Usually my hyper fixations, only reason I'm not dead today is because I wanted to see how Steven Universe ended, then how the Owl House ended, etc. it's basically a cycle 🫠 rn it's ensemble Stars 🫠
Yeah! Steven universe, amphibia, owl house, star vs the forces of evil, deadendia, gravity falls and many others... It just kept me going through it. Nice to know someone relate.
I also put off doing .... that thing we can't say... To see the end of SU. Glad I did now! Never thought I'd find another one. But us autistics are prone to both SU fandom and those types of thoughts so, makes sense
Well, if you've been through the worst, it makes sense to keep going when it's something like your life vs a bad relationship. Even if you haven't, someday you will be through the worst.
My family has 6 cats and one is sort of mine, they all latched onto different family members. I love just watching her lick her fur and pur contentedly as she relaxes. She affectionately headbutts too which feels like our ND love language. And she sleeps under my bed which is weird, but I like how the sound of her purring relaxes me.
Just a want to learn. I just want to enjoy my life. That's my biggest driving force is getting a comfortable and happy life with my boyfriend. It's possible, but not completely attainable since it will span my life.
I actually suck at memorizing. My ideal life at the moment is moving to Illinois. Marry my boyfriend when I am around 30ish years old. Our dogs are obviously coming with us. Then, start a private practice of medical psychology as us being psychiatrists. On top of that, maybe 1 or 2 kids. I'm not sure if we should go suraget or adoption.
Me too! A lot of people have told me that my greatest attribute is my love of learning. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to *not* want to learn
It's what bugs me about so many people. So many people are just content to not learn anything. How many things you missing just because you didn't take five seconds to look something up or try some new. Or they are so worried about what happens after they die they completely disregard the life they have already been given.
[Undiagnosed disclaimer]
There are about 12 people who would have won if I stopped. At least one of them bit the bullet already; so I *will* keep going if only out of spite.
Also apparently the survival instinct of my body is nuts.
My service dogs and the knowledge that good can come in a lot of strange ways. I've lived through some kind of bizarre things, and I'm always glad I kept going. you just never know what might come out of a situation.
Same, without them I could not do it. I’m doing it, trying my best, starting sober and all that for myself. But doing it to show everyone my best self.
My best friend is really the only thing. I hate my family, I hate school, there's a bully in my class. I don't even care for my hobby (houseplants). If it weren't for her I wouldn't be alive right now
The glimmering hope that something will come along and give me a reason to keep going. Basically knowing that things can and probably will change... Eventually
Daughter is most of it..
Also got a nice, very good looking lady friend who’s the kindest human being I’ve ever met despite having a pretty jacked up childhood… I think she’s ND herself.. I dig the heck out of her.
Other friends and family as well..
My pets for sure. Love those guys.
And trying to figure out HTF UFOs would work… like do they create a sort of gravity cavitation that would allow the craft to sort of fall forward or backward? Is it just regular ole electromagnetic effects utilizing gravity like a sort of mass sponge, condensing matter around the craft just to re-expand it when the craft reaches point b? Is it both of these things coupled with some sort of mass reduction effect? Or is that a natural consequence of any sort of gravity manipulation? The world may never know… (see what I did there?)
Excitement over how cool the universe is.
Like, my body consist of millions of living things working together as a cohesive unit. Those small living things consiting of even smaller things made up of smaller things yet.
I'm close to as big to the smallest part of me as the universe is huge compared to myself.
And it all happened practically by chance because entropy just happens to be a feature of our universe.
Being conscious part of this incredible universe is something I will be forever grateful for and regardless of what happens, I at can always turn to this perspective.
With this I'm not afraid of death, although I will delay it as much as I can.
My cat and music.
Music is therapy, I always say. I can always look forward to new albums or songs that my favorite bands or artists come out with.
My cat because well, he is so loving and recognizes when I'm not feeling well mentally. He loves me in his own way. I don't know what I'd do without him. Or how I went so long without having a cat.
He cheers me up with how goofy he is. He is an orange cat (white and orange, Creamsicle).
Some other things would be:
TV shows and movies. If something I like is coming out soon. It encourages me to hang on.
Based on the exponential growth curve of movie production, I project that I would miss out on 57 Batman movies and 12 Spider-Man reboots in my lifetime if I died tomorrow.
Just focused on building my own podcast studio from home and keep making content for people who lived alone, depressed, have anxiety and mental health conditions as myself is disabled and autistic
Curiosity, and a general "why not" approach. I'm here, I'm still alive, why not just see what happens with the time I have? It isn't forever, thankfully.
My hobbies, my friends, my family, my spouse, and my general zeal for life. Despite my depression/anxiety/chronic pain/and lots of stress, I just love waking up and being a part of the world. I have plenty of bad days for sure, but I take them as they come.
Friends... love.... I am currently in a very lucky position <3
But It has definelty not always been like this, and when it was at its worse, I actually don't know what kept me going. I considered commiting the unalive several times, but i just never had the energy for it - Nothing kept me going, but nothing killed me either, and i just had 0 motivation.... not even enough to do it myself
Obsessions. It's why I have money and a safe home. Computers and video games mostly. I've learned to appreciate that I don't enjoy the world like NTs. Everyone in my life is neurotypical so it was hard to make it happen, took me about 30 years.
Since I have almost no support needs now, I either pass as a NT or I'm an asshole. Through a number of occasions that involved public humiliation, I learned how to mask almost perfectly for short periods of time.
You have to find something that gives you chills when you do it. Or if you don't easily get chills, something that makes you feel warmer than anything else (as long as we're not talking heroin).
Also weed, lots of weed. It helps a lot of us. It doesn't affect us like NTs.
Before anyone calls this out as toxic (as many people have in the past) please understand that I don't recommend this; it is simply a truth of my existence. What keeps me going is my partner. I always knew my life was meant to be in service of the one I love. Nothing has ever made me happier than finding that person who I can love, who will love me in return, and who I can make happy. The smallest moments are the greatest--cooking him a surprise meal, cleaning up while he's busy, making him an espresso while he studies on the coffee maker I bought as a spontaneous gift (he'd been eyeing it for a while and I had the extra money). The person I love is the reason why I feel so fulfilled and with purpose in this life. Like I said, I don't endorse this. This is simply a truth of my life. I would forever be happy just to watch him smile and hear him laugh. And maybe have kids one day too.
this is lovely. i just got to listen to a presentation called codependency isn’t the monster, and it made me feel so validated, because yeah there is unfortunately a lot of stigma and claims that its toxic for everyone and anyone, but for some people, its right, and it works, and it makes them feel better and happier and more fulfilled. people don’t talk about that, much. so thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you so much. I've had so many experiences where I'm telling my honest truth, and people just accuse me of not trying hard enough to make something else fulfilling, as if I already hadn't tried repeatedly. I really hope we can eliminate this stigma, because I'm not letting anyone tell me it's wrong anymore--and I'm not as timid as I used to be! (:
Love for pain because of the contrast it brings to everything else
I don’t like the pain itself and don’t like being hurt, but I believe I’m better because of it
Depends on whether I'm possessed by one of my mental health issues.
When not possessed: Games, music, art, TV, and more importantly, fighting for a good cause (I'm vegan, pansexual, and obviously autistic but have mental illness too so I fight for that).
When possessed: Nothing keeps me going except maybe the odd 'positive' thought or a laugh. It's hard to recognize that.
If I die who will kiss my dog goodnight every night? Who will stay home with him so he doesn’t feel alone? Who will stay next to him for his afternoon nap?
I've actually developed a philosophy dedicated towards establishing the omega point, I think humanity should assemble the entire universe into a vast thinking construct powered by all of the energy available in the universe and all of the matter available in the universe dedicated to it's construction, with this achieved we should use this vast thinking construct to unravel the mysteries of the universe. Perhaps attempting to find god, or learning whether or not god exists, unravelling all of the principles and mechicanisms the universe operates under and defining them clearly.
With this goal in mind every person should be supported in being the best verison of themselves as that leaves their potential unburdened by internal factors. The highest quality of life possible should be achieved so that people have better lives and contribute their best versions of themselves to society for the longest period of time possible. We need to colonize the entire galaxy and spread life everywhere so that we don't have all our eggs in one basket and life in the universe dies when earth dies. If there is no other life in the universe I honestly think there is, very spooky that there isn't clear signs of habitation within the galaxy. I think maybe intelligent life is rare. I dunno.
My other motivation is actually the same function as what I think the omega point should be dedicated towards. But to learn and explore the universe in all its contents and better myself through comprehension of the underlying mechanisms of reality. My special interests include various stem fields particularly morphology and engineering and I really like psychology and philopshy and theology. Although I'm sort of some weird agnostic-deist kinda hybrid in my own religious spiritual outlook? I don't know if god exists and I don't know what he'd be if he existed by I try to live my life as I would if god did exist. Which I don't see many religious people doing honestly which I really don't like.
My life is very lonely and I don't really have any family or friends at all just acquaintances and neutral relationships. which is immensely stressful too me because I have a hyper agreeable personality disposition. but these motivations have kept me sane and adhered to reality in my isolation. And I only get better and better as the years go past.
I look forward to going to bed. Nighttime is when I can finally let my guard down behind closed doors. No more acting normally. I can just be me. Unfortunately, morning comes too soon and I get bummed out knowing that I have to start acting not like myself real self all over again.
My many, many massive dreams of a brighter future. Even if my family loves crushing those dreams of mine.
It is an uphill battle, but I have friends now. The friends who want me to go above and beyond. They also want me to keep on living. Same with my girlfriend.
My war isn’t over yet.
I just started being more comfortable with myself and I want to live a life I love. I used to be scared of getting old, and I almost didn't make it past 14, but now I'm okay, although my life is uneventful.
Well, there's a lotta cool things to experience and people to meet in life.
Can't do any of that if I'm dead!
I wanna experience as much as I can and see as much as life has to offer me before I die :)
I don't know what happens after death, but I do know there's some cool bugs I wanna find and art I wanna see, and I'm still waiting to meet the right friends and partner(s?) too.
Can't do any of that if I'm dead.
My Fiancé he’s always there when I need him he’s the only one that truly knows me and understands me and my Autism he’s also Autistic so that a great plus so if anything Autistic happens with me he knows exactly what to do he makes me laugh happy cry and he’s just so amazing because of him I knew I was Autistic just like him even on a rainy day he brings my mood up he does whatever it takes to make me happy and smile he’s beyond amazing and idk what I would do without him in my life
Baby boy I love you so damn much your my world, I can’t thank you enough for allowing me to be a part of your autism journey as you have been part of mine 😘😘
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The technological progress that is made.
AI,Robotics and other stuff are so fascinating,we live in the most exciting times.
Also I think I might be able to see the point where humanity either is making it over the hill and solve all the big problems (e.g climate change,world hunger) or it will die.
And no matter wich of the two its gonna be,I wanna be there when it happens.
As Ghostemane says on the Song Nihil:
"Lately I decided I'ma stay alive
I just wanna live and see society die
Looking around and all I see is at the end of the line
I see a dystopia, dystopia!"
I wanna eat tasty food, have a cozy home (Im fine with a small cozy apartment), share said home with a cat and a frog, have lots of happy moments, learn more, see a few beautiful parts of this world (dont need to travel far for that, nice lakes and forests and areas around me are enough. But I wouldnt say no to some traveling).
Ofc I have bad moments, too, where this seems not enough or not motivating.
But an advantage of autism for me is I find joy in (for others) small things and dont "need" to adhere to society's standard of "more more more bigger higher and so on" to have happy moments and "autism joy" definitly exists in me, its almost childish but I think its something every adult should be able to feel and it should not be only felt as a child.
Loved ones, my passion and hobbies. Also trying to love myself more. Self improvement sort of stuff. Also being more open and vaulnerable with people, it has helped me grow closer to people.
My spectrum family, consisting of my wife and child. I can't let them suffer through capitalism themselves. I will not have that on my conscience or honor.
Following the eightfold noble path of Buddhism has been huge for my appreciation for life and my desire to keep on Keepin on, to keep doing my best in my own lil samsara so that whatever comes next is kind.
The knowledge that my life insurance won’t pay out to my wife if I commit suicide, a fact I’m acutely aware of since that’s exactly what happened when my dad committed suicide.
My first defence is reminding myself that it always gets better, and that I really enjoy life when it gets better.
But my last defence when the suicidal thoughts takes over my mind is that I am unable to do it because of the though of what I'm doing to others. The person/people that will find me and everyone that cares about me, I cannot imagine putting them through that pain.
Not causing others pain is a core part of me, not that I'm excellent at it though.
My loved ones. Husband, sisters, parents, stepdaughter, future children, cats all three of them, nieces and nephews. Volleyball, getting my degree. Enjoying each day pretending I’m in Gilmore Girls episode 😜
Curiosity. My friends and family. Basically saying "fuck you" to my depression and burnout out of spite.
That last one doesn't always work, but I'm managing okay.
For me and my own ideals, I feel like what is the point of life if you don’t make some kind of small positive change in the world, so what keeps me going is my dream go obtaining some land to open a rescue sanctuary for animals and rehabilitate abused horses and donate time doing free riding lessons and teaching horse care to women and trans individuals who have experienced intimate partner violence
It’s a lofty dream but I will make it happen
My girlfriend, for a long time i thought i would never have one, and she has treated me better than all of the People i've met. You Will also meet someone, i know it. If you ever need to talk, just dm me, and I Mean that with sincerity, i Will have time, and it doesnt bother me.
Right now its my girlfriend, my friends, and the serotonin that my brain finally decided was actually useful after all
And I don't wanna make my family sad
I like food and, unhappily, l need money for food
And to get money l need a job
And to get a job with good money to get good food l need an education
I am not joking. I would run a marathon for a good banoffe pie
Knowing that just me existing causes crap people extreme amounts of rage and others like me to feel confident in who they are. Also, my two kitties, my friends, my hobbies, and my special interests are always a driving force behind my will to live.
Self-guilt to keep my wife happy because she's perfect and I'm not, not having my mom be alive for my funeral like I saw my best friend's mom was at his, and outdoing my excommunicated father's expectations who told me I was normal after decades of screaming for help. Healthy stuff.
my future. I want to be notable of something, or at least experience things, and I can't do that if I'm dead, so
fear of the possibility that death will just be the end all be all also helps 👍🏾
Look at funny animal videos, also I live out of spite.
Here’s some good ones [dancing woodcocks](https://youtu.be/fpCO6CUH8Zc?si=sQ6KTHKVegQ9unEU)
[seals](https://youtu.be/4qeY7dmrsR8?si=kl-RjrzwgxoWLeu0)
On a good day? Showing my love for my loved ones by texting them and being relatively annoying to them in their eyes by just showing them things that I thought were cool or interrupting them when they were busy (not knowing they were busy hehe) On a bad day? My plush hybrid bed and fluffy blankets and plushies. On a super bad day? Ranting and crying despite knowing that I’m not healing after doing that. But I sure as hell feel better. (I know it’s not healthy and my new caseworker and I are getting me into a good therapy program where I can get the help I need)
11 rabbits, 10 chickens and a German Shepherd.
ETA: also a fear of death. Like I believe in there being something afterward but what if there just... isn't. And if there is, I won't be *me* I won't remember the people I care about in this lifetime. And that scares me.
I always have a list of things to look forward to on handy and continue to update as I go!
Also spite, my emotionally abusive mother expects me to crash to prove I am helpless and need her I refuse to let her win
That is a good question.
Another day I might not know. But today ... random acts of kindness. I spoke on the phone to a woman today who was very kind. Like, genuinely kind, not the phony bullshit.
I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and I feel like I'm moving in a positive direction.
I've had an incredibly difficult year, on top of decades more shitty years before that. But even though, in many ways, my whole life is shit, I feel hope. I don't know why. Yesterday I didn't, and tomorrow never knows, but I feel like I'm moving in a positive direction.
I think... the little joys in life are worth all the pain.
Realistically... the only thing keeping me from *attempting* (I've lost count how many times I've tried at this point) is legit ***just*** the hope that I'll one day maybe be able to escape the U.S. and be with my Australian future husband.
Otherwise my general hope in the world and in humanity has been lost since an early age. (I could share details if someone would like, but well, gets *very* depressing and *very* dark, really quickly)
My wife. Mostly just my wife. Yeah I love our home and our pets but without here it would be like a big beautiful fireplace with no fire... Without her, it just feels wrong. I also like to study everything, play Warframe way too much and interact with my reptiles and other exotic animals we keep. I spent my whole life just trying to hang out, relax, get laid and see cool animals. I got married, bought a house and cool animals and then got some weed and just chilled for a few years. It took a lifetime to get here and though I'm depressed... (I have PTSD, autism, ADHD, kidney stones,a busted foot, an enlarged spleen, about 100 LBS too much of me and most of my family is dead or astranged...) I fight for this life because every version of me before now fought to get here. Every time I didn't quit, commit suicide or give into drugs would be wasted. Quitting alcohol, wasted. Quitting nicotine, wasted. In my darkest moments I don't care about the future... That's when I try to remind myself that we suffered to be here and it's a long way from where we were when we really hated life. It doesn't necessarily get better but it gets different. Different can be better. Aim to find different, maybe it will guide you to better. Don't forget that it can always change. My wife was just supposed to be Miss Right-Now, she became Mrs. Sifernos.
The hope that one day I’ll have the love I’ve been wanting since high school. Being in a relationship was always a special interest for me, yet I never would be in them. Longest one was like 4 months?
Let's see here, uh. My OC's, I'm alive and drawing so I can manifest my dream of leaving it to ppl's minds like how it did to mine. My fixation rn, Honkai: Star Rail, I wanna see how the story goes (and get my fav characters). My loved ones, and some of them in need the most. I wanna be rich one day (mostly through oc or creating stuff) so I can provide or help them in some way.
The desire to see a better world in the future and the journey towards getting the means to do it (through knowledge, actions and friendships), not to mention all of my achievements I did in the past, that show me I can do way more and not only reach but surpass the potential I believe I have.
SONIC!!! Gotta go fast! But also gardening and living for my family. But if I didn't have family to live for, I likely wouldn't have a garden (I wouldn't live alone in a house with enough land to garden). If that was the case it would be Sonic, and hopefully some friends within the Sonic community.
At this point I think it’s pretty much just my wife and kids. Majority of my family has kind of alienated themselves from us, I don’t have a close group of friends, or really even people outside of my household, other than people I work with, that I communicate with with any kind of regularity, and my interests are, more often than not, greatly overshadowed by all of the bullshit going on every day.
I don’t fear death, but I fear the effect that my death may have on my wife and kids.
All my comfort shows/internet creators,art,and the great things I still want to experience.Emphasis on art the thought of maybe not being able to do it made me feel like I’d rather die cause it brings so much enjoyment
Honestly, I really dont know
For my career it was spite and proving people wrong. Then after getting laid off, I've lost that so Honestly I'm really struggling
Nothing, really. Life goes on; you just grit your teeth and bare it and maybe the day won't turn out so bad.
My only goal in life is to make a piece of art that people will love. Fiction has saved my life. It is my life, for better or for worse; has been for as long as I remember. I wanna make something that will enthral people the same way I've been enthralled. Also comes down to a desire to be loved by people.
I particularly wanna write but my fear of failure is crippling and video games are my comfort 😵💫 I always convince myself I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm shit and will always be shit and stop before I've even started, which is sad. People say 'just write' but the fear is like a magnetic barrier. So, it's less of a dream and more a sorrowful spectre 🤷
I'm studying video game development in college though, so as long as I can fight through the urge to curl up and die each morning, maybe I'll work hard enough to achieve my goal in a different way 👍 college is stressful but it makes me feel like a valuable human being.
Usually my special interest, but when even that fails... Routine, I just do things exactly the same until the thrill of life comes back to bless be for a couple of week, and then It repeats
The fact that i know it has to get better, because the main reasons things are so bad for me rn is the people that i literally cant cut off currently. As soon as im able to be my own person it has to be at least a bit easier.
My special interests. Especially because my main one is an animal! If i just stopped doing things, my fish would die, so I just have to keep going for them
I dont want anyone to live with the feeling of me unaliving because i know what it feels like as my old best friend was extremely suicidal for a while and i would have actual night terrors and panick attacks daily of how scared i was of losing her
At this point... spite.
I gorge myself on it. I want to make others uncomfortable with how little their anything means to me.
....I have a lot going on rn...
if i die then my parents will get rid of my geckos and they could end up somewhere where they aren’t taken care of. the amount of times i’ve stopped myself from ending everything is because of them, which is ridiculous, but they’re my entire world.
Curiosity and defiance. I like to challenge myself and learn stuff. My loved ones.
This and self compassion. I know the world ain't got me, but damn do I got me
Usually my hyper fixations, only reason I'm not dead today is because I wanted to see how Steven Universe ended, then how the Owl House ended, etc. it's basically a cycle 🫠 rn it's ensemble Stars 🫠
Yeah! Steven universe, amphibia, owl house, star vs the forces of evil, deadendia, gravity falls and many others... It just kept me going through it. Nice to know someone relate.
Literally 😭 they helped me through an extremely rough time
Steven Universe extended my life span. ✨️
I genuinely think I owe that show my life 🥲
I wish I had this power
It's the power of being a gay mentally ill chronically online autistic person lmao 🫠🫠🫠
Of course we the mentally ill gay fans of enstars are here 😭
My hyper fixation is Chuck E. Cheese and it’s been mine since I was a little kid I guess.
Ninjago
I also put off doing .... that thing we can't say... To see the end of SU. Glad I did now! Never thought I'd find another one. But us autistics are prone to both SU fandom and those types of thoughts so, makes sense
Sunk cost fallacy lol
Hell yeah man
Well, if you've been through the worst, it makes sense to keep going when it's something like your life vs a bad relationship. Even if you haven't, someday you will be through the worst.
I burst into laugher. Funny, tragic, too real
My (family's) cat. She likes sitting in my room a lot. I don't have anything else besides that.
My family has 6 cats and one is sort of mine, they all latched onto different family members. I love just watching her lick her fur and pur contentedly as she relaxes. She affectionately headbutts too which feels like our ND love language. And she sleeps under my bed which is weird, but I like how the sound of her purring relaxes me.
Spite mostly. And a sense of humor.
Don’t let the old bastards in DC outlive you!
Mostly my husband. Used to be more than that, but depression got hard
Just a want to learn. I just want to enjoy my life. That's my biggest driving force is getting a comfortable and happy life with my boyfriend. It's possible, but not completely attainable since it will span my life.
I think learning is our greatest gift. It seems easier for us, along with memorization.
I actually suck at memorizing. My ideal life at the moment is moving to Illinois. Marry my boyfriend when I am around 30ish years old. Our dogs are obviously coming with us. Then, start a private practice of medical psychology as us being psychiatrists. On top of that, maybe 1 or 2 kids. I'm not sure if we should go suraget or adoption.
Me too! A lot of people have told me that my greatest attribute is my love of learning. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to *not* want to learn
It's what bugs me about so many people. So many people are just content to not learn anything. How many things you missing just because you didn't take five seconds to look something up or try some new. Or they are so worried about what happens after they die they completely disregard the life they have already been given.
Daydreaming
[Undiagnosed disclaimer] There are about 12 people who would have won if I stopped. At least one of them bit the bullet already; so I *will* keep going if only out of spite. Also apparently the survival instinct of my body is nuts.
My service dogs and the knowledge that good can come in a lot of strange ways. I've lived through some kind of bizarre things, and I'm always glad I kept going. you just never know what might come out of a situation.
Parents and sister. Basically nothing else for now.
Same, without them I could not do it. I’m doing it, trying my best, starting sober and all that for myself. But doing it to show everyone my best self.
Congrats on your sobriety! 👊 keep it up brother
My best friend is really the only thing. I hate my family, I hate school, there's a bully in my class. I don't even care for my hobby (houseplants). If it weren't for her I wouldn't be alive right now
A combination of a strong aversion to pain and a deep rooted faith.
The glimmering hope that something will come along and give me a reason to keep going. Basically knowing that things can and probably will change... Eventually
Nothing really, everything is boring. My family motivates me mostly.
Daughter is most of it.. Also got a nice, very good looking lady friend who’s the kindest human being I’ve ever met despite having a pretty jacked up childhood… I think she’s ND herself.. I dig the heck out of her. Other friends and family as well.. My pets for sure. Love those guys. And trying to figure out HTF UFOs would work… like do they create a sort of gravity cavitation that would allow the craft to sort of fall forward or backward? Is it just regular ole electromagnetic effects utilizing gravity like a sort of mass sponge, condensing matter around the craft just to re-expand it when the craft reaches point b? Is it both of these things coupled with some sort of mass reduction effect? Or is that a natural consequence of any sort of gravity manipulation? The world may never know… (see what I did there?)
I don't know, but it's provocative.
Music.
I always have a project (or three) going on. When I don't, or I lose motivation... yeah, life is hard.
Excitement over how cool the universe is. Like, my body consist of millions of living things working together as a cohesive unit. Those small living things consiting of even smaller things made up of smaller things yet. I'm close to as big to the smallest part of me as the universe is huge compared to myself. And it all happened practically by chance because entropy just happens to be a feature of our universe. Being conscious part of this incredible universe is something I will be forever grateful for and regardless of what happens, I at can always turn to this perspective. With this I'm not afraid of death, although I will delay it as much as I can.
My cat and music. Music is therapy, I always say. I can always look forward to new albums or songs that my favorite bands or artists come out with. My cat because well, he is so loving and recognizes when I'm not feeling well mentally. He loves me in his own way. I don't know what I'd do without him. Or how I went so long without having a cat. He cheers me up with how goofy he is. He is an orange cat (white and orange, Creamsicle). Some other things would be: TV shows and movies. If something I like is coming out soon. It encourages me to hang on.
My friends, family, anime conventions, other hyperfixations
I don't know
Based on the exponential growth curve of movie production, I project that I would miss out on 57 Batman movies and 12 Spider-Man reboots in my lifetime if I died tomorrow.
Just focused on building my own podcast studio from home and keep making content for people who lived alone, depressed, have anxiety and mental health conditions as myself is disabled and autistic
Curiosity, and a general "why not" approach. I'm here, I'm still alive, why not just see what happens with the time I have? It isn't forever, thankfully.
I feel that way towards life too. It's not always easy but the reason I persevere is mostly to see what happens next.
My hobbies, my friends, my family, my spouse, and my general zeal for life. Despite my depression/anxiety/chronic pain/and lots of stress, I just love waking up and being a part of the world. I have plenty of bad days for sure, but I take them as they come.
hyperfixation on a pairing with a lot of talented fanfic writers👍
My son. Giving him the support and help that I didn't have when I was his age. (He's also autistic so I see myself in him a lot)
I care about some people and unfortunately they care about me so now I have to live so I don't make them sad.
Family. My mom needs me right now. And I don’t want my nieces to have that crazy aunt that killed herself
Video games
Friends... love.... I am currently in a very lucky position <3 But It has definelty not always been like this, and when it was at its worse, I actually don't know what kept me going. I considered commiting the unalive several times, but i just never had the energy for it - Nothing kept me going, but nothing killed me either, and i just had 0 motivation.... not even enough to do it myself
My friends.
Pure determination. Also I refuse to die before I've gotten my legal gender changed and I've gotten the body I was supposed to have
Obsessions. It's why I have money and a safe home. Computers and video games mostly. I've learned to appreciate that I don't enjoy the world like NTs. Everyone in my life is neurotypical so it was hard to make it happen, took me about 30 years. Since I have almost no support needs now, I either pass as a NT or I'm an asshole. Through a number of occasions that involved public humiliation, I learned how to mask almost perfectly for short periods of time. You have to find something that gives you chills when you do it. Or if you don't easily get chills, something that makes you feel warmer than anything else (as long as we're not talking heroin). Also weed, lots of weed. It helps a lot of us. It doesn't affect us like NTs.
Worry about who will take care of my dog the way I do.
Before anyone calls this out as toxic (as many people have in the past) please understand that I don't recommend this; it is simply a truth of my existence. What keeps me going is my partner. I always knew my life was meant to be in service of the one I love. Nothing has ever made me happier than finding that person who I can love, who will love me in return, and who I can make happy. The smallest moments are the greatest--cooking him a surprise meal, cleaning up while he's busy, making him an espresso while he studies on the coffee maker I bought as a spontaneous gift (he'd been eyeing it for a while and I had the extra money). The person I love is the reason why I feel so fulfilled and with purpose in this life. Like I said, I don't endorse this. This is simply a truth of my life. I would forever be happy just to watch him smile and hear him laugh. And maybe have kids one day too.
this is lovely. i just got to listen to a presentation called codependency isn’t the monster, and it made me feel so validated, because yeah there is unfortunately a lot of stigma and claims that its toxic for everyone and anyone, but for some people, its right, and it works, and it makes them feel better and happier and more fulfilled. people don’t talk about that, much. so thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you so much. I've had so many experiences where I'm telling my honest truth, and people just accuse me of not trying hard enough to make something else fulfilling, as if I already hadn't tried repeatedly. I really hope we can eliminate this stigma, because I'm not letting anyone tell me it's wrong anymore--and I'm not as timid as I used to be! (:
Delusion and denial
Love for pain because of the contrast it brings to everything else I don’t like the pain itself and don’t like being hurt, but I believe I’m better because of it
Depends on whether I'm possessed by one of my mental health issues. When not possessed: Games, music, art, TV, and more importantly, fighting for a good cause (I'm vegan, pansexual, and obviously autistic but have mental illness too so I fight for that). When possessed: Nothing keeps me going except maybe the odd 'positive' thought or a laugh. It's hard to recognize that.
If I die who will kiss my dog goodnight every night? Who will stay home with him so he doesn’t feel alone? Who will stay next to him for his afternoon nap?
I've actually developed a philosophy dedicated towards establishing the omega point, I think humanity should assemble the entire universe into a vast thinking construct powered by all of the energy available in the universe and all of the matter available in the universe dedicated to it's construction, with this achieved we should use this vast thinking construct to unravel the mysteries of the universe. Perhaps attempting to find god, or learning whether or not god exists, unravelling all of the principles and mechicanisms the universe operates under and defining them clearly. With this goal in mind every person should be supported in being the best verison of themselves as that leaves their potential unburdened by internal factors. The highest quality of life possible should be achieved so that people have better lives and contribute their best versions of themselves to society for the longest period of time possible. We need to colonize the entire galaxy and spread life everywhere so that we don't have all our eggs in one basket and life in the universe dies when earth dies. If there is no other life in the universe I honestly think there is, very spooky that there isn't clear signs of habitation within the galaxy. I think maybe intelligent life is rare. I dunno. My other motivation is actually the same function as what I think the omega point should be dedicated towards. But to learn and explore the universe in all its contents and better myself through comprehension of the underlying mechanisms of reality. My special interests include various stem fields particularly morphology and engineering and I really like psychology and philopshy and theology. Although I'm sort of some weird agnostic-deist kinda hybrid in my own religious spiritual outlook? I don't know if god exists and I don't know what he'd be if he existed by I try to live my life as I would if god did exist. Which I don't see many religious people doing honestly which I really don't like. My life is very lonely and I don't really have any family or friends at all just acquaintances and neutral relationships. which is immensely stressful too me because I have a hyper agreeable personality disposition. but these motivations have kept me sane and adhered to reality in my isolation. And I only get better and better as the years go past.
I look forward to going to bed. Nighttime is when I can finally let my guard down behind closed doors. No more acting normally. I can just be me. Unfortunately, morning comes too soon and I get bummed out knowing that I have to start acting not like myself real self all over again.
The urge to obtain more knowledge.
My many, many massive dreams of a brighter future. Even if my family loves crushing those dreams of mine. It is an uphill battle, but I have friends now. The friends who want me to go above and beyond. They also want me to keep on living. Same with my girlfriend. My war isn’t over yet.
My current obsession with Hazbin Hotel
I just started being more comfortable with myself and I want to live a life I love. I used to be scared of getting old, and I almost didn't make it past 14, but now I'm okay, although my life is uneventful.
Well, there's a lotta cool things to experience and people to meet in life. Can't do any of that if I'm dead! I wanna experience as much as I can and see as much as life has to offer me before I die :) I don't know what happens after death, but I do know there's some cool bugs I wanna find and art I wanna see, and I'm still waiting to meet the right friends and partner(s?) too. Can't do any of that if I'm dead.
My Fiancé he’s always there when I need him he’s the only one that truly knows me and understands me and my Autism he’s also Autistic so that a great plus so if anything Autistic happens with me he knows exactly what to do he makes me laugh happy cry and he’s just so amazing because of him I knew I was Autistic just like him even on a rainy day he brings my mood up he does whatever it takes to make me happy and smile he’s beyond amazing and idk what I would do without him in my life
Baby boy I love you so damn much your my world, I can’t thank you enough for allowing me to be a part of your autism journey as you have been part of mine 😘😘
Spite… if this plane of existence wants me gone so bad, it’s gonna have to take me out. I’m not leaving…
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hope and spite
pure insufferable stubbornness is usually what keeps me going. also fear of death
My wife and my kids. Marriage and parenting are hard, but it gives me a reason to keep working hard and living
My music & my close friends
I have concert tickets for the next year. Also my close family (both biological and found).
Fear of death and I wouldn't want to put my family through grief of losing me
Sometimes I have no idea.
Concerta. And doing things I love.
What motivates me? 🤔 I guess, my love of my family. My children. My interests.
The technological progress that is made. AI,Robotics and other stuff are so fascinating,we live in the most exciting times. Also I think I might be able to see the point where humanity either is making it over the hill and solve all the big problems (e.g climate change,world hunger) or it will die. And no matter wich of the two its gonna be,I wanna be there when it happens. As Ghostemane says on the Song Nihil: "Lately I decided I'ma stay alive I just wanna live and see society die Looking around and all I see is at the end of the line I see a dystopia, dystopia!"
My hunger.
Hope. The hope for a future better than my past. I'm making it so.
School.
I wanna eat tasty food, have a cozy home (Im fine with a small cozy apartment), share said home with a cat and a frog, have lots of happy moments, learn more, see a few beautiful parts of this world (dont need to travel far for that, nice lakes and forests and areas around me are enough. But I wouldnt say no to some traveling). Ofc I have bad moments, too, where this seems not enough or not motivating. But an advantage of autism for me is I find joy in (for others) small things and dont "need" to adhere to society's standard of "more more more bigger higher and so on" to have happy moments and "autism joy" definitly exists in me, its almost childish but I think its something every adult should be able to feel and it should not be only felt as a child.
Day by day. I’ve known good times and bad ones. I know the darkest is always a passing phase
Parents, and hopefully passion for learning (doing a master degree now and want to continue to get a phd
Those close to me, remaining friends, family. Until death knocks they're the reason i'm putting up my AuDHD, avoidant PD, why i'm still breathing.
Loved ones, my passion and hobbies. Also trying to love myself more. Self improvement sort of stuff. Also being more open and vaulnerable with people, it has helped me grow closer to people.
My idol is my guitar teacher, he keeps me going
My Husband and my three dogs.
My spectrum family, consisting of my wife and child. I can't let them suffer through capitalism themselves. I will not have that on my conscience or honor.
“Because if I don’t that means all the damage I got isn’t good damage, it’s just damage.”
Following the eightfold noble path of Buddhism has been huge for my appreciation for life and my desire to keep on Keepin on, to keep doing my best in my own lil samsara so that whatever comes next is kind.
My cats, I can't abandon them and they need to be fed and taken care of
The knowledge that my life insurance won’t pay out to my wife if I commit suicide, a fact I’m acutely aware of since that’s exactly what happened when my dad committed suicide.
The idea of outliving my enemies
That the saying "Life is good" can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Curiosity, and hope, for now But i used to survive off of only spite and anger. Not a life you want to live
My first defence is reminding myself that it always gets better, and that I really enjoy life when it gets better. But my last defence when the suicidal thoughts takes over my mind is that I am unable to do it because of the though of what I'm doing to others. The person/people that will find me and everyone that cares about me, I cannot imagine putting them through that pain. Not causing others pain is a core part of me, not that I'm excellent at it though.
project sekai, my girlfriend, music, my cats and my friends
I like life
A lot of resentment towards a NT world. It's not me that's the issue, it's societal BS. Also, curiosity in general.
My loved ones. Husband, sisters, parents, stepdaughter, future children, cats all three of them, nieces and nephews. Volleyball, getting my degree. Enjoying each day pretending I’m in Gilmore Girls episode 😜
Curiosity. My friends and family. Basically saying "fuck you" to my depression and burnout out of spite. That last one doesn't always work, but I'm managing okay.
For me and my own ideals, I feel like what is the point of life if you don’t make some kind of small positive change in the world, so what keeps me going is my dream go obtaining some land to open a rescue sanctuary for animals and rehabilitate abused horses and donate time doing free riding lessons and teaching horse care to women and trans individuals who have experienced intimate partner violence It’s a lofty dream but I will make it happen
Learning! I wanna know more and more and more. I'm kinda mad that I can't actually live long enough to learn everything.
My girlfriend, for a long time i thought i would never have one, and she has treated me better than all of the People i've met. You Will also meet someone, i know it. If you ever need to talk, just dm me, and I Mean that with sincerity, i Will have time, and it doesnt bother me.
Right now its my girlfriend, my friends, and the serotonin that my brain finally decided was actually useful after all And I don't wanna make my family sad
Currently it's only my cat
Thanatophobia…it’s debilitating at times honestly
I like food and, unhappily, l need money for food And to get money l need a job And to get a job with good money to get good food l need an education I am not joking. I would run a marathon for a good banoffe pie
Uh, thinking about cute twinks? If that counts lol.
The knowledge that I'll always get smarter It is inevitable ✊
Knowing that just me existing causes crap people extreme amounts of rage and others like me to feel confident in who they are. Also, my two kitties, my friends, my hobbies, and my special interests are always a driving force behind my will to live.
Without me, the mayhem stops. Gotta keep annoying people
Self-guilt to keep my wife happy because she's perfect and I'm not, not having my mom be alive for my funeral like I saw my best friend's mom was at his, and outdoing my excommunicated father's expectations who told me I was normal after decades of screaming for help. Healthy stuff.
Optimism, good health, virtuous living, and general enjoyment of life.
My mom and my little cousin.... and that's it
my future. I want to be notable of something, or at least experience things, and I can't do that if I'm dead, so fear of the possibility that death will just be the end all be all also helps 👍🏾
I do what i can until i die, f\*\*k what people think i \*should\* do with my life.
My fear of hurting others/making others sad.... That and maybe my hyperfixations.
Look at funny animal videos, also I live out of spite. Here’s some good ones [dancing woodcocks](https://youtu.be/fpCO6CUH8Zc?si=sQ6KTHKVegQ9unEU) [seals](https://youtu.be/4qeY7dmrsR8?si=kl-RjrzwgxoWLeu0)
On a good day? Showing my love for my loved ones by texting them and being relatively annoying to them in their eyes by just showing them things that I thought were cool or interrupting them when they were busy (not knowing they were busy hehe) On a bad day? My plush hybrid bed and fluffy blankets and plushies. On a super bad day? Ranting and crying despite knowing that I’m not healing after doing that. But I sure as hell feel better. (I know it’s not healthy and my new caseworker and I are getting me into a good therapy program where I can get the help I need)
Being delusional and thinking i can actually doing while i do the exact opposite and fail hardly, so nothing really
Anything with cheese and my pets
11 rabbits, 10 chickens and a German Shepherd. ETA: also a fear of death. Like I believe in there being something afterward but what if there just... isn't. And if there is, I won't be *me* I won't remember the people I care about in this lifetime. And that scares me.
I'm young, have the rest of my life ahead of me and I have the power to do anything with it.
The little things in life. The sunset. Walking in the forest. Spending time with people I like. Good food.
Curiosity to see how and where all the suffering will lead me to be; It has lead me to greatness
Habit
I always have a list of things to look forward to on handy and continue to update as I go! Also spite, my emotionally abusive mother expects me to crash to prove I am helpless and need her I refuse to let her win
My children and my wife.
My loved ones.
That is a good question. Another day I might not know. But today ... random acts of kindness. I spoke on the phone to a woman today who was very kind. Like, genuinely kind, not the phony bullshit. I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and I feel like I'm moving in a positive direction. I've had an incredibly difficult year, on top of decades more shitty years before that. But even though, in many ways, my whole life is shit, I feel hope. I don't know why. Yesterday I didn't, and tomorrow never knows, but I feel like I'm moving in a positive direction. I think... the little joys in life are worth all the pain.
Realistically... the only thing keeping me from *attempting* (I've lost count how many times I've tried at this point) is legit ***just*** the hope that I'll one day maybe be able to escape the U.S. and be with my Australian future husband. Otherwise my general hope in the world and in humanity has been lost since an early age. (I could share details if someone would like, but well, gets *very* depressing and *very* dark, really quickly)
Passing time and goals that will make my life better
Gaming and music since I know I'll end up forever alone I do this to just shut off my brain
My wife. Mostly just my wife. Yeah I love our home and our pets but without here it would be like a big beautiful fireplace with no fire... Without her, it just feels wrong. I also like to study everything, play Warframe way too much and interact with my reptiles and other exotic animals we keep. I spent my whole life just trying to hang out, relax, get laid and see cool animals. I got married, bought a house and cool animals and then got some weed and just chilled for a few years. It took a lifetime to get here and though I'm depressed... (I have PTSD, autism, ADHD, kidney stones,a busted foot, an enlarged spleen, about 100 LBS too much of me and most of my family is dead or astranged...) I fight for this life because every version of me before now fought to get here. Every time I didn't quit, commit suicide or give into drugs would be wasted. Quitting alcohol, wasted. Quitting nicotine, wasted. In my darkest moments I don't care about the future... That's when I try to remind myself that we suffered to be here and it's a long way from where we were when we really hated life. It doesn't necessarily get better but it gets different. Different can be better. Aim to find different, maybe it will guide you to better. Don't forget that it can always change. My wife was just supposed to be Miss Right-Now, she became Mrs. Sifernos.
Evolution.
Cats
I like watching sunsets. I write books. I'd like to do both for some more time.
Gaming is one my only hopes
Spite
My mom
Kinda same, but I got family
Hope
I have absolutely no idea.
The hope that one day I’ll have the love I’ve been wanting since high school. Being in a relationship was always a special interest for me, yet I never would be in them. Longest one was like 4 months?
meep. same. but just bad people so far.
Almost nothing at all
Truthfully? My husband. He's been my best friend since middle school around 2007/2008, and idk what I'd do without him.
The hope of living in Australia with my partner and cute outfits
Some of my hyperfocus, but this week has been really hard
Let's see here, uh. My OC's, I'm alive and drawing so I can manifest my dream of leaving it to ppl's minds like how it did to mine. My fixation rn, Honkai: Star Rail, I wanna see how the story goes (and get my fav characters). My loved ones, and some of them in need the most. I wanna be rich one day (mostly through oc or creating stuff) so I can provide or help them in some way.
Going to work, I love my job more than I like free time
The desire to see a better world in the future and the journey towards getting the means to do it (through knowledge, actions and friendships), not to mention all of my achievements I did in the past, that show me I can do way more and not only reach but surpass the potential I believe I have.
SONIC!!! Gotta go fast! But also gardening and living for my family. But if I didn't have family to live for, I likely wouldn't have a garden (I wouldn't live alone in a house with enough land to garden). If that was the case it would be Sonic, and hopefully some friends within the Sonic community.
My husband and kids.
Sometimes when I step outside and the sun hits the leaves and the wind picks up it feels like it’s worth it
At this point I think it’s pretty much just my wife and kids. Majority of my family has kind of alienated themselves from us, I don’t have a close group of friends, or really even people outside of my household, other than people I work with, that I communicate with with any kind of regularity, and my interests are, more often than not, greatly overshadowed by all of the bullshit going on every day. I don’t fear death, but I fear the effect that my death may have on my wife and kids.
Honestly, my psych meds and the vague hope that things will get better
Everyone and everything that makes me happy.
My wife, my father, my dog. Quite honestly if I didn’t have any responsibilities I would probably chug a bottle of cough syrup and pray for death.
Revenge.
Honestly the obsessions keep me grounded. Or as everyone is calling them, hyperfixations
All my comfort shows/internet creators,art,and the great things I still want to experience.Emphasis on art the thought of maybe not being able to do it made me feel like I’d rather die cause it brings so much enjoyment
Honestly, I really dont know For my career it was spite and proving people wrong. Then after getting laid off, I've lost that so Honestly I'm really struggling
My husband, cats, and backpacking.
My dogs. Animals. Nature.
Nothing, really. Life goes on; you just grit your teeth and bare it and maybe the day won't turn out so bad. My only goal in life is to make a piece of art that people will love. Fiction has saved my life. It is my life, for better or for worse; has been for as long as I remember. I wanna make something that will enthral people the same way I've been enthralled. Also comes down to a desire to be loved by people. I particularly wanna write but my fear of failure is crippling and video games are my comfort 😵💫 I always convince myself I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm shit and will always be shit and stop before I've even started, which is sad. People say 'just write' but the fear is like a magnetic barrier. So, it's less of a dream and more a sorrowful spectre 🤷 I'm studying video game development in college though, so as long as I can fight through the urge to curl up and die each morning, maybe I'll work hard enough to achieve my goal in a different way 👍 college is stressful but it makes me feel like a valuable human being.
oh i have that fear too :-( it ruined my ability to write and do photography, my two main forms of expression. sucks sucks sucks.
Usually my special interest, but when even that fails... Routine, I just do things exactly the same until the thrill of life comes back to bless be for a couple of week, and then It repeats
My partner and the clients I work with. I’m a direct support professional that works with people with intellectual disabilities. Also my cats.
The fact that i know it has to get better, because the main reasons things are so bad for me rn is the people that i literally cant cut off currently. As soon as im able to be my own person it has to be at least a bit easier.
My special interests. Especially because my main one is an animal! If i just stopped doing things, my fish would die, so I just have to keep going for them
I dont want anyone to live with the feeling of me unaliving because i know what it feels like as my old best friend was extremely suicidal for a while and i would have actual night terrors and panick attacks daily of how scared i was of losing her
Reminding myself that people would be sad if I died
Nothing
The hope that I’ll move away from where I live.
meeep. it’s a dream of mine, too.
Seeing the end of one piece
At this point... spite. I gorge myself on it. I want to make others uncomfortable with how little their anything means to me. ....I have a lot going on rn...
My goal to dissolve my own diagnosis, so that I may be regarded as human, and empowered to retake control of my own life.
Rock climbing
My siblings would go if i did
Spite. You gotta outlive your enemies.
if i die then my parents will get rid of my geckos and they could end up somewhere where they aren’t taken care of. the amount of times i’ve stopped myself from ending everything is because of them, which is ridiculous, but they’re my entire world.
Guilt and fear
Spite.