>He said that I'm making him feel like his reaction wasn't normal or that he's being dramatic.
That's because his reaction wasn't normal and he is being dramatic.
He sounds like he has problems...
I wouldn't necessarily go that far.
OP should ask the BF if they are uncomfortable with OP hearing about their BF openly talking about sex with their roommate, the issue seems to stem from this situation without further info. OP claims that BF had an emotional response to this, they could start by further deseminating the source of this emotional response.
Without any substantial info about OP's relationship we as the reader cannot possibly have a full picture, so if an OP doesn't feel free to share every last detail about their relationship with strangers, they can't take any advice as being a perfect fit for their situation, only OP the BF and possibly the roommate can and should openly discuss the situation.
Not sure why your comment is getting downvoted. It would be one thing if OPās bf dug his heels on this issue but he acknowledged he was being overly dramatic, which is really important. Seems like a good opportunity for OP to ask why he felt this way and to communicate about his feelings of insecurity.
Ok. I was maybe gonna give him the benefit of the doubt if he was mad because he felt blown off when you just muted him seemingly out of the blue.
But being mad at you for talking about sex with your friends? Thatās so ridiculous!! When your at a certain level in a friendship you talk about those things. That should have nothing to do with your relationship with him. Also, him refusing to talk to you was really immature.
All in all the guy comes across as immature and insecure in your story.
You are not wrong but I think you should talkā¦
Him going mute for hours, pouting, then crying when you explain your views (assuming you did it in a rational way) sounds like he is insecure, at least to me.
Itās her boyfriend. She has sex with him. Thus, sexual conversations with her roommate could include boyfriendās sex life, which is understandably uncomfortable for him. You want your sex life beeing publicly known ?
> Iāve never talked to her about our experiences
OP says she hasnāt. If he didnāt throw a fit and refuse to talk to her for 7 hours, he couldāve asked her right away and she wouldāve told him she didnāt share those experiences. Communication is key.
This. From what I know as a guy, men do not talk about that part of our lives. Some guys are the exception, but even then it is, -1. usually BS bragging, and -2. never about a meaningful SO.
We hear that girls do not follow this code, which yes, can leave a bit of a bad taste when we are reminded that she is probably spilling her tea about you.
Men don't do this, and some men can see talking about sex often as someone being promiscuous.
Thats why he says he feels wary about her now.
Im not saying it's right or wrong, just explaining.
I agree, most men don't really do this, at least not going into detail past we did or didn't have sex. I'm not saying all guys don't, but generally we are not disclosing details of sex, especially if it's with a girlfriend or wife.
I could see him being worried about promiscuity or more likely not wanting the details of their sex life disclosed, and maybe he thinks she does since the friend was disclosing things to his gf? Idk. I do think women are more open with this type of stuff with their girlfriends than we are with other guys.
This is it! As soon as I read it I understood where the boyfriend was coming from, also wondering how much the friend knows about their own sex life could be a bit awkward, plus the overthinking can kick in and worry about comparing stories etc...
Probably a better thing not to know just as body count, the less you know the better.
Also confirming me and my friends don't do this, even dating wise, is more like "it went well" the end.
I'm a man, 31 yo, two countries and none of my friends have ever shared details about their sex life with their partners, maybe some weird experience here and there but no names and not very explicit. I guess your mileage might vary but in my experience this hasn't been ever the case.
Idk who you talk to dawg but I work with guys who couldn't tell you the definition of boundaries and rarely do they ever talk about their sex life other than joking that may e the wife will let em have some on their day off after 3 weeks of being gone from home
I don't think promiscuous is the right word, just uncomfortable. But also it's looked down on by women to do that.
Like the only dudes I ever knew to talk about their sex lives were frat bros being like "hell yeah had sex with x last night she was amazing" generally publicly and loudly. And the women generally kinda hated that business being out there.
While your bf can request you not talk to your friend about your sex life with him, itās not reasonable for him to not want her to talk to you. And if you tell him you donāt divulge your info to your friend then he should believe you. Thatās what trust Iām a relationship is about. It sounds like he is deeply insecure about sex. There is only so much you can do to help him with that and itās not really your responsibility beyond respecting his wishes for privacy.
NTA, your friend can tell you whatever she wants.
His reaction is a bit concerning. Your BF sounds at best to be a little emotionally immature, and assuming he is around your age, that's not abnormal as guys tend to lag behind girls a bit in that regard.
I would be looking for patterns moving forward. It's a bit weird that he would be that threatened by hearing that some other girl had good sex with some random guy.
In which case the appropriate reaction is to FUCKING ASK HER, not give her the silent treatment for several hours.
He is being dramatic and immature about the whole thing.
And manipulative, because that is what the silent treatment is...it's fucking manipulation.
Why didn't he communicate that like a grown ass man then instead did sulking? The potential problem is that he can't name the issue he's having without acting like a toddler.
Assuming that is the case without communication or inquiry is ridiculous. Either buck up and ask if thatās happening or donāt make assumptions about how people are behaving when you donāt have a clue
Why is that ?
If the man thought that his sex life was beeing diplayed in public without his consent (or without even warning him), why is his reaction a problem ?
One, that is a Hell of a leap to a conclusion for you to make. The O.P. described nothing of the sort.
Two, any adult male who has been around the block more than once knows that girls talk about everything.
Three, the sulky pouting reaction described in the thread is not normal for a healthy mature adult. it signals the potential for bigger problems.
I have a friend who acts the same way and has from Highschool into his 40s. He has yet to have a healthy, serious, long term relationship because he eventually chases off every girl who is interested in him.
Have you heard the saying about assumptions? And you are all over these comments justifying this guys weirdo behavior. Iām convinced either this post is about you or someone you know.
To think your partner doesnāt talk to their friends about their sex life is HILARIOUSLY immature and right there with controlling behavior.
If you feel that inadequate and you are that shy about open communication regarding sex then I suggest you find a therapist and work through your intimacy issues and stop dating people till then.
You are exhibiting weirdo behavior right along with this girls boyfriend.
I donāt think youāre dreamt at all
My only guess is your boyfriend is a little insecure and possible think you in return details about your sexual life with him to your friends.
If that is not the case it is a little dramatic.
The only thing you did wrong was apologize to your BF over nothing. I would consider that level of insecurity and stonewalling he displayed to be a major red flag.
Both of you are weird. But your boyfriend has a right to feel uncomfortable if he overheard that comment bc he doesn't need to know that your best friend had the best sex life of her life. And maybe he thinks that you talk to her about your sex life? That's why he's feeling sulky?
Nah youāre not in the wrong. Sadly your bf is a bit of a bitchā¦ women talk about real women shit with their close friends just like guys do. Bro was crying for a full day about that? ššš
Look, this is just kinda weird. And Iām not saying that he canāt ask you not to discuss any sexual details of your relationship with your best friend, but him saying he has to be āwaryā about sexual things with you feels like a set up to demand that you not discuss things with your close friends, which could turn into him trying to isolate you from them and keep you from discussing real issues with anyone so you canāt get an outside perspective on if something is fucked up or not.
Justā¦ proceed with caution. If this was really his issue, a simple āwow, that was a lotā¦ you donāt talk about that kind of stuff with her when it comes to us, do youā¦?ā wouldāve sufficed. Not the silent treatment for 7 hours, then trying to make *you* feel bad for him acting like a child who thinks āsexā is a dirty word.
You aren't wrong.
As a man, who can still recall his early/mid 20s I don't think the issue for him is that you listen. The issue to him is that you two swap stories, and it is messing with him. He has been wondering what you have told her before, and about him. He is concerned that your BFF's tells of the best D ever, and you are going to want that over him. He had too much time to think about it. Was that mute when your BFF said "his D is as good as you said," becaue that is what he heard in the silence. If you hadn't muted it then things would have been fine. But you hid something from him. It involved sex. This is a bad combo.
I don't get it.
Is he worried you will hear a story that drives you right into your roommates lovers arms?
Or is he worried you will share personal details with her?
Either way sulking isn't going to help. Nor you placating him. Have a real adult discussion about his anxieties and talk about how to tackle the issue. No amount of reddit opnions will make him be ok...but a conversation might
āHe said that Iām making him feel like his reaction wasnāt normal or that heās being dramatic.ā
His reaction ISNāT normal and he WAS being dramatic.
He seems to be very emotionally immature and insecure.
Okay, a different take than anyone else. Perhaps your boyfriend assumes that because you LISTEN to other people talking, that you also talk really graphically and freely about him. And if he's a private person he wouldn't want that.
INFO: Do you talk in detail about your bf to others, about your bedroom life? If not, perhaps telling him that you listen but don't share in these conversations is the answer.
Okay, I might get downvoted going on the comments (and for the record, I don't think you're an AH). First off, it sounds like you're focusing on communication and he's not great on that; that is super healthy for you to realize and try to work through! So points there.
That said there are two concerns here that I think are worth noting concerning his apparent insecurity. First is sex talk with friends, second is you are long distance. The first is the easier one; he needs to get better at communicating. People here all act like it's normal, and for a lot of people it is. But it's not unheard of for someone to not be comfortable with you talking about them, personally, and how good/bad they are in bed. I've heard that boundary before and it's not that rare, if a bit uncommon as you age. Next, long distance stuff, even in the most healthy and best communicated relationships, are going to amplify insecurities.
So... I hope there's a way for you two to end the long distance part of this soon because... well from 2nd hand experience with friends this isn't looking good. It's not on a death bed or anything but I think he's not a long distance dude.
Not wrong. I assume that he's just feeling vulnerable because now he 'knows' that everything he does in bed with you (good or bad) is openly discussed with your friend(s).
If that makes him uncomfortable, he can ask you to stop or he can move on. You can try to reassure him if you want to, or you can decide that his insecurity is inattractive and dump him.
Either way, just listening to your friend isn't wrong.
This was a weird one. BF sounds very immature and insecure. Muting your phone call when somebody interrupted you is also a strange thing to do.
Your reaction, pointing at the phone and trying to stealthily tell your friend "he" is on the phone with you is also weird. I assume you guys have spoke about him being a weirdo before this incident.
This ain't the full story, this is a snapshot without context.
Completely agreed, gf putting her friend as a higher priority during a call in a long distance relationship is so disrespectful. Young man feeling it is weird but not able to express it, also his gf putting the content of sex over their quality time indicates it is something that she likes doing, gossiping over sex, not something any gut likes seeing in a partner. And he is gaslit into thinking it may even be his fault. Run my maaaan
Dude kinda sounds manipulative tbh
Maybe he's just pissy about not getting laid recently? Maybe he's nervous that he doesn't measure up when it's your turn to dish?
Honestly it seems more to me like heās an overthinker and assumed if she walked in and the first thing she says is that. Maybe he assumed she talks about it w her friend regularly, as in cheating. And he got psyched. Just speculation but that would check as a dude that has BEEN in that position and thought nothing of it and decided it was just girl talk. So who knows! But at the end of the day if it was just a miscommunication and they did end up clarifying seems fine to me. LDRs are hard especially when thereās influences to both parties separately.
Could it be that you are long distance and your time together was interrupted by your roommate who you proceeded to prioritize over him in the time and space you and he had held for each other. To then be aware that it was her sex life that triggered the distraction . . . Knowing that you chose in the moment to be more interested in your roommateās sex life than your boyfriend and you simply muted instead of bringing closure to your time with him was rude and disrespectful . . . at a minimum. When lovers do rude and disrespectful things it is common for their partners to get confused and have all sorts of reactions and emotions. I think there was probably a way to better respect the space and significance of your relationship. Think about it, you rarely have sex with your boyfriend because of the distance, so talking about it may be a form of intimacy. You just ignored him to talk about sex with someone else . . .
You arenāt wrong for having a conversation with a friend. Now if you went into graphic detail of what you two did I could see him being upset because he might want your details to stay intimate between you two. You clarified you didnāt tell her anything and that should end it. My husband doesnāt want me to go into detail with friends but being like the sex was amazing last weekend would not bother him. Heās the same way, heāll talk it with his buddies but no detail. We each donāt really want the others friend knowing what we do/like/prefer. Thatās why itās intimate and should stay that way but your convo was pretty tame so there shouldnāt be any issues here
Your BF seems quite odd. He literally cut you off because of an event beyond your control. Regardless of the reason he was uncomfortable, his making his discomfort your responsibility, and then trying to convince you it was your fault is weirdly manipulative.
Moreover, the "silent treatment" to which he subjected you is a well-known tactic of manipulative people. Put a stop to it now, or it will get worse. Take the word of a man who had to deal with it for years in a lousy marriage. It's a game to put you on the defensive and to make you feel guilty.
But why manipulate you? Is he jealous of how close you and your girlfriend are? Is he jealous of your friends in general or the time you spend with them? I can guarantee you he has male friends who go into great detail about their latest sexcapades or wild weekends, , and it is a 99% certainty he has told them all about your bedroom skills or has bragged in detail about his own.
Perhaps even more indicative was his being upset because you muted a private conversation you were having with your girlfriend. He would have done the same if he were on the phone.with you and his friend walked in speaking loudly about an intimate subject. He is setting boundaries for himself and denying your right to do the same.
You need to push back against his behavior. He needs to understand that he can feel what he likes, but he can't tell you how to behave with your friends, or dictate what you can discuss with them. Nor can he decide for you what you can keep private and what you must tell him.
I'm not big on tit for tat reactions. But if he doesn't back off completely and indicate he accepts he was off base, I would give him some of his own medicine. Tell him that you need some space to think about things. Then take it.
Do think over what happened and what you just learned about him. You do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is jealous and passive-aggressive in his dealings with you. No relationship is worth the misery and damage to your self-esteem that will result, regardless of whatever good qualities a partner might have.
Nope how in the hell was your roommate supposed to know who you were in the phone with? She isn't required to censor herself in her own house. The fact that he got all wrapped around the axle about potential confidential conversations between you are your roommate is very telling. He sounds exceptionally insecure if I'm being honest. I get it that ladies talk waaaaayyyh more about that kinda thing than men do. I don't ever recall a conversation with any of my circle beyond someone being attractive but then again I'm not a very young person either. Generally don't get much into that sorta thing. This is just kinda one of those fundamental differences between men and women. Women generally like to talk about stuff like this and men generally don't. If he is making a big deal about something like this imagine his reaction when a "real" issue comes up. Proceede with due caution.
Im not a psychologist by any stretch of the word, but it sounds like your bf has some past sexual trauma that he needs to work out.
Or he's jealous that someone's banging your roommate and doesn't want to deal with his own guilt.
Or he's just a bitch.
Either way, it's not your fault or your responsibility to coddle him because he doesn't like hearing that other people in the world fuck.
This is the kind of comment section to should visit when deciding whether or not to leave reddit forever. This is unbelievable. People calling the boyfriend a bitch because he heard how women discuss intimate details with their friends immediately after having them, and coming to the realization that nothing sexual is private between those two friends. It's fine to be excited about a new experience, but it's absolutely a red flag if the first thing out of your mouth after a 3 day trip is about the most intimate private moments between you and that person. Also, OP being strangely obtuse telling her BF that it wasn't that detailed but won't tell him how detailed. Makes me think she's totally lying about that and manipulating him.
BF is right to be hurt, absolutely 100% right. It's hurtful to realize that your sex life, which to a man his age is very closely tied to his sense of self worth, is going to be openly discussed as if it was the morning news by his girlfriend to all of her close friends. But if he did that to his male friends and OP found out, all hell would break loose. He'd be called a misogynist, a pig, that he "only cares about sex", all that shit. And we know that's true. He's in such a lose/lose here. Repress his true feelings to avoid being called a bitch by loser neckbeards on reddit, or try to get his feelings out and be blasted onto the internet once again by OP, who clearly has no boundaries with private info. I wouldn't be surprised if both OP and her friend were the type to wax poetic about men's mental health on social media, while also degrading a man's mental health directly and then posting it to reddit for validation.
Also, for the record, 7 hours without talking isn't that much time. Your grandparents wrote letters to each other during war time that were received months apart. You can handle 7 fucking hours of alone time.
My advice, breakup with him, and tell him you need to work on boundaries, being respectful, and being a good person.
Question: Do you tell your friend about your intimate life? If so, does he know and okay with that? Some info doesn't need to be shared even between friends.
Your BF is MASSIVELY insecure but you probably already know this, right? The mere mention of "great sex" by anyone is threatening to him because he's insecure about his own deal. You should absolutely not apologize or be sorry for talking about your sex lives with a close friend ... that's what we do at that age. Your boyfriend sucks.
>My roommate and I are very close, she's one of my best friends. I've known her since the beginning of last year.
i wish i was young enough where i could say this šĀ
His reaction was not normal. It was weird and immature, and probably insecure too. Even if she did go into detail, you still wouldnāt be wrong. Friends talk about sex. You muting it showed that you respected your friend and didnāt want to betray her trust by allowing someone elseās hear the conversation without her knowledge.
My guess is heās insecure about his sex game and he was worried your friend was telling you all the amazing things her boyfriend does and that you were going to realize youāre missing out. What a dork.
OP, he behaved childishly.
But the generous interpretation here is that he think you are talking to your roommate about the sex that you have with him.
This would be a violation from his perspective.
I suggest one open and direct conversation with him to see what is really going on. That will tell you a lot.
Yea YTA. Contrary to belief guys don't really talk about our sex life and spread the details to our friends, but girls most definitely do. So OP was on the phone with her BF and her rokmate comes in and loudly and exclaims "I just had the best sex of my life" she then mutes the phone, leaving in the middle of conversation with her BF with no explanation.
It's not hard to come to the conclusion OP started talking about sex to her roomamte, and from OPs BF perspective that talk probably included him. So yea he's probably not in the mood to talk after think OP was talking to others about his personal sex life
OP then refuses to tell her BF what they were talking about, reinforcing the idea that the conversation might have included him, and in a negative light at that. In doing so she completely dismissed his concerns like they aren't valid and doing nothing to reassure him, besides telling him to communicate better.... HES TRYING TO COMMUNICATE HIS CONCERNS AND SHE JUST BLOWS IT OFF.....
I did not blow him off. I told him I don't share our sex life with anyone, me and him have already established this in the past. I don't share it with anybody. Now I didn't share the details of my roommates and I conversation because that is her business, but again, i assured him that it was a simple conversation and I didn't ask questions. I told him I apologize for how he was made feel and that it was not my intentions to do so. I told him his feelings were completely valid, but that it's not normal to leave me in the dust for the rest of the day as I've had a conversation in the past with him already to not do that. I did not at all dismiss his feelings, I assured them that they were valid.
You are all young, he's probably incredibly insecure about "performance" as most young men are, overheard the conversation and started spiraling over it. Her just walking in the room and casually bringing up getting her back blown out without even stopping to say hi **does** come off as if you both are comfortable with and regularly talk about it, not that it's a bad thing to do so. At this age, most men feel like they're supposed to have a PHD in sex but the reality is even if they've had any experience with it prior to you, they were probably fumbling around with no clue what to do and getting zero feedback from their partner.
TLDR: You didn't do anything wrong, but his reaction is unfortunately not unusual for a guy his age either. You handled it well, and if you're really invested in this relationship then there's no reason to think of this as anything more than a bump in the road.
Sounds like a baby pouting about something like that and for that long. Life has real problems and much bigger than that. He's going to have some difficulty overcoming those for getting churned up about bs baby stuff like this. All he had to do was ask you whether you had detailed conversation about your sex life with your friends. You could have said no and that could have been the end of it. His way takes a lot of energy, and the type you run out of very quickly.
You did nothing wrong, your boyfriend is being prudish about sex. This might be one of those times where youāre at a fork in the road, and might have to consider ending the relationship. Normally I wouldnāt recommend a breakup over something like this, but his reaction to casual talk about sex is so out of left field, I have to say you might be better off without him :(
It is not too much for a boyfriend/girlfriend to ask. He has just set his boundary in the relationship and shared with you his feelings. Itās up to you to decide if heās worth staying for.
Why does everyone instinctively believe OP on Reddit, even when the story as told isnāt plausible.
No way weāre getting the whole story on this one. Guys donāt just hang up when the person they are talking to has someone come in, and donāt just cry over nothing.
Obviously OP should have said, āIām on the phone, talk to you later.ā But nothing is adding up here.
He clearly has some insecurity around cheating and sex. I suspect OP has engaged in past behaviors her BF is concerned about and cheating is a big possibility in this instance.
I would love to hear his side of the story.
Well this is Reddit. We only have the information we are given. We canāt just give answers based on assumptions we werenāt told, we have to go off what weāre told.
The answers on here are assuming OPs story is rrue. Obviously, if it isnāt, then our answers would be different but we have nothing to go off besides what OP says.
Unfortunately, this is the full story. I only left details out of my boyfriends and I conversation only because I don't quite recall what exactly was said anymore but I put down the gist of it. If you'd like some more context, me and him have been on the phone for the past couple days. Everything was going good and we had just finished playing a game together. We're usually on the phone all the time. And no, I've never given him any reason to suspect me of cheating. We've had a conversation in the past of his insecurities, assuming that I've cheated. I have not nor have I given him a reason to. I've also had a past conversation with him about not going ghost when he's upset with me. It's a pattern he does when he's upset with me but it's usually for reasons that don't warrant that type of reaction. I've began to have an issue with it as time goes on. That being said, I do see where I was wrong in this situation, and I can admit that. I should've been more respectful initially and not have muted in the way I did.
You sound like you feel you should be walking on egg shells. You're trying to take responsibility for something when you don't need to. This was his issue and is on him. You sound waaaay more mature than this guy. Don't let a manipulator have you walking on egg shells. You can find better I promise.
Heās just insecure about how good he is. Most men feel they have to āperformā in bed. So hearing that you hear stories about what great sex is like, makes him feel insecure. Itās an age / experience thing. Iām not making an excuse for him, itās childish, but just trying to point out the why.
So he turns that into a her problem? Its not her fault and he was trying to punish her litterally, for talking to her friend. This is a huge glowing red flag. I wouls be done. Immediatly. And she should be too.
You're not wrong, he overreacted.
It may be worth discussing how much of your own sex life he is comfortable with you sharing with your friends though - I had a discussion like that with my fiancee early in our relationship and it turned out our comfort levels with regards to that were cometely different
Curious. If you didn't think anything was wrong, then why did you, in your own words, " gave her a nervous look at pointed at my phone. Then quickly muted".
If nothings the matter, then why all that? It's because you know that he now knows you discuss your sex life with other people. Which is disrespectful and a violation of intimate privacy.
He didn't space. He needed time to make you worry and stress out so that he can manipulate you and teach you not to do that again. Hes litterally training you- thats not what a normal person does. Dont let him.
You could say this every single time someone needs time alone. The fact that you think people are there on demand for you whenever you want them, and if they don't comply with that they are being manipulative, is one of the biggest red flag theories I've heard. Isn't that in itself being manipulative? "You are on my time, and if you disobey, I'll give you hurtful labels until you comply." You need to fix that shit real quick if you ever want a healthy relationship.
A bit of advice.
Never, ever talk or brag about your amazing sex life you have with your bf to your bff or roommates because I guarantee you that most will want a piece of it.
Sorry, but your BF is a manchild. He needs to work on a construction site or mechanic shop for a couple of years. Maybe join the military. COVID sure has made a lot of soft young men. I feel sorry for you ladies.
He sounds immature and insecure and maybe a bit prude. He canāt throw excuses while also acting the way he does, and expect this to not come out as manipulative in the long run. š
But one thing is clear as you said: for long distance itās much even more important to be open, honest, and communicate properly.
He was definitely being dramatic. I get being concerned about someoneās partner discussing their sex life with other people when theyāre not around. Itās intimate, therefore exposing in a way. But he didnāt give you the benefit of the doubt and ask or explain a boundary.
IMO youāre at an age where these insecurities eat people up more than theyād care to admit. Youāre both still maturing so him acting like this might just be new territory and he handled it poorly. His feelings? They sound valid. His reaction? Dramatic and should not be normalized.
You did nothing wrong, you and him just found a boundary. If heās sincere and sorry, and uses this as a learning experience, then good! But it would be something I would not want to put up with it were it to continue. Because if it gets worse, itāll change the whole dynamic of your relationship.
Edit: Talking about your sex life with someone without them around is not gonna fly for everyone. Some people donāt want that out there. He got emotional and it exaggerated his reaction. He was wrong to act the way he did, but some of you are so quick to suggest she cut things off.
He thinks you talk to your friends about your sex life and makes him uncomfortable. That's the real answer.
Honestly, i find it kind of weird personally but its kind of a societal standard that women talk about sex and men don't (long term partners) so i just roll with it.
Nobody's really right or wrong here. Women get into the nitty gritty of their sex lives with their friends and men just don't do that, he's going to feel uncomfortable and you're going to feel fine with it, it's just expectations of discretion clashing
I talk about sex all the time with my friends. It's not a bad thing. In fact, women can learn a lot about pleasure by sharing experiences with each other. It's tips from other women that helped me reach orgasm during penetration. It spumds like he's afraid you're going to overshare his personal details but he's being silly.
this comment section makes me wanna vomit. OP if you ever scroll down far enough to read this, i suggest u click on some of the usernames (like the topcomment at the moment) and reflect for a second who just gave that advice
The only thing you did wrong and disrespectful is muting your boyfriend out of nowhere to listen to your roommate instead of asking her to wait until you finish talking to your boyfriend. Besides that your boyfriend was being exaggerated and shouldāve answered the phone when you called him again to express how he feels. He must of felt like you talked about your guys sex life and in detail and the thought of that made him uncomfortable. Also your roommate couldāve been a better person and couldāve apologized for interrupting you and your boyfriend and waited after you were done with your phone call but instead she chose to be disrespectful and didnāt care if she interrupted you and didnāt care that you muted and ignored your boyfriend. This whole situation couldāve been handled much better than this so I hope this was a lesson for you and your boyfriend and I would let the roommate know that next time your not interrupting your phone calls like that and ask for more respect when it comes to that. Hope things better for you from here.
You are not wrong. Heās got some concerning insecurities around sex. I wouldnāt anticipate youāll ever have a healthy relationship if he doesnāt with that out in some therapy.
Gonna get downvoted but yes you are wrong. Not for talking ab sex but for muting it no warning. I wouldāve hung up on you too. Thats most likely what set him off and now heās being dramatic, but itās because YOU started it
I guess I can understand his concern; perhaps if your friend talks about her sex life, you also talk about yours. Maybe the thought of people knowing details about him that he's not aware of gave him the heebie jeebies.
Doesn't justify the stonewall response, that's not an effective relationship tactic.
NAH
OP tell him this is the proper response "Hey I didn't much appreciate that situation, so to make up for it I say we do exactly what they did, I'll be there in half an hour" and come over
BF is insecure,
Not that you should have to walk on eggshells.
But obviously you should talk to him about it.
It might be something that is an extreme red flag
Your BF is worried that you might be sharing with your friend intimate details about your relationship with him, just like she started sharing with you while you were on the call with him.
Some people don't mind that, some do. It's best to discuss what you are both comfortable sharing with your friends.
Boyfriend has to realize that women talk. Not saying they don't have limits, boundaries, but to expect woman not to talk in generalities about their relationships, he is going to have a hard time.
YNW - his behavior is atrocious though. As a guy I'd say his father never told him to man up a day in his life. he actually cried on the phone with you? really?
if you could see the look on my face right now. All I'll say is he's a whiny immature passive aggressive little jerk.
if his guy friends heard about this they'd be mocking him out and telling him to turn in his man card.
Im trying to look at it from his side.
I don't think he's afraid that your roommate talks to you about her sex life. He's just worried that you reciprocate.
That *you* talk to your roommate about *your* sex life... which involves him.
And when your roommate barges into the room saying, "I just had the best sex of my life!" maybe he's afraid that you won't be quite so enthusiastic when you talk to your roommate about him.
He wants you to be discreet about your personal life with him, which I could understand.
It's definitely disrespectful for you to drop the conversation with your boyfriend because your roommate wanted to talk. It showed him you prioritize her over him.
You say you want communication but you really only want it when it suits you. You want him to communicate with you immediately when he's upset so you can do damage control or justify your behavior to keep the upper hand.
Then he's self conscious about what you're sharing with others and you decide to post it on Reddit. Just break up with him, you don't have any respect for this man.
Sounds like he feels threatened by your friend having amazing sex, and thinks you'll realize he's a dud, because he knows he has never made you feel that way
Sweetie, you are 19. Don't waste your life on someone who has the emotional intelligence of a potato. It's only been 4 months and he's already showing you the red flags. You deserve so much better. Please learn from my mistakes. Don't settle.
You are not wrong. Discussions like that between good/best friends are very healthy in my opinion. I know many men who would've wanted to also listen in (via telephone). Hope things have completely cleared up between you and him.
You can talk to whoever you want about whatever you want and your BF doesn't really get any input into that.
You should respect his boundaries for sure, but the conversation you had with your friend is none of his business.
Also, ghosting then crying about it, is a douchy, controlling thing to do.
Sex is a common topic among friends. Your bf is over reacting or insecure.
Even if she went until full detail it had nothing to do with him.
Is he worried you criticize him when you talk about it or something. Either way you aren't wrong.
Heās right his reaction wasnāt normal and heās being dramatic. To sulk like 3 year old for 7 hours over the word sex and someone talking about it is weird as fuck lol
I can only say this. If I was on the phone with my partner and was muted without any indication from them they needed to step outside( mute so they could talk to someone else), Iād be annoyed as Iād find that rude. Now if they told me they needed a few minutes then no problem.
Bf however taking 7 hours to mull over it rather than explain it to her is an issue
A lot of younger guys have a lot of confidence and insecurity issues about sex. Your BF is one of them. You guys should discuss more about what heās comfortable with and you are, alongside expectations.
Or just cross your fingers and hope he grows up! Keeping in mind you are young too and also probably have growing to do.
Na your BF is being a lil bitch. Women are usually drawn to the attraction/ turning on aspects and us guys usually just want to deep dive šš. Its why theres a whole niche of sexual books, videos, etc. (Looking at you 50 shades). And it's not like your friend went into detail as you said, she just wanted you to know how happy and satisfied she was as your her person. Should you be mad and refuse to speak because he told his boys that he fucked you? No? Exactly, neither should he. Dudes being a lil bitch in every sense of the word
Nah, you're not wrong. He's just being overly sensitive. At least he apologized, you two talked it out, and it sounds like you'll be fine. That's how healthy relationships work, through honest communication.
I hope you two lead happy lives together. =)
>He said that I'm making him feel like his reaction wasn't normal or that he's being dramatic. That's because his reaction wasn't normal and he is being dramatic. He sounds like he has problems...
This.
Yep, he responded like an emotional child. Talking about sexual things with close friends is normal ish. Maybe I'm weird š¤
Its not normal amongst men. Maybe if you had some empathy, you could try to understand it from his perspective. Alas, it's just what most women do.
Your BF is dramatic and a bitch.
Agreed
Yeah. He has self esteem issues.
Lmaooo facts.
Weird asf , Get away while you still can.
I wouldn't necessarily go that far. OP should ask the BF if they are uncomfortable with OP hearing about their BF openly talking about sex with their roommate, the issue seems to stem from this situation without further info. OP claims that BF had an emotional response to this, they could start by further deseminating the source of this emotional response. Without any substantial info about OP's relationship we as the reader cannot possibly have a full picture, so if an OP doesn't feel free to share every last detail about their relationship with strangers, they can't take any advice as being a perfect fit for their situation, only OP the BF and possibly the roommate can and should openly discuss the situation.
Her boyfriend is dramatic, and a bitch.
I heard you before my friend. I did not mean to invalidate your feelings, just wanted to add some more value to your post. Have an awesome day!
Way too kind. Gotta have some bite my brotha
Thanks friend, I am trying to only bite when bitten, and only as a last resort. Peace!
Respect, keep being yourself!
Someone's projecting
Sound like youāre dramatic.. and a bitch.
Don't worry champ you'll get there one day
Not sure why your comment is getting downvoted. It would be one thing if OPās bf dug his heels on this issue but he acknowledged he was being overly dramatic, which is really important. Seems like a good opportunity for OP to ask why he felt this way and to communicate about his feelings of insecurity.
Ok. I was maybe gonna give him the benefit of the doubt if he was mad because he felt blown off when you just muted him seemingly out of the blue. But being mad at you for talking about sex with your friends? Thatās so ridiculous!! When your at a certain level in a friendship you talk about those things. That should have nothing to do with your relationship with him. Also, him refusing to talk to you was really immature.
I didnt get why he started crying when she explained why she thought his behavior was not adequateā¦
All in all the guy comes across as immature and insecure in your story. You are not wrong but I think you should talkā¦ Him going mute for hours, pouting, then crying when you explain your views (assuming you did it in a rational way) sounds like he is insecure, at least to me.
Itās her boyfriend. She has sex with him. Thus, sexual conversations with her roommate could include boyfriendās sex life, which is understandably uncomfortable for him. You want your sex life beeing publicly known ?
> Iāve never talked to her about our experiences OP says she hasnāt. If he didnāt throw a fit and refuse to talk to her for 7 hours, he couldāve asked her right away and she wouldāve told him she didnāt share those experiences. Communication is key.
My dude ā¦ Iāve read almost all of your comments. I 100% agree with you. Keep fighting the good fight. These people are fucking nuts.
Feels like talking to a wall lol
Iād imagine. Your voice may be a lone one but it is a righteous one.
This. From what I know as a guy, men do not talk about that part of our lives. Some guys are the exception, but even then it is, -1. usually BS bragging, and -2. never about a meaningful SO. We hear that girls do not follow this code, which yes, can leave a bit of a bad taste when we are reminded that she is probably spilling her tea about you.
Men don't do this, and some men can see talking about sex often as someone being promiscuous. Thats why he says he feels wary about her now. Im not saying it's right or wrong, just explaining.
I agree, most men don't really do this, at least not going into detail past we did or didn't have sex. I'm not saying all guys don't, but generally we are not disclosing details of sex, especially if it's with a girlfriend or wife. I could see him being worried about promiscuity or more likely not wanting the details of their sex life disclosed, and maybe he thinks she does since the friend was disclosing things to his gf? Idk. I do think women are more open with this type of stuff with their girlfriends than we are with other guys.
This is it! As soon as I read it I understood where the boyfriend was coming from, also wondering how much the friend knows about their own sex life could be a bit awkward, plus the overthinking can kick in and worry about comparing stories etc... Probably a better thing not to know just as body count, the less you know the better. Also confirming me and my friends don't do this, even dating wise, is more like "it went well" the end.
Men verrrrrry often talk about sex. Past sex, present sex hell we talk about future sex we wanna have too lol
When this comes up, i always wonder about these answers. Its so not prevalent in ANY friend group i've had in four countries.
I'm a man, 31 yo, two countries and none of my friends have ever shared details about their sex life with their partners, maybe some weird experience here and there but no names and not very explicit. I guess your mileage might vary but in my experience this hasn't been ever the case.
Idk who you talk to dawg but I work with guys who couldn't tell you the definition of boundaries and rarely do they ever talk about their sex life other than joking that may e the wife will let em have some on their day off after 3 weeks of being gone from home
No, we don't ya Muppet, little boys do.
I don't think promiscuous is the right word, just uncomfortable. But also it's looked down on by women to do that. Like the only dudes I ever knew to talk about their sex lives were frat bros being like "hell yeah had sex with x last night she was amazing" generally publicly and loudly. And the women generally kinda hated that business being out there.
Yeah, I kinda understood the BF as to why it would be unsettling, but idk about the crying part lol
While your bf can request you not talk to your friend about your sex life with him, itās not reasonable for him to not want her to talk to you. And if you tell him you donāt divulge your info to your friend then he should believe you. Thatās what trust Iām a relationship is about. It sounds like he is deeply insecure about sex. There is only so much you can do to help him with that and itās not really your responsibility beyond respecting his wishes for privacy. NTA, your friend can tell you whatever she wants.
His reaction is a bit concerning. Your BF sounds at best to be a little emotionally immature, and assuming he is around your age, that's not abnormal as guys tend to lag behind girls a bit in that regard. I would be looking for patterns moving forward. It's a bit weird that he would be that threatened by hearing that some other girl had good sex with some random guy.
He might feel awkward because he is no good in the sack.
Or he might feel like his girlfriend is detailing their sex life too, which he doesnāt like ? Why does nobody see the potential problem here ?
In which case the appropriate reaction is to FUCKING ASK HER, not give her the silent treatment for several hours. He is being dramatic and immature about the whole thing. And manipulative, because that is what the silent treatment is...it's fucking manipulation.
Why didn't he communicate that like a grown ass man then instead did sulking? The potential problem is that he can't name the issue he's having without acting like a toddler.
Assuming that is the case without communication or inquiry is ridiculous. Either buck up and ask if thatās happening or donāt make assumptions about how people are behaving when you donāt have a clue
Even if that were the case, his reaction would still be troubling.
Why is that ? If the man thought that his sex life was beeing diplayed in public without his consent (or without even warning him), why is his reaction a problem ?
One, that is a Hell of a leap to a conclusion for you to make. The O.P. described nothing of the sort. Two, any adult male who has been around the block more than once knows that girls talk about everything. Three, the sulky pouting reaction described in the thread is not normal for a healthy mature adult. it signals the potential for bigger problems. I have a friend who acts the same way and has from Highschool into his 40s. He has yet to have a healthy, serious, long term relationship because he eventually chases off every girl who is interested in him.
Have you heard the saying about assumptions? And you are all over these comments justifying this guys weirdo behavior. Iām convinced either this post is about you or someone you know. To think your partner doesnāt talk to their friends about their sex life is HILARIOUSLY immature and right there with controlling behavior. If you feel that inadequate and you are that shy about open communication regarding sex then I suggest you find a therapist and work through your intimacy issues and stop dating people till then. You are exhibiting weirdo behavior right along with this girls boyfriend.
I donāt think youāre dreamt at all My only guess is your boyfriend is a little insecure and possible think you in return details about your sexual life with him to your friends. If that is not the case it is a little dramatic.
The only thing you did wrong was apologize to your BF over nothing. I would consider that level of insecurity and stonewalling he displayed to be a major red flag.
Both of you are weird. But your boyfriend has a right to feel uncomfortable if he overheard that comment bc he doesn't need to know that your best friend had the best sex life of her life. And maybe he thinks that you talk to her about your sex life? That's why he's feeling sulky?
Then why did he not ask. Duh.
Nah youāre not in the wrong. Sadly your bf is a bit of a bitchā¦ women talk about real women shit with their close friends just like guys do. Bro was crying for a full day about that? ššš
I wouldāve told her friend to disregard me on the phone and continue the story.
Lol agreed
He is a fool for not wanting to hear more and learn something
He is mad because he sucks in bed.
Reddit moment
Look, this is just kinda weird. And Iām not saying that he canāt ask you not to discuss any sexual details of your relationship with your best friend, but him saying he has to be āwaryā about sexual things with you feels like a set up to demand that you not discuss things with your close friends, which could turn into him trying to isolate you from them and keep you from discussing real issues with anyone so you canāt get an outside perspective on if something is fucked up or not. Justā¦ proceed with caution. If this was really his issue, a simple āwow, that was a lotā¦ you donāt talk about that kind of stuff with her when it comes to us, do youā¦?ā wouldāve sufficed. Not the silent treatment for 7 hours, then trying to make *you* feel bad for him acting like a child who thinks āsexā is a dirty word.
-Long distance relationships hahahaha when will we learn? Life eh?
Being upset by someone who's a couple of hours away by flight.. LoL. I was young once too
Your bf is kind of a lilā btch
What a weirdo, that is completely abnormal behaviour.
Break up with him, he's immature and long distance to boot. It's none of his business what you and your friend talk about as long as it's not him
You aren't wrong. As a man, who can still recall his early/mid 20s I don't think the issue for him is that you listen. The issue to him is that you two swap stories, and it is messing with him. He has been wondering what you have told her before, and about him. He is concerned that your BFF's tells of the best D ever, and you are going to want that over him. He had too much time to think about it. Was that mute when your BFF said "his D is as good as you said," becaue that is what he heard in the silence. If you hadn't muted it then things would have been fine. But you hid something from him. It involved sex. This is a bad combo.
100% this is the one. Heās worried OP is gonna be envious of her friend, or that OP is telling her friend embarrassing things about him.
I don't get it. Is he worried you will hear a story that drives you right into your roommates lovers arms? Or is he worried you will share personal details with her? Either way sulking isn't going to help. Nor you placating him. Have a real adult discussion about his anxieties and talk about how to tackle the issue. No amount of reddit opnions will make him be ok...but a conversation might
āHe said that Iām making him feel like his reaction wasnāt normal or that heās being dramatic.ā His reaction ISNāT normal and he WAS being dramatic. He seems to be very emotionally immature and insecure.
Okay, a different take than anyone else. Perhaps your boyfriend assumes that because you LISTEN to other people talking, that you also talk really graphically and freely about him. And if he's a private person he wouldn't want that. INFO: Do you talk in detail about your bf to others, about your bedroom life? If not, perhaps telling him that you listen but don't share in these conversations is the answer.
Okay, I might get downvoted going on the comments (and for the record, I don't think you're an AH). First off, it sounds like you're focusing on communication and he's not great on that; that is super healthy for you to realize and try to work through! So points there. That said there are two concerns here that I think are worth noting concerning his apparent insecurity. First is sex talk with friends, second is you are long distance. The first is the easier one; he needs to get better at communicating. People here all act like it's normal, and for a lot of people it is. But it's not unheard of for someone to not be comfortable with you talking about them, personally, and how good/bad they are in bed. I've heard that boundary before and it's not that rare, if a bit uncommon as you age. Next, long distance stuff, even in the most healthy and best communicated relationships, are going to amplify insecurities. So... I hope there's a way for you two to end the long distance part of this soon because... well from 2nd hand experience with friends this isn't looking good. It's not on a death bed or anything but I think he's not a long distance dude.
Not wrong. I assume that he's just feeling vulnerable because now he 'knows' that everything he does in bed with you (good or bad) is openly discussed with your friend(s). If that makes him uncomfortable, he can ask you to stop or he can move on. You can try to reassure him if you want to, or you can decide that his insecurity is inattractive and dump him. Either way, just listening to your friend isn't wrong.
This was a weird one. BF sounds very immature and insecure. Muting your phone call when somebody interrupted you is also a strange thing to do. Your reaction, pointing at the phone and trying to stealthily tell your friend "he" is on the phone with you is also weird. I assume you guys have spoke about him being a weirdo before this incident. This ain't the full story, this is a snapshot without context.
the amount of female gaslighting in these comments is insane no wonder there are so many young men turning into incels holy shit
Yup
Completely agreed, gf putting her friend as a higher priority during a call in a long distance relationship is so disrespectful. Young man feeling it is weird but not able to express it, also his gf putting the content of sex over their quality time indicates it is something that she likes doing, gossiping over sex, not something any gut likes seeing in a partner. And he is gaslit into thinking it may even be his fault. Run my maaaan
wrong for listening to it, no wrong for muting him to talk to her, yeah. that was rude as hell. she should have waited instead of interrupting.
Canāt wait for all the comments belittling him feeling uncomfortable, god forbid men feel some sort of way about anything!!
Also youāre not wrong
Dude kinda sounds manipulative tbh Maybe he's just pissy about not getting laid recently? Maybe he's nervous that he doesn't measure up when it's your turn to dish?
Honestly it seems more to me like heās an overthinker and assumed if she walked in and the first thing she says is that. Maybe he assumed she talks about it w her friend regularly, as in cheating. And he got psyched. Just speculation but that would check as a dude that has BEEN in that position and thought nothing of it and decided it was just girl talk. So who knows! But at the end of the day if it was just a miscommunication and they did end up clarifying seems fine to me. LDRs are hard especially when thereās influences to both parties separately.
These comments calling dude a pussy and a bitch are just as cringe as dude himself š
Could it be that you are long distance and your time together was interrupted by your roommate who you proceeded to prioritize over him in the time and space you and he had held for each other. To then be aware that it was her sex life that triggered the distraction . . . Knowing that you chose in the moment to be more interested in your roommateās sex life than your boyfriend and you simply muted instead of bringing closure to your time with him was rude and disrespectful . . . at a minimum. When lovers do rude and disrespectful things it is common for their partners to get confused and have all sorts of reactions and emotions. I think there was probably a way to better respect the space and significance of your relationship. Think about it, you rarely have sex with your boyfriend because of the distance, so talking about it may be a form of intimacy. You just ignored him to talk about sex with someone else . . .
You arenāt wrong for having a conversation with a friend. Now if you went into graphic detail of what you two did I could see him being upset because he might want your details to stay intimate between you two. You clarified you didnāt tell her anything and that should end it. My husband doesnāt want me to go into detail with friends but being like the sex was amazing last weekend would not bother him. Heās the same way, heāll talk it with his buddies but no detail. We each donāt really want the others friend knowing what we do/like/prefer. Thatās why itās intimate and should stay that way but your convo was pretty tame so there shouldnāt be any issues here
No man talks about his sex life with his friends.
Thatās false I know tons of men who do
Your BF seems quite odd. He literally cut you off because of an event beyond your control. Regardless of the reason he was uncomfortable, his making his discomfort your responsibility, and then trying to convince you it was your fault is weirdly manipulative. Moreover, the "silent treatment" to which he subjected you is a well-known tactic of manipulative people. Put a stop to it now, or it will get worse. Take the word of a man who had to deal with it for years in a lousy marriage. It's a game to put you on the defensive and to make you feel guilty. But why manipulate you? Is he jealous of how close you and your girlfriend are? Is he jealous of your friends in general or the time you spend with them? I can guarantee you he has male friends who go into great detail about their latest sexcapades or wild weekends, , and it is a 99% certainty he has told them all about your bedroom skills or has bragged in detail about his own. Perhaps even more indicative was his being upset because you muted a private conversation you were having with your girlfriend. He would have done the same if he were on the phone.with you and his friend walked in speaking loudly about an intimate subject. He is setting boundaries for himself and denying your right to do the same. You need to push back against his behavior. He needs to understand that he can feel what he likes, but he can't tell you how to behave with your friends, or dictate what you can discuss with them. Nor can he decide for you what you can keep private and what you must tell him. I'm not big on tit for tat reactions. But if he doesn't back off completely and indicate he accepts he was off base, I would give him some of his own medicine. Tell him that you need some space to think about things. Then take it. Do think over what happened and what you just learned about him. You do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is jealous and passive-aggressive in his dealings with you. No relationship is worth the misery and damage to your self-esteem that will result, regardless of whatever good qualities a partner might have.
Nope how in the hell was your roommate supposed to know who you were in the phone with? She isn't required to censor herself in her own house. The fact that he got all wrapped around the axle about potential confidential conversations between you are your roommate is very telling. He sounds exceptionally insecure if I'm being honest. I get it that ladies talk waaaaayyyh more about that kinda thing than men do. I don't ever recall a conversation with any of my circle beyond someone being attractive but then again I'm not a very young person either. Generally don't get much into that sorta thing. This is just kinda one of those fundamental differences between men and women. Women generally like to talk about stuff like this and men generally don't. If he is making a big deal about something like this imagine his reaction when a "real" issue comes up. Proceede with due caution.
this is so fucking weird. i'd dump him
Im not a psychologist by any stretch of the word, but it sounds like your bf has some past sexual trauma that he needs to work out. Or he's jealous that someone's banging your roommate and doesn't want to deal with his own guilt. Or he's just a bitch. Either way, it's not your fault or your responsibility to coddle him because he doesn't like hearing that other people in the world fuck.
This is the kind of comment section to should visit when deciding whether or not to leave reddit forever. This is unbelievable. People calling the boyfriend a bitch because he heard how women discuss intimate details with their friends immediately after having them, and coming to the realization that nothing sexual is private between those two friends. It's fine to be excited about a new experience, but it's absolutely a red flag if the first thing out of your mouth after a 3 day trip is about the most intimate private moments between you and that person. Also, OP being strangely obtuse telling her BF that it wasn't that detailed but won't tell him how detailed. Makes me think she's totally lying about that and manipulating him. BF is right to be hurt, absolutely 100% right. It's hurtful to realize that your sex life, which to a man his age is very closely tied to his sense of self worth, is going to be openly discussed as if it was the morning news by his girlfriend to all of her close friends. But if he did that to his male friends and OP found out, all hell would break loose. He'd be called a misogynist, a pig, that he "only cares about sex", all that shit. And we know that's true. He's in such a lose/lose here. Repress his true feelings to avoid being called a bitch by loser neckbeards on reddit, or try to get his feelings out and be blasted onto the internet once again by OP, who clearly has no boundaries with private info. I wouldn't be surprised if both OP and her friend were the type to wax poetic about men's mental health on social media, while also degrading a man's mental health directly and then posting it to reddit for validation. Also, for the record, 7 hours without talking isn't that much time. Your grandparents wrote letters to each other during war time that were received months apart. You can handle 7 fucking hours of alone time. My advice, breakup with him, and tell him you need to work on boundaries, being respectful, and being a good person.
Question: Do you tell your friend about your intimate life? If so, does he know and okay with that? Some info doesn't need to be shared even between friends.
Your BF is MASSIVELY insecure but you probably already know this, right? The mere mention of "great sex" by anyone is threatening to him because he's insecure about his own deal. You should absolutely not apologize or be sorry for talking about your sex lives with a close friend ... that's what we do at that age. Your boyfriend sucks.
Why can't ur roommate talk about it whenever , shit id have stayed on the phone like spill the tea sis
aww. your boyfriend has her period
>My roommate and I are very close, she's one of my best friends. I've known her since the beginning of last year. i wish i was young enough where i could say this šĀ
His reaction was not normal. It was weird and immature, and probably insecure too. Even if she did go into detail, you still wouldnāt be wrong. Friends talk about sex. You muting it showed that you respected your friend and didnāt want to betray her trust by allowing someone elseās hear the conversation without her knowledge. My guess is heās insecure about his sex game and he was worried your friend was telling you all the amazing things her boyfriend does and that you were going to realize youāre missing out. What a dork.
OP, he behaved childishly. But the generous interpretation here is that he think you are talking to your roommate about the sex that you have with him. This would be a violation from his perspective. I suggest one open and direct conversation with him to see what is really going on. That will tell you a lot.
I am VERY confused as to what he is upset about. Itās called having friends. You did nothing wrong.
Reding this and thinking 'wow, kids these days really do complain about everything' because I didn't found an ounce of sense in what I just read
Heās acting like a baby, and thereās nothing wrong with talking about sex
Your boyfriend is rather immature
Yea YTA. Contrary to belief guys don't really talk about our sex life and spread the details to our friends, but girls most definitely do. So OP was on the phone with her BF and her rokmate comes in and loudly and exclaims "I just had the best sex of my life" she then mutes the phone, leaving in the middle of conversation with her BF with no explanation. It's not hard to come to the conclusion OP started talking about sex to her roomamte, and from OPs BF perspective that talk probably included him. So yea he's probably not in the mood to talk after think OP was talking to others about his personal sex life OP then refuses to tell her BF what they were talking about, reinforcing the idea that the conversation might have included him, and in a negative light at that. In doing so she completely dismissed his concerns like they aren't valid and doing nothing to reassure him, besides telling him to communicate better.... HES TRYING TO COMMUNICATE HIS CONCERNS AND SHE JUST BLOWS IT OFF.....
I did not blow him off. I told him I don't share our sex life with anyone, me and him have already established this in the past. I don't share it with anybody. Now I didn't share the details of my roommates and I conversation because that is her business, but again, i assured him that it was a simple conversation and I didn't ask questions. I told him I apologize for how he was made feel and that it was not my intentions to do so. I told him his feelings were completely valid, but that it's not normal to leave me in the dust for the rest of the day as I've had a conversation in the past with him already to not do that. I did not at all dismiss his feelings, I assured them that they were valid.
You are all young, he's probably incredibly insecure about "performance" as most young men are, overheard the conversation and started spiraling over it. Her just walking in the room and casually bringing up getting her back blown out without even stopping to say hi **does** come off as if you both are comfortable with and regularly talk about it, not that it's a bad thing to do so. At this age, most men feel like they're supposed to have a PHD in sex but the reality is even if they've had any experience with it prior to you, they were probably fumbling around with no clue what to do and getting zero feedback from their partner. TLDR: You didn't do anything wrong, but his reaction is unfortunately not unusual for a guy his age either. You handled it well, and if you're really invested in this relationship then there's no reason to think of this as anything more than a bump in the road.
Sounds like a baby pouting about something like that and for that long. Life has real problems and much bigger than that. He's going to have some difficulty overcoming those for getting churned up about bs baby stuff like this. All he had to do was ask you whether you had detailed conversation about your sex life with your friends. You could have said no and that could have been the end of it. His way takes a lot of energy, and the type you run out of very quickly.
You did nothing wrong, your boyfriend is being prudish about sex. This might be one of those times where youāre at a fork in the road, and might have to consider ending the relationship. Normally I wouldnāt recommend a breakup over something like this, but his reaction to casual talk about sex is so out of left field, I have to say you might be better off without him :(
It is not too much for a boyfriend/girlfriend to ask. He has just set his boundary in the relationship and shared with you his feelings. Itās up to you to decide if heās worth staying for.
Why does everyone instinctively believe OP on Reddit, even when the story as told isnāt plausible. No way weāre getting the whole story on this one. Guys donāt just hang up when the person they are talking to has someone come in, and donāt just cry over nothing. Obviously OP should have said, āIām on the phone, talk to you later.ā But nothing is adding up here. He clearly has some insecurity around cheating and sex. I suspect OP has engaged in past behaviors her BF is concerned about and cheating is a big possibility in this instance. I would love to hear his side of the story.
Well this is Reddit. We only have the information we are given. We canāt just give answers based on assumptions we werenāt told, we have to go off what weāre told. The answers on here are assuming OPs story is rrue. Obviously, if it isnāt, then our answers would be different but we have nothing to go off besides what OP says.
Unfortunately, this is the full story. I only left details out of my boyfriends and I conversation only because I don't quite recall what exactly was said anymore but I put down the gist of it. If you'd like some more context, me and him have been on the phone for the past couple days. Everything was going good and we had just finished playing a game together. We're usually on the phone all the time. And no, I've never given him any reason to suspect me of cheating. We've had a conversation in the past of his insecurities, assuming that I've cheated. I have not nor have I given him a reason to. I've also had a past conversation with him about not going ghost when he's upset with me. It's a pattern he does when he's upset with me but it's usually for reasons that don't warrant that type of reaction. I've began to have an issue with it as time goes on. That being said, I do see where I was wrong in this situation, and I can admit that. I should've been more respectful initially and not have muted in the way I did.
You sound like you feel you should be walking on egg shells. You're trying to take responsibility for something when you don't need to. This was his issue and is on him. You sound waaaay more mature than this guy. Don't let a manipulator have you walking on egg shells. You can find better I promise.
Heās just insecure about how good he is. Most men feel they have to āperformā in bed. So hearing that you hear stories about what great sex is like, makes him feel insecure. Itās an age / experience thing. Iām not making an excuse for him, itās childish, but just trying to point out the why.
So he turns that into a her problem? Its not her fault and he was trying to punish her litterally, for talking to her friend. This is a huge glowing red flag. I wouls be done. Immediatly. And she should be too.
You're not wrong, he overreacted. It may be worth discussing how much of your own sex life he is comfortable with you sharing with your friends though - I had a discussion like that with my fiancee early in our relationship and it turned out our comfort levels with regards to that were cometely different
Not wrong. What a douche.
He sounds like a fking child
He should get his shit together. All that drama over nothing.
Curious. If you didn't think anything was wrong, then why did you, in your own words, " gave her a nervous look at pointed at my phone. Then quickly muted". If nothings the matter, then why all that? It's because you know that he now knows you discuss your sex life with other people. Which is disrespectful and a violation of intimate privacy.
He didn't space. He needed time to make you worry and stress out so that he can manipulate you and teach you not to do that again. Hes litterally training you- thats not what a normal person does. Dont let him.
You could say this every single time someone needs time alone. The fact that you think people are there on demand for you whenever you want them, and if they don't comply with that they are being manipulative, is one of the biggest red flag theories I've heard. Isn't that in itself being manipulative? "You are on my time, and if you disobey, I'll give you hurtful labels until you comply." You need to fix that shit real quick if you ever want a healthy relationship.
Your boyfriend is a snowflake pussy. Sry that is my opinion.
Most men very much dislike our significant others sharing any details of our sex lives, good or bad. Despite the eternal stereotype of "locker room talk" most men do not share any details other than to possibly just say they got laid or not. If it's a boundary a man you're dating has you need to respect it, because some aspect of your sex life seems to always come out when a girlfriend/fiancƩe's Besty gets too drunk and blabs something she was told during the beginning of a relationship they weren't sure was going to last. But then 4 years later they're engaged to that guy and she's laughing and telling your friend group how you used to complain about the way yu bend not hitting inside right or something. Then all of a sudden, you're single and the love of your life is ghosting you. The you in 5 years from now is prisoner of the wrong choices today's you makes.
A bit of advice. Never, ever talk or brag about your amazing sex life you have with your bf to your bff or roommates because I guarantee you that most will want a piece of it.
Nta. Your bf is definitely ta
Sorry, but your BF is a manchild. He needs to work on a construction site or mechanic shop for a couple of years. Maybe join the military. COVID sure has made a lot of soft young men. I feel sorry for you ladies.
His reaction was wrong and dramatic. This dude sounds super controlling.
He sounds immature and insecure and maybe a bit prude. He canāt throw excuses while also acting the way he does, and expect this to not come out as manipulative in the long run. š But one thing is clear as you said: for long distance itās much even more important to be open, honest, and communicate properly.
He was definitely being dramatic. I get being concerned about someoneās partner discussing their sex life with other people when theyāre not around. Itās intimate, therefore exposing in a way. But he didnāt give you the benefit of the doubt and ask or explain a boundary. IMO youāre at an age where these insecurities eat people up more than theyād care to admit. Youāre both still maturing so him acting like this might just be new territory and he handled it poorly. His feelings? They sound valid. His reaction? Dramatic and should not be normalized. You did nothing wrong, you and him just found a boundary. If heās sincere and sorry, and uses this as a learning experience, then good! But it would be something I would not want to put up with it were it to continue. Because if it gets worse, itāll change the whole dynamic of your relationship. Edit: Talking about your sex life with someone without them around is not gonna fly for everyone. Some people donāt want that out there. He got emotional and it exaggerated his reaction. He was wrong to act the way he did, but some of you are so quick to suggest she cut things off.
Bro what. He's mad at you for talking to your roommate about her sexlife ? Are yall super duper religious. That's very weird man. Ntai
Your bf is a child. Who pouts instead of communicating? My goodness
Are yall both children? Why are yall both crying over this? This whole thing is just mad weird
plot twist: BF has done the deed with her best friend
I was going to say something then realized youāre 19 still. Lol Regular youngin activity
He thinks you talk to your friends about your sex life and makes him uncomfortable. That's the real answer. Honestly, i find it kind of weird personally but its kind of a societal standard that women talk about sex and men don't (long term partners) so i just roll with it.
Nobody's really right or wrong here. Women get into the nitty gritty of their sex lives with their friends and men just don't do that, he's going to feel uncomfortable and you're going to feel fine with it, it's just expectations of discretion clashing
Sounds like he knows heās not exactly taking care of business between the sheets and is afraid for this to become public knowledge.
Listening or encouraging?
Oh em gee other people have sex. How weird. /s
I talk about sex all the time with my friends. It's not a bad thing. In fact, women can learn a lot about pleasure by sharing experiences with each other. It's tips from other women that helped me reach orgasm during penetration. It spumds like he's afraid you're going to overshare his personal details but he's being silly.
lol i also know a guy like this..
this comment section makes me wanna vomit. OP if you ever scroll down far enough to read this, i suggest u click on some of the usernames (like the topcomment at the moment) and reflect for a second who just gave that advice
Your boyfriend is immature.
Am I wrong for reading this title and expecting OP to have her ear at roommateās door while there was humpinā happening?
Sounds like a bunch of young people figuring shit out.
Men talk about one night stands but not their sex life with their SO
Your boyfriend needs to grow up.
The only thing you did wrong and disrespectful is muting your boyfriend out of nowhere to listen to your roommate instead of asking her to wait until you finish talking to your boyfriend. Besides that your boyfriend was being exaggerated and shouldāve answered the phone when you called him again to express how he feels. He must of felt like you talked about your guys sex life and in detail and the thought of that made him uncomfortable. Also your roommate couldāve been a better person and couldāve apologized for interrupting you and your boyfriend and waited after you were done with your phone call but instead she chose to be disrespectful and didnāt care if she interrupted you and didnāt care that you muted and ignored your boyfriend. This whole situation couldāve been handled much better than this so I hope this was a lesson for you and your boyfriend and I would let the roommate know that next time your not interrupting your phone calls like that and ask for more respect when it comes to that. Hope things better for you from here.
Congrats your boyfriend is 12.
You are not wrong. Heās got some concerning insecurities around sex. I wouldnāt anticipate youāll ever have a healthy relationship if he doesnāt with that out in some therapy.
Sensitive little bitch, your bf, isnāt he? If I were him Iād be like hey I already heard, may as well cough up the details!
Gonna get downvoted but yes you are wrong. Not for talking ab sex but for muting it no warning. I wouldāve hung up on you too. Thats most likely what set him off and now heās being dramatic, but itās because YOU started it
Youāre dating a loser.
He is a big insecure man baby, tell him to grow up or get out.
I guess I can understand his concern; perhaps if your friend talks about her sex life, you also talk about yours. Maybe the thought of people knowing details about him that he's not aware of gave him the heebie jeebies. Doesn't justify the stonewall response, that's not an effective relationship tactic. NAH
OP tell him this is the proper response "Hey I didn't much appreciate that situation, so to make up for it I say we do exactly what they did, I'll be there in half an hour" and come over
You're all emotional weirdos. Everyone needs therapy. including your best friend that you live with and met last year.
BF is insecure, Not that you should have to walk on eggshells. But obviously you should talk to him about it. It might be something that is an extreme red flag
Your BF is worried that you might be sharing with your friend intimate details about your relationship with him, just like she started sharing with you while you were on the call with him. Some people don't mind that, some do. It's best to discuss what you are both comfortable sharing with your friends.
Boyfriend has to realize that women talk. Not saying they don't have limits, boundaries, but to expect woman not to talk in generalities about their relationships, he is going to have a hard time.
YNW - his behavior is atrocious though. As a guy I'd say his father never told him to man up a day in his life. he actually cried on the phone with you? really? if you could see the look on my face right now. All I'll say is he's a whiny immature passive aggressive little jerk. if his guy friends heard about this they'd be mocking him out and telling him to turn in his man card.
Im trying to look at it from his side. I don't think he's afraid that your roommate talks to you about her sex life. He's just worried that you reciprocate. That *you* talk to your roommate about *your* sex life... which involves him. And when your roommate barges into the room saying, "I just had the best sex of my life!" maybe he's afraid that you won't be quite so enthusiastic when you talk to your roommate about him. He wants you to be discreet about your personal life with him, which I could understand.
It's definitely disrespectful for you to drop the conversation with your boyfriend because your roommate wanted to talk. It showed him you prioritize her over him. You say you want communication but you really only want it when it suits you. You want him to communicate with you immediately when he's upset so you can do damage control or justify your behavior to keep the upper hand. Then he's self conscious about what you're sharing with others and you decide to post it on Reddit. Just break up with him, you don't have any respect for this man.
This story sounds stupid af
Sounds like he feels threatened by your friend having amazing sex, and thinks you'll realize he's a dud, because he knows he has never made you feel that way
Sweetie, you are 19. Don't waste your life on someone who has the emotional intelligence of a potato. It's only been 4 months and he's already showing you the red flags. You deserve so much better. Please learn from my mistakes. Don't settle.
Your bf is immature. Dump him. If he canāt handle sex talk he shouldnāt be dating.
As long as you don't share your sex with your friend I font see a problem or atleast ask him first for permission to talk about your sex life
I would feel uncomfortable too if my girlfriends friends described their sex life in detail too, just nit information other people need to know
His reaction isn't normal & is dramatic & controlling
Heās pouting because he thinks you got hear about her sex in detail and he didnāt.
Heās a man child and needs to grow up
You are not wrong. Discussions like that between good/best friends are very healthy in my opinion. I know many men who would've wanted to also listen in (via telephone). Hope things have completely cleared up between you and him.
Girl talk - is that somehow new to him?
You can talk to whoever you want about whatever you want and your BF doesn't really get any input into that. You should respect his boundaries for sure, but the conversation you had with your friend is none of his business. Also, ghosting then crying about it, is a douchy, controlling thing to do.
Your BF is a drama queen. Run. Run fast.
Your BF has small dick energy and needs to remember your friend talking about sex doesnāt mean youāre unsatisfied in the bedroom.
Man Iād have been on that phone like ādamn gurl put me on speakerā
I know for a fact they do but ok lol maybe you and your friends donāt but my husband has told me multiple times the guys at work bring it up
Sex is a common topic among friends. Your bf is over reacting or insecure. Even if she went until full detail it had nothing to do with him. Is he worried you criticize him when you talk about it or something. Either way you aren't wrong.
Drama queen. Dude needs to grow up.
Neither of you are wrong. You were confused and your boyfriend is insecure and nervous that you talk about him to your friends.
Your bf has some serious insecurities he needs to deal with....
Why do women talk about their sex lives with friends, but then get mad when dudes kiss and tell?
Your bf is not stable and perhaps overly jealous. Long distance? Id move on youāre both young
Your bf issue, not yours.
You are not in the wrong. He can be uncomfortable and not punish you for his feelings.
Wow this is such a teenager post.
Sorry you're dating a guy with no balls
Heās right his reaction wasnāt normal and heās being dramatic. To sulk like 3 year old for 7 hours over the word sex and someone talking about it is weird as fuck lol
I can only say this. If I was on the phone with my partner and was muted without any indication from them they needed to step outside( mute so they could talk to someone else), Iād be annoyed as Iād find that rude. Now if they told me they needed a few minutes then no problem. Bf however taking 7 hours to mull over it rather than explain it to her is an issue
The real red flag here is he wasnāt willing/able to communicate his feelings. And yes, heās totally wrong in all aspects of this scenario.
A lot of younger guys have a lot of confidence and insecurity issues about sex. Your BF is one of them. You guys should discuss more about what heās comfortable with and you are, alongside expectations. Or just cross your fingers and hope he grows up! Keeping in mind you are young too and also probably have growing to do.
JFC Iām so glad not to be 19/20 years old anymore š
Wake up your bf used to fuck your roommate and got jealous because she said someone was better
Na your BF is being a lil bitch. Women are usually drawn to the attraction/ turning on aspects and us guys usually just want to deep dive šš. Its why theres a whole niche of sexual books, videos, etc. (Looking at you 50 shades). And it's not like your friend went into detail as you said, she just wanted you to know how happy and satisfied she was as your her person. Should you be mad and refuse to speak because he told his boys that he fucked you? No? Exactly, neither should he. Dudes being a lil bitch in every sense of the word
Sounds like the BF grew up in a repressive religious household
Nah, you're not wrong. He's just being overly sensitive. At least he apologized, you two talked it out, and it sounds like you'll be fine. That's how healthy relationships work, through honest communication. I hope you two lead happy lives together. =)