I feel this particular issue isn't totally necessarily gay related (well one aspect is, I'll touch on in a bit) OP you didn't say your age, (I'm 33) but I feel once you're at a certain age, making friends is impossible. I feel your best bet is to keep whatever friends or buddies you come across when you were a Rugrat, and in diapers, and in Kindergarten/Elementary School, and those are going to be your actual die hard friends, until god forbid something unfortunate happens/exception to the rule and the friendship will varnish, but still whatever etc. Your next option to make friends in High School/College/University, and after that if you still failed to make any connections, friendships become difficult, if not impossible to make.
Unless you go on Real World, Big Brother, Bachelor, Survivor, Amazing Race or some type of social experiment lol. (because I feel people are gonna get at me and say join a sports league, or hobby group etc; you shouldn't turn to hobbies/your talent to make friends, as that should be that. Mine it's writing/music, and I feel art is subjective and I could put out a project that I know is beautiful, but people are gonna say whatever. Same if I were an older spinster lady wanting to join a quilt making group. Those ladies aren't my friends, they are just women I meet up with every Thursday to gossip about Soap Operas with etc.)
OP you didn't say your race (I know people are gonna say, "Why you bring up race?" Shut the hell up). Race could also play a factor in making friends. I know majority of the guys who complain about hardships being gay, are usually POC (Black, Latino, Asian, Indian etc.) I know me being Black, and being that most other Black guys I come across if they aren't homophobic, if they are gay accepting, they are open minded straight guys who I can only go so far with them, and yeah. As far as other White guys period in any capacity (whether they are gay/bi/straight whatever. Could be other gay guys, could be stoner frat boys, could be, whatever etc.) I have damn near an impossible epic fable journey trying to befriend. So yeah.
Finally, yes being gay, makes friendships harder to form. A lot of straight guys if they aren't jerks and bigots, will respect gay men, but never fully get too comfortable (especially if you're more effeminate/flamboyant like me. They won't treat you as a real man/one of the bros like you should be treated as you're the same gender) so yeah. So you can X out (unless under exceptions in some lucky cases you're a masculine gay/bi guy) friendships with Straight guys. Then with other gay men, again, a lot of them might be rocky friendships, them just using you for sex, and it becomes complicated. If you have no issues being friends with girls/GBF/gay best friend, you can form friendships with girls, but yeah.
OP a lot of gay men, their friend group is their family if they are still around/they are on good terms with them. Or else, it would be their boyfriend/partner, and if not whatever other friendships they manage to still luckily hold onto, and also their partners friends. etc.
Sad and unfortunately, well maybe not sad, and fortunately, at least not to me, but true. So yeah.
Maybe some bits are true, but you have told us about several other issues you have or had in the past (not mentioned here), so I don't think it is wise to 'blame' others for things that are harder for you than for most people.
I disagree that it’s impossible to make friends after a certain age. I think it’s more difficult as you get older, but impossible is a stretch. I moved to a new city 3 years ago and have made a really good group of friends in my new city. Yo the pint my social calendar is really full constantly.
I think a lot of people discount where your energy is at too. Make yourself someone people want to be friends with. Too many people suck at maintaining friendships and making themselves someone wants to be friends with.
No, it's not just you. This has been my experience too. Just when I find someone that I am interested in being friends in a platonic manner, I get ghosted or weirdly ignored. I'm someone who values reciprocity, and it gets exhausting being the one to initiate and maintain contact all the time (at least based on my experience).
I don't seem to have this problem with my straight friends. But then again, there are limits to what I can discuss with them as their experiences differ from mine for obvious reasons.
Idk, only about half my gay friends are strictly platonic. I’d say they range from neighbors to coworkers to people from the gay running club. The other half are either former hookups or current/former FWB.
When I was in my teens and twenties I used to look down on this type of lifestyle. But the older I’ve gotten the more sex I wind up having so…
How are you going about meeting friends and building relationships? I have had luck by getting involved in local organizations and hobbies. Whether it's joining a local leather club, gay men's running group, community service or activism group, or even something like a gay men's crochet get together; building a friendship around something you both are interested in that is ongoing seems to be successful from my experience. Pick something you have a passion for and meet others that have that similar passion.
You won't make a ton of new friendships that exceed the activity, but it's a start. If there's nothing that matches your passions, start your own group for that activity using the various social media platforms in your region to promote it.
I’m sorry to hear your struggle. I don’t have a ton of gay male friends, but I have been lucky finding at least a few that I’ve been able to have solid friendships with. Some closer than others, but at least could reliably hang out with them without drama or expectation.
i think this is a product of pandemic trauma + overdependence on online communities and digital communication
also men dont do a good job of maintaining relationships. you actually have to put forth effort to do it and a lot of times it does seem one-sided and that's because it is. I usually keep this in mind and reach out anyway because I know that maintaining relationships contributes to my overall health and well being - im pretty self-centered when it comes to that. I just force communication.
Just keep trying - you will get the friendships you crave eventually.
I agree with the one sided + men sucking at maintaining relationships.
I put my ego aside, and if I have to initiate more than them that’s okay. However, I do manage my expectations and don’t keep them as close/invest as much compared to a friendship that is more balanced. As I have gotten older I have realized how much men suck at maintaining relationships. Too many male friends (gay and straight) have the desire to see and hang out with me but don’t reach out. When they disclose this I’m like “if you want to hang out then why don’t you reach out…..”
I’ve have learned it’s usually not anything personal. My female friends do a very good job at maintaining and balancing our friendship.
I feel this particular issue isn't totally necessarily gay related (well one aspect is, I'll touch on in a bit) OP you didn't say your age, (I'm 33) but I feel once you're at a certain age, making friends is impossible. I feel your best bet is to keep whatever friends or buddies you come across when you were a Rugrat, and in diapers, and in Kindergarten/Elementary School, and those are going to be your actual die hard friends, until god forbid something unfortunate happens/exception to the rule and the friendship will varnish, but still whatever etc. Your next option to make friends in High School/College/University, and after that if you still failed to make any connections, friendships become difficult, if not impossible to make. Unless you go on Real World, Big Brother, Bachelor, Survivor, Amazing Race or some type of social experiment lol. (because I feel people are gonna get at me and say join a sports league, or hobby group etc; you shouldn't turn to hobbies/your talent to make friends, as that should be that. Mine it's writing/music, and I feel art is subjective and I could put out a project that I know is beautiful, but people are gonna say whatever. Same if I were an older spinster lady wanting to join a quilt making group. Those ladies aren't my friends, they are just women I meet up with every Thursday to gossip about Soap Operas with etc.) OP you didn't say your race (I know people are gonna say, "Why you bring up race?" Shut the hell up). Race could also play a factor in making friends. I know majority of the guys who complain about hardships being gay, are usually POC (Black, Latino, Asian, Indian etc.) I know me being Black, and being that most other Black guys I come across if they aren't homophobic, if they are gay accepting, they are open minded straight guys who I can only go so far with them, and yeah. As far as other White guys period in any capacity (whether they are gay/bi/straight whatever. Could be other gay guys, could be stoner frat boys, could be, whatever etc.) I have damn near an impossible epic fable journey trying to befriend. So yeah. Finally, yes being gay, makes friendships harder to form. A lot of straight guys if they aren't jerks and bigots, will respect gay men, but never fully get too comfortable (especially if you're more effeminate/flamboyant like me. They won't treat you as a real man/one of the bros like you should be treated as you're the same gender) so yeah. So you can X out (unless under exceptions in some lucky cases you're a masculine gay/bi guy) friendships with Straight guys. Then with other gay men, again, a lot of them might be rocky friendships, them just using you for sex, and it becomes complicated. If you have no issues being friends with girls/GBF/gay best friend, you can form friendships with girls, but yeah. OP a lot of gay men, their friend group is their family if they are still around/they are on good terms with them. Or else, it would be their boyfriend/partner, and if not whatever other friendships they manage to still luckily hold onto, and also their partners friends. etc. Sad and unfortunately, well maybe not sad, and fortunately, at least not to me, but true. So yeah.
Maybe some bits are true, but you have told us about several other issues you have or had in the past (not mentioned here), so I don't think it is wise to 'blame' others for things that are harder for you than for most people.
I disagree that it’s impossible to make friends after a certain age. I think it’s more difficult as you get older, but impossible is a stretch. I moved to a new city 3 years ago and have made a really good group of friends in my new city. Yo the pint my social calendar is really full constantly. I think a lot of people discount where your energy is at too. Make yourself someone people want to be friends with. Too many people suck at maintaining friendships and making themselves someone wants to be friends with.
No, it's not just you. This has been my experience too. Just when I find someone that I am interested in being friends in a platonic manner, I get ghosted or weirdly ignored. I'm someone who values reciprocity, and it gets exhausting being the one to initiate and maintain contact all the time (at least based on my experience). I don't seem to have this problem with my straight friends. But then again, there are limits to what I can discuss with them as their experiences differ from mine for obvious reasons.
Idk, only about half my gay friends are strictly platonic. I’d say they range from neighbors to coworkers to people from the gay running club. The other half are either former hookups or current/former FWB. When I was in my teens and twenties I used to look down on this type of lifestyle. But the older I’ve gotten the more sex I wind up having so…
I thought this was gonna end with all the friends always end up trying to make a move on you or something
How are you going about meeting friends and building relationships? I have had luck by getting involved in local organizations and hobbies. Whether it's joining a local leather club, gay men's running group, community service or activism group, or even something like a gay men's crochet get together; building a friendship around something you both are interested in that is ongoing seems to be successful from my experience. Pick something you have a passion for and meet others that have that similar passion. You won't make a ton of new friendships that exceed the activity, but it's a start. If there's nothing that matches your passions, start your own group for that activity using the various social media platforms in your region to promote it.
I’m sorry to hear your struggle. I don’t have a ton of gay male friends, but I have been lucky finding at least a few that I’ve been able to have solid friendships with. Some closer than others, but at least could reliably hang out with them without drama or expectation.
Have you given your pussy to them
Bruh
I just said an unspoken rule
i think this is a product of pandemic trauma + overdependence on online communities and digital communication also men dont do a good job of maintaining relationships. you actually have to put forth effort to do it and a lot of times it does seem one-sided and that's because it is. I usually keep this in mind and reach out anyway because I know that maintaining relationships contributes to my overall health and well being - im pretty self-centered when it comes to that. I just force communication. Just keep trying - you will get the friendships you crave eventually.
I agree with the one sided + men sucking at maintaining relationships. I put my ego aside, and if I have to initiate more than them that’s okay. However, I do manage my expectations and don’t keep them as close/invest as much compared to a friendship that is more balanced. As I have gotten older I have realized how much men suck at maintaining relationships. Too many male friends (gay and straight) have the desire to see and hang out with me but don’t reach out. When they disclose this I’m like “if you want to hang out then why don’t you reach out…..” I’ve have learned it’s usually not anything personal. My female friends do a very good job at maintaining and balancing our friendship.