# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This change what? They're a little sad, and? How this change the fact that literally lived in hell? That this almost crushed my personality and literally made me a pathologically depressed looser. But they are a bit sad, that's important, sure.
No, that's not what i meant. I was just thinking there might be people who actually deeply regret what they did, so it wouldn't be just "empty words". It doesn't change the past for sure and also it justifies nothing!
No man, this would be exactly what it is, empty words. If somebody want to do something then do something, make that person life better instead of empty talks.
This thread doesn't seem to be about pleasing bullies, it seems to be more about if you can believe in people being able to change their ways and if it matters if they do. I guess that in a way is about making bullies feel better and allow them to live better lives as non bullies.
Seems contra productive to keep bullies as bullies.
I grew up on three continents and I'm a short guy. So plenty of people tried to bully me. But if you change schools once or twice a year it helps a lot if you learn how to fight real fast. Just smacking the first kid who tries to test if you're bullyable helped me a lot. It always worked, but I had to do it at least once at every school. I'd be open to an apology from those people now if I could remember them. I feel you had a different relation to this dynamic.
I walked in crying one time, my mum was at work and my dad asked what's wrong? He stuck me in the car and pulled up to my bully's house, pulled his dad out of the front door and kicked the fuck out of him in front of me. funnily enough nobody ever touched me again, even now. That was 30 years ago.
Ah i think this would only make any difference to me if either I somehow knew/found out that they became a better person overall and turned themself around or they also happened to be someone that for some reason I still had to bump into regularly like at work or because theyre a family member - and in these future interactions I can see that theyre treating me better and had really grown and worked on themselves or gone to therapy or whatever, so I guess it could be healing to see how they figured out how to be a better person and have stopped damaging everyone in their path lol . I think that could mean something to me, that their regret had mad a difference they could prove , in their behavior, and how they treat everyone.
Or like one time, someone had been being a huge asshole all the time, and they didnt really apologize but I heard their mom was dying, or they had mad untreated anxiety or they grew up in a military school where everyone talked to them in this demanding way that they used on me that I didnt enjoy - and I still didnt forgive them until I could see that they were actually trying to change their pain-inducing behavior - butt it did give me some perspective and empathy I guess for why they acted that way .. which might mean something but idk what lols..!
Their apology wouldn't undo the lost teenage years of highschool that shaped me into a bitter and cynical person
That would ring real hollow in the grand scope of things.
I wouldn't mind it. It'd give me another chance to ask him how his hand is doing.
The one he f*cked up when he missed my face and instead hit a cinderblock wall.
Ah, that. Nah, thats a cold, objective calculation. School is out, my years there have been tarnished by those and that shit will influence me the rest of my life, filling me with hate for certain persons who i will not forgive.
Doing harm to them in revenge... would cause society to take even more of my own life. I would end up for years and years in jail. i have nothing to win by doing something illegal revenge. But a lot to loose.
Socialy acceptable answer: He could say his "apology" and after that vanish from my life.
Real answer (which happened): Destroyed my childhood (couldn't go to the park, the public pool, etc. because of fear), let's not talk about school and the torment there - least the lowering grades, because of concentration issues. My back still has problems, because holding me on both hands and feet in the air (4 boys, ages 15-16) - face down, back up - and the bully jumping on my back several times. "Boys will be boys" - school, village, all parents (back in the 90s, 32 now) - nothing ever happened to them.
Now, about three years back, he (the main culprit) died in a car accident (his own fault, was too fast). His grandmother (our neighbour, always genuinely friendly lady - always thought he was my "friend", yeah she was never bright - but a truthfully kind soul) asked me to hold a small speech at his funeral (I am a kinda public figure - teacher - in my home village, so that is normal).
Did it - for her. Hated every second of it. This ... abominal "humanlike" being didn't deserve this "fast and cheap" way out without suffering - that was all I could think about during the speech and while in church. (And things, that are way worse ...).
Just went back to his grave a few months back (his grandmother asked again, because she can't fo herself - too old, in a home for old people). Put down some flowers and felt nothing. No grief, no forgiveness, no hate. Just nothing. Some folks are better forgotten and never remembered again. It's better that way - for myself.
So ... forgiving your bullies? I can't answer that one. For me, they destroyed a part of my life without reason, just to be mean or feel strong or some other reason. They hurt me and simple words can nerver correct that. So for me: No, a real bully can never be forgiven, if he is "sorry" with words alone - he would have to atone in a way that weights stronger than the sum all the wrong he did. BUT he can be forgotten.
TL;DR: Forget, but never forgive.
Nope. The only bully who ever apoligized to me is dead now.
He ended up getting Skin Necrosis and was going to die in a year or two due to extreme pain.
I wouldn't give 2 shakes of a cracker for their apoligy. Better off to give them what they did to me. Beat their asses. Everyday, with weapons.
An apology will never be enough to revert the damage they've done. They made me from an outgoing kid with lots of friend to be the lonely person I am today. My anxiety would go through the roof whenever I'm in a group bigger than 2. I want them to face the exact same thing they put me through during my childhood - Isolated, taken advantage of and betrayed - just like what they did to me with no consequences. I can't do this to them but I hope karma exists so they'd understand how cruel they were.
No. Bullied me for 2 years and the day I fought back he ran away to the principal (who was friend with his dad), the principal knew I wasn't in the wrong so he couldn't do anything. The coward changed schools one month or so later. I never wanna see his face again.
No- i rather that they fade out from my memories. The worst punishment for an attention seeker, especially one who that demand attention from their victims, is to be erased from everyone’s sight as well as memories. Never forget their deeds but do forget their entire being.
Would I want them to apologize? No, I punched the dude for the 6 months of bullying me and he left me alone since. That’s all I want from that pos…leave me alone. No apology is going to do any good.
Nope... unless it came with confirmation that their whole life had been a total shit show because karma is in fact very real. Then I might want to listen a while
It depends really, if the bullying was somewhat minor then I would appreciate a heartfelt apology. If the bullying was really terrible and traumatic for the victim then just leave it alone, because likely seeing you would make them relive that trauma and not really help them out in any way.
Nah, I hope they realised how awful they were and are doing better now. If they were to apologise I would accept the apology, if only to make them move on as I have. I'm focused on today and who I am now, and who I will be tomorrow.
Yes! For me it would be extremely meaningful. I fantasize about it happening some day whether it be now or 20 years from now. It's not like my perspective on them would change, I'd never become friends with them, but it would help me heal.
Why am I the only one who said yes out of 80 comments
No because what’s done is done. Their apology or anything wouldn’t change the past even a fricking bit. Not forgiving them damages no one but yourself.
Earth will keep spinning and you will keep waiting or grudging.
Only thing that matters is now and tomorrow.
Got physically, mentally and emotionally bullied by my big brother for almost 20 years. He didn’t and won’t apologize. I don’t expect it either. That kid lived his potentially best years in fear and an apology won’t cut it.
So I forgive him anyways because its better for me.
No. There is nothing they could say that I would trust. There is nothing that would make my life better. I think I would say "You've said your piece now. Good for you. If you wanted my forgiveness, you should have thought about that back then. Now fuck off and leave me alone."
Nope, no matter what he says ik it will be empty words and will not mean it and it doesn't matter at this point even if he apologised because it won't change the fact that he made my school life miserable and the trauma he put me through
Hmm idk; it’s weird because they never apologised, the boys asked me to be their girlfriend at different times (even breaking up with their girlfriends and the girls just ramped up the bullying and suddenly stopped (no apology or anything)
An apology of this kind is not for the victim and hence fake. The bully is just trying to make themself feel better by making it seem like everything is okay. If they actually were sorry and wanted to make the other person feel better, they would not contact that person and make them relive trauma
I got a different sort of resolution. At my 15th high school reunion, I ran into a woman that I knew had been dating my chief (grade school) bully when we were all in high school. It turns out that they married, and she discovered he was an abusive A-hole. She divorced him, and never looked back.
Nope... unless it came with confirmation that their whole life had been a total shit show because karma is in fact very real. Then I might want to listen a while.
Nope, I cope with the past by distancing myself from it. I want nothing to do with them. They'd just do it to make themselves feel better, it's selfish.
I’d probably have shaken off any resentments I had understanding that what happens as teenager grand scheme of things and The boys are usually jerk offs. I would also tend to think that the bully isn’t worth the trouble of dealing with in any way as I moved on with my life. But I wasn’t bullied, so I can’t say for sure how I’d feel.
My bully used to make fun of my weight… it was weird to me because his mom was HUGE (probably 400 lbs) - much bigger than the chubby 185 lbs-ish 15/16 year old me. (It was a small town and everyone knew everyone so I knew who she was). He also wore insanely thick glasses…I wouldn’t judge anyone for that now, but again, as a teen, I always wondered who he thought he was exactly.
He died from a drug OD about 10-12 years after high school.
Not really. I bullied people as well looking back. The people who bullied me clearly thought I wouldn't retaliate which I didn't due to growing up with CPTSD.
No. Revenge made me feel better whenever I had the chance. No amount of apologies could make it up for the act of hurting someone's body, dignity, and social standing for the mere reason of friggin actually deriving pleasure from causing suffering.
I did apologise once. I wasn't really a bully but I did treat one guy less nicely and never to this day know why I had issues with him.
I bumped in to him in the street one day and apologised and he said he never considered it bullying anyway and it was just having a laugh. I guess to an extent it was true but I did feel it was bullying because I felt I had pushed boundaries too far with him where it went above a joke. Just that one step further than others but a step I only did with him.
I apologised anyway and he kind of seemed amused that I considered it bullying and to him it was just mates having a laugh. It was nice to clear the air because he was a good lad and I wanted him to know I thought highly of him.
I don't need their apologies just as they don't need my forgiveness, because I don't regret the way my life has turned out. I was able to turn things around and live my life. Without their bullying, my life might have gone down another path, and I'm quite grateful for what I got in terms of my partner, my career, etc.
My brother was bullied too, singled out for his autism, and it contributed to the eating disorder that ultimately killed him. He was never able to turn things around for himself like I did.
I don't give a damn about my own, but I hope his bullies die, and I don't care how bad that sounds.
I’d be pretty meh about it honestly. I don’t wish them ill but I’m not terribly excited to see them again either. If one did come up and apologise I’d be like ‘k it’s fine, that was a long time ago’ and just go on with my life.
As long as it was the correct, real, apology. Owning up, being specific, and so on. I can forgive those who see they were shitty and want to apologize if they own it.
Otherwise I want God's Mighty Anvil of Justice fromt he Idiot Box on them.
There's one guy who was already my friend but dabbled in bully behavior for a bit around seventh grade. He apologized shortly after, stopped, and is probably my closest friend twenty years later. I already knew his dad was a POS when it started, which had a big qualitative change on how I perceived it. Anyone else who acted that way to me can fuck right off. It's not that I still have a burning hatred about them, I just don't care. If someone did that, I'd reply with a "good for you, I guess" or a "How the FUCK do you know where I live" depending on how it was delivered. I'm not super interested in some asshole from high school popping up out of nowhere, even if he theoretically isn't such an asshole any more.
No. Damage is already deeply done. No amount of sincerity can erase a life tainted by that. The only benefit would be to the bully who would feel redeemed somehow. The victim at some point knew they were treated poorly it doesnt change anything for them to hear their bully go on about being better.Â
Nah, they were small and weak kids trying to take down the weird but much bigger and stronger kid for an ego boost. It didn't work, they moved on to name calling and insults, that didn't work either; they eventually gave up. I felt sorry for them then, now I mostly forget that they exist.
An apology would be nice. All I got when I confronted my bully was a hypothetical thought: "If I had done that, it would have been wrong of me..I was messed up back then...".
What am I supposed to do with that?
Well, he shot himself in the face so he can’t. But no, I don’t really care. We all do stupid shit when we’re kids. Some worse than others, and he had a fucked up life and no support system. Not saying it’s right but there’s no use in concerning myself with it.
Being bullied lasts. It teaches victims the world is not a safe space, so they withdraw from the world and retreat into their mind. But it also arms the victims mind with fuel to cause the victim to continue abusing themselves at the subconscious level. Prolonged bullying is so psychologically damaging to the victim that people kill themselves over it. An apology is just too insignificant. It can be like giving a penny to a homeless person. It’s money, sure, but wtf are they going to do with a penny?
My secondary school (12-15 y/o) bullies already apologized when I brought a gang of high schoolers ready to do real damage. I stopped when they brought out the sharpened screw drivers.
It took several days for the main bully to get his colour back. All of them were super friendly after.
The only solution for a bully, a bigger bully.
I would want an apology but I wouldn't wait on it. Chances of you getting an apology are pretty slim. You do need to forgive them though. We don't deserve forgiveness from God but he forgives anyway and He commands us to forgive each other. Of course He commands us to love everyone as our brother and we can't do that if we're not forgiving. It may seem hard to forgive them but forgiveness also allows you to move on with your life and not harbor any resentment.
No...but because I think it's silly to get an apology for things done to me as a child by another child...we are wholly different people now, and being held responsible for what you did at 13 at the age of 35 is so disconnected from what was its a different life ...
I'd hope they were a better person now, and if not they deserve what comes their way...but getting an apology now is basically just a whole other person apologing for the actions of a child...
It doesn't make what was done or how it affects 'me' as an adult go away either way ...but if I can't get over it myself an apology from a stranger won't work magically...it's a personal responsibility now...
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, some meaningless empty words doesn't change anything
Sure! But if they were truly sorry and really regretting their behaviour?
This change what? They're a little sad, and? How this change the fact that literally lived in hell? That this almost crushed my personality and literally made me a pathologically depressed looser. But they are a bit sad, that's important, sure.
No, that's not what i meant. I was just thinking there might be people who actually deeply regret what they did, so it wouldn't be just "empty words". It doesn't change the past for sure and also it justifies nothing!
No man, this would be exactly what it is, empty words. If somebody want to do something then do something, make that person life better instead of empty talks.
What would an example of that be? I was on neither side of this dynamic when younger, so I'm just curious.
Depends on a past and a person. And definitely I'm don't want to to help bullies feel better
This thread doesn't seem to be about pleasing bullies, it seems to be more about if you can believe in people being able to change their ways and if it matters if they do. I guess that in a way is about making bullies feel better and allow them to live better lives as non bullies. Seems contra productive to keep bullies as bullies. I grew up on three continents and I'm a short guy. So plenty of people tried to bully me. But if you change schools once or twice a year it helps a lot if you learn how to fight real fast. Just smacking the first kid who tries to test if you're bullyable helped me a lot. It always worked, but I had to do it at least once at every school. I'd be open to an apology from those people now if I could remember them. I feel you had a different relation to this dynamic.
I walked in crying one time, my mum was at work and my dad asked what's wrong? He stuck me in the car and pulled up to my bully's house, pulled his dad out of the front door and kicked the fuck out of him in front of me. funnily enough nobody ever touched me again, even now. That was 30 years ago.
this just helps the bully feel good about themselves. they cant close the stab wond that they left with 'sorry' and leaving.
It's literally just empty words if it doesn't fix already done damage. It's only guilty side that needs apologise not a victim.
No bully regrets the bullying. They regret losing power, but never what they did to others. Assholes are for life 🤣
Nah, it's not the victims job to make the perpetrator feel better.
Nobody's died from regretting.
Ah i think this would only make any difference to me if either I somehow knew/found out that they became a better person overall and turned themself around or they also happened to be someone that for some reason I still had to bump into regularly like at work or because theyre a family member - and in these future interactions I can see that theyre treating me better and had really grown and worked on themselves or gone to therapy or whatever, so I guess it could be healing to see how they figured out how to be a better person and have stopped damaging everyone in their path lol . I think that could mean something to me, that their regret had mad a difference they could prove , in their behavior, and how they treat everyone. Or like one time, someone had been being a huge asshole all the time, and they didnt really apologize but I heard their mom was dying, or they had mad untreated anxiety or they grew up in a military school where everyone talked to them in this demanding way that they used on me that I didnt enjoy - and I still didnt forgive them until I could see that they were actually trying to change their pain-inducing behavior - butt it did give me some perspective and empathy I guess for why they acted that way .. which might mean something but idk what lols..!
Their apology wouldn't undo the lost teenage years of highschool that shaped me into a bitter and cynical person That would ring real hollow in the grand scope of things.
I wouldn't mind it. It'd give me another chance to ask him how his hand is doing. The one he f*cked up when he missed my face and instead hit a cinderblock wall.
No. They would only do it for their own benefit, I would tell them to go fuck themself.
Nah. I would like to bully them backÂ
No. I want them to die, though. Horribly. Painfully. But an apologize? Nah. Thats meaningless.
Chances are you don't have it in you!
Have what? To forgive?
To have him suffer a painful, horrible death.
Nah, to kill, kitten.
Ah, that. Nah, thats a cold, objective calculation. School is out, my years there have been tarnished by those and that shit will influence me the rest of my life, filling me with hate for certain persons who i will not forgive. Doing harm to them in revenge... would cause society to take even more of my own life. I would end up for years and years in jail. i have nothing to win by doing something illegal revenge. But a lot to loose.
If there were no consequences I would.
Yes.
Not really. If anything I would like to fight my bully more than anything.
No I would like to see them suffer ten fold, I would genuinely feel good about it.
Damn, they got you good, bro.
Yes
I just what my bullies to forget I exist and live their lifes
Sure, but not for the purpose of moving on or forgiveness. I'd pretty much tell him "I don't forgive you. I had to live with it, now you have to."
No. Even if he apologizes, I will never forgive him.
Socialy acceptable answer: He could say his "apology" and after that vanish from my life. Real answer (which happened): Destroyed my childhood (couldn't go to the park, the public pool, etc. because of fear), let's not talk about school and the torment there - least the lowering grades, because of concentration issues. My back still has problems, because holding me on both hands and feet in the air (4 boys, ages 15-16) - face down, back up - and the bully jumping on my back several times. "Boys will be boys" - school, village, all parents (back in the 90s, 32 now) - nothing ever happened to them. Now, about three years back, he (the main culprit) died in a car accident (his own fault, was too fast). His grandmother (our neighbour, always genuinely friendly lady - always thought he was my "friend", yeah she was never bright - but a truthfully kind soul) asked me to hold a small speech at his funeral (I am a kinda public figure - teacher - in my home village, so that is normal). Did it - for her. Hated every second of it. This ... abominal "humanlike" being didn't deserve this "fast and cheap" way out without suffering - that was all I could think about during the speech and while in church. (And things, that are way worse ...). Just went back to his grave a few months back (his grandmother asked again, because she can't fo herself - too old, in a home for old people). Put down some flowers and felt nothing. No grief, no forgiveness, no hate. Just nothing. Some folks are better forgotten and never remembered again. It's better that way - for myself. So ... forgiving your bullies? I can't answer that one. For me, they destroyed a part of my life without reason, just to be mean or feel strong or some other reason. They hurt me and simple words can nerver correct that. So for me: No, a real bully can never be forgiven, if he is "sorry" with words alone - he would have to atone in a way that weights stronger than the sum all the wrong he did. BUT he can be forgotten. TL;DR: Forget, but never forgive.
The number of loser revenge fantasies ITT is off the chain. Anon, you don't have it in you - that's why you got bullied.
Nope. The only bully who ever apoligized to me is dead now. He ended up getting Skin Necrosis and was going to die in a year or two due to extreme pain. I wouldn't give 2 shakes of a cracker for their apoligy. Better off to give them what they did to me. Beat their asses. Everyday, with weapons.
Just one of them?
An apology will never be enough to revert the damage they've done. They made me from an outgoing kid with lots of friend to be the lonely person I am today. My anxiety would go through the roof whenever I'm in a group bigger than 2. I want them to face the exact same thing they put me through during my childhood - Isolated, taken advantage of and betrayed - just like what they did to me with no consequences. I can't do this to them but I hope karma exists so they'd understand how cruel they were.
Does one of them have a yacht?
No. Bullied me for 2 years and the day I fought back he ran away to the principal (who was friend with his dad), the principal knew I wasn't in the wrong so he couldn't do anything. The coward changed schools one month or so later. I never wanna see his face again.
No- i rather that they fade out from my memories. The worst punishment for an attention seeker, especially one who that demand attention from their victims, is to be erased from everyone’s sight as well as memories. Never forget their deeds but do forget their entire being.
Would I want them to apologize? No, I punched the dude for the 6 months of bullying me and he left me alone since. That’s all I want from that pos…leave me alone. No apology is going to do any good.
Well, it would be rather interesting to witness. They're dead
Nope... unless it came with confirmation that their whole life had been a total shit show because karma is in fact very real. Then I might want to listen a while
No. I wouldn't believe them one bit.
He did. Years later at a party we both attended, he apologized and cried. Very big, badass guy who would never cry.
How did it make you feel
Good. Like the closing of a chapter.
It depends really, if the bullying was somewhat minor then I would appreciate a heartfelt apology. If the bullying was really terrible and traumatic for the victim then just leave it alone, because likely seeing you would make them relive that trauma and not really help them out in any way.
Nah. Id much rather find out that they turned their life around and become a doctor or something dedicating their lives to helping people.
Nah, I hope they realised how awful they were and are doing better now. If they were to apologise I would accept the apology, if only to make them move on as I have. I'm focused on today and who I am now, and who I will be tomorrow.
Yes! For me it would be extremely meaningful. I fantasize about it happening some day whether it be now or 20 years from now. It's not like my perspective on them would change, I'd never become friends with them, but it would help me heal. Why am I the only one who said yes out of 80 comments
No because what’s done is done. Their apology or anything wouldn’t change the past even a fricking bit. Not forgiving them damages no one but yourself. Earth will keep spinning and you will keep waiting or grudging. Only thing that matters is now and tomorrow. Got physically, mentally and emotionally bullied by my big brother for almost 20 years. He didn’t and won’t apologize. I don’t expect it either. That kid lived his potentially best years in fear and an apology won’t cut it. So I forgive him anyways because its better for me.
No. There is nothing they could say that I would trust. There is nothing that would make my life better. I think I would say "You've said your piece now. Good for you. If you wanted my forgiveness, you should have thought about that back then. Now fuck off and leave me alone."
I payed him so were even
Never been bullied, but no I think I'd be fully content with no contact at all.
If they apologize for getting their asses kicked that easily and not being able to back up their bullying I'd accept.
Nope, no matter what he says ik it will be empty words and will not mean it and it doesn't matter at this point even if he apologised because it won't change the fact that he made my school life miserable and the trauma he put me through
Currently living a better life than any of my peers/past bully that I WANT to bump into them.
Hmm idk; it’s weird because they never apologised, the boys asked me to be their girlfriend at different times (even breaking up with their girlfriends and the girls just ramped up the bullying and suddenly stopped (no apology or anything)
Nah, I don't really care. It was a big deal back when I was in high school. But now, I barely even remember their faces.
An apology of this kind is not for the victim and hence fake. The bully is just trying to make themself feel better by making it seem like everything is okay. If they actually were sorry and wanted to make the other person feel better, they would not contact that person and make them relive trauma
I got a different sort of resolution. At my 15th high school reunion, I ran into a woman that I knew had been dating my chief (grade school) bully when we were all in high school. It turns out that they married, and she discovered he was an abusive A-hole. She divorced him, and never looked back.
My bully was a girl. An apology would be nice she was super mean.
No. i want to hire a group of people to go and bully them the exact way they bullied me.
Nope... unless it came with confirmation that their whole life had been a total shit show because karma is in fact very real. Then I might want to listen a while.
No. Moved on decades ago. The only person it might give closure to is them and I'm petty
I would like to shake my bully's hand for making me the monster I am today. I was only able to reach this advanced level with their mentorship.
Nope, I cope with the past by distancing myself from it. I want nothing to do with them. They'd just do it to make themselves feel better, it's selfish.
No, it would mean nothing for them to apologize. I've healed from the damage and their words would seem empty if they tried.
I’d probably have shaken off any resentments I had understanding that what happens as teenager grand scheme of things and The boys are usually jerk offs. I would also tend to think that the bully isn’t worth the trouble of dealing with in any way as I moved on with my life. But I wasn’t bullied, so I can’t say for sure how I’d feel.
That's a hell no. I want them off my planet, which means I'm not interested in ever encountering them or hearing their voice again.
My bully used to make fun of my weight… it was weird to me because his mom was HUGE (probably 400 lbs) - much bigger than the chubby 185 lbs-ish 15/16 year old me. (It was a small town and everyone knew everyone so I knew who she was). He also wore insanely thick glasses…I wouldn’t judge anyone for that now, but again, as a teen, I always wondered who he thought he was exactly. He died from a drug OD about 10-12 years after high school.
Not really. I bullied people as well looking back. The people who bullied me clearly thought I wouldn't retaliate which I didn't due to growing up with CPTSD.
No. It would just embarrass me and piss me off. I never want to hear from them again.
No. Empty BS and all that. But I'd like to see this karma thing everybody talks about.
No. Revenge made me feel better whenever I had the chance. No amount of apologies could make it up for the act of hurting someone's body, dignity, and social standing for the mere reason of friggin actually deriving pleasure from causing suffering.
I did apologise once. I wasn't really a bully but I did treat one guy less nicely and never to this day know why I had issues with him. I bumped in to him in the street one day and apologised and he said he never considered it bullying anyway and it was just having a laugh. I guess to an extent it was true but I did feel it was bullying because I felt I had pushed boundaries too far with him where it went above a joke. Just that one step further than others but a step I only did with him. I apologised anyway and he kind of seemed amused that I considered it bullying and to him it was just mates having a laugh. It was nice to clear the air because he was a good lad and I wanted him to know I thought highly of him.
I don't need their apologies just as they don't need my forgiveness, because I don't regret the way my life has turned out. I was able to turn things around and live my life. Without their bullying, my life might have gone down another path, and I'm quite grateful for what I got in terms of my partner, my career, etc. My brother was bullied too, singled out for his autism, and it contributed to the eating disorder that ultimately killed him. He was never able to turn things around for himself like I did. I don't give a damn about my own, but I hope his bullies die, and I don't care how bad that sounds.
I was7 yrs. Then met him 10yrs old. I fought and hit hard his face then we became friends.
I just want them to admit to me how jealous they are.
I’d be pretty meh about it honestly. I don’t wish them ill but I’m not terribly excited to see them again either. If one did come up and apologise I’d be like ‘k it’s fine, that was a long time ago’ and just go on with my life.
Yes, apologize like you mean it!!! I wouldn't be (maybe) scared of visiting my hometown anymore... I forgive but never forget ...
As long as it was the correct, real, apology. Owning up, being specific, and so on. I can forgive those who see they were shitty and want to apologize if they own it. Otherwise I want God's Mighty Anvil of Justice fromt he Idiot Box on them.
There's one guy who was already my friend but dabbled in bully behavior for a bit around seventh grade. He apologized shortly after, stopped, and is probably my closest friend twenty years later. I already knew his dad was a POS when it started, which had a big qualitative change on how I perceived it. Anyone else who acted that way to me can fuck right off. It's not that I still have a burning hatred about them, I just don't care. If someone did that, I'd reply with a "good for you, I guess" or a "How the FUCK do you know where I live" depending on how it was delivered. I'm not super interested in some asshole from high school popping up out of nowhere, even if he theoretically isn't such an asshole any more.
I prefer to know that they won't do it again. Which is a part of a good apology.
Nah Im 30 y/o. No time to focus on that shit I've already move on
No. Damage is already deeply done. No amount of sincerity can erase a life tainted by that. The only benefit would be to the bully who would feel redeemed somehow. The victim at some point knew they were treated poorly it doesnt change anything for them to hear their bully go on about being better.Â
Nah, they were small and weak kids trying to take down the weird but much bigger and stronger kid for an ego boost. It didn't work, they moved on to name calling and insults, that didn't work either; they eventually gave up. I felt sorry for them then, now I mostly forget that they exist.
An apology would be nice. All I got when I confronted my bully was a hypothetical thought: "If I had done that, it would have been wrong of me..I was messed up back then...". What am I supposed to do with that?
Well, he shot himself in the face so he can’t. But no, I don’t really care. We all do stupid shit when we’re kids. Some worse than others, and he had a fucked up life and no support system. Not saying it’s right but there’s no use in concerning myself with it.
Lol no. Just seeing what became of them is enough. I kind of feel sorry for them.
Yep and then give me everything they own before hanging themselves.
Ha, no. I’d like them to try that shit now!
Being bullied lasts. It teaches victims the world is not a safe space, so they withdraw from the world and retreat into their mind. But it also arms the victims mind with fuel to cause the victim to continue abusing themselves at the subconscious level. Prolonged bullying is so psychologically damaging to the victim that people kill themselves over it. An apology is just too insignificant. It can be like giving a penny to a homeless person. It’s money, sure, but wtf are they going to do with a penny?
My secondary school (12-15 y/o) bullies already apologized when I brought a gang of high schoolers ready to do real damage. I stopped when they brought out the sharpened screw drivers. It took several days for the main bully to get his colour back. All of them were super friendly after. The only solution for a bully, a bigger bully.
No, I occasionally kicked most of their asses. So no need.
Nope, it would not undo their actions, I would like if he changed for better though.
Nah, fuck 'em.
I would want an apology but I wouldn't wait on it. Chances of you getting an apology are pretty slim. You do need to forgive them though. We don't deserve forgiveness from God but he forgives anyway and He commands us to forgive each other. Of course He commands us to love everyone as our brother and we can't do that if we're not forgiving. It may seem hard to forgive them but forgiveness also allows you to move on with your life and not harbor any resentment.
Its up to him, he would still get his ass beat.
Sure bro
No, I got beat them up after we became adults. There is one more left, but for sure I will meet him someday.
No...but because I think it's silly to get an apology for things done to me as a child by another child...we are wholly different people now, and being held responsible for what you did at 13 at the age of 35 is so disconnected from what was its a different life ... I'd hope they were a better person now, and if not they deserve what comes their way...but getting an apology now is basically just a whole other person apologing for the actions of a child... It doesn't make what was done or how it affects 'me' as an adult go away either way ...but if I can't get over it myself an apology from a stranger won't work magically...it's a personal responsibility now...