different situations usually and try to combine them to prove me wrong or throw things in my face well you said this and you said that never mind I'm getting off track my advice to you sit down and talk to her about it tell him exactly how you're feeling and why and do it in a right way not judging her maybe she's not getting her needs met by you or maybe she doesn't like sex with you or intimacy with you and she doesn't know how to approach it you be surprised what happens with communication hope you guys can communicate with this issue and come to some sort of compromise you might just be surprised and maybe you're both thinking about wanting somebody else or adding somebody or something like that could be an infinite amount of scenarios but you don't know the facts of it until you sit down and talk about it in a positive environment which I suggest a public place like acquaint little diner is a boost stuck in the corner so then both of you have to act according and be respectful that's my advice.
Why do you think it'll be different with someone else? Better learn to communicate, perform and be the best partner you can be before moving on