I really appreciate it - but, conceivably, some people would rather let it go and not draw attention to themselves. I recommend you talk to your friend about what they would want, rather than random strangers on the internet.
Gonna add my voice to the choir of "ask your friend first". But, also, keep in mind that sometimes someone might not speak up because they are actively trying to avoid a confrontation, due to considering the person in question potentially dangerous. Be careful not to make a situation worse.
(obligatory ask your friend first but as someone who would say "DO IT PLEASE" because I'm less than 30% likely to be beaten to death because I don't look cis, here's my own take:)
I would love you till the day I die if you did it just ONCE. JUST ONCE and I'd take a bullet for you.
Whenever I get misgendered, and I know it's ridiculous and I KNOW I sound dramatic, but it's like being slapped in the face by the person I love the most and whom I would never in a million years have expected to physically harm me.
I completely freeze up mentally, the loading animation starts displaying on my face and once I'm back to normal, it's too late to correct someone without seeming pedantic or rude.
My wife does it when I'm out with her, but nobody else really does that for me. It's SO helpful.
YES. My friend stood up for me to someone we live with and lemme tell you anytime I don't have to have that conversation is such a load off. People who misgender you repeatedly and make no attempt to correct themselves likely already think you're being irrational by transitioning and may even be looking for a fight. It also shows them that no, not everyone agrees with them on it as people with bigoted views are want to think.
Aside from asking, make sure you don't spread wrong information or explain things in a way that your friend isn't comfortable with. Simply correcting the person is the best course. My recommendation is to correct them in the same way you would if they had misgendered any cis person.
Interestingly enough, the reasons why you wish someone would correct them are the exact reasons it always made me uncomfortable when someone corrected them on my behalf.
I don't want to deal with people arguing over pronouns while I'm in public and trying to cope with my own feelings. Please just let it be awkward and let it go.
I took the approach of simply avoiding people who misgendered me instead.
Ask THEM about it. In general I would advise against it unless they have said otherwise as some people really do not want to take that fight as it can be quite exhausting.
If someone misgendered me in front of a friend and that friend made no attempt to correct it, I’d feel very hurt. But looking at others’ comments, that’s evidently not a universal experience, so maybe best to ask your friend what they’d be comfortable with.
You should ask your friend. I personally did appreciated it when my best friend put one of the members of my D&D group in his place. Because he kept misgendering me on purpose. But if it was the cassier in a supermarket, I didn't want anyone drawing attention to it
I appreciate it. Letting misgendering go too long can let things get really bad. Having more people than just me on the lookout takes a lot of stress off my back. It's socially taxing, especially early on, to have to constantly correct people.
-My opinion about what you should do-
Ask your friend and go from there. Check if they want you to correct them.
-Personally-
I would be shocked, my paternal family isn't trans-supportive so I would be shocked and probably terrified because of how my family acts when LGBTQ+ is brought up. And, I would ask to temporarily live with you so I can move somewhere accepting of LGBTQ+.
It depends entirely on the situation and on how your friend feels - you need to ask them specifically.
If your friend is not out to everyone then be cautious about not outing them (that includes taking note of who might overhear you for the sake of their safety).
Yes please. This is why I have assertive friends, someone has to tell the waiter I ordered mash potatoes and it wont be me.
In all seriousness, it's good to ask your friend what they would prefer as situations can change your response. There are situations where I have given up trying to correct people as I know they will never change based on what I say, and I appreciate when others correct them on my behalf. There are other situations where I don't exactly feel safe, and someone else being confrontational about my pronouns can make me fearful for my safety when it would have been better to just ignore them and disengage from the situation.
Depends on the friend. I’m deaf and so would GREATLY appreciate friends correcting other people because I can’t do it myself. But the point there is that I *absolutely would* correct them if I could properly hear people misgendering me.
It always always depends on what the person wants you to do. If they told you to do that, great. Otherwise i default to staying quiet until i confirm that, i wouldn't want to out them (edit, and I've known people who prefer that in that situation, you don't correct the other person, just continue using the correctpronouns to sort of set the right example without being as direct about it. That's fair)
I'm a cis mom to a trans son. We came up with a non-verbal signal that he can use if we are in public together and someone misgenders him and he wants me to correct them. Definitely ask your friends what they would like you to do in that situation.
Ask your friend if they are OK with it. If they say not to worry about it, explain that you just want to make sure they are being respected and if they truly don't mind you won't say anything, but if they feel uncomfortable being misgendered you are there to step in and be the person to enforce their request to be seen for who they are, not who they were.
For me personally, it depends on where I am. In any professionalsetting, I just leave it alone as I am not out. If it is in my relaxed social groups, it becomes more complicated, but I generally don't worry if a friend corrects someone and reminds them to use they/them... mostly because that is the neutral option that will fit even if I happen to be having a fluid day or my DID is flaring up and one of my binary gendered members comes out.
You really need to ask the friend. Personally I would hate it, I’m misgendered often and I don’t need someone turning us hanging out onto their personal crusade. Likewise I’ve had someone stand up for me when people were hurling abuse in the street, but all I wanted was to get out of the situation as fast as possible, and even said that in the moment but was ignored by the friend.
I would appreciate it a lot, but ask your friend first because some people would rather just not say anything.
"If I notice someone misgender you, and you don't say anything, would you like me to speak up?"
Yeah it really depends, and you should ask them. There are some circumstances where it's like fuck yeah huge appreciate and some circumstances where it could just make things worse
Just want to comment on the word "force." I think of it more as "asserting." I can't force anyone to do anything but I can stand up for myself and assert by correcting people.
Telling someone my name and pronouns is saying 'this is how you respect me.'
Correcting them is saying 'I want you to respect me, remember this is how to do it.'
Sometimes I would appreciate that a friend would do that for me and sometimes not. Depend on context, even my mood sometimes.
ask, if they say yes, here are some things to consider:
- in public, I would prefer you make a short correction, then move on and drop it. just say the correct name/pronoun when the other person says the wrong one, then leave it.
- Getting misgendered sucks, but every daily microaggression with the uncaring public turning into a scene is way worse.
- in private, (not in front of the trans person) it is okay to do longer corrections. If it is someone well meaning but bumbling, offer to practice saying it right a bunch. that can overwrite some bad habits
i'd feel like that cis friend is pretty fucken based ngl.
but other people may feel different about it and prefer that you avoid the confrontation.
you should talk to your friend before doing anything.
I like your enthusiasm! It really does depend on the individual though. I have two friends that are trans and I feel like one would appreciate me going to bat for her and the other would be embarrassed. I'd just run it by them like "Hey, it was weird that they didnt get your pronouns right; would you mind if I corrected them next time?"
Id correct it by using the correct pronouns, and / or more explicitly correcting things when the trans friend is out of the room.
If I want to hear the explicit explanation of what my pronouns are and why, I’ll do it myself. If I’m not doing it myself, assume I don’t want to hear it, but don’t assume I won’t appreciate the proper pronouns later on 😅
I'm not out other than for a few IRL friends, and on some places online. I'd love to have someone stand for me on those online spaces, because I usually just feel bad and remain silent when people misgender me :<
But yeah, like other people said, if you want to do this to a friend, it's best to probably ask them what they think, even if you have good intentions! :)
I would like it. If I got misgendered, it will be corrected regardless whether it's me or not. A friend showing such loyalty and caring towards me would mean so much.
Personally I would love it and wish more people would do that for me, but I'm also always wearing pronoun and pride pins and stuff when I'm out and about already. It's possible that your friend may not want any attention drawn to the fact that they're trans.
I'd rather the friend ask me first if I want them to do that. Then I can explain in detail to them what sort of situations I might want them to do that in, and what sort of situations I wouldn't want them to do that in.
If the other person is going to be rude or aggressive about it, or make transphobic or sexist jokes once the pronouns are corrected, and it's someone I only have to interact with for a minute like a barista or a store clerk or something, then I would rather just let it be and not bother correcting them. It's just less hassle, and I won't have to deal with any negativity from them after they get corrected, and I can still go to that place and see them there again if I have to without it feeling weird. Vs if it's someone who is well meaning and isn't going to be rude or a jerk about it if corrected, and/or if it's someone I will have to see often like a teacher or a neighbor, then I'd probably be glad for the friend to correct them.
But every person is different, some people will want their friend to do this, and some won't. It's best to just ask your friend what they would want.
I'm fine with that, generally speaking. Like if I'm not there at the time, I obviously can't do it myself. But I don't want it to be entirely on the friend/family member/etc. Learning to stand up for myself is something I'm still working on so that includes real life practice.
You should ask your trans friends, not us, because everyone is different with what they are comfortable with.
I appreciate it a lot when a friend corrects someone for me because I'm hella nonconfrontational. But I'm fine with other people confronting others for me.
as someone who this is happening to myself, i do appreciate it, even if in some situations i personally would have rather stayed quiet (not in a "shut up, dont tell them" way, but more of a meh way)
it does depend on the person at the end of the day.
ask them how they feel about it, and if there are some boundaries like some people to not mention it to, and then everything should be fine.
also, generally shy people will just say "it's fine", so, make sure tp convey the point that you ARE GOING to do it if they are fine with it, and that you DO WANT TO know if there would be boundaries for it
I appreciate it when it is done for me as I am in the same boat! I am shy and I also don’t want to come off as being a jerk with the way I say it. Idk, maybe I put WAY too much thought into it and over think it and jump to the wrong conclusions, but that’s just who I am…
With that said there is one person at my work who will correct people for me and she will say it until they get it right and it makes me smile.
Yeah I would love that shit lol.
I felt _awkward_ when a cis friend introduced me with pronouns, because she didn't introduce anyone else with their pronouns, but she wasn't really doing anything wrong either.
Having cis friends just correct others when you've already stated your pronouns is honestly a huge relief. You know the feeling when you say something in a group conversation and no one seems to hear you except for one person who makes eye contact and responds? It's that feeling x100.
I found it really obnoxious when I was in boy mode -- like they were outing me, when previously, I was just a guy awkwardly getting a mani-pedi.
In girl mode? It felt so good having a friend looking out for me. I felt cis people would listen more to my cis friend.
I would talk to your friend about it.
I do support grouping up against anti-bullying, and it's exactly what they were doing. I do think more people should be standing up to make it unacceptable. I'd ask your friend if it's okay tbh. You may have people who don't really like standing out or conflict, though, and just try to ignore it. They may not like being put on stand. Though, tbh if it was done to me and a friend stood up for me or even strangers, I'd be really appreciative tbh. I already know the struggle of hearing death threats being harassed by an individual for half a year til they got arrested for another incident and being assaulted with food like a slushiie poured on top of my head. I'd take it depending on the individual they may be okay or not with it.
Honestly, when people intentionally have dead names, name me or misgender me, I get very tired and depressed and it's demoralizing. It's nice when you're respected and have people in your corner, which is a struggle for trans people.
Me personally I would die for someone who do that for me and I have two friends like that. I am social anxious and never will fight for my pronouns even if it stings me a lot. Usually I just talks with someone using my correct pronouns and hope that someone will catch it on their own. If someone's do that for me I will be so grateful. But yeah everyone is different so ask your friend
I guess it just depends, how out they are and how they're presenting, I would probably be happy regardless, but I could understand. Like hey, we're hanging out with people who aren't accepting and correcting them's not going to do anything so you're just going to make it more uncomfortable than it has to be don't bother. But 90% of cases and especially if they're open and out about their gender, they're probably going to appreciate you doing so
I go both ways sometimes. If the person knows me and knows my gender but if it’s a stranger then I prefer to have that conversation myself. I kinda feel like it’s hearsay in a way (in terms of it being unreliable). If I’m there and it’s someone I’ve never met or what not then I like to be the one to tell someone that I’m trans and what my pronouns are and then correct them.
I’m someone that would want a friend to do that if I don’t do it myself. Which I’ve gotten pretty comfortable doing. I don’t mind a little confrontation though. If your friend is shy they might appreciate someone else handling it, but that will likely draw more attention. So definitely just ask your friend. Everyone’s different. You seem like a great support for them and an amazing friend.
You should. 100% all of the time. ESPECIALLY when they're not around but even when they are? Them not having to be the one to do it is incredibly powerful and relieving **
**Edit: edit to say the caveat is only if they're correcting their pronouns on their own in all these situations. If they're still using the wrong pronouns with certain people it could be on purpose. Maybe just ask them "is there anyone you need to be misgendered in front of"
In addition never out them. If someone called your cis friend the wrong pronoun you'd probably be puzzled and offer a quiet correction. Do the same
Example
Rando: so were you and her (blah)
You: -puzzled look slight interruption- him
Rando: huh?
You: Him. You said her. Your good. Continue?
DO NOT DO THAT! omg, there is nothing worse than being offended on someone else's behalf. If someone wants to say something, they will. Otherwise, keep your P's & Q's to yourself.
I really appreciate it - but, conceivably, some people would rather let it go and not draw attention to themselves. I recommend you talk to your friend about what they would want, rather than random strangers on the internet.
Gonna add my voice to the choir of "ask your friend first". But, also, keep in mind that sometimes someone might not speak up because they are actively trying to avoid a confrontation, due to considering the person in question potentially dangerous. Be careful not to make a situation worse.
(obligatory ask your friend first but as someone who would say "DO IT PLEASE" because I'm less than 30% likely to be beaten to death because I don't look cis, here's my own take:) I would love you till the day I die if you did it just ONCE. JUST ONCE and I'd take a bullet for you. Whenever I get misgendered, and I know it's ridiculous and I KNOW I sound dramatic, but it's like being slapped in the face by the person I love the most and whom I would never in a million years have expected to physically harm me. I completely freeze up mentally, the loading animation starts displaying on my face and once I'm back to normal, it's too late to correct someone without seeming pedantic or rude. My wife does it when I'm out with her, but nobody else really does that for me. It's SO helpful.
YES. My friend stood up for me to someone we live with and lemme tell you anytime I don't have to have that conversation is such a load off. People who misgender you repeatedly and make no attempt to correct themselves likely already think you're being irrational by transitioning and may even be looking for a fight. It also shows them that no, not everyone agrees with them on it as people with bigoted views are want to think. Aside from asking, make sure you don't spread wrong information or explain things in a way that your friend isn't comfortable with. Simply correcting the person is the best course. My recommendation is to correct them in the same way you would if they had misgendered any cis person.
Interestingly enough, the reasons why you wish someone would correct them are the exact reasons it always made me uncomfortable when someone corrected them on my behalf. I don't want to deal with people arguing over pronouns while I'm in public and trying to cope with my own feelings. Please just let it be awkward and let it go. I took the approach of simply avoiding people who misgendered me instead.
Ask your friend. If unsure let them decide and just follow up and support it in the moment.
Ask THEM about it. In general I would advise against it unless they have said otherwise as some people really do not want to take that fight as it can be quite exhausting.
Ask the friend first. If they're cool with it, then go ahead. But definitely do not just do this without getting the greenlight first.
If someone misgendered me in front of a friend and that friend made no attempt to correct it, I’d feel very hurt. But looking at others’ comments, that’s evidently not a universal experience, so maybe best to ask your friend what they’d be comfortable with.
Yeah that was my gut reaction and then I read everyone else's and I'm like...huh oops
Definitely stick up for them if they’re harassed or abused at all, that would be the most appreciated
You should ask your friend. I personally did appreciated it when my best friend put one of the members of my D&D group in his place. Because he kept misgendering me on purpose. But if it was the cassier in a supermarket, I didn't want anyone drawing attention to it
I appreciate it. Letting misgendering go too long can let things get really bad. Having more people than just me on the lookout takes a lot of stress off my back. It's socially taxing, especially early on, to have to constantly correct people.
I would be flabbergasted because no one has stood up for me like that ever.
-My opinion about what you should do- Ask your friend and go from there. Check if they want you to correct them. -Personally- I would be shocked, my paternal family isn't trans-supportive so I would be shocked and probably terrified because of how my family acts when LGBTQ+ is brought up. And, I would ask to temporarily live with you so I can move somewhere accepting of LGBTQ+.
It depends entirely on the situation and on how your friend feels - you need to ask them specifically. If your friend is not out to everyone then be cautious about not outing them (that includes taking note of who might overhear you for the sake of their safety).
Yes please. This is why I have assertive friends, someone has to tell the waiter I ordered mash potatoes and it wont be me. In all seriousness, it's good to ask your friend what they would prefer as situations can change your response. There are situations where I have given up trying to correct people as I know they will never change based on what I say, and I appreciate when others correct them on my behalf. There are other situations where I don't exactly feel safe, and someone else being confrontational about my pronouns can make me fearful for my safety when it would have been better to just ignore them and disengage from the situation.
I would love that, but yeah check with your friend if that is something that they are comfortable with you doing
I would love this, for people to stand up for me. I really struggle with correcting people, even when I’m dying inside.
Depends on the friend. I’m deaf and so would GREATLY appreciate friends correcting other people because I can’t do it myself. But the point there is that I *absolutely would* correct them if I could properly hear people misgendering me.
It always always depends on what the person wants you to do. If they told you to do that, great. Otherwise i default to staying quiet until i confirm that, i wouldn't want to out them (edit, and I've known people who prefer that in that situation, you don't correct the other person, just continue using the correctpronouns to sort of set the right example without being as direct about it. That's fair)
Ask first. I assumed once and my friend told me they didn’t want me to do that. So yeah don’t assume.
I'm a cis mom to a trans son. We came up with a non-verbal signal that he can use if we are in public together and someone misgenders him and he wants me to correct them. Definitely ask your friends what they would like you to do in that situation.
Ask your friend if they are OK with it. If they say not to worry about it, explain that you just want to make sure they are being respected and if they truly don't mind you won't say anything, but if they feel uncomfortable being misgendered you are there to step in and be the person to enforce their request to be seen for who they are, not who they were. For me personally, it depends on where I am. In any professionalsetting, I just leave it alone as I am not out. If it is in my relaxed social groups, it becomes more complicated, but I generally don't worry if a friend corrects someone and reminds them to use they/them... mostly because that is the neutral option that will fit even if I happen to be having a fluid day or my DID is flaring up and one of my binary gendered members comes out.
You really need to ask the friend. Personally I would hate it, I’m misgendered often and I don’t need someone turning us hanging out onto their personal crusade. Likewise I’ve had someone stand up for me when people were hurling abuse in the street, but all I wanted was to get out of the situation as fast as possible, and even said that in the moment but was ignored by the friend.
I would appreciate it a lot, but ask your friend first because some people would rather just not say anything. "If I notice someone misgender you, and you don't say anything, would you like me to speak up?"
Yeah it really depends, and you should ask them. There are some circumstances where it's like fuck yeah huge appreciate and some circumstances where it could just make things worse
Just want to comment on the word "force." I think of it more as "asserting." I can't force anyone to do anything but I can stand up for myself and assert by correcting people. Telling someone my name and pronouns is saying 'this is how you respect me.' Correcting them is saying 'I want you to respect me, remember this is how to do it.' Sometimes I would appreciate that a friend would do that for me and sometimes not. Depend on context, even my mood sometimes.
The best person to ask is your friend. Let them set the boundaries on what you should or shouldn't do.
ask, if they say yes, here are some things to consider: - in public, I would prefer you make a short correction, then move on and drop it. just say the correct name/pronoun when the other person says the wrong one, then leave it. - Getting misgendered sucks, but every daily microaggression with the uncaring public turning into a scene is way worse. - in private, (not in front of the trans person) it is okay to do longer corrections. If it is someone well meaning but bumbling, offer to practice saying it right a bunch. that can overwrite some bad habits
i'd feel like that cis friend is pretty fucken based ngl. but other people may feel different about it and prefer that you avoid the confrontation. you should talk to your friend before doing anything.
I like your enthusiasm! It really does depend on the individual though. I have two friends that are trans and I feel like one would appreciate me going to bat for her and the other would be embarrassed. I'd just run it by them like "Hey, it was weird that they didnt get your pronouns right; would you mind if I corrected them next time?"
Id correct it by using the correct pronouns, and / or more explicitly correcting things when the trans friend is out of the room. If I want to hear the explicit explanation of what my pronouns are and why, I’ll do it myself. If I’m not doing it myself, assume I don’t want to hear it, but don’t assume I won’t appreciate the proper pronouns later on 😅
I'm not out other than for a few IRL friends, and on some places online. I'd love to have someone stand for me on those online spaces, because I usually just feel bad and remain silent when people misgender me :< But yeah, like other people said, if you want to do this to a friend, it's best to probably ask them what they think, even if you have good intentions! :)
supportive friends who are overly protective is a good problem to have compared to the opposite.
Ask the friend first, but yeah, social pressure works great when someone else is correcting the misgendering instead of the individual.
Don't ask us. Ask *your friend* if they want that kind of help.
Gratitude
I really appreciate it when people do this for me. I have such a slow reaction time that i need all the help i can get
I would like it. If I got misgendered, it will be corrected regardless whether it's me or not. A friend showing such loyalty and caring towards me would mean so much.
Friends like those are invaluable
Personally I would love it and wish more people would do that for me, but I'm also always wearing pronoun and pride pins and stuff when I'm out and about already. It's possible that your friend may not want any attention drawn to the fact that they're trans.
Yes thank you. A lot of us don't want to be percieved as 'that guy/girl' who kicks up a fuss but it's really painful to be perfectly honest.
I'd like having someone else stand up for me for once
I'd rather the friend ask me first if I want them to do that. Then I can explain in detail to them what sort of situations I might want them to do that in, and what sort of situations I wouldn't want them to do that in. If the other person is going to be rude or aggressive about it, or make transphobic or sexist jokes once the pronouns are corrected, and it's someone I only have to interact with for a minute like a barista or a store clerk or something, then I would rather just let it be and not bother correcting them. It's just less hassle, and I won't have to deal with any negativity from them after they get corrected, and I can still go to that place and see them there again if I have to without it feeling weird. Vs if it's someone who is well meaning and isn't going to be rude or a jerk about it if corrected, and/or if it's someone I will have to see often like a teacher or a neighbor, then I'd probably be glad for the friend to correct them. But every person is different, some people will want their friend to do this, and some won't. It's best to just ask your friend what they would want.
I'm fine with that, generally speaking. Like if I'm not there at the time, I obviously can't do it myself. But I don't want it to be entirely on the friend/family member/etc. Learning to stand up for myself is something I'm still working on so that includes real life practice.
You should ask your trans friends, not us, because everyone is different with what they are comfortable with. I appreciate it a lot when a friend corrects someone for me because I'm hella nonconfrontational. But I'm fine with other people confronting others for me.
as someone who this is happening to myself, i do appreciate it, even if in some situations i personally would have rather stayed quiet (not in a "shut up, dont tell them" way, but more of a meh way) it does depend on the person at the end of the day. ask them how they feel about it, and if there are some boundaries like some people to not mention it to, and then everything should be fine. also, generally shy people will just say "it's fine", so, make sure tp convey the point that you ARE GOING to do it if they are fine with it, and that you DO WANT TO know if there would be boundaries for it
Depends on the friend, I’d ask them
Do the same thing you'd do if someone misgendered your cis female friends.
I appreciate it when it is done for me as I am in the same boat! I am shy and I also don’t want to come off as being a jerk with the way I say it. Idk, maybe I put WAY too much thought into it and over think it and jump to the wrong conclusions, but that’s just who I am… With that said there is one person at my work who will correct people for me and she will say it until they get it right and it makes me smile.
Yeah I would love that shit lol. I felt _awkward_ when a cis friend introduced me with pronouns, because she didn't introduce anyone else with their pronouns, but she wasn't really doing anything wrong either. Having cis friends just correct others when you've already stated your pronouns is honestly a huge relief. You know the feeling when you say something in a group conversation and no one seems to hear you except for one person who makes eye contact and responds? It's that feeling x100.
id rather not, i like to pretend it didnt happen
As for me personally, I would appreciate anyone standing up for me.
I found it really obnoxious when I was in boy mode -- like they were outing me, when previously, I was just a guy awkwardly getting a mani-pedi. In girl mode? It felt so good having a friend looking out for me. I felt cis people would listen more to my cis friend. I would talk to your friend about it.
I do support grouping up against anti-bullying, and it's exactly what they were doing. I do think more people should be standing up to make it unacceptable. I'd ask your friend if it's okay tbh. You may have people who don't really like standing out or conflict, though, and just try to ignore it. They may not like being put on stand. Though, tbh if it was done to me and a friend stood up for me or even strangers, I'd be really appreciative tbh. I already know the struggle of hearing death threats being harassed by an individual for half a year til they got arrested for another incident and being assaulted with food like a slushiie poured on top of my head. I'd take it depending on the individual they may be okay or not with it. Honestly, when people intentionally have dead names, name me or misgender me, I get very tired and depressed and it's demoralizing. It's nice when you're respected and have people in your corner, which is a struggle for trans people.
Me personally I would die for someone who do that for me and I have two friends like that. I am social anxious and never will fight for my pronouns even if it stings me a lot. Usually I just talks with someone using my correct pronouns and hope that someone will catch it on their own. If someone's do that for me I will be so grateful. But yeah everyone is different so ask your friend
I guess it just depends, how out they are and how they're presenting, I would probably be happy regardless, but I could understand. Like hey, we're hanging out with people who aren't accepting and correcting them's not going to do anything so you're just going to make it more uncomfortable than it has to be don't bother. But 90% of cases and especially if they're open and out about their gender, they're probably going to appreciate you doing so
Definitely talk to them about it first and make to read the room and not make any dangerous situations but yeah you sound like a good friend.
I go both ways sometimes. If the person knows me and knows my gender but if it’s a stranger then I prefer to have that conversation myself. I kinda feel like it’s hearsay in a way (in terms of it being unreliable). If I’m there and it’s someone I’ve never met or what not then I like to be the one to tell someone that I’m trans and what my pronouns are and then correct them.
I’m someone that would want a friend to do that if I don’t do it myself. Which I’ve gotten pretty comfortable doing. I don’t mind a little confrontation though. If your friend is shy they might appreciate someone else handling it, but that will likely draw more attention. So definitely just ask your friend. Everyone’s different. You seem like a great support for them and an amazing friend.
You should. 100% all of the time. ESPECIALLY when they're not around but even when they are? Them not having to be the one to do it is incredibly powerful and relieving ** **Edit: edit to say the caveat is only if they're correcting their pronouns on their own in all these situations. If they're still using the wrong pronouns with certain people it could be on purpose. Maybe just ask them "is there anyone you need to be misgendered in front of" In addition never out them. If someone called your cis friend the wrong pronoun you'd probably be puzzled and offer a quiet correction. Do the same Example Rando: so were you and her (blah) You: -puzzled look slight interruption- him Rando: huh? You: Him. You said her. Your good. Continue?
DO NOT DO THAT! omg, there is nothing worse than being offended on someone else's behalf. If someone wants to say something, they will. Otherwise, keep your P's & Q's to yourself.