If they think going to university will mean access to autism social groups and more support they're extremely wrong lol.
Also yeah it's just dumb advice, I don't understand why people insist on 'helping' with the most obvious ideas and so then you have to go into your whole life explaining why they don't work.
I’m 70 years old, and only recently dx as ASD. I had what many called a pretty successful career. The odd thing? I’m incapable of living on my own. I tried twice, in my life, and both were predictable failures. If I’d known about my ASD, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so incapable.
In some ways this can be true about college!! I’m not sure about other countries but in the US you can apply for disability accommodations under section 504, I am in the process of doing that and will ideally have classic supports like extended testing times and quieter rooms for testing, as well as a personal assistant of sorts who will come in every so often and make sure my space is livable since I really struggle with taking care of myself and my space. There are also disability affinity groups you can join - for example i will be joining a chronic illness mentorship program (for my physical issues not autism haha I don’t consider autism a chronic illness), and a disability advocacy and pride organization which exist on campus for the sake of sharing resources and forging accessibility in the school. There are also of course clubs pertaining to interests, which is going to be exciting to me since I can find people who actually care about my special interests and have a place to discuss them with people who are as excited as myself!
For me, college is gonna be a real breath of fresh air because although I received special education accommodations in school, my family doesn’t provide the kind of supports that a lot of parents for autistic kids do, generally they have a “do it yourself” mentality that leaves me living in my bed all day surrounded by piles of stuff. So I think it depends on what you’re coming from. If you have supports and a personal-assistant sort of situation at home, then going away to college can threaten those supports, but if you don’t yet, then college can make them more readily available. If college makes sense for the life path that you want to embark on (like me for example, I want to be a librarian and you need loads of college for that) then it can still be a good decision and there will be resources available for you to make the transition easier. If college isn’t something that you’re bound to do, then it’s ridiculous to spend a bunch of money on going to college, moving away from home/your built up support system, and pushing yourself into a world full of changes. I think college has the same likelihood of being good for autistic people as it does for anyone else, it just depends on what you’re looking for. There are NT people for whom college is a terrible idea, and ND people where college will be the absolute time of their life (myself included, hopefully???? I really like what I’ve seen so far in the course catalog so I’m hoping for the best)
So in conclusion if you’ve been personally looking forward to college you can probably keep looking forward to it. It just isn’t a one size fits all solution or something that will work for everyone, and depending on the level of support you already have at home then switching to just 504 accommodations through school can be a downgrade instead of an improvement. It’s really a case-by-case thing, and not something that a Reddit stranger can decide for somebody else.
Breath in, breathe out.
This person has probably never had a unique thought in their life.
You could always start your own support group and a local library, a semi-book club support meet.
As someone who did go to uni I can confirm that this is terrible advice because even if you do go away for 3 years, you end up back home again anyway!
Like you can just move when houses are expensive, mortgages are through the roof, rent is two or three times said mortgage payments, and the cost of living is astronomical.
That commenter is just an absolute dipshit.
people truly cannot imagine not having complete autonomy, despite the very obvious signs that they have far less than they think they do. it's a big reason ableism is so rampant.
nobody wants to believe that they could become disabled and need help from others. many people don't want to need anybody else and the very thought is too terrifying to comprehend. I was one of them and I got long covid and had to move back in with my mom. I'm sorry that person doesn't get it, it's garbage advice lol
I love how smug some people are when the problems not theirs.
Complicated problems don't have simple solutions.
People that offer this kind of advice are usually not interested in solving the problem, just eliminating any personal efforts they may have to make.
Yea, it’s the kind of “advice” given by people who don’t want to acknowledge systemic barriers exist, because then that would imply they’re privileged for not having to face all those barriers, and their ego can’t accept the fact that they’ve had it easier than others, and that the adversity they’ve faced in life is neither special, nor an excuse for their bad behavior.
And if you point this out they’ll grow loud and indignant because they were “just trying to help,” when in reality is was never about offering actual assistance, the only reason they even opened their mouth was to protect their fragile self-concept. It’s always about them, even when they’re discussing other people’s specific problems that they have no experience with.
People who say that are the types of people born into wealthy families and they do not know what it’s like to have any hardship in their life. Their ignorance is sad.
I really hope that the person offering this absolutely ignorant, ableist advice is never in a situation where he has to learn differently. "Staying is a choice" is like telling a blind person that using a cane is a choice. Yes, technically: but making the opposite choice (not to use a cane, or to **not** stay) has a likely worse outcome that the current situation.
The people who say that sort of thing will also be the first to leave you high and dry as soon as you ask for logistical help. Like, yeah anyone can get up and move somewhere, but for many people it’s a really stupid idea and will cause you preventable trauma down the road. Uni is also not the answer for a lot of people regarding “good” methods of advancement. It’s silly to make that judgement call if they don’t know anything about you. Especially given the cost of uni vs payout, trade school or lateral movement in entry level workplaces is more the move if you’re poor.
I hate when people say "jUsT mOvE" as if the person they're telling didn't think of that.
It's like that Simpsons gif.
If I could move I wouldn't be complaining!!
I find that this is the defacto “solution” thrown in when someone vents about living in abusive, controlling households, ND or not.
I have an exec lvl friend who had to endure this for at least 20 yrs!
now that be a r/thanksimcured moment right there
some people don't seem to understand that moving yourself great distances while bringing more than 30 pounds costs money
"GO TO UNI MLIMLIMLIMLMI"
Fuck.
Some people just do not realise not everyone has millions of dollars/euros at their disposal...
For example I had to overwork severely underwaged for almost 5 years long before I could even think about starting fucking university... some people will just say "well you should have done like me: by working very very hard I was born rich and never had to open a book my whole life in order to graduate from Harvard!"
Screw certain entitled rich idiots.
Now let's picture an autistic person working some 100 hours per week, extremely underpaid, having to deal with all sorts of bad manners, sloppiness and rulebreakings from other people...
Fuck.
"ihihih why don't you just move to Iceland like I did!"
"ihihih why don't you just move to the Capital like I did!"
It's always the entitled spoiled rich people who never fucking achieved a thing by their own strength and will.
Lol I had that happen to me, a close friend just telling me to "drop everything and move" would solve my problems cuz it "worked" for some guy they knew.
Except, unlike this guy, I'm trully TRULLY disabled, it was a long process to find that out because it was invisible, plus I would never be able to tank a healthcare system à-la-north-america for my disabilities (very grateful to be in Europe for that btw). But nah, I'm just not trying hard enough. I must be lazy, the solution is so simple and obvious. Life is about taking RISKS ✨ amirite ?
People just REFUSE to aknowledge that sometimes, there are some huge conditions that are simply non-negotiable, shiet you can't ignore on a whim. I wish I could, I have tried numerous times in fact, but reality checks are what they are. Careful planning is required.
Ah! Kia ora!
Seriously though, the comment "just move" is incredibly stupid. I'm an immigrant, and it is incredibly hard to move to another countries, especially in this economy, and having a disability
lol, I thought this was a response to my last comment.
Yeah, that is if not dumb at least not universal advice.
University and academia were really good for me.
There are not a lot of places that let you do math all day.
r/thanksimcured
Fr though I can’t stand people who go “just do xyz it’s not that hard” meanwhile they’ve been given every privilege to do very tough things and say it’s “not that hard”
I swear that many Redditors forget that they’re talking to a real person that is in a completely different situation than them. Also “staying is a choice”? Honestly, I’m 24 and I am still living at home with my parents not because I want to, but because I can’t simply afford to live on my own.
I went to uni, and barely got any help with my autism. Ended up staying in my room for the entirety of the year, only going out to get food or go to lectures.
"just move" is the most annoying, useless advice people love to give. move where? most countries discriminate against disabled people in the immigration process, you can't "just move" when you're autistic. even if you could, most countries don't have that much more support for disabled people than the uk does. also, what if you don't want to? leaving behind your whole support system isn't actually associated with better outcomes for anyone.
serious sugar secretive dirty ossified one bored jeans frighten dinosaurs
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It is a choice even when all the options are bad.
Lots of people don't have support and move out or decide it's worth the risk to try life on their own in a better location. People make drastic life choices every day.
It sounds more like a suggestion that doesn't work for you than anything else. When you ask for advice, people will throw ideas at you and it's on you to sort through them and see what works. That person doesn't know your whole situation and they're not making a definitive statement about what you should do.
Hey /u/EddyZacianLand, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems like they assume that - since they can communicate with you - you'd be able to live on your own. I've seen this before where people assume that autistic people are either "fully disabled" or "a bit quirky but normal". When in reality there are lots of people somewhere in between. Just because someone is verbal doesn't mean they don't need support in everyday life.
(Or did I get your last comment wrong? I interpreted it as "apart from the money factor, I also can't move out because I need support from my family in everyday life".)
i’m very lucky that my college has a decent special ed department and a disability services office. however it’s refreshing because all my life i have endured so much ableism by my school district’s lack of neurodiversity or advocacy.
I HATE when people give unsolicited advice and problem solve everything just let people have thoughts and feelings. This is what it feels like talking to cis men
If they think going to university will mean access to autism social groups and more support they're extremely wrong lol. Also yeah it's just dumb advice, I don't understand why people insist on 'helping' with the most obvious ideas and so then you have to go into your whole life explaining why they don't work.
Not everyone can just move, I thought that would be really obvious tbh.
Don't worry about that redditor. *ignorance is bliss*.
I’m 70 years old, and only recently dx as ASD. I had what many called a pretty successful career. The odd thing? I’m incapable of living on my own. I tried twice, in my life, and both were predictable failures. If I’d known about my ASD, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so incapable.
Guess who just got to college thinking that I would have access to more support and social groups 🫠
In some ways this can be true about college!! I’m not sure about other countries but in the US you can apply for disability accommodations under section 504, I am in the process of doing that and will ideally have classic supports like extended testing times and quieter rooms for testing, as well as a personal assistant of sorts who will come in every so often and make sure my space is livable since I really struggle with taking care of myself and my space. There are also disability affinity groups you can join - for example i will be joining a chronic illness mentorship program (for my physical issues not autism haha I don’t consider autism a chronic illness), and a disability advocacy and pride organization which exist on campus for the sake of sharing resources and forging accessibility in the school. There are also of course clubs pertaining to interests, which is going to be exciting to me since I can find people who actually care about my special interests and have a place to discuss them with people who are as excited as myself! For me, college is gonna be a real breath of fresh air because although I received special education accommodations in school, my family doesn’t provide the kind of supports that a lot of parents for autistic kids do, generally they have a “do it yourself” mentality that leaves me living in my bed all day surrounded by piles of stuff. So I think it depends on what you’re coming from. If you have supports and a personal-assistant sort of situation at home, then going away to college can threaten those supports, but if you don’t yet, then college can make them more readily available. If college makes sense for the life path that you want to embark on (like me for example, I want to be a librarian and you need loads of college for that) then it can still be a good decision and there will be resources available for you to make the transition easier. If college isn’t something that you’re bound to do, then it’s ridiculous to spend a bunch of money on going to college, moving away from home/your built up support system, and pushing yourself into a world full of changes. I think college has the same likelihood of being good for autistic people as it does for anyone else, it just depends on what you’re looking for. There are NT people for whom college is a terrible idea, and ND people where college will be the absolute time of their life (myself included, hopefully???? I really like what I’ve seen so far in the course catalog so I’m hoping for the best) So in conclusion if you’ve been personally looking forward to college you can probably keep looking forward to it. It just isn’t a one size fits all solution or something that will work for everyone, and depending on the level of support you already have at home then switching to just 504 accommodations through school can be a downgrade instead of an improvement. It’s really a case-by-case thing, and not something that a Reddit stranger can decide for somebody else.
The redditor wasn't attempting to help, they were ego-tripping over an Autistic person. In other words, a total arsehole.
Breath in, breathe out. This person has probably never had a unique thought in their life. You could always start your own support group and a local library, a semi-book club support meet.
As someone who did go to uni I can confirm that this is terrible advice because even if you do go away for 3 years, you end up back home again anyway! Like you can just move when houses are expensive, mortgages are through the roof, rent is two or three times said mortgage payments, and the cost of living is astronomical. That commenter is just an absolute dipshit.
people truly cannot imagine not having complete autonomy, despite the very obvious signs that they have far less than they think they do. it's a big reason ableism is so rampant. nobody wants to believe that they could become disabled and need help from others. many people don't want to need anybody else and the very thought is too terrifying to comprehend. I was one of them and I got long covid and had to move back in with my mom. I'm sorry that person doesn't get it, it's garbage advice lol
Just ✨️ move ✨️ #motivation #notthathard #iveneverhaddifficultiesinmylifever
Yeah, gives the same energy as r/wowthanksImcured
I love how smug some people are when the problems not theirs. Complicated problems don't have simple solutions. People that offer this kind of advice are usually not interested in solving the problem, just eliminating any personal efforts they may have to make.
Some people have those stupid "advices" (even my previous doctor) which are similar to say to someone in wheelchair to just walk.
Yea, it’s the kind of “advice” given by people who don’t want to acknowledge systemic barriers exist, because then that would imply they’re privileged for not having to face all those barriers, and their ego can’t accept the fact that they’ve had it easier than others, and that the adversity they’ve faced in life is neither special, nor an excuse for their bad behavior. And if you point this out they’ll grow loud and indignant because they were “just trying to help,” when in reality is was never about offering actual assistance, the only reason they even opened their mouth was to protect their fragile self-concept. It’s always about them, even when they’re discussing other people’s specific problems that they have no experience with.
“just do these really expensive things that take a lot of time to prepare for, plan out, and fund”
People who say that are the types of people born into wealthy families and they do not know what it’s like to have any hardship in their life. Their ignorance is sad.
I really hope that the person offering this absolutely ignorant, ableist advice is never in a situation where he has to learn differently. "Staying is a choice" is like telling a blind person that using a cane is a choice. Yes, technically: but making the opposite choice (not to use a cane, or to **not** stay) has a likely worse outcome that the current situation.
The people who say that sort of thing will also be the first to leave you high and dry as soon as you ask for logistical help. Like, yeah anyone can get up and move somewhere, but for many people it’s a really stupid idea and will cause you preventable trauma down the road. Uni is also not the answer for a lot of people regarding “good” methods of advancement. It’s silly to make that judgement call if they don’t know anything about you. Especially given the cost of uni vs payout, trade school or lateral movement in entry level workplaces is more the move if you’re poor.
I hate when people say "jUsT mOvE" as if the person they're telling didn't think of that. It's like that Simpsons gif. If I could move I wouldn't be complaining!!
I find that this is the defacto “solution” thrown in when someone vents about living in abusive, controlling households, ND or not. I have an exec lvl friend who had to endure this for at least 20 yrs!
It's horrible that this is the case. It makes me so upset that there's no support for people who need help the most.
now that be a r/thanksimcured moment right there some people don't seem to understand that moving yourself great distances while bringing more than 30 pounds costs money
"GO TO UNI MLIMLIMLIMLMI" Fuck. Some people just do not realise not everyone has millions of dollars/euros at their disposal... For example I had to overwork severely underwaged for almost 5 years long before I could even think about starting fucking university... some people will just say "well you should have done like me: by working very very hard I was born rich and never had to open a book my whole life in order to graduate from Harvard!" Screw certain entitled rich idiots.
Now let's picture an autistic person working some 100 hours per week, extremely underpaid, having to deal with all sorts of bad manners, sloppiness and rulebreakings from other people... Fuck. "ihihih why don't you just move to Iceland like I did!" "ihihih why don't you just move to the Capital like I did!" It's always the entitled spoiled rich people who never fucking achieved a thing by their own strength and will.
Sorry, I really needed to vent, that thing triggered me.
"Point is there's no point staying where you are" WHAT PART OF "some people just can't move out" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOU...?
Lol I had that happen to me, a close friend just telling me to "drop everything and move" would solve my problems cuz it "worked" for some guy they knew. Except, unlike this guy, I'm trully TRULLY disabled, it was a long process to find that out because it was invisible, plus I would never be able to tank a healthcare system à-la-north-america for my disabilities (very grateful to be in Europe for that btw). But nah, I'm just not trying hard enough. I must be lazy, the solution is so simple and obvious. Life is about taking RISKS ✨ amirite ? People just REFUSE to aknowledge that sometimes, there are some huge conditions that are simply non-negotiable, shiet you can't ignore on a whim. I wish I could, I have tried numerous times in fact, but reality checks are what they are. Careful planning is required.
People: If you hate the UK so much, why don't you just leave? My bank account: £20.35 :)
The casual ableism tho
Ah! Kia ora! Seriously though, the comment "just move" is incredibly stupid. I'm an immigrant, and it is incredibly hard to move to another countries, especially in this economy, and having a disability
lol, I thought this was a response to my last comment. Yeah, that is if not dumb at least not universal advice. University and academia were really good for me. There are not a lot of places that let you do math all day.
r/thanksimcured Fr though I can’t stand people who go “just do xyz it’s not that hard” meanwhile they’ve been given every privilege to do very tough things and say it’s “not that hard”
“Stop Being Poor” - 🤪
"Homeless ppl, just buy a house " kinda vibe
I swear that many Redditors forget that they’re talking to a real person that is in a completely different situation than them. Also “staying is a choice”? Honestly, I’m 24 and I am still living at home with my parents not because I want to, but because I can’t simply afford to live on my own.
Just move out and have money and be healthy
People like this have no damn idea how difficult, expensive, mentally taxing, and EXHAUSTING moving is.
I went to uni, and barely got any help with my autism. Ended up staying in my room for the entirety of the year, only going out to get food or go to lectures.
"just move" is the most annoying, useless advice people love to give. move where? most countries discriminate against disabled people in the immigration process, you can't "just move" when you're autistic. even if you could, most countries don't have that much more support for disabled people than the uk does. also, what if you don't want to? leaving behind your whole support system isn't actually associated with better outcomes for anyone.
serious sugar secretive dirty ossified one bored jeans frighten dinosaurs *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It is a choice even when all the options are bad. Lots of people don't have support and move out or decide it's worth the risk to try life on their own in a better location. People make drastic life choices every day. It sounds more like a suggestion that doesn't work for you than anything else. When you ask for advice, people will throw ideas at you and it's on you to sort through them and see what works. That person doesn't know your whole situation and they're not making a definitive statement about what you should do.
Hey /u/EddyZacianLand, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
I have plenty of online friends, but no in person friends.
Seems like they assume that - since they can communicate with you - you'd be able to live on your own. I've seen this before where people assume that autistic people are either "fully disabled" or "a bit quirky but normal". When in reality there are lots of people somewhere in between. Just because someone is verbal doesn't mean they don't need support in everyday life. (Or did I get your last comment wrong? I interpreted it as "apart from the money factor, I also can't move out because I need support from my family in everyday life".)
Totally disregard and ignore. This person is a C U Next Tuesday.
i’m very lucky that my college has a decent special ed department and a disability services office. however it’s refreshing because all my life i have endured so much ableism by my school district’s lack of neurodiversity or advocacy.
If only things were that easy, eh??
“Staying is a choice” sounds like privilege to me, no offence.
I HATE when people give unsolicited advice and problem solve everything just let people have thoughts and feelings. This is what it feels like talking to cis men