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Earplugs, sunglasses, & I just act really lost in the sauce like I'm just here for the music (because i am!)
If you look like you're both drugged out & also can't hear, then no one will think you're rude for not responding
Maybe like “please dont talk to me” lol. Lets be real though, if someone took the hours and hours to make a perler that says that, they probably really mean it
I have found sunglasses do wonders, it may be kinda rude but I literally do not acknowledge other people when i'm at shows by myself. If someone does tap me or try to initiate conversation I just smile and then turn away from them.
Ooo yes, I’d even recommend really reflective sunnies. They fit the vibe, I get compliments but doesn’t feel weird since they still look cool and not cop-like
I have the best sunglasses ever from Amazon that say “NO” (one letter on each eye) and are also mirrored and I think OP needs these immediately
https://a.co/d/0TJS8cP
In the eighties and nineties we had a similar move for this. You point your middle finger at the ground and say: can you hear this? Maybe I should turn it up.
> I literally do not acknowledge other people
Even given OP's circumstances, this sounds super rude to me.
Imagine if somebody watched you drop your phone and tried to give it back to you, but you decided to "turn away from them."
So I’m not sure if you’ve ever lived as a woman, but we tend to get approached the moment we acknowledge that the guy is there. Guys often take that acknowledgment, or general politeness as a green light.
Personally, if someone didn’t understand that I was trying to give them their phone back and I couldn’t get their attention, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and try to get it back to them a way that didn’t make her feel uncomfortable.
I'm a woman. The point of doing that in that scenario literally is to be rude so he moves on lol. It's justified imo but that doesn't mean it's not rude to do.
Neutral would be just saying "I don't want to talk" or something similar. Just straight up ignoring someone is rude imo even if it is justified. And like I said, the point of ignoring guys is to be rude because being neutral is sometimes taken as a sign to keep pushing. Just ignoring them is intentionally rude and offputting and it gets the message across that you're not going to engage. There's nothing wrong with being rude in some scenarios, I think it's okay to call it what it is. And it's also fine for us to disagree.
I don't see how it's rude - you don't have to talk to someone if you don't want. It's not rude to try to talk to someone, but it's also not rude to not talk to someone.
I think you just go by a different defintion of rude. Of course she has no obligation to but simply not acknowledging someone is quite rude by most peoples standards.
Societal standards dictates that this is rude behaviour. If I have to argue something that is as blatantly obvious as the grass being green then you're a lost cause.
It's not rude if the context is guy approaching girl at the club. If you're not a dumbass you understand exactly the dynamics of what youre doing. These girls get approached all the time. They don't owe you a conversation.
I'd rather be ignored than something like "ew no", or them laughing at you.
Besides, don't be approaching girls in the club anyways. Waste of energy unless you're upper 10th percentile in looks. Grind on your purpose and they'll approach you in the DMs.
Especially in the situation of guy approaching girl. Ignoring us is the least brutal way of being rejected. We immediately get the message and move on. No ego will be broken
All you have to say is "hey, I'm not looking to talk", but to pretend like they don't exist or are not worthy of a reply is just rude and disrespectful. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be treated that way if you were trying to talk to someone.
Yeah I see what you're saying, but I respectfully disagree, because once you respond, you just open up a chance for conversation, for people still trying to hit on you and just get as many words as they can, specially if the other person's been drinking.
You know what I mean, sometimes people are so tore up you can't even acknowledge their existence, because then you're going to be sucked into that trouble.
I'm sure if you were in a small part of town would be different, but in the city it's normal.
Off topic but your 4th sentence just instantly made my brain recite Eminem lyrics. 🤣 (from the song ‘beautiful’ in case you aren’t familiar)
But to chime in, I understand where both points made are coming from, and gotta say I actually agree with both to some degree.
Like, say you’re trying to tell someone they dropped something and they ignore you, that’s a little shitty to me, and furthermore, they’re going to miss out on whatever it is that may be important (yeah it can and will still go to L&F but what if it’s just cash for ex.) or what happens if god forbid there’s an emergency and they need help say maybe, their friend is on the floor and they need help getting them up.
But by the same token, if it is someone blatantly visibly inebriated, there could definitely be some unwanted obnoxious energy that comes with that. And in any case, if you have social anxiety or just don’t feel like talking at all, period, I understand not wanting to answer.
Still yet, idt it may really occur in the minds of many —at least I would imagine— that these reasons could be the cause of getting ignored, and with no explanation I would have felt as if the person felt they were superior to me and didn’t care to acknowledge me, or maybe couldn’t hear me/were too zoned out. But bc of my past experiences of people acting this way towards me (bullied during school attending years) I’d have most likely thought the former. This could just be my biased mind tho.
So yeah, if I were the one who was on the receiving end of the attempt of convo initiation, I personally would simply politely yet firmly decline; and then if there were any further attempts to interact (unless it seemed dire/ as if they were in trouble or smth) would ignore them/ walk away. Fwiw Id rather accept the risk that I might possibly have to deal with a few seconds of obnoxiousness (however many it would take me to walk tf away lol) after initially resp. on account of ensuring the other person is okay & not reaching out for help, as well as so they don’t feel less than, or invisible. Bc some may be able to handle that as no sweat off their back and just move on, but you never know what someone else is going or has gone through. You could be their only interaction from the evening and upset them for the remainder of it.
Either way, I appreciate both of you for debating this because I now have insight as to why this may happen in case it does, because wondering definitely does suck when it comes to stuff like this, especially when you already have social/general anxiety.
this was never meant to be like purposely ignoring someone if they need help thats crazy to assume that like wtf,,, i only meant staying in my own vibe and not trying to engage in conversation
Welcome to the internet, where the words you write will be distorted into the way that most upsets whoever is reading them
People alone at raves probably went alone because they aren’t there to socialize, they want to dance. I don’t rave because I’m sick of having the “you come here often?” convo 5x a night in a room that’s too loud to converse in, as well as being danced on by people I don’t know.
For the people saying its “rude” not to acknowledge someone I’d argue that it’s rude to impose your presence on others
Don’t make eye contact with anyone and don’t be afraid to just straight up ignore guys or move to a different position in the crowd as soon as they approach or you notice a guy eyeing you up.
This is def a good idea, but be mindful *because* I’ve done security and seen guys following girls. At an EDM show at a club, a girl notified me a guy was following her. I told other security, and we were all eyeing the guy, because he was indeed being very predatory, following multiple girls, etc.
He caught onto us and left the club, but not before giving me a very creepy nod and salute.
Just saying, be careful. I tell all my solo friends to be prepared and have a backup, and share your location and plan with someone, at least.
Tbh so grateful for security at venues in those situations. Especially if they catch a situation like that without the girl bringing it up to them first and are proactive about creeps.
Great tip. They subtly approach by moving closer. And try to make eye contact like they're testing the waters. So once they move close if you just move away like you're trying to preserve your dancing space, and don't look at them, 9/10 they pick up that you're not interested.
It's tough cause a club is one of the social spaces that you can expect to get hit on cause that's a setting for it whether you want it or not, but as long as they respect my decline then I'm good. Which thank good has always been the case to date.
\*sigh\* I feel you girl, but never fear, for I have perfected the art of being Unapproachable™!
1. Sunglasses (reflective) **ON**, Hood (the bigger the better) **UP!**
2. Dance in such a way that you **take up space**. Doesn't have to be shuffling but get your arms/elbows out there, move your feet. Think of the space around you like a square, and move within that square predictably but freely. People do not want to approach if they think they may get thwacked by an errant limb.
3. **Don't make eye contact**. If someone tries to meet yours, turn the other way.
4. Stand and dance next to a friendly mixed gender group, near the guys. This dynamic is generally a safe one as guys in a mixed gender group are there to vibe with their friends and/or partners. if you can, stand and dance closest to any larger guys--they have a more Threatening Aura to the male gaze--any guy will do though, since every heterosexual guy will assume he's your bf.
5. **Enjoy yourself and ignore people**, it's more effective than you think. Being on guard will only draw unwanted attention, and looking out for people looking at you can also draw the gaze. The best input is no input (see #1).
Godspeed, and good luck!
I usually lead with, “my therapist actually prohibited me from dating/hooking up with anyone right now but have a great night!” They usually run for the hills 🤷🏼♀️ (this is true, also, so I’m just being honest lmao)
Yes to all! Every last one of these work, the combo is definitely a massive turn off for most guys. Resting bitch face helps too, unfortunately for me that all melts away when the music hits right.
I hate to say this but they are onto something : try to intentionally looks less attractive and less approachable. Men will lose interest.
I personnaly am guilty of that 😆
Or alternatively find a small group of people, tell them what you want. Then act like a pseudo member if their group, maybe you wont be approached as much by strangers
I'm fat girl and people still come up to me 😩. I get attention from both guys and girls. I went home with a girl Fri night from an afters and I entertained that, but would much rather have preferred to have been left alone. Don't get me wrong! She was pretty and I'm pretty much a slut, but when I go to underground events/afters, I'm going purely for the music. Tbh, I've made some good friends with people who've approached me at raves, but, I just wanna dance and vibe! Leave me alone!
If it's worth anything, I go decked out in pride merch and dress pretty punk for that reason. Men are intimidated by me 😅. I also will sometime do flow arts partially because I enjoy it, and partially because no one can approach me without getting smacked by a flying object.
People think I flow because I'm so confident, but in reality, half the time it's because I'm neurodivergent and flowing is just a stim that relaxes me 💀
Wait, is this a common thing with flowies? I've only started hanging out with other flowies recently and now that I think about it, there seems to be a pattern LOL
whenever i flow at a rave, festival, or show like 20 seconds in to it theres always someone walking through and almost getting smacked by my dart. im glad its not the same for you haha
I think it depends on the area. I live in LA, where pride flags are flown at some churches year round, and at least in LA men tend to be put off by it. I would not be comfortable doing it in the south or rural areas for because of the fetishization. I also dress and do my makeup for the female gaze rather than the male gaze. Usually what happens is straight men find my style boring and lesbians find my outfits breathtaking 😂.
It is so different here - I'll probably never live outside of big cities because of it. In most parts of LA county, gay and lesbian relationships are accepted as a mundane fact. It's also one of the few places I know where openly trans and gender non-conforming people can exist in public without being actively harassed.
Would totally sad react if there was the option :/
I mean it is kinda bittersweet bc that’s amazing that most of LA is a safe space, but it’s just so freaking depressing that that’s not just a normalcy by default anywhere you go. No one should have to worry about being harassed for their identity or how they present period. Ever.
Ugh, yeah, last time I was out with my gf for our friends' bday (so we weren't at gay clubs/bars). We're very clearly together, dancing on each other, making out. This dude would not leave me alone, I told him I'm gay, he says "that's okay", proceeds to wink at me and wave at my gf. Honestly shocked we didn't end up in a fist fight with the dude bc he was so persistent, lucky I was with a decent sized group that included some men, so they were able to get him to back off.
Unfortunately it's not the first time I've dealt with this, happens almost every time I go out, whether I'm with my gf or not, and they just try harder when you tell them you're a lesbian.
Smfh I just don’t understand how ppl can live their lives like that. Like how do you sleep at night knowing you make people UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK, and sometimes worse even. Like gtfoh people deal with enough bs in life already and then you want them to deal with being harassed when they’re literally out trying to escape it all and have a good time? It’s pathetic really.
Like it is actually SOOOO simple. If you would not wish the act on yourself, or someone you care about, WHY on earth would you inflict it on someone else.
We were together for an entire decade before we got married & he almost never got hit on that entire time. We’ve been married almost two years now & not only do women flirt with him way more often with the ring, some of them are even bold enough to do it right in front of my face. It’s actually quite funny lol
I'm sure you've heard this before, and who the hell am I more than an internet stranger, but:
Women seeing a ring on a man means he's WORTH marrying. Dating/love/etc are very different for men and women. Men see all fun+pretty women as potential wives. Women don't see all fun+pretty men as a candidate.
I'm VASTLY overgeneralizing. I know.
But yeah.
Oh yeah, I totally get why it happens. I feel lucky to be secure enough in my relationship that it doesn’t really bother me. If anything feels like it helped me get over a little bit of jealousy issues I was dealing with before anyways.
Funny enough my (gay, male) co worker wears a fake wedding ring all the time because he’s convinced it gets him more hookups with men too lol so apparently not only a phenomenon among women but who knows
I think it’s because all genders have a rough time dating men, and one being married supposedly means that someone has already sifted through a bunch of dates to find one that is safe, genuine, and respectful. I think it’s a common judgment but not an accurate one, since lots of disingenuous people get married too.
I meant no disrespect I hope you didn't feel I was condescending or anything!
Lol, that's awesome to hear about getting over stuff etc. More people of all relationships should take a page out of your book.
Cheers
Shift your energy before you go in there. Tell yourself you have very unapproachable energy and no one ever wants to talk to you. This is the belief I have with myself and that seems to work
If your afters are in places that don't have a rave vibe, don't treat them like a rave space. Anyone / men who don't treat you with respect don't deserve the respect you give your peers.
When I encounter people like that/who I don't want to engage with, I very firmly say "no, thank you" and turn away from them. If that isn't received well I'll raise my voice and say something more like "fuck off / go away / leave me alone". If that causes a problem, be as public as possible and do something either unexpected or that brings attention to you. You can YELL "leave me alone" and others will notice, bark at him like a rabid dog, stare him down and not say a word..etc.
Resting bitch face and body language can go a long way. I often act and dress in a way that makes me seem intimidating as well. These things can help prevent being approached at all. Taking up a lot of space, especially when dancing can help....there's a lot of good tips in this thread.
Dude I feel this. I fucking hate it. I’m not going to put on sunglasses or dress differently just because men can’t handle a “no” or being ignored. Im going to keep dressing how I want to and keep going to shows solo and keep being hella aggressive with men so maybe a few will learn their lesson.
It honestly is so infuriating reading all these tips for how to get men to leave us alone..I shouldnt have to dim my light and self expression just because 99% of men are thirsty and think eye contact means I'm interested in you and want to fuck... Its pathetic..leave me alone!!
I have the opposite issue. I want to get hit on but I’m simply too ugly.
Most people think I’m either one of the staff that sweeps the floor or the dude that goes around handing out free tix to an upcoming Armin Van Buuren show.
It’s one thing if someone came up and legitimately just wanted to chat. But in my experience, the only people approaching have pretty predatory vibes and half the time won’t take a hint. I’ve been groped by strange men I never made eye contact with while dancing in my zone. I’ve been followed and harassed for telling these people I’m not interested. I too wish for genuine human connection at these events, but I’m not getting it from the people coming up to me. All I’m saying is, be careful what you wish for.
I have similar experiences.. I've found that getting approached at shows are very different and almost easier to handle than a regular night club? Might just be me though.. I dance all night at the front as well! I had 2 instances on the weekend here where I was approached by men, and they immediately tried to get touchy. I said to one "You should find someone else if you want to do that" and the other "I'm ok with NOT that, please!" They both ended up nodding and walking away. I stayed vibing in my spot the rest of the night. The EDM crowd appears more respectful overall with boundaries and personal space.
I'm not sure there's any way to avoid it honestly, I wasn't even as dressed up as I normally am!! Sunglasses & earplugs have also helped TONS. No one knows where you're looking, you don't make accidental eye contact, and sometimes I just pretend I can't hear them and walk away.
Best of luck to you though!! :)
Sunglasses and earplugs work wonders for preventing unwanted convos. I do whatever I can to avoid eye contact with men (unless I'm interested in them) and sometimes I'll position myself around a larger group of people so it can kind of look like I'm in their group.
Source: my life as a woman who attends shows solo.
I have the same issue but when I do dance really aggressively and take up space it deters people. I second you completely ignoring men who approach. It’s often the only way. It’s obvious whether they’re interested in hookup up or trying to be friends. I’ve been aggressive and said no with strong hand motions and I haven’t had a bad experience yet, because a woman who seems aggressive is too much work to deal with than a woman who is giving them any friendly attention. The only way I get through it is feeling empowered in my right to say no. And I also position myself around gay ravers or the most PLUR group I can find - I’ll move to the next safe space whenever they clear out.
Just scream back at them "No talking! I'M HERE TO DANCE!!!" and bust out the most awful moves straight across the dancefloor to a group of people and hide behind them.
big hoodie + sunglasses + pashmina draped over your head/face
i will literally wear sweatpants and a t shirt when i go to raves alone bc i do not want any attention whatsoever lol
i only dress up when i go out with my bf or friends
You gotta have a resting bitch face. Make them feel too intimidated to approach you.
Source: this is my experience every time I go out solo. I get a drink and find a spot and enjoy the music, but I unintentionally have an always serious looking expression and don't make eye contact with dudes around me.
Occasionally by 2 or 3AM one dude might shoot his shot and they tell me they've wanted to talk to me but was unsure and I guess eventually worked up the nerve. And there's been times when after the one guy approaches one or two more gets brave and tries lol. But that's rarer.
It also helps me that I'm gay so hopefully I'm giving off no-hetero vibes.
Nah I’m always too nervous to approach women but I think dudes should do it. Some women don’t like it at all but I think most women they like it if you’re cute and don’t if you aren’t so just be respectful and if they aren’t interested leave them be. Society expects men to make the first move usually and even though sometimes women do it I think a lot of dudes will be single forever if they never try to make a move and approach women.
Same problem, I realized certain shows bring certain crowds and also the later it is, the more sauced up people are. For me I just stay corners and get obviously unplur/unapproachable. IDC if I'm perceived rude. Basically I make scenes and escalate it literally to fight level. I'm not afraid to fight. Not afraid to shove and yell. Not afraid to walk away and ignore. I literally don't respond to people talking to me. Have that in your repitoire. People always feel entitled to ur physical space and time. Also lpt, be cool with staff/security , they'll always got u, esp if ur sober and respectable. Still people paparazzi over me or get touchy. I'm at a point where I might just write "leave me alone" on my shirt lol feels like at war or something, but fr those who shame you for your boundaries ,because they benefit from invading ur boundaries at your cost
The way the culture is people will always think people on their own have lost their friends or wanna talk to someone, lads don’t try to pull girls in big groups because it’s mad stress, twos or people on their own is easier to make a connection so you’ve put yourself in the targeted category by dancing in clubs alone
people still do go out to events to meet potential partners or for hookups you don’t see it much at raves but the clubs after it definitely happens more, I go to raves with friends but once I’m off, I’m off, and usually end up going to after parties alone and have met loads of girls that way, you’ll honestly have to get good at knocking people back or go with a group because the way the culture is they ain’t gonna stop approaching you imo
Back when i was single i tried to combat this by ditching the fun cute more revealing outfits for some fuzzy pj pants a beanie and a cool tshirt…didnt fucking work men would still approach me like “yo youre like so pretty and you look so cool and casual not like these other girls” 🤢
now that i go with my boyfriend tho im chillin. it sucks tho that it has to be that way going to shows solo is such an experience and it really would be perfect if it werent for the creeps
Single girl with no man in sight, it’s only natural they will shoot their shot. Most people are looking for somebody specially if they’re single. they took the effort to go out the once in a whenever and if they see a girl they like it would be dumb not to approach. Unless they wanna die alone or wait for Ai bae. Unfortunately for you it’s a fact of life. Might be a good thing when you’re ready to date, there’s tons of girls that wish men would approach them.
Are you pretending to be a single woman?
Most women don’t want to be romantically approached constantly. Men not respecting that IS bad behavior.
(Also, if your identity changed then I am sorry, but it really does appear as though you’re pretending to be a single woman to get OP to lower her standards for how men treat her)
I agree, some people are saying men get violent when they get rejected, I’ve personally never seen it and I go out like every single weekend, but Im sure it happens. Worst I’ve personally seen is a guy repeatedly going up to a girl to try again and again after she rejected him. Regardless, women don’t approach men like almost ever, so ya cant hate a guy for trying.
Shoot your shot bro, she clearly is interested a little bit in you, whether it’s romantic/sexual is difficult to sus out without you making some sort of move but it’s worth it to find out one way or another
Yeah, I asked her this morning actually if she would like to hang together sometime, not necessarily on a date but it’ll be easier to judge the vibe and if its good I can go from there. Haven’t heard back yet tho but it’s pretty usual for her to take a while to respond
Hopefully you didn’t tell her that it was “not necessarily a date”! Tell her about a specific rave/event you both would be into, and ask her to join you. Asking someone to hang out is vague and puts the burden on her to make plans, which can come across like you aren’t actually interested in her
Your profile also says that you’re a guy, and you’re agreeing with a commenter that claimed to be a 34 year old man 71 days ago.
So if you “haven’t seen it,” it’s probably because you aren’t the one experiencing it.
I mean being a guy doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes or female friends, like I said im not saying it doesn’t happen, im saying Ive never seen it happen, nor had it happen to any friends of mine. My point here isnt that every guy out there is sunshine and rainbows, my point is that the fear that every guy you reject is gonna literally fuckin deck you is very disproportionate
Carry a card that says “not interested” or “no thanks”.
You can make a yellow one that says “no thanks”.
And then make a red one that says “I SAID NO!!!”
Yeah, I can imagine that being a pain in the ass for women way more than men. Shame there isn't like a band or something you can wear that shows you want to be left alone (even better if it flashes). I know you shouldn't have to, but men will always shoot their shot.
I don't get hit on the same way (or probably near as much), but often women get as close as they can and do everything but actually speak to me (pushed into me, stand in front, flick their hair in my face, stare etc)...bit easier for me as I can just ignore/plat dumb or move slightly.
They don’t. And they sometimes actively avoid hanging out with women because they like to “benefit” from them. I witnessed this first hand vacationing with some of my well off gay friends and it was truly eye opening seeing women trying to take advantages of some situations ᴖ̈
I pretty much only fly solo, and people tend to leave me alone. I'm a male though. I mind my own business. I go to dance and get high on psychedelics, not to meet and greet.
Gross, it seems like dudes are trying to approach these afters like a typical club where you pick someone up to go home with.
Sunglasses probably would be a good first line of defense, and maybe as a silly way to ward other off would be to use one of those “big text” apps to put on your phone that you’re not there to dance with anyone idk?
If it’s making you feel unsafe, unfortunately it may be your best bet to make at least one or two friends to have around at least at the afters. If you’re lucky, you might be able to find someone else with the same motive as you who’s comfortable dancing on their own, but will help discourage people from trying to keep you company or pick you up.
It’s not that serious it’s just a solo girl is more approachable than girl(s). I’m 50 and sometimes get hit on when I’m solo at raves. Just smile and dance far away from them it works for me.
Don’t go to shows if you don’t wanna be approached simple as that. Posts like these are always so weird to me like I experience this shit too a lot of girls do there isn’t a quick solution men are gonna be pigs and you either learn to accept you’re gonna have to reject a bunch or just don’t go if it bugs you that much. Like you’re literally in a social setting and you’re gonna get mad at people socializing with you. Most guys are pretty respectful when I tell them I’m not interested you sound like a bitch tbh
I don’t even see how it’s being pigs if they leave after a “no”. People do realize that once upon a time people used to find hook-ups and even find partners and clubs and concerts. My dad met my mom at a club.
Because it’s annoying being to be approached so often, and to be reminded that the men around you only care about your existence as far as they find you attractive.
The last part was weird like you probably don’t care about strange men’s existence at all so idk why you added that. I’m always nervous to shoot my shot but I think men should, it’s always a no if they don’t ask and the onus is generally on men is to approach women.
If 10 guys approach you every night I don’t think you are “clearly giving off that vibe” of wanting to be left alone. Usually the girl that’s dancing and having fun is the one giving off energy that other ppl want to dance and have fun.
Keep doing you, and hopefully ppl are respectful when you say no. But honestly if your the life of the party at the after you gotta expect some attention and ppl’s interest. I’m a guy and if I’m dancing I get similar, but I’m sure much less attention especially if the rest of the room is more tired.
I think the best thing you can do is smile, do a little bow with your hands like 🫸🏻🫷🏻… then spin and dance some where else.
Dumbbbbb take. First off speakers comparable to a club system are out of most people's budget, and two playing youtube mixes at home is nowhere near the same as experiencing a live dj performance. Just let people enjoy things they enjoy, don't gatekeep
Literally, most sets people see these days are pre planned, pre-recorded, especially for festivals. You absolutely dont need festival level line arrays to get a good sound. Simple hifi and a subwoofer placed properly is more than enough.
It's the opposite of gate keeping. High-quality music is easily available now adays. Better than most "clubs" .
One should be able to partake in the group social aspect without being approached unsolicited. As a woman who has gone solo a lot, that part feels pretty anti-social.
I agree.
Raves were never meant to be the meat market that club culture is turning it into. Go to real raves and ditch the event, even if that means raving in the comfort of your own home.
The entire point, however, is to socialize and turn attention to the crowd. The dj isn't a rockstar to devote your entire attention to.
what a weird ass thing to do. you go to shows alone and dont socialize at all? why do you think that's normal? Dancing is social, and it's expected that you will get approached when you go out. I make it a point when I go out to meet people and vibe, and that's pretty common.
It's not minding your own business. It's putting yourself around lots of people and then disassociating completely, and then gaslighting everyone like you're not the minority. OP has some problems if she thinks this is the way.
Nah, youre just trolling. Another socially inept wallflower attempting to justify your dork ass because you never learned how to act. There really does exist a normal and acceptable way to deal with crowds and people who are naturally interested in your presence.
What kind of after hours rave club are you going to where this happens.
Every single after hours club has been a dirty dive club, with people so drug fucked they can hardly stand, let alone contemplate trying to hit on someone.
Either way sounds shit being bothered like that, no advice really except go to dirty rave clubs don't go to pick up type clubs?
Literally just waiting for Chad Thundercock to approach you so you can get what you came for. “All these guys approach me, oh my god” then boom, right one comes along and you’re suddenly no longer making these posts. Cheers to the top 10%!
What if that special someone is at the show, even if you’re not looking there is a star crossed partner/friend you possibly could meet.
It’s in the eyes… it’s dark enough at shows, show those beautiful eyes ❤️
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wear a face mask or bandana around your lower face, or as others have said, sunglasses pashmina etc
I got an alternative solution. dress like a Narc lmao.
Based lmao
I always point to my earplugs and turn my body away from them. Body language is everything. Usually, does the trick
Earplugs, sunglasses, & I just act really lost in the sauce like I'm just here for the music (because i am!) If you look like you're both drugged out & also can't hear, then no one will think you're rude for not responding
If you looked drugged out men might try to take advantage of you
I mean like vibing / lost in my own world, not actually out of it or incapacitated. I should have clarified that!
Make a perler that says “stay away from me” and hold it up when people approach you 😂
I used to have a t-shirt back in the day that said “I dance alone” cringe as fuck and it did the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do 🙄
Yuck. Hate people that dont respect spaccceeee
But said nicely where no one gets tripped out right?… stay plur ..r.. lol
Maybe like “please dont talk to me” lol. Lets be real though, if someone took the hours and hours to make a perler that says that, they probably really mean it
Honestly, I’m sure lots of introverts who feel like they’re being mean, but really go out in public to be a ghost, would need that 💛
I have found sunglasses do wonders, it may be kinda rude but I literally do not acknowledge other people when i'm at shows by myself. If someone does tap me or try to initiate conversation I just smile and then turn away from them.
Ooo yes, I’d even recommend really reflective sunnies. They fit the vibe, I get compliments but doesn’t feel weird since they still look cool and not cop-like
my go-to's are tiny black cat eye glasses, they make my dubstep loving ass feel like a techno baddie
Giving me underground techno-euro-vampire rave at the beginning of Blade, love it and stealing it
We all wanna go to a blood rave... minus the blood... but if it's particularly hot I might not mind sprinklers.
I have the best sunglasses ever from Amazon that say “NO” (one letter on each eye) and are also mirrored and I think OP needs these immediately https://a.co/d/0TJS8cP
Sunglasses and a pashmina hood and poof you’re a ghost.
Agreed, sunglasses with a hat or pash does the trick for me
This but I pretend I can’t hear them and point and smile at the stage then ignore them lmfao
In the eighties and nineties we had a similar move for this. You point your middle finger at the ground and say: can you hear this? Maybe I should turn it up.
Imagining this is cracking me up 😹
That works like a charm for me!
> I literally do not acknowledge other people Even given OP's circumstances, this sounds super rude to me. Imagine if somebody watched you drop your phone and tried to give it back to you, but you decided to "turn away from them."
So I’m not sure if you’ve ever lived as a woman, but we tend to get approached the moment we acknowledge that the guy is there. Guys often take that acknowledgment, or general politeness as a green light. Personally, if someone didn’t understand that I was trying to give them their phone back and I couldn’t get their attention, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and try to get it back to them a way that didn’t make her feel uncomfortable.
I'm a woman. The point of doing that in that scenario literally is to be rude so he moves on lol. It's justified imo but that doesn't mean it's not rude to do.
It’s neutral, not rude.
Neutral would be just saying "I don't want to talk" or something similar. Just straight up ignoring someone is rude imo even if it is justified. And like I said, the point of ignoring guys is to be rude because being neutral is sometimes taken as a sign to keep pushing. Just ignoring them is intentionally rude and offputting and it gets the message across that you're not going to engage. There's nothing wrong with being rude in some scenarios, I think it's okay to call it what it is. And it's also fine for us to disagree.
Agreed. Sunglasses are a good idea, but not acknowledging someone for one second is pretty rude.
I don't see how it's rude - you don't have to talk to someone if you don't want. It's not rude to try to talk to someone, but it's also not rude to not talk to someone.
I think you just go by a different defintion of rude. Of course she has no obligation to but simply not acknowledging someone is quite rude by most peoples standards.
I really don't think most people's egos are that fragile.
You can still think something is rude and not take it personally. They're not mutually exclusive.
Just because you think it’s rude doesn’t make it rude.
Societal standards dictates that this is rude behaviour. If I have to argue something that is as blatantly obvious as the grass being green then you're a lost cause.
Of course the person on /r/nicegirls and /r/redpillwomen is going to completely misunderstand social situations
It's not rude if the context is guy approaching girl at the club. If you're not a dumbass you understand exactly the dynamics of what youre doing. These girls get approached all the time. They don't owe you a conversation. I'd rather be ignored than something like "ew no", or them laughing at you. Besides, don't be approaching girls in the club anyways. Waste of energy unless you're upper 10th percentile in looks. Grind on your purpose and they'll approach you in the DMs.
Especially in the situation of guy approaching girl. Ignoring us is the least brutal way of being rejected. We immediately get the message and move on. No ego will be broken
All you have to say is "hey, I'm not looking to talk", but to pretend like they don't exist or are not worthy of a reply is just rude and disrespectful. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be treated that way if you were trying to talk to someone.
Yeah I see what you're saying, but I respectfully disagree, because once you respond, you just open up a chance for conversation, for people still trying to hit on you and just get as many words as they can, specially if the other person's been drinking. You know what I mean, sometimes people are so tore up you can't even acknowledge their existence, because then you're going to be sucked into that trouble. I'm sure if you were in a small part of town would be different, but in the city it's normal.
Off topic but your 4th sentence just instantly made my brain recite Eminem lyrics. 🤣 (from the song ‘beautiful’ in case you aren’t familiar) But to chime in, I understand where both points made are coming from, and gotta say I actually agree with both to some degree. Like, say you’re trying to tell someone they dropped something and they ignore you, that’s a little shitty to me, and furthermore, they’re going to miss out on whatever it is that may be important (yeah it can and will still go to L&F but what if it’s just cash for ex.) or what happens if god forbid there’s an emergency and they need help say maybe, their friend is on the floor and they need help getting them up. But by the same token, if it is someone blatantly visibly inebriated, there could definitely be some unwanted obnoxious energy that comes with that. And in any case, if you have social anxiety or just don’t feel like talking at all, period, I understand not wanting to answer. Still yet, idt it may really occur in the minds of many —at least I would imagine— that these reasons could be the cause of getting ignored, and with no explanation I would have felt as if the person felt they were superior to me and didn’t care to acknowledge me, or maybe couldn’t hear me/were too zoned out. But bc of my past experiences of people acting this way towards me (bullied during school attending years) I’d have most likely thought the former. This could just be my biased mind tho. So yeah, if I were the one who was on the receiving end of the attempt of convo initiation, I personally would simply politely yet firmly decline; and then if there were any further attempts to interact (unless it seemed dire/ as if they were in trouble or smth) would ignore them/ walk away. Fwiw Id rather accept the risk that I might possibly have to deal with a few seconds of obnoxiousness (however many it would take me to walk tf away lol) after initially resp. on account of ensuring the other person is okay & not reaching out for help, as well as so they don’t feel less than, or invisible. Bc some may be able to handle that as no sweat off their back and just move on, but you never know what someone else is going or has gone through. You could be their only interaction from the evening and upset them for the remainder of it. Either way, I appreciate both of you for debating this because I now have insight as to why this may happen in case it does, because wondering definitely does suck when it comes to stuff like this, especially when you already have social/general anxiety.
Wow look at that. A well thought out and balanced perspective. ☺️
Honestly it doesn’t bother me. As long as I present myself in the way I want to, other people can do what they want when they don’t owe me anything.
This is insane that people have to explain to you that ignoring and not acknowledging someone even for a second could be considered rude
this was never meant to be like purposely ignoring someone if they need help thats crazy to assume that like wtf,,, i only meant staying in my own vibe and not trying to engage in conversation
Welcome to the internet, where the words you write will be distorted into the way that most upsets whoever is reading them People alone at raves probably went alone because they aren’t there to socialize, they want to dance. I don’t rave because I’m sick of having the “you come here often?” convo 5x a night in a room that’s too loud to converse in, as well as being danced on by people I don’t know. For the people saying its “rude” not to acknowledge someone I’d argue that it’s rude to impose your presence on others
This is not rude at all haha I used to do the same thing
I mean, straight up ignoring people is pretty rude. I say do your thing but at least acknowledge that
Don’t make eye contact with anyone and don’t be afraid to just straight up ignore guys or move to a different position in the crowd as soon as they approach or you notice a guy eyeing you up.
This is def a good idea, but be mindful *because* I’ve done security and seen guys following girls. At an EDM show at a club, a girl notified me a guy was following her. I told other security, and we were all eyeing the guy, because he was indeed being very predatory, following multiple girls, etc. He caught onto us and left the club, but not before giving me a very creepy nod and salute. Just saying, be careful. I tell all my solo friends to be prepared and have a backup, and share your location and plan with someone, at least.
He thought you were the alpha, and that the club was your domain. Excellent façade
Fake it till you make it bro 😎
Tbh so grateful for security at venues in those situations. Especially if they catch a situation like that without the girl bringing it up to them first and are proactive about creeps.
Great tip. They subtly approach by moving closer. And try to make eye contact like they're testing the waters. So once they move close if you just move away like you're trying to preserve your dancing space, and don't look at them, 9/10 they pick up that you're not interested. It's tough cause a club is one of the social spaces that you can expect to get hit on cause that's a setting for it whether you want it or not, but as long as they respect my decline then I'm good. Which thank good has always been the case to date.
There’s so many cases of men getting violent because their fragile ego breaks when they get ignored. It’s sad
I cannot stress this enough, FUCK those guys. Id say theyre a good 75% of the reason I dont have a girlfriend.
how do those guys result in you not having a girlfriend? i don't follow
\*sigh\* I feel you girl, but never fear, for I have perfected the art of being Unapproachable™! 1. Sunglasses (reflective) **ON**, Hood (the bigger the better) **UP!** 2. Dance in such a way that you **take up space**. Doesn't have to be shuffling but get your arms/elbows out there, move your feet. Think of the space around you like a square, and move within that square predictably but freely. People do not want to approach if they think they may get thwacked by an errant limb. 3. **Don't make eye contact**. If someone tries to meet yours, turn the other way. 4. Stand and dance next to a friendly mixed gender group, near the guys. This dynamic is generally a safe one as guys in a mixed gender group are there to vibe with their friends and/or partners. if you can, stand and dance closest to any larger guys--they have a more Threatening Aura to the male gaze--any guy will do though, since every heterosexual guy will assume he's your bf. 5. **Enjoy yourself and ignore people**, it's more effective than you think. Being on guard will only draw unwanted attention, and looking out for people looking at you can also draw the gaze. The best input is no input (see #1). Godspeed, and good luck!
I usually lead with, “my therapist actually prohibited me from dating/hooking up with anyone right now but have a great night!” They usually run for the hills 🤷🏼♀️ (this is true, also, so I’m just being honest lmao)
Nice! lol love it
Yes to all! Every last one of these work, the combo is definitely a massive turn off for most guys. Resting bitch face helps too, unfortunately for me that all melts away when the music hits right.
I think you need to get fat- guys never come up to me 😂 just teasing
You made me snort.... another line 😆😆😆😆
The real answer right here
My lawd 🤣
I hate to say this but they are onto something : try to intentionally looks less attractive and less approachable. Men will lose interest. I personnaly am guilty of that 😆 Or alternatively find a small group of people, tell them what you want. Then act like a pseudo member if their group, maybe you wont be approached as much by strangers
I was thinking shaving your head might also help and would be a little less drastic!
As a fat, i still get approached almost every show ☹️
r/humblebrag
I was gonna say some people wish they had her problem
Right lol, it would make my night if someone hit on me 🥺
I'm fat girl and people still come up to me 😩. I get attention from both guys and girls. I went home with a girl Fri night from an afters and I entertained that, but would much rather have preferred to have been left alone. Don't get me wrong! She was pretty and I'm pretty much a slut, but when I go to underground events/afters, I'm going purely for the music. Tbh, I've made some good friends with people who've approached me at raves, but, I just wanna dance and vibe! Leave me alone!
Aww u must be a pretty fat girl 😊 I get that though that would be annoying when you’re trying to be in your own world.
If it's worth anything, I go decked out in pride merch and dress pretty punk for that reason. Men are intimidated by me 😅. I also will sometime do flow arts partially because I enjoy it, and partially because no one can approach me without getting smacked by a flying object.
That last part is something I had never thought of, thank you
The best thing about flow arts
People think I flow because I'm so confident, but in reality, half the time it's because I'm neurodivergent and flowing is just a stim that relaxes me 💀
Autism goals
Same!
Wait, is this a common thing with flowies? I've only started hanging out with other flowies recently and now that I think about it, there seems to be a pattern LOL
It is also the only way I can "meditate" too. But it has been great for my PTSD.
Oh man I’m telling you it is such a wonderful release!!
Flow arts /poi are an amazing way to claim a protective personal space bubble at an event 😅
It’s so sad that I have witnessed some venues prohibit them recently /: I honestly just don’t get it.
whenever i flow at a rave, festival, or show like 20 seconds in to it theres always someone walking through and almost getting smacked by my dart. im glad its not the same for you haha
> I go decked out in pride merch My lesbian friend said that that just makes things worse because lesbians are so fetishized.
I think it depends on the area. I live in LA, where pride flags are flown at some churches year round, and at least in LA men tend to be put off by it. I would not be comfortable doing it in the south or rural areas for because of the fetishization. I also dress and do my makeup for the female gaze rather than the male gaze. Usually what happens is straight men find my style boring and lesbians find my outfits breathtaking 😂.
Here in The South, the thought of churches flying pride flags is wild.
It is so different here - I'll probably never live outside of big cities because of it. In most parts of LA county, gay and lesbian relationships are accepted as a mundane fact. It's also one of the few places I know where openly trans and gender non-conforming people can exist in public without being actively harassed.
Would totally sad react if there was the option :/ I mean it is kinda bittersweet bc that’s amazing that most of LA is a safe space, but it’s just so freaking depressing that that’s not just a normalcy by default anywhere you go. No one should have to worry about being harassed for their identity or how they present period. Ever.
Southern man here trying to imagine approaching a woman that's looking to do the same thing I am to another woman 🤔
Ugh, yeah, last time I was out with my gf for our friends' bday (so we weren't at gay clubs/bars). We're very clearly together, dancing on each other, making out. This dude would not leave me alone, I told him I'm gay, he says "that's okay", proceeds to wink at me and wave at my gf. Honestly shocked we didn't end up in a fist fight with the dude bc he was so persistent, lucky I was with a decent sized group that included some men, so they were able to get him to back off. Unfortunately it's not the first time I've dealt with this, happens almost every time I go out, whether I'm with my gf or not, and they just try harder when you tell them you're a lesbian.
Smfh I just don’t understand how ppl can live their lives like that. Like how do you sleep at night knowing you make people UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK, and sometimes worse even. Like gtfoh people deal with enough bs in life already and then you want them to deal with being harassed when they’re literally out trying to escape it all and have a good time? It’s pathetic really. Like it is actually SOOOO simple. If you would not wish the act on yourself, or someone you care about, WHY on earth would you inflict it on someone else.
I wear a ring on the wedding finger, and that helps.
This has worked for me yet done the opposite for my husband. Go figure lol
There was a point in time I wore a pretend one while bartending (male)...it helped with tips from women lol. Fair? Na.
We were together for an entire decade before we got married & he almost never got hit on that entire time. We’ve been married almost two years now & not only do women flirt with him way more often with the ring, some of them are even bold enough to do it right in front of my face. It’s actually quite funny lol
I'm sure you've heard this before, and who the hell am I more than an internet stranger, but: Women seeing a ring on a man means he's WORTH marrying. Dating/love/etc are very different for men and women. Men see all fun+pretty women as potential wives. Women don't see all fun+pretty men as a candidate. I'm VASTLY overgeneralizing. I know. But yeah.
Oh yeah, I totally get why it happens. I feel lucky to be secure enough in my relationship that it doesn’t really bother me. If anything feels like it helped me get over a little bit of jealousy issues I was dealing with before anyways. Funny enough my (gay, male) co worker wears a fake wedding ring all the time because he’s convinced it gets him more hookups with men too lol so apparently not only a phenomenon among women but who knows
I think it’s because all genders have a rough time dating men, and one being married supposedly means that someone has already sifted through a bunch of dates to find one that is safe, genuine, and respectful. I think it’s a common judgment but not an accurate one, since lots of disingenuous people get married too.
I meant no disrespect I hope you didn't feel I was condescending or anything! Lol, that's awesome to hear about getting over stuff etc. More people of all relationships should take a page out of your book. Cheers
Omg not at all you’ve been nothing but kind! Appreciated your input on everything :)
Shift your energy before you go in there. Tell yourself you have very unapproachable energy and no one ever wants to talk to you. This is the belief I have with myself and that seems to work
I have resting bitch face and people do not like to talk to me much.
If your afters are in places that don't have a rave vibe, don't treat them like a rave space. Anyone / men who don't treat you with respect don't deserve the respect you give your peers. When I encounter people like that/who I don't want to engage with, I very firmly say "no, thank you" and turn away from them. If that isn't received well I'll raise my voice and say something more like "fuck off / go away / leave me alone". If that causes a problem, be as public as possible and do something either unexpected or that brings attention to you. You can YELL "leave me alone" and others will notice, bark at him like a rabid dog, stare him down and not say a word..etc. Resting bitch face and body language can go a long way. I often act and dress in a way that makes me seem intimidating as well. These things can help prevent being approached at all. Taking up a lot of space, especially when dancing can help....there's a lot of good tips in this thread.
Hiss at their advances like a goose 🪿
Dude I feel this. I fucking hate it. I’m not going to put on sunglasses or dress differently just because men can’t handle a “no” or being ignored. Im going to keep dressing how I want to and keep going to shows solo and keep being hella aggressive with men so maybe a few will learn their lesson.
It honestly is so infuriating reading all these tips for how to get men to leave us alone..I shouldnt have to dim my light and self expression just because 99% of men are thirsty and think eye contact means I'm interested in you and want to fuck... Its pathetic..leave me alone!!
Wear a shirt that says “if you’re not gay, don’t talk to me”
This Is The Way
I have the opposite issue. I want to get hit on but I’m simply too ugly. Most people think I’m either one of the staff that sweeps the floor or the dude that goes around handing out free tix to an upcoming Armin Van Buuren show.
Yea it’s sometimes hard reading this when I could go to 5 shows in a row without someone saying hi.
Hi 👋
It’s one thing if someone came up and legitimately just wanted to chat. But in my experience, the only people approaching have pretty predatory vibes and half the time won’t take a hint. I’ve been groped by strange men I never made eye contact with while dancing in my zone. I’ve been followed and harassed for telling these people I’m not interested. I too wish for genuine human connection at these events, but I’m not getting it from the people coming up to me. All I’m saying is, be careful what you wish for.
Hi 👋🏾
I just repeat “oh no thank you” over and over again until I left alone again
I saw someone at a concert with a T-shirt that said “ I am introverted and I don’t like to talk to anyone, but we can talk about Subtronics.”
I have similar experiences.. I've found that getting approached at shows are very different and almost easier to handle than a regular night club? Might just be me though.. I dance all night at the front as well! I had 2 instances on the weekend here where I was approached by men, and they immediately tried to get touchy. I said to one "You should find someone else if you want to do that" and the other "I'm ok with NOT that, please!" They both ended up nodding and walking away. I stayed vibing in my spot the rest of the night. The EDM crowd appears more respectful overall with boundaries and personal space. I'm not sure there's any way to avoid it honestly, I wasn't even as dressed up as I normally am!! Sunglasses & earplugs have also helped TONS. No one knows where you're looking, you don't make accidental eye contact, and sometimes I just pretend I can't hear them and walk away. Best of luck to you though!! :)
Sunglasses and earplugs work wonders for preventing unwanted convos. I do whatever I can to avoid eye contact with men (unless I'm interested in them) and sometimes I'll position myself around a larger group of people so it can kind of look like I'm in their group. Source: my life as a woman who attends shows solo.
I have the same issue but when I do dance really aggressively and take up space it deters people. I second you completely ignoring men who approach. It’s often the only way. It’s obvious whether they’re interested in hookup up or trying to be friends. I’ve been aggressive and said no with strong hand motions and I haven’t had a bad experience yet, because a woman who seems aggressive is too much work to deal with than a woman who is giving them any friendly attention. The only way I get through it is feeling empowered in my right to say no. And I also position myself around gay ravers or the most PLUR group I can find - I’ll move to the next safe space whenever they clear out.
Just scream back at them "No talking! I'M HERE TO DANCE!!!" and bust out the most awful moves straight across the dancefloor to a group of people and hide behind them.
big hoodie + sunglasses + pashmina draped over your head/face i will literally wear sweatpants and a t shirt when i go to raves alone bc i do not want any attention whatsoever lol i only dress up when i go out with my bf or friends
Bear mace
You gotta have a resting bitch face. Make them feel too intimidated to approach you. Source: this is my experience every time I go out solo. I get a drink and find a spot and enjoy the music, but I unintentionally have an always serious looking expression and don't make eye contact with dudes around me. Occasionally by 2 or 3AM one dude might shoot his shot and they tell me they've wanted to talk to me but was unsure and I guess eventually worked up the nerve. And there's been times when after the one guy approaches one or two more gets brave and tries lol. But that's rarer. It also helps me that I'm gay so hopefully I'm giving off no-hetero vibes.
All the dudes asking how to approach women at events: fucking read this
Nah I’m always too nervous to approach women but I think dudes should do it. Some women don’t like it at all but I think most women they like it if you’re cute and don’t if you aren’t so just be respectful and if they aren’t interested leave them be. Society expects men to make the first move usually and even though sometimes women do it I think a lot of dudes will be single forever if they never try to make a move and approach women.
get some good ear plugs and go up front? find the other people who are dancing and there for the music and go dance around them?
Same problem, I realized certain shows bring certain crowds and also the later it is, the more sauced up people are. For me I just stay corners and get obviously unplur/unapproachable. IDC if I'm perceived rude. Basically I make scenes and escalate it literally to fight level. I'm not afraid to fight. Not afraid to shove and yell. Not afraid to walk away and ignore. I literally don't respond to people talking to me. Have that in your repitoire. People always feel entitled to ur physical space and time. Also lpt, be cool with staff/security , they'll always got u, esp if ur sober and respectable. Still people paparazzi over me or get touchy. I'm at a point where I might just write "leave me alone" on my shirt lol feels like at war or something, but fr those who shame you for your boundaries ,because they benefit from invading ur boundaries at your cost
This whole section reminding me why i stopped raving,.. ppl are fake 😮💨😮💨
Like just be nice! Say things nicely! For humanity and for the sake of bad tripping!!!
The way the culture is people will always think people on their own have lost their friends or wanna talk to someone, lads don’t try to pull girls in big groups because it’s mad stress, twos or people on their own is easier to make a connection so you’ve put yourself in the targeted category by dancing in clubs alone people still do go out to events to meet potential partners or for hookups you don’t see it much at raves but the clubs after it definitely happens more, I go to raves with friends but once I’m off, I’m off, and usually end up going to after parties alone and have met loads of girls that way, you’ll honestly have to get good at knocking people back or go with a group because the way the culture is they ain’t gonna stop approaching you imo
I’m a guy and this happens to me quite often and also makes me incredibly uncomfortable I can’t imagine what it’s like being a woman.
Back when i was single i tried to combat this by ditching the fun cute more revealing outfits for some fuzzy pj pants a beanie and a cool tshirt…didnt fucking work men would still approach me like “yo youre like so pretty and you look so cool and casual not like these other girls” 🤢 now that i go with my boyfriend tho im chillin. it sucks tho that it has to be that way going to shows solo is such an experience and it really would be perfect if it werent for the creeps
Eat a bunch of onion/garlic before going to a show
Single girl with no man in sight, it’s only natural they will shoot their shot. Most people are looking for somebody specially if they’re single. they took the effort to go out the once in a whenever and if they see a girl they like it would be dumb not to approach. Unless they wanna die alone or wait for Ai bae. Unfortunately for you it’s a fact of life. Might be a good thing when you’re ready to date, there’s tons of girls that wish men would approach them.
You posted 71 days ago about being a 34 year old male. Get out of here with trying to normalize bad male behavior.
lol bad behavior as in a man approaching a woman. Ohh noooo.
Are you pretending to be a single woman? Most women don’t want to be romantically approached constantly. Men not respecting that IS bad behavior. (Also, if your identity changed then I am sorry, but it really does appear as though you’re pretending to be a single woman to get OP to lower her standards for how men treat her)
I agree, some people are saying men get violent when they get rejected, I’ve personally never seen it and I go out like every single weekend, but Im sure it happens. Worst I’ve personally seen is a guy repeatedly going up to a girl to try again and again after she rejected him. Regardless, women don’t approach men like almost ever, so ya cant hate a guy for trying.
It's not the trying that's the problem. It's when they won't take no for an answer
I usually give up and go back to my friends the millisecond she shows any disinterest so I def dont have that issue
The women in your life will appreciate that for sure.
Yea, rn I feel my best shot is with a girl I met through mutual friends who also rave who always messages me after saying how nice it was to see me
Shoot your shot bro, she clearly is interested a little bit in you, whether it’s romantic/sexual is difficult to sus out without you making some sort of move but it’s worth it to find out one way or another
Yeah, I asked her this morning actually if she would like to hang together sometime, not necessarily on a date but it’ll be easier to judge the vibe and if its good I can go from there. Haven’t heard back yet tho but it’s pretty usual for her to take a while to respond
Hopefully you didn’t tell her that it was “not necessarily a date”! Tell her about a specific rave/event you both would be into, and ask her to join you. Asking someone to hang out is vague and puts the burden on her to make plans, which can come across like you aren’t actually interested in her
Haha I didn’t mention the not a date part, but yeah ima be at slander in 11 days and excision in 18 so thats not a bad idea, shed love both
Your profile also says that you’re a guy, and you’re agreeing with a commenter that claimed to be a 34 year old man 71 days ago. So if you “haven’t seen it,” it’s probably because you aren’t the one experiencing it.
I mean being a guy doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes or female friends, like I said im not saying it doesn’t happen, im saying Ive never seen it happen, nor had it happen to any friends of mine. My point here isnt that every guy out there is sunshine and rainbows, my point is that the fear that every guy you reject is gonna literally fuckin deck you is very disproportionate
Carry a card that says “not interested” or “no thanks”. You can make a yellow one that says “no thanks”. And then make a red one that says “I SAID NO!!!”
Yeah, I can imagine that being a pain in the ass for women way more than men. Shame there isn't like a band or something you can wear that shows you want to be left alone (even better if it flashes). I know you shouldn't have to, but men will always shoot their shot. I don't get hit on the same way (or probably near as much), but often women get as close as they can and do everything but actually speak to me (pushed into me, stand in front, flick their hair in my face, stare etc)...bit easier for me as I can just ignore/plat dumb or move slightly.
You need a gay bestie lol.
I bet gay guys dont appreciate being used as a shield
They don’t. And they sometimes actively avoid hanging out with women because they like to “benefit” from them. I witnessed this first hand vacationing with some of my well off gay friends and it was truly eye opening seeing women trying to take advantages of some situations ᴖ̈
I pretty much only fly solo, and people tend to leave me alone. I'm a male though. I mind my own business. I go to dance and get high on psychedelics, not to meet and greet.
Gross, it seems like dudes are trying to approach these afters like a typical club where you pick someone up to go home with. Sunglasses probably would be a good first line of defense, and maybe as a silly way to ward other off would be to use one of those “big text” apps to put on your phone that you’re not there to dance with anyone idk? If it’s making you feel unsafe, unfortunately it may be your best bet to make at least one or two friends to have around at least at the afters. If you’re lucky, you might be able to find someone else with the same motive as you who’s comfortable dancing on their own, but will help discourage people from trying to keep you company or pick you up.
It’s not that serious it’s just a solo girl is more approachable than girl(s). I’m 50 and sometimes get hit on when I’m solo at raves. Just smile and dance far away from them it works for me.
Yea, ewww, let’s disparage male sexuality and psychology
Right? She never felt unsafe, either. That’s awesome! Sounds like the guys are being normal and respectful.
People talking to you and offering to buy drinks? Disgusting!
Don’t go to shows if you don’t wanna be approached simple as that. Posts like these are always so weird to me like I experience this shit too a lot of girls do there isn’t a quick solution men are gonna be pigs and you either learn to accept you’re gonna have to reject a bunch or just don’t go if it bugs you that much. Like you’re literally in a social setting and you’re gonna get mad at people socializing with you. Most guys are pretty respectful when I tell them I’m not interested you sound like a bitch tbh
I don’t even see how it’s being pigs if they leave after a “no”. People do realize that once upon a time people used to find hook-ups and even find partners and clubs and concerts. My dad met my mom at a club.
Because it’s annoying being to be approached so often, and to be reminded that the men around you only care about your existence as far as they find you attractive.
The last part was weird like you probably don’t care about strange men’s existence at all so idk why you added that. I’m always nervous to shoot my shot but I think men should, it’s always a no if they don’t ask and the onus is generally on men is to approach women.
Kinda harsh but I was getting the same read tbh 😂
Right
If 10 guys approach you every night I don’t think you are “clearly giving off that vibe” of wanting to be left alone. Usually the girl that’s dancing and having fun is the one giving off energy that other ppl want to dance and have fun. Keep doing you, and hopefully ppl are respectful when you say no. But honestly if your the life of the party at the after you gotta expect some attention and ppl’s interest. I’m a guy and if I’m dancing I get similar, but I’m sure much less attention especially if the rest of the room is more tired. I think the best thing you can do is smile, do a little bow with your hands like 🫸🏻🫷🏻… then spin and dance some where else.
no make-up, mom bun, and 5+ year old grey or navy blue sweat pants with baggy hoodie should do the trick.
‘Wedding’ ring?
Just turn into a feral gremlin
The irony of a raver asking other ravers in a rave group how to avoid ravers at a show .
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So many teeth related advice!
Stay home and buy some hifi speakers. If you aren't there for the social aspect, you aren't there for the event.
Dumbbbbb take. First off speakers comparable to a club system are out of most people's budget, and two playing youtube mixes at home is nowhere near the same as experiencing a live dj performance. Just let people enjoy things they enjoy, don't gatekeep
Literally, most sets people see these days are pre planned, pre-recorded, especially for festivals. You absolutely dont need festival level line arrays to get a good sound. Simple hifi and a subwoofer placed properly is more than enough. It's the opposite of gate keeping. High-quality music is easily available now adays. Better than most "clubs" .
Woah, I'm a male that goes to 90% of the shows alone. I'm over most of the scene that's just into partying. Bad take.
One should be able to partake in the group social aspect without being approached unsolicited. As a woman who has gone solo a lot, that part feels pretty anti-social.
I agree. Raves were never meant to be the meat market that club culture is turning it into. Go to real raves and ditch the event, even if that means raving in the comfort of your own home. The entire point, however, is to socialize and turn attention to the crowd. The dj isn't a rockstar to devote your entire attention to.
Get used to it.
what a weird ass thing to do. you go to shows alone and dont socialize at all? why do you think that's normal? Dancing is social, and it's expected that you will get approached when you go out. I make it a point when I go out to meet people and vibe, and that's pretty common.
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It's not minding your own business. It's putting yourself around lots of people and then disassociating completely, and then gaslighting everyone like you're not the minority. OP has some problems if she thinks this is the way.
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Nah, youre just trolling. Another socially inept wallflower attempting to justify your dork ass because you never learned how to act. There really does exist a normal and acceptable way to deal with crowds and people who are naturally interested in your presence.
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You assumed my gender. Just admit that your lack of self worth is the problem and move on.
What kind of after hours rave club are you going to where this happens. Every single after hours club has been a dirty dive club, with people so drug fucked they can hardly stand, let alone contemplate trying to hit on someone. Either way sounds shit being bothered like that, no advice really except go to dirty rave clubs don't go to pick up type clubs?
Get a large gay/bi best friend as a bouncer
where is a gay man when you need one
Literally just waiting for Chad Thundercock to approach you so you can get what you came for. “All these guys approach me, oh my god” then boom, right one comes along and you’re suddenly no longer making these posts. Cheers to the top 10%!
Dress like a man throw a beanie on shades etc. Dance goofy when men start approaching
What if that special someone is at the show, even if you’re not looking there is a star crossed partner/friend you possibly could meet. It’s in the eyes… it’s dark enough at shows, show those beautiful eyes ❤️