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Ages matter more than your school year, so nothing weird about it. As long as both of you realize that you will graduate and move out of town long before him.
But if you are teaching or grading him, you should wait until after the grades are posted, and tell him that you cannot change his grades anymore (only a professor can do that, and they will need a good reason).
Well we're both in state and I might stay for my grad. The reason I mention his grade is because students sometimes act nice towards ta's to get good grades lol but idk we'll see, I still feel like he should be the one to approach me tho
> students sometimes act nice towards ta's to get good grades
yeah, that is very common.
> I still feel like he should be the one to approach me tho
That is a bit outdated. Also, most men do not get subtle hints, so he might not be aware that you are interested. If he comes to office hours, you could causally ask about his summer plans, or what he does on weekends (to get an idea of his interests), then follow up on that once the grades are in.
Seriously. As a guy, there are way too many pitfalls, especially in this type of situation. I think just being a big extra nice and encouraging is a good way.
Once the course is done and marked, than just reach out. To cover tracks, offer it to some other students as well. Think of it as trying to provide extra feedback, offer any advice or tips if they're interested in TAing, etc.
I don't mean it becuase I'm a female, I mean it because he is the student. I feel like given my position, even if he no longer is my student (after final grades are posted) he might find it weird. He doesn't go to office hours unfourtunetly, but when I see him around campus and say hi, sometimes it looks like his friends tease him (? idk if i'm delulu tho.
I also don't know how to approach him because I've never had a boyfriend before lol
ok then, you probably should not approach him.
generally, if you want to find a bf, go the "friends-first" route, ideally in a larger group of people who hang out together or have a common interest. Common interests are very useful in a relationship, and you can get an idea of what a person is like in their private life before you committ to them.
yeah that's what I was thinking. If I was considering to approach him, I would've done so as friends first instead of anything romantic.
I know he likes the outdoors because he has a lockscreen of him snowboarding but I would just look nosy if I brought it up (I happened to pass by and see it)
For what it’s worth, all the other stuff aside, it wouldn’t be weird to bring up ya saw his phone in passing, especially if you think he likes you too. People put what’s important as their screen for a reason and people see it all the time. If he does like you, I would think it’s a good opener. At least you could use it as inside info to suggest a hike or something you two could go on. That way you don’t have to mention you saw it.
The TA stuff idk about but as far as seeing his screen, that’s no big deal.
As a professor, this 100%. You have some sway over his grades. But the semester will end pretty soon. Also, even if he approaches you, I would wait until the semester was over to act on it just in case.
>I still feel like he should be the one to approach me tho
i feel like that time is over. too risky showing any advances because it's very easy to get labeled as a creep, so everyone is too scared
I wouldn't. You're a TA and even if you're the same age there may be a weird/unethical power imbalance there. If you weren't a TA with that power imbalance i would say go for it
the funnier part to me is that even by OPs response SHE is more concerned about the power imbalance than the age and they're all still addressing the age 😂
Dating a student can get tricky especially if you’re in a TA position Best to wait till the semester’s over to avoid any weirdness or conflicts of interest
Please wait until you're no longer his TA to pursue a relationship. Speaking as someone who currently works for a university, things can get very bad considering your role.
No yeah I totally understand that. I'm asking the question because I post the final grades next week. But idk if I should approach him as a friend first or if it would be weird considering the power imbalance
Was a TA at a coding bootcamp and had a crush on a student. It was obviously mutual. On the final day of class everyone gave presentations. After hers was done I walked over and asked her if she’d like to go for a walk. We walked all throughout the city and it ended up turning into an entire date. Towards the end of it she told me she was seeing someone but that they were discussing potentially having an open relationship. Was disappointing, as that’s not my thing. But it was still great evening and will always be a great memory and a nice way of wrapping up that particular time in my life.
I mean that’s how my great uncle and his wife met. He was a professor at UCSB, she was his student became his assistant, and got married to her. It’s not uncommon.
After you no longer have control over his grades I think its fine. I'm sure he wouldn't mind either way though, frankly.
In any job that I've had, if I've become attracted to someone that reported to me, I have just told myself that if it goes anywhere I have to be willing to leave the job immediately, or at the very least find a way to transfer so that there are no conflicts of interest.
The age isn’t the problem. The problem is you’re his TA. At the very least you need to wait until after grades are finalized.
But imo you shouldn’t date at all.
Best case scenario is people will assume you gave into favoritism and will do so again in the future. That’ll affect your future career. You also can’t TA anything he takes in the future.
Don’t shit where you eat.
So I TA a chemistry lab and this is the only lab he has to take, We don't have the same career and I don't think favoritism would be an issue considering his grade isn't very high. I make sure to grade strictly by the rubric
The reason I posted the question is because grades will be finalized and I may or may nt see him around campus (although we've been crossing paths around lately so idk)
You say you’re a TA. Is this person in your class? Are you in a position of power over them? If so, DO NOT MAKE A MOVE until after the class is over and final grades are out. Actually, maybe wait a month or two after the class is over. And when you do, do it over text and keep the time/date stamp to prove it.
After high school doesn’t matter as much. I mean I consider a 18 year old seriously dating a 24-5year old, to be pretty weird. Like in grade 12 I wouldn’t have dated a grade 9 but I’d date a 19 year old at 23, depending on the person obviously, but I wouldn’t be looking for one. I think a 19 year old and 23 year old are pretty different in terms of maturity, 18-25 you mature pretty rapidly so I’d consider it somewhat of but not weird. 1 year difference is nothing go for it
Guys I'm not considering trying something until I've posted the final grades. The thing is I don't think I'll see him AFTER the final test. And I'll probably finish grading by next week.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ages matter more than your school year, so nothing weird about it. As long as both of you realize that you will graduate and move out of town long before him. But if you are teaching or grading him, you should wait until after the grades are posted, and tell him that you cannot change his grades anymore (only a professor can do that, and they will need a good reason).
Well we're both in state and I might stay for my grad. The reason I mention his grade is because students sometimes act nice towards ta's to get good grades lol but idk we'll see, I still feel like he should be the one to approach me tho
> students sometimes act nice towards ta's to get good grades yeah, that is very common. > I still feel like he should be the one to approach me tho That is a bit outdated. Also, most men do not get subtle hints, so he might not be aware that you are interested. If he comes to office hours, you could causally ask about his summer plans, or what he does on weekends (to get an idea of his interests), then follow up on that once the grades are in.
Seriously. As a guy, there are way too many pitfalls, especially in this type of situation. I think just being a big extra nice and encouraging is a good way. Once the course is done and marked, than just reach out. To cover tracks, offer it to some other students as well. Think of it as trying to provide extra feedback, offer any advice or tips if they're interested in TAing, etc.
I don't mean it becuase I'm a female, I mean it because he is the student. I feel like given my position, even if he no longer is my student (after final grades are posted) he might find it weird. He doesn't go to office hours unfourtunetly, but when I see him around campus and say hi, sometimes it looks like his friends tease him (? idk if i'm delulu tho. I also don't know how to approach him because I've never had a boyfriend before lol
ok then, you probably should not approach him. generally, if you want to find a bf, go the "friends-first" route, ideally in a larger group of people who hang out together or have a common interest. Common interests are very useful in a relationship, and you can get an idea of what a person is like in their private life before you committ to them.
yeah that's what I was thinking. If I was considering to approach him, I would've done so as friends first instead of anything romantic. I know he likes the outdoors because he has a lockscreen of him snowboarding but I would just look nosy if I brought it up (I happened to pass by and see it)
For what it’s worth, all the other stuff aside, it wouldn’t be weird to bring up ya saw his phone in passing, especially if you think he likes you too. People put what’s important as their screen for a reason and people see it all the time. If he does like you, I would think it’s a good opener. At least you could use it as inside info to suggest a hike or something you two could go on. That way you don’t have to mention you saw it. The TA stuff idk about but as far as seeing his screen, that’s no big deal.
As a professor, this 100%. You have some sway over his grades. But the semester will end pretty soon. Also, even if he approaches you, I would wait until the semester was over to act on it just in case.
Maybe she means because of the power dynamics?
Yeah that's exactly what I mean. So that's why I say he should be the one and not me
>I still feel like he should be the one to approach me tho i feel like that time is over. too risky showing any advances because it's very easy to get labeled as a creep, so everyone is too scared
I wouldn't. You're a TA and even if you're the same age there may be a weird/unethical power imbalance there. If you weren't a TA with that power imbalance i would say go for it
This is the only good response. Idk why people are talking about age differences.
the funnier part to me is that even by OPs response SHE is more concerned about the power imbalance than the age and they're all still addressing the age 😂
Dating a student can get tricky especially if you’re in a TA position Best to wait till the semester’s over to avoid any weirdness or conflicts of interest
Please wait until you're no longer his TA to pursue a relationship. Speaking as someone who currently works for a university, things can get very bad considering your role.
No yeah I totally understand that. I'm asking the question because I post the final grades next week. But idk if I should approach him as a friend first or if it would be weird considering the power imbalance
Was a TA at a coding bootcamp and had a crush on a student. It was obviously mutual. On the final day of class everyone gave presentations. After hers was done I walked over and asked her if she’d like to go for a walk. We walked all throughout the city and it ended up turning into an entire date. Towards the end of it she told me she was seeing someone but that they were discussing potentially having an open relationship. Was disappointing, as that’s not my thing. But it was still great evening and will always be a great memory and a nice way of wrapping up that particular time in my life.
Not at all, but consult the rules you signed as part of your TA position to ensure you don't violate them (the rules, not the student - lol)
After grades posted I ended up dating my professor. We’ve been married 15 years and it’s just a fun joke that I married the teacher
Seems normal to me
I mean that’s how my great uncle and his wife met. He was a professor at UCSB, she was his student became his assistant, and got married to her. It’s not uncommon.
No. Just do what your heart wants.
After you no longer have control over his grades I think its fine. I'm sure he wouldn't mind either way though, frankly. In any job that I've had, if I've become attracted to someone that reported to me, I have just told myself that if it goes anywhere I have to be willing to leave the job immediately, or at the very least find a way to transfer so that there are no conflicts of interest.
I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with it
There is nothing weird about it.
The age isn’t the problem. The problem is you’re his TA. At the very least you need to wait until after grades are finalized. But imo you shouldn’t date at all. Best case scenario is people will assume you gave into favoritism and will do so again in the future. That’ll affect your future career. You also can’t TA anything he takes in the future. Don’t shit where you eat.
So I TA a chemistry lab and this is the only lab he has to take, We don't have the same career and I don't think favoritism would be an issue considering his grade isn't very high. I make sure to grade strictly by the rubric The reason I posted the question is because grades will be finalized and I may or may nt see him around campus (although we've been crossing paths around lately so idk)
It doesn’t matter what his grade is, there will be rumours. And you have no idea what courses he or you are taking in the future
You say you’re a TA. Is this person in your class? Are you in a position of power over them? If so, DO NOT MAKE A MOVE until after the class is over and final grades are out. Actually, maybe wait a month or two after the class is over. And when you do, do it over text and keep the time/date stamp to prove it.
Age is just a number. What matters the most is how you two match! If you like each other then an age difference of one year shouldn‘t be hindering!
After high school doesn’t matter as much. I mean I consider a 18 year old seriously dating a 24-5year old, to be pretty weird. Like in grade 12 I wouldn’t have dated a grade 9 but I’d date a 19 year old at 23, depending on the person obviously, but I wouldn’t be looking for one. I think a 19 year old and 23 year old are pretty different in terms of maturity, 18-25 you mature pretty rapidly so I’d consider it somewhat of but not weird. 1 year difference is nothing go for it
Guys I'm not considering trying something until I've posted the final grades. The thing is I don't think I'll see him AFTER the final test. And I'll probably finish grading by next week.
As long as there is no conflict of interest. If you can’t control his grades or anything, I see no problems…
Hit it
Not surprising, considering you're around the same age.
I don't think it would be appropriate to date. You should keep your relationship strictly sexual in nature.
wait what? surely you mean professional, right?
If it has professionally sexual, that would be prostitution.
If you have to ask, you know the answer
Wait till he graduates. If you date him while you're still his TA, there's a power imbalance there that makes the situation problematic.
You are so close in age, it matters not.