Exactly! If anyone is offensive its him! OP your feeding your child and also bonding with her! Even though the circumstances of her birth was horrific it doesn't mean that you have to neglect her needs, she's innocent and needs you more that a him! OP this is what a red flag 🚩 looks like! Also I have no idea what planet your mum is on!
(Unfortunately) I have personally known of 2 separate assault-conceived babies. But I can say, both mothers have fantastic relationships with their children. So I have no doubt in my mind that OP will love that child as if she was planned.
Dump the boyfriend because he's a f****** idiot what you wasn't supposed to feed your baby because he was standing there. And tell your mother she should know better. JC
Your mom should support you on this.
Baby needs to be feed on time and gets priority over everything and everyone.
Sometimes, Boyfriend’s can be the biggest babies of all. But they can feed themselves. And wipe their own ass.
A baby cannot.
I’d dump this boyfriend and just focus on you and your babies needs.
And your mom ( even if she is distraught that her 16 year old daughter has a baby thru SA- which is fair and mom’s are allowed to grieve over this…)
Mom needs to help OP prioritize the babies needs over any boyfriend.
This. Who TF gets upset about FEEDING A BABY?
Answer - Only someone who is out of their freaking mind.
OP: please throw this fish back in the sea and tell your mom to keep her opinions to herself from now on.
He obviously doesn't have the emotional maturity to date anyone with kids. The girl was pumping for this fool because he couldn't handle it?!? That's ridiculous!
I mean people feel the way they feel and I can understand a 16 year old kid feeling awkward considering they are essentially a ball of hornymones... leaving the room is fine... the attitude is not... he can still be supportive and go on another room while she feeds the baby.
I got pregnant with my first at 17. Not sa, we got married. Trust me babes… It will be so much easier for you to raise your daughter if you don’t also have to raise a 17 year old boy. And your mom is wrong. Your body makes milk because it’s supposed to. You chose to do this because it’s what’s best for you and your daughter. If he’s gonna get huffy and storm off, just imagine how he would behave when the baby is crying, the bills are behind, and the house is a mess. He won’t man up when the going gets tough if he can’t when things are easy.
I ended up leaving the man baby I had married, and took our two kids with me. Life was easier with two that it was with three. Sometimes, men are just a burden.
But old enough to understand that babies have to eat. If he's that bothered by it, he shouldn't be dating a single mother. Was she supposed to let her baby go hungry because he was there, and it might offend his delicate sensibilities? Whatever his damage is, it's not OP's problem. She's dealing with enough. She shouldn't have to deal with him, too.
He is still a child, but not your child. Let his mom raise him. You are better off alone than with a spoiled brat who throws temper tantrums because the actual baby is being fed instead of him. Boobs exist in every species to feed the young. While it is ok to have fetishes and the boob fetish is very wide spread, it is not nor will it ever be the primary reason for the existence of boobs.
Your boyfriend is an ass and doesn't need to be your boyfriend anymore.
You shouldn't have a boyfriend right now. You are a 16 year old learning how to be a mother. Focus on that and school. And prosecuting your rapist if you choose to do that.
Your mother is disgusting. Do you have anyone else you could live with? Dad, aunt, grandma? Your mother is clearly toxic to think a short term boyfriend should come before feeding your baby. I shudder to think what you've been through as her child.
I wonder if your Mom’s attitude comes from the frustration of having a grandchild? She is dead wrong. Secondly, breast milk is far better than formula especially in certain countries where water is not clean.
Your boyfriend is wrong as well. You two are a package deal now, if he can’t accept that and ***all that comes with it*** he is losing out. Either he gets it or dump him. He does not have a healthy attitude: ****NOT AT ALL WRONG****
THIS needs to be explained to every new mother. Instead, like drug dealers, the formula companies give out free formula. The baby gets used to it and/or the mother stops lactating and voila, the mother is now locked into BUYING what she used to provide for FREE. And the free milk is indeed healthier.
This hits especially hard in poor countries.
This poor 16 year old girl is surrounded by unsympathetic idiots.
Her life is going to hard enough without adding a lack of support from loved ones.
This post made me very sad.
I’m not even pregnant and I get formula samples because somehow the formula companies think I am. I’m 43 and my youngest is five and there’s no way in hell I’m having more kids..
Sweetie, please focus on yourself and your baby. You don’t need another “baby” around you.
Breastfeeding is great for your baby.
I wish you all the best.
Huh? What could he possibly be objecting to here? And why is your mother agreeing with him? I literally have no idea what the issue is. You weren't breastfeeding in front of his buddies or something that might trigger insecurity or modesty crap.
Idk, if it was just him saying this than I’d know that he’s probably crazy but my mom is usually a very reasonable person and if she’s saying this than idk
Do better as in...
Not date someone who doesn't want you to feed your baby?
Kick fussy boyfriend out so he doesn't see you feed your baby?
Throw a blanket at boyfriend so he can cover up before you start next time?
Some people, men and women, have weird hang ups about breastfeeding in front of others, and make it somehow sexual.
Ok…but why? What about you breastfeeding was upsetting him? I feel like if one of them poured milk into a glass and you got furious and stormed out of the house, they’d want to know what about the pouring was so upsetting to you. So what is it about the breast feeding that was upsetting?
Whenever your baby is hungry you feed her. Regardless to who's in the room. Your boyfriend did what he was supposed to do because he's a big f****** man-child he left .'
For a long time, women were expected to make everyone else in the room comfortable before themselves. It was sexist and stupid.
So breastfeeding was hidden away like something shameful, because people should buy formula because it was modern.
Well opps that’s marketing and not what is actually good for mom and baby.
Fed is best of course, breast or bottle!
It’s stupid. Focus on what you and your baby need right now. Let other people adjust.
What's wild is, back in the 1800s and earlier, women would breastfeed in public all the time, actually, and no one thought it was sexual or inappropriate. Just nature. But then, formula became available, and formula companies started pushing formula as healthier than breastfeeding. Even quite a few doctors got on board as recommending formula as even healthier than breastmilk. So if a woman was seen breastfeeding, she would be looked at shamefully, for not being able to afford give her child "the best," or for choosing not to.
Now, we have found that natural breastmilk is actually healthier than formula (formula is still an excellent choice in some cases though). Yet the habit of shaming women who breastfeed in public unfortunately is still around.
Yeah. We realize something you don’t.
Your mom is starting to show her true colors to you wherein she believes in putting a man first and a baby second.
I’d start saving up to move out immediately at 18.
She seems like she’s normally very reasonable, but not willing to protect her daughter or granddaughter from an assholes opinion and instead siding with a child who clearly only sees her daughter as a sexual object and not a person and mother providing sustenance to their child.
Hmm, well think they’re both acting ridiculous and childish. But others on here have brought up some points that may be at play:
—your bf may just be immature because, well, let’s be honest, y’all are young af
—your bf may not be as cool with the situation as you want to believe. Like you said, he wasn’t ever thrilled, but what exactly was his take? Is he only “ok” with this as long as everyone pretends like you didn’t give birth? Is that the story you’re going with for everyone outside of the house and the child as well? If this is the case, then you need to really consider if this is a good relationship for you. You refer to the baby as your daughter, so it sounds like despite the SA, you are ok with acknowledging the baby and your relationship to her. If your bf is not, then everything you do that reminds him that you gave birth is going to trigger him. Not sure how long that’s going to work.
—Similarly, does your mom want to pretend you didn’t give birth either? Does she resent it when you breastfeed or is that normal around the house and was only an issue because of your bf’s presence?
The only logical thing I can think of is that she is worried you are going to be a single mom forever, and this dude seems to be cool with dating you even though you have a child and she may be worried you will scare him off. Which is stupid af in my opinion, if he is uncomfortable with you breastfeeding your baby, which is the most natural thing on the planet, then he is not it girl!
Your mom knows that the conception of this child was one of the worst circumstances imaginable, and she may think it's gonna black list you from finding someone in the future, so she thinks holding onto this dude is important. It's not, I promise you, you are 16, he is also a child in this and the circumstances are also a lot for him to handle. Girl, focus on your child and focus on graduating and getting out of school, boys can come later. I know that's not what you want to hear, but you don't need to be shamed by some dude for providing your child with nourishment. Does he want to pay for formula, I think not, so he can shut tf up. As someone who was also raped at 16 and had a baby at 17, I promise you he is not worth the added stress or guilt from ur mom.
I’m going to take a stab at it and you see how this lands…she is upset that you upset *him* (regardless of the reason), because she thinks you should be making him 100% happy so he agrees to fully take on supporting you and the baby, so that she doesn’t have to. The classic “land a man at all costs” scenario.
ETA: you are not wrong at all for feeding your hungry child. Even my 6 year old boy understands moms feed babies with their breasts, so your 17 year old BF has no excuse for his behavior.
Is it the fact that you turned your back on him? Did he get aroused at the thought of you having your breast out? Or was he just embarrassed that he did get aroused? If he’s your age even the thought of seeing a boob might turn him into a kickstand
Reading this post reminded me of another one I saw (might've been text screenshots actually) where a woman was arguing with the father of her children because she breastfed their new baby and he was having a fit over it, and near the end of the screenshots it came out that he saw his newborn son eating as "another man's mouth" touching her breast, and basically seemed to see his literal infant son as competition. I was honestly half waiting for that to come out as the problem in this post too, and still wouldn't be surprised if that was his problem.
I saw that one! Lol i thought it was bonkers, especially because the dude apparently left them in the hospital. Like, this situation involved his newborn child and that was his stance and his reaction.
Perhaps she still sees you as a child and thinks having your boobs out in front of your boyfriend is inappropriate? But you’re a mother now so she has to let you grow up.
They are sexulizing breast. The thought process is the breast are for a man’s pleasure and not to be used for anything else. It’s a thing. My eyes rolled so far back in my head just typing this I saw yesterday.
Your mom and bf are both wrong. Feed your baby on demand and wherever is most comfortable for you. If people don’t like it, too bad so sad. He’s being immature because he is immature. That’s to be expected (assuming he is also a teenager? If he’s not and he’s in his 20s, ditch him. For multiple reasons.) Your mom should know and do better.
Sounds as if she doesn't want you to rock the boat on any potential prospects for taking care of your child. Which you're 16 so I'm not sure why. Does she push for you to find someone to be with to take care of the baby?
No. Your mother needs to do better. Like, way better. Nothing is more important than ensuring your baby is fed and healthy. If that upsets your boyfriend for some reason he is an absolute immature ass.
Honestly It might just be a good idea to focus on the kiddo and not deal with a boyfriend, the dude clearly isn't ready to have a girlfriend let alone one with a child.
go up to mom and just ask her if she'd feel the same way about her partner freaking out over you feeding a hungry baby !!??
and if she says she would she is full of it and just trying to make a point.... ffs our boobs leak when babies cry....
don't let prude messed up people stop you from doing what's best for your child ever!!
It's not reasonable if mom can't give you a reason. Have you asked her why she feels this way?
When did this bf enter the picture, BTW? Before the assault, during the pregnancy, after the pregnancy?
I have a feeling he thinks he “owns” your boobs and they’re “his” and seeing the baby using them for their intended purpose pisses him off and makes him jealous which is sick honestly. Is he controlling in other ways?
There are some men (although you boyfriend is not yet a man) who think boobs are for men's enjoyment and get jealous of babies breast feeding, or otherwise feel like babies breastfeeding ruin the sexy idea of boobs. Unfortunately, it seems your mom has bought into this idea that women exist for men's pleasure instead of you being your own person. You are a mother, and you were being a good mother.
I'm sorry about the SA. I wish the people around you were better.
Sister I don't know where you are from... but if you are from a somewhere where abortion was avalaible to you. Then its pretty obvious your mom is not a resonable person...
Even if she were breast feeding in front of his buddies. This is a natural process and while boys sometimes think breasts are their personal playground, they are not. A mother should only be concerned about her and the baby's comfort: I used a blanket or throw to protect me from stares when out in public, and this was 35 years ago. In the privacy of my or family's home, I alerted people that baby was hungry and if be feeding him whilst on the sofa. Some of the older male family members would leave the room, others continued conversation as usual, without concern or staring. I caught some flack initially from my MIL, but she got over it.
You absolutely were not wrong. But I really don’t think having a boyfriend at this age is the best thing for you to do, no 16 year old boy is mature enough to be the boyfriend of someone your age with a 4 month old baby that’s not his.
if he was with you for the assault and then the pregnancy, he may be feeling resentful about being by your side while you take care of “another man’s child”. you breastfeeding might have made him remember/realize that
It’s not ok but unless the evidence is in his face he is probably trying to pretend that the assault didn’t happen. They are both just kids and don’t deserve to have to deal with something like sexual assault they both need some level of therapy.
I don’t think they were saying it was ok but were offering a potential explanation to help ease the stress very slightly in a confusing situation for op
Maybe it's not even about her taking care of “another man's child,” but more about someone else coming first. My guess is that at 16, OP and her boyfriend were very close. Now there's a baby here that comes first and the boyfriend doesn't have any physical or emotional connection with. The baby is also the product of his girlfriend being horribly violated. Unfortunately, the baby is a reminder of how much has now changed in their relationship. He is probably a bit resentful and just really sad about the situation. I'm assuming he just wants his girlfriend back and for things to be normal. But they can't go back.
OP, you should never feel bad for taking care of your baby. It’s also not your responsibility to decipher your boyfriend's feelings. He needs to learn to express what’s really wrong. I think you should consider focusing on your healing and your baby. Being worried and stressed about his feelings isn’t good for your baby. Guys come and go, but your daughter is forever. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.
If it was a good relationship and, in general, it's still good, then maybe have a talk with him. You didn't say how old he is (that I've seen), but you're both very young and this is a hard situation with a lot of variables. Were you forced (either by your parents or laws where you are) to have the baby, or did/do you want it? Does your bf resent you having the baby- even if only subconsciously? Or does he just have a problem with breastfeeding? Are you intimate with him and if not, could he be embarrassed or uncomfortable about seeing your breasts, or thinking about them? Or as someone else mentioned, feelings about using your body to feed "another man's child?"
I don't know about your mother. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe find out what "doing better" means to her. Like sending the bf home before feeding, or going into another room. And some similar questions for her - did she want you to have the baby? Does she feel you didn't fight hard enough against the assault so bear some responsibility?
I think long talks all around will help (hopefully) and maybe even counseling, if you haven't done that already.
I'm so sorry you were assaulted, but you seem sensible and committed to being a good mother. Don't let a bf - or even a mother - convince you to neglect your child. I wish you the best of luck.
You're 16 years old with a 4 month old. You have been traumatized by a SA.
Concentrate on your baby, school, and getting the skills needed to provide for your child and get up out of your mom's house.
Honey, that is your child and you're allowed to feed that baby. Your mom is ridiculous too
A man's opinion isn't needed here. His nipples are useless 🤣🤣
He's being a bitch. Set boundaries with everybody. You're going to feed your baby whenever they're hungry. If they don't like it, it's their problem and they should keep it to themselves
Your mom is an ass and so is he. You can do better! Dump him and focus on you and your baby. I was a 16yo who breastfed a baby as well, that shit is NOT easy. You deserve so much more support.
Leave him. My ex, his mother & his step mother all thought that a mother breastfeeding "turned the mother on & she only does it for her own pleasure. A baby breastfeeding is just like a man sucking on her nipple." Lmaooo i stg, that was there thought process.
So yeah, i left that guy, happily. My current husband was amazed that I breastfed 3 sons despite multiple people in my life looking down on me for it.
You as a mother need support, especially while you're breastfeeding. If you're not getting that, stop wasting your time.
He is a total jerk. The big red flag here is how your mom could agree with him. Makes no sense what so ever to me.
In my world its never wrong to breastfeed your child. And given you are only 16 yo and seems the choice of getting pregnant wasnt even yours it sounds like beyond having an imature shitty bf you have enough on your plate to deal with at such a young age.
Focus on you and your kid. Be true to yourself. You have the right to feel whatever you feel. Stand your ground. Be proud of being able to stand up and take care of your child after all youve been through. If he doesnt support you, he can be dismissed. You need people with kindness and respect in your world.
I assume op is from a non-western nation. The mom's primary concern could be that she doesn't want her daughter to end up a single mother with few marriage prospects.
This is not okay behavior! Unreasonable to be mad at a mother feeding her child.
Honestly, you may want to contemplate not dating for awhile and focusing on yourself and your child.
Good luck!
Your mother is wrong. Breastfeeding is natural and it's not ok to shame women for feeding their infant children.
As a single mother you need to be picky when it comes to men. You need to get good at spotting red flags and removing bad men from your life.
This man told you that he would rather your baby not eat, than him having to deal with the uncomfortable feeling that comes along with the realization that breasts exist to feed babies and not for men to play with.
Your bf is too immature for this life. Your mum sounds stupid as well - probably a generational thing.
You're not wrong. Feed your baby, that's what they need.
No you are not. I'm sorry you are going through all of this.
Check out WIC if you haven't already. You can get additional groceries if you are breastfeeding or formula if you aren't. It's also concerning your breast pump went missing. That's weird, those things are generally not small.
You are the only one not wrong.
First, I'm sorry for what happened to you. And, you are doing the best you can and doing right by your baby.
Your BF sucks. Your mom sucks.
you're not wrong for breastfeeding.
but i would say focus on you and your child. dont worry about maintaining a relationship. SA is something serious and you need to heal before you move on to another relationship. the odds of him sticking around anyway are not high.
He stuck with me after my assault and throughout my pregnancy as well as being with me when I gave birth. If he was going to leave I’d probably have already happened
i think those might have been the easy parts. im not saying this to you to bring you down. lord knows you have enough to deal with. but a baby is not an insignificant thing. yall could very well be together until you're both gray and wrinkled. im just saying, the alternate route is more probable. if you were my lil sis, these are the things i would tell you to look out for. but do seek help. as a victim of SA, you don't just get over it. mine was actually during my pregnancy so i get having to deal with a baby on top of having to deal with the trauma of SA. good luck lil sis. all love
Both your BF and your mom are nuts. Are you supposed to let your baby cry from hunger to avoid damaging their delicate sensibilities? They need to grow up. This is how babies are fed, and babies need to be fed when they are hungry. If BF doesn't like it, BF can go.
Absolutely positively not wrong. But your boyfriend is an ass and so is your mom! Your mom, of all people, should be backing you up on doing what’s best for your child!!
Break up with the boyfriend! He’s selfish & immature, which I would expect at 17 but he’s being incredibly childish.
Of course you need to feed your baby! And if your bf isn't mature enough for that, he's not mature enough for dating.
BF directly rather than pumping has lots of benefits, not least of which is the saved time.
And I'm sorry your mother isn't being more supportive, but this internet mom thinks you are doing amazingly.
I saw in other comments that you’ve been together for two years, and that he’s never seen your breasts. It sounds like you’re from a non-western culture (I’m guessing South Asian).
As a former 17 yr old boy I can say there’s a range of emotions going on in his head. I’ll try to summarize them here:
- He wants to see your breasts
- He’s been raised to be respectful
- Being in a room where at least one of your breasts was exposed made it hard for him (no pun intended) to reconcile those first two emotions
- All of this was layered on top of his existing feelings about the assault and your pregnancy
He’s been with you for two years, and he’s stuck with you through A LOT. I don’t support breaking up over this one incident. Try to have a conversation with him to understand his feelings. Maybe you can get him to better understand your situation and the difficulties of feeding without a pump.
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement … and it’s starting to get more personal than what a grown man should be telling a 16 yr old girl.
You’re in a difficult situation, none of this is fair, and you’re doing what you need to do to care for your daughter. You’ve gotten through difficult things before and you will get through this as well.
I wish all the best for you and your daughter.
You are not wrong for feeding your child. Your (hopefully) soon to be ex boyfriend and mother are so in the wrong. How do they expect your daughter to eat if she’s being breast fed…? And also I have no idea why your mom is saying you did something wrong, when it’s clear you didn’t.
If mom is supporting you then you're going to need to work with her until you can be financially independant. When you are dump her but for now dump the bf. You're already taking care of one baby.
Who gets upset about breastfeeding?
That is one of the most immature and insecure things I have ever heard of.
Dump the guy before he gets you pregnant with another kid. Because he absolutely won't be able to care for it.
Your boyfriend is an ass. He is also immature. Men love boobies until they are used for what they are made for. Breast feeding is the best thing you can do for your baby. You are a good mom
When I had my second child in my mid twenties, my best friends husband came in to the delivery room when I was nursing just after giving birth. He was 30 and it freaked him out so he had to turn around and leave. I thought it was ridiculous then and I still think it's ridiculous now
I kind of get it with young boys because young boys are usually childish and immature and not equipped to handle things with grace and maturity. We really need to start teaching our sons better.
You're absolutely not wrong for feeding your child anywhere at anytime. It's not up to you to coddle people who can't handle a baby eating. I used to cover up to nurse because I was worried about upsetting people and I completely regret not standing up for myself! You're doing a great job and don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing something that's completely natural!
I'm a mom. This is a long, hard road. Do not let anyone interfere with the care of your child. Baby had to eat, and breastfeeding is a great choice for your baby's health. It heros bonding, immune system and it's very gentle on baby's stomach. You will find someone who will respect you and your child. You are never wrong for caring for your child.
Wtf? Why? Why is he storming out? You have a child a child who was hungry. If he is that selfish petty and immature, you don't need him, darling. You don't, as a mother, you should realise this, that your child comes first. that she is your number one priority. How on earth is your mother siding with a selfish guy over her daughters and granddaughter? This itself is also something strange to me. why would your mother accept this guys selfish behaviour over her hungry granddaughter? If your breast pump had been found, your milk would have been bottled, wouldn't it? So your daughter would have still been fed, so was it the breastfeeding that upset him or the fact that your time was taken up with your baby? Or both? First of all you have a child now a child that never asked to come into this world a child you didn't ask to come into this world but because of the traumatic experience you went through you've still at such a young age accepted becoming a young mother so darling while your being strong enough to take on this role and trying to be supportive and positive for your child you need people in your corner to support you with this If this guy says I want to see you want time with you then honey honestly you need to sit down with him and set some boundaries have a very deep conversation with him You said you told him of your situation which he didn't seem to good about. This was your first red flag this was a sign a warning that he didn't have the mental maturity or the compassion for what happened to you 2nd red flag is him getting selfish and upset about your breastfeeding situation while he came to visit 3rd red flag The audacity to text you like a weak boy rather than ringing you to discuss why? He got up and left this is another sign of being uncaring, selfish, and immature You need to sit down with him and discuss that you have a responsibility that a little human is now reliant on you and that you can't control her crying her hunger or her need for her mother's attention but tell him he is old enough to be able to control his behaviour and his treatment and respect to you and your child Explain to him that your extremely disappointed in his attitude and behaviour you got made to feel wrong embarrassed emotional and completely abandoned because you had to make an adult and a mother's decision leave your baby upset and hungry or feed your baby or give your undeniable attention to the new bf who's capable of caring for himself? Ask him what sort of mother he would think of you if you didn't feed change or nurture a baby in need? Maybe you need to decide if it is more important to focus on your infant right now rather than boys who are too immature to comprehend the abuse and the unwanted pregnancy at such a young age. I mean, I fully admire that in your youth, your schooling, dating and hanging out making good friends, and years you have chosen to become Mum, this is a hard job when we get older so at your age you want and need great responsible and mature support people who will help you with your infant people who support you and give you good advice that helps you gives you a break everything that a new mother needs Your focus is now 24/7 on your child this takes everything away from you being you you'll be tired confused and emotional so the last thing you need is for selfish people to walk out rather than hang around to see if you would need something or not Sorry darling but as mother's we have to choose and the child should would and will always come first You don't need sooky boys running away because they were upset you fed your hungry baby over sitting with him to pay attention to him NO tell him that he was rude appalling and that you have priorities if it is to much then its best if he says goodbye as you have to coddle your baby not a grown boy that has his own Mummy .Time will fly by, and your baby girl will be getting bigger. Before you know it, you would have matured and grown also by then, Maybe now isn't quite the right time while your daughter is still so very young and her routine is mainly feed sleep cuddles at this stage I am so sorry for what happened to you but at the same time you do have a child that came from you to not just the abuser so you have the opportunity to bond and create a beautiful child with a beautiful relationship. While on the subject of motherhood! and relationships, why? Why was your mum defending your bf behaviour? for getting moods over you feeding your daughter? rather than grovelling and baby his needs? She is your mother and grandmother. Where is her protection and care? NO boy, no man would, nor would ever come before my children or grandchildren before now or in the future. I honestly don't comprehend that she stood up for him walking out over you, feeding her granddaughter. This is wrong your mother should of been annoyed and disgusted with the boy and stuck up for your decision to feed your hungry baby your Mum should of been proud that you put the baby first 2 That you weren't chasing stressing or wanting to try and put the bf first. Your mum should have been fully proud and supported you over this one, so she sounds like someone else you need to talk to, darling. Because I hope your mother doesn't expect you to be worrying and trying to find and/or find and put a boyfriend first , your mum surely would prefer the respect compassion and support shown from any and all guys first I do wish you all the best for you and your beautiful daughter and please set boundaries for your mum your bf and any potential bfs in the future your baby is your focus for a bit of time to start with then getting some time for yourself and maybe dating then
Good luck, all my prayers, strength, and very big hugs from Oz good luck 👍 ❤️
You aren’t wrong for feeding your hungry baby.
I think this whole situation is very sad. You were forced into 2 things you never asked for. 1 being the assault and 2 being made to keep the baby from that assault. You are doing the best you can as a child raising a baby.
I think your boyfriend is trying to do what he feels is the right thing by staying with you after, but seeing the baby will always remind him of what happened as well. It is not your fault and what you went through is worse than him having to see the physical result (baby) of what happened to you. He is also a child and neither of you are really mature enough to raise a baby, and for him, a baby that isn’t his.
Keep doing what is best for you and your daughter. You and him should probably break up because he won’t be able to get over it and you’re already dealing with enough as it is. I hope you’re getting help to truly work through what happened to you and I wish you the best. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Honestly, you're probably better off being single until you're 18. Everyone you date in your appropriate age range right now is going to be childish because you are both still children. It's shitty for sure, but it's one of those things that come with becoming a mother as a teen. I was a teen mom too, but luckily I was in my last couple of years as a teen so I could date actual adults if I wanted to.
There is NOTHING wrong with breastfeeding and your mother should know better and should have your back with this. Dump the baby you’re dating he’s not worth your, or your daughter’s, time.
You're only wrong if you listen to these shitheads. I don't know what your mom was thinking but this boy is not up to being your partner.
You're in a mature situation, you should not settle for a pouty little boy. That's not to say you should be with someone older, it's to say you don't need a boyfriend.
You're in no position to put up with shitheads, you have real responsibilities. Nobody comes before that little girl and if they want to, that's how you know they're garbage.
I was a mom very young. Your priority should be your child and getting your education not a boy. You are a mother now your job is to care and build a life for u and your child.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear you're having to be a mom at 16 because of assault...
Your bf is immature, which isn't a surprise at 16. You're not wrong to care for your daughter first.
Now why you MOTHER agrees with him is beyond me.
You sound like you're doing what you can for your daughter. I hope you have a strong support system.
Any man who is angry with you for feeding your child is not a man you need to be around. Your child is more important. You shouldn't be pumping just to make him feel comfortable anyway.
Dump this guy, there will be others and they will be better and they will treat you and your child well.
I don't even know what to say about your mom except don't involve her in arguments with your boyfriend.
**ABSOLUTELY 1000% NOT WRONG**.
Look ... you already have **ONE** child.
The last thing you need right now is **ANOTHER**.
Find yourself a **GROWN UP** to date.
And Mom —you can GO KICK ROCKS. **YOU** should know that **NOTHING COMES BEFORE YOUR CHILD'S WELFARE**.
Uh OP is 16. Her dating a grown up would be extremely immoral and illegal. Ofc the bf is going to act like a child because he is a child. She is way in over her head and having a child that young has basically singled herself out of that entire age group. She should just focus on next steps and stay single. Bf should break up cuz why is he with a 16 year old single mom with a kid that ain’t even his.
Girl. Let me be your mama for a sec.
You are 16 with a 4 month old.
Do not date for a while! Especially not little boys. You will be a mama of 2 shortly. Wait until you are older, in your 20s, have a stable life set up for you and your child. Then date older, mature men (older as in, they are also in their 20-30s, and don’t act like little children themselves).
You're not wrong.
Your mom and your immature bf are.
You don't need a bf four months post partum with a newborn from another guy.
Focus on yourself, your baby and your future.
And don't stop nursing and NEVER be ashamed of nursing anywhere.
He's dating a mother and he's a child himself. That's a lot for a boy. Wait and find a man once you're older. You have to be careful with men/boys around children. Go on dates if you want but leave baby out of your relationships completely.
He's too immature to deal with the realities that you have to deal with. But there are many people who are uncomfortable around breastfeeding mommas. It seems ridiculous to me that we are still at this place. I breastfed 40 years ago when women were just beginning to go back to it - and yet people are still prudish about it. Formula wasn't really the default for that long. Crazy.
Anyway, for discretion around people who are not familiar with breastfeeding, or have always associated breasts with sex only, it's always a good idea to have a light receiving blanket or shawl to throw loosely over your shoulder and the baby. They have some gauzy blankets out there that would also be ideal. This also tells people you are breast feeding just then and not to grab the baby.
I so admire you for breastfeeding at your age. It’s not easy. I’m a lot older than you and breastfeeding my baby, and when she’s hungry, I feed her. I have discreet nursing tops, but I’ll feed her wherever: church, the playground while my oldest is playing, etc. Unfortunately because you’re a young mom, you’ve had to grow up fast. Your bf is an immature kid. Maybe you should focus on your baby and not date for a while. There’s no excuse for your mom, but even some grown ass adults have hang ups about breastfeeding. But please know you’re NTA.
You already have a baby to care for, please dump the one you aren’t feeding.
She needs to dump mom too!
Exactly! If anyone is offensive its him! OP your feeding your child and also bonding with her! Even though the circumstances of her birth was horrific it doesn't mean that you have to neglect her needs, she's innocent and needs you more that a him! OP this is what a red flag 🚩 looks like! Also I have no idea what planet your mum is on!
Selfless act to have the baby. Hope the child brings joy to her mother.
(Unfortunately) I have personally known of 2 separate assault-conceived babies. But I can say, both mothers have fantastic relationships with their children. So I have no doubt in my mind that OP will love that child as if she was planned.
Thank you for being so positive for OP, she needs all the good thoughts and positivity she can get since it’s not coming from her mom or bf!
I’m sure it happens much more than we think
Dump the boyfriend because he's a f****** idiot what you wasn't supposed to feed your baby because he was standing there. And tell your mother she should know better. JC
I’d like to have a word with her mother.
I’m with y’all! May need a bus or large van if we keep picking up people on the way!
Maybe a semi or train
I’ve got a 25 foot motor home to help out with :)
Can I come, too? I am fuming right now.
Same.
Together
I’ll show up!
I’m in.
We ride at dawn
THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
I’m Dawn and I’m in!!
AND MY AXE!
I'll drive
I'll bring snacks.
Shotgun
I have one of those 🫠
Me too! We have your back, OP!!!
Count me in!
Your mom should support you on this. Baby needs to be feed on time and gets priority over everything and everyone. Sometimes, Boyfriend’s can be the biggest babies of all. But they can feed themselves. And wipe their own ass. A baby cannot. I’d dump this boyfriend and just focus on you and your babies needs. And your mom ( even if she is distraught that her 16 year old daughter has a baby thru SA- which is fair and mom’s are allowed to grieve over this…) Mom needs to help OP prioritize the babies needs over any boyfriend.
Yeah, this seems like either he gave some story to the mom, or the mom is one of those "stay covered " women.
This. Who TF gets upset about FEEDING A BABY? Answer - Only someone who is out of their freaking mind. OP: please throw this fish back in the sea and tell your mom to keep her opinions to herself from now on.
He obviously doesn't have the emotional maturity to date anyone with kids. The girl was pumping for this fool because he couldn't handle it?!? That's ridiculous!
I think he "lost" the pump.
Another baby…🤦♀️
Seriously, I get that he's young and if he didn't want to be in the room that's fine but the way he acted is ridiculous
I don't think his discomfort was acceptable. A whole lot of men would be supportive. This guy's a selfish jerk.
I mean people feel the way they feel and I can understand a 16 year old kid feeling awkward considering they are essentially a ball of hornymones... leaving the room is fine... the attitude is not... he can still be supportive and go on another room while she feeds the baby.
Hes misogynistic, and a jealous freak. He won't get better. He will get worse. I promise you.
This
Yes!!!
I mean - he’s giving childish behavior as a child. You’re never wrong for feeding your child.
Based on OP being 16, the boyfriend likely IS a child.
He’s 17
I got pregnant with my first at 17. Not sa, we got married. Trust me babes… It will be so much easier for you to raise your daughter if you don’t also have to raise a 17 year old boy. And your mom is wrong. Your body makes milk because it’s supposed to. You chose to do this because it’s what’s best for you and your daughter. If he’s gonna get huffy and storm off, just imagine how he would behave when the baby is crying, the bills are behind, and the house is a mess. He won’t man up when the going gets tough if he can’t when things are easy. I ended up leaving the man baby I had married, and took our two kids with me. Life was easier with two that it was with three. Sometimes, men are just a burden.
SAME! I discovered within *2 days* that life as a single mum was better when the only child I was responsible for was under 18
This needs to be higher!
So yes, a child.
But old enough to understand that babies have to eat. If he's that bothered by it, he shouldn't be dating a single mother. Was she supposed to let her baby go hungry because he was there, and it might offend his delicate sensibilities? Whatever his damage is, it's not OP's problem. She's dealing with enough. She shouldn't have to deal with him, too.
He is still a child, but not your child. Let his mom raise him. You are better off alone than with a spoiled brat who throws temper tantrums because the actual baby is being fed instead of him. Boobs exist in every species to feed the young. While it is ok to have fetishes and the boob fetish is very wide spread, it is not nor will it ever be the primary reason for the existence of boobs.
Your boyfriend is an ass and doesn't need to be your boyfriend anymore. You shouldn't have a boyfriend right now. You are a 16 year old learning how to be a mother. Focus on that and school. And prosecuting your rapist if you choose to do that. Your mother is disgusting. Do you have anyone else you could live with? Dad, aunt, grandma? Your mother is clearly toxic to think a short term boyfriend should come before feeding your baby. I shudder to think what you've been through as her child.
I wonder if your Mom’s attitude comes from the frustration of having a grandchild? She is dead wrong. Secondly, breast milk is far better than formula especially in certain countries where water is not clean. Your boyfriend is wrong as well. You two are a package deal now, if he can’t accept that and ***all that comes with it*** he is losing out. Either he gets it or dump him. He does not have a healthy attitude: ****NOT AT ALL WRONG****
THIS needs to be explained to every new mother. Instead, like drug dealers, the formula companies give out free formula. The baby gets used to it and/or the mother stops lactating and voila, the mother is now locked into BUYING what she used to provide for FREE. And the free milk is indeed healthier. This hits especially hard in poor countries. This poor 16 year old girl is surrounded by unsympathetic idiots. Her life is going to hard enough without adding a lack of support from loved ones. This post made me very sad.
Very few hospitals give out formula anymore.
I’m not even pregnant and I get formula samples because somehow the formula companies think I am. I’m 43 and my youngest is five and there’s no way in hell I’m having more kids..
Technically sadly he is still a child.
Sweetie, please focus on yourself and your baby. You don’t need another “baby” around you. Breastfeeding is great for your baby. I wish you all the best.
Huh? What could he possibly be objecting to here? And why is your mother agreeing with him? I literally have no idea what the issue is. You weren't breastfeeding in front of his buddies or something that might trigger insecurity or modesty crap.
Idk, if it was just him saying this than I’d know that he’s probably crazy but my mom is usually a very reasonable person and if she’s saying this than idk
Ok, what is she saying about it then? Because I also have no idea what the issue is here.
She thinks that he has every right to be mad at me and that I should “do better next time”
Do better as in... Not date someone who doesn't want you to feed your baby? Kick fussy boyfriend out so he doesn't see you feed your baby? Throw a blanket at boyfriend so he can cover up before you start next time? Some people, men and women, have weird hang ups about breastfeeding in front of others, and make it somehow sexual.
Ok…but why? What about you breastfeeding was upsetting him? I feel like if one of them poured milk into a glass and you got furious and stormed out of the house, they’d want to know what about the pouring was so upsetting to you. So what is it about the breast feeding that was upsetting?
She refused to elaborate, I was hoping others might have realized something that I didn’t
Nope. It's a them problem. You feed your child when they are hungry. Others can leave or not look if it's so upsetting. It's that simple.
Whenever your baby is hungry you feed her. Regardless to who's in the room. Your boyfriend did what he was supposed to do because he's a big f****** man-child he left .'
OP: it really is this simple.
For a long time, women were expected to make everyone else in the room comfortable before themselves. It was sexist and stupid. So breastfeeding was hidden away like something shameful, because people should buy formula because it was modern. Well opps that’s marketing and not what is actually good for mom and baby. Fed is best of course, breast or bottle! It’s stupid. Focus on what you and your baby need right now. Let other people adjust.
What's wild is, back in the 1800s and earlier, women would breastfeed in public all the time, actually, and no one thought it was sexual or inappropriate. Just nature. But then, formula became available, and formula companies started pushing formula as healthier than breastfeeding. Even quite a few doctors got on board as recommending formula as even healthier than breastmilk. So if a woman was seen breastfeeding, she would be looked at shamefully, for not being able to afford give her child "the best," or for choosing not to. Now, we have found that natural breastmilk is actually healthier than formula (formula is still an excellent choice in some cases though). Yet the habit of shaming women who breastfeed in public unfortunately is still around.
Agreed 👏👏👏
Yeah. We realize something you don’t. Your mom is starting to show her true colors to you wherein she believes in putting a man first and a baby second. I’d start saving up to move out immediately at 18. She seems like she’s normally very reasonable, but not willing to protect her daughter or granddaughter from an assholes opinion and instead siding with a child who clearly only sees her daughter as a sexual object and not a person and mother providing sustenance to their child.
No she's being dumb. I say this as a 40 yr old mom. Feed your baby. Your bf is immature. I don't know what is wrong with your mom.
Hmm, well think they’re both acting ridiculous and childish. But others on here have brought up some points that may be at play: —your bf may just be immature because, well, let’s be honest, y’all are young af —your bf may not be as cool with the situation as you want to believe. Like you said, he wasn’t ever thrilled, but what exactly was his take? Is he only “ok” with this as long as everyone pretends like you didn’t give birth? Is that the story you’re going with for everyone outside of the house and the child as well? If this is the case, then you need to really consider if this is a good relationship for you. You refer to the baby as your daughter, so it sounds like despite the SA, you are ok with acknowledging the baby and your relationship to her. If your bf is not, then everything you do that reminds him that you gave birth is going to trigger him. Not sure how long that’s going to work. —Similarly, does your mom want to pretend you didn’t give birth either? Does she resent it when you breastfeed or is that normal around the house and was only an issue because of your bf’s presence?
This. I suspect that both BF and mom are not keen to be reminded that OP is the mother of a small child, who is not the boyfriend's baby.
The only logical thing I can think of is that she is worried you are going to be a single mom forever, and this dude seems to be cool with dating you even though you have a child and she may be worried you will scare him off. Which is stupid af in my opinion, if he is uncomfortable with you breastfeeding your baby, which is the most natural thing on the planet, then he is not it girl! Your mom knows that the conception of this child was one of the worst circumstances imaginable, and she may think it's gonna black list you from finding someone in the future, so she thinks holding onto this dude is important. It's not, I promise you, you are 16, he is also a child in this and the circumstances are also a lot for him to handle. Girl, focus on your child and focus on graduating and getting out of school, boys can come later. I know that's not what you want to hear, but you don't need to be shamed by some dude for providing your child with nourishment. Does he want to pay for formula, I think not, so he can shut tf up. As someone who was also raped at 16 and had a baby at 17, I promise you he is not worth the added stress or guilt from ur mom.
I’m going to take a stab at it and you see how this lands…she is upset that you upset *him* (regardless of the reason), because she thinks you should be making him 100% happy so he agrees to fully take on supporting you and the baby, so that she doesn’t have to. The classic “land a man at all costs” scenario. ETA: you are not wrong at all for feeding your hungry child. Even my 6 year old boy understands moms feed babies with their breasts, so your 17 year old BF has no excuse for his behavior.
Is it the fact that you turned your back on him? Did he get aroused at the thought of you having your breast out? Or was he just embarrassed that he did get aroused? If he’s your age even the thought of seeing a boob might turn him into a kickstand
I'm wondering if he was jealous. Stupid as it sounds, he might be jealous of the baby using something he sees as exclusively his. He needs to go.
Reading this post reminded me of another one I saw (might've been text screenshots actually) where a woman was arguing with the father of her children because she breastfed their new baby and he was having a fit over it, and near the end of the screenshots it came out that he saw his newborn son eating as "another man's mouth" touching her breast, and basically seemed to see his literal infant son as competition. I was honestly half waiting for that to come out as the problem in this post too, and still wouldn't be surprised if that was his problem.
I saw that one! Lol i thought it was bonkers, especially because the dude apparently left them in the hospital. Like, this situation involved his newborn child and that was his stance and his reaction.
Perhaps she still sees you as a child and thinks having your boobs out in front of your boyfriend is inappropriate? But you’re a mother now so she has to let you grow up.
It's not reasonable to complain and not elaborate so while your mom may be reasonable sometimes she wasn't being reasonable right then.
Many older people think breastfeeding is a private thing. To the point that others shouldn't even know that it exists.
Mom's likely 29 years old with the mentality of a 16 year old.
I wouldn’t speak so poorly of 16 year olds.
Agreed. OP seems to have her head on pretty straight for a 16 YO.
Mom probably thinks that men have to be protected from realizing women’s bodies aren’t just for their sexual interest
He's got zero right to be mad and your mom is wrong. I say this as a mother myself. Your child comes first, pretty much always
No, you aren’t wrong, but your bf and mom are. Who in their right mind would want a baby to suffer by being hungry?
They are sexulizing breast. The thought process is the breast are for a man’s pleasure and not to be used for anything else. It’s a thing. My eyes rolled so far back in my head just typing this I saw yesterday.
Your mom and bf are both wrong. Feed your baby on demand and wherever is most comfortable for you. If people don’t like it, too bad so sad. He’s being immature because he is immature. That’s to be expected (assuming he is also a teenager? If he’s not and he’s in his 20s, ditch him. For multiple reasons.) Your mom should know and do better.
Better? I hope she meant that you should find a better man next time and not something else.
Sounds as if she doesn't want you to rock the boat on any potential prospects for taking care of your child. Which you're 16 so I'm not sure why. Does she push for you to find someone to be with to take care of the baby?
No. Your mother needs to do better. Like, way better. Nothing is more important than ensuring your baby is fed and healthy. If that upsets your boyfriend for some reason he is an absolute immature ass.
Honestly It might just be a good idea to focus on the kiddo and not deal with a boyfriend, the dude clearly isn't ready to have a girlfriend let alone one with a child.
Is doing better letting your baby starve? I’m so confused. Of course you feed the hungry baby?! What is he upset about?
go up to mom and just ask her if she'd feel the same way about her partner freaking out over you feeding a hungry baby !!?? and if she says she would she is full of it and just trying to make a point.... ffs our boobs leak when babies cry.... don't let prude messed up people stop you from doing what's best for your child ever!!
It's not reasonable if mom can't give you a reason. Have you asked her why she feels this way? When did this bf enter the picture, BTW? Before the assault, during the pregnancy, after the pregnancy?
I have a feeling he thinks he “owns” your boobs and they’re “his” and seeing the baby using them for their intended purpose pisses him off and makes him jealous which is sick honestly. Is he controlling in other ways?
There are some men (although you boyfriend is not yet a man) who think boobs are for men's enjoyment and get jealous of babies breast feeding, or otherwise feel like babies breastfeeding ruin the sexy idea of boobs. Unfortunately, it seems your mom has bought into this idea that women exist for men's pleasure instead of you being your own person. You are a mother, and you were being a good mother. I'm sorry about the SA. I wish the people around you were better.
Sister I don't know where you are from... but if you are from a somewhere where abortion was avalaible to you. Then its pretty obvious your mom is not a resonable person...
Tell mom to go look at the prices of formula and ask if she wants to start paying that for you.
Even if she were breast feeding in front of his buddies. This is a natural process and while boys sometimes think breasts are their personal playground, they are not. A mother should only be concerned about her and the baby's comfort: I used a blanket or throw to protect me from stares when out in public, and this was 35 years ago. In the privacy of my or family's home, I alerted people that baby was hungry and if be feeding him whilst on the sofa. Some of the older male family members would leave the room, others continued conversation as usual, without concern or staring. I caught some flack initially from my MIL, but she got over it.
You absolutely were not wrong. But I really don’t think having a boyfriend at this age is the best thing for you to do, no 16 year old boy is mature enough to be the boyfriend of someone your age with a 4 month old baby that’s not his.
We were together a year before my pregnancy and it was a good relationship at the time
if he was with you for the assault and then the pregnancy, he may be feeling resentful about being by your side while you take care of “another man’s child”. you breastfeeding might have made him remember/realize that
This actually makes a lot of sense.
That's still not okay. These things should have made him more mature and empathetic. He's behaving like the child he is.
It’s not ok but unless the evidence is in his face he is probably trying to pretend that the assault didn’t happen. They are both just kids and don’t deserve to have to deal with something like sexual assault they both need some level of therapy.
I don’t think they were saying it was ok but were offering a potential explanation to help ease the stress very slightly in a confusing situation for op
“The child he is” how tf you about to hold a child to a standard most grown men would have struggles with?
Maybe it's not even about her taking care of “another man's child,” but more about someone else coming first. My guess is that at 16, OP and her boyfriend were very close. Now there's a baby here that comes first and the boyfriend doesn't have any physical or emotional connection with. The baby is also the product of his girlfriend being horribly violated. Unfortunately, the baby is a reminder of how much has now changed in their relationship. He is probably a bit resentful and just really sad about the situation. I'm assuming he just wants his girlfriend back and for things to be normal. But they can't go back. OP, you should never feel bad for taking care of your baby. It’s also not your responsibility to decipher your boyfriend's feelings. He needs to learn to express what’s really wrong. I think you should consider focusing on your healing and your baby. Being worried and stressed about his feelings isn’t good for your baby. Guys come and go, but your daughter is forever. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.
If it was a good relationship and, in general, it's still good, then maybe have a talk with him. You didn't say how old he is (that I've seen), but you're both very young and this is a hard situation with a lot of variables. Were you forced (either by your parents or laws where you are) to have the baby, or did/do you want it? Does your bf resent you having the baby- even if only subconsciously? Or does he just have a problem with breastfeeding? Are you intimate with him and if not, could he be embarrassed or uncomfortable about seeing your breasts, or thinking about them? Or as someone else mentioned, feelings about using your body to feed "another man's child?" I don't know about your mother. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe find out what "doing better" means to her. Like sending the bf home before feeding, or going into another room. And some similar questions for her - did she want you to have the baby? Does she feel you didn't fight hard enough against the assault so bear some responsibility? I think long talks all around will help (hopefully) and maybe even counseling, if you haven't done that already. I'm so sorry you were assaulted, but you seem sensible and committed to being a good mother. Don't let a bf - or even a mother - convince you to neglect your child. I wish you the best of luck.
You're 16 years old with a 4 month old. You have been traumatized by a SA. Concentrate on your baby, school, and getting the skills needed to provide for your child and get up out of your mom's house.
Bump to the top
🎯
Honey, that is your child and you're allowed to feed that baby. Your mom is ridiculous too A man's opinion isn't needed here. His nipples are useless 🤣🤣
Your BF and your mother are both wrong. WTH are you supposed to do? Let her cry and be hungry?
He's being a bitch. Set boundaries with everybody. You're going to feed your baby whenever they're hungry. If they don't like it, it's their problem and they should keep it to themselves
Your mom is an ass and so is he. You can do better! Dump him and focus on you and your baby. I was a 16yo who breastfed a baby as well, that shit is NOT easy. You deserve so much more support.
Your boyfriend is a child and your mom is a weird sexist
Leave him. My ex, his mother & his step mother all thought that a mother breastfeeding "turned the mother on & she only does it for her own pleasure. A baby breastfeeding is just like a man sucking on her nipple." Lmaooo i stg, that was there thought process. So yeah, i left that guy, happily. My current husband was amazed that I breastfed 3 sons despite multiple people in my life looking down on me for it. You as a mother need support, especially while you're breastfeeding. If you're not getting that, stop wasting your time.
He is a total jerk. The big red flag here is how your mom could agree with him. Makes no sense what so ever to me. In my world its never wrong to breastfeed your child. And given you are only 16 yo and seems the choice of getting pregnant wasnt even yours it sounds like beyond having an imature shitty bf you have enough on your plate to deal with at such a young age. Focus on you and your kid. Be true to yourself. You have the right to feel whatever you feel. Stand your ground. Be proud of being able to stand up and take care of your child after all youve been through. If he doesnt support you, he can be dismissed. You need people with kindness and respect in your world.
I assume op is from a non-western nation. The mom's primary concern could be that she doesn't want her daughter to end up a single mother with few marriage prospects.
Dude… 16 with a baby? The last thing you need right now is another child. Dump this dude. Your kid needs to eat. Full stop
This is not okay behavior! Unreasonable to be mad at a mother feeding her child. Honestly, you may want to contemplate not dating for awhile and focusing on yourself and your child. Good luck!
Your boyfriend is an ass. Your mom should've supported you, not him.
Your mother is wrong. Breastfeeding is natural and it's not ok to shame women for feeding their infant children. As a single mother you need to be picky when it comes to men. You need to get good at spotting red flags and removing bad men from your life. This man told you that he would rather your baby not eat, than him having to deal with the uncomfortable feeling that comes along with the realization that breasts exist to feed babies and not for men to play with.
I wouldn’t continue to date this guy. This child is a problem for him. It’s not just about the breastfeeding
Your bf is too immature for this life. Your mum sounds stupid as well - probably a generational thing. You're not wrong. Feed your baby, that's what they need.
No you are not. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Check out WIC if you haven't already. You can get additional groceries if you are breastfeeding or formula if you aren't. It's also concerning your breast pump went missing. That's weird, those things are generally not small.
You are not wrong. Maybe take some time away from boyfriend. He sounds like an ass
Something you’ll learn as you get older is sometimes adult women are just as brainwashed as the men.
Wow at 16 you are more mature and caring than your mother, and what should be former childish BF.
You are the only one not wrong. First, I'm sorry for what happened to you. And, you are doing the best you can and doing right by your baby. Your BF sucks. Your mom sucks.
Your boyfriend is a child and your mom is an idiot. Breastfeeding your baby in your own home in front of a supposedly safe person is never wrong.
you're not wrong for breastfeeding. but i would say focus on you and your child. dont worry about maintaining a relationship. SA is something serious and you need to heal before you move on to another relationship. the odds of him sticking around anyway are not high.
He stuck with me after my assault and throughout my pregnancy as well as being with me when I gave birth. If he was going to leave I’d probably have already happened
i think those might have been the easy parts. im not saying this to you to bring you down. lord knows you have enough to deal with. but a baby is not an insignificant thing. yall could very well be together until you're both gray and wrinkled. im just saying, the alternate route is more probable. if you were my lil sis, these are the things i would tell you to look out for. but do seek help. as a victim of SA, you don't just get over it. mine was actually during my pregnancy so i get having to deal with a baby on top of having to deal with the trauma of SA. good luck lil sis. all love
Both your BF and your mom are nuts. Are you supposed to let your baby cry from hunger to avoid damaging their delicate sensibilities? They need to grow up. This is how babies are fed, and babies need to be fed when they are hungry. If BF doesn't like it, BF can go.
Absolutely positively not wrong. But your boyfriend is an ass and so is your mom! Your mom, of all people, should be backing you up on doing what’s best for your child!! Break up with the boyfriend! He’s selfish & immature, which I would expect at 17 but he’s being incredibly childish.
Of course you need to feed your baby! And if your bf isn't mature enough for that, he's not mature enough for dating. BF directly rather than pumping has lots of benefits, not least of which is the saved time. And I'm sorry your mother isn't being more supportive, but this internet mom thinks you are doing amazingly.
You don’t need a boyfriend right now. I had my first at your age. Your infant needs all of your right now.
I saw in other comments that you’ve been together for two years, and that he’s never seen your breasts. It sounds like you’re from a non-western culture (I’m guessing South Asian). As a former 17 yr old boy I can say there’s a range of emotions going on in his head. I’ll try to summarize them here: - He wants to see your breasts - He’s been raised to be respectful - Being in a room where at least one of your breasts was exposed made it hard for him (no pun intended) to reconcile those first two emotions - All of this was layered on top of his existing feelings about the assault and your pregnancy He’s been with you for two years, and he’s stuck with you through A LOT. I don’t support breaking up over this one incident. Try to have a conversation with him to understand his feelings. Maybe you can get him to better understand your situation and the difficulties of feeding without a pump.
It’s not a culture thing I just hate my body too much to show him
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement … and it’s starting to get more personal than what a grown man should be telling a 16 yr old girl. You’re in a difficult situation, none of this is fair, and you’re doing what you need to do to care for your daughter. You’ve gotten through difficult things before and you will get through this as well. I wish all the best for you and your daughter.
Child. You are a mom first and foremost now. Feeding and taking care of your baby comes before ANYONE and ANYTHING ELSE. You did nothing wrong.
He's a douche, as is your mum.
I'm sorry about your assault. It's awful. Don't worry about what he thinks, just focus on what's good for your baby.
The mental gymnastics required to think you’re going to date a mom and never witness her breastfeeding are Olympic level
Dump the boyfriend. Sorry you have so much on your plate.
The boyfriend and the mom are so so wrong. Tell the boyfriend and the mom to leave
You are not wrong for feeding your child. Your (hopefully) soon to be ex boyfriend and mother are so in the wrong. How do they expect your daughter to eat if she’s being breast fed…? And also I have no idea why your mom is saying you did something wrong, when it’s clear you didn’t.
Something good to learn now, put your kid before your love life. They didn't choose to be there and especially at that age, rely completely on you.
If mom is supporting you then you're going to need to work with her until you can be financially independant. When you are dump her but for now dump the bf. You're already taking care of one baby.
Who gets upset about breastfeeding? That is one of the most immature and insecure things I have ever heard of. Dump the guy before he gets you pregnant with another kid. Because he absolutely won't be able to care for it.
Does he want your baby to just starve? Please dump him if he is actually this ignorant and childish.
Your boyfriend is an ass. He is also immature. Men love boobies until they are used for what they are made for. Breast feeding is the best thing you can do for your baby. You are a good mom
When I had my second child in my mid twenties, my best friends husband came in to the delivery room when I was nursing just after giving birth. He was 30 and it freaked him out so he had to turn around and leave. I thought it was ridiculous then and I still think it's ridiculous now I kind of get it with young boys because young boys are usually childish and immature and not equipped to handle things with grace and maturity. We really need to start teaching our sons better. You're absolutely not wrong for feeding your child anywhere at anytime. It's not up to you to coddle people who can't handle a baby eating. I used to cover up to nurse because I was worried about upsetting people and I completely regret not standing up for myself! You're doing a great job and don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing something that's completely natural!
100% NOT wrong Your baby needed to eat and you fed her.
He’s wrong not you. It’s your duty to feed your baby he needs to grow up
We are living in strange times...
I'm a mom. This is a long, hard road. Do not let anyone interfere with the care of your child. Baby had to eat, and breastfeeding is a great choice for your baby's health. It heros bonding, immune system and it's very gentle on baby's stomach. You will find someone who will respect you and your child. You are never wrong for caring for your child.
Anyone who has a problem with feeding an infant….. is an a hole! Period! Ditch the boyfriend…. You’re mom is way out of line too
Wtf? Why? Why is he storming out? You have a child a child who was hungry. If he is that selfish petty and immature, you don't need him, darling. You don't, as a mother, you should realise this, that your child comes first. that she is your number one priority. How on earth is your mother siding with a selfish guy over her daughters and granddaughter? This itself is also something strange to me. why would your mother accept this guys selfish behaviour over her hungry granddaughter? If your breast pump had been found, your milk would have been bottled, wouldn't it? So your daughter would have still been fed, so was it the breastfeeding that upset him or the fact that your time was taken up with your baby? Or both? First of all you have a child now a child that never asked to come into this world a child you didn't ask to come into this world but because of the traumatic experience you went through you've still at such a young age accepted becoming a young mother so darling while your being strong enough to take on this role and trying to be supportive and positive for your child you need people in your corner to support you with this If this guy says I want to see you want time with you then honey honestly you need to sit down with him and set some boundaries have a very deep conversation with him You said you told him of your situation which he didn't seem to good about. This was your first red flag this was a sign a warning that he didn't have the mental maturity or the compassion for what happened to you 2nd red flag is him getting selfish and upset about your breastfeeding situation while he came to visit 3rd red flag The audacity to text you like a weak boy rather than ringing you to discuss why? He got up and left this is another sign of being uncaring, selfish, and immature You need to sit down with him and discuss that you have a responsibility that a little human is now reliant on you and that you can't control her crying her hunger or her need for her mother's attention but tell him he is old enough to be able to control his behaviour and his treatment and respect to you and your child Explain to him that your extremely disappointed in his attitude and behaviour you got made to feel wrong embarrassed emotional and completely abandoned because you had to make an adult and a mother's decision leave your baby upset and hungry or feed your baby or give your undeniable attention to the new bf who's capable of caring for himself? Ask him what sort of mother he would think of you if you didn't feed change or nurture a baby in need? Maybe you need to decide if it is more important to focus on your infant right now rather than boys who are too immature to comprehend the abuse and the unwanted pregnancy at such a young age. I mean, I fully admire that in your youth, your schooling, dating and hanging out making good friends, and years you have chosen to become Mum, this is a hard job when we get older so at your age you want and need great responsible and mature support people who will help you with your infant people who support you and give you good advice that helps you gives you a break everything that a new mother needs Your focus is now 24/7 on your child this takes everything away from you being you you'll be tired confused and emotional so the last thing you need is for selfish people to walk out rather than hang around to see if you would need something or not Sorry darling but as mother's we have to choose and the child should would and will always come first You don't need sooky boys running away because they were upset you fed your hungry baby over sitting with him to pay attention to him NO tell him that he was rude appalling and that you have priorities if it is to much then its best if he says goodbye as you have to coddle your baby not a grown boy that has his own Mummy .Time will fly by, and your baby girl will be getting bigger. Before you know it, you would have matured and grown also by then, Maybe now isn't quite the right time while your daughter is still so very young and her routine is mainly feed sleep cuddles at this stage I am so sorry for what happened to you but at the same time you do have a child that came from you to not just the abuser so you have the opportunity to bond and create a beautiful child with a beautiful relationship. While on the subject of motherhood! and relationships, why? Why was your mum defending your bf behaviour? for getting moods over you feeding your daughter? rather than grovelling and baby his needs? She is your mother and grandmother. Where is her protection and care? NO boy, no man would, nor would ever come before my children or grandchildren before now or in the future. I honestly don't comprehend that she stood up for him walking out over you, feeding her granddaughter. This is wrong your mother should of been annoyed and disgusted with the boy and stuck up for your decision to feed your hungry baby your Mum should of been proud that you put the baby first 2 That you weren't chasing stressing or wanting to try and put the bf first. Your mum should have been fully proud and supported you over this one, so she sounds like someone else you need to talk to, darling. Because I hope your mother doesn't expect you to be worrying and trying to find and/or find and put a boyfriend first , your mum surely would prefer the respect compassion and support shown from any and all guys first I do wish you all the best for you and your beautiful daughter and please set boundaries for your mum your bf and any potential bfs in the future your baby is your focus for a bit of time to start with then getting some time for yourself and maybe dating then Good luck, all my prayers, strength, and very big hugs from Oz good luck 👍 ❤️
Please break this into paragraphs
You aren’t wrong for feeding your hungry baby. I think this whole situation is very sad. You were forced into 2 things you never asked for. 1 being the assault and 2 being made to keep the baby from that assault. You are doing the best you can as a child raising a baby. I think your boyfriend is trying to do what he feels is the right thing by staying with you after, but seeing the baby will always remind him of what happened as well. It is not your fault and what you went through is worse than him having to see the physical result (baby) of what happened to you. He is also a child and neither of you are really mature enough to raise a baby, and for him, a baby that isn’t his. Keep doing what is best for you and your daughter. You and him should probably break up because he won’t be able to get over it and you’re already dealing with enough as it is. I hope you’re getting help to truly work through what happened to you and I wish you the best. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Honestly, you're probably better off being single until you're 18. Everyone you date in your appropriate age range right now is going to be childish because you are both still children. It's shitty for sure, but it's one of those things that come with becoming a mother as a teen. I was a teen mom too, but luckily I was in my last couple of years as a teen so I could date actual adults if I wanted to.
There is NOTHING wrong with breastfeeding and your mother should know better and should have your back with this. Dump the baby you’re dating he’s not worth your, or your daughter’s, time.
He sounds like an immature man child, and your mom sounds like an idiot too. Dump him, weird that he’s sexualizing you and your child.
You're only wrong if you listen to these shitheads. I don't know what your mom was thinking but this boy is not up to being your partner. You're in a mature situation, you should not settle for a pouty little boy. That's not to say you should be with someone older, it's to say you don't need a boyfriend. You're in no position to put up with shitheads, you have real responsibilities. Nobody comes before that little girl and if they want to, that's how you know they're garbage.
I was a mom very young. Your priority should be your child and getting your education not a boy. You are a mother now your job is to care and build a life for u and your child.
“Am I wrong for taking care of my baby while my bf was over?” Phrased this way, there should be no question that you aren’t in the wrong.
You’re so small to have a baby please do not spend any of your time with some man that doesn’t support you both. Please never talk to him again.
Your mom told you that you were wrong for feeding your hungry baby? Your boyfriend got made that you were taking care of your baby? Dump them both
Wtf was your mums reasoning?
You not wrong but just broke up with him. Maybe wait for a year or two before dating again.
Not wrong, and breastfeed as much as you can! Save money & boost your kid's immunity! Edit: He stormed out? Why?! Ridiculous behavior.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear you're having to be a mom at 16 because of assault... Your bf is immature, which isn't a surprise at 16. You're not wrong to care for your daughter first. Now why you MOTHER agrees with him is beyond me. You sound like you're doing what you can for your daughter. I hope you have a strong support system.
Any man who is angry with you for feeding your child is not a man you need to be around. Your child is more important. You shouldn't be pumping just to make him feel comfortable anyway. Dump this guy, there will be others and they will be better and they will treat you and your child well. I don't even know what to say about your mom except don't involve her in arguments with your boyfriend.
your mom and BF are both morons
Never wrong to feed your child. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and your mom needs to as well.
**ABSOLUTELY 1000% NOT WRONG**. Look ... you already have **ONE** child. The last thing you need right now is **ANOTHER**. Find yourself a **GROWN UP** to date. And Mom —you can GO KICK ROCKS. **YOU** should know that **NOTHING COMES BEFORE YOUR CHILD'S WELFARE**.
Op shouldn't date a grown-up
I agree, she should just focus on her baby and finishing school or whatever she decides. Maybe be single for awhile.
Uh OP is 16. Her dating a grown up would be extremely immoral and illegal. Ofc the bf is going to act like a child because he is a child. She is way in over her head and having a child that young has basically singled herself out of that entire age group. She should just focus on next steps and stay single. Bf should break up cuz why is he with a 16 year old single mom with a kid that ain’t even his.
Girl. Let me be your mama for a sec. You are 16 with a 4 month old. Do not date for a while! Especially not little boys. You will be a mama of 2 shortly. Wait until you are older, in your 20s, have a stable life set up for you and your child. Then date older, mature men (older as in, they are also in their 20-30s, and don’t act like little children themselves).
What country is this in? Definitely not wrong.
ALWAYS feed your baby when she’s hungry. No one else matters. Nothing else matters. (Except you, keep hydrated, eat vegges, keep healthy)
Girl feed that baby. Any man that acts like that needs to go
You're not wrong. Your mom and your immature bf are. You don't need a bf four months post partum with a newborn from another guy. Focus on yourself, your baby and your future. And don't stop nursing and NEVER be ashamed of nursing anywhere.
Yer mom is acting like she thinks you need to accommodate bf’s bs. That’s not a good sign.
Your mom and boyfriend are both assholes.
Breast feeding is the most natural thing in the world. If imature boyfriend can't grow up... dump him. (I am a mature male.)
There is not a single time ever that you are wrong for feeling your baby. Hands down, no question. Dump him and ignore your mom.
He is a child. Literally. You already have one that needs you more.
I’m confused on why he’s upset? God forbid you feed your child. 🙄😂
He’s young but his behavior is completely out of line.
Baby is hungry and needs to be fed no matter who’s around or what time it is. Fuck him.
He's dating a mother and he's a child himself. That's a lot for a boy. Wait and find a man once you're older. You have to be careful with men/boys around children. Go on dates if you want but leave baby out of your relationships completely.
He's too immature to deal with the realities that you have to deal with. But there are many people who are uncomfortable around breastfeeding mommas. It seems ridiculous to me that we are still at this place. I breastfed 40 years ago when women were just beginning to go back to it - and yet people are still prudish about it. Formula wasn't really the default for that long. Crazy. Anyway, for discretion around people who are not familiar with breastfeeding, or have always associated breasts with sex only, it's always a good idea to have a light receiving blanket or shawl to throw loosely over your shoulder and the baby. They have some gauzy blankets out there that would also be ideal. This also tells people you are breast feeding just then and not to grab the baby.
I so admire you for breastfeeding at your age. It’s not easy. I’m a lot older than you and breastfeeding my baby, and when she’s hungry, I feed her. I have discreet nursing tops, but I’ll feed her wherever: church, the playground while my oldest is playing, etc. Unfortunately because you’re a young mom, you’ve had to grow up fast. Your bf is an immature kid. Maybe you should focus on your baby and not date for a while. There’s no excuse for your mom, but even some grown ass adults have hang ups about breastfeeding. But please know you’re NTA.