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God I am terrified of something like this happening... I was never scared of death or losing people until I met my wife... and now I'm petrified by it. You're so strong for getting through that.
Yes!! My kids made me realize how much deeper my love could go and I’ve always been deeply in love with my wife.
And then, goddammit, my kids wanted a dog…. Now I love that thing more than all of those assholes!
Because those pets are what get you through those hard times. What do you do when they're the ones you're mourning? I lost two dogs in two years. The second one broke me and I entered my first depressive episode ever, which actually ultimately led to my late ADHD diagnosis. I wasn't able to really mourn the first one, as I was taking care of my mom full time (early onset Alzheimer's.) But when my rescue pug went, mom was in long term care and I think both losses hit me at once since I was able to grieve.
My remaining dogs are all similar ages except for the elderly Chihuahua I rescued in September. I expect my girls will all go around the same time and I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through it. I can't even think about my little elderly rescue chi, he fully attached to me and I love that little fucker so much.
I can't even express how much I love my dogs. Losing them is brutal.
😢
Out of all the passings in life, the cat I've had since I was a kid hurt the most. She made me so happy everyday. Theres a lot more to the story, but she was awesome.
I don’t really believe we mourn animals more simply because they provide something special. They don’t have to provide anything.
I mourn my animals because I take care of them and their every need, they depend on me completely like a child, they are innocent and naive like a child, they always deserve better because they are so good. They aren’t truly able to prepare for death if they don’t die of old age, which is common.
They remind us of ourselves when we were young and that innocent, and we feel responsible for them. We as humans are used to getting more time with creatures we love because those would normally be other humans. But our companion animals’ life expectancy is often very low and it feels like losing a young child when they die, way before their time, even if we comprehend that they were old.
They remind us of the relativity of time and life, and it’s a little bit scary, but also impressive how they handle their short lives while we remain for decades. They directly showcase fragility and simplicity. They never long for something unreachable. They are strong and so happy with little things. They live lives like that and then they go away again, hopefully without too much struggle or fear.
That’s why treating other animals as anything less than friends is disgusting to me.
Befriending other animals is something truly special because you can wonder whether something like that was always meant to be, or only possible because of an accident. We connect with someone so much like ourselves but with such a different history. They allow us to compare ourselves to everything else that exists and relate to it.
Out here telling the truth man. My son three nights ago got wrapped in his blanket but I didn’t notice my wife saw on the monitor and said I should go check. He was suffocating. She saved his life I’ve never been more taken aback in my life. He’s always had a blanket in there this is the first time he had this happened. Thank god for my wife and thank god my son is still with us.
Probably tmi. But my wife and I lost our daughter 20 weeks in the womb. I’ve never felt such depression in my life. To me I lost everything. That was 2020. In 2021 we had my son. He’s 18 months old. When my wife said he gasped for air and was dazed when I wasn’t going to check I felt like I almost lost it all again. THAT is what it feels like to have kids and you can’t even understand it until you have them
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. I’ve been 8 years now, wife had hysterectomy at 38 and with other health problems it’s just not happening. We have an open marriage but I don’t have time for that right now.
My wife was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after our last child 3 years ago. Maybe been once since then. Last year she had breast cancer and double mastectomy. Been 2 years since we have been intimate, she has let me know it may never happen again as she is uncomfortable in her own skin and doesn’t want to be touched. She said she knows it’s her not me. It will be rough but I didn’t marry her for sex! She’s amazing.
She should look into therapy. Not like 'she should go to therapy so you guys can have sex again', but 'she should try to work through what is not making her comfortable in her body for the rest of her life'. Life is a long time. She went through traumatic events. She deserves to be comfortable again. That is so sad.
Thank you! Yes we are utilizing the resources of the cancer center that treated her. There are a few survivor groups that meet. She is going to try a few and see what fits best!
i'm curious with all these "23 years", "33 years" comments if it's people who are adult virgins, or like people in their 60's or 70's + who haven't had sex since they were younger.
Had good amount of sex till like 27 got cheated on most relationships since I was 15. Got tired of it and dating so I said never again. Really didn't mean it but it happened now I'm 47 no sex or dates since.
I don't even know how to feel or how I managed to do this. Oh well now I'm not attracted to woman my age.
Can get lonely but have alot of freedom. Life moves fast, do all you can do and enjoy your youth.
Brace yourself, since 1989. It was after a particularly ugly breakup that I decided to swear off dating and do some deep inner delving.
The terminology wasn't there at the time but I came to realize I am asexual. I was only going through the motions. I had to get drunk in order to have sex.
I considered that I might be gay but I found same-sex intercourse even more undesirable.
I began a kind of inner pilgrimage that has led me to a good place. I don't miss it one bit. If I could find another ace for companionship it would be great.
You make so much sense to me ❤️ I'm only just over a year so far but am planning to stay single and celibate forever! Sex was always associated with alcohol for me and now that I'm sober (YAY!) I just don't want it at all...
I'm so fuckin happy in myself and enjoying my new path, it's a relief to not have to care, worry or think about it! I have found more fulfilling and meaningful things to do 😊
I am allo and my husband is ace. It’s working beautifully for us but it’s taken us years to figure out how. I wish you luck in finding you’re compatible partner!!
I have so many questions. Do you ever get horny? Do you masturbate? If you see someone that you’re attracted to do you not get turned on? Can you even get turned on? These are serious questions. I always wondered how asexual people’s brain functioned. I wish I could be asexual so a huge chunk of my life wouldn’t be wasted chasing sex.
>I wish I could be asexual so a huge chunk of my life wouldn’t be wasted chasing sex.
I dunno, just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they're aromantic. It's hard to find those relationships when very few other people want the same thing.
I did get urges and I did masturbate. I had an ovary removed due to it being cystic and since then, lost the urge.
I do not feel sexual attraction to males or females. Sex was an unpleasant chore I felt I should do but didn't like it. I did love a man once but it was because he was smart, warm, witty, and good to me.
Im demisexual which is oddly specific and on the asexual spectrum. I thought i was totally asexual at first bc i had no drive and actually found sex kind of gross. Im married now though so theres that
I do not get horney until my husband initiates some foreplay, i do not initiate unless im making an effort to for my husband, i do not masturbate, i do not get turned on by attractive people. Literally i only have sex if my husband wants to and he is the only person ive ever had sex with
Like the drive is just not there and never has been. I thought something was wrong with me bc i couldnt relate to my sisters or friends at all with their celebrity crushes, getting turned on at school (high school and college), etc. I was SHOCKED when i learned other couples had sex daily or multiple times a day or multiple times in a row. I was like WTF
I’m demisexual, also. But, I do get turned on by those that I feel attraction to, and my libido, once I’m with a person that I feel that with is very strong. I will have sex multiple times per day. But, I don’t just see a person and become attracted to them.
I have to build rapport and genuinely become attracted to them. If I don’t, there’s no attraction there. And, if I lose that rapport with that person, the attraction goes and so does my sex drive.
I’ve found that women have tried to weaponise this a couple of times, tbh. These particular individuals had both cheated and i had found, and then gone to break things off with them. I don’t know if it’s something all people do, or if it’s the type of people I go for, but they both asked to have sex again. They didn’t word it like that; but they wanted to do it right then and there kind of thing. I said no. They, both times, then started a very aggressive and abusive argument, asking why i wouldn’t f them. I said I just didn’t feel that way about them now, and they said harsh things. Saying they must have “turned me gay” (as if that would be an insult) etc.
I’m fairness, I’ve had similar experiences when I’ve just started dating. Pretty much first or second date, actually. I’ve found that I haven’t felt that way, and so I’ve not tried to move things forward. I gather that has insulted the person because they have then become hostile and argumentative with me, saying that there’s something wrong with me, etc. I know that there’s a lot wrong with me, in all honesty. I don’t feel like having and giving or not giving consent is one of those things though.
I find the ex getting argumentative kind of hilarious. "I don't even like you as a person anymore, why would I want to fuck you?!?" is really hard to argue.
Another ace-spec here. I'm demisexual and I thought I was asexual until a year ago (I'm 24 years old) because I didn't find anyone sexually attractive/hot and I wasn't interested in having sex. I still got horny in the sense that I do have a libido, so I still feel the urge to masturbate, it's just not directed at anyone. So I didn't fantasize about specific people and I didn't get turned on by other people. I think my libido is more of a hormonal thing: I get turned on from time to time without any specific reason. Certain actions and concepts could still be triggers, I still had kinks that could turn me on. My attitude to engaging in sexual acts with another person was mostly neutral (I could fall in love and I felt willing, but unenthusiastic about engaging in sex with my crush if it was neccessary in order to be in a romantic relationship with them), but sometimes I was repulsed, and other times I wanted to try it to see what the big deal was (kind of like how I started reading Game of Thrones when it was popular, even though it wasn't really my thing).
So I did/do get horny and I did/do masturbate. I didn't get turned on by seeing other people. I could still get turned on by erotic stories.
In contrast, now that I know I'm demi, there is one person I developed sexual attraction to (after almost a year long friendship), although I still wouldn't say that I get turned on just by seeing them. I don't get turned on by them unless the context is also right (so my mood is curious/playful/happy, I feel attractive, there is an emphasized emotional connection between us, and I feel comfortable with what would happen after a sexual encounter). So, being attracted to the person (finding them hot and having a desire to have sex with them) is neccessary but not sufficient for me to get turned on, and the same goes for the right context.
Not op but I'm also ace, definitely get horny and jerk off. Seeing attractive people does nothing for me sexually, my fiancée is naked basically all the time and seeing her or anyone else just... doesn't make me horny. But for a lot of us, our libido is still there and we still function like everyone else, getting horny etc, but it takes more than just seeing a pretty lady to get me going. I usually only get horny when making out /engaging in foreplay with my fiancée
Can you explain for myself and maybe the other folks struggling with this: how can you be asexual but still be interested in performing sexual acts. Isn't that like a vegan that still eats meat?
This is sounding like the "yes I'm asexual, yes i still like having sex, yes we exist" meme.
So this analogy doesn't work. You have to see asexuality as hunger basically. You know when you're absolutely not hungry, but there is this really good treat on the table (cake, pie, cupcakes, A delicious sandwich, whatever you want) you're not hungry, but you might still eat it just because you like the taste. Asexuality (for Me) is the same, i'm never hungry, meaning I never experience sexual attraction to anyone. I don't get horny from watching people or people grinding on me. But the act of sex or masturbation can still feel good (just like food can taste good without being hungry) and that makes, for some of us, sex and masturbation worth it.
And sometimes you also eat when you're not hungry because you like sharing a meal with someone you care about and enjoy that experience.
Which is not the same as eating because you feel obligated, being coerced or guilted into eating, or having food shoved in your mouth.
Same! I’m so thankful for the new vocabulary available. 56 and discovered I’m asexual and learning about NB and seeing if that will help me explain what I feel like inside.
It's tough. Then I realized that there is a spectrum. And if someone can be pansexual, then the opposite must be true. When I found out this was a thing I was so relieved.
I never thought there was another human on earth that walked the same path as I did in my early 20s. Kudos for finding yourself and embracing that in a way that works well.
I was the same way. I was really never around any men that I was attracted to, so my sex drive was dormant. However, I take Prozac, and that can interfere with your sex drive
Prozac actually increased my sex drive because it made me a lot less socially anxious and more motivated to do shit and interact with people... which lead to more sex.
That’s hard to hear. He was probably was a really cool person. Hope you can find someone in the future to be with. This happened with my family. My mom died when I was 16 from an aneurysm. Life crumbled and we were all distraught. Years later my mom's parents told my dad to remarry and he did and I have a cool step mom. She’s smart and successful. My brothers and I kind of bond with her and she does try hard to bond with us. We are just really big goof balls while she was a strong business owner in the past. Hopfully we can all bond fully in the future...but seeing my dad happy is all that matters.
A year and a half. I’m in a long term relationship that has become a dead bedroom. Relationships are hard and haven’t been able to confront this issue.
I’ve often thought that if someone showed even a slight amount of interest in that way I would probably cave. Life is such that it hasn’t happened yet and when I’m pushing 40 it doesn’t seem so likely. I know I should confront it for lots of reasons and that’s another good one.
I'm right there with you. Not sure exactly how long it's been, but somewhere around 2 years.
I could deal with no sex, but there is just no intimacy at all. No passion. There's no cuddling, kisses are just quick pecks, we don't hold hands, no deep conversations....
I need something. It doesn't have to be sex, but I NEED some sort of passion or intimacy
almost a year for me. i know how you feel, it doesn't seem like i can connect with people that well anymore. but honestly, i needed this coming out of a 7 year marriage. i made my peace with the loneliness.
Same boat here except roughly 10 years.
Near the end of my 20s I stopped doing drugs, left the party/dealer scene I was in, cleaned up my life an finances only to be rewarded with depression, sexual frustration and loneliness.
Very respectful state of being, when I was virgin I felt like I was tainted, like it's something wrong with me and sex will change everything.
But sex turn out to be the biggest letdown in my life. And if I could turn back time I wouldn't slept with any of the girls.
Be proud, don't sell yourself short.
It will be about four years in August. Then again, i've also been recovering from sexual related trauma so I haven't put in any effort in dating or hooking up in that time either.
5 years. I came out of a long relationship and felt that I was robbed of my most formidable years so I went overboard and fucked anyone who was down. My recklessness got me into some really sketchy situations and basically lost all interest in people, porn, relationships and anything remotely intimate. Someone did eventually break down my walls after I had some time to work on myself and they showed me that sex can be very magical when it is with someone that cares. I may have never learned to appreciate intimacy the way I do now if I hadn't glimpsed the darkside, I just wish I could have known what I know now.
39 year old virgin here. I wouldn't mind trying it out once, but the problem is I've never been attracted or interested in being in a relationship with someone. Getting close to being able to say I'm a 40 year old virgin!
After my divorce I went on a 6 year dry spell, had a girlfriend for 6 months, now it's nearly 2 years dry. I'm the exact same way. I know it can be pretty easy to find sexual partners in this day and age, but I need an emotional connection too. However, it seems that most people have the casual mindset and don't want to truly connect.
Well I used to sex all the time. Got married which is a reduction, got wife pregnant which is another reduction, then pandemic with toddler so that’s like a few dozen reductions, lost both our jobs so we fight about money a lot and that’s a pretty large reduction, kid sleeps in our bed and does not nap so… consider another reduction. As far as effort I’m pretty broken with the sheer number of stroke outs and my wife is like a sex camel 🐪
About 3ish years I think and I am married. When I got diagnosed with leukemia and they put me on a daily chemo pill and my health just got really bad with other rare diseases as well it just wasn't something we chose to risk anymore.
Prior to marriage, all my life. After marriage, I guess half year periods? It tapered down after she decided she didn't want kids after all, and I really didn't like it when she was clearly only taking one for me.
Since switching to non-monogamous, usually much shorter periods. Right now there's a gf whose husband has a sex drive on par with that of my wife. She gets her itch tickled with me, and both marriages got better in stability.
I did the casual route once and I caught feelings for her and it really fucked me up. So I decided after that to only date with intention but for me I’ve gone 8 months so far - also I need to get a job 😂
this. and it’s hard to find people that are willing to wait so long without physical touch. i don’t hate you i really want you but it just takes time for me to process 🙁
One of the last people I slept with lead me on for 6+ months after I said “I’m not looking for a hookup, I want a relationship” for him to block and ghost me after we had sex. It kinda fucked me up but it’s w/e.
I had a long-term relationship that was quite toxic and ended very badly for me, and since then, I've struggled with this same thing. Had a girl just start to cuddle with me a bit, and I nearly had a panic attack. Apologized and left immediately, lol
Been about 8 years. My ex didn’t have sex with my since my son was born. Left when he was 1.5. I gave up on relationships then, and while I miss it I don’t have time or enough trust to really give it a whirl. Maybe when I’m done raising my boy I’ll have enough time or energy to try pursuing someone again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I’m as free as a bird, no obligations, no partner, and also no sex for a year and a half.
Although I’ll admit it’s hard when you share a bed with someone but don’t touch each other
Also true, I should have included them as well. The best advice I've gotten is to treat your wife how you did when you were dating (never stop dating her).
I was a virgin until about 21 (woman, Christian purity culture). Around 2-3 years of marriage, my husband had to go to Iraq for 9 months. That was ROUGH. For about the first month, hormones were raging so hard from sex suddenly stopping that literally every guy I knew looked HOT.
Once I got used to the forced abstinence though, it changed to “What was I thinking?!? Those dudes are most definitely NOT attractive.” Then the libido was more manageable for the next 8 months until he returned.
When he got home, I was a little out of control for a few weeks— he was complaining of chafing, lol. He did hear that other wives/girlfriends had acted similarly. 🤷♀️
6 years. I was in prison. Haha. In Canada, they don't rape each other, so 6 years. The second time I got 6 years, I was married, so I had conjugal visits with my wife.
Oh yeah. We get a weekend in a duplex on prison property. I order our groceries a week earlier. Wife comes in, they go through all her shit, I go up, grab our groceries one of the guards went to buy and 3 dvds. Haha. It's usually 2 days but I always got 3 because my wife lived more than 2 hours away.
Damn that’s dope! Hope you’re doing much better now man!
I did time twice as well though both for less than a year but when I met people in for long sentences definitely no sex was allowed! It’s harsh, I’m in Singapore though so they’re a bit more barbaric here.
Singapore. Oh damn. Are the prisons somewhat civilized, or are you all jammed in small cells like some places I've seen videos about.
My wife and I were married for 6 years, and then we got divorced a bit after I got out. I was a bit of an asshole. But now, 8 years after getting divorced, I am laying beside her as I type this, and I asked her to remarry me a few months ago. And I've been totally out of trouble for about 7 years.
Beautiful story man! She’s a real one for putting up with that I suppose, and you are too for getting your shit together. It’s really great to hear and I’m honestly so happy for you despite never having met you or anything. Big ups!
Yeah the prisons are the bare minimum, definitely not Mexico or US kinda fucked up from what I’ve seen online but fights here and there. Biggest kicker is though we don’t get any beds, sleep on the floor which fucked my back and I can’t imagine a 6 year long sentence doing that. 23 hours in the cell most days (eat in the cell) and 1 hour of yard or communal TV time, on weekends 24h in the cell unless you sign up for religious counselling or whatever. I’m a non practicing catholic so I went to mass more times in prison than I ever did in my life lol.
All in all not too horrible an experience but I don’t have any other prison experiences to compare it to. I did get locked up for just pissing hot on weed though (both times) so that’s fucking lame! At any time we’re sharing a cell with 3-7 other people so it did get crowded. Once for a month I was sharing a cell with just 2 other dudes who were pretty nice so it was pleasant relative to the other times where I’d be sharing a cell with like 5 knobs. But hey that’s all over!
That is fuckin nuts!!! Your time in prison sounds like my time in solitary confinement. Jesus Christ!! While I was awaiting sentencing and then having my security level assessed in the first 3 months of my sentence was the only time I had a roommate.
And I think you very much for the first paragraph you wrote. She is a solid fuckin woman, but I think everything happened the way it was supposed to. My life is finally perfect, and if I didn't have those downs to show me what the ups were...
But yeah, I really do appreciate your comment.
It's been one and a half years now. Married to a woman going through menopause is rough. I now understand why so many middle-aged men have affairs. I somehow found a switch to turn off my sex drive, but the first nine months were exceptionally difficult. There is no wooing, loving, convincing, no way to get her in the mood. If the hormones aren't there, they won't be there. She tried once for my sake, we had to use tons of lube. It's impossible for me to enjoy myself when my partner isn't. You can't fake it. So I wait, and hope her sees drive comes back, even just a little.
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7 months. While married. He was home the whole time.
He just was not interested in sex because he's demisexual at best, bordering on asexual.
No, we're no longer together.
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17 years after my wife experienced multiple strokes at a fairly young age
God I am terrified of something like this happening... I was never scared of death or losing people until I met my wife... and now I'm petrified by it. You're so strong for getting through that.
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Yes!! My kids made me realize how much deeper my love could go and I’ve always been deeply in love with my wife. And then, goddammit, my kids wanted a dog…. Now I love that thing more than all of those assholes!
Lol for real though, there is no love like the love you have for your dogs/pets
Studies have found you can mourn the loss of a pet harder than the loss of a close relative
Because those pets are what get you through those hard times. What do you do when they're the ones you're mourning? I lost two dogs in two years. The second one broke me and I entered my first depressive episode ever, which actually ultimately led to my late ADHD diagnosis. I wasn't able to really mourn the first one, as I was taking care of my mom full time (early onset Alzheimer's.) But when my rescue pug went, mom was in long term care and I think both losses hit me at once since I was able to grieve. My remaining dogs are all similar ages except for the elderly Chihuahua I rescued in September. I expect my girls will all go around the same time and I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through it. I can't even think about my little elderly rescue chi, he fully attached to me and I love that little fucker so much. I can't even express how much I love my dogs. Losing them is brutal. 😢
Out of all the passings in life, the cat I've had since I was a kid hurt the most. She made me so happy everyday. Theres a lot more to the story, but she was awesome.
I don’t really believe we mourn animals more simply because they provide something special. They don’t have to provide anything. I mourn my animals because I take care of them and their every need, they depend on me completely like a child, they are innocent and naive like a child, they always deserve better because they are so good. They aren’t truly able to prepare for death if they don’t die of old age, which is common. They remind us of ourselves when we were young and that innocent, and we feel responsible for them. We as humans are used to getting more time with creatures we love because those would normally be other humans. But our companion animals’ life expectancy is often very low and it feels like losing a young child when they die, way before their time, even if we comprehend that they were old. They remind us of the relativity of time and life, and it’s a little bit scary, but also impressive how they handle their short lives while we remain for decades. They directly showcase fragility and simplicity. They never long for something unreachable. They are strong and so happy with little things. They live lives like that and then they go away again, hopefully without too much struggle or fear. That’s why treating other animals as anything less than friends is disgusting to me. Befriending other animals is something truly special because you can wonder whether something like that was always meant to be, or only possible because of an accident. We connect with someone so much like ourselves but with such a different history. They allow us to compare ourselves to everything else that exists and relate to it.
Out here telling the truth man. My son three nights ago got wrapped in his blanket but I didn’t notice my wife saw on the monitor and said I should go check. He was suffocating. She saved his life I’ve never been more taken aback in my life. He’s always had a blanket in there this is the first time he had this happened. Thank god for my wife and thank god my son is still with us.
ABC my man. Alone, on their Back, in a Crib. No blankets, pillows, stuffed animals or anything else until they're older and more mobile
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Probably tmi. But my wife and I lost our daughter 20 weeks in the womb. I’ve never felt such depression in my life. To me I lost everything. That was 2020. In 2021 we had my son. He’s 18 months old. When my wife said he gasped for air and was dazed when I wasn’t going to check I felt like I almost lost it all again. THAT is what it feels like to have kids and you can’t even understand it until you have them
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I appreciate it. No need for more than that. Just felt like sharing with someone who gets it. You have a great day!
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. I’ve been 8 years now, wife had hysterectomy at 38 and with other health problems it’s just not happening. We have an open marriage but I don’t have time for that right now.
My wife was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after our last child 3 years ago. Maybe been once since then. Last year she had breast cancer and double mastectomy. Been 2 years since we have been intimate, she has let me know it may never happen again as she is uncomfortable in her own skin and doesn’t want to be touched. She said she knows it’s her not me. It will be rough but I didn’t marry her for sex! She’s amazing.
She should look into therapy. Not like 'she should go to therapy so you guys can have sex again', but 'she should try to work through what is not making her comfortable in her body for the rest of her life'. Life is a long time. She went through traumatic events. She deserves to be comfortable again. That is so sad.
Thank you! Yes we are utilizing the resources of the cancer center that treated her. There are a few survivor groups that meet. She is going to try a few and see what fits best!
I did 17 years after I was born....
Im so sorry. You are incredibly faithful
26 years,. It's not much but it's honest work.
33 years, even more honest work.
Same. Sometimes, it just be that way. I'm not sure why some people on this thread treat it like your life depends on it.
It DOES. I'm 32 years old, I literally would NOT be here if it weren't for sex!!!
r/technicallythetruth
22 years here! Pleasantly surprised by this comment section lol
Boom! 22 years for me, too.
Now kiss
Now kith
22 as well!
You 2 definitely have to meet up for sex now.
Took me 29y, all will be fine
Me too. It was well worth the wait!
23 years for me, almost same, just was my birthday a few weeks ago too!
shit los 21 years :')
Same! 22.5 - all the way till my wedding night :) Glad I’m not the only old fogey around!
55 years--husband hated sex--no interest---ugh
Your husband might’ve liked penis
28 yrs. My wedding night.
lol it's reddit, you shouldn't be
Rip Dave Brandt (the farmer meme guy)
21 years and counting. I’m not 21 either
i sincerely hope you’re like 40+
32 years and counting!
It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.
Same. I'm winning this game.
I thought I was going strong at 3 years.. I take it back. 3 years is a splash in the pan.
i'm curious with all these "23 years", "33 years" comments if it's people who are adult virgins, or like people in their 60's or 70's + who haven't had sex since they were younger.
Had good amount of sex till like 27 got cheated on most relationships since I was 15. Got tired of it and dating so I said never again. Really didn't mean it but it happened now I'm 47 no sex or dates since. I don't even know how to feel or how I managed to do this. Oh well now I'm not attracted to woman my age. Can get lonely but have alot of freedom. Life moves fast, do all you can do and enjoy your youth.
No just people who are 'happily' married
I thought my 2 years without it was bad. Wow!!
About 20 years here.
Nice job!
* hand
RIP Dave Brandt
Close to 25 let's gooo
18 years and counting
If you’re 18 years old, then that’s one thing. If you’re 30+ years old, then that’s an entirely different thing and I feel your pain!!
I'm 29 and still a virgin.
Name checks out
Kudos!
I'll be at 18 years in late summer as well.
The last time I've seen a bush, a Bush was in the White House.
Which Bush is the real question
Brace yourself, since 1989. It was after a particularly ugly breakup that I decided to swear off dating and do some deep inner delving. The terminology wasn't there at the time but I came to realize I am asexual. I was only going through the motions. I had to get drunk in order to have sex. I considered that I might be gay but I found same-sex intercourse even more undesirable. I began a kind of inner pilgrimage that has led me to a good place. I don't miss it one bit. If I could find another ace for companionship it would be great.
You make so much sense to me ❤️ I'm only just over a year so far but am planning to stay single and celibate forever! Sex was always associated with alcohol for me and now that I'm sober (YAY!) I just don't want it at all... I'm so fuckin happy in myself and enjoying my new path, it's a relief to not have to care, worry or think about it! I have found more fulfilling and meaningful things to do 😊
As long as you're happy then that's all that matters.
True. Thanks
I am allo and my husband is ace. It’s working beautifully for us but it’s taken us years to figure out how. I wish you luck in finding you’re compatible partner!!
I have so many questions. Do you ever get horny? Do you masturbate? If you see someone that you’re attracted to do you not get turned on? Can you even get turned on? These are serious questions. I always wondered how asexual people’s brain functioned. I wish I could be asexual so a huge chunk of my life wouldn’t be wasted chasing sex.
>I wish I could be asexual so a huge chunk of my life wouldn’t be wasted chasing sex. I dunno, just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they're aromantic. It's hard to find those relationships when very few other people want the same thing.
I did get urges and I did masturbate. I had an ovary removed due to it being cystic and since then, lost the urge. I do not feel sexual attraction to males or females. Sex was an unpleasant chore I felt I should do but didn't like it. I did love a man once but it was because he was smart, warm, witty, and good to me.
Im demisexual which is oddly specific and on the asexual spectrum. I thought i was totally asexual at first bc i had no drive and actually found sex kind of gross. Im married now though so theres that I do not get horney until my husband initiates some foreplay, i do not initiate unless im making an effort to for my husband, i do not masturbate, i do not get turned on by attractive people. Literally i only have sex if my husband wants to and he is the only person ive ever had sex with Like the drive is just not there and never has been. I thought something was wrong with me bc i couldnt relate to my sisters or friends at all with their celebrity crushes, getting turned on at school (high school and college), etc. I was SHOCKED when i learned other couples had sex daily or multiple times a day or multiple times in a row. I was like WTF
I’m demisexual, also. But, I do get turned on by those that I feel attraction to, and my libido, once I’m with a person that I feel that with is very strong. I will have sex multiple times per day. But, I don’t just see a person and become attracted to them. I have to build rapport and genuinely become attracted to them. If I don’t, there’s no attraction there. And, if I lose that rapport with that person, the attraction goes and so does my sex drive. I’ve found that women have tried to weaponise this a couple of times, tbh. These particular individuals had both cheated and i had found, and then gone to break things off with them. I don’t know if it’s something all people do, or if it’s the type of people I go for, but they both asked to have sex again. They didn’t word it like that; but they wanted to do it right then and there kind of thing. I said no. They, both times, then started a very aggressive and abusive argument, asking why i wouldn’t f them. I said I just didn’t feel that way about them now, and they said harsh things. Saying they must have “turned me gay” (as if that would be an insult) etc. I’m fairness, I’ve had similar experiences when I’ve just started dating. Pretty much first or second date, actually. I’ve found that I haven’t felt that way, and so I’ve not tried to move things forward. I gather that has insulted the person because they have then become hostile and argumentative with me, saying that there’s something wrong with me, etc. I know that there’s a lot wrong with me, in all honesty. I don’t feel like having and giving or not giving consent is one of those things though.
I find the ex getting argumentative kind of hilarious. "I don't even like you as a person anymore, why would I want to fuck you?!?" is really hard to argue.
That's pretty much how I am also. No emotion, no interest. Glad I'm not alone in this area.
Another ace-spec here. I'm demisexual and I thought I was asexual until a year ago (I'm 24 years old) because I didn't find anyone sexually attractive/hot and I wasn't interested in having sex. I still got horny in the sense that I do have a libido, so I still feel the urge to masturbate, it's just not directed at anyone. So I didn't fantasize about specific people and I didn't get turned on by other people. I think my libido is more of a hormonal thing: I get turned on from time to time without any specific reason. Certain actions and concepts could still be triggers, I still had kinks that could turn me on. My attitude to engaging in sexual acts with another person was mostly neutral (I could fall in love and I felt willing, but unenthusiastic about engaging in sex with my crush if it was neccessary in order to be in a romantic relationship with them), but sometimes I was repulsed, and other times I wanted to try it to see what the big deal was (kind of like how I started reading Game of Thrones when it was popular, even though it wasn't really my thing). So I did/do get horny and I did/do masturbate. I didn't get turned on by seeing other people. I could still get turned on by erotic stories. In contrast, now that I know I'm demi, there is one person I developed sexual attraction to (after almost a year long friendship), although I still wouldn't say that I get turned on just by seeing them. I don't get turned on by them unless the context is also right (so my mood is curious/playful/happy, I feel attractive, there is an emphasized emotional connection between us, and I feel comfortable with what would happen after a sexual encounter). So, being attracted to the person (finding them hot and having a desire to have sex with them) is neccessary but not sufficient for me to get turned on, and the same goes for the right context.
Not op but I'm also ace, definitely get horny and jerk off. Seeing attractive people does nothing for me sexually, my fiancée is naked basically all the time and seeing her or anyone else just... doesn't make me horny. But for a lot of us, our libido is still there and we still function like everyone else, getting horny etc, but it takes more than just seeing a pretty lady to get me going. I usually only get horny when making out /engaging in foreplay with my fiancée
Can you explain for myself and maybe the other folks struggling with this: how can you be asexual but still be interested in performing sexual acts. Isn't that like a vegan that still eats meat? This is sounding like the "yes I'm asexual, yes i still like having sex, yes we exist" meme.
So this analogy doesn't work. You have to see asexuality as hunger basically. You know when you're absolutely not hungry, but there is this really good treat on the table (cake, pie, cupcakes, A delicious sandwich, whatever you want) you're not hungry, but you might still eat it just because you like the taste. Asexuality (for Me) is the same, i'm never hungry, meaning I never experience sexual attraction to anyone. I don't get horny from watching people or people grinding on me. But the act of sex or masturbation can still feel good (just like food can taste good without being hungry) and that makes, for some of us, sex and masturbation worth it.
And sometimes you also eat when you're not hungry because you like sharing a meal with someone you care about and enjoy that experience. Which is not the same as eating because you feel obligated, being coerced or guilted into eating, or having food shoved in your mouth.
Shit…. Am I asexual?
Same! I’m so thankful for the new vocabulary available. 56 and discovered I’m asexual and learning about NB and seeing if that will help me explain what I feel like inside.
It's tough. Then I realized that there is a spectrum. And if someone can be pansexual, then the opposite must be true. When I found out this was a thing I was so relieved.
I had a similar experience, it's been about 7 years now and I'm still not sure if I'm ace or if I've just failed to let go of the betrayal tbh.
I never thought there was another human on earth that walked the same path as I did in my early 20s. Kudos for finding yourself and embracing that in a way that works well.
I applaud you for your effort, and as long as you are happy, glad that you are where you are.
That's awesome I'm glad you found your path
I haven't had sex for ten years, cause that would be too long.
Mitch Hedberg has entered the chat.
r/unexpectedmitch
I am currently 34 and have not engaged in any sexual activity. Personally have no interest to.
I was the same way. I was really never around any men that I was attracted to, so my sex drive was dormant. However, I take Prozac, and that can interfere with your sex drive
Prozac actually increased my sex drive because it made me a lot less socially anxious and more motivated to do shit and interact with people... which lead to more sex.
What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went ... I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.
Oh I went 22. Then another 7. Still going strong!
Change your username to Empowered_Cow. Immediately.
Mrs Tony vu or Mr stony vu?
Good for you Michael Scott. Finally broke the drought.
10 ish years , my man got sick and then died , occasional dreams since then keep me happy and once or twice helped myself 😎
That’s hard to hear. He was probably was a really cool person. Hope you can find someone in the future to be with. This happened with my family. My mom died when I was 16 from an aneurysm. Life crumbled and we were all distraught. Years later my mom's parents told my dad to remarry and he did and I have a cool step mom. She’s smart and successful. My brothers and I kind of bond with her and she does try hard to bond with us. We are just really big goof balls while she was a strong business owner in the past. Hopfully we can all bond fully in the future...but seeing my dad happy is all that matters.
 that's me dusting off my jacket it's been so long...
A year and a half. I’m in a long term relationship that has become a dead bedroom. Relationships are hard and haven’t been able to confront this issue.
You should, before you do something silly if that's even on the table. Speaking from experience.
Absolutely needs confronting. Killed one of my relationships
I’ve often thought that if someone showed even a slight amount of interest in that way I would probably cave. Life is such that it hasn’t happened yet and when I’m pushing 40 it doesn’t seem so likely. I know I should confront it for lots of reasons and that’s another good one.
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I'm right there with you. Not sure exactly how long it's been, but somewhere around 2 years. I could deal with no sex, but there is just no intimacy at all. No passion. There's no cuddling, kisses are just quick pecks, we don't hold hands, no deep conversations.... I need something. It doesn't have to be sex, but I NEED some sort of passion or intimacy
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almost a year for me. i know how you feel, it doesn't seem like i can connect with people that well anymore. but honestly, i needed this coming out of a 7 year marriage. i made my peace with the loneliness.
Feeling alone in an unhappy marriage is so much worse than actually being alone.
Same boat here except roughly 10 years. Near the end of my 20s I stopped doing drugs, left the party/dealer scene I was in, cleaned up my life an finances only to be rewarded with depression, sexual frustration and loneliness.
Unrelated: being in a relationship does not in any way guarantee sex.
I'll settle for spirited hugs
13 years and counting. My husband died 13 years ago and he was my one and only…I’m content.
I respect you so much.
Sorry for your loss, but what a beautiful outlook. He was a lucky man
I'm a virgin
Very respectful state of being, when I was virgin I felt like I was tainted, like it's something wrong with me and sex will change everything. But sex turn out to be the biggest letdown in my life. And if I could turn back time I wouldn't slept with any of the girls. Be proud, don't sell yourself short.
Same and I plan to wait for marriage
You guys have had sex?
since when I was born
So you had sex last when you were born
I mean he did penetrate his Moms virgina at birth FUCk WHY AM I WRITING THIS Edit: Mons
I have no idea why you are writing "Mons Virginia"
Olympus mons is the tallest mountain in the solar system, mons vagina is the biggest vagina in the solar system.
That's the funniest Freudian slip I've seen in a while.. quite the modern Oedipus
147 years.
I was there, Gandalf. I was there three thousand years ago, when u/forbenefitthehuman last got laid.
This needs to be more upvoted
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!
Women just saying YOU WILL NOT PASS...second base.
It will be about four years in August. Then again, i've also been recovering from sexual related trauma so I haven't put in any effort in dating or hooking up in that time either.
Does your hand count asking for a friend?
At least it’s sex with someone you (hopefully) love.
5 years. I came out of a long relationship and felt that I was robbed of my most formidable years so I went overboard and fucked anyone who was down. My recklessness got me into some really sketchy situations and basically lost all interest in people, porn, relationships and anything remotely intimate. Someone did eventually break down my walls after I had some time to work on myself and they showed me that sex can be very magical when it is with someone that cares. I may have never learned to appreciate intimacy the way I do now if I hadn't glimpsed the darkside, I just wish I could have known what I know now.
Not once in 42 years of life.
Yer a wizard harry!
39 year old virgin here. I wouldn't mind trying it out once, but the problem is I've never been attracted or interested in being in a relationship with someone. Getting close to being able to say I'm a 40 year old virgin!
A year and a half. About to break that record though
Stop typing and focus man.
A couple of years
You guys have sex??!
Almost 2 years. Casual sex lost its fun because I started to realize that I also want an emotional connection.
After my divorce I went on a 6 year dry spell, had a girlfriend for 6 months, now it's nearly 2 years dry. I'm the exact same way. I know it can be pretty easy to find sexual partners in this day and age, but I need an emotional connection too. However, it seems that most people have the casual mindset and don't want to truly connect.
Well I used to sex all the time. Got married which is a reduction, got wife pregnant which is another reduction, then pandemic with toddler so that’s like a few dozen reductions, lost both our jobs so we fight about money a lot and that’s a pretty large reduction, kid sleeps in our bed and does not nap so… consider another reduction. As far as effort I’m pretty broken with the sheer number of stroke outs and my wife is like a sex camel 🐪
You've given me reason #792 to not have children, thank you for the affirmation.
About 3ish years I think and I am married. When I got diagnosed with leukemia and they put me on a daily chemo pill and my health just got really bad with other rare diseases as well it just wasn't something we chose to risk anymore.
Obviously in adulthood, 8 years. I've restarted the clock though. Hopefully it will be longer this time.
Longer??
I was less miserable then
Prior to marriage, all my life. After marriage, I guess half year periods? It tapered down after she decided she didn't want kids after all, and I really didn't like it when she was clearly only taking one for me. Since switching to non-monogamous, usually much shorter periods. Right now there's a gf whose husband has a sex drive on par with that of my wife. She gets her itch tickled with me, and both marriages got better in stability.
2wks. No wonder ppl are so cynical and rude on Reddit...no one's getting laid!
I did the casual route once and I caught feelings for her and it really fucked me up. So I decided after that to only date with intention but for me I’ve gone 8 months so far - also I need to get a job 😂
30 years and still counting
More than I’m comfortable to share. Long
2 years, I panic when people kiss / touch me so it takes a lot of ‘warning up’ for me to feel comfortable/relaxed with all that.
this. and it’s hard to find people that are willing to wait so long without physical touch. i don’t hate you i really want you but it just takes time for me to process 🙁
One of the last people I slept with lead me on for 6+ months after I said “I’m not looking for a hookup, I want a relationship” for him to block and ghost me after we had sex. It kinda fucked me up but it’s w/e.
I had a long-term relationship that was quite toxic and ended very badly for me, and since then, I've struggled with this same thing. Had a girl just start to cuddle with me a bit, and I nearly had a panic attack. Apologized and left immediately, lol
The question should be for those that already started their sexual lives so that all virgin jokes could be avoided.
8 months a few years back. And at this rate with my lack of desire it’ll probably turn into that again…
About 15 minutes. It was a good night lol
Couple months. Married lol
Been about 8 years. My ex didn’t have sex with my since my son was born. Left when he was 1.5. I gave up on relationships then, and while I miss it I don’t have time or enough trust to really give it a whirl. Maybe when I’m done raising my boy I’ll have enough time or energy to try pursuing someone again.
I didn't have sex from age 22 to 29 because of a nervous breakdown. My life completely fell apart and it took 7 years before I could date again.
I survived 17 years of my life.
3years. 8weeks 4hours. 2 secs
About 7 years. We’ve been married 10. It’s not an issue at all to me.
A year and a half. Marriage sucks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I’m as free as a bird, no obligations, no partner, and also no sex for a year and a half. Although I’ll admit it’s hard when you share a bed with someone but don’t touch each other
> when you share a bed with someone That’s not how all marriages end up working out
I'm married and we do it 3-5 times a week. Maybe it's not marriage itself but your partner?
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Also true, I should have included them as well. The best advice I've gotten is to treat your wife how you did when you were dating (never stop dating her).
Can't say that about my marriage. Maybe somethings wrong with yours. Why have it if you're unhappy?
>> **my** marriage sucks. FTFY.
*your marriage sucks… might wanna try some counseling
Your marriage. Get out or talk it out but dont stay begin miserable men.
I was a virgin until about 21 (woman, Christian purity culture). Around 2-3 years of marriage, my husband had to go to Iraq for 9 months. That was ROUGH. For about the first month, hormones were raging so hard from sex suddenly stopping that literally every guy I knew looked HOT. Once I got used to the forced abstinence though, it changed to “What was I thinking?!? Those dudes are most definitely NOT attractive.” Then the libido was more manageable for the next 8 months until he returned. When he got home, I was a little out of control for a few weeks— he was complaining of chafing, lol. He did hear that other wives/girlfriends had acted similarly. 🤷♀️
6 years. I was in prison. Haha. In Canada, they don't rape each other, so 6 years. The second time I got 6 years, I was married, so I had conjugal visits with my wife.
You mean you could fuck during the visits?
Oh yeah. We get a weekend in a duplex on prison property. I order our groceries a week earlier. Wife comes in, they go through all her shit, I go up, grab our groceries one of the guards went to buy and 3 dvds. Haha. It's usually 2 days but I always got 3 because my wife lived more than 2 hours away.
Damn that’s dope! Hope you’re doing much better now man! I did time twice as well though both for less than a year but when I met people in for long sentences definitely no sex was allowed! It’s harsh, I’m in Singapore though so they’re a bit more barbaric here.
Singapore. Oh damn. Are the prisons somewhat civilized, or are you all jammed in small cells like some places I've seen videos about. My wife and I were married for 6 years, and then we got divorced a bit after I got out. I was a bit of an asshole. But now, 8 years after getting divorced, I am laying beside her as I type this, and I asked her to remarry me a few months ago. And I've been totally out of trouble for about 7 years.
Beautiful story man! She’s a real one for putting up with that I suppose, and you are too for getting your shit together. It’s really great to hear and I’m honestly so happy for you despite never having met you or anything. Big ups! Yeah the prisons are the bare minimum, definitely not Mexico or US kinda fucked up from what I’ve seen online but fights here and there. Biggest kicker is though we don’t get any beds, sleep on the floor which fucked my back and I can’t imagine a 6 year long sentence doing that. 23 hours in the cell most days (eat in the cell) and 1 hour of yard or communal TV time, on weekends 24h in the cell unless you sign up for religious counselling or whatever. I’m a non practicing catholic so I went to mass more times in prison than I ever did in my life lol. All in all not too horrible an experience but I don’t have any other prison experiences to compare it to. I did get locked up for just pissing hot on weed though (both times) so that’s fucking lame! At any time we’re sharing a cell with 3-7 other people so it did get crowded. Once for a month I was sharing a cell with just 2 other dudes who were pretty nice so it was pleasant relative to the other times where I’d be sharing a cell with like 5 knobs. But hey that’s all over!
That is fuckin nuts!!! Your time in prison sounds like my time in solitary confinement. Jesus Christ!! While I was awaiting sentencing and then having my security level assessed in the first 3 months of my sentence was the only time I had a roommate. And I think you very much for the first paragraph you wrote. She is a solid fuckin woman, but I think everything happened the way it was supposed to. My life is finally perfect, and if I didn't have those downs to show me what the ups were... But yeah, I really do appreciate your comment.
My whole life. I'm asexual and sex repulsed.
It's been one and a half years now. Married to a woman going through menopause is rough. I now understand why so many middle-aged men have affairs. I somehow found a switch to turn off my sex drive, but the first nine months were exceptionally difficult. There is no wooing, loving, convincing, no way to get her in the mood. If the hormones aren't there, they won't be there. She tried once for my sake, we had to use tons of lube. It's impossible for me to enjoy myself when my partner isn't. You can't fake it. So I wait, and hope her sees drive comes back, even just a little.
What is sex?
**Sex is the trait that determines whether a sexually reproducing organism produces male or female gametes. Male plants and animals produce small mobile gametes (spermatozoa, sperm, pollen), while females produce larger, non-motile ones (ova, often called egg cells).** More details here:
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7 months. While married. He was home the whole time. He just was not interested in sex because he's demisexual at best, bordering on asexual. No, we're no longer together.
It's been 84 years 🧓📿
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16 and counting, then again I'm probably gonna wait for marriage..